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myself_o in_o the_o most_o religious_a discreet_a and_o charitable_a temper_n that_o i_o can_v etc._n etc._n december_n 11._o 1637._o it_o be_v hard_a for_o a_o man_n to_o dissect_v and_o paint_v out_o himself_o yet_o have_v i_o thus_o adventure_v upon_o it_o according_a to_o the_o life_n and_o truth_n and_o without_o flattery_n in_o a_o look_a glass_n they_o say_v we_o see_v ourselves_o by_o reflection_n of_o the_o beam_n of_o our_o sight_n upon_o ourselves_o in_o the_o mirror_n of_o my_o misfortune_n i_o have_v thus_o reflect_v upon_o myself_o but_o i_o confess_v true_a discern_v be_v towards_o outward_a object_n we_o be_v natural_o blind_a to_o ourselves_o beside_o the_o mist_n that_o self-love_n and_o interest_n raise_v upon_o we_o i_o have_v touch_v in_o one_o passage_n that_o the_o melancholy_a humour_n and_o choler_n adust_a must_v not_o be_v violent_o stir_v in_o respect_n of_o the_o rage_n and_o distemper_v it_o often_o so_o procure_v in_o full_a and_o soul_n especial_o long_o 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a_o noble_a honest_a way_n then_o to_o advance_v myself_o by_o unworthiness_n and_o fraud_n become_v vile_a and_o abominable_a to_o such_o as_o be_v true_o generous_a and_o religious_a i_o will_v reverence_v god_n and_o righteous_a man_n be_v true_a and_o zealous_a in_o seek_v the_o honour_n and_o peace_n of_o my_o king_n and_o country_n be_v ashamed_a of_o nothing_o honest_a nor_o please_v in_o any_o thing_n dishonest_a be_v more_o indulgent_a to_o the_o error_n of_o a_o good_a then_o seem_v virtue_n of_o a_o malign_a nature_n nor_o will_v affect_v long_o to_o breath_n than_o i_o shall_v endeavour_v to_o deserve_v the_o good_a opinion_n of_o such_o as_o be_v most_o just_o worthy_a and_o communicative_o good_a justitiae_fw-la cultor_fw-la rigidi_fw-la servator_fw-la honesti_fw-la in_o common_a bone_fw-la what_o pity_v it_o be_v that_o it_o may_v be_v say_v of_o many_o as_o it_o be_v of_o naaman_n the_o syrian_a they_o be_v great_a they_o be_v honourable_a they_o be_v mighty_a and_o such_o like_a but_o they_o be_v leper_n in_o a_o spiritual_a sense_n which_o be_v the_o worst_a for_o naaman_n be_v cure_v by_o wash_v so_o will_v not_o nor_o desire_v not_o they_o no_o more_o than_o moor_n or_o leopard_n some_o scorn_n to_o be_v term_v honest_a but_o let_v i_o be_v honest_a deem_v as_o i_o will_v honest_a be_v for_o such_o to_o be_v and_o firm_o to_o remain_v require_v no_o little_a strength_n of_o heart_n and_o brain_n of_o death_n to_o fill_v up_o this_o empty_a vacant_a space_n it_o be_v high_a time_n that_o i_o conclude_v my_o character_n with_o a_o word_n of_o the_o philosopher_n common_a theme_n i_o mean_v our_o general_a long_a vacation_n death_n the_o concluder_n and_o destroyer_n of_o all_o worldly_a character_n and_o filler_z up_o of_o all_o eternity_n the_o period_n of_o consistence_n to_o speak_v much_o of_o it_o as_o other_o have_v do_v be_v to_o say_v much_o of_o nothing_o and_o to_o aggravate_v that_o by_o discourse_n which_o but_o by_o apprehension_n be_v indolent_a beast_n feel_v it_o not_o boy_n make_v it_o no_o business_n resolute_a and_o stupid_a man_n regard_v it_o not_o and_o to_o a_o good_a christian_n it_o be_v rather_o a_o object_n of_o hope_n then_o fear_n only_o such_o as_o abhor_v to_o be_v alone_o and_o in_o the_o dark_a and_o the_o overbusy_a philosopher_n confound_v themselves_o in_o conceive_v and_o digest_v it_o thing_n necessary_a and_o irremediable_a be_v rather_o to_o be_v bear_v then_o expostulate_v swallow_v then_o chaw_v necessity_n be_v the_o unum_n magnum_fw-la and_o faith_n the_o unum_n necessarium_fw-la in_o pass_v it_o over_o whilst_o we_o live_v it_o have_v no_o be_v in_o we_o when_o we_o die_v it_o be_v in_o a_o instant_n and_o no_o soon_o come_v than_o we_o be_v go_v nothing_o seem_v more_o against_o nature_n nor_o be_v any_o thing_n more_o natural_a but_o as_o i_o say_v i_o will_v not_o enter_v into_o the_o
though_o the_o melancholic_a patient_n have_v a_o wolf_n by_o the_o ear_n of_o his_o disease_n trouble_v in_o hold_v and_o stir_v and_o unsafe_a to_o let_v go_v yet_o i_o esteem_v it_o a_o poor_a resolution_n to_o suffer_v a_o root_a mischief_n which_o be_v present_o noxious_a and_o will_v more_o and_o more_o grow_v dangerous_a upon_o fear_n of_o adventure_n where_o there_o be_v any_o the_o least_o hope_n of_o deliver_v ourselves_o in_o supportable_a evil_n admit_v and_o excite_v rather_o to_o any_o hazard_n than_o a_o miserable_a toleration_n a_o hopeless_a condition_n be_v most_o calamitous_a a_o well-built_a body_n will_v endure_v and_o work_v out_o very_o much_o like_o a_o good_a ship_n against_o soul_n weather_n at_o sea_n i_o i_o thank_v god_n be_v such_o that_o have_v not_o my_o mind_n like_o a_o evil_a steersman_n infinite_o even_o of_o late_a be_v injurious_a unto_o it_o i_o have_v by_o god_n grace_n infallible_o prevail_v both_o against_o my_o giant_n disease_n and_o infinite_a intervening_a unfriendly_a accident_n but_o by_o god_n help_n i_o daily_o mend_v and_o hope_v to_o leap_v over_o the_o wall_n nil_fw-la desperandum_fw-la in_o christo_fw-la nil_fw-la auspice_n christo._n l'industrie_n est_fw-fr de_fw-fr nous_fw-fr l'heâ—rex_fw-la suceez_fw-fr de_fw-fr dieu_fw-fr december_n 11._o 1637._o to_o give_v we_o courage_n in_o misfortune_n it_o be_v well_o say_v of_o fortune_n that_o her_o course_n be_v irregular_a and_o that_o we_o ought_v not_o to_o despair_v of_o she_o for_o often_o when_o she_o appear_v to_o threaten_v we_o with_o imminent_a ruin_n she_o be_v true_o in_o the_o article_n and_o catastrophe_n of_o our_o good_a and_o advantage_n it_o be_v more_o verify_v in_o the_o way_n of_o god_n nothing_o more_o ordinary_a with_o he_o then_o by_o humble_v we_o to_o exalt_v we_o and_o to_o strew_v the_o path_n to_o heaven_n with_o affliction_n caesar_n animate_v his_o pilot_n by_o carry_v he_o and_o his_o fortune_n it_o be_v a_o vain_a presumption_n but_o he_o who_o the_o almighty_a be_v pilot_n to_o can_v sink_v nor_o miscarry_v to_o demonstrate_v his_o power_n and_o awake_v the_o faith_n of_o his_o favourite_n he_o permit_v as_o to_o his_o disciple_n the_o storm_n to_o rise_v and_o wave_n to_o threaten_v destruction_n and_o in_o his_o mighty_a and_o supernatural_a reskue_n appear_v his_o sweet_a comfort_n his_o great_a glory_n nec_fw-la deus_fw-la intersit_fw-la nisi_fw-la dignus_fw-la vindice_fw-la nodus_fw-la as_o the_o divine_n affirm_v that_o tentation_n proceed_v from_o the_o devil_n may_v be_v distinguish_v by_o their_o violent_a and_o sudden_a surprise_n so_o may_v divine_a deliverance_n be_v infallible_o know_v by_o the_o sudden_a and_o extraordinary_a help_n that_o we_o receive_v from_o they_o at_o such_o time_n as_o our_o condition_n appear_v unto_o we_o most_o irremediable_a and_o desperate_a i_o have_v infinite_a matter_n and_o thanks_o to_o render_v to_o my_o maker_n to_o my_o saviour_n but_o in_o nothing_o more_o than_o that_o of_o his_o abundant_a mercy_n he_o have_v be_v please_v to_o lead_v i_o through_o sea_n through_o wilderness_n of_o trouble_n and_o error_n by_o a_o cloud_n by_o fire_n by_o the_o thunder_n of_o his_o voice_n by_o infinite_a wonder_n for_o near_o forty_o year_n together_o to_o bring_v meat_n last_o to_o his_o happy_a land_n of_o promise_n that_o be_v to_o peace_n joy_n and_o repose_v in_o he_o where_o alone_o flow_v all_o true_a happiness_n and_o fix_a contentment_n there_o can_v in_o truth_n be_v no_o constant_a courage_n without_o a_o firm_a faith_n and_o assurance_n of_o god_n favour_n towards_o we_o that_o alone_o fortify_v we_o against_o danger_n darkness_n and_o death_n december_n 12._o 1637._o it_o be_v true_o say_v that_o we_o know_v so_o much_o as_o we_o put_v in_o practice_n nor_o be_v the_o notion_n and_o float_a impression_n of_o the_o brain_n without_o a_o through_o tincture_n of_o the_o heart_n and_o soul_n any_o effectual_a science_n and_o so_o it_o be_v that_o virtue_n be_v constitute_v a_o habit_n and_o not_o only_o a_o babble_a scientifical_a discourse_n of_o the_o mind_n until_o i_o consider_v this_o i_o often_o wonder_v to_o see_v the_o best_a clerk_n often_o the_o worst_a man_n as_o well_o as_o none_o of_o wise_a man_n read_v and_o study_v common_o rather_o for_o curiosity_n to_o censure_v to_o learn_v language_n and_o the_o course_n and_o manner_n of_o the_o world_n to_o maintain_v a_o side_n to_o gain_v bread_n and_o knowledge_n like_o other_o man_n rather_o than_o truth_n virtue_n and_o piety_n to_o gather_v opinion_n and_o to_o appear_v good_a rather_o than_o to_o be_v propound_v to_o ourselves_o wrong_v object_n no_o wonder_n if_o we_o miss_v the_o right_n which_o make_v so_o many_o scholar_n who_o study_n to_o get_v the_o best_a live_n less_o virtuous_a in_o their_o life_n than_o other_o who_o more_o virtuous_o and_o spiritual_o then_o worldly_a affect_v study_v rather_o to_o nourish_v then_o cloth_n to_o die_v then_o paint_v their_o mind_n corrupt_a nature_n like_o a_o deprave_a stomach_n turn_v and_o assimilate_v all_o nourishment_n it_o make_v a_o alien_n of_o foreign_a instruction_n and_o govern_v itself_o by_o its_o own_o law_n nay_o ordinary_o against_o our_o will_n and_o resolution_n nature_n relapse_n and_o ravish_v we_o from_o our_o moral_n from_o our_o metaphysicals_n sensuality_n prevail_v and_o we_o prevaricate_v with_o our_o conscience_n when_o i_o approach_v god_n sanctuary_n this_o be_v yet_o less_o strange_a unto_o i_o there_o as_o copernicus_n have_v place_v the_o sun_n in_o the_o centre_n of_o this_o universe_n who_o influence_n and_o magnetic_a virtue_n give_v life_n and_o motion_n to_o all_o material_a creature_n so_o be_v it_o clear_a that_o the_o immaterial_a mind_n of_o man_n have_v its_o life_n and_o motion_n only_o from_o the_o good_a spirit_n of_o god_n and_o unless_o by_o his_o influence_n and_o inspiration_n he_o carry_v our_o instruction_n and_o information_n to_o the_o root_n except_o he_o alter_v reform_v and_o season_v our_o heart_n like_o hasty_a shower_n all_o pass_v away_o whereas_o a_o sound_a heavenly_a dew_n work_v a_o better_a water_v and_o fruitfulness_n want_v of_o that_o divine_a irradiation_n make_v we_o such_o mungrill_n such_o half_a christian_n as_o we_o ordinary_o be_v acknowledge_v our_o faith_n and_o saviour_n in_o our_o tongue_n and_o deny_v he_o in_o our_o life_n god_n of_o his_o great_a grace_n grant_v we_o his_o save_a spirit_n and_o we_o shall_v as_o well_o practice_n as_o seem_v to_o know_v and_o profess_v amen_o amen_n december_n 14._o 1637._o no_o wonder_n that_o i_o search_v into_o the_o abstruse_a cause_n and_o proceed_n of_o my_o disease_n for_o i_o be_o a_o wonder_n to_o myself_o that_o a_o sanguine_a complexion_n with_o a_o natural_a strength_n of_o body_n and_o mind_n and_o none_o of_o the_o most_o impertinent_a in_o wit_n and_o discourse_n shall_v fall_v into_o so_o great_a a_o confusion_n and_o consumption_n of_o mind_n body_n and_o fortune_n without_o some_o outward_a most_o apparent_a violence_n but_o beside_o what_o i_o have_v former_o express_v i_o consider_v that_o steep_v myself_o in_o my_o beginning_n in_o the_o study_n of_o mountain_n essay_n which_o be_v full_a of_o scepticism_n and_o a_o kind_n of_o moral_a mortification_n in_o cry_v down_o the_o delight_n and_o presumption_n of_o this_o world_n prove_v to_o a_o taint_a and_o tender_a mind_n a_o great_a amatement_n and_o blunt_v with_o a_o anxious_a disposition_n of_o doubt_n in_o the_o ordinary_a course_n and_o pleasure_n of_o this_o life_n that_o and_o much_o adverse_a accident_n nip_v i_o in_o my_o first_o spring_n otherwise_o in_o all_o probability_n i_o who_o in_o that_o lowness_n and_o oppression_n of_o spirit_n which_o have_v possess_v i_o can_v yet_o so_o bear_v up_o as_o in_o some_o measure_n to_o become_v seek_v and_o respect_v by_o the_o better_a sort_n may_v have_v be_v somewhat_o more_o than_o i_o have_v be_v in_o the_o eminency_n of_o this_o world_n but_o the_o great_a and_o good_a god_n have_v otherwise_o ordain_v nor_o be_o i_o without_o hope_n that_o he_o who_o have_v to_o this_o day_n so_o wonderful_o support_v and_o convert_v i_o will_v thereby_o work_v his_o glory_n and_o my_o good_a it_o be_v true_a that_o my_o course_n have_v be_v most_o improsperous_a yet_o never_o of_o a_o gross_o irrational_a or_o unthrifty_a election_n i_o have_v in_o truth_n be_v so_o far_o from_o humour_v myself_o in_o the_o impulsion_n of_o nature_n or_o most_o delightful_a object_n of_o my_o fancy_n that_o i_o have_v main_o resist_v myself_o therein_o it_o have_v please_v god_n to_o make_v i_o a_o instrument_n of_o cross_v and_o punish_v myself_o in_o whatsoever_o i_o most_o place_v my_o mind_n the_o obstinate_a continuance_n of_o my_o disease_n and_o the_o fail_n of_o those_o who_o i_o have_v trust_v and_o rely_v upon_o have_v abuse_v i_o i_o have_v lose_v much_o
pleasure_n and_o profit_n whereof_o i_o may_v have_v be_v capable_a but_o for_o myself_o i_o regret_n it_o not_o for_o alas_o how_o vain_a how_o transitory_a how_o full_a of_o vexation_n be_v the_o best_a of_o earthly_a commodity_n etc._n etc._n truth_n have_v be_v say_v to_o be_v the_o object_n of_o the_o understanding_n and_o good_a of_o the_o will_v totus_fw-la teres_fw-la atque_fw-la rotundus_fw-la express_v a_o honest_a man_n yet_o a_o bowl_n perfect_o round_a except_o upon_o a_o ground_n exact_o plain_a hold_v not_o well_o its_o straight_a line_n and_o way_n a_o strong_a bias_n better_o maintain_v itself_o against_o whampe_n and_o unevennesse_n so_o do_v a_o man_n bias_v with_o some_o sinister_a affection_n often_o run_v a_o more_o constant_a and_o thrive_a course_n than_o he_o who_o have_v constitute_v truth_n and_o true_a good_a his_o mistress_n but_o himself_o be_v round_o and_o his_o way_n uncertain_a and_o uneven_a he_o vary_v and_o fluctuate_v according_o as_o i_o have_v often_o say_v truth_n to_o we_o be_v such_o obscure_a high_a twinkle_a star_n that_o we_o hardly_o fasten_v upon_o they_o what_o please_v we_o be_v only_o certain_a unto_o we_o i_o speak_v in_o a_o natural_a way_n for_o supernatural_o in_o faith_n alone_o be_v all_o truth_n all_o good_a certainty_n and_o pleasure_n till_o god_n give_v i_o that_o happy_a gift_n i_o be_v a_o bowl_n without_o bias_n a_o ship_n without_o steer_n or_o star_n i_o be_v more_o than_o most_o miserable_a if_o my_o resentment_n my_o heart_n and_o affection_n be_v set_v upon_o this_o world_n but_o i_o humble_o thank_v god_n it_o be_v far_o otherwise_o with_o i_o and_o now_o as_o there_o ever_o have_v be_v a_o difference_n make_v between_o such_o as_o cast_v themselves_o into_o open_a and_o eminent_a mischief_n and_o such_o as_o fall_v into_o unhappy_a consequence_n of_o evil_n unforeseen_a so_o hope_v i_o to_o find_v favour_n i_o and_o pardon_n from_o the_o better_a sort_n and_o the_o worst_a i_o respect_v not_o and_o as_o that_o prince_n who_o plain_a in_o personage_n and_o habit_n be_v by_o mistake_v set_v to_o drudge_n for_o his_o own_o entertainment_n and_o be_v discover_v and_o demand_v what_o he_o mean_v answer_v that_o he_o do_v penance_n for_o his_o evil-favourednesse_a so_o be_o i_o content_v to_o undergo_v and_o submit_v myself_o to_o the_o not_o undeserved_a penance_n of_o my_o fate_n with_o a_o acquiescence_n of_o fiat_n voluntas_fw-la tua_fw-la sed_fw-la libre_fw-la a_o nos_fw-la a_o malo_fw-la january_n 2._o 1637._o nemo_fw-la laeditur_fw-la nisi_fw-la a_o seipso_fw-la never_o prove_v itself_o more_o true_a then_o in_o i_o i_o have_v be_v both_o agent_n and_o author_n of_o my_o misery_n and_o suffering_n i_o have_v be_v both_o criminal_a and_o tormenter_n god_n make_v i_o strong_a i_o have_v make_v myself_o weak_a god_n entrust_v i_o with_o many_o talent_n of_o advantage_n above_o other_o i_o have_v misemployed_n and_o abuse_v they_o and_o myself_o from_o my_o youth_n i_o have_v suffer_v his_o scourge_n and_o terror_n with_o a_o trouble_a soul_n yet_o such_o be_v his_o mercy_n unto_o i_o that_o it_o be_v good_a and_o happy_a for_o i_o that_o i_o have_v be_v trouble_v as_o i_o have_v turn_v unto_o he_o he_o have_v be_v gracious_o please_v to_o turn_v his_o countenance_n of_o favour_n towards_o i_o heal_v my_o wound_n with_o the_o sovereign_a balm_n of_o his_o grace_n and_o refresh_v my_o soul_n with_o his_o water_n of_o life_n humble_v i_o to_o exalt_v i_o and_o chastise_v i_o in_o a_o fatherly_a correction_n to_o prevent_v my_o eternal_a punishment_n how_o sweet_a oh_o lord_n be_v thy_o mercy_n beyond_o comparison_n beyond_o my_o expression_n the_o false_a and_o flatter_a joy_n of_o sensuality_n be_v mere_a sourness_n bitterness_n and_o vexation_n in_o respect_n continue_v thy_o grace_n unto_o i_o perfect_a thy_o own_o work_n and_o make_v i_o a_o instrument_n of_o thy_o glory_n confirm_v i_o in_o the_o contempt_n of_o this_o world_n vanity_n and_o as_o on_o i_o so_o work_v upon_o the_o world_n by_o thy_o almighty_a spirit_n thy_o save_a health_n that_o thy_o will_n may_v be_v do_v in_o earth_n as_o in_o heaven_n nothing_o but_o thy_o all-powerfull_a spirit_n can_v effect_v it_o draw_v we_o and_o we_o shall_v come_v and_o let_v it_o be_v through_o tribulation_n sorrow_n fire_n and_o whatsoever_o long_a or_o short_a a_o fair_a or_o rugged_a way_n so_o it_o lead_v to_o thou_o we_o shall_v be_v happy_a above_o measure_n amen_o amen_n sweet_a saviour_n let_v thy_o precious_a wound_n cure_v i_o and_o save_v my_o soul_n which_o be_v by_o purchase_v thou_o january_n 15._o 1637._o beauty_n and_o the_o delight_n of_o the_o eye_n consist_v in_o well-ordered_a lustre_n of_o colour_n proportion_n and_o motion_n yet_o forbear_v it_o not_o to_o be_v extraordinary_o affect_v in_o the_o enjoy_n of_o such_o object_n as_o the_o appetite_n and_o fantasy_n have_v prescribe_v to_o themselves_o for_o a_o necessary_a or_o voluptuous_a satisfaction_n whereby_o appear_v that_o we_o become_v most_o ravish_v and_o transport_v by_o the_o operation_n and_o co-operation_n of_o the_o mind_n who_o true_a and_o noble_a object_n be_v virtue_n and_o goodness_n hence_o spring_v the_o conceit_n that_o if_o virtue_n be_v visible_a it_o will_v beget_v in_o we_o most_o transcendent_a affection_n so_o beautiful_a so_o amiable_a it_o will_v be_v to_o a_o generous_a soul_n god_n be_v the_o author_n and_o prototype_n of_o all_o beauty_n and_o goodness_n how_o infinite_o then_o beyond_o comparison_n sweet_a fair_a and_o lovely_a must_v he_o be_v to_o such_o as_o apprehend_v and_o contemplate_v his_o glory_n and_o to_o who_o he_o impart_v himself_o and_o his_o mercy_n as_o the_o sight_n of_o the_o body_n of_o the_o sun_n so_o fill_v the_o sense_n that_o for_o the_o present_a it_o can_v admit_v no_o other_o conceit_n so_o do_v the_o glorious_a speculation_n of_o god_n essence_n and_o majesty_n annihilate_v and_o expel_v all_o earthly_a affection_n how_o vain_a how_o most_o poor_a and_o bestial_a be_v vulgar_a delight_n in_o respect_n of_o that_o tincture_n that_o rapture_n and_o eternity_n of_o bliss_n which_o flow_v from_o his_o divine_a grace_n and_o knowledge_n how_o be_v it_o possible_a after_o such_o influence_n to_o relish_v the_o drossy_a pleasure_n of_o the_o world_n for_o the_o most_o part_n common_a with_o beast_n fleet_a molest_a lame_a miserable_a be_v the_o heart_n which_o he_o do_v not_o season_n disconsolate_a the_o comfort_n which_o proceed_v not_o from_o his_o grace_n who_o without_o that_o can_v live_v content_v can_v be_v content_a to_o be_v one_o of_o circe_n beast_n and_o live_v and_o die_v in_o a_o drunken_a fit_n i_o most_o humble_o thank_v thou_o my_o gracious_a god_n and_o saviour_n that_o thou_o have_v vouchsafe_v to_o open_v my_o eye_n to_o thy_o glory_n and_o the_o world_n vanity_n till_o than_o i_o never_o find_v solid_a or_o permanent_a comfort_n i_o have_v like_o other_o be_v apt_a to_o conceive_v that_o this_o world_n delight_n be_v our_o proper_a portion_n of_o thy_o assignment_n but_o thy_o great_a grace_n have_v enlighten_v i_o and_o with_o a_o strong_a hand_n teach_v i_o to_o choose_v the_o better_a part_n i_o have_v since_o thy_o illumination_n affect_v above_o all_o thing_n to_o set_v forth_o thy_o grace_n mercy_n and_o glory_n but_o pardon_v i_o oh_o lord_n they_o surpass_v my_o poor_a ability_n i_o be_o a_o earthen_a vessel_n weak_a and_o craze_a as_o unable_a as_o unworthy_a to_o be_v a_o fit_a instrument_n to_o sound_v forth_o thy_o praise_n i_o be_v ambitious_a to_o have_v wrought_v thy_o divine_a love_n upon_o other_o that_o they_o with_o i_o may_v constitute_v thou_o the_o sole_a scope_n and_o lord_n of_o their_o counsel_n their_o project_n their_o action_n but_o a_o full_a and_o rich_a magazine_n than_o i_o and_o a_o strong_a health_n be_v require_v pardon_v oh_o lord_n that_o i_o withdraw_v myself_o conscious_a of_o my_o weakness_n and_o inability_n but_o what_o my_o pen_n can_v attain_v my_o tongue_n and_o action_n shall_v by_o thy_o grace_n endeavour_v to_o supply_v january_n 14._o 1637._o charity_n imply_v the_o love_n of_o god_n and_o man_n without_o it_o whatsoever_o we_o pretend_v we_o be_v infidel_n object_n of_o hatred_n to_o our_o maker_n to_o our_o inferior_n what_o condition_n can_v be_v more_o contemptible_a no_o delight_n be_v comparable_a to_o that_o which_o reflect_v upon_o a_o good_a mind_n from_o its_o own_o goodness_n extend_v upon_o other_o especial_o when_o our_o conscience_n bear_v we_o witness_v that_o we_o do_v it_o out_o of_o a_o true_a love_n and_o obedience_n to_o our_o most_o merciful_a and_o omnipotent_a god_n to_o pretend_v faith_n and_o be_v without_o charity_n be_v to_o mock_v god_n and_o ourselves_o better_o be_v it_o for_o we_o to_o be_v like_o beast_n without_o all_o knowledge_n of_o god_n then_o to_o play_v
amen_o amen_n january_n 29._o 1637._o this_o house_n and_o stair_n resemble_v i_o no_o line_n run_v parallel_v nor_o due_a proportion_n hold_v no_o land_n even_o by_o pre-engagement_n spill_v high_a low_a fair_a mean_v imperfect_a and_o what_o be_v worst_a anxious_a to_o fit_v succeed_v to_o the_o first_o full_a of_o cross_a reason_n it_o be_v our_o equal_a lot_n cast_v our_o birth_n th'ascendent_a be_v forget_v yet_o all_o in_o this_o be_v well_o and_o haply_o cast_v lead_v to_o god_n and_o heaven_n at_o the_o last_o the_o verse_n above_o in_o their_o relation_n be_v not_o to_o be_v understand_v but_o by_o he_o which_o know_v and_o consider_v the_o house_n stair_n case_n and_o my_o fortune_n and_o condition_n the_o stair_n at_o last_o lead_v to_o a_o stand_v mount_v for_o prospect_n which_o lead_v only_o to_o itself_o and_o sky_n my_o ash-wednesday_n ash_n no_o term_n or_o metaphor_n can_v carry_v a_o more_o true_a full_a and_o lively_a expression_n then_o do_v that_o of_o our_o 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desire_n be_v thou_o my_o guide_n be_v thou_o my_o comfort_n and_o i_o shall_v still_o happy_o subsist_v in_o thou_o and_o want_v nothing_o the_o world_n be_v a_o writing_n so_o full_a of_o fauk_n many_o correction_n can_v mend_v it_o una_fw-la litura_fw-la potest_fw-la and_o that_o i_o have_v choose_v thus_o writing_n be_v troublesome_a and_o well_o nee_n possum_fw-la vivere_fw-la cumte_fw-fr nec_fw-la sine_fw-la te_fw-la it_o be_v endless_a nor_o be_v it_o fit_a for_o i_o to_o write_v what_o i_o will_v or_o can_v may_v it_o please_v thou_o oh_o god_n to_o turn_v to_o thy_o glory_n and_o my_o comfort_n these_o my_o weak_a endeavour_n amen_o amen_n february_n 7._o 1637._o like_a to_o his_o joy_n who_o meet_v a_o sure_a guide_n to_o direct_v and_o conduct_v he_o in_o a_o fair_a way_n after_o he_o have_v be_v long_o wildr_v and_o benight_a in_o false_a soul_n and_o intricate_a wander_n such_o oh_o lord_n be_v my_o comfort_n in_o thy_o sweet_a exhibit_v thyself_o and_o thy_o favour_n unto_o i_o i_o be_o now_o at_o ease_n i_o see_v and_o hate_v the_o solecism_n of_o the_o time_n i_o be_o disentangle_v from_o a_o wilderness_n of_o the_o world_n confuse_a way_n and_o error_n nor_o can_v any_o other_o guide_n have_v free_v i_o thy_o grace_n have_v support_v i_o in_o my_o write_n in_o my_o health_n in_o my_o deliverance_n beyond_o expression_n let_v vanity_n and_o sensuality_n delight_v themselves_o in_o trewand_a wantonness_n and_o wander_n but_o keep_v i_o oh_o lord_n in_o thy_o way_n and_o school_n and_o let_v i_o rather_o smart_v under_o the_o rod_n of_o thy_o fatherly_a correction_n then_o become_v abandon_v to_o a_o undue_a and_o licentious_a liberty_n perfection_n belong_v to_o the_o one_o perdition_n to_o the_o other_o accept_v my_o most_o humble_a thanks_o for_o thy_o infinite_a favour_n and_o bring_v i_o to_o the_o heavenly_a
or_o the_o world_n to_o hope_v the_o least_o good_a effect_n from_o any_o production_n of_o i_o you_o have_v often_o in_o your_o course_n and_o profession_n give_v and_o daily_o give_v better_a and_o happy_a proof_n of_o yourself_o that_o way_n the_o stuff_n second_o which_o you_o find_v in_o my_o piece_n be_v in_o truth_n and_o so_o ever_o i_o conceive_v it_o most_o unfit_a for_o the_o sight_n of_o any_o other_o than_o a_o cordial_a and_o familiar_a friend_n the_o presence_n of_o sore_n infirmity_n and_o cripple_n disease_n be_v fit_a for_o a_o hospital_n or_o almeshouse_n than_o the_o stage_n they_o excite_v pleasure_n in_o none_o and_o compassion_n but_o in_o few_o and_o well-disposed_a person_n i_o affect_v privacy_n and_o love_v not_o to_o expose_v myself_o and_o my_o error_n to_o censure_v guilty_a of_o my_o imperfection_n especial_o of_o fool_n and_o deprave_a disposition_n in_o truth_n melancholy_a and_o human_a frailty_n and_o dysaster_n will_v hardly_o meet_v with_o anyother_n idoneous_a and_o compassionate_a judge_n than_o such_o as_o have_v feel_v and_o smart_v in_o their_o sad_a unhappy_a effect_n every_o piece_n be_v intend_v the_o last_o and_o they_o be_v too_o wild_a and_o incoherent_a to_o make_v a_o team_n but_o as_o i_o have_v former_o say_v use_v your_o pleasure_n reduce_v if_o you_o will_v and_o can_v my_o chaos_n into_o method_n cut_v off_o repetition_n there_o be_v matter_n enough_o to_o prune_v and_o burn_v little_a for_o fruit_n correct_v destroy_v part_n or_o all_o if_o you_o retain_v anything_o the_o labour_n will_v be_v the_o less_o to_o let_v it_o be_v mere_o i_o and_o thus_o i_o commit_v myself_o and_o it_o to_o god_n and_o you_o his_o will_n and_o you_o be_v wrought_v on_o i_o and_o i_o february_n 12._o 1637._o true_o and_o exact_a definition_n be_v acknowledge_v to_o be_v most_o difficult_a and_o knowledge_n of_o cause_n to_o be_v most_o abstruse_a false_a division_n and_o strain_a proportion_n abuse_v we_o faculty_n and_o notion_n stand_v not_o so_o clear_a and_o distinct_a in_o their_o nature_n as_o they_o be_v represent_v unto_o we_o and_o conceive_v of_o nor_o can_v we_o temper_v word_n to_o the_o mix_a nature_n of_o thing_n erroneous_a affect_a idea_n mislead_v and_o deceive_v we_o the_o wise_a of_o humane_a know_a man_n profess_v the_o height_n of_o his_o knowledge_n to_o consist_v in_o know_v nothing_o and_o may_v it_o not_o be_v a_o great_a part_n of_o his_o wisdom_n to_o write_v nothing_o in_o truth_n not_o to_o know_v god_n aright_o be_v to_o know_v nothing_o and_o to_o know_v he_o love_v he_o obey_v he_o and_o enjoy_v his_o grace_n and_o favour_n be_v to_o know_v all_o thing_n and_o enjoy_v that_o perfect_a happiness_n which_o the_o philosopher_n have_v so_o industrious_o seek_v but_o without_o this_o illumination_n can_v not_o possible_o attain_v the_o world_n be_v hydropical_o swell_v in_o the_o abundance_n of_o book_n and_o write_n of_o imperfect_a digestion_n it_o thirst_v more_o and_o more_o after_o they_o and_o increase_v more_o and_o more_o in_o tumour_n and_o crudity_n man_n for_o the_o most_o part_n employ_v their_o wit_n and_o pen_n in_o vanity_n and_o for_o vain_a ostentation_n they_o cavil_v and_o carp_v one_o at_o another_o error_n and_o flatter_v themselves_o to_o know_v much_o when_o they_o be_v able_a to_o affirm_v what_o be_v the_o custom_n and_o what_o the_o tenet_n of_o such_o and_o such_o author_n and_o nation_n howsoever_o both_o such_o and_o their_o own_o assertion_n in_o several_a notion_n and_o acceptation_n of_o thing_n and_o word_n and_o as_o they_o be_v diverse_o affect_v do_v but_o thicken_v the_o mist_n of_o our_o ignorance_n and_o prove_v so_o many_o ignes_fw-la fatui_fw-la to_o lead_v we_o out_o of_o the_o way_n nature_n be_v lose_v and_o drown_v in_o artifice_n and_o mistake_n our_o ignorance_n be_v become_v invincible_a we_o build_v one_o upon_o another_o unsound_a foundation_n and_o be_v so_o dim_a short_a sight_v and_o entangle_v that_o nothing_o but_o a_o supernatural_a light_n can_v clear_v our_o egyptian_a darkness_n and_o disabuse_v we_o our_o presumption_n will_v exalt_v itself_o to_o make_v we_o a_o kind_n of_o god_n in_o knowledge_n but_o non_fw-fr si_fw-la te_fw-la ruperis_fw-la par_fw-fr eris_fw-la it_o will_v not_o it_o can_v be_v all_o we_o can_v real_o attain_v unto_o without_o god_n good_a spirit_n to_o guide_v we_o be_v to_o take_v notice_n of_o our_o lame_a ignorance_n and_o misery_n and_o that_o if_o we_o can_v make_v good_a use_n of_o it_o be_v some_o happiness_n in_o that_o it_o open_v unto_o we_o a_o way_n to_o a_o more_o full_a and_o happy_a knowledge_n we_o must_v in_o despite_n of_o our_o pry_n and_o affectation_n still_o be_v man_n and_o die_v like_o man_n thy_o goodness_n oh_o lord_n thy_o love_n thy_o glory_n be_v the_o only_a subject_n wherein_o i_o will_v be_v ambitious_a to_o write_v and_o spend_v myself_o but_o thy_o glory_n be_v too_o bright_a for_o my_o feeble_a eye_n i_o must_v again_o sound_v my_o retreat_n in_o thy_o own_o holy_a scripture_n thou_o have_v reveal_v thyself_o sufficient_o for_o our_o knowledge_n for_o our_o eternal_a happiness_n and_o salvation_n there_o alone_o be_v the_o habitation_n of_o light_n and_o truth_n and_o there_o alone_o and_o in_o thy_o christ_n shall_v i_o find_v thou_o i_o will_v affect_v no_o other_o knowledge_n no_o other_o writing_n be_v propitious_a unto_o i_o february_n 15._o 1637._o to_o my_o above_o mention_a friend_n the_o conclusion_n you_o have_v former_o see_v how_o i_o engage_v myself_o to_o verse_n and_o break_v loose_a from_o it_o there_o be_v indeed_o a_o kind_n of_o wantonness_n and_o constraint_n incident_a to_o it_o which_o agree_v not_o with_o my_o austerity_n and_o affect_a liberty_n i_o be_o even_o in_o prose_n too_o much_o a_o libertine_n impatient_a of_o method_n abandon_v to_o confusion_n i_o have_v partly_o though_o imperfect_o make_v to_o appear_v the_o calamitous_a progress_n of_o my_o disease_n with_o the_o happy_a and_o admirable_a deliverance_n and_o issue_n to_o the_o good_a of_o my_o soul_n and_o no_o incompetency_n in_o fortune_n wherein_o i_o doubt_v not_o but_o i_o shall_v move_v as_o well_o joy_n as_o compassion_n in_o such_o as_o be_v good_a and_o well_o affect_v towards_o i_o i_o have_v not_o be_v former_o void_a of_o good_a inclination_n my_o best_a be_v ever_o a_o affection_n to_o god_n good_a man_n and_o goodness_n but_o my_o disposition_n therein_o be_v so_o imperfect_o sanctify_v and_o fortify_v that_o it_o please_v the_o divine_a power_n to_o cast_v down_o all_o my_o fence_n to_o turn_v my_o best_a wisdom_n and_o intention_n to_o solly_n and_o to_o expose_v i_o to_o the_o scorn_n of_o such_o as_o in_o my_o natural_n i_o may_v have_v scorn_v such_o ordinary_o be_v the_o world_n and_o the_o corrupt_a disposition_n of_o man_n especial_o the_o worst_a and_o most_o degenerous_a that_o we_o over-measure_n ourselves_o by_o our_o own_o foot_n like_o lewd_a filthy_a boy_n we_o sport_v ourselves_o in_o cast_v dirt_n one_o in_o another_o face_n he_o think_v i_o foolish_a i_o do_v as_o much_o for_o he_o we_o gratify_v ourselves_o in_o take_v advantage_n at_o other_o infirmity_n and_o misfortune_n we_o think_v to_o inhaunse_v ourselves_o thereby_o in_o truth_n scorn_n grow_v common_o from_o such_o to_o who_o it_o most_o belong_v from_o other_o and_o they_o exercise_v it_o without_o selfreflection_n charity_n compassion_n or_o discretion_n care_v undermine_v i_o improsperous_a course_n blow_v i_o up_o physic_n be_v my_o bane_n and_o diversion_n my_o confusion_n how_o miserable_a oh_o god_n be_v humane_a frailty_n how_o wonderful_a be_v thy_o way_n it_o be_v say_v that_o if_o in_o case_n of_o physic_n of_o these_o three_o physician_n patient_n and_o sickness_n any_o two_o conspire_v they_o prevail_v in_o i_o the_o conspiracy_n have_v be_v in_o all_o against_o i_o with_o body_n mind_n and_o fortune_n and_o yet_o god_n extraordinary_a grace_n and_o mercy_n have_v support_v and_o deliver_v i_o there_o be_v no_o despair_n till_o we_o become_v incapable_a of_o all_o manner_n of_o cure_n and_o subsist_v february_n 26._o 1637._o i_o have_v often_o deceive_v myself_o in_o think_v myself_o at_o my_o end_n the_o like_a happen_v in_o my_o writing_n and_o before_o i_o shut_v up_o these_o ill-favoured_a imperfect_a representation_n though_o what_o i_o have_v already_o say_v may_v partly_o satisfy_v my_o intention_n in_o express_v that_o it_o have_v be_v more_o my_o disease_n then_o myself_o which_o have_v be_v the_o chief_a actor_n in_o my_o misfortune_n yet_o know_v that_o the_o worst_a the_o strange_a and_o most_o of_o my_o story_n be_v not_o bring_v upon_o this_o paper_n stage_n it_o be_v too_o tedious_a and_o unfit_a for_o view_v not_o only_o in_o the_o story_n of_o particular_a man_n but_o even_o of_o state-resolution_n and_o public_a action_n and_o