his He seldome breakes his owne clothes He neuer drinkes but double for hee must be pledg'd not commonly without some short sentence nothing to the purpose and seldome abstaines till hee come to a thirst His discretion is to bee carefull for his Masters credit and his sufficiencie to marshall dishes at a table and to carue well His neatnesse consists much in his haire and outward linnen His courting language visible bawdy iests and against his matter faile he is alway ready furnished with a song His inheritance is the chamber-maide but often purchaseth his Masters daughter by reason of opportunitie or for want of a better he alwaies cuckolds himselfe and neuer marries but his own widow His Master being appeased he becomes a retayner and entailes himselfe and his posteritie vpon his heires males for euer An Host IS the kernell of a signe or the signe is the shell and mine Host is the snaile He consists of double beere and fellowship and his vices are the bawdes of his thirst Hee entertaines humbly and giues his guests power aswell of himselfe as house Hee answers all mens expectations to his power saue in the reckoning and hath gotten the tricke of greatnesse to lay all mislikes vpon his seruants His wife is the Cumenseede of his doue house and to bee a good guest is a warrant for her libertie Hee traffiques for guests by mens friends friends friend and is sensible only of his purse In a word he is none of his owne for he neither eats drinks or thinks but at other mens charges and appointments An Ostler IS a thing that scrubbeth vnreasonably his horse reasonably himselfe He consists of Trauellers though he be none himselfe His highest ambition is to bee Host and the invention of his signe is his greatest wit for the expressing whereof he sends away the painters forwant of vnderstanding He hath certain charmes for a horse mouth that hee shall not eat his hay and behind your backe hee will cozen your horse to his face His curry-combe is one of his best parts for hee expresseth much by the gingling and his mane-combe is a Spinners card turn'd out of seruice Hee puffes and blowes ouer your horse to the hazard of a double iugge and leaues much of the dressing to the prouerbe of Muli mut uo scabient one horse rubs another He comes to him that calls loudest not first he takes a broken head patiently but the knaue he feeles not His vtmost honestie is goodfellowship and hee speakes Northerne what countryman soeuer Hee hath a pension of Ale from the next Smith and Sadler for intelligence Hee loues to see you ride and holds your stirrop in expectation NEWES FROM ANY VVHENCE OR Old Truthes vnder a supposall of Noueltie Occasioned by diuers Essayes and priuate passages of wit between sundry Gentlemen vpon that subiect Newes from Court IT is thought heere that there are as great miseries beyond happinesse as a this side it as being in loue That truth is euery mans by assenting That time makes euery thing aged and yet it selfe was neuer but a minute old That next sleep the greatest deuourer of time is businesse the greatest stretcher of it Passion the truest measure of it Contemplation To be saued alwaies is the best plot and vertue alwaies cleeres her way as she goes Vice is euer behind-hand with it selfe that wit and a woman are two fraile things and both the frailer by concurring That the meanes of begetting a man hath more encreast mankind then the end That the madnes of loue is to be sicke of one part and cured by another The madnes of ielousie that it is so diligent and yet hopes to loose his labour That all women for the bodily part are but the same meaning put in diuers words that the difference in the sense is their vnderstanding That the wisdome of Action is Discretion the knowledge of contemplation is truth the knowledge of action is men That the first considers what should be the latter makes vse of what is That euery man is weake in his owne humors That euerie man a litle beyond himselfe is a foole That affectation is the more ridiculous part of folly then ignorance That the matter of greatnesse is comparison That God made one world of Substances man hath made another of Arte and Opinion That money is nothing but a thing which Art hath turned vp trumpe That custome is the soule of circumstances That custome hath so far preuailed that truth is now the greatest newes T. O. Answer to the Court newes THat Happines and Miserie are Antipodes That Goodnesse is not Felicitie but the rode thither That mans strength is but a vicisitude of falling and rising That only to refraine ill is to be ill still That the plot of saluation was laid before the plot of Paradise That enioying is the preparatiue to contemning That hee that seekes opinion beyond merit goes iust so far backe That no man can obtaine his desires nor the world hath not to fill his measure That to studie men is more profitable than bookes That mens loues are their afflictions That titles of honour are tartles to still ambition That to be a King is fames butt and feares quiuer That the soules of women and louers are wrapt vp in the portmanque of their senses That imagination is the end of man That wit is the web and wisdome the woose of the cloth so that womens soules were neuer made vp That enuy knowes what it will not confesse That Goodnesse is like the art prospectiue one point center begetting infinite rayes That man woman and the deuill are the three degrees of comparison That this newes holds number but not weight by which couple all things receiue forme A. S. Country Newes THat there is most heere for it gathers in going That reputation is measured by the acre That pouertie is the greatest dishonestie That the pitty of alas poore soule is for the most part mistaken That rost beefe is the best smell That a Iustice of peace is the last relique of Idolatry That the allegorie of Iustice drawne blind is turned the wrong way That not to liue to heauenly is accounted great wrong That wisdome descends in a race That we loue names better than persons That to hold in knights-seruice is a slipperie tenure That a Papist is a new word for a traytor That the dutie of religion is lent not pai'd That the reward is lost in the want of humilitie That the Puritane persecution is as a cloud that can hide the glory of the light but not the day That the emulation of English and Scots to bee the Kings countrymen thrust the honour on the Welch That a Courtier neuer attaines his selfe knowledge but by report That his best 〈◊〉 is a hearne dogge That many great men are 〈◊〉 they know not their own Fathers That loue is the 〈◊〉 worme That a woman is the effect of her owne first same That to remember to know and to
put thine enemie is desperation while forcing him to set light by his owne life thou makest him master of thine That neglected danger lights soonest and heauiest That they are wisest who in the likelyhood of good prouide for ill That since pitty dwells at the next doore to miserie he liueth most at ease that is neighboured with enuie That the euill fortune of the wars as well as the good is variable Newes from my Lodging THat the best prospect is to looke inward That it is quieter sleeping in a good conscience then a whole skin That a soule in a fat bodie lies soft and is loth to rise That he must rise betimes who would cosen the deuill That Flatterie is increased from a pillow vnder the elbow to a bed vnder the whole bodie That Policie is the vnsleeping night of reason That hee who sleepes in the cradle of securitie sins soundly without starting That guilt is the flea of the conscience That no man is throughly awaked but by affliction That a hang'd chamber in priuate is nothing so convenient as a hang'd Traitor in publique That the religion of Papistry is like a curtaine made to keep out the light That the life of most women is walking in their sleepe and they talke their dreames That chambering is counted a ciuiler qualitie then playing at tables in the Hall though Seruingmen vse both That the best bedfellow for all times in the yeere is a good bed without a fellow That he who tumbles in a calme bed hath his tempest within That hee who will rise must first lye downe and take humilitie in his way That sleep is deaths picture drawne to life or the twilight of life and death That in sleep wee kindly shake death by the hand but when wee are awaked wee will not know him That often sleeping are so many tryalls to die that at last we may doe it perfectly That few dare write the true newes of their chamber and that I haue none secret enough to tempt a strangers curiositie or a seruants discouerie God giue you good morrow B. R. Newes of my morning worke THat to bee good is the way to bee most alone or the best accompanied That the way to heauen is mistaken for the most melancholy walke That most feare the worlds opinion more then Gods displeasure That a Court friend seldom goes further then the first degree of charitie That the deuill is the perfectest Courtier That innocency was first cozen to man now guiltinesse hath the neerest allyance That sleep is deaths leger Embassador That time can neuer bee spent wee passe by it and cannot returne That none can be sure of more time then an instant That sin makes worke for repentance or the deuill That patience hath more power then afflictions That euery ones memorie is diuided into two parts the part loosing all is the sea the keeping part is land That honestie in the Court liues in persecution like Protestants in Spaine That predestination and constancie are alike vncerteine to be iudged of That reason makes loue the Seruingman That vertues fauour is better then a Kings fauorite That being sick begins a sute to God being well possesseth it That health is the coach which caries to heauen sicknes the post-horse That worldly delights to one in extreame sicknes is like a hiecandle to a blind man That absence doth sharpen loue presence strengthens it that the one brings fuell the other blowes till it burnes cleere that loue often breaks friendship that euer increaseth loue That constancie in women and loue in men is alike rare That Arte is truths iugler That falshood playes a larger part in the world then truth That blinde zeale and lame knowledge are alike apt to ill That fortune is humblest where most contemned That no porter but resolution keeps feare out of minds That the face of goodnes without a body is the worst wickednesse That weomens fortunes aspire but by others powers That a man with a female wit is the worst Hermaphrodite That a man not worthy being a frend wrongs himself by being an acquaintance That the worst part of ignorance is making good and ill seem alike That all this is newes onely to fooles M râ—â— B. Newes from the lower end of the Table IT is said among the folkes heere that if a man dye in his infancie he hath onely broke his fast in this world If in his youth hee hath left vs at dinner That it is bed-time with a man at therescore and ten and he that liues to a hundred yeeres hath walked a mile after supper That the humble-minded man makes the lowest curtsie That grace before meat is our election before we were grace after our saluation when we are gone The soule that halts between two opinions falls between two stooles That a foole at the vpper end of the table is the bread before the salt He that hates to be reproued sits in his owne light Hunger is the cheapest sawce and nature the cheapest guest The sensible man and the silent woman are the best discoursers Repentance without amendment is but the shifting of a foule trencher He that tells a lye to saue his credit wipes his mouth with his sleeue to spare his napkin The tongue of aiester is the fiddle that the bearts of the companie dance to The tongue of a foole carues a peece of his heart to euery man sits next him A silent man is a couered messe The contented man onely is his owne caruer Hee that hath many friends eats too much salt with his meat That wit without discretion cuts other men meat and his own fingers That the soule of a cholericke man sits euer by the fire side That patience is the larde to the leane meat of aduersitie The Epicure puts his money into his belly and the miser his belly into his purse That the best companie makes the vpper end of the table and not the saltseller The supersluitie of a mans possessions is the broken meat that should remaine to the poore That the enuious keeps his knife in his hand and swallowes his meat whole A rich foole among the wise is a gilt empty bowle among the thirstie Ignorance is an insensible hunger The water of life is the best wine He that robs mee of my invention bids himselfe welcome to another mans table and I will bid him welcome when he is gone The vaine-glorious man pisseth more then hee drinkes That no man can drinke a health out of the cup of blessing To surfet vpon wit is more dangerous then to want it He that 's ouercome of any passion is dry drunke T is easier to fill the belly of faith then the eye of reason The rich glutton is better fed then taught That faith is the elbow for a heauy soule to leane on Hee that sins that he may repent surfets that he may take physicke He that riseth without thanksgiuing goes away and payes not for his ordinarie He that begins to repent when he is old neuer washed his hands till night That this life is but one day of three meales or one meale of three courses childhood youth and old age That to sup well is to liue well and that 's the way to sleep well That no man goes to bed till hee dyes nor wakes till he is dead And therfore Good night to you heere good morrow hereafter J. C. Nowes from the Bed THat the bed is the best rendevou of mankind and the most necessarie ornament of a chamber That Souldiers are good antiquaries in keeping the old fashion for the first bed was the bare ground That a mans pillow is his best counseller That Adam lay in state when the heauen was his canopie That the naked truth is Eue and Eue lay without sheetes That they were either very innocent very ignorant or very impudent they were not ashamed the heauens should see them lye without a couerlet That it is likely Eue studied Astronomie which makes the posteritie of her sex euer since to lye on their backs That the circumference of the bed is nothing so wide as the convex of the heauens yet it containes a whole world That the fiue sences are the greatest sleepers That a slothfull man is but a reasonable Dormouse That the soule euer wakes to watch the body That a Iealous man sleeps dog-sleep That sleep makes no difference between a wise-man and a foole That for all times sleep is the best bedfellow That the deuill and mischiefe euer wake That loue is a dreame That the preposterous hopes of ambitious men are like pleasing dreames farthest off when awake That the bed payes Venus more custome then all the world beside That if dreames and wishes had been all true there had not been since Popery one maide to make a Nun of That the secure man sleeps soundly and is hardly to be wak't That the charitable man dreames of building Churches but starts to thinke the vngodly Courtier will pull them down again That great sleepers were neuer dangerous in a state That there is a naturall reason why popish Priests chuse the bed to confesse their women vpon for they hold it necessarie that humiliation should follow shrift That if the bed should speake all it knowes it would put many to the blush That it is fit the bed should know more then paper R. S. FINIS
God Shee cannot loue but also mee The law requires our words and deeds be good Religion euen the Thoughts doth sanctifie And shee is more a Maide which rauish't is Then Shee which only doth but wish amisse Lust only by Religion is withstood Lusts obiect is aliue his strength within Moralitie resists but in cold bloud Respect of Credit feareth shame not sin But no place darke enough for such offence She findes that 's watch't by her owne Conscience Then may I trust Her Body with her Mind And therevpon secure need neuer know The pangs of Ielousie and Loue doth find More paine to doubt her false then know her so For Patience is of euills that are known The certaine Remedie but Doubt hath none And be that Thought once stirr'd 't will neuer die Nor will the griefe more milde by Custome proue Nor yet amendment can it satisfie The anguish more or lesse is as our Loue This miserie doth Ielousie ensue That we may proue Her false but cannot True Suspition may the will of Lust restraine But Good preuents from hauing such a will A Wife that 's Good doth Chaste and more containe For Chaste is but an Abstinence from ill And in a Wife that 's Bad although the best Of qualities yet in a Good the least To barre the meanes is Care not Ielousie Some lawfull things to be auoyded are When they occasion of vnlawfull be Lest ere it hurts is best descride afarre Lust is a sinne of two he that is sure Of either part may be of both secure Giue me next Good an vnderstanding Wife By Nature wise not learned by much Art Some knowledge on Hir side will all my life More scope of Conversation impart Besides Her inborne vertue fortifie They are most firmely good that best know why A passiue vnderstanding to conceiue And Iudgment to discerne I wish to find Beyond that all as hazardous I leaue Learning and pregnant wit in Woman-kind What it findes malleable maketh fraile And doth not adde more ballaste but more saile Bookes are a part of Mans prerogatiue In formall Inck they Thoughts and Voyces hold That we to them our solitude may giue And make Time-present trauaile that of old Our Life Fame pâ—eceth longer at the end And Bookes it farther backward doe extend Domesticke Charge doth best that Sex befit Contiguous buisnes so to fixe the Mind That Leasure space for Fancies not admit Their Leasure t is corrupteth Woman-kind Else being plac'd from many vices free They had to heau'n a shorter cut then we As good and knowing let her be Discreet That to the others weight doth Fashion bring Discretion doth consider what is Fit Goodnesse but what is lawfull but the Thing Not Circumstances Learning is and wit In Men but curious folly without it To keep their Name when 't is in others hands Discretion askes their Credit is by farre More fraile then They on likelyhoods it stands And hard to be disprou'd Lust's slanders are Their Carriage not their Chastitie alone Must keep their Name chast from suspition Womens Behauiour is a surer barre Then is their No That fairely doth deny Without denying thereby kept they are Safe eu'n from Hope in part to blame is shee Which hath without consent bin only tride He comes too neere that comes to be denide Now since a Woman we to Marie are A Soule and Body not a Soule alone When one is Good then be the other Faire Beauty is Health and Beauty both in one Be Shee so faire as change can yeeld no gaine So faire as Shee most Women else containe At least so Faire let me imagine Her That thought to me is Truth Opinion Cannot in matter of opinion erre With no Eyes shall I see her but mine owne And as my Fancie Her conceiues to be Euen such my Sences both do Feele and See The Face we may the seate of Beauty call In it the relish of the rest doth lye Nay eu'n a figure of the Minde withall And of the Face the Life moues in the Eye No things else being two so like we see So like that they two but in Number be Beauty in decent shape and Colours lies Colours the matter are and shape the Soule The Soule which from no single part doth rise But from the iust proportion of the whole And is a meere spirituall harmonie Of eu'ry part vnited in the Eye Loue is a kinde of Superstition Which feares the Idoll which it-selfe hath fram'd Lust a Desire which rather from his owne Temper then from the obiect is enflam'd Beauty is Loues obiect Woman Lust's to gaine Loue Loue Desires Lust only to obtaine No circumstance doth Beauty beautifie Like gracefull Fashion natiue Gomelinesse Nay eu'n gets pardon for Deformitie Art cannot it beget but may encrease When Nature had fixt Beauty perfect made Something shee left for Motion to adde But let that Fashion more to Modestie Tend then Assurance Modestie doth set The face in his iust place from Passions free T is both the Mindes and Bodies Beauty met But Modestie no vertue can we see That is the Faces only Chastitie Where goodnes failes twixt ill and ill that stands Whence t is that women though they weaker be And their desires more strong yet on their hands The Chastitie of men doth often lie Lust would more common be then any one Could it like other sinnes be done alone All these good parts a Perfect woman make Adde Loue to me they make a Perfect Wife Without Hir Loue Hir Beauty should I take As that of Pictures dead That giues it life Till then Her Beauty like the Sunne doth shine A like to all That makes it only mine And of that Loue let Reason Father be And Passion Mother let it from the one His Being take the other his Degree Selfe loue which second Loues are built vpon Will make me if not Her her Loue respect No Man but fauours his owne worths effect As Good and wise so be Shee Fit for mee That is To will and Not to will the same My Wife is my Adopted-Selfe and Shee As Mee so what I loue to Loue must frame For when by Mariage both in one concurre Woman converts to Man not Man to her FINIS The Authors Epitaph THe Span of my daies measur'd heere I rest That is my body but my soule his guest Is hence ascended whither neither Time Nor Faith nor Hope but only loue can claime Where being now inlightned Shee doth know The Truth of all men argue of below Only this dust doth here in Pawne remaine That when the world dissolues shee come againe CHARACTERS OR VVitty Descriptions of the properties of sundry Persons A good Woman A Good Woman is a comfort like a Man Shee lacks of him nothing but heat Thence is her sweetnes of disposition which meets his stoutnes more pleasantly so wooll meets iron easier then iron and turnes resisting into embracing Hir greatest learning is religion and her thoughts are on her owne Sexe or
a maine part of his behauiour Hee chooseth rather to be counted a Spie then not a Polititian and maintaines his reputation by naming great men familiarly He chooseth rather to tell lyes then not wonders and talkes with men singly his discourse sounds big but meanes nothing and his boy is bound to admire him howsoeuer He comes still from great personages but goes with meane He takes occasion to shew lewells giuen him in regard of his vertue that were bought in S. Martins and not long after hauing with a Mountebaneks method pronounced them worth thousands empawneth them for a few shillings Vpon festiuall daies he goes to Court and salutes without re-saluting at night in an Ordinarie hee confesseth the businesse in hand and seemes as conversant with all intents and plots as if he begot them His extraordinary accompt of men is first to tell them the ends of all matters of consequence and then to borrow mony of them hee offereth curtesies to shew them rather then himselfe humble He disdaines all things aboue his reach and preferreth all Countries before his owne Hee imputeth his wants and pouertie to the ignorance of the time not his owne vnworthines and concludes his discourse with a halfe period or a word and leaues the rest to imagination In a word his religion is fashion and both body and soule are gouerned by same he loues most voices aboue truth A Wise-man IS the truth of the true definition of man that is a reasonable creature His disposition alters alters not He hides himselfe with the attire of the vulgar and in indifferent things is content to be gouerned by them He lookes according to nature so goes his behauiour His mind enioyes a continuall smoothnesse so cometh it that his consideration is alwaies at home Hee endures the faults of all men silently except his friends and to them hee is the mirrour of their actions by this meanes his peace commeth not from fortune but himselfe He is cunning in men not to surprise but keepe his owne and beats off their ill affected humours no otherwise then if they were flies Hee chooseth not friends by the subsidie booke and is not luxurious after acquaintance Hee maintaines the strength of his body not by delicacies but temperance and his minde by giuing it preheminence ouer his body Hee vnderstands things not by their forme but qualities and his comparisons intend not to excuse but to prouoke him higher Hee is not subiect to casualties for fortune hath nothing to doe with the minde except those drowned in the body but he hath diuided his soule from the case of his soule whose weaknesse he assists no otherwise than commiseratiuely not that it is his but that it is Hee is thus and will be thus and liues subiect neither to time nor his frailties the seruant of vertue and by vertue the friend of the highest A noble Spirit HAth surueyed and fortified his disposition and converts all occurrents into experience between which experience and his reason there is a mariage the issue are his actions He circuits his intents and seeth the end before he shoot Men are the instruments of his Art and there is no man without his vse occasion encites him none enticeth him and hee mooues by affection not for affection hee loues glory skornes shame and gouerneth and obeyeth with one countenance for it comes from one consideration He calls not the varietie of the world chances for his meditation hath trauailed ouer them and his eye mounted vpon his vnderstanding seeth them as things vnderneath Hee couers not his bodie with delicacies nor excuseth these delicacies by his bodie but teacheth it since it is not able to defend it 's owne imbecilitie to shew or suffer He licenseth not his weaknes to weare fate but knowing reason to be no idle gift of nature he is the Steeres-man of his owne destinie Truth is his Goddesse and hee takes pains to get her not to looke like hir He knowes the condition of the world that he must act one thing by another and then another To these he carries his desires not his desires him and stickes not fast by the way for that contentment is repentance but knowing the circle of all courses of all intents of all things to haue but one center or period without all distraction he hasteth thither and ends there as his true and naturall element Hee doth not contemne fortune but not confesse her He is no Gamster of the world which onely complaine and praise her but being only sensible of the honestie of actions contemnes a particular profit as the excrement or skum Vnto the societie of men hee is a Sunne whose clearenesse directs their steps in a regular motion when he is more particular hee is the wise-mans freind the example of the indifferent the medicine of the vicious Thus time goeth not from him but with him and he feeles age more by the strength of his soule than the weaknesse of his body thus feeles he not paine but esteemes all such things as frends that desire to file off his fetters and helpe him out of prison An old Man IS a thing that hath been a man in his daies Old men are to bee knowne blindfolded for their talke is as terrible as their resemblance They praise their owne times as vehemently as if they would sell them They become wrinckled with frowning and facing youth they admire their owne customes euen to the eating of red herring and going wet-shod They call the thombe vnder the girdle grauitie and because they can hardly smel at all their posies are vnder their girdles They count it an ornament of speech to close the period with a cough and it is venerable they say to spend time in wyping their driueled beards Their discourse is vnanswerable by reason of their obstinacie and their speech is much though little to the purpose Truthes and lyes passe with an equall affirmation for their memories seuerall is worne into one receptacle and so they come out with one sense They teach their seruants their duties with as much scorne tyrannie as some people teach their dogs to fetch Their enuie is one of their diseases They put off and on their clothes with that certaintie as if they knew their heads would not direct them and therefore custome should They take a pride in halting and going stiffely and therefore their staues are carued and tipped they trust their attire with much of their grauitie and they dare not go without a gown in summer Their hats are brushed to draw mens eyes off from their faces but of all their Pomanders are worne to most purpose for their putri fied breath ought not to want either a smell to defend or a dog to excuse A Country Gentleman IS a thing out of whose corruption the generation of a Iustice of peace is produced Hee speakes statutes and husbandry well enough to make his neighbours thinke him a wise-man hee is well skilled in Arithmetike