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acquaint_v with_o he_o that_o human_a infirmity_n and_o imperfection_n except_v his_o life_n be_v one_o even_o thread_n of_o serious_a godliness_n from_o morning_n to_o night_n from_o the_o begin_n of_o the_o week_n and_o month_n and_o year_n to_o the_o end_n in_o all_o relation_n in_o all_o company_n and_o in_o all_o affair_n he_o be_v bear_v at_o leachlad_a in_o glocestershire_n and_o baptize_v there_o march_z the_o 5_o an._n 1632._o his_o father_n mr._n henry_n gearing_n be_v a_o shopkeeper_n or_o mercer_n in_o that_o town_n and_o for_o his_o extraordinary_a prudence_n and_o piety_n respect_v honour_a and_o love_v by_o person_n of_o all_o persuasion_n there_o be_v not_o want_v those_o now_o live_v who_o can_v say_v of_o the_o father_n house_n what_o several_a know_v to_o be_v true_a of_o the_o son_n be_v that_o it_o be_v a_o nursery_n of_o religion_n a_o little_a temple_n of_o god_n and_o they_o thank_v god_n they_o be_v ever_o cast_v under_o that_o roof_n it_o be_v the_o 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inward_a part_n do_v thou_o observe_v the_o frame_n of_o thy_o heart_n in_o those_o thing_n which_o none_o but_o god_n know_v 3._o o_o my_o soul_n do_v thou_o oppose_v and_o abstain_v from_o sin_n and_o be_v this_o opposition_n and_o abstinence_n settle_v and_o fix_v in_o thy_o heart_n not_o only_o for_o some_o fit_n and_o season_n but_o be_v it_o the_o habitual_a inclination_n of_o thy_o soul_n be_v there_o in_o thou_o a_o difficulty_n yea_o a_o kind_n of_o impossibility_n to_o sin_n with_o wilfulness_n and_o purpose_a continuance_n or_o with_o such_o a_o universal_a consent_n of_o soul_n as_o wicked_a man_n do_v and_o do_v this_o impossibility_n to_o sin_n arise_v from_o a_o kindly_a work_n of_o grace_n within_o and_o not_o from_o any_o terrible_a restraint_n upon_o thy_o conscience_n without_o do_v thou_o in_o good_a measure_n and_o by_o degree_n not_o only_o leave_v outward_a gross_a sin_n but_o even_o conquer_v and_o crucify_v the_o inward_a body_n of_o sin_n do_v thou_o oppose_v 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a_o title_n to_o heaven_n or_o that_o we_o have_v not_o but_o pass_v not_o this_o sentence_n with_o self-flattery_n nor_o from_o melancholy_a terror_n and_o fear_n one_a not_o with_o self-flattery_n alas_o what_o will_v it_o profit_v we_o to_o think_v ourselves_o the_o child_n of_o god_n when_o we_o visible_o express_v the_o power_n of_o sin_n and_o satan_n in_o our_o life_n two_o on_o the_o other_o side_n pass_v not_o this_o sentence_n from_o melancholy_a unbelief_n terror_n and_o fear_n as_o the_o carnal_a man_n fail_v the_o former_a way_n so_o the_o tempt_a christian_n sometime_o fail_v this_o way_n in_o this_o case_n run_v we_o over_o our_o evidence_n again_o and_o again_o and_o proceed_v we_o from_o those_o that_o be_v more_o difficult_a to_o those_o that_o be_v more_o easy_a one_o sign_n perhaps_o may_v be_v more_o easy_o perceive_v than_o another_o and_o if_o we_o can_v but_o discover_v some_o yea_o if_o but_o one_o we_o may_v assure_o gather_v all_o the_o rest_n be_v there_o come_v then_o pass_v on_o now_o to_o sentence_n o_o but_o implore_v the_o spirit_n be_v assistance_n now_o if_o ever_o let_v we_o desire_v he_o to_o shine_v on_o our_o grace_n and_o then_o speak_v ground_o and_o deliberate_o and_o true_o as_o we_o find_v according_a to_o our_o very_a conscience_n do_v not_o conclude_v as_o some_o do_v i_o be_o a_o good_a christian_a or_o as_o other_o do_v i_o be_o a_o reprobate_n or_o a_o hypocrite_n and_o shall_v be_v damn_v when_o we_o have_v no_o ground_n for_o what_o we_o say_v but_o our_o own_o fancy_n or_o hope_n or_o fear_n let_v not_o our_o judgement_n be_v any_o way_n biased_a or_o bribe_v from_o sentence_v aright_o then_o he_o further_o advise_v that_o we_o shall_v labour_v to_o get_v our_o heart_n kind_o affect_v with_o its_o discover_a condition_n according_a to_o the_o sentence_n pass_v on_o it_o do_v not_o think_v enough_o to_o know_v but_o labour_v to_o feel_v what_o god_n have_v make_v we_o to_o see_v if_o we_o find_v ourselves_o renew_v and_o sanctify_v indeed_o o_o let_v we_o get_v this_o warm_a and_o close_o to_o our_o heart_n bethink_v ourselves_o what_o a_o bless_a estate_n have_v the_o lord_n bring_v we_o into_o to_o be_v his_o child_n his_o friend_n to_o be_v pardon_v justify_v and_o entitle_v to_o life_n why_o what_o be_v it_o we_o now_o need_v to_o fear_v but_o sin_v against_o he_o come_v war_n or_o plague_n or_o sickness_n or_o death_n we_o be_v sure_o they_o can_v but_o thrust_v we_o into_o heaven_n thus_o let_v we_o follow_v these_o meditation_n till_o they_o have_v leave_v their_o impression_n on_o our_o heart_n then_o he_o advise_v to_o record_v this_o sentence_n so_o pass_v to_o write_v it_o down_o which_o now_o i_o desire_v to_o do_v this_o 18_o of_o august_n 1676._o have_v search_v and_o try_v my_o heart_n yesterday_o and_o at_o this_o time_n also_o after_o i_o hope_v earneft_v and_o hearty_a prayer_n to_o god_n for_o the_o help_n of_o his_o spirit_n to_o try_v my_o state_n and_o condition_n i_o do_v fall_v again_o to_o the_o work_n of_o self-trial_n by_o the_o forementioned_a particular_n and_o though_o i_o can_v full_o declare_v a_o positive_a answer_n to_o every_o question_n yet_o if_o my_o heart_n do_v not_o very_o much_o deceive_v i_o i_o can_v to_o most_o of_o they_o i_o hope_v i_o can_v i_o beg_v of_o god_n i_o may_v not_o be_v deceive_v it_o be_v some_o comfort_n to_o i_o where_o i_o can_v so_o full_o answer_v some_o of_o they_o i_o hope_v i_o can_v true_o say_v i_o most_o hearty_o desire_v it_o may_v be_v so_o with_o i_o and_o though_o grace_n be_v very_o weak_a in_o i_o which_o i_o hope_v i_o desire_v to_o be_v humble_v and_o mourn_v for_o yet_o i_o dare_v not_o deny_v god_n work_n in_o i_o i_o must_v not_o deny_v the_o day_n of_o small-thing_n but_o to_o the_o glory_n of_o god_n must_v own_v sure_o there_o be_v something_o of_o good_a wrought_v in_o i_o by_o his_o holy_a spirit_n and_o my_o comfort_n be_v christ_n will_v not_o quench_v the_o smoke_a flax_n nor_o break_v the_o bruise_a reed_n mat._n 12._o 20._o i_o be_o not_o now_o affect_v with_o the_o discovery_n of_o my_o condition_n as_o i_o shall_v and_o do_v not_o find_v at_o present_a inward_a comfort_n in_o my_o soul_n i_o be_o and_o have_v be_v much_o under_o the_o withdrawing_n of_o god_n for_o a_o time_n by_o reason_n of_o my_o apostasy_n and_o backslide_n from_o he_o and_o not_o walk_v close_o with_o he_o yet_o i_o desire_v i_o hope_v to_o lament_v after_o the_o lord_n and_o not_o content_v myself_o till_o i_o again_o meet_v with_o he_o the_o lord_n give_v i_o grace_n to_o wait_v on_o he_o in_o a_o way_n of_o duty_n and_o to_o act_v grace_n though_o i_o want_v comfort_n o_o if_o i_o be_o but_o sincere_a and_o wait_v still_o upon_o god_n who_o can_v tell_v but_o he_o may_v return_v with_o comfort_n to_o my_o poor_a soul_n the_o lord_n help_v i_o to_o maintain_v faith_n and_o hop_v through_o christ_n though_o i_o sit_v in_o darkness_n and_o see_v no_o light_n yet_o to_o trust_v in_o the_o lord_n and_o stay_v myself_o on_o my_o god_n isa_n 50._o 10._o the_o lord_n help_v i_o now_o to_o walk_v answerable_a to_o the_o great_a thing_n he_o have_v do_v for_o my_o poor_a soul_n i_o desire_v and_o hope_v i_o may_v have_v recourse_n to_o this_o hereafter_o as_o i_o shall_v have_v need_n and_o that_o it_o may_v be_v of_o comfort_n to_o i_o for_o the_o time_n to_o come_v as_o mr._n ambrose_n advise_v his_o word_n be_v this_o record_n will_v be_v very_o useful_a to_o we_o hereafter_o if_o we_o find_v we_o have_v a_o work_n of_o grace_n in_o we_o what_o a_o help_n will_v it_o be_v against_o the_o next_o temptation_n to_o doubt_v and_o fear_n to_o go_v and_o read_v under_o our_o hand_n this_o record_n may_v we_o not_o think_v if_o at_o such_o a_o time_n i_o find_v the_o truth_n of_o grace_n be_v it_o not_o likely_a to_o be_v now_o the_o same_o and_o these_o doubt_n to_o come_v from_o the_o enemy_n of_o my_o peace_n yet_o trust_v not_o so_o to_o one_o discovery_n as_o to_o try_v no_o more_o especial_o if_o we_o have_v make_v any_o soul_n defection_n from_o christ_n and_o play_v the_o backslider_n see_v then_o that_o we_o renew_v the_o search_n again_o neither_o let_v this_o hinder_v we_o in_o the_o daily_a search_n of_o our_o way_n or_o of_o our_o increase_n in_o grace_n and_o fellowship_n with_o christ_n it_o be_v a_o ill_a sign_n and_o a_o desperate_a vile_a sin_n for_o a_o man_n when_o he_o think_v he_o have_v find_v himself_o gracious_a and_o in_o a_o happy_a state_n to_o let_v down_o his_o watch_n and_o grow_v negligent_a of_o his_o heart_n and_o way_n and_o scarce_o look_v after_o they_o any_o more_o neither_o shall_v we_o give_v over_o in_o discouragement_n if_o we_o can_v at_o once_o or_o twice_o or_o ten_o time_n try_v discover_v our_o case_n but_o follow_v it_o on_o till_o we_o have_v discover_v it_o if_o one_o hour_n or_o day_n will_v not_o do_v take_v another_o if_o one_o minister_n can_v direct_v we_o sufficient_o go_v to_o another_o the_o issue_n will_v answer_v all_o our_o pain_n there_o be_v no_o sit_v down_o discourage_v in_o a_o work_n that_o must_v be_v do_v if_o we_o have_v be_v hypocrite_n or_o ungodly_a person_n all_o our_o life_n yet_o be_v the_o promise_v offer_v to_o we_o by_o christ_n and_o he_o tender_v himself_o to_o we_o to_o be_v our_o lord_n and_o saviour_n neither_o can_v we_o possible_o be_v so_o willing_a to_o accept_v he_o as_o he_o be_v to_o accept_v we_o nothing_o but_o our_o own_o unwillingness_n can_v keep_v our_o soul_n from_o christ_n though_o we_o have_v hitherto_o abuse_v he_o and_o dissemble_v with_o he_o o_o that_o the_o lord_n will_v persuade_v we_o to_o the_o close_a performance_n of_o this_o self-trying_a task_n that_o we_o may_v not_o tremble_v with_o horror_n of_o soul_n when_o the_o judge_n of_o all_o the_o world_n shall_v try_v we_o but_o have_v our_o evidence_n so_o ready_a at_o hand_n and_o be_v so_o able_a to_o prove_v our_o title_n to_o heaven_n that_o the_o thought_n and_o approach_v of_o death_n and_o judgement_n may_v revive_v our_o spirit_n and_o fill_v we_o with_o joy_n and_o not_o apale_fw-la we_o and_o fill_v we_o with_o amazement_n september_n the_o 19_o 1676._o find_v my_o heart_n very_o hard_a and_o dead_a of_o late_a and_o be_v still_o under_o the_o withdrawing_n of_o god_n but_o i_o bless_v god_n i_o hope_v sensible_a of_o it_o and_o desirous_a to_o wait_v upon_o he_o for_o discovery_n of_o his_o love_n and_o favour_n and_o to_o lament_v after_o he_o and_o seek_v he_o in_o his_o ordinance_n for_o i_o hope_v i_o can_v take_v up_o with_o duty_n without_o something_o
but_o a_o weak_a faith_n if_o he_o meet_v with_o no_o temptation_n shall_v scarce_o know_v what_o doubt_v mean_n and_o a_o man_n of_o a_o strong_a faith_n under_o strong_a temptation_n may_v not_o be_v able_a to_o overcome_v fear_n and_o doubt_n if_o assurance_n do_v exclude_v all_o doubt_n and_o fear_n than_o it_o shall_v be_v perfect_a but_o as_o our_o faith_n and_o all_o other_o grace_n be_v imperfect_a so_o be_v assurance_n also_o none_o have_v assurance_n at_o all_o time_n it_o be_v like_o the_o wether_n sometime_o fair_a sometime_o foul_a yea_o in_o the_o same_o day_n fair_a in_o the_o morning_n and_o cloudy_a before_o night_n david_n have_v such_o strong_a faith_n at_o one_o time_n that_o he_o will_v not_o fear_v though_o ten_o thousand_o set_v themselves_o against_o he_o he_o will_v not_o fear_v though_o he_o shall_v pass_v through_o the_o valley_n of_o the_o shadow_n of_o death_n at_o another_o time_n he_o be_v so_o full_a of_o fear_n that_o he_o say_v he_o shall_v one_o day_n perish_v by_o the_o hand_n of_o saul_n v._o we_o can_v never_o have_v too_o high_a too_o vast_a thought_n of_o the_o goodness_n of_o god_n we_o do_v not_o think_v aright_o of_o god_n if_o we_o do_v not_o think_v he_o more_o ready_a to_o give_v than_o we_o be_v to_o ask_v there_o be_v nothing_o thou_o can_v go_v to_o god_n for_o that_o be_v according_a to_o his_o will_n but_o he_o be_v ten_o thousand_o time_n more_o ready_a to_o bestow_v than_o thou_o be_v to_o ask_v a_o child_n of_o god_n may_v go_v to_o he_o with_o as_o full_a confidence_n of_o his_o love_n as_o a_o child_n to_o the_o most_o tender_a parent_n in_o the_o world_n nay_o much_o more_o abundant_o the_o bless_a majesty_n of_o heaven_n be_v incline_v to_o succour_v and_o relieve_v those_o that_o be_v in_o distress_n and_o misery_n he_o that_o put_v bowel_n of_o compassion_n and_o pity_n into_o man_n shall_v not_o he_o himself_o be_v much_o more_o pitiful_a and_o compassionate_a exod._n 34._o 6._o he_o be_v merciful_a and_o gracious_a he_o delight_v in_o nothing_o more_o than_o in_o show_v mercy_n you_o can_v do_v nothing_o more_o grateful_a to_o god_n nor_o please_v he_o better_o than_o to_o plead_v for_o mercy_n mich._n 7._o 18._o when_o thou_o plead_v for_o mercy_n thou_o have_v god_n nature_n plead_v the_o same_o thing_n for_o thou_o all_o the_o yearning_n bowel_n of_o the_o most_o compassionate_a parent_n in_o the_o world_n be_v but_o a_o mere_a shadow_n to_o the_o bowel_n of_o god_n we_o may_v go_v to_o god_n in_o confidence_n of_o be_v hear_v for_o christ_n sake_n only_o as_o if_o we_o have_v never_o sin_v it_o be_v wonderful_a what_o the_o scripture_n say_v of_o faith_n and_o prayer_n vi_o this_o also_o may_v help_v to_o sustain_v and_o comfort_v a_o poor_a doubt_v tender_a heart_n that_o fear_n and_o suspect_v himself_o of_o hypocrisy_n that_o those_o very_a fear_n of_o thou_o be_v some_o show_n of_o the_o contrary_n man_n natural_o love_v and_o flatter_v themselves_o but_o thou_o loathe_v thyself_o for_o thy_o corruption_n be_v of_o good_a cheer_n it_o be_v grace_n and_o nothing_o but_o grace_n that_o complain_v of_o sin_n it_o be_v sincerity_n and_o nothing_o else_o that_o discover_v and_o bewail_v hypocrisy_n especial_o when_o thou_o bewail_v heart-hypocrisie_n and_o such_o secret_a and_o hide_a sin_n that_o only_a god_n and_o thy_o own_o heart_n do_v know_v if_o thou_o live_v not_o in_o any_o know_a sin_n nor_o in_o neglect_n of_o any_o know_a duty_n if_o thou_o will_v find_v out_o thy_o sin_n if_o there_o be_v no_o sin_n thou_o will_v have_v hide_v from_o god_n eye_n and_o no_o duty_n thou_o will_v have_v hide_v from_o thy_o own_o eye_n if_o there_o be_v no_o sin_n but_o thy_o heart_n be_v against_o it_o and_o no_o duty_n but_o thy_o heart_n be_v for_o it_o this_o prove_v thy_o uprightness_n vii_o if_o god_n never_o make_v his_o face_n to_o shine_v on_o thou_o in_o this_o world_n yet_o it_o be_v thy_o duty_n to_o trust_v and_o cleave_v to_o he_o through_o christ_n will_v you_o know_v why_o god_n when_o he_o have_v wrought_v grace_n do_v not_o enable_v the_o soul_n present_o to_o perceive_v it_o it_o may_v be_v it_o be_v that_o sin_n may_v be_v more_o bitter_a if_o we_o can_v have_v comfort_n when_o we_o will_v we_o shall_v have_v very_o slight_a thought_n of_o sin_n upon_o sight_n of_o thy_o grace_n possible_o thou_o will_v be_v proud_a to_o hide_v this_o pride_n god_n hide_v our_o grace_n from_o we_o it_o may_v be_v god_n do_v it_o to_o prove_v thy_o obedience_n to_o he_o for_o to_o rely_v on_o god_n grace_n and_o live_v by_o faith_n without_o sensible_a token_n of_o it_o be_v the_o pure_a act_n of_o obedience_n that_o can_v be_v by_o assurance_n we_o get_v more_o comfort_n to_o ourselves_o but_o by_o believe_v we_o give_v more_o glory_n to_o god_n therefore_o say_v christ_n to_o thomas_n bless_a be_v they_o that_o have_v not_o see_v and_o yet_o have_v believe_v when_o you_o have_v any_o evidence_n of_o grace_n you_o must_v be_v sure_a to_o rest_v only_o on_o christ_n and_o trust_v to_o he_o the_o great_a work_n of_o a_o christian_a in_o this_o world_n be_v out_o of_o a_o sense_n of_o his_o sin_n and_o weakness_n daily_o to_o depend_v on_o christ_n look_v to_o christ_n see_v our_o need_n of_o christ_n for_o pardon_n and_o sanctification_n and_o reconciliation_n every_o day_n this_o be_v our_o great_a work_n how_o many_o search_n for_o grace_n and_o neglect_v to_o put_v forth_o act_n of_o faith_n on_o christ_n alas_o grace_n be_v but_o token_n from_o christ_n let_v we_o not_o forget_v depend_v and_o rely_v on_o the_o bless_a jesus_n though_o we_o have_v no_o fight_n at_o all_o of_o any_o grace_n in_o ourselves_o where_o a_o person_n have_v any_o one_o sign_n of_o grace_n he_o may_v warrantable_o conclude_v all_o the_o rest_n to_o be_v there_o though_o at_o present_a he_o perceive_v they_o not_o it_o be_v the_o truth_n and_o not_o the_o measure_n and_o degree_n of_o your_o grace_n you_o be_v to_o conclude_v your_o state_n by_o the_o prize_v and_o love_v and_o seek_v and_o delight_v in_o the_o love_n and_o favour_n of_o god_n above_o all_o be_v a_o certain_a evidence_n of_o grace_n viii_o the_o great_a sense_n of_o sin_n and_o gild_n shall_v discourage_v none_o from_o come_v to_o god_n for_o mercy_n through_o christ_n because_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n be_v infinite_o more_o than_o a_o sinner_n provocation_n be_v or_o can_v be_v o_o it_o be_v boundless_a mercy_n bottomless_a mercy_n there_o be_v many_o like_a sinner_n as_o thou_o be_v but_o there_o be_v none_o like_o god_n for_o pardon_v and_o forgive_a mercy_n mic._n 6._o 18._o my_o thought_n be_v not_o your_o thought_n nor_o my_o way_n your_o way_n as_o the_o heaven_n be_v high_a than_o the_o earth_n so_o be_v my_o way_n high_a than_o your_o way_n and_o my_o thought_n than_o your_o thought_n isa_n 55._o 8._o when_o conscience_n be_v awaken_v we_o be_v ready_a to_o doubt_v whether_o god_n will_v pardon_v we_o therefore_o he_o fetch_v argument_n from_o his_o gracious_a and_o merciful_a nature_n my_o way_n be_v not_o your_o way_n if_o you_o repent_v your_o sin_n shall_v infinite_o be_v outdo_v we_o be_v apt_a to_o think_v god_n like_o ourselves_o but_o the_o bless_a god_n be_v of_o tender_a bowel_n slow_a to_o wrath_n loath_a to_o take_v vengeance_n ready_a to_o forgive_v the_o great_a wrong_n and_o receive_v the_o sinner_n into_o his_o favour_n upon_o true_a repentance_n there_o be_v say_v god_n as_o vast_a a_o difference_n between_o my_o disposition_n and_o deal_v and_o you_o as_o between_o heaven_n and_o earth_n thou_o that_o be_v a_o awaken_v convince_a sinner_n the_o promise_n of_o the_o gospel_n belong_v unto_o thou_o isa_n 61._o 1._o the_o lord_n have_v anoint_v i_o to_o preach_v good_a tiding_n to_o the_o meek_a to_o bind_v up_o the_o brokenhearted_a and_o to_o comfort_v all_o that_o mourn_v can_v thou_o desire_v to_o be_v in_o a_o better_a case_n than_o those_o who_o christ_n have_v commission_n to_o take_v care_n of_o the_o poor_a in_o spirit_n the_o mourner_n for_o their_o sin_n those_o that_o hunger_n after_o righteousness_n not_o have_v a_o drop_n of_o comfort_n from_o themselves_o christ_n bless_v and_o pronounce_v happy_a bless_a be_v the_o poor_a in_o spirit_n not_o one_o of_o they_o will_v the_o lord_n have_v keep_v from_o come_v to_o he_o mat._n 11._o 28._o come_v to_o i_o all_z you_o that_o labour_n and_o be_v heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_n trust_v to_o i_o you_o that_o be_v trouble_v in_o conscience_n for_o sin_n i_o will_v bring_v you_o to_o rest_v in_o god_n love_n and_o favour_n be_v not_o discourage_v there_o be_v a_o mediator_n for_o thou_o who_o worthiness_n and_o