doe it himself as indeed he did nor yet could I euer imagine that it would proue to take effect with me as yet it fell out to doe because already I had vsed some endeauours that way and the affliction which I receiued by it was so great that I resolued to giue ouer the attempt as being a thing which I held not to be inconuenient to continue But now heer our Blessed Lord imparted both libertie and strength to me to put it in execution I told this verie thing to my Ghostlie Father and I gaue ouer that freindship according to what I had been commanded And it did them no little good with whome I had been wont to conuerse to see this resolution growne in me Almightie God be euer blessed and praised who gaue me that libertie and power in one moment which I had not been able to purchase and obtaine of my self by the multitude of those great diligences which I had vsed manie yeares in order to this end though yet I had employed my self so earnestly vpon this attempt that it had cost me a good part of my health But now this hauing been wrought and granted by him who is the Omnipotent and true Lord of all Creatures it put me not euen to the least paine or trouble at all THE FIVE AND TWENTIETH CHAPTER She treats heer of the vvay and manner of vnderstanding those vvords or speeches vvhich Almightie God is pleased to vtter to the Soule though yet vvithout hearing anie voice or sound and of some errours or abuses vvhich may happen heerin and hovv the right may be knovvne from the vvrong It is of much vse and profit for such as see themselues in this Degree of Prayer for it is declared very vvell and the Doctrine containes great instruction ME thinkes it should doe well to declare what kind of thing this Speech is which our Lord expresses to the Soule and what she also feeles to the end that your Reuerence may vnderstand it for from this verie time when our Lord did me this Fauour as I haue sayd the same thing is very vsuall with me euen till this verie present as I shall let you see by that which followes I say therefore that they are certaine Words very distinctly formed and that howsoeuer they be not heard with our eares of flesh and bloud yet are they vnderstood much more expresly and clearly then if they were so heard And to seeke to forbeare to vnderstand them yea and to resist the vnderstanding them how much soeuer it may be is a vanitie and a most impossible thing When in this world we haue a minde not to heare we may stopp our eares or els attend to other things if we will in such sort as that although peraduenture we may heare the words yet we shall not in that case vnderstand them But now in this discourse which Almightie God makes to the Soule there is no remedie at all but they make me harken to them whether I will or no they oblige the VnderstaÌ„ding to be very entire attentiue for the coÌ„prehending thereof For he who is able to doe all things is resolued that we shall vnderstand him and that which he resolues must be done and so he comes to be knowne to be the true Lord of vs all I haue very well experimented this truth for the resistance which I made him did last vpon the point of two yeares through the great feare wherein I was yea and euen now I make those tryalls sometimes but it serues me to little purpose I would faine declare the errours and abuses which may heer occurr though for a man who hath much experience me thinkes there should be few or none But indeed the sayd experience would be great as namely to know the difference when the Spirit is good and when it is ill and when perhaps the thing may also be but an apprehension of the verie Vnderstanding it self which may occurr or when the verie Spirit it self may speake to the verie self-same Spirit and I know not very well whether this may happen or no though euen this verie day I had a kind of opinion that it might When these Words are indeed of Almightie God I haue found the truth thereof in manie things which were told me two or three yeares before and they all fell out to proue true and till now not anie one of them failed There are also other things whereby it growes to proue very plaine that the Spirit is of God as I will declare afterward To me it seemes that a person recommending a thing to Almightie God with great earnestnes and apprehension may grow to make himself conceiue that he comes to vnderstand in some sort whether the thing shall be done or no and this I say is very possible but he who vnderstands things after this other manner will clearly discouer what it may be so great a difference there is between the two And if indeed it be a thing which the Vnderstanding deuises and makes how subtily and how delicately soeuer the matter goe he vnderstands that there is some part of himself in that which is ordained and sayd For it is no other thing then for a man to set a Discourse on foot or to harken to what another man sayes for then the Vnderstanding findes that it doth not harken then because it workes and the words which it goes framing in that case are as it were fantasticall and mute and confused and are not deliuered with that clearnes which those others haue And now heer it is in our owne power to diuert our selues or els to hold our peace when we speake but in this other case we haue no such power at all Another signe there is which is of more importance then all the rest for these things which are sayd by our selues haue no manner of operation and worke no effect at all But the other when our Lord is pleased to speake is not only of words but workes and though they be not words of deuotion but of reprehension they instantly dispose the Soule and they enable her and make her relent and they giue light and regale her and appease her And if she were in state of drynes and commotion and disorder these Words take all away as if it were with the hand yea and yet much better then so for it seemes that our Lord's busines is then to shew his mightie power and that his Words are deeds Me thinkes there is such a difference as there is between our speaking or hearing neither more â—orlesse For that which I speake I goe ordering as I was saying with my Vnderstanding but if another speake to me I doe no more then heare without anie trouble at all to my self One of these kindes of VVords is like some thing whereof we cannot well determine whether it be not as of a man who is half asleepe But this other is found to come from a voice so
there And now by meanes of this consideration my Soule beganne to be so much more inflamed that my Spirit grew to be in Rapt and so as that I know not how to expresse it For me thought I was put and plunged into that Maiestie which I had formerly vnderstood but yet so as that I know not how to declare it In this Maiestie a certaine Truth was giuen me to be vnderstood which indeed is the accomplishment of all Truth but yet still I know not how to relate it For I saw nothing at all distinctly but they told me these words though yet I saw not who spake them only I knew that it was the verie Truth This vvhich I doe for thee is no small matter but rather it is a thing for vvhich thou ovvest me much because one of the mischeifs vvhich grovves to the vvorld proceeds from not knovving the Truths of Scripture vvith cleare truth but one tittle thereof shall not faile Now as for me I conceaued that my self had alwaies beleiued this yea and that all Catholiques had also beleiued it But then he sayd to me againe Alas my Daughter there be fevv vvho loue me according to Truth for if they did I vvould not conceale my secrets from them But dost thou knovv vvhat it is to loue me according to Truth It is to knovv that all is a Lye vvhich is not acceptable to me Thou shalt be able to see this clearly vvhich novv thou dost not vnderstand by the profit vvhich thy Soule shall get And so accordingly I haue seen it performed our Lord be euer praised for it For all things which are not addressed to the seruice of Almightie God doe of late seem to me so hugely to be vanitie and a lye that I am no way able to expresse how much I vnderstand thereof And it moues me to deep compassion to see men liue in so great obscuritie and ignorance as they are in of thy Truth but by this meanes I haue benefited my self in manie kindes whereof I will heer relate some and some I shall not be able to relate But our Lord sayd one word to me heer in particular with very great fauour though I know not also how this was For I saw nothing but I remained in such sort after it as I know not also how to declare euen that Only I am sure I remained by this meanes with a very great kind of fortitude and firme purpose of accomplishing euen the least part of Holie Scripture with the vttermost of all my power And nothing me thinkes could offer it self to me through which I would not passe for the making this good There remained also a truth of this Diuine Truth which was now represented to me though yet still I know not how so deeply engrauen in my hart that it made me carrie a new kind of profound reuerence to Almightie God For it imparts a notice of his high Maiestie and great Power after such a manner as cannot be described but I can only vnderstand that it is a mightie kind of thing I now remained also with a very great desire neuer to speake at all but of things which were substantially true and which might iustly take precedence of all that which vses to be treated of in this world And so I then began to find it paine enough euen to liue in it This Vision left me with a Regalo of great tendernes and with humilitie also It seemed to me that our Blessed Lord did giue me to vnderstand much in this vision though yet without my vnderstanding the manner of it but at least I was satisfyed well enough that it was no Illusion I saw nothing but yet I vnderstood the great benefit which there is in not making account of anie thing which brings vs not neerer to Almightie God and so I came to vnderstand what kind of thing it is for a Soule to walke in Truth in the presence of the same Truth That which I vnderstood is that our Lord gaue me to vnderstand That he is verie Truth it self And all these things at which I haue now pointed heer I vnderstood sometimes by their being spoken to me and at other times without speech but yet some of this latter sort with more clearnes then those others which were imparted to me by words I vnderstood very great truths of this Truth and better then if manie learned men had taught me and at least it seemes to me that they could by no meanes haue so imprinted them in my minde nor so clearly haue giuen me to vnderstand the vanitie of this world This Truth which I say was giuen me to be vnderstood is verie Truth in it self and it is both without beginning and without end and all other Truths depend vpon this Truth and all other Loues vpon this Loue and all other Greatnesses vpon this Greatnes though yet all this be deliuered by me with much obscuritie in comparison of that clearnes wherewith our Blessed Lord was pleased to impart it And how very well doth this become the great power of that Maiestie to leaue such things as these imprinted vpon the Soule whereby such aduantages are obtained and that in so short a time O Greatnes and Maiestie of my Omnipotent Lord What is it which thou art doing Consider who it is to whome thou art vouchsafing such Soueraigne Fauours Dost thou not remember how this Soule hath been a verie Abysse of Lyes and euen a deep Sea of vanities and all this through faults of mine owne For notwithstanding that thou gauest me an inclination which naturally did abhorre lying yet I made my self apt to treat in manie things after a deceiptfull kind of manner How art thou able O my God euen to endure me and how can so great goodnes of thine be shewed to one who hath so ill deserued it and how can so much Sinne against thee be compatible with such Fauours as these Being once reciting the Howers of the Diuine Office with all the rest of the Religious my Soule beganne to be suddainly recollected and it seemed to me that it was like some cleare and pure Looking-Glasse without hauing anie thing either on the back or on the sides or yet either aboue or below which was not all extreamly cleare And in the very Center thereof Christ our Lord was represented to me iust so as I am accustomed to see him It seemed to me that I saw him clearly in all the parts and portions of my Soule as in a Looking-Glasse and so also though I know not how our Blessed Lord himself was engrauen therein with such a certaine kind of enamoured communion or communication of himself as I cannot possibly expresse Only I know that this Vision hath been of very great benefit to me and is so whensoeuer I remember it and especially after I receaue the B. Sacrament But it was giuen me heerby to vnderstand that the being of a Soule in Mortall Sinne is to make this Glasse be couered
but as for Beginners learned men if they possesse not the vse of Prayer can be of little profit to them Yet I say not that they should not treat and conferr with such men as are learned for as for hauing a Spirit which should not be first setled in a way of truth for my part I had rather haue it without Prayer For Learning is a great matter since it instructs vs who know little and brings vs light and when we approach neer to the truths of Holie Scripture we beginne to doe that which we ought but as for sillie and foolish deuotions our Lord deliuer vs from them I will declare my self yet better for I feare I put my self vpon too manie things at once though I euer wanted meanes to know how to giue my self to be well vnderstood as I haue sayd but vpon the expence of manie words A Religious Woeman for examples sake will beginne to vse Prayer and in case some sillie kinde of man direct and gouerne her he will if the toy take him in the head giue her to vnderstand that it is better for her to obey him then her Superiour yea and he will doe it without anie malice at all as conceauing that he is in the right And now she being a Religious woeman will be likelie enough to thinke that he sayes true And if she be a married woeman he will tell her that it is best for her euen when she ought to be about her House-hold businesses to exercise her self in Prayer though it were to be to the disgust of her husband So that she knowes not how to dispose of her time nor of her businesses in such sort as that all may goe according to reason and truth because in fine that Directour wants light and not hauing any himself he cannot giue it to others though he would neuer so faine And though in order to this end it seem that there is no great need of Learning yet as for me my opinion both is and euer will be that all Christians shall doe well to treat with such men about their Soules as are well learned and so much the more so much the better and they who goe by the way of Prayer haue yet more need then others to meet with such men and so the more they shall be also Spirituall the better will it be for them still And let not folkes deceaue themselues with saying That learned men without the exercise of Prayer are not to the purpose for them who vse Prayer for I haue dealt with manie and for some of these latter yeares I haue endeauoured it the more because then I found my self in more necessitie But I was euer much a freind of learned men for though some of them haue not experience yet they hate not Spirituall people nor are not ignorant what these things meane because they euer find this truth that there is such a thing as a good Spirit by holie Scripture wherein they are continually versed And as for me I hold that a person who exercises Prayer and will treat with learned men shall neuer be deceaued by illusions of the Diuel if he haue not a minde to deceaue himself For I belieue that the Diuel is mightily afrayd of Learning whensoeuer it is accompanied with Humilitie and Vertue for he knowes that he shall be discouered in the end and that so he shall come to loose by the bargaine And now I haue sayd thus much because I know there are opinions that learned men are not fitt for persons of Prayer vnlesse they be also of Spirit Already I haue signifyed that it would be necessarie to haue a Spirituall Directour but if he proue not to be learned the inconuenience will be great yet it will be of much help to treat with learned men so that they be vertuous for though they be not Spirituall as in this case we vnderstād Spirituall they will yet be able to benefit vs and God will vouchsafe to enable them to teach vs yea and so may perhaps by degrees grow euen to make them also become Spirituall to the end that they may be able to instruct vs the better And I speake not this without some tryall for the occasion hath hapned to me with more then two I say therefore that if a Soule resolue to render it self to be entirely subiect to the order of anie one Directour she shall err very much vnlesse she procure in particular manner that he be learned especially if he be a Religious man of anie Order Because such an one is to be subiect to his Prelate or Superiour and in that case peraduenture all those three aforesayd parts which were sayd to be so necessarie for a Directour will be wanting to him which will be no little crosse to the Partie besides that he may perhaps find himself to haue voluntarily submitted his Vnderstanding to that of another man who hath no very good one himself At least forasmuch as concernes me I was neuer able to bring my self to it nor indeed doe I hold it conuenient But now if the Partie of whome we speake be a Secular person let him blesse Almightie God that himself may make choice of that man to whome he will resolue to subiect himself and let him take care not to loose this vertuous libertie Nay let him euen stay without anie Directour at all till he find a fitt one for our Lord will not faile to prouide him such an one if he goe wholy grounded in Humilitie and with desire to make a fitt choice For my part I praise a fitt Directour very much and woemen and such men also as are not learned were alwaies to giue God infinit thankes for that there are some in the world who take so great paines and trouble to obtaine the knowledge of truth whereof such as be not learned are ignorant And it amazes me manie times to see Religious men who are learned and particularly to consider with how much trouble they grew to gaine all that knowledge which is to bring me so much profit without anie more trouble of mine then only to aske them the question and yet that we should not benefit our selues by it But let not God permit that still it should continue to be so For I see them subiect to the troubles and mortifications of a Religious Life which are very great with Pennances with ill Diet with hard Lodging with being subiect in all things to Obedience and in fine I so perceaue that all is affliction and all Crosse that really the thought thereof doth cast me sometimes into confusion and me thinkes it must be a great miserie that anie bodie should loose so important a benefit by his owne fault It is possible that some of vs who are free from these austerities whereof I speake or at least if we feed vpon them we will needs haue them finely dressed after our owne fancie and so will liue as we list ourselues conceaue that
neer them vvith hallovved Candles * An excellent Aduise Take heed of this great danger * Consider this point much and often * Note this good Conclusion vpon the Praemises * Note this very vvell for nothing imports more thē this * A great and gross errour * A point of very great importance * Note * This vvas the beginning of many great blessings * Her entrance into the receaueing Supernaturall Fauours * It vvorkes not indeed by vvay of vsing Discourse or makeing Inferences but yet it vvorks by vvay of Contēplation and Admiration of the Infinite Obiect being God vvho is set before it * Note * A great foolish errour * Behold heer the true great impediment * This Saint is admirable in all the Comparisons vvhich the vses * This is a kind of Engine vvith certaine little leather Buckets fastned to the sides of a very great vvheele vvhich dra vves vp very much vvater vvith great ease In Spanish it is called a Noria * A good Lesson * A consideration of much comfort * A hard question most clearly and excellently ansvvered * Marke vvell these masculine and massye vvords * Note * This suspending of the Thought or Vnderstanding of vvhich the Saint speakes is a presenting a multitude of Supernaturall and Diuine Obiects before it together vvith a copious infusion of Light vvich is decerned by it after a kind of intuitiue vvay at once vvithout discourse or trouble And this Light rests not there but passes-on to the VVill and grovves to be as so much Fyre for the inflameing it in the Loue of our Lord. And the Soule doth more properly suffer heer then act And novv the Saint giues great vvarning that people be not so foolish as to offer at these things of themselues A great truth * A dangerous provvd foolish errour * Obserue the generous vvay of this great Saint * Note this very vvell * A great praise of a large hart * Hovv Saynts are to be imitated hovv admired * Note this vvell * A necessary Aduise * Our daily Bread * A description of a good Directour in matter of Spirit * Note * Hovv the VVill is to carry it selfe to the other Faculties of the Minde * The blessings of Quiet Prayer * Note * Note * Hovv the Soule is to carry it selfe in Quiet Prayer * Note * A true happy Comparison * The good Spirit very easily discerned from the bad * Note this point aboue all * A most necessary Document * A great blessing by meanes of this Prayer * These are the more generous mindes * As vvhen one is dyinge * This is an admirable State of Minde * The true State of the Povvers of the Minde in this Prayer Hovv there is an Vnion in this Prayer hovv there is none * The great effects of this high Prayer * The difference betvveē Eleuatiō and Vnion * She proceeds in declaring the great effects of this high Prayer * A Cōsideration of strange comfort * This is strange indeed * The strong Pillar of Prayer * Consider this very vvell * Take heed * A most dangerous temptation * Consider and admire this passage * The manner nature of Rapts * The Effects of Rapts * The strangest state of Minde vvhich perhaps is described in the vvhole Booke * The effect of Rapts * This Saynt it admirable in her Comparisons * Other great effects of true Rapts * Her great zeale for the conuersion of Kings * She alludes to Comets and blazing Starrs * A rare expression * Anopinion vvhich is more probable then true * This seems to haue been a foolish and ill-fauoured kind of errour in those others * That vvas by seuerall Visions * A svveet and iust cōplaint and vvorthie of the Saint vvho made it * By Vision * Beleiue and consider this most certaine Truth * A doubt vvhich cannot easily be solued * She grovves novv to make serious enquiry after a good Directour * The only excellent course * This holy mā enters often into the Story of our Saynt * This vvas no improbable opinion though it vvere no true one * So good a begining vvas almost a kind of perfecting the vvorke * The Saynt begann heer to be happy * This vvas a vvise man likely to vvorke vvonders vpon a Soule * He lost nothing by leaueing to be a Duke for Gods sake * This must needs haue been a holy and a vvise man * A little of this goes farr * So true it is that God is God * The mighty force and povver of any one Supernaturall vvord * The infinit differēce betvveē Supernaturall vvords of God all other * A strange encounter * Great povver of our Lord. * Hovv quickly she gott courage against the Diuells * A most certaine truth * This vvas a very ill aduise indeed * The incredible deare svveetnes of our B. Lord to a Soule * Obserue this vvell * This Saint yovv see vvas certainly no Protestant * The Masque of Pride * An admirable example of Pennance * Humane frailty and celestiall glory are not compatible * Imaginary Visions represented to by the senses are of the lovvest ranke most subiect to danger * The great effects of an admirable and most sublime Vision * The differēce is easily found both betvveen a true Vision and a false and betvveen a true Vision and a Fancy * A plaine demonstration * In order to the guideing of others a Directour may easily haue too meane an optnion of himselfe * This Saint vvas hugely vexed by the insatisfaction vvhich she receiued from many Spirituall men * This is very fitt to be knovvne * This is a true Fortiter sed Suauiter * This Saint vvas most strangely familiarly and supernaturally visited by our B Lord. * A strange Taske vvhich vvas put even by holy men upon this Saint * The more she vvas discountenanced euen by good men so much the more highly vvas she fauoured by our Lord. * A rare Comparison * Still more more excellent comparisons * An excellent most necessary Aduise * A strange mixture of affections but such as God knovves hovv to giue * This greife is after the rate of the loue * A very safe and vvise vvay of proceeding * This is a most certaine truth * Heer follovves a vvhole vvorld of sad temptations troubles * The differēce betvveē Diuine and Diabolicall greife of minde * The vvay manner of a great desolation * A pretty humour * A happy State * She makes along Discourse of the Diabolicall Temptations troubles to vvhich she vvas subiect * The excellency of Holy VVater * A great and iust consolation * A question vvorthy of him that askt it * This is a very great Truth but the Accent must be put vpon the vvord Indeed * And though she should haue continued to aske it I dare say our Lord vvould not haue graunted it * A must certaine truth * A vvise solid Truth * Exercise of Prayer and loue of Honour agree not vvell together * This is not to be litterally vnderstood for the Diuell can prepare no place for a Soule in Hell but by the Decree of Almighty God vpon the particular Iudgement giuen at the death of the Party * The Sinnes of Ingratitude discorrespondence and inordinate affection to Creatures vvhich she did committ and the greater and mortall Sinnes vvhich she vvould most certainly haue committed if the Mercy of our Blessed Lord had not preuented and vvithheld her * Hell is represented to her in Spirit after a most subtile manner and it vvas shevved to her and described by her in such sort as that such Creatures may be capable thereof as are indued not only vvith Mindes but vvith Bodyes * The excellent fruits vvhich this Saint did gather from this great Fauour vvhich seems to be the sole cause vvhy our B. Lord vvas pleased to impare this Fauour * The great benefit of this Fauour * Vide supra fol 471. * A svveet Effect of a sad Cause * A sad and strange proceeding * Hovv one suspition u vvont to thrid it self close vpon another * A holy vvise man * All these things and the like as namely Darts or Chaines or Crovvnes or Ievvells c. are not to be vnderstoood after a grosse materiall vvay but yet that really they haue truth in their being represented distinctly clearly to the Imagination of the Partyes and they cheifly serue as testimonies Signes of those interiour graces vertues vvhich vse to be imprinted vpon Soules at those very times by the mercy of our B. Lord. * She meanes her selfe * This Saint vvas an excellent person to make a freind of * A very strange demonstration of a most ciuill noble and freindly hart * Our Blessed Lord is still as good as his vvord * The great Charity Humility of the Saynt * Hovv deuout this deare Saynt is * They vvere very noble though they vvere poore * The Diuell is still himselfe * This is such a kind of vvorld as vvherein things vvill euer goe thus * A true ansvver to all the Diuells Obiections * Note the description vvhich the Saynt makes heer of her Religious * This Fast of the Order is not so strict and rigorous as that of the Church but is rather a forbearance of halfe the Meale then a Fast * This Point of haueing so very fevv in a Monastery vvas partly meant for them vvho vvere to liue in any place on Almes and partly because the Saint had seen some disorders by haueing too many Religious in other Hovvses and yet the Saint her selfe came aftervvard to admit of tvventy in stead of tvvelue and vvould perhaps haue admitted more if she had found reason for it * She inueighs vvith much reason against vaine Complements and especially amongst Religious people * An excellent most vsefull Document * A true noble most generous hart * Great effects of a Vision
Hovv manie yeares she had continued in that dangerous state And in fine hovv she conceiued that her proper place and particular torments vvere prepared for her in Hell it self for the euerlasting punishmēt of her Sinnes which she faith she felt in Spirit Whereas yet in realitie and sinceritie of truth it may be cleer enough to such as vvill vnpartiallie consider vvhat they are to iudge and not looke through the mist or clovvde of that too great insatisfaction and seueritie vvhich she vvould be sure to carrie tovvards her self that she vvas alvvaies farre from committing anie Mortall Sinne in all the course of her Life Now the difference in point of Iudgement betvveen our Saint and others may well seem to haue proceeded from this occasion vvhich follovves They looked vpon her vvhole life vvith the eyes of a Religious kind of reason And she vvith those euen of a kind of inordinate passion as a man may say of deuotion They looked vpon her as men vvho being informed euen by her self of the Case are most fitt through their indifferēcie to be the Iudge Whereas she looked vpon her self as a meer Partie vvho must not in her ovvne Case be trusted by anie meanes so vvell as her Iudge especially vvhen that Iudge knovves all things as vvell as her self since she declares them to him Besides that she expresses cleerly hovv diuerse vvho vvere her Ghostlie Fathers at the times of her greatest imperfection declared to her in very positiue tearmes that she vvas farre from commiting Mortall Sinne. And note that they passed such a Iudgement vpon her at times vvhen her self professes that she Confessed all her Sinnes so entirely as not to omitt so much as euen all those Veniall Sinnes vpon vvhich she could reflect So that clearly by the verie vvorst of her case if anie such thing as she had euer done vvere doubtfull if her Ghostlie Fathers assured her then that it vvas not Mortall as indeed they did what reason could she haue to be so very highly and irreconciliably vnsatisfyed vvith her self But the truth is she pearced so deeply by meanes of Celestiall grace into that endlesse spotlesse Mine of the Puritie of Almightie God and the vnlimited Excellentie of his High Maiestie and the vnspeakable deformitie of the least Imperfection or frailtie when once it should be brought to appeare before that incomparable Claritie of the King of Glorie And on the other side she vvas endued vvith such a strange internall kind of knovvledge of her self that it made as I vvas saying before those Moates of her Imperfections seem Mountaines vvhen once they vvere to appeare as in God's presence She vvas also of so very sensible a nature vvhich I must needs touch againe aftervvard and so easily obliged and so inseparably engaged vpon the receauing euen of poore vveake little seruices from mortall Creatures much more vvhen Celestiall Fauours distilled dovvne so very fast tovvards her from that neuer-failing Fountaine of Diuine Mercies that for her to find her self anie vvay vngratefull yea or so much as euen vnmindfull thereof and yet much more if she should proue so inhumanly vnkind as in stead of paying seruices to commit faults hovv light soeuer they might be such errours vvould seem in those eyes of hers vvhich still vvere fed from that inflamed hart to be really not very much lesse then almost as so manie halfe Sinnes against the Holie-Ghost And from this composition of her Minde both in the Naturall and Supernaturall vvay did grovv those profound detestations of her self those high exaggerations of her Imperfections and Frailties those lovvde exclamations against her supposed ingratitudes and vnkindnesses tovvards Almightie God vvhich broke as it vvere euen her ovvne verie hart vvhilst she vvas thinking and deliuered ouer such feeling arguments of her sad remorse vvhilst she vvas vvriting as are able to strike the vvater of teares out of the stonie harts of her Readers like the Rod of Moyses vvhich droue vvater out of the Rock vvhen once they lend their sight though neuer so little to behold that svveet Obiect of her enamoured thoughts and expostulations against her selfe From hence it is I say that she accused her self after a kind of obstinate manner vvhensoeuer she reflected vpon God her self in order to his Bounties on the one side her discorrespondences on the other Whilst yet vvhen her thoughts vvere bent but to expresse the plaine order of things after a manner meerly abstracted from those superiour Considerations she deliuers such truths concerning her self as makes all these imputations vvhich fell so fiercely vpon her Soule out of her ovvne mouth appeare to be farre different from that vvhich she would desire that they might be thought And so in conformitie vvith this you my Reader shall doe vvell to consider in serious manner how she vvho spoke after a sort erroneously vvhen she vvould partially iudge of her actions in order to the spotlesse Puritie of Almightie God and his strict Iudgement did yet vnfold her self most litterally truly vvhen she expressed her self Viâ facti and related her affections and actions as it were in the Historicall way Obserue therefore hovv in this vvay she saith of her self That she vvas euer very carefull not to commit anie Mortall Sinne That she had great care of her Conscience still forasmuch as cōcerned anie thing of that kind and that if euer she would be so vnhappie as to commit anie such sinne that she should neuer be in quiet till she vvas disburthened of it That she seldome receaued the B. Sacrament but vvith abundance of teares That after she had once tasted of the Regalo's of that Celestiall Banquet vvhich she beganne to doe vvhen she vvas young she neuer omitted to Confesse anie thing vvhich she might conceaue to be a Sinne though it vvere but Venial That she had euer great remorse whensoeuer she committed anie offence against Almightie God That she did naturally detest all dishonestie and that she conceaued not that there was either anie occasion or anie person in the whole vvorld vvho could possibly ouercome that resolution in her That difficulties grew after-vvard vpon her by occasion of some Conuersations vvhich she had vvhereof yet she Confessing her self by way of doubt as I haue insinuated before her Ghostlie Father made her know that she did not offend God therein For the truth of the case vvas this She vvas then a Secular vvoeman and the inclinations vvhich she had to the person vvere capable of being concluded in a Marriage besides that really on her part there vvas neuer so much as one impure thought That another Spirituall man vvith vvhome she also consulted shortly after about matter of her Soule by occasion of some feares into vvhich she grevv then to fall declared to her that though she vvere in the state of neuer so high Contemplation yet such conferences and conuersations as those vvere not to be inconuenient for her That she also vnderstood by
in the exercise of bounty Her compassion vvas most eminent to vvards the releife of all Creatures in miserye so especially vvas her sollicitude to consolate regale all such in all occasions as vvere intrusted to her care vvhilst yet she vvould needs be vnkind and euen as it vvere cruell to her selfe alone Aboue all things she was a most perfect Louer of Truth so full of matchless candour sincerity in all expressions vpon all occasions that she vvould no more haue euen so much as but disguised it and much lesse varyed from it in the least kind especially vvhen the question had any vvay concerned her owne aduantage then she vvould haue sold her selfe for a Slaue These I say vvere the conditions of this admirable Creature and these were the parts of her Minde vvhich yet I consider but in the nature of Fruits But they grew from these Roots vvhich follow A most profound Humility A most inuiolable Chastity A most strict loue of Pouerty A most vnshaken and inuincible Patience in despight of sharpe Sicknesses tormenting paines and endlesse persecutions A most ardent and inflamed Charity both towards God man which bred an eager and insatiable appetite to winne Soules An vndaunted Fortitude high Courage and that no less in the endeauouring great things then in the suffering hard things A constant continuall Supernaturall most Eleuated course of Prayer and Contemplation Such a kind of excellent Creature was this But yet whē I ouerlooked the little vvhich I had heer set downe I confess it seemed at the first euē in mine owne eye to be a very extraordinary Elogium of her Vertues and parts and as if it might perhaps haue had more in it of the Panegerick then of a iust Praise And therefore before I vvould giue it passage to the Print I looked attentiuely back vpon vvhat I had read of her concerning her resolutions and heroicall actions recorded in authenticall manner by diuerse graue and vvise Authours and in seuerall places also of her owne Workes and particularly vpon what is deliuered by Father Ribera in the Historicall Relation of her vvhole Life But when I came back from thence compared that kind of Descant vvith my Plaine-Song concerning the Saint I found my selfe to haue rather falne much too short then to haue any way ouer-short in this kind and that the particulars recounted with great authority els vvhere for the proofe of how she professed her selfe after a high most Heroicall manner in the practise pursuite of Vertue in order to all sanctity perfection to vvhich she aspired where by God's great mercy she ariued vvould haue no less auowed then encouraged my Penn to haue done her much more honour that is more right if it had not been employed by so vveake a hand as mine But in the meane time I haue considered the Example of the holy S. Hierome vvho vvriting of his S. Paula to Eustochium her Daughter hath these vvords I take Iesus and his Saints to vvitnes as also that particular Angell vvho vvas the Guardian and Companion of this admirable vvoeman That I vvill say nothing of her for fauour nothing after the custome of Flatterers but that vvhatsoeuer I am to deliaer shall be as if it vvere vpon mine Oath and yet still it vvill fall short of her merits And now this shall authorise mee also to take our Blessed Lord to witnesse that to the best of my poore vnderstanding I haue not mistaken my selfe about the celebration vvhich heer I make of our Saint in the point of haueing praised her too much but rather that I am growne to be her Debtour then her Creditour heerin For if euer there haue been in the whole vvorld many vvoemen of more admirable parts perfections both in their Intellectualls their Moralls which I account to be as the Simples of a Soule in the vse also thereof whereby those Simples grow to be mixed and whether wee shall consider them in the Naturall or Supernaturall way it is more then I haue been able to know either by reading or els by Discourse yet I haue been carefull enough to enquire But now the certainty of this truth will yet euen further appeare when I shall tell you that which followes And it is That when the Saint made obseruation had experience of the world 's great frailtie and lesse perfection and that the Religious Order and House vvhere she had entred had obtained certaine Relaxations and Dispensations from diuerse strict Clauses and Conditions of the first Institute and when she had also mett with some Customes through which euen her self had receiued disaduantage by dissipation and diminution of Spirit as namely in regard of great publique resort to the House and a multitude of vnnecessarie Conuersations and especially for that they were not bound to continuall Clausure but had libertie to goe abroad though yet only by leaue of their Superiours to visit their Parents and neer kinred at some times she grew into a full resolution That if euer it should be in her power to free her self from that course and to set more limited bounds vpon her wayes and to inuite others also by her example to expresse their great desire to gaine and perfect Soules she would not faile to put that purpose of hers in execution And so after the expiring of some time the encountring of manie impedimēts and the ouercoming a vvorld of difficulties she grew to expresse her loue to our B Lord but in the person of such Creatures as for whome he dyed to such a proportion and in so high a kind as to proiect and perfect so great and hard a vvorke as that perhaps no Woeman will be seen to haue euer procured and performed the like For to reforme a Religious Order and to reduce it to the first strict Institute is a matter of much more difficultie then to Found one And for a Woeman vvho vvas of no absolute power to command to passe through so manie impediments and to vvinne the Prize and to adorne euen that Originall Rule it self vvith so manie holie and wise Documents and Constitutions of her owne for the raising and true refining of Spirit according to the necessities and exigēces of those present most depraued times makes the busines become yet more hard and strange on the one side and more vsefull also more excellent on the other For as I conceaue it to be a truth that there is no one approued Order of Religious people in the Holie Catholique Church vvhich is not of the best of all others in that vvay of Spirit for which it was cheifly instituted by Almightie God and especially for those times in which it was instituted So is it not only pietie but euen prudēce also to beleiue that since this Blessed Woeman was stirred-vp by God's holie Spirit in this Age of ours for the redresse of our moderne great disorders that his Diuine Maiestie
yet could not be too great a demonstration vvhen I vveigh how deeply I offended thee afterward Now me thinkes that I had reason before in not desiring so great a dignitie as this considering how ill I vvere like to employ it But thou O my Lord vvert pleased to permitt that I might vse this fauour so ill twentie yeares togeather and vvouldst content thy self to be the person affronted that I might be the person improued For it seemes not to me now O my God that I made thee anie promise of anie thing but only that I vvould keepe no promise vvich I had made thee though yet my intention vvas not such at that time And yet I finde my actions to haue growne afterward to be such that I may very vvell thinke I scarce know vvhat kind of intention I had And thus it may the better be seen vvho thou art O my Spouse and my God and who I am For it is really an expresse truth that the grief for my very great sinnes is tempered in me manie times by the contentment which this consideration giues me that my sinnefulnes may proue a meanes to make the multitude of thy mercies be vnderstood For in whome O Lord can they euer shine so brightly as in me who haue by my wicked actions so obscured those great fauours which thou beganst to doe me Ah woe is me O my Creatour for if I looke for anie excuse I can find none nor hath anie creature the fault of it but only my self and if I would pretend to pay thee anie thing for the least part of that Loue which thou beganst to shew me I should not know how to employ it vpon anie thing but only thy self and thereby might all be redressed since I neuer deserued the same Nor was I euer so happie as to doe euen this and therefore now O Lord let thy mercie vouchsafe to supply all wants But now the change which I made of my life and the difference of my food at this time from the former beganne to doe me hurt in the way of health for though the contentment which I had was great yet would it not serue the turne My fitts of fainting and swooning beganne againe to encrease and such a hideous beating of the hart came vpon me as amazed all them who saw it besides manie other infirmities And thus I passed on my first yeare with a kinde of health which was ill enough though yet within that time I conceaue my self not to haue offended God much But my sicknes being so great that it depriued me almost of my senses yea and sometimes I was vvholy depriued the diligences which my Father vsed for my recouerie vvere also very great and vvhen the Doctours of those parts found no remedie he procured to get me remoued to a certaine place vvhere there vvas great fame of the curing manie other infirmities and so they assured themselues that they vvould be able to doe also vvith mine That friend vvhome I mentioned to be in that House vvent vvith me for she vvas of yeares and in the Monasterie vvhere she liued they made no Vow of Clausure I stayd almost a yeare in that other place and during three moneths therof I suffred so excessiue torments by the manner of the Cure vvich was very rigorous that I know not how I vvas able to endure them and though I did endure them yet me thinkes it vvas not my Bodie vvhich could doe it as I vvil now declare This Cure vvas to be taken in hand in the beginning of Sommer and I vvent in the beginning of VVinter All this meane time I remained in the house of that Sister of vvhome I spoke before vvho dwelt in the Countrie because I vvas then neer the place and yet it vvas very troublesome to be going and coming to and fro VVhen I departed from that Vncle of mine vvhome I declared my selfe to haue visited in the vvay he gaue me a certaine Booke vvich is called The third A. B. C. which treats of the manner of Prayer with Recollection Now though in that first yeare I had read some good Bookes forbearing vtterly to looke vpon anie other for I was not ignorant of the hurt which such as those had donne me yet I knew not how to proceede in Prayer nor how to obtaine Recollection and so I was very glad of this Booke and determined to follovv that way to the vttermost of my power And since our Lord had already been pleased to bestow the guift of teares vpon me and since I delighted also in reading I beganne to spend some good fitts of time in solitude and to Confesse myself very often and in a word to addresse myself by that way esteeming that Booke to be my Maister For I could meet with no other Maister I meane a Ghostlie Father who was able to vnderstand me though I fought such an one almost twentie yeares after this time VVhich accident did me hurt enough towards the making me turne back often yea and for the making me loose myself But such an one would haue daily assisted me to lay aside and leaue those occasions which I tooke to offend Almightie God In these beginnings his Diuine Maiestie beganne to doe me so great fauours that at the end of the time when I remained there which was about nine moneths in this way of solitude though I were not so free from offending God as the Booke appointed which I neglected as holding it impossible to continue still so watchfull ouer myself I was carefull not to commit anie Mortall sinne and I would to God I had alwaies been so but of Venialls I made no great account and this was that in fine which destroyed me But our Lord began to regale me so much by this way that he vouchsafed me the favour to giue me Quiet Prayer and sometimes it came so farre as to arriue to Vnion though I vnderstood neither the one nor the other nor how much they both deserued to be prized But I belieue it would haue been a great deale of happines for me to haue vnderstood the certainty thereof True it is that this Vnion rested with me for so short a time that perhaps it might ariue to be but as of an Aue Maria yet I remained with so very great effects therof that with not being then so much as twentie yeares old me thought I found the whole world vnder my feet and so I remember well that I was wont to carrie great compassion towards such as followed the wayes of the world though it were but euen in lawfull things I Procured the best I could to carry our Lord who is our true Good still present with me and euen within me and this was the manner of my prayer If I thought vpon anie passage or Mysterie I represented it to the interiour of myself and other times I spent in reading good Bookes which was all the recreation that I had For God gaue not me the talent
whome we know we are beloued And as for you if you loue him not yet for to the end that it may be a true loue and that your friendship may last the conditions must be reciprocall and we know there can be no want on our Lord's behalf and that our nature is vitious sensuall and vngratefull and so we cannot perhaps obtaine fully at our owne hands to loue him so much because he is not of the same condition with vs yet considering how much it imports vs to hold friendship with him and how much he loues vs we must passe on and passe ouer this paine of being much in his companie who is of so different a condition from ours O infinite goodnes of my God! how true it is that me thinkes I see both thee and my self in this verie manner O thou who art the verie Regalo of the Angels in Heauen how faine would I euen defeat and dissolue my self totally in louing thee when I see and consider these things And how certaine a thing it is that thou art on the suffering hand in regard of such as will not suffer thee to remaine with them O how good a friend dost thou make thy self to thy friend O my Lord and how dost thou goe enduring him and regaling him And thou expectest till he make himself grow to be of thy condition and inclination and in the meane time thou endurest and permittest him to continue to be a while of his owne and thou takest O my deare Lord by way of good payment those fitts of time which he can be content to bestow vpon thee and vpon a minute of true sorrow and repentance thou forgettest all those sinnes whereby he hath offended thee All this haue I perceaued clearly in order to my self and for my part I cannot see O my Creatour how the whole world can forbeare to procure to draw neer to thy Diuine Maiestie that so it may be able to obtaine this particular kind of friendship with thee Such as are wicked and are not hitherto come to haue the like inclinations and dispositions to thine should yet come towards thee to the end that so thou mightst make them good and that they might endure thee to be with them though it were but for some two howers in the day yea euen though they would not the while stay in thy companie without a thousand distractions and tumblings vp and downe in wordlie cares and thoughts as I was wont to doe And for recompence of this violence which they vse to make against themselues by continuing in so good companie as thine for neither in those verie beginnings no nor euen afterwards also for a while can they tell how to doe better thou forcest O Lord the Diuels of Hell to forbeare a setting fiercely vpon them and permittest them to haue daily lesse power then other against them yea and thou puttest them into mens hands that they may ouercome them So that thou O thou Life of all liues dost neuer kill anie one of those Creatures who puts his confidence in thee nor of them who desire thee for a Freind but thou sustainest both the life of their Bodies with encrease of health and thou also dost impart it to the Soule For my part I cannot possibly vnderstand why men should feare as they doe to beginne to vse Mentall Prayer nor of what it is in fine that they are afrayd The Diuel indeed doth not ill in order to his owne wicked ends to procure to doe me hurt if by pretence and meanes of I know not what feares he can procure to make me forbeare a considering how much and how highly I haue offended Almightie God and how much I am obliged to him for his great mercies and benefits and to thinke vpon this truth that there is such a thing as glorie in Heauen and torments in Hell and vpon those great afflictions and sorrowes which our Lord endured for me in this life For this was still my Prayer when I was continuing in all those dangers and vpon this did I thinke whensoeuer I was able And very often yea and for some yeares togeather I was busier about desiring that the Hower might come quickly to an end still listning when the Clock would strike then vpon better things Yea and it hapned to me manie times that I knew not what Pennance could be set before me so very great as that I would not more willingly vndergoe it then recollect my self to Mentall Prayer And it is certaine that either the Diuel did set vpon me with such an vn-resistable force or els mine owne vvicked custome did it that I might not goe make Mentall Prayer and the sadnes of my hart vvas such euen vvhen I entred into my Oratorie for that purpose that I vvas faine to help and serue my self of all the strength and courage I had vvhich they say is not very little and it hath been seen that God hath giuen me more then is vsually possessed by vvoemen but that I haue employed it ill to force my self to make my Prayer and in fine it pleased our Lord to assist me But afterward vvhen I had vsed these violences to my hart I found my self vvith more quiet delight so that sometimes I grew to haue an expresse desire to pray Now therefore since it chanced that our Lord did suffer and endure so vvicked a Creature as my self and if it appeare plainly that all my miseries vvere redressed by this meanes vvhat person how vvicked soeuer he may be can find anie thing to be afrayd of heer For how wicked soeuer anie other bodie may haue been he vvill neuer be so yet after the enioying of so great Fauours from our B. Lord as I had receaued And vvho can euer come to dis-confide in his Diuine Maiestie vvho had patience vvith me so long vpon this onlie reason Because I desired and procured some meanes for time and place wherein he might be with me And euen this little thing I did often without anie inclination of mine owne but only by the great violence which either I offered to my self or els was offered to me by our Lord. Since therefore the vse of Mentall Prayer is so fitt yea and so very necessarie euen for such as serue not God but offend him and since no bodie can truly find anie such hurt which it can possibly doe as would not be much greater without Prayer at least how can such forbeare it as serue Almightie God and desire to serue him Most certainly vnlesse a man haue a minde to passe through the troubles miseries of this life with an addition of more miserie and to shut vp the verie gate against God himself for feare least he should giue him comfort by this meanes I cannot possibly vnderstand this proceeding of his I haue really great compassion and sorrow for those poore Soules who will needs serue Almightie God vpon their owne cost for as for them who vse Mentall Prayer
our Lord will seeme to haue brought them so vpon vs as that we were not able to resist them Now it seems that his Diuine Maiestie is pleased to pay vs heer for the little poore care we tooke to serue him with so high a guift as that comfort is which he bestowes vpon a Soule who sees her self able to lament weep for hauing offended so great a Lord. And I wonder not a whitt at this for me thinkes she hath reason enough and to spare for receauing ioy and comfort vpon this occasion There doth the Soule reioyce there doth she regale her self I like that Cōparison well which offers it self to me now That these ioyes of Prayer should be somewhat like those others which are in Heauen For as they see no more there then God is pleased that they shall see according to their deserts they acknowledging how small those deserts are euerie one of them is highly well content with the place wherein he is though yet there be an excessiue differēce betweē the ioyes of some and of others in Heauen yea much more then there is between some spirituall ioyes and others heer on earth which yet is very great And really a Soule when God doth her this Fauour at first is very apt to thinke that there remaines no more then to be desired and she esteems her self then to be abundantly satisfyed for all the seruice which euer she was able to pay Almightie God and I finde that she hath at least reason enough to thinke so For euen one of those single teares which yet we may after a sort procure in some part euen of our selues though still without the assistance and fauour of God we can doe absolutly nothing at all cannot be payd for and purchased in my opinion with all the labours and troubles of the world For a Soule gaines much by them and indeed what greater gaine can possibly anie Creature acquire then to haue some kinde of testimonie that she is pleasing to Almightie God So that let whosoeuer shall arriue to this point praise God very much and acknowledge himself to be mightily in his Debt for already there is good apparance that his Diuine Maiestie designes such a person for his seruice in his owne House and hath chosen him for his Kingdome without intētion that he shall turne his back from him anie more And let vs not care for certaine odd Humilities which be in the world whereof I intend to treat For some will needs esteem it to be Humilitie not to vnderstand those Guifts which our Lord is bestowing vpon them But as for vs let vs well and very well know how the Case stands with vs Namely that Almightie God bestowes them vpon vs without anie merit at all of ours and let vs be thankfull to his Diuine Maiestie for them For if we know not what fauour we receaue we shall not stirre our selues vp to loue him for them as we ought For it is a most certaine truth that the better we finde that we are rich knowing first that of our selues we are poore we grow to profit so much the more yea and euen our very Humilitie will proue to be more entire and sincere That other course serues but to accowardize the minde and to make it hold it self vncapable of receauing great benefits if our Lord beginning once to bestow them it shall also beginne to fright it self by a feare of Vaine-Glorie But let vs rather belieue that he who doth vs so great Fauours will giue vs also grace that if the Diuel tempt vs vpon these occasions we shall haue knowledge how to vnderstand him and strength from God how to resist him I meane if we goe on with plainenes and sinceritie as in the sight of Almightie God pretending euer to content him only without respect to men For it is a very euident and certaine truth that we loue a person the better when we remember very freshly what benefits we haue receaued at his hands And if it be both lawfull and meritorious for vs to be euer keeping in memorie that we haue our verie Being from Almightie God and that he created vs of nothing and that he vpholds vs still togeather with all those other benefits of his Passion and Death which he endured for euerie one of vs who are now aliue long before we were borne why should it not be also lawfull for me who was wont to treat of nothing but vanities to vnderstand and see and consider these things often especially when now our Lord allowes me so great a blessing as that I would not willingly euen so much as speake of anie thing but of him And now behold heer a rich Iewel which remembring that it is bestowed vpon vs and that already we are in possession thereof inuites and euen obliges vs to loue our Blessed Lord And this in fine is the totall good of that Prayer which is grounded vpon Humilitie But what will then occurr when they shall finde that other more precious Iewels are come into their power and possession which our Lord imparts to some of his seruants as namely a profund contempt both of the whole world yea and of themselues It is cleare that in this case we must hold our selues for deeper debtours and more obliged to serue him and to vnderstand that of our selues we had no part of this Treasure at all and to know the great bountie of our Blessed Lord who to a Soule so wicked and so absolutly without all merit as mine for which the first of those Iewels aforesayd was not only sufficient but by much too great would yet needs load mee still with greater treasures then I could euen tell how to desire We must in such cases as these procure to get new strength wherewith to serue him and by no meanes to be vngratefull for our Lord giues them euer vpon this condition that if we vse not well that treasure and high place wherein he puts vs he will stripp vs of them againe and as for our parts we shall come to be more poore then euer we were so his Diuine Maiestie will dispense his Treasures to such others as he shall thinke fitt who may benefit both themselues and others by the good vse thereof But now how shall that man improue his owne Stock and spend thereof with latitude of hart vpon others whilst yet he is not come so farr as to know that himself is rich It is in my opinion an impossible kinde of thing considering the grounds of Humane Nature for one to doe great and goodlie things if he vnderstand not himself to be fauoured by Almightie God for we are so miserable Creatures and so inclined to delight in things of this world that we can hardly abhorre effectually all that which heer we enioy and especially to doe it with great libertie of Spirit if we vnderstand not out selues to haue some kind of tast or pawne concerning Heauenlie
there may peraduenture be none as also no tendernes or inward feeling of Deuotion But what shall he doe now who sees that for the space of a long time there is nothing but drynes and disgust and displeasure and so little deuotion also to goe draw anie more Water out of the Well For certainly if he did not remember that he doth some kind of pleasure and seruice to the Lord of the Garden and did not take care not to loose all the labour which he hath already vndergone and the hope also of getting more by so great paines as he takes to cast the Bucket so often into the Well and to bring it back without anie water at all without doubt he would giue ouer outright And manie times it shall also happen to him vpon this occasion that he will not so much as stirr his hand nor will he be able so much as to continue in one good thought for already it is to be granted that this way of working by the employment of the Vnderstanding is a striuing to draw Water out of a Well But now as I was saying what is the Gardner to doe in this case I answer that he is to reioyce and to receaue much comfort and to esteem it for an incomparable Fauour that he may be suffered to labour and worke in the Garden of so great an Emperour as God is And since he knowes that he giues contentment to his Diuine Maiestie thereby for the gust seruice of God not the Gardners owne is to be his maine and finall scope let him giue God glorie and praise who proceeds with him and treats him in so confident a manner since he giues him grace to haue so great care of doing that which he recommended to him though he doe not pay him yet for his paines And let this Gardner still help our Lord to carrie his Crosse and remember that the same Lord liued and lay vpon the same Crosse all his life And let not this man desire to enioy his Kingdome heer in this World nor euer once giue-ouer his Prayer but let him rather resolue that though his drynes of sensible indeuotion should last with him as long as his life yet he will neuer giue occasion that Christ our Lord should fall downe with his Crosse For at least the time will certainly come when he shall receaue all his wages at one payment and let him neuer feare that his labour can possibly be lost for he serues a very good Master who stands looking earnestly vpon him And let him make no account at all of ill thoughts but consider that the Diuel did also vex S. Hierome with them in the verie Wildernes But those labours haue their price and recompence set out for them and I assure you as a person who haue spent manie yeares in the feeling therof that when sometimes I came to draw and get but some one single drop of water out of this blessed Well I thought that God did me a great Fauour I know well that these troubles are very great and I conceaue that there is more need of courage for supporting them then for manie other things of this world but yet I haue seen clearly that God leaues them not without great reward euen in this life For it is most certaine that with one of these howers of gust of himself which he hath giuen me heer afterwards I esteem all those sad afflictions to haue been very well rewarded which I sustained in all the former time of my continuing the vse of Prayer As for me I hold that our Lord will giue these torments togeather with manie other temptations which occurr manie times in the beginning and at other times towards the end to try who are his true Louers and to know if they can drinke of his Chalice and will help him to beare his Crosse before he will depositate so great treasures in them And I conceaue that his Diuine Maiestie is resolued to carrie vs on by this way to the end that we may first vnderstand well how little we are worth for the Fauours which sometimes he imparts afterward are of so great dignitie that he will first haue vs see our miserie by experience before he impart those great Fauours to vs least otherwise that should happen to vs which did to Lucifer But what is it O my Lord which thou art doing Were it not better for the good of that Soule which thou knowest to be already thine and which puts it self into thy hands to follow thee whithersoeuer thou wilt goe though it were euen to the verie death of the Crosse and to resolue to help thee to carrie it and neuer to leaue thee alone vnder that burthen No for whosoeuer findes this resolution in himself hath nothing left for him to feare Spirituall persons haue no reason at all to be afflicted who are already placed in so eminent condition as it is to treat with God hand to hand and to forsake the idle pastimes of this world The greatest part of your busines is dispatcht already and praise you his Diuine Maiestie for the same and confide very fully in his goodnes for he neuer yet failed his friends Shut-vp the eyes of your Minde from considering why he giues sensible deuotion to another in so few dayes and not to me in so manie yeares Let vs belieue and know that all this is done by him for our greater good and let his Diuine Maiestie conduct vs by what way he will for now we are no longer our owne but his and he doth vs Fauour enough in permitting vs to digg in his Garden and to suffer vs to be so neer the Lord thereof For it is certaine that he remaines with vs and whether he be pleased that the Plants and Flowers of his Garden may grow or not grow either more or lesse what is that to the purpose Doe thou dispose so of things O Lord as shall please thee best and let me only not offend thee nor let my vertues be lost if thou haue giuen me anie I am resolued O Lord to suffer since thou wouldst suffer and thy Will be accomplished in me in all kindes and let not thy Diuine Maiestie be pleased that a thing of so high value as thy Loue may euer be giuen to anie such people as will not serue thee but only for delights and gusts It is heer to be noted much and I speake it because I know the truth of it by experience that the Soule which beginnes to walke in this way of Mentall Prayer with firme purpose can bring her self once to a finall resolution neither to be comforted nor discomforted greatly because our Lord doth either giue or not giue these spirituall gusts or tendernes of deuotion hath already passed through a very great part of his way And let him not once thinke of turning back how much soeuer he may faulter or stūble for his Building is layd and grounded vpon
Credo though yet still not by way of Discourse then we could tell how to vnderstand with all our humane diligences of this world in the compasse of manie yeares But now to exercise and employ the Powers of the Minde and yet the while to thinke of making them stand at a stay is a sensles kind of fancie and foolerie And I say and say againe though perhaps it be not well vnderstood that this is no act of anie great Humilitie and though it should not be guiltie of being a fault yet it will not faile to be subiect to the punishment for at least it will be all labour lost and the Soule findes it self to remaine with an odd little kinde of disgust as when a man goes to leape when yet men hold him fast by the back For such an one seemes already to haue employed all his strength to doe somewhat which he desired and yet findes himself without effecting what he pretended And so whosoeuer will consider the matter well shall come to discerne by the slender gaine which he made this little half inuisible dust of the want of Humilitie whereof I spake For in fine this vertue hath that excellencie amongst others in it That there is no worke or action in the world if it be accompanied with that vertue which will euer leaue the Soule in disgust There were diuers yeares when I was wont to reade manie things and yet vnderstood none of them all and there was afterward also a long time when though God gaue me abilitie to vnderstand yet could I not speake a word wherewith to make it be vnderstood by others and this point cost me no small labour But when his Diuine Maiestie hath a minde to teach it he doth it so all at an instant that I am amazed And one thing I can say with much truth that though I spake with manie Spirituall persons who had a minde to make me vnderstand what our Lord imparted to me that so I might the better declare things in particular and cleare manner to them it is certaine that my dulnes was so great as that their discourse was not of anie vse to me at all And perhaps our Blessed Lord as his Diuine Maiestie vouchsafed still to be my Master let him be blessed for euer since it is confusion enough for me to be able to say thus much with truth was pleased that I should haue no bodie to thanke for it but himself and that without my desiring or euen wishing it for in this I was not a whitt curious wherein it might haue been a vertue to be so but I was so about the vanities of the world he would giue me to vnderstand and comprehend it with all claritie yea and so as that I could vnfold it also to others in such sort as that men were amazed at it and my self more then anie of my Ghostlie Fathers because I vnderstood mine owne dulnes better then they Nor is it anie long time since this hapned to me and so I procure not to know those things which our Lord hath not taught me but I only consider and take care of them so farre as whereby my Conscience may be concerned I returne yet once againe to aduise and declare that it will import vs very much not to eleuate and raise our Spirit vnlesse our Lord be pleased to eleuate and raise it which if he doe it will instantly be vnderstood and especially this is more dangerous for woemen for the Diuel may bring some illusion vpon them though yet withall I hold it for very certaine that our Lord will not permitt that the Diuel should be able to hurt anie such person as shall procure to approach his Diuine Maiestie with Humilitie but rather that he shall be able to giue himself more aduantage and profit by that whereby the Diuel meant to destroy him But now in regard that this way of beginners in the exercise of Mentall Prayer is more beaten and because the admonitions which I haue giuen import much I haue enlarged my self thus farr though yet others will certainly haue written much better of it But thus much doe I confesse and I haue expressed my self heerin with abundance of confusion and shame though yet still not with so much as I ought to haue had Let our Lord be euer Blessed for all since he permits and is pleased that so miserable a Creature as I should speake of things belonging to his Diuine Maiestie and those things such and so high THE THIRTEENTH CHAPTER She proceeds in this First Degree and State of Prayer and giues aduise against some temptations vvhich the Diuel is sometimes vvont to bring This Discourse is very profitable I Haue thought fitt to speake heer of certaine temptations which I haue found to be brought against some in their beginning to vse Mentall Prayer and some I haue felt my self and I will also giue some aduise which I hold to be necessarie heerin Let therefore a beginner procure to goe-on with great alacritie and Libertie of Spirit for there be some who are apt to thinke that all their deuotion is instantly to vanish if they doe neuer so little amisse therein It is true that it will be very fitt to continue in a holie doubt and feare of themselues that so they may not be confident at all to put themselues into anie occasion wherein our Lord is wont to be offended for it will euer be very necessarie to vse this actual diligence till one be very entire in the possession of vertue and there are not manie who may be so very confident of themselues as that in such occasions which haue conformitie with their naturall disposition and inclination they may be out of care and feare And in fine it will euer be fitt that so long as we shall liue in this world we consider our miserable nature though it were but euen for the continuall exercise of humilitie but there are manie times when it is permitted as I haue sayd to be taking recreation though it were but to enable vs the better to returne the more encouraged and fortifyed towards the making of Prayer In all things it will euer be needfull to vse discretion and withall to haue great confidence in God for it is by no meanes fitt to goe lessning diminishing our desires but to belieue of Almightie God that if we will endeauour earnestly by little and little we may by the fauour of his Diuine Maiestie ariue though it be not presently where manie Saints haue ariued who if they had neuer resolued to aspire to Perfection and had not also endeauoured by little and little to acquire it would neuer haue been able to obtaine so high a State His Diuine Maiestie is a very great friend and fauourer of couragious Soules so that withall they proceed with Humilitie not with anie confidence in themselues and I haue yet neuer seen anie one of this kinde who hath
better set downe And it seemes to be as when one hath an Originall before him and then he may easily take-out the Coppie But if the Spirit be wanting there is no more power and meanes to make one word of this language suite well with an other then if as we may say we would suite Spanish and Turkish togeather euen though we should haue exercised our selues manie yeares in Prayer and therefore me thinkes it is of very great aduantage when I write if I be then in state of Prayer for I see clearly that it is not I who declare it nor who doe either order it then with my Vnderstanding nor yet know afterward how I declared it before and this happens to me very often But now let vs goe-back to our Orchard or Garden and see how these Trees beginne to button and budd-out towards flowring that they may afterward yeild fruit and how these Gillie-flowers and other odoriferous Plants dispose themselues to giue delight full Sent to the Owner I confesse that this Comparison regales and pleases me much for manie times in my beginnings and I humbly beseech our Lord that euen yet I may haue been a beginner to serue his Diuine Maiestie I say in those beginnings of that which I shall say afterward of my Life it was of much delight to me to consider that my Soule was a Garden and that our Lord walked in it vp and downe and I humbly pray him to encrease the odour of those little young Flowers of Vertue which shewed in all apparance that they would be glad to find meanes to sprout and that also they might serue for his Glorie and that he would be pleased to sustaine them since I desire nothing for my self and that he would also dresse and prune as manie of them as he pleased for already I knew well enough that they would thriue and grow the better afterward I say that he would cut and prune them in regard that some such times ariue now and then to the Soule as wherein there is no apparance left of this Garden at all but then all seemes to be withered and dry and that there neuer will come more Water to sustaine it yea and that there also seemes to haue neuer been anie vertue in that Soule In this case it vndergoes great affliction because our Lord is pleased that the poore Gardner may cōceaue that all that care is lost which he had formerly employed vpon sustaining and improuing his Garden But then comes-in the time of true plucking-vp and rooting-out all those little paltrie hearbes which till then had remained there how little soeuer they might be with making vs also know that no diligence of ours will serue if Almightie God take the Water of his Grace from vs that so in fine we may come to hold this poore miserable Nothing of ours in no manner of account yea and if the thing were possible euen for lesse then Nothing For heer great Humilitie makes vs the gainers since the Flowers will thus grow to reflourish O thou my Lord and my God! for I know not how to say this without teares and without a great Regalo to this poore Soule of mine is it possible O my Lord that thou art pleased to be thus amongst vs Yea and thou remainest in the B. Sacrament which may well be with all truth belieued because so it is and we may with much truth make this Comparison and if it be not through our owne fault we may enioy our selues togeather with thee yea and thou dost also reioyce to be with vs since thou declarest That it is thy delight to be vvith the Children of men O my Lord what is this For whensoeuer I heare but this word it is to me of great consolation yea and was so when I found my self in the worst condition But is it possible after this O my deare Lord that there should be in the whole world anie one Soule which ariuing to receaue such Fauours and Regalo's at thy hands and vnderstanding that thou reioycest so highly in her should yet returne to offend thee after the receauing of so manie Fauours and so great demonstrations of the loue thou bearest her in such sort as that they cannot possibly be doubted since the effects doe so manifestly declare it Yes yes it is most certaine that there is such a Soule in the world which hath offended thee and that not once but often yea and I am this verie Soule And I beseech thy Diuine Goodnes O my Lord that I may haue been the onlie Creature who euer committed so high a wickednes and who haue been guiltie of such an excessiue ingratitude against thee though yet already euen from this verie miserie of mine thy infinite goodnes hath been able to draw some aduantage yea and euen by how much the ill hath been greater the great benignitie of thy Mercies hath shined so much the more But now with how much reason may I resolue to celebrate them for all eternitie I most humbly beseech thee O my God that it may be so and that I may sing praises to thee for euer since now thou hast vouchsafed to shew thy goodnes so highly and so greatly to me that such as see it are amazed and as for me they carrie me very often euen out of my self And if I should once finde that I were depriued of thee I could be fitt O my Lord for nothing but to returne to be such a kind of Garden as that the Flowers being plucked-vp yet once againe this miserable earth of mine would returne to be a direct Dung-hill as it was before To the end therefore that I may praise thee the better permitt not I beseech thee O my Lord that this Soule may euer grow to be lost which thou hast bought with so manie afflictions of thine owne and which thou hast so often repurchased againe and againe and taken from out of the verie teeth of that hideous Dragon of Hell I beseech your Reuerence excuse me for speaking thus from the purpose and doe not wonder at it since it is at least to mine owne purpose to speake as I doe For it happens according to those apprehensions and reflections which the Soule chances to make when one writes And sometimes it falls-out to be hard enough to forbeare to celebrate the praises of Almightie God when it happens that the penn represents such things as expresse the high obligations which we haue to his Diuine Maiestie And I belieue that this will be no way displeasing to your Reuerence for I am of opinion that we may both of vs doe very well to sing one Song though yet after a different manner because it is much more which I owe to Almightie God then you in regard that he hath pardoned me more Sinnes as your Reuerence knowes very well THE FIFTEENTH CHAPTER She prosecutes her Discourse of the same matter and giues some aduise hovv persons are to carrie themselues in this kinde
heer of what it might import if such persons were to preach or teach others for then it would be fitt to serue themselues of that aduantage towards the assisting of their neighbours to that good and to help also poore people who know very little like me For Charitie is a very great matter and so is this helping soules forward so that alwaies it be done purely for God But now in these times of possessing this great Quiet let the Soule be suffered to remaine in rest with her true repose and let Learning be layd aside for time will come afterward when it will fall-out to be held in so high account that they would by no meanes haue missed that treasure of knowledge if it were but only for the power it giues them to doe more and better seruice to his Diuine Maiestie for it assists very much in order to that excellent end But yet belieue me still that in the presence of that Infinit Wisdome a very little attention to exercise Humilitie one single act of that vertue is more worth then all the knowledge of the whole world For heer there is no roome for disputing of Questions or arguing Cases but only to know with truth and plainenes what we are to represent our selues with great simplicitie in the sight of Almightie God who desires that the Soule should make her self as very ignorant and sillie as in verie deed she is when once she comes to appeare in his presence since his Diuine Maiestie descends so much below himself as to endure her neer his owne person all we being that which we are The Vnderstanding will also moue it self heer to giue certaine thankes to Almightie God which may be handsomely ordered and composed but the Will with a certaine kinde of Quiet and peace and with a not daring like the Publican of the Gospell so much as lift-vp her eyes payes yet more retribution of thankes then the Vnderstanding perhaps knowes how to doe with reuoluing all the Rhetorick in the world But in fine we are not totally in this case to forbeare to make Mentall Prayer no nor yet sometimes to vse some Vocall Words if we will and can And I say can because if the Quiet be great and deep they will hardly enough be able to speake without making it cost them much paine In my opinion we may well vnderstand when this is of the Spirit of Almightie God and when it happens to be procured by our selues though it be vpon a beginning of that deuotion which God giues vs. For when as I haue sayd wee will needs resolue our selues of our selues to procure to passe on to this possessing the Quiet of the Will it vses to worke no good effect at all but quickly ends and leaues nothing but drynes behind it And if it chance to proceed from the Diuel a Soule which is exercised in this kind will I belieue grow easily to vnderstand it for in that case it will leaue a certaine kind of disquiet and little affection to Humilitie and an vntoward disposition in order to the producing of those effects which the Spirit of Almightie God is wont to breed nor doth it also leaue either light in the Vnderstanding or a constant loue of truth in the Will And this will doe a Soule either very little hurt or none at all if she direct and addresse the suauitie and delight which then she feeles to the glorie of Almightie God and if she lodge her thoughts and desires vpon him as I haue formerly aduised the Diuel will gaine little by the bargaine Nay rather Almightie God will so dispose of things that he shall loose much euen by that verie delight which he causes in her Soule for this verie delight shall be a meanes to make that Soule which conceaues that it proceeds from God to come againe often to Prayer with desire to receaue more delight Or els if the Soule be very humble and not withall very curious nor very much interessed in taking delights though euen they be spirituall but be indeed a true friend to the Crosse she will make very little account of anie gust which the Diuel can giue her which yet she shall neuer be able to doe if indeed it be the Spirit of God for in that case she will euer be sure to hold it in verie high account Now when the Diuel propounds such a busines since he is all made of Lyes whensoeuer he sees a Soule abase and humble her self by meanes of that delight and gust which she receaues for indeed we are to haue very great care to procure to proue very humble vpon all the occasions of Prayer and gusts the Diuel will not returne to tempt vs very often when he cōsiders how much he looses by the endeauour For this reason and vpon manie other considerations did I aduertise in the First Degree and State of Prayer which answers to the First way of drawing Water in the Garden that it is a principall busines when the Soule is entring first vpon Prayer to beginne to vntye her self from the desyre of all kinde of sensible contentment and to enter vpon this onlie resolution to help our Lord IESVS to carrie his Crosse like good Caualliers who are resolued to serue their King without wages since they are so sure of him as they are And we are also still to carrie our eyes vpon that true and euerlasting Kingdome which we procure to acquire It is a very great point to haue this euer in view and especially in the beginnings for afterwards it is seen so very clearly that it may rather be fitt to forget it to the end that we may be able euen to liue then procure to be remembring that the world is to last very little and that all in fine is nothing and that heer the ease and rest which we can haue is to be esteemed for nothing This may seem to be a very poore and base consideration and so indeed it is for they who haue proceeded to more perfection would take it for an affront and would euen blush and be ashamed amongst thēselues if they thought they forsooke the goods of this world because they must come once to haue an end For although those goods were to last alwaies they would yet reioyce to leaue them for the loue of our Lord and still the more perfect they were they would reioyce so much the more yea the more also would they reioyce the longer they belieued they were to last In these men this Loue is already growne-vp to strength and it is this which workes most but for such as are but Beginners it is a point of highest importance and they must by no meanes hold it for low to be content to leaue all gusts for God For the benefits which are gained by this cōsideration are great and therefore doe I aduise it so much Nay euen those others who are most eleuated and accomplished in Prayer will haue
a sweet repose or sleep of all the Powers which are yet neither totally lost nor yet doe they know how they worke This gust and delight and suauitie is greater beyond all comparison then the former for the Water of this grace gets-vp to the verie throat of the Soule in such sort that now it cannot goe forward nor knowes how to doe it nor yet would by anie meanes returne backward but enioyes an excessiue kinde of glorie It is as when a man is already with the Holie Candle in his hand so that now there wants very little of dying but it is of that verie death which is desired for she is enioying the greatest delight that can be imagined in that agonie of hers and me thinkes it is no other thing then euen to dye as it were entirely to all the things of this world and to be enioying Almightie God For my part I can thinke of no other tearmes wherewith to expresse it or declare it nor knowes the Soule at that time what to doe nor whether she should speake or be silent or laugh or weep It is a glorious kinde of Frensie and a Celestiall kinde of Follie where yet true wisdome is learnt and it is a most delightfull manner of enioying for the Soule in a Superlatiue Degree It is true that it may be about some fiue or six yeares since first our Lord vouchsafed to allow me this kinde of Prayer often and in great abundance and that I neither did either perfectly vnderstand it nor yet can exactly declare it and for my part I made account when I was come hither that I could say either little or nothing And yet I well vnderstood that this was not an entire Vnion of all the Powers of the Soule and yet still that it was clearly more then might be found in the former Degree of Prayer and yet withall I must euer confesse that I could not tell how to know and much lesse exactly determine what this differēce was But I well belieue that for the humilitie which your Reuerence hath shewed in being desirous to help your self by so great a simplicitie as mine our Lord gaue me this Prayer this day immediatly after my receauing the B. Sacrament yet without my being able to goe forward And he put these Comparisons into my head and taught me the manner how to expresse them and what the Soule is to doe in these cases and really I was amazed at it for I vnderstood all this busines at an instant Manie times I was as it were out of my self and as if I had been euen inebriated with this loue and yet I could neuer vnderstand how it was Only I knew very well that it was God but I could not tell the manner how he wrought in me at that time For it is the verie truth that the Powers are as it were all vnited though yet not so ingulfed but that still they worke and I haue been extreamly ioyed that at length I am come to vnderstand it and Blessed be our Lord for euer who hath regaled me in so high a degree These Powers haue only now abilitie to busie themselues totally vpon Almightie God nor doth it seem that anie of them now euen dares so much as houer or stirre not as it were breath if we doe not diuert our selues then with great endeauour yea and euen so me thinkes we can scarce doe it entirely at that time A multitude of words are conceaued heer by the Soule in praise of our Lord but yet so as that they are without anie order vnlesse our Lord himself be pleased to order them for at least the Vnderstanding serues heer for nothing The Soule would faine cry out in praise of Almightie God she is then in such condition as that she knowes not how to cōtaine her self This is now a very fauourie kinde of disquiet and now yea euen very now the Flowers open themselues to blossome and already doe they beginne to yeild their odour And heer the Soule would be glad that all the world might be able to see and vnderstand her glorie that so Almightie God might be praised and that they might be able to assist her therein and that she might giue them part of her ioy as not knowing how to enioy it all her self Me thinkes she is now to be like her of the Ghospel who had a minde to call-in all her Neighbours Or els like the admirable Spirit of the Royall Prophet Dauid who might feele some such thing in himself as this when he played vpon his Harpe and sung in honour and praise of Almightie God I find my self very much deuoted to this Glorious King and I wish that all the world were so especially all we who are Sinners O my deare Lord what kind of thing is a Soule when she findes her self in such a condition as this She would faine become all Toung to praise our Lord. She vtters a thousand holie impertinencies but yet she doth euer endeauour to hitt right in pleasing him who holds her there in that manner I know of a certaine person who though she were no Poet yet instantly did she happen to make certaine Verses all extempore which were very significant in the way of complaint declared her paine very well though they were not made by her owne Vnderstanding alone but for the better enioying that glorie which gaue her so delightfull a paine she complained thereof to her God She wishes that she might be all torne in pieces both in Bodie and Soule to shew the ioy she findes to feele this paine What tormēts could then be set before her which then she would not be glad to endure for the loue of our Lord She clearly sees that the Martyrs did very little on their parts when they suffered torments for the Soule knowes then very well that her strength comes to her by some other way then from her self But now what will she feele when she comes back to employ her witts vpon knowing how to liue againe in this world and to returne both to the cares and complements thereof And certainly me thinkes I am farre from hauing exaggerated anie thing concerning this manner of ioy which our Lord is pleased to make a Soule possesse euen in this place of bannishment for all that which I haue sayd of it is very poore and meane in comparison of what it is in it self Blessed be thou for euer O Lord and let all things praise thee for euer And be pleased O my King I most humbly beseech and begg at thy hands that since when euen now I am not wholy out of this holie Celestiall Frensie or follie which through thy goodnes and mercie and so wholy without anie merit of mine thou dost me the great Fauour to impart either all such persons as with whome I shall haue occasion to conuerse may be euen as it were madd fooles for thy loue or els dispose thou so of me as that
I may neuer conuerse more with any Creature or els finally O Lord giue order that I may haue nothing to doe in this world or at least take me out of it quite For now already O my God this Seruant of thine is no longer able to endure so great afflictions as she feeles to come vpon her by her being thus without thee And if she needs must liue she desires to haue no ease in this life nor indeed dost thou giue her anie for it is death to her to see her self eat she is afflicted by the sleep she takes she findes that her whole life is spent and past through in Regalo's and yet that now there is nothing but thy self who can indeed regale her So that it seemes I liue now euen against nature since now I would faine not liue in my self but only in thee O thou my true Lord and my Glorie how delicate and yet how hugely heauie is that Crosse which thou hast prepared and prouided for such as ariue to this State It is delicate because it is incredibly sweet and it is heauie because there grow to be certaine times when there is not patience enough in the whole world to enable vs to endure it and yet the Soule would neuer desire to be free from it vnlesse it were to the end that she might find her self once to be with thee And when also the same Soule remembers that she was neuer able to doe thee seruice in anie thing and that by continuing to liue it may yet perhaps be possible for her to serue thee she would be glad if she might lye vnder a very much more heauie burthen then the former yea and that she might also neuer dye euen till the verie end of the world She values not anie manner of repose or rest so much as to the weight of one haire in comparison of doing thee anie poore little seruice nor doth she know what more to desire but she is only sure of thus much that she desires nothing but thy self O my Sonne for you to whome this is directed and who haue commanded me to write it are so humble that you will needs be called by that name let these things be only for your self when you see that I am gone out of all limits for there is no kind of reason which suffices to keep me from leauing the vse of humane reason when our Lord is pleased to draw me thus out of my self Nor doe I know or belieue that it is I who am speaking thus euer since I receaued the B. Sacrament this morning For me thinkes I doe but dreame of what I see and I would be glad not to see anie other then such as are sick of that verie same disease which is now vpon me I humbly beseech your Reuerence that we may all become like madd fooles for his loue who was content to be called Foole for the loue of vs. And since your Reuerence sayes that you wish me so cordially well I desire that you will shew it by disposing your self in such sort as that our Lord may doe you this Fauour For I see there are very few men who haue not more witt then euen they need for the effecting such things as they hold to concerne them but now perhaps I may haue more then they all But doe not you suffer this my deare Father since you are so as well as my Sonne because you are my Confessarius to whose hands I haue committed the care of my Soule but vnbeguile me by telling me truth though truths be now a-dayes seldome told And now I would be very glad that we Fiue who at the present loue one another in Christ our Lord That I say as others meet in secret against the Seruice of his Diuine Maiestie for the ordering of their wickednes and their Heresies we also might procure sometimes to meet for the disabusing one another and to conferr how we might reforme our selues and giue Almightie God more gust For there is no Creature that knowes himself so well as they doe who looke vpon vs so that it be with true loue and care of our amendment I speake of this as a Secret and in your care for now already no such language as this is vsed when euen Preachers themselues goe so composing their Sermons as that they may be sure to giue men no disgust by them But their intention forsooth is so good as that the fruits will be answerable to it and so we see how few grow to mend their liues But how comes it now to passe that they are not very manie who giue ouer to be publique in following vice by meanes of those Sermōs which are made Shall I tell what I thinke It is because the Preachers make themselues too wise Not yet that they are indeed without witt by reason of any great fyre of the Loue of Almighty God which is in their harts as the Apostles were and so their flame falls-out to giue but very little heat I say not that I expect that it should be so great as theirs was but yet I hartily wish that it were greater then I can now find it is Your Reuerence knowes in what very much would consist Namely in hauing this life of ours in detestation and honour in very little estimation and that rather then faile both to speake truth and to maintaine it for the glorie of Almightie God we would be as well contented to loose all as to gaine all For whosoeuer is resolued in very good earnest to put it all to hazard for the loue of our Blessed Lord will be as well content with the one as with the other I say not that I am anie such Creature but I hartily wish I were O great and gallant Libertie to esteem it for a direct captiuitie to be bound to liue and conuerse according to the Lawes of this World For when this is once obtained at the hands of Almightie God there is not so base a Slaue vpon Earth as would not venture all that so he might redeem himself and returne home to his owne Countrie And since this wherein we are is the true way there is neither cause nor colour why we should desire to loyter in it For we shall neuer finish the gaining of so great a treasure till our Lord giue vs his grace to doe it well I humbly pray your Reuerence to teare this which I haue written if you thinke fitt and pardon me for I haue presumed too farre THE SEAVENTEENTH CHAPTER She prosecutes the same Argument about this Third Degree of Prayer And finishes the declaration of the effects vvhich it vvorkes and declares also the disaduantage vvhich the Memorie and Imagination are vvont to bring in this case I Haue already spoken to some good proportion of this manner of Prayer and of that which the Soule is to performe therein or rather of what God doth in her for now it is himself who takes the Office of Gardner
vpon him and he will haue her take her case and only that the Will may accept of those Fauours which she enioyes and she must offer her self to goe through with all that which he who is true Wisdome shall be pleased to ordaine for which purpose there is really need of a great deale of courage For so great * and high vses that ioy to be that sometimes it seems that there needs not so much as a haires breadth for making the Soule goe instantly out of that Bodie and O what a happie death would that be And heer me thinkes that comes in very well which once was sayd to your Reuerence that you must leaue your self wholy in the Armes of God If he will carrie you to Heauen That you goe If to Hell there will be no torment there so that you be with him who is your totall good If instantly to make an end of this life That you desire nothing els And yet that you be as well pleased if yet he will haue you liue a thousand yeares Let his Diuine Maiestie dispose of you as of a thing which is properly his owne for your Soule is now no longer yours but it wholy belongs to our Lord and therefore you must be altogeather out of care Now I say that in so eleuated and high a Prayer as this she vnderstands that she can performe it without anie wearines at all to the Vnderstanding for when God giues this Prayer to a Soule she is able to doe all this yea and can also worke other manner of effects then these Only me thinkes she is as it were amazed to see our Lord performe the Office of a good Gardner so well and is not pleased that she should take anie trouble or paines but only that she is to delight her self in beginning to enioy the odour of those Flowers For in one such approach as this how little a while soeuer it may last such a kind of Gardner this is for he is the Creatour of the Water and he giues it so very freely beyond measure that what this single poore Soule was not able to assemble by the labour of tyring-out her Vnderstanding in twentie yeares togeather this Celestiall Gardner doth it all in one moment of time and the Fruit doth so grow and become ripe that it is able through the good pleasure of our Lord to sustaine the Owner thereof and to enable him to liue vpon the gaine which he makes by it Only he giues not this Soule leaue to Present of this Fruit to others till such time as she be growne strong by what her self hath eaten of it and she must not squander it away in trying idly how it tasts For so she not valuing the profit which she might make by it nor they paying her anie thing for it to whome she gaue it she comes to maintaine and feed them vp at her cost whilst her self may by degrees grow to be readie to dye of hungar This will perhaps be well comprehended by them who haue a right kind of vnderstanding and will know how to apply it better then I can declare it and now I am euen wearie to thinke if it In a word the truth is this that the vertues which are obtained in this Prayer remaine so much stronger heer then in the Prayer of Quiet whereof I spake before that the Soule cannot be ignorant thereof For she finds her selfe to be wholy growne another kind of thing then she was and she beginnes she euen scarce knowes how to act and worke great things by the odour which the Flowers yeild of themselues For now our Lord is pleased that they may sprowt and open to the end that she may know she hath vertues though yet with all she see very clearly that she was not able to acquire and get them but that the Celestiall Gardner was pleased to impart them to her as it were at an instant The humilitie also of this Soule is much greater and more profound then in the former Prayer because she sees more clearly that her self did neither much nor little but only consent that our Lord might doe her those Fauours and she embrace them with her Will To me it seemes that there is in this kind of Prayer a very euident Vnion of the whole Soule with God saue that it also seemes that his Diuine Maiestie giues libertie to the Powers thereof to vnderstand and enioy the abundance of what he works therein Now it happens sometimes yea and manie times that the Will being thus vnited that your Reuerence may see both that this may be and may also be able to vnderstand it when you haue it and at least it puts me almost out of my witts therefore I relate it to you heer knowes and vnderstands that it is tyed-vp and bound and yet in condition of enioying I say againe it knowes that it self being the Will remaines in much Quiet whilst yet on the other side the Vnderstanding and Memorie are free and are able to treat of businesses to attend to certaine workes of Charitie Now though this seem to be all one with that which was spoken of in that other Discourse of Quiet Prayer yet it is different Because there the Soule is in such case as it would faine not stirr nor moue it self in that kinde of Prayer as enioying the leasure and contemplation of Marie I meane of S. Marie Magdalen Whereas heer in this Prayer she can also act the part of Martha So that she doth now in effect performe the offices both of the Actiue and of the Contemplatiue life and all at once and is able to exercise her self vpon those businesses and workes of Charitie which are incident to her condition And she can also read though yet still the Powers or Faculties of her Soule are not absolutly the Lords of themselues and still she vnderstāds well enough that the greatest part of her self that is to say her cheif attention and operation is somewhere els It is iust as if we were speaking with some one and that withall at the self same time some other person were speaking to vs in such sort as that we were not entirely attentiue either to the one or to the other But it is a thing which is perceaued very clearly and giues great satisfaction and contentment whensoeuer it ariues and it vses to be a very great preparation and disposition to the end that whensoeuer the Partie may be in anie Solitude or exemption from busines the Soule may instantly enioy a very perfect quietnes and repose This is a certaine Being as if a person receaued such a kinde of satisfaction and cessation of appetite in himself as that he would haue no need at all to eat but felt his stomack content in such sort as that he would not easily apply himself to tast of whatsoeuer should be set before him but yet withall that if he saw such meate as he liked he would not forbeare to
And now it seemes to me that our Lord hath declared these States of Prayer wherein the Soule may discerne her self as farre as she can be giuen to be vnderstood heer And your Reuerence shall doe well to conferr about it with some such Spirituall person who may be learned as shall haue ariued thus farre And if he tell you that all is well you may conceaue that God hath sayd it to you and esteem it as a great benefit from his Diuine Maiestie for you will in tract of time reioyce as I haue sayd very much to vnderstand in cleare manner what it is though now whilst you haue the grace to enioy it he allowes you not the Fauour to vnderstand it so But as his Diuine Maiestie hath giuen you the first part which is the enioying so you will afterward perhaps by your knowledge and learning come also to vnderstand it by this meanes Let him be adored and praised for the eternitie of all eternities Amen THE EIGHTEENTH CHAPTER She treats of the Fourth Degree of Prayer She beginnes heer to declare in excellent manner the great dignitie to vvhich our Lord aduances that Soule vvhich is exalted to this State It serues to animate men much to endeauour that they may ariue to so high a condition since it may be obtained in this vvorld through the goodnes of our Lord though it cannot be deserued Let this be read vvith consideration and care I Beseech our Lord that he will teach me how to vse some words and way of speech which may enable me to say somewhat of this Fourth Water for I well discerne that I haue need enough of his Fauour heerin euen yet more then I had in that of the last because in that the Soule doth find her selfe not to be wholy dead and so we may very well say that she is not dead because she remaines still in the world but still as I affirmed she hath sufficient vnderstanding to know that she is still heer and that she findes the Solitude wherein she is serues her self to some proportion of the exteriour at least so farre as by outward signes to giue that which she feeles to be vnderstood In all that kind of Prayer and in the manner also of it which hath been described the Gardner labours to some proportion though yet in the Prayer of these latter kindes his labour goes accompanied with so much ioy and such a happie kind of ease as that for his part he findes no trouble at all in it for he considers it not as Trouble but as Glorie and he would be glad that it might neuer end But in this Fourth Degree or kind of Prayer there is no suffering left at all but only enioying though yet without anie distinct particular vnderstanding of what is enioyed He knowes well enough that a certaine Good is enioyed wherein all good things are contained and shut-vp but yet this Good is not totally comprehended by him All the Senses are taken vp vpon the finding and feeling of this ioy in such sort as no one of them is so dis-employed as that it can possibly attend to anie thing els either in the exteriour or interiour way Before a certaine leaue or libertie was giuen to these Powers that they might be able to make some kind of demonstration of the great ioy they felt but heer the Soule enioyes much more beyond comparison and can giue her self also to be vnderstood much lesse Because there is no meanes left in the Bodie nor yet hath the Soule anie at all wherewith to communicate that ioy but all things would then be disturbance and euen torment to her yea and distraction from the entirenes of her sweet repose I say the Soule is no way able to communicate the ioy she hath if indeed there be an absolute and entire Vnion of all the three Powers togeather for as long as that Vnion lasts and that also if she be able to communicate it I say there is no absolute Vnion In what manner this thing happens which they call Vnion and what the thing also is I am not able to giue to be vnderstood It is declared in that which they call Mysticall Theologie but as for me I am not able so much as to name euen the tearmes Nor doe I know what that is which is called Minde nor the difference between Minde and Soule nor what also is Spirit for to me all these seuerall things seem to be but one though yet the Soule now and then spring-vp euen out of her self as if it were a kind of fire which is burning vp in a flame and sometimes this fire encreases with a kind of impetuositie Now this flame rises very much higher then doth the fire but yet still notwithstanding all that it is no distinct thing from the verie fire but it is the flame it self which still is in the fire Your Reuerence will vnderstand this matter by your learning but as for me I know not how to declare it better For my part the thing which I pretend to declare is what the Soule finds and feeles when it is in this Diuine Vnion for as for the knowing what an Vnion in generall is it is euerie where vnderstood well enough to be when two seuerall things become one O my deare Lord and how good art thou Blessed be thou for euer and let all things praise thee O my God who hast been pleased to loue vs in such sort as that we may be able to speake with truth of this kind of communication which thou vouchsafest to hold with Soules euen in this bannishment of ours which although they were neuer so holie and good yet this latitude of liberalitie and magnificence of thine were great in proceeding with them after this manner But in fine it is all thine owne Maiestie and Greatnes who giuest after the rate of what thou art O infinit latitude of Bountie and how magnificent are thy workes They are able euen to amaze anie such person as hath not his Vnderstanding wholy employed vpon the things of this world and who hath left himself no roome both for the knowing and considering such things as are reall truths But now that thou shouldst be pleased to fasten such Soueraine Fauours vpon Soules which haue offended thee so much doth really euen make an end of my verie Vnderstanding and when once I come to consider of this proceeding of thine I am euen vnable to passe on anie further But indeed how can anie Creature goe anie whither in this case which shall not be a meer comeing back againe since no Soule can euer know how to giue thee anie tolerable thankes for so incomparable Fauours As for me I help my self sometimes with speaking certaine impertinencies which haue neither head nor foot and it often happens to me both when I come from receauing these Fauours and when also our Lord is beginning to impart them for as for the verie time when I am enioying them I
haue already shewed that there is then no power at all to doe anie thing that I expresse my self to his Diuine Maiestie much after this manner O Lord consider well what thou dost forget not my so very greiuous Sinnes so very soone and though thou haue forgotten them so farre as to vouchsafe to forgiue them yet remember them also I humbly beseech thee so farre as to make thee put some limits vpon those Fauours which thou art pleased to bestow vpon me Powre not O my Creatour so pretious a liquour as that into so broken a vessell as this since already thou hast seen how often I haue scattered and spilt it O lodge not and trust not such a treasure as this where the appetite and affection to all the consolations of this life is not yet so totally lost and spent as it ought to be for if thou doe it will be vtterly wasted How canst thou find in thy hart to deliuer the strength of this Cittie and euen the verie keyes of the Fort into the hands of such a cowardlie Commander who is likelie not to faile to giue the Enemie entrance vpon the first Assault which he shall make Let not O my Eternal King thy loue to me be so great as that it should make thee put such pretious Iewels as these into hazard And to me it seemes O my Lord that thou mayst giue the world occasion heerby to vndervalue these great Fauours of thine since thou puttest them into the custodie and power of a Creature who is so wicked so base so weake so miserable and of so little worth in anie kinde Who though I now beginne to labour that I may not vtterly loose them through thy fauour which also hath no need to be little considering what kind of thing I am shall yet be neuer able to gaine anie other Creature to thee by meanes thereof In fine I am a woeman and no good woeman but a very wicked one and it seemes that these Talents of thine are thus not only to be hidden by this meanes but euen to be quite buried vp since thou puttest them into so vngratious and vnluckie a Soyle Thou art not wont O Lord to impart such Fauours and Greatnesses as these to anie Soule but when there may be hope that she will be able to gaine manie others to thy Seruice And thou knowest O my God already that I haue sometimes begged this Fauour and still I begg it of thee with my whole hart and with the entire affection thereof and I am resolued to thinke it fitt to be content to loose the highest blessing which can possibly be enioyed vpon earth to the end that thou maist vouchsafe it to some other who will profit more by it that so thine owne glorie may be encreased Both these and such other things as these hath it occurred to me to vtter manie times but yet afterward I perceaued mine owne great follie heerin togeather with my little humilitie for our Lord knowes very well what is fittest for euerie Creature and that there was not to be strength enough in my Soule whereby she might euer grow to be saued if his Diuine Maiestie had not enriched her with so great Fauours But I also now pretend to declare the graces and effects which remaine by this Prayer in the Soule and what that is which she may be able to doe of her self and if she may anie way conduce towards the bringing her self to this high State It happens that this Eleuation of the Spirit or Vnion come both of them with a Celestiall kind of Loue. For according to my way of vnderstanding this Vnion is a different things from Eleuation though yet the Soule be eleuated in this verie Vnion Whosoeuer hath not tried and felt this last will be of a different conceipt but yet in my opinion though euen it should be all one yet our Lord workes therin after a different manner And by the encrease which the Soule hath of being able to vntye her self from the loue of all Creatures she seemes to be very much greater in that Flight and Eleuation of the Spirit And I haue clearly seen that this is a distinct and particular Fauour although the things themselues may be all one as I say or at least may seem so But a small fire is as truly and really Fire as a great one and yet still we see difference enough between the one and the other for before a little iron can be able to be made red hot in a small fire a good space of time will be spent but now if the fire be great the iron though it be also great will loose the apparance of iron very quickly Iust so doth it seem to me to happen in these two sorts of Fauours from our Blessed Lord and I know that whosoeuer may euer haue ariued to be in Rapt will vnderstand me well but such as haue had no experience therin will hold all that to be impertinent which I haue sayd Perhaps also it is so indeed and so as he will haue had reason who beleiues it For how shall such a thing as I presume to speake of such a thing as this and to giue some part of that to be vnderstood which it seemes impossible euen to beginne to declare with anie words So that it is not strange a whitt if I talke idly But yet I beleiue this of our Blessed Lord because his Diuine Maiestie knowes that next to this act of Obedience my intention is no other then to make Soules euen as it were gluttonous after the obtaining of so high a good that he will be pleased to assist me heerin and I am sure I will say nothing whereof I haue not had much experience And it is a reall truth that when I beganne to write of this Water I conceaued it to be a more impossible thing for me to treat of it then to speake Greeke so very hard did I finde it Vpon this I gaue it ouer and went to receaue the Blessed Sacrament But our Lord be euer praised who doth so great Fauours to ignorant persons O vertue of Obedience which art able to doe all things For Almightie God did illuminate my vnderstanding sometimes by helping me to the verie expresse words which I was to vse and at other times by representing the manner to me how I should declare the thing So that as his Diuine Maiestie was pleased to doe in the former Degree of Prayer it seemes that he will also heer declare what I neither can nor know how to expresse But that which now I say is a most literall truth and so that which shall be good is his instruction and doctrine and whatsoeuer falls-out to be ill it is cleare that it proceeds and flowes from this deep Sea of mischeif and Sinne which is my self And therefore I heer affirme that if anie haue ariued to these points and particulars of Prayer wherein our Lord hath done so great Fauour
to this miserable and wretched Creature as it is likelie that there are manie if they shall be pleased to treat of these things with me as conceauing that I am mistaken and out of the way our Lord will so assist this poore Seruant of his as that she may be able to goe forward to vphold this truth But now to speake of this last Water which comes from Heauen to satisfye and euen fulfill the whole Garden by the abundance therof if our Lord did neuer forbeare to giue it whensoeuer there were need it is euident enough already of what case it would be to the Gardner and that there would neuer be anie Winter but alwaies most temperate weather nor would there euer be anie want either of Fruits or Flowers and so it may be easily seen in what delight he would remaine But as long as we liue in this world this condition is a kind of impossible thing and we must alwaies be in care that whensoeuer we shall want one of the Waters we may procure another This last which falls from Heauen comes downe sometimes euen when the Gardner thinkes of it least True it is that these things are almost euer wont to happen after a long exercise of Mentall Prayer For our Lord vses to come by degrees to catch this poore little Bird and to lodge it then safely in the Nest to the end that it may rest and repose And after it had put it self long vpon Flights procuring by the exercise of the Vnderstanding and Will and in fine by all the Powers it had to goe in search of Almightie God and to please him he vouchsafes to allow it a reward euen in this life yea and this so very great a reward that anie one little moment therof may well suffice as a full satisfaction and retribution for all that care and trouble which he could euer haue endured in this world The Soule being thus in search of Almightie God doth find her self as it were euen sinke vnder a sweet and most excessiue delight as being all in a certaine way of deare faynting so that the breath is euen beginning to faile and so also doth all corporall strength in such sort as that the Creature is now not able so much as to moue her hands but with much paine The eyes are also closed though without anie purpose to shut them and when by accident they chance to be open she in effect sees nothing distinctly nor if she reade can she so much as iudge rightly of anie letter nor can she euen guesse how to name it right She sees that indeed there are letters but the Vnderstanding not giuing her anie assistance she knowes not how to reade though she would She heares but yet vnderstands not what she heares so that she receaues no other benefit at all by her Senses but only that they will not permit her to take the full fruition of her delight and so vpon the matter they doe her more hurt then good As for speaking it is a vanitie so much as to thinke of anie such thing for she cannot possibly hitt right so much as in framing anie one word nor if she were able to iudge it were she yet possibly able to pronounce it in regard that all the strength of her Bodie is absolutly lost for the greater encrease of that of her Soule that so she may the better enioy her glorie The exteriour delight also which she feeles is both great and very certaine This Prayer puts the person to no manner of inconuenience in anie kinde how long soeuer it may last at least it neuer put me to anie nor am I able to remember when our Lord did me this Fauour how sick or weake soeuer I were that I euer found my self the worse but rather with much improuement euen in the way of health But indeed what hurt can euer be done to anie Creature by so great a blessing as this It is so knowne a truth concerning the exteriour operations that there can no doubt be made but that there were natually great occasions for their alteration since our Lord tooke all their strength from them though yet it were with so great delight that the same grew afterward to be greater It is true that in the beginning this state and feeling is wont to passe away in very short time at least it hapned so to me But as for these exteriour signes as also in this failing of operation in the Senses it is not so easily to be giuen to be vnderstood when things passe away in short time but yet they are discerned with ease by the excesse of the Fauours For the clearnes and heat of the Sunne must needs haue been then very great when all that which came in the way was so absolutly melted and dissolued Let this also be well noted that in my opinion how long soeuer that space of time might seem to be wherein all the Powers of the Soule were in suspense it must needs haue been indeed very short and if it should ariue to half an hower it were very much For my part I thinke I was neuer so long True it is that one can hardly iudge how long they are since the Parties are depriued of outward sense but I say that it must needs be a very short time wherein no one of the Powers can be able to returne againe to it self But now the Will is indeed the onlie Power which maintaines the Worke for as for the other two they quickly become importunate vpon her Yet the Will remaining quiet and fixed suspends them yet againe and so they stay another little while and afterward returne to liue as before In this manner some whole howers of Prayer may be passed yea and sometimes they are passed so For when the two Powers of the Soule haue tasted of that Celestiall wine and beginne to be inebriated with it they easily are induced to loose themselues once againe so to get still the more by the bargaine and so they goe to accompanie the Will and all three come to be in the act of enioying But this point of being totally lost and so without framing anie Imagination at all which Power in my way of vnderstanding is also wholy lost I say lasts but a very little time though yet they come not alwaies so wholy to themselues vpon a suddaine but that they may remaine euen some howers as in a kind of being still a little out of the way and in disorder Almightie God vouchsafing to recollect them againe to himself by little and little And now let vs come to the interiour of that which the Soule is wont to feele at these times and let them declare it who know how since it cannot be well vnderstood and much lesse expressed I was thinking when I disposed my self to write this as soone as I had receaued the B. Sacrament and after the end of this verie kinde of Prayer which now I write of what the
she doth not well consider that she hath not yet mewed all her owne sick-feathers She may well stepp out of her Nest yea and Almightie God himself will perhaps take her now and then out from thence But she is not yet fitt for a Flight because her vertues are not yet growne to be of full strength nor hath she yet experience for the knowledge of dangers nor doth she yet vnderstand the mischeif which growes by putting too much trust in her owne forces And now this is that which destroyed me and both for this and for all things there will be great necessitie of a Directour and of conuersation with persons who are spirituall indeed It is true I am fully perswaded that when Almightie God doth once bring a Soule to this state he will not leaue to fauour her nor suffer her to perish if she doe not very shamefully and entirely forsake and forbeare to serue his Diuine Maiestie But yet if it should so happen that she fall let her consider and consider againe euen for the loue of our Blessed Lord and take heed that the Diuel deceaue her not so farre as to make her giue-ouer her Prayer as he did me vnder the pretence of false Humilitie as I haue declared and as I would fayne repeat very often But let her trust in the goodnes of Almightie God which is greater then all the sinnes which we can commit and let her hope that he will not remember our ingratitude when once we reflecting duly vpon our selues desire to returne againe to his friendship nor euen so farre consider the Fauours which he hath done vs as to make vs be punished for them but that rather they will help to obtaine pardon for vs so much the sooner as for persons who haue belonged to his House and haue had the honour to eat as men vse to say of his bread Let them remember his words and consider how he hath proceeded with me who euen wearied my self with offending his Diuine Maiestie before he would forbeare or faile to pardon me For he neuer growes vnwilling to giue nor is it euer possible to draw his Mercies dry and so let not vs be wearie of euer receauing Fauour at his hands Let him be blessed for euer Amen and let all creatures praise him THE TWENTIETH CHAPTER VVherein she treats of the difference betvveen Vnion and Rapt and declares vvhat kind of thing a Rapt is She speakes also of the blessing vvhich that Soule hath vvhich our Lord through his goodnes brings thither and of the Effects vvhich Rapts vse to produce This Discourse is of much admiration I Would be glad to know how to declare through the Fauour of Almightie God the difference which there is between Vnion on the one side and Rapt and Flight as they are wont to call it of Spirit on the other for these two latter doe signifye in substance but one thing and it is also called Extasis The aduantage is very great which belongs to Rapt beyond Vnion and the effects also which it produces are much greater and it hath also manie other operations For meer Vnion seemes to be alwaies after the same manner both in the beginning in the middle and in the end and it is alwaies in the interiour part But now as Rapts are Visitations of the Soule which vse to be of a higher Straine they are wont to produce their Effects not only interiourly but exteriourly also I humbly beseech our Blessed Lord that as he hath vouchsafed to declare the rest so he will also vouchsafe to doe this for certainly if his Diuine Maiestie had not been pleased to giue me to vnderstand by what meanes in what manner it might be done I should not possibly haue knowne which way to turne my hand Let vs therefore now consider that this last Water whereof we haue spoken is so very plentifull and abundant that if it were not because the Soyle of the Garden cannot consent to receaue it we might beleiue that the verie Clowd it self of that great Maiestie were heer rayning it self downe vpon this earth And so when we are gratefull to our Lord for this great blessing acknowledging the same by our good workes according to the vttermost of our power our Lord catches-vp that Soule as a man may say euen iust so as the clowdes snatch vp the vapours from the earth and so taking her wholy vp from the same earth the clowd rises vp to Heauen and carries the same along with it self and shewes her certaine things belonging to that Kingdome which is prepared for her I know not whether this Comparison will be thought to suite well with that whereof I am speaking but I am sure that in realitie of truth it passes thus In these Rapts it doth not seem that the Soule doth euen animate the Bodie and so the Bodie it self remaines with a kind of trouble and defect through the want of that naturall heat which belongs to it and it goes all cooling it self though yet with an excessiue sweetnes and delight There is heer no meanes at all to resist though in Vnion we being then as in our owne Countrie there is some remedie and so though it be not without suffering a kind of paine and vsing some force it may alwaies in effect be employed But heer for the most part there is no remedie at all nor anie helpe but manie times the thing ariues without our being so much as able to preuent the coming of it euen by our very thought And there growes to be such a speedie and strong kind of impetuositie that you feele and find this Clowd to raise it self instantly vp or rather that this strong Eagle takes you and carries you quite away between her wings And I say it is vnderstood and you find your self to be carried away though you know not whither For howsoeuer the thing happen to be with delight yet so great is the weaknes of our naturall condition that it puts vs into some feare in the beginning And therefore it will be necessarie in this case for the Soule to be much more couragious and resolute then for all those occasions which were precedent For heer she must be content to hazard all and to leaue her self wholy in the hands of Almightie God and to goe whithersoeuer she shall be carried and this with a very good will for in fine they will be sure to carrie her whether she will or no and that with so great extremitie of strength and speed that howsoeuer I had a minde very very often to resist it yea and that I employed all the strength I had to that purpose and especially at some particular times when things fell out to happen in publique yea and at manie other times also when they were priuate for I was then in doubt and feare least I might be abused and deceiued it was yet but seldome that I was able to preuaile to some small proportion But it cost
stiffe that I cannot possibly sometimes bring them togeather and so the paine remaines till the next day after in my wrests and in my Bodie in such a manner that it seems as if I were euen racked and disioynted And I am sometimes conceauing that our Lord may one day perhaps thinke fitt in case this course goe on to make it end with the verie ending of my life For so great a torment as this may well in my opinion be sufficient for so great an effect as that saue only that I deserue not to be so happie All the anxietie of my desire consists at this time that I may dye For I neither remember Purgatorie nor yet those great Sinnes which I haue committed for which I deserued Hell-Fire But all is now forgotten through that anxietie of desire and appetite to see Almightie God yea and that vast Solitude and Desert wherein I am at that time seemes a much more desireable thing then all the sweetest societie of this world If anie thing were of power to giue her cōfort in this case it would be that she might be able to treat with some one who had endured the same tormēt for now though she cōplaine therof it seems that no Creature can tell how to beleiue her It also contributes to her torment that this paine is so extreame that she would faine neither be in Solitude nor yet haue companie as others haue but only to haue the societie of some such persons as to whome she might be able to make her complaint It is with her in in this case as with one who euen hath the halter about his neck and who whilst he is euen strangling endeauours and would faine take his breath For iust so me thinkes doth this inclination to haue companie seem to be an effect of our naturall frailtie and weaknes that as this excessiue paine seems to put vs to iminent danger of death for it is certaine that it doth all this and I haue seen my self diuers times in this danger through my great sicknesses and other occasions as I haue declared and I will beleiue that this may perhaps proue to be as great as anie of the rest so the desire and inclination which both the Bodie and Soule haue not to be parted is that which seekes such a kind of succour as to take breath and by expressing it self and diuerting and complaining seeks yet for some meanes how to liue againe heer below though still much against the will of the Spirit or superiour part of the Soule which would faine not be quitt of this Paine I know not whether I hitt right in what I say or if I know indeed how to doe it but to the vttermost and best of my opinion it passes iust thus as I haue declared And now your Reuerence shall doe well to consider what kind of rest or ease it is possible for me to enioy in this life since that which I was wont to find by meanes of Solitude and Prayer for therein our Lord was pleased to giue me great consolations is now most vsually conuerted into this torment which yet withall is so delicious a kind of thing and the Soule perceaues it to be of so high value that now she delights in it more then in all those other Regalo's which she was euer wont to possesse For she holds it to be more secure as being the way of the Crosse and it giues also in my opinion a gust which is of mighty worth For she allowes nothing at all to the Bodie but paine and the Soule is that which originally suffers and doth only feele that ioy and high contentment which this verie suffering giues her I know not how all this can be but yet it passes so in verie truth that forasmuch as I can vnderstand of my self I would not change this Fauour which our Lord doth me and which proceeds as I haue sayd from his hand and is no way acquired by me as being wholy Supernaturall in it self for all those others which I I shall heer declare afterward I say not for all them togeather but for any one of them being taken seuerally by it selfe And heer let it not be forgotten how I say that these impetuosities or impulses which are described heer ariued after the Fauours which our Lord did me first as also after all that whereof I will write in this Booke yea euen after my entrance into the Fauour which I am enioying at this present And I finding my self in the beginnings to be in some feare as in effect it happens to me alwaies whensoeuer it pleases our Lord to doe me anie Fauour till at least in the proceeding therof I may haue receaued some kind of securitie from his Diuine Maiestie he willed me not to feare but to esteem this Fauour for greater then all those others were which he had formerly been pleased to vouchsafe me because the Soule was purifyed by this paine and for that it was burnished refined heer as gold might be in the Chrysuble that so it might be the more capable to receaue those enamels and ornaments of his guifts and graces and that so that was to be wiped away which would otherwise haue made worke for Purgatorie I vnderstood very well euen before that this was a great Fauour but yet I remained with much more securitie after this and my Ghostlie Father also tells me that it is good And though I were formerly afrayd yet because I am so wicked I could neuer bring my self to beleiue that it was ill but rather the verie greatnes it self of the benefit gaue me a kind of feare when I remembred how very farre I had been from deseruing it But Blessed be our Lord who is so good Amen It seemes that I haue gone from the purpose for I was beginning to speake of Rapts and this which now I haue sayd is a greater thing then a Rapt and so it leaues those effects in the Soule which I haue related And therefore let vs now returne to speake of Rapts and of that which is most vsuall therin I say then that it seemed to me manie times that it left my whole Bodie so light that all the weight thereof was vtterly gone yea and sometimes to such a kind of proportion as in effect I knew not how to set so much as my feet vpon the ground though yet when the Soule is in Rapt the Bodie remaines apart as if it were vtterly dead being able manie times to doe absolutly nothing at all of it self but as it chances to be at the time so it remaines whether it be sitting or no or whether it haue the hands either open or closed For though she loose her senses some few times and the same hath also hapned to me now and then yet haue they seldome been totally lost and that but for a very short time at once The most vsuall effect is wont to be that she finds her self a little in
by those beames you will find it to be all full of moates This Comparison is very literally true for before the Soule is in this Extasis she conceiues her self to haue been very carefull not to offend Almightie God that she performed it according to the vttermost of her power but yet being come once so farre as that this Sunne of Iustice shines vpon her which makes her open her eyes she then sees so many moates therin that she would be glad if she could tell how to shut them againe for she is not yet become so true an Eaglet of this swift and strong Eagle which bred her as that she can be able to looke earnestly vpon this Sunne But how little soeuer she chance to hold them open she sees her self all impure and calls that Verse to minde which saith VVho shall euer be iust in thy presence When once she beholds this Diuine Sunne her sight is dazled by the brightnes of it but when she lookes in vpon her self her eyes are stopped vp with clay and so this poore Doue is blind yea and it happens manie times that she also remaines blind for good and all as being absorpt amazed and as it were out of her witts with so manie mightie greatnesses as she is then growne to see Heer finally is true Humilitie acquired not careing anie way at all either to speake well of her self or yet that others should doe it And our Lord deuides and disposes of the Fruit of this Garden not she and so there sticks nothing of it to her fingars All the good which she hath goes on as still addressed to Almightie God and if she be drawne to say anie thing of her self it is also directed to his glorie for she knowes that she hath no interest therin and cannot be ignorant therof euen though she would as discerning it by the verie sight of her eyes which are shut towards the things of this world but which are still kept open for the vnderstanding of Truths almost whether she will or no. THE ONE AND TWENTIETH CHAPTER She prosecutes and finishes this last Degree of Prayer She declares vvhat the Soule finds therein vvhen she returnes to liue againe in the vvorld and the Light also vvhich our Lord giues concerning the deceipts and errours of the same vvorld This Chapter deliuers excellent Doctrine I Will therefore now finish that which I was saying That namely there is heer no more now anie need that the Soule should giue anie new consent since already she hath giuen it all and knowes that she hath voluntarily deliuered her self wholy vp into his hands and that she cannot deceiue him who is the knower of all things for it is not as things passe heer in this world where all this life of ours is full of nothing but duplicities and deceipts and when you thinke you haue fully gotten the good will of anie Creature by the shew he makes you quickly come to vnderstand that all is tricks and lyes and that no bodie can tell how to liue in a world of so much odd busines especially if there be anie little interest of the Parties But blessed is that Soule which our Lord comes once to draw to the knowledge of such things as are reall Truths O what a condition and fortune were this for Kings and how much would it import them more to gaine this great aduantage then to get large Dominions and States What rectitude would there be foūd in the Kingdome How manie mischiefs would haue been forborne already would also be forborne heerafter For heer there is no feare of loosing life or honour for the loue of Almightie God but rather such losses as these would goe for a great blessing amōgst such as find thēfelues carrie another māner of respect to the honour of our Lord then to all them to whome they are lesse obliged For Kings are the men whome those others follow and in this case these Kings would loose a thousand Kingdomes and they would haue great reason to be glad to doe so rather thē to loose the meanes of making one stepp further towards the augmentation of the Holie Catholick Faith or the procuting some light for Hereticks for it is another manner of busines to purchase and get such a kind of Kingdome as will neuer end And what Soule soeuer shall come to tast but one single dropp of this water all the rest of this whole world will be but fitt euen to turne the stomack But now if the Soule of such a person should fall out to be once ingulfed into this water what strange effects would it produce Deare Lord if thou shouldst draw me to such a condition as that I might be able to publish this truth with a lowd voice they would yet beleiue mee no more then they doe others who know how to publish the same after a much better manner But yet at least I should giue satisfaction to my self and me thinkes I should esteem euen my verie life but at a little rate vpon condition that I might be able to giue but some one of these single Truths to be well vnderstood And yet I know not what I should be able to doe with my self afterward for there is no trust at all to be had in me I being that miserable creature which I am Yet still I haue so great impulses to vtter and declare these things to such as be in authoritie and command that me thinkes they doe euen annihilate and consume me And yet now since I can doe no more I returne O my Lord towards thee to seeke remedie for all inconueniences for thou O my Lord knowest well how highly glad I would be to dispossesse my self euen of all these verie Fauours which of thy goodnes thou hast vouchsafed to doe me prouided alwayes that I might still remaine in condition neuer to offend thee more and to resigne them vp to Kings and Princes for then it is very certaine that it would be wholy impossible for them either to permit that those things should be done which are permitted or yet that they should faile to receiue extraordinarie blessings at thy hand O make them my God vnderstand to how much they are obliged since thou wert pleased by what I haue heard to honour them in such sort vpon earth as that when thou takest anie of them away there is some kind of signification therof euen in the Heauens And when I thinke of this it breeds a kind of deuotion in me that thou O my King maist be pleased to make them euen heerby vnderstand that they ought to imitate thee in their life since there grow in some sort to be certaine apparances and signes in Heauen at their death as there was when euen thy self camest to dye I see well that I am presuming very farre but I beseech your Reuerence teare it if you mislike it and beleiue that I would be glad to speake it better if I were present
imagine But I am of opinion that when the Soule doth anie thing on her part to help her self on as afforesayd towards that Prayer of Vnion how soeuer for the present it may seem to doe good yet the building will quickly fall as wanting anie sound foundation and I am afrayd that she will neuer ariue to true Pouertie of Spirit which consists in not desiring so much as comfort or gust in Prayer for all those of this world are forsaken already except consolation in affliction and that for loue of him who euer liued in them but to remaine also quiet in those verie afflictiōs and aridities for though they faile not to haue some little trouble thereat yet is it not so farre as to giue them anie such disquiet and paine as some giue themselues by conceiuing that if they be not alwaies labouring with their Vnderstanding and to haue sensible deuotion all is lost as if they could deserue so great a good by the paines they take I say not that they should not procure and maintaine themselues with much care in the Presence of Almightie God but if yet they be not able to obtaine no not so much as one good thought as I haue sayd els where yet let them not torment themselues because we all are vnprofitable Seruants what can we conceiue that wee shall be euer able to doe Our Lord is much better pleased that we may come to know this truth and that we may hold our selues fitt to be treated like some poore little Asses to turne that wheele about whereby the sayd Water is to be gotten who though they be put in blindfold doe not so much as know what they doe will yet get-vp more water then the Gardner with all the diligences he can vse No we must walke in this way with libertie of Spirit put our selues into the hands of Almighty God If his Diuine Maiestie shall be pleased to aduance vs to be of his Chamber Councell we must goe with a good will but if not we must be content to serue in inferiour employments and not to seate our selues in the best place as I haue sayd els where Almightie God hath more care of vs then we haue of our selues and knowes for what euerie bodie is fitt and for what therefore doth it serue for him to gouerne himself when already the whole Will is disposed of and giuen away to Almightie God In my opinion it is lesse to be tollerated or endured heer then in the First Degree of Prayer and it doth vsmuch more harme if any such errour be committed by vs for these are Supernaturall blessings If a man haue an ill voice how much soeuer he shall enforce himself to sing the voice will not be made good by it but if God shall once haue made it good he needes not be crying out before hand Let vs therefore alwaies humbly pray him to shew vs fauour let the Soule be wholy resigned but yet withall confiding in the greatnes of God And now when she hath gotten leaue to remaine at the feet of Christ our Lord let her not stirre from thence but continue in what sort soeuer it may be and let her imitate the Magdalena for when he shall find her strong he will take her vp with him to the Desert So that your Reuerēce shall doe well to keepe your self in this way till you meet with some other who may haue more experience then I and may know it better Only if they be persons who were but beginning to haue gust in Almightie God doe not beleiue them for they conceiue that they profit themselues more and haue more gust when they helpe themselues in such sort as is declared before O how Almightie God comes clearly and openly enough in without these little prettie helpes when he hath a minde to it and so as that whether we will or no he eleuates and hurries-away the Spirit euen as some Giant would dispose of a straw and so as that no resistance can be thought of But what a kind of impertinency is it for a man to beleiue that whensoeuer he lists a Toade should be made able to flye of it self And I hold it to be a more difficult and absurd kind of thing that the Spirit should be able to raise and exalt it self without being exalted and raised by Almightie God for it is all loaden with earth and with a thousand impediments and it will proue to be of little vse to it that it haue a minde to flye for though flying be more naturall to a Soule then to a Toade yet this Soule is already all plunged in a great bed of dutt myre as haueing lost that other qualitie by her owne fault I will therefore conclude with this that whensoeuer we dispose our selues to thinke and meditate vpon Christ our Lord we must remember the loue wherewith he did vs so manie Fauours and now greatly Almightie God was pleased to shew it to vs by giuing vs so high a pledge and pawne of his loue for one loue begetts and breeds another And though we should he meer poore beginners in this holie exercise and though we should withall be very wicked yet let vs still procure to be looking vpon this Obiect and still be stirring our selues vp to loue For if once our Blessed Lord vouchsafe to imprint this loue into our harts all things will grow easie to vs and we shall quickly fall to worke and that without anie trouble to our selues at all I beseech his Diuine Maiestie that he will vouchsafe to bestow it vpon vs since he knowes how very much the same imports vs for we beggit by the great loue which he bore to vs and for the sake of his Glorious Sonne who also loued vs all so extreamly to his owne cost Amen One thing I would faine aske your Reuerence how our Lord beginning to doe Fauours to a Soule and those so eminent and high as to bring her to perfect Contemplation which Soule were therefore in all reason to grow and remaine entirely perfect euen at that instant for certainly it ought to be so since whosoeuer receiues so very great blessings from Heauē should be extreamly farre from careing for anie such delights as concerne this life can possibly bring to passe that when she growes to haue Rapts and so to receiue more Fauours higher Effects thereof and that so much the more as she falls-out to be more vntyed from the world and considering yet withall how in the very first instant when our Lord ariues to a Soule he can leaue her entirely sanctifyed how I say our Lord can abandon this Soule afterward in processe of time without maintaining it in the perfection of vertue This I say would I very faine know for I vnderstand it not yet though I know well that it is a very different case what proportion of strength Almightie God leaues in a Soule when his visitation at the first
distinct and cleare that not one single syllable of all that which is sayd can be lost And yet these things happen sometimes when the Vnderstanding and indeed the whole Soule is in so great distraction disorder that it would neuer be able to hitt right in the framing of one little peice of good discourse but she findes in this other way certaine great and weightie sentences which are imparted to her so strangely well ordered and dressed that though she were neuer so deeply recollected she were not able to reach them and yet at the verie first word thereof as I was saying they beginne to make a totall mutation of her Soule And especially if she be brought into Rapt when the Powers of the Soule are suspended how shall those things euer come to be vnderstood by her after a naturall way which were neuer exposed before to her Memorie as they come to be then when it workes not in effect at all and when her Imagination is now vpon the matter as it were all turned foole But heer it is to be vnderstood that whensoeuer either Visions are seen or anie of these Supernaturall Words or Speeches be heard it is neuer in my opinion at such times as when the Soule is wholy vnited in the Rapt it self for at those times as I thinke I declared already in my Discourse of the Second Water all the Powers of the Minde are entirely lost and so we cannot at such times as those either see or heare or vnderstand For the Soule is wholy in the power of another at that time which yet vses to last very little and me thinkes our Lord leaues her not in libertie to doe anie thing at all But when that short time is past the Soule remaining still in the Rapt this happens whereof now I speake because the Powers remaine in such sort at that time And though they be not lost yet in effect they operate and act nothing at all but are as if they were absorpt and no way able to discourse by the assembling and composing of reasons But there are so manie wayes to vnderstand the differeÌ„nce which occurrs heer between the true and the false that if the Soule should chance to be deceaued some once she would not be so very often Nay I say further that if the Soule haue had anie experience and be carefull to obserue what passes she will euidently discerne this truth For besides all other meanes whereby that will appeare which I haue sayd these strained words will worke no effect at all neither will the Soule euer admit them as yet she must these other true ones whether she will or no. Nor giues she anie credit to the thing at all but rather findes and knowes that it is but a kind of idle imagination iust so in effect as we would not make account of anie thing which were sayd to vs by a frantick person But this other is as if we heard some person speake who were very holie and learned and of great authoritie and such an one as we are sure would not lye Yea and this is but a meane and base Comparison because indeed these verie Words doe bring with them sometimes so great a Maiestie that euen without so much as reflecting vpon who it is that speakes them if they be words of reprehension they make men tremble and if they concerne the Loue of God they make Soules euen dissolue and as it were annihilate themselues in loue And they are things in fine which as I haue sayd already are very farre then from our remembrance and there vse to be so high and so great sentences so clearly and so suddainly pronounced as that there would haue been need of a very great deale of time for the putting them in order and for my part I thinke it is wholy impossible that then such things as those should be euen conceiued by vs to haue been made or framed by our selues So that there is no cause at all why I should detaine my self heerin anie longer for it would looke like a kind of wonder in mine eye if anie experienced person should be able to be deceiued heerin vnlesse he would euen haue a minde to deceiue himself It hath hapned to me very â—â—â—en not fully to beleiue that which these VVords tell me if I be in anie doubt at all thereof but to conceiue that it was no more then mine owne fancie This I doe when the occasion is past for at the present it is impossible but I haue seen it fulfilled long after because our Lord is pleased that the same should remaine still in the memorie for it is not possible to forget it Now that which is wont to proceed from our owne Vnderstanding is in effect but the first motion of our thoughts which quickly passes away and is forgotten whereas this other is a VVorke rather then a vvord And though some part of it may be forgotten in a long tract of time yet the Memorie cannot loose it so farre as not to know that it was sayd vnlesse the time may haue been very long or els if they be VVords of Fauour or of Doctrine and Instruction but if they be of Prophesye they neuer happen in my opinion to be forgotten at least this neuer hapned to me though yet I haue a very ill memorie And now I returne to say that me thinkes if a Soule be not as it were so base and wicked as euen in effect not to be a Soule and vnlesse it would counterfeit and feigne which were mischief and miserie enough and would say that she vnderstands things when yet really there were no such matter it is impossible but that she should see clearly that it is she her self who composes and frames those Words and speakes them to her self especially if she haue had anie vnderstanding at all of the Spirit of God for if she haue not she may very well remaine in this abuse or errour all the dayes of her life and may perhaps conceiue that she vnderstands those Words as spoken by some other though yet for my part I confesse that I cannot ariue to know how this should be done for either this Soule will vnderstand them or not If she be dismissing her self of that which she vnderstands and would faine vnderstand no part of it for a thousand feares besides manie other reasons which she may haue to continue quiet in her Prayer without such accidents as these how comes she to allow so much time to the Vnderstanding as may serue for the composing of these reasons For in fine there must be time for that But now in this other way we remaine instructed without anie losse of time at all yea and we grow to vnderstand certaine things at an instant when yet otherwise a moneth would haue been time little enough to ordaine them Yea and the Vnderstanding remaines no lesse then amazed at some things which we vnderstand This is the verie truth and whosoeuer
entirely be admitted to enjoy so high a Good This Vision though it be Imaginarie or representing it self by way of Mentall Image to the Imagination was neuer seen by me by these eyes of my Bodie nor indeed was anie other Vision that I euer had but only by the eyes of my Minde And they who know these things better then I affirme that the former Vision is of a higher more perfect kind then this and this also much more then those others which are seen by these eyes of Flesh and Bloud For these latter they say are of the lowest kind of all and wherein the Diuel is able to induce impose most Illusions though yet then I could not vnderstand any such matter but rather desired that when I was to receiue anie Fauour of that kind it might be so as that I might see it with my corporeall eyes to the end that my Ghostlie Father might no longer tell me that I did but fancie such things And so it hapned also to my self as soone as it was past but it was euen as it were but at the verie instant that euen my self also conceiued that I did but fancie it indeed and so I was a little troubled sometimes for haueing told my Ghostlie Father as I did as doubting whether I had not deceiued him And now this was the occasion of another lamentation of mine and so I went to him againe and told him of it Vpon this he asked me whether indeed I had thought so before and whether I had anie purpose to deceiue him As for me I told him what I held to be the truth I who forasmuch as I am able to vnderstand of my self had no minde at all to lye nor intended anie such matter as that nor would I for the whole world haue told him anie one thing for another Now this did he know very well and so he did his best to quiet me But I had so great auersion from going to giue him trouble with these things that I know not how the Diuel could make me for my greater torment conceiue that I had feigned in what I had sayd But our Lord made such hast to doe me a Fauour and to vnfold this truth to me that I grew quickly to be out of all doubt whether it were a thing of fancie or no and since that time I see my follie very clearly For though I should employ manie yeares in conceiuing how I might be able to figure a thing of so extreame beautie I should neuer haue either the power or the witt to doe it for it did farre exceed all that which can possibly be imagined in this world by the verie clearnes and brightnes thereof Nor yet is it anie such brightnes as dazles but a brightnes which is accompanied with a most sweet kind of beautie a brightnes I say there is infused which giues extreame delight to the sight and which is farre from wearying it nor doth the light thereof also offend whereby we see this obiect of so Diuine Beautie This I say is a light so very different from all that of this inferiour world that euen the brightnes of the Sunne it self which we see is so dimme and dull a thing in comparison of that claritie and light which is represented to our sight by this meanes that euen the eyes would searce open themselues to behold it For it is as if it were a most pure water running all vpon Christall with the Sunne reflecting vpon it and striking through it in comparison of some other which were of a muddie kind and in a clowdie day and which were running also vpon earth Not yet that there is anie Sunne represented in it nor is that Light like the Light of the Sunne for in fine this Light of the Vision seemes a very naturall Light whereas the other is but a kind of artificiall thing in comparison thereof This is a Light which neuer sets but as it is euer Light so is there nothing which can disturbe it but in fine it is a thing of such a kind as that how sublime soeuer the vnderstanding of anie Creature might be he would neuer in all the dayes of his life be able to conceiue rightly what kind of thing it were And it pleases Almightie God to set it before vs so very speedily that we cannot open our eyes so soone if that were needfull for the seeing it but it helpes vs indeed no more in this case to haue them open then shut For whensoeuer our Lord is pleased we see it euen whether we will or no. Not is there anie distraction in the world which may be able to diuert vs from it nor is there anie power which can resist it nor is there also on the other side anie manner of care and diligence which may suffice to procure it and I haue had good experience of this as I shall find a fitt time to declare But that which I would faine relate now is the manner how our Blessed Lord is pleased to shew himself by these Visions I say not that I will declare in what sort this so strong a light may be able to conuey it self into the inward sense and to imprint so exact and cleare an Image vpon the Vnderstanding as to make it directly seem to be very there for this point belongs to such as are learned and our Lord hath not been pleased to giue me to comprehend the manner of it and in myself I am so very ignorant and of so grosse an Vnderstanding that howsoeuer men haue endeauoured much to declare it to me I haue not yet been able to conceaue the way and manner of it And this is very certaine that howsoeuer it may seem to your Reuerence that my Vnderstanding is liuelie and quick yet there is really no such thing and I haue found what I am about to say to be true by the experience of manie particulars that namely it embraces and comprehends no more then iust that verie thing vpon which they will haue it feed Yea and sometimes he who was my Confessarius would be euen amazed at my ignorances in manie kinds and he neuer made me vnderstand nor did I indeed desire to know how Almightie God did this or how this could be nor did I aske him about it Though yet as I haue sayd I treated manie yeares with men of great learning to know whether this or that were a Sinne or no for in this I was not wanting but as for the rest I then had no need to stand thinking of more then that Almightie God was the Authour of all and I saw that I was now not to wonder at aniething but only to consider how manie reasons I had to praise him Nay the things which carried difficultie with them did breed deuotion in me and the more difficultie the more deuotion But I will therefore now declare that which I am come to vnderstand by experience namely how our Blessed Lord doth
to abuse and cosen so manie good men and I seemed to be so very wicked that me thought all the mischeifs and Heresies which had been raised and brought lately into the world were but the fruits of my Sinnes But this is a false kind of humilitie which the Diuel inuented of purpose for my disquiet to try if he could bring my Soule to despaire And I know so well by experience that this is a trick of the Diuel that now when he findes that I vnderstand him he torments me not so often heerin as he was wont The certaintie of this truth is clearly found by the restlesnes and disquiet wherewith he beginnes and by the bussling which he keepes in the Soule all the while it lasts and by the obscuritie and affliction which he brings to it and by the drynes and indisposition to Prayer which he leaues after it and in fine because it produces no good effect at all for he seemes euen to stifle the Soule and to bind euen the Bodie also vp that so it may be good for nothing whereas by true Humilitie though the Soule know it self to be wicked and is in paine to consider what we are and makes vs hold our Sinnes to be as great and as greatly to be exaggerated as hath been sayd and that they are felt indeed to be such yet comes not this kind of sense with anie tumultuous disorder nor doth it disturbe and vex the Soule nor obscure her nor giue drynes to her but rather it regales her and behaues it self in a very contrarie way with gentlenes with suauitie and with Light She is troubled in some sort on the one side euen for that she is comforted to see how great Fauour our Lord imparts to her in letting her feele that paine and to consider how well employed it is and the sorrowes for whatsoeuer she hath done against Almightie God But yet on the other side she exalts and admires his mercie she hath light wherewith to put her self to confusion and to praise his Diuine Maiestie for vouchsafing to endure her so long But in that other kind of Humilitie which the Diuel brings there is no light for anie thing which is good but it seemes as if God were readie to put all the world to fire and sword The Diuel represents the Diuine Iustice to the Soule and though he permit her to beleiue that God hath mercie for the Diuel hath no such power as to destroy her Faith yet hath she euen that in such sort that it is no comfort to her at all but rather when she beholds God's great mercie he makes it serue her for so much the greater torment because she seems to haue been obliged thereby to haue serued Almightie God so much the more This is an inuention of the Diuel and that of the most painefull and subtile and disguised that I haue euer found and therefore I would wish your Reuerence if perhaps he may procure to tempt you heerafter in this kind to looke vpon it with a Light in your hand and to procure to know him well if he leaue you vnderstanding enough for doing it And beleiue not heer that Knowledge and Learning will serue the turne for though I be in want enough of all that yet now when I am gotten out of his reach I am growne to vnderstand very well that all his discourse is but foolerie And that which I vnderstand also is that sometimes our Blessed Lord is pleased to giue way and permit it and he allowes him leaue to doe this as he did that he might try and tempt Iob though because I am so wicked he permits not that it be done to me with so much rigour It hapned to me once and I remember very well that it was vpon the day before Corpus-Christi Eue a Festiuitie to which I am deuoted though yet not so much as were fitt and at that time it lasted with me but one day but at other times for a weeke and a Forthnight yea and sometimes three weekes and peraduenture more and especially in the Holie Weekes which were wont to be my Regalo in point of Prayer that me thought he catched-vp and euen carried-away my Vnderstanding at an instant for certaine things sometimes so very triuiall and light that at other times I would but haue laughed at him for his paines and then he makes her stoope to whatsoeuer he lists and the Soule remaines as it were nayled to the place without being Mistresse of her self or being able to thinke of anie thing but those impertinent fooleries which the rempration represents and indeed they haue no substance at all nor doe they either bind or loose but serue only to choake the Soule in such sort as not to suffer her to subsist in her self And really it is true that it hath hapned to me sometimes to conceaue that the Diuells goe playing with a Soule as men would doe with a Ball and she the while is without anie meanes at all to deliuer her self out of their power Nor can it be expressed in what a deale of sufferance she is by this meanes She walkes in search of some defence and Almightie God permits that she may find none She only and euer remaines with the Facultie and Power of her Free-Will though yet not faire and cleare but as if a man had eyes which were shut or as if some person who had gone very often by anie way and so though it were night and darke yet by the markes which he had formerly taken knowes where he may be in danger to stumble because formerly he had seen the same pathes by day and so he secures himself from that danger In like manner doth it occurr to the Soule which now seemes but meerly by custome not to offend Almightie God for I speake not heer of that protection which our Lord affords her though yet that be the thing which imports most But in the meane time our Faith is deaded or at least layd asleep as the other vertues also are in such times as those though yet they be not vtterly lost for she well beleiues euen then that Doctrine which the Church teaches and she pronounces it also with her mouth whereas yet on the other side the Diuel doth so presse and dull this Faith that she seemes to haue but such a kind of knowledge of God as men haue a notice of things which are spoken of in their hearing but yet from very farre off Her Loue also is so very Luke-warme that if she chance to heare Almightie God spoken of she harkens in such a kind as to beleiue indeed that he is that which he is because the Church declares it but yet she hath vtterly lost all memorie of whatsoeuer she hath experimented of him in her self For her to goe and pray and remaine in Solitude is but to encrease her affliction for the torment which she feeles in her self and yet without knowing very well why is
an vnsupportable thing in my opinion and indeed it is a kind of picture in little or rather a patterne of Hell And this is most certainly so as our Lord himself was pleased to giue me to vnderstand once in a certaine Vision For heer the Soule doth euen burne her self vp of her self without her knowing either by whome or by what way she is set on fire or yet how to escape from thence or finally how to quench it for as for seeking to help her self by reading she will be able to profit by it no more then if she could not read at all It hapned to me one day to reade the Life of a Saint so to see if I could swallow the iuyce and substance thereof and thus to comfort my self with the consideration of what he had suffered and so I read half a dozen lines of it foure or fiue times ouer and yet though all were written in mine owne Mother-Toung I vnderstood them lesse in the end then I did in the beginning and so I gaue it ouer This hapned to me manie times but I more particularly remember this one To apply ones-self to conuersation in such times as these is yet worse for the Diuel fills vs then with such an vntoward and harsh kind of spirit of anger that it seemes to me that I could euen eate folkes vp since I can doe nothing els yea and me thinkes I acquitt my self well in that I forbeare to doe it and that God also shewes him who is in this case a particular Fauour in preseruing him from doing or saying somewhat against his Neighbour whereby he might preiudice him and offend Almightie God And now as for going to my Ghostlie Father at such times it is certaine which I shall heer relate and it hath hapned to me very often That notwithstanding they were some great Saints with whome I haue dealt and yet deale they vttered such harsh words and chidd me after so sharpe a manner that when afterward I would take occasion to repeate them in their owne hearing themselues would be euen amazed at themselues and they told me it was no longer in their power to doe otherwise For though they fully resolued within themselues not to doe it and at other times that they had not only compassion of me but euen a kind of scruple also in themselues to treat me thus when I was so full of affliction both in Bodie and Minde and though they had euen resolued to comfort me with much compassion and pittie yet in fine they were not able to doe it Not yet that they gaue me ill language in such sort as to offend Almightie God by it but they would vse words as full of disgust as could possibly be heard from Ghostlie Fathers But belike they intended to mortifye me which though at other times I could passe ouer or at least endure yet then it grew all to be a torment But yet sometimes I came also to be of opinion that euen I had deceaued them yea and my self would goe to them and aduise them in very great good earnest that they should take heed of me least I deceaued them Not but that I knew well enough that I would not doe it on set purpose and vpon designe nor tell them by anie meanes anie lye but the truth is I was affrayd of all things There was one who hearing of this temptation of mine aduised me not to be troubled at it for though I should haue a minde to cosen him yet he had witt enough to defend himself from me That which sometimes gaue me great comfort and as it were constantly or at least most ordinarily was that I vsed to haue some kind of respit after I had Communicated yea and sometimes euen in approaching to the Blessed Sacrament at the verie instant I should grow so very perfectly well both in Bodie and Soule that it did euen amaze me For it seemed to be no other thing then that all the darknesses of my Soule were dispersed and discharged at an instant and that vpon the approach of the Sunne I quickly came to discerne those fooleries wherein I had found my self all that while At other times by the hearing of some one word which our Lord was pleased to say to me and with only expressing himself thus Be not afflicted and be not afrayd as formerly I haue related I remained most perfectly well and sometimes by seeing some Vision I became as if I had neuer felt anie inconuenience And in those cases I would be entertaining and regaling my self with Almightie God and would euen kindly complaine to him against himself for permitting me to suffer so great torments though yet I must confesse that he had first meant to make me very good amends because these difficulties did neuer vse to ariue but after a great abundance of Fauours And me thinkes he ordaines things so to the end that the Soule may appeare like gold which comes refined and pure out of the Crusible and that so she may see our Lord in her self and then doe those troubles which ariue grow to be accounted little though they seem insupportable at the time And we desire that we may returne againe to suffer if our Lord may be serued the better by it yea and to admit also of more tribulations and persecutions Prouided alwayes that they may happen without offence of our Lord. Nay we rather will reioyce in suffering for him for all will in the end bring more profit though yet for my part I could neuer beare them as I ought but rather with abundance of imperfection At other times these troubles would come vpon me in other kindes and so as that me thinkes it is absolutly a kind of impossible thing for me to thinke then of anie thing which is good yea or so much as to desire to doe anie such thing for that I haue both a Bodie and a Soule which is absolutly vntoward and good for nothing But at those times I am not subiect to those other temptations and disquiets but only to a disgust in all things though I know not why so that nothing can giue contentment to my Soule And then I would be sometimes procuring to diuert and employ my self vpon the performing of some good workes in the exteriour way and I would doe so euen half whether my self would or no. But in fine I am come at length to know by such meanes as these how very little anie Soule is worth whensoeuer the grace of Almightie God is hidden from her And this kind of consideration vsed not to put me to anie trouble at all for the beholding mine owne basenes after this manner was wont to giue me a kind of satisfaction At other times I find my self so as that I am vtterly vnable to frame anie distinct or formed conceipt of Almightie God nor indeed of anie good thing after a stayd manner Nor am I able then to put my self in Prayer though I
those Soules whereof I speake it is necessary that they be bringing wood how deare soeuer it may cost them to the end that this fire may not goe out For my part I am so miserable a Creature that I would be content if I had but strawes to cast in And so it happens to me sometimes yea and very often that one while I would be laughing and at other times much afflicted For a certaine interiour motion and impulse which I haue is euer inciting me to serue God in somewhat and since I am not fitt for greater matters to doe it by gathering Flowers and making Posies and applying them in decent manner to holie Images and Pictures to sweep or dresse-vp some Oratorie or in doing such other little and poore things as gaue me confusion to see that they were no greater And so also if I chanced to doe anie Pennance it was all so very little and so poorely done that vnlesse our Lord should vouchsafe to accept the Desire for the Deed I saw plainely that I was good for nothing and in a word I did euen laugh at my self But now it giues no small trouble to such Soules as it pleases Almightie God through his goodnes to endue with the fire of his Loue in great abundance if they be in want of corporall health and strength whereby they may be able to doe somewhat for him since this giues a very great paine For in regard that we want strength to carrie still more and more wood to this fire and such Soules doe euen dye for the feare they haue least the Fire should goe out it seemes to me that she doth euen consume and burne her self vp into ashes or els euen dissolue her self into teares and so breath her selfe away into nothing and this is a strong kind of torment though it leaue not to be sauourie withall Let such a Soule as this giue great thankes to Almightie God if she haue ariued to this state and if our Lord haue giuen her person corporall strength to doe pennance or if he haue imparted Learning and talents and power to Preach and heare Confessions and winne Soules to Almightie God For she knowes not nor vnderstands not the great benefit which is possessed by her vnlesse she be growne so farre as to feele the affliction which it brings to be euer receauing much at the hands of our Lord and neuer to be able withall to be doing his Diuine Maiestie anie Seruice Let him be euer Blessed for all and let the Angells giue him glorie Amen I know not whether I doe well to be writing of so manie little things but since your Reuerence hath commanded me yet againe not to esteem it anie trouble to enlarge my self and that I must be sure to omit nothing I therefore goe discoursing with clearnes and with truth of as much as I can call to mind And it is impossible but that I should omitt manie things for els it would grow to cost me much more time whereof I haue very little as I haue sayd and then when all were done it would perhaps be of no benefit at all THE ONE AND THIRTIETH CHAPTER She treats of certaine exteriour temptations and representations of the Diuel and of the torments vvhich he gave her She speakes also of other things vvhich are very fitt for the aduise and instruction of such persons as are vvalking on in the vvay of Perfection AS I haue spoken of sorne interiour and secret temptations and disturbances which the Diuel brought vpon me So now will I speake of some others which in effect were publique and wherein I could not be ignorant but that it was he I was once in a certaine Oratorie and he appeared to me on my left side in an abominable kind of figure and in particular I obserued his mouth because he was speaking to me and it was of a most vglie forme It seemed to me that a huge flame came out of his bodie and it was all a very bright one without anie obscuritie at all He told me after a most hideous manner that howsoeuer I had freed my self once out of his hands he would yet find meanes enow to fetch me back againe I was in a mightie feare but I blessed my self as well as I could and so he vanished a way but yet he instantly returned and this hapned to me two seuerall times Nor did I know in the world what to doe only I had Holie-water neer at hand and so I sprinkled it towards the part where he was and he neuer returned to me anie more Another time he was some fiue howers togeather tormenting me with very terrible paine and both exteriour and interiour disquiet in such sort that it was euen past enduring The woemen who were then at hand were astonished to see what passed but neither could they tell what to doe nor I how to serue my self of their helpe My custome is whensoeuer anie corporall sicknes or paine is very intollerable to make certaine Acts within my self the best I can beserching our Blessed Lord that his Diuine Maiestie will giue me patience and that if it shall redound to his Seruice I may continue to suffer so euen till the very end of the world And therefore now when I found my self put to suffer with so much rigour I applyed my self to get help by making some such acts as those and diuerse good purposes also that so I might beare the burthen the better And our Lord was pleased then that I should clearly vnderstand it to be the Diuel for I saw a certaine little abominable Negro or Black-More hard by me gnashing his teeth euen like a despairing wretch but yet in fine he lost by what he hoped to gaine for as soone as I saw him I fell a laughing and had no feare of him at all but there were some persons by who knew not what to doe in this case nor how to procure anie remedie for such paine as they saw me endure the blowes being so great which he made me giue my self both vpon my Armes and my Head and my whole Bodie and I not hauing anie power at all to resist him yea and which was worse then this I was subiect to so great an inward kind of restlesnes and disquiet as I could by no meanes appease no nor yet durst I so much as call for Holie-water for feare of giuing them apprehension who were there and so to make them know what the matter was For my part I haue found by much experience that there is not anie thing from which the Diuels doe so certainly fly and so as to returne no more as from Holie-Water They fly also from the Crosse but in that case they will presently sometimes returne againe So that certainly the vertue of Holie-water is great and for my part my Soule finds a particular and euident kind of comfort when I take it and really and vsually I feele such an ease and pleasure
absorpt by it For I went considering the greatnesses of Almightie God and in how short a time he had sublimed a Soule to so admirable a State He put me to much confusion when I heard him giue eare with so great humilitie to those things which I would sometimes be saying to him concerning Prayer I who had so little to say thereof to such a person as he was But our Lord was content to endure it through the earnest desire I had to see him a great Proficient in that kind And it did me so much good to be with him that still he seemed to inflame my Soule with new fire and with new desires to serue our Lord euen as if I had been but then to beginne O my deare IESVS what things are they which a Soule can doe when it is all inflamed with thy loue and we ought to esteem such an one very much and humbly beseech our Lord to let it continue long in this world For whosoeuer ownes the same kind of loue should follow such a kind of Soule as fast as he can It is matter of much comfort to a sick man to find another who is toucht and tainted by the same disease for it serues him in the way of some consolation to see at least that he is not alone They helpe one another excellently well both to suffer and to merit They ioyne back to back and so support and succour one another like valiant and resolued persons to venture a thousand liues for the loue of Almightie God and They aspire to no other happines then to meet with some such occasion as wherein they may offer themselues in Sacrifice for his Seruice They are like gallant Souldiers who to the end that they may gaine the Spoile of their Enemies and so grow rich by that meanes desire that there may still be Warres as vnderstanding that there is no way for them to thriue but by that meanes for it is no lesse then their very occupation to labour and to suffer O what a great thing it is when out Lord giues light to know how much is gained by suffering for him This point is not vnderstood well and home till all be giuen ouer and left For whosoeuer keepes anie thing to himself giues a signe that he esteemes it to be worth somewhat And if he esteem it worth somewhat it will be necessarie for him to be sorrie to leaue it But now heer all is imperfect yea and euen lost and heer comes the Prouerbe well in that He is a kind of lost man who lookes after that which is lost And what greater losse and perdition what greater blindnes what greater miserie and misfortune can there be then to put a great value vpon that which is absolutly worth nothing at all But to returne to what I was saying when I was extreamly ioyed by considering the Soule of that man wherein it seemes that our Blessed Lord was disposed that I should clearly see those treasures which he had depositated therein and discerning also the high fauour which he vouchsafed to doe me in regard that it had hapned by my meanes I found my self very vnworthie of it but withall I held those Fauours which our Lord had been pleased to doe him in a much higher kind of account then if he had vouchsafed them to my self And I payd our Lord an abundance of praise to see that his Diuine Maiestie went so fulfilling my desires and vouchsafed to heare my prayer which was that he would vouchsafe to stirre-vp such kindes of persons to his faithfull Seruice And my Soule being then in such condition as that it could no longer beare so greatioy she went directly out of her self and lost her verie self to be the greater gainer by it She lost I say those cogitations and considerations and the hearing of that Diuine toung in which the Holie-Ghost seemed to speake and then I fell into a great Rapt which made me at it were forgoe the vse of my Sences though it lasted but a very little while I saw Christ our Lord with an excessiue kind of Maiestie and Glorie expressing much contentment in that which passed there And so himself was pleased to tell me as also that I might see very clearly that he loued to be euer present at such discourses and how much he esteemes himself to be serued in that men take such delight to speake of him Another time when I was farre off from hence I saw him lifted-vp by Angells with much glorie and I vnderstood by this Vision that his Soule was aduancing apace But so it was that a certaine person in the world to whome he had done much good and repaired some breaches in his reputation and giuen also comfort to his Soule did yet raise a great false testimonie against the honour of this holie man and he endured it with much contentment as he also did other persecutions and performed manie actions which were greatly for the Seruice of Almightie God Me thinkes it is not fitt to declare more of these things at this present If afterward your Reuerence shall thinke otherwise because your self knowes what they are already they may also be set downe heer for the glorie of Almightie God But now of all these things which I haue deliuered about the Prophecies concerning this House and of others which I shall also relate as also of seuerall instances in different kindes they were all accomplished and fulfilled about a matter of some three yeares before they were knowne some more and some lesse as our Lord had declared them to me And I euer told them ouer to my Ghostlie Father and to this Widdow my freind to whome I had leaue to impart them as I haue sayd and I vnderstand that she told them yet to others and they all know well that I lye not Nor will Almightie God I hope permit me to be euer so miserable as in anie thing to speake other then truth and much lesse when it concernes things of such importance But a Brother-in-Law of mine dying suddainly and I being much troubled at it because he had not had time to Confesse before it was told me in my Prayer that my Sister would also dye after that manner and therefore that I should goe thither and procure to dispose her to dye well I told this to my Ghostlie Father and he not permitting me to goe I heard the self-same thing againe and againe But when now I told him thus much he willed me to goe and sayd that nothing would be lost by the bargaine This Sister of mine was at a house of hers in the Countrie I going thither to visit her without telling her of the particular cause I gaue her the best light I could concerning all things and I perswaded her to goe often to Confession and in all things to keep the accounts of her Conscience very right streight As for her she was a very vertuous woeman and did as she was
the Rectour of the Societie of IESVS whome I mentioned before I haue seen some things concerning great Fauours which our Lord did him but I will not insert them heer for feare of being too long There hapned a great trouble to him once for he was persecuted and found himself greatly afflicted and I hearing Masse one day saw Christ our Lord vpon the Crosse iust then when the Preist eleuated the Sacred Hoast and he spoke certaine words to me wherewith I was to acquaint him for his comfort and others also he spoke by way of preuention of some future inconuenience which might ariue and he represented also to him how much himself had suffered for his sake and that therefore he should prepare himself to suffer And this gaue him both much comfort and much courage and all hapned to him iust so as our Blessed Lord had foretold Of the Religious of a certaine Order yea and of that whole Order togeather I haue seen great things For I haue seen them sometimes in Heauen with white Banners in their hands I haue seen as I was saying other things of great admiration And accordingly I haue this Order in much veneration for I haue treated and communicated with them much and I see that their life is agreable to that which our Blessed Lord hath giuen me to vnderstand concerning them I being one night in Prayer our Lord beganne to vtter some words to me which brought me to remember how wicked my life had been and they gaue me confusion and paine enough for although they imported not anie rigour yet they endued me with such a tender kind of feeling and greif that the Soule was euen dissolued by it And we vse in such cases to find more benefit in the way of knowing out selues by some one such word as these then we are able to acquire in manie dayes by our owne consideration of our miserie for it brings such a truth to be euē ingrauē in our Soule as we cannot possibly denye He represented to me also those inclinations of mine which I had formerly entertained towards Creatures with so much vanitie and told me that I was to put a great value vpon the desire which he had that I would lodge all my affectiō vpon him which formerly I had employed so ill since he would accept thereof At other times he bad me remember that formerly I had sometimes esteemed it for a point of honour in me to goe against his Honour And yet at other times that I should remember how much I owed him for that I vsed to commit the greatest offences against him whilst he vsed to be doing me Fauours If I haue anie faults which are not few our Lord giues them so to be vnderstood by me at those times that it makes me euen as it were annihilate my self and because I haue manie faults he vses me so manie times It hapned to me once that a Ghostile Father reprehended me and when I thought to comfort my self in Prayer it was there that I found indeed my true reprehension But now to returne to that which I was saying when our Lord beganne to bring my wicked life to my remembrance which cost me a world of teares and when I also considered that I had done no good thing lately which might euen in my opinion deserue his Fauour I beganne to consider a while whether he might not perhaps intend some new expression of goodnes to me because whensoeuer I find my self receaue anie particular Fauour from our Lord it is ordinarily after I haue euen defeated and annihilated my self And I conceaue that our Lord proceeds thus with me to the end that I may see the more clearly how farre I am out of the way of deserueing his Fauours Shortly after this my Spirit was so absorpt and snatcht away that in effect it seemed to be absolutly out of my Bodie at least it was not vnderstood that it liued in it And then I saw the most Sacred Humanitie of our Blessed Lord in much more excessiue glorie then euer I had discerned before Now this was represented to me by a certaine admirable and cleare notice of his being placed in the verie bosome of his Father Nor yet doe I know what to say of how this was for it seemed to me that I saw my self present before that verie Diuinitie and yet without seing my self and I remained so amazed and euerie way indeed in such sort that I thinke there passed some dayes before I was able to returne to my self For still I was conceauing that I had the Maiestie of the Sonne of God present with me though it were not yet like the former for this I vnderstood well enough But how soeuer it remained so engrauen in my Imagination that I cannot be ridd of it how short soeuer the time were wherein it was represented to me and this is matter both of great comfort and of great benefit to my Soule Now I haue seen this verie Vision at three other times and this in my opinion is absolutly the most sublime Vision which euer our Blessed Lord gaue me and it brings the greatest improuement and profit with it For it seemes that the Soule is greatly purifyed by it and that it doth vtterly take away all strength from the sensualitie of our Self-Loue It is a vehement flame which seems to burne vp and euen annihilate all the desires of this life And since God be blessed for it I had already no inclination to idle and impertinent things it was heer declared to me in distinct manner that all was vanitie and in particular how vaine all the Superiorities and Signories of this world be And it falls out also to be of mightie instruction for the raising-vp of our desires to be lodged vpon the puritie of Truth and there remaines a high kind of adoration and reuerence of God imprinted after a certaine manner which I know not how to describe but it is of a very different kind from whatsoeuer we can acquire in this world It creates also a huge amazement in the Soule to consider how she euer durst or how anie creature can presume so farre as to thinke of offending such a Supreame Maiestie of Almighty God I haue declared sometimes heertofore the effects of Visions and such other things but I haue also sayd already that a Soule receaues more or lesse profit according to the proportion and manner of the Vision as the same may be either more or lesse But in this it was extraordinarily great when I came to receaue the Blessed Sacrament and I did then record to my self that incomparable Maiestie which I had seen and vnderstood to be the verie same which is in this most Holie Sacrament And manie times our Lord is pleased to let me see him in the Sacred Hoast where vpon the verie haire of my head would stand on end and me thought I was euen annihilated outtight O my deare Lord and if thou didst
different kindes was round about me which circled me in And it seemed to me that cuerie one had offensiue weapons in his hands wherewith to hurt me as Lances Swords and Daggers and others had also long Staues In a word I could not get from thence by anie way or meanes without danger of death especially being alone and not hauing anie one Creature to helpe me And being thus in so great affliction of Spirit that I knew not what to doe I lifted-vp mine eyes towards Heauen and saw Christ our Lord not then in Heauen but yet very high and farre off from me in the ayre who reachtforth his hand towards me and fauoured me from thence in such sort that I feared neither all that other people nor yet these who all were vnable to doe me hurt how much soeuer they should desire it This Vision seemes at the first sight to be without anie fruit or good effect at all but it hath yet done me a great deale of good because I haue vnderstood what it signifyed For I saw my self in that encounter shortly after and knew that it was nothing els but this Vision and I also came to know it to be a verie picture or rather Mappe of the world For as manie as are in it abstracting euer from those few who apply themselues to doe our Lord particular Seruice seemed to carrie Armes against this wretched Soule of ours as namely Honours Estates Delights and the like For it is euident that the Soule is all ouercast with a Nett before it be aware at least all these things doe the best they can to endanger and wrapp vs vp fast enough as namely Freinds Kindred and which amazes me more euen such as are vertuous people For I found my self afterward to be extreamly pressed and euen oppressed by them they conceauing in the meane time that they carried themselues very well but the while I knew not at all either how to defend my self or what to doe O my deare God! and if now I should stand to relate the kindes and differences of those troubles which set vpon me at that time euen after all those others whereof I spake before how well might this be able to serue for a meanes to make a man wholy abhorre all things It was me thinkes the verie greatest persecution of all that euer I had endured For I felt my self at some times so straightly set vpon on all sides that I only found remedie by lifting-vp mine eyes to Heauen and crying vpon Almightie God And I remembred very well what I had seen in this last Vision of mine and it did me a great deale of good towards a not putting confidence in anie Creature for there is no one of them firme and stable but only God alone is entirely and truly so But in these great afflictions our Lord hath euer vsed to send me some person or other who in his name might lend me his hand as he signifyed to me that he would and as he did also let me see in this last Vision and so I tyed not my self to anie thing but only to please our Blessed