Selected quad for the lemma: truth_n
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A41291
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The Fifteen comforts of rash and inconsiderate marriage, or, Select animadversions upon the miscarriages of a wedded state done out of French.
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1694
(1694)
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Wing F886; ESTC R40891
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57,803
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147
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receive Kiss or â—mbrace from you more and that I am â—e would soon break my poor Heart â— I am confident there is not a sweeter â—atured Man in the Universe than you â—c No Love saith he except the Gentleman that Courted you before me Pish Pish says she upon my Honour I was smitten with you the first time I saw you tho at a distance I may very safely swear it was Love at first sight I think it was a Match made in Heaven for my Father would have Married me to that Gentleman but I would never consent to it I can give no reason for it but it was Decreed it should be so Thus she procures what she designed tho at never so dear a rate and this kind of Caressing soon opens the Miser's Coffers who knows her temper so well that she will never give over till she has her will whatsoever it costs Now she begins being furnished to think oâ— other things her Gallant that she formerly maintained must like her overworâ— Apparel be laid aside and a new rich onâ— embraced but she is too crafty to be to forward and keeps him at a bay for â— time refuseth his Presents and Visits tiâ— her Plots are brought to Maturity Thâ— young Gentleman is Enamoured anâ— wants an opportunity to meet with he Maid which he soon obtains Sweet-hearâ— quoth he I must have a little Talk witâ— you that you may Sir if you please yoâ— know saith he the extream passion thâ— I have for your Lady do you think theâ— is any possibility of obtaining my desires Did she ever mention me since the last interview In truth Sir she never opens her Lips but to your commendation and I am satisfied she wishes you well Well Child I do wholly confide in you do but have me so much in your thoughts as now and then to speak a good word for me and you shall be no loser by it I will bestow a new Gown upon you and here are five Guineys to buy you Gloves Excuse me Sir saith she I shall not take them but indeed Sweet-Heart you shall and so at length with some little perswasion like a right Maid she cryes Nay and takes it Away she hastens to her Lady and acquaints her that she had met with her Gallant well and what says he Why faith Madam I think he is a little Lunatick upon your account for he neither knows what he does or says But how dost thou like him Girl good Faith Madam I look upon him to be the most Comely Complete Gentleman that ever I set my eye on in my Life and I am of Opinion that he will be a very Fond and Faithful Lover nay he is a Gentleman every Inch of him hath a very good Estate and is able to Gratifie your Kindnesses by which Means you may embrace a Happy and Comfortable Piece of Gallantry as long as you have the enjoyment of each others Society In troth I am at a loss almost at my Wits end I can get nothing out of my Husband but what is absolutely necessary Pray Madam Consider of it for I promised to return him an answer to morrow But how Girl shall we curry this Horse how shall we manage this Affair As for that Madam let me alone I beseech you I shall meet him to Morrow-morning and then I 'll tell him plainly that you would not so much as lend the least Ear to my Discourse or consent to any thing requested do what I could being so tender of your Honour and Reputation and I am sure I can Act a Dissembling Part pretty well In the Morning after she had made him attend two hours at least they meet together according to Appointment How now Sweet Heart says the Gallant how is it with your Lady She is very Thoughtful and Pensive full of Grief and Sorrow for the ill Usage of her Husband who is so wicked a Man to her that it is not to be believed what the Poor Gentlewoman undergoes I am sorry for 't quoth he with all my Heart but what did your Lady say to you upon my Faith Sir I spake to her for which I have gained a great deal of ill Will she would not so much as hear me nor consent to any thing propos'd so highly doth she prize her Reputation and if she had a mind to be kind to her Neighbours and love them as her self she is under an Italian slavery being so kept in and Watcht by the old Lump of Jealousie her Husband I do not remember that she ever exchanged a word with any Man in Discourse since I have waited upon her and I have been her Servant these four years and upwards but only with your self the other day whom she remembers still and for ought I know to be plain with you would sooner love you than any other in the World Dear Child saith he bring but that about and I 'll be your Eternal Friend Truly Sir saith she I have done already all that lies in my power as to that and dare not attempt any further but in any thing else feaseable Command me and I 'm your Servant Prethee advise me what to do in this Case Why your best way will be to make an Address to her your self and now is the most Critical time in the World for she and her Husband are at Variance and you will find her at Church where you may make your Amours to her Caress her and present her tho I 'm confident she 'll refuse all but no matter for that she 'll have a great esteem for you notwithstanding her Denial and will set a higheou value upon your Generosity and Worth than you can possibly imagine do as I counsel you and so all happiness attend you Sanctified Advice indeed in so Sanctified a Place to make the Church a Brothel-House and Religion a Pander to fordid Lust When you have acted your part as I have told you saith this She-Emissary of the Devil give me what you intend her as a Present and I will so order the matter that she shall accept of it or do my utmost endeavour tho I lose my labour You say very well my Dear Child and so they part Away runs this Gigling Baggage and smiling at her Lady upon my Soul Madam there are a great many Persons in the World who would wish for your Happiness for he is resolv'd to Accost you and discover his whole mind now summon all your discretion together let this be your dernier effort as the Frenchman terms it carry your self strangely to him and hold him in suspense for a time for you know 't is Expectation makes a Blessing dear but be sure you be not so severe in your deportment as to Dash the Young Gentleman quite out of Countenance Thus full freighted with hopes she hastens to Church stimulated by Lechery rather than Devotion where arrived her Gallant attacques her but she will consent to nothing nor accept of his Presents however
I shall never be at rest till I have performed it Why sweet heartâ— saith he have a little Patience the time is not yet elapsed you need not be so hasty I have a great deal of business toâ— dispatch and that of Concernment too now when that is over you shall go where you please In troth saith she don't tell me of business I must go and I will go there 's no necessity for my stay I 'm sure I can do you no service and as for the charges which I know is all your grieâ— and fear I will pinch them out some way or other tho I abate it in House-keeping This you do to perswade the world what a good Husband you are but if the truth were known you will be found to save at the Spigot and let it run out at the Bung-hole The poor Man being thus Schooled by his Wife must provide for this Journey or else all the Fat 's in the Fire there will be no quietness if she does not go abroad Well the time is come and they must set forward Horses are provided and a new Riding Garb for the Wife he himself waits upon her and must be as Tractable as a Spaniel upon the Road his Wife is always wanting one thing or other the Stirrup is too short or too long the Pillion is not well fixt her Scarf flies off the Horse Trots too hard and makes her sick so that she must light and take a Walk then she must be helpt up again and this unnecessary trouble hath the noddy brought upon himself besides the distillations that she is troubled with every quarter of a Mile she having the Diabetes and cannot hold water long Being arrived at the place intended she is discomposed with her Journey and her stomach grows so nice that it Kecks at such Course food as Beef and Mutton and she must have a Fowl to pick upon Well away goes the contented Fool and Trudges about the Town for some Dainty bit to please his Lady cost it never so much for you know far sought and dear bought is fit for such Cattle and when he comes home if his Marketting displeaseth her then she as well as the rest of her Sex falls fowl on the Good man saying in truth you are the strangest person that ever liv'd not at all fit to Travel not at all Complaisant you know not how to oblige our Sex The Patient Fop hears all and bears all being accustomed to such kind of re-proof as the Tinker's Dog is to carry the Budget After they have solaced themselves at this pleasant rate as long as she thinks convenient home they return find all thing out of order the Horse dead in the Stable the Servants Gadding abroad after their own Invention all their Mony spent that he cannot buy any more and therefore must foot it about his own occasions and she will not set her hand to do the least chair in the House till she hath had a Fortnights rest after her Travelling only go a Visiting Chat with her Gossips and complain of the unserviceableness of her Husband throughout the whole Journey The poor Man he settles to work endeavours to set all things to rights takes a great deal of pains and if any thing is in fault he 's hit in the Teeth with it but if all things be well and in order that must be imputed to her good management In fine she is so taken with her Country-Journey that she is resolved to be Travelling once a Year what ever comes on 't and he shall be at the Charge of it Thus his Expences increase with his Years he is afflicted with the Wracking Gout and which is a worse Distemper a Froward Woman that makes the small Remainder of his days comfortless for she will Rule the Roast must have her Will in all things will be Mistress and Govern whilst he stands only for a Cipher at Home and at length thro Grief and Discontent becomes a meer Skeleton and Languisheth away to nothing The Ninth COMFORT Old Age Insulted over WHen a Man hath once thrown himself into the Net or rather Prison of a Family and taken a brisk Wife then the Comforts of Marriage daily flow in upon him This Wife you must understand is a Haughty Proud Spirited Woman and would fain Domineer over her Husband but he being a Prudent Man manages his Affairs with such Discretion that she to her great Grief finds she shall never get the upper hand Thus for a time he is Head of the Family and Governs his Wife and Children with Credit and reputation he is happy in a numerous Issue of both Sexes hath Educated them all very well and Match'd them to good Fortunes but mark what follows when all this is done being full of years the Infirmities of Old-age at last seise him and he is Fettred to his Chamber by some Tedious and Chronical Distemper so that he is not able to move or stir out of his Chair Now the Domestick War begins de novo the Wife will do nothing but what she pleaseth tho she was formerly kept under Hatches the poor man is now her Prisoner and at her Mercy the Wife grows Surly and Sawcy the Children Masterless the Servants Unruly and if the Husband attempts to Correct them she is ready to fly in his face for it Seeing himself thus Abused by his Wife Disobeyed by his Children and slighted by his Servants he takes it very much to heart But that which Afflicts him most is the Extravagancy of his eldest Son and Heir Bolstred up by his Mother only to break the old Man's Heart and make him end his Life Miserably If he thinks of a Will that he shall not be permitted to do for fear he should bequeath somewhat to his Poor Relations or be too Lavish in Charitable Legacies Now the old Gentleman is Left in the Cold alone unregarded whilst she Gossips about in the Parish and declares the Currish Usage of her Husband had I not been saith she a Woman of a matchless Patience I could never have lived with him half this time but this is not all for when she comes home she throws it in his dish frequently and tells him now upbraidingly that God Rewards him for it The Good Man is resolved to Admonish her and her Children fairly to see whether that will work any Good upon her and to that end calls them before him My Dear you are the only person that I ever Loved and yet give me leave to tell you that I am not pleased with your Carriage in many Particulars You know I am Master of the House and will be as long as I live but faith Old Gentleman you are mistaken quoth the good Wife softly and smilingly tho I am not used like one at present You know farther how I have ever Cherished you as the Beloved Wife of my Bosom and kept you as tender as the Apple of my eye but neither you nor my Children have