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A16813 VVits trenchmour in a conference had betwixt a scholler and an angler. Written by Nich Breton, Gentleman. Breton, Nicholas, 1545?-1626? 1597 (1597) STC 3713; ESTC S104689 30,274 46

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it should seeme to be the Sonne of some Flesh-monger as Muttons Béefes and such like commodious kinde of Beasts who together with his Inkéeping and the helpe of Maide Marian a good Hostes to draw on gesse could with his grosse nodle making a night gowne of an Oxe-hide kéepe himselfe warme in a colde Winter and purchase not onely the house that he dwelt in for this young Gentleman his biggest Sonne but some olde Ruddocks for his young Roiles hauing brought vp this his heire for sometime at the free Schoole and a little before his death put him to the Uniuersity made this cipher of wisedome to obserue his Fathers rule in the education of a Sonne of his who a little after my comming in came home to his Father from the Acadeime as it seemed being sent for by his Parents against the Christmas hollidayes to be posed by Maister Parson but to be short after wee had supped mine Hoast calling for a chaire for himselfe and an other for me to enuiron a good warme banke of Sea-coale fire few gesse being that night in the house began to examine his Sonne of his study in this maner Come hether Sirra how haue you spent these fiue last yeares that I haue beene at no little charge with you for your learning Let me heare you what haue you read since you gaue ouer your Grammer and your Cato and those toyes Sir quoth the Boy with a crooked curtsie I first read Logick Logick quoth the old man a vengeance on it what should you doe with it an onely cunning of wit to play the knaue with a plaine meaning a proper trick of treason to maintaine a lye against truth Well what next Forsooth quoth the Boy Rethorick iust quoth the old man an other fine peece of learning to teach a lewd minde to paint out a false tale with faire words but what more Forsooth quoth the Boy the next was naturall Philosophy What quoth hee doost thou meane to be a Phisition Use abstinence and keepe good diet and care not a pin for the Apothicary But on with the rest what else Forsooth quoth he Moral Philosophy What quoth the olde man to learne to léere and looke bigge to curtsie and kisse the hand to be at your siluer forke and your pick-tooth Sirra it is not for your Fathers sonne to trouble his head with these trifles your Father followes the Cart and thou art not shaped for a Courtier but well is this all or is there any more yet Yea forsooth quoth the yong man I haue reade a little of Arithmatique that quoth the olde Sir I shall finde by the account of your battailing where if In primis and Item make Totalis aboue allowance I will take you from your booke and teach you another profession but what else Forsooth quoth hee I haue a little looked into Musique How now quoth his Father what art thou mad to be a Fidler A head full of Crochets kept neuer wit in good compasse but on I pray thée with the rest Forsooth quoth the Stripling I haue reade somwhat of Geomatry Oh quoth the Father I like that well thou meanest to saue charges when thou hast timber of thine owne thou wilt not be beholding to the Plough-wright but a little more What else Forsooth quoth he my Tutor was beginning me with Astrologie What quoth the olde man teach thée to goe to Tennis with the whole world No the ball is too bigge for the best Racket of his braine but haue you looked nothing into Astronomy Yes forsooth quoth he and whereto quoth his Father To learne to lye in an Almanacke to cosen fooles with faire weather But what haue you learned of Diuinity Forsooth quoth the youth but little as yet onely a few rules of Cathechising yea so I thought quoth olde Twagge Well this is a wretched world to sée how new Schoole-men haue a new fashion in their teaching they were wont to teach little children when I went first to schoole before they learned one letter to say Christes crosse be my speede aud the holy Ghost but nowe among a number Christ his Crosse and his holy Spirit is so little taught among little schollers that it is almost forgot among great Maisters But leauing spelling and put together which is eastlie learned in a Horne-booke let me tell you some-what of all your studies that you neuer heard yet at schoole and if you marke it well perhaps it shall do you no hurt Begin first with Diuinitie learne to know God and know all know not him and know nothing Learne to know him in his power to loue him in his mercie to honour him in his goodnes to beleeue him in his worde and to confesse him in his glory Apply this knowledge to your comfort and be thankfull for your blessing in his grace know him I say humbly loue him faithfully serue him truly and pray to him hartily and so in despight of the deuill how euer the world goe with thée thou shalt be sure of the ioyes of heauen Now for your Logick learne to maintaine a truth and to confound the contrary For Rethorick onely learne this out of it that to speake much in a few words is a good note of a wise Scholler Now for Arithmatique it is not amisse in time of hast to make a reckoning quickly but take héede that reckoning without an Hoast put not thy purse to a new expence For Musique a merry hart is worth tenne crowdes and a Bagpipe And for Philosophy it is better to vse her effects then know her secrets And for Moralities be not too sawcie with thy betters nor too familiar with base people coy to thy friends nor too kinde to fooles and with a little obseruation of times and places thou shalt be a Philosopher without booke Now for Geometry rather learne and study to purchase Land then build houses for it is a cost will soone decay and titles in these dayes are tickle holdes to trust to Now for Astrologie rather loue a Mole-hill of thine owne then a Mountatne of thy neighbours and for Astronimy rather kéepe thée in the warmth of the Sunne then follow the shadow of the Moone and whatsoeuer you learne by the booke be sure to haue this alwayes by hart Crumena sine pecunia quasi corpus sine anima A purse without money is like a body without a soule and therefore whatsoeuer you remember forget not your purse I meane your money for when I was young I saw manie doo so much in many things that there was almost nothing doone I meane for worldly matters without it I remember not a mile from the towne where I dwelt I saw a swéet young soule married to a sower old Sir onelie for mony hard at the townes end many a proper man make his will vpon the gallowes and onely for mony I sawe a knaue that had cosend his father loose his cares on the pillary for many I saw some drawne hangd and quartered
for clipping of money Some misers growe mad to part with their money and poore beggers starue and die with lacke of meate and drinke and money Why let mée tell thée if thou doost continue at thy learning it will paint thy studie and fornish thee with bookes it will clothe thy back and féede thy belly it will guilde thy spéech and giue fame to thy wit make roome for thy presence and kéepe a cushion in thy seate thou shalt sit vppermost at the Table feede on the best dish and not be contradicted in thy spéech but welcome with a world of kindnesse where wanting that Earths chiefe ornament thou shalt haue a sachell full of holes a studie without glasse-windowes bookes without couers and a thred-bare Ierken without a cloake thy belly pincht with lacke of victualls thy head ake with fruitlesse studie and thy hart sick with griefe of minde thy welcome cold in most companies thy place belowe thy inferiours in worth shouldered of euery Iack and sometime stand with out a stoole and therefore if thou be a Diuine get a Benefice if a Phisition get a sute if a Geometritian gette an office of surueying if whatsoeuer get mony and then serue God and followe what study thou wilt So the time calling to bed the old woman loth to wast fire and candle bad shut vp doores away when the good man with a browne loafe gape and a hey ho at the end of it betaking me to my chamber got himselfe to his Goose-rest Where leauing him to short with his sow I heard no more of his good mastership but in the morning hauing hast of my way taking order for my charges gaue a farewell to the flying Ostrich which was the Armes of his Inkéeping faire painted vppon the signe-post Now trulie Sir quoth the Angler I thanke you for your merry tale I thinke hee was some kinsman or of his race that you told me you had red of who at his death left his sonne such a lesson to looke to his money I thinke Sir quoth the Scholler they were birds of one feather though they liued not at one time but it is strange to sée somtime what sharpnes of wit a man shall méete with in such a bald noddle You say true Sir quoth the Angler but it is pittie that euer good Wine should come into a fustie vessell but might I intreate you for one discourse more of some accident that you met with in your trauaile and so with the setting of the sunne I will take vp mine angle and intreate your company to my poore house where hauing béen a scholler a trauailer I hope you will take your welcome with a few dishes Sir quoth the scholler for one discourse more I will not denie you but for my trouble at your house I must intreate your pardon for this night to morrow it may be I will waite on you as I come by you for this night I am inuited at the Kéepers of the great Parks where hauing past my word I would keepe my promise Sir quoth the Angler vse your discretion now to morrow or at an other time your welcome is set downe and your company desired and therefore I beseech you while I shall enioy the benefite of your good companie let me be beholding to you for your discourse Then Sir you shall vnderstand quoth the Scholler that in the time of my trauaile comming by occasions as well into the Pallaces of Princes as the cottages of poore people it was my hap yea I may well say that vnder heauen it was my greatest happines that of this worlde I euer founde to light into the courtlike house of a right worthy honourable Lady the desert of whose commendations far exceeding the stile of my study I must leaue to better wits to dilate of while I poorelie speake of the little world of my wonder For in her eye was the seate of pittie in her hart the honour of vertue and in her hand the bounty of discretion to see her countenance the comfortlesse argued a diuine spirit to heare her speak which was neuer idle prooued an oracle of wit to beholde her presence might speake of a miracle in nature to bee short except Plato I knew no such philosopher except the excepted I meane the Lady of Ladies in this world the honour of women and wonder of men the teacher of witt and the amazer of the wise the terrifier of the proude and the comforter of the oppressed the beautie of Nature the wonder of Reason and the ioy of honour the hand-maid of God the heauenly creature of the Earth and the most worthie Queene in the world the princely Goddesse or diuine Princesse the gracious soueraigne of the blessed Iland of England except I say this sun of the earths skie I knowe not a starre of that state that can compare light with thys Lady while her thoughts keepe the square of such discretion that no idle humour dare enter the list of her conceit What praise can be giuen to that spirit that hath so ordered the carefull course of her sences she doth all things as shee did them not and vseth the world as shee esteemed it not Honour is her seruaunt Uertue is her loue Truth is her studie and Meditation is her exercise yet is shée affable with such curtesie as winnes honor in humilitie to make an abridgement of her prayses in a few words of her woorthines let this suffice that Nature and Wit Uertue and Honour Pitty and Bounty Care and Kindnesse haue so wrought together in the perfecting of a peerelesse creature that I may bite my tongue and burne my penne lay vp my little wits and wish for a more diuine spirit to enter into the conceit of her desert ere I further shew my weaknesse to speake of the wonder of her commendation But among many good parts whereof her praise is top ful I wil tell you one action and not the least that fell out in my time of attendance on her fauour Her house beeing in a maner a kind of little Court her Lorde in place of no meane commaund her person no lesse then worthily and honourablie attended as well with Gentlewomen of excellent spirits as diuers Gentlemen of fine cariage besides all other seruants each of such respect in his place as well might giue praise to the Gouernours where honor setteth rules of such discretion It might perhaps seeme teadious to set downe the truth of such perticulers as deserued a generall cōmendation where first God daily serued religion trulie preached all quarrels auoyded peace carefully preserued swearing not heard of where truth was easilie beléeued a table fully furnished a house richly garnished honor kindly entertained vertue highly estéemed seruice well rewarded and the poore blessedly relieued might make much for the truth of my discourse while Enuie can but fret at her confession but least in blowing at a coale I doo but put out the fire and obscure her praise that