of Iesus Christ reserued by his mother when hée was a little one and that hée had now brought it from Bethleem Hée had no sooner finished these things but all the Citty was full of the newes so that he was presently called before the Seigneury demanded whether it were true that hée had brought with him Moyses hornes and the breath of Christ and hée answered that it was true then they asked him if he were not ashamed to make men worship a paire of hornes If you said the Priest are not ashamed to make men worship and fall downe before the taile of the Asse on which Christ rode on Palme Sunday Dught I to thinke it a shame to make men worship these glorious hornes of Moyses dost thou beléeue said one of the Seigneurie that these are the very hornes of Moyses and that in this viol there is the very breath of Iesus Christ Then he answered and said I doe as verily beléeue that in this viol is the breath of Iesus Christ and that these are the hornes of Moyses as I beléeue that to be the milka of the Uirgin Mary which is in your viols which you say is hers making men reuerence and worship it as an holy Relique When hee had thus said they let him goe The 7. Apologue in which is shewed the folly of many who laugh when they should weepe and weepe when they should laugh POpe Iulius the third on the day of his coronation made a great feast especially for the Ladies of S. Peters Palace amongst which there was one who said wee women are the veriest fooles in the world and being asked why she answered because when Iesus Christ went to be crucified hee went to his soueraigne tryumph ouer sinne death and hell to the great glory of his heauenly father and to our saluation and perfect happinesse and then we wept and made great lamentation but now on the contrary at this mans coronation whence will procéede the great dishonour of God and the certaine ruine and destruction of many Christian soules we passe the time in feasts and merriment The 8 Apologue in which is shewed plainly that there is no Purgatory THere was in Rome an excellent and learned preacher of whom Pope Paul the third as of one in whom hee put great confidence demaunded on a time secretly whether he did belieue that the Pope had as men said so great power and authority ouer Purgatory that hee could thence set at liberty all the soules therein and cause that none should euer come thither againe but the preacher durst not bouldly speake his minde herein and would by no meanes say any thinge against his owne conscience and therefore remained in doubt Wherefore the Pope perceiuing it gaue him incouragement saying that he would haue him speake his mind freely without feare or rather respect Then seeing that the Pope desired to knowe the truth hee answered that he had no power at all ouer Purgatory Againe perceiuing that the Pope did greatly wonder at his words he said thus vnto him Holy Father had your Predecessors as great power and authority as you or had they lesse the Pope made answer that it was equall to his then replied the Preacher if they had as great power as you and by the same were able at any time to empty Purgatory as you suppose your selfe able to doe it is fit we belieue that among so many Popes some one was found so ful of charity to free al soules thence for euer The Pope answered that he could not tell that But said the Preacher I know this well that Iesus Christ the Soueraigne Priest hath of himselfe infinite charity and power and seeing that with his owne proper blood he hath truely and for euer purged the soules of his elect what need haue they of any other purgation wherefore I know not what that power is whereof you brag and boast so much The 9. Apologue by which is shewed the great ambition of the Popes Prelates the meanes they haue to come vnto dignity POpe Paul the third being asked of his kinsmen by what meanes hee did ascend to the Papall dignity answered and saide wee came vnto it by shewing that by the course of nature our time in this life could be but short and that we with patience had long expected it by exquisit practises by liberall promises by bragging what great friendes wee had to terrifie the Cardinalls if they did not elect vs to be Pope and finally by subtill sleights and a large conscience The 10. Apologue by which is in part discouered the auarice and superstition of the Priests and Monkes A Rich Seigneur of Paris being very sicke the thiefe of all the Religious in the citie went at seuerall times to visite him more indéede respecting the guiftes and rewards they hoped for at his hands then his soules safety And the Cordeliers exhorted him to call vpon and put his trust in S. Francis the Iacobins in S. Dominicke and the other in those Saints of whose order they were Mōks The Priest likewise exhorted him that hee would commend himselfe into the hands of S. Peter or of the Saint to whom their Church was didicated The Noble man perceiuing this diuersity caused them all to be sent for and to be assembled into his Chamber and then said thus vnto them When I first fell sicke I caused all the Phisitians in the City to come vnto mée and they could not agrée among themselues to giue me a medicine because that euery one of them to séeme more learned then the rest reproued all that the other would haue giuen mée counselled mee to take that which he would administer vnto mee Therefore calling them togither I said vnto them euery one of you would haue me take the Phisicke which he hath ordained for mée now if I should take all they would bring my body into worse estate then it is already if not kill mée and if I should resolue to take but one I know not which to choose wherefore you shall goe into this next chamber from whence you shall not come vntill you doe agrée to giue me a medicine approued of you all to be the best then the Phisitians knowing that long fasting would bring danger to their owne bodies did quickely consent and brought me physicke assuring mee that it was farre better and more agreable to my maladie then any they would before haue giuen mée Now in like manner you being come to medicine my soule are different among your selues for euery one of you doth exhort me to call vpon such a Saint and I by reason of my great sicknes and debelity of body am not able to make prayers perticulerly to so many Therefore goe you into the Phisitians Chamber and assure your selues that yée shall not come forth thence vntill you tell mee all with one accord to whom especially and onely I ought to commend my selfe for my soules safety Then the Priests and Monkes
God absolue me first and being so what would you haue me doe with your vaine Absolution When hée had thus said he departed from him The 62. Apologue whereby is shewed that in the Church of God there ought to be no Pope nor Cardinalls POpe Adrian was asked on a time why S. Paul speaking of Ministers ordained by God to gouerne his Church and saying that hée had appointd some to bée Apostles some Prophets some Evangelists some Pastors and Teachers had not also added as it was conuenient necessary he should that hée had ordained that there should bée one Pope and a great number of Cardinalls and hee answered that in the Primatiue Church men were so simple grosse of vnderstanding that if hee had named such kind of Creatures they would not haue vnderstood what they had meant The 63. Apologue whereby is shewed the folly of them who beleeue they shall bee saued by the Masses of S. Gregory and how the world is abused A Cerretan or Popish Marchant trauelled about the Country to vtter his commodities and wheresoeuer he came he said vnto the people when any of you is likely to dye hee ordaines by his last Wil and Testament that his friends shall after his death giue a Crowne to the Cordeliers to say the Masses of S. Gregory for him but you do not consider that before they are begun and ended many dayes doe passe away during which time yée must néedes remaine in the fire of Purgatory Now if yée will giue mee but halfe a Crowne for a man I will assure you that yee shall not come thither at all so that yée will onely weare about your necks continnually a little crosse which I will giue you and die with it about you And so many of the people receiued these crosses that the Masses of S. Gregory lost their credit wherefore the Cordeliers made all meanes they could against him calling him a seducer of the people and a preacher of lies but the Cerretan excusing himselfe said that hee had spoke nothing but the truth What said the Friers will thou affirme that thou hast authority to bring back Soules out of Purgatory If I had so said answered the Cerretan I would acknowledge my selfe the greatest sinner in the world I said indéede that I could préserue them from going thither but I spoke not a worde of bringing them backe thence Dost thou presume then said they that thou canst send them immediately into Paradice No said he then I were a foole and an hereticke but I said that if they would weare my little crosses and pay mee halfe a Crowne a man I would assure them they should neuer goe into Purgatory and my reason why I said so is that in such a case they shall be sure to goe to the Diuells in Hell because they beléeue they shall abtaine remission of their sinnes not by Iesus Christ but by paying halfe a Crowne and wearing a little piece of wood about their necks If that you would take as great héede to those thinges which you say when you preach your Indulgences Suffrages Merits Benedictions Absolutions Masses of S. Gregory as haue taken to my words so many false and faigned thinges which would neuer procéede out of your mouths to the detriment and ruine of so many simple people who giue credit to your lies after that yée haue blinded their eyes with your hipocrisie The 64. Apologue of the Cardinall of Chiety THere was two men on a time talking of the Cardinall of Chiety and one of them said that hee had a braine so dry and hard that a man could not with mattockes roote vp the superstitions which grew there much lesse imprint Iesus Christ in it and the other answered It is no maruaile if his braines be so hard and dry for heretofore the measure thereof did consume away w t his studying to bée Cardinall and since hee was Cardinall to bee Pope so that it doth wast and consume continually The 65. Apologue shewing why Pope Paul made the Bishop of Chiety Cardinall AFter that Pope Paul had made the Bishoppe of Chiety Cardinall one of his friends came vnto him and said that hee had done ill seeing that the Fishoppe was not so holy a man as the foolish world was perswaded and the Pope answered wee did not make him Cardinall because wee iudged him an holy man but that the world might iudge vs holy in that wee exalt those which are commonly thought good men Then his friend replied that the Bishop had taught some Venetian gentlemen part of Luthers doctrine wee know that said the Pope and therefore to bee reuenged on him wee made him Cardinall is it a reuenge said the other to make him Cardinal Yes very great said the Pope for whereas the world before tooke him for a Saint now euery one will account a Diuell and wee will yet make him more resemble a brast for wee will not onely not esteeme or regard him at all but also make him commit a thousand grosse and absurd errors The 66. Apologue shewing how men are abused by the Pope CErtaine Germanes beeing asked why they went not to Rome as the custome was answered that it was because they did no more giue credit to the Iubilees and Indulgences of the Pope but onely to the indulgences of Iesus Christ which through faith are offred by God in all places and to all persons when the other replied that it were good to goe thither if for no other cause but to see the Cittie of Rome which is so famous and admirable for monuments of antiquity they answered and said Seing that for a long space wee haue béene so blinde and foolish that wée haue beléeued that Antichrist was our God and vpon that confidence haue not spared our purses to buy Paradice wee are now much ashamed to goe abroad to be seene and knowne to be Germans Thr 67. Apologue wherby is declared the great perfection of the Chartreuse Friers THe Chartreuse Friers doe in vertues excéede all other religious men which is prooued first because they keepe Charity alwaies locked in their Cloisters for feare least they should loose her and neuer suffer her to enter into the Hospitall where they lay their Sicke least shee should bee infected with their diseases Againe they neuer suffer dame pouerty to come amongst them least that being a woman she should defile their chastity Thirdly because they would not offend through disobedience they kéepe themselues for the most part in their chambers to the end that no man should command them any thing Fourthly the greatest part of their time they spend in sléep that they may obserue the great vertue silence Fiftly they keepe patience alwaie prisoner least she should escape them so that there is none among them hath patience but hee that is in prison Sixtly they eate alone that they may lay vp what they leaue Lastly that they may bee humble in the lowest degree they tye their humility
beg absolution of the Priests and Monkes by you ordained accounting him an heritique who puts all his trust in God onely through Iesus Christ his welbeloued sonne our onely sauiour and aduorate Well to conclude the Pope would haue punished him but that the Bishop shewed he could not doe it but hee must much condemne himselfe thereby and greatly derogate from his authority for said hee séeing I haue done nothing but I did it as I was Pope and by the authority which you haue giuen mee if you punnish mée it will follow that the Pope as hee is Pope may erre and by consequence the Popdome will loose much of its credit and reputation The Pope was aduised that hee spake the truth Wherefore he commanded him to renounce his presentment to the Popdome and to resigne his authority which he would not do aleadging that the Popdome was his for he had well bought it then the Pope offered to restore his thousand crownes which hee paid for it but the Bishop would not accept of them both by reason of the great gaines he made thereof as also for the great honour he receiued thereby Finally the Pope séeing no remedy did earnestly intreat him that he would gouerne himselfe so wisely in his affaires that no tumult or controuersie might thence arise and so after great feasting with many kinde and friendly farewels hée sent him backe againe into his owne countrey The 13. Apologue wherein is shewed the originall of the Popedome AS some were talking of the controuersies betwixt the Lutherans and the Pope one said that at the Councell of Trent the Lutherans would sure ruinate the Popedome for they would shew plainly that there was neuer any Bishoppe of Rome rightly Pope and proue not onely by histories but also by the holy Scriptures that S. Peter was neuer at Rome and therefore could not leaue the Popedome to the Bishops of Rome which Iesus Christ if men will belieue it left vnto him but another answered him and said if they haue no other reasons they can neuer bring their enterprise to passe for to ouerthrow the Popdome they must prooue not that S. Peter was neuer at Rome but rather that the great Diuell of hell was neuer there and then it will necessarily follow that no Bishop of Rome was Pope seeing that not S. Peter but the Diuell brought the Popedome thither now because they shall neuer be able to prooue that the Diuell hath not beene at Rome which is the chiefe and principall Citty where the Diuell keepes his residence it followes that by this meanes they cannot ruinate the Popedome The 14. Apologue by which is shewed that the Pope as Pope may erre IT happened on a time as Pope Clement was at dinner that certaine of the Monks disputed in his presence whether the Pope might erre or no and after long disputations they concluded that he might erre as he was man but not as Pope and the Pope giuing eare vnto them said you are dissembling flatterers for we erre dayly in many things neuerthelesse we are Pope still Then one of them answering said that when he erred it was as hee was man and not as Pope to whom the Pope replied thus when we bestow Bishoprickes it is certaine that wée doe it as Pope and yet therein we often erre in conferring them on wicked persons estéeming them to bee honest men To this the Monks knew not what to answere hauing not onely the truth but also the Pope himselfe against them The 15. Apologue by which is shewed that the Pope ought not to haue dominion in the temporall estate THe Emperor on a time demanded of Pope Paul whether the same man might lawfully be both Pope and Emperor The Pope fearing least that the Emperor who was then without a wife would make himselfe Pope also said that it could not bee alleadging many reasons for it especially this that a man could not at the same time well gouerne things spiritual and temporall both Then the Emperor said and why then will you be both Pope and Emperor and in signe thereof not onely vse the Miter as Pope but also the Imperiall Diadem as Emperor Leaue off therefore as it is fit the Dominion and gouernment of the temporall estate and let it suffice you to be Pope this if you will doe of your owne accord I shall take it kindly and inrich and exalt your kindred to great dignity and the succeeding Popes shall be so weake that they shall not bee able to hurt them but if you will not doe it in kindnesse we shall be constrained to make you do it by force The Pope understanding this purposed to giue his sonne Peter Loys all the lands of the Church and was about to giue him Parma and Placentia but his enterprize was hindred both by the Councell as also by the losse of Placentia and the death of his sonne but especially by his own death so that he could not reuenge himselfe of the Emperor as he had determined The 16 Apologue by which is discouered the excessiue pride and folly of the Popes CErtaine men were talking of Princes Kings and Emperors and one of them said that their greatnes did cause that many were found amongst them so proud that they did forget themselues to bee but men and so made their folly knowne vnto the world but I pray you said another of the company was euer any of them knowne so proud and deneid of wit and discretion that they perswaded themselues that they were Gods as the Popes estéeme themselues to bée The 17. Apologue in which is shewed the vanity and folly of those which place their Daughters in Monasteries THere was a Gentleman of Sienes who bring not able to giue a great dowry with his daughter was determined to place her in a Monastery and first communicating his purpose with a friend of his he said I would willingly marry my daughter but without the utter ruine of my estate I am not able to disburse a thousand Florins and therefore I am determined to place her in a Monastery But his friend said vnto him you shall spend much more in making her a Nunne for first you must pay to the Monastery two hundreth Florins for her dowry and afterward you shall spend so much in habites surplices mochouirs vailes Images of our Lady ornaments of her Chamber with many other curiosities which is more in a sumptuous Banquet first whē she is inuested secondly when she professeth that you shall find no end wherefore all being well considered you shall find that with much lesse damage to your estate you may marry your Daughter to some honest man according to the ordinance of God then contrary to the same prostitute and abandon her to those adultrous Monkes who burne continually with the fire of concupiscence as they well deserue because they vow chastity which is not in their power and contemme the remedy which God of his grace hath giuen to the humane
Scriptures there was no mention at all made either of Monke or Nunne whence then said the Germane commeth it to passe that this saying is so commonly vsed whereas said the learned man all men knew that Antichrist must néeds be a great and extraordinary sinner it seemed likely and agréeable to the truth that hee should be borne of such persons as were notorious sinners aboue all others now because amongst Woemen none are so bad as the Nunnes and amongst Men none so wicked as Monkes men iudged hee should bee borne of a Monke and a Nunne The 75. Apologue carping at the ignorance of the Papisticke Bishops A Certaine man being asked what the two partes of the Episcopall Miter did signifie answered that the part before did signifie the new Testament and that behind the old and that the Bishops did weare them on their heades to shew they both ought to bee well vnderstood of them and laid vp in their hearts being asked againe what the two labels did signifie which hang on the right side and the other on the left he answered that they did shew that the Bishops did vnderstand neither the one nor the other of them The 76 Apologue shewing where the Popes holines lies THere was a man in Rome which did mocke at them who did call the Pope most holy and demanded of them whether hee were more holy then Iesus Christ who is the Saint of Saints and the holiest of all wée know well enough said hee that hée is a sinfull man as we are yea that he is an extraordinary sinner so that all his holinesse is in his heeles then said another which was present that is the reason that men vse to kisse his feet namely because his holinesse lies in his heeles The 77. Apologue by which is shewed in what Pope Leo was a good Cocke IAmes Saluiaty hauing some occasion to speake to with Pope Leo came one morning very early to the Pallace and had much adoe to get in to the Pope because the Groomes of his Chamber were all asléepe Yet when at last hee was got in hee found that the Pope had béene vp a good while before Wherefore wondring at it he said Holy father you were vp very early this morning It is true said the Pope wee are a good Cocke you are not a good Cocke said Saluiatie to waken your Seruants for I found them all asleepe you are not a good Cocke to Crow for you haue a very bad voyce as touching fighting you are not a good Cocke for you are so fat and grosse that you can hardly goe much lesse fight well it remaineth then that you bée a good Cocke in scraping in the earth as hee doth or else in satisfying many women as he contenteth many hennes At this the Pope laughed heartily and confessed that he had said the truth The 78. Apologue shewing that one cannot bee Pope and an honest man AFter the death of Iulius the second Leo although he were a very young man was created Pope because all men thought him to be a holy and religious man but after he had béene Pope a while he proued a notorious sinner and a dissipator of the Churches goods wherefore on a time certaine ancient Cardinalls reprehended and chid him handsomly for his euill life And he answered and said If we are wicked let it be imputed to you for you are they which haue made vs such as we are the Cardinalls thought his words very strange and asked him how they had made him wicked then he answered it was in making me Pope for it is vnpossible at the same time to bée both Pope and an honest man The 79. Apologue of the folly of the Cardinall of Lunes THere were some that had made the Cardinall of Lunes beléeue that the eating of salt did damage and impaire the health of the body wherefore that hee might liue long without sicknes hée would neuer eat salt in any kinde of meat when a certaine man vnderstood of it hée said it is no maruaile if the Cardinall of Lunes be a foole séeing that he doth neuer eat any salt The 80. Apologue by which is shewed the quality of the Monasteries A Gentlewoman of Sienes on a time méeting with a Sister of hers amongst other things said vnto her I am much grieued in mind by reason of my Daughter who is you know already marigeable and to tell you the truth shée hath so little wit that I am ashamed of her for so simple and foolish shée is that one might easily make her beléeue that the Moone is made of a gréene Chéese as the prouerbe is wherefore I am affraid to marry her least she should be a laughing stock to all that come in her company And her Sister answered place her then in a monastery for a time and you shall finde that by frequenting the company of Nunnes and other young Maides shee will bee changed for indéede it is no maruaile if she bee so simple séeing that you kéepe her alwayes lockt vp in your house not hauing any to kéepe her company now the Gentle woman following the aduise and counsell of her Sister placed her in a Monastery where she had not béene a yeare but being sent for home shee shewed that she knew more then her mother Insomuch that when shee met with her sister againe shée said I desired that it might raine and not that there might be a deluge but my Daughter is of a little Angell become a great Diuel for I thinke that if she had beene this time among so many Diuells she could not haue learned more wicknednes then she knowes The 81. Apologue shewing what thing the Popedome is POpe Clement being very angry by reason of letters which he had receiued from England sent for the English Embassadour and said vnto him wee vnderstand that your king saith that we are not Pope nor Uicar of Christ on earth then the Embassadour answered surely Holy Father it is but your immagination an immagination said the Pope we haue a letter to confirme the truth thereof If it be so said the Embassadour it may be that the Kings Secretary did misvnderstand him Hee that wrote this said the Pope hath written nothing but plaine and manifest things Then the Embassadour said it may bee that the Secretary did of purpose write that which was false to bréed discord betwéene your Holines and the Maiesty of the King my Maister But the Pope said hee that wrote these letters is an honest man and one that desireth peace and vnity betwirt vs perhaps then said the Embassadour the King spake these words in his anger and is now of another mind that cannot be said the Pope for hee spake them in the presence of his Counsell and with good aduice for he added that it was the opinion of all the learned in his Realme If it be so said the Embassadour that this is no faigned thing but that it was written by a man fearing God and
MERRY IESTS Concerning Popes Monkes and Friers Whereby is discouered their Abuses and Errors c. Written first in Italian by N. S. and thence translated into French by G. I. and now out of French into English By R. W. Bac. of Arts of H.H. in Oxon. Omne tulit punctum qui miscuit vtile dulci. Printed by G. Eld. 1617. The Translator to the Reader COurteous Reader for so I hope to finde thee so nefande and execrable I confesse haue beene the practises of the Papists in this exorbitant age of the world as late barbarous attempts at home a later bloudy deed abroad can well testifie that no man I thinke hath a toung so Satirically invectiue that hee can any waye make the bitternes of his speech correspondent to the cruelty of their actions Wherefore these Apologues long since fitted to their follies in comparison with it may seeme vnto thee like Domitions pricking of flies in regard of managing the astaires of his Empire yet good vse may be made of them in these our dayes For as in former time among the Romans who were neuer almost without warres there were Ludi Circences and Naumachiae plaies as they accounted them but in nature consonant to their present imployments for they did both yeeld recreation for the present and also excercise them against any future ocasion so in these our daies of warfare against the trecheries of the Papists after thy wiriting against their errors or reading of graue controuersies or at least more serious consideration of their irreligious practices against vs these Apologues may serue vnto thee as a recreation and yet withall they wil afford thee a manifest declaration of some of their sortish superstitions good arguments against them for vnder a fabulous superficies thou shalt find true substance and in a seeming tale manifesteth truth Wherefore as Virgil on a time hauing some of old Ennius his workes in his hands said to one asking him what hee did Ex Ennis stercoro aurum colligo so maist thou reading in this booke answeare any demaunding what thou dost that thou gatherest gold out of the dust of Apologues But that I may come to my selfe if the plainenes of the translation bee not pleasing to curious eares I Apologize for my selfe two waies first that mine Author shall excuse mee whom I so followed as one intending to translate and not to make a new Secondly wherein also I excuse mine Author that the forme of the Apologues is such namely a relation of Dialogues where inquam and inquit is oft inferred that it could not bee otherwise Yet as gold is not to bee refused because it is digged out of the earth nor pearles because they are found in the sands so I hope these witty conceites will not bee distastfull to any although they bee not related in curious tearmes and that I shall not deserue dispraise in immitating him in words of whom I borrowed the subiect of my speech And so committing my selfe my translation to thy censure I commit thee and my selfe to him that will censure vs both wishing thee as thou likest this first booke so to expect more of me hereafter Thine as thou art mine Rowland Willet To the Reader WEe thought the Tuscans are more strange then true Which by the new found Perspective descri'd Far off smooth-seeming Luna's rougher hue Which simple ignorance had long belied See heere this Glasse o're Alpes clouds detects Romes long-maskt Mconelike tumors defects W. R. to R. W. WOuldst know the vulgar censure of thy book Or how the Apists Will thy fables take He tell in briefe the first like Boyes will brooke Thy wholsome pills but for the gilding sake The last will put thee on the tenter booke And winke at that their sottish selues did make Crying as once did the Athenians sad Democritus by his laughing sure is mad But when Hipocrates that learned sage Shall feele thy temperate pulse and know whence springs Thy laughter he will cry the Romanes rage Democritus is wise the Pope and Popelings All are mad who sell the heauenly heritage While they themselues float on the Diuels wings The Cordelier is mad who weares on 's coate The rope which better would becom his throat H. I. H.I. to R.W. IF painefull Merchants who haue ventur'd far To bring home treasure from a forraign Land Deserue great praise and iustly honour'd are How can thy booke but of the publike band Win generall applause though at the barre Of enuy and her brood thy worth should stand With 2 strang tongs thou deckst thy mothers tong Merchants but fat the land with forrain dung To R. W. T Is true Italienated English men Are by the Prouerb stil d incarnate deuills But this Italian English by my pen Containes a million of infernall euils Of Popes Monkes Cardinalls and Nuns ye tell These are the fiends I meane and bags of hell I. S. To the Papist Reader TVsh will the Popish Reader say th' are lies Professed Apologues slaunders all may see I grant 't is so And yet as I surmize T is with a matter of truth ye slandred be Your truest Legends are but tales Canoniz'd Your serious workes ridiculous to view His falsest tales are stories but mispriz'd And why may not the man which laughes speake true Only for this vntruth I must him blame In that he giues the truth a lyers name Only in this I needs must say he failes And tels a tale in that he calls them tales I. H. The Translator to the Reader IF that a Iury doe condemne or quit Our Iudges and our Lawes allow of it And none is found so peeuish and peruerse To goe about their verdicts to reuerse A friendly Iuries censure here you see Which of reproofe doth quit my booke and mee Then none I hope deuoid of hereses Will either me dispraise or it despise But if the Papists raile and Pope doe curse He blesse againe not thinke my selfe the worse Nor let men thinke these Apologues are lies Being grounded on Authenticke histories As I m part the learned well can tell Then Reader be a friendly iudge farewell R. W. MERRY IESTES of Popes Munkes and Friers Wherein are discouered the Abuses of the Pope and his followers The first Apologue in which is shewed not onely that the Pope may erre in faith but also what is the faith of Popes and their Prelates A Romaine Courtier in a certaine conference said that the Pope might erre in faith for which he was presently apprehended and sent vnto prison And because hee was a man of great credit the Pope sent one of his Cardinals to cramine him and hee not only constantly maintained his former spéeches but also said againe in the Cardinals presence that the Pope might erre in faith the Cardinall told him that hée was as hereticke to beléeue it But hee answering said what if I haue knowne wherein the Pope did erre in faith shall I be accounted an heretick for beleeuing the
truth wherein said the Cardinall haue you perceiued that the Pope did erre in faith Pope Paul said he on a time as he was at dinner said in my hearing to many yet liuing whom I can produce for witnesses that he beléeued that he should recouer Placentia before he died but yet died before he recouered it therefore I am perswaded that he did erre and was deceiued in faith Then the Cardinall answered and said we thought that you had spoke of the faith in spirituall things no said the Courtier I spoke onely of faith in matters of this world for as touching the faith in things which appertaine vnto God so farre am I from knowing whether he erre or not that I am altogether ignorant whether the Popes or you their Prelates haue any beléefe at all The 2. Apologue by which is shewed that the Pope cannot deliuer soules out of Purgatory IN the time of Bourbon Pope Clement being affraid withdrew himself together with some of the Prelates which were his friends into the Castle of the Holy Angel being there as it were shut up in prison a Romane Gentleman said vntill this time I haue alwayes beleeued that the Pope could deliuer soules out of Purgatory but séeing that at this present hée cannot deliuer himselfe and his deare friends out of prison I am constrained to beleeue that hee is much lesse able to deliuer soules out of Purgatory The 3. Apologue by which is discouered the folly of Priests and Monkes who pray vnto God singing A Certaine Priest went vnto Rome so beg a Benefice which was void and such good friends he had that he was permitted to enter into the Consistory the Pope and Cardinalls being there assembled where deuoutly falling downe vppon his knées hee began to demand the Benefice singing after the same manner hee was went to sing the Letanie saying with a loud voyce Most holy Father I humbly craue such a Benefice heare me I beséech you then turning himselfe towards the Cardinalls and naming them one after another singing as hée did before he said Most reuerent Lord such a one pray for mee that I may obtaine the Benefice which I desire of the Pope They hearing this began all to laugh being notwithstanding very angry with him because they thought that hee had mocked them Wherefore the master of the Ceremonies went vnto him and reprehended him saying that hée ought to aske that which hée would haue with greater reuerence to whom he answered and said I know not how to desire a fauour of the Pope and Cardinals with greater reuerence and deuotion then with the same wherewith the Popes who as we hold cannot erre haue taught me to begge things héedefull for mee of Christ the Apostles and other Saints And because when I would haue any thing of Christ or of the Saints I pray for it singing as the Popes haue taught vs to doe in the Letanics I should neuer haue imagined that it had béene ill to doe as I haue done At this they all laughed and granted his request The 4. Apologue by which is shewed what force the Councils haue as also vpon what the Popedome is founded POpe Paul on a time exhorted some of his Prelates to study the holy Scriptures that at the Councils they might be able to ouerthrow and confound the reasons and arguments of the Lutherans and one of them said it is needlesse that we should take so much paines in vaine and to no purpose séeing that your Holinesse may easily and with a few words annihilate them all When the Pope asked him by what meanes hée answered in not accepting but reprouing and condemning as heresie all that they shall say contrary to your profit The Pope confessed that indéed that was true but neuerthelesse hée thought it good that they thence shewed some reasons which moued him therevnto as also that the Popedome and doctrine thereof had good foundation It is not best for vs said the Prelate to read the Scriptures to that purpose for they are contrary vnto vs but wee must betake our selues to your and our decrees Decretals and extrauagants then the Pope answered and said although nothing may be directly had out of the Scriptures yet it is good to study them that when néed shall require we may be able to cauill and wrest them to our purpose and phantasie The 5. Apologue whereby is shewed that Simonie is a sinfull thing and whose successours the Popes Prelates are A Certaine Romane made his confession of some matters which must not be spoken of to a Confessor in the Temple of S. Peter in Rome but the Confessor would not absolue him vnlesse hée would giue him ten Crownes wherefore the Romane said Gratis accepistis gratis date fréely you haue receiued fréely giue To this the Confessor answered he lies in his throat who either saith or will say these words for I had not this office gratis but I bought it and it cost me more then an hundred Crownes Then the Romane said do you not know that these are the wordes of Iesus Christ will you say that Christ doth lye To this the Confessor answered although these words are his hee spoke them not to vs for wée can at no time haue of the Pope the least office Benefice or fauour that is without mony wherefore you must adresse your selues to the Apostles to whom Christ spake these words It is true said the Roman he spake to them indéed but he also meant thereby all that should succéed them If it be so said the Confessor wée are not the Apostles successors but theirs who bought and sold in the Temple The 6. Apologue by which is discouered the folly of those who beleeue in Reliques and worship them A Priest of Geneua moued with deuotion trauelled to visit certaine holy places and after a time returned home againe but with much lesse deuotion then hée had before and with his purse quite empty And being asked of many where the Reliques were which hée had brought to regaine the mony which hée had spent in his iourney after a little deliberation he answered that he had brought two most excellent and most holy Reliques and began to tell of them but secretly to his friends intreating them that they would not speake openly of them for feare least they should be taken from him by the Signeurie withall promising them that if they would be secret he would impart the sight of them so that they would make him some contribution towards his great expences in procuring them finally many being desirous to see them gaue him money and then he hauing before ordered his busines drew forth a piece of silke a goodly paire of Dreshornes and holding them vp said vnto the people that hée had brought them from mount Sina and that they were the hornes wherewith Moyses descended from thence after hée had ended his spéeches with God Then taking a viol in his hand he said that therein was contained the breath