consulted what to do for mee But concluded there was no help but I must dye But when I heard that I said there is yet help in God and it was set upon me to believe that if I could but touch the hemm of the garment of Jesus Christ that is believingly go to him I should be healed being also put in minde of that promise that whosoever forsake any thing for his sake and the Gospels Mat. 19 29. should receive an hundredfold then I cryed Lord give me to be healed of this distemper by thee seing thou art pleased to deny help by man And one day our Pastor called in to visit me as he was going to the meeting whom I did desire to pray for me and to stirre up the bretheren to joyn with him and I much incouraged him that they should pray in faith believing for what they asked telling him that by faith and prayer he would assuredly heal me and verily according unto my faith it was done unto me for ever blessed be God for J. Christ for as they were praying in his name the distemper departed Next the Lord was pleased to lay his afflicting hand upon another of my children then did I much desire that all afflictions might be sanctified rather then removed and that by all I might be made more conformable unto Jesus Christ was I helped then to read and mind thad place in Job Job 34 32. That which I see not teach thou mee if I have done iniquâ—â—y I will do no more Then our Pastor coming again to visit me I asked him how we should know the mind of God in these many afflictions he answered mee that a man having an orchard or vineyard walkes therein and among all the trees he makes choyce it may be of some one tree whose standing is more pleasant and conveniâ—nt then others and that tree he chops hacks and makes an Arbour to sit in for his delight and said hee if God wil do so by you will you not there with be content Oh! yes said I if that be the good will of my heavenly father and blessed be God I did find it so for though I have sowed in tears I have reaped in joy and have found the times of greatest outward trouble and affliction have been the onely times of greatest inward and spiritual joy and soul consolation verily I cannot express with tongue nor pen the large experience I have had upon this account And this I have found that when a poor soul is faithful and single hearted for God walking up to the light id hath received this is the very way to injoy the presence of God and his blessing upon him in what state and condition so ever he is in for this I can declare from mine own experience that lose is the way to gain troublet is the way to peace sorrow is the way to joy and death is the way to life he that looseth his life for my sake saith Jesus Christ the same shall find it through the valey of tears lieth the way to the mountain of joy for whilst I set my self in good earnest to seek the Lord for instruction into the truth as it is in Jesus I met with many difficulties but yet out prayer hearing God was pleased to come in by degrees having through his grace given me faith in his son who was exalted as a Prince and a SÃ viour to give me repentance made mee also willing to be baptised for the remission of sins Now that which made me willing to obey the Lord in this Ordinance was the Command of Jesus Christ in Mat. 28 19. and Act. 10 48. and the example of Christ and the practise of the Apostles and pâ—imitive Saints together with the promise of the gift of the Holy Ghost anexed thereunto Acts 2 38. And indeed this truth a last was so set upon my heart by the Lord that though many difficulties lay in the way yet the Lord carried me through them all and after I had obeyed the Lord therein in very faithsulness I must declare that I did injoy the incomes of God in a more plentisul manner then before But Satan for some time laboured to hinder mee in obeying the Lord in this piece of service with this temptation that by this meanes a death in all likelyhood and in an eye of reason would fall upon my livelyhood but God made it a furtherance to mee and to others also so that many of us were at that time after waiting on God by fasting and prayer baptized together And after that the Lord was pleased to bless mee in my imployment that following year with more then ordinary success by which the Devil was proved a lyar But afterward I had some fears that my imployment might be a suare unto mâ—e as the world is to many and that I should bee too earthly in it for this Scripture did follow mee very much which I desire to give good heed unto Oh! Earth Earth hear the word of the Lord. And often in prayer I did cry unto God saying speak Lord for thy servant desires to hear and was very desirous to know what the Lord would have me to understand by this word and when I had considered I found some thing in my imployment sinsul and a hinderance unto my spiritual injoyments to convince mee of which the Lord waâ— pleased to with hold his blessing upon that imployment which before I had found therein to the convincing and converting of some to himself so finding something in it contrary to his will I was constreined to leave it of and after much seeking of the Lord for councel these Scriptures were much with mee Math. 7 7. Ask and it shall be given you seek and ye shall find knockâ— and it shall be opened unto you If ye then being evil know how to give good guifts unto your children how much more shall your father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him Math. 7 11. And on my servants and on my hand maidens will I pour out of my spirit and they shall prophesy Acts 2 18. These promises did dwell with mee for a long season so that I was much stirred up to pray to the Lord that he would please to accomplish them upon mee and pour out of his blessed Spirit upon mee And after long seeking espâ—cially one day being very earnest and importunate with the Lord after which I went out to walk and on a sudden I was indued with the gift of singing in such a way and manner as I had not been acquainted with before and immediately this following song came in as fast as I could sing as followeth it was in the year 1655. in the Moneth of February Come home come home thy work is done My glory thou shalt see Let all the meek ones of the earth Come home along with thee Cast of the world it is too base And low for thee to dwell I have redeem'd thee from
it comes out of love from our blessed Saviour And let not this be dispised because it is the Spirits working in the weakesâ— vessel for Christ did not reject the woman though weak ignorant and sinful and where he hath forgiven much he maketh them love much and follow him to the lasâ— especially if they keep the word of his patience holding fast to every truth of God though it be in an evil time when truth is dispised Mary followed Christ to the last and the Lord did so assist her with his Spirit who shewed her strong affections to him gonig early in the mornning to the sepulchre and Christ put this honour upon her that she must bring the first glad tidings of the Gospel of the resurrection unto the Disciples And his appearance to her in that season when she knew not where to seek him Christ herein shewed his great Love to sinners for she being a poor ignor an t woman though full of affection did as many of us do now a dayes seek the living among the dead but where Christ keeps up the affections of a soul to himself he manifests more of the knowledg of himself and Christ doth testify in Iohn 4. Thâ—â— it was his meat and drink to do his fathers will and that was to teach the poor tâ—â— knowledg of his will And when he made known himself to that poor woman 〈◊〉 affections where so enlarged that she goes and calls others ver 34. thus Christ finished the work of his father to take care of the weakest of his stock that as the woman was first in the transgression she might have first knowledg of the resurrection the guift of the well of watter which springs up unto everlasting life and this guift God is pleased to give it unto women as well as unto men And he doth require that they should honour him as well as men for the free grace of God in Christ as welâ— to the one as the other and 't is his free grace that I am what I am and if this small mite be not accepted by all I shall take it as an high honnor to suffer for well-doing for â—hough in my self I am low and find the flesh would hinder and my memory bad yet I can through grace say the spirit hath been my remembrance and in the simplicity of my heart I have done this and out of obedience to my good God which makes the Son of righteousness to shine on the weak and on the strong And truely I have nothing to glory in for I never did see my self so weak as now and since I had communion night and day with God I never was so much in self-loathing and abhorring as now therefore praise the Lord with mee for I am a poor sinful creature and I desire that all that fear the Lord to whom this shall come would pray earnestly to God for me that I may stand fast in this evil day and may walk humbly blamelesly and very harmlesly towards all so that I may honour him which hath honoured me with his Son to whom be glory and praise for ever Now to testify to all that I have received from the Lord that gift of singing as well as the gift of prayer and any other therefore I shall present to your view some of those Hymnes and spiritual Songs with an account how and when they were given in and so shall leave it to the spiritual to Iudge As I was waiting on the Lord in that Ordinance of the Lords Supper this following short Hymne was immediately given in O Now my soul go forth with praise For God excepteth thee alwayes Thy life is bound up now in mee My precious death hath set thee free This Testimony I thee give At this bread was broaken so was I That thou in mee mightest never dye My blood doth justify the same That thou mayest praise my holy Name My Covenant I have made with thee So that thou art now whole set free Sin nor Saâ—han cannot thee charge Because my love hath thee inlarg'd So sure as I am plas 't above So sure art thou now of my love Your waiting shall be upon me till I your souls hath filled and in the way of righteousness you shall be made to yeeld Another time I having been waiting on the Lord in breaking bread And soon after was given in this following THE Spring is come the dead is gâ—ne Sweet streams of love doth flow There is a Rock that you must knock â—rom whence these stream do go The Banquets sâ—t the King is câ—me To entertain his Guest All that are weary of their sins He waites to gâ—ve them rest Then come and take your fill of love Here 's joy enough for all To see our King so richly clad And gâ—ve so loud a call Here 's Wine without money or price Here 's milk to nurish babes You may come to this banquet now And fâ—ede of it most large Then comfâ—rt you your selves in him T is sweet to see his love That they that are redeemed by him May live so free above And while the afflicting hand of God was upon mee in some measure this following was given in one evening as a song of instruction AFflictions are not from the dust Nor are they in vain sent But they shall work the work of him That is most nobly Bent. Then let thine eyes look upon him Which worketh in the dark And let thine heart imbrace his love Least thou from him should'st start Although thou canst not see his work Yet waite on him with joy For none shall hinder now his work Nor none shall him Anoy Thou must be willing to take up The cross to follow him And waite till he will make his cup To flow up to the brim Seeing thou art now called unto The purpose of his will Let not afflictions trouble thee Believe and stand thou still If that the Lord did not thee love He would not this pains take To let thee see his grace in thee And also thee awake It sâ—owers away the drâ—sâ—â— from thee And takes away thy tinne It makes thy soul sit for to hear The voice of thy sweet King It makes the soul further to know The Sonship of his grace And weanes the soul from things below That it mâ—y seek his face It puts the wise to see his work And puts him in the way That he may forthwith seek the Lord Without further delay It makâ—s him now resolve upon Obedience to his grace And watchful in the way he goes That he may seek his face It makes him look for strenght from God To heale his sliding back It makes him look up to the Rock For that vvhich he dot lack This was November the 20. in the Year 1656. ZION is God's precious plant The Lord vvill vvatter it every day O! Zion is God's holy one It shall not vvhet her nor decay Zion is that fenced vvell A Tovver that none shall throvv dovâ—n O! Zion
given mee a tast of the riches of his pardonning love and grace in Christ Jesus I was also carried out to pitty others and begge that God would let them also tast of the same and a particular person was set upon my heart to begge of God for and in a short time the Lord was pleased to answer my desire in working a work of grace in that soul Then I was called by providence to remove into a dark family where I had lived some time beofore and I then finding much opposition against mee was not willing to go thither again but set my self to pray not that I might be willing to submit to the will of God but that I might not remove into that family though had I then understood it my call was clear enough being earnestly desired there unto by my husband and invited by the family who now professed they could not be without mee though when I was there before they did not affect mee well being lofty and could not bear such admonitions that sometime letting fall among them but upon the importunity of my husband and this family I then at length set my self to seek the Lord that my heart might be made to submit to his will what ever it were and that if I did go I might some way or other be useful to him in that place Now that which made mee so unwilling to go unto that family was because of the opposition that I had met with before in the wayes of God and then a want of the means both of preaching the word and fellowship with the Saints But upon my earnest seeking to know the mind of God and to be brought to submit unto it my heart was soon made willing to go which accordingly I did and I had not been long there before it pleased the Lord to worke upon one of the family to my great comfort and refreshing who was one that I looked upon as unlike as any in the family Also the Lord was pleased by death to take away a child from mee which was to my casting down and for some time I was under a cloud and questioned whither I were a child of God and whither my child were saved In that time a good man laboured to comfort mee telling mee before the Lord gave mee a son he gave mee his own son Oh said I that I could see that why said hee if you will see that take head of a cursting law a slandring devil and an accusing conscience all which the Lord hath delivered you from and therefore now wait upon the Lord I am confident the Lord will appear in this thing And the Lord was pleased after seeking of him to set it upon my heart that that child was well with him and that he had such another mercy for mee on earth which he gave mee faith in notwithstanding great oppositions against at that present yet after some half a years waiting upon the Lord I was assured of it A fit of desertion After this the God of comfort was pleased to withdraw and leave mee in a deserted condition which I found to be very sad and I was very much perplexed in my spirit but could not speak of it unto any But going to hear a Sermon the Minister was upon that Text Lord forsake mee not utterly that is to say not overlong least the spirit should fail before thee hee then shewed what desertion was and why God doth sometime seem to leave his own people Because said he throug some pride they thougt they could walk alone and so neglected their watch then God hide his face that they might see their own insufficiency and know that all their peace strength and comfort is in and from him And this through mercy was a great help unto mee at that time Further while I was under that ministry God was pleased to convince mee of the falsness of their Worship which in that place then was used and having an opportunity to go with others to the communion as they call it I could not kneell as the rest did but sat down as if I had kneeled and as I there sat it came upon my heart to think thus as if it had been spoken to mee why dissemblest thou a worship before the Lord hee that commands thee to kneel there may as well command thee to kneel at an Altar although at that time there was nothing known of setting up of Altars which thing I made known to that Minister and did warn him that if Altars should be set up that he would not for filthy lucre sake kneell at them himself nor compel others so to do But he told mee he could not believe any such thing should be but if it should bee so he promised mee he would not conform to them But in a short time after he found il too true for Altarts were reared up and he poor man contrary to his promise did comform himself in that thing and compelled others so to do but the first time he did so it pleased the Lord to smite him with a sore languishing disease that he went out no more Soon after I was at the Christenig of a child as they call it at which time God was pleased to convince mee of the evil and falseness of that piece of Worship also Then was there in the nation a publique fast proclamed and by mans invention there was a form of prayer made and appointed to bo read in every assembly that fast-day this was a third conviction that I had about their formal outside way of worship I had then an opportunity to come into one of those assemblies that fast-day while that prayer was reading at which present this thought came strongly upon mee Is this a worship in spirit and truth which thy soul when it is upon the wing with God cannot joyn with all for I could not joyn with the words then read in that formost prayer Upon which I even melted in my spirit and fell into shedding of tears resolving to seperate from and come no more to joyn in such a way of worship until I had very diligently searched into the true way of Gods worship as it is written in his blessed word and in order there unto I made use of all the best books I could get that were then published to that purpose and also called in the help of many Godly Ministers of several judgment but when all this was done I was still unsatisfied in that behalf And then did I cry unto the Lord to teach mee and it was by the Lord set upon my heart that I must not do any thing in the way of his worship but what I had ground for in his holy word that Gods Servants were alwayes to observe his pattern in all that they do to him and that Scripture was much set upon my heart Rev. 22. vers 18 19. For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophesy of this
removed again out of England into Holland and I brought the papers of my experiences with mee which the Ship being cast away were lost with the trunck in which they were Then was it much set upon my heart that God was displeased with mee for not putting them in print and then the guift of singing and praising was much ceased and I was troubled for the which I sought the Lord and did begg ' that if he were offended at mee for not printing and leaving them behind mee that he would pardon it unto mee and that if it were his good pleasure I should write them again I did pray that he would let his Spirit come to inable mee again in singing and prayer as it was wont to do and be my remembrancer to write again and indeed it did so not long after in the night both in song and in prayer But then I having not time was much hindered yet notwithstanding according to the time I had I set my self to do it and the Lord was pleased to assist mee in bringing again to my remembrance things of long standing Now before I departed from England I was satisfied in my spirit that I had a clear call from thee Lord so to do for indeed more then a year I had such a motion in my spirit backed with many Scriptures for its furtherance Yet nothwithstanding in this Voyage we met wich some diffciulty for the Ship I came over in was cast away but in the time of the greatest trouble the Lord gave mee in these promises that he would be with mee in six troubles and in the seventh he would not forsake mee Call upon mee in the day of trouble I will hear thee and deliver thee and thou shalt glorify mee With this sweet word also thou shalt not die but live to see the mercy I will shew unto thee It was in the night and after some time the Ship being a ground and in great danger and so were all the persons in it one asked mee if I were not afraid I answered the God of heaven my Father hath brought mee hither and if he may have more honour in drowning of mee then by preserving mee his will be done Then when the mast was cut down and the Master with some others said we are dead persons and like to loose our lives yet I had much hope in the Lord because of his promise and after that I and some others in the Ship with mee had committed our selves unto God by prayer I being in the Cabbon laid me down to sleep but I had not it seems lien half an hour but they called us and said there was Land not far of if wee would seek for help vvhich accordingly vve did But it being but about the break of the day vve did vvander over the sandâ— but could find no vvay out of the sea as it vvere compassing us aboue round then vve all returned to the Ship again and some concluded vve must go in an perish there so they vvent in again But vve said if vve must perish vve vvould be still seeking to save our lives And as our God to whom we had committed ourselves guided us we went another way on the sands and as I was going looking to God to be my Pilot not knowing whether vve vvent for the sea vvas one both sides of us and vvee had but a small vvay on the sands to vvalk in and as I vvas begging of the Lord to keep in the seastill vve found out a place not onely for our ovvn escape but that vve might see deliverance for our friends in the Ship also the Lord vvas pleased to set this upon my heart As thy deliverance is so shall Englands be vvhen they are brought to greatest streights then vvill deliverance be from God A hint of some night meditations and effects of prayer I being avvake one night and very full of trouble in my mind because I vvas no more spiritual for I had found my self very dead-hearted in prayer over night for the vvhich I vvas very sadly afflicted in spirit and indeed then vvanting place of retirement to send up strong cries unto the Lord did much deaden my spirit for I found it vvas the practice of Jesus Christ sometime to be in the vvilderness sometime in the mountain all night in prayer alone and sometimes alone in the gardin and I find prayer in secret much acceptâ—d vvith God according to that vvord Pray to thy â—ather in secret and he will reward thee opeâ—ly Math. 6 6. indeed so full of sorrovv vvas I that I uttered no vvords but sigâ—d and groaned to the Lord. Then this came in Vpon the 〈◊〉 thou shalt live 〈…〉 of â—oâ—e I will the 〈◊〉 〈…〉 be made all times to see 〈…〉 flowes in mee Then did I groaâ—e before the Lord that he vvould give in some promise the Lord cast in this that the grace or prayer vvas before the guist of prayer and that this vvas the grace of prayer to give up our selves in faith to the guidance of the spirit and so by â—aith to have communion vvith the Father and the Son in the Spirit for Christ tâ—ld the Woman John 4 v. 21 22 23. Neither in thus mountain noâ— in Ierusalem shaâ—l mâ—n worship the Father but the â—our is coming a now us when the true worshippâ—rs shall worship the Father in Spirit and iâ— truth sor the â—ather sâ—â—keth such to worship him God is a Spirit and they that worship him must worship him in Spirit and in truth This Woman then could say that Christ vvould teach all things vvhy should not vve look for the teachings of the Spirit novv seeing Christ hath not onely been vvith us in the flesh God and man but had also promised us the pourings out of the Spirit to teach us all things and to bring all things to our remembrance Then further I vvas mourning that I could not injoy the ordinances of God â—n their purity and the Lord shevved mee that I must offer up my 〈◊〉 And vvhen Abraham vvent to do that he left his servants belovv the hill and consulteâ— not vvith flesh and blood Also aftervvard I had such vvonderful experience of communion vvith God through the Spirit as I am not able to utter it I avvaking another night vvas greatly complaining that the flesh did so 〈◊〉 in the Spirits vvork that vvhen I vvorld do good evil is present â—â—en did the spirit put me upon uttering many heavenly complaints in a vvay of singing and after that vvith the help of the Spirit to pray vvith much enlargâ—dness And aâ—ter that there vvas by the same spirit vvith very much povver this vvord Be silent before mee all flesh Oh! and then follovved the vvonderful speakings of God by his blessed Spirit to my poor soul vvhich I cannot utter as to the manner of them bâ—t the nature of them vvas exceeding comforting to my self and also filled 〈◊〉 vvith great hopes to all the people of God
found that a chearfull watchful diligent spirit in ones general and particular calling is a great help to prevent mispending time for of idleness comes no good therefore it hath been my practice that if I can do no good nor receive good not to stay in that place long Oh! let us be wary how we spend our precious time for it hat a lock before but none behind I am of a fearful timerous spirit naturally but I find it a great help to dash Babilons brats in the first rice I was about 14 years in the pangs of the new birth before I received the witness of the spirit in which time I was exceeding troubled with my unbelieving heart through entertaining false fears and indeed some thing of Jesus Christ was in mee all that while Althoug sometimes I could not with comfort be hold him through that thick cloud of my many Iniquities and I never found Satan more foyled and my own corruptions more subdued then when I by faith could look up unto Gods unchangeable love in Jesus Christ though I be a poor changeable creature and verily I have found great gain in true Godliness And now friends give me leave to tell you these are mine experiences and I fear it would be burthen some to you if I should be larger which I could be but give me leave to tell you the conclusion of all what I endeavour after which is to press after the mark of the high calling to deny my self and look up to him that is perfect and who presents all his perfect without spot or wrinkle Not to him that worketh onely but to him that believeth for he is holy I desire to observe all the Commands of Christ as my rule of life but I am not here by justified but alone by a righteousness out of my self there fore I say none but Christ not by workes of rightcousness that we do but by faith are we saved that not of our selves it is the guift of God for he that kindleth a fire and composeth himself about with the sparks thereof he shall lie down in sorrow Isa 50 11. for a man may do much in outward performances and yet not have a heart right with God the foolish virgins had lamps of profession as well as the wise but they had not oyle so the young man in the Gospel said to Christ he had observed all the Commandments from his youth what lacked he yet but to deny himself and to part with what he had for Christ to take up the cross and to follow him which he could not do except Christ had given him a righteous heart for all his outward seeming righteousness So the Scribes and Pharisees blamed Câ—rist for all his righteous actions but could not see the Idol in thâ—r own hearts for all their righteousness sprung not from a right root nor was done by a right rule nor to a right end 1. First they had not grace in their hearts 2. Secondly neither did they do what they did by the rule of the word of God but by their own rule 3. What they did was for their own glory to get them praise from men and not to the glory of God Amos 4 4 5 6. the which is an abomination to the Lord this sacrifice God is weary of it is as the â—ffering of Swines blood and the cutting of a Dogs neck before the Lord this made Cains sacrifice to be unacceptable in the sight of God mans righteousness is as monstruous cloathes and filthy raggs that comes â—ot not from a heart sanctified where Christ dwels al though it be garnished with never so much parts and guifts the Lord looks upon the inward righteousness of the heart Parts and guifts may cease but the least measure of true grace shall hold out to the end And what soever is parts and not grace bear not these following Characters upon them such have not the spirit now the spirit is Truth light and love 1. First the spirit of truth joynes with the vvord of truth if an Angel from heaven should bring any other doctrine we are not to receive it and them that believe and trust in the promise it leads into all truth wait for the accomplishment of the promise of the spirit to teach you all things and bring all things to your remembrance which he hath promised shall remaine with us alwayes John 14 16. This is a good antidote against error this teaching for the most part abides and formes the soul into it self The more of this truth and light comes in the more a soul abhorres it self sees it's own emptiness and Christs fulness The more of this light comes into the soul the more it thirsteth after light The more knowledg it hath of God the more it loves God which conformes it into his image and the more it delights in God and loves them most that have most of God in them Ps 16. all my delight is in the Saints and them that are excellent in the earth The true spirit delights in all the commands of God which shews true love to God if you love me keep my Commandments Jo. 14 15 16. and I will pray the Father and he shall give you another Comforter that he may abide with you for ever It is a meek and a quiet spirit it hates pride and lifting up it sees enough in it self dayly to humble it It s full of love to all that God loves though differing from them by this shall all men knovv that you are my Disciples if you have love one to another Joh. 13 35 We know that vve are passed from death to life because we love the brethren 1. Joh. 3 14. Now the reason why we should cherish this grace of love to God his people and all men are these First because without love which is charity we are but as sounding brass or tinckeling Cymbals all we do without this is nothing 2 Cor. 13. Secondly because Christ hath said because Iniquity shall abound the love of many shall wax cold in the last dayes Mat. 24. 12. Thirdly because it is one of Christs last and great Commandments John 13 34. 1. of Joh. 2. 7. 8. Fourthly it renders us much like unto our Master Christ Jesus Acts. 10 38. who went about doing good to all let us labour to follow his example shevv pitty to them that God hath not yet shewed so much pitty to as he hath done unto us do good to them that hate you and pray for them that dispitefully use you Mat. 5. 44 45. These were Gods teachings to mee in the absence of faithful Teachers when they were removed into corners Which was a sore affliction to mee but I look at what mercy God afoards mee in all afflictions seing I am unvvorthy of the least mercy for it vvere a righteous thing vvith God to cut us of and I marvailed at his patience and long suffering vvith mee and all others I find by experience that reading