the_o same_o though_o in_o our_o judgement_n we_o can_v so_o own_v they_o which_o be_v a_o plain_a contradiction_n in_o our_o principle_n we_o say_v they_o be_v not_o church_n and_o minister_n of_o christ_n by_o our_o practice_n we_o say_v they_o be_v as_o have_v be_v mind_v second_o as_o it_o be_v a_o contradiction_n of_o our_o own_o principle_n so_o it_o have_v have_v such_o effect_n which_o be_v too_o visible_a and_o remain_v unto_o this_o day_n i_o must_v confess_v in_o my_o most_o serious_a thought_n i_o have_v wonder_v what_o shall_v be_v the_o reason_n that_o any_o in_o the_o house_n of_o god_n shall_v desire_v to_o be_v elsewhere_o i_o be_o sure_a there_o be_v no_o reason_n to_o be_v give_v for_o it_o neither_o from_o scripture_n nor_o experience_n therefore_o i_o conclude_v it_o be_v either_o from_o ignorance_n &_o so_o person_n in_o their_o practice_n cross_v their_o own_o principle_n and_o not_o know_v it_o or_o else_o it_o be_v from_o corrupt_a principle_n or_o else_o they_o be_v overcome_v by_o some_o violent_a temptation_n as_o to_o the_o 1._o of_o these_o i_o trust_v there_o be_v not_o many_o in_o the_o house_n of_o god_n so_o ignorant_a as_o to_o the_o 2._o it_o be_v the_o desire_n of_o my_o soul_n that_o god_n will_v reprove_v &_o show_v they_o the_o evil_a of_o such_o principle_n and_o recover_v they_o out_o of_o such_o snare_n as_o to_o the_o 3._o let_v they_o take_v heed_n lest_o have_v put_v their_o hand_n to_o the_o plough_n and_o look_v back_o they_o become_v unfit_a for_o the_o kingdom_n of_o god_n luke_n 9_o 62._o and_o let_v they_o likewise_o take_v heed_n of_o please_a man_n or_o halt_v between_o two_o opinion_n but_o if_o god_n be_v god_n follow_v he_o if_o baal_n follow_v he_o 1_o king_n 28_o 21._o this_o may_v seem_v harsh_a language_n to_o some_o but_o i_o be_o satisfy_v that_o what_o i_o have_v write_v have_v not_o be_v from_o a_o censorious_a spirit_n to_o judge_n of_o the_o final_a state_n of_o any_o or_o to_o question_v the_o grace_n of_o god_n in_o any_o where_o it_o do_v appear_v in_o the_o least_o measure_n and_o therefore_o let_v none_o say_v that_o because_o i_o can_v own_v any_o to_o be_v true_a church_n or_o minister_n of_o christ_n but_o such_o as_o be_v in_o the_o same_o order_n with_o we_o that_o therefore_o i_o say_v there_o be_v nothing_o of_o god_n or_o truth_n in_o they_o or_o that_o none_o shall_v be_v save_v but_o ourselves_o or_o that_o we_o love_v none_o but_o those_o of_o our_o own_o judgement_n which_o if_o any_o do_v so_o think_v or_o speak_v of_o we_o it_o be_v a_o very_a great_a mistake_n for_o if_o i_o may_v speak_v for_o other_o as_o i_o have_v already_o say_v i_o do_v upon_o a_o godly_a account_n love_n and_o delight_n in_o some_o who_o be_v not_o in_o our_o church_n and_o do_v wait_v for_o the_o accomplishment_n of_o those_o glorious_a promise_n when_o they_o and_o we_o shall_v have_v a_o pure_a language_n &_o shall_v call_v upon_o the_o lord_n &_o serve_v he_o with_o one_o consent_n and_o when_o we_o shall_v have_v one_o heart_n and_o one_o way_n and_o there_o shall_v be_v one_o lord_n and_o his_o name_n one_o zeph._n 3._o 9_o jer._n 32._o 39_o zach._n 14._o 9_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n let_v none_o under_o a_o pretence_n of_o wait_v for_o the_o accomplishment_n of_o such_o promise_n as_o these_o grow_v cold_a and_o indifferent_a in_o the_o great_a thing_n of_o god_n for_o none_o can_v true_o wait_v for_o the_o accomplishment_n of_o promise_n but_o such_o as_o do_v wait_v in_o a_o close_o walk_v with_o god_n according_a to_o that_o measure_n of_o light_n receive_v and_o so_o those_o that_o have_v but_o a_o little_a of_o the_o knowledge_n of_o god_n let_v they_o follow_v on_o to_o know_v the_o lord_n hosea_n 6._o 3._o and_o let_v those_o that_o be_v in_o the_o faith_n earnest_o contend_v for_o it_o judas_n 3._o and_o such_o as_o be_v in_o gospel_n church_n let_v they_o stand_v fast_o in_o one_o spirit_n with_o one_o mind_n strive_v together_o for_o the_o faith_n of_o the_o gospel_n phil._n 1._o 27._o and_o let_v every_o one_o that_o name_v the_o name_n of_o christ_n depart_v from_o iniquity_n 2_o timothy_n 2._o 19_o and_o those_o that_o love_v the_o lord_n hate_v evil_a psalm_n 97._o 10._o and_o as_o i_o desire_v that_o none_o may_v slight_v grow_v cold_a or_o indifferent_a in_o the_o great_a thing_n of_o god_n under_o a_o pretence_n of_o wait_v for_o high_a enjoyment_n or_o discovery_n which_o shall_v be_v in_o the_o late_a day_n so_o i_o desire_v likewise_o that_o none_o may_v plead_v against_o the_o truth_n under_o a_o pretence_n of_o love_n as_o many_o do_v in_o these_o day_n labour_v to_o confound_v light_n with_o darkness_n truth_n with_o error_n and_o to_o make_v a_o agreement_n where_o god_n have_v make_v none_o let_v such_o know_v that_o true_a spiritual_a love_n as_o it_o be_v wrought_v in_o the_o heart_n by_o the_o spirit_n of_o god_n so_o it_o be_v bound_v within_o the_o limit_n of_o truth_n love_n and_o truth_n go_v hand_n in_o hand_n it_o be_v so_o fix_v upon_o god_n that_o it_o love_v all_o in_o and_o for_o he_o spiritual_a love_n must_v have_v a_o spiritual_a object_n and_o as_o the_o object_n be_v more_o or_o less_o visible_a so_o be_v that_o love_n it_o can_v love_v every_o thing_n alike_o nay_o it_o work_n as_o well_o by_o hatred_n of_o evil_a as_o approve_v that_o which_o be_v good_a psa_n 101._o psa_fw-la 97._o 10._o rev._n 2._o 6._o psa_fw-la 119._o 122_o 128._o it_o love_v that_o which_o god_n love_v and_o hate_v that_o which_o he_o hate_v it_o love_v the_o word_n of_o god_n the_o ordinance_n of_o god_n and_o the_o people_n of_o god_n and_o hate_v all_o that_o be_v in_o opposition_n to_o these_o it_o rejoice_v not_o in_o iniquity_n but_o rejoice_v in_o the_o truth_n 1_o cor._n 13._o 6._o this_o be_v true_a spiritual_a love_n in_o which_o we_o be_v to_o receive_v every_o truth_n and_o by_o which_o faith_n work_v 2_o thes_n 2._o 10._o gal._n 5._o 6._o and_o i_o dare_v affirm_v whatever_o person_n may_v pretend_v of_o spiritual_a love_n that_o be_v not_o of_o this_o nature_n it_o be_v a_o mere_a delusion_n and_o that_o all_o that_o fear_v the_o lord_n ought_v to_o take_v heed_n of_o it_o the_o five_o note_n of_o experience_n concern_v notion_n and_o pretend_a spirituality_n in_o which_o satan_n transform_v himself_o into_o a_o angel_n of_o light_n and_o how_o far_o i_o be_v deceive_v by_o it_o and_o how_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o recover_v i_o out_o of_o it_o be_v now_o through_o much_o mercy_n bring_v out_o of_o babylon_n into_o zion_n to_o partake_v of_o those_o dainty_n which_o the_o lord_n have_v prepare_v for_o his_o people_n there_o satan_n that_o grand_a enemy_n of_o mankind_n who_o go_v about_o like_o a_o roar_a lion_n seek_v who_o he_o may_v devour_v 1_o pet._n 5._o 8._o envy_n my_o happiness_n and_o wait_v his_o opportunity_n to_o catch_v i_o as_o a_o fish_n in_o the_o water_n cover_v his_o hook_n with_o a_o bait_n of_o mystery_n and_o spirituality_n who_o though_o i_o have_v escape_v he_o in_o all_o his_o former_a appearance_n as_o a_o devil_n yet_o now_o transform_v himself_o into_o a_o angel_n of_o light_n if_o it_o be_v possible_a for_o ever_o thereby_o to_o beguile_v and_o deceive_v i_o know_v that_o those_o that_o be_v so_o deceive_v be_v the_o fit_a agent_n to_o promote_v his_o kingdom_n and_o that_o many_o time_n he_o prevail_v this_o way_n when_o he_o can_v prevail_v no_o other_o way_n draw_v person_n to_o that_o by_o degree_n through_o corrupt_a principle_n which_o they_o will_v have_v tremble_v at_o the_o thought_n of_o before_o they_o have_v such_o principle_n but_o god_n be_v please_v not_o only_o to_o keep_v i_o from_o such_o thing_n but_o also_o discover_v to_o i_o the_o way_n by_o which_o person_n be_v bring_v to_o such_o thing_n that_o so_o to_o the_o praise_n of_o his_o grace_n i_o may_v avoid_v those_o way_n and_o also_o forewarn_v other_o to_o avoid_v they_o likewise_o but_o before_o i_o be_v bring_v to_o discover_v satan_n under_o these_o veil_n by_o harken_v to_o the_o voice_n of_o the_o tempter_n in_o the_o thought_n of_o which_o i_o desire_v ever_o to_o be_v humble_v in_o the_o presence_n of_o god_n i_o be_v deceive_v and_o beguile_v by_o he_o in_o some_o particular_a thing_n and_o that_o after_o this_o manner_n after_o we_o have_v live_v some_o time_n in_o london_n walk_v with_o the_o church_n in_o the_o practice_n of_o the_o gospel_n it_o please_v god_n to_o remove_v our_o habitation_n into_o the_o country_n where_o we_o have_v not_o that_o privilege_n and_o after_o a_o while_n my_o husband_n be_v in_o the_o army_n it_o occasion_v our_o
for_o doubtless_o though_o its_o one_o of_o the_o last_o yet_o it_o be_v not_o the_o least_o trial_n that_o after_o we_o have_v in_o a_o great_a measure_n overcome_v the_o world_n the_o devil_n and_o our_o own_o heart_n we_o shall_v meet_v with_o let_n and_o discouragement_n from_o one_o another_o it_o be_v that_o indeed_o which_o be_v suitable_a to_o a_o imperfect_a state_n in_o which_o we_o be_v and_o by_o which_o we_o may_v learn_v as_o to_o live_v more_o single_o on_o god_n so_o also_o to_o press_v after_o and_o long_o for_o that_o perfect_a state_n in_o which_o we_o shall_v be_v at_o the_o appearance_n of_o our_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n i_o may_v enlarge_v much_o in_o this_o matter_n but_o i_o intend_v only_o to_o hint_n at_o thing_n desire_v the_o lord_n to_o stir_v up_o the_o heart_n of_o some_o more_o able_a to_o enlarge_v upon_o it_o know_v there_o be_v great_a need_n that_o saint_n shall_v be_v exhort_v to_o this_o duty_n namely_o not_o to_o discourage_v but_o to_o encourage_v one_o another_o in_o all_o good_a thing_n &_o i_o desire_v that_o we_o may_v set_v before_o we_o that_o exhortation_n of_o the_o apostle_n gal._n 5._o 26_o let_v we_o not_o be_v desirous_a of_o vain_a glory_n provoke_v one_o another_o envy_v one_o another_o from_o whence_o i_o observe_v that_o to_o be_v desirous_a of_o vain_a glory_n make_v way_n for_o a_o spirit_n of_o envy_n and_o so_o to_o provoke_v and_o grieve_v one_o another_o the_o consideration_n of_o that_o scripture_n with_o jam._n 4._o 5._o may_v through_o the_o blessing_n of_o god_n be_v very_o useful_a to_o saint_n for_o this_o purpose_n for_o questionless_a a_o slight_n of_o the_o gift_n and_o grace_n of_o god_n in_o other_o do_v many_o time_n arise_v off_o a_o desire_n of_o vain_a glory_n and_o a_o spirit_n of_o envy_n the_o first_o note_n of_o experience_n of_o the_o good_a providence_n of_o god_n towards_o i_o in_o a_o state_n of_o ignorance_n and_o darkness_n before_o conversion_n it_o please_v the_o lord_n i_o be_v civil_o bring_v up_o from_o a_o child_n and_o keep_v from_o such_o gross_a evil_n as_o person_n mere_o civil_a do_v not_o allow_v but_o otherways_o very_o vain_a and_o that_o which_o instrumental_o keep_v i_o from_o such_o thing_n as_o i_o conceive_v be_v together_o with_o my_o civil_a education_n a_o desire_n of_o happiness_n and_o a_o fear_n of_o misery_n have_v a_o general_a notion_n that_o sin_n be_v attend_v with_o misery_n for_o i_o remember_v when_o i_o have_v do_v any_o thing_n that_o i_o think_v be_v sin_n i_o be_v present_o under_o great_a fear_n and_o terror_n to_o take_v off_o which_o and_o also_o to_o attain_v happiness_n in_o the_o end_n i_o think_v i_o be_v to_o be_v exercise_v in_o some_o kind_n of_o religion_n but_o be_v very_o ignorant_a i_o make_v no_o inquiry_n what_o religion_n be_v but_o take_v it_o for_o grant_v that_o that_o be_v religion_n which_o be_v then_o in_o force_n from_o king_n and_o bishop_n and_o so_o go_v on_o i_o grow_v very_o superstitious_o zealous_a in_o all_o thing_n suitable_a to_o the_o service_n book_n or_o a_o cathedral_n kind_a of_o worship_n and_o i_o think_v the_o more_o i_o abound_v in_o fast_v book_n prayer_n and_o observation_n of_o day_n and_o time_n mourning_n and_o afflict_v myself_o for_o sin_n the_o better_a it_o be_v so_o that_o i_o think_v i_o do_v exceed_v most_o that_o i_o know_v in_o that_o way_n for_o blind_a zeal_n and_o superstitious_a devotion_n yet_o at_o this_o very_a time_n i_o think_v myself_o far_o from_o popery_n and_o do_v always_o oppose_v that_o with_o much_o zeal_n and_o i_o be_o sure_a with_o much_o ignorance_n then_o be_v acquaint_v with_o some_o who_o be_v then_o call_v puritan_n i_o begin_v to_o perceive_v that_o there_o be_v some_o difference_n betwixt_o that_o which_o i_o practise_v and_o that_o which_o be_v do_v by_o they_o and_o my_o observation_n of_o their_o carriage_n and_o hear_v they_o speak_v such_o language_n as_o i_o be_v altogether_o a_o stranger_n to_o do_v so_o far_o work_v upon_o i_o that_o i_o begin_v to_o question_v my_o own_o condition_n and_o oft_o time_n when_o i_o have_v do_v my_o long_a book_n prayer_n though_o i_o have_v scarce_o ever_o hear_v of_o pray_v without_o a_o book_n yet_o i_o will_v in_o a_o poor_a break_a manner_n complain_v to_o god_n that_o i_o be_v in_o some_o fear_n that_o what_o i_o do_v be_v not_o according_a to_o his_o will_n and_o if_o it_o be_v not_o i_o do_v beg_v of_o he_o that_o he_o will_v bring_v i_o to_o the_o knowledge_n of_o the_o truth_n whatever_o i_o do_v undergo_v for_o attain_v of_o it_o but_o then_o sometime_o i_o think_v my_o condition_n good_a enough_o and_o though_o i_o be_v never_o give_v to_o rail_v or_o speak_v evil_a of_o such_o person_n yet_o i_o think_v they_o make_v more_o ado_n than_o they_o need_v to_o have_v do_v and_o that_o god_n do_v not_o require_v so_o much_o strictness_n as_o they_o seem_v to_o plead_v for_o but_o hear_v they_o speak_v much_o of_o knowledge_n and_o of_o the_o danger_n of_o ignorance_n and_o know_v myself_o to_o be_v very_o ignorant_a i_o begin_v to_o be_v more_o frequent_a in_o read_v the_o scripture_n and_o hear_v sermon_n but_o my_o understanding_n not_o be_v yet_o open_v it_o be_v to_o little_a effect_n for_o i_o remember_v i_o be_v at_o this_o time_n like_o a_o stock_n or_o stone_n as_o to_o the_o true_a understanding_n of_o that_o which_o i_o read_v or_o hear_v that_o i_o can_v true_o say_v as_o the_o prophet_n in_o psal_n 73._o 22._o so_o foolish_a be_v i_o and_o ignorant_a even_o as_o a_o beast_n before_o thou_o and_o yet_o at_o this_o time_n i_o be_v something_o in_o affection_n as_o when_o i_o hear_v any_o thing_n of_o the_o judgement_n of_o god_n against_o sin_n i_o shall_v tremble_v and_o when_o any_o thing_n of_o the_o mercy_n and_o goodness_n of_o god_n or_o the_o love_n and_o sweetness_n of_o jesus_n christ_n my_o heart_n will_v melt_v as_o i_o think_v yet_o i_o understand_v nothing_o so_o as_o to_o have_v it_o seat_v in_o the_o understanding_n and_o judgement_n this_o in_o general_n i_o do_v remember_v as_o to_o that_o state_n some_o brief_a observation_n from_o this_o note_n of_o experience_n first_o concern_v my_o be_v keep_v from_o sin_n by_o a_o desire_n of_o happiness_n and_o fear_v of_o misery_n from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o in_o the_o day_n of_o ignorance_n before_o we_o have_v receive_v grace_n to_o restrain_v we_o from_o sin_n it_o be_v a_o mercy_n to_o be_v restrain_v by_o something_o else_o and_o true_o to_o i_o its_o a_o mercy_n so_o considerable_a that_o i_o desire_v to_o bless_v the_o lord_n for_o it_o as_o long_o as_o i_o live_v second_o concern_v my_o seek_n after_o and_o frame_v to_o myself_o some_o kind_n of_o religion_n from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o its_o natural_a for_o person_n to_o make_v after_o some_o kind_n of_o religion_n and_o rather_o than_o they_o will_v worship_v nothing_o they_o will_v worship_v samaritan_n like_v they_o know_v not_o what_o john_n 4._o 22._o three_o concern_v my_o oppose_a popery_n when_o myself_o live_v in_o the_o practice_n of_o the_o same_o thing_n for_o the_o nature_n of_o it_o from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o a_o person_n may_v oppose_v a_o error_n and_o yet_o live_v at_o that_o time_n in_o the_o same_o error_n for_o the_o nature_n of_o it_o though_o in_o a_o low_a degree_n and_o not_o know_v it_o and_o that_o not_o only_a person_n total_o ignorant_a but_o saint_n also_o if_o they_o take_v not_o good_a heed_n for_o i_o have_v experience_v this_o more_o time_n than_o once_o four_o concern_v my_o complaint_n and_o prayer_n to_o god_n in_o relation_n to_o truth_n from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o a_o person_n before_o conversion_n may_v for_o aught_o i_o know_v true_o pray_v and_o that_o from_o a_o secret_a work_n of_o god_n upon_o the_o heart_n and_o therefore_o though_o i_o can_v from_o scripture-rule_a exhort_v such_o to_o pray_v so_o neither_o from_o ence_n can_v i_o forbid_v they_o but_o rather_o rejoice_v to_o see_v the_o heart_n of_o any_o run_v out_o in_o such_o a_o way_n five_o concern_v my_o be_v so_o much_o affect_v with_o truth_n though_o i_o understand_v it_o not_o from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o ignorant_a person_n in_o hear_v truth_n may_v have_v their_o reason_n so_o far_o touch_v that_o they_o may_v assent_v to_o it_o and_o be_v much_o affect_v with_o it_o and_o yet_o understand_v nothing_o so_o as_o to_o have_v it_o seat_v in_o the_o heart_n and_o judgement_n and_o because_o it_o be_v not_o seat_v in_o the_o heart_n and_o judgement_n that_o i_o conceive_v be_v the_o reason_n why_o ignorant_a person_n be_v so_o uncertain_a and_o so_o unconstant_a in_o their_o thought_n
will_v save_v or_o damn_v i_o at_o last_o i_o know_v not_o neither_o do_v i_o think_v it_o possible_a for_o i_o ever_o to_o have_v know_v that_o except_o it_o be_v by_o some_o extraordinary_a way_n which_o very_o few_o do_v attain_v unto_o but_o by_o degree_n i_o begin_v to_o stay_v upon_o some_o promise_n through_o such_o consideration_n as_o these_o first_o i_o think_v it_o can_v not_o stand_v with_o the_o goodness_n of_o god_n to_o damn_v a_o poor_a soul_n that_o have_v such_o heart-working_n and_o desire_n after_o he_o as_o i_o have_v have_v much_o in_o my_o thought_n those_o word_n of_o sampsons_n mother_n judges_z 13._o 23._o i_o think_v that_o if_o he_o do_v intend_v to_o destroy_v i_o he_o will_v never_o have_v give_v i_o such_o desire_n after_o he_o &_o preserve_v i_o till_o now_o and_o then_o that_o promise_n mat._n 5._o 6._o do_v much_o support_v i_o for_o i_o think_v that_o if_o ever_o poor_a creature_n do_v hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o righteousness_n i_o do_v these_o promise_n and_o consideration_n with_o some_o confuse_a apprehension_n that_o i_o have_v concern_v the_o lord_n jesus_n do_v much_o raise_v i_o the_o thought_n i_o have_v of_o he_o be_v such_o as_o these_o i_o do_v believe_v that_o the_o justice_n of_o god_n must_v be_v satisfy_v for_o sin_n and_o that_o nothing_o can_v satisfy_v his_o justice_n but_o a_o perfect_a righteousness_n now_o i_o think_v i_o be_v to_o be_v very_o strict_a and_o circumspect_a in_o all_o my_o way_n if_o it_o be_v possible_a to_o perform_v such_o a_o righteousness_n but_o what_o i_o can_v not_o do_v christ_n have_v do_v for_o i_o and_o when_o i_o have_v do_v any_o thing_n that_o i_o think_v be_v sin_n i_o can_v not_o apply_v christ_n till_o i_o have_v repent_v that_o be_v till_o i_o have_v mourn_v fast_v and_o pray_v afflict_v myself_o in_o such_o a_o measure_n as_o i_o think_v may_v stand_v with_o the_o not_o destroy_v or_o prejudice_v nature_n for_o there_o god_n will_v have_v mercy_n rather_o than_o 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not_o the_o hundred_o part_n of_o the_o labour_n and_o travel_n of_o my_o soul_n while_o i_o live_v in_o that_o condition_n and_o if_o i_o shall_v go_v about_o to_o write_v it_o all_o i_o know_v not_o how_o nor_o when_o to_o make_v a_o end_n but_o god_n be_v please_v in_o mercy_n to_o free_v i_o from_o that_o bondage_n by_o the_o manifestation_n of_o his_o love_n and_o grace_n through_o his_o son_n to_o who_o be_v all_o praise_n and_o glory_n for_o ever_o more_o amen_n some_o brief_a observation_n from_o this_o second_o note_n of_o experience_n first_o concern_v the_o person_n by_o who_o my_o experience_n in_o these_o thing_n begin_v which_o be_v one_o as_o i_o judge_v not_o right_o call_v or_o send_v to_o preach_v the_o gospel_n he_o not_o be_v relate_v to_o a_o true_a church_n though_o otherwise_o i_o hope_v a_o godly_a man_n according_a to_o that_o measure_n of_o light_n he_o have_v receive_v from_o whence_o i_o observe_v that_o it_o be_v possible_a for_o a_o godly_a man_n in_o time_n of_o ignorance_n and_o darkness_n to_o be_v a_o minister_n of_o a_o false_a church_n second_o i_o observe_v that_o though_o it_o be_v not_o the_o work_n of_o a_o false_a ministry_n neither_o be_v it_o the_o way_n of_o god_n to_o convert_v soul_n by_o yet_o accidental_o or_o providential_o something_o may_v be_v do_v that_o way_n by_o they_o especial_o in_o time_n of_o persecution_n where_o there_o be_v not_o a_o true_a ministry_n abroad_o as_o indeed_o i_o be_o much_o incline_v to_o own_o the_o work_n of_o conversion_n to_o be_v begin_v in_o i_o at_o this_o time_n and_o that_o for_o these_o reason_n first_o because_o now_o be_v the_o day_n of_o god_n power_n noâ—_n only_o to_o make_v i_o willing_a but_o there_o be_v some_o change_n wrought_v in_o the_o whole_a soul_n and_o every_o faculty_n of_o it_o which_o before_o be_v dead_a have_v now_o some_o life_n and_o motion_n in_o thing_n relate_v to_o god_n and_o godliness_n as_o the_o understanding_n be_v open_v so_o the_o will_n 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uphold_v my_o spirit_n be_v the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n though_o my_o apprehension_n of_o he_o be_v not_o according_a to_o the_o gospel_n as_o to_o the_o glory_n of_o the_o free_a grace_n therein_o contain_v a_o three_o reason_n be_v from_o the_o consideration_n of_o that_o fruit_n which_o do_v appear_v at_o that_o time_n which_o be_v a_o entire_a love_n to_o christ_n and_o a_o conversation_n suitable_a thereunto_o according_a to_o the_o light_n then_o receive_v for_o there_o be_v not_o only_o a_o do_v good_a but_o a_o love_n to_o it_o and_o delight_n in_o it_o and_o there_o be_v not_o only_o a_o forbear_n evil_a
but_o a_o hatred_n and_o indignation_n against_o it_o it_o be_v thus_o with_o i_o at_o this_o time_n i_o can_v but_o much_o tender_a person_n in_o the_o like_a condition_n who_o do_v manifest_a by_o a_o good_a conversation_n a_o real_a work_n of_o god_n upon_o their_o heart_n though_o live_v in_o a_o discovery_n below_o the_o privilege_n of_o the_o gospel_n yet_o not_o so_o to_o tender_v they_o as_o not_o to_o tender_v the_o glory_n of_o truth_n above_o they_o be_v true_a to_o my_o principle_n in_o keep_v a_o strict_a separation_n from_o they_o in_o relation_n to_o their_o visible_a and_o public_a worship_n it_o be_v contrary_a to_o the_o rule_n of_o the_o gospel_n three_o observation_n from_o the_o three_o forego_v reason_n first_o concern_v the_o change_n wrought_v in_o the_o whole_a soul_n from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o there_o may_v be_v a_o change_n wrought_v in_o the_o whole_a soul_n to_o life_n and_o godliness_n long_o before_o that_o soul_n come_v to_o enjoy_v life_n by_o believe_v second_o concern_v my_o be_v stay_v upon_o christ_n when_o i_o be_v like_a to_o sink_v upder_v my_o burden_n from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o a_o soul_n may_v cleave_v to_o and_o real_o stay_v upon_o christ_n through_o some_o apprehension_n which_o present_v he_o lovely_a though_o it_o may_v be_v that_o which_o do_v not_o present_v he_o so_o lovely_a as_o indeed_o he_o be_v three_o concern_v that_o entire_a love_n i_o have_v to_o christ_n and_o his_o way_n from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o though_o the_o love_n of_o christ_n manifest_v to_o a_o soul_n be_v that_o which_o ordinary_o beget_v love_n in_o the_o soul_n to_o christ_n yet_o its_o possible_a there_o may_v be_v a_o real_a love_n to_o he_o before_o there_o be_v such_o a_o manifestation_n now_o have_v mind_v many_o particular_n as_o to_o my_o condition_n at_o that_o time_n when_o i_o do_v experience_n these_o thing_n i_o can_v altogether_o omit_v the_o kindness_n of_o god_n towards_o i_o in_o relation_n to_o 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in_o that_o condition_n &_o the_o manner_n how_o i_o be_v bring_v from_o it_o so_o also_o the_o time_n when_o i_o be_v bring_v from_o it_o and_o that_o be_v after_o the_o bishop_n be_v quite_o take_v away_o in_o the_o begin_n of_o the_o sit_v of_o the_o late_a synod_n and_o here_o i_o desire_v to_o remember_v with_o thankfulness_n to_o god_n that_o i_o be_v not_o ensnare_v by_o the_o change_n of_o time_n and_o law_n for_o at_o that_o very_a time_n when_o the_o presbyterian_a party_n so_o call_v begin_v to_o reign_v and_o i_o may_v have_v reign_v with_o they_o and_o enjoy_v smile_n from_o they_o be_v convict_v of_o a_o further_a discovery_n of_o truth_n i_o leave_v they_o and_o be_v content_a to_o become_v a_o scorn_n and_o a_o byword_n among_o they_o though_o i_o must_v confess_v i_o have_v much_o respect_n from_o some_o of_o they_o all_o along_o yet_o my_o suffering_n from_o that_o party_n be_v far_o more_o than_o the_o former_a i_o can_v here_o mention_v many_o particular_n but_o i_o forbear_v desire_v as_o for_o the_o former_a it_o may_v not_o be_v charge_v upon_o they_o only_o these_o general_a hint_n i_o hope_v will_v be_v sufficient_a to_o bring_v particular_n to_o my_o remembrance_n for_o these_o thing_n ought_v not_o to_o be_v forget_v by_o i_o because_o in_o the_o remembrance_n of_o they_o i_o find_v my_o heart_n much_o engage_v in_o praise_n to_o god_n and_o that_o several_a way_n one_o way_n and_o that_o not_o the_o least_o be_v that_o god_n have_v break_v their_o power_n for_o indeed_o i_o must_v needs_o say_v that_o according_a to_o my_o observation_n and_o experience_n i_o have_v see_v as_o persecute_v a_o spirit_n in_o they_o as_o ever_o i_o do_v in_o the_o former_a and_o they_o do_v appear_v as_o bitter_a if_o not_o more_o against_o such_o as_o be_v call_v anabaptist_n than_o ever_o the_o bishop_n do_v against_o those_o that_o be_v call_v puritan_n consider_v their_o time_n and_o power_n for_o as_o their_o time_n be_v short_a so_o when_o their_o power_n be_v high_a there_o be_v always_o a_o party_n which_o do_v a_o little_a awe_n they_o i_o shall_v say_v no_o more_o of_o these_o thing_n but_o that_o as_o i_o desire_v for_o ever_o to_o bless_v the_o lord_n in_o the_o remembrance_n of_o they_o so_o i_o do_v likewise_o desire_v that_o god_n will_v destroy_v or_o at_o least_o keep_v under_o every_o persecute_v spirit_n under_o what_o name_n or_o title_n soever_o call_v till_o he_o be_v please_v to_o give_v they_o repentance_n the_o three_o note_n of_o experience_n how_o i_o be_v bring_v to_o apprehend_v and_o believe_v the_o free_a grace_n of_o god_n in_o the_o gospel_n and_o in_o believe_v to_o receive_v the_o assurance_n of_o the_o love_n of_o god_n in_o order_n to_o this_o experience_n i_o can_v omit_v to_o write_v something_o concern_v the_o read_n of_o a_o book_n by_o which_o as_o a_o mean_n in_o the_o hand_n of_o god_n i_o receive_v these_o never_o to_o be_v forget_v mercy_n after_o i_o have_v live_v about_o five_o or_o 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truth_n of_o what_o he_o speak_v yet_o for_o fear_n of_o those_o evil_a consequence_n that_o a_o carnal_a heart_n may_v draw_v from_o they_o i_o can_v not_o receive_v it_o but_o after_o some_o discourse_n in_o much_o opposition_n yet_o not_o bitter_a against_o he_o in_o the_o close_a he_o desire_v to_o lend_v i_o a_o book_n in_o which_o he_o say_v concern_v the_o thing_n he_o speak_v i_o may_v find_v better_a satisfaction_n than_o he_o can_v give_v be_v but_o weak_a in_o expression_n so_o i_o take_v it_o home_o with_o i_o but_o be_v much_o afraid_a of_o error_n i_o be_v at_o a_o great_a dispute_n in_o my_o own_o spirit_n whether_o i_o shall_v read_v it_o or_o not_o but_o fear_v lest_o i_o shall_v seem_v to_o shut_v my_o eye_n against_o the_o light_n at_o last_o i_o come_v to_o this_o result_n that_o i_o will_v read_v it_o but_o first_o set_v a_o part_n a_o day_n by_o fast_v and_o prayer_n to_o seek_v the_o lord_n that_o what_o be_v truth_n in_o it_o i_o may_v embrace_v and_o that_o he_o will_v keep_v and_o preserve_v i_o from_o error_n which_o according_o i_o do_v and_o find_v the_o drist_n and_o scope_n of_o the_o book_n be_v to_o exalt_v god_n and_o lay_v low_a the_o creature_n i_o be_v much_o affect_v with_o it_o as_o also_o with_o some_o other_o particular_n but_o on_o the_o other_o hand_n these_o minister_n who_o word_n be_v then_o as_o oracle_n to_o i_o do_v so_o much_o cry_v out_o against_o it_o charge_v all_o to_o take_v heed_n of_o it_o it_o be_v full_a of_o error_n of_o dangerous_a consequence_n that_o when_o i_o come_v about_o the_o middle_n of_o it_o i_o be_v so_o surprise_v with_o fear_n of_o carnal_a liberty_n
as_o 1_o thes_n 5._o 17._o etc._n etc._n but_o yet_o notwithstanding_o i_o be_v dissatisfy_v about_o it_o that_o notion_n of_o wait_v carry_v such_o a_o show_n of_o spirituality_n i_o can_v not_o easy_o let_v it_o go_v but_o yet_o this_o trial_n have_v so_o shake_v it_o that_o i_o do_v begin_v much_o to_o question_v it_o and_o also_o those_o other_o notion_n of_o the_o like_a nature_n than_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o bring_v we_o safe_a to_o land_n through_o which_o mercy_n i_o have_v some_o little_a communion_n with_o god_n be_v able_a to_o speak_v of_o his_o goodness_n in_o deliver_v we_o from_o that_o danger_n but_o through_o that_o dissatisfaction_n which_o still_o remain_v in_o i_o about_o these_o notion_n it_o be_v interrupt_v again_o and_o my_o beloved_a have_v withdraw_v himself_o and_o i_o be_v very_o much_o trouble_v not_o know_v where_o to_o rest_v nor_o what_o to_o do_v but_o notwithstanding_o i_o do_v begin_v much_o to_o question_v those_o thing_n from_o that_o trial_n i_o have_v of_o they_o on_o the_o sea_n yet_o i_o be_v more_o incline_v to_o they_o than_o to_o truth_n for_o some_o time_n especial_o to_o that_o of_o prayer_n and_o three_o or_o four_o time_n after_o i_o remember_v in_o discourse_n with_o some_o friend_n i_o do_v a_o little_a plead_v for_o they_o which_o though_o it_o be_v my_o sin_n so_o to_o do_v i_o do_v not_o then_o know_v it_o but_o must_v needs_o say_v i_o do_v as_o simple_o and_o sincere_o aim_v at_o do_v the_o will_n of_o god_n in_o all_o those_o thing_n as_o ever_o i_o do_v in_o any_o thing_n and_o therefore_o though_o satan_n have_v so_o beguile_v i_o yet_o i_o obtain_v mercy_n because_o i_o do_v it_o ignorant_o but_o my_o trouble_n and_o want_v of_o communion_n with_o god_n do_v still_o increase_v insomuch_o that_o i_o be_v scarce_o able_a to_o bear_v my_o burden_n and_o speak_v of_o it_o to_o my_o husband_n who_o be_v at_o that_o time_n much_o in_o the_o same_o condition_n i_o remember_v among_o many_o word_n he_o speak_v some_o be_v to_o this_o purpose_n that_o see_v we_o be_v in_o such_o a_o condition_n and_o at_o such_o a_o loss_n it_o be_v best_a to_o speak_v but_o little_a that_o as_o we_o do_v but_o little_a good_a we_o may_v do_v but_o little_a harm_n which_o i_o do_v well_o approve_v of_o and_o after_o that_o i_o speak_v little_a for_o or_o against_o any_o thing_n till_o i_o be_v better_o satisfy_v then_o be_v so_o true_o in_o a_o day_n of_o adversity_n according_a to_o that_o counsel_n of_o the_o wise_a man_n in_o eccles_n 7._o 14._o i_o sit_v down_o serious_o to_o consider_v what_o may_v be_v the_o cause_n of_o my_o be_v in_o so_o sad_a and_o strange_a a_o condition_n through_o which_o consideration_n by_o degree_n i_o come_v to_o see_v and_o conclude_v that_o certain_o there_o be_v something_o amiss_o in_o my_o judgement_n as_o to_o those_o notion_n begin_v clear_o to_o discern_v they_o do_v so_o oppose_v and_o contradict_v my_o former_a receive_a principle_n that_o they_o can_v not_o stand_v together_o but_o if_o one_o be_v true_a the_o other_o be_v false_a and_o that_o i_o must_v leave_v the_o one_o or_o the_o other_o for_o though_o i_o have_v receive_v the_o new_a i_o can_v never_o full_o quit_v the_o old_a neither_o in_o judgement_n nor_o practice_n then_o i_o be_v restless_a in_o my_o desire_n for_o three_o or_o four_o day_n to_o know_v which_o of_o the_o two_o be_v truth_n oft_o time_n earnest_o beg_v of_o god_n that_o he_o will_v decide_v the_o controversy_n and_o discover_v to_o i_o which_o be_v according_a to_o his_o mind_n and_o which_o not_o be_v full_o satisfy_v that_o but_o one_o of_o they_o can_v be_v truth_n than_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o put_v i_o upon_o a_o particular_a examination_n what_o ground_n i_o have_v in_o scripture_n and_o what_o experience_n i_o have_v of_o both_o &_o in_o read_v and_o examine_v my_o scripture-ground_n i_o begin_v to_o discern_v a_o great_a inclination_n in_o my_o heart_n to_o the_o former_a principle_n find_v i_o think_v the_o scripture_n very_o full_a and_o plain_a for_o they_o but_o nothing_o for_o the_o other_o but_o what_o be_v from_o some_o dark_a mysterious_a interpretation_n which_o be_v very_o doubtful_a and_o for_o my_o own_o experience_n i_o do_v remember_v and_o be_v constrain_v to_o acknowledge_v that_o in_o receive_v and_o keep_v close_o to_o the_o fotmer_n i_o have_v joy_n and_o peace_n and_o much_o satisfaction_n and_o communion_n with_o god_n but_o since_o i_o receive_v the_o other_o the_o lord_n have_v as_o it_o be_v hide_v his_o face_n from_o i_o and_o i_o be_v fill_v with_o confusion_n and_o distraction_n and_o the_o remembrance_n of_o that_o trial_n i_o have_v of_o they_o upon_o the_o sea_n do_v very_o much_o help_v i_o now_o to_o see_v the_o falsity_n of_o they_o that_o in_o a_o time_n of_o trial_n i_o dare_v not_o stick_v to_o they_o as_o indeed_o i_o plain_o see_v that_o i_o can_v never_o stick_v to_o they_o so_o as_o to_o answer_v they_o full_o in_o my_o practice_n unless_o i_o shall_v have_v lay_v aside_o the_o appearance_n of_o godliness_n &_o have_v be_v very_o profane_a the_o consideration_n of_o which_o with_o some_o other_o evil_a consequence_n which_o i_o see_v clear_o do_v natural_o attend_v those_o thing_n be_v another_o mean_n by_o which_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o recover_v i_o from_o they_o and_o to_o discover_v satan_n under_o his_o veil_n to_o i_o how_o by_o these_o thing_n he_o do_v intend_v if_o the_o lord_n have_v not_o prevent_v he_o to_o have_v strip_v i_o of_o all_o my_o hope_n and_o in_o particular_a as_o to_o that_o of_o be_v save_v by_o a_o christ_n within_o and_o not_o by_o a_o christ_n without_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o show_v i_o that_o it_o be_v quite_o another_o thing_n differ_v from_o the_o gospel_n and_o that_o it_o be_v attend_v with_o this_o evil_a consequence_n even_o to_o overthrow_v the_o whole_a gospel_n and_o to_o deny_v the_o lord_n that_o buy_v they_o at_o the_o thought_n of_o which_o my_o soul_n do_v tremble_v and_o that_o if_o he_o shall_v have_v prevail_v here_o all_o my_o hope_n be_v go_v for_o i_o can_v not_o nor_o dare_v not_o rest_v on_o any_o thing_n in_o myself_o as_o a_o ground_n of_o hope_n for_o life_n and_o salvation_n but_o on_o the_o other_o hand_n concern_v my_o hope_n in_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n according_a to_o the_o gospel_n i_o can_v true_o say_v of_o that_o as_o peter_n do_v john_n 6._o 68_o lord_n whither_o shall_v we_o go_v thou_o have_v the_o word_n of_o eternal_a life_n so_o whither_o shall_v i_o go_v from_o the_o gospel_n there_o be_v the_o word_n of_o eternal_a life_n there_o be_v all_o my_o rest_n and_o hope_n in_o the_o lord_n jesus_n through_o the_o gospel_n and_o therefore_o i_o resolve_v in_o the_o strength_n of_o christ_n to_o stick_v to_o this_o and_o leave_v the_o other_o then_o second_o as_o to_o that_o of_o wait_v for_o a_o power_n to_o pray_v and_o that_o there_o be_v no_o command_n but_o from_o within_o concern_v both_o these_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o show_v i_o that_o it_o be_v not_o according_a to_o his_o mind_n but_o a_o mere_a invention_n of_o satan_n by_o degree_n to_o draw_v i_o from_o my_o duty_n and_o that_o it_o be_v attend_v with_o this_o evil_a consequence_n even_o to_o slight_v the_o scripture_n and_o command_n of_o god_n and_o to_o expose_v the_o soul_n to_o satan_n deceive_n to_o walk_v by_o the_o imagination_n of_o their_o own_o heart_n instead_o of_o the_o motion_n of_o the_o spirit_n and_o also_o it_o bring_v the_o soul_n into_o great_a uncertainty_n which_o the_o truth_n never_o do_v but_o on_o the_o other_o hand_n to_o do_v duty_n in_o obedience_n to_o the_o authority_n and_o command_n of_o god_n in_o scripture_n and_o to_o pray_v at_o all_o time_n as_o we_o have_v opportunity_n have_v receive_v a_o principle_n of_o grace_n by_o which_o we_o be_v make_v capable_a of_o prayer_n i_o see_v this_o be_v a_o clear_a and_o sound_a truth_n not_o be_v attend_v with_o any_o evil_a consequence_n nor_o bring_v the_o soul_n into_o strait_n and_o uncertainty_n but_o rather_o give_v enlargement_n in_o every_o condition_n and_o therefore_o i_o desire_v likewise_o to_o keep_v close_o to_o these_o and_o leave_v the_o other_o but_o oh_o the_o joy_n and_o comfort_n that_o be_v in_o my_o soul_n at_o this_o return_n i_o can_v express_v it_o but_o this_o i_o say_v it_o be_v to_o i_o as_o life_n from_o the_o dead_a and_o as_o i_o be_v blessing_n praise_v and_o magnifi_n the_o lord_n for_o his_o unchangeable_a goodness_n to_o i_o my_o husband_n have_v be_v some_o time_n from_o i_o come_v home_o to_o who_o i_o do_v declare_v my_o
condition_n and_o what_o the_o lord_n have_v do_v for_o i_o who_o as_o i_o have_v former_o hint_v be_v much_o in_o the_o same_o condition_n with_o i_o who_o also_o declare_v that_o he_o have_v in_o a_o measure_n receive_v the_o like_a mercy_n which_o do_v much_o increase_v my_o joy_n then_o i_o remember_v he_o desire_v we_o may_v seek_v the_o lord_n by_o prayer_n and_o praise_v his_o holy_a name_n for_o these_o and_o all_o his_o mercy_n in_o which_o duty_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v so_o abundant_o to_o manifest_v himself_o to_o we_o thereby_o testify_v his_o acceptance_n of_o we_o that_o for_o a_o while_o we_o sit_v in_o admiration_n neither_o of_o we_o scarce_o be_v able_a to_o speak_v for_o tear_n and_o true_o it_o be_v such_o a_o mercy_n that_o i_o trust_v we_o shall_v for_o ever_o admire_v it_o at_o least_o in_o these_o five_o particular_n first_o that_o god_n shall_v deal_v so_o faithful_o with_o we_o in_o relation_n to_o his_o promise_n that_o when_o we_o be_v ready_a to_o turn_v to_o the_o right_a hand_n or_o to_o the_o left_a he_o cause_v we_o to_o hear_v his_o voice_n behind_o we_o say_v this_o be_v the_o way_n walk_v in_o it_o esay_n 30._o 21._o second_o that_o when_o we_o be_v stray_v from_o truth_n that_o the_o lord_n shall_v keep_v we_o that_o we_o stray_v no_o further_a that_o we_o do_v not_o run_v to_o the_o height_n of_o those_o notion_n deny_v the_o church_n and_o ordinance_n of_o christ_n and_o blaspheme_v the_o truth_n as_o very_o many_o do_v in_o those_o time_n even_o deny_v the_o lord_n that_o buy_v they_o three_o that_o the_o lord_n shall_v deal_v so_o fatherly_a and_o tender_o in_o his_o restore_n of_o we_o that_o it_o be_v not_o by_o any_o extraordinary_a affliction_n or_o chastisement_n neither_o be_v we_o at_o any_o time_n a_o trouble_n to_o the_o church_n or_o grief_n to_o any_o saint_n i_o know_v of_o four_o that_o the_o lord_n shall_v be_v please_v to_o bring_v we_o off_o so_o clear_o from_o those_o thing_n for_o many_o be_v bring_v off_o from_o they_o and_o yet_o there_o be_v still_o so_o much_o confusion_n remain_v upon_o their_o spirit_n that_o it_o be_v hard_o to_o discern_v whether_o they_o be_v bring_v off_o or_o no._n five_o that_o the_o lord_n shall_v vouchsafe_v this_o mercy_n to_o both_o of_o we_o &_o that_o at_o one_o &_o the_o same_o time_n and_o that_o at_o our_o return_n he_o shall_v manifest_v such_o a_o sweet_a acceptance_n of_o we_o melt_v our_o heart_n into_o tear_n of_o joy_n to_o our_o mutual_a comfort_n in_o the_o lord_n and_o in_o each_o other_o and_o so_o that_o stream_n of_o our_o heart_n be_v now_o turn_v from_o run_v after_o lie_a vanity_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o re-establish_a and_o confirm_v we_o every_o day_n more_o and_o more_o in_o the_o truth_n turn_v this_o sad_a yet_o bless_v experience_n to_o his_o praise_n and_o our_o great_a advantage_n the_o remembrance_n of_o which_o i_o trust_v shall_v be_v a_o mercy_n that_o shall_v stand_v we_o in_o stead_n at_o time_n of_o need_n while_o we_o live_v which_o the_o lord_n grant_v it_o may_v be_v so_o to_o the_o honour_n and_o praise_n of_o his_o great_a name_n and_o our_o own_o peace_n and_o happiness_n in_o himself_o amen_n some_o further_a consideration_n relate_v to_o this_o part_n of_o my_o experience_n it_o be_v that_o which_o i_o judge_v so_o considerable_a i_o can_v omit_v the_o review_v of_o it_o and_o the_o lord_n grant_v i_o may_v review_v it_o daily_o so_o as_o to_o have_v my_o heart_n raise_v to_o a_o holy_a admiration_n of_o the_o goodness_n and_o faithfulness_n of_o god_n towards_o i_o in_o it_o and_o that_o it_o may_v always_o lie_v as_o a_o strong_a engagement_n upon_o my_o heart_n to_o love_n and_o obey_v he_o in_o all_o thing_n which_o in_o consideration_n of_o his_o unspeakable_a mercy_n be_v but_o my_o reasonable_a service_n rom._n 12._o 1._o and_o as_o i_o desire_v for_o ever_o to_o bless_v the_o lord_n that_o he_o be_v please_v to_o deliver_v i_o from_o these_o deceit_n so_o it_o shall_v be_v my_o prayer_n that_o all_o the_o lord_n people_n may_v be_v deliver_v from_o they_o and_o that_o the_o rather_o because_o i_o be_o persuade_v that_o error_n of_o that_o nature_n be_v the_o worst_a of_o all_o other_o and_o doubtless_o they_o be_v the_o great_a mystery_n of_o iniquity_n that_o ever_o satan_n have_v on_o foot_n in_o the_o world_n but_o because_o i_o be_o not_o willing_a to_o pass_v my_o sentence_n without_o ground_n and_o because_o every_o thing_n that_o be_v reprove_v be_v make_v manifest_a by_o the_o light_n and_o that_o which_o do_v make_v manifest_a be_v light_n ephes_n 5._o 13._o i_o desire_v according_a to_o that_o light_n of_o truth_n which_o god_n have_v give_v to_o i_o far_o to_o consider_v not_o only_o in_o general_a that_o those_o kind_n of_o error_n be_v the_o worst_a of_o all_o other_o but_o more_o particular_o how_o they_o be_v so_o first_o i_o conceive_v they_o be_v the_o worst_a of_o all_o other_o in_o that_o they_o do_v natural_o tend_v and_o lead_v to_o the_o high_a degree_n of_o evil_a and_o that_o both_o as_o they_o take_v with_o gracious_a heart_n and_o as_o they_o take_v with_o carnal_a heart_n first_o as_o they_o take_v with_o gracious_a heart_n they_o do_v natural_o interrupt_v the_o soul_n communion_n with_o god_n and_o expose_v it_o to_o great_a temptation_n bring_v it_o to_o strait_n and_o extremity_n and_o into_o the_o great_a confusion_n that_o can_v be_v possible_a so_o far_o as_o they_o prevail_v and_o for_o the_o truth_n of_o this_o beside_o my_o own_o experience_n i_o appeal_v to_o any_o experience_a christian_a if_o it_o be_v not_o so_o second_o as_o they_o take_v with_o carnal_a heart_n they_o lead_v by_o degree_n to_o the_o great_a evil_n both_o in_o a_o spiritual_a and_o 〈…〉_o vil_fw-ge sense_n for_o such_o hearâ—â—_n not_o be_v season_a wiâ—â—_n grace_n they_o run_v from_o onâ—_n notion_n to_o another_o till_o they_o run_v so_o high_a as_o to_o stand_v direct_o in_o opposition_n to_o christ_n and_o his_o gospel_n for_o when_o they_o come_v to_o be_v confound_v and_o at_o a_o loss_n in_o their_o judgement_n and_o meet_v with_o such_o temptation_n which_o those_o error_n natural_o lead_v to_o they_o be_v overcome_v by_o they_o and_o under_o a_o pretence_n of_o live_v above_o ordinance_n they_o deny_v the_o ordinance_n of_o christ_n and_o by_o degree_n the_o whole_a word_n of_o god_n call_v it_o literal_a and_o carnal_a use_v under_o a_o pretence_n of_o spirituality_n blaspheme_v the_o name_n â—f_n christ_n call_v he_o a_o fleshly_a christ_n and_o so_o deny_v the_o lord_n that_o buy_v they_o 2_o pet._n 2._o 1._o and_o go_v against_o such_o strong_a conviction_n and_o clear_a manifestation_n of_o light_n and_o knowledge_n as_o some_o have_v do_v doubtless_o they_o have_v fall_v into_o that_o unpardonable_a sin_n express_v in_o heb._n 10._o and_o so_o come_v at_o last_o to_o jeer_v and_o scoff_n at_o all_o appearance_n of_o godliness_n and_o it_o make_v way_n for_o the_o high_a degree_n of_o wickedness_n also_o in_o a_o civil_a sense_n have_v give_v themselves_o up_o to_o work_v all_o uncleanness_n with_o greediness_n esay_n 4._o 19_o and_o so_o break_v all_o bond_n though_o they_o have_v escape_v the_o pollution_n of_o the_o world_n through_o the_o knowledge_n of_o our_o lord_n yet_o be_v again_o entangle_v therein_o their_o latter_a end_n be_v worse_a than_o the_o beginning_n 2_o pet._n 2._o 20._o according_a to_o that_o mat._n 13._o 43_o 44_o 45._o when_o the_o unclean_a spirit_n be_v go_v out_o of_o a_o man_n he_o walk_v through_o dry_a place_n seek_v rest_n and_o find_v none_o than_o he_o return_v and_o take_v seven_o other_o spirit_n more_o wicked_a than_o himself_o and_o they_o enter_v in_o and_o dwell_v there_o and_o the_o last_o state_n of_o that_o man_n be_v worse_a than_o the_o beginning_n he_o be_v now_o far_o more_o wicked_a than_o ever_o this_o be_v the_o nature_n and_o these_o be_v the_o effect_n of_o those_o kind_n of_o notion_n as_o they_o take_v with_o carnal_a heart_n and_o that_o it_o be_v so_o i_o appeal_v to_o the_o time_n in_o which_o we_o live_v if_o we_o have_v not_o see_v it_o so_o with_o many_o who_o have_v escape_v the_o pollution_n of_o the_o world_n and_o that_o evil_a spirit_n seem_v to_o be_v go_v out_o of_o they_o and_o they_o have_v make_v large_a profession_n of_o the_o power_n of_o truth_n in_o their_o heart_n but_o they_o be_v turn_v with_o the_o dog_n to_o his_o vomit_n and_o with_o the_o sow_n that_o be_v wash_v to_o she_o wallow_v in_o the_o mire_n glory_v in_o their_o shame_n and_o do_v that_o without_o any_o reluctancy_n which_o they_o will_v have_v tremble_v at_o the_o thought_n of_o before_o they_o have_v those_o
the_o gospel_n this_o only_a as_o to_o possibility_n for_o ordinary_o it_o be_v not_o so_o but_o three_o by_o gospel_n qualification_n i_o mean_v such_o as_o be_v from_o gospel_n dictate_v from_o a_o clear_a apprehension_n of_o the_o free_a grace_n of_o god_n therein_o be_v constrain_v from_o the_o love_n of_o christ_n and_o in_o obedience_n to_o the_o command_n and_o authority_n of_o christ_n the_o soul_n give_v up_o itself_o in_o all_o thing_n to_o be_v like_o he_o such_o as_o be_v wrought_v by_o the_o gospel_n and_o spirit_n receive_v they_o and_o they_o only_o be_v the_o fruit_n of_o the_o spirit_n but_o as_o for_o those_o other_o qualification_n person_n that_o be_v ignorant_a of_o the_o gosspel_n and_o have_v not_o receive_v the_o spirit_n may_v be_v eminent_a in_o they_o which_o indeed_o for_o that_o they_o have_v such_o a_o resemblance_n of_o the_o fruit_n of_o the_o spirit_n be_v great_a ornament_n as_o to_o appearance_n though_o as_o to_o inward_a glory_n they_o do_v many_o time_n prove_v miserable_a ornament_n be_v prop_n and_o stay_n that_o keep_v such_o person_n from_o come_v to_o christ_n and_o as_o it_o be_v say_v of_o the_o pharisee_n mat._n 21._o 31._o publican_n and_o harlot_n do_v enter_v into_o the_o kingdom_n rather_o than_o they_o and_o this_o i_o have_v experience_v that_o as_o to_o my_o receive_n christ_n upon_o gosspel_n term_n there_o be_v nothing_o so_o hard_a to_o i_o as_o to_o lay_v aside_o all_o those_o qualification_n as_o i_o have_v already_o express_v in_o my_o three_o and_o four_o note_n of_o experience_n now_o for_o the_o fruit_n of_o the_o spirit_n what_o they_o be_v be_v express_v both_o in_o general_a and_o particular_a term_n in_o general_a ephes_n 5._o 9_o the_o fruit_n of_o the_o spirit_n be_v in_o all_o goodness_n righteousness_n and_o truth_n more_o particular_o gal._n 5._o 22_o 23._o the_o fruit_n of_o the_o spirit_n be_v love_n joy_n peace_n long_o suffer_v gentleness_n goodness_n faith_n meekness_n temperance_n etc._n etc._n also_o there_o be_v other_o thing_n express_v in_o other_o term_n in_o scripture_n which_o doubtless_o be_v likewise_o fruit_n of_o the_o spirit_n though_o i_o think_v with_o submission_n to_o better_a judgement_n all_o other_o be_v include_v in_o these_o whether_o it_o be_v self_n denial_n patience_n humility_n or_o the_o like_a these_o thing_n be_v excellent_a ornament_n which_o do_v adorn_v christian_n in_o the_o eye_n of_o man_n and_o do_v redound_v much_o to_o the_o glory_n of_o god_n and_o therefore_o very_o considerable_a for_o saint_n to_o press_v after_o they_o by_o all_o mean_n i_o must_v confess_v that_o in_o the_o view_n of_o my_o own_o heart_n i_o have_v many_o time_n be_v much_o grieve_v to_o see_v how_o short_a i_o come_v in_o all_o these_o thing_n but_o especial_o in_o some_o of_o they_o yet_o through_o grace_n i_o can_v say_v i_o have_v receive_v a_o measure_n of_o they_o all_o and_o by_o experience_n do_v know_v if_o my_o heart_n deceive_v i_o not_o wherein_o i_o be_o weak_a and_o wherein_o strong_a and_o though_o i_o be_o sure_a in_o those_o in_o which_o i_o be_o strong_a i_o be_o but_o weak_a consider_v how_o i_o ought_v to_o be_v now_o i_o shall_v speak_v a_o little_a how_o and_o by_o what_o mean_v according_a to_o my_o experience_n and_o as_o i_o judge_v according_a to_o scripture_n rule_n these_o thing_n do_v increase_v or_o decrease_v in_o saint_n first_o i_o conceive_v they_o increase_v and_o be_v strengthen_v by_o a_o close_o walk_v with_o god_n in_o all_o spiritual_a duty_n especial_o private_a duty_n meditation_n self-examination_n self-watching_a self-judging_a self-humbling_a and_o prayer_n which_o be_v indeed_o such_o duty_n as_o no_o hypocrite_n can_v true_o do_v not_o that_o these_o private_a duty_n be_v above_o public_a but_o that_o they_o prepare_v for_o public_a and_o by_o these_o we_o be_v acquaint_v with_o our_o own_o heart_n &_o come_v to_o know_v wherein_o we_o be_v weak_a and_o wherein_o strong_a what_o we_o have_v receive_v and_o what_o we_o want_v and_o so_o how_o to_o apply_v ourselves_o to_o god_n in_o public_a and_o private_a for_o the_o subdue_a of_o such_o a_o corruption_n or_o for_o the_o supply_n of_o such_o or_o such_o a_o grace_n and_o this_o according_a to_o my_o experience_n as_o i_o have_v walk_v more_o or_o less_o close_a with_o god_n in_o these_o private_a duty_n so_o be_v my_o profit_n in_o public_a duty_n and_o my_o strength_n in_o qualification_n the_o habit_n of_o grace_n more_o or_o less_o and_o i_o be_o confident_a that_o such_o person_n as_o be_v stranger_n to_o these_o private_a duty_n be_v also_o stranger_n to_o their_o own_o heart_n and_o will_v not_o make_v any_o great_a progress_n in_o christianity_n for_o in_o the_o omission_n of_o these_o we_o be_v subject_a to_o be_v exercise_v in_o thing_n contrary_a which_o do_v very_o much_o interrupt_v our_o communion_n with_o god_n and_o so_o weaken_v the_o power_n of_o every_o grace_n in_o we_o or_o rather_o weaken_v the_o power_n of_o grace_n in_o all_o its_o effect_n for_o these_o thing_n be_v not_o proper_o grace_n but_o the_o effect_n of_o grace_n which_o be_v various_a and_o so_o improper_o call_v grace_n as_o when_o we_o do_v not_o daily_o humble_v ourselves_o before_o the_o lord_n we_o be_v subject_a to_o exalt_v ourselves_o before_o man_n and_o when_o we_o do_v not_o watch_v our_o own_o heart_n and_o judge_n ourselves_o we_o be_v subject_a to_o be_v judge_v other_o and_o to_o watch_v over_o they_o in_o a_o evil_a way_n &_o when_o we_o do_v not_o daily_o meditate_v on_o those_o excellent_a qualification_n that_o be_v in_o christ_n himself_o we_o be_v subject_a to_o see_v little_a loveliness_n in_o they_o and_o so_o have_v a_o light_a esteem_n of_o they_o not_o to_o press_v after_o they_o whereas_o we_o be_v to_o imitate_v he_o in_o all_o these_o thing_n according_a to_o mat._n 11._o 28_o 29._o but_o second_o the_o habit_n of_o grace_n or_o fruit_n of_o the_o spirit_n do_v increase_v or_o decrease_v as_o we_o do_v more_o or_o less_o exercise_n that_o measure_n of_o they_o already_o receive_v and_o every_o particular_a grace_n be_v increase_v by_o the_o exercise_n of_o itself_o and_o so_o by_o much_o exercise_n i_o mean_v by_o daily_a act_n they_o do_v as_o it_o be_v become_v natural_a as_o it_o be_v say_v of_o timotheus_n phi._n 2._o 20._o and_o the_o exercise_n of_o faith_n do_v direct_o lead_v we_o to_o the_o fountain_n of_o grace_n in_o behold_v of_o which_o glory_n of_o god_n we_o be_v change_v into_o the_o same_o image_n 1_o cor._n 3._o 18._o there_o be_v such_o a_o transform_a nature_n in_o it_o that_o the_o very_o behold_v of_o it_o transform_v we_o into_o the_o same_o likeness_n rom._n 12._o 2._o and_o i_o can_v true_o say_v from_o bless_a experience_n that_o in_o the_o exercise_n of_o that_o measure_n of_o grace_n i_o have_v receive_v thus_o lead_v i_o to_o behold_v the_o lord_n jesus_n in_o what_o he_o have_v do_v for_o i_o i_o have_v find_v it_o more_o advantageous_a for_o the_o destroy_n of_o corruption_n and_o for_o the_o strengthen_v i_o in_o those_o thing_n than_o in_o any_o other_o mean_n whatsoever_o and_o the_o reason_n why_o many_o person_n do_v sit_v a_o long_a time_n in_o the_o profession_n of_o truth_n and_o yet_o continue_v weak_a ignorant_a barren_a and_o fruitless_a branch_n it_o be_v because_o as_o they_o be_v remiss_a in_o private_a duty_n so_o they_o do_v not_o exercise_v that_o measure_n of_o grace_n receive_v and_o so_o by_o a_o heedless_a careless_a carnal_a walk_n the_o heart_n grow_v carnal_a and_o their_o be_v rather_o a_o decrease_n than_o increase_n in_o all_o spiritual_a strength_n but_o some_o will_v say_v can_v any_o do_v these_o thing_n of_o themselves_o and_o do_v not_o god_n give_v grace_n free_o both_o in_o and_o after_o conversion_n to_o which_o i_o answer_v yea_o but_o in_o the_o work_n of_o conversion_n we_o be_v passive_a i_o mean_v as_o to_o inward_a spiritual_a activity_n we_o can_v do_v nothing_o be_v dead_a according_a to_o ephes_n 2._o 1._o 2_o cor._n 5._o 14._o joh._n 5._o 25._o not_o exclude_v those_o duty_n which_o god_n require_v from_o all_o as_o hear_v the_o gospel_n read_v etc._n etc._n through_o which_o god_n have_v promise_v to_o convey_v spiritual_a life_n esay_n 55._o 3._o rom._n 10._o 17._o but_o after_o conversion_n we_o be_v active_a and_o therefore_o command_v to_o keep_v ourselves_o in_o the_o love_n of_o god_n judas_n 12._o to_o add_v to_o our_o faith_n virtue_n to_o virtue_n knowledge_n etc._n etc._n 2_o pet._n 1._o 5._o with_o many_o other_o such_o like_a scripture_n not_o that_o we_o be_v sufficient_a of_o ourselves_o to_o do_v any_o thing_n as_o of_o ourselves_o but_o our_o sufficiis_fw-la of_o god_n 2_o cor._n 3._o 5._o who_o be_v please_v to_o give_v in_o
concern_v truth_n and_o why_o many_o that_o live_v a_o long_a time_n under_o much_o mean_n yet_o continue_v very_o ignorant_a it_o may_v be_v ever_o learning_n and_o never_o able_a to_o come_v to_o the_o knowledge_n of_o the_o truth_n 2_o ti._n 3._o 7._o and_o as_o the_o seed_n upon_o the_o stony_a ground_n wither_v away_o because_o it_o have_v no_o root_n so_o truth_n not_o be_v root_v in_o the_o heart_n and_o judgement_n though_o it_o spring_v up_o in_o much_o affection_n yet_o it_o come_v to_o nothing_o and_o indeed_o ignorant_a person_n many_o time_n be_v soon_o affect_v and_o do_v seem_v to_o have_v more_o affection_n than_o other_o he_o reason_n of_o that_o i_o conceive_v be_v the_o same_o also_o with_o that_o of_o the_o seed_n upon_o the_o stony_a ground_n it_o spring_v up_o sudden_o because_o it_o have_v not_o depth_n of_o earth_n so_o it_o be_v natural_a for_o ignorant_a person_n to_o spring_v forth_o in_o affection_n they_o have_v as_o it_o be_v nothing_o else_o to_o do_v but_o only_o to_o be_v affect_v their_o strength_n run_v all_o in_o one_o vein_n or_o in_o one_o channel_n they_o spend_v all_o in_o affection_n while_o other_o that_o have_v more_o understanding_n have_v many_o other_o thing_n to_o do_v all_o the_o faculty_n of_o their_o soul_n be_v exercise_v their_o strength_n be_v disperse_v into_o many_o vein_n weigh_v and_o ponder_v thing_n in_o the_o heart_n and_o judgement_n that_o it_o may_v have_v depth_n to_o root_n and_o settle_v there_o as_o it_o be_v say_v of_o mary_n she_o ponder_v those_o thing_n in_o her_o heart_n luke_n 2._o 19_o so_o they_o be_v treasure_v it_o up_o in_o their_o heart_n have_v in_o their_o treasury_n thing_n new_a and_o old_a mat._n 12._o 35._o and_o 13._o 52._o and_o a_o little_a affection_n where_o there_o be_v judgement_n be_v better_a than_o a_o great_a deal_n without_o judgement_n yet_o much_o affection_n with_o a_o sound_a judgement_n be_v best_a of_o all_o the_o second_o note_n of_o experience_n how_o i_o be_v bring_v to_o see_v myself_o in_o a_o miserable_a state_n by_o nature_n and_o convince_v of_o sin_n by_o the_o law_n and_o so_o convert_v to_o duty_n labour_v for_o life_n by_o do_v though_o at_o that_o time_n in_o my_o own_o thought_n far_o from_o own_v such_o a_o thing_n by_o providence_n hear_v a_o minister_n of_o the_o nation_n who_o be_v then_o call_v a_o puritan_n who_o though_o i_o use_v often_o to_o hear_v yet_o i_o can_v true_o say_v as_o the_o prophet_n in_o dan._n 10._o 8._o i_o hear_v but_o i_o understand_v not_o and_o as_o i_o be_v once_o hear_v of_o he_o very_o sudden_o i_o think_v i_o do_v discern_v and_o understand_v thing_n more_o clear_o and_o more_o distinct_o than_o ever_o i_o do_v before_o that_o time_n be_v much_o affect_v with_o it_o and_o do_v then_o own_o god_n in_o it_o have_v many_o such_o thought_n as_o these_o that_o as_o it_o be_v say_v of_o lydia_n act._n 16._o 14._o that_o now_o the_o lord_n have_v open_v my_o understanding_n and_o now_o i_o hope_v i_o shall_v have_v more_o knowledge_n and_o delight_v more_o in_o hear_v and_o read_v whereas_o before_o it_o be_v wearisome_a to_o i_o because_o i_o do_v not_o understand_v any_o thing_n but_o in_o a_o confuse_a manner_n after_o this_o i_o have_v a_o great_a delight_n to_o hear_v this_o man_n and_o though_o i_o think_v it_o much_o on_o any_o other_o occasion_n to_o go_v one_o mile_n on_o foot_n yet_o to_o hear_v he_o i_o can_v go_v three_o and_o back_o again_o the_o same_o day_n frequent_o and_o by_o his_o ministry_n i_o be_v bring_v to_o see_v the_o superstitious_a variety_n of_o my_o former_a zeal_n and_o lay_v it_o aside_o and_o i_o remember_v that_o at_o this_o time_n i_o have_v such_o affectionate_a heart-working_n towards_o god_n and_o godliness_n and_o such_o a_o hatred_n of_o all_o sin_n according_a to_o what_o i_o then_o know_v that_o i_o do_v many_o time_n in_o my_o serious_a thought_n choose_v rather_o to_o die_v than_o live_v mere_o upon_o that_o account_n because_o i_o will_v not_o sin_v against_o god_n know_v myself_o subject_a thereunto_o and_o though_o i_o can_v say_v that_o at_o this_o time_n i_o have_v faith_n in_o god_n so_o as_o to_o believe_v his_o love_n to_o i_o on_o gospel_n ground_n for_o i_o be_v total_o ignorant_a of_o any_o such_o thing_n many_o year_n after_o yet_o i_o have_v good_a thought_n of_o god_n from_o that_o glimmer_a light_n which_o i_o then_o have_v and_o which_o do_v produce_v in_o i_o much_o love_n to_o he_o as_o i_o can_v but_o so_o judge_v but_o no_o soon_o be_v i_o bring_v to_o this_o but_o satan_n be_v ready_a to_o assault_v i_o and_o set_v upon_o i_o with_o this_o horrid_a temptation_n to_o question_v the_o be_v of_o god_n and_o i_o remember_v it_o usual_o come_v upon_o i_o when_o i_o be_v alone_o but_o especial_o as_o i_o be_v go_v by_o myself_o to_o hear_v the_o aforesaid_a minister_n insomuch_o that_o it_o do_v exceed_o trouble_v i_o and_o i_o then_o discern_v it_o to_o be_v a_o temptation_n and_o do_v resist_v and_o labour_n against_o it_o draw_v argument_n as_o i_o go_v in_o the_o field_n from_o the_o very_a work_n of_o creation_n to_o confirm_v myself_o in_o this_o truth_n that_o there_o be_v a_o god_n that_o it_o shall_v not_o be_v in_o vain_a for_o i_o or_o any_o to_o serve_v he_o and_o earnest_o cry_v to_o god_n against_o it_o through_o grace_n i_o be_v not_o overcome_v by_o it_o but_o have_v a_o supply_n of_o strength_n until_o it_o be_v remove_v and_o i_o be_v no_o more_o trouble_v with_o it_o in_o many_o year_n after_o so_o i_o continue_v a_o constant_a hearer_n of_o this_o man_n and_o other_o such_o like_a for_o some_o year_n by_o which_o i_o come_v to_o see_v myself_o in_o a_o miserable_a state_n by_o nature_n and_o be_v convince_v of_o sin_n by_o the_o law_n but_o be_v very_o ignorant_a of_o the_o lord_n jesus_n and_o their_o doctrine_n be_v for_o the_o most_o part_n such_o as_o be_v suitable_a to_o the_o old_a covenant_n instead_o of_o go_v to_o christ_n for_o life_n i_o be_v bring_v to_o a_o great_a degree_n of_o labour_n and_o travel_v for_o life_n and_o happiness_n by_o do_v though_o at_o that_o time_n in_o my_o own_o thought_n far_o from_o own_v such_o a_o thing_n be_v as_o exact_v and_o strict_a in_o all_o my_o way_n i_o think_v i_o may_v say_v as_o it_o be_v possible_a for_o a_o poor_a creature_n to_o be_v but_o the_o more_o strict_a i_o be_v still_o look_v through_o the_o glass_n of_o the_o law_n the_o more_o my_o bondage_n be_v increase_v for_o i_o can_v see_v nothing_o but_o a_o addition_n of_o sin_n in_o all_o that_o i_o do_v the_o law_n still_o call_v for_o a_o perfect_a righteousness_n then_o i_o begin_v to_o be_v very_o much_o trouble_v and_o in_o a_o great_a amazement_n &_o perplexity_n of_o spirit_n fear_v i_o shall_v perish_v for_o ever_o then_o i_o have_v thought_n to_o discover_v my_o condition_n to_o some_o to_o have_v advise_v from_o they_o but_o meet_v with_o many_o discouragement_n do_v not_o but_o keep_v it_o in_o my_o own_o breast_n discover_v no_o more_o but_o what_o i_o can_v not_o hide_v which_o be_v only_o my_o outward_a appearance_n much_o differ_v from_o what_o former_o it_o be_v which_o do_v occasion_n some_o to_o say_v that_o i_o be_v near_o a_o distraction_n they_o not_o know_v what_o condition_n i_o be_v in_o and_o true_o my_o condition_n be_v so_o sad_a that_o i_o be_v afraid_a of_o a_o distraction_n myself_o for_o i_o think_v it_o impossible_a to_o continue_v long_o in_o that_o condition_n and_o not_o be_v distract_v which_o fear_n do_v occasion_v i_o to_o apply_v myself_o to_o some_o mean_n of_o comfort_n whereas_o before_o i_o be_v not_o willing_a to_o hearken_v to_o any_o thing_n that_o way_n the_o mean_v i_o use_v be_v chief_o read_v &_o prayer_n by_o which_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n i_o come_v to_o some_o dark_a apprehension_n concern_v jesus_n christ_n be_v persuade_v there_o be_v something_o of_o that_o nature_n which_o if_o i_o can_v get_v a_o right_a understanding_n of_o my_o condition_n will_v be_v much_o better_a but_o fear_v leave_v i_o shall_v sink_v under_o my_o burden_n temptation_n come_v on_o i_o like_o the_o wave_n of_o the_o sea_n i_o be_v force_v as_o i_o go_v about_o my_o occasion_n often_o to_o cry_v to_o god_n like_o the_o disciple_n in_o another_o case_n lord_n save_v i_o else_o i_o perish_v mat._n 8._o 25._o i_o think_v many_o time_n i_o be_v even_o sink_v under_o my_o burden_n and_o i_o do_v believe_v there_o be_v no_o help_n but_o only_o in_o the_o lord_n and_o that_o he_o be_v able_a to_o do_v it_o but_o whether_o he_o will_v do_v it_o or_o whether_o he_o
daily_a supply_n and_o in_o the_o daily_a exercise_n of_o what_o we_o have_v to_o give_v we_o more_o yet_o all_o of_o grace_n free_o and_o so_o grace_n for_o grace_n as_o appear_v in_o the_o 1._o of_o john_n 6._o yet_o notwithstanding_o all_o that_o i_o have_v write_v i_o judge_v that_o its_o possible_a some_o saint_n may_v be_v very_o diligent_a in_o the_o use_n of_o all_o mean_n for_o the_o subdue_a of_o some_o particular_a corruption_n and_o for_o the_o supply_n of_o some_o particular_a grace_n and_o yet_o not_o attain_v it_o but_o god_n be_v please_v to_o withhold_v it_o from_o they_o and_o lest_o they_o shall_v be_v to_o much_o exalt_v to_o leave_v some_o corruption_n for_o they_o to_o strive_v and_o struggle_v with_o it_o may_v be_v as_o long_o as_o they_o live_v which_o for_o aught_o i_o know_v be_v paul_n very_a case_n 2_o cor._n 12._o 8._o and_o the_o lord_n may_v exercise_v one_o grace_n in_o we_o by_o the_o want_n of_o another_o yea_o all_o by_o the_o want_n of_o one_o not_o that_o saint_n be_v without_o all_o in_o their_o nature_n but_o as_o to_o a_o great_a measure_n in_o some_o particular_n and_o so_o far_o as_o i_o have_v experience_v this_o though_o i_o be_o still_o subject_a to_o suspect_v my_o own_o diligence_n in_o the_o use_n of_o mean_n i_o can_v true_o say_v that_o god_n be_v never_o want_v in_o such_o case_n with_o support_n from_o himself_o say_v my_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a for_o thou_o my_o power_n be_v make_v manifest_a in_o weakness_n 2_o cor._n 12._o 9_o and_o though_o sin_n be_v in_o you_o it_o shall_v shall_v not_o reign_v there_o neither_o shall_v it_o have_v dominion_n over_o you_o because_o yea_o be_v not_o under_o the_o law_n but_o under_o grace_n rom._n 6._o 11_o 12_o 1â—_n i_o shall_v say_v no_o more_o now_o of_o these_o thing_n but_o beg_v of_o god_n that_o myself_o with_o all_o saint_n may_v press_v more_o after_o they_o the_o conclusion_n have_v thus_o far_o writtenof_o my_o experience_n in_o several_a general_a head_n which_o do_v include_v many_o particular_a experiment_n i_o have_v some_o thought_n to_o have_v write_v of_o many_o other_o thing_n but_o my_o book_n be_v almost_o full_a i_o shall_v conclude_v with_o a_o few_o line_n as_o to_o experience_n itself_o what_o it_o be_v how_o and_o by_o what_o mean_v it_o be_v attain_v there_o be_v various_a thing_n about_o which_o person_n may_v be_v exercise_v in_o way_n of_o experience_n yet_o all_o may_v be_v divide_v under_o one_o of_o these_o two_o head_n it_o be_v either_o in_o relation_n to_o the_o world_n or_o in_o relation_n to_o god_n as_o to_o that_o of_o the_o world_n it_o be_v all_o but_o vanity_n and_o vexation_n of_o spirit_n eccl._n 1._o 14._o and_o he_o that_o uncrease_v knowledge_n in_o those_o thing_n increase_v sorrow_n verse_n 18._o and_o though_o there_o may_v be_v something_o of_o that_o nature_n convenient_a for_o saint_n to_o know_v upon_o a_o natural_a or_o civil_a account_n it_o be_v but_o perish_v at_o best_a and_o therefore_o too_o low_o for_o they_o to_o spend_v much_o of_o their_o precious_a time_n and_o thought_n about_o it_o be_v their_o privilege_n to_o have_v enlarge_a experience_n in_o the_o great_a thing_n of_o god_n thing_n that_o be_v last_a and_o durable_a to_o eternity_n and_o as_o godly_a person_n may_v have_v experience_n in_o some_o thing_n of_o the_o world_n so_o carnal_a person_n may_v have_v experience_n of_o the_o deal_n of_o god_n in_o some_o thing_n as_o to_o many_o outward_a blessing_n and_o deliverance_n by_o a_o common_a hand_n of_o providence_n in_o which_o they_o do_v many_o time_n so_o bless_v themselves_o as_o if_o they_o be_v high_o in_o favour_n with_o god_n when_o the_o lord_n know_v it_o be_v no_o such_o thing_n but_o it_o may_v be_v they_o have_v their_o portion_n in_o this_o life_n and_o be_v deliver_v from_o a_o lesser_a to_o be_v reserve_v to_o a_o great_a destruction_n but_o as_o to_o experience_n from_o a_o truesanctified_a knowledge_n or_o special_a work_n of_o the_o spirit_n of_o god_n they_o be_v altogether_o stranger_n to_o it_o 1_o cor._n 2._o 14._o its_o only_o the_o privilege_n of_o saint_n to_o be_v eminent_a in_o that_o and_o indeed_o it_o be_v a_o privilege_n so_o great_a that_o i_o desire_v for_o ever_o to_o bless_v the_o lord_n that_o he_o have_v make_v i_o who_o be_o so_o unworthy_a in_o any_o measure_n to_o partake_v of_o it_o for_o thing_n mere_o historical_a or_o traditional_a will_v vanish_v and_o come_v to_o nothing_o and_o so_o far_o as_o we_o partake_v of_o truth_n not_o only_o in_o its_o principle_n as_o to_o the_o understanding_n of_o it_o from_o scripture_n rule_n but_o also_o in_o its_o experience_n as_o to_o the_o effect_n and_o operation_n of_o it_o in_o our_o heart_n so_o far_o it_o will_v stand_v we_o instead_o and_o so_o far_o do_v we_o attain_v true_a wisdom_n and_o no_o far_o and_o indeed_o as_o to_o the_o effect_n and_o operation_n of_o it_o in_o the_o heart_n it_o be_v the_o very_a life_n of_o christianity_n yet_o as_o to_o rule_v for_o the_o receive_n of_o any_o principle_n one_o word_n of_o scripture_n be_v more_o worth_a than_o all_o our_o experience_n and_o as_o to_o the_o avoid_n of_o evil_a its_o better_a to_o learn_v that_o any_o way_n than_o by_o the_o experience_n of_o it_o for_o so_o it_o be_v the_o school_n of_o fool_n yet_o wise_a man_n have_v so_o learn_v in_o some_o thing_n now_o according_a to_o my_o understanding_n experience_n be_v more_o than_o a_o bare_a knowledge_n it_o be_v either_o a_o begetter_n or_o a_o effect_n of_o knowledge_n and_o have_v always_o relation_n to_o some_o rule_n whether_o it_o be_v in_o natural_a or_o spiritual_a thing_n if_o in_o natural_a thing_n it_o must_v answer_v a_o rule_n of_o nature_n if_o in_o spiritual_a it_o must_v answer_v a_o spiritual_a rule_n and_o the_o holy_a scripture_n be_v that_o rule_n by_o which_o all_o christian_a experience_n must_v be_v try_v according_a to_o the_o lord_n own_o appointment_n esa_n 8._o 20._o and_o all_o must_v answer_v some_o rule_n therein_o express_v or_o employ_v by_o rule_n in_o this_o sense_n i_o mean_v the_o scripture_n declare_v the_o same_o thing_n and_o as_o it_o must_v answer_v a_o rule_n in_o itself_o so_o answerable_a to_o that_o knowledge_n and_o understanding_n which_o person_n have_v in_o the_o rule_n so_o be_v the_o measure_n of_o their_o experience_n for_o though_o some_o person_n have_v much_o knowledge_n as_o to_o principle_n and_o but_o little_a experience_n yet_o none_o can_v have_v experience_n of_o that_o they_o do_v not_o understand_v either_o in_o a_o principle_n before_o they_o have_v that_o experience_n or_o else_o they_o have_v learn_v that_o principle_n by_o experience_n for_o as_o i_o say_v before_o all_o experience_n be_v either_o a_o effect_n of_o knowledge_n or_o by_o it_o we_o learn_v knowledge_n otherwise_o it_o can_v be_v experience_n this_o i_o mind_v the_o rather_o because_o some_o person_n do_v please_v themselves_o with_o a_o conceit_a experience_n though_o ignorant_a in_o the_o principle_n of_o truth_n when_o there_o can_v be_v such_o a_o thing_n i_o must_v confess_v i_o have_v be_v grieve_v to_o hear_v such_o person_n speak_v of_o their_o experience_n when_o it_o do_v appear_v to_o i_o as_o it_o be_v say_v of_o some_o that_o will_v be_v preacher_n of_o the_o law_n 1_o tim._n 1._o 7._o they_o know_v not_o what_o they_o say_v nor_o whereof_o they_o affirm_v and_o these_o be_v two_o sort_n of_o person_n first_o such_o as_o through_o ignorance_n of_o the_o scripture_n do_v imagine_v that_o to_o be_v christian_a experience_n which_o do_v not_o answer_v a_o rule_n of_o scripture_n but_o be_v contrary_a thereto_o 2._o such_o as_o from_o corrupt_a principle_n will_v set_v up_o their_o experience_n above_o or_o equal_v to_o the_o authority_n of_o scripture_n as_o to_o give_v a_o be_v to_o institution_n or_o to_o make_v it_o a_o rule_n to_o judge_v and_o try_v all_o thing_n yea_o the_o very_a scripture_n itself_o when_o both_o it_o and_o they_o must_v be_v judge_v thereby_o rom._n 2._o 16._o there_o be_v much_o corrupt_a experience_n in_o the_o world_n and_o person_n have_v be_v as_o much_o mistake_v in_o their_o experience_n especial_o in_o these_o day_n as_o in_o any_o thing_n i_o know_v and_o no_o marvel_n when_o they_o leave_v the_o scripture_n as_o to_o rule_v &_o walk_v by_o the_o uncertain_a rule_n of_o their_o own_o experience_n which_o many_o time_n be_v nothing_o but_o the_o vision_n of_o their_o own_o brain_n yet_o notwithstanding_o the_o great_a mistake_n of_o many_o through_o corrupt_a experience_n yet_o true_a christian_a experience_n be_v as_o excellent_a as_o ever_o and_o that_o as_o i_o say_v before_o be_v more_o than_o a_o bare_a knowledge_n it_o be_v truth_n bring_v home_o to_o
the_o heart_n with_o life_n and_o power_n by_o the_o spirit_n of_o god_n conform_v the_o soul_n in_o all_o thing_n to_o the_o will_n of_o god_n be_v unite_v to_o christ_n by_o faith_n and_o so_o by_o it_o we_o learn_v many_o thing_n first_o by_o experience_n we_o find_v the_o word_n of_o god_n daily_o accomplish_v in_o we_o and_o be_v confirm_v in_o our_o faith_n and_o hope_n for_o experience_n work_v hope_n rom._n 5._o 4._o by_o it_o we_o come_v to_o be_v acquaint_v with_o our_o own_o heart_n and_o be_v not_o so_o easy_o deceive_v by_o they_o by_o experience_n we_o learn_v how_o to_o use_v our_o spiritual_a armour_n eph._n 6._o 12_o 13_o 14._o for_o offence_n and_o defence_n against_o the_o wile_n of_o the_o devil_n not_o be_v ignorant_a of_o his_o devise_n 2_o cor._n 2._o 11._o by_o it_o we_o learn_v wisdom_n as_o to_o the_o exercise_n of_o all_o spiritual_a gift_n and_o do_v know_v what_o we_o have_v receive_v and_o what_o we_o want_v in_o a_o measure_n and_o what_o will_v help_v or_o hinder_v a_o gracious_a frame_n in_o we_o also_o by_o it_o we_o learn_v wisdom_n as_o to_o the_o profit_v by_o all_o condition_n and_o as_o to_o the_o answer_v of_o all_o relation_n and_o in_o all_o these_o person_n do_v many_o time_n do_v that_o for_o want_v of_o experience_n which_o after_o they_o have_v more_o they_o be_v ashamed_a of_o what_o they_o have_v do_v and_o according_a to_o that_o measure_n of_o it_o which_o through_o grace_n i_o have_v attain_v i_o have_v often_o think_v that_o a_o large_a experience_a christian_a do_v as_o far_o excel_v and_o differ_v from_o such_o as_o have_v but_o little_a experience_n as_o a_o man_n differ_v from_o a_o child_n and_o may_v say_v as_o job_n do_v i_o have_v hear_v of_o thou_o by_o the_o hear_n of_o the_o ear_n but_o now_o my_o eye_n see_v thou_o job_n 42._o 5._o and_o because_o experience_n be_v a_o thing_n so_o excellent_a every_o one_o will_v be_v eminent_a in_o it_o or_o at_o least_o they_o will_v be_v think_v to_o be_v so_o when_o the_o truth_n be_v there_o be_v but_o few_o that_o do_v take_v a_o right_a course_n to_o attain_v it_o now_o for_o the_o way_n and_o mean_n by_o which_o it_o be_v attain_v i_o shall_v give_v my_o thought_n 1._o i_o conceive_v its_o the_o fruit_n of_o much_o christian_a labour_n after_o long_a continuance_n in_o the_o truth_n and_o be_v 〈…〉_o various_a condition_n but_o 2._o and_o chief_o i_o apprehend_v it_o be_v attain_v by_o serious_a observation_n and_o meditation_n for_o though_o person_n may_v have_v much_o knowledge_n as_o to_o the_o principle_n of_o truth_n and_o may_v continue_v long_o in_o the_o profession_n of_o it_o and_o may_v be_v exercise_v under_o many_o change_n yet_o if_o they_o be_v not_o serious_a in_o their_o observation_n but_o thing_n come_v and_o go_v with_o they_o and_o they_o not_o regard_v it_o they_o will_v never_o attain_v to_o much_o experience_n whereas_o it_o may_v be_v some_o that_o be_v more_o serious_a and_o observe_v that_o have_v not_o be_v so_o long_o in_o the_o truth_n or_o so_o exercise_v 〈◊〉_d have_v more_o 〈◊〉_d than_o they_o as_o some_o child_n will_v learn_v more_o in_o a_o month_n than_o other_o in_o a_o year_n but_o this_o be_v not_o ordinary_a for_o though_o person_n may_v be_v long_o in_o the_o truth_n and_o have_v but_o little_a experience_n yet_o such_o as_o be_v new_o come_v to_o the_o faith_n can_v have_v much_o though_o never_o so_o observe_v for_o which_o cause_n young_a christian_n be_v not_o to_o be_v choose_v church-officer_n be_v subject_a to_o be_v soon_o overcome_v by_o temptation_n also_o let_v young_a christian_n especial_o be_v swift_a to_o hear_v and_o slow_a to_o speak_v jam._n 1._o 19_o and_o be_v more_o swift_a to_o hear_v than_o to_o offer_v the_o sacrifice_n of_o fool_n eccle._n 5._o 1._o see_v it_o be_v so_o that_o christian_a 〈…〉_o in_o its_o place_n be_v a_o thing_n so_o excellent_a and_o that_o the_o mean_n by_o which_o it_o be_v attain_v be_v by_o serious_a observation_n i_o desire_v with_o all_o saint_n to_o give_v up_o myself_o to_o a_o serious_a observation_n of_o the_o deal_n of_o god_n with_o we_o in_o all_o condition_n that_o we_o may_v not_o receive_v mercy_n in_o vain_a but_o that_o we_o may_v treasure_n they_o up_o in_o our_o christian_a experience_n have_v in_o our_o treasury_n thing_n new_a and_o old_a that_o we_o may_v be_v ready_a upon_o all_o occasion_n to_o bring_v it_o forth_o mat._n 13._o 52._o to_o the_o glory_n and_o praise_n of_o god_n &_o to_o the_o profit_n &_o comfort_n of_o our_o self_n and_o other_o as_o it_o be_v our_o duty_n so_o to_o do_v till_o the_o come_n of_o our_o lord_n to_z 〈…〉_o and_o glory_n for_o e_o 〈…〉_o