but a hatred and indignation against it It being thus with me at this time I cannot but much tender persons in the like condition who do manifest by a good conversation a reall work of God upon their hearts though living in a discovery below the privileges of the Gospel yet not so to tender them as not to tender the glory of truth above them being true to my principles in keeping a strict separation from them in relation to their visible and publick worship it being contrary to the rule of the Gospel Three Observations from the three foregoing reasons First concerning the Change wrought in the whole soul from thence I observe That there may be a Change wrought in the whole soul to life and godliness long before that soul comes to enjoy life by believing Secondly concerning my being staid upon Christ when I was like to sink upder my burthen from thence I observe That a soul may cleave to and really stay upon Christ through some apprehension which presents him lovely though it may be that which doth not present him so lovely as indeed he is Thirdly concerning that entire love I had to Christ and his waies from thence I observe That though the love of Christ manifested to a soul be that which ordinarily begets love in the soul to Christ yet its possible there may be a real love to him before there is such a manifestation Now having minded many particulars as to my condition at that time when I did experience these things I cannot altogether omit the kindness of God towards me in relation to persecutions which though it were but small comparatively with some others yet it was more than some met with and it was that indeed which did require some strength from the Lord to undergo it with comfort in which he not being wanting to me I Judge it ought not to be forgotten by me and as I had comfort in it at that time present so I am still well satisfyed that I suffered not as an evill doer because what I did then was upon a conscientious account according to that light received I could mention many particulars but I forbear heartily desiring that it may never be laid to their charge But this book being intended by me as a remembrancer of the former dealings of God towards me I think it not altogether useles as to remember the time I was in that condition the manner how I was brought from it so also the time when J was brought from it and that was after the Bishops were quite taken away in the beginning of the sitting of the late Synod And here I desire to remember with thankfulness to God that I was not insnared by the change of times and laws For at that very time when the Presbyterian party so called began to reign and J might have reignd with them and enioyed smiles from them being convicted of a further discovery of truth J left them and was content to become a scorn and a by-word amongst them Though J must confess J had much respect from some of them all along yet my sufferings from that party were far more than the former J could here mention many particulars but J forbear desiring as for the former it may not be charged upon them only these general hints I hope will be sufficient to bring particulars to my remembrance for these things ought not to be forgotten by me because in the remembrance of them I find my heart much engaged in praises to God and that several waies one way and that not the least is that God hath broken their power For indeed I must needs say that according to my observation and experience I have seen as persecuting a spirit in them as ever I did in the former and they did appear as bitter if not more against such as were called Anabaptists than ever the Bishops did against those that were called Puritans considering their time and power For as their time was short so when their power was highest there was alwaies a party which did a little aw them I shall say no more of these things but that as I desire for ever to blesse the Lord in the remembrance of them so I do likewise desire that God would destroy or at least keep under every persecuting spirit under what name or title soever called till he is pleased to give them repentance The third Note of Experience How I was brought to apprehend and believe the free Grace of God in the Gospell and in believing to receive the assurance of the love of God IN order to this experience I cannot omit to write something concerning the reading of a book by which as a means in the hand of God I received these never to be forgotten mercies After I had livd about five or six years a strict professor being very confident and settled upon the Lees of Legal Righteousness it pleased the Lord there came a man to the Town where I lived whom though he was generally reputed to be an honest man yet he was much opposed as holding grosse errors in his Judgement and hearing many speak very bitterly against him I did much ponder it in my heart not daâ—ing as Nicodemus spake concerning Christ John 7. 50. to judge before I heard and therefore I resolved to speak with him which accordingly I did and found him speaking such things as I never heard before which I then ignorantly judged to be errors the things he chiefly spake of was about Free Grace the nature of the Gospel and the New Covenant and though I was not able to gain say the truth of what he spake yet for fear of those evill consequences that a carnal heart might draw from them I could not receive it But after some discourse in much opposition yet not bitter against him in the close he desired to lend me a book in which he said concerning the things he spake I might find better satisfaction than he could give being but weak in expression so I took it home with me but being much afraid of error I was at a great dispute in my own spirit whether I should read it or not but fearing lest I should seem to shut my eyes against the light at last I came to this result that I would read it but first set a part a day by fasting and prayer to seek the Lord that what was truth in it I might embrace and that he would keep and preserve me from error which accordingly I did and finding the drist and scope of the book was to exalt God and lay low the Creature I was much affected with it as also with some other particulars but on the other hand these Ministers whose words were then as Oracles to me did so much cry out against it charging all to take heed of it it being full of errors of dangerous consequences that when I came about the middle of it I was so surprised with fear of carnal liberty
the heart with life and power by the Spirit of God conforming the soul in all things to the will of God being united to Christ by faith and so by it we learn many things First by experience we find the word of God daily accomplished in us and are confirmed in our faith and hope for experience worketh hope Rom. 5. 4. by it we come to be acquainted with our own hearts and are not so easily deceived by them by experience we learn how to use our spiritual armor Eph. 6. 12 13 14. for offence and defence against the wiles of the devil not being ignorant of his devises 2 Cor. 2. 11. by it we learn wisdom as to the exercise of all spiritual gifts and do know what we have received and what we want in a measure and what will help or hinder a gracious frame in us also by it we learn wisdom as to the profiting by all conditions and as to the answering of all relations and in all these persons do many times do that for want of experience which after they have more they are ashamed of what they have done and according to that measure of it which through grace I have attain'd I have often thought that a large experienced Christian doth as far excell and differ from such as have but little experience as a man differs from a child and may say as Iob did I have heard of thee by the hearing of the ear but now mine eyes see thee Job 42. 5. and because experience is a thing so excellent every one would be eminent in it or at least they would be thought to be so when the truth is there are but few that do take a right course to attain it Now for the way and means by which it is attained I shall give my thoughts 1. I conceive its the fruit of much Christian labour after long continuance in the truth and being 〈…〉 various conditions But 2. and chiefly I apprehend it is attained by serious observation and meditation for though persons may have much knowledge as to the principles of truth and may continue long in the profession of it and may be exercised under many changes yet if they are not serious in their observations but things come and go with them and they not regard it they will never attain to much experience whereas it may be some that are more serious and observing that have not bin so long in the truth or so exercised 〈◊〉 have more 〈◊〉 than they as some children will learn more in a moneth than others in a year but this is not ordinary for though persons may be long in the truth and have but little experience yet such as are newly come to the faith cannot have much though never so observing for which cause young Christians are not to be chosen Church-officers being subject to be soon overcome by temptations also let young Christians especially Be swift to hear and slow to speak Iam. 1. 19. and be more swift to hear than to offer the sacrifice of fools Eccle. 5. 1. Seeing it is so that Christian 〈…〉 in its place is a thing so excellent and that the means by which it s attained is by serious observation I desire with all Saints to give up my self to a serious observation of the dealings of God with us in all conditions that we may not receive mercies in vain but that we may treasure them up in our Christian experience having in our treasury things new and old that we may be ready upon all occasions to bring it forth Mat. 13. 52. to the glory and praise of God to the profit comfort of our selves and others as it s our duty so to do till the comming of our Lord to 〈…〉 and glory for e 〈…〉
For doubtless though its one of the last yet it s not the least trial that after we have in a great measure overcome the world the devil and our own hearts we should meet with lets and discouragements from one another It s that indeed which is suitable to an imperfect state in which we are and by which we may learn as to live more singly on God so also to presse after and long for that perfect State in which we shall be at the appearance of our Lord Jesus Christ I might enlarge much in this matter but I intend only to hint at things desiring the Lord to stir up the hearts of some more able to enlarge upon it knowing there is great need that Saints should be exhorted to this duty namely not to discourage but to incourage one another in all good things I desire that we may set before us that exhortation of the Apostle Gal. 5. 26 Let us not be desirous of vain glory provoking one another envying one another From whence I observe that to be desirous of vain glory makes way for a spirit of envy and so to provoke and grieve one another The consideration of that Scripture with Jam. 4. 5. may through the blessing of God be very usefull to Saints for this purpose for questionles a slighting of the gifts and grace of God in others doth many times arise off a desire of vain glory and a spirit of envy The first Note of Experience of the good Providence of God towards mee in a state of Ignorance and Darkness before Conversion IT pleased the Lord I was civilly brought up from a child and kept from such gross evills as persons meerly civil do not allow but otherwaies very vain and that which instrumentally kept me from such things as I conceived was together with my civil education a desire of happiness and a fear of misery having a general notion that sinne was attended with misery for I remember when I had done any thing that I thought was sin I was presently under great fear and terror to take off which and also to attain happiness in the end I thought I was to be exercised in some kind of religion but being very ignorant I made no inquiry what religion was but took it for granted that that was religion which was then in force from King and Bishops and so going on I grew very superstitiously zealous in all things suitable to the service Book or a Cathedrall kind of Worship and I thought the more I abounded in fasting book prayer and observation of daies and times mourning and afflicting my self for sin the better it was so that I think I did exceed most that I knew in that way for blind zeal and superstitious devotion yet at this very time I thought my self far from Popery and did alwaies oppose that with much zeal and I am sure with much ignorance Then being acquainted with some who were then called Puritans I began to perceive that there was some difference betwixt that which I practised and that which was done by them and my observation of their carriages and hearing them speak such language as I was altogether a stranger to did so far work upon me that I began to question my own condition and oft times when I had done my long book prayers though I had scarce ever heard of praying without a book yet I would in a poor broken manner complain to God that I was in some fear that what I did was not according to his will and if it were not I did beg of him that he would bring me to the knowledge of the truth whatever I did undergo for attaining of it But then sometimes I thought my condition good enough and though I was never given to rail or speak evil of such persons yet I thought they made more ado than they need to have done and that God did not require so much strictnesse as they seemed to plead for But hearing them speak much of knowledge and of the danger of ignorance and knowing my self to be very ignorant I began to be more frequent in reading the Scriptures and hearing sermons but my understanding not being yet opened it was to little effect for I remember I was at this time like a stock or stone as to the true understanding of that which I read or heard that I can truly say as the Prophet in Psal 73. 22. So foolish was I and ignorant even as a Beast before thee and yet at this time I was something in affection as when I heard any thing of the judgements of God against sin I should tremble and when any thing of the mercy and goodness of God or the love and sweetness of Jesus Christ my heart would melt as I thought yet I understood nothing so as to have it seated in the understanding and judgement This in general I do remember as to that state Some brief Observations from this note of Experience FIrst concerning my being kept from sin by a desire of happiness and fear of misery From thence I observe That in the daies of ignorance before we have received grace to restrain us from sin it s a mercy to be restrained by something else And truly to me its a mercy so considerable that I desire to bless the Lord for it as long as I live Secondly concerning my seeking after and framing to my self some kind of Religion from thence I observe That its naturall for persons to make after some kind of Religion and rather than they will worship nothing they will worship Samaritan like they know not what John 4. 22. Thirdly concerning my opposing Popery when my self lived in the practice of the same thing for the nature of it from thence I observe That a person may oppose an error and yet live at that time in the same error for the nature of it though in a lower degree and not know it And that not only persons totally ignorant but Saints also if they take not good heed for I have experienced this more times than once Fourthly concerning my complaint and prayer to God in relation to truth from thence I observe That a person before conversion may for ought I know truly pray and that from a secret work of God upon the heart And therefore though I cannot from Scripture-rule exhort such to pray so neither from ence can I forbid them but rather reioyce to see the hearts of any run out in such a way Fiftly concerning my being so much affected with truth though I understood it not from thence I observe That ignorant persons in hearing truth may have their reason so far touched that they may assent to it and be much affected with it and yet understand nothing so as to have it seated in the heart and judgement and because it is not seated in the heart and iudgement that I conceive is the reason why ignorant persons are so uncertain and so unconstant in their thoughts
concerning truth and why many that live a long time under much means yet continue very ignorant it may be ever learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth 2 Ti. 3. 7. and as the seed upon the stony ground withred away because it had no root So truth not being rooted in the heart and iudgement though it spring up in much affection yet it comes to nothing And indeed ignorant persons many times are sooner affected and doe seem to have more affection than others he reason of that I conceive is the same also with that of the seed upon the stony ground it sprang up suddenly because it had not depth of earth so it s natural for ignorant persons to spring forth in affection they having as it were nothing else to do but onely to be affected their strength running all in one vein or in one Chanel they spend all in affection while others that have more understanding have many other things to do all the faculties of their souls being exercised their strength is dispersed into many veins weighing and pondering things in the heart and iudgment that it may have depth to root and settle there as it s said of Mary shee pondred those things in her heart Luke 2. 19. so they are treasuring it up in their hearts having in their treasury things new and old Mat. 12. 35. and 13. 52. and a little affection where there is iudgement is better than a great deal without iudgement yet much affection with a sound iudgment is best of all The second note of Experience How I was brought to see my self in a miserable state by Nature and convinced of sin by the Law and so converted to duty labouring for life by doing though at that time in my own thoughts far from owning such a thing By providence hearing a Minister of the Nation who was then called a Puritan whom though I used often to hear yet I could truly say as the Prophet in Dan. 10. 8. I heard but I understood not and as I was once hearing of him very suddenly I thought I did discern and understand things more clearly and more distinctly than ever I did before that time being much affected with it and did then own God in it having many such thoughts as these that as it was said of Lydia Act. 16. 14. that now the Lord had opened my understanding and now I hoped I should have more knowledge and delight more in hearing and reading whereas before it was wearysome to me because I did not understand any thing but in a confused manner After this I had a great delight to hear this man and though I thought it much on any other occasion to go one mile on foot yet to hear him I could go three and back again the same day frequently and by his Ministery I was brought to see the superstitious varity of my former zeal and laid it aside and I remember that at this time I had such affectionate heart-workings towards God and godliness and such a hatred of all sin according to what I then knew that I did many times in my serious thoughts chuse rather to dy than live meerly upon that account because I would not sin against God knowing my self subject thereunto And though I cannot say that at this time I had faith in God so as to believe his Love to me on Gospel grounds for I was totally ignorant of any such thing many years after yet I had good thoughts of God from that glimmering light which I then had and which did produce in me much love to him as I cannot but so judge But no sooner was I brought to this but Satan was ready to assault me and set upon me with this horrid temptation to question the Being of God and I remēber it usually came upō me when I was alone but especially as I was going by my self to hear the aforesaid Minister insomuch that it did exceedingly trouble me and I then discerned it to be a temptation and did resist and labour against it drawing arguments as I went in the fields from the very works of Creation to confirm my self in this truth that there is a God that it should not be in vain for me or any to serve him and earnestly crying to God against it through Grace I was not overcome by it but had a supply of strength until it was removed and I was no more troubled with it in many years after So I continued a constant hearer of this man and other such like for some years by which I came to see my self in a miserable State by nature and was convinced of sin by the Law but being very ignorant of the Lord Jesus and their doctrine being for the most part such as was suitable to the old covenant instead of going to Christ for life I was brought to a great degree of labour and travell for life and happinesse by doing though at that time in my own thoughts farre from owning such a thing being as exact and strict in all my waies I think I may say as it was possible for a poor creature to be but the more strict I was still looking through the glasse of the law the more my bondage was increased For I could see nothing but an addition of sin in all that I did the law still calling for a perfect righteousness Then I began to be very much troubled and in a great amasement perplexity of spirit fearing I should perish for ever then I had thoughts to discover my condition to some to have advise from them but meeting with many discouragements did not but kept it in my own brest discovering no more but what I could not hide which was onely my outward appearance much differing from what formerly it was which did occasion some to say that I was neer a distraction they not knowing what condition I was in And truly my condition was so sad that I was afraid of a distraction my self for I thought it impossible to continue long in that condition and not be distracted which fear did occasion me to apply my self to some means of comfort whereas before I was not willing to hearken to any thing that way the means I used was chiefly reading praier by which it pleased the Lord I came to some dark apprehensions concerning Jesus Christ being perswaded there was something of that nature which if I could get a right understanding of my condition would be much better but fearing left I should sink under my burthen temptations comming on me like the waves of the Sea I was forced as I went about my occasions often to cry to God like the Disciples in another case Lord save me else I perish Mat. 8. 25. I thought many times I was even sinking under my burthen and I did believe there was no help but only in the Lord and that he was able to do it but whether he would do it or whether he
condition and what the Lord had done for me who as I have formerly hinted was much in the same condition with me who also declared that he had in a measure received the like mercy which did much increase my joy Then I remember he desir'd we might seek the Lord by prayer and praise his holy name for these and all his mercies In which duty the Lord was pleased so abundantly to manifest himself to us thereby testifying his acceptance of us that for a while we sate in admiration neither of us scarce being able to speak for tears and truly it was such a mercy that I trust we shall for ever admire it at least in these five particulars First that God should deal so faithfully with us in relation to his promise that when we were ready to turn to the right hand or to the left he caused us to hear his voice behind us saying this is the way walk in it Esay 30. 21. Secondly that when we were straying from truth that the Lord should keep us that we straied no further that we did not run to the hight of those notions denying the Churches and Ordinances of Christ and blaspheming the truth as very many did in those times even denying the Lord that bought them Thirdly that the Lord should deal so fatherly and tenderly in his restoring of us that it was not by any extraordinary affliction or chastisement neither were we at any time a trouble to the Churches or grief to any Saint I know of Fourthly that the Lord should be pleased to bring us off so clearly from those things for many are brought off from them and yet there is still so much confusion remaining upon their spirits that it is hard to discern whether they are brought off or no. Fiftly that the Lord should vouchsafe this mercy to both of us that at one the same time and that at our return he should manifest such a sweet acceptance of us melting our hearts into tears of joy to our mutual comfort in the Lord and in each other and so that stream of our hearts being now turned from running after lying vanities the Lord was pleased to re-establish and confirm us every day more and more in the truth turning this sad yet blessed Experience to his praise and our great advantage the remembrance of which I trust shall be a mercy that shall stand us in stead at times of need whiles we live which the Lord grant it may be so to the honour and praise of his great name and our own peace and happines in himself Amen Some further Considerations relating to this part of my Experience it being that which I judge so considerable I cannot omit the reviewing of it AND the Lord grant I may review it daily so as to have my heart raised to an holy admiration of the goodness and faithfulness of God towards me in it and that it may allwaies lie as a strong engagement upon my heart to love and obey him in all things which in consideration of his unspeakable mercy is but my reasonable service Rom. 12. 1. And as I desire for ever to bless the Lord that he was pleased to deliver me from these deceits so it shall be my prayer that all the Lords people may be delivered from them and that the rather because I am perswaded that errors of that nature are the worst of all others and doubtless they are the greatest mystery of iniquity that ever Satan had on foot in the world But because I am not willing to pass my sentence without grounds and because every thing that is reproved is made manifest by the light and that which doth make manifest is light Ephes 5. 13. I desire according to that light of truth which God hath given to me farther to consider not only in general that those kind of errors are the worst of all others but more particularly how they are so First I conceive they are the worst of all others in that they do naturally tend and lead to the highest degree of evill and that both as they take with gracious hearts and as they take with carnal hearts First as they take with gracious hearts they do naturally interrupt the souls communion with God and exposeth it to great temptations bringing it to straits and extremities and into the greatest confusion that can be possible so far as they prevail and for the truth of this besides my own experience I appeal to any experienced Christian if it be not so Secondly as they take with carnal hearts they lead by degrees to the greatest evil both in a spiritual and 〈…〉 vil sense for such hearâ—â— not being seasoned wiâ—â— grace they run from onâ— notion to another till they run so high as to stand directly in opposition to Christ and his Gospel For when they come to be confounded and at a loss in their Judgements and meet with such Temptations which those errors naturally lead to they are overcome by them and under a pretence of living above Ordinances they deny the Ordinances of Christ and by degrees the whole Word of God calling it literal and carnal â—â—d under a pretence of spiâ—â—â—uality blaspheme the name â—f Christ calling him A fleshly Christ and so denying the Lord that bought them 2 Pet. 2. 1. and going against such strong convictions and cleer manifestations of light and knowledge as some have done doubtless they have fallen into that unpardonable sin expressed in Heb. 10. and so come at last to jeer and scoff at all appearance of godliness and it makes way for the highest degree of wickedness also in a civil sense having given themselves up to work all uncleanness with greediness Esay 4. 19. and so breaking all bonds though they had escaped the pollutions of the world through the knowledge of our Lord yet being again entangled therein their latter end is worse than the beginning 2 Pet. 2. 20. according to that Mat. 13. 43 44 45. When the unclean spirit is gone out of a man he walketh through dry places seeking rest and findeth none then he returns and taketh seven other spirits more wicked than himself and they enter in and dwell there and the last state of that man is worse than the beginning he is now far more wicked than ever this is the nature and these are the effects of those kind of notions as they take with carnal hearts and that it is so I appeal to the times in which we live if we have not seen it so with many who had escaped the pollutions of the world and that evil spirit seemed to be gone out of them and they have made large professions of the power of truth in their hearts but they are turned with the dog to his vomit and with the sow that was washt to her wallowing in the myre glorying in their shame and doing that without any reluctancy which they would have trembl'd at the thoughts of before they had those
truth Another reason why many Saints were so deceived in those daies as I apprehend was That they being but newly come to the faith were expos'd to great temptations having but little means of strength against them it may be far from a Church or else in a Church where were false Teachers as in those dayes there were very many by reason of which many were deceived whereas others who were as weak if not weaker being in Churches where there were sound Teachers were kept from them which may be a caution as to particular persons to take heed what and whom they hear so to Churches who they permit to be Teachers and not to suffer any unsound doctrine to be taught It may also be a word of remembrance to all that do enjoy this great mercy to have sound and faithful Teachers highly to esteem them for their works sake and to account such worthy of double honour giving them all due respect and encouragement that they may do their work with joy and not with grief according to Hebrews 13. 17. 1 Thessal 5. 12 13. 1 Timothy 5. 17. Other reasons may be given for the Saints mistake in those things but I shall mention no more intending only my own experience For I can truly say that upon a diligent search and enquiry what might be the cause of my own mistakes I find them to be no other but these very things exprest As First I was weak in principles as indeed I had never been under much means to be otherwise Secondly I am conscious to my self of some extreme in minding truth as it relates to the inward man though truly I know not that I did slight any Ordinance or command of Christ but that I did rather highly esteem of them but not to lessen sin it is possible there may be something of that nature though I know it not Thirdly I am sure I was exposed to great temptations of this kind having little means of strength against them finding so many corrupted though through mercy it is better now that breach being made up with great advantage for which I desire with all Saints to praise the Lord for ever for doubtless the Saints advantage in their enlarged experience and confirmation in the truth is so great by these things that I cannot expres it Again it calls for praise that as the Lord hath turned it to our great advantage so he hath wonderfully disappointed the expectations of the devil and wicked men who were ready to say as in Psa 35. 25. All so would we have it verily concluding that though they could not suppress us by their persecuting power yet now we would destroy our selves as indeed we might have so done had not the Lord prevented and we may say it was the Lords doing and it is marvellous in our eyes And whereas some by reason of those things have been ready to question our practice whether it be of God Let them know that there is no ground from thence to question it seeing it is no more than what hath been in those Churches in the Apostles daies and what they did foretell should be in these daies 1 Corinth 15. 12. 1 Timothy 1. 19. 2 Timothy 2. 18. 2 Peter 2. 12. Acts 20. 30. But if it were a safe ground to judge of truth by what hath appeared in relation to those things then there is more ground of confirmation that what we practise is of God seeing that notwithstanding those things we have been so wonderfully preserved as we are unto this day but though these things may be something as to the ignorant yet yet the rule by which we judge of our practice is only as it hath its ground and rise in holy Scripture being built upon the foundation of the Apostles and Prophets Jesus Christ himself being the chief Corner Stone Therefore it hath never been any scruple at all to me for though some have denyed the Churches and turned their ears from hearing the truth and have turned to fables yet the Churches and truth is the same as God is the same Now as for the grounds or reasons why some of the Saints themselves have so done I shall say nothing because as I said before I intend no more but my own experience and through the mercy of God I was never so far corrupted as to question either the Scriptures Churches or Ordinances of Christ much less to withdraw from them or to give any just occasion to be withdrawn from by them yet notwithstanding I do not in the least question the reality of those poor souls who have been so far overcome and are through mercy again returned and as for such as never return I shall leave them to be judged by the Lord who only is the judge of those that are without 1 Cor. 5. 13. Having thus far considered of these allegorical notions how they are the worst of all errors and the greatest mystery of iniquity in that they are more deceiving than others promising the greatest good but leading directly to the greatest evil and having given some reasons as I judge why the Saints in these daies have been so generally deceived by them I shall further proceed to consider what may be the end of God in permitting it so to be First I conceive it may be in general that such as were approved may be made manifest agreeable to 1 Cor. 11. 9. which accordingly hath been many by those things were made manifest to be approved though others that were not have appeared to be what they are But Secondly and more particularly I believe the Lord had many good ends in it both in relation to himself in relation to them and in relation to others of his people it may be some that are yet unborn First In relation to himself for the exaltation of his praise that when they should come to see how great their deliverance was and what an addition to all their former mercies they might admire his goodness and break forth into the high praises of his name and that all the daies of their lives when this mercy comes into their thoughts For my own particular I can truly say that the mercy of God to me in relation to those things I look upon it as the greatest mercy that ever I received from the Lord next the manifestation of his Love in Jesus Christ through the Gospel But Secondly In relation to them so deceived that they should have enlarged experience of the fulness of God and of their own nothingness and of the sweetness and excellency of truth above error how it doth excell it as far as light excells darkness and live more upon God and less upon themselves in faith and humility and in the increase of all grace in more cleerness of understanding and knowledge of the Truth for doubtless through the goodness of the Lord who hath promised to do his people good by every thing they do gain by it in all these in some measure
for my own particular I must needs say though I am still but weak yet through mercy my gain by those things is so great that I would not be without it though I desire not to purchase any more at that rate Thirdly In relation to others that through their experience they might be the more able to forewarn others who may meet with the like temptations for certainly had the Saints in those daies had that experience of Satans workings in that nature which now they have and had the Mouth of truth been so open against it as it is at this day it would doubtless have prevented much and therefore by the way I must needs say I am perswaded it will be a great aggravation of sin for any to be taken or held by those things when there is so much means to avoid them as through the mercy of God there is in these daies almost in every place Now the Lord having these and other such like ends in permitting those things I desire that my self with others who have experienced them in any measure may be carefull to answer those ends for doubtless if our deliverance be of God and that we are cleerly brought off from those confusions we shall answer all those ends of God in some measure In the next place as to the way and means by which the Lord hath been pleased to recover his people from these things I shall say little because I believe it hath been various some by one means some by another as they were in various Conditions for my own particular I have declared at large how it was with me only these General heads I shall again remind First I was brought into great straits and much confusion in Judgement Secondly the Lord was pleased to withdraw his presence from me Thirdly Being sensible of that confusion and want of communion with God I was put upon enquiry into my own heart what might be the reasons of it Fourthly It pleased the Lord to make me willing to be informed and to examine things by the Scriptures Fifthly he was pleased to draw forth my heart with much earnestness to seek to him by prayer which through great mercy was largely answered And thus I doubt not but by what I have written it will appear that I have not without good grounds both from Scripture and experience Judged those things to be the greated mystery of iniquity and the most dangerous and worst of all errors And here I cannot but mind something further as to the continuation of those things which is as they are the worst of all others so their time is short for according to my most serious observation wherever they come and where they continue longest their rise reign and ruin is all accomplished in a few years for in a short time generally persons have been so confounded that they have either come to see themselves deluded and so have turned from them or else they have run to absolute Atheism and so ended there I shall now only answer one objection as to my own experience and so end this discourse Some have said that I cannot judge of these things by experience because according to what I have declared I never had but little experience of them but only in three or four things and those I could never fully come up to neither in Judgement nor practise neither could I leave these outward things which all must leave before they can see the glory of the inward And those that have not put themselves on such things but were led to them by the Father have and do see that glory This Objection hath specious words but weighed in the ballance of the Sanctuary will be found lighter than vanity with the rest of the like nature which I hope is already made manifest only I shall add a few words by way of Answer First for my Experience as to my self in particular I confess through the mercy of God it was far short of that which many precious ones in those daies fell into yet I can truly say it was so much as did cleerly discover to me the nature and tendency of them all to be so vile that I I do not know any thing that ever I did since I knew God that I can own with more shame to my self than those things Secondly for my experience as to others I have seen and known that sufficiently to satisfy me that there is no such glory in them but a meer delusion but I desire to judge by experience no otherwise than as it hath relation to the holy Scriptures for though I do very highly esteem of Christian experience as to the operations and effects of truth in the soul as indeed it is the very life of Christianity yet as to rule I value one word of Scripture more than all experience and I am sure the Scriptures will not own them which are the rule and touch-stone by which I desire to try and judge all things For that which the Scripture sets up they throw down and that which the Scripture forbids they set up for instance the Scripture exalts the Lord Jesus Christ in all his Actions Offices and Ordinances they set up somthing else in opposition to this calling it fleshly carnal and outward things and for the fathers leading persons to them which words carry indeed a seeming shew of excellency but it s a meer delusion There is no such thing for the Father and Christ are one and what was appointed by Christ was appointed by the Father John 10. 3. 14. 24. and he doth not lead from his own appointments but those that continue in them he will love and he will send his Spirit to them which shall abide with them for ever Joh. 14. 16. and the Father and Christ will come to them and make their abode with them verse 23. I having already written that which may more fully answer this objection shall say no more but desire that all the Lords people may be delivered and kept from such deceivings The sixt Note of Experience in relation to Qualifications the habits of Grace or fruits of the Spirit how and by what means I have and do daily find an increase or decrease in those things TO make way for me to lay down my thoughts as to gracious qualifications I shall first consider the severall kinds of qualifications which I conceive may be three 1. Moral 2. Legal 3. Gospel By Moral I mean such as are from Moral dictates meerly from nature Civility breeding or education By Legal I mean such as are from legal dictates meerly from fear of wrath without any cleer apprehensions of the free grace of God in the Gospel But here I desire to be very tender judging that it is possible there may be some seeds of the Gospell sowen in such hearts by which those qualifications may be wrought though as yet it may not appear neither to themselves nor others that they have received
dayly supplies and in the dayly exercise of what we have to give us more yet all of grace freely and so grace for grace as appears in the 1. of John 6. yet notwithstanding all that I have written I judge that its possible some Saints may be very diligent in the use of all means for the subduing of some particular corruptions and for the supply of some particular grace and yet not attain it but God is pleased to withhold it from them and lest they should be to much exalted to leave some corruption for them to strive and struggle with it may be as long as they live which for ought I know was Pauls very case 2 Cor. 12. 8. and the Lord may exercise one grace in us by the want of another yea all by the want of one not that Saints are without all in their nature but as to a greater measure in some particulars and so far as I have experienced this though I am still subject to suspect my own diligence in the use of means I can truly say That God is never wanting in such cases with supports from himself saying my grace is sufficient for thee my power is made manifest in weakness 2 Cor. 12. 9. and though sin be in you it shall shall not reign there neither shall it have dominion over you because yea are not under the law but under Grace Rom. 6. 11 12 1â— I shall say no more now of these things but beg of God that my self with all Saints may press more after them The Conclusion HAving thus far writtenof my Experience in several general heads which do include many particular Experiments I had some thoughts to have written of many other things but my Book being almost full I shall conclude with a few lines as to Experience it self what it is how and by what means it is attained There be various things about which persons may be exercised in way of Experience yet all may be divided under one of these two heads it s either in relation to the world or in relation to God as to that of the World it s all but vanity and vexation of spirit Eccl. 1. 14. and he that uncreaseth knowledge in those things increaseth sorrow verse 18. and though there may be something of that nature convenient for Saints to know upon a natural or civil account it s but perishing at best and therefore too low for them to spend much of their precious time and thoughts about It s their privilege to have inlarged experience in the great things of God things that are lasting and durable to eternity and as godly persons may have experience in some things of the world so carnal persons may have experience of the dealings of God in some things as to many outward blessings and deliverances by a common hand of providence in which they do many times so bless themselves as if they were highly in favour with God when the Lord knows it is no such thing but it may be they have their portion in this life and are delivered from a lesser to be reserved to a greater destruction But as to Experience from a truesanctified knowledge or special work of the Spirit of God they are altogether strangers to it 1 Cor. 2. 14. its only the privilege of Saints to be eminent in that and indeed it s a privilege so great that I desire for ever to bless the Lord that he hath made me who am so unworthy in any measure to partake of it for things meerly historical or traditional will vanish and come to nothing and so far as we partake of truth not onely in its principles as to the understanding of it from Scripture rule but also in its experience as to the effects and operations of it in our hearts so far it will stand us instead and so far do we attain true wisdome and no farther and indeed as to the effects and operations of it in the heart it is the very life of Christianity yet as to rule for the receiving of any principle one word of Scripture is more worth than all our experience and as to the avoiding of evil its better to learn that any way than by the experience of it for so it s the school of fools yet wise men have so learned in some things now according to my understanding experience is more than a bare knowledge it is either a begetter or an effect of knowledge and hath alwaies relation to some rule whether it be in natural or spiritual things if in natural things it must answer a rule of nature if in spiritual it must answer a spiritual rule and the holy Scripture is that rule by which all Christian experience must be tried according to the Lords own appointment Esa 8. 20. and all must answer some rule therein exprest or implyed by rule in this sense I mean the Scriptures declaring the same thing and as it must answer a rule in it self so answerable to that knowledge and understanding which persons have in the rule so is the measure of their experience For though some persons have much knowledge as to principles and but little experience yet none can have experience of that they do not understand either in a principle before they had that experience or else they have learned that principle by experience for as I said before all experience is either an effect of knowledge or by it we learn knowledge otherwise it cannot be experience this I mind the rather because some persons do please themselves with a conceited experience though ignorant in the principles of truth when there cannot be such a thing I must confess I have been grieved to hear such persons speak of their experience when it doth appear to me as it is said of some that would be Preachers of the Law 1 Tim. 1. 7. they know not what they say nor whereof they affirm and these are two sorts of persons first such as through ignorance of the Scriptures do imagine that to be Christian experience which doth not answer a rule of Scripture but is contrary thereto 2. Such as from corrupt principles will set up their experience above or equal to the authority of Scripture as to give a being to institutions or to make it a rule to judge and try all things yea the very Scripture it self when both it and they must be judged therby Rom. 2. 16. There is much corrupt experience in the world and persons have been as much mistaken in their experience especially in these daies as in any thing I know and no marvel when they leave the Scriptures as to rule walk by the uncertain rule of their own experience which many times is nothing but the vision of their own brains yet notwithstanding the great mistakes of many through corrupt experience yet true Christian experience is as excellent as ever and that as I said before is more than a bare knowledge it is truth brought home to