amen_o amen_n january_n 29._o 1637._o this_o house_n and_o stair_n resemble_v i_o no_o line_n run_v parallel_v nor_o due_a proportion_n hold_v no_o land_n even_o by_o pre-engagement_n spill_v high_a low_a fair_a mean_v imperfect_a and_o what_o be_v worst_a anxious_a to_o fit_v succeed_v to_o the_o first_o full_a of_o cross_a reason_n it_o be_v our_o equal_a lot_n cast_v our_o birth_n th'ascendent_a be_v forget_v yet_o all_o in_o this_o be_v well_o and_o haply_o cast_v lead_v to_o god_n and_o heaven_n at_o the_o last_o the_o verse_n above_o in_o their_o relation_n be_v not_o to_o be_v understand_v but_o by_o he_o which_o know_v and_o consider_v the_o house_n stair_n case_n and_o my_o fortune_n and_o condition_n the_o stair_n at_o last_o lead_v to_o a_o stand_v mount_v for_o prospect_n which_o lead_v only_o to_o itself_o and_o sky_n my_o ash-wednesday_n ash_n no_o term_n or_o metaphor_n can_v carry_v a_o more_o true_a full_a and_o lively_a expression_n then_o do_v that_o of_o our_o regeneration_n we_o be_v in_o the_o womb_n of_o this_o world_n before_o our_o second_o spiritual_a birth_n such_o embryo_n and_o imperfect_a infant_n as_o can_v scarce_o admit_v to_o be_v affirm_v of_o we_o that_o we_o be_v endue_v with_o life_n and_o sense_n it_o be_v more_o potential_o then_o actual_o that_o we_o enjoy_v they_o we_o acquiesce_v in_o a_o stupid_a and_o corrupt_a condition_n we_o be_v feed_v and_o please_v in_o the_o impure_a nutriment_n of_o earthly_a and_o false_a delight_n we_o draw_v our_o nourishment_n by_o the_o navel_n of_o our_o sensuality_n we_o be_v wrap_v in_o our_o uncleanness_n and_o of_o ourselves_o we_o neither_o know_v nor_o affect_v any_o other_o be_v but_o when_o god_n of_o his_o great_a grace_n call_v and_o urge_v we_o to_o our_o true_a and_o second_o birth_n in_o his_o spirit_n he_o change_v our_o affection_n clothe_v we_o anew_o bring_v we_o to_o another_o light_n another_o air_n another_o condition_n he_o work_v in_o we_o a_o sight_n and_o feel_n of_o our_o former_a infirmity_n and_o corruption_n he_o purify_v refine_v and_o fit_v we_o for_o a_o more_o excellent_a life_n and_o knowledge_n he_o display_v unto_o we_o his_o far_a more_o excellent_a beauty_n and_o glory_n we_o draw_v our_o nourishment_n by_o another_o root_n more_o celestial_a more_o defecate_a we_o loathe_v and_o scorn_v our_o former_a be_v and_o become_v ravish_v in_o the_o joy_n of_o our_o change_n which_o be_v not_o without_o difficulty_n and_o cry_n happy_a cry_n happy_a distress_n most_o gainful_a change_n there_o we_o can_v not_o have_v live_v ever_o nor_o ever_o be_v but_o blind_a and_o miserable_a our_o first_o life_n be_v vegetable_a sensual_a common_a with_o beast_n dark_a base_a cumbersome_a our_o regeneration_n be_v the_o only_a true_a and_o eternal_a life_n of_o the_o soul_n there_o be_v no_o sincere_a pleasure_n content_a wisdom_n courage_n or_o peace_n without_o it_o christ_n alone_o be_v the_o man-midwife_n to_o bring_v we_o to_o such_o happiness_n by_o thy_o grace_n oh_o lord_n be_o i_o bear_v and_o without_o it_o better_o have_v i_o be_v unborn_a i_o be_v wildr_v in_o a_o wood_n entangle_v in_o a_o dim_a light_n among_o brier_n thorn_n and_o wild_a beast_n but_o thou_o have_v free_v i_o and_o bring_v i_o into_o the_o fair_a open_a delightful_a field_n of_o thy_o grace_n i_o be_v engage_v to_o a_o sea_n of_o rage_a wave_n and_o storm_n but_o thou_o have_v instruct_v i_o to_o strike_v my_o greedy_a sail_n to_o cast_v out_o my_o vain_a lade_n and_o bring_v i_o to_o a_o most_o happy_a port_n in_o thy_o most_o happy_a climate_n i_o be_v a_o executor_n of_o the_o world_n trust_n but_o find_v the_o estate_n so_o entangle_v so_o subject_a to_o debt_n that_o thou_o have_v teach_v i_o to_o renounce_v and_o free_v myself_o i_o will_v by_o thy_o divine_a assistance_n avoid_v the_o wood_n and_o be_v free_a from_o the_o brier_n the_o sea_n and_o be_v free_a from_o sea-sicknesse_n and_o storm_n the_o world_n common_a course_n and_o conversation_n and_o enjoy_v thou_o and_o myself_o exempt_a from_o trouble_n cry_v debt_n and_o importunate_a vanity_n the_o world_n do_v in_o truth_n for_o the_o most_o part_n but_o magnas_fw-la nugas_fw-la magno_fw-la conatu_fw-la agere_fw-la etc._n etc._n i_o have_v i_o thank_v god_n in_o honest_a sort_n pay_v every_o man_n his_o own_o and_o provide_v for_o my_o child_n it_o be_v not_o every_o man_n case_n to_o be_v so_o disengage_v i_o be_o free_a o_o god_n to_o live_v to_o thou_o and_o thou_o alone_o my_o country_n need_v i_o not_o nor_o do_v it_o find_v i_o fit_a for_o its_o service_n etc._n etc._n i_o be_o by_o god_n grace_n too_o rigid_a too_o straight_o a_o piece_n for_o such_o ship-timber_n i_o grieve_v to_o see_v the_o world_n as_o it_o be_v nor_o can_v contribute_v aught_o but_o prayer_n to_o help_v it_o how_o can_v it_o be_v other_o then_o cachecticall_a taint_v with_o the_o licentious_a luxury_n of_o stranger_n intoxicate_a wantonness_n of_o favourite_n dissolution_n of_o our_o seminary_n the_o university_n and_o inn_n of_o court_n prevarication_n and_o corrupt_a example_n of_o ecclesiastiques_n and_o sinister_a affection_n and_o illusion_n of_o magistrate_n as_o one_o say_v signa_fw-la nostra_fw-la sequentes_fw-la prodimur_fw-la &_o nisi_fw-la christus_fw-la se_fw-la ipsum_fw-la vindicet_fw-la actum_fw-la est_fw-la the_o church_n be_v compare_v to_o the_o ark_n and_o i_o will_v it_o do_v not_o in_o some_o thing_n too_o much_o resemble_v it_o it_o be_v full_a of_o various_a many_o unclean_a beast_n and_o too_o float_v and_o unsettle_a i_o will_v rather_o prove_v it_o a_o city_n build_v upon_o the_o rock_n christ_n jesus_n firm_a and_o unchangeable_a he_o be_v the_o sole_a and_o all-sufficient_a fundamental_a of_o our_o salvation_n and_o while_o we_o confound_v ourselves_o and_o seek_v for_o other_o let_v we_o take_v heed_n we_o lose_v not_o he_o and_o betray_v ourselves_o not_o only_o to_o infinite_a uncharitable_a indiscreet_a fanatical_a opinion_n and_o schism_n but_o even_o to_o turkism_n and_o atheism_n our_o wild_a unsettled_a dissension_n expose_v we_o too_o much_o to_o both_o lord_n of_o thy_o great_a mercy_n teach_v thy_o church_n and_o i_o to_o fix_v in_o a_o firmitude_n of_o thy_o save_a faith_n and_o religion_n banish_v undue_a policy_n banish_v will-worship_n and_o teach_v we_o to_o serve_v and_o honour_v thou_o in_o unity_n and_o truth_n of_o spirit_n instruct_v and_o guide_v i_o in_o thy_o way_n and_o see_v thou_o have_v make_v i_o a_o sociable_a creature_n and_o give_v i_o a_o work_n active_a spirit_n address_v i_o to_o the_o comfort_n of_o a_o suitable_a conversation_n to_o discourse_v and_o walk_v thy_o way_n aright_o thou_o must_v reveal_v such_o unto_o i_o for_o i_o find_v it_o too_o hard_a to_o find_v they_o shall_v the_o roman_a religion_n afford_v so_o many_o and_o thy_o truth_n so_o few_o who_o can_v persuade_v themselves_o to_o leave_v the_o world_n for_o thou_o if_o all_o other_o company_n fail_v my_o desire_n be_v thou_o my_o guide_n be_v thou_o my_o comfort_n and_o i_o shall_v still_o happy_o subsist_v in_o thou_o and_o want_v nothing_o the_o world_n be_v a_o writing_n so_o full_a of_o fauk_n many_o correction_n can_v mend_v it_o una_fw-la litura_fw-la potest_fw-la and_o that_o i_o have_v choose_v thus_o writing_n be_v troublesome_a and_o well_o nee_n possum_fw-la vivere_fw-la cumte_fw-fr nec_fw-la sine_fw-la te_fw-la it_o be_v endless_a nor_o be_v it_o fit_a for_o i_o to_o write_v what_o i_o will_v or_o can_v may_v it_o please_v thou_o oh_o god_n to_o turn_v to_o thy_o glory_n and_o my_o comfort_n these_o my_o weak_a endeavour_n amen_o amen_n february_n 7._o 1637._o like_a to_o his_o joy_n who_o meet_v a_o sure_a guide_n to_o direct_v and_o conduct_v he_o in_o a_o fair_a way_n after_o he_o have_v be_v long_o wildr_v and_o benight_a in_o false_a soul_n and_o intricate_a wander_n such_o oh_o lord_n be_v my_o comfort_n in_o thy_o sweet_a exhibit_v thyself_o and_o thy_o favour_n unto_o i_o i_o be_o now_o at_o ease_n i_o see_v and_o hate_v the_o solecism_n of_o the_o time_n i_o be_o disentangle_v from_o a_o wilderness_n of_o the_o world_n confuse_a way_n and_o error_n nor_o can_v any_o other_o guide_n have_v free_v i_o thy_o grace_n have_v support_v i_o in_o my_o write_n in_o my_o health_n in_o my_o deliverance_n beyond_o expression_n let_v vanity_n and_o sensuality_n delight_v themselves_o in_o trewand_a wantonness_n and_o wander_n but_o keep_v i_o oh_o lord_n in_o thy_o way_n and_o school_n and_o let_v i_o rather_o smart_v under_o the_o rod_n of_o thy_o fatherly_a correction_n then_o become_v abandon_v to_o a_o undue_a and_o licentious_a liberty_n perfection_n belong_v to_o the_o one_o perdition_n to_o the_o other_o accept_v my_o most_o humble_a thanks_o for_o thy_o infinite_a favour_n and_o bring_v i_o to_o the_o heavenly_a
level_v i_o where_o god_n make_v strong_a impression_n like_o silly_a impatient_a bird_n we_o struggle_v may_v but_o not_o evade_v the_o humour_n of_o adustion_n possess_v dispense_v not_o to_o disobey_v most_o happy_a humour_n how_o be_v thou_o deprave_v and_o make_v the_o bath_n of_o spirit_n most_o malign_a thou_o be_v faith_n sealing-wax_n and_o we_o be_v save_v hold_v by_o faith_n and_o mount_v by_o thy_o wing_n take_v brutish_a vain_a delight_n who_o will_v for_o i_o more_o solid_a pleasure_n lord_n i_o find_v in_o thou_o sweet_a lord_n above_o compare_v thy_o mercy_n be_v more_o sweet_a than_o pleasure_n i_o thy_o grace_n do_v find_v quiet_v and_o safety_n harbour_v in_o thy_o care_n thy_o love_n alone_o cure_v all_o disease_n of_o mind_n nor_o mighty_a frown_n nor_o flatter_a applause_n nor_o threat_n of_o death_n nor_o worldly_a misery_n can_v least_o amazement_n or_o distemper_n cause_n to_o such_o as_o make_v thou_o their_o felicity_n that_o be_v the_o only_a necessary_a thing_n which_o where_o it_o dwell_v all_o trouble_n drive_v away_o whilst_o care_v distract_n other_o soul_n do_v wring_v they_o in_o thy_o peaceful_a region_n soar_v and_o play_v art_n sophistry_n which_o nature_n peace_n have_v kill_v with_o intricate_a entangling_n which_o to_o solve_v reason_n stand_v lose_v and_o our_o best_a spirit_n spill_v can_v never_o now_o to_o happiness_n resolve_v but_o lord_n in_o thou_o there_o do_v i_o find_v with_o gain_n more_o than_o i_o lose_v never_o to_o be_v lose_v again_o it_o be_v probable_a that_o who_o discover_v first_o america_n rich_a coast_n make_v loss_n his_o gain_n nor_o ere_o have_v find_v it_o have_v he_o not_o be_v lose_v to_o enrich_v himself_o and_o feed_v ambitious_a spain_n nor_o have_v i_o ever_o find_v the_o promise_a land_n have_v i_o not_o first_o be_v wildr_v save_v and_o lose_v above_o my_o reason_n by_o god_n mighty_a hand_n happy_o shipwreck_a on_o that_o fragrant_a coast_n coast_n subject_a to_o cross_v tide_n rock_n storm_n and_o shelf_n its_o channel_n narrow_a turn_v off_o and_o on_o where_o we_o can_v never_o arrive_v leave_v to_o ourselves_o but_o only_a by_o that_o pilot_n god_n and_o mâ—n_z wonder_n work_v faith_n i'faith_o wonder_n sin_n be_v bold_a yet_o fearful_a rich_a yet_o poor_a but_o lord_n thy_o grace_n give_v full_a wealth_n peace_n joy_n courage_n uncontrole_v and_o make_v sin_n bear_v what_o do_v itself_o efface_v strange_o but_o never_o be_v man_n so_o haply_o cross_v i_o have_v be_v lose_v lord_n have_v i_o not_o be_v lose_v until_o oh_o lord_n i_o fonud_a and_o turn_v to_o thou_o how_o i_o be_v still_o to_o seek_v vuquiet_v still_o i_o shift_v place_n delight_n and_o company_n but_o till_o myself_o be_v change_v retain_v my_o ill_n thy_o shaft_n stick_v in_o my_o side_n and_o hunt_v i_o it_o be_v not_o a_o court_n a_o mistress_n game_n or_o play_n prince_n sweet_a presence_n and_o society_n can_v chase_v disease_n and_o cloud_n of_o care_n away_o i_o think_v the_o bounty_n of_o a_o bounteous_a prince_n will_v never_o fail_v to_o recompense_v desert_n but_o sad_a experience_n have_v teach_v i_o since_o saint_n must_v be_v pray_v and_o court_v be_v a_o art_n master_n and_o mistress_n too_o oft_o be_v win_v by_o flattery_n more_o than_o duty_n and_o true_a love_n to_o speed_v with_o thou_o require_v but_o well_o to_o run_v in_o thy_o court_n merit_n need_v no_o saint_n to_o move_v thyself_o our_o advocate_n and_o merit_n art_n none_o happy_a be_v but_o who_o thou_o do_v convert_v write_v of_o holy_a love_n infuse_a grace_n and_o birth_n stupendous_a of_o conspire_v fate_n which_o make_v i_o a_o self-wonder_n and_o disgrace_n sesse_n monument_n subsist_v to_o relate_v the_o matchless_a story_n of_o a_o stormy_a life_n and_o weather-beaten_a soul_n build_v fair_a and_o strong_a for_o gazer_n comet_n and_o to_o suffer_v strife_n such_o groundwork_n oft_o to_o christian_a faith_n belong_v gorgon_n and_o harpy_n porpoise_n may_v here_o challenge_v appear_v with_o mysterious_a spell_n of_o chemistry_n of_o caball_n and_o such_o gear_n more_o than_o my_o story_n i_o my_o scene_n may_v swell_v my_o star_n in_o native_a posture_n i_o present_v affect_v truth_n more_o than_o fond_a skill_n to_o show_v nor_o fill_v i_o with_o strange_a shape_n my_o firmament_n but_o rather_o wish_v my_o verse_n may_v gentle_o flow_v in_o sweet_a return_n of_o gratitude_n for_o grace_n lord_n till_o i_o sing_v thy_o praise_n face_n to_o face_n x_o why_o the_o letter_n thou_o shall_v be_v to_o spell_v christ_n character_n except_o by_o mystery_n of_o thy_o crosse-figure_n well_o i_o can_v tell_v but_o cross_n lord_n do_v best_o resemble_v thou_o thou_o be_v a_o man_n of_o sorrow_n and_o who_o will_v thy_o soldier_n be_v must_v thy_o crusado_n take_v and_o bear_v thy_o cross_n fight_v thy_o battle_n still_o against_o the_o world_n and_o nature_n for_o thy_o sake_n it_o be_v a_o hard_a task_n but_o such_o be_v virtue_n food_n fight_z victory_n and_o conquest_n give_v a_o crown_n warfare_n be_v none_o of_o pleasure_n carpet_n brood_n nor_o sleep_v brave_a honour_n on_o a_o bed_n of_o down_o they_o who_o can_v raise_v their_o thought_n no_o high_o than_o soft_a sensuality_n beast_n let_v they_o be_v graze_v on_o short_a delight_n unlike_a to_o man_n that_o either_o glory_n do_v affect_v or_o thou_o thy_o star_n oh_o lord_n my_o glory_n be_v base_a pleasure_n i_o leave_v to_o such_o as_o dote_v on_o this_o world_n treasure_n youth_n thou_o debauch_a boiler_n in_o thy_o blood_n thou_o unconsider_v domicile_a of_o lust_n thou_o self_n idolater_n senseless_a to_o good_a ape_n of_o the_o time_n proud_a of_o thy_o glass_n of_o dust_n unbridle_a colt_n subject_n to_o all_o impression_n but_o that_o of_o grace_n thy_o state_n i_o do_v lament_v to_o bring_v thou_o on_o thy_o knee_n for_o sin_n confession_n thou_o who_o be_v stranger_n to_o the_o word_n repent_v i_o grant_v that_o if_o god_n truth_n such_o course_n do_v urge_v and_o policy_n can_v homogeneal_a prove_v with_o true_a religion_n thou_o need_v such_o a_o purge_n thy_o plethorique_n luxuriance_n to_o reprove_v miracle_n be_v not_o cease_v if_o we_o can_v quit_v ourselves_o for_o god_n such_o change_n his_o work_n must_v be_v i_o have_v have_v good_a affection_n for_o a_o fit_a but_o to_o persist_v oh_o lord_n must_v come_v from_o thou_o i_o have_v be_v young_a some_o good_a i_o will_v have_v do_v which_o now_o be_v all_o to_o prayer_n and_o paper_n come_v zeale_n of_o thy_o faith_n my_o god_n have_v waste_v i_o my_o error_n and_o thy_o truth_n have_v keep_v i_o low_o be_v thy_o truth_n error_n i_o will_v err_v to_o thou_o rather_o than_o in_o all_o earthly_a pleasure_n flow_v thou_o give_v i_o strength_n of_o body_n and_o of_o mind_n but_o inexperience_n lead_v i_o to_o abuse_v they_o the_o last_o i_o overfeed_v the_o other_o pine_v lord_n what_o be_v gift_n except_o thou_o teach_v to_o use_v they_o the_o strong_a mind_n their_o strength_n to_o ruin_v turn_n goodness_n of_o nature_n oft_o itself_o o'erthrows_a fever_n to_o ash_n best_o complexion_n burn_v nature_n be_v blind_a and_o know_v not_o where_o it_o go_v lord_n help_n and_o pardon_v our_o infirmity_n and_o let_v thy_o justice_n upon_o malice_n seize_v malice_n be_v sure_o thy_o antipathy_n be_v reconcile_v to_o they_o that_o seek_v to_o please_v and_o rather_o set_v a_o period_n to_o my_o fate_n then_o that_o i_o ere_o become_v thy_o reprobate_n corollary_n in_o denture_n be_v term_v deed_n i_o seal_v and_o sign_n my_o part_n oh_o lord_n to_o thou_o poor_a fruitless_a part_n the_o lead_a deed_n original_n be_v thou_o deedless_a without_o thou_o be_v my_o counterpart_n thy_o seal_n and_o hand_n must_v give_v validity_n or_o all_o our_o act_n will_v vain_a and_o counter_o prove_v thou_o only_o can_v give_v perpetuity_n to_o our_o intention_n to_o our_o faith_n and_o love_n thou_o that_o have_v harden_v i_o to_o break_v or_o die_v rather_o than_o bend_v to_o baseness_n in_o 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deliberate_v and_o resolve_v upon_o occurrent_n of_o the_o great_a importance_n and_o needs_o no_o oath_n for_o his_o conscience_n wisdom_n and_o sincerity_n will_v teach_v he_o secrecy_n and_o fidelity_n he_o will_v study_v his_o master_n honour_n and_o benefit_n and_o will_v be_v more_o forward_o to_o give_v advise_v therein_o without_o ask_v then_o to_o move_v for_o his_o own_o advantage_n he_o be_v a_o demigod_n place_v between_o king_n and_o people_n and_o must_v steer_v a_o course_n of_o justice_n indifferent_o betwixt_o both_o when_o fear_n a_o temporize_a humour_n or_o private_a end_n make_v he_o swerve_v from_o truth_n he_o betray_v his_o own_o honour_n his_o conscience_n and_o his_o master_n he_o must_v ever_o affect_v to_o be_v a_o good_a instrument_n between_o the_o king_n his_o ally_n and_o subject_n for_o their_o good_a affection_n be_v the_o king_n honour_n and_o safety_n he_o must_v direct_v his_o opinion_n by_o the_o examination_n of_o reason_n and_o truth_n and_o neither_o by_o his_o own_o nor_o other_o man_n affection_n his_o master_n and_o the_o public_a good_a must_v be_v his_o object_n far_o beyond_o his_o private_a wherewith_o he_o must_v upon_o occasion_n so_o far_o dispense_v that_o rather_o than_o not_o to_o adhere_v to_o justice_n truth_n and_o a_o good_a conscience_n he_o must_v not_o fear_v any_o displeasure_n or_o loss_n of_o office_n the_o more_o he_o have_v be_v raise_v by_o his_o master_n favour_n and_o fortune_n the_o more_o he_o will_v clothe_v himself_o with_o courtesy_n and_o modesty_n for_o that_o honour_n be_v only_o true_a which_o be_v give_v to_o a_o man_n not_o that_o which_o he_o arrogate_v to_o himself_o or_o if_o he_o will_v exercise_v a_o haughtiness_n of_o courage_n it_o shall_v be_v only_o that_o brave_a pride_n of_o neither_o do_v nor_o suffer_v injury_n for_o the_o other_o foolish_a one_o of_o self_n conceitednesse_n and_o disdain_n be_v ever_o the_o issue_n of_o folly_n and_o parent_n of_o reflect_a contempt_n and_o scorn_n he_o will_v be_v apt_a to_o do_v good_a office_n and_o affect_v dispatch_v for_o that_o will_v bâ—_n his_o honour_n as_o to_o undertake_v more_o than_o he_o can_v perform_v and_o delude_v those_o that_o reâ—ie_n upon_o he_o will_v prove_v a_o abuse_n upon_o himself_o and_o his_o own_o reputation_n nothing_o shall_v be_v more_o prevalent_a with_o he_o then_o to_o maintain_v his_o master_n in_o the_o love_n of_o his_o people_n for_o that_o king_n that_o be_v belove_v at_o home_n be_v fear_v abroad_o possess_v a_o secure_a estate_n a_o joyful_a heart_n and_o quiet_a sleep_n with_o present_a and_o immortal_a fame_n in_o which_o happy_a effect_n a_o good_a counsellor_n reap_v no_o small_a applause_n and_o felicity_n a_o good_a parliament_n man_n must_o esteem_v himself_o a_o epitome_n of_o the_o three_o estate_n with_o a_o principal_a relation_n of_o duty_n to_o the_o king_n the_o head_n for_o in_o respect_n of_o common_a duty_n all_o the_o member_n of_o a_o parliament_n be_v homogeneal_a he_o be_v a_o physician_n of_o the_o state_n and_o so_o must_v endeavour_v to_o rectify_v all_o distemper_n and_o disorder_n therein_o and_o if_o like_o a_o evil_a physician_n his_o end_n be_v either_o his_o own_o advantage_n or_o that_o he_o comply_v with_o the_o disease_n or_o inordinate_a humour_n of_o his_o patient_v he_o betray_v his_o prince_n and_o country_n and_o be_v that_o murderer_n thief_n or_o whatsoever_o of_o evil_n which_o be_v reproach_v to_o a_o mountebank_n impostor_n the_o writ_n of_o summons_n teach_v he_o his_o call_n the_o king_n the_o church_n and_o the_o commonwealth_n be_v his_o object_n his_o own_o interest_n and_o allegiance_n will_v instruct_v he_o to_o affect_v to_o please_v the_o king_n but_o his_o conscience_n will_v lead_v he_o to_o assent_v only_o to_o what_o be_v wholesome_a his_o sincere_a judgement_n and_o not_o implicit_a faith_n be_v to_o be_v
at_o thy_o good_a pleasure_n set_v a_o period_n to_o that_o life_n which_o i_o only_o hold_v in_o expectation_n of_o a_o happy_a discharge_n and_o dissolution_n by_o thou_o amen_o amen_n november_n 5._o 1637._o a_o physician_n once_o tell_v i_o upon_o repair_n to_o he_o for_o my_o disease_n that_o i_o be_v to_o resort_v to_o god_n call_v upon_o he_o for_o his_o grace_n and_o guide_v myself_o by_o he_o or_o to_o like_a effect_n i_o think_v it_o then_o strange_a and_o improper_a in_o his_o profession_n but_o i_o have_v find_v it_o speak_v like_o my_o good_a angel_n for_o there_o be_v no_o such_o anchor_n nor_o such_o receipt_n to_o a_o trouble_a to_o a_o agitate_a soul_n the_o melancholy_a humour_n once_o predominant_a in_o despite_n of_o judgement_n and_o resolution_n will_v obtrude_v importunate_a thought_n and_o fancy_n take_v occasion_n from_o almost_o every_o object_n to_o make_v a_o troublesome_a and_o discourse_a impression_n make_v thing_n otherwise_o of_o easy_a resolution_n anxious_a and_o vex_v represent_v difficulty_n as_o fast_o as_o design_n whereunto_o free_a spirit_n be_v not_o in_o the_o least_o sort_n obnoxious_a they_o be_v in_o a_o clear_a light_n and_o alacrity_n delight_v in_o themselves_o entertain_v and_o divert_v with_o ordinary_a conversation_n business_n and_o pastime_n while_o the_o other_o droop_v and_o howsoever_o often_o natural_o quick_a will_v play_v upon_o the_o wing_n the_o melancholy_a clog_n check_n and_o pull_v they_o to_o the_o ground_n god_n alone_o be_v the_o hercules_n that_o can_v purge_v that_o augean_a stable_n the_o aesculapius_n who_o can_v give_v relief_n ordinary_a physic_n be_v but_o a_o palliation_n nay_o often_o a_o aggravation_n of_o the_o disease_n the_o powder_n call_v kellowayes_n powder_n with_o god_n blessing_n be_v to_o be_v prize_v for_o it_o go_v to_o the_o root_n it_o work_v at_o length_n and_o so_o as_o the_o patient_n may_v sleep_v play_v go_v on_o in_o a_o ordinary_a diet_n and_o course_n a_o common_a and_o long_a course_n which_o urge_v keep_v in_o weaken_v and_o make_v tender_a be_v mischievous_a and_o incompatible_a if_o such_o powder_n breed_v inconvenience_n epsam_fw-la religion_n water_n though_o but_o a_o draught_n in_o a_o day_n at_o morning_n wonderful_o allay_v and_o rectify_v as_o also_o the_o use_n of_o new_a and_o good_a cider_n these_o with_o god_n grace_n constant_a exercise_n and_o a_o moderation_n of_o the_o mind_n be_v incomparable_a probatum_fw-la god_n have_v give_v i_o so_o strong_a a_o body_n and_o mind_n to_o bear_v the_o injury_n i_o have_v receive_v from_o myself_o accident_n and_o course_n of_o physic_n that_o i_o admire_v may_v it_o please_v he_o to_o make_v my_o life_n and_o death_n to_o his_o glory_n november_n 6._o 1637._o good_a god_n of_o thy_o great_a goodness_n continue_v thy_o mercy_n upon_o i_o and_o as_o i_o have_v hitherto_o prove_v the_o truth_n of_o all_o worldly_a thing_n to_o be_v nothing_o but_o vanity_n and_o vexation_n of_o spirit_n so_o be_v thou_o to_o i_o joy_n and_o comfort_n it_o be_v true_a that_o my_o nature_n education_n course_n of_o life_n and_o disease_n require_v society_n and_o diversion_n the_o consideration_n of_o my_o past_a and_o present_a fortune_n be_v full_a of_o sadness_n but_o thou_o can_v raise_v light_a out_o of_o darkness_n and_o joy_n from_o sorrow_n thy_o good_a spirit_n be_v the_o spirit_n of_o comfort_n and_o without_o thou_o there_o be_v true_o none_o thou_o have_v bless_v i_o so_o far_o as_o to_o have_v allay_v satisfy_v and_o expel_v all_o my_o worldly_a fancy_n i_o have_v fit_v my_o house_n and_o fortune_n to_o my_o son_n in_o as_o much_o as_o i_o affect_v and_o be_v capable_a bless_v it_o unto_o he_o and_o by_o thy_o grace_n exempt_v he_o from_o these_o unquietness_n which_o i_o have_v find_v there_o be_v no_o perfect_a no_o solid_a happiness_n in_o this_o world_n teach_v he_o to_o bear_v such_o inconvenience_n as_o may_v be_v better_o bear_v than_o seek_v with_o a_o unquiet_a unsettle_n to_o be_v avoid_v it_o have_v be_v to_o i_o a_o great_a disease_n to_o over-humour_n myself_o therein_o there_o will_v in_o all_o condition_n be_v something_o amiss_o a_o mind_n curious_a and_o impatient_a be_v a_o great_a mischief_n thus_o appear_v that_o which_o have_v be_v observe_v that_o man_n seldom_o or_o never_o betake_v themselves_o to_o good_a and_o right_a course_n till_o such_o time_n as_o a_o press_a necessity_n i_o may_v rather_o say_v god_n compel_v and_o enforce_v they_o necessity_n i_o have_v ever_o say_v be_v the_o sure_a reformer_n then_o and_o not_o till_o then_o and_o often_o after_o smart_n we_o contract_v ourselves_o and_o contain_v and_o refrain_v our_o extravagancy_n presumption_n dissolution_n and_o luxuriant_a fancy_n november_n 6._o 1637._o a_o search_v spirit_n fall_v among_o the_o crudity_n and_o cavil_v of_o this_o world_n sophistry_n and_o imperfection_n be_v a_o great_a oppressor_n it_o be_v well_o if_o contention_n lay_v only_o as_o some_o affirm_v in_o the_o brink_n and_o not_o in_o the_o depth_n of_o science_n search_n show_v it_o far_o otherwise_o it_o be_v a_o happy_a spirit_n that_o can_v pass_v light_o over_o the_o thing_n of_o this_o world_n and_o even_o in_o matter_n and_o mystery_n of_o faith_n curiosity_n be_v neither_o safe_a nor_o allowable_a i_o be_o something_o of_o the_o nature_n of_o those_o dog_n which_o come_v into_o a_o strange_a place_n rest_v not_o till_o they_o have_v ferit_v every_o corner_n it_o be_v likewise_o a_o natural_a importunity_n with_o i_o in_o any_o thing_n that_o concern_v i_o in_o mind_n body_n or_o fortune_n not_o to_o take_v full_a rest_n till_o such_o time_n as_o to_o my_o capacity_n i_o have_v run_v over_o all_o that_o seem_v to_o belong_v to_o such_o resolution_n willing_o i_o sit_v not_o down_o short_a of_o other_o man_n i_o mean_v in_o honesty_n decency_n and_o knowledge_n much_o less_o short_a of_o myself_o world_n yet_o if_o we_o serious_o and_o curious_o mind_v these_o earthly_a thing_n they_o be_v full_a of_o scruple_n and_o vexation_n if_o we_o slight_v they_o a_o deliberate_v nature_n want_v much_o of_o satisfaction_n and_o contentment_n and_o do_v as_o it_o be_v brutifie_v and_o sin_n against_o itself_o yet_o so_o shall_v it_o as_o well_o minus_n dolere_fw-la as_o gaudere_fw-la it_o be_v that_o which_o i_o have_v long_o since_o find_v and_o affirm_v that_o if_o we_o set_v our_o heart_n on_o these_o worldly_a matter_n they_o prove_v foolishness_n and_o perturbation_n if_o we_o be_v cold_a and_o dull_a in_o they_o all_o thing_n be_v alike_o but_o it_o be_v the_o misery_n of_o a_o hot_a complexion_n that_o it_o require_v entertainment_n hot_a full_a and_o stir_v etc._n etc._n where_o grace_n once_o infuse_v itself_o all_o earthly_a trouble_n be_v evacuate_v that_o alone_o be_v friend_n pleasure_n and_o advantage_n enough_o it_o be_v all-sufficient_a all_o consolation_n perfect_a then_o good_a god_n the_o inestimable_a gift_n of_o faith_n which_o thou_o have_v give_v i_o it_o be_v true_o thy_o gift_n flesh_n and_o blood_n can_v afford_v nor_o relish_v it_o thy_o way_n to_o it_o be_v wonderful_a often_o sharp_a but_o most_o sweet_a in_o the_o conclusion_n i_o kiss_v thy_o rod_n i_o rejoice_v in_o my_o affliction_n and_o feel_v that_o i_o have_v perish_v if_o i_o have_v not_o perish_v thou_o who_o have_v rebuke_v the_o wind_n and_o they_o have_v obey_v thou_o rectify_v my_o spirit_n and_o calm_v all_o suggestion_n all_o storm_n within_o i_o then_o may_v melancholy_a be_v infectious_a but_o not_o mortal_a then_o shall_v i_o live_v and_o die_v to_o thou_o and_o thy_o glory_n which_o be_v all_o my_o ambition_n all_o my_o prayer_n november_n 7._o 1637._o i_o have_v not_o find_v any_o thing_n more_o strange_a nor_o be_v more_o abuse_v in_o any_o thing_n than_o that_o constitution_n of_o soul_n which_o be_v frequent_a and_o more_o or_o less_o incident_a to_o we_o all_o so_o mix_v so_o heterogene_a so_o pregnant_a and_o right_a of_o understanding_n in_o some_o thing_n and_o so_o dull_a and_o wrong_v in_o other_o such_o common_o be_v they_o which_o most_o disturb_v the_o world_n as_o dissonant_n from_o weakness_n as_o true_a strength_n of_o judgement_n exhibit_v according_a to_o the_o say_v such_o production_n as_o a_o fool_n can_v not_o and_o perfection_n will_v not_o so_o appear_v docile_a and_o capable_a of_o reason_n and_o improvement_n and_o yet_o in_o effect_n so_o insensate_a incorrigible_a and_o unalterable_a as_o it_o be_v hard_o to_o conceive_v how_o such_o incongruity_n and_o inconsequence_n shall_v consist_v in_o the_o same_o subject_n or_o in_o truth_n how_o they_o can_v quadrate_n with_o a_o soul_n rational_a and_o instructible_a but_o there_o be_v assign_v to_o we_o all_o a_o natural_a stature_n in_o all_o thing_n which_o no_o art_n food_n or_o industry_n can_v enable_v we_o to_o exceed_v the_o order_n of_o
my_o fortune_n and_o course_n where_o to_o dwell_v what_o to_o sell_v or_o keep_v what_o to_o disparke_n what_o and_o how_o to_o build_v at_o or_o to_o forbear_v which_o to_o a_o near_a consideration_n make_v no_o little_a anxiety_n whether_o to_o keep_v house_n or_o not_o find_v my_o wife_n and_o self_n unfit_a for_o it_o and_o yet_o as_o unfit_a to_o sojourn_v what_o physician_n to_o use_v and_o course_n to_o take_v to_o recover_v health_n whether_o i_o shall_v adventure_v to_o buy_v employment_n which_o seem_v necessary_a to_o my_o active_a spirit_n though_o my_o life_n in_o my_o conceit_n be_v desperate_a whether_o to_o adventure_v upon_o a_o strong_a diversion_n by_o a_o course_n in_o court_n and_o how_o far_o to_o comply_v with_o the_o time_n which_o little_o comply_v with_o my_o discourse_n whether_o to_o keep_v or_o break_v a_o rash_a vow_n of_o importance_n that_o cost_v i_o dear_a this_o and_o much_o more_o may_v well_o oppress_v a_o melancholy_a mind_n my_o diversion_n appear_v as_o fruit_n of_o a_o vain_a and_o prodigal_a disposition_n but_o alas_o they_o be_v nothing_o less_o i_o hope_v still_o to_o have_v recover_v myself_o and_o then_o i_o can_v have_v thrive_v well_o enough_o i_o be_v not_o unknown_a nor_o want_v a_o easy_a way_n to_o preferment_n but_o it_o please_v god_n by_o weaken_v i_o by_o confound_v i_o to_o bring_v i_o to_o he_o bless_a be_v his_o name_n i_o reckon_v it_o a_o supreme_a happiness_n etc._n etc._n november_n 8._o 1637._o truth_n exactness_n and_o perfection_n be_v oar_n of_o a_o rich_a mine_n but_o lie_v so_o deep_a that_o they_o often_o hardly_o recompense_v the_o labour_n of_o their_o extraction_n my_o end_n be_v not_o so_o much_o to_o vindicate_v as_o to_o give_v some_o true_a knowledge_n of_o myself_o and_o shake_v off_o the_o burden_n of_o my_o mind_n to_o my_o pen_n and_o paper_n it_o be_v unfit_a for_o i_o and_o i_o for_o it_o and_o yet_o i_o can_v avoid_v it_o and_o this_o be_v one_o of_o the_o unreconcilable_a property_n of_o my_o condition_n i_o write_v not_o to_o please_v i_o write_v not_o for_o ostentation_n and_o if_o i_o do_v praetulerim_fw-la scriptor_n delirus_fw-la inersque_fw-la videri_fw-la quam_fw-la sapere_fw-la &_o ringi_fw-la it_o be_v too_o true_a that_o the_o fine_a curious_a affect_a shoe_n often_o wring_v the_o foot_n high_a seat_n mind_n be_v brave_a and_o airy_a but_o low_a one_o quiet_a romae_fw-la tibur_n amo_fw-la ventosus_fw-la tibure_n romam_fw-la be_v a_o production_n of_o a_o fine_a but_o windy_a melancholy_a spirit_n will_v i_o be_v a_o idolater_n i_o will_v sacrifice_v to_o quiet_a and_o dulness_n i_o will_v affect_v wit_n and_o curiosity_n in_o nothing_o but_o to_o repent_v my_o sin_n and_o please_v my_o god_n gracious_a god_n it_o be_v thy_o infinite_a power_n and_o spirit_n that_o work_v in_o all_o thing_n vegetable_a and_o sensible_a creature_n in_o and_o at_o their_o first_o production_n without_o any_o discourse_n of_o they_o teach_v they_o their_o nourishment_n their_o sustentation_n thou_o be_v omni-present_a omniscient_a omnipotent_a assist_v i_o good_a god_n in_o my_o discourse_n in_o my_o resolution_n of_o dedicate_a myself_o whole_o unto_o thou_o etc._n etc._n november_n 9_o 1637._o go_v now_o presumptuous_a and_o overween_a man_n boast_v in_o thy_o prerogative_n of_o reason_n and_o nature_n confound_v thyself_o in_o thy_o own_o way_n and_o invention_n nature_n may_v lead_v thou_o to_o pleasure_n and_o profit_n and_o so_o common_o it_o do_v the_o most_o base_a and_o vulgar_a spirit_n but_o it_o must_v be_v a_o extraordinary_a supernatural_a spirit_n that_o can_v make_v thou_o thrive_v to_o this_o and_o a_o better_a world_n this_o the_o natural_a man_n discern_v not_o and_o the_o fool_n can_v understand_v but_o this_o the_o school_n of_o experience_n as_o well_o as_o of_o faith_n teach_v we_o thou_o oh_o god_n be_v the_o god_n of_o nature_n but_o the_o way_n of_o nature_n and_o religion_n be_v so_o diverse_a that_o it_o be_v a_o kind_n of_o irreligion_n to_o seek_v or_o measure_v thou_o in_o nature_n course_n the_o course_n of_o thy_o spirit_n and_o judgement_n run_v another_o way_n they_o thy_o decree_n thy_o grace_n be_v all_o supernatural_a and_o wonderful_a to_o thou_o be_v ascribe_v all_o wisdom_n justice_n power_n and_o majesty_n and_o here_o my_o most_o gracious_a god_n i_o humble_o thank_v thou_o for_o thy_o merciful_a and_o wonderful_a support_n through_o my_o whole_a course_n to_o my_o body_n to_o my_o mind_n to_o my_o fortune_n for_o it_o equal_v any_o thing_n that_o i_o can_v call_v strange_a that_o i_o have_v subsist_v through_o all_o my_o storm_n and_o suffering_n without_o have_v incur_v utter_a scorn_n and_o ruin_n shipwreck_n be_v not_o ill_o escape_v with_o loss_n and_o a_o good_a haven_n at_o last_o be_v not_o a_o little_a joy_n though_o thy_o storm_n have_v all_o past_a over_o i_o and_o see_v i_o have_v use_v this_o term_n of_o the_o psalm_n i_o can_v let_v pass_n how_o most_o apposite_a and_o accommodate_v i_o have_v find_v many_o of_o they_o to_o my_o condition_n as_o the_o 88_o and_o divers_a other_o in_o my_o friend_n be_v remove_v far_o from_o i_o and_o sundry_a other_o passage_n lord_n i_o humble_o thank_v thou_o that_o thou_o have_v so_o make_v my_o face_n ashamed_a as_o that_o i_o have_v get_v and_o find_v thou_o and_o find_v that_o of_o thy_o very_a mercy_n and_o faithfulness_n i_o have_v be_v trouble_v i_o can_v now_o call_v thou_o the_o god_n of_o my_o salvation_n my_o countenance_n and_o confidence_n for_o i_o have_v find_v the_o beam_n of_o thy_o mercy_n so_o to_o comfort_v i_o in_o darkness_n and_o misery_n as_o that_o i_o doubt_v not_o to_o apply_v to_o myself_o as_o well_o the_o psalm_n of_o consolation_n as_o i_o have_v do_v those_o of_o complaint_n and_o distress_n i_o can_v now_o look_v upon_o all_o this_o world_n glory_n pleasure_n and_o vanity_n with_o contempt_n and_o pity_n continue_v thy_o mercy_n and_o i_o have_v heaven_n upon_o earth_n thou_o be_v perfection_n of_o philosophy_n thou_o be_v the_o true_a summum_fw-la bonum_fw-la in_o thou_o be_v all_o fullness_n all_o joy_n humane_a discourse_n and_o resolution_n can_v do_v much_o but_o first_o motion_n and_o surprise_v upon_o the_o mind_n disturb_v nature_n concoction_n and_o the_o spirit_n even_o in_o mere_a nullity_n of_o conceit_n in_o despite_n of_o a_o firm_a faith_n and_o reason_n it_o be_v from_o god_n alone_o to_o prevent_v they_o to_o allay_v they_o tentation_n be_v often_o above_o the_o power_n of_o flesh_n and_o blood_n to_o resist_v the_o melancholy_a humour_n be_v most_o violent_a in_o hot_a and_o active_a spirit_n and_o constitution_n there_o it_o estuate_v there_o it_o ferment_n and_o boil_n how_o it_o suggest_v confound_v resolve_n and_o then_o again_o forget_v the_o circumstance_n of_o a_o former_a resolution_n and_o by_o forgetfulness_n or_o a_o new_a predominancy_n of_o humour_n relapse_n to_o a_o fresh_a rumination_n and_o confusion_n upon_o the_o same_o subject_n melancholy_n at_o the_o first_o be_v a_o querulous_a humour_n but_o in_o extremity_n it_o wrap_v itself_o in_o silence_n and_o exceed_v expression_n it_o dwell_v in_o inward_a conflict_n hope_n by_o god_n grace_n the_o best_a prepare_v for_o the_o worst_a november_n 9_o 1637._o how_o gracious_a and_o good_a o_o god_n be_v thou_o that_o will_v be_v find_v in_o trouble_n and_o become_v the_o relief_n of_o that_o calamitous_a soul_n which_o have_v neglect_v thou_o in_o the_o time_n of_o seem_a prosperity_n thy_o wonder_n appear_v in_o the_o deep_a and_o out_o of_o the_o deep_a thou_o be_v call_v upon_o the_o deep_a of_o distress_n the_o deep_a of_o melancholy_n discover_v the_o wonder_n of_o thy_o judgement_n of_o thy_o power_n and_o mercy_n even_o as_o the_o star_n and_o glory_n of_o the_o heaven_n be_v discern_v out_o of_o a_o deep_a well_o not_o otherwise_o appear_v lord_n with_o what_o a_o fullness_n do_v i_o labour_v to_o express_v thy_o glory_n and_o my_o comfort_n even_o in_o that_o temper_v i_o or_o i_o shall_v be_v confound_v ipsa_fw-la faelicitas_fw-la se_fw-la nisi_fw-la temperate_a premit_fw-la vouchsafe_v to_o demonstrate_v in_o i_o by_o my_o life_n and_o action_n what_o my_o pen_n can_v express_v what_o be_v say_v of_o fortune_n be_v true_a of_o god_n occaecat_fw-la hominum_fw-la animos_fw-la cum_fw-la vim_o svam_fw-la ingruentem_fw-la refringi_fw-la non_fw-la vult_fw-la according_a to_o god_n determinate_a counsel_n we_o discern_v or_o be_v blind_a we_o judge_v resolve_v and_o execute_v aright_o or_o lose_v and_o confound_v ourselves_o in_o error_n and_o folly_n thy_o decree_n o_o lord_n be_v irresistible_a november_n 11._o 1637._o have_v i_o be_v leave_v a_o freedom_n in_o myself_o or_o be_v constant_a to_o my_o own_o discourse_n and_o inclination_n in_o the_o order_n of_o my_o way_n it_o may_v have_v be_v worldly_a fortune_n enough_o unto_o
the_o grace_n of_o god_n be_v all-sufficient_a but_o humane_a strength_n most_o incompetent_a once_o discover_v i_o manful_o resist_v it_o else_o i_o have_v never_o near_o so_o long_o subsist_v i_o use_v diversion_n which_o be_v the_o humane_a first_o second_o and_o best_a remedy_n i_o oppose_v labour_n &_o constantia_n ferendo_fw-la &_o feriendo_fw-la like_o a_o parthian_a i_o flee_v and_o fight_v but_o prayer_n have_v be_v my_o most_o effectual_a remedy_n it_o be_v a_o devil_n that_o be_v not_o otherwise_o cast_v out_o physic_n be_v a_o feeble_a exorcism_n but_o when_o by_o hearty_a prayer_n i_o humble_v myself_o to_o god_n and_o implore_v his_o aid_n i_o ever_o rise_v from_o the_o ground_n like_o a_o other_o antaeus_n with_o renew_v and_o revive_v spirit_n god_n make_v i_o thankful_a for_o his_o mercy_n have_v surpass_v the_o transcendency_n of_o my_o folly_n happy_a the_o wound_n that_o meet_v with_o that_o good_a samaritan_n happy_a the_o disease_n that_o bring_v we_o to_o the_o cure_n of_o such_o a_o physician_n i_o have_v read_v how_o plutarch_n complain_v of_o man_n infirmity_n who_o can_v in_o nothing_o keep_v or_o measure_n or_o constancy_n in_o truth_n affection_n in_o our_o mind_n resemble_v overmuch_o the_o motion_n of_o the_o wind_n in_o the_o air_n they_o rise_v and_o take_v their_o course_n sometime_o in_o moderation_n sometime_o in_o storm_n they_o discontinue_v they_o change_v they_o whirl_v and_o all_o so_o strange_o and_o irregular_a as_o we_o neither_o can_v well_o conceive_v or_o control_n we_o neither_o know_v whence_o they_o proceed_v nor_o where_o they_o will_v end_v the_o object_n of_o our_o pleasure_n and_o discourse_n possess_v we_o with_o a_o drunkenness_n with_o a_o giddiness_n the_o strong_a and_o hot_a mind_n be_v most_o intent_n most_o mercurial_a most_o unsettled_a and_o volatile_a thence_o have_v grow_v a_o observation_n of_o the_o frequent_a change_n and_o trouble_n in_o the_o florentine_a more_o than_o the_o venetian_a state_n now_o what_o mean_n have_v we_o to_o fix_v this_o mercury_n the_o natural_a temper_n be_v hard_o to_o alter_v the_o inconstant_a body_n act_v too_o much_o upon_o the_o soul_n thou_o o_o god_n can_v only_o effect_v so_o great_a and_o supernatural_a a_o work_n faith_n alone_a and_o a_o christian_a hope_n can_v become_v the_o anchor_n of_o our_o soul_n to_o maintain_v they_o firm_a and_o secure_a against_o our_o own_o and_o the_o world_n wind_n wave_n and_o rock_n no_o other_o than_o thy_o divine_a armour_n can_v resist_v no_o other_o than_o thy_o divine_a water_n can_v quench_v the_o fiery_a dart_n which_o satan_n and_o the_o world_n throw_v against_o we_o and_o ourselves_o shoot_v to_o fall_v on_o our_o own_o head_n thou_o who_o make_v we_o can_v only_o mend_v we_o thou_o be_v the_o sole_a physician_n of_o the_o soul_n our_o knowledge_n be_v imperfect_a in_o the_o flow_n of_o our_o blood_n our_o elementary_a humour_n and_o the_o anatomy_n of_o the_o body_n much_o more_o in_o the_o motion_n of_o the_o mind_n thou_o oh_o god_n who_o make_v it_o and_o inspire_v it_o understand_v it_o better_a than_o ourselves_o it_o be_v of_o thy_o privative_a jurisdiction_n and_o thou_o alone_o can_v steer_v can_v rectify_v and_o fix_v it_o we_o mis-know_a ourselves_o and_o thou_o when_o we_o attribute_v to_o ourselves_o a_o presumptuous_a selfe-ruling_a power_n we_o have_v not_o motion_n but_o from_o thou_o by_o thou_o and_o through_o thy_o daily_a providence_n support_n and_o assistance_n it_o be_v so_o in_o all_o creature_n in_o many_o of_o they_o their_o motion_n be_v without_o discourse_n and_o involuntary_a but_o in_o we_o thou_o give_v the_o will_n and_o the_o deed_n january_n 13._o 1637._o how_o sacred_a and_o serious_a aught_o to_o be_v and_o be_v our_o religion_n how_o in_o this_o galley_n most_o look_v one_o way_n and_o row_v another_o how_o yet_o some_o people_n entertain_v sin_n with_o a_o national_a denization_n some_o ironical_o sport_n and_o play_v with_o they_o as_o nature_n game_n some_o make_v they_o venial_a which_o in_o god_n audit_n will_v find_v another_o account_n to_o what_o cross_a battery_n of_o honour_n nature_n law_n custom_n and_o religion_n be_v our_o frailty_n expose_v poor_a humane_a soul_n curious_a of_o rectitude_n curious_a of_o knowledge_n no_o wonder_n that_o thou_o suffer_v such_o distraction_n such_o convulsion_n example_n which_o shall_v rectify_v thou_o betray_v thou_o thy_o leader_n who_o shall_v guide_v thou_o in_o a_o clear_a and_o constant_a way_n wander_v and_o confound_v thou_o and_o in_o their_o partial_a and_o self-interessed_n subtlety_n lose_v themselves_o and_o thou_o natural_o i_o affect_v truth_n and_o be_o impatient_a of_o imperfection_n especial_o such_o as_o i_o appear_v capable_a to_o remedy_n and_o till_o i_o seem_v to_o discover_v what_o may_v be_v commodious_a and_o rational_a i_o can_v resolve_v but_o right_a and_o truth_n have_v so_o various_a a_o aspect_n and_o dwell_v in_o such_o a_o cloud_n and_o crossness_n of_o apprehension_n that_o if_o god_n of_o his_o great_a grace_n make_v not_o himself_o the_o guide_n of_o the_o good_a well-affected_a soul_n it_o stray_v it_o lose_v itself_o and_o become_v overwhelm_v with_o this_o world_n confusion_n and_o obliquity_n thus_o work_v my_o fancy_n thus_o accidental_o enfeeble_v be_o i_o put_v according_a to_o my_o nature_n to_o walk_v strong_o in_o weakness_n moderation_n be_v the_o hard_a of_o virtue_n my_o daily_a prayer_n to_o the_o almighty_a shall_v be_v that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o bestow_v it_o upon_o i_o i_o great_o need_v it_o against_o my_o nature_n against_o myself_o i_o be_o at_o at_o a_o evil_a exigent_n employment_n i_o want_v and_o be_o weak_a to_o undergo_v it_o yet_o idleness_n and_o vacuity_n of_o thought_n as_o unnatural_a unto_o i_o i_o can_v bear_v i_o have_v do_v and_o will_v endeavour_v my_o uttermost_a to_o compose_v myself_o to_o subsist_v and_o entertain_v myself_o towards_o god_n my_o neighbour_n and_o myself_o in_o the_o most_o religious_a discreet_a and_o charitable_a temper_n that_o i_o can_v etc._n etc._n december_n 11._o 1637._o it_o be_v hard_a for_o a_o man_n to_o dissect_v and_o paint_v out_o himself_o yet_o have_v i_o thus_o adventure_v upon_o it_o according_a to_o the_o life_n and_o truth_n and_o without_o flattery_n in_o a_o look_a glass_n they_o say_v we_o see_v ourselves_o by_o reflection_n of_o the_o beam_n of_o our_o sight_n upon_o ourselves_o in_o the_o mirror_n of_o my_o misfortune_n i_o have_v thus_o reflect_v upon_o myself_o but_o i_o confess_v true_a discern_v be_v towards_o outward_a object_n we_o be_v natural_o blind_a to_o ourselves_o beside_o the_o mist_n that_o self-love_n and_o interest_n raise_v upon_o we_o i_o have_v touch_v in_o one_o passage_n that_o the_o melancholy_a humour_n and_o choler_n adust_a must_v not_o be_v violent_o stir_v in_o respect_n of_o the_o rage_n and_o distemper_v it_o often_o so_o procure_v in_o full_a and_o soul_n especial_o long_o unstirred_a body_n but_o i_o profess_v my_o course_n have_v be_v by_o all_o mean_n inward_a and_o outward_a to_o search_v it_o to_o the_o root_n i_o go_v much_o upon_o the_o rule_n of_o quod_fw-la movet_fw-la removet_fw-la expurgation_n and_o what_o i_o hear_v once_o from_o a_o good_a doctor_n that_o obstinate_a insisting_n often_o work_v great_a and_o strange_a effect_n i_o have_v long_o for_o bear_v physic_n even_o when_o i_o most_o need_v it_o so_o still_o incorrespondent_a have_v my_o condition_n be_v unto_o itself_o some_o reason_n i_o have_v that_o neither_o i_o can_v nor_o will_v admit_v it_o but_o have_v i_o not_o by_o god_n instruction_n and_o long_a degree_n bring_v myself_o to_o be_v able_a to_o work_v upon_o myself_o in_o a_o extraordinary_a way_n exercise_v myself_o by_o his_o support_n and_o support_v myself_o in_o a_o great_a strength_n of_o body_n and_o mind_n i_o can_v not_o near_o have_v subsist_v i_o have_v by_o many_o year_n and_o degree_n bring_v myself_o to_o it_o it_o be_v for_o i_o alone_o and_o therefore_o i_o can_v prescribe_v anything_o therein_o to_o other_o there_o be_v a_o mean_a and_o discretion_n belong_v to_o all_o thing_n but_o certain_o melancholy_a obstruction_n be_v so_o tough_a and_o lead-like_a that_o they_o be_v immovable_a to_o ordinary_a course_n and_o medicine_n and_o extraordinary_a must_v be_v cautious_o and_o gradual_o employ_v inveterate_a they_o consist_v of_o a_o fat_a waxen_a viscous_a impacted_a and_o tartarous_a substance_n such_o as_o vegetable_n slip_v by_o without_o penetration_n mineral_n be_v more_o effectual_a in_o such_o a_o difference_n as_o betwixt_o the_o stroke_n of_o a_o cudgel_n or_o sword_n a_o natural_a crisis_n and_o evacuation_n be_v above_o all_o but_o we_o have_v so_o clog_v and_o entangle_v ourselves_o beyond_o the_o quiet_a of_o nature_n and_o of_o other_o creature_n that_o be_v and_o physic_n be_v thereupon_o become_v more_o necessary_a in_o truth_n
pleasure_n and_o profit_n whereof_o i_o may_v have_v be_v capable_a but_o for_o myself_o i_o regret_n it_o not_o for_o alas_o how_o vain_a how_o transitory_a how_o full_a of_o vexation_n be_v the_o best_a of_o earthly_a commodity_n etc._n etc._n truth_n have_v be_v say_v to_o be_v the_o object_n of_o the_o understanding_n and_o good_a of_o the_o will_v totus_fw-la teres_fw-la atque_fw-la rotundus_fw-la express_v a_o honest_a man_n yet_o a_o bowl_n perfect_o round_a except_o upon_o a_o ground_n exact_o plain_a hold_v not_o well_o its_o straight_a line_n and_o way_n a_o strong_a bias_n better_o maintain_v itself_o against_o whampe_n and_o unevennesse_n so_o do_v a_o man_n bias_v with_o some_o sinister_a affection_n often_o run_v a_o more_o constant_a and_o thrive_a course_n than_o he_o who_o have_v constitute_v truth_n and_o true_a good_a his_o mistress_n but_o himself_o be_v round_o and_o his_o way_n uncertain_a and_o uneven_a he_o vary_v and_o fluctuate_v according_o as_o i_o have_v often_o say_v truth_n to_o we_o be_v such_o obscure_a high_a twinkle_a star_n that_o we_o hardly_o fasten_v upon_o they_o what_o please_v we_o be_v only_o certain_a unto_o we_o i_o speak_v in_o a_o natural_a way_n for_o supernatural_o in_o faith_n alone_o be_v all_o truth_n all_o good_a certainty_n and_o pleasure_n till_o god_n give_v i_o that_o happy_a gift_n i_o be_v a_o bowl_n without_o bias_n a_o ship_n without_o steer_n or_o star_n i_o be_v more_o than_o most_o miserable_a if_o my_o resentment_n my_o heart_n and_o affection_n be_v set_v upon_o this_o world_n but_o i_o humble_o thank_v god_n it_o be_v far_o otherwise_o with_o i_o and_o now_o as_o there_o ever_o have_v be_v a_o difference_n make_v between_o such_o as_o cast_v themselves_o into_o open_a and_o eminent_a mischief_n and_o such_o as_o fall_v into_o unhappy_a consequence_n of_o evil_n unforeseen_a so_o hope_v i_o to_o find_v favour_n i_o and_o pardon_n from_o the_o better_a sort_n and_o the_o worst_a i_o respect_v not_o and_o as_o that_o prince_n who_o plain_a in_o personage_n and_o habit_n be_v by_o mistake_v set_v to_o drudge_n for_o his_o own_o entertainment_n and_o be_v discover_v and_o demand_v what_o he_o mean_v answer_v that_o he_o do_v penance_n for_o his_o evil-favourednesse_a so_o be_o i_o content_v to_o undergo_v and_o submit_v myself_o to_o the_o not_o undeserved_a penance_n of_o my_o fate_n with_o a_o acquiescence_n of_o fiat_n voluntas_fw-la tua_fw-la sed_fw-la libre_fw-la a_o nos_fw-la a_o malo_fw-la january_n 2._o 1637._o nemo_fw-la laeditur_fw-la nisi_fw-la a_o seipso_fw-la never_o prove_v itself_o more_o true_a then_o in_o i_o i_o have_v be_v both_o agent_n and_o author_n of_o my_o misery_n and_o suffering_n i_o have_v be_v both_o criminal_a and_o tormenter_n god_n make_v i_o strong_a i_o have_v make_v myself_o weak_a god_n entrust_v i_o with_o many_o talent_n of_o advantage_n above_o other_o i_o have_v misemployed_n and_o abuse_v they_o and_o myself_o from_o my_o youth_n i_o have_v suffer_v his_o scourge_n and_o terror_n with_o a_o trouble_a soul_n yet_o such_o be_v his_o mercy_n unto_o i_o that_o it_o be_v good_a and_o happy_a for_o i_o that_o i_o have_v be_v trouble_v as_o i_o have_v turn_v unto_o he_o he_o have_v be_v gracious_o please_v to_o turn_v his_o countenance_n of_o favour_n towards_o i_o heal_v my_o wound_n with_o the_o sovereign_a balm_n of_o his_o grace_n and_o refresh_v my_o soul_n with_o his_o water_n of_o life_n humble_v i_o to_o exalt_v i_o and_o chastise_v i_o in_o a_o fatherly_a correction_n to_o prevent_v my_o eternal_a punishment_n how_o sweet_a oh_o lord_n be_v thy_o mercy_n beyond_o comparison_n beyond_o my_o expression_n the_o false_a and_o flatter_a joy_n of_o sensuality_n be_v mere_a sourness_n bitterness_n and_o vexation_n in_o respect_n continue_v thy_o grace_n unto_o i_o perfect_a thy_o own_o work_n and_o make_v i_o a_o instrument_n of_o thy_o glory_n confirm_v i_o in_o the_o contempt_n of_o this_o world_n vanity_n and_o as_o on_o i_o so_o work_v upon_o the_o world_n by_o thy_o almighty_a spirit_n thy_o save_a health_n that_o thy_o will_n may_v be_v do_v in_o earth_n as_o in_o heaven_n nothing_o but_o thy_o all-powerfull_a spirit_n can_v effect_v it_o draw_v we_o and_o we_o shall_v come_v and_o let_v it_o be_v through_o tribulation_n sorrow_n fire_n and_o whatsoever_o long_a or_o short_a a_o fair_a or_o rugged_a way_n so_o it_o lead_v to_o thou_o we_o shall_v be_v happy_a above_o measure_n amen_o amen_n sweet_a saviour_n let_v thy_o precious_a wound_n cure_v i_o and_o save_v my_o soul_n which_o be_v by_o purchase_v thou_o january_n 15._o 1637._o beauty_n and_o the_o delight_n of_o the_o eye_n consist_v in_o well-ordered_a lustre_n of_o colour_n proportion_n and_o motion_n yet_o forbear_v it_o not_o to_o be_v extraordinary_o affect_v in_o the_o enjoy_n of_o such_o object_n as_o the_o appetite_n and_o fantasy_n have_v prescribe_v to_o themselves_o for_o a_o necessary_a or_o voluptuous_a satisfaction_n whereby_o 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can_v attain_v my_o tongue_n and_o action_n shall_v by_o thy_o grace_n endeavour_v to_o supply_v january_n 14._o 1637._o charity_n imply_v the_o love_n of_o god_n and_o man_n without_o it_o whatsoever_o we_o pretend_v we_o be_v infidel_n object_n of_o hatred_n to_o our_o maker_n to_o our_o inferior_n what_o condition_n can_v be_v more_o contemptible_a no_o delight_n be_v comparable_a to_o that_o which_o reflect_v upon_o a_o good_a mind_n from_o its_o own_o goodness_n extend_v upon_o other_o especial_o when_o our_o conscience_n bear_v we_o witness_v that_o we_o do_v it_o out_o of_o a_o true_a love_n and_o obedience_n to_o our_o most_o merciful_a and_o omnipotent_a god_n to_o pretend_v faith_n and_o be_v without_o charity_n be_v to_o mock_v god_n and_o ourselves_o better_o be_v it_o for_o we_o to_o be_v like_o beast_n without_o all_o knowledge_n of_o god_n then_o to_o play_v
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