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A13456 The great eater, of Kent, or Part of the admirable teeth and stomacks exploits of Nicholas Wood, of Harrisom in the county of Kent His excessiue manner of eating without manners, in strange and true manner described, by Iohn Taylor. Taylor, John, 1580-1653. 1630 (1630) STC 23761; ESTC S118214 9,742 26

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THE GREAT EATER OF KENT OR PART OF THE ADMIRABLE TEETH AND Stomacks Exploits of Nicholas Wood of Harrisom in the County of KENT HIS EXCESSIVE MANNER OF EATING WITHOVT manners in strange and true manner described by Iohn Taylor LONDON Printed by ELIZABETH ALLDE for Henry Gosson and are to be sold on London Bridge 1630. TO THE MOST FAMOVS INFAMOVS HIGH AND Mighty Feeder Nicholas Wood Great and Grand Gurmandizer of Harrisom in the County of Kent MOst exorbitant Paunchmonger I hauing taken much vnnecessary paines in writing these fewe collections of your deseruing Acts in memory thereof haue erected this Monument of incke and paper Herostratus was famous for burning the Temple of Diana in Ephesus Dedalus for flying in the Ayre and Leander for swimming ouer the Hellespontick sea So by this small Treatise of your vertues will your vnmatchable exploits be preserued to posterity that time or obliuion shall neuer eate out or deuoure the happy memory of your eating Yet not to flatter you though you are the absolutest man of mouth and the most renowned stifgut in this Westerne Angle of the World yet we haue as great or greater Faters then your selfe which are scarcely thought vpon there are some that with the vnsauoury sawce of Enuy will eate vp a mans name and reputation and leaue nothing but the bones and scraps of infamy and scandall some eate vp whole Lordships without Mannours and some deuoure Mannours and leaue nothing but bare Lordships your exercise is onely for the Maw and your Excellency consists totally in Crambo I haue done my best to please and pleasure you And not knowing where to finde a fit Patron I am bold to dedicate it to your digestion wishing that your teeth stomack may be euer sharpe-set and that your meate may be wanting before your Appetite Yours He that not onely admire and wonders at you but hath taken these insuing paines to make the world anmire with him IOHN TAYLOR THE GREAT EATER OF KENT REcords and Histories doe make memorable mention of the diuersitie of qualities of sundry famous persons men and women in all the Countries and Regions of the world how some are remembred for their Piety and Pitty some for Iustice some for Seuerity for Learning Wisedome Temperance Constancie Patience with all the vertues Diuine and morall Some againe haue purchased a memory for Greatnesse and Talnesse of body some for Dwarfish smalnesse some for beautifull outsides faire feature and composition of Limbs and stature many haue gotten an earthly perpetuity for cruelty and murther as Nero Commodus and others for Leachery as Heliogabalus for Drunkennesse Tiberius alias Biberius for Effeminacy as Sardanapalus for Gluttony Aulus Vitellius who at one supper was serued with two thousand sorts of fishes and seuen thousand fowles as Suetonius writes in his ninth Booke and Iosephus in his fifth Booke of the Iewes warres Caligula was famous for Ambition for hee would bee ador'd as a God though he liu'd like a Deuill poysoning his Vnkle and deflowring all his Sisters And in all ages and Countries time hath still produc'd particular persons men women either for their vertues or their vices to be remembred that by meditating on the good we may bee imitating their goodnesse and by viewing the bad we might be eschewing their vices To descend lower to more familiar examples I haue knowne a great man very expert on the Iewes-harpe a rich heire excellent at Noddy a Iustice of the Peace skilfull at Quoytes a Marchants wife a quicke Gamester at Irish especially when she came to beating of men that she would seldome misse entring Monsieur La Ferr a French-man was the first inuentor of the admirable Game of Double-hand Hot-cockles Gregorie Dawson an English man deuised the vnmatchable mystery of Blind-man-buffe Some haue the agility to ride Poast some the facility to runne Poast some the dexterity to write Poast and some the ability to speake poast For I haue heard a fellow make a Hackney of his tongue in a moment he hath gallop'd a Lye from China to London without Bridle or Saddle Others doe speake poast in a thicke shuffling kind of Ambling-trot and that in such speede that one of them shall talke more in one quarter of an houre then shall be vnderstood in seuen yeeres And as euery one hath particular qualities to themselues and dissonant from others so are the manners of liues or liuings of all men and women various one from another as some get their liuing by their tongues as Interpreters Lawyers Oratours and Flatterers some by tayles as Maquerellaes Concubines Curtezanes or in plaine English Whores Some by their feete as Dancers Lackeyes Foot-men and Weauers and Knights of the publicke or common order of the Forke Some by their braines as Politicians Monopolists Proiectmongers Suit-ioggers and Stargazers Some like the Salamander liue by fire as the whole Race of Tubalcaine the Vulcanean Broode of Blacksmiths fire-men Colliers Gunners Gun-founders and all sorts of mettle-men Some like the Cameleon by the Ayre and such are Poets Trumpetters Cornets Recorders Pipers Bag-pipers and some by smoake as Tobacconists Knights of the Vapour Gentlemen of the Whiffe Esquires of the Pipe Gallants in Fumo Some liue by the Water as Herrings doe such are Brewers Vintners Dyers Mariners Fisher-men and Scullers And many like Moles liue by the Earth as griping Vsurers racking Land-lords toyling Plowmen moyling Labourers painefull Gardners and others Amongst all these before mentioned and many more which I could recite this subiect of my Pen is not for his qualitie inferiour to any and as neere as I can I will stretch my wit vpon the Tenters to describe his name and Character his worthy Actes shall be related after in due time duely And Be it knowne vnto all men to whom these presents shall come that I Iohn Taylor Waterman of Saint Sauiours in Southwarke in the County of Surrey the Writer hereof c. will write plaine truth bare and threed-bare and almost starke-naked-truth of the descriptions and remarkable memorable Actions of Nicholas Wood of the Parish of Harrisom in the County of Kent Yeoman for these considerations following First I were to blame to write more then truth because that which is knowne to be true is enough Secondly that which is onely true is too much Thirdly the truth will hardly be beleeued being so much beyond mans reason to conceiue Fourthly I shall runne the hazzard to bee accounted a great lyer in writing the truth Lastly I will not lye on purpose to make all those lyers that esteeme me so Yet by your leaue Master Critick you must giue me licence to flourish my Phrases to embellish my lines to adorne my Oratory to embroder my speeches to enterlace my words to draw out my sayings and to bumbaste the whole suite of the businesse for the time of your wearing For though truth appeareth best bare in matters of Iustice yet in this I hold it decent to attire her with such