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ID Title Author Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication) STC Words Pages
A37023 Squire Oldsapp, or, The night-adventurers a comedy, as it is acted at His Royal Highness the Duke's Theatre / written by Tho. Durfey, Gent. D'Urfey, Thomas, 1653-1723. 1679 (1679) Wing D2786; ESTC R17642 54,541 74

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Whore-master up the Wall when the judicious reserv'd sober Fool is thrown into the Kennel Well I am resolv'd I 'll pursue the Intrigue to morrow with my new Mistress gad she 's a rare Creature and I hope her Husband is not so kind as he should be In Modish Love th' allowance may be small But Marriage like a Miser covets all Exit The Fourth ACT. SCENE I. Christina's House Enter Christina and Sophia Soph. DID I not tell you he would not come to night I know a Man of his humour can no more forsake company he likes to come to his Wife than an Usurer could forsake a Purchase of Land when he has it for half the value Christ. I confess it vexes me but had I been of the same humour you know I could last night have been even with him Enter Lucinda Lucin. Madam here 's a Gentleman below that enquires for his Cozen I desir'd to know her name which he says he is ignorant of and says she is a Relation a-far off but by his description of her he doe● certainly mean you Christ. 'T is he I knew he would not fail go bring him up and prethee Cozen let 's put a trick upon him Do you step into the next Room when you hear us entred into discourse and that he leaves you as a spy over me Soph. I 'll personate it to the life but the jest will be to hear what a company of lies he 'll tell when I question him about his Visit Ex. Sophia Christ. Ha ha ha away away he comes Enter Welford Welf. Madam tho' the Night to me has been as dark and comfortless wanting the light of your Eyes yet this joyful Minute dissipates those horrors and makes me happy to excess ah Madam I have been Christ. Where or what have you been Sir Welf. Where why in my Lodging ever since I left you and what could I be but the most melancholy despairing restless uncoath Creature in the World I breath not as I did formerly my Heart pants my Eyes roul all my Faculties are disturb'd In a word Madam I am desperately in Love and with you have mercy upon me I beseech you Christ. But what help Sir can a Woman in my condition bring you You know I told you last Night I was marry'd Welf. Ay Madam and the memory of it brings me all the joy imaginable for 't is only a marry'd Lady that has the ability of helping me My Disease is of that singular Nature that all other are helpless and unnecessary Christ. A strange Distemper indeed but hush here comes my Sister Enter Sophia Welf. A Sister a pox shift her off Madam she is not for our company Christ. O! I dare not for my life Sir she 's my Husbands Sister and one set to watch me Welf. A fine VVoman ifaith the Devils in 't if I miss both Soph. A handsom Fellow I swear who is this Gentleman Sister a Kinsman of yours Christ. Yes Madam a Cozen remov'd speak for your self Sir Welf. A little out of the way Madam and hearing she was in Town I could not pass by without giving her a Visit I had ever a dear love for my Relation Soph. A very good quality Sir and if I am not mistaken a thing very little in use amongst young Gallants for they rather visit their Mistresses than Relations nay the Wives 't is a strange World Heaven mend it pray are you marry'd Sir Welf. Yes Madam and have seven Children a pox on her Christ. So that 's a sound one now he begins Aside Soph. Seven as I live a jolly company indeed Sister I am angry with ye for not bringing me acquainted with your Relations you know my Sisters Father I presume Sir Welf. Very well Madam the old Gentleman and I are very intimate What a Devil shall I do Aside Soph. And pray how does he Welf. In health in health Madam he 's a lusty Man of his Age Heav'n bless him Soph. How in health Sir he was dangerously wounded in a Rencounter not above three days ago 't is impossible he can be well so soon Welf. So I am snapt 't was given out a dangerous Wound Madam but 't was only a scratch a very slight business believe me Soph. And his Son at Oxford how does he Sir Mr. what d' ee call him Welf. Ay what indeed Soph. Mr. Sir you can tell his name Mr Welf. What Gregory Soph. Fie fie Gregory no Mr. Lord 't is strange you should not know his name Welf. Know him alas I know him Madam as well as I know my self but I have such a confounded memory his name quickly I am founder'd Aside to Christ. Christ. She means my Brother Alexander Welf. Alexander I was sure I was near it why he 's the same brisk Fellow Madam he used to be all Spirit pox on him would he had been hang'd seven year a go so I had scapt the trouble of finding out his damn'd name Aside Soph. 'T is strange he should be so alter'd he us'd to be of a very sober morose temper Then I suppose Sir you know his Sister Mrs Phebe Welf. Ay I have some reason to know her Madam if you knew all why she has been my Mistress a great while Soph. How Sir your Mistress Welf. Ay the business was almost concluded on I had like to have marry'd her about a Month a go Soph. Marry'd why Sir you say you have a Wife already and seven Children Welf. Death and the Devil I had forgot that I see a Lyer had need have a good memory Aside Christ. Ha ha ha my Cozen Madam is a little involv'd in a mistake ha ha ha Soph. I believe he 'll prove a salse Kinsman at last Welf. I find it now this is a plot upon me well I shall have a time why then the truth is Madam I am a damn'd lying Rascal and have not spoke a word of truth since I came in Soph. Ha ha ha ha Enter Lucinda Lucin. Madam my Master is just come home and I believe coming up Christ. Here quickly take this Kinsman of mine then and convey him down the back way a word in your Ear Sir write me word when you 'll come next that I may be better provided and so your Servant good Cozen. Welf. So that 's something however to night about twelve I 'll not fail you your Servant Ladies your Servant I 'll see if I can have better luck in my Evenings Ramble Ex. Welford Enter Henry Henr. How does my dear sweet pretious Wife hah Nay I know thou art angry now at my staying out last Night but prethee consider my dear I had business business must be done you know come prethee let 's kiss and be Friends Christ. This kindness adds to my suspition for he 's never kind to me but when he has been rambling Soph. An Infallible Sign for to you he gives only false Fire Henr. Come what 's the meaning of this whispering prethee my dear don't mind
Sir I 'll wait you here to morrow Welf. Will ye ifaith will you not fail Christ. Upon my life I will not Welf. I 'll trust ye then adieu a pox o' this Husband Exit Enter Lucinda Lucin. Come Madam 't is in vain for you to wait longer My Master I am certain won't come home to Night Christ. Go get my Night-Clothes ready I 'll follow you Exeunt SCENE II. Garden Enter Oldsapp and Lovel Olds. THus Sir depending upon your care and secresie I have told you my concerns Lov. Sir you shall never have any cause to doubt my fidelity Olds. I believe thee in troth before George thou hast an honest Face of thy own that confirms it Therefore prethee give thy attention I confess I am old Lov. O Sir not old Olds. Yes faith the Women think me so and to deal faithfully with thee I am somewhat above threescore Lov. Oh a small Age that Sir for a healthy Man Olds. But I confess to thee though I am old I cannot chuse but love a Wench as well as a younger Fellow Well before George I know not what 's the matter but methinks I am never well without one Lov. 'T is a sign you came of a good Family Sir I shall laugh at this old Fellow Aside Olds. Yes the truth is I came of a notable Generation my Father and Mother were swingers but let that pass you know my Sneakie is about twenty one Lov. Much about that Age in my Opinion Sir Olds. Yes yes nay I can tell to a Day her Age but would you believe me Friend I dare tell you tho' to another I should be asham'd when I am with her sometimes the arch Jade will play upon me strangely she 'll call me Fool almost at every Word Ah 't is a witty Quean Lov. Ha ha ha Then it seems Sir she 's angry with you sometimes and how d' ee do to pacifie her Olds. Why you must know Sir I allow her a Hundred Pound a Year and that makes up the business very well Lov. Oh Olds. No faith we never quarrel now Sir for this reason I attempted the Charm you know of thinking that would make me young and fit for her Lov. And yet to be never the better faith 't was ill luck Olds. The better nay before George I think I am the worse for 't Lov. Why that 's worst of all Sir But pray come a little nearer to my business What would you have me do Olds. I 'll tell you the Story you told me to day of Welford has so tortur'd me that I am grown damnably jealous and I fear I may have some cause if the truth were known For I had certainly mauld him to night if by some device or other she had not convey'd him away Lov Very well Sir Olds. And tho' I cannot possitively say she did I fear the worst Now 't is in your power to do me a signal favour Lov. Command it then Sir you know I am your Friend Olds. You can counterfeit Welfords Voice I have heard you do it you therefore shall go to her instantly and personate him she 's in the dark which makes me suspect she waits for some body believing me absent and to prove all you shall court her as if you were him and so find her inclination then you discovering the truth to me I shall know the better how to use her hereafter Lov. Faith Sir you must pardon me if I refuse to serve you in this I am sensible of the inconvenience Sir I shall not be able to contain my self Aside Olds. Inconvenience how prethee Lov. Oh Sir you that are so jealous of every one I have just reason to fear will be so of me should I do this I am resolv'd not to hazard the loss of so good a Friend about so trivial a matter Olds. Jealous of thee what of a Brother a dear Friend that I have pickt out amongst Men to trust a secret with jealous of thee Why thou dost not take me for a Fool dost thou Come come no excuse thou shalt do 't Lov. It cannot be Sir what will she think 'Sdeath this is the simplest Fellow Aside Olds. She think why she shall not know it Man there lyes the jeast she shall be ignorant of it and think 't is he still for you are to come in the dark Now here 's my plot by this means she taking you for him will discover her Intrigue and I shall know whether she is a Jilt or no Lov. Nay Sir If I can do you any service you know I want power to deny Was ever such a Coxcomb Aside Olds. Thank ye heartily dear Friend before George thou art an honest Fellow well I 'll go instantly and see if she 's there and then conduct you to her and an hour hence Lov. Ay Sir sooner if you please Olds. No no not sooner Well have a little patience I 'll be with you instantly Ex. Oldsapp Lov. Ha ha ha This is the pleasantest adventure that ever Man had and thanks to my Stars my pains shall now be rewarded for above these six Months have I laid plots and studied daily how to obtain this Womans Company and could never prosper and now in a moment when I least thought on 't to be brought to her Chamber and by her Keeping-Fool that has been jealous of every body Oh my Joys methinks every Hour 's an Age till he comes and then to bob Welford of his Mistress too ha ha ha 't is a happy chance Well I see some Men are born to strange Fortune Lyes down Enter Welford Welf. Where the Devil am I this is the first door I found open and I am resolv'd to enter be it where it will Hah this Garden should belong to my dear Tricklove's Lodgings by that Belcony there ay 't is so Now if I could but contrive to make her hear me I am certain she 'd overcome all difficulties to let me in but how shall I do it Knock I dare not lest the old Fox should hear Well I was a Fool to forsake my other Lodging but when they cry how can you be so cruel rather kill me then proceed and the like I have not the heart to touch ' em But see the door opens and a Man is coming out I hope she has heard me and sent one of the Servants Enter Oldsapp Olds. Hist hist Come Sir she's in her Chamber and in the dark as I told you Therefore there must be some close business in hand good Sir make haste Welf. Oldsapp as I live Death if he discovers me I shall be murder'd but I 'll withdraw in time I hope the darkness will obscure me Is going away and Oldsapp holds him Olds. Nay Will. what dost mean what dost go backward for fie flinch from thy Friend in such an affair Come back for shame come back I say Welf. What shall I do he does certainly mistake me for another and I shall at last be discovered