the most inhumane Proceeding Val. Nay if you have known Scandal thus long and cannot avoid such a palpable Decoy as this was the Ladies have a fine time whose Reputations are in your keeping Enter Jeremy Iere. Sir Mrs. Frail has sent to know if you are stirring Val. Shew her up when she comes Exit Jere. Tatt. I 'll be gone Val. You 'll meet her Tatt. Have you not a back way Val. If there were you have more Discretion than to give Scandal such an Advantage why your running away will prove all that he can tell her Tatt. Scandal you will not be so ungenerous O I shall lose my Reputation of Secresie for ever I shall never be receiv'd but upon Publick Days and my Visits will never be admitted beyond a Drawing-Room I shall never see a Bed-Chamber again never be lock't in a Closet nor run behind a Screen or under a Table never be distinguish'd among the Waiting-Women by the Name of Trusty Mr. Tattle more You will not be so cruel Val. Scandal have pity on him he 'll yield to any Conditions Tatt. Any any Terms Scan. Come then sacrifice half a Dozen Women of good Reputation to me presently Come where are your familiar And see that they are Women of Quality too the first Quality Tatt. 'T is very hard Won't a Baronet's Lady pass Scan. No nothing under a Right Honourable Tatt. O inhumane You don't expect their Names Scan. No their Titles shall serve Tatt. Alas that 's the same thing Pray spare me their Titles I 'll describe their Persons Scan. Well begin then But take notice if you are so ill a Painter that I cannot know the Person by your Picture of her you must be condemn'd like other bad Painters to write the Name at the bottom Tatt. Well first then Enter Mrs. Frail. O unfortunate she 's come already will you have Patience till another time I 'll double the number Scan. Well on that Condition Take heed you don't fail me Mrs. Frail. Hey day I shall get a fine Reputation by coming to see Fellows in a Morning Scandal you Devil are you here too Oh Mr. Tattle every thing is safe with you we know Scan. Tattle Tatt. Mum O Madam you do me too much Honour Val. Well Lady Galloper how does Angelica Frail. Angelica Manners Val. What you will allow an absent Lover Frail. No I 'll allow a Lover present with his Mistress to be particular But otherwise I think his Passion ought to give place to his Manners Val. But what if he have more Passion than Manners Frail. Then let him Marry and reform Val. Marriage indeed may qualifie the Fury of his Passion but it very rarely mends a Man's Manners Frail. You are the most mistaken in the World there is no Creature perfectly Civil but a Husband For in a little time he grows only rude to his Wife and that is the highest good Breeding for it begets his Civility to other People Well I 'll tell you News but I suppose you hear your Brother Benjamin is landed And my Brother Foresight's Daughter is come out of the Country I assure you there 's a Match talk'd of by the Old People Well if he be but as great a Sea-Beast as she is a Land-Monster we shall have a most Amphibious Breed The Progeny will be all Otters he has been bred at Sea and she has never been out of the Country Val. Pox take 'em their Conjunction bodes no good I 'm sure Frail. Now you talk of Conjunction my Brother Foresight has cast both their Nativities and prognosticates an Admiral and an eminent Justice of the Peace to be the Issue-Male of their two Bodies 't is the most superstitious Old Fool He would have perswaded me that this was an Unlucky Day and wou'd not let me come abroad But I invented a Dream and sent him to Artimodorus for Interpretation and so stole out to see you Well and what will you give me now Come I must have something Val. Step into the next Room and I 'll give you something Scan. Ay we 'll all give you something Frail. Well what will you all give me Val. Mine's a Secret Frail. I thought you would give me something that would be a trouble to you to keep Val. And Scandal shall give you a good Name Frail. That 's more than he has for himself And what will you give me Mr. Tattle Tatt. I My Soul Madam Frail. Pooh No I thank you I have enough to do to take care of my own Well but I 'll come and see you one of these Mornings I hear you have a great many Pictures Tatt. I have a pretty good Collection at your Service some Originals Scan. Hang him he has nothing but the Seasons and the Twelve Coesars paultry Copies and the Five Senses as ill represented as they are in himself And he himself is the only Original you will see there Frail. Ay but I hear he has a Closet of Beauties Scan. Yes all that have done him Favours if you will believe him Frail. Ay let me see those Mr. Tattle Tatt. Oh Madam those are Sacred to Love and Contemplation No Man but the Painter and my self was ever blest with the Sight Frail. Well but a Woman Tatt. Nor Woman till she consented to have her Picture there too for then she is obliged to keep the Secret Scan. No no come to me if you wou'd see Pictures Frail. You Scan. Yes Faith I can shew you your own Picture and most of your Acquaintance to the Life and as like as at Knellers Frail. O lying Creature Valentine does not he lye I can't believe a word he says Val. No indeed he speaks truth now For as Tattle has Pictures of all that have granted him favours he has the Pictures of all that have refus'd him If Satyrs Descriptions Characters and Lampoons are Pictures Scan. Yes mine are most in black and white And yet there are some set out in their true Colours both Men and Women I can shew you Pride Folly Affectation Wantonness Inconstancy Covetousness Dissimulation Malice and Ignorance all in one Piece Then I can shew you Lying Foppery Vanity Cowardise Bragging Lechery Impotence and Ugliness in another Piece and yet one of these is a celebrated Beauty and t'other a profest Beau. I have Paintings too some pleasant enough Frail. Come let 's hear ' em Scan. Why I have a Beau in a Bagnio Cupping for a Complexion and Sweating for a Shape Frail. So. Scan. Then I have a Lady burning of Brandy in a Cellar with a Hackney-Coachman Frail. O Devil Well but that Story is not true Scan. I have some Hieroglyphicks too I have a Lawyer with a hundred Hands two Heads and but one Face a Divine with two Faces and one Head and I have a Soldier with his Brains in his Belly and his Heart where his Head shou'd be Frail. And no Head Scan. No Head Frail. Pooh this is all Invention Have you ne're a Poet Scan. Yes
your Handkerchief Smell Cousin he says he 'll give me something that will make my Smocks smell this way Is not it pure It 's better than Lavender mun I 'm resolv'd I won't let Nurse put any more Lavender among my Smocks ha Cousin Frail. Fie Miss amongst your Linnen you must say You must never say Smock Miss Pru. Why It is not bawdy is it Cousin Tatt. Oh Madam you are too severe upon Miss you must not find fault with her pretty simplicity it becomes her strangely pretty Miss don't let 'em perswade you out of your Innocency Mrs. Fore Oh Demm you Toad I wish you don't perswade her out of her Innocency Tatt. Who I Madam Oh Lord how can your Ladyship have such a thought sure you don't know me Frail. Ah Devil sly Devil He 's as close Sister as a Confessor He thinks we don't observe him Mrs. Fore A cunning Cur how soon he cou'd find out a fresh harmless Creature and left us Sister presently Tatt. Upon Reputation Mrs. Fore They 're all so Sister these Men they love to have the spoiling of a Young Thing they are as fond of it as of being first in the Fashion or of seeing a new Play the first day I warrant it wou'd break Mr. Tattle's Heart to think that any body else shou'd be before-hand with him Tatt. Oh Lord I swear I wou'd not for the World Frail. O hang you who 'll believe you You 'd be hang'd before you 'd confess we know you she 's very pretty Lord what pure red and white she looks so wholsome ne're stir I don't know but I fancy if I were a Man Miss Pru. How you love to jear one Cousin Mrs. Fore Heark'ee Sister by my Soul the Girl is spoil'd already d' ee think shee 'll ever endure a great lubberly Tarpawlin Gad I warrant you she won't let him come near her after Mr. Tattle Frail. O' my Soul I 'm afraid not eh filthy Creature that smells all of Pitch and Tarr Devil take you you confounded Toad why did you see her before she was Married Mrs. Fore Nay why did we let him my Husband will hang us He 'll think we brought 'em acquainted Frail. Come Faith let us be gone If my Brother Foresight shou'd find us with them He 'd think so sure enough Mrs. Fore So he wou'd but then leaving 'em together is as bad And he 's such a sly Devil he 'll never miss an opportunity Frail. I don't care I won't be seen in 't Mrs. Fore Well If you should Mr. Tattle you 'll have a world to answer for remember I wash my hands of it I 'm throughly Innocent Exeunt Mrs. Foresight and Frail. Miss Pru. What makes 'em go away Mr. Tattle What do they mean do you know Tatt. Yes my Dear I think I can guess But hang me if I know the reason of it Miss Pru. Come must not we go too Tatt. No no they don't mean that Miss Pru. No! what then what shall you and I do together Tatt. I must make Love to you pretty Miss will you let me make Love to you Miss Pru. Yes if you please Tatt. Frank I Gad at least What a Pox do's Mrs. Foresight mean by this Civility Is it to make a Fool of me Or do's she leave us together out of good Morality and do as she would be done by Gad I 'll understand it so Aside Miss Pru. Well And how will you make Love to me Come I long to have you begin must I make Love too You must tell me how Tatt. You must let me speak Miss you must not speak first I must ask you Questions and you must answer Miss Pru. What is it like the Catechisme Come then ask me Tatt. De' e you think you can Love me Miss Pru. Yes Tatt. Pooh Pox you must not say yes already I shan't care a Farthing for you then in a twinckling Miss Pru. What must I say then Tatt. Why you must say no or you believe not or you can't tell Miss Pru. Why must I tell a Lie then Tatt. Yes if you would be well bred All well-bred Persons Lie Besides you are a Woman You must never speak what you think Your words must contradict your thoughts but your actions may contradict your words So when I ask you if you can Love me you must say no but you must Love me too If I tell you you are Handsome you must deny it and say I flatter you But you must think your self more Charming than I speak you And like me for the Beauty which I say you have as much as if I had it my self If I ask you to Kiss me you must be angry but you must not refuse me If I ask you for more you must be more angry but more complying and as soon as ever I make you say you 'l cry out you must be sure to hold your Tongue Miss O Lord I swear this is pure I like it better than our old fashion'd Country way of speaking ones mind and must not you lie too Tatt. Hum Yes But you must believe I speak Truth Miss O Gemini well I always had a great mind to tell Lies but they frighted me and said it was a sin Tatt. Well my pretty Creature will you make me happy by giving me a Kiss Miss No indeed I 'm angry at you Runs and Kisses Him Tatt. Hold hold that 's pretty well but you should not have given it me but have suffer'd me to take it Miss Well we 'll do it again Tatt. With all my heart Now then my little Angel Kisses her Miss Pish. Tatt. That 's right again my Charmer Kisses again Miss O fie nay now I can't abide you Tatt. Admirable That was as well as if you had been born and bred in Covent-Garden all the days of your Life And won't you shew me pretty Miss where your Bed-Chamber is Miss No indeed won't I But I 'll run there and hide my self from you behind the Curtains Tatt. I 'll follow you Miss Ah but I 'll hold the Door with both Hands and be angry and you shall push me down before you come in Tatt. No I 'll come in first and push you down afterwards Miss Will you then I 'll be more angry and more complying Tatt. Then I 'll make you cry out Miss Oh but you sha'nt for I 'll hold my Tongue Tatt. Oh my Dear apt Scholar Miss Well now I 'll run and make more haste than you Ex. Miss Tatt. You shall not fly so fast as I 'll pursue Exit after Her The End of the Second Act. ACT III. SCENE I. Enter Nurse Nurse MIss Miss Miss Prue Mercy on me marry and Amen Why what 's become of the Child Why Miss Miss Foresight Sure she has not lock'd her self up in her Chamber and gone to sleep or to Prayers Miss Miss I hear her Come to your Father Child Open the Door Open the Door Miss I hear you cry husht O Lord who 's there
Marry Frail. That wou'd be pity such a Handsome Young Gentleman Ben. Handsome he he he nay forsooth an you be for Joking I 'll Joke with you for I love my jest an the Ship were sinking as we sayn at Sea But I 'll tell you why I don't much stand towards Matrimonie I love to roam about from Port to Port and from Land to Land I could never abide to be Port-bound as we call it Now a man that is marry'd has as it were d' ee see his seet in the Bilboes and may hap may'nt get 'em out again when he wou'd Sir Samp Ben's a Wagg Ben. A man that is marri'd d' ee see is no more like another man than a Galley-slave is like one of us free Sailors he is chain'd to an Oar all his life and may-hap forc'd to tug a leaky Vessel into the Bargain Sir Samp. A very Wag Ben's a very Wag only a little rough he wants a little Polishing Frail. Not at all I like his humour mightily it 's plain and honest I shou'd like such a humour in a Husband extreamly Ben. Say'n you so forsooth Marry and I shou'd like such a handsome Gentlewoman for a Bed-fellow hugely how say you Mistress wou'd you like going to Sea Mess you 're a tight Vessel and well rigg'd an you were but as well Mann'd Frail. I shou'd not doubt that if you were Master of me Ben. But I 'll tell you one thing an you come to Sea in a high Wind or that Lady You mayn't carry so much Sail o' your Head Top and Top-gallant by the Mess. Frail. No why so Ben. Why an you do You may run the risk to be overset and then you 'll carry your Keels above Water he he he Ang. I swear Mr. Benjamin is the verriest Wag in nature an absolute Sea-wit Sir Samp. Nay Ben has Parts but as I told you before they want a little Polishing You must not take any thing ill Madam Ben. No I hope the Gentlewoman is not angry I mean all in good part For if I give a Jest I 'll take a Jest And so forsooth you may be as free with me Ang. I thank you Sir I am not at all offended but methinks Sir Sampson You shou'd leave him alone with his Mistress Mr. Tattle we must not hinder Lovers Tatt. Well Miss I have your promise Aside to Miss Sir Sam. Body o' me Madam you say true Look you Ben this is your Mistress Come Miss you must not be shamefac'd we 'll leave you together Miss I can't abide to be left alone mayn't my Cousin stay with me Sir Sam. No no. Come let 's away Ben. Look you Father may-hap the young Woman may'nt take a liking to me Sir Sam. I warrant thee Boy Come come we 'll be gone I 'll venture that Exeunt all but Ben and Miss Ben. Come Mistress will you please to sit down for an you stand a stern a that'n we shall never grapple together Come I 'll haule a Chair there an you please to sit I 'll sit by you Miss You need not sit so near one if you have any thing to say I can hear you farther off I an 't deaf Ben. Why that 's true as you say nor I an 't dumb I can be heard as far as another I 'll heave off to please you Sits further off An we were a League asunder I 'de undertake to hold Discourse with you an 't were not a main high Wind indeed and full in my Teeth Look you forsooth I am as it were bound for the Land of Matrimony 't is a Voyage d' ee see that was none of my seeking I was commanded by Father and if you like of it may-hap I may steer into your Harbour How say you Mistress the short of the thing is this that if you like me and I like you we may chance to swing in a Hammock together Miss I don't know what to say to you nor I don't care to speak with you at all Ben. No I 'm sorry for that But pray why are you so scornful Miss As long as one must not speak one's mind one had better not speak at all I think and truly I won't tell a lie for the matter Ben. Nay You say true in that it 's but a folly to lie For to speak one thing and to think just the contrary way is as it were to look one way and to row another Now for my part d' ee see I 'm for carrying things above Board I 'm not for keeping any thing under Hatches so that if you ben't as willing as I say so a God's name there 's no harm done may-hap you may be shame-fac'd some Maidens thof ' they love a man well enough yet they don't care to tell'n so to 's face If that 's the Case why silence gives consent Miss But I 'm sure it is not so for I 'll speak sooner than you should believe that and I 'll speak truth tho' one should always tell a lie to a man and I don't care let my Father do what he will I 'm too big to be whipt so I 'll tell you plainly I don't like you nor love you at all nor never will that 's more So there 's your answer for you and don 't trouble me no more you ugly thing Ben. Look you Young Woman You may learn to give good words however I spoke you fair d' ee see and civil As for your Love or your liking I don't value it of a Rope's end And may-hap I like you as little as you do me What I said was in Obedience to Father Gad I fear a Whipping no more than you do But I tell you one thing if you shou'd give such Language at Sea you 'd have a Cat o' Nine-tails laid cross your Shoulders Flesh who are you You heard t'other handsome Young Woman speak civilly to me of her own accord Whatever you think of your self Gad I don't think you are any more to compare to her than a Cann of Small-beer to a Bowl of Punch Miss Well and there 's a handsome Gentleman and a fine Gentleman and a sweet Gentleman that was here that loves me and I love him and if he sees you speak to me any more he 'l thrash your Jacket for you he will you great Sea-calf Ben. What do you mean that fair-Weather Spark that was here just now Will he thrash my Jacket Let'n let'n But an he comes near me may-hap I may giv'n a Salt Eel for 's Supper for all that What do's Father mean to leave me alone as soon as I come home with such a dirty dowdy Sea-calf I an 't Calf enough to lick your Chalk'd face You Cheese-curd you Marry thee Oons I 'll Marry a Lapland-Witch as soon and live upon selling of contrary Winds and Wrack'd Vessels Miss I won't be call'd Names nor I won't be abus'd thus so I won't If I were a man Crys You durst not talk at this rate No you durst nor you stinking