excellent_a statuary_n be_v say_v to_o have_v compose_v such_o a_o minerva_n and_o such_o a_o figure_n of_o himself_o in_o the_o centre_n of_o her_o target_n that_o the_o whole_a work_n bear_v upon_o it_o it_o can_v be_v no_o less_o permanent_a than_o the_o main_a piece_n i_o have_v here_o presume_v to_o place_v you_o as_o a_o precious_a piece_n of_o preservation_n unto_o i_o the_o abridgement_n of_o my_o story_n shall_v now_o follow_v like_o a_o cloudy_a storm_n after_o a_o fair_a sunshine_n that_o i_o have_v be_v most_o unhappy_o miserable_a more_o than_o the_o outward_a face_n of_o nature_n or_o fortune_n discover_v in_o i_o be_v know_v to_o all_o that_o know_v i_o but_o true_a and_o secret_a cause_n be_v so_o obscure_a that_o it_o have_v be_v even_o to_o myself_o a_o most_o intricate_a disquisition_n to_o find_v they_o yet_o beside_o what_o may_v be_v attribute_v to_o the_o star_n fate_n complexion_n and_o a_o overrule_a hand_n as_o in_o former_a paper_n though_o disorderly_a i_o 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and_o favour_n to_o i_o and_o my_o total_a surrender_n unto_o he_o faith_n be_v the_o sole_a catholicon_n and_o general_a antidote_n against_o worldly_a perturbation_n he_o have_v wonderful_o exempt_v i_o from_o scorn_n from_o want_n and_o all_o great_a infirmity_n he_o have_v satisfy_v all_o my_o reasonable_a affectation_n even_o to_o this_o of_o writing_n wherein_o i_o have_v so_o disburden_v myself_o that_o though_o it_o be_v hard_a to_o write_v true_o and_o not_o inconvenient_o or_o any_o thing_n to_o the_o full_a satisfaction_n either_o of_o other_o or_o myself_o yet_o i_o have_v do_v enough_o to_o resolve_v to_o withdraw_v myself_o from_o it_o confine_v myself_o hereafter_o to_o write_v nothing_o but_o necessary_a letter_n and_o subscribe_v myself_o your_o ladyship_n most_o humble_a and_o faithful_a servant_n noble_a sir_n corona_n your_o late_a request_n which_o be_v to_o i_o a_o oblige_a command_n make_v i_o send_v you_o that_o piece_n which_o you_o honour_v with_o your_o pretend_a conversion_n i_o never_o think_v it_o any_o thing_n till_o now_o and_o now_o i_o make_v it_o you_o that_o it_o may_v receive_v some_o further_a virtue_n of_o operation_n from_o you_o and_o see_v i_o find_v you_o a_o proposition_n convertible_fw-fr i_o presume_v to_o lend_v you_o another_o piece_n of_o simple_a conversion_n it_o consist_v of_o a_o few_o beg_a verse_n if_o you_o find_v they_o blind_a impute_v it_o to_o their_o hasty_a and_o zealous_a production_n they_o beg_v a_o hand_n from_o god_n a_o favourable_a eye_n from_o you_o from_o he_o fatherly_a from_o you_o friendly_a correction_n they_o need_v it_o from_o you_o and_o the_o less_o you_o need_v from_o they_o the_o more_o your_o happiness_n and_o their_o obligation_n i_o submit_v they_o and_o myself_o to_o you_o as_o your_o faithful_a servant_n to_o you_o who_o sincere_a faith_n to_o god_n and_o christian_a religion_n good_a affection_n towards_o i_o and_o good_a discretion_n and_o judgement_n in_o all_o thing_n be_v
see_v thought_n stagg'r_v reel_n whilst_o the_o poor_a bark_n do_v roll_v cling_v to_o the_o mast_n pray_v labour_n from_o to_o the_o lee_n throw_v out_o their_o lade_n wrestle_v with_o the_o wave_n sink_v down_o their_o sail_n now_o lift_v up_o on_o high_a now_o almost_o swallow_v in_o the_o abyss_n of_o grave_n now_o a_o clear_a heaven_n and_o straight_o a_o dismal_a sky_n here_o learn_v how_o fair_a day_n may_v overcast_v confound_a all_o your_o quiet_n with_o a_o blast_n what_o master_v i_o to_o day_n may_v you_o to_o morrow_n but_o for_o our_o comfort_n god_n can_v master_v sorrow_n here_o see_v how_o in_o a_o sanguine_a complexion_n when_o god_n grace_n begin_v powerful_o to_o shine_v and_o work_v as_o in_o the_o month_n of_o march_n and_o turn_v of_o the_o year_n storm_n upon_o storm_n and_o frigida_fw-la pugnabant_fw-la calidis_fw-la humentia_fw-la siccis_fw-la mollia_fw-la cum_fw-la duris_fw-la sine_fw-la pondere_fw-la habentia_fw-la pondus_fw-la till_o deus_fw-la have_v 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there_o be_v any_o truth_n in_o i_o nothing_o have_v more_o procure_v it_o than_o a_o misguide_a sobriety_n of_o diet_n with_o such_o a_o inordinate_a care_n for_o the_o order_n of_o my_o fortune_n in_o my_o beginning_n find_v myself_o pen_v and_o engage_v to_o wife_n and_o child_n as_o whatsoever_o may_v be_v conceive_v i_o dare_v affirm_v no_o man_n of_o ripe_a year_n and_o judgement_n but_o may_v have_v fall_v into_o and_o will_v whensoever_o it_o shall_v please_v god_n to_o entangle_v he_o in_o divers_a and_o strong_a encumbrance_n inward_a and_o outward_a which_o in_o the_o circumstance_n of_o my_o condition_n so_o malign_o concur_v that_o be_v something_o by_o nature_n and_o more_o by_o accident_n mis-diet_n over_o apprehension_n and_o studiousnesse_n dispose_v to_o a_o strong_a melancholy_n it_o be_v impossible_a to_o extricate_v myself_o without_o such_o a_o aggravation_n as_o render_v it_o incurable_a and_o i_o most_o miserable_a in_o the_o shipwreck_n of_o all_o joy_n and_o contentment_n wherein_o find_v myself_o thus_o plunge_v one_o while_o my_o refuge_n be_v to_o the_o helpless_a physician_n and_o another_o at_o last_o to_o strong_a diversion_n such_o as_o part_n building_n court_n company_n travail_n and_o the_o like_a which_o all_o prove_v but_o such_o miserable_a helper_n as_o melancholy_a man_n use_v to_o find_v full_a of_o expense_n which_o till_o then_o about_o my_o age_n of_o 25._o from_o 18._o when_o i_o be_v marry_v i_o have_v avoid_v building_n as_o troublesome_a both_o to_o my_o fancy_n and_o purse_n i_o soon_o leave_v and_o the_o loss_n of_o the_o brave_a prince_n henry_n on_o who_o i_o have_v lay_v my_o ground_n with_o much_o sickness_n soon_o after_o cast_v i_o down_o and_o increase_v my_o disease_n i_o become_v unable_a to_o make_v use_n either_o of_o my_o natural_a part_n or_o time_n and_o expense_n bestow_v in_o court_n thought_n beget_v melancholy_a and_o that_o i_o thought_n alternative_o it_o be_v questionable_a whether_o i_o do_v more_o hurt_v myself_o with_o my_o thought_n which_o many_o year_n together_o long_o since_o bring_v i_o often_o even_o to_o a_o utter_a exhaustion_n or_o whether_o with_o god_n assistance_n in_o a_o strong_a constitution_n of_o body_n and_o mind_n for_o have_v not_o god_n furnish_v i_o with_o as_o strong_a and_o present_a supply_n of_o extrication_n as_o intrication_n i_o must_v often_o have_v perish_v i_o more_o extraordinary_o relieve_v and_o support_v myself_o to_o subsist_v against_o the_o impetuous_a rectitude_n curiosity_n of_o my_o disease_n and_o nature_n but_o my_o unhappiness_n have_v also_o be_v such_o as_o in_o critical_a time_n of_o my_o life_n to_o have_v meet_v with_o such_o unlucky_a cross_n and_o connexion_n of_o fate_n to_o put_v i_o out_o of_o my_o course_n that_o the_o consideration_n thereof_o will_v make_v any_o man_n not_o otherwise_o superstitious_a take_v knowledge_n of_o a_o overrule_a hand_n therein_o whereunto_o i_o humble_o thank_v god_n i_o so_o submit_v myself_o as_o that_o for_o my_o spiritual_a good_a i_o acknowledge_v there_o aught_o to_o have_v go_v no_o less_o to_o work_v a_o total_a conversion_n in_o i_o so_o hard_o be_v sanctification_n to_o be_v wrought_v even_o in_o man_n of_o religious_a inclination_n for_o my_o posterity_n i_o must_v crave_v their_o pardon_n hope_v they_o will_v with_o i_o submit_v to_o the_o almighty_a hand_n which_o can_v at_o its_o good_a pleasure_n as_o well_o raise_v as_o ruin_v worldly_n confidence_n illude_v nor_o can_v any_o thing_n confirm_v prosperity_n in_o this_o and_o the_o better_a world_n but_o a_o firm_a faith_n and_o resolve_v obedience_n to_o god_n and_o his_o son_n in_o who_o alone_o be_v salvation_n that_o that_o alone_o can_v reconcile_v and_o calm_v the_o contrariety_n of_o our_o complexion_n in_o the_o distraction_n of_o pleasure_n profit_n conscience_n honour_n decency_n authority_n over_o other_o or_o a_o self-injoying_a make_v true_a religion_n the_o only_a star_n of_o our_o course_n whilst_o other_o for_o want_n of_o it_o sometime_o wild_o float_v and_o sometime_o sink_v in_o the_o confusion_n of_o their_o passion_n good_a intention_n without_o firm_a resolution_n be_v insufficient_a no_o man_n have_v mean_v more_o thrifty_o than_o myself_o but_o alas_o in_o what_o a_o mist_n of_o contrary_a indication_n and_o contingency_n do_v we_o live_v when_o i_o conclude_v against_o housekeeping_n i_o have_v be_v indulgent_o overrule_v by_o other_o to_o the_o contrary_n and_o this_o i_o have_v find_v a_o great_a error_n in_o my_o nature_n to_o have_v be_v more_o apt_a to_o gratify_v other_o than_o myself_o and_o to_o believe_v they_o often_o more_o wise_a and_o trusty_a wisdom_n then_o there_o be_v due_a cause_n a_o miserable_a condition_n of_o the_o better_a nature_n engagement_n to_o wife_n and_o servant_n make_v over-necessary_a take_v away_o the_o liberty_n of_o our_o resolution_n to_o intend_v thrift_n be_v common_o enough_o to_o enrich_v but_o woeful_a experience_n teach_v i_o that_o disease_n and_o cross_n such_o may_v come_v as_o shall_v turn_v the_o strong_a out_o of_o his_o way_n no_o man_n more_o abhor_a debt_n fell_v and_o fell_v than_o myself_o yet_o few_o have_v more_o incur_v they_o no_o man_n almost_o have_v allow_v himself_o less_o cost_n or_o sensuality_n than_o i_o yet_o the_o diversion_n my_o disease_n have_v urge_v i_o unto_o have_v set_v another_o face_n upon_o i_o towards_o such_o as_o be_v not_o acquaint_v with_o my_o inside_n and_o native_a affection_n few_o have_v more_o affect_v the_o service_n of_o king_n country_n and_o friend_n not_o have_v by_o accident_n be_v more_o unserviceable_a i_o ever_o extreme_o fancy_v my_o chief_a feat_n yet_o fear_v of_o cost_n in_o fit_v the_o house_n and_o height_n of_o charge_n in_o live_v there_o by_o occasion_n of_o such_o a_o eminent_a fear_n with_o other_o accidental_a consideration_n keep_v i_o thence_o till_o such_o time_n as_o my_o fortune_n be_v most_o unfit_a for_o that_o and_o it_o for_o i_o and_o yet_o against_o much_o reason_n and_o interest_n of_o my_o own_o i_o be_v draw_v with_o relation_n to_o my_o predecessor_n and_o posterity_n to_o settle_v myself_o there_o with_o so_o much_o cost_n and_o former_o trouble_v as_o but_o by_o the_o grace_n of_o god_n it_o be_v a_o wonder_n how_o in_o such_o indisposition_n and_o lowness_n i_o have_v undergo_v this_o the_o good_a god_n can_v do_v and_o howsoever_o it_o shall_v please_v he_o to_o dispose_v of_o i_o who_o preserve_v hand_n i_o confess_v i_o have_v wonderful_o find_v may_v it_o please_v he_o to_o make_v my_o life_n and_o death_n to_o his_o glory_n it_o be_v all_o my_o ambition_n many_o unlucky_a circumstance_n like_o that_o of_o a_o free_a mind_n enter_v into_o court_n with_o a_o pen_a fortune_n i_o omit_v partly_o in_o respect_n of_o other_o and_o partly_o as_o fit_a to_o be_v confine_v to_o myself_o who_o have_v suffer_v their_o perplexity_n and_o contrariety_n god_n grace_n
at_o thy_o good_a pleasure_n set_v a_o period_n to_o that_o life_n which_o i_o only_o hold_v in_o expectation_n of_o a_o happy_a discharge_n and_o dissolution_n by_o thou_o amen_o amen_n november_n 5._o 1637._o a_o physician_n once_o tell_v i_o upon_o repair_n to_o he_o for_o my_o disease_n that_o i_o be_v to_o resort_v to_o god_n call_v upon_o he_o for_o his_o grace_n and_o guide_v myself_o by_o he_o or_o to_o like_a effect_n i_o think_v it_o then_o strange_a and_o improper_a in_o his_o profession_n but_o i_o have_v find_v it_o speak_v like_o my_o good_a angel_n for_o there_o be_v no_o such_o anchor_n nor_o such_o receipt_n to_o a_o trouble_a to_o a_o agitate_a soul_n the_o melancholy_a humour_n once_o predominant_a in_o despite_n of_o judgement_n and_o resolution_n will_v obtrude_v importunate_a thought_n and_o fancy_n take_v occasion_n from_o almost_o every_o object_n to_o make_v a_o troublesome_a and_o discourse_a impression_n make_v thing_n otherwise_o of_o easy_a resolution_n anxious_a and_o vex_v represent_v difficulty_n as_o fast_o as_o design_n whereunto_o free_a spirit_n be_v not_o in_o the_o least_o sort_n obnoxious_a they_o be_v in_o a_o clear_a light_n and_o alacrity_n delight_v in_o themselves_o entertain_v and_o divert_v with_o ordinary_a conversation_n business_n and_o pastime_n while_o the_o other_o droop_v and_o howsoever_o often_o natural_o quick_a will_v play_v upon_o the_o wing_n the_o melancholy_a clog_n check_n and_o pull_v they_o to_o the_o ground_n god_n alone_o be_v the_o hercules_n that_o can_v purge_v that_o augean_a stable_n the_o aesculapius_n who_o can_v give_v relief_n ordinary_a physic_n be_v but_o a_o palliation_n nay_o often_o a_o aggravation_n of_o the_o disease_n the_o powder_n call_v kellowayes_n powder_n with_o god_n blessing_n be_v to_o be_v prize_v for_o it_o go_v to_o the_o root_n it_o work_v at_o length_n and_o so_o as_o the_o patient_n may_v sleep_v play_v go_v on_o in_o a_o ordinary_a diet_n and_o course_n a_o common_a and_o long_a course_n which_o urge_v keep_v in_o weaken_v and_o make_v tender_a be_v mischievous_a and_o incompatible_a if_o such_o powder_n breed_v inconvenience_n epsam_fw-la religion_n water_n though_o but_o a_o draught_n in_o a_o day_n at_o morning_n wonderful_o allay_v and_o rectify_v as_o also_o the_o use_n of_o new_a and_o good_a cider_n these_o with_o god_n grace_n constant_a exercise_n and_o a_o moderation_n of_o the_o mind_n be_v incomparable_a probatum_fw-la god_n have_v give_v i_o so_o strong_a a_o body_n and_o mind_n to_o bear_v the_o injury_n i_o have_v receive_v from_o myself_o accident_n and_o course_n of_o physic_n that_o i_o admire_v may_v it_o please_v he_o to_o make_v my_o life_n and_o death_n to_o his_o glory_n november_n 6._o 1637._o good_a god_n of_o thy_o great_a goodness_n continue_v thy_o mercy_n upon_o i_o and_o as_o i_o have_v hitherto_o prove_v the_o truth_n of_o all_o worldly_a thing_n to_o be_v nothing_o but_o vanity_n and_o vexation_n of_o spirit_n so_o be_v thou_o to_o i_o joy_n and_o comfort_n it_o be_v true_a that_o my_o nature_n education_n course_n of_o life_n and_o disease_n require_v society_n and_o diversion_n the_o consideration_n of_o my_o past_a and_o present_a fortune_n be_v full_a of_o sadness_n but_o thou_o can_v raise_v light_a out_o of_o darkness_n and_o joy_n from_o sorrow_n thy_o good_a spirit_n be_v the_o spirit_n of_o comfort_n and_o without_o thou_o there_o be_v true_o none_o thou_o have_v bless_v i_o so_o far_o as_o to_o have_v allay_v satisfy_v and_o expel_v all_o my_o worldly_a fancy_n i_o have_v fit_v my_o house_n and_o fortune_n to_o my_o son_n in_o as_o much_o as_o i_o affect_v and_o be_v capable_a bless_v it_o unto_o he_o and_o by_o thy_o grace_n exempt_v he_o from_o these_o unquietness_n which_o i_o have_v find_v there_o be_v no_o perfect_a no_o solid_a happiness_n in_o this_o world_n teach_v he_o to_o bear_v such_o inconvenience_n as_o may_v be_v better_o bear_v than_o seek_v with_o a_o unquiet_a unsettle_n to_o be_v avoid_v it_o have_v be_v to_o i_o a_o great_a disease_n to_o over-humour_n myself_o therein_o there_o will_v in_o all_o condition_n be_v something_o amiss_o a_o mind_n curious_a and_o impatient_a be_v a_o great_a mischief_n thus_o appear_v that_o which_o have_v be_v observe_v that_o man_n seldom_o or_o never_o betake_v themselves_o to_o good_a and_o right_a course_n till_o such_o time_n as_o a_o press_a necessity_n i_o may_v rather_o say_v god_n compel_v and_o enforce_v they_o necessity_n i_o have_v ever_o say_v be_v the_o sure_a reformer_n then_o and_o not_o till_o then_o and_o often_o after_o smart_n we_o contract_v ourselves_o and_o contain_v and_o refrain_v our_o extravagancy_n presumption_n dissolution_n and_o luxuriant_a fancy_n november_n 6._o 1637._o a_o search_v spirit_n fall_v among_o the_o crudity_n and_o cavil_v of_o this_o world_n sophistry_n and_o imperfection_n be_v a_o great_a oppressor_n it_o be_v well_o if_o contention_n lay_v only_o as_o some_o affirm_v in_o the_o brink_n and_o not_o in_o the_o depth_n of_o science_n search_n show_v it_o far_o otherwise_o it_o be_v a_o happy_a spirit_n that_o can_v pass_v light_o over_o the_o thing_n of_o this_o world_n and_o even_o in_o matter_n and_o mystery_n of_o faith_n curiosity_n be_v neither_o safe_a nor_o allowable_a i_o be_o something_o of_o the_o nature_n of_o those_o dog_n which_o come_v into_o a_o strange_a place_n rest_v not_o till_o they_o have_v ferit_v every_o corner_n it_o be_v likewise_o a_o natural_a importunity_n with_o i_o in_o any_o thing_n that_o concern_v i_o in_o mind_n body_n or_o fortune_n not_o to_o take_v full_a rest_n till_o such_o time_n as_o to_o my_o capacity_n i_o have_v run_v over_o all_o that_o seem_v to_o belong_v to_o such_o resolution_n willing_o i_o sit_v not_o down_o short_a of_o other_o man_n i_o mean_v in_o honesty_n decency_n and_o knowledge_n much_o less_o short_a of_o myself_o world_n yet_o if_o we_o serious_o and_o curious_o mind_v these_o earthly_a thing_n they_o be_v full_a of_o scruple_n and_o vexation_n if_o we_o slight_v they_o a_o deliberate_v nature_n want_v much_o of_o satisfaction_n and_o contentment_n and_o do_v as_o it_o be_v brutifie_v and_o sin_n against_o itself_o yet_o so_o shall_v it_o as_o well_o minus_n dolere_fw-la as_o gaudere_fw-la it_o be_v that_o which_o i_o have_v long_o since_o find_v and_o affirm_v that_o if_o we_o set_v our_o heart_n on_o these_o worldly_a matter_n they_o prove_v foolishness_n and_o perturbation_n if_o we_o be_v cold_a and_o dull_a in_o they_o all_o thing_n be_v alike_o but_o it_o be_v the_o misery_n of_o a_o hot_a complexion_n that_o it_o require_v entertainment_n hot_a full_a and_o stir_v etc._n etc._n where_o grace_n once_o infuse_v itself_o all_o earthly_a trouble_n be_v evacuate_v that_o alone_o be_v friend_n pleasure_n and_o advantage_n enough_o it_o be_v all-sufficient_a all_o consolation_n perfect_a then_o good_a god_n the_o inestimable_a gift_n of_o faith_n which_o thou_o have_v give_v i_o it_o be_v true_o thy_o gift_n flesh_n and_o blood_n can_v afford_v nor_o relish_v it_o thy_o way_n to_o it_o be_v wonderful_a often_o sharp_a but_o most_o sweet_a in_o the_o conclusion_n i_o kiss_v thy_o rod_n i_o rejoice_v in_o my_o affliction_n and_o feel_v that_o i_o have_v perish_v if_o i_o have_v not_o perish_v thou_o who_o have_v rebuke_v the_o wind_n and_o they_o have_v obey_v thou_o rectify_v my_o spirit_n and_o calm_v all_o suggestion_n all_o storm_n within_o i_o then_o may_v melancholy_a be_v infectious_a but_o not_o mortal_a then_o shall_v i_o live_v and_o die_v to_o thou_o and_o thy_o glory_n which_o be_v all_o my_o ambition_n all_o my_o prayer_n november_n 7._o 1637._o i_o have_v not_o find_v any_o thing_n more_o strange_a nor_o be_v more_o abuse_v in_o any_o thing_n than_o that_o constitution_n of_o soul_n which_o be_v frequent_a and_o more_o or_o less_o incident_a to_o we_o all_o so_o mix_v so_o heterogene_a so_o pregnant_a and_o right_a of_o understanding_n in_o some_o thing_n and_o so_o dull_a and_o wrong_v in_o other_o such_o common_o be_v they_o which_o most_o disturb_v the_o world_n as_o dissonant_n from_o weakness_n as_o true_a strength_n of_o judgement_n exhibit_v according_a to_o the_o say_v such_o production_n as_o a_o fool_n can_v not_o and_o perfection_n will_v not_o so_o appear_v docile_a and_o capable_a of_o reason_n and_o improvement_n and_o yet_o in_o effect_n so_o insensate_a incorrigible_a and_o unalterable_a as_o it_o be_v hard_o to_o conceive_v how_o such_o incongruity_n and_o inconsequence_n shall_v consist_v in_o the_o same_o subject_n or_o in_o truth_n how_o they_o can_v quadrate_n with_o a_o soul_n rational_a and_o instructible_a but_o there_o be_v assign_v to_o we_o all_o a_o natural_a stature_n in_o all_o thing_n which_o no_o art_n food_n or_o industry_n can_v enable_v we_o to_o exceed_v the_o order_n of_o