Then thou art mad Cra. Will you meet me there Aside Ros Perhaps I may if you 'l be civil Cra. Delicate Rogue Aside Now I swear I did not see her there but that damn'd Rascal I did see there an impudent rotten Fellow that has never a sound bit about him of his own but is inlay'd like a Cabinet that he shou'd dare to kiss and embrace such a delicate Woman as my Mother there Pod. Why did he Cra. Did he ay a hundred times I saw him a Rascal Pod. And yet just now you said she was not there Ros How now was I there Cra. I forget my self Aside No faith she was not there Pod. How cou'd he embrace her then Cra. In his fancy I saw her in his Fancy as plain as cou'd be he has a huge fancy for her Pod. Fancy Lord help thee Boy thou hast strange fancies take himaway he 's a sad 〈◊〉 take him away or he 'l break my heart Lock him up Cra. Lockme up how shall I come at my Mother then Pox take it Ex. Serv. Cra. Flo. He 's far gone Pod. I think my Judgment is to be rely'd upon Flo. I wish in his madness he had not torn my good Reputation the only Image of a Man we ought to venerate Bri. I wou'd have no body's Picture preserv'd but the Doctors Flo. Nor I. Well I have news to tell you from another World the very Devils have more care of us than our pretended Friends A Spirit appear'd to a Country Maid and told her Naples wou'd be burnt on this Night if care was not taken Pod. Is it possible where is the Maid Flo. In the Country she was coming to Town fell ill by the way so she has sent the Story to the Viceroy by the Post Pod. And what says he Flo. He laughs at it Dr. He 's a fine Fellow Br. He 's in the right why the Devil wou'd not the Spirit come Post himself but deliver a Message of this consequence to a silly Country Gossip The Devil never imployes any but Fopps of Spirits he 's not fit to be a Devil I 'le justifie it Pod. How do you know 't was a Devil May be 't was the Soul of some of our Friends Br. Let it be whose Soul it will I say the Soul was a Fop. I think People when they are dead turn Tonies they never say one wise word nor ever come into any wise Company Dr. The Viceroy is a pure Canary-Bird I 'le have him turn'd out of his place I 'le prove he is a Mahometan he was Circumcised at Bar bar badoes Pod. I believe you mean Barbary Doctor Dr. Why ay Barbadoes is the Latin name for Barbary I love to swear like a Scholar and a Doctor as I am Bri. Well I 'le go put all the Town in Arms. Exit Bri. Dr. I 'le go wi' you I dare not stay in any House Exit Doct. Pod. I dare not stir out o' mine Enter a Servant conducting Pietro who is disguis'd like a Spanyard o'Quality Serv. My Lord here is a Great Gentleman lays he must nâ—eds speak with your Lordship presently about affairs that concern your self Pod. Look to me for I know not what he is Pie My Lord I must beg leave to whisper you Pod. You may Sir but I must also beg leave to use 〈◊〉 these are dangerous times some men ha' been almost whisper'd out o' their Necks Pie I come from the Viceroy he is sensible of your great Parts and Intereâ—â— and desires to speak wi' you presently and if you will be his â—riend he offers you your own tearms 〈◊〉 Honour Profit and Greatness Pod. Had is it come to this I like this Sir 〈…〉 Pie A Chair waits for you at the door he desires 〈…〉 may be manag'd with all secrecy 'till 't is settled Pod. I will 〈…〉 a Wise Man Mr. Florie I 'm call'd away about matters of very great Importance I must take my leave Ros O' this 〈…〉 Night my Lord Pod. It must be Ros Wou'd 〈◊〉 Nation were setled once that we might enâ—â—y one another Pod. It may 〈…〉 speedily Good Night Flo. Good Nightâ— Madam Pod. 〈…〉 Mr. Florio are you well enough Flo 〈…〉 my Lord my good Name is the Child of a â—â—ck Man seldom sound never thought to be so I must be â—ender of it Good Night Madam come my Lord I 'le see you in your Chair Pod. No no I cannot stay for your dreaming pace I 'm in haste Flo. Pray my Lord. Pod. I cannot stay I cannot stay good Night good Night Exit Pod. Pietro Flo. Ha ha ha how greedily this Fool swallows the 〈◊〉 â—s the room that must pass with him for the Court and secure him till his Horns be grown so drest â—e cannot know it to be one in his own House Ros That was my care Flo. You see my Man's new furniture has cheated him Ros So shall the Room Flo. Then we may securely hoise Sail for 〈…〉 All the Mudd that barr'd it up we have conâ—eyed away and I will come a Shore on these white Cliffs and plant my Heart there for ever Ros Do so and I 'le promise thee the Happiness and Wealth I gain by the Residence of my Prince shall not make 〈◊〉 ungratefully Factious 〈◊〉 true to me and I 'le be most Loyal to thee Flo. Then we 'll be the happiest pair in the whole World Exeunt SCENE Changes Enter Pietro conducting the Podesta with Ceremony Pie My Lord you are very welcome to Court Pod. Your most humble Servant Sir Pie Take not your private Reception ill for fâ—w or none are entrusted with this â—ntrigue 't is a great State 〈◊〉 and great Honours to my knowledge are designed you no less than the High 〈◊〉 of Lord Treasurer Pod. Lord Treasurer Pie Sir I speak what I know 't will be some time before you come to it and the Viceroy will expect you sacrifice to him the Doctor Bricklayer Florio Pod. Ay and my Father too if he were alive he shou'd hang 'em all Lord Treasurer Pie I hope my Lord you won't 〈◊〉 some Oaths and Pod. Nothing I 'le refuse nothing Sir for such Honour as this Lord Treasurer Pie I 'le acquaint his Highness with your Arrival you must be willing to suffer some attendance the common affliction of all Courtiers Pod. I 'le do or suffer any thing for so much Glory as this Lord Treasurer Pie Your humble Servant my Lord. Exit Pie Pod. Your most humble Servant Sir Lord Treasurer to what Grandeur am I rising Some of the Court are coming A noise of picking the Lock and Enter Craffy Cra. So I ha' got out o' my Prison Pod. Craffy in Court Cra. So I have shut back the Lock admirably and got out of Prison my Father but why shou'd I be afraid of him he thinks me mad and will be afraid o' me Pod. What a notable Boy is this I thought he was mad and he has more Wit than my self h 'as
cou'd have advis'd Pod. Sir I know what I do Br. I protest I thought you had done it onely to cross ' em Pod. Sir I have deeper fetches in things then you are aware of Br. I see you have Pod. Now you shall see how I 'll mannage this bus'ness I will leave my Hat Gown and Perriwig here put on your Hat Coat and Perriwig Bricklayer and go out so disguis'd that my own Family shall not know what is become of me Flo. That will do very well Br. I cannot advise better Pod. Then I 'll go to your House Bricklayer and there send for Twenty Men such as I can trust and Arm them and when that 's done I won't trust them neither but take 'em along and they themselves shall not know whether they go What say you to this Flo. Incomparable Br. Very well but why wou'd you not do this before since you had intelligence of these Men Pod. For good reasons you may be sure I never do a foolish thing come give me your things Br. What shall I wear my self Pod. Any Porters so far as your House Podesta disguises himself Now will not this deal with Pilgrims Mr. Florio have you strength to go with us Arm'd with a Blunderbuss at his back Flo. To mount Vesuvio I may as well hope to carry the Mountain on my back but if I had strength I durst not venture Br. Why what are you afraid of Flo. Pride Pride I am mighty apt to be vain formerly a little success in a Jest or a Song or Libell wou'd ha' made me a notorious Ass imagine then if when I come from this great expedition I shou'd see my name in every Intelligence my Picture on every Wall what an insufferable haughty Coxcomb I shou'd be Lord Lord I shou'd be so proud Br. For my part now I go o' purpose for these things and intend to sit for my Picture as soon as ever I come home I was bid Money for my Face yesterday Flo. You who have but one infirmity need not fear it But my Vices like Tories ride in troops and if one gets into me a hundred will follow if now I am sick I shou'd love your praises when I am well I shall love your Wives Pod. He speaks a great deal of reason we 'l go without him Br. But who shall guide us Flo. My Lord needs no Guide Pod. No I know where they are to a hairs breadth Here comes my Wife don't let her know who I am Enter Rosaurâ— I remember I read in Plutarchus that Brutus wou'd not trust his Wife Portia with Affairs of State I 'll imitate his Politiques Ros No News o' my Lord Flo. I suppose Madam he 's busied about some great affair Ros Mr. Florio I have an humble address to make to you Flo. What is it good Madam Ros I am a Woman more nice and careful of my honour then any other Woman is of her face or skin in my Husbands presence I am secure from malice but in his absence I can never open my doors but slander will enter even your Religion and Vertue Sir cannot hinder her from following you in and fastening on us both Flo. Slander will have lean food in me Madam Ros All 's one Sir 't is best to avoid her I would therefore humbly beg you at all times of my Husbands absence to bestow your excellent conversation elsewhere Flo. 'T will be very prudent Madam Ros I hope you 'l not take it ill Sir Flo. By no means Madam Do you hear what an excellent Wife you have aside Pod. I know her Sir Flo. An Admirable Woman Pod. Sir you need not inform me Ros Who ha' you got wi' you there Flo. A very Honest Man Madam Ros Are you sure o' that ' cause these are dark times a Knave will shine in 'em like rotten Wood by night And that Man has a notable out-side he resembles much my Husband who is one of the wisest men in this Age. Flo. Do you hear Pod. Sir she is a Woman of vast parts Ros I have a great fancy to secure him Br. Pshaw we shall have a fiddle faddle with her and spoil our business Get you gone go Exit Podesta Ros How does he flye that 's suspicious Seize him Br. Away away Man I 'll follow you Exit Bricklayer Flo. No good Madam I 'll be bound for him Ha! Ha! what a Coxcomb is this now is he gone he knows not whether to catch he knows not whom Ros What an Excellent thing and how Useful in the World is Credulity Flo. 'T is so to many excellent Trades To the sparkish Fop the Shopkeepers large faith swells his Feather and garniture To the Polititian the believing empty-headed Rabble are his Bladders But oh 't is of excellent use to a Lover Ros And to a Trade you ha' not nam'd a Swearer Flo. A Lover is a Swearer a private one he is not a publique Evidence a Swearer-General Ros You were once Swearer-General to our whole Sex Flo. But I recant and now will I kiss no Book but these sweet Lips Ros Hold not so fast Flo. Why what 's to do Ros I must blush a while Flo. Blushes are for the Morning of Love we have travelled many tedious hours since that and without any refreshment except baiting now and then at a Kiss Those lips are delightful places but not the end of the Journey Ros You say you have travel'd in Love you say true you have passed through many hearts and I fear have wasted all your love by the way Flo. I have onely triâ—led away some unnecessary travelling expences here will I lay out my whole heart Ros A mortgag'd Heart Flo. Indeed it is not Ros What security will you give me Flo. Have I not Pawn'd a Kingdom to you I was King of Libertines and I have left my Dominions and all my fair female subjects to be a slave to you and a fool to the Priests Knocks Knocking we 're undone have talk'd away our precious minutes Heaven grant it be not the old Coxcomb Ros Whoever it be we are in an ill condition to louder knocking be thus lockt up together Flo. Venture to ask who ' t is Ros Who 's there Craf 'T is I Madam Craffy within Ros 'T is the fool Craffy Flo. What shall we do with him Craf Madam I must speak with your Ladyship Within Ros Come some other time I 'm very busie now Craf This business must be done now Madam Within Ros Dispatch it where you are then Craf I cannot this is private business Madam Within Ros Then you must let it alone for I neither can nor will speak wi' you Craf You must and shall speak with me since you go to that and if you won't let me in at the Door I 'll climb in at the Window Ros You are sawcy Sirrah Craf There is no business to be done without sawciness Flo. What shall we do with this Fellow
Entertainment he has given you for entring my Husbands house in this armed posture in these dangerous times without giving me any notice what he has done he did by my command and I 'le justifie it Pod. This is a wise Woman Br. The Woman could not act wiser if she were my own Wife Pod. I 'le reveal my self to her Sweet-heart I am your Husband Ros Come Sir lay aside your unseasonable and unmannerly mirth these are no Rallying times or if they were you are not my equal at Repartee with me But now I think on 't see what 's become of my Husband some body he has slept these two hours upon that Couch and this rude Scuffle has frighted him away Piet. Indeed Madam I fancy this is my Lord. Pod. Sweet-heart upon my Honour I left my Gown Hat and Perriwigg upon that Couch and there 's no difference between the Lord Podesta and me but a Gown Craff Then there is Roguery for there lay a Fellow under that Gown I 'le swear I heard his Nose go Ros He says true Pod. Bless me here 's a Plot. Ros Some of the French Pilgrims to Murder you and burn your House Pod. Most certain fetch a Regiment of the Militia I 'le have a Centry at every door in my House two at every Post of my Bed and one under my Bolster Br. Search all the Tubbs Pots Bottles and Vessels in your House for Gun-powder Pod. Yes and I 'le unpave the streets to see if the Stones be not Hand-Granadoes Ros 'T is necessary and I hope your Lordship will not blame me for defending your House though you suffer'd something by it Pod. 'T was admirably done Br. Wisely very wisely Pod. Like a Woman that knows Man-kind Craff Well and shall I no praises have That beat the Knave Pod. O 't was very well done Craffy Br. Very well indeed Pod. But are not these Vnhappy times That I can take no Joy In such a Wife and great Estate Craf And such a Son as I. Exeunt ACT IV. SCENE a Garden Enter Podesta Bricklayer Captain of the Militia and two Souldiers Pod. COme Captain place those two Souldiers behind those two Doors and then my House will be too hot for a Knave Br. For the justification of our Proceedings we will print a Narrative of the Pilgrim under the Gown As Paper in Holland passes for Money Pamphlets with us pass for Religion and Policy a bit of Paper in Holland from a Man of Credit takes up Goods here pays Debts there so a Pamphlet will take up Fools here make Fools there A Pamphliteer is the best Fool-maker in the Nation And this Story well improved Pod. The Story 's well enough what need we lye to no purpose Br. By your favour 't will be to good purpose a Lye will give it the stamp of our Party Lyes are the Supporters of our Arms and the Great Seal of our Corporation Pod. If a Lye will do the Nation any Service I shall not scruple Br. You wou'd ha' no Reason for that Lye that does as much good as Truth is as good as true Ergo 't is true Quicquid est idem est idem is a Rule in Logick but you know no Logick Pod. But I know a Rule in Divinity that says you are not to do Evil that Good may come thereby Br. Ay that Good may come and not come but the Evil that does Good is a Good Evil but no Evil is Good Ergo 't is no Evil at all But there 's no talking Logick to you you don't understand it Enter a Man with Prisoners Basket and Beggers Pod. How now what would you have Man May it please your Honour My Lord. Br. Speak to me I am my Lord that is I manage all Man It has always been a Custom for the new Lord Podâ—st to send poor Prisoners some relief Br. It has been a Custom you say Man Yes Master Br. Is there any Law for it Man Law Master Br. Ay for we will do nothing but according to Law Alan You wou'd not have poor Pris'ners starve Master Br. Sir if they starve according to Law no body has any thing to say Man That 's hard Master Br. Go get you about your business Man Pray Master 2 Begg I hope Master you will be kinder to us Master Br. Why what are you 2 Begg Honest poor People Master that always us'd to have some broken Meats from my Lord Podesta's Table and now we ha' not had one bit Br. Is there any Law for it 1 Begg Law Master Br. Ay for in plain Terms we will do nothing for any body that is not of our Party but what we are forc'd to by Law 1 Begg We are all o' your Party Master All the Beggers and Man with the Basket Ay Master we are all Whiggs Master we are all Whiggs 2 Begg Master I poll'd for you 3 Begg I poll'd three times over for my Lord came in three several Coats and past for three men Pod. Say you so who employ'd you 3 Begg The Doctor Master Man And several of our Prisoners poll'd for my Lord. Master Pod. Well give 'em half-pence a piece Omnes Half-pence my Lord half-pence Pod. Well when my Year 's out I 'le consider farther 1 Begg We shall starve in that time Master Pod. Go go begone the Bricklayer and I are consulting about Affairs of State for the good of you all how to secure your Religion and Property 2 Begg Our Property Master Br. Go go you ha' no Property nor I think Religion you are idle Knaves begone 1 Begg The Devil take you a half-penny Lord is the Podesta's place worth but a half-penny Aside 2 Begg Plague rot you a half-penny Lord I 'd ha' seen the Devil have you before I 'de ha' chose you if I had known Aside All. A half penny Lord confound 'em damn'd Rebel Rogues I hope to see 'em hang'd Exeunt Begg and Man Br. Now let us to Counsellour Bartoline's Chamber to know his Opinion concerning our Arming and Fortifying Pod. One Lawyer is positive against us Br. That 's a Tory Fellow I don't mind Tory Law Pod. But he spoke a great deal of Reason Br. I care not a Farthing for Reason Law nor Scripture if they side with the Tories I prefer Whigg-Nonsence before Tory-Reason But come Exeunt Enter a Gentleman Bartoline and his Clark at a little distance after Gent. No body in the House here O Sir you are the Man I desire to speak with I suppose you remember me Bar. I remember you How shou'd I remember all the People gat come cho me Gent. 'T is strange you shou'd forget me 't is not long since I put just such another Fee into your Hand as this Bar. Od sha me now you putch it incho my headge I do remember you you come from ye Vish roy Gent. I do so Bar. He ish a worhy Genkleman I shall be glad to sherve him Gent. The Business is My Lord Podesta fortifies