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A52943
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New news from Bedlam, or, More work for Towzer and his brother Ravanscroft alias hocus pocus whipt and script, or, A ra-ree new fashion cupping glass most humbly represented to the observator : wherein the various shapes ... / by Theophilus Rationalis ...
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Rationalis, Theophilus.
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1682
(1682)
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Wing N685; ESTC R34539
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58,114
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106
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the day of Doom Upon which day we must surrender all Both Bag and Baggage and our Capitol Now we command you straitway hence to go And ship your selves unto our Sweedish Foe VVhen Martin Luther did our Church affright To make our Lambs to him turn Proselite By Arguments drawn from his furious Pen Just like a Frantick shut up in his Den VVhere you come there be sure you make no Bones Of any thing but only of your Stones Pray have a Care whereby you may advance Our Church our Empire and Intreague with France And while you 're there their idle Consubstance Do what you can to turn the Tide to Trans This having done we do command you more From thence you Sail unto great Britain's shore VVhen once ariv'd within Our Port of Dover Read once again your new Commission over Observe it well therein are weighty Points Enough to fix and settle all our Joynts VVhich have been straind ' ere since that cursed time Bold Harry's Cod-piece did our Church decline From thence straightway advance into that Town VVhich bids defiance to our Triple Crown Dam her and sink her by what means you can Murders Massacres Fires and that Man VVho is her head and bids us bold Defiance And upon whom we can have no Reliance Be sure you strike him to his very Life This will put all things out of Doubt and Strife The Towns our own if he were once but dead VVee 'd bring ourselves there straitway into Bed If this you do Return unto your home You shall be Pillars in our Church of ROME Or if you will you shall have Coleman's Fate Saints after Death now Pillars in our State This we do Promise In our own great Name If not perform'd ne'r take our Words again Witness our self and all Saint Peter's Fry Upon the day of his Nativity Now standing by us near our Royal Throne We like their Heads But love to reign alone And signed be our chiefest Scribe of State Our ink-horn-Ink-horn-Lord who is our constant Mate Signed Seignior Don John Alonzo Furioso de Lucifero principal Secretary of State to his infallible Highness and true Successor of S. Peter and supream head of Christ's holy Catholick Church over all Kings Princes and Potentates whatsoever until the general Resurrection Pocus Come let 's not miss one hair's bredth of our large Instructions but however I had rather be a Pillar in the Church of Rome durante vita than to be a Canonizd Saint in the Church of Rome post mortem for taking a running Jump from Tiber to Tiburn for the good of the Good Old Cause Hocus I believe you without swearing for to tell you the Truth by J I am of the same Judgment to a Cows thumb and though here and there one hot spirited Zealot for the Catholick Cause may be so far transported as to venture his Neck yet you know how our-Superiours at home do put them in their Ignoramus Calender for a Company of Goose-caps Cocks-combs and Jack-puddings upon that accompt Pocus They do so and you may remember before we came away how many they had lately of Saint Coleman's Disciples put in there upon the Accomt aforesaid And how did they almost split themselves with laughing when they read their Confessions That THEY all dyed Innocent and That it was like in a short-time to pass for currant That Sir Edmund bury Godfrey was Felo de se when they themselves in a Consultation in our own Colledge had laid a Platform although in some things as to the whole of their Design it proves unsuecessful Hocus Had not some of our St. Omers Beagles and deep-mouth'd Hounds run upon a false scent and in stead of pursuing the wild Bores had not fallen upon and worried the innocent sheep we had done our Business especially before this time but hinc illae Lachrimae and we must be contented to make the best of a bad Market But yet tempora mutantur c. and we may yet make an after-game of it if we can but play our Cards closely Pocus Come Olbion daies The Cocks will bravely crow And like bold Ridens Gape A Raree show In those brave times the Birds will sweetly sing And we may hope to have a glorious Spring The Seed is sown The Corn begins to mount Come wee 'l attempt To be Lords Paramount Jocus I 'le do my best to serve the Church and Pope But I l'e beware of Coleman's twisted Rope Pocus To serve Don Seignior I 'le do what I can But I 'le beware of Harris's Trepan Come le ts be Wise and sometimes be Merry Not always Plotting sometimes let 's drink Sherry For to revive Us when we are in Durnps Least that the WHIGS should turn up still for Trumps And not Our Church which they proclame is Evil But if we can we 'l Post 'um to the Devil Hocus Sometimes le ts use that Modest Recreation Like Our Superiours in their long Vacation VVhen Dead FLESH is forbid they take in Store Of Living LAMBS which they do Love like ORE You may remember under Our great Hill In Fasting Times They had such Lambs at VVill And told those still which sometimes brought them Chink That at such things St. Peter he would Wink And when Confession of those Sins were made They might begin a new Score on that Trade This they do tell Us is no Mortal Sin Therefore sometimes le ts Play at in and in Pocus With all my Heart true Trout I 'le follow Thee But lets bewar still of the Gallow-Tree Hocus Ne'r question that we won't proceed so far Though we are now St. Peters Men of War Yet being now beyond his Reach we may Do sometimes like him who once ran astray And rather than be Martyrs for Our Church Wee 'l leave both POPE and Peter in the lurch Pocus Come now after we have taken a Nap or two le ts take Post for London with all Our Letters Credential to those Gentlemen at the Wild-house which have been there so long upon the Accompt Courant And I have one Letter in particular to Heraclitus Ridens to Draw the PO ES Picture in small for one of Our Superiours you know who I mean That Senior Sophister in Our Colledge who doth intend to present it to his Holiness for his next New-Years-Gift in hopes of a Fools Cap now there are so many Vacancies Hocus I know he can do it to the Life for before I went to Rome he was esteemed the best Limner in England upon that accompt and his name as I remember was Mr. but Mum for that Pocus Come Brother Hocus surge surge Diluculo surgere Saluberrimum est Our Horses are just ready and we shall reach London in good time Come Drawer and Chamberlain bring us a Bill Drawer Here is a Bill Sirs in the whole 21 s. 6 d. Besides the Oat-stealers Bill for the Hire of Your Horses he will give you an Account of it Hocus There is a Guiny for
the Romish Fog Like the Egyptian Darkness which was such That none could find the right way to their Church Pray what security give you these Men That charge you thus with their plain downright Pen Impose but one then by the self-same hand Impose an hundred by your just command All must obeyed be or else forsooth You 'l tell the King they have an aking Tooth Who do Dissent to be at some strange things Make him the Foot and they themselves all Kings This is the very Language of all such Who count themselves the Pillars of the Church And so at length they 'l come to Infinitum With Popish Trinckets only to invite'um To come to us that so at last they may Save all our Souls the clean contrary way Whereas we know that Heaven 's right charming Bell Is to persuade but never to compel Unless it be by such a Bow that 's bent Non Vi Armis sed with strong Argument As knowing th'Terrours of our dreadful Lord We do persuade Obedience to his Word But your Imposing things Indifferent by Statute-Laws in Acts of Parliament Hath made the Breach so wide in Church and State That may at last end in a broken Pate For ought we know unless it God prevent By sending us an Healing Parliament Which may leave all these things like Heaven so free That all shall Love His present Majesty With all their Souls their Bodies and their States And one and all cry down these Maggot Pates Who would enslave us to the Roman Chair And by degrees would cut off all our Hair Wherein our strength doth lie but hold a Blow We know our Trustees these things better know Than for to send us once more to that Church Which will at last leave all our Souls i'th'lurch Come Painter now close up for we have done We 'l leave these Bigots to the Church of Rome Who may perchance be cheated just like these Who once were Pigeons but now counted Crows Unless they will to save their Plurnes but turn Camelion like before that they will burn Honoi soit qui mal y pense The Prologue spoken by Mr. Tho. Tell-Truth as Captain of the School being cloathed in Vermillion Sattin and a white Plume of Feathers in his Hat and Addressing himself first to the Gentlemen and Ladies and afterwards to the Scholars who were also cloathed in their proper Formalities he began as followeth Gentlemen and Ladies IF you are come expecting Grammar Treats Our Lads can sham the World 's so full of Cheats But yet they say though thwarting Expectation They hope to please you by a Declaration Which they will send abroad for to expose As well the Churches as the Kingdoms Foes And this they 'l speed quite round about the Nation Bedlams our Scene and our just provocation For you must know that to this place was sent Some Friends of ours as mad and TURBULENT And here forsooth they must have Doctor French To give them Pills their hot Brains for to quench Although indeed the Fops that like that Play Are ten times madder as you 'l hear to day We mean those Franticks who did first excite The Ravens Goose-quill that Sham to Endite And since our Master to requite his strain Gave us this Theam his Maggot to explain And to declare the Truth unto all those Who cann't distinguish between Doves and Crows Our Friends retain their Wits even as created Rooks feed on Carrion and are Maggot-pated We say our Master who doth yonder sit Gave us this Theam to exercise our wit Our Plumes proclaim their Dove-like Innocence Our Sattin shows they are without offence Our bashful Poet in his Bedlam Vest Was clapt in also there among the rest Only for dashing two words with his Quills There he was sent this Lent to take some Pills Num. Ducent quinque being his Dose cell There he beat out his Hocus Pocus Spell Thence also came his new invented Glass With which he hopes to cure both Fool and Ass The which he hath expos'd to publick view Hoping likewise to purge the Tory Crew When Men are oft expos'd they see their folly And some return from their mad Melancholy We hope you 'l thank him for his good Intents To Prince to People and to Parliaments Porters forbear let not the Tories in These to the Pope some say are near of kin But hang 't for once come let them all draw near 'T is not the Pope or Tories that we fear We 'l represent plain Truths let them tell Lyes They shoot at Rovers we shall gain the Prize Although perhaps they may for ought we know Go and declare they 've seen the Raree-show And swear it too against our Master here To get some Cakes unto their late strong Beer But unto these our Master bids defrance And to such Rogues he hath not an Alliance And though the Truth to tell he hath thought fit He loves ingenious but no Factious Wit And now we 'l tell you what we shall express To please your Fancies either more or less For in so great a Congress some may huff Whigs take Tobacco Tories they take Snuff Our Master gave besides our Bedlam Theams To Oil our Fancies several sorts of Scenes And in our Contemplations bid us hope To Maul the French the Tories and the Pope And in Obedience to his strict Commands VVe launcht our Ship from off the Goodwin Sands As having then some breezing prosperous Gales VVe weigh'd our Anchors and hois'd up our Sails Intending for the Cape of Bon Sperance VVhen Lo a Fleet with their full Sails from France Of these bold Pirates and their Popish Fry From off our Top-mast head we did descry As if intending to surprize our Isle Come Peace come War come either Cross or Pile With bold Resolves by Shams or else by Thumps That here at last the Pope should turn up Trumps We call'd a Council straight for to consult And soon our Captains came to this Result To let them pass into our English Channels And there to fight them and their VVater-Spaniels VVhere having fixt them all along our Shoar VVe made our demi and our whole Canons roar So briskly on them that in truth we may Declare to you that we have got the day And so shall hold it unless some strange mishaps Do fall upon us like great Thunder-claps To beat us from our Anchors and our Cables Which Tories hope but we hope will prove Fables These are the Men which we shall represent As bold and Factious heady Turbulent Disloyal to their Prince and scurr'lous to their Peers Fills all our Heads with Jealousies and Fears As if the world were turned up side down And all good Men turn'd Traitors to the Crown If these may be believ'd oh horrid shame That such Bandogs should stain their Christian Name VVho never will though so abus'd let fly One Blunderbuss against His Majesty Nor never will in any VVar-like Thumps Discharge one Gun against the Nations