well yet we haue seene your Sir and we doe know thee Lazarello for a traitor Laz. The gods defend our Duke 2. Int. Amen Sir Sir this cannot saue that stiffe necke from the halter Iul. Gentlemen I am glad you haue discouer'd him a should not haue eaten vnder my roofe for twenty poūds and surely I did not like him when a cal'd for Fish Laz. My friends will ye let me haue that little fauour 1. Int. Sir ye shall haue law and nothing else Laz. To let me stay the eating of a bit or two for I protest I am yet fasting Iul. I le haue no traitor come within my house Lazar. Nowe could I wish my selfe I had beene Traitor I haue strength enough for to endure it had I but patience Man thou art but grasse thou art a bubble and thou must perish Then lead along I am prepar'd for all Since I haue lost my hopes welcome my fall 2. Int. Away sir Laz. As thou hast hope of man stay but this dish this two houres I doubt not but I shall be discharged by this light I will marry thee Iul. You shall marry me first then Laz. I doe contract my selfe vnto thee nowe before these gentlemen Iul. I le preserue it till you be hangd or quitted Laz. Thankes thankes 2. Int. Away away you shall thanke her at the gallows Laz. Adiew adiew Exeunt Lazar. 2. Intell. and Guard Iul. If he liue I le haue him if he be hang'd there 's no losse in it Exit Enter Oriana and her waiting woman looke out at a window Orian. Hast thou prouided one to beare my letter to my brother Wait. I haue enquir'd but they of the house will suffer no letter nor message to bee carried from you but such as the Lord Gondarino shall bee acquainted with Truly Madam I suspect the house to be no better then it should be Orian. What doest thou doubt Wait. Faith I am loath to tell it Madam Oria. Out with it 't is not true modesty to feare to speak that thou doest thinke Wait. I thinke it be one of these same bawdy houses Oria. 'T is no matter wench wee are warme in it keepe thou thy minde pure and vpon my word that name will doe thee no hurt I cannot force my selfe yet to feare any thing when I do get out I le haue another encounter with my Woman Hater Here will I sit I may get sight of some of my friendes it must needes be a comfort to them to see me here Enter Duke Gondarino Count Arrigo Gond. Are wee all sufficiently disguiz'd for this house where shee attendes mee is not to bee visited in our own shapes Duke We are not our selues Arri. I know the house to be sinful ynough yet I haue bin heretofore and durst now but for discouering of you appeare here in my owne likenesse Duke Where 's Lucio Arri. My Lord he said the affaires of the Common-wealth would not suffer him to attend alwayes Duk. Some great ones questionlesse that hee will handle Count Come let vs enter Gond. See how Fortune striues to reuenge my quarrell vpon these women shee 's in the window were it not to vndoe her I should not looke vpon her Duk. Lead vs Gondarino Gond. Stay since you force me to display my shame Looke there and you my Lord know you that face Duk. 'T is shee Count It is Gond. 'T is shee whose greatest vertue euer was Dissimulation she that still hath stroue More to sinne cunningly then to auoid it She that hath euer sought to be accounted Most vertuous when she did deserue most scandale 'T is she that itches now and in the height Of her intemperat thoughts with greedy eyes Expects my comming to allay her lust Leaue her forget shee 's thy sister Count Stay stay Duke I am as full of this as thou canst be The memory of this will easily Hereafter stay my loose and wandring thoughts From any woman Count This wil not downe with me I dare not trust this fellow Duke Leaue her here that onely shall be her punishment neuer to be fetcht from hence but let her vse her trade to get her liuing Count Stay good my Lord I do beleeue all this as great men as I haue had knowne whores to their sisters haue laught at it I would faine heare how she talkes since shee grew thus light will your grace make him shew himselfe to her as if hee were now come to satisfie her longing whilest we vnseene of her ouer-heare her wantonnes let 's make our best of it now we shall haue good mirth Duk. Doe it Gondarino Gond. I must fortune assist me but this once Count Here we shall stand vnseene and neere ynough Gond. Madame Oriana Oria. Whos 's that O! my Lord Gond. Shall I come vp Oria. O you are merry shall I come downe Gond. It is better there Ori. What is the confession of the lye you made to the Duke which I scarce beleeue yet you had impudence ynough to do did not gaine you so much faith with me as that I was willing to be at your Lo. bestowing till you had recouered my credit and confest your selfe a lyar as you pretended to do I confesse I began to feare you and desir'd to be out of your house but your owne followers forc'd me hither Gond. 'T is well suspected dissemble still for there are some may heare vs Ori. More trickes yet my Lord what house this is I know not I only know my selfe it were a great conquest if you could fasten a scandale vpon me 'fayth my Lord giue me leaue to write to my brother Duk. Come downe Count Come downe Arr. If it please your grace there 's a backe dore Count Come meet vs there then Duk. It seemes you are acquainted with the house Arr. I haue bin in it Gond. She saw you and dissembled Duke Sir we shall know that better Gond. Bring me vnto her if I proue her not To be a strumpet let me be contemn'd Of all her sex Exeunt Finis Act. 4. ACTVS V. SCENA I. Enter Lucio Lu. Now whilst the young Duke followes his delights We that do meane to practise in the State Must picke our times and set our faces in And nod our heads as it may proue most fit For the maine good of the deare Commonwealth Whos 's within there Enter a Seruant Seru. My Lord Luc. Secretary fetch the gowne I vse to read petitions in and the standish I answer French Letters with and call in the gentleman that attends Exit Seru. Little know they that do not deale in State How many things there are to be obseru'd Which seeme but little yet by one of vs Whose braines do wind about the Commonwealth Neglected cracks our credits vtterly Enter Gentleman a seru. Sir but that I do presume vpon your secrecie I would not haue appear'd to you thus ignorantly attir'de without a tooth-picke in a ribban or a ring in my bandstrings Gent. Your Lordship
their religion I must put vpon him some peece of seruice come hither Sir what haue you to do with me Int. Little my Lord I onely come to knowe how your Lordship would employ me Cont. Obserued you that gentleman that parted from me but now Int. I saw him now my Lord Cont. I was sending for your I haue talked with this mā and I doe find him dangerous Int. Is your Lordship in earnest Cont. Harke you sir there may perhaps be some within eare-shot He whispers with him Enter Lazarrello and his Boy Laz. Sirrha will you venture your life the Duke hath sent the fish head to my lord Boy Sir if he haue not kil me do what you will with me Laz. How vncertaine is the state of all mortall things I haue these Crosses from my Cradle from my very Cradle in so much that I doe begin to growe desperate Fortune I do despise thee do thy worst yet when I do better gather my selfe together I do find it is rather the part of a wise man to preuent the stormes of Fortune by stirring then to suffer them by standing still to power themselues vpon his naked body I will about it Cont. Who 's within there Enter a Seruing-man Let this Gentleman out at the backe dore forget not my instructions if you find any thing dangerous trouble not your selfe to find out me but carrie your informations to the Lord Lucio he is a man graue and well experienced in these businesses Int. Your Lordships Seruant Exit Intelligencer and Seruingman Laz. Will it please your worship walke Cont, Sir I was comming I will ouer-take you Lazar. I will attend you ouer against the Lord Gonderinoes house Count You shall not attend there long Laz. Thither must I to see my loues face the chast virgin head Of a deere Fish yet pure and vnderflowred Not known of man no bred rough country hand Hath once toucht thee no Pandars withered paw Nor an vn-napkind Lawyers greasie fist Hath once slubberd thee no Ladies supple hand Washt o're with vrine hath yet seiz'd on thee With her two nimble talents no Court hand Whom his owne naturall filth or change of aire Hath bedeckt with scabs hath mard thy whiter grace O let it be thought lawfull then for me To crop the flower of thy virginitie Exit Lazar. Count This day I am for fooles I am all theirs Though like to our yong wanton cockerd heires Who doe affect those men aboue the rest In whose base company they still are best I doe not with much labour striue to be The wisest euer in the company But for a foole our wisdom oft amends As enemies doe teach vs more then friends Exit Count Finis Actus primi ACTVS II. SCENA I. Enter Gondarino and his seruants SEru. My Lord Gond. Ha Seru. Here 's one hath brought you a present Gond. From whom from a woman if it be from a woman bid him carrie it backe and tell her shee 's a whore what is it Seru. A Fish head my Lord Gond. What Fish head Seru. I did not aske that my lord Gond. Whence comes it Ser. From the Court Gond. O t' is a Cods-head Seru. No my Lord 't is some strange head it comes from the Duke Gond. Let it be carried to my Mercer I doe owe him money for silkes stop his mouth with that Exit Seru. Was ther euer any man that hated his wife after death but I and for her sake all women women that were created onely for the preseruation of little dogges Enter Seru. Ser. My Lord the Counts sister beeing ouertaken in the streets with a great haile-storme is light at your gate and desires Rome till the storme be ouerpast Gond. Is shee a woman Seru. I my Lord I thinke so Gond. I haue none for her then bid her get her gone tel her shee is not welcome Seru. My Lord shee is now comming vp Gond. Shee shall not come vp tell her any thing tell her I haue but one great roome in my house and I am now in it at the close stoole Seru. Shee 's here my Lord Gond. O impudence of women I can keepe dogs out of my house or I can defend my house against theeues but I cannot keep out women Enter Oriana a waiting woman and a Page Now Madam what hath your Ladiship to say to me Oria. My Lord I was bold to craue the helpe of your house against the storme Gond. Your Ladiships boldnesse in comming will bee impudence in staying for you are most vnwelcome Oriana Oh my Lord Gond. Doe you laugh by the hate I beare to you t is true Orian. Y' are merry my Lord Gond. Let me laugh to death if I bee or can bee whilst thou art here or liuest or any of thy sexe Oriana I commend your Lordship Gond. Doe you commend me why doe you commend me I giue you no such cause thou art a filthy impudent whore a woman a very woman Oria. Ha ha ha Gond. Begot when thy father was drunke Orian. Your Lordship hath a good wit Gond. How what haue I good wit Orian. Come my Lord I haue heard before of your Lordships merry vaine in jesting against our Sexe which I beeing desirous to heare made mee rather choose your Lordships house then any other but I know I am welcome Gond. Let me not liue if you be me thinkes it doth not become you to come to my house being a strāger to you I haue no woman in my house to entertaine you nor to shew you your chamber why should you come to me I haue no Galleries nor banquetting houses nor bawdy pictures to shewe your Ladiship Orian. Beleeue me this your Lordships plainnes makes me thinke my selfe more welcom then if you had sworne by all the prettie Court oathes that are I had beene welcomer then your soule to your bodie Gond. Now shee 's in talking treason will get her out I durst sooner vndertake to talke an Intelligencer out of the roome and speake more then he durst heare than talke a woman out of my company Enter a Seruant Seru. My Lord the Duke beeing in the streets and the storme continuing is entred your gate and now comming vp Gond. The Duke now I know your arrant Madame you haue plots and priuate meetings in hand why do you choose my house are you asham'd to goe too 't in the olde coupling place though it be lesse suspicious here for no Christian will suspect a woman to be in my house yet you may doe it cleanlier there for there is a care had of those businesses and wheresoeuer you remooue your great maintainer and you shal haue your lodgings directly opposite it is but putting on your night-gowne and your slippers madame you vnderstand me Orian. Before I would not vnderstand him but now he speakes riddles to me indeed Enter the Duke Arrigo and Lucio Duke T' was a strange haile-storme Lucio T' was exceeding strange Gond. Good morrow to your grace Duke Good morrow
returne be suddaine Arri. Vnsuspected by them Duk. It shall so shal I best perceiue their Loue if there be any Farewel Count Let me intreat your grace to stay a little To know a Gentleman to whome your selfe Is much beholding he hath made the sport For your whole Court these 8. yeares on my knowledge Duk. His name Count Lazarello Duk. I heard of him this morning which is he Count Lazarello pluck vp thy Spirits thy fortunes are now raising the Duke cals for thee and thou shalt be acquainted with him Laza. He 's going away and I must of necessitie stay here vpon busines Count T is all one thou shalt know him first Laza. Stay a little if hee should offer to take mee away with him and by that meanes I should loose that I seeke for but if he should I wil not goe with him Count Lazarello the Duke stayes wilt thou loose this opportunitie Laza. How must I speake to him Count T was wel thought of you must not talke to him as you do to an ordinary man honest plaine sence but you must winde about him for example if hee should aske you what a clocke it is you must not say if it please your grace t is nine but thus thrice three a clocke so please my Soueraigne or thus looke how many muses there doth dwell Vpon the sweet banckes of the learned Well And just so many stroakes the clocke hath strooke And so forth and you must now then enter into a description Laza. I hope I shall doe it Count Come May it please your grace to take note of a gentleman well seene deepely read throughly groūded in the hidden knowledge of all sallets and pothearbs whatsoeuer Duk. I shall desire to know him more inwardly Laza. I kisse the Oxe-hide of your Graces foot Count Very well will your grace question him a little Duk. How old are you Laza. Full eight and twenty seuerall Almanackes Hath been compyled all for seuerall yeares Since first I drew this breath foure prentiships Haue I most truly serued in this world And eight and twenty times hath Phoebus carre Runne out his yearely course since Duk. I vnderstand you Sir Luci. How like an ignorant Poet he talkes Duk. You are eight and twenty yeare old what time of the day doe you hold it to be Laza. About the time that mortals whet their kniues On thresholds on their shoe soles and on stayres Now bread is grating and the testy cooke Hath much to doe now now the Tables all Duk. 'T is almost dinner time Laza. Your grace doth apprehend me very rightly Count Your grace shal find him in your further cōferēce Graue wise courtly scholler like vnderstādingly read In the necessities of the life of man He knowes that man is mortall by his birth He knowes that men must dye and therefore liue He knowes that man must liue and therefore eate And if it shall please your grace to accompany your selfe with him I doubt not but that hee will at the least make good my commendations Duk. Attend vs Lazarello we doe want Men of such Action as we haue receiued you Reported from your honorable friend Laza. Good my Lord stand betwixt mee and my ouerthrow you know I am ti'd here and may not depart my gracious Lord so waightie are the busines of mine owne which at this time doe call vpon mee that I will rather chuse to die then to neglect them Count Nay you shal wel perceiue besides the vertues that I haue alreadie inform'd you off he hath a stomack which will stoope to no Prince aliue Duk. Sir at your best leisure I shall thirst to see you Laza. And I shall hunger for it Duk. Till then farewell all Gen. Count Long life attend your Grace Duk. I doe not tast this sport Arrigo Lucio Ar. Luci. We doe attend Exeunt Duke Arrigo Lucio Gond. His grace is gone and hath left his Hellen with me I am no Pander for him neither can I bee wonne with the hope of gaine or the itching desire of tasting my Lordes lecherie to him to keepe her at my house or bring her in disguise to his bed Chamber The twynes of Adders and of Scorpions About my naked brest will seeme to mee More tickling then those claspes which men adore The lustfull dull ill spirited embraces Of women the much praysed Amazones Knowing their owne infirmities so well Made of themselues a people and what men They take amongst them they condemne to die Perceiuing that their follie made them fit To liue no longer that would willingly Come in the worthlesse presence of a woman I will attend and see what my young Lord will doe with his sister Enter Lazarelloes Boy Boy My Lord the fish head is gone againe Count Whither Boy I know whither my Lord Count Keepe it from Lazarello Sister shall I conferre with you in priuate to know the cause of the Dukes comming hither I know he makes you acquainted with his busines of State Oria. He satisfie you brother for I see you are iealous of mee Gond. Now there shall bee some course taken for her conueiance Laza. Lazarello thou art happie thy carriage hath begot loue and that loue hath brought forth fruites thou art here in the company of a man honourable that will helpe thee to tast of the bounties of the Sea when thou hast so done thou shalt retire thy selfe vnto the Court there tast of the delicates of the earth and be great in the eyes of thy Soueraigne now no more shalt thou need to scramble for thy meate nor remoue thy stomack with the Court but thy credit shall commaund thy hearts desire and all nouilties shall be sent as presents vnto thee Count Good Sister when you see your own time will you returne home Oria. Yes brother and not before Laza. I will grow populer in this State ouerthrow the fortunes of a number that liue by extortion Count Lazarello bestirre thy selfe nimbly and sodainly and here me with patience to heare Laza. Let me not fall from my selfe speake I am bound Count So art thou to reuenge when thou shalt heare the fish head is gone and we know not whither Laz. I wil not curse nor sweare nor rage nor raile Nor with contempteous tongue accuse my Fate Though I might justly do it nor will I Wish my selfe vncreated for this euill Shall I entreat your Lordship to be seene A little longer in the company Of a man cross'd by Fortune Count I hate to leaue my friend in his extremities Laza. 'T is noble in you then I take your hand And do protest I do not follow this For any mallice or for priuat ends But with a loue as gentle and as chast As that a brother to his sister beares And if I see this fish head yet vnknowne The last words that my dying father spake Before his eye-strings brake shall not of me So often be remembred as our meeting Fortune attend me as
THE VVOMAN HATER As it hath beene lately Acted by the Children of Paules LONDON Printed and are to be sold by Iohn Hodgets in Paules Church-yard 1607 The Prologue GEntlemen Inductions are out of date and a Prologue in Verse is as stale as a blacke Veluet Cloake and a Bay Garland Therefore you shall haue it plaine Prose thus If there be any amongst you that come to heare lasciuious Scenes let them depart for I doe pronounce this to the vtter discomfort of all two peny Gallerie men you shall haue no bawdrie in it or if there bee any lurking amongst you in corners with Table bookes who haue some hope to find fit matter to feede his mallice on let them claspe them vp and slinke away or stay and be conuerted For he that made this Play meanes to please Auditors so as hee may bee an Auditor himselfe hereafter and not purchase them with the deare losse of his eares I dare not call it Comedie or Tragedie 't is perfectly neyther A Play it is which was meant to make you laugh how it will please you is not written in my part For though you should like it to day perhaps your selues know not how you should disgest it to morrow Some things in it you may meete with which are out of the common Roade a Duke there is and the Scene lyes in Italy as those two thinges lightly wee neuer misse But you shall not find in it the ordinarie and ouer-worne trade of ieasting at Lordes and Courtiers and Citizens without taxation of any particular or new vice by them found out but at the persons of them such he that made this thinkes vile and for his owne part vowes That hee did neuer thinke but that a Lord borne might bee a wise man and a Courtier an honest man The Woman Hater ACTVS I. SCENA I. Enter Duke of Millaine Arrigo Lucio and two Courtiers T Is now the sweetest time for sleepe the night is scarce spent Arrigo what 's a clocke Arr. Past foure Duk. Is it so much and yet the morne not vp See yōder where the shamfac'd maidē comes Into our sight how gently doeth shee slide Hiding her chaste cheekes like a modest Bride With a red vaile of blushes as is shee Euen such all modest vertuous women be Why thinkes your Lordship I am vp so soone Lucio About some waightie State plot Duk. And what thinkes your knighthood of it Arr. I doe thinke to cure some strange corruptions in the common wealth Duk. Y' are well conceited of your selues to thinke I choose you out to beare me company In such affaires and businesse of state But am not I a patterne for all Princes That breake my softe sleepe for my subiects good Am I not carefull very prouident Luc. Your grace is carefull Arri. Very prouident Duk. Nay knew you how my serious working plots Concerne the whole estates of all my subiects I and their liues then Lucio thou wouldst sweare I were a louing Prince Lucio I thinke your grace intendes to walke the publique streetes disguised to see the streetes disorders Duke It is not so Arrig. You secretly will crosse some other states that doe conspire against you Duke Waightier farre You are my friendes and you shall haue the cause I breake my sleepes thus soone to see a wench Lucio Y' are woundrous carefull for your subjects good Arrig. You are a very louing Prince in deed Duke This care I take for them when their dull eyes Are clos'd with heauie slumbers Arr. Then you rise to see your wenches Lucio What Millaine beautie hath the power to charme her Soueraignes eyes and breake his sleepes Duke Sister to Count Vaelore She 's a maide Would make a Prince forget his throne and state And lowly kneele to her the generall fate Of all mortalitie is hers to giue As she disposeth so we die and liue Luc. My Lord the day grow's cleere the Court will rise Duke We stay too long is the the Vmbranoes head as wee commaunded sent to the sadde Gondarino our generall Arr. T is sent Duk. But stay where shines that light Arrig. T is in the chamber of Lazarello Duke Lazarello what is he Arrig. A Courtier my Lord and one that I wonder your grace knowes not for he hath followed your Court and your last predecessors from place to place any time this seauen yeare as faithfully as your Spits and your Dripping-pans haue done and almost as greasely Duke O we knowe him as we haue heard he keepes a kallender of all the famous dishes of meate that haue bin in the Court euer since our great Graundfathers time and when he can thrust in at no Table hee makes his meate of that Lucio The very same my Lord Duke A Courtier cal'st thou him Beleeue me Lucio there be many such About our Court respected as they thinke Euen by our selfe with thee I will be plaine We Princes do vse to prefer many for nothing and to take particular and free knowledge almost in the nature of acquaintance of many whome we do vse only for our pleasures and do giue largely to numberes more out of pollicy to be thought liberall and by that meanes to make the people striue to deserue our loue then to reward any particular desert of theirs to whome we giue and doo suffer our selues to heere Flatterers more for recreation Then for loue of it though we sildome hate it And yet we know all these and when we please Can touch the wheele and turne their names about Lu. I wonder they that know their states so well should fancie such base slaues Duke Thou wondrest Lucio Do'st not thou thinke if thou wert Duke of Millaine Thou should'st be flattered Lucio I knowe my Lord I would not Duke Why so I thought till I was Duke I thought I should haue left me no more Flatterers then there are now plaine-dealers and yet for all this my resolution I am most palpably flattered the poore man may loath couetousnes flattery but Fortune will alter the minde whē the winde turnes there may be well a little conflict but it will driue the byllowes before it Arrigo it grow's late for see faire Thetis hath vndon the bares To Phebus teame and his vnriual'd light Hath chas'd the mornings modest blush away Now must we to our loue bright Paphian Queene Thou Cytherean goddesse that delights In stirring glaunces and art still thy selfe More toying then thy teame of Sparrowes bee Thou laughing Errecina O inspire Her heart with loue or lessen my desire Exeunt SCENA II. Enter Lazarello and his Boy Laz. Goe runne search pry in euery nooke and Angle of the kitchins larders and pasteries know what meate 's boyl'd bak'd rost stew'd fri'de or sows'd at this dinner to be seru'd directly or indirectly to euery seuerall table in the Court be gone Boy I runne but not so fast as your mouth will doe vpon the stroake of eleuen Exit Boy Laz. What an excellent thing did God bestow vpon man when
5. SCENA 3. Enter the Duke the Count Gondarino and Arrigo Duke Now Gondarino what can you put on now That may againe deceiue vs Haue ye more strange illusions yet more mists Through which the weake eye may be led to error What can ye say that may doe satisfaction Both for her wronged honour and your ill Gond. All I can say or may is said alreadie She is vnchast or else I haue no knowledge I doe not breath nor haue the vse of sence Duke Dare ye be yet so wilfull ignorant Of your owne nakednes did not your seruants In mine owne hearing confesse They brought her to that house we found her in Almost by force and with a great distrust Of some ensuing hazard Count He that hath begun so worthily It fits not with his resolution To leaue of thus my Lorde I know these are but idle proues What sayes your Lordship to them Gond. Count I dare yet pronounce again thy Sister is not honest Coun. You are your self my Lord I like your setel'dnes Gond. Count thou art yong and vnexperienced in the darke hidden wayes of women Thou dar'st affirme with confidence a Ladie of fifteene may be a maide Cont. Sir if it were not so I haue a Sister would set neer my heart Gond. Let her sit neer her shame it better fits her call backe the bloud that made our streame in neerenesse and turne the Currant to a better vse 't is too much mudded I doe greeue to know it Duke Dar'st thou make vp againe dar'st to turne face knowing wee know thee hast thou not beene discouered openly did not our eares heare her denie thy courtings did we not see her blush with modest anger to be so ouertaken by a tricke can ye denie this Lord Gond. Had not your Grace and her kind brother Beene within leuell of her eye You should haue had a hotter volley from her More full of bloud and fire readie to leape the window where she stood So truly sensuall is her appetite Duke Sir Sir these are but wordes and trickes giue me the proofe Count What need a better proofe then your Lordship I am sure ye haue laine with her my Lord Gond. I haue confest it Sir Duke I dare not giue thee credit without witnes Gond. Doe's your Grace thinke wee carry seconds with vs to search vs and see faire play your Grace hath beene ill tutord in the businesse but if you hope to trie her truly and satisfie your selfe what frailtie is giue he the Test doe not remember Count shee is your Sister nor let my Lorde the Duke beleeue shee is faire but put her too'it without hope or pittie then yee shall see that goulden forme flie off that all eyes wonder at for pure and fixt and vnder it base blushing copper mettall not worth the meanest honnor you shall behold her then my Lord Transparent looke through her heart and veiw the spirits how they leape and tell mee then I did belie the Ladie Duke It shal be done come Gondarino bear vs company We doe beleeue thee she shall die and thou shalt see it Enter Lazarello 2. Intelligensers and Guard How now my friends whome haue ye guarded hether 2. In. So please your Grace wee haue discouer'd a a villaine and a Traytour the Lord Lucio hath examin'd him and sent him to your Grace for Iudgement Count My Lord I dare absoule him from all sinne of Treason I knowe his most ambitions is but a dish of meate which a' hath hunted with so trew a sent that hee deserueth the Coller not the Halter Duke Why do they bring him thus boūd vp the poore man had more neede of some warme meate to comforte his cold stomacke Count Your grace shall haue the cause hereafter when when you may laugh more freely But these are cal'd Informers men that liue by Treason as Rat-chatchers do by poyson Du. Could there were no heauier prodigies hung ouer vs then this poore fellow I durst redeeme all perils ready to powre thēselues vppon this state with a cold Custard Cou. Your grace might do it without dāger toy our persō Laza. My Lord if euer I intended Treason against your person or the state vnles it were by wishing from your Table some dish of meate which I must needs confesse was not a subjects part or coueting by stealth supps from those noble bottles that no mouth keeping allegeance trew should dare to tast I must confesse with more then couetous eyes I haue bee held those deare conceal'd dishes that haue been brought in by cunning equipage to waite vpon your graces pallate I do confesse out of this present heat I haue had stratagemes ambuscadoes but God be thanked they haue neuer tooke Duke Count this busines is your owne when you haue done repaire to vs Exit Duke Coun. I will attend your grace Lazarello you are at libertie be your owne man againe and if ye can be maister of your wishes I wish it may be so Laz. I humbly thanke your Lordship I must bee vnmanerly I haue some present busines once more I heartilie thanke your Lordship Exit Lazarillo Count Now euen a word or two to you and so farewel you think you haue deseru'd much of this state by this discouerie y' are a slauish people growne subject to the common course of all men How much vnhappie were that noble spirite could worke by such baser gaines what misery would not a knowing man put on with willingnes ere he see him selfe growne fat and full fed by fall of those you rise by I do discharge ye my attendance our healthful state needes no such Leeches to suck out her bloud 1 Intel. I do beseech your Lordship 2 Int. Good my L. Count Go learne to be more honest whē I see you worke your meanes from honest industrie Exeunt Informers I will be willing to accept your labors Till then I will keepe backe my promist fauours Heere comes an other remnant of folly Enter Lucio I must dispatch him too Now Lord Lucio what busines bring you hyther Lucio Faith Sir I am discouering what will become of that notable piece of Treason entended by that varlet Lazarello I haue sent him to the Duke for judgment Count Sir you haue performed the part of a most carefull states-man and let me say it to your face Sir of a Father to this state I would wish you to retyre and insconce your selfe in studie for such is your dayly labor and our feare that the losse of an houre may breed our ouerthrow Lucio Sir I will be cōmaunded by your judgement and though I find it a trouble scant to be waded through by these weake yeares yet for the deare care of the Common-wealth I will bruse my braynes and cōfine my selfe to much vexation Count Goe and mayest thou knocke downe Treason like an Oxe Lucio Amen Exeunt Enter Mercer Pander Francisina Mer. Haue I spoke thus much in the honor of learning learn'd the names of the seuē
liberall Sciences before my mariage since haue in hast written Epistles congratulary to the 9 Muses is she prou'd a whore a Beggar Pan. T is true you are not now to be taught that no man can be learn'd of a suddaine let not your first proiect discourage you what you haue lost in this you may get againe in Alcumie Fran. Feare not husband I hope to make as good a wife as the best of your neighbours haue and as honest Mer. I will go home good sir do not publish this as lōg as it run's amōgst our selues 't is good honest mirth you 'l come hōe to supper I meane to haue al her friends mine as ill as it goes Pan. Do wisely sir bid your own friēds your whole wealth wil scarce feast all hers neither is it for your cedit to walke the streets with a woman so noted get you home and prouide her cloathes let her come an houre hēce with an hād-basket shift her selfe she 'l serue to sit at the vpper end of the Table drink to your customers Mer. Arte is just and will make me a mendes Pan. No doubt Sir Mer. The chiefe note of a Scholler you say is to gouerne his passions wherefore I do take all patiently in signe of which my most deare wife I do kisse thee make hast home after me I shall be in my Studie Exit Mer. Pan. Goe a vaunt my new Citie dame send mee what you promised me for consideration and may'st thou prooue a Lady Fran. Thou shalt haue it his silkes shall flye for it Enter Lazarello and his Boy Exeunt Lazarello How sweet is a calme after a tempest what is there nowe that can stand betwixt mee and felicitie I haue gon through all my crosses constātly haue confoūded my enimies and know where to haue my longings satisfied I haue my way before me there is the dore and I may freely walke into my delights knocke Boy Iulia Who 's their within Laz. Madona my loue not guiltie not guiltie open the dore Enter Iulia Iulia Art thou come sweet heart Laz. Yes to thy soft imbraces and the rest of my ouerflowing blisses come let vs in and swime in our delights a short grace as we goe and so to meat Iulia Nay my deare loue you must beare with mee in this we 'le to the Church first Laza. Shall I be sure of it then Iulia By my loue you shall Laz. I am content for I do now wish to hould off longer to whet my appetite and doe desire to meet with more troubles so I might conquere them And as a holy louer that hath spent The tedious night with many a sigh and teares Whil'st he pursu'd his wench and hath obseru'd The smiles and frownes not daring to displease When at last hath with his seruice wone Her yeelding heart that she begins to dote Vpon him and can hold not longer out But hangs about his necke and woes him more Then euer he desir'd her loue before Then begins to flatter his desert And growing wanton needes will cast her off Trie her picke quarrels to breed fresh delight And to increase his pleasing appetite Iul. Come Mouse will you walke Laz. I pray thee let me bee deliuered of the joy I am so big with I doe feele that high heat within me that I begin to doubt whether I be mortall How I contemne my fellowes in the Court With whom I did but yesterday conuerse And in a lower and an humbler key Did walke and meditate on grosser meates There are they still poore rogues shaking their chops And sneaking after cheeses and doe runne Headlong in chase of euery jacke of Beere That crosseth them in hope of some repast That it will bring them to whilst I am here The happiest wight that euer set his tooth To a deare noueltie approch my loue Come let 's goe to knit the true loues knot That neuer can be broken Boy That is to marry a whore Laz. When that is done then will we taste the gift Which Fates haue sent my fortunes vp to lift Boy When that is done you 'l begin to repent vpon a full stomacke but I see 't is but a forme in destiny not to be alter'd Exeunt Enter Arrigo and Oriana Orian. Sir what may be the currant of your busines that thus you single out your time and place Arrigo. Madame the businesse nowe impos'd vpon me concernes you neerely I wish some worser man might finish it Or. Why are ye chang'd so are ye not well sir Arr. Yes madam I am well wo'd you were so Orrian. Why sir I feele my selfe in perfect health Arr. And yet ye cannot liue long madam Oria. Why good Arrigo Arr. Why ye must die Oria. I know I must but yet my fate calls not vpon me Arr. It does this hand the Duke commandes shall giue you death Orian. Heauen and the powers diuine guard well the innocent Arr. Lady your praiers may doe your soule some good That sure your body cannot merrit by 'vm You must prepare to die Orian. What 's my offence what haue these yeares committed That may be dangerous to the Duke or State Haue I conspir'd by poyson haue I giu'n vp My honour to some loose vnsetl'd blood That may giue action to my plots Deare sir let me not die ignorant of my faults Arr. Ye shall not Then Lady you must know you are held vnhonest The Duke your brother and your friends in court With too much griefe condemne ye though to me The fault deserues not to be paid with death Orian. Who is my accuser Arr. Lord Gondarino Orian. Arrigo take these wordes and beare them to the Duke It is the last petition I shall aske thee Tell him the child this present houre brought forth To see the world ha's not a soule more pure more white More virgin then I haue Tell him Lord Gondarinoes Plot I suffer for and willingly tel him it had bin a greater honour to haue sau'd then kil'd but I haue done strike I am arm'd for heauen VVhy stay you is there any hope Arr. I would not strike Orian. Haue you the power to saue Arr. With hazzard of my life if it should be knowne Orian. You will not venture that Arr. I will Lady there is that means yet to escape your death if you can wisely apprehend it Orian. Ye dare not be so kind Arr. I dare and will if you dare but deserue it Orian. If I should slight my life I were too blame Arr. Then madam this is the meanes or else you die I loue you Orian. I shall beleeue it if you saue my life Arr. And you must lie with me Orian. I dare not buy my life so Arr. Come ye must resolue say yea or no Orian. Then no nay looke not ruggedly vpon me I am made vp too strong to feare such lookes Come doe your Butchers part before I would win life with the deare losse of honour I dare finde meanes
to free my selfe Arr. Speake will ye yeeld Orian. Villaine I will not murderer doe thy worst thy base vnnoble thoughts dare prompt thee to I am aboue thee slaue Arr. Will thou not be drawne to yeild by faire perswasions Orian. No nor by Arr. Peace know your doom then your Ladiship must remēber you are not now at home where you dare ieast at all that come about you but you are fallen vnder my mercie which shal be smal if thou refuse to yeeld heare what I haue sworn vnto my selfe I will inioy thee though it betweene the parting of thy soule and body Yield yet and liue Orian. I le guard the one let heauens guard the tother Ar. Are ye so resolute then Duk frō aboue Hold hold I say Oria. What haue I yet more terror to my tragedy Arr. Lady the scene of blood is done ye are now as free from scandal as from death Enter Duke Count and Gondarino Duke Thou woman which wert borne to teach vertue Faire sweet and modest maid forgiue my thoughts My trespas was my loue Seize Gondarino let him 〈◊〉 doomes Gond. I doe begin in a little to loue this woman I could indure her already twelue miles off Count Sister I am glad you haue brought your honour off so fairely without losse you haue done a worke aboue your sexe the Duke admires it giue him faire encounter Duk. Best of all comforts may I take this hand and call it mine Oria. I am your Graces handmaid Duk. Would ye had sed my selfe might it not be so Lady Count Sister say I I know ye can affoard it Orian. My Lord I am your subiect you may command me prouided still your thoughts be faire and good Du. Here I am yours and when I cease to be so Let heauen forget me thus I make it good Ori. My Lord I am no more mine owne Count So this bargaine was well driuen Gond. Duke thou hast sold away thy selfe to all perdition thou art this present houre becomming cuckold me thinkes I see thy gaule grate through thy veines and jealousie seize thee with her talents I knowe that womans nose must be cut off shee cannot scape it Duk. Sir we haue punishment for you Or. I doe beseech your Lordship for the wrongs this mā hath done me let me pronounce his punishment Duk. Lady I giue to you he is your owne Gon. I doe beseech your grace let me be banisht with al the speed that may be Count Stay still you shall attend her sentence Orian. Lord Gondarino you haue wrong'd me highly yet since it sprung from no peculiar hate to me but from a generall dislike vnto all women you shall thus suffer for it Arrigo call in some Ladies to assist vs will your Grace take your State Gon. My Lord I doe beseech your Grace for any punishment sauing this woman let me bee sent vpon discouery of some Island I doe desire but a small Gundele with tenne Holland Cheeses and I le vndertake it Oria. Sir ye must bee content will ye sit downe nay doe it willingly Arrigo tie his armes close to the chaire I dare not trust his patience Gond. Mai'st thou be quickly old and painted mai'st thou dote vpon some sturdy Yeoman of the wood-yarde and he be honest mai'st thou be bar'd the lawfull lechery of thy Coach for want of Instruments and last bee thy wombe vnopen'd Duke This fellow hath a prety gaule Count My Lord I hope to see him purg'd ere a part Enter Ladies Oria. Your Ladiships are welcome I must desire your helpes though you are no Phisitions to doe a strange cure vpon this Gentleman Ladies In what we can assist ye Maddam ye may commaund vs Gond. Now do I fit like a Coniurer within my circle and these the Diuels that are rais'd about mee I will pray that they may haue no power vpon me Oria. Ladies fall off in couples then with a soft still march with low demeanures charge this Gentleman I le be your leader Gond. Let me be quarter'd Duke quickly I can endure it these women long for mans flesh let them haue it Duke Count haue you euer seene so strange a passion what would this fellow doe if a should find himselfe in bed with a yong Ladie Count Faith my Lord if a cou'd get a knife sure a wo'd cut her throte or else a wo'd doe as Hercules did by Lyeas swing out her soule has the true hate of a womā in him Oria. Low with your curseyes Ladies Gond. Come not too neere me I haue a breath will poyson yee my lungs are rotten and my stomack rawe I am giuen much to belching hold off as you loue sweet aires Ladies by your first nights pleasure I coniure you as you wo'd haue your husbands proper men strong backes and little legges as you would haue 'um hate your waiting women Oria. Sir we must court yee till wee haue obtain'd some little fauour from those gracious eyes t is but a kis a peece Gond. I pronounce perdition to ye all ye are a parcell of that damned Crew that fell downe with Lucifer and here yee stayd on earth to plague poore men vanish auaunt I am fortified against your charmes heauen grant me breath and patience 1. Lady Shall we not kisse then Gond. No feare my lips with hot irons first or stitch them vp like a Ferrets O that this brunt were ouer 2. Lad. Come come little rogue thou art too maidenly by my troth I thinke I must boxe thee till thou bee'st boulder the more bold the more welcome I pre thee kis me be not afraid Shee sits on his knee Gond. If there bee any here that yet haue so much of the foole left in them as to loue their Mothers let them looke on her and loath them too 2. Lad. What a slouenly little villaine art thou why dost thou not stroke vp thy haire I thinke thou ne're comb'st it I must haue it lie in better order so so so let me see thy hands are they washt Gond. I would they were loose for thy sake Duke She tortures him admirably Count The best that euer was 2. Lad. Alas how cold they are poore golls why do'st thee not get thee a musse Arr. Maddam her 's an old Country gentlewoman at the doore that came nodding vp for Iustice she was with the Lord Gondarino to day and would now againe come to the speech of him she sayes Oria. Let her in for sports sake let her in Gond. Mercie O Duke I doe appeale to thee plant Cannons there and discharge them against my brest rather nay first let this shee furie sit still where shee do's and with her nimble fingers stroake my haire play with my fingers endes or anything vntill my panting heart haue broken my brest Duke You must abide her censure The Ladie rises from his knee Enter old Gentlewoman Gond. I see her come vnbutton mee for she wil speake Gentlew. Where is hee Sir Gond. Saue mee I heare her Arri. There he is in state to giue you audience Gentlew. How doe's your good Lordship Gond. Sicke of the spleene Gentlewo. How Gond. Sicke Gentlew. Will you chew a Nutmeg you shall not refuse it t is very comfortable Gond. Nay now thou art come I know it is the Diuels Iubile hell is broke loose My Lord If euer I haue done you seruice Or haue deseru'd a fauour of your Grace Let me be turn'd vpon some present Action Where I may sooner die then languish thus Your Grace hath her petition grant it her and ease mee now at last Duke No Sir you must endure Gentlew. For my petition I hope your Lordship hath remembred me Oria. Faith I begin to pittie him Arrigo take her off beare her away say her petition is granted Gentlew. Whether doe you draw me Sir I know it is not my Lords pleasure I should be thus vsed before my busines be dispatched Arr. You shall know more of that without Oria. Vnbind him Ladies but before he goe this hee shal promise for the loue I beare to our own sex I would haue them still hated by thee and inioyne thee as a punishmēt neuer herafter willingly to come in the presence or fight of any woman nor neuer to seeke wrongfully the publike disgrace of any Gond. T is that I would haue sworne and doe when I meddle with them for their good or their badde may Time call back this day againe and when I come in their companies may I catch the poxe by their breath and haue no other pleasure for it Duke Ye are too mercifull Oria. My Lord I shew'd my sexe the better Count All is ouer-blowne Sister y' are like to haue a faire night of it and a Prince in your armes le ts goe my Lord Duke Thus through the doubtfull Streams of Ioy and True loue doth wade and finds at last releefe Exeunt Omnes FINIS vertue teach men thoughts him wait our