degree_n of_o it_o which_o thou_o see_v through_o mercy_n by_o other_o though_o not_o visible_o to_o they_o thus_o do_v the_o lord_n bring_v a_o good_a issue_n out_o of_o their_o own_o speech_n and_o word_n cause_v thou_o to_o lie_v down_o at_o his_o foot_n expect_v the_o punishment_n of_o thy_o iniquity_n yea_o great_a difficulty_n than_o these_o have_v the_o lord_n carry_v thou_o through_o when_o all_o the_o power_n of_o hell_n and_o thy_o own_o corruption_n have_v combine_v together_o to_o keep_v thou_o from_o duty_n of_o prayer_n meditation_n and_o examination_n and_o the_o like_a and_o yet_o the_o lord_n have_v enable_v thou_o to_o break_v through_o all_o and_o to_o pour_v out_o thy_o soul_n to_o he_o when_o thou_o be_v even_o in_o thy_o own_o apprehension_n at_o the_o pit_n brink_n and_o yet_o resolve_v to_o cry_v to_o he_o and_o not_o to_o give_v over_o cry_v and_o call_v whilst_o thou_o live_v notwithstanding_o all_o temptation_n to_o the_o contrary_a yea_o the_o more_o strong_a the_o temptation_n be_v the_o more_o speedy_o be_v thou_o fain_o to_o address_v to_o the_o lord_n for_o his_o strength_n and_o power_n to_o assist_v thou_o in_o grapple_v with_o they_o yea_o when_o some_o time_n overcome_v as_o it_o be_v and_o beat_v down_o by_o satan_n and_o enter_v the_o very_a border_n of_o despair_n yet_o even_o thence_o from_o this_o belly_n of_o hell_n in_o which_o thou_o do_v apprehend_v thyself_o already_o enter_v do_v not_o the_o lord_n enable_v thou_o to_o cry_v to_o he_o &_o resolve_v to_o give_v he_o no_o rest_n yea_o when_o thou_o find_v no_o advantage_n or_o profit_n of_o all_o thy_o prayer_n and_o tear_n &_o sigh_n &_o croan_n but_o that_o the_o lord_n seem_v to_o turn_v a_o deaf_a ear_n yet_o do_v not_o the_o lord_n enable_v thou_o to_o go_v on_o and_o to_o tell_v he_o that_o all_o those_o comfort_n and_o enjoyment_n here_o below_o they_o be_v poor_a mean_a thing_n such_o as_o thou_o can_v not_o take_v for_o thy_o portion_n and_o therefore_o do_v beg_v with_o submission_n to_o his_o will_n that_o if_o he_o have_v no_o other_o for_o thou_o but_o the_o portion_n of_o this_o life_n that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o deny_v thou_o they_o also_o and_o never_o give_v they_o to_o be_v a_o snare_n but_o rather_o let_v thou_o end_v thy_o day_n in_o some_o desolate_a wilderness_n 3._o faithfulness_n appear_v in_o cheerful_a service_n now_o o_o my_o soul_n be_v thou_o not_o able_a to_o say_v before_o the_o lord_n the_o searcher_n of_o heart_n through_o his_o grace_n that_o so_o much_o faithfulness_n as_o thou_o can_v discern_v in_o thou_o in_o any_o service_n of_o thy_o lord_n be_v thy_o very_a joy_n and_o rejoice_n of_o thy_o heart_n but_o on_o the_o other_o side_n so_o much_o unfaithfulness_n as_o thou_o can_v discern_v in_o any_o service_n this_o be_v it_o that_o make_v thou_o go_v mourn_v all_o thy_o day_n because_o thou_o be_v no_o more_o fruitful_a 4._o o_o my_o soul_n thy_o faithfulness_n in_o some_o measure_n appear_v in_o that_o thou_o be_v rejoice_v real_o in_o spirit_n when_o any_o opportunity_n be_v put_v into_o thy_o hand_n and_o thy_o heart_n be_v enable_v in_o any_o measure_n to_o improve_v it_o to_o the_o service_n and_o for_o the_o glory_n of_o thy_o lord_n and_o be_v thou_o not_o on_o the_o contrary_a grieve_v that_o thou_o have_v so_o many_o opportunity_n offer_v before_o thou_o but_o like_o a_o fool_n have_v not_o a_o heart_n to_o improve_v they_o for_o the_o glory_n of_o thy_o lord_n be_v not_o this_o thy_o daily_a burden_n lord_n thou_o know_v it_o be_v &_o when_o through_o the_o subtlety_n of_o satan_n and_o deceit_n of_o my_o own_o heart_n i_o fool_n away_o many_o rich_a opportunity_n by_o not_o improve_n of_o they_o which_o after_o prove_v a_o sad_a burden_n and_o affliction_n to_o i_o 5._o o_o my_o soul_n do_v there_o not_o appear_v some_o degree_n of_o faithfulness_n to_o thy_o lord_n in_o that_o thy_o endeavour_n do_v come_v still_o beneath_o thy_o desire_n have_v not_o the_o lord_n real_o enable_v thou_o through_o grace_n to_o say_v with_o paul_n the_o good_a that_o i_o will_v do_v i_o do_v not_o but_o o_o that_o i_o can_v do_v it_o that_o i_o can_v serve_v the_o lord_n more_o and_o better_o but_o oh_o how_o low_o do_v i_o live_v and_o how_o poor_o do_v i_o walk_v but_o oh_o that_o i_o can_v come_v to_o prayer_n and_o read_v and_o hear_v and_o meditate_v and_o do_v all_o private_a and_o public_a duty_n and_o walk_v in_o all_o my_o relation_n in_o this_o world_n as_o may_v honour_v this_o my_o lord_n be_v not_o these_o the_o continual_a groan_n and_o breathe_n of_o my_o heart_n before_o the_o lord_n lord_n thou_o know_v it_o for_o i_o have_v none_o i_o desire_v to_o appeal_v unto_o but_o to_o thou_o the_o searcher_n of_o my_o heart_n 6._o lord_n do_v not_o some_o faithfulness_n appear_v to_o be_v wrought_v in_o my_o soul_n by_o thou_o in_o that_o thou_o have_v above_o all_o thing_n make_v i_o to_o delight_v in_o that_o work_n that_o no_o eye_n see_v but_o thyself_o thou_o know_v what_o a_o fear_n have_v be_v upon_o my_o spirit_n and_o be_v to_o this_o day_n in_o a_o great_a measure_n to_o appear_v before_o other_o thou_o lord_n know_v how_o many_o year_n this_o fear_n have_v be_v as_o a_o prison_n to_o keep_v in_o the_o working_n of_o my_o heart_n &_o as_o door_n to_o my_o mouth_n to_o keep_v it_o from_o lament_v itself_o not_o so_o much_o as_o in_o one_o word_n in_o the_o hear_n of_o other_o lest_o there_o shall_v any_o pride_n or_o hypocrifie_n act_n in_o it_o yea_o to_o this_o very_a day_n how_o many_o service_n wherein_o perhaps_o thy_o lord_n may_v be_v honour_v be_v thou_o prevent_v and_o dare_v not_o to_o act_v in_o upon_o this_o very_a account_n that_o it_o can_v be_v do_v in_o private_a can_v thou_o not_o say_v before_o the_o searcher_n of_o heart_n that_o such_o thought_n and_o apprehension_n and_o fear_n as_o these_o lest_o other_o shall_v esteem_v thou_o better_o than_o thou_o be_v or_o thy_o own_o spirit_n be_v lift_v up_o before_o the_o lord_n or_o any_o false_a end_n bias_n thou_o in_o it_o that_o such_o thought_n i_o say_v as_o thief_n do_v often_o as_o it_o be_v tie_v up_o thy_o tongue_n sow_v up_o thy_o mouth_n in_o all_o company_n even_o while_o at_o that_o instant_n thy_o heart_n be_v even_o ready_a to_o split_v or_o break_v in_o piece_n for_o want_n of_o vent_n sometime_o apprehend_v that_o those_o discovery_n that_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v sometime_o to_o make_v to_o thou_o and_o the_o rich_a grace_n he_o be_v please_v to_o manifest_v in_o thou_o in_o overcome_v all_o the_o unkindness_n in_o thou_o ought_v not_o to_o be_v put_v unnder_v a_o bushel_n but_o hold_v out_o to_o other_o and_o yet_o not_o dare_v to_o do_v it_o find_v my_o wretched_a heart_n so_o prone_a to_o be_v lift_v up_o upon_o all_o such_o occasion_n and_o so_o dishonour_n god_n that_o way_n and_o so_o deceive_v other_o and_o myself_o also_o and_o through_o both_o these_o fear_v my_o soul_n often_o walk_v sad_o before_o the_o lord_n fear_v to_o offend_v he_o and_o not_o be_v able_a to_o discern_v it_o whether_o way_n i_o may_v most_o honour_v he_o have_v make_v trial_n of_o both_o sometime_o silent_a and_o sometime_o speak_v and_o find_v the_o wickedness_n of_o my_o heart_n appear_v sad_o in_o both_o i_o know_v not_o sometime_o which_o be_v best_a the_o lord_n in_o mercy_n manifest_a and_o clear_v up_o to_o i_o o_o my_o soul_n thus_o may_v it_o probable_o and_o hopeful_o appear_v to_o thou_o that_o the_o lord_n have_v make_v thou_o in_o some_o measure_n his_o faithful_a servant_n 1._o the_o lord_n have_v give_v i_o some_o hope_n that_o i_o trust_v i_o have_v no_o other_o master_n that_o i_o willing_o call_v rabbi_n or_o willing_o serve_v but_o my_o lord_n jesus_n nor_o have_v i_o any_o other_o work_n that_o i_o do_v upon_o which_o my_o heart_n be_v delightful_o set_v upon_o but_o only_o my_o lord_n work_v and_o this_o appear_v far_a to_o i_o in_o that_o the_o lord_n have_v i_o hope_v in_o some_o measure_n wrought_v my_o heart_n to_o this_o frame_n of_o spirit_n to_o desire_v above_o all_o thing_n to_o serve_v my_o lord_n christ_n in_o all_o the_o relation_n he_o have_v set_v i_o in_o in_o this_o world_n and_o to_o that_o end_n every_o fail_n in_o any_o of_o they_o either_o as_o a_o child_n or_o friend_n or_o any_o relation_n though_o i_o too_o sad_o fail_v in_o they_o all_o this_o be_v that_o which_o if_o my_o heart_n deceive_v i_o not_o above_o all_o thing_n break_v my_o heart_n to_o think_v that_o hereby_o i_o do_v dishonour_n my_o lord_n jesus_n and_o that_o profession_n of_o be_v his_o servant_n it_o be_v not_o
here_o i_o must_v needs_o say_v that_o though_o our_o pastor_n speak_v much_o to_o this_o purpose_n and_o that_o sweet_o a_o while_n since_o from_o 2_o cor._n 6._o 2._o behold_v now_o be_v the_o acceptable_a time_n behold_v now_o be_v the_o day_n of_o salvation_n yet_o do_v it_o not_o take_v upon_o my_o heart_n in_o that_o way_n as_o these_o few_o hint_n do_v for_o the_o lord_n have_v not_o then_o appear_v to_o my_o soul_n in_o those_o manifestation_n of_o love_n as_o he_o do_v afterward_o and_o how_o ever_o these_o scripture_n do_v chief_o refer_v as_o i_o conceive_v to_o the_o time_n of_o the_o gospel_n and_o god_n love_v to_o the_o soul_n of_o man_n in_o bring_v of_o they_o home_o to_o himself_o yet_o that_o truth_n which_o be_v at_o this_o time_n chief_o set_v upon_o my_o heart_n be_v from_o the_o consideration_n of_o this_o present_a hint_n of_o time_n wherein_o the_o lord_n through_o his_o rich_a grace_n in_o my_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n have_v be_v please_v to_o cause_v his_o face_n to_o shine_v upon_o my_o soul_n the_o very_a next_o day_n be_v the_o 13_o of_o this_o month_n in_o the_o morning_n when_o i_o be_v awake_v as_o i_o lie_v in_o my_o bed_n i_o have_v that_o scripture_n in_o luk._n 13._o 11._o bring_v fresh_a to_o my_o mind_n of_o that_o woman_n who_o satan_n have_v bow_v these_o eighteen_o year_n vers_fw-la 16._o who_o christ_n loose_v with_o a_o persuasion_n before_o ever_o i_o begin_v to_o count_v it_o that_o the_o time_n of_o my_o thraldom_n under_o satan_n and_o sin_n will_v run_v parallel_n with_o this_o as_o also_o my_o condition_n for_o say_v the_o text_n she_o have_v a_o spirit_n of_o infirmity_n and_o be_v bow_v together_o so_o as_o she_o can_v in_o no_o wise_a lift_n up_o herself_o and_o true_o thus_o i_o find_v it_o have_v be_v with_o i_o for_o many_o year_n i_o have_v be_v bind_v by_o satan_n under_o unbelief_n and_o the_o corruption_n of_o my_o own_o heart_n and_o so_o bow_v together_o as_o i_o can_v in_o no_o wise_a lift_n up_o myself_o so_o as_o to_o give_v glory_n to_o god_n by_o believe_v and_o as_o for_o the_o time_n when_o i_o come_v to_o count_v it_o from_o the_o first_o time_n that_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o touch_v my_o heart_n with_o a_o sight_n and_o sense_n of_o my_o wretched_a condition_n and_o thereupon_o to_o occasion_v much_o trouble_n of_o spirit_n which_o be_v as_o i_o conceive_v about_o the_o year_n 1635._o which_o reckon_v until_o the_o end_n of_o the_o year_n 1652_o which_o be_v the_o first_o time_n that_o ever_o the_o lord_n do_v upon_o real_a solid_a ground_n speak_v any_o abide_a word_n of_o comfort_n to_o i_o and_o so_o in_o any_o measure_n lose_v i_o from_o those_o band_n and_o i_o do_v find_v it_o to_o be_v just_a 18_o year_n this_o same_o morning_n also_o a_o little_a while_n after_o there_o fall_v a_o other_o scripture_n upon_o my_o heart_n which_o i_o find_v record_v in_o psal_n 129._o 1_o 2._o many_o a_o time_n have_v they_o afflict_v i_o from_o my_o youth_n may_v i_o srael_v now_o say_v many_o a_o time_n have_v they_o affict_v i_o from_o my_o youth_n yet_o have_v they_o not_o prevail_v against_o i_o and_o have_v it_o not_o be_v thus_o with_o my_o soul_n many_o a_o time_n have_v it_o be_v afflict_a with_o temptation_n and_o corruption_n but_o through_o mercy_n they_o have_v not_o yet_o total_o prevail_v over_o i_o there_o be_v also_o two_o other_o scripture_n immediate_o after_o this_o set_v upon_o my_o heart_n this_o morning_n as_o first_o that_o in_o psal_n 34._o 6._o this_o poor_a man_n cry_v and_o the_o lord_n hear_v he_o and_o save_v he_o out_o of_o all_o his_o trouble_n even_o so_o this_o poor_a soul_n of_o i_o have_v cry_v unto_o the_o lord_n in_o my_o fear_n and_o he_o have_v bless_v be_v his_o name_n hear_v i_o and_o gracious_o deliver_v i_o out_o of_o all_o the_o fear_n and_o trouble_n that_o ever_o yet_o lay_v upon_o i_o and_o to_o back_o this_o for_o the_o future_a there_o be_v immediate_o that_o scripture_n bring_v to_o my_o mind_n in_o joh._n 5._o 19_o he_o shall_v deliver_v thou_o in_o six_o trouble_n yea_o in_o seven_o there_o shall_v no_o evil_n touch_v thou_o the_o meditation_n whereof_o be_v exceed_v sweet_a to_o my_o soul_n but_o whilst_o my_o soul_n lie_v under_o these_o enjoyment_n from_o the_o lord_n which_o for_o a_o time_n even_o swallow_v up_o my_o heart_n in_o the_o admiration_n of_o he_o yet_o notwithstanding_o sudden_o after_o find_v my_o heart_n exceed_o straighten_v to_o bliss_n and_o praise_v the_o name_n of_o this_o my_o god_n in_o such_o a_o manner_n and_o measure_n as_o my_o soul_n desire_v for_o all_o these_o wonderful_a appearance_n to_o i_o i_o have_v this_o persuasion_n strong_o dart_v into_o i_o that_o the_o lord_n have_v some_o sharp_a affliction_n sudden_o to_o lay_v upon_o i_o which_o i_o be_v full_o possess_v with_o expectation_n of_o which_o cause_v i_o to_o pour_v out_o my_o soul_n before_o the_o lord_n beseech_v he_o to_o fit_v i_o for_o it_o and_o sanctify_v it_o unto_o i_o what_o ever_o it_o shall_v be_v not_o know_v in_o what_o way_n or_o manner_n for_o to_o expect_v it_o apprehend_v it_o to_o be_v some_o sore_a stroke_n than_o a_o little_a bodily_a affliction_n and_o because_o i_o apprehend_v that_o the_o sad_a outward_a affliction_n that_o can_v come_v to_o i_o be_v the_o part_n with_o my_o dear_a mother_n i_o do_v therefore_o straightway_o apprehend_v this_o will_v be_v the_o trial_n at_o the_o thought_n of_o which_o i_o be_v at_o the_o present_a somewhat_o startle_v but_o within_o a_o few_o day_n on_o the_o 23_o of_o this_o eleven_o month_n be_v the_o lord_n please_v to_o visit_v my_o poor_a body_n with_o much_o bodily_a distemper_n which_o seize_v so_o upon_o my_o vital_a spirit_n and_o so_o overpoured_n they_o which_o together_o with_o other_o distemper_n lay_v somewhat_o heavy_a upon_o the_o flesh_n in_o and_o under_o which_o if_o i_o know_v my_o own_o heart_n the_o great_a part_n of_o my_o trouble_n be_v that_o i_o can_v not_o find_v out_o what_o the_o mind_n of_o the_o lord_n be_v in_o it_o in_o which_o inquiry_n there_o be_v some_o thing_n the_o which_o be_v then_o present_v to_o i_o as_o the_o ground_n of_o it_o as_o for_o instance_n the_o first_o thing_n that_o be_v dart_v into_o i_o be_v that_o the_o lord_n do_v it_o to_o put_v a_o stop_n to_o i_o in_o this_o very_a act_n of_o record_v the_o love_n of_o the_o lord_n to_o my_o soul_n who_o have_v carry_v i_o as_o upon_o eagle_n wing_n and_o as_o it_o be_v set_v i_o aloft_o exod._n 19_o 4._o so_o as_o no_o affliction_n or_o dispensation_n have_v be_v able_a to_o do_v i_o hurt_v but_o have_v bear_v yea_o forbear_v i_o and_o carry_v i_o all_o the_o day_n of_o old_a as_o he_o do_v his_o people_n israel_n notwithstanding_o all_o my_o rebellion_n esa_n 63._o 9_o 10_o 12_o 15_o 16._o and_o this_o suggestion_n for_o aught_o i_o know_v may_v come_v even_o from_o satan_n himself_o though_o i_o confess_v it_o be_v present_v upon_o a_o very_a fair_a account_n insinuate_v into_o i_o that_o it_o be_v out_o of_o the_o pride_n of_o my_o spirit_n which_o put_v i_o upon_o this_o action_n which_o cause_v my_o soul_n to_o make_v its_o address_n to_o the_o lord_n beseech_v he_o to_o search_v i_o and_o try_v my_o heart_n and_o my_o reins_n and_o withal_o beg_v of_o he_o that_o if_o there_o be_v any_o such_o corruption_n in_o the_o bottom_n which_o be_v not_o yet_o discover_v to_o i_o that_o he_o will_v be_v please_v to_o reveal_v it_o and_o so_o put_v a_o stop_n to_o i_o in_o any_o act_n whatsoever_o upon_o any_o such_o account_n and_o though_o upon_o the_o strict_a search_n and_o inquiry_n that_o i_o be_v able_a to_o make_v into_o my_o own_o heart_n i_o can_v find_v little_a ground_n why_o i_o shall_v altogether_o conclude_v with_o satan_n in_o this_o yet_o the_o very_a fear_n of_o it_o do_v for_o the_o space_n of_o half_a a_o year_n at_o least_o if_o i_o mistake_v not_o cause_v this_o work_n to_o cease_v until_o it_o be_v again_o set_v with_o some_o weight_n upon_o my_o spirit_n as_o that_o which_o may_v make_v for_o the_o glory_n of_o my_o lord_n and_o perhaps_o though_o weak_o stammer_v out_o his_o praise_n when_o i_o shall_v be_v gather_v into_o into_o my_o dust_n who_o be_v so_o unable_a to_o speak_v it_o out_o in_o my_o life_n and_o this_o i_o both_o do_v and_o do_v the_o rather_o believe_v to_o proceed_v from_o satan_n the_o great_a enemy_n of_o soul_n because_o i_o find_v the_o saint_n through_o the_o scripture_n so_o ready_a to_o declare_v what_o great_a thing_n the_o lord_n have_v do_v for_o their_o soul_n psal_n 34._o 2._o
to_o enable_v he_o to_o make_v out_o yet_o more_o clear_o that_o work_n that_o he_o have_v wrought_v in_o his_o soul_n if_o indeed_o there_o be_v any_o or_o else_o give_v we_o such_o a_o discern_a spirit_n as_o may_v teach_v we_o what_o to_o do_v in_o it_o that_o if_o it_o be_v his_o will_n there_o may_v no_o soul_n come_v in_o among_o we_o that_o may_v any_o way_n darken_v his_o glory_n but_o that_o those_o that_o be_v receive_v may_v be_v such_o as_o himself_o by_o his_o spirit_n shall_v receive_v nor_o none_o be_v detain_v but_o such_o as_o himself_o shall_v by_o his_o spirit_n through_o his_o poor_a servant_n detain_v as_o also_o beg_v of_o the_o lord_n and_o that_o with_o much_o earnestness_n that_o if_o there_o be_v no_o real_a work_n of_o he_o upon_o his_o heart_n that_o he_o will_v be_v please_v to_o find_v out_o some_o way_n or_o other_o in_o his_o wisdom_n to_o keep_v he_o off_o april_n 24._o 1653._o be_v the_o lord_n please_v gracious_o to_o convince_v i_o yet_o further_o of_o my_o sinful_a passion_n and_o aptness_n to_o be_v angry_a either_o without_o a_o cause_n or_o upon_o a_o light_a ground_n and_o so_o to_o dishonour_v the_o lord_n which_o conviction_n be_v set_v home_o from_o mr._n knight_n expression_n of_o mat._n 5._o 22._o i_o say_v if_o you_o be_v angry_a with_o your_o brother_n without_o a_o cause_n you_o shall_v be_v in_o danger_n of_o judgement_n and_o whosoever_o say_v to_o his_o brother_n racha_n which_o word_n express_v their_o contemn_v of_o their_o brethren_n that_o be_v to_o have_v contemptible_a thought_n of_o they_o this_o be_v a_o great_a evil_n for_o this_o be_v in_o danger_n of_o the_o council_n but_o whosoever_o shall_v say_v thou_o fool_n that_o be_v one_o that_o have_v no_o understanding_n but_o be_v even_o as_o a_o beast_n this_o be_v in_o christ_n judgement_n a_o heinous_a sin_n for_o say_v he_o he_o shall_v be_v in_o danger_n of_o hell_n fire_n from_o all_o which_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o set_v it_o home_o upon_o my_o heart_n that_o i_o have_v be_v exceed_o guilty_a even_o to_o this_o day_n in_o a_o great_a measure_n of_o those_o evil_n which_o conviction_n i_o desire_v may_v abide_v upon_o my_o heart_n to_o make_v i_o through_o the_o strength_n of_o christ_n more_o watchful_a over_o my_o own_o heart_n in_o this_o respect_n than_o ever_o i_o have_v be_v there_o be_v one_o conviction_n more_o this_o day_n set_v upon_o my_o heart_n from_o these_o word_n if_o thou_o remember_v thy_o brother_n have_v aught_o against_o thou_o he_o do_v not_o say_v if_o thou_o have_v aught_o against_o he_o but_o if_o he_o have_v aught_o against_o thou_o do_v thou_o seek_v reconciliation_n yea_o leave_v not_o till_o it_o be_v wrought_v out_o from_o which_o the_o lord_n not_o only_o convince_v i_o of_o this_o my_o duty_n and_o tell_v i_o i_o shall_v not_o suffer_v any_o prejudice_n to_o lie_v in_o my_o heart_n against_o any_o but_o also_o much_o comfort_v my_o heart_n under_o the_o sight_n of_o this_o as_o that_o which_o through_o grace_n i_o find_v the_o lord_n have_v real_o wrought_v in_o my_o heart_n and_o enable_v i_o daily_o to_o practice_v the_o same_o day_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v in_o the_o ministry_n of_o his_o word_n to_o convince_v my_o soul_n that_o it_o be_v not_o the_o performance_n of_o duty_n at_o set_a time_n this_o be_v not_o all_o require_v but_o when_o the_o soul_n be_v indeed_o pain_a under_o the_o sense_n of_o its_o want_n of_o inlargedness_n to_o christ_n and_o the_o like_a that_o it_o cry_v out_o as_o the_o infant_n after_o the_o breast_n &_o be_v not_o satisfy_v with_o any_o thing_n without_o it_o but_o the_o soul_n pant_v within_o itself_o and_o want_v some_o manifestation_n of_o christ_n and_o this_o put_v upon_o duty_n from_o which_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o convince_v my_o soul_n that_o i_o have_v be_v sad_o guilty_a of_o the_o misperformance_n of_o duty_n in_o this_o respect_n many_o time_n which_o put_v my_o soul_n upon_o a_o search_n into_o itself_o whether_o i_o be_v not_o guilty_a in_o this_o respect_n after_o which_o i_o find_v i_o have_v be_v often_o guilty_a of_o the_o misperformance_n of_o duty_n do_v they_o many_o time_n especial_o heretofore_o without_o this_o strong_a pant_a and_o sense_n of_o my_o want_n april_n 27._o oh_o my_o soul_n be_v thou_o not_o able_a to_o say_v through_o grace_n before_o the_o lord_n the_o searcher_n of_o heart_n that_o there_o be_v hardly_o that_o word_n come_v out_o of_o thy_o mouth_n or_o that_o action_n do_v by_o thou_o in_o any_o place_n or_o company_n that_o pass_v by_o thou_o without_o a_o reveiw_n judge_v and_o condemn_v thyself_o for_o they_o the_o beginning_n of_o may_n though_o i_o can_v find_v little_a fruit_n or_o growth_n in_o my_o soul_n the_o sight_n and_o sense_n of_o the_o work_n of_o god_n upon_o my_o soul_n be_v as_o it_o be_v draw_v over_o with_o a_o cloud_n yet_o even_o then_o oh_o my_o soul_n have_v not_o the_o lord_n much_o refresh_v thou_o by_o enable_v thou_o in_o some_o measure_n to_o roll_n upon_o that_o gracious_a word_n which_o have_v be_v at_o seasonable_a time_n bring_v to_o thy_o view_n that_o in_o hos_n 4._o 8._o i_o be_o as_o a_o green_a firr-tree_n in_o i_o be_v thy_o fruit_n find_v now_o this_o tree_n be_v always_o green_a do_v not_o the_o lord_n sometime_o disappoint_v the_o expectation_n oh_o my_o soul_n even_o of_o the_o sensible_a enjoyment_n of_o his_o own_o presence_n in_o a_o duty_n or_o ordinance_n or_o society_n that_o he_o may_v the_o more_o sweeten_v it_o to_o thou_o when_o he_o be_v please_v to_o appear_v and_o the_o more_o to_o draw_v thou_o out_o to_o seek_v his_o appearance_n and_o to_o cry_v mighty_o after_o he_o o_o my_o soul_n why_o shall_v thou_o say_v thou_o can_v not_o find_v love_n to_o god_n when_o thou_o do_v so_o frequent_o and_o restles_o desire_v the_o presence_n and_o appearance_n of_o god_n in_o every_o ordinance_n and_o duty_n if_o it_o be_v not_o for_o his_o own_o sake_n why_o do_v not_o my_o soul_n sit_v down_o and_o rest_v content_v with_o the_o ordinance_n themselves_o two_o paper_n be_v give_v to_o mr._n knight_n to_o present_v before_o the_o lord_n at_o a_o private_a fast_o at_o fulham_n chapel_n in_o the_o behalf_n of_o the_o nation_n may_v 4_o 1653._o 1_o one_o who_o continual_o groan_v before_o the_o lord_n under_o the_o sense_n of_o the_o body_n of_o death_n and_o the_o continual_a issue_v of_o it_o out_o in_o the_o whole_a course_n of_o their_o conversation_n to_o the_o dishonour_n of_o that_o god_n that_o deserve_v for_o ever_o even_o by_o their_o soul_n to_o be_v admire_v and_o praise_v be_v a_o god_n that_o delight_v in_o mercy_n and_o in_o the_o manifestation_n of_o it_o to_o their_o poor_a soul_n notwithstanding_o all_o their_o rebellion_n against_o he_o the_o desire_n therefore_o of_o their_o soul_n be_v that_o you_o who_o love_n and_o feat_n the_o lord_n will_v improve_v your_o interest_n in_o he_o in_o their_o behalf_n that_o the_o lord_n will_v once_o be_v please_v to_o give_v they_o more_o power_n over_o all_o their_o corruption_n that_o however_o he_o see_v meet_v to_o deal_v with_o their_o body_n though_o he_o wound_n yet_o it_o be_v he_o that_o heal_v though_o he_o lay_v sickness_n weakness_n distemper_n whatever_o he_o please_v upon_o they_o that_o yet_o he_o will_v please_v to_o give_v they_o more_o strength_n in_o their_o inward_a man_n to_o subdue_v and_o mortify_v their_o corruption_n and_o resist_v all_o the_o fiery_a dart_n of_o satan_n enable_v they_o to_o walk_v with_o a_o holy_a awe_n and_o fear_v of_o his_o bless_a self_n in_o the_o whole_a course_n of_o their_o conversation_n in_o all_o their_o relation_n and_o under_o the_o dispensation_n of_o god_n to_o they_o that_o so_o if_o the_o lord_n please_v they_o may_v never_o prove_v by_o their_o uneven_a conversation_n any_o blot_n or_o blemish_n to_o the_o glorious_a gospel_n of_o god_n and_o their_o saviour_n jesus_n christ_n the_o thought_n whereof_o be_v if_o their_o heart_n deceive_v they_o not_o more_o bitter_a than_o death_n 2_o one_o who_o earnest_o desire_v that_o those_o who_o fear_v the_o lord_n will_v wrestle_v mighty_o with_o he_o in_o the_o behalf_n of_o some_o poor_a dead_a dark_a soul_n who_o be_v near_o relate_v to_o they_o that_o the_o lord_n will_v once_o be_v please_v to_o speak_v so_o effectual_o to_o their_o heart_n that_o they_o may_v be_v cause_v to_o stand_v up_o on_o their_o foot_n and_o jesus_n christ_n may_v give_v they_o life_n that_o see_v he_o have_v say_v the_o dead_a shall_v hear_v the_o voice_n of_o the_o son_n of_o god_n and_o hear_v live_v that_o this_o bless_a word_n may_v be_v make_v good_a to_o their_o soul_n that_o so_o they_o
magnify_v the_o name_n of_o our_o prayer-hearing_a god_n a_o god_n that_o delight_v in_o mercy_n and_o in_o the_o manifestation_n of_o it_o to_o his_o poor_a worthless_a creature_n beseech_v he_o further_a to_o increase_v my_o faith_n and_o help_v i_o to_o act_v it_o lively_a at_o this_o present_a in_o a_o plentiful_a feed_n upon_o the_o lord_n jesus_n that_o so_o my_o soul_n may_v find_v abundant_a strength_n heal_v and_o cleanse_v to_o issue_n from_o he_o in_o who_o all_o my_o hope_n and_o help_n lie_v the_o same_o ten_o of_o this_o six_o month_n the_o second_o paper_n that_o i_o put_v up_o this_o day_n be_v in_o relation_n to_o our_o communion_n which_o i_o thus_o express_v one_o of_o this_o despise_a handful_n desire_n that_o the_o lord_n will_v be_v please_v to_o humble_v our_o soul_n before_o he_o that_o we_o have_v be_v guilty_a before_o he_o of_o rashness_n and_o inconsiderateness_n together_o with_o want_n of_o love_n and_o tenderness_n to_o each_o other_o which_o the_o lord_n 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before_o the_o lord_n and_o to_o spread_v the_o sad_a condition_n of_o one_o in_o near_a relation_n to_o she_o that_o conceive_v himself_o in_o a_o happy_a condition_n when_o there_o be_v ground_n enough_o to_o fear_v the_o contrary_a she_o desire_v you_o together_o with_o she_o to_o beseech_v the_o lord_n to_o discover_v it_o to_o he_o that_o so_o he_o may_v have_v no_o rest_n in_o his_o soul_n till_o he_o be_v bring_v home_o and_o build_v upon_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n that_o only_a foundation_n the_o same_o ten_o of_o this_o six_o month_n 1653._o one_o who_o be_v compass_v with_o such_o a_o body_n of_o death_n and_o corruption_n under_o which_o the_o party_n sad_o mourn_v pollute_v all_o that_o ever_o she_o put_v her_o hand_n unto_o therefore_o she_o desire_v your_o earnest_a prayer_n to_o the_o lord_n that_o he_o will_v come_v and_o dwell_v in_o her_o soul_n and_o be_v as_o a_o refiner_n fire_n and_o as_o full_a soap_n to_o cleanse_v she_o and_o to_o burn_v up_o whatsoever_o be_v contrary_a to_o himself_o or_o any_o way_n darken_v his_o glory_n the_o 13_o of_o the_o six_o month_n the_o lord_n draw_v out_o my_o heart_n exceed_o to_o beg_v a_o increase_n of_o faith_n even_o beyond_o sight_n &_o sense_n that_o though_o i_o can_v not_o see_v corruption_n dead_a yet_o that_o i_o may_v believe_v that_o it_o shall_v be_v so_o in_o god_n time_n as_o also_o to_o beg_v for_o our_o sister_n harris_n her_o mother_n and_o that_o the_o lord_n will_v please_v to_o cure_v she_o of_o the_o fear_n of_o death_n who_o have_v be_v subject_a to_o this_o bondage_n and_o help_v she_o to_o commit_v her_o soul_n to_o he_o as_o a_o faithful_a creator_n and_o a_o everlasting_a love_a tender-hearted_a father_n the_o fifteen_o day_n of_o the_o six_o month_n be_v discover_v to_o i_o that_o i_o have_v often_o think_v that_o if_o i_o have_v but_o assurance_n of_o the_o love_n of_o god_n than_o nothing_o can_v trouble_v i_o but_o i_o shall_v be_v swallow_v up_o with_o joy_n and_o even_o overcome_v with_o it_o but_o oh_o my_o soul_n have_v it_o be_v thus_o with_o thou_o since_o the_o lord_n appear_v abundant_o in_o way_n of_o refreshment_n to_o thou_o or_o rather_o quit_v contrary_a since_o thou_o have_v be_v set_v free_a from_o from_o the_o fear_n of_o hell_n and_o wrath_n oh_o how_o sad_a to_o think_v that_o ever_o thou_o shall_v live_v to_o rebel_v against_o such_o a_o god_n a_o father_n of_o so_o much_o mercy_n about_o the_o end_n of_o the_o seven_o month_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o lay_v some_o light_a affliction_n upon_o my_o poor_a body_n thereby_o draw_v out_o my_o heart_n after_o this_o manner_n to_o he_o bless_a lord_n what_o may_v thy_o end_n be_v in_o thy_o fatherly_a chastisement_n oh_o that_o thou_o will_v discover_v it_o and_o rather_o let_v this_o affliction_n abide_v continue_v yea_o be_v increase_v and_o augment_v what_o thou_o will_v rather_o than_o that_o the_o corruption_n shall_v not_o be_v discover_v and_o purge_v out_o which_o request_n be_v still_o continue_v then_o be_v the_o lord_n please_v in_o some_o measure_n in_o answer_n hereunto_o to_o discover_v those_o thing_n follow_v to_o i_o which_o i_o know_v not_o but_o that_o he_o may_v much_o aim_n at_o as_o may_v not_o the_o lord_n have_v some_o respect_n to_o thy_o want_n of_o pity_n and_o compassion_n to_o one_o in_o misery_n may_v not_o the_o lord_n lie_v his_o hand_n upon_o thou_o though_o not_o in_o that_o kind_n nay_o be_v he_o not_o righteous_a if_o he_o shall_v lay_v the_o same_o stroke_n have_v not_o thou_o deserve_v it_o as_o well_o as_o she_o may_v not_o the_o lord_n do_v it_o to_o call_v thou_o home_o and_o quicken_v thou_o from_o thy_o sloth_n deadness_n &_o dulness_n and_o the_o estrangement_n of_o heart_n that_o be_v so_o fast_o a_o grow_n between_o thy_o soul_n and_o the_o lord_n o_o bless_a father_n say_v my_o soul_n let_v my_o corruption_n be_v wrought_v out_o and_o thy_o poor_a creature_n quicken_v be_v not_o thy_o heart_n and_o affection_n exceed_o run_v out_o from_o the_o lord_n to_o the_o creature_n oh_o blened_a be_v that_o stroke_n that_o call_v thou_o back_o so_o that_o this_o work_n be_v but_o do_v by_o it_o the_o three_o day_n of_o the_o eight_o month_n be_v much_o oppress_v in_o spirit_n with_o the_o thought_n of_o the_o dishonour_n that_o will_v come_v to_o god_n and_o scandal_n to_o the_o gospel_n by_o the_o sad_a fall_n of_o one_o of_o our_o brethren_n and_o the_o fear_n that_o be_v upon_o my_o heart_n touch_v he_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o draw_v out_o my_o heart_n this_o evening_n to_o beg_v of_o he_o to_o discover_v to_o our_o soul_n in_o general_a and_o to_o my_o soul_n in_o particular_a what_o his_o end_n be_v in_o gather_v this_o poor_a handful_n together_o tell_v he_o i_o hope_v he_o do_v not_o do_v it_o to_o make_v we_o the_o instrument_n of_o his_o dishonour_n to_o the_o world_n and_o withal_o i_o be_v put_v upon_o it_o i_o very_o believe_v by_o the_o spirit_n of_o the_o lord_n in_o that_o same_o day_n to_o reflect_v back_o upon_o my_o own_o soul_n what_o my_o end_n be_v enjoin_v in_o that_o communion_n and_o as_o i_o be_v press_v the_o lord_n to_o show_v i_o why_o or_o to_o what_o end_n he_o have_v direct_v i_o to_o join_v in_o that_o society_n tell_v he_o withal_o that_o sure_o my_o desire_n be_v to_o attend_v upon_o direction_n in_o it_o and_o that_o if_o any_o other_o thing_n what_o ever_o do_v bias_n my_o spirit_n in_o the_o act_n that_o the_o lord_n will_v please_v to_o discover_v it_o to_o i_o whereupon_o i_o beg_v of_o the_o lord_n that_o he_o will_v help_v i_o to_o examine_v my_o heart_n about_o it_o and_o that_o if_o i_o be_v bias_v by_o any_o wrong_a respect_n that_o the_o lord_n will_v convince_v i_o of_o it_o and_o humble_a my_o soul_n deep_o for_o it_o and_o pardon_v it_o in_o christ_n blood_n now_o o_o my_o soul_n deal_v impartial_o in_o this_o work_n of_o examination_n in_o this_o thing_n and_o spread_v it_o before_o he_o this_o letter_n be_v give_v to_o master_n knight_n what_o to_o seek_v the_o lord_n about_o upon_o the_o nine_o of_o this_o month_n 1653._o dear_a sir_n sathan_n have_v often_o beset_v my_o soul_n to_o endeavour_v to_o keep_v it_o from_o a_o present_a participate_v in_o this_o holy_a ordinance_n upon_o several_a pretence_n and_o have_v again_o now_o attempt_v it_o i_o dare_v no_o long_o keep_v his_o counsel_n but_o in_o the_o impart_v of_o it_o i_o crave_v that_o help_n of_o your_o prayer_n at_o the_o throne_n of_o grace_n that_o the_o lord_n will_v be_v please_v to_o disappoint_v he_o in_o all_o his_o vice_n that_o wherein_o he_o seek_v to_o do_v i_o hurt_v
a_o wise_a virgin_n lamp_n burn_v or_o god_n sweet_a income_n of_o love_n to_o a_o gracious_a soul_n wait_v for_o he_o be_v the_o experience_n of_o mrs._n anne_n venn_n daughter_n to_o col._n john_n venn_n &_o member_n of_o the_o church_n of_o christ_n at_o fulham_n write_v by_o she_o own_o hand_n and_o find_v in_o her_o closet_n after_o her_o death_n wherein_o be_v declare_v she_o exceed_v frequent_a address_n to_o the_o throne_n of_o grace_n and_o how_o speedy_o answer_v write_a for_o the_o comfort_n of_o such_o as_o mourn_v in_o zion_n and_o quicken_a of_o saint_n by_o her_o bless_a example_n psal_n 30.5_o weep_n may_v endure_v for_o a_o night_n but_o joy_n come_v in_o the_o morning_n psal_n 66.16_o come_v and_o hear_v all_o you_o that_o fear_v god_n i_o will_v declare_v what_o he_o have_v do_v for_o my_o soul_n psal_n 85.8_o i_o will_v hear_v what_o god_n the_o lord_n will_v say_v for_o he_o will_v speak_v peace_n to_o his_o people_n lam._n 3.25_o the_o lord_n be_v good_a to_o they_o that_o wait_v for_o he_o to_o the_o soul_n that_o seek_v he_o london_n print_v for_o e._n cole_n and_o be_v to_o be_v sell_v at_o the_o sign_n of_o the_o printing-press_n in_o cornhill_n 1658._o christian_n reader_n here_o may_v thou_o see_v the_o free_a frequent_a &_o familiar_a intercourse_n betwixt_o the_o lord_n &_o a_o godly_a soul_n her_o continual_a address_n to_o he_o and_o his_o gracious_a return_v to_o she_o doubtless_o she_o be_v one_o that_o as_o it_o be_v say_v of_o caleb_n follow_v god_n full_o and_o lay_v as_o much_o in_o the_o bosom_n of_o christ_n as_o any_o that_o i_o have_v hear_v of_o a_o rare_a pattern_n in_o these_o cold_a decline_a time_n wherein_o so_o many_o either_o turn_n aside_o from_o the_o truth_n or_o else_o lose_v their_o first_o love_n but_o her_o pious_a soul_n in_o a_o eminent_a manner_n keep_v truth_n and_o zeal_n warm_v she_o in_o heart_n even_o till_o she_o enjoy_v full_a communion_n with_o her_o belove_a in_o heaven_n as_o she_o begin_v to_o seek_v after_o god_n betimes_o about_o the_o age_n of_o nine_o year_n so_o she_o continue_v with_o her_o loin_n gird_v her_o lamp_n burn_v and_o her_o light_n shine_v more_o and_o more_o till_o the_o perfect_a day_n the_o tenderness_n of_o god_n the_o malice_n of_o satan_n her_o patience_n in_o wait_v on_o god_n for_o certain_a year_n to_o gether_o in_o her_o first_o conversion_n be_v remarkable_a the_o closeness_n of_o her_o spirit_n not_o open_v her_o condition_n to_o such_o as_o may_v have_v relieve_v she_o her_o seek_v to_o heal_v herself_o by_o duty_n and_o holy_a walk_n for_o a_o long_a time_n keep_v down_o her_o soul_n from_o look_v up_o to_o the_o free_a grace_n in_o christ_n till_o she_o be_v even_o tire_v out_o as_o noah_n dove_n by_o flutter_v upon_o the_o unsteady_a water_n but_o then_o the_o lord_n jesus_n put_v forth_o his_o hand_n and_o take_v her_o weary_a soul_n into_o the_o ark_n of_o his_o rest_n give_v she_o such_o a_o clear_a sight_n of_o himself_o that_o now_o have_v with_o the_o spouse_n find_v she_o belove_v she_o take_v he_o and_o catch_v he_o and_o hold_v he_o and_o will_v not_o let_v he_o go_v oft_o say_v with_o the_o spouse_n let_v he_o kiss_v i_o with_o the_o kiss_n of_o his_o mouth_n for_o his_o love_n be_v better_a than_o wine_n be_v able_a from_o that_o time_n to_o sing_v the_o sweet_a song_n of_o simeon_n long_v to_o be_v at_o home_n with_o her_o jesus_n oh_o the_o peace_n and_o or_o oh_o the_o bless_a reviving_n and_o quickning_n oh_o the_o prayer_n praise_n and_o admiring_n her_o precious_a soul_n be_v fill_v withal_o from_o that_o day_n forward_o though_o now_o aâ—d_v then_o some_o secret_a withdrawing_n to_o the_o last_o moment_n of_o her_o life_n her_o conversation_n be_v in_o heaven_n she_o walk_v with_o god_n her_o heart_n loosen_a from_o this_o world_n as_o this_o treatise_n full_o speak_v so_o much_o of_o her_o strength_n spirit_n affection_n and_o time_n she_o spend_v in_o closet-meeting_n with_o god_n in_o read_v pray_v meditation_n self-examination_n etc._n etc._n that_o it_o be_v a_o wonder_n her_o poor_a weak_a body_n be_v able_a to_o subsist_v and_o doubtless_o have_v not_o god_n renew_v her_o strength_n anoint_v she_o with_o fresh_a oil_n it_o can_v not_o have_v be_v i_o marvel_v i_o confess_v to_o see_v so_o many_o of_o her_o writing_n find_v in_o her_o closet_n as_o i_o do_v god_n give_v she_o a_o quick_a wit_n a_o large_a understanding_n a_o consider_a spirit_n and_o look_v much_o into_o herself_o teach_v she_o to_o put_v a_o high_a price_n on_o ordinance_n make_v she_o very_o diligent_a in_o the_o use_n of_o all_o mean_v lay_v she_o very_o low_a in_o she_o own_o eye_n with_o much_o self-emptiness_n &_o thus_o bespoko_fw-mi a_o la_fw-fr ge_fw-mi room_n in_o her_o heart_n that_o he_o may_v bestow_v a_o great_a deal_n of_o christ_n therein_o and_o so_o make_v she_o a_o vessel_n capable_a of_o a_o great_a measure_n of_o grace_n then_o i_o be_o persuade_v many_o other_o though_o true_o 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after_o her_o death_n her_o sell_v leave_v this_o as_o the_o reason_n lest_o her_o wretched_a heart_n shall_v be_v lift_v up_o and_o other_o shall_v think_v better_o of_o she_o than_o be_v meet_v she_o be_v such_o a_o high_a prizer_n of_o ordinance_n that_o she_o forget_v the_o weakness_n of_o her_o own_o body_n the_o length_n of_o the_o way_n &_o many_o other_o obstructon_n will_v frequent_o break_v through_o all_o to_o enjoy_v they_o and_o when_o she_o be_v to_o hear_v she_o first_o be_v full_a of_o prayer_n to_o god_n to_o meet_v she_o therein_o and_o make_v out_o some_o discovery_n to_o her_o soul_n which_o the_o lord_n usual_o do_v and_o she_o straight_o observe_v god_n income_n return_v with_o praise_n her_o deep_a acknowledgement_n of_o the_o same_o no_o small_a importunity_n of_o very_a many_o godly_a that_o know_v she_o have_v force_v the_o publish_n of_o this_o treatise_n and_o other_o of_o long_o stand_v in_o christ_n and_o eminent_a grace_n who_o have_v see_v some_o of_o it_o in_o manuscript_n have_v free_o confess_v they_o never_o look_v into_o it_o but_o be_v much_o humble_v to_o so_o how_o short_a themselves_o come_v in_o such_o heart-searching_n self-judging_n close-walkings_a with_o god_n and_o such_o observe_n of_o the_o answer_n of_o their_o prayer_n as_o they_o read_v in_o this_o her_o daily_a practice_n i_o hope_v it_o may_v be_v useful_a in_o these_o decline_a time_n to_o convince_v some_o christian_n of_o their_o slackness_n and_o awaken_v other_o and_o show_v they_o how_o to_o make_v more_o heart-work_n by_o the_o example_n of_o one_o of_o the_o weak_a sex_n and_o if_o to_o thy_o knowledge_n it_o shall_v not_o add_v much_o yet_o to_o thy_o spirit_n and_o practise_v it_o may_v conduce_v not_o a_o little_a thou_o in_o our_o dear_a lord_n and_o head_n tho._n weld_n to_o all_o that_o love_v the_o appearance_n of_o the_o lord_n jesus_n grace_n and_o peace_n be_v call_v upon_o by_o the_o earnest_a importunity_n of_o many_o gracious_a soul_n to_o give_v forth_o my_o testimony_n of_o this_o bless_a servant_n of_o christ_n mr_n anne_n venn_n and_o have_v have_v many_o year_n converse_v about_o the_o great_a matter_n of_o eternal_a life_n with_o she_o and_o enjoy_v her_o society_n for_o some_o year_n in_o the_o holy_a fellowship_n of_o the_o gospel_n i_o can_v not_o but_o present_a to_o the_o saint_n the_o sweet_a savour_n of_o her_o holy_a walk_n in_o which_o she_o be_v a_o lively_a example_n to_o all_o that_o know_v she_o the_o lord_n first_o break_v in_o upon_o her_o heart_n by_o the_o frequent_a impression_n of_o the_o word_n as_o they_o be_v instill_v into_o she_o by_o her_o honour_a father_n who_o practice_n be_v to_o reinforce_v the_o truth_n public_o preach_v
world_n with_o i_o then_o do_v the_o lord_n enable_v i_o to_o see_v that_o all_o my_o former_a desire_n will_v have_v be_v nothing_o but_o that_o i_o may_v even_o then_o have_v go_v to_o hell_n as_o well_o as_o afterward_o whereupon_o i_o be_v much_o trouble_v and_o very_o desirous_a to_o read_v and_o hear_v all_o the_o mark_n of_o a_o righteous_a man_n that_o shall_v go_v to_o heaven_n and_o according_o i_o get_v a_o book_n call_v mr._n roger_n evidence_n and_o a_o other_o call_v the_o touchstone_n of_o true_a grace_n a_o other_o call_v none_o but_o christ_n and_o divers_a other_o which_o i_o do_v daily_o read_v on_o for_o many_o hour_n together_o then_o come_v the_o devil_n upon_o i_o with_o this_o temptation_n that_o i_o shall_v keep_v all_o this_o my_o trouble_n to_o myself_o and_o not_o discover_v it_o to_o any_o although_o never_o so_o near_o or_o dear_a unto_o i_o which_o temptation_n i_o whole_o yield_v unto_o and_o that_o for_o many_o year_n together_o until_o i_o even_o destroy_v my_o bodily_a health_n with_o continual_a trouble_n fear_n and_o sadness_n but_o not_o discover_v any_o cause_n of_o it_o so_o that_o all_o the_o support_n i_o have_v be_v what_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o hand_n out_o to_o i_o by_o hear_v and_o read_v which_o he_o be_v please_v to_o make_v effectual_a still_o to_o lead_v i_o on_o though_o with_o much_o trouble_n and_o sadness_n then_o in_o the_o begin_n of_o these_o trouble_n be_v in_o the_o year_n 1638._o or_o 1639._o i_o be_v some_o 12_o or_o 13_o year_n old_a which_o be_v time_n of_o great_a fear_n and_o sadness_n the_o people_n of_o god_n meet_v often_o and_o speak_v one_o to_o a_o other_o and_o keep_v day_n of_o humiliation_n and_o seek_v the_o lord_n in_o the_o behalf_n of_o the_o nation_n and_o his_o poor_a people_n in_o it_o my_o parent_n often_o go_v to_o these_o meeting_n but_o not_o dare_v to_o tell_v i_o it_o the_o time_n be_v so_o dangerous_a at_o last_o have_v often_o observe_v the_o frame_n of_o their_o spirit_n at_o such_o time_n more_o especial_o i_o begin_v much_o to_o long_o and_o desire_v to_o know_v whither_o they_o go_v and_o be_v very_o importunate_a with_o my_o mother_n to_o that_o end_n and_o at_o last_o prevail_v she_o be_v content_a to_o let_v i_o go_v along_o with_o they_o which_o be_v so_o please_v to_o i_o that_o ever_o after_o i_o continue_v to_o go_v with_o they_o every_o week_n almost_o and_o sometime_o often_o where_o i_o find_v often_o much_o refreshment_n especial_o bear_v up_o my_o heart_n under_o those_o eminent_a danger_n which_o in_o a_o especial_a manner_n we_o lie_v open_a unto_o which_o the_o devil_n perceive_v to_o be_v agreat_a encouragement_n to_o i_o in_o the_o way_n i_o now_o desire_v to_o walk_v in_o use_v many_o temptation_n work_v together_o with_o the_o corruption_n of_o my_o own_o heart_n in_o this_o estate_n of_o my_o childhood_n to_o hinder_v i_o from_o enjoy_v these_o opportunity_n as_o some_o time_n sleepiness_n be_v fain_o to_o go_v early_o in_o the_o morning_n and_o cold_a it_o be_v in_o the_o deep_a of_o winter_n etc._n etc._n with_o several_a other_o temptation_n as_o the_o danger_n if_o we_o shall_v be_v take_v as_o some_o have_v be_v and_o all_o this_o to_o discourage_v i_o which_o sometime_o he_o well_o nigh_o accomplish_v but_o ponder_v it_o sin_v my_o mind_n and_o be_v enable_v to_o conceive_v it_o to_o be_v but_o a_o temptation_n i_o dare_v very_o seldom_o if_o ever_o give_v way_n to_o they_o but_o be_v still_o enable_v to_o break_v through_o though_o true_o i_o have_v much_o admire_v since_o how_o my_o spirit_n be_v carry_v out_o in_o those_o day_n in_o join_v in_o prayer_n etc._n etc._n how_o exceed_o sometime_o my_o heart_n be_v wrought_v upon_o and_o constrain_v to_o pour_v forth_o tear_n and_o groan_n yea_o my_o heart_n be_v wrought_v up_o to_o such_o a_o frame_n and_o i_o find_v so_o much_o sweetness_n as_o i_o apprehend_v in_o the_o company_n of_o the_o saint_n and_o those_o enjoyment_n my_o soul_n feel_v in_o such_o duty_n that_o i_o think_v i_o can_v free_o and_o cheerful_o lay_v down_o my_o life_n with_o they_o more_o free_o than_o i_o fear_v i_o can_v long_o since_o master_n love_n then_o come_v to_o london_n and_o sometime_o meet_v he_o at_o these_o private_a meeting_n and_o so_o have_v some_o knowledge_n of_o he_o and_o be_v afterward_o choose_v chaplain_n to_o my_o father_n regiment_n and_o so_o go_v to_o windsor_n with_o we_o about_o the_o year_n 1642._o and_o so_o live_v in_o the_o house_n with_o we_o for_o 2_o year_n a_o half_a who_o at_o our_o first_o go_n perceive_v much_o sadness_n to_o lie_v upon_o my_o spirit_n and_o know_v by_o experience_n what_o a_o trouble_a spirit_n be_v he_o have_v former_o lie_v under_o it_o for_o divers_a year_n do_v at_o last_o serious_o burden_n i_o with_o it_o which_o come_v upon_o i_o in_o such_o a_o nick_n of_o time_n have_v but_o a_o little_a before_o be_v read_v in_o a_o little_a book_n that_o i_o have_v wherein_o i_o be_v direct_v that_o 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as_o well_o as_o public_a as_o prayer_n meditation_n examination_n and_o the_o like_a which_o i_o know_v not_o how_o to_o set_v about_o in_o a_o serious_a manner_n be_v every_o way_n unfit_a for_o it_o and_o unable_a to_o it_o so_o that_o often_o through_o neglect_n and_o mis-performance_n this_o also_o add_v to_o my_o trouble_n and_o sadness_n then_o hear_v mr._n love_n preach_v upon_o that_o scripture_n mat._n 5._o 20._o for_o i_o say_v unto_o you_o except_o your_o righteousness_n shall_v exceed_v the_o righteousness_n of_o the_o scribe_n and_o pharisee_n you_o shall_v in_o no_o wise_n enter_v into_o the_o kingdom_n of_o heaven_n and_o hear_v how_o far_o the_o pharisee_n go_v in_o the_o performance_n of_o duty_n and_o avoid_v of_o evil_n etc._n etc._n which_o i_o see_v myself_o so_o short_a of_o which_o make_v i_o conclude_v i_o shall_v also_o be_v short_a of_o heaven_n my_o eye_n &_o understanding_n be_v then_o withhold_v from_o the_o right_a understanding_n of_o the_o spiritual_a sense_n of_o that_o scripture_n which_o since_o the_o lord_n of_o his_o rich_a grace_n have_v enable_v i_o to_o see_v fulfil_v in_o the_o lord_n jesus_n who_o be_v i_o through_o faith_n a_o while_n after_o he_o do_v also_o preach_v upon_o that_o scripture_n in_o heb._n 12._o 15_o 16_o 17._o look_v diligent_o lest_o there_o be_v any_o fornicator_n or_o profane_a person_n as_o esau_n who_o for_o one_o morsel_n of_o meat_n sell_v his_o birthright_n for_o you_o know_v how_o that_o afterward_o when_o he_o will_v have_v inherit_v the_o blessing_n he_o be_v reject_v for_o he_o find_v no_o place_n of_o repentance_n though_o he_o seek_v it_o careful_o with_o tear_n upon_o the_o hear_n of_o which_o it_o be_v suggest_v to_o i_o that_o i_o have_v never_o seek_v the_o blessing_n so_o diligent_o careful_o and_o importunate_o as_o profane_v esau_n do_v and_o therefore_o shall_v much_o more_o go_v without_o it_o the_o thought_n of_o which_o scripture_n among_o divers_a other_o strike_v so_o deep_a in_o i_o that_o it_o much_o increase_v my_o sadness_n so_o that_o i_o can_v take_v little_a delight_n in_o any_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n but_o as_o often_o as_o i_o can_v refuse_v to_o go_v into_o any_o company_n choose_v rather_o a_o solitary_a life_n yet_o still_o endeavour_v to_o keep_v all_o to_o myself_o make_v nothing_o know_v but_o only_o those_o daily_a bodily_a weakness_n which_o do_v also_o accompany_v i_o in_o great_a measure_n in_o this_o condition_n i_o continue_v for_o that_o time_n i_o be_v at_o windsor_n be_v often_o condemn_v in_o my_o own_o conscience_n for_o my_o neglect_n of_o duty_n and_o commission_n of_o sin_n etc._n etc._n and_o what_o ever_o have_v at_o
i_o can_v never_o find_v nor_o charge_n myself_o withal_o have_v always_o hear_v very_o good_a word_n of_o he_o from_o godly_a people_n only_o i_o can_v not_o find_v that_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o speak_v any_o word_n suitable_a to_o my_o condition_n by_o he_o but_o rather_o to_o fill_v i_o with_o notion_n of_o natural_a thing_n and_o in_o a_o natural_a way_n whereupon_o i_o turn_v my_o examination_n into_o prayer_n beseech_v the_o lord_n that_o if_o there_o be_v any_o prejudice_n in_o my_o heart_n that_o lie_v hide_v that_o i_o can_v not_o discern_v that_o he_o will_v be_v please_v to_o root_v it_o out_o and_o not_o let_v it_o hinder_v i_o from_o the_o blessing_n of_o his_o own_o ordinance_n beg_v of_o he_o also_o that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o put_v some_o word_n into_o his_o mouth_n suitable_a to_o the_o estate_n of_o my_o soul_n and_o give_v i_o a_o ear_n to_o hear_v and_o understand_v it_o and_o so_o with_o some_o hope_n yet_o still_o mix_v with_o fear_n i_o continue_v to_o hear_v he_o still_o and_o thus_o i_o do_v often_o time_n still_o press_v it_o upon_o myself_o that_o it_o be_v my_o darkness_n dulness_n and_o ignorance_n that_o be_v the_o hindrance_n but_o find_v after_o all_o this_o nothing_o suitable_a to_o my_o soul_n to_o answer_v the_o long_a desire_n or_o satisfy_v the_o many_o doubt_n of_o it_o i_o at_o the_o last_o tell_v my_o father_n how_o unprofitable_a his_o ministry_n be_v unto_o i_o who_o also_o conclude_v &_o often_o say_v the_o same_o resolve_v to_o seek_v out_o where_o the_o lord_n shall_v direct_v we_o and_o be_v please_v to_o make_v it_o more_o profitable_a to_o we_o so_o we_o attend_v on_o the_o ministry_n elsewhere_o about_o the_o begin_n of_o the_o year_n 1649._o where_o i_o receive_v some_o satisfaction_n but_o still_o upon_o examination_n find_v little_a profit_v in_o my_o spirit_n though_o i_o can_v not_o but_o acknowledge_v that_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v sometime_o to_o speak_v home_o to_o my_o condition_n be_v not_o able_a to_o close_v in_o a_o way_n of_o faith_n with_o what_o be_v deliver_v i_o remain_v in_o a_o very_a sad_a condition_n yet_o continue_v wait_v upon_o the_o lord_n in_o that_o ministry_n above_o a_o year_n and_o then_o return_v into_o the_o country_n be_v much_o solicit_v thereunto_o where_o i_o find_v the_o former_a minister_n upon_o a_o more_o practical_a subject_n i_o continue_v still_o in_o trouble_n of_o spirit_n as_o conclude_v now_o the_o fault_n to_o be_v in_o myself_o because_o when_o i_o enjoy_v such_o mean_n as_o i_o can_v no_o way_n except_v against_o yet_o i_o find_v very_o little_a profit_n or_o benefit_n by_o it_o when_o i_o come_v serious_o to_o examine_v myself_o all_o which_o add_v much_o to_o my_o inward_a trouble_n but_o in_o all_o this_o space_n of_o time_n for_o four_o or_o five_o year_n last_o pass_v be_v i_o exceed_o toss_v to_o and_o fro_o and_o continual_o pester_v with_o divers_a and_o sundry_a temptation_n both_o from_o the_o devil_n and_o my_o own_o wicked_a heart_n to_o instance_n in_o some_o i_o be_v often_o tempt_v to_o very_o hideous_a and_o blasphemous_a thought_n as_o to_o think_v that_o there_o be_v no_o god_n and_o which_o temptation_n be_v always_o suit_v to_o that_o matter_n which_o at_o the_o present_a my_o thought_n be_v work_v upon_o wherein_o indeed_o it_o appear_v to_o be_v a_o mere_a plot_n of_o satan_n that_o subtle_a enemy_n of_o my_o poor_a soul_n as_o for_o instance_n sometime_o when_o in_o the_o bitterness_n of_o my_o trouble_n and_o fear_n i_o have_v make_v any_o appeal_n to_o god_n concern_v the_o desire_n of_o my_o soul_n or_o have_v put_v up_o any_o short_a ejaculation_n to_o he_o or_o have_v be_v meditate_v of_o any_o of_o his_o attribute_n or_o the_o like_a then_o come_v in_o such_o a_o temptation_n as_o this_o why_o who_o do_v thou_o pray_v unto_o do_v thou_o think_v there_o be_v any_o such_o thing_n as_o a_o god_n that_o thou_o appeale_v to_o do_v thou_o ever_o find_v any_o answer_n from_o he_o with_o much_o more_o in_o this_o sort_n and_o when_o any_o scripture_n have_v be_v bring_v to_o my_o thought_n that_o may_v afford_v i_o any_o comfort_n or_o that_o i_o have_v be_v examine_v my_o heart_n from_o any_o scripture_n or_o the_o like_a than_o a_o hundred_o to_o one_o but_o i_o shall_v have_v one_o temptation_n or_o other_o dart_v into_o my_o soul_n to_o question_v the_o truth_n of_o it_o after_o this_o manner_n how_o can_v it_o be_v the_o word_n of_o god_n more_o than_o any_o other_o writing_n and_o how_o shall_v i_o know_v they_o to_o be_v so_o and_o which_o of_o they_o be_v so_o and_o which_o not_o it_o be_v so_o many_o hundred_o year_n a_o go_v write_v and_o have_v go_v through_o so_o many_o hand_n and_o all_o writer_n in_o ancient_a time_n disagree_v about_o it_o etc._n etc._n and_o when_o my_o thought_n have_v be_v set_v or_o fix_v to_o meditate_v of_o that_o everlasting_a condition_n after_o this_o sinful_a life_n be_v end_v or_o endeavour_v to_o attain_v some_o assurance_n of_o a_o happy_a estate_n in_o the_o life_n to_o come_v then_o come_v in_o a_o temptation_n that_o it_o be_v impossible_a that_o ever_o there_o shall_v be_v any_o resurrection_n of_o the_o dead_a with_o many_o carnal_a argument_n to_o back_o it_o but_o these_o temptation_n be_v so_o hideous_a &_o detestable_a even_o by_o the_o light_n of_o nature_n some_o of_o they_o i_o dare_v not_o parley_v long_o with_o they_o but_o endeavour_v still_o to_o detest_v and_o abhor_v they_o and_o to_o raise_v the_o best_a argument_n against_o they_o which_o i_o can_v and_o in_o my_o daily_a course_n of_o read_v the_o word_n to_o gather_v out_o all_o those_o scripture_n that_o i_o can_v observe_v to_o make_v against_o any_o of_o those_o temptation_n and_o so_o to_o answer_v they_o but_o sometime_o the_o more_o i_o reason_v against_o they_o and_o endeavour_v to_o argue_v it_o out_o in_o my_o own_o thought_n the_o more_o they_o will_v prevail_v which_o when_o after_o some_o time_n i_o be_v enable_v to_o perceive_v i_o dare_v no_o long_o parley_v with_o they_o but_o my_o only_a refuge_n be_v to_o throw_v myself_o before_o the_o lord_n and_o there_o to_o tell_v he_o what_o a_o sad_a condition_n i_o be_v in_o and_o how_o satan_n do_v continual_o thus_o torment_v i_o and_o throw_v such_o thing_n continual_o into_o my_o soul_n which_o he_o know_v who_o know_v all_o heart_n be_v the_o burden_n of_o my_o soul_n and_o that_o which_o i_o will_v glad_o be_v rid_v off_o desire_v he_o that_o i_o may_v be_v acquaint_v why_o it_o be_v thus_o with_o i_o that_o he_o do_v loose_a satan_n upon_o i_o as_o also_o that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o give_v i_o more_o power_n to_o resist_v these_o his_o fiery_a dart_n divers_a other_o temptation_n be_v i_o also_o trouble_v withal_o as_o i_o be_v then_o tempt_v to_o believe_v that_o it_o must_v needs_o be_v impossible_a for_o any_o one_o in_o this_o life_n to_o be_v assure_v of_o their_o salvation_n but_o when_o i_o begin_v to_o consider_v how_o many_o of_o god_n people_n who_o i_o can_v not_o but_o believe_v by_o their_o walking_n do_v enjoy_v much_o of_o this_o assurance_n and_o communion_n with_o god_n then_o do_v this_o temptation_n in_o some_o measure_n vanish_v and_o another_o arise_v in_o the_o room_n of_o it_o that_o sure_a it_o be_v impossible_a that_o ever_o i_o shall_v attain_v to_o any_o such_o assurance_n and_o that_o therefore_o i_o be_v none_o of_o his_o child_n which_o when_o i_o have_v seek_v the_o lord_n about_o and_o also_o endeavour_v to_o attain_v unto_o by_o search_v the_o scripture_n and_o compare_v my_o heart_n with_o they_o etc._n etc._n then_o will_v this_o temptation_n also_o arise_v upon_o the_o neck_n of_o the_o other_o that_o i_o ought_v not_o to_o seek_v or_o labour_v too_o much_o to_o attain_v assurance_n for_o sure_o the_o lord_n do_v not_o see_v it_o good_a for_o i_o for_o shall_v the_o lord_n give_v it_o i_o i_o shall_v undoubted_o be_v so_o lift_v up_o and_o so_o fill_v with_o pride_n of_o spirit_n that_o i_o shall_v not_o be_v able_a to_o contain_v myself_o but_o shall_v much_o dishonour_v the_o lord_n by_o it_o these_o with_o many_o such_o like_a temptation_n be_v i_o toss_v up_o &_o down_o withal_o until_o my_o spirit_n be_v even_o overwhelm_v within_o i_o have_v no_o other_o refuge_n but_o only_o to_o tell_v the_o lord_n and_o bemoan_v my_o condition_n to_o he_o who_o as_o yet_o seem_v only_o to_o turn_v the_o deaf_a ear_n to_o i_o and_o to_o cover_v all_o my_o prayer_n with_o a_o cloud_n yet_o in_o all_o this_o time_n of_o my_o trouble_n and_o temptation_n be_v the_o lord_n please_v in_o a_o secret_a manner_n to_o support_v my_o
why_o be_v thou_o disquiet_v within_o i_o hope_v thou_o in_o god_n the_o lord_n set_v this_o home_n with_o much_o power_n upon_o my_o spirit_n at_o this_o time_n have_v be_v all_o the_o winter_n deprive_v of_o the_o enjoy_n of_o any_o public_a mean_n the_o lord_n i_o say_v set_v this_o scripture_n so_o home_o upon_o my_o spirit_n i_o begin_v at_o last_o to_o reason_n thus_o with_o myself_o and_o to_o demand_v of_o my_o soul_n the_o reason_n of_o this_o my_o trouble_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v also_o to_o put_v i_o upon_o the_o view_n of_o some_o sermon_n of_o mr._n marshal_n and_o other_o which_o i_o have_v former_o hear_v some_o expression_n in_o they_o be_v bring_v to_o my_o mind_n wherein_o i_o find_v several_a answer_n to_o many_o thing_n which_o i_o allege_v as_o the_o ground_n of_o my_o trouble_n i_o be_v also_o by_o the_o lord_n i_o hope_v put_v upon_o a_o review_n of_o that_o little_a book_n call_v the_o marrow_n of_o modern_a divinity_n which_o i_o have_v former_o read_v with_o much_o tremble_a with_o a_o secret_a persuasion_n in_o my_o heart_n that_o those_o be_v real_a truth_n though_o former_o i_o neither_o can_v nor_o dare_v full_o close_a with_o they_o which_o two_o mean_n do_v through_o the_o blessing_n of_o god_n at_o the_o present_a somewhat_o settle_v and_o quiet_v my_o turmoil_v spirit_n then_o in_o the_o begin_n of_o the_o year_n 1651._o go_v into_o the_o country_n and_o stay_n about_o a_o month_n within_o 4_o or_o 5_o mile_n where_o mr._n stevens_n exercise_v have_v hear_v of_o he_o i_o have_v a_o great_a desire_n to_o hear_v he_o which_o also_o i_o do_v 3_o or_o 4_o time_n with_o much_o content_n he_o be_v one_o of_o those_o time_n upon_o gal._n 3._o 8._o the_o scripture_n foresee_v that_o god_n will_v justify_v the_o heathen_a through_o faith_n etc._n etc._n where_o he_o show_v we_o full_o that_o god_n do_v not_o justify_v the_o righteous_a but_o even_a heathen_n ungodly_a man_n which_o word_n add_v somewhat_o to_o my_o comfort_n only_o i_o can_v not_o say_v i_o have_v faith_n and_o this_o stumble_v i_o again_o then_o come_v to_o colechester_n and_o rest_v only_o one_o lord_n day_n there_o i_o hear_v mr._n archer_n who_o by_o the_o providence_n of_o god_n be_v then_o upon_o that_o scripture_n in_o joh._n 16._o 8._o where_o the_o lord_n promise_v to_o send_v the_o spirit_n &_o that_o it_o shall_v convince_v the_o world_n of_o sin_n and_o of_o righteousness_n where_o he_o full_o show_v that_o it_o be_v the_o office_n of_o the_o spirit_n to_o convince_v humble_a sinner_n of_o a_o all-sufficient_a righteousness_n in_o jesus_n christ_n thereupon_o still_o labour_v to_o take_v man_n off_o from_o all_o dependence_n upon_o their_o own_o righteousness_n or_o any_o thing_n in_o they_o or_o do_v by_o they_o which_o i_o now_o find_v i_o have_v be_v very_o guilty_a of_o tell_v we_o also_o that_o all_o those_o duty_n grace_n or_o qualification_n that_o we_o so_o rest_v upon_o be_v not_o the_o righteousness_n of_o christ_n etc._n etc._n therefore_o too_o scant_o and_o narrow_a to_o cover_v any_o soul_n at_o which_o time_n i_o must_v needs_o say_v i_o do_v real_o believe_v that_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o strike_v the_o first_o and_o great_a blow_n to_o dependence_n on_o my_o own_o act_n although_o i_o have_v yet_o much_o confusion_n and_o trouble_n in_o my_o spirit_n concern_v this_o thing_n be_v yet_o very_o dark_a in_o the_o understanding_n of_o it_o but_o in_o this_o short_a time_n of_o my_o be_v in_o the_o country_n the_o lord_n have_v in_o some_o measure_n thus_o begin_v as_o it_o be_v to_o speak_v a_o word_n of_o comfort_n to_o my_o poor_a soul_n i_o be_v strange_o in_o my_o own_o thought_n i_o hope_v by_o the_o spirit_n of_o the_o lord_n put_v upon_o the_o desire_n of_o communion_n with_o the_o people_n of_o god_n according_a to_o the_o gospel_n and_o so_o upon_o the_o search_n of_o the_o scripture_n according_a to_o my_o poor_a measure_n to_o that_o end_n accompany_v with_o the_o experience_n i_o former_o have_v of_o that_o way_n call_v the_o presbytery_n which_o i_o be_v now_o very_a much_o unsatisfied_a in_o which_o dissatisfaction_n be_v at_o the_o present_a only_o ground_v upon_o the_o practice_n of_o they_o who_o walk_v in_o that_o way_n find_v they_o general_o so_o full_a of_o wrath_n bitterness_n clamour_n and_o evil_a speak_v even_o of_o brethren_n which_o i_o conceive_v not_o to_o be_v a_o gospel-frame_n of_o spirit_n compare_v with_o those_o who_o practise_v the_o contrary_n which_o be_v much_o set_v upon_o my_o spirit_n to_o be_v more_o sweet_a humble_a and_o christian_n like_a as_o also_o a_o way_n for_o more_o growth_n and_o establishment_n be_v more_o full_a of_o love_n which_o the_o gospel_n be_v so_o full_a of_o and_o watch_v over_o one_o another_o etc._n etc._n which_o i_o now_o see_v i_o stand_v in_o great_a need_n of_o and_o therefore_o much_o desire_v find_v my_o spirit_n then_o much_o draw_v out_o to_o seek_v the_o lord_n direction_n in_o it_o beseech_v he_o more_o and_o more_o to_o clear_v up_o to_o i_o in_o what_o way_n of_o worship_n i_o may_v most_o honour_v he_o and_o meet_v with_o and_o enjoy_v most_o of_o he_o as_o also_o when_o and_o where_o i_o may_v so_o join_v beg_v of_o he_o also_o with_o much_o and_o earnest_a desire_n to_o fit_v i_o for_o it_o then_o come_v home_o again_o my_o trouble_n renew_v to_o think_v how_o my_o lot_n be_v cast_v in_o such_o a_o place_n where_o i_o have_v little_a society_n that_o i_o can_v reap_v any_o benefit_n from_o and_o under_o his_o ministry_n which_o i_o continual_o find_v very_o unprofitable_a to_o i_o at_o last_o make_v this_o know_v to_o a_o friend_n how_o dissatisfy_v i_o be_v to_o hear_v he_o she_o advise_v i_o to_o go_v hear_v mr._n knight_n which_o according_o i_o do_v about_o midsummer_n 1651._o who_o through_o the_o assistance_n of_o god_n do_v full_o lay_v open_a the_o free_a and_o abundant_a grace_n of_o god_n to_o poor_a creature_n who_o see_v their_o lose_a and_o undo_v condition_n out_o of_o christ_n through_o who_o ministry_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o go_v on_o to_o convince_v i_o yet_o far_o and_o more_o full_o of_o my_o great_a unbeleef_n and_o deafness_n to_o jesus_n christ_n which_o have_v wrought_v so_o many_o sad_a trouble_n upon_o my_o spirit_n be_v convince_v of_o which_o i_o will_v glad_o have_v close_v with_o jesus_n christ_n and_o rely_v upon_o he_o have_v nothing_o to_o say_v against_o it_o but_o only_o my_o own_o wretchedness_n which_o be_v so_o often_o and_o full_o by_o he_o answer_v i_o have_v at_o last_o nothing_o to_o say_v but_o only_o that_o i_o be_v so_o overpower_a with_o unbelief_n that_o though_o i_o will_v have_v close_v with_o jesus_n christ_n glad_o and_o with_o all_o my_o soul_n yet_o i_o neither_o dare_v nor_o can_v do_v it_o as_o i_o then_o think_v then_o have_v hear_v of_o the_o meeting_n at_o mr._n knight_n house_n we_o go_v thither_o towards_o the_o end_n of_o aug._n 1651._o be_v about_o a_o week_n before_o the_o fight_n at_o worcester_n at_o which_o time_n they_o apply_v themselves_o much_o to_o speak_v to_o the_o present_a condition_n of_o the_o nation_n and_o the_o godly_a in_o it_o but_o after_o some_o time_n frequent_v this_o meeting_n and_o find_v much_o refreshment_n and_o satisfaction_n from_o it_o about_o a_o month_n or_o two_o at_o the_o most_o after_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o draw_v out_o my_o spirit_n exceed_o to_o spread_v my_o condition_n before_o the_o lord_n and_o also_o crave_v the_o prayer_n of_o his_o people_n in_o that_o meeting_n in_o the_o behalf_n of_o my_o trouble_a soul_n and_o according_o though_o with_o much_o repulse_n in_o myself_o i_o write_v a_o paper_n wherein_o i_o do_v acknowledge_v before_o the_o lord_n that_o have_v be_v convince_v of_o my_o wretched_a condition_n i_o do_v thereupon_o labour_n and_o strive_v to_o walk_v more_o close_o with_o the_o lord_n etc._n etc._n which_o be_v no_o way_n able_a to_o accomplish_v i_o dare_v not_o believe_v or_o go_v to_o god_n as_o a_o father_n but_o be_v in_o some_o measure_n convince_v that_o i_o be_v all_o this_o while_n out_o of_o the_o way_n not_o be_v yet_o thorough_o convince_v of_o the_o righteousness_n of_o christ_n but_o go_v about_o too_o much_o to_o establish_v my_o own_o righteousness_n i_o do_v then_o desire_v their_o prayer_n that_o the_o lord_n will_v be_v please_v to_o reveal_v more_o of_o his_o mind_n and_o will_n in_o jesus_n christ_n to_o my_o soul_n and_o enable_v i_o to_o deny_v myself_o and_o rely_v whole_o upon_o he_o and_o have_v a_o fit_a opportunity_n of_o privacy_n come_v there_o before_o any_o other_o company_n i_o lay_v it_o down_o upon_o the_o table_n and_o it_o
please_v the_o lord_n so_o to_o order_v it_o mr._n knight_n be_v absent_a mr._n barker_n come_v in_o that_o day_n who_o be_v altogether_o unknown_a to_o i_o who_o take_v a_o view_n of_o this_o paper_n among_o other_o do_v mention_v it_o before_o the_o lord_n both_o in_o the_o entrance_n as_o also_o in_o the_o close_a of_o that_o day_n service_n the_o lord_n put_v into_o his_o heart_n and_o mouth_n a_o very_a seasonable_a word_n to_o my_o poor_a soul_n which_o be_v then_o speak_v from_o 2_o pet._n 2._o 3_o 4_o 5._o if_o so_o be_v that_o you_o have_v taste_v that_o the_o lord_n be_v gracious_a to_o who_o come_v as_o live_a stone_n dissallow_v indeed_o of_o man_n but_o choose_v of_o god_n and_o precious_a etc._n etc._n from_o which_o scripture_n and_o what_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v by_o he_o at_o that_o time_n to_o communicate_v from_o it_o do_v my_o soul_n receive_v very_o much_o refreshment_n and_o satisfaction_n then_o do_v the_o lord_n also_o direct_v the_o spirit_n of_o those_o that_o carry_v on_o that_o meeting_n to_o treat_v much_o about_o temptation_n from_o which_o there_o be_v many_o seasonable_a useful_a truth_n set_v home_o upon_o my_o heart_n find_v by_o this_o discourse_n that_o scripture_n in_o 1_o cor._n 10._o 13._o plain_o make_v good_a to_o my_o poor_a soul_n that_o no_o temptation_n have_v take_v i_o but_o such_o as_o i_o now_o see_v be_v common_a to_o other_o that_o i_o dare_v not_o think_v but_o to_o be_v the_o people_n of_o god_n now_o hear_v they_o complain_v of_o the_o same_o thing_n which_o together_o with_o the_o refreshment_n and_o support_a consideration_n under_o each_o of_o these_o which_o be_v hold_v out_o to_o we_o be_v my_o poor_a droop_a spirit_n mighty_o support_v after_o this_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n also_o to_o direct_v they_o in_o this_o meeting_n to_o treat_v about_o that_o great_a grace_n of_o faith_n and_o so_o afterward_o to_o answer_v many_o doubt_n and_o fear_n that_o lay_v upon_o many_o soul_n from_o all_o which_o 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now_o in_o some_o measure_n through_o grace_n to_o see_v that_o it_o be_v a_o heinous_a sin_n and_o therefore_o to_o endeavour_v strive_v and_o pray_v and_o do_v all_o i_o can_v against_o they_o yet_o do_v often_o i_o lie_v under_o many_o sad_a apprehension_n arise_v hence_o be_v convince_v by_o the_o word_n in_o read_v in_o one_o of_o mr._n burrows_n book_n that_o there_o be_v no_o worship_n acceptable_a to_o god_n but_o that_o which_o be_v tender_v up_o to_o he_o as_o a_o father_n and_o the_o father_n of_o our_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n now_o i_o not_o find_v myself_o able_a at_o that_o time_n to_o look_v upon_o god_n or_o look_v up_o to_o he_o under_o this_o relation_n of_o a_o father_n only_o look_v upon_o he_o as_o a_o gracious_a merciful_a and_o yet_o withal_o a_o just_a severe_a god_n this_o be_v a_o great_a trouble_n to_o my_o spirit_n than_o do_v the_o lord_n by_o the_o ministry_n of_o his_o word_n dispense_v by_o mr._n knight_n at_o the_o chapel_n at_o hammersmith_n put_v i_o upon_o the_o serious_a thought_n of_o that_o scripture_n in_o jer._n 3._o 1_o 4_o 12_o 13_o 14_o 15_o 19_o vers_fw-la which_o at_o that_o time_n take_v much_o upon_o my_o heart_n in_o this_o particular_a have_v no_o power_n to_o gainsay_v the_o duty_n require_v in_o it_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v by_o the_o ministry_n of_o his_o word_n dispense_v by_o mr._n knight_n and_o sometime_o some_o other_o to_o come_v in_o further_o carry_v on_o this_o work_n that_o he_o have_v thus_o begin_v in_o my_o soul_n enable_v i_o daily_o more_o and_o more_o to_o grow_v up_o towards_o a_o more_o full_a assurance_n and_o confident_a roll_v upon_o and_o give_v up_o my_o whole_a soul_n to_o jesus_n christ_n give_v i_o bodily_a to_o see_v more_o and_o more_o my_o own_o emptiness_n &_o nothingness_n &_o the_o conrinual_a need_n i_o stand_v in_o of_o he_o without_o who_o i_o now_o see_v that_o i_o be_v nothing_o have_v nothing_o and_o can_v have_v nothing_o but_o only_a sin_n as_o also_o that_o fullness_n that_o be_v in_o he_o together_o with_o a_o readiness_n to_o give_v forth_o and_o communicate_v out_o of_o it_o to_o poor_a creature_n who_o see_v the_o need_n they_o have_v of_o it_o and_o come_v to_o he_o for_o it_o which_o i_o now_o desire_v above_o all_o thing_n strength_n to_o do_v and_o that_o i_o may_v go_v whole_o out_o of_o myself_o and_o come_v to_o he_o for_o life_n then_o hear_v that_o mr._n knight_n and_o some_o few_o christian_n more_o be_v about_o gather_v into_o a_o communion_n together_o i_o be_v much_o rejoice_v in_o spirit_n at_o it_o suppose_v that_o happy_o the_o lord_n may_v please_v to_o make_v it_o a_o mercy_n to_o i_o if_o i_o can_v but_o see_v he_o clear_v up_o my_o way_n and_o open_v a_o door_n for_o i_o to_o join_v with_o they_o which_o work_n seem_v for_o a_o time_n to_o go_v on_o in_o their_o desire_n and_o intention_n yet_o there_o be_v much_o fear_n arise_v in_o my_o spirit_n concern_v it_o how_o i_o shall_v be_v enable_v to_o make_v out_o my_o condition_n so_o as_o that_o i_o may_v be_v approve_v of_o be_v full_a of_o ebbing_n and_o flow_n sometime_o hope_v a_o little_a and_o sometime_o again_o full_a of_o fear_n thus_o be_v at_o a_o great_a stand_n in_o myself_o not_o know_v what_o to_o do_v but_o often_o seek_v the_o lord_n concern_v it_o who_o be_v please_v at_o last_o to_o enable_v i_o to_o take_v up_o this_o resolution_n that_o through_o his_o grace_n assist_v of_o i_o i_o will_v put_v it_o upon_o the_o trial_n rely_v upon_o he_o to_o enable_v i_o to_o make_v out_o what_o himself_o have_v wrought_v in_o my_o soul_n though_o in_o much_o weakness_n yet_o i_o hope_v in_o truth_n and_o this_o i_o be_v the_o more_o willing_a unto_o that_o scripture_n or_o rule_n of_o the_o apostle_n be_v then_o much_o set_v upon_o the_o heart_n in_o the_o 1_o pet._n 3._o 15._o be_v ready_a always_o to_o give_v a_o answer_n to_o every_o man_n that_o ask_v you_o a_o reason_n of_o the_o hope_n that_o be_v in_o you_o with_o meekness_n and_o fear_n and_o though_o i_o be_v very_o sensible_a of_o my_o own_o disability_n hereunto_o yet_o rather_o than_o to_o deprive_v myself_o of_o such_o a_o benefit_n i_o be_v enable_v in_o some_o measure_n to_o submit_v yet_o not_o without_o many_o fear_n and_o that_o strong_a one_o too_o that_o i_o shall_v not_o be_v accept_v of_o the_o lord_n now_o enable_v i_o to_o take_v up_o these_o thought_n that_o i_o will_v through_o his_o assistance_n do_v my_o duty_n and_o offer_v myself_o and_o if_o the_o lord_n shall_v so_o order_v the_o spirit_n of_o his_o people_n to_o deny_v i_o i_o do_v desire_v to_o see_v his_o mind_n and_o to_o expect_v strength_n from_o he_o to_o submit_v to_o his_o will_n manite_v through_o it_o acknowledge_v it_o no_o more_o nor_o so_o much_o as_o i_o have_v deserve_v consider_v with_o all_o that_o my_o desire_n be_v chief_o and_o in_o the_o first_o place_n to_o approve_v myself_o to_o the_o lord_n and_o if_o he_o see_v it_o good_a to_o his_o people_n also_o but_o if_o otherwise_o my_o desire_n be_v though_o i_o know_v not_o how_o i_o shall_v be_v enable_v to_o do_v it_o yet_o however_o to_o wait_v upon_o the_o lord_n and_o follow_v he_o still_o until_o he_o shall_v see_v good_a to_o make_v out_o a_o way_n for_o i_o then_o be_v there_o a_o day_n keep_v to_o seek_v the_o lord_n on_o the_o behalf_n of_o mrs._n arnal_a which_o by_o providence_n i_o hear_v of_o and_o have_v a_o desire_n to_o be_v at_o which_o according_o i_o do_v at_o which_o time_n my_o spirit_n be_v much_o stir_v up_o to_o crave_v the_o prayer_n of_o the_o people_n of_o god_n that_o
experience_n to_o be_v a_o god_n hear_v prayer_n for_o i_o find_v he_o now_o also_o as_o i_o hope_v i_o may_v to_o his_o glory_n speak_v come_v in_o very_o much_o as_o it_o be_v fit_v i_o for_o this_o mercy_n by_o give_v in_o out_o of_o his_o own_o free_a grace_n to_o his_o poor_a unworthy_a creature_n yet_o a_o more_o full_a and_o clear_a sight_n of_o his_o work_n upon_o my_o soul_n and_o so_o of_o my_o interest_n in_o he_o by_o mean_n whereof_o i_o may_v now_o the_o more_o comfortable_o offer_v up_o myself_o into_o the_o communion_n of_o his_o people_n without_o a_o sight_n of_o which_o i_o shall_v hardly_o i_o think_v have_v presume_v to_o have_v do_v which_o work_n of_o his_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o help_v on_o by_o several_a of_o his_o servant_n in_o mr._n knight_n absence_n as_o mr._n sidrach_n simpson_n and_o mr._n rogers_n who_o he_o be_v please_v to_o make_v instrumental_a for_o my_o soul_n advantage_n and_o comfort_n at_o this_o time_n which_o the_o lord_n thus_o carry_v on_o until_o it_o be_v towards_o the_o end_n of_o the_o seven_o month_n common_o call_v september_n in_o this_o year_n 1652._o at_o which_o time_n mr._n knight_n be_v return_v home_o and_o remove_n to_o fulham_n where_o the_o lord_n open_v a_o door_n for_o his_o people_n to_o join_v in_o communion_n together_o according_a to_o the_o gospel_n the_o lord_n now_o offer_v i_o this_o opportunity_n which_o i_o have_v so_o much_o long_v for_o and_o his_o servant_n mr._n knight_n to_o who_o i_o have_v former_o by_o a_o other_o friend_n intimate_v my_o desire_n he_o i_o say_v acquaint_v i_o with_o it_o i_o dare_v not_o rash_o deny_v to_o join_v with_o they_o but_o what_o fear_n and_o tremble_n there_o be_v upon_o my_o spirit_n at_o this_o time_n be_v know_v only_o to_o the_o lord_n for_o indeed_o i_o be_o not_o able_a to_o express_v it_o in_o which_o trouble_n my_o refuge_n as_o former_o be_v only_o to_o go_v to_o the_o lord_n beseech_v and_o earnest_o importune_v he_o now_o to_o appear_v and_o give_v in_o direction_n to_o his_o poor_a creature_n who_o be_v now_o in_o such_o a_o straight_a as_o that_o she_o know_v not_o what_o to_o do_v but_o so_o far_o as_o i_o know_v my_o own_o heart_n lean_v alone_o upon_o the_o lord_n and_o wait_v for_o his_o direction_n i_o go_v to_o the_o place_n appoint_v to_o meet_v in_o not_o know_v what_o i_o shall_v do_v in_o it_o take_v little_a or_o no_o rest_n all_o the_o night_n before_o but_o come_v there_o next_o morning_n and_o be_v still_o much_o oppress_v in_o spirit_n in_o the_o turn_n of_o a_o eye_n as_o it_o be_v i_o can_v not_o express_v how_o or_o which_o way_n my_o spirit_n be_v on_o a_o sudden_a wrought_v over_o to_o give_v my_o consent_n and_o so_o to_o join_v with_o they_o they_o be_v as_o they_o conceive_v well_o satisfy_v in_o the_o long_a knowledge_n they_o have_v have_v of_o each_o other_o and_o their_o frequent_a converse_v together_o some_o whereof_o be_v in_o order_n to_o this_o very_a work_n which_o have_v be_v much_o desire_v by_o those_o few_o person_n that_o then_o join_v and_o they_o so_o long_o interrupt_v and_o have_v put_v up_o many_o petition_n to_o the_o throne_n of_o grace_n concern_v it_o mr._n barker_n be_v then_o present_a and_o carry_v the_o intend_a work_n by_o prayer_n and_o counsel_n we_o join_v together_o in_o the_o fellowship_n of_o the_o gospel_n but_o this_o work_n be_v not_o perform_v in_o so_o solemn_a a_o manner_n as_o i_o for_o my_o part_n can_v have_v desire_v both_o in_o set_v more_o time_n a_o part_n to_o seek_v the_o lord_n together_o in_o it_o and_o to_o have_v endeavour_v to_o have_v give_v more_o full_a satisfaction_n to_o each_o other_o of_o the_o work_n of_o god_n in_o each_o other_o heart_n which_o lie_v as_o a_o burden_n upon_o my_o spirit_n which_o i_o often_o bewail_v before_o the_o lord_n and_o also_o move_v it_o to_o some_o of_o our_o friend_n that_o we_o may_v yet_o meet_v and_o set_v a_o part_n a_o day_n to_o this_o end_n which_o be_v not_o think_v meet_v at_o that_o time_n upon_o which_o i_o beseech_v the_o lord_n it_o may_v be_v no_o hindrance_n to_o his_o appearance_n among_o we_o for_o my_o spirit_n be_v oppress_v with_o fear_n of_o god_n not_o appear_v in_o the_o midst_n of_o we_o which_o fear_n be_v at_o the_o present_a heighten_v from_o the_o mighty_a rage_n of_o satan_n in_o the_o spirit_n of_o many_o yea_o of_o some_o good_a man_n at_o this_o our_o first_o entrance_n into_o communion_n lay_v many_o harsh_a censure_n upon_o we_o which_o still_o put_v i_o upon_o a_o more_o narrow_a search_n into_o my_o own_o heart_n thus_o see_v the_o rage_n of_o some_o against_o we_o to_o be_v very_o great_a and_o tremble_v in_o myself_o to_o think_v lest_o we_o by_o our_o miscarriage_n may_v give_v they_o some_o ground_n to_o speak_v evil_a of_o we_o it_o wrought_v a_o great_a sadness_n upon_o my_o spirit_n fear_v lest_o we_o may_v be_v a_o occasion_n of_o darken_n his_o glory_n to_o the_o world_n which_o cause_v i_o often_o to_o pour_v out_o my_o soul_n to_o the_o lord_n beseech_v he_o that_o if_o he_o have_v any_o delight_n in_o we_o he_o will_v be_v please_v to_o afford_v we_o his_o presence_n but_o in_o the_o very_a depth_n of_o these_o fear_n do_v the_o lord_n by_o a_o mere_a providence_n as_o i_o be_v open_v mr._n burroughs_n book_n cast_v my_o eye_n unexpected_o upon_o the_o 13_o p._n of_o the_o right_a manner_n of_o draw_v nigh_o to_o god_n in_o worship_n where_o i_o find_v this_o note_n that_o the_o beginning_n of_o thing_n of_o high_a concernment_n do_v meet_v sometime_o with_o great_a difficulty_n and_o interruption_n which_o he_o give_v some_o instance_n of_o and_o so_o advise_v we_o not_o to_o be_v offend_v though_o we_o shall_v have_v some_o sad_a accident_n to_o fall_v out_o at_o the_o begin_n of_o great_a thing_n for_o say_v he_o notwithstanding_o this_o god_n may_v yet_o prosper_v it_o afterward_o the_o serious_a consideration_n whereof_o do_v at_o the_o present_a a_o little_a refresh_v my_o spirit_n and_o support_v it_o with_o a_o desire_n to_o wait_v to_o see_v what_o the_o lord_n will_v please_v to_o bring_v out_o of_o it_o thus_o have_v for_o about_o 3_o month_n space_n enjoy_v the_o ordinance_n and_o the_o society_n of_o his_o servant_n and_o thereupon_o begin_v to_o examine_v my_o own_o heart_n what_o fruit_n or_o benefit_n i_o have_v find_v by_o they_o it_o lay_v somewhat_o sad_o upon_o my_o spirit_n for_o be_v able_a to_o discern_v very_o little_a then_o be_v the_o lord_n please_v by_o a_o letter_n from_o mr._n rogers_n to_o hand_n out_o something_o which_o for_o the_o present_a do_v a_o little_a support_n and_o cheer_v my_o spirit_n therein_o put_v i_o upon_o the_o consideration_n of_o this_o truth_n that_o a_o christian_a growth_n be_v not_o at_o all_o time_n sensible_a neither_o do_v the_o lord_n see_v it_o meet_v they_o shall_v always_o grow_v in_o one_o kind_n but_o that_o they_o grow_v in_o all_o part_n as_o well_o in_o humility_n and_o self_n abasement_n and_o in_o the_o sight_n of_o our_o own_o weakness_n barrenness_n and_o unprofitableness_n etc._n etc._n which_o be_v as_o true_a a_o growth_n as_o that_o of_o faith_n though_o not_o always_o so_o visible_a yet_o some_o trouble_n still_o lie_v upon_o my_o spirit_n want_v a_o full_a and_o clear_a sight_n of_o my_o interest_n in_o christ_n which_o as_o yet_o i_o have_v only_o some_o good_a hope_n of_o but_o no_o such_o settle_a assurance_n but_o that_o i_o be_v often_o totter_v backward_o and_o forward_o the_o lord_n have_v formal_o and_o continual_o through_o the_o ministry_n of_o his_o word_n dispense_v often_o by_o mr._n knight_n and_o very_o powerful_o to_o that_o end_n and_o sometime_o also_o by_o mr._n simpson_n by_o both_o which_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v strong_o to_o convince_v i_o of_o the_o dishonour_n that_o i_o have_v bring_v he_o by_o my_o unbeleef_n which_o be_v now_o the_o great_a burden_n of_o my_o soul_n but_o find_v much_o weakness_n of_o faith_n in_o i_o and_o a_o inability_n to_o roll_n so_o full_o upon_o god_n and_o give_v glory_n to_o he_o by_o believe_v and_o take_v he_o upon_o his_o word_n etc._n etc._n often_o fear_v that_o sin_n and_o satan_n will_v yet_o prevail_v over_o i_o but_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v about_o the_o 10_o month_n 1652._o to_o draw_v out_o my_o heart_n exceed_o to_o beg_v of_o he_o a_o large_a measure_n of_o faith_n even_o that_o i_o may_v be_v enable_v to_o honour_v he_o as_o much_o by_o believe_v as_o ever_o i_o have_v dishonour_v he_o through_o unbeleef_n but_o this_o same_o month_n i_o have_v this_o wicked_a thought_n or_o temptation_n throw_v with_o mighty_a force_n
to_o which_o i_o have_v a_o great_a desire_n to_o go_v which_o according_o i_o do_v though_o with_o some_o outward_a inconvenience_n and_o bodily_a danger_n desire_v of_o the_o lord_n that_o as_o he_o have_v begin_v in_o some_o good_a measure_n to_o shine_v in_o upon_o my_o heart_n this_o week_n so_o that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o make_v this_o bless_a opportunity_n let_v my_o soul_n have_v a_o sight_n of_o himself_o through_o that_o word_n that_o shall_v be_v hold_v out_o to_o i_o thus_o wait_v and_o depend_v upon_o the_o lord_n for_o his_o appearance_n through_o this_o instrument_n of_o he_o i_o go_v to_o london_n at_o which_o time_n mr._n simpson_n contrary_a to_o the_o expectation_n of_o most_o of_o his_o hearer_n and_o as_o i_o be_v tell_v to_o his_o own_o intention_n the_o week_n before_o have_v his_o eye_n and_o meditation_n turn_v and_o fix_v upon_o that_o grand_a promise_n in_o gen._n 3._o 15._o which_o i_o do_v not_o know_v but_o that_o i_o may_v look_v upon_o as_o a_o special_a providence_n in_o which_o the_o lord_n may_v aim_v even_o at_o the_o establishment_n of_o my_o poor_a and_o unsettle_a spirit_n which_o but_o the_o week_n before_o be_v exceed_o cast_v down_o the_o lord_n have_v as_o i_o conceive_v much_o disappoint_v my_o expectation_n even_o of_o his_o own_o appearance_n in_o the_o entrance_n upon_o which_o scripture_n and_o open_n of_o it_o he_o show_v we_o that_o these_o word_n in_o gen._n 3._o be_v speak_v and_o denounce_v as_o a_o severe_a threaten_n to_o the_o devil_n and_o not_o at_o all_o speak_v either_o to_o the_o man_n or_o to_o the_o woman_n yet_o do_v they_o contain_v in_o they_o a_o most_o bless_a promise_n yea_o all_o the_o promise_n which_o the_o lord_n leave_v both_o for_o adam_n and_o eve_n to_o lay_v hold_n upon_o from_o the_o consideration_n of_o which_o he_o take_v occasion_n to_o provoke_v we_o to_o lay_v hold_n upon_o all_o the_o hint_n of_o god_n and_o to_o let_v none_o of_o they_o slip_v in_o any_o dispensation_n of_o he_o to_o we_o yea_o to_o take_v notice_n of_o every_o word_n of_o promise_n or_o comfort_n that_o god_n hold_v out_o though_o in_o the_o midst_n of_o severe_a threaten_n as_o this_o here_o be_v in_o the_o further_a prosecution_n of_o which_o he_o put_v we_o upon_o such_o thought_n as_o these_o that_o that_o soul_n which_o be_v indeed_o make_v to_o hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o jesus_n christ_n will_v be_v ready_a to_o snatch_v &_o catch_v at_o the_o least_o crumb_n of_o mercy_n yea_o be_v the_o soul_n indeed_o find_v of_o christ_n it_o will_v be_v ready_a to_o believe_v upon_o very_o small_a ground_n there_o be_v also_o at_o this_o time_n that_o scripture_n cite_v by_o he_o which_o we_o find_v record_v in_o esai_n 50._o at_o the_o beginning_n where_o the_o lord_n as_o he_o show_v we_o seem_v to_o be_v very_o angry_a with_o that_o people_n who_o though_o they_o have_v play_v the_o harlot_n and_o therefore_o deserve_v just_o to_o be_v put_v away_o yet_o be_v the_o lord_n wrath_n with_o they_o because_o they_o say_v he_o have_v put_v they_o away_o when_o as_o yet_o he_o have_v not_o and_o therefore_o demand_v of_o they_o where_o their_o bill_n of_o divorce_n be_v which_o together_o with_o several_a other_o precious_a truth_n then_o hint_v to_o we_o take_v very_o much_o on_o my_o heart_n and_o great_o refresh_v it_o even_o upon_o after_o review_v also_o but_o to_o all_o this_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o add_v one_o bless_a opportunity_n more_o that_o week_n wherein_o he_o speak_v abundant_o and_o i_o hope_v effectual_o to_o my_o heart_n by_o that_o servant_n of_o his_o mr._n knight_n at_o that_o lecture_n at_o the_o chapel_n at_o fulham_n the_o very_a next_o morning_n be_v the_o four_o day_n of_o the_o week_n send_v his_o servant_n as_o it_o be_v on_o purpose_n to_o speak_v to_o i_o in_o particular_a and_o to_o open_v unfold_v and_o expound_v all_o those_o gracious_a visit_n of_o christ_n to_o my_o poor_a soul_n when_o it_o sit_v even_o in_o the_o valley_n and_o shadow_n of_o death_n shut_v up_o as_o it_o be_v in_o darkness_n and_o in_o a_o estate_n of_o nature_n show_v i_o how_o the_o lord_n even_o then_o come_v in_o with_o light_n and_o life_n to_o i_o as_o also_o when_o i_o be_v under_o dark_a affliction_n and_o sad_a apprehension_n of_o the_o wrath_n of_o god_n from_o whence_o i_o conceive_v they_o to_o proceed_v in_o which_o estate_n also_o be_v the_o lord_n please_v sweet_o to_o visit_v my_o soul_n as_o also_o when_o i_o lie_v under_o darkness_n of_o unbeleese_n be_v full_a of_o doubt_n and_o fear_n and_o jealousy_n of_o god_n etc._n etc._n at_o this_o season_n and_o from_o this_o scripture_n luk._n 1._o 78_o 79_o be_v the_o lord_n please_v to_o unfold_v my_o soul_n that_o which_o i_o never_o have_v such_o a_o sight_n of_o how_o he_o have_v indeed_o visit_v my_o soul_n in_o all_o these_o estate_n as_o also_o what_o the_o issue_n of_o these_o his_o visitation_n be_v how_o he_o come_v in_o with_o light_n and_o life_n in_o all_o these_o condition_n which_o the_o lord_n now_o be_v please_v to_o open_v my_o eye_n to_o see_v my_o soul_n be_v even_o swallow_v up_o in_o the_o apprehension_n of_o it_o not_o know_v how_o to_o bless_v and_o praise_v his_o name_n sufficient_o for_o these_o his_o appearance_n thus_o do_v the_o lord_n follow_v on_o with_o one_o mercy_n and_o discovery_n upon_o the_o neck_n of_o another_o which_o all_o depend_v upon_o and_o as_o it_o be_v open_v one_o another_o for_o this_o last_o day_n do_v the_o lord_n discover_v in_o particular_a to_o my_o soul_n what_o those_o hint_n and_o gracious_a visitation_n on_o my_o soul_n wherein_o all_o these_o condition_n which_o the_o day_n before_o he_o teach_v i_o i_o be_v to_o take_v such_o special_a notice_n of_o in_o the_o remain_a part_n part_n also_o of_o the_o week_n be_v the_o lord_n please_v to_o go_v on_o to_o settle_v and_o far_o open_v these_o truth_n and_o give_v i_o to_o see_v his_o mighty_a hand_n and_o outstretch_a arm_n all_o along_o in_o it_o the_o next_o lord_n day_n be_v the_o nine_o of_o this_o eleven_o month_n 1652._o the_o lord_n be_v please_v also_o to_o come_v in_o through_o that_o ministry_n he_o have_v place_v we_o under_o at_o fulham_n with_o a_o seasonable_a word_n to_o back_o all_o this_o which_o be_v speak_v by_o our_o pastor_n mr._n knight_n from_o heb._n 2._o 2._o that_o the_o word_n of_o god_n they_o be_v steadfast_a word_n abide_v word_n word_n that_o shall_v certain_o abide_v and_o be_v accomplish_v in_o their_o season_n thus_o in_o these_o eight_o day_n now_o last_v past_a have_v the_o lord_n through_z and_o by_o his_o word_n and_o spirit_n be_v please_v to_o give_v into_o my_o soul_n a_o discovery_n of_o his_o gracious_a visitation_n of_o i_o for_o 〈◊〉_d many_o year_n past_a and_o true_o i_o think_v i_o shall_v much_o rob_v the_o lord_n of_o his_o glory_n if_o i_o shall_v not_o acknowledge_v he_o a_o god_n hear_v prayer_n who_o be_v please_v even_o at_o this_o time_n in_o my_o apprehension_n so_o eminent_o to_o appear_v that_o i_o be_v constrain_v in_o spirit_n to_o acknowledge_v it_o and_o do_v and_o do_v desire_v that_o he_o may_v have_v the_o glory_n of_o it_o the_o lord_n have_v of_o late_a thus_o begin_v to_o manifest_v his_o love_a kindness_n to_o my_o soul_n there_o be_v at_o this_o time_n from_o rom._n 13._o 11._o this_o truth_n set_v home_o mighty_o upon_o my_o heart_n that_o this_o time_n of_o god_n appearance_n in_o way_n of_o love_n and_o mercy_n etc._n etc._n be_v the_o only_a bless_a time_n in_o the_o world_n to_o that_o soul_n to_o who_o he_o thus_o appear_v and_o a_o time_n which_o shall_v of_o all_o time_n in_o the_o world_n be_v take_v special_a notice_n of_o and_o careful_o improve_v from_o whence_o i_o have_v further_o many_o seasonable_a instruction_n as_o that_o i_o shall_v walk_v in_o the_o sight_n of_o god_n countenance_n while_o i_o enjoy_v it_o yea_o and_o work_v in_o it_o while_o i_o have_v it_o before_o or_o lest_o darkness_n come_v joh._n 12._o 35_o 36._o &_o joh._n 9_o 4._o yea_o to_o do_v good_a in_o this_o time_n and_o opportunity_n while_o god_n thus_o shine_v upon_o the_o heart_n gal._n 6._o 10._o yea_o and_o to_o improve_v it_o to_o this_o end_n to_o lay_v up_o in_o store_n a_o good_a foundation_n for_o time_n to_o come_v even_o as_o man_n do_v in_o their_o trade_n in_o the_o matter_n of_o this_o world_n 1_o tim._n 6._o 17_o 18_o 19_o yea_o to_o redeem_v this_o time_n ephes_n 5._o 16._o to_o think_v nothing_o too_o much_o to_o buy_v it_o out_o of_o the_o hand_n of_o huckster_n out_o of_o the_o hand_n of_o all_o other_o business_n what_o ever_o in_o this_o world_n and_o
commander_n isai_n 55._o 4._o oh_o behold_v he_o as_o sâ—…h_v a_o one_o behold_v he_o above_o all_o not_o only_o to_o help_v at_o a_o dead_a lift_n when_o your_o own_o righteousness_n can_v do_v it_o but_o behold_v he_o above_o all_o as_o the_o only_a governor_n of_o your_o soul_n look_v on_o he_o with_o a_o eye_n of_o dependence_n wait_v for_o the_o accomplishment_n of_o his_o work_n in_o your_o soul_n and_o mourn_v to_o think_v that_o though_o he_o be_v give_v to_o govern_v you_o that_o you_o shall_v be_v govern_v of_o yourselves_o without_o he_o and_o so_o grieve_v he_o and_o if_o christ_n be_v appoint_v by_o the_o father_n to_o govern_v the_o gentile_n then_o ask_v your_o own_o heart_n who_o govern_v you_o who_o law_n do_v you_o obey_v what_o rule_n do_v you_o walk_v by_o what_o end_n do_v you_o aim_v at_o and_o true_o upon_o examination_n find_v that_o christ_n of_o his_o own_o rich_a grace_n have_v be_v thus_o at_o work_n in_o my_o heart_n and_o this_o whole_a discourse_v be_v as_o it_o be_v but_o a_o declaration_n of_o his_o deal_n with_o my_o soul_n which_o i_o can_v not_o pass_v by_o without_o set_v down_o and_o put_v it_o upon_o record_n it_o seem_v to_o i_o even_o as_o if_o the_o lord_n have_v speak_v from_o heaven_n to_o my_o soul_n in_o particular_a therefore_o i_o think_v i_o shall_v much_o dishonour_v he_o if_o i_o shall_v not_o to_o his_o praise_n in_o the_o desire_n of_o my_o soul_n acknowledge_v that_o every_o one_o of_o these_o mark_n of_o christ_n have_v be_v in_o some_o measure_n some_o more_o some_o less_o through_o grace_n wrought_v by_o he_o in_o my_o heart_n though_o i_o must_v still_o acknowledge_v that_o there_o be_v too_o much_o opposition_n against_o he_o in_o my_o soul_n which_o i_o desire_v to_o wait_v and_o do_v expect_v according_a as_o have_v be_v express_v the_o utter_a subdue_a thereof_o which_o time_n i_o hope_v haste_v when_o christ_n will_v come_v &_o take_v up_o full_a possession_n of_o my_o soul_n &_o rule_v in_o it_o and_o over_o it_o for_o ever_o the_o same_o day_n in_o the_o close_a of_o it_o mr._n knight_n spend_v a_o little_a time_n upon_o esay_n 65._o 24._o from_o which_o there_o be_v also_o many_o gracious_a discovery_n hint_v out_o to_o my_o soul_n concern_v god_n readiness_n to_o hear_v before_o his_o people_n call_v where_o he_o put_v we_o upon_o warchfulness_n what_o work_n christ_n be_v about_o in_o the_o nation_n which_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o make_v as_o a_o spur_n to_o my_o dull_a spirit_n to_o look_v out_o what_o that_o work_n be_v that_o god_n be_v now_o do_v or_o about_o to_o do_v in_o my_o heart_n even_o i_o hope_v fit_v of_o i_o for_o a_o more_o full_a enjoyment_n of_o himself_o then_o do_v the_o lord_n also_o by_o his_o servant_n declare_v out_o to_o we_o in_o these_o latter_a day_n these_o gospel_n time_n wherein_o god_n hasten_v his_o work_n which_o thorough_o i_o find_v to_o be_v make_v good_a to_o my_o poor_a soul_n the_o lord_n have_v be_v please_v exceed_o to_o hasten_v his_o work_n upon_o my_o heart_n and_o the_o manifestation_n of_o his_o bless_a face_n to_o my_o soul_n even_o fast_o than_o my_o scant_a heart_n can_v imagine_v which_o appearance_n of_o this_o in_o his_o manner_n cause_v my_o soul_n to_o enter_v into_o these_o serious_a thought_n and_o consideration_n whether_o i_o may_v not_o hence_o argue_v that_o sure_a the_o lord_n be_v nigh_o the_o accomplishment_n of_o it_o by_o put_v a_o end_n to_o to_o the_o sinful_a day_n of_o my_o pilgrimage_n here_o below_o yea_o here_o do_v the_o lord_n show_v i_o that_o whatever_o it_o be_v that_o lie_v in_o the_o way_n when_o he_o come_v to_o do_v this_o great_a work_n he_o will_v remove_v or_o down_o with_o it_o and_o true_o this_o i_o see_v through_o grace_n to_o be_v his_o manner_n of_o deal_n with_o my_o soul_n be_v it_o my_o own_o righteousness_n be_v it_o mere_a relation_n on_o who_o i_o too_o much_o lean_v and_o conceive_v my_o happiness_n to_o lie_v much_o in_o be_v it_o what_o it_o will_v christ_n will_v remove_v it_o when_o he_o come_v to_o do_v his_o great_a work_n therefore_o as_o i_o be_v then_o teach_v i_o ought_v to_o rely_v still_o upon_o christ_n readiness_n which_o the_o lord_n grant_v i_o may_v there_o be_v also_o hint_v to_o we_o that_o nothing_o be_v satisfactory_a to_o the_o saint_n call_v but_o god_n answer_n where_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o convince_v my_o soul_n of_o the_o evil_a that_o i_o have_v so_o long_o be_v guilty_a of_o that_o i_o still_o pour_v out_o my_o prayer_n before_o the_o lord_n but_o never_o regard_v any_o answer_n conclude_v that_o god_n will_v never_o answer_v they_o and_o true_o now_o the_o lord_n have_v be_v please_v to_o show_v i_o that_o it_o be_v a_o great_a sin_n in_o i_o to_o content_v myself_o in_o pour_v out_o my_o desire_n and_o never_o look_v after_o the_o return_n of_o they_o until_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v sudden_o and_o in_o a_o unexpected_a manner_n and_o measure_n as_o he_o have_v promise_v to_o come_v in_o 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so_o much_o that_o i_o offend_v any_o relation_n as_o that_o i_o grieve_v the_o spirit_n of_o god_n in_o all_o my_o action_n and_o in_o all_o my_o relation_n in_o this_o world_n i_o hope_v that_o my_o soul_n be_v in_o the_o first_o place_n set_v to_o serve_v my_o lord_n in_o the_o duty_n to_o they_o as_o that_o which_o he_o require_v and_o my_o be_v for_o his_o honour_n if_o do_v right_o and_o though_o i_o do_v often_o transgress_v the_o command_n of_o my_o lord_n jesus_n yet_o i_o trust_v i_o do_v not_o make_v it_o my_o work_n but_o it_o my_o daily_a burden_n 2._o my_o desire_n and_o daily_a groan_n before_o the_o lord_n be_v that_o i_o may_v be_v whole_o devote_v and_o give_v up_o to_o jesus_n in_o my_o whole_a inward_a and_o outward_a man_n and_o i_o will_v that_o all_o my_o poor_a part_n and_o strength_n and_o time_n yea_o all_o my_o inward_a and_o outward_a talent_n shall_v be_v improve_v in_o his_o service_n whole_o how_o often_o do_v my_o soul_n breath_n before_o the_o lord_n after_o this_o manner_n oh_o father_n be_v it_o not_o long_a enough_o yea_o too_o too_o long_o that_o i_o have_v be_v too_o too_o much_o at_o satan_n beck_n and_o the_o world_n yea_o and_o my_o own_o oh_o that_o it_o may_v be_v thus_o no_o long_o and_o that_o i_o may_v no_o long_o live_v to_o myself_o or_o seek_v or_o please_v myself_o in_o any_o thing_n but_o that_o my_o whole_a soul_n may_v be_v set_v to_o please_v my_o lord_n jesus_n be_v it_o not_o my_o daily_a burden_n that_o i_o have_v too_o too_o much_o seek_v and_o serve_v myself_o both_o in_o natural_a and_o spiritual_a thing_n that_o i_o have_v have_v too_o many_o self-end_n and_o design_n which_o the_o lord_n crucify_v full_o for_o my_o lord_n sake_n and_o as_o for_o the_o service_n of_o the_o world_n if_o i_o know_v any_o thing_n of_o my_o own_o heart_n it_o be_v my_o daily_a desire_n prayer_n and_o endeavour_n to_o throw_v the_o world_n whole_o out_o of_o my_o heart_n that_o i_o may_v not_o do_v any_o service_n any_o long_o to_o sin_n or_o satan_n and_o if_o at_o any_o time_n they_o do_v get_v any_o little_a from_o i_o how_o grudge_o and_o repine_o be_v it_o do_v yea_o be_v it_o not_o the_o grief_n of_o my_o soul_n that_o i_o have_v have_v any_o expectation_n or_o desire_n after_o any_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n or_o of_o this_o world_n that_o my_o eye_n be_v not_o whole_o and_o real_o upon_o jesus_n christ_n for_o expectation_n provision_n and_o all_o what_o i_o need_v 3_o though_o i_o have_v a_o wretched_a heart_n that_o have_v and_o still_o will_v be_v pick_v its_o work_n think_v that_o other_o servant_n of_o christ_n they_o have_v a_o easy_a work_n and_o go_v through_o this_o world_n fill_v fill_v with_o the_o joy_n of_o the_o holy_a ghost_n yea_o and_o have_v their_o cup_n of_o earthly_a blessing_n overflow_a and_o hereupon_o my_o wicked_a heart_n have_v be_v carry_v disorderly_a to_o long_o after_o and_o wish_v for_o such_o a_o condition_n and_o think_v that_o i_o have_v a_o hard_a portion_n to_o be_v always_o afflict_v with_o inward_a and_o outward_a distemper_n and_o weakness_n trial_n in_o bodily_a affliction_n of_o most_o sort_n and_o inward_a weakness_n infirmity_n temptation_n of_o divers_a kind_n and_o in_o high_a degree_n suffer_v my_o name_n especial_o for_o my_o desire_n to_o walk_v in_o the_o way_n and_o service_n of_o my_o lord_n which_o my_o wicked_a heart_n think_v very_o hard_a and_o to_o this_o day_n be_v too_o ready_a sometime_o to_o murmur_v though_o through_o the_o goodness_n of_o my_o god_n it_o have_v not_o the_o power_n or_o strength_n that_o it_o have_v have_v yet_o the_o very_a rise_n of_o it_o cause_v my_o soul_n still_o to_o beg_v strength_n against_o it_o and_o a_o thorough_a victory_n over_o it_o beg_v daily_o a_o submissive_a frame_n of_o spirit_n to_o the_o will_n of_o my_o lord_n in_o all_o thing_n desire_v no_o more_o to_o pick_v and_o choose_v my_o condition_n and_o work_v but_o beg_v the_o lord_n to_o choose_v for_o i_o who_o know_v what_o be_v best_a for_o i_o and_o if_o he_o see_v meet_v that_o i_o shall_v serve_v he_o in_o the_o fire_n of_o affliction_n inward_a or_o outward_a that_o he_o will_v but_o subject_v my_o heart_n to_o his_o will_n &_o sanctify_v that_o condition_n to_o i_o and_o do_v with_o i_o what_o he_o please_v 7_o do_v there_o not_o appear_v some_o degree_n of_o faithfulness_n in_o thou_o in_o that_o thou_o love_v most_o who_o thou_o esteem_v to_o do_v most_o for_o christ_n and_o daily_o mourn_v that_o other_o do_v no_o more_o for_o he_o then_o thou_o do_v be_v it_o not_o a_o continual_a burden_n to_o thou_o that_o thou_o can_v do_v no_o more_o for_o christ_n and_o be_v employ_v no_o more_o by_o he_o may_v thou_o not_o say_v safe_o before_o the_o lord_n who_o know_v the_o truth_n of_o it_o that_o thy_o heart_n be_v not_o take_v with_o any_o creature_n in_o this_o world_n what_o ever_o it_o be_v and_o if_o upon_o any_o yet_o upon_o no_o other_o account_n whatever_o but_o only_o as_o they_o be_v servant_n to_o thy_o lord_n and_o what_o ever_o their_o other_o adjourning_n be_v whether_o beauty_n or_o part_n or_o riches_n and_o honour_n or_o whatever_o none_o of_o all_o these_o do_v to_o thy_o remembrance_n advance_v any_o creature_n in_o the_o esteem_n of_o thy_o soul_n 8_o will_v thou_o not_o glad_o o_o my_o soul_n be_v put_v on_o other_o yea_o and_o bless_v the_o lord_n if_o he_o will_v please_v to_o enable_v thou_o to_o this_o work_n that_o see_v thou_o can_v do_v so_o little_a for_o he_o thyself_o that_o he_o will_v enable_v thou_o to_o spur_v on_o other_o to_o do_v more_o for_o he_o then_o thou_o can_v and_o be_v it_o not_o thy_o burden_n that_o through_o one_o temptation_n or_o other_o thou_o be_v so_o much_o prevent_v in_o this_o bless_a work_n also_o to_o what_o end_n else_o be_v thy_o word_n and_o writing_n to_o other_o and_o continue_v beg_v of_o their_o remembrance_n of_o thou_o before_o the_o lord_n 9_o be_v it_o not_o thy_o daily_a grief_n that_o both_o thyself_o and_o other_o move_v so_o slow_o in_o this_o work_n to_o see_v man_n lose_v their_o first_o love_n and_o walk_v not_o so_o right_o and_o faithful_o with_o christ_n as_o former_o be_v not_o this_o thy_o daily_a grief_n and_o burden_n and_o that_o which_o sometime_o even_o overwhelm_v thy_o spirit_n 10_o o_o my_o soul_n do_v thou_o not_o desire_v continual_o to_o bless_v the_o lord_n that_o he_o have_v make_v thou_o his_o servant_n to_o serve_v he_o in_o any_o work_n for_o what_o be_v thou_o that_o the_o lord_n shall_v choose_v thou_o out_o to_o be_v his_o servant_n when_o he_o may_v have_v take_v other_o that_o may_v have_v do_v more_o service_n yea_o do_v not_o thou_o bless_v the_o lord_n o_o my_o soul_n more_o in_a that_o he_o have_v make_v thou_o his_o servant_n then_o that_o he_o have_v give_v thou_o riches_n or_o honour_n or_o esteem_v in_o the_o world_n be_v these_o any_o thing_n in_o thy_o eye_n in_o comparison_n of_o be_v make_v his_o servant_n do_v not_o the_o lord_n bring_v thou_o to_o that_o pass_n before_o he_o appear_v in_o way_n of_o comfort_n to_o thou_o to_o make_v thou_o beg_v of_o he_o upon_o thy_o knee_n that_o thou_o may_v but_o be_v make_v a_o servant_n of_o he_o whatever_o else_o thou_o underwente_v though_o thou_o shall_v be_v make_v as_o the_o offscouring_a of_o all_o thing_n or_o force_v to_o beg_v thy_o bread_n in_o this_o world_n yet_o that_o thou_o may_v but_o be_v his_o servant_n 11_o o_o my_o soul_n may_v thou_o not_o say_v that_o infirmity_n be_v more_o afflictive_a because_o impediment_n in_o the_o service_n of_o christ_n then_o because_o they_o be_v affliction_n upon_o thou_o be_v thou_o not_o more_o trouble_v when_o sick_a weak_a in_o body_n mind_n or_o understanding_n because_o these_o unfit_a thou_o for_o the_o service_n of_o christ_n then_o because_o weak_a sick_a or_o low_a in_o esteem_n of_o other_o lord_n thou_o know_v there_o be_v much_o tremble_n upon_o my_o spirit_n about_o this_o whether_o i_o may_v say_v this_o before_o thou_o or_o no_o but_o if_o it_o be_v not_o thus_o with_o i_o o_o lord_n i_o beg_v of_o thou_o to_o work_v this_o frame_n in_o i_o for_o it_o be_v that_o i_o desire_v to_o press_v after_o daily_o and_o be_o grieve_v that_o i_o be_o no_o more_o clear_a in_o yet_o methinks_v sometime_o it_o be_v in_o some_o measure_n evident_a to_o my_o soul_n that_o the_o defect_n that_o accompany_v my_o service_n be_v more_o grievous_a and_o burdensome_a to_o i_o than_o the_o want_n of_o success_n of_o comfort_n though_o sometime_o i_o be_o quite_o dark_a as_o to_o the_o clear_n of_o this_o
more_o upon_o i_o i_o think_v i_o shall_v hardly_o be_v able_a to_o wait_v upon_o the_o lord_n in_o his_o administration_n the_o next_o day_n desire_v the_o lord_n to_o direct_v i_o what_o to_o do_v and_o submit_v my_o will_n to_o he_o yet_o very_o early_o that_o morning_n i_o have_v many_o reason_n in_o myself_o what_o to_o do_v be_v loath_a to_o distrust_v the_o power_n of_o god_n that_o i_o have_v so_o often_o find_v eminent_o hold_v out_o to_o i_o and_o yet_o unwilling_a to_o tempt_v the_o lord_n to_o appear_v to_o i_o in_o any_o extraordinary_a way_n desire_v much_o his_o direction_n at_o last_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o enable_v i_o to_o resolve_v to_o go_v notwithstanding_o i_o be_v exceed_v ill_o of_o a_o extraordinary_a cold_a beseech_v the_o lord_n to_o appear_v to_o my_o soul_n and_o as_o he_o be_v please_v to_o give_v i_o that_o probability_n of_o the_o enjoyment_n of_o he_o once_o more_o that_o it_o may_v be_v a_o bless_a opportunity_n to_o my_o soul_n and_o that_o his_o mighty_a power_n and_o spirit_n may_v accompany_v every_o word_n and_o hint_n to_o my_o soul_n that_o it_o may_v be_v of_o spiritual_a advantage_n to_o i_o such_o as_o i_o may_v have_v cause_n to_o bless_v his_o name_n for_o and_o also_o to_o mould_v i_o into_o whatever_o truth_n he_o shall_v reveal_v to_o i_o that_o day_n and_o true_o i_o desire_v to_o acknowledge_v that_o the_o nineteenth_o day_n of_o this_o twelve_o month_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v very_o glorious_o to_o appear_v through_o his_o word_n administer_v by_o our_o dear_a pastor_n both_o in_o the_o exposition_n of_o the_o end_n of_o the_o 14._o of_o matt._n as_o also_o in_o both_o sermon_n this_o day_n at_o which_o time_n he_o begin_v to_o discourse_v upon_o the_o 45_o psalm_n but_o do_v only_o handle_v the_o title_n of_o it_o this_o day_n from_o which_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o hint_n out_o very_o precious_a glorious_a useful_a yea_o seasonable_a instruction_n to_o my_o soul_n which_o i_o desire_v earnest_o to_o beg_v of_o god_n to_o cast_v and_o mould_v my_o heart_n into_o yea_o such_o truth_n as_o prove_v a_o answer_n to_o several_a desire_n of_o my_o soul_n many_o day_n before_o and_o to_o the_o groan_n of_o my_o soul_n before_o the_o lord_n even_o continual_o almost_o to_o wit_n that_o the_o lord_n will_v be_v please_v to_o gather_v my_o heart_n out_o of_o all_o thing_n below_o jesus_n christ_n and_o give_v i_o to_o the_o end_n such_o a_o sight_n of_o my_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n as_o may_v indeed_o take_v my_o heart_n from_o all_o other_o thing_n now_o that_o at_o this_o time_n the_o lord_n shall_v thus_o seasonable_o cast_v his_o thought_n upon_o such_o a_o scripture_n as_o this_o it_o do_v cause_v my_o soul_n to_o admire_v the_o riches_n of_o his_o grace_n and_o condescension_n to_o such_o a_o worm_n yea_o whereas_o my_o spirit_n have_v of_o late_o be_v great_o trouble_v about_o my_o foolish_a conversation_n be_v not_o such_o as_o may_v any_o way_n adorn_v the_o gospel_n walk_v very_o unseemly_a in_o all_o my_o relation_n and_o very_o much_o offend_v therein_o with_o my_o tongue_n which_o have_v occasion_v many_o a_o sad_a thought_n upon_o my_o heart_n and_o many_o a_o sigh_n and_o groan_n yea_o tear_n before_o the_o lord_n to_o set_v a_o watch_n before_o my_o mouth_n and_o subdue_v this_o wicked_a iniquity_n in_o i_o and_o now_o do_v the_o lord_n this_o day_n lie_v open_a the_o spring_n the_o root_n the_o cause_n of_o it_o my_o eye_n be_v not_o as_o it_o ought_v upon_o my_o heart_n nor_o my_o heart_n as_o it_o ought_v to_o be_v upon_o jesus_n christ_n nor_o when_o it_o be_v upon_o he_o be_v it_o in_o a_o boil_a frame_n for_o as_o by_o he_o hint_v be_v the_o heart_n boil_v hot_a about_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n the_o tongue_n can_v not_o issue_v out_o such_o vanity_n as_o it_o do_v now_o dear_a lord_n let_v not_o these_o thing_n be_v spread_v before_o i_o in_o vain_a i_o beseech_v thou_o but_o do_v thou_o by_o the_o mighty_a power_n of_o thy_o spirit_n make_v they_o of_o singular_a use_n unto_o i_o the_o 11_o of_o this_o first_o month_n the_o lord_n draw_v out_o my_o heart_n very_o much_o among_o other_o thing_n to_o beg_v of_o he_o to_o manifest_v himself_o in_o that_o relation_n of_o a_o husband_n to_o my_o soul_n more_o and_o more_o let_v i_o to_o find_v and_o feel_v what_o it_o be_v experimental_o to_o be_v embrace_v by_o he_o and_o gather_v up_o into_o more_o intimate_a communion_n with_o he_o and_o much_o more_o to_o this_o effect_n the_o next_o morning_n he_o cause_v my_o soul_n to_o breath_n out_o in_o this_o manner_n that_o though_o i_o be_v every_o way_n unfit_a for_o communion_n with_o he_o yet_o beseech_v he_o to_o appear_v to_o my_o soul_n and_o a_o sight_n of_o himself_o will_v much_o rejoice_v my_o heart_n tell_v he_o that_o as_o he_o have_v often_o appear_v glorious_o in_o this_o kind_n so_o that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o let_v my_o soul_n find_v once_o again_o by_o experience_n his_o mighty_a power_n to_o break_v out_o through_o what_o ever_o instrument_n he_o shall_v please_v to_o make_v use_n of_o this_o day_n that_o i_o may_v through_o they_o have_v a_o glorious_a sight_n of_o himself_o in_o which_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v great_o to_o bow_v down_o appear_v gracious_o through_o mr._n price_n who_o speak_v to_o we_o in_o his_o name_n the_o 12._o day_n of_o this_o first_o month._n upon_o the_o 26._o day_n of_o this_o first_o month_n 1654._o we_o go_v to_o james_n expect_v to_o have_v hear_v mr._n cradock_n but_o when_o we_o come_v there_o we_o hear_v there_o will_v be_v a_o stranger_n at_o which_o i_o be_v much_o trouble_v in_o my_o spirit_n and_o after_o some_o debate_n in_o myself_o i_o begin_v to_o repine_v but_o expect_v the_o lord_n may_v have_v some_o seasonable_a word_n for_o i_o and_o true_o bless_v be_v his_o name_n there_o be_v many_o seasonable_a thing_n hint_v to_o my_o soul_n by_o he_o which_o both_o refresh_v &_o stay_v my_o spirit_n the_o next_o day_n at_o night_n be_v the_o 27_o of_o this_o first_o month_n among_o other_o thing_n when_o i_o be_v seek_v of_o the_o lord_n he_o draw_v out_o my_o soul_n with_o some_o measure_n of_o sensibleness_n of_o his_o hand_n upon_o our_o pastor_n what_o a_o sad_a stroke_n it_o will_v be_v if_o the_o lord_n shall_v strip_v we_o of_o he_o take_v he_o from_o we_o oh_o what_o will_v become_v of_o god_n glory_n how_o will_v his_o and_o our_o enemy_n insult_v over_o we_o though_o it_o be_v true_a we_o have_v deserve_v it_o i_o be_o sure_a i_o have_v to_o be_v strip_v of_o this_o mercy_n and_o scatter_v from_o each_o other_o because_o we_o have_v be_v no_o more_o fruitful_a under_o all_o the_o mercy_n mean_n and_o appearance_n of_o god_n through_o he_o and_o i_o beg_v to_o sanctify_v his_o hand_n upon_o he_o both_z as_o to_o he_o and_o we_o &_o teach_v we_o all_o to_o improve_v it_o and_o know_v his_o mind_n in_o it_o desire_v the_o lord_n withal_o that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o hasten_v and_o accomplish_v his_o work_n through_o this_o dispensation_n and_o in_o his_o own_o time_n to_o command_v health_n and_o deliverance_n to_o we_o and_o give_v in_o this_o mercy_n as_o a_o pledge_n of_o his_o love_n among_o we_o that_o he_o may_v come_v again_o among_o we_o fill_v with_o the_o spirit_n and_o ready_a to_o break_v out_o those_o discovery_n of_o god_n upon_o his_o heart_n and_o that_o we_o also_o may_v be_v fit_v for_o this_o mercy_n and_o make_v more_o ready_a to_o receive_v impression_n from_o god_n through_o he_o then_o former_o and_o for_o my_o own_o soul_n after_o many_o request_n for_o the_o subdue_a of_o corruption_n and_o regulate_v my_o affection_n and_o take_v off_o my_o heart_n from_o all_o thing_n here_o below_o and_o place_v it_o upon_o the_o lord_n jesus_n after_o which_o and_o many_o other_o request_n the_o lord_n draw_v out_o my_o heart_n with_o desire_n that_o if_o the_o lord_n see_v it_o meet_v to_o add_v another_o night_n or_o another_o day_n to_o i_o that_o he_o will_v together_o with_o it_o give_v i_o a_o heart_n to_o serve_v he_o in_o it_o and_o that_o as_o he_o renew_v the_o light_n and_o raise_v from_o sleep_n so_o that_o he_o will_v inlve_v my_o heart_n in_o his_o way_n and_o quicken_v up_o my_o soul_n to_o a_o more_o lively_a service_n of_o he_o and_o if_o the_o lord_n see_v it_o meet_v to_o give_v i_o one_o opportunity_n more_o to_o hear_v his_o word_n that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o fit_v i_o for_o it_o and_o to_o come_v in_o through_o whatsoever_o instrument_n he_o shall_v please_v that_o my_o soul_n may_v have_v such_o a_o bless_a sight_n of_o he_o
soul_n in_o former_a day_n in_o the_o night-season_n and_o how_o sweet_a my_o meditation_n of_o he_o have_v be_v night_n and_o morning_n upon_o my_o bed_n and_o how_o barren_a my_o heart_n have_v be_v for_o some_o time_n of_o late_a in_o these_o meditation_n and_o how_o the_o lord_n have_v seem_v to_o withdraw_v these_o thought_n do_v put_v i_o upon_o it_o the_o ten_o of_o this_o second_o month_n in_o the_o evening_n to_o beg_v of_o god_n that_o as_o he_o have_v former_o appear_v in_o such_o season_n that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o return_v that_o mercy_n even_o by_o those_o torch_n of_o his_o hand_n whereby_o my_o night_n be_v very_o wearisome_a to_o my_o body_n by_o reason_n of_o my_o extreme_a cough_n &_o true_o i_o do_v the_o more_o press_v it_o upon_o the_o lord_n in_o my_o desire_n have_v much_o groan_v to_o think_v that_o night_n will_v be_v very_o wearisome_a to_o i_o more_o than_o any_o former_o by_o reason_n of_o my_o distemper_n but_o my_o good_a god_n who_o work_v all_o thing_n after_o the_o counsel_n of_o his_o own_o will_n and_o not_o according_a to_o our_o thought_n or_o fear_n or_o hope_n so_o order_v it_o that_o what_o i_o have_v reason_n most_o to_o fear_n he_o give_v i_o least_o to_o feel_v and_o though_o i_o be_v much_o distemper_v in_o my_o head_n when_o i_o go_v to_o bed_n by_o reason_n of_o my_o cold_n that_o be_v so_o great_a yet_o do_v he_o give_v i_o very_o good_a rest_n all_o the_o forepart_n of_o the_o night_n which_o when_o i_o awake_v towards_o morning_n and_o begin_v to_o consider_v oh_o i_o can_v not_o but_o admire_v but_o withal_o begin_v to_o think_v that_o though_o my_o desire_n about_o this_o be_v answer_v and_o though_o i_o have_v rest_n of_o body_n yet_o no_o communion_n with_o my_o god_n or_o reason_v with_o my_o own_o heart_n which_o i_o intend_v to_o have_v parly_v a_o little_a with_o while_o i_o have_v these_o thought_n and_o the_o like_a lie_v in_o a_o slumber_a way_n there_o be_v this_o thought_n bring_v to_o my_o mind_n which_o mr._n cradock_n the_o four_o day_n of_o this_o second_o month_n mention_v upon_o another_o occasion_n the_o word_n be_v these_o that_o vain_a man_n will_v be_v wise_a that_o be_v bear_v like_o a_o wild_a ass_n colt_n these_o word_n run_v much_o in_o my_o mind_n and_o some_o thought_n be_v give_v in_o upon_o they_o with_o a_o great_a desire_n i_o may_v not_o forget_v they_o but_o may_v in_o the_o morning_n see_v and_o find_v out_o that_o place_n of_o scripture_n but_o the_o lord_n give_v i_o as_o i_o think_v a_o opportunity_n and_o so_o much_o strength_n as_o to_o go_v and_o hear_v mr._n cradick_n i_o haste_v as_o soon_o as_o i_o can_v get_v up_o to_o prepare_v for_o go_v but_o when_o we_o come_v there_o have_v pray_v to_o the_o lord_n in_o some_o few_o word_n that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o give_v i_o some_o sight_n of_o himself_o some_o transform_a sight_n and_o some_o kiss_n from_o his_o lip_n this_o day_n but_o go_v there_o we_o be_v disappoint_v for_o that_o 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often_o pride_v myself_o in_o the_o thought_n of_o it_o for_o which_o the_o lord_n righteous_o show_v i_o now_o and_o then_o my_o folly_n yet_o how_o fain_o will_v i_o be_v wise_a in_o chalk_v out_o way_n for_o the_o lord_n to_o walk_v in_o towards_o i_o even_o as_o if_o i_o know_v better_a what_o be_v good_a for_o i_o then_o god_n or_o how_o to_o accomplish_v that_o work_n in_o my_o soul_n better_o than_o he_o and_o therefore_o be_o i_o so_o ready_a to_o prescribe_v to_o he_o way_n yea_o and_o if_o he_o refuse_v and_o reject_v they_o as_o for_o the_o most_o part_n he_o be_v please_v in_o mercy_n to_o do_v bless_a be_v his_o name_n oh_o how_o sad_o do_v it_o often_o lie_v upon_o my_o spirit_n and_o how_o apt_a be_o i_o to_o think_v hardly_o of_o the_o lord_n that_o true_o he_o do_v not_o mean_v i_o any_o good_a in_o deny_v i_o this_o or_o that_o i_o desire_v and_o for_o the_o late_a word_n though_o man_n be_v bear_v like_o a_o wild_a ass_n colt_n concern_v which_o i_o have_v some_o 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into_o the_o way_n and_o put_v i_o upon_o the_o work_n and_o that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o appear_v to_o i_o with_o many_o other_o request_v both_o for_o my_o own_o soul_n and_o other_o in_o relation_n to_o i_o but_o not_o know_v what_o work_n to_o set_v upon_o this_o day_n or_o what_o to_o take_v in_o hand_n but_o wait_v upon_o the_o lord_n direction_n have_v many_o thing_n in_o my_o thought_n to_o do_v but_o desirous_a of_o some_o word_n from_o god_n to_o my_o poor_a soul_n but_o this_o word_n in_o job_n 11._o 12._o follow_v i_o still_o i_o fall_v to_o some_o further_a thought_n of_o it_o and_o ruminate_v on_o the_o latter_a clause_n of_o be_v like_o the_o wild_a ass_n i_o begin_v to_o think_v what_o that_o scripture_n do_v record_n of_o this_o creature_n that_o i_o see_v do_v resemble_v i_o full_o and_o there_o these_o word_n of_o the_o prophet_n bring_v to_o my_o mind_n that_o it_o go_v up_o and_o down_o snuff_v up_o the_o wind_n and_o be_v ready_a to_o be_v find_v in_o her_o month_n which_o word_n i_o find_v in_o jeremiah_n 2._o 24._o a_o wild_a ass_n use_v to_o the_o wilderness_n that_o snuff_v up_o the_o wind_n at_o her_o pleasure_n in_o her_o occasion_n who_o can_v turn_v she_o away_o all_o these_o that_o seek_v she_o will_v weary_v themselves_o in_o her_o month_n they_o shall_v find_v she_o in_o which_o as_o also_o in_o most_o part_n of_o the_o chapter_n i_o find_v many_o thing_n that_o sit_v very_o close_o to_o i_o the_o lord_n begin_v thus_o it_o be_v with_o i_o for_o in_o v._o 2._o i_o remember_v say_v he_o the_o kindn_a of_o thy_o youth_n the_o love_n of_o thy_o espousal_n when_o thou_o wente_v after_o i_o in_o the_o wilderness_n in_o a_o land_n that_o be_v not_o sow_o in_o the_o time_n of_o thy_o darkness_n sorrow_n and_o tear_n and_o bondage_n when_o thou_o wente_v after_o i_o and_o often_o in_o the_o bitterness_n of_o thy_o soul_n resolve_v to_o follow_v i_o through_o this_o wilderness_n though_o thou_o shall_v perish_v in_o so_o do_v yea_o resolve_v so_o to_o follow_v i_o as_o that_o thy_o heart_n be_v then_o full_o as_o it_o be_v take_v off_o from_o all_o but_o i_o thou_o do_v desire_v nothing_o but_o myself_o but_o ver_fw-la 5._o what_o iniquity_n have_v your_o father_n find_v in_o i_o that_o you_o go_v from_o i_o to_o follow_v after_o vanity_n how_o righteous_o may_v the_o lord_n say_v thus_o to_o i_o be_v he_o not_o better_o to_o i_o by_o far_o then_o ever_o i_o expect_v or_o can_v have_v believe_v v._o 6._o neither_o say_v they_o where_o
even_o over_o his_o own_o people_n as_o if_o they_o be_v the_o most_o blind_a and_o deaf_a of_o any_o 22._o you_o be_v a_o people_n rob_v and_o spoil_v and_o prisoner_n 23._o but_o who_o say_v god_n will_v give_v ear_n &_o hear_v for_o time_n to_o come_v 24._o who_o give_v jacob_n for_o a_o spoil_n and_o israel_n to_o the_o robber_n do_v not_o i_o the_o lord_n he_o against_o who_o we_o have_v sin_v for_o they_o will_v not_o walk_v in_o his_o way_n nor_o be_v obedient_a to_o his_o law_n 25._o therefore_o he_o pour_v upon_o he_o the_o sury_n of_o his_o anger_n and_o the_o strength_n of_o battle_n and_o set_v he_o on_o fire_n round_o about_o yet_o he_o know_v not_o and_o it_o burn_v he_o yet_o he_o lay_v it_o not_o to_o heart_n a_o sad_a senseless_a estate_n under_o such_o a_o hand_n of_o god_n pour_v out_o with_o fury_n and_o anger_n and_o yet_o behold_v in_o the_o next_o chapter_n how_o full_a of_o grace_n mercy_n and_o kindness_n the_o lord_n appear_v to_o such_o a_o people_n as_o this_o i_o say_v behold_v and_o wonder_v at_o the_o admirable_a expression_n of_o love_n that_o immediate_o follow_v upon_o the_o rehearsal_n of_o this_o isa_n 43_o which_o be_v bring_v in_o with_o a_o but._n v._o 1._o but_o thus_o say_v the_o lord_n that_o create_v thou_o o_o jacob_n and_o that_o form_v thou_o o_o israel_n fear_v not_o why_o what_o can_v such_o a_o people_n do_v but_o fear_v if_o once_o make_v sensible_a of_o this_o their_o rent_n and_o miserable_a estate_n but_o behold_v how_o the_o lord_n come_v in_o to_o support_v they_o notwithstanding_o all_o this_o say_v he_o i_o have_v redeem_v thou_o though_o thou_o be_v rob_v spoil_v and_o imprison_v yet_o fear_v not_o i_o have_v redeem_v you_o i_o have_v call_v thou_o by_o thy_o name_n thou_o be_v i_o oh_o what_o word_n be_v these_o able_a indeed_o to_o comfort_v a_o poor_a soul_n in_o the_o sad_a hour_n thou_o be_v i_o what_o i_o may_v the_o soul_n say_v one_o on_o who_o thou_o have_v pour_v out_o thy_o fury_n and_o anger_n not_o by_o drop_n but_o pour_v it_o out_o both_o fury_n and_o anger_n what_o be_o i_o thou_o what_o i_o though_o i_o have_v be_v set_v on_o fire_n round_o about_o and_o that_o by_o thou_o too_o and_o be_v burn_v yet_o i_o have_v be_v altogether_o insensible_a of_o it_o and_o so_o not_o lay_v it_o to_o heart_n and_o what_o be_o i_o thou_o o_o incredible_a love_n thou_o be_v i_o and_o what_o then_o i_o will_v proceed_v to_o give_v thou_o a_o further_a testimony_n of_o it_o 2._o for_o when_o thou_o pass_v through_o the_o water_n i_o will_v be_v with_o thou_o yea_o though_o it_o be_v through_o a_o river_n it_o shall_v not_o overflow_v thou_o yea_o when_o thou_o walk_v through_o the_o fire_n thou_o shall_v not_o be_v burn_v nor_o shall_v the_o flame_n kindle_v upon_o thou_o a_o clear_a demonstration_n of_o love_n but_o what_o be_v the_o reason_n of_o this_o how_o come_v this_o to_o pass_v why_o i_o be_o the_o lord_n thy_o god_n thou_o be_v i_o yea_o i_o be_o thou_o and_o not_o only_o thy_o god_n but_o thy_o saviour_n and_o that_o thou_o may_v believe_v it_o the_o better_a i_o give_v egypt_n for_o thy_o ransom_n and_o ethiopia_n and_o sheba_n for_o thou_o yea_o thou_o be_v not_o only_o i_o but_o thou_o be_v precious_a in_o my_o sight_n and_o have_v be_v honourable_a and_o i_o have_v love_v thou_o therefore_o will_v i_o give_v man_n for_o thou_o and_o people_n for_o thy_o life_n for_o no_o other_o reason_n but_o even_o because_o i_o love_v thou_o one_o will_v think_v where_o so_o much_o love_n be_v manifest_v there_o can_v be_v no_o room_n for_o fear_n but_o the_o lord_n who_o know_v how_o apt_a his_o poor_a creature_n be_v to_o be_v jealous_a of_o his_o love_n add_v yet_o further_o fear_v not_o for_o i_o be_o with_o thou_o and_o will_v gather_v thou_o from_o all_o part_n even_o every_o one_o that_o be_v call_v by_o my_o name_n for_o i_o have_v create_v he_o for_o my_o glory_n well_o may_v the_o lord_n summon_v all_o the_o nation_n of_o the_o earth_n to_o produce_v such_o manifestation_n of_o his_o love_n as_o these_o be_v and_o give_v witness_n and_o testimony_n to_o it_o or_o else_o say_v he_o let_v they_o believe_v this_o and_o say_v it_o be_v truth_n you_o be_v my_o witness_n say_v the_o lord_n of_o my_o deal_n with_o you_o of_o old_a will_v they_o not_o testify_v to_o thou_o the_o truth_n of_o this_o that_o so_o you_o may_v out_o of_o former_a experience_n of_o i_o believe_v the_o truth_n of_o what_o i_o now_o speak_v for_o i_o be_o he_o what_o ever_o have_v be_v do_v of_o old_a for_o you_o it_o be_v i_o be_o he_o that_o do_v it_o for_o before_o i_o there_o be_v no_o good_a nor_o after_o i_o shall_v there_o be_v any_o i_o be_o the_o lord_n and_o beside_o i_o there_o be_v no_o saviour_n our_o be_v there_o any_o that_o can_v deliver_v out_o of_o my_o hand_n i_o will_v work_v and_o who_o shall_v let_v it_o yet_o far_o to_o confirm_v their_o faith_n the_o lord_n bow_v down_o and_o tell_v they_o 14._o thus_o say_v the_o lord_n your_o redeemer_n for_o your_o sake_n have_v i_o bring_v down_o the_o chaldaean_n &c_n &c_n 15._o i_o be_o the_o lord_n your_o holy_a one_o the_o creator_n of_o israel_n your_o king_n as_o if_o the_o lord_n shall_v say_v all_z that_o i_o be_o i_o be_o as_o thou_o for_o i_o be_o thy_o holy_a one_o and_o thy_o king_n and_o thy_o god_n and_o thy_o saviour_n and_o the_o like_a 16._o thus_o say_v the_o lord_n that_o make_v away_o in_o the_o sea_n and_o a_o path_n in_o the_o mighty_a water_n what_o will_v thou_o fear_v that_o have_v such_o a_o king_n such_o a_o god_n such_o a_o redeemer_n to_o be_v thou_o that_o can_v make_v a_o way_n in_o the_o sea_n 17._o which_o bring_v forth_o the_o chariot_n and_o horse_n &_o c_o 18._o remember_v you_o not_o the_o former_a thing_n nor_o consider_v that_o of_o old_a as_o if_o the_o lord_n shall_v say_v have_v you_o forget_v what_o a_o mighty_a god_n i_o be_o how_o glorious_o i_o appear_v for_o you_o at_o the_o red_a sea_n make_v a_o way_n for_o you_o to_o go_v through_o and_o drown_v of_o your_o enemy_n remember_v you_o it_o not_o must_v i_o be_v fain_o to_o put_v you_o in_o mind_n of_o my_o old_a love_n to_o beget_v new_a trust_n &_o confidence_n why_o then_o fear_v not_o but_o roll_n upon_o i_o for_o the_o time_n to_o come_v 19_o for_o behold_v i_o will_v do_v a_o new_a thing_n now_o it_o shall_v spring_v forth_o i_o will_v even_o make_v a_o way_n in_o the_o wilderness_n &_o river_n in_o the_o desert_n &_o this_o work_n shall_v be_v so_o glorious_a 20._o that_o the_o very_a beast_n of_o the_o field_n shall_v honour_v i_o the_o dragon_n and_o the_o owl_n because_o i_o give_v drink_n to_o my_o people_n my_o choose_a 21._o this_o people_n have_v i_o form_v for_o myself_o they_o shall_v show_v forth_o my_o praise_n o_o bless_a for_o ever_o be_v the_o lord_n that_o have_v undertake_v this_o work_n and_o put_v a_o issue_n to_o it_o oh_o lord_n let_v it_o be_v so_o then_o oh_o what_o glorious_a thing_n be_v here_o proceed_v from_o god_n heart_n but_o when_o he_o come_v to_o look_v upon_o his_o people_n and_o their_o frame_n of_o spirit_n he_o find_v matter_n of_o sad_a lamentation_n which_o be_v bring_v in_o with_o a_o sad_a black_a but._n 22._o but_o thou_o have_v not_o call_v upon_o i_o o_o jacob_n but_o again_o thou_o have_v be_v weary_a of_o i_o o_o israel_n thou_o have_v not_o bring_v i_o the_o small_a cattle_n for_o burnt-offering_n nor_o honour_v i_o with_o thy_o sacrifice_n i_o have_v not_o cause_v thou_o to_o serve_v with_o any_o offering_n nor_o have_v i_o weary_v thou_o with_o incense_n 24._o thou_o have_v bring_v i_o no_o sweet_a corn_n with_o money_n nor_o fill_v i_o with_o the_o fat_a of_o thy_o sacrifiâ—…s_n then_o come_v in_o another_o sad_a but_o but_o thou_o have_v make_v i_o to_o serve_v with_o thy_o sin_n thou_o have_v weary_v i_o with_o thy_o iniquity_n i_o even_o i_o be_o he_o that_o blot_v out_o thy_o transgression_n for_o my_o own_o name_n sake_n and_o will_v not_o remember_v thy_o sin_n as_o if_o the_o lord_n shall_v say_v when_o i_o look_v upon_o thou_o i_o see_v nothing_o but_o provocation_n and_o i_o be_o weary_a to_o bear_v it_o nevertheless_o i_o will_v blot_v out_o thy_o sin_n though_o not_o for_o thou_o yet_o for_o my_o own_o name_n sake_n and_o will_v not_o remember_v thy_o sin_n and_o that_o he_o may_v yet_o hold_v to_o all_o more_o abundant_a expression_n of_o love_n he_o add_v in_o the_o next_o verse_n speak_v put_v i_o iâ—_n remembrance_n a_o bless_a word_n
hypocrite_n or_o afraid_a to_o hear_v what_o conscience_n say_v oh_o how_o sweet_o be_v this_o truth_n improve_v this_o day_n by_o application_n as_o first_o to_o teach_v we_o to_o admire_v the_o goodness_n of_o god_n in_o place_v such_o a_o witness_n in_o every_o man_n bosom_n yea_o how_o good_a it_o be_v for_o the_o saint_n that_o this_o be_v set_v up_o in_o wicked_a man_n for_o some_o time_n there_o be_v action_n do_v by_o wicked_a man_n against_o god_n people_n that_o there_o be_v no_o winess_n but_o their_o own_o conscience_n which_o testify_v against_o they_o of_o all_o their_o hard_a speech_n and_o thought_n and_o word_n and_o the_o like_a yea_o how_o good_a be_v it_o for_o the_o saint_n also_o in_o this_o for_o have_v they_o not_o this_o witness_n in_o themselves_o how_o bitter_a will_v the_o reproach_n of_o the_o world_n be_v to_o they_o we_o be_v exhort_v to_o take_v heed_n how_o we_o walk_v towards_o conscience_n it_o be_v by_o god_n set_v as_o a_o watch_n over_o we_o oh_o than_o take_v heed_n that_o we_o withdraw_v not_o from_o it_o nay_o it_o be_v true_a it_o will_v follow_v you_o but_o labour_n to_o keep_v it_o in_o your_o sight_n and_o when_o you_o be_v to_o do_v any_o civil_a or_o religious_a work_n call_v it_o in_o and_o say_v conscience_n what_o say_v thou_o to_o this_o or_o that_o action_n be_v it_o according_a to_o the_o will_n and_o mind_n of_o god_n and_o give_v it_o leave_v to_o speak_v out_o yea_o and_o give_v time_n also_o for_o oftentimes_o the_o affair_n of_o the_o world_n hinder_v that_o conscience_n have_v not_o time_n to_o speak_v its_o mind_n 2_o to_o take_v heed_n we_o grieve_v it_o not_o for_o its_o complaint_n will_v be_v hear_v in_o heaven_n therefore_o take_v heed_n of_o do_v any_o thing_n against_o conscience_n 3._o awe_o it_o as_o a_o judge_n and_o be_v content_a to_o be_v judge_v by_o it_o in_o all_o you_o do_v for_o it_o will_v be_v your_o judge_n another_o day_n and_o will_v be_v a_o immortal_a witness_n either_o in_o point_n of_o comfort_n or_o terror_n oh_o therefore_o awe_v it_o 1._o do_v you_o take_v of_o heed_n of_o slight_a conscience_n or_o its_o testimony_n for_o therein_o you_o commit_v great_a injury_n to_o god_n it_o be_v his_o ambassador_n and_o by_o he_o set_v in_o you_o 2._o it_o be_v great_a folly_n also_o to_o stop_v its_o mouth_n for_o 1._o all_o your_o hinder_v it_o or_o endeavour_v to_o do_v so_o will_v but_o prove_v a_o aggravation_n of_o its_o witness_n another_o day_n against_o you_o than_o it_o will_v tell_v you_o that_o it_o will_v have_v speak_v plain_o to_o you_o such_o and_o such_o a_o time_n but_o you_o will_v not_o hear_v you_o be_v so_o busy_a in_o the_o world_n or_o the_o like_a the_o reason_n why_o saint_n do_v no_o more_o rejoice_v be_v because_o they_o walk_v no_o more_o in_o the_o testimony_n of_o their_o own_o conscience_n we_o be_v also_o exhort_v in_o the_o conclusion_n to_o be_v very_o tender_a of_o do_v any_o thing_n without_o a_o solemn_a court_n of_o conscience_n rashness_n be_v the_o worst_a evil_n conscience_n be_v god_n witness_n let_v it_o be_v you_o give_v it_o full_a liberty_n therefore_o to_o speak_v and_o say_v all_o it_o can_v ask_v it_o again_o and_o again_o what_o it_o say_v to_o this_o and_o that_o action_n and_o may_v be_v it_o will_v give_v thou_o that_o testimony_n that_o through_o rashness_n and_o hastiness_n it_o have_v not_o time_n to_o speak_v or_o thou_o to_o hear_v it_o oh_o what_o sensible_a hint_n be_v these_o to_o my_o poor_a soul_n if_o the_o lord_n will_v but_o please_v to_o bless_v they_o effectual_o to_o i_o and_o help_v i_o to_o put_v they_o in_o practice_n daily_a the_o lord_n have_v see_v meet_a to_o call_v our_o brother_n Ê‹ilet_n ont_fw-fr of_o this_o world_n i_o hear_v that_o he_o be_v to_o be_v bury_v at_o fulham_n this_o afternoon_n and_o our_o pastor_n to_o preach_v which_o occasion_v i_o great_o to_o desire_v to_o hear_v he_o which_o also_o i_o do_v though_o it_o be_v exceed_v late_o at_o which_o time_n he_o speak_v from_o 1_o joh._n 3._o 2._o now_o be_v we_o the_o son_n of_o â—od_a but_o it_o do_v not_o yet_o appear_v what_o we_o shall_v be_v etc._n etc._n from_o which_o there_o be_v most_o seasonable_a bless_a truth_n hint_v to_o my_o soul_n that_o which_o he_o press_v be_v that_o what_o the_o saint_n shall_v be_v it_o do_v not_o appear_v then_o he_o show_v it_o do_v not_o appear_v first_o to_o the_o saint_n themselves_o 1._o because_o of_o the_o little_a light_n the_o saint_n have_v of_o this_o glory_n nay_o if_o god_n shall_v reveal_v more_o they_o can_v not_o bear_v it_o in_o this_o state_n 2._o in_o regard_n of_o our_o not_z improvement_n of_o the_o discovery_n make_v of_o our_o future_a estate_n 3._o because_o their_o present_a estate_n be_v compass_v with_o sin_n and_o affliction_n both_o which_o do_v obstruct_v the_o sight_n of_o this_o glory_n but_o more_o particular_o the_o reason_n why_o it_o do_v not_o appear_v he_o show_v be_v these_o 1._o from_o the_o many_o diversion_n of_o the_o spirit_n of_o saint_n that_o turn_v they_o aside_o from_o behold_v their_o glory_n to_o come_v how_o do_v the_o toy_n and_o bauble_n of_o this_o world_n divert_v they_o from_o behold_v of_o this_o and_o so_o their_o estate_n do_v not_o appear_v to_o they_o 2._o it_o come_v from_o inconstancy_n of_o spirit_n because_o their_o heart_n do_v not_o dwell_v on_o those_o thing_n no_o man_n be_v excellent_a in_o that_o his_o heart_n and_o thought_n dwell_v not_o upon_o so_o here_o 3._o from_o the_o weakness_n of_o our_o faith_n for_o we_o live_v now_o by_o faith_n but_o when_o christ_n shall_v appear_v than_o you_o shall_v live_v by_o sight_n so_o that_o while_o you_o be_v here_o your_o sight_n be_v according_a to_o your_o faith_n if_o your_o faith_n be_v right_a and_o straight_o like_o stephens_n then_o have_v you_o a_o strong_a sight_n of_o glory_n 4._o it_o appear_v not_o from_o the_o remainder_n of_o corruption_n that_o abide_v in_o we_o every_o sin_n veil_v the_o sight_n of_o this_o glory_n 5._o god_n himself_o be_v please_v sometime_o to_o exercise_v his_o saint_n not_o only_o under_o darkness_n in_o the_o sight_n of_o their_o future_a estate_n but_o also_o of_o their_o present_a estate_n and_o so_o they_o walk_v in_o the_o dark_a and_o this_o god_n do_v for_o high_a and_o holy_a end_n and_o give_v great_a instruction_n through_o it_o no_o his_o saint_n to_o look_v up_o to_o he_o for_o life_n and_o wait_v on_o he_o for_o the_o manifestation_n of_o his_o love_n and_o their_o future_a estate_n and_o to_o make_v they_o see_v that_o it_o flow_v from_o nothing_o in_o they_o but_o from_o he_o only_o eternal_a life_n be_v not_o only_o the_o gift_n of_o god_n but_o even_o the_o light_n whereby_o we_o see_v it_o 2._o this_o glory_n appear_v not_o to_o the_o world_n also_o and_o that_o 1._o because_o the_o world_n see_v only_o the_o outside_n of_o a_o godly_a man_n his_o shell_n but_o they_o see_v not_o the_o glory_n of_o his_o inside_n they_o see_v their_o poverty_n and_o contempt_n and_o reproach_n etc._n etc._n but_o they_o see_v not_o the_o glorious_a work_n of_o god_n on_o their_o soul_n or_o operation_n of_o his_o spirit_n in_o they_o 2_o it_o appear_v not_o to_o the_o world_n because_o the_o saint_n have_v their_o cloud_n upon_o they_o the_o best_a have_v their_o infirmity_n and_o these_o the_o world_n look_v most_o upon_o wicked_a man_n be_v blind_a and_o can_v see_v for_o spiritual_a thing_n must_v be_v spiritual_o discern_v because_o many_o time_n there_o be_v difference_n among_o the_o saint_n themselves_o and_o this_o darken_v their_o glory_n to_o the_o world_n who_o see_v they_o dispute_v about_o religion_n and_o the_o like_a the_o world_n judge_v of_o their_o future_a estate_n by_o their_o present_a condition_n if_o man_n flourish_v here_o than_o they_o judge_v well_o of_o they_o if_o they_o lie_v under_o trouble_n they_o judge_v they_o hate_v of_o god_n and_o thus_o god_n suffer_v this_o darkness_n about_o their_o future_a estate_n to_o humble_v his_o saint_n and_o make_v they_o cry_v to_o he_o for_o light_n to_o manifest_v the_o sincerity_n of_o the_o saint_n to_o set_v they_o a_o longing_n after_o eternity_n where_o they_o shall_v have_v full_a and_o clear_a sight_n to_o make_v glory_n appear_v glory_n indeed_o if_o the_o glitter_a here_o be_v glorious_a what_o shall_v the_o full_a be_v that_o it_o appear_v not_o be_v out_o of_o just_a judgement_n from_o god_n to_o this_o wicked_a world_n who_o do_v hate_n and_o contemn_v they_o therefore_o god_n will_v not_o let_v they_o see_v their_o glory_n they_o shall_v only_o know_v it_o by_o feel_v the_o contrary_a and_o the_o want_n of_o it_o there_o
be_v bless_v discovery_n give_v to_o judge_v our_o estate_n we_o be_v also_o instruct_v in_o all_o our_o present_a affliction_n in_o this_o world_n still_o to_o remember_v it_o appear_v not_o yet_o what_o we_o shall_v be_v do_v you_o keep_v your_o eye_n on_o this_o how_o will_v it_o refresh_v you_o under_o all_o trouble_n keep_v your_o eye_n then_o on_o christ_n his_o appearance_n for_o there_o your_o fullness_n shall_v be_v but_o further_o to_o refresh_v the_o saint_n they_o be_v at_o present_a the_o son_n of_o god_n but_o know_v not_o the_o best_a of_o their_o estate_n you_o may_v be_v now_o under_o cloud_n and_o temptation_n but_o the_o best_a be_v behind_o it_o appear_v not_o now_o what_o you_o shall_v be_v and_o let_v this_o cheer_n up_o your_o heart_n the_o 8._o day_n of_o this_o ten_o month_n the_o lord_n draw_v out_o my_o heart_n in_o the_o morning_n be_v the_o day_n of_o our_o church-meeting_n to_o beg_v of_o he_o to_o go_v forth_o with_o we_o this_o day_n or_o else_o not_o to_o carry_v we_o out_o and_o withal_o that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o provide_v a_o bless_a word_n a_o seasonable_a word_n for_o every_o poor_a soul_n that_o shall_v in_o the_o sincerity_n of_o their_o spirit_n wait_v upon_o he_o that_o day_n and_o that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o speak_v some_o seasonable_a word_n to_o my_o soul_n that_o it_o may_v be_v a_o bless_a testimony_n that_o his_o presence_n be_v with_o i_o beg_v also_o the_o pour_v out_o of_o his_o spirit_n rich_o on_o they_o he_o shall_v please_v to_o send_v to_o speak_v among_o we_o with_o much_o to_o this_o effect_n the_o nine_o of_o this_o ten_o month_n at_o night_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v often_o to_o draw_v out_o my_o heart_n with_o some_o sense_n of_o his_o appearance_n as_o also_o my_o unfruitfulness_n under_o all_o former_a appearanc_n beseech_v he_o to_o sanctify_v all_o his_o appearance_n to_o my_o soul_n and_o help_v i_o to_o walk_v more_o watchful_o and_o hearken_v more_o to_o the_o testimony_n of_o my_o own_o conscience_n in_o what_o ever_o i_o have_v do_v and_o not_o to_o sin_v against_o it_o with_o many_o such_o like_a desire_n beg_v this_o that_o as_o he_o have_v so_o sweet_o encourage_v my_o soul_n by_o these_o gracious_a hint_n the_o three_o of_o this_o month_n so_o that_o now_o he_o will_v please_v notwithstanding_o all_o my_o unworthiness_n and_o unfruitfulness_n yet_o to_o make_v good_a these_o gracious_a word_n of_o he_o wherein_o he_o have_v say_v sin_n shall_v not_o have_v dominion_n over_o his_o people_n and_o that_o he_o will_v bruise_v satan_n under_o their_o foot_n that_o he_o will_v never_o leave_v nor_o forsake_v they_o for_o which_o gracious_a bless_a word_n of_o his_o i_o endeavour_v to_o plead_v with_o he_o this_o evening_n even_o upon_o the_o account_n of_o the_o full_a satisfaction_n the_o lord_n jesus_n have_v make_v to_o he_o that_o therefore_o these_o bless_a word_n may_v be_v make_v good_a to_o my_o poor_a soul_n as_o also_o on_o the_o behalf_n of_o his_o servant_n our_o dear_a pastor_n who_o the_o eight_o of_o this_o eight_o month_n seem_v exceed_v sad_a which_o come_v with_o some_o power_n and_o sense_n upon_o my_o heart_n at_o this_o time_n beseech_v the_o lord_n if_o he_o have_v convince_v he_o of_o any_o evil_n in_o he_o that_o he_o will_v also_o work_v it_o out_o of_o he_o and_o if_o there_o be_v any_o other_o oppression_n upon_o his_o spirit_n which_o be_v know_v to_o he_o that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o ease_v refresh_v comfort_n and_o fit_v he_o for_o the_o great_a work_n he_o have_v call_v he_o to_o and_o also_o pour_v out_o his_o spirit_n upon_o he_o that_o he_o may_v have_v a_o real_a and_o sensible_a sight_n of_o the_o answer_n of_o those_o desire_n and_o that_o the_o lord_n will_v please_v to_o direct_v he_o what_o and_o how_o to_o speak_v so_o as_o may_v be_v to_o the_o advantage_n of_o every_o of_o our_o soul_n who_o sincere_o seek_v his_o face_n and_o presence_n and_o oh_o my_o soul_n how_o graciouslie_o do_v the_o lord_n appear_v the_o next_o day_n be_v his_o sabbath_n and_o give_v in_o a_o gracious_a answer_n to_o these_o desire_n and_o give_v forth_o far_o beyond_o they_o the_o 10_o of_o this_o 10_o month_n be_v the_o lord_n day_n in_o the_o morning_n i_o seek_v the_o lord_n for_o his_o most_o special_a presence_n in_o and_o with_o i_o this_o day_n that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o prepare_v a_o seasonable_a useful_a word_n for_o my_o soul_n and_o prepare_v my_o heart_n to_o meet_v with_o he_o that_o my_o soul_n may_v be_v enable_v to_o bless_v and_o praise_v his_o name_n for_o it_o and_o that_o he_o will_v please_v so_o eminent_o to_o appear_v that_o it_o may_v be_v write_v among_o the_o reward_n of_o his_o love_n yea_o that_o it_o may_v come_v into_o my_o soul_n even_o as_o a_o special_a pledge_n of_o his_o love_n yea_o that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o pour_v out_o his_o spirit_n upon_o his_o servant_n and_o appear_v so_o eminent_o through_o he_o as_o that_o also_o he_o may_v be_v enable_v to_o acknowledge_v it_o to_o his_o praise_n and_o oh_o my_o soul_n how_o rich_o and_o abundant_o and_o full_o do_v the_o lord_n answer_v all_o these_o desire_n yea_o every_o of_o they_o in_o particular_a which_o be_v spread_v before_o he_o more_o at_o large_a then_o i_o be_o able_a to_o set_v down_o and_o true_o the_o answer_n of_o they_o be_v much_o more_o large_a and_o full_a in_o which_o the_o lord_n bow_v down_o great_o even_o to_o the_o request_n also_o to_o do_v more_o abundant_o than_o i_o can_v ask_v or_o think_v and_o so_o he_o do_v begin_v even_o as_o soon_o i_o come_v to_o the_o congregation_n fill_v my_o heart_n with_o great_a joy_n and_o expectation_n of_o his_o mercy_n from_o he_o even_o in_o the_o psalm_n before_o sermon_n the_o psalm_n sing_v be_v psal_n 22._o 23._o on_o which_o my_o soul_n joyfullie_o run_v out_o and_o so_o both_o in_o prayer_n and_o in_o preach_v how_o abundantlie_o do_v the_o lord_n bow_v down_o and_o refresh_v my_o poor_a spitit_fw-la and_o the_o spirit_n of_o our_o dear_a pastor_n who_o in_o a_o most_o solemn_a manner_n again_o and_o again_o bless_v the_o lord_n for_o his_o appearance_n both_o in_o the_o dispensation_n of_o the_o word_n &_o also_o in_o the_o lord_n supper_n that_o be_v that_o day_n administer_v the_o scripture_n speak_v to_o we_o be_v psal_n 45._o 7._o thou_o hate_v iniquity_n whence_o he_o show_v that_o christ_n be_v lovely_a to_o his_o saint_n for_o hate_v iniquity_n in_o open_v hereof_o he_o show_v we_o what_o hatred_n be_v in_o man_n and_o what_o it_o be_v in_o christ_n which_o as_o he_o say_v be_v not_o a_o action_n or_o passion_n but_o his_o very_a nature_n and_o will_n which_o put_v forth_o all_o his_o other_o excellency_n as_o his_o power_n and_o his_o wisdom_n etc._n etc._n to_o repel_v all_o that_o be_v contrary_a to_o his_o nature_n and_o will_n which_o he_o further_o open_v at_o large_a show_v we_o that_o all_o the_o object_n of_o christ_n hatred_n be_v only_a sin_n which_o be_v true_o evil_a man_n hate_v that_o which_o they_o apprehend_v evil_a but_o christ_n hatred_n be_v proper_o neither_o against_o man_n or_o angel_n but_o only_o against_o sin_n and_o man_n only_o as_o he_o be_v under_o the_o power_n of_o sin_n and_o this_o hatred_n make_v he_o repel_v that_o which_o he_o hate_v with_o all_o his_o power_n put_v out_o all_o his_o excellency_n to_o the_o uttermost_a either_o for_o the_o destruction_n of_o sin_n in_o we_o or_o of_o we_o thus_o christ_n love_v the_o nature_n of_o man_n and_o take_v it_o upon_o he_o yet_o when_o this_o love_n be_v turn_v into_o hatred_n by_o reason_n of_o the_o overpower_v of_o sin_n which_o fight_v against_o the_o life_n of_o christ_n and_o when_o this_o love_n of_o he_o come_v to_o turn_v to_o hatred_n the_o hatred_n be_v the_o great_a now_o that_o christ_n hate_v sin_n appear_v both_o in_o the_o work_n of_o redemption_n and_o rejection_n in_o the_o work_n of_o redemption_n when_o he_o come_v to_o suppress_v sin_n in_o we_o he_o seem_v by_o this_o action_n to_o speak_v in_o this_o manner_n rather_o than_o sin_n shall_v live_v in_o thou_o i_o will_v die_v my_o blood_n shall_v rather_o go_v for_o it_o so_o in_o the_o rejection_n the_o hatred_n of_o christ_n shall_v kindle_v the_o fire_n of_o hell_n about_o they_o but_o that_o christ_n do_v thus_o hate_v sin_n appear_v further_a by_o these_o thing_n 1._o by_o his_o deal_n against_o it_o in_o the_o creation_n adam_n no_o soon_o make_v but_o he_o fall_v and_o so_o boil_a hot_a be_v god_n hatred_n against_o sin_n that_o before_o he_o give_v he_o time_n for_o repentance_n or_o any_o parley_n he_o present_o go_v to_o his_o posterity_n