meet_v with_o in_o my_o course_n of_o private_a read_n ps_n 19_o 13._o keep_v back_o thy_o servant_n from_o presumptuous_a sin_n let_v they_o not_o have_v dominion_n over_o i_o where_o i_o consider_v 1._o that_o david_n find_v in_o his_o heart_n a_o proness_n to_o presumptuous_a sin_n which_o make_v he_o cry_v out_o keep_v back_o thy_o servant_n etc._n etc._n 2._o he_o be_v not_o without_o fear_n or_o danger_n lest_o presumptuous_a sin_n shall_v get_v the_o dominion_n over_o he_o for_o he_o pray_v let_v they_o not_o have_v dominion_n 3._o when_o he_o find_v it_o thus_o with_o himself_o he_o call_v himself_o god_n servant_a keep_v back_o thy_o servant_n this_o word_n come_v when_o my_o heart_n have_v be_v upon_o the_o border_n of_o a_o presumptuous_a sin_n do_v much_o affect_v i_o febr._n 6._o be_v a_o day_n of_o humiliation_n i_o be_v much_o indispose_v to_o the_o duty_n of_o the_o day_n i_o find_v my_o heart_n unfit_a to_o pray_v in_o private_a and_o to_o perform_v family_n exercise_v the_o sense_n of_o guilt_n have_v cloud_v and_o bow_v down_o my_o soul_n in_o the_o evening_n god_n revive_v my_o soul_n with_o isa_n 64._o 6_o 7_o 8._o they_o complain_v they_o be_v all_o as_o a_o unclean_a thing_n their_o righteousness_n as_o filthy_a rag_n there_o be_v a_o flag_a of_o the_o spirit_n of_o prayer_n and_o this_o in_o a_o time_n of_o great_a judgement_n as_o v_o 10_o 11._o yet_o they_o say_v but_o now_o thou_o o_o lord_n be_v our_o father_n this_o suit_v my_o condition_n and_o encourage_v i_o to_o believe_v my_o relation_n to_o god_n and_o his_o to_o i_o as_o my_o father_n though_o i_o find_v myself_o under_o the_o foresay_a distemper_n i_o be_v also_o support_v against_o my_o sin_n with_o 1_o joh._n 2._o 24._o let_v that_o abide_v in_o you_o which_o you_o have_v hear_v from_o the_o beginning_n if_o that_o which_o you_o have_v hear_v from_o the_o beginning_n shall_v remain_v in_o you_o you_o shall_v continue_v in_o the_o father_n and_o the_o son_n by_o which_o i_o be_v encourage_v to_o hold_v fast_o what_o instruction_n comfort_n and_o support_v i_o have_v former_o receive_v from_o god_n that_o which_o you_o have_v hear_v viz._n from_o the_o teach_n of_o the_o spirit_n joh._n 6._o 45._o from_o the_o beginning_n viz._n from_o the_o time_n they_o begin_v to_o believe_v in_o christ_n heb._n 3._o 14._o nou._n 28._o 1669._o be_v saturday_n i_o be_v visit_v with_o a_o fever_n when_o i_o be_v under_o the_o visitation_n i_o look_v over_o my_o evidence_n for_o heaven_n &_o have_v comfortable_a hope_n of_o my_o salvation_n from_o several_a promise_n whereby_o the_o fear_n of_o death_n be_v remove_v my_o life_n be_v in_o hazard_n many_o prayer_n be_v put_v up_o for_o i_o god_n direct_v to_o the_o timely_a use_n of_o proper_a mean_n and_o give_v his_o blessing_n and_o restore_v i_o to_o my_o work_n on_o the_o four_o lord_n day_n as_o a_o return_n to_o prayer_n in_o my_o sickness_n before_o the_o danger_n be_v probable_o pass_v in_o the_o night_n season_n i_o 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deliverance_n i_o have_v have_v from_o sickness_n the_o pestilence_n and_o other_o trouble_v psal_n 50._o 15._o 3_o lie_n the_o wonderful_a preservation_n i_o have_v have_v from_o my_o enemy_n notwithstanding_o all_o the_o hazard_n i_o have_v run_v of_o fall_v into_o their_o hand_n by_o preach_v the_o gospel_n at_o home_n and_o abroad_o which_o shall_v engage_v i_o to_o extol_v and_o glorify_v god_n psal_n 30._o 1._o 4._o i_o do_v hope_n for_o benefit_n to_o my_o own_o soul_n both_o by_o be_v further_o enlighten_v into_o the_o knowledge_n and_o excite_v to_o the_o practice_n of_o glorify_v god_n while_o i_o be_v study_v to_o instruct_v and_o excite_v other_o thereto_o july_n 17._o 1672._o god_n have_v open_v a_o door_n for_o the_o free_a exercise_n of_o my_o ministry_n by_o his_o majesty_n most_o gracious_a declaration_n i_o be_v desire_v both_o at_o ipswich_n and_o colchester_n to_o minister_v to_o they_o i_o have_v discouragement_n as_o from_o the_o uncertainty_n of_o the_o time_n 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this_o now_o glorify_a saint_n have_v the_o like_a effect_n on_o they_o that_o read_v it_o to_o the_o humble_a and_o teachable_a it_o shall_v be_v in_o adjutorium_fw-la but_o to_o the_o scorner_n and_o despiser_n in_o testimonium_fw-la the_o relation_n mr._n owen_n stockton_n be_v bear_v in_o the_o city_n of_o chichester_n in_o the_o county_n of_o sussex_n the_o last_o week_n of_o may_n 1630._o be_v the_o four_o son_n of_o his_o father_n mr._n owen_n stockton_n a_o worthy_a prebendary_a of_o that_o cathedral_n who_o be_v a_o young_a brother_n of_o that_o ancient_a family_n of_o the_o stockton_n of_o kiddington_n green_n in_o cheshire_n about_o the_o seven_o year_n of_o his_o age_n his_o father_n die_v and_o leave_v the_o care_n of_o he_o and_o his_o other_o child_n to_o their_o mother_n a_o pious_a gentlewoman_n of_o the_o family_n of_o the_o tilee_n in_o cambridgeshire_n she_o be_v a_o widow_n and_o stranger_n in_o chichester_n soon_o after_o the_o death_n of_o her_o husband_n 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providence_n i_o set_v apart_o a_o day_n to_o humble_v my_o soul_n with_o fast_v and_o prayer_n that_o i_o may_v obtain_v from_o god_n a_o sanctify_a use_n of_o my_o affliction_n i_o seek_v god_n to_o pardon_v my_o sin_n which_o be_v the_o cause_n thereof_o and_o to_o make_v they_o work_v for_o my_o good_a i_o spend_v a_o good_a part_n of_o the_o day_n in_o meditate_v how_o i_o shall_v make_v a_o right_a improvement_n of_o these_o correction_n i_o considere_v that_o one_o main_a end_n of_o all_o chastisement_n be_v that_o god_n may_v make_v we_o partaker_n of_o his_o holiness_n heb._n 12_o 10._o isa_n 26._o 9_o i_o resolve_v in_o the_o strength_n and_o by_o the_o help_n of_o god_n to_o follow_v after_o holiness_n more_o vigorous_o than_o i_o have_v do_v and_o i_o engage_v in_o this_o resolution_n because_o i_o see_v from_o isa_n 60._o 21._o that_o by_o my_o be_v holy_a and_o righteous_a god_n shall_v be_v glorify_v and_o see_v the_o nature_n of_o holiness_n lie_v in_o our_o bear_a god_n image_n in_o our_o be_v like_a to_o god_n or_o in_o our_o conformity_n to_o the_o divine_a nature_n eph._n 4._o 24._o col._n 3._o 10._o i_o resolve_v to_o endeavour_v to_o imitate_v and_o resemble_v god_n in_o mercifulness_n luk._n 6._o 36._o in_o forgive_a injury_n eph._n 4._o ult_n in_o do_v good_a ps_n 119._o 68_o in_o justice_n deut._n 32._o 4._o in_o love_n joh._n 4._o 16._o in_o humility_n ps_n 113._o 5_o 6._o in_o longfuffering_n exod._n 34._o 6._o in_o not_o retain_v anger_n ps_n 30._o 5._o in_o uprightness_n isa_n 26._o 7._o in_o kindness_n luk._n 6._o 35._o in_o help_v the_o fatherless_a widow_n and_o stranger_n ps_n 10._o 14._o 146._o 9_o and_o whereas_o we_o come_v to_o partake_v of_o god_n image_n 1._o by_o behold_v the_o discovery_n which_o he_o have_v make_v of_o himself_o and_o his_o glorious_a attribute_n in_o the_o gospel_n 2_o cor._n 3._o 18._o 2_o by_o apply_v the_o promise_n 2_o pet._n 1._o 4._o 3._o by_o walk_v with_o he_o act._n 4._o 13._o for_o we_o grow_v 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15._o 9_o eccl._n 10._o 20._o prov._n 24._o 9_o math._n 9_o 4._o zech._n 8._o 17._o for_o regulate_v my_o affection_n these_o col._n 3._o 2_o 5._o gal._n 5._o 24._o particular_o for_o my_o delight_n ps_n 1._o 2._o 37._o 5._o my_o joy_n phil._n 4._o 4._o ps_n 43._o 4._o my_o desire_n isa_n 26._o 8_o 9_o my_o sorrow_n ezek._n 7._o 16._o my_o love_n math._n 22._o 37._o ps_n 119._o 97._o my_o hatred_n ps_n 97._o 10._o my_o fear_n luk._n 12._o 4_o 5._o my_o hope_n ps_n 39_o 7._o my_o trust_n ps_n 62._o 8._o isa_n 26._o 4._o for_o regulate_v my_o speech_n these_o eph._n 4._o 29._o col._n 4._o 6._o deut._n 6._o 6_o 7._o ps_n 119._o 46._o ps_n 71._o 8._o 24._o prov._n 31._o 26._o we_o shall_v lay_v it_o as_o a_o law_n upon_o ourselves_o to_o speak_v kind_o to_o all_o sort_n of_o person_n for_o my_o work_n these_o tit._n 3._o 8._o 1._o 2_o tim._n 2._o 12._o 1_o tim._n 5._o 10._o tit._n 2._o 14._o math._n 5._o 47._o 1_o tim._n 6._o 18._o rev._n 3._o 2._o rom._n 13._o 12._o act._n 26._o 20._o our_o work_n must_v be_v visible_o as_o well_o as_o true_o good_a math._n 5._o 16._o must_v be_v exemplary_a tit._n 2._o 7._o yet_o we_o must_v not_o expect_v justification_n or_o salvation_n by_o our_o own_o work_n but_o by_o grace_n eph._n 2._o 8_o 9_o rom._n 3._o 28._o thus_o do_v this_o man_n of_o god_n gird_v himself_o with_o the_o sword_n of_o the_o spirit_n which_o he_o faithful_o and_o successful_o manage_v against_o his_o corruption_n temptation_n and_o transgression_n thus_o do_v he_o put_v on_o the_o breastplate_n of_o righteousness_n hold_v the_o mystery_n of_o faith_n in_o a_o pure_a conscience_n apply_v the_o word_n of_o god_n as_o a_o inviolable_a law_n and_o rule_n to_o his_o heart_n and_o life_n sincere_o aim_v at_o the_o glory_n of_o god_n and_o the_o obtain_v that_o blessedness_n which_o by_o the_o covenant_n of_o god_n be_v secure_v to_o the_o undefiled_a in_o the_o way_n who_o walk_v in_o the_o law_n of_o the_o lord_n how_o fit_a be_v he_o to_o be_v the_o mouth_n of_o god_n and_o ambassador_n of_o christ_n to_o sinner_n who_o when_o with_o great_a importunity_n he_o call_v they_o to_o repentance_n and_o reformation_n of_o heart_n and_o life_n and_o the_o mortification_n of_o the_o most_o belove_a lust_n and_o most_o earnest_o press_v upon_o they_o faith_n and_o holiness_n and_o universal_a conformity_n to_o the_o will_n of_o god_n be_v not_o reproach_v by_o his_o own_o heart_n as_o if_o he_o lay_v heavy_a burden_n upon_o other_o which_o himself_o will_v not_o touch_v with_o one_o of_o his_o finger_n but_o with_o deliberate_a choice_n and_o constant_a resolution_n impose_v they_o upon_o himself_o and_o obviate_v all_o objection_n by_o demonstrate_v the_o strict_a holiness_n to_o be_v practicable_a eligible_a and_o delectable_a by_o his_o own_o example_n but_o though_o he_o be_v very_o liberal_o instruct_v by_o nature_n art_n and_o grace_n for_o the_o office_n and_o work_n of_o the_o ministry_n yet_o such_o low_a and_o mean_a thought_n have_v he_o of_o himself_o both_o of_o his_o gift_n and_o grace_n and_o such_o deep_a and_o affect_a apprehension_n of_o the_o difficulty_n and_o weight_n of_o the_o ministerial_a service_n which_o as_o it_o be_v in_o itself_o so_o be_v to_o he_o onus_fw-la tremendum_fw-la and_o 〈◊〉_d 〈◊〉_d 〈◊〉_d 〈◊〉_d 〈◊〉_d who_o be_v sufficient_a say_v the_o apostle_n that_o though_o it_o be_v his_o design_n and_o desire_v to_o serve_v god_n and_o his_o church_n in_o that_o great_a work_n yet_o he_o be_v so_o discourage_v that_o he_o will_v not_o as_o too_o many_o do_v hasty_o adventure_v and_o engage_v himself_o in_o that_o office_n by_o solemn_a ordination_n but_o will_v first_o prove_v himself_o well_o ask_v counsel_n of_o god_n and_o his_o word_n and_o attend_v to_o the_o call_v of_o god_n by_o his_o spirit_n and_o providence_n according_o be_v master_n of_o art_n he_o do_v sometime_o exercise_v his_o gift_n in_o some_o country_n village_n nigh_o the_o university_n where_o his_o manner_n be_v at_o first_o private_o to_o inquire_v out_o what_o small_a parish_n within_o ten_o or_o fifteen_o mile_n of_o cambridge_n be_v destitute_a of_o minister_n unto_o these_o he_o go_v and_o preach_v and_o that_o with_o such_o privacy_n as_o for_o some_o while_n none_o know_v of_o it_o but_o himself_o and_o the_o parishioner_n to_o who_o he_o go_v and_o to_o many_o of_o they_o it_o be_v a_o long_a time_n unknown_a either_o who_o he_o be_v or_o from_o whence_o he_o come_v this_o service_n he_o perform_v gratis_o neither_o expect_v nor_o according_a any_o worldly_a reward_n yea_o it_o be_v a_o charge_n to_o he_o among_o these_o countrypeople_n god_n bless_v he_o and_o give_v he_o the_o first-fruit_n of_o his_o ministry_n make_v he_o instrumental_a and_o successful_a to_o the_o conversion_n and_o edification_n of_o many_o whereby_o he_o be_v so_o endear_v to_o they_o and_o they_o to_o he_o that_o after_o he_o be_v call_v to_o preach_v at_o one_o certain_a place_n in_o cambridge_n he_o will_v yet_o often_o go_v among_o they_o on_o the_o weekday_n preach_v sometime_o at_o one_o place_n and_o sometime_o at_o another_o the_o people_n lay_v aside_o their_o country-business_n and_o ready_o travel_v several_a mile_n to_o attend_v upon_o his_o ministry_n and_o after_o his_o remove_n from_o cambridge_n to_o a_o considerable_a distance_n in_o essex_n and_o suffolk_n his_o manner_n be_v for_o the_o most_o part_n so_o long_o as_o he_o live_v once_o a_o year_n to_o visit_v those_o people_n preach_v to_o they_o and_o converse_v with_o they_o after_o he_o have_v a_o while_n thus_o exercise_v his_o gift_n among_o the_o country_n village_n he_o observe_v three_o thing_n especial_o which_o
preach_v in_o the_o afternoon_n at_o st._n andrews_n i_o have_v some_o thought_n of_o it_o and_o motion_n thereto_o some_o time_n since_o but_o now_o my_o time_n for_o chapel_n exercise_n be_v expire_v i_o take_v it_n into_o serious_a thought_n and_o have_v humble_v my_o soul_n for_o my_o sin_n and_o beg_v of_o god_n that_o he_o will_v settle_v my_o mind_n in_o this_o thing_n and_o teach_v i_o what_o be_v his_o mind_n therein_o after_o pain_n and_o search_v the_o scripture_n i_o come_v to_o this_o resolution_n i_o be_v full_o persuade_v that_o it_o be_v the_o mind_n of_o the_o lord_n that_o i_o shall_v also_o preach_v in_o the_o afternoon_n and_o that_o from_o these_o scripture_n 2_o tim._n 4._o 1._o 2._o i_o charge_v the_o before_o god_n be_v instant_a in_o season_n and_o out_o of_o season_n as_o we_o will_v answer_v it_o to_o jesus_n christ_n at_o the_o day_n of_o judgement_n we_o be_v to_o take_v all_o opportunity_n to_o preach_v his_o word_n i_o consider_v here_o be_v a_o fair_a opportunity_n put_v into_o my_o hand_n and_o therefore_o i_o be_o bind_v in_o conscience_n not_o to_o neglect_v it_o 1_o pet._n 5._o 2._o 〈◊〉_d 〈◊〉_d 〈◊〉_d 〈◊〉_d 〈◊〉_d as_o much_o as_o in_o you_o lie_v feed_v thy_o flock_n so_o calvin_n render_v the_o word_n 1_o cor._n 9_o 16._o 17._o necessity_n be_v lay_v upon_o i_o yea_o woe_n be_v unto_o i_o if_o i_o preach_v not_o the_o gospel_n though_o i_o preach_v the_o gospel_n i_o have_v nothing_o to_o glory_n of_o if_o i_o do_v this_o willing_o i_o have_v a_o reward_n eccl._n 11_o 6._o in_o the_o morning_n sow_v thy_o seed_n and_o in_o the_o evening_n withhold_v not_o thy_o hand_n for_o thou_o know_v not_o what_o shall_v prosper_v this_o or_o that_o this_o seem_v a_o clear_a resolution_n of_o the_o question_n 1_o cor._n 15._o 58._o always_o abound_v in_o the_o work_n of_o the_o lord_n gal._n 6._o 10._o as_o we_o have_v opportunity_n let_v we_o do_v good_a here_o be_v a_o fair_a opportunity_n and_o how_o it_o may_v be_v take_v from_o i_o or_o i_o from_o it_o i_o know_v not_o and_o therefore_o hold_v it_o my_o duty_n to_o lay_v hold_n on_o it_o hereupon_o i_o resolve_v to_o preach_v once_o a_o fortnight_n in_o the_o afternoon_n also_o and_o consider_v my_o weakness_n for_o such_o a_o work_n i_o be_v encourage_v from_o isa_n 41._o 10._o and_o math._n 28._o ult_n go_v teach_v and_o lo_o i_o be_o with_o you_o with_o you_o to_o help_v and_o assist_v you_o with_o you_o to_o bless_v your_o labour_n and_o make_v your_o work_n prosperous_a under_o your_o hand_n jul._n 13._o 1656._o i_o begin_v my_o afternoon_n exercise_v and_o enter_v upon_o the_o doctrine_n of_o repentance_n i_o have_v find_v god_n very_o much_o with_o i_o assisting_z and_o enlarge_n i_o and_o blessing_n my_o labour_n to_o some_o of_o my_o hearer_n i_o bless_v his_o name_n for_o put_v it_o into_o my_o heart_n nov_n 16_o i_o have_v not_o so_o much_o of_o the_o enliven_a presence_n of_o god_n in_o the_o afternoon_n as_o i_o be_v wont_a to_o have_v yet_o god_n bless_v his_o word_n one_o of_o the_o parish_n tell_v mr._n j._n he_o think_v their_o minister_n know_v their_o heart_n and_o add_v he_o be_v resolve_v to_o amend_v apr._n 21._o 1657._o i_o set_v apart_o this_o day_n to_o seek_v god_n by_o fast_v and_o prayer_n to_o show_v i_o my_o way_n and_o to_o direct_v i_o in_o a_o business_n that_o have_v be_v upon_o my_o spirit_n nigh_o half_a a_o year_n which_o be_v to_o preach_v once_o a_o fortnight_n on_o the_o week_n day_n at_o the_o church_n where_o i_o be_o place_v i_o engage_v the_o prayer_n of_o other_o also_o for_o i_o in_o this_o particular_a and_o when_o i_o go_v to_o the_o sacrament_n i_o lay_v the_o promise_n before_o god_n that_o he_o will_v guide_v i_o continual_o and_o teach_v i_o in_o the_o way_n that_o i_o shall_v choose_v as_o that_o which_o i_o desire_v might_n among_o other_o be_v seal_v up_o to_o i_o whilst_o i_o be_v thus_o deliberate_v with_o myself_o what_o to_o do_v i_o meet_v with_o this_o providence_n be_v at_o soham_n to_o preach_v the_o lecture_n there_o i_o sleep_v that_o night_n very_o disturbed_o towards_o the_o morning_n i_o think_v i_o see_v the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n in_o his_o glory_n who_o speak_v comfortable_o to_o i_o and_o encourage_v i_o in_o my_o work_n but_o speak_v very_o sad_a word_n to_o another_o mr._n of_o art_n that_o be_v with_o i_o who_o i_o dream_v to_o be_v a_o godly_a man_n yet_o one_o who_o be_v note_v for_o his_o unwillingness_n to_o preach_v in_o town_n when_o i_o awake_v i_o consider_v with_o myself_o what_o this_o shall_v mean_v i_o consider_v it_o be_v but_o a_o dream_n and_o so_o not_o much_o to_o be_v heed_v and_o again_o i_o consider_v that_o sometime_o god_n speak_v to_o we_o in_o dream_n and_o slumber_v upon_o our_o bed_n job_n 33._o 13._o 14._o 15._o whence_o i_o gather_v it_o may_v be_v something_o of_o encouragement_n to_o i_o in_o the_o morning_n when_o i_o be_v up_o it_o fall_v out_o in_o my_o ordinary_a course_n of_o read_v the_o scripture_n to_o read_v act._n 18._o and_o when_o i_o have_v read_v ver_fw-la 9_o 10._o and_o ponder_v what_o have_v befall_v i_o in_o the_o night_n i_o can_v not_o but_o wonder_n at_o the_o providence_n of_o god_n to_o cause_v this_o scripture_n to_o fall_v in_o with_o my_o former_a dream_n which_o make_v i_o ponder_v the_o more_o upon_o it_o i_o see_v god_n do_v sometime_o speak_v to_o his_o people_n in_o a_o vision_n i_o see_v the_o same_o reason_n why_o paul_n shall_v preach_v viz._n because_o there_o be_v much_o people_n belong_v to_o the_o lord_n there_o may_v be_v forcible_a to_o prevail_v with_o i_o for_o he_o incline_v a_o great_a multitude_n of_o people_n to_o attend_v upon_o i_o when_o i_o have_v consider_v of_o it_o i_o resolve_v to_o lay_v this_o up_o in_o my_o heart_n and_o not_o to_o slight_v it_o though_o i_o can_v not_o build_v on_o it_o any_o ground_n of_o my_o undertake_n my_o work_n consult_v the_o scripture_n these_o come_v into_o my_o mind_n act._n 6._o 4._o we_o will_v give_v ourselves_o continual_o to_o prayer_n and_o to_o the_o ministry_n of_o the_o word_n where_o i_o see_v that_o such_o as_o be_v call_v of_o god_n to_o preach_v the_o word_n aught_o to_o make_v it_o their_o business_n and_o give_v up_o themselves_o to_o it_o rom._n 1._o 1._o 14._o 15._o here_o i_o see_v that_o one_o separate_v to_o the_o gospel_n of_o christ_n be_v a_o debtor_n bind_v and_o shall_v be_v ready_a as_o much_o as_o in_o he_o lie_v isa_n 40._o 9_o o_o thou_o that_o bring_v good_a tiding_n to_o zion_n get_v the_o up_o into_o the_o high_a mountain_n lift_v up_o thy_o voice_n with_o strength_n lift_v it_o up_o be_v not_o afraid_a read_v this_o scripture_n in_o my_o ordinary_a course_n i_o find_v it_o set_v home_o with_o life_n and_o power_n in_o reference_n to_o my_o present_a doubt_n get_v the_o up_o lift_v up_o thy_o voice_n it_o remove_v the_o great_a obstacle_n of_o fear_n what_o will_v man_n say_v and_o think_v of_o my_o forwardness_n be_v not_o afraid_a i_o be_v the_o more_o confirm_v by_o consider_v this_o scripture_n be_v main_o direct_v to_o such_o as_o god_n have_v send_v to_o preach_v the_o gospel_n by_o compare_v this_o scripture_n with_o isa_n 52._o 7._o and_o rom._n 10._o 15._o and_o the_o scripture_n do_v the_o more_o affect_v i_o because_o it_o be_v in_o this_o manner_n set_v home_o after_o prayer_n when_o i_o have_v be_v seek_v god_n in_o reference_n to_o this_o doubt_n act._n 18._o 5._o paul_n be_v press_v in_o spirit_n and_o testify_v hence_o i_o see_v the_o minister_n of_o god_n may_v take_v encouragement_n to_o preach_v the_o word_n from_o inward_a pressure_n of_o spirit_n have_v these_o inducement_n to_o preach_v on_o the_o week_n day_n i_o set_v apart_o as_o before_o the_o 21th_o of_o april_n to_o seek_v god_n by_o fast_v and_o prayer_n to_o direct_v i_o what_o to_o do_v have_v put_v up_o my_o request_n to_o he_o in_o the_o name_n of_o jesus_n christ_n i_o shall_v consider_v what_o motive_n i_o have_v to_o it_o and_o what_o dissuasives_n from_o it_o and_o judge_v of_o both_o according_a to_o the_o scripture_n and_o do_v therein_o as_o the_o lord_n shall_v direct_v i_o by_o his_o word_n and_o spirit_n '_o the_o argument_n move_v to_o it_o be_v these_o 1._o i_o find_v god_n much_o enlarge_n my_o meditation_n so_o as_o i_o be_o a_o long_a while_n ere_o i_o can_v dispatch_v the_o subject_a i_o enter_v upon_o whereby_o i_o foresee_v i_o shall_v go_v over_o but_o few_o head_n in_o divinity_n while_o i_o stay_v unless_o i_o preach_v often_o and_o i_o know_v not_o what_o the_o meaning_n of_o god_n
herein_o shall_v be_v that_o he_o water_v i_o so_o much_o but_o that_o i_o shall_v water_v other_o 2._o i_o have_v find_v god_n own_v i_o when_o i_o close_v with_o the_o like_a motion_n at_o other_o time_n particular_o in_o the_o afternoon_n exercise_n i_o have_v find_v god_n wonderful_o gracious_a beyond_o expression_n and_o i_o hearty_o bless_v god_n that_o put_v it_o into_o my_o heart_n to_o undertake_v that_o work_n and_o see_v when_o i_o follow_v god_n former_o he_o be_v with_o i_o why_o shall_v i_o not_o be_v obedient_a to_o his_o call_n in_o this_o also_o 3._o it_o be_v the_o work_n i_o have_v be_v set_v apart_o to_o and_o solemn_o give_v up_o myself_o to_o in_o the_o face_n of_o the_o congregation_n at_o blackfriar_n and_o therefore_o now_o there_o be_v a_o necessity_n lie_v upon_o i_o to_o preach_v the_o gospel_n yea_o a_o woe_n if_o i_o preach_v not_o 1_o cor._n 9_o 16._o 4._o god_n have_v make_v my_o service_n here_o accept_v of_o the_o saint_n and_o therefore_o it_o be_v likely_a my_o ministry_n may_v be_v more_o effectual_a it_o may_v be_v elsewhere_o my_o ministry_n may_v be_v as_o much_o despise_v as_o here_o it_o be_v embrace_v and_o therefore_o it_o be_v good_a to_o take_v the_o present_a season_n and_o to_o strike_v where_o and_o when_o the_o iron_n be_v hot_a 5._o the_o time_n be_v short_a that_o i_o have_v to_o live_v how_o soon_o god_n many_o take_v i_o hence_o i_o know_v not_o and_o there_o be_v no_o work_n in_o the_o grave_n i_o be_o command_v to_o do_v what_o my_o hand_n find_v to_o do_v with_o my_o might_n eccl._n 9_o 10._o the_o night_n come_v when_o no_o man_n can_v work_v and_o therefore_o as_o christ_n say_v joh._n 9_o 4._o i_o must_v work_v the_o work_n of_o he_o that_o send_v i_o while_o it_o be_v day_n so_o must_v i_o do_v learn_v this_o wisdom_n of_o he_o to_o do_v my_o work_n as_o fast_o as_o i_o can_v see_v i_o know_v not_o how_o short_a my_o day_n may_v be_v 6._o the_o time_n be_v evil_a and_o i_o know_v not_o how_o soon_o we_o may_v be_v cut_v short_a of_o these_o opportunity_n and_o it_o be_v a_o express_a command_n that_o we_o shall_v be_v wise_a and_o redeem_v time_n eph._n 5._o 15._o 16._o and_o god_n command_v as_o we_o have_v opportunity_n to_o do_v good_a to_o all_o gal._n 6._o 10._o preach_v of_o the_o gospel_n be_v do_v good_a and_o here_o be_v a_o opportunity_n i_o must_v not_o let_v it_o slip_v 7._o if_o i_o shall_v preach_v once_o a_o fortnight_n on_o the_o weekday_n it_o will_v but_o be_v equivalent_a to_o preach_v twice_o every_o lord_n day_n see_v now_o i_o preach_v but_o once_o every_o other_o sabbath_n which_o must_v be_v my_o work_n when_o i_o come_v into_o the_o country_n and_o yet_o my_o work_n here_o be_v far_o light_a than_o it_o will_v be_v there_o for_o here_o i_o be_o free_a from_o worldly_a care_n family_n distraction_n and_o a_o pastoral_a charge_n 8._o one_o soul_n be_v more_o worth_a than_o the_o whole_a world_n and_o the_o preach_n of_o the_o gospel_n be_v the_o power_n of_o god_n to_o salvation_n therefore_o we_o shall_v not_o think_v any_o pain_n too_o great_a to_o preach_v the_o word_n see_v we_o may_v through_o god_n be_v a_o mean_a to_o convert_v and_o save_v soul_n thereby_o 9_o christ_n charge_v peter_n as_o he_o love_v he_o to_o feed_v his_o sheep_n and_o lamb_n joh._n 21._o 15_o 16_o 17._o his_o repeat_v this_o 3_o time_n argue_v 1._o that_o he_o will_v have_v he_o very_o diligent_a in_o do_v it_o 2._o that_o he_o take_v it_o as_o a_o real_a demonstration_n of_o love_n to_o he_o to_o feed_v his_o sheep_n now_o i_o have_v wonderful_a cause_n to_o love_n christ_n and_o good_a reason_n to_o demonstrate_v it_o that_o way_n which_o he_o will_v have_v i_o 10._o if_o i_o enter_v upon_o preach_v on_o weekday_n too_o i_o see_v it_o will_v make_v for_o the_o glory_n of_o god_n joh._n 15._o 8._o god_n be_v glorify_v when_o we_o bear_v much_o fruit_n and_o for_o the_o good_a and_o edification_n of_o other_o for_o the_o body_n of_o christ_n be_v edify_v by_o the_o ministry_n of_o the_o word_n eph._n 4._o 11_o 12._o and_o why_o shall_v i_o stand_v dispute_v that_o which_o may_v make_v for_o the_o glory_n of_o god_n and_o the_o good_a of_o those_o among_o who_o i_o live_v 11._o god_n will_v have_v every_o man_n observe_v his_o proper_a gift_n and_o improve_v they_o and_o attend_v his_o proper_a work_n that_o he_o be_v call_v to_o with_o diligence_n rom._n 12._o 6_o 7_o 8_o 11._o 12._o i_o have_v naturally_n a_o slothful_a spirit_n and_o one_o good_a way_n to_o master_n it_o be_v to_o take_v up_o much_o employment_n 13._o god_n will_v have_v we_o always_o to_o abound_v in_o his_o work_n and_o be_v steadfast_a and_o he_o tell_v we_o our_o labour_n shall_v not_o be_v in_o vain_a 1_o cor._n 15._o ult_n 14._o no_o excuse_n must_v hinder_v we_o now_o from_o do_v good_a but_o what_o will_v serve_v turn_n at_o the_o day_n of_o judgement_n i_o consider_v further_o that_o the_o word_n of_o god_n be_v to_o be_v the_o rule_n by_o which_o we_o must_v walk_v psal_n 119._o 105._o that_o be_v the_o light_n of_o our_o path_n what_o the_o word_n require_v of_o we_o god_n require_v of_o we_o what_o work_v the_o word_n call_v we_o to_o that_o god_n call_v we_o to_o now_o consider_v with_o myself_o the_o aforesaid_a particular_n according_a to_o the_o word_n of_o god_n i_o gather_v it_o be_v the_o mind_n of_o god_n i_o shall_v close_v with_o this_o motion_n and_o that_o he_o call_v i_o to_o further_a work_n and_o so_o according_o i_o be_o to_o obey_v his_o voice_n now_o in_o regard_n that_o it_o be_v god_n presence_n with_o i_o his_o own_n accept_v and_o assist_v i_o that_o must_v bear_v i_o up_o against_o all_o difficulty_n that_o i_o shall_v meet_v with_o i_o consult_v further_o with_o the_o word_n to_o see_v what_o ground_n i_o have_v to_o expect_v that_o god_n will_v be_v with_o i_o in_o my_o undertake_n and_o i_o see_v great_a encouragement_n from_o these_o scripture_n mat._n 28._o 19_o 20._o go_v teach_v lo_o i_o be_o with_o you_o always_o christ_n will_v not_o withdraw_v his_o presence_n at_o any_o time_n when_o we_o go_v about_o to_o teach_v in_o obedience_n to_o his_o command_n but_o will_v be_v always_o with_o we_o 1_o chron._n 28._o 10_o 20._o compare_v whence_o i_o observe_v when_o god_n call_v a_o man_n out_o to_o any_o work_n he_o will_v have_v he_o be_v strong_a and_o do_v it_o and_o not_o to_o fear_v or_o be_v dismay_v for_o god_n will_v be_v with_o he_o and_o not_o fail_v he_o or_o forsake_v he_o till_o he_o have_v finish_v it_o josh_n 1._o 9_o have_v not_o i_o command_v thou_o the_o lord_n thy_o god_n be_v with_o thou_o whithersoever_o thou_o go_v the_o same_o presence_n and_o assistance_n may_v we_o expect_v from_o god_n when_o ever_o he_o call_v we_o out_o to_o any_o service_n which_o i_o gather_v from_o the_o apostle_n apply_v to_o all_o christian_n what_o god_n speak_v in_o particularto_fw-la josh_n heb._n 13._o 5._o isa_n 42._o 6._o i_o the_o lord_n have_v call_v thou_o i_o will_v hold_v thy_o hand_n it_o be_v speak_v to_o christ_n and_o shall_v be_v make_v good_a to_o all_o christian_n when_o call_v by_o god_n to_o any_o work_n he_o will_v uphold_v they_o in_o it_o and_o he_o who_o god_n uphold_v shall_v not_o fail_v or_o be_v discourage_v till_o his_o work_n be_v do_v v_o 1._o 4_o judg._n 6._o 12._o 14._o the_o lord_n be_v with_o thou_o thou_o mighty_a man_n go_v in_o this_o thy_o might_n thou_o shall_v save_v israel_n have_v not_o i_o send_v thou_o in_o this_o thy_o might_n i._n e._n either_o in_o the_o strength_n of_o the_o promise_n the_o lord_n be_v with_o thou_o or_o in_o the_o strength_n of_o thy_o commission_n i_o have_v send_v thou_o do_v thou_o doubt_v whether_o i_o will_v be_v with_o thou_o see_v i_o have_v send_v thou_o do_v thou_o doubt_v whether_o thou_o shall_v save_v israel_n see_v i_o have_v send_v thou_o i_o see_v hence_o the_o call_v of_o god_n to_o any_o service_n be_v a_o great_a encouragement_n to_o set_v upon_o it_o and_o to_o expect_v success_n in_o it_o '_o discouragement_n remove_v 1._o reproach_n of_o man_n what_o will_v man_n say_v or_o think_v that_o i_o be_o so_o forward_o they_o will_v impute_v it_o to_o pride_n it_o etc._n etc._n and_o say_v i_o be_o imprudent_a and_o will_v may_v be_v laugh_v and_o jeer_v at_o i_o reply_v 1_o i_o be_o not_o to_o be_v ashamed_a of_o the_o gospel_n of_o christ_n rom._n 1._o 16._o no_o not_o in_o a_o adulterous_a generation_n mar._n 8._o 38._o if_o i_o can_v suffer_v shame_n for_o christ_n how_o shall_v i_o
expire_v after_o he_o have_v begin_v his_o weekday_n lecture_n when_o the_o mayor_n and_o one_o of_o the_o alderman_n of_o colchester_n in_o essex_n whither_o his_o fame_n reach_v apply_v themselves_o to_o he_o at_o cambridge_n desire_v he_o to_o accept_v their_o lecturer_n place_v then_o void_a with_o which_o motion_n he_o so_o far_o only_o then_o comply_v as_o to_o promise_v to_o come_v over_o to_o they_o and_o preach_v a_o sermon_n or_o two_o among_o they_o which_o he_o perform_v about_o three_o week_n after_o after_o his_o preach_v the_o house_n of_o alderman_n and_o common_a council_n meet_v and_o unanimous_o agree_v to_o choose_v he_o to_o be_v their_o town-lecturer_n to_o preach_v on_o lord_n day_n afternoon_n and_o on_o the_o wednesday_n every_o week_n which_o choice_n have_v also_o the_o general_a suffrage_n of_o the_o sober_a and_o godly_a people_n in_o town_n and_o country_n thereabouts_o which_o be_v signify_v to_o he_o by_o some_o of_o the_o alderman_n and_o common_a council_n after_o six_o week_n deliberation_n for_o so_o long_a time_n he_o design_v to_o give_v his_o answer_n seek_v god_n for_o direction_n as_o his_o constant_a manner_n be_v have_v no_o objection_n before_o he_o as_o to_o conscience_n in_o the_o case_n nor_o any_o obligation_n to_o stay_v at_o cambridge_n save_v only_o the_o people_n desire_n which_o he_o answer_v from_o luke_n 4._o 42._o 43._o and_o act._n 18._o 20._o and_o consider_v the_o joint_a unanimous_a agreement_n of_o person_n different_a in_o judgement_n for_o it_o be_v a_o divide_a place_n in_o call_v he_o he_o consent_v to_o their_o choice_n and_o undertake_v that_o charge_n as_o he_o have_v experience_v god_n own_v and_o seal_v of_o his_o ministry_n in_o his_o first_o catechistical_a exercise_n in_o the_o college_n and_o his_o first_o sermon_n after_o his_o ordination_n with_o much_o happy_a success_n also_o in_o cambridge_n so_o here_o he_o have_v the_o same_o encouragement_n god_n make_v his_o first_o sermon_n effectual_a upon_o the_o heart_n of_o a_o dutchman_n and_o his_o second_o or_o three_o upon_o another_o person_n note_v for_o a_o sinner_n who_o come_v out_o of_o novelty_n to_o hear_v he_o concern_v who_o he_o may_v say_v as_o st._n paul_n 1_o thess_n 1._o 9_o they_o show_v of_o we_o what_o manner_n of_o enter_v we_o have_v to_o you_o but_o it_o fare_v with_o he_o here_o at_o colchester_n as_o it_o do_v at_o cambridge_n he_o think_v he_o do_v not_o work_n enough_o and_o therefore_o ask_v leave_v and_o free_o offer_v himself_o to_o preach_v also_o on_o the_o lord_n day_n morning_n at_o st._n james_n church_n not_o desire_v any_o outward_a reward_n for_o it_o which_o be_v grant_v and_o accept_v he_o be_v to_o this_o place_n a_o very_a great_a blessing_n not_o only_o as_o to_o their_o spiritual_a but_o temporal_a concern_v also_o it_o be_v observe_v that_o during_o his_o abode_n and_o the_o liberty_n of_o his_o ministry_n there_o the_o town_n prosper_v and_o exceed_o flourish_v in_o trade_n for_o even_o the_o good_a thing_n of_o this_o life_n do_v the_o gospel_n carry_v with_o it_o here_o he_o labour_v in_o the_o word_n and_o doctrine_n till_o by_o the_o act_n of_o uniformity_n he_o be_v with_o the_o rest_n of_o his_o brethren_n debar_v from_o the_o public_a exercise_n of_o his_o ministry_n yet_o not_o think_v himself_o bind_v to_o be_v his_o own_o executioner_n and_o there_o be_v mutual_a obligation_n by_o contract_n between_o the_o town_n and_o he_o that_o the_o one_o shall_v not_o eject_v nor_o the_o other_o desert_n without_o so_o long_a warning_n he_o do_v after_o the_o fatal_a bartholomew_n continue_v his_o public_a preach_v some_o time_n till_o have_v occasion_n to_o take_v a_o journey_n into_o cambridgeshire_n in_o his_o absence_n another_o be_v put_v into_o his_o place_n by_o the_o b._n of_o l._n from_o thenceforth_o with_o st._n paul_n act._n 28._o 30_o 31._o he_o dwell_v three_o whole_a year_n in_o his_o own_o hire_a house_n and_o receive_v all_o that_o come_v in_o unto_o he_o preach_v the_o kingdom_n of_o god_n with_o all_o confidence_n till_o god_n send_v the_o rage_a pestilence_n into_o the_o town_n an._n 1665._o at_o which_o providence_n he_o be_v great_o affect_v and_o while_o he_o see_v many_o and_o even_o the_o shepherd_n of_o the_o flock_n hasten_v their_o flight_n from_o the_o pestilence_n that_o walk_v in_o darkness_n and_o the_o destruction_n that_o waste_v at_o noon_n day_n and_o other_o smite_v with_o the_o arrow_n of_o the_o almighty_a daily_o pass_v into_o eternity_n such_o compassion_n he_o have_v for_o perish_a soul_n and_o such_o zealous_a desire_n of_o their_o salvation_n and_o such_o hope_n that_o the_o word_n may_v be_v more_o effectual_a in_o that_o day_n of_o god_n sore_a judgement_n that_o he_o send_v to_o the_o magistrate_n and_o free_o offer_v if_o they_o will_v indulge_v he_o the_o liberty_n of_o a_o public_a church_n to_o stay_v and_o preach_v to_o that_o poor_a distress_a people_n till_o either_o god_n shall_v take_v he_o away_o by_o death_n or_o cause_v the_o pestilence_n to_o cease_v which_o be_v deny_v he_o he_o entertain_v thought_n of_o remove_v out_o of_o town_n and_o have_v seek_v of_o god_n a_o right_a way_n for_o himself_o his_o little_a one_o and_o his_o substance_n he_o receive_v satisfaction_n concern_v the_o lawfulness_n of_o remove_v in_o time_n of_o pestilence_n from_o isa_n 26._o 20._o hide_v thyself_o for_o a_o little_a moment_n until_o the_o indignation_n be_v over_o past_a and_o encouragement_n to_o hope_v that_o the_o presence_n of_o god_n shall_v go_v with_o he_o from_o gen._n 28._o 15._o i_o be_o with_o thou_o and_o will_v keep_v thou_o in_o all_o place_n whither_o thou_o go_v &c._n &c._n add_v thereto_o gal._n 3._o 7_o 9_o where_o he_o observe_v that_o all_o believer_n have_v right_a to_o the_o promise_v make_v to_o abraham_n isaac_n and_o jacob._n according_o aug._n 25._o 1665._o he_o remove_v his_o family_n to_o chattishamâ—n_n â—n_z suffolk_n about_o 12_o mile_n distant_a from_o colcheâ—â—er_n be_v now_o come_v to_o a_o place_n where_o he_o be_v a_o perfect_a stranger_n have_v no_o acquaintance_n with_o the_o neighbourhood_n and_o consider_v the_o evil_a and_o danger_n of_o the_o time_n he_o have_v many_o doubt_n and_o fear_n within_o himself_o concern_v the_o comfort_n of_o his_o abide_n there_o but_o quick_o receive_v satisfaction_n from_o the_o holy_a scripture_n his_o dailydelight_n and_o counsellor_n which_o he_o thus_o record_v aug._n 27._o be_v the_o first_o sabbath_n after_o i_o come_v to_o chattisham_n in_o the_o morning_n as_o i_o be_v read_v in_o my_o private_a devotion_n ezek._n 37._o which_o be_v the_o chapter_n that_o fall_v out_o in_o course_n in_o my_o private_a read_n i_o be_v much_o affect_v with_o some_o passage_n in_o the_o begin_n of_o the_o chapter_n from_o whence_o i_o observe_v for_o my_o instruction_n 1._o not_o to_o question_v my_o call_n to_o chattisham_n though_o it_o shall_v be_v a_o dry_a place_n where_o i_o shall_v want_v that_o communion_n of_o the_o saint_n which_o i_o have_v at_o colchester_n and_o my_o wont_a opportunity_n of_o do_v and_o receive_v good_n ezekiel_n a_o prophet_n of_o the_o lord_n fit_v by_o his_o gift_n and_o call_v to_o do_v god_n service_n when_o he_o be_v carry_v into_o a_o valley_n where_o there_o be_v no_o live_a creature_n to_o converse_v withal_o but_o dead_a man_n bone_n yet_o he_o be_v carry_v thither_o by_o the_o hand_n and_o spirit_n of_o the_o lord_n ver_fw-la 1._o 2._o god_n may_v have_v special_a service_n for_o we_o to_o do_v in_o those_o place_n be_v we_o judge_v according_o to_o sense_n think_v there_o can_v be_v no_o opportunity_n of_o â—ervice_n at_o all_o who_o will_v have_v think_v there_o have_v be_v any_o work_n for_o ezekiel_n as_o a_o prophet_n among_o dead_a man_n bone_n yet_o even_o there_o he_o have_v prophesy_v work_n and_o compose_v that_o prophecy_n which_o raise_v up_o the_o die_a faith_n and_o hope_v of_o the_o whole_a house_n of_o israel_n 3._o when_o god_n command_v we_o to_o prophesy_v or_o to_o preach_v his_o word_n the_o great_a improbability_n of_o success_n imaginable_a shall_v not_o discourage_v we_o from_o our_o work_n though_o we_o shall_v think_v there_o be_v no_o more_o hope_n of_o do_v good_a to_o they_o to_o who_o we_o preach_v than_o there_o be_v by_o speak_v to_o the_o wind_n or_o preach_v to_o dead_a man_n bone_n yet_o we_o shall_v go_v on_o with_o our_o work_n ezekiel_n at_o god_n command_n prophecy_n to_o dry_a and_o dead_a bone_n concern_v which_o when_o he_o be_v ask_v whether_o they_o can_v live_v he_o reply_v that_o he_o can_v not_o tell_v god_n only_o know_v v_o 3_o and_o they_o have_v the_o spirit_n of_o life_n breathe_v into_o they_o he_o propehsy_v to_o the_o wind_n and_o that_o obey_v v_o 9_o 10._o this_o scripture_n
what_o great_a need_n i_o have_v and_o that_o it_o be_v of_o singular_a use_n to_o watch_v over_o my_o soul_n in_o all_o its_o way_n both_o in_o reference_n to_o sin_n that_o i_o fall_v not_o into_o it_o and_o when_o fall_v what_o the_o carriage_n and_o act_n of_o my_o soul_n be_v at_o such_o a_o time_n whether_o i_o flee_v for_o relief_n to_o god_n in_o christ_n or_o to_o my_o own_o work_n and_o in_o reference_n to_o my_o duty_n to_o take_v heed_n lest_o those_o mean_n which_o god_n have_v appoint_v to_o be_v the_o conveyance_n of_o himself_o his_o son_n and_o spirit_n and_o all_o spiritual_a blessing_n shall_v prove_v to_o i_o a_o mean_a of_o death_n and_o separation_n from_o god_n by_o my_o formal_a use_n of_o they_o and_o rest_v in_o they_o for_o as_o satan_n keep_v some_o alienate_v from_o god_n by_o the_o gross_a pollution_n of_o the_o world_n so_o other_o from_o christ_n by_o their_o establish_v a_o righteousness_n of_o their_o own_o o_o lord_n break_v thou_o this_o snare_n for_o i_o and_o let_v my_o soul_n escape_v as_o a_o bird_n from_o the_o net_n that_o i_o may_v flee_v to_o thou_o and_o be_v at_o rest_n i_o have_v observe_v in_o myself_o that_o when_o god_n at_o any_o time_n be_v please_v to_o work_v any_o thing_n in_o my_o soul_n i_o soon_o lose_v it_o if_o he_o quicken_v i_o i_o soon_o grow_v dead_a heart_a again_o if_o he_o enliven_v my_o affection_n they_o soon_o grow_v cold_a and_o flat_a and_o my_o old_a hardness_n return_v upon_o i_o hence_o i_o come_v to_o see_v that_o it_o be_v infinite_a wisdom_n and_o goodness_n in_o god_n that_o he_o have_v not_o put_v the_o stock_n of_o grace_n into_o our_o own_o hand_n but_o have_v treasure_v it_o up_o in_o christ_n that_o our_o life_n be_v now_o hide_v with_o christ_n in_o god_n for_o so_o it_o become_v sure_a rom._n 4._o 16._o hereby_o also_o i_o come_v to_o see_v that_o i_o have_v need_n of_o continual_a recourse_n to_o jesus_n christ_n for_o new_a supply_n of_o grace_n and_o strength_n the_o lord_n god_n in_o his_o wisdom_n be_v please_v when_o he_o deliver_v his_o people_n out_o of_o egypt_n before_o he_o bring_v they_o to_o canaan_n to_o lead_v they_o 40_o year_n in_o the_o wilderness_n when_o as_o he_o can_v have_v lead_v they_o a_o near_a way_n to_o canaan_n exod._n 13._o 17._o he_o choose_v rather_o to_o lead_v they_o through_o the_o great_a and_o terrible_a wilderness_n jer._n 2._o 6._o where_o be_v fiery_a serpent_n and_o scorpion_n and_o drought_n where_o there_o be_v no_o water_n where_o he_o bring_v they_o forth_o water_v out_o of_o the_o rock_n of_o flint_n and_o feed_v they_o with_o manna_n for_o this_o end_n that_o he_o may_v humble_v they_o prove_v they_o and_o do_v they_o good_a in_o the_o latter_a end_n deut._n 8._o 15_o 16._o do_v thou_o find_v it_o so_o o_o my_o soul_n in_o thy_o travail_n towards_o the_o heavenly_a canaan_n do_v thou_o walk_v through_o much_o spiritual_a drought_n a_o land_n of_o desert_n and_o of_o the_o shadow_n of_o death_n do_v meet_v with_o a_o flinty_a heart_n and_o fiery_a temptation_n know_v that_o the_o lord_n do_v this_o to_o humble_v thou_o which_o through_o his_o grace_n thou_o have_v sometime_o find_v and_o to_o prove_v thou_o i._n e_o to_o discover_v thou_o to_o thyself_o for_o he_o himself_o know_v thy_o thought_n afar_o off_o and_o this_o way_n of_o god_n through_o grace_n have_v be_v a_o mean_n of_o discover_v much_o of_o thy_o corrupt_a heart_n to_o thou_o and_o that_o he_o may_v do_v thou_o good_a in_o the_o latter_a end_n therefore_o take_v heed_n o_o my_o soul_n of_o israel_n sin_n of_o murmur_v against_o god_n under_o thy_o want_n of_o unbeleif_n and_o tempt_a god_n etc._n etc._n read_v oft_o and_o weight_n well_o the_o 78th_o psalm_n may_v 6._o be_v sabbath_n day_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v in_o the_o hear_n of_o his_o word_n to_o convince_v i_o of_o my_o sin_n and_o lose_v condition_n but_o lord_n how_o unfaithful_a be_v i_o then_o and_o have_v i_o be_v since_o to_o the_o conviction_n of_o thy_o spirit_n how_o soon_o have_v i_o heal_v up_o the_o wound_n that_o be_v give_v by_o the_o word_n how_o soon_o have_v a_o hard_a heart_n a_o secure_a careless_a spirit_n take_v possession_n of_o i_o lord_n if_o ever_o thy_o word_n be_v effectual_a in_o i_o thou_o must_v not_o only_o speak_v it_o to_o my_o heart_n but_o write_v and_o engraff_n it_o there_o also_o henceforth_o i_o desire_v to_o wait_v on_o thou_o as_o for_o the_o teach_n of_o thy_o spirit_n so_o for_o the_o write_n of_o thy_o law_n in_o my_o heart_n by_o thy_o spirit_n i_o find_v a_o lothness_n in_o my_o spirit_n to_o go_v to_o here_o this_o sermon_n whereby_o i_o perceive_v satan_n will_v have_v hinder_v i_o be_v encourage_v hence_o o_o my_o soul_n to_o break_v through_o all_o difficulty_n thou_o meet_v with_o in_o do_v thy_o duty_n when_o thou_o find_v any_o secret_a unwillingness_n to_o ordinance_n or_o duty_n then_o stir_v up_o thyself_o to_o wait_v upon_o god_n expect_v that_o he_o have_v some_o special_a mercy_n for_o thou_o which_o satan_n will_v hinder_v thou_o off_o jun._n 1._o this_o day_n the_o lord_n do_v in_o the_o hear_n of_o his_o word_n revive_v some_o conviction_n which_o have_v former_o be_v upon_o my_o spirit_n though_o in_o a_o very_a languid_a manner_n i_o stand_v convince_v before_o the_o lord_n of_o unbelief_n and_o that_o i_o be_v a_o lose_a creature_n because_o thereof_o from_o the_o word_n of_o our_o saviour_n joh._n 3._o 18._o he_o that_o believe_v not_o be_v condemn_v already_o conscience_n tell_v i_o that_o i_o be_o yet_o in_o unbelief_n that_o i_o want_v that_o faith_n which_o be_v accompany_v with_o the_o new_a birth_n joh._n 1._o 12_o 13._o that_o faith_n which_o shall_v purge_v i_o from_o atheism_n formality_n and_o rest_v in_o duty_n from_o hypocrisy_n and_o deadness_n from_o unclean_a affection_n and_o inordinate_a love_n of_o the_o world_n from_o a_o vain_a mind_n and_o a_o light_a spirit_n that_o faith_n which_o shall_v purify_v my_o heart_n from_o these_o and_o the_o like_a evil_n act._n 15._o 9_o that_o faith_n which_o shall_v make_v christ_n a_o great_a reality_n and_o more_o precious_a to_o i_o than_o any_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n 1_o pet._n 2._o 7._o that_o faith_n which_o bring_v peace_n with_o god_n and_o joy_n in_o the_o holy_a ghost_n unspeakable_a and_o full_a of_o glory_n rom._n 5._o 1._o 1_o pet._n 1._o 8._o i_o find_v i_o have_v have_v a_o dead_a faith_n jam._n 2._o 17_o 20._o and_o presume_v upon_o god_n mercy_n in_o christ_n although_o i_o have_v be_v estrange_v from_o god_n in_o my_o heart_n and_o nature_n my_o rest_a in_o duty_n and_o trust_v in_o my_o own_o righteousness_n as_o far_o as_o i_o can_v see_v have_v be_v the_o deceit_n of_o my_o heart_n lord_n lay_v this_o conviction_n upon_o my_o conscience_n for_o i_o find_v my_o heart_n will_v put_v it_o off_o yea_o it_o have_v already_o desperate_o harden_v itself_o against_o thou_o i_o fear_v i_o shall_v outgrow_a this_o conviction_n of_o thy_o word_n as_o at_o other_o time_n i_o feel_v a_o careless_a spirit_n that_o will_v make_v light_n of_o eternity_n and_o of_o jesus_n christ_n lord_n break_v my_o heart_n under_o thy_o word_n for_o my_o unbelief_n and_o neglect_v of_o christ_n let_v i_o not_o heal_v myself_o but_o wait_v till_o thou_o shall_v heal_v i_o thou_o do_v help_v the_o unbelief_n of_o thy_o servant_n thomas_n oh_o that_o thou_o will_v help_v i_o also_o the_o lord_n have_v show_v i_o that_o i_o be_o dead_a in_o sin_n not_o only_o from_o the_o testimony_n of_o his_o word_n eph._n 2._o 1._o col._n 2._o 13._o but_o by_o inward_a experience_n for_o i_o feel_v myself_o alienate_v from_o the_o life_n of_o god_n cut_v off_o from_o communion_n with_o the_o lord_n jesus_n separate_v from_o god_n and_o his_o bless_a spirit_n my_o deceitful_a heart_n have_v often_o go_v about_o to_o repel_v this_o conviction_n and_o have_v cause_v i_o sometime_o to_o mistake_v a_o life_n of_o morality_n for_o spiritual_a life_n and_o at_o other_o time_n a_o life_n of_o formality_n but_o now_o i_o find_v the_o scripture_n speak_v of_o dead_a work_n and_o call_v for_o repentance_n from_o they_o heb._n 6._o 1._o and_o purge_v our_o conscience_n from_o they_o heb._n 9_o 14._o by_o dead_a work_n i_o understand_v not_o only_o the_o gross_a pollution_n of_o the_o world_n but_o all_o work_n whatever_o that_o be_v do_v by_o a_o man_n void_a of_o the_o quicken_a spirit_n of_o god_n without_o union_n to_o christ_n there_o be_v no_o spiritual_a life_n for_o as_o the_o natural_a life_n result_v from_o the_o union_n of_o the_o soul_n with_o the_o body_n and_o the_o state_n of_o death_n be_v nothing_o but_o the_o
disunion_n and_o separation_n of_o the_o soul_n from_o the_o body_n so_o our_o spiritual_a life_n result_v from_o the_o soul_n union_n with_o christ_n and_o spiritual_a death_n be_v our_o separation_n from_o he_o now_o i_o feel_v myself_o as_o a_o poor_a wither_a branch_n cut_v off_o from_o this_o vine_n unacquainted_a with_o the_o act_n of_o this_o spiritual_a life_n as_o live_v by_o faith_n serve_v god_n in_o spirit_n mortify_v sin_n by_o the_o spirit_n walk_v in_o the_o spirit_n love_v god_n above_o all_o thing_n and_o seek_v his_o glory_n in_o all_o thing_n i_o have_v sometime_o pray_v against_o sin_n resolve_v against_o it_o strive_v with_o it_o avoid_v occasion_n thereto_o all_o which_o a_o natural_a man_n may_v do_v but_o sin_n have_v return_v upon_o i_o and_o overcome_v i_o how_o to_o fetch_v power_n from_o christ_n death_n to_o mortify_v sin_n how_o to_o believe_v in_o god_n for_o subdue_a it_o how_o to_o do_v it_o by_o the_o spirit_n these_o have_v be_v mystery_n to_o i_o lord_n when_o shall_v the_o day_n dawn_n and_o the_o daystar_n arise_v in_o my_o heart_n when_o shall_v the_o dayspring_n from_o on_o high_a visit_v my_o soul_n to_o give_v light_n to_o he_o that_o sit_v in_o darkness_n and_o in_o the_o shadow_n of_o death_n come_v lord_n jesus_n thou_o light_v of_o life_n come_v quick_o that_o which_o keep_v i_o a_o long_a time_n from_o resolve_v to_o give_v up_o my_o whole_a heart_n to_o god_n in_o covenant_n be_v a_o fear_n that_o i_o shall_v break_v my_o covenant_n and_o so_o double_a my_o sin_n but_o i_o perceive_v since_o that_o this_o be_v but_o satan_n policy_n to_o keep_v my_o heart_n from_o god_n and_o the_o true_a ground_n of_o my_o not_o do_v this_o be_v not_o conscienciousness_n of_o sin_n as_o satan_n once_o make_v i_o believe_v but_o a_o loathness_n to_o part_v with_o all_o sin_n and_o to_o serve_v god_n with_o all_o my_o heart_n a_o strong_a encouragement_n thou_o have_v o_o my_o soul_n to_o enter_v covenant_n with_o god_n to_o serve_v he_o with_o thy_o whole_a heart_n from_o that_o portion_n of_o his_o word_n which_o thou_o do_v read_v this_o morning_n may._n 11._o 1654._o in_o jer._n 30._o 21_o 22._o who_o be_v this_o that_o engage_v his_o heart_n to_o approach_v unto_o i_o say_v the_o lord_n you_o shall_v be_v my_o people_n and_o i_o will_v be_v your_o god_n since_o my_o covenant_v with_o god_n i_o come_v to_o see_v more_o full_o the_o truth_n of_o that_o place_n rom._n 8._o 7._o the_o carnal_a mind_n be_v enmity_n against_o god_n be_v not_o subject_a to_o the_o law_n of_o god_n neither_o indeed_o can_v be_v for_o i_o find_v a_o loathness_n to_o walk_v close_o with_o god_n yea_o under_o a_o profession_n of_o religion_n my_o carnal_a heart_n have_v be_v at_o enmity_n to_o the_o power_n and_o life_n of_o it_o and_o this_o enmity_n have_v lyen_fw-we hide_v under_o and_o be_v cover_v with_o a_o performance_n of_o some_o duty_n which_o have_v not_o be_v destructive_a to_o that_o evil_a principle_n that_o have_v live_v in_o i_o yea_o i_o find_v my_o carnal_a heart_n be_v hunger_a after_o the_o fleshpot_n of_o egypt_n after_o its_o old_a delight_n and_o sinful_a pleasure_n be_v ready_a to_o murmur_v against_o god_n in_o the_o wilderness_n and_o speak_v of_o return_v into_o egypt_n and_o be_v impatient_a of_o the_o cross_n it_o revolt_v from_o god_n many_o a_o time_n and_o seek_v relief_n and_o contentment_n from_o the_o creature_n since_o my_o covenant_v with_o god_n i_o see_v more_o of_o thou_o treachery_n and_o hypocrisy_n of_o my_o heart_n i_o find_v my_o soul_n for_o a_o while_n more_o tender_a of_o sin_n and_o my_o heart_n seem_o engage_v to_o serve_v the_o lord_n but_o i_o soon_o forget_v the_o covenant_n that_o i_o have_v make_v and_o in_o a_o short_a space_n i_o do_v not_o find_v that_o my_o covenant_n have_v any_o influence_n on_o my_o heart_n or_o life_n so_o that_o i_o see_v i_o do_v but_o flatter_v the_o lord_n with_o my_o mouth_n and_o lie_v unto_o he_o with_o my_o tongue_n for_o my_o heart_n be_v not_o right_a with_o he_o neither_o be_v i_o steadfast_a in_o his_o covenant_n ps_n 78._o 36_o 37._o my_o unstedfastness_n in_o my_o covenant_n with_o the_o lord_n do_v arise_v as_o far_o as_o i_o perceive_v from_o these_o two_o ground_n 1._o my_o heart_n be_v not_o right_a with_o god_n when_o i_o make_v it_o there_o be_v not_o that_o inward_a cordial_a full_a resolution_n to_o part_v with_o all_o sin_n and_o that_o for_o ever_o from_o a_o antipathy_n to_o it_o and_o dislike_v of_o it_o neither_o that_o inward_a resolution_n of_o cleave_v to_o god_n to_o have_v he_o my_o all_o in_o all_o to_o take_v all_o my_o contentment_n and_o joy_n in_o he_o and_o to_o seek_v it_o in_o nothing_o else_o which_o shall_v have_v be_v 2._o i_o neglect_v my_o watch_n and_o do_v not_o as_o i_o shall_v renew_v my_o covenant_n often_o and_o engage_v my_o heart_n to_o walk_v with_o god_n and_o while_o i_o be_v slothful_a and_o negligent_a my_o heart_n be_v steal_v away_o by_o the_o devil_n and_o the_o world_n and_o be_v now_o in_o league_n again_o with_o sin_n lord_n make_v i_o upright_o and_o clear_v up_o to_o i_o my_o sincerity_n search_v i_o and_o try_v i_o and_o let_v i_o know_v the_o bottom_n of_o my_o heart_n keep_v i_o upon_o my_o watch_n and_o guard_n that_o i_o may_v keep_v my_o covenant_n jul._n 23._o the_o lord_n do_v awaken_v my_o conscience_n to_o such_o a_o sense_n of_o my_o sin_n and_o lose_v estate_n in_o the_o read_n and_o hear_v of_o his_o word_n that_o when_o i_o go_v to_o prayer_n i_o be_v before_o he_o as_o a_o lose_a creature_n be_v under_o wrath_n and_o the_o sentence_n of_o death_n lie_v in_o my_o blood_n and_o pollution_n now_o whereas_o before_o i_o find_v my_o heart_n carry_v out_o in_o beg_a sanctification_n i_o do_v now_o cry_v to_o god_n for_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n to_o wash_v away_o the_o guilt_n of_o my_o sin_n i_o do_v not_o before_o prize_v justify_v grace_n so_o as_o now_o in_o some_o weak_a measure_n i_o be_v make_v to_o do_v but_o i_o soon_o find_v a_o accurse_a hard_a heart_n in_o a_o little_a time_n i_o do_v not_o tremble_v at_o the_o wrath_n of_o god_n i_o have_v labour_v to_o work_v these_o conviction_n upon_o my_o heart_n but_o i_o find_v such_o a_o rove_a heart_n such_o a_o slighty_a heart_n so_o possess_v with_o vanity_n that_o nothing_o will_v abide_v with_o it_o lord_n unless_o thou_o save_v i_o for_o thy_o mercy_n sake_n i_o perish_v aug._n 6._o be_v sabbath_n day_n in_o meditation_n on_o 1_o joh._n 3._o 23._o this_o be_v his_o commandment_n that_o we_o shall_v believe_v on_o the_o name_n of_o his_o son_n jesus_n christ_n consider_v with_o myself_o what_o this_o do_v imply_v viz._n not_o only_o a_o rely_v upon_o god_n in_o christ_n for_o the_o remission_n of_o sin_n but_o for_o the_o pour_v out_o of_o the_o spirit_n joh._n 7._o 38_o 39_o which_o spirit_n when_o it_o be_v give_v will_v shed_v abroad_o the_o love_n of_o god_n in_o our_o heart_n rom._n 5._o 5._o and_o seal_v up_o the_o assurance_n of_o the_o remission_n of_o our_o sin_n and_o witness_v our_o addoption_n rom._n 8_o 16._o will_v mortify_v sin_n in_o we_o v_o 13._o and_o work_v all_o the_o work_n of_o god_n in_o we_o and_o for_o we_o all_o which_o i_o want_v and_o to_o which_o i_o haven_n be_v a_o long_a time_n convince_v that_o i_o be_o unable_a and_o consider_v further_o that_o this_o spirit_n be_v the_o free_a gift_n of_o god_n ps_n 51._o 12._o give_v not_o according_a to_o our_o work_n but_o of_o free_a mercy_n for_o the_o sake_n of_o christ_n tit._n 3._o 4._o 5_o 6._o and_o consider_v further_o that_o jesus_n christ_n have_v receive_v gift_n of_o which_o the_o gift_n of_o the_o spirit_n be_v intend_v even_o for_o the_o rebellious_a that_o god_n may_v dwell_v among_o they_o ps_n 68_o 18._o i_o find_v my_o heart_n encourage_v to_o wait_v upon_o the_o lord_n for_o the_o pour_v forth_o of_o his_o spirit_n upon_o i_o that_o i_o may_v have_v my_o heart_n renew_v and_o sanctify_a and_o the_o remission_n of_o my_o sin_n seal_v up_o to_o my_o soul_n afterward_o consider_v further_o that_o the_o way_n whereby_o a_o poor_a soul_n that_o have_v lose_v god_n image_n come_v to_o be_v renew_v in_o heart_n and_o mind_n and_o make_v partaker_n of_o the_o divine_a nature_n be_v by_o faith_n in_o the_o promise_n 2_o pet._n 1._o 4._o and_o observe_v how_o isaac_n who_o inherit_v the_o blessing_n be_v not_o bear_v by_o the_o strength_n of_o nature_n but_o by_o promise_n and_o as_o isaac_n be_v bear_v through_o the_o promise_n so_o be_v all_o believer_n gal._n 4._o 28._o not_o of_o the_o will_n of_o man_n
of_o the_o lord_n supper_n i_o find_v god_n gracious_a to_o i_o in_o preparation_n in_o the_o morning_n when_o i_o awake_v god_n bring_v to_o my_o remembrance_n jer._n 2._o 32._o can_v a_o maid_n forget_v her_o ornament_n or_o a_o bride_n her_o attire_n i_o consider_v i_o be_v to_o meet_v and_o sup_v with_o my_o bridegroom_n the_o lord_n jesus_n and_o then_o consider_v what_o ornament_n and_o attire_n will_v best_o please_v he_o that_o i_o may_v put_v they_o on_o and_o these_o be_v present_v to_o my_o thought_n some_o as_o i_o lie_v in_o bed_n and_o some_o afterward_o as_o lovely_a and_o desirable_a in_o the_o sight_n of_o christ_n which_o i_o determine_v to_o put_v on_o 1_o sy_n a_o meek_a and_o quiet_a spirit_n 1_o pet._n 3._o 4._o 2_o lie_n faith_n cant._n 4._o 9_o thou_o hash_fw-mi ravish_v my_o heart_n my_o sister_n my_o spouse_n with_o one_o of_o thy_o eye_n faith_n have_v the_o office_n of_o a_o eye_n in_o the_o soul_n joh._n 6._o 40._o every_o one_o that_o see_v and_o believe_v look_v unto_o jesus_n heb_n 12._o 2._o 3_o lie_v love_n cant._n 4._o 10._o how_o fair_a be_v thy_o love_n my_o sister_n etc._n etc._n 4_o lie_v humility_n math._n 11._o 29._o learn_v of_o i_o for_o i_o be_o lowly_a in_o heart_n 5_o lie_v self-denial_n and_o forsake_v of_o every_o thing_n that_o come_v in_o competition_n with_o christ_n ps_n 45_o 10_o 11._o harken_v o_o daughter_n and_o consider_v forget_v thy_o own_o people_n and_o thy_o father_n house_n so_o shall_v the_o king_n great_o desire_v thy_o beauty_n 6_o lie_v a_o obediential_a frame_n of_o heart_n math._n 10._o 20_o 21._o all_o these_o have_v i_o observe_v from_o my_o youth_n jesus_n behold_v he_o love_v he_o 7_o lie_v a_o heart_n resolve_v to_o hold_v and_o maintain_v frequent_a converse_n and_o communion_n with_o he_o cant._n 2._o 14_o let_v i_o see_v thy_o countenance_n let_v i_o hear_v thy_o voice_n for_o sweet_a be_v thy_o voice_n and_o thy_o countenance_n be_v comely_a 8_o lie_v uprightness_n prov._n 11._o 20._o 9_o lie_n a_o holy_a fear_n of_o god_n and_o hope_n in_o his_o mercy_n ps_n 147._o 11._o 10_o lie_n fruitfulness_n cant._n 4._o 16_o 5._o 1._o but_o though_o god_n gracious_o assist_v i_o in_o preparation_n yet_o in_o the_o time_n of_o receive_v my_o heart_n be_v flat_a and_o dead_a as_o soon_o as_o the_o sacrament_n be_v end_v i_o retire_v to_o my_o chamber_n to_o to_o pray_v and_o as_o i_o be_v pray_v that_o scripture_n be_v bring_v to_o my_o remembrance_n rom._n 3._o 3_o 4._o shall_v their_o unbelief_n make_v the_o faith_n of_o god_n of_o none_o effect_v god_n forbid_v i_o argue_v thence_o that_o the_o sin_n of_o my_o holy_a thing_n my_o deadness_n and_o want_n of_o holy_a and_o due_a affection_n in_o time_n of_o receive_v shall_v not_o make_v void_a what_o god_n have_v promise_v in_o and_o by_o this_o ordinance_n but_o that_o the_o cup_n be_v to_o i_o the_o communion_n of_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n and_o the_o new_a testament_n in_o his_o blood_n and_o the_o breed_v the_o communion_n of_o the_o body_n of_o christ_n this_o do_v strengthen_v my_o faith_n to_o depend_v upon_o god_n for_o the_o benefit_n signify_v and_o seal_v by_o that_o ordinance_n notwithstanding_o the_o indisposition_n of_o my_o heart_n in_o the_o time_n of_o receive_v sept._n 29._o as_o i_o be_v muse_v on_o that_o rich_a promise_n make_v to_o abraham_n gen._n 15._o 1._o fear_v not_o abraham_n i_o be_o thy_o shield_n and_o thy_o exceed_a great_a reward_n which_o be_v sufficient_a to_o bear_v up_o the_o soul_n under_o the_o fear_n and_o danger_n of_o any_o evil_n and_o against_o the_o loss_n and_o want_n of_o any_o good_a thing_n i_o consider_v what_o warrant_n i_o have_v to_o apply_v that_o promise_n and_o present_o that_o scripture_n be_v hint_v to_o i_o gal._n 3._o 9_o they_o which_o be_v of_o faith_n be_v bless_v with_o faithful_a abraham_n i_o be_v strengthen_v and_o comfort_v by_o it_o twice_o in_o this_o weak_a i_o observe_v that_o set_v upon_o worldly_a business_n which_o call_v hasty_o upon_o i_o before_o i_o have_v be_v at_o closet_n prayer_n and_o perform_v my_o usual_a meditation_n on_o the_o covenant_n and_o promise_n of_o god_n my_o heart_n grow_v out_o of_o frame_n and_o unsavoury_a and_o i_o be_v successless_a on_o both_o day_n oct._n 1._o sabbath_n day_n at_o my_o entrance_n on_o my_o morning_n meditation_n on_o god_n covenant_n i_o have_v a_o great_a combat_n in_o my_o spirit_n about_o my_o lay_v claim_n to_o god_n as_o my_o god_n have_v be_v late_o foil_v by_o my_o sin_n but_o god_n help_v i_o and_o show_v i_o out_o of_o his_o word_n that_o i_o may_v and_o ought_v to_o keep_v my_o hold_n of_o god_n as_o my_o god_n notwithstanding_o my_o often_o backslide_n from_o he_o jer._n 3._o 1_o 5_o 7_o 8._o yet_o v._n 19_o say_v god_n thou_o shall_v call_v i_o my_o father_n hos_n 2._o 5._o with_o 16._o the_o same_o evening_n consider_v how_o often_o and_o great_o i_o have_v sin_v and_o yet_o have_v be_v forgive_v i_o ponder_v on_o that_o scripture_n luke_n 7_o 47._o and_o see_v that_o i_o have_v cause_n to_o love_v the_o lord_n much_o because_o i_o have_v much_o forgive_v and_o consider_v how_o i_o shall_v show_v my_o love_n to_o god_n and_o that_o much_o these_o scripture_n be_v hint_v to_o i_o ps_n 40._o 16._o let_v such_o as_o love_v thy_o name_n say_v continual_o let_v the_o lord_n be_v magnify_v ps_n 97._o 10._o you_o that_o love_v the_o lord_n hate_v evil_a joh._n 14._o 10._o if_o you_o love_v i_o keep_v my_o commandment_n joh._n 21._o 15._o simon_n love_v thou_o i_o feed_v my_o sheep_n feed_v my_o lamb_n lord_n help_v i_o thus_o to_o show_v much_o love_n to_o thou_o oct._n 8._o have_v be_v overtake_v with_o the_o sin_n which_o easy_o beset_v i_o and_o have_v often_o foil_v i_o my_o spirit_n fall_v and_o my_o faith_n flag_v and_o i_o can_v not_o look_v upon_o god_n with_o any_o boldness_n be_v indispose_v to_o prayer_n yet_o in_o time_n of_o prayer_n god_n magnify_v his_o free_a grace_n to_o i_o and_o revive_v my_o soul_n with_o that_o word_n 1_o joh._n 2._o 1_o 2._o if_o any_o man_n sin_n we_o have_v a_o advocate_n etc._n etc._n after_o i_o have_v end_v my_o supplication_n i_o ponder_v on_o that_o scripture_n and_o be_v comfort_v against_o the_o sense_n of_o my_o sin_n by_o the_o advocateship_n of_o jesus_n christ_n who_o plead_v his_o propitiatory_a sacrifice_n as_o a_o satisfaction_n to_o his_o father_n justice_n for_o the_o sin_n of_o believer_n as_o oft_o as_o they_o fall_v into_o they_o and_o query_v with_o myself_o whether_o he_o will_v be_v a_o advocate_n to_o i_o to_o plead_v for_o i_o i_o be_v satisfy_v from_o that_o word_n joh._n 6._o 37._o he_o that_o come_v to_o i_o i_o will_v in_o no_o wise_a cast_v out_o i_o be_v also_o further_o encourage_v from_o heb._n 7._o 25._o i_o consider_v that_o the_o intercession_n of_o christ_n answer_v all_o charge_n and_o accusation_n that_o can_v be_v bring_v against_o those_o for_o who_o he_o intercede_v rom._n 8._o 33._o 34._o and_o that_o the_o intercession_n of_o christ_n keep_v we_o â—o_o firm_o in_o the_o love_n of_o god_n that_o nothing_o can_v be_v able_a to_o separate_v we_o from_o it_o rom._n 8._o 34._o 35_o 38_o 39_o i_o consider_v further_a that_o the_o person_n for_o who_o he_o intercede_v be_v such_o as_o come_v to_o god_n by_o he_o and_o that_o he_o intercede_v for_o they_o at_o all_o time_n when_o they_o be_v fall_v as_o well_o as_o when_o they_o stand_v when_o they_o be_v dead_a as_o well_o as_o when_o in_o a_o lively_a frame_n for_o he_o ever_o live_v to_o make_v intercession_n after_o these_o meditation_n my_o spirit_n revive_v and_o notwithstanding_o i_o be_v before_o bow_v down_o under_o the_o sense_n of_o guilt_n i_o go_v with_o boldness_n to_o god_n lean_v upon_o the_o merit_n and_o intercession_n of_o jesus_n christ_n oct._n 13._o my_o spirit_n be_v bow_v down_o with_o the_o sense_n of_o guilt_n because_o i_o be_v foil_v by_o a_o sin_n against_o which_o i_o have_v pray_v many_o year_n i_o be_v revive_v in_o read_v in_o my_o course_n 2_o cor._n 12._o 7_o 8_o 9_o whence_o i_o observe_v 1_o st_z god_n see_v it_o needful_a for_o some_o of_o his_o servant_n to_o meet_v with_o buffet_n 2_o lie_n when_o god_n le_fw-fr we_o loose_v any_o corruption_n a_o thorn_n in_o the_o flesh_n or_o a_o temptation_n a_o messenger_n of_o satan_n to_o buffet_v we_o it_o be_v to_o keep_v we_o humble_a and_o from_o be_v exalt_v 3_o lie_n god_n suffer_v his_o faithful_a servant_n sometime_o to_o pray_v long_o against_o corruption_n or_o temptation_n and_o yet_o can_v get_v it_o remove_v 4_o lie_n though_o my_o strength_n be_v not_o
strength_n of_o adversary_n jan._n 1._o 1673._o i_o awake_v about_o four_o of_o the_o clock_n in_o the_o morning_n and_o have_v many_o sweet_a meditation_n in_o my_o bed_n for_o the_o space_n of_o about_o two_o hour_n i_o then_o resolve_v with_o myself_o to_o engage_v my_o heart_n afresh_o and_o to_o renew_v my_o covenant_n with_o the_o lord_n the_o beginning_n of_o this_o new_a year_n to_o be_v the_o lord_n servant_n to_o serve_v the_o lord_n and_o his_o son_n jesus_n christ_n all_o the_o remainder_n of_o the_o day_n i_o have_v to_o live_v in_o this_o world_n in_o such_o service_n as_o he_o shall_v see_v meet_a to_o employ_v i_o the_o encouragement_n and_o inducement_n that_o be_v bring_v to_o my_o mind_n and_o draw_v out_o my_o heart_n willing_o and_o cheerful_o to_o give_v up_o myself_o to_o the_o lord_n to_o serve_v he_o and_o his_o son_n jesus_n christ_n be_v these_o 1._o his_o promise_n of_o afford_v his_o presence_n and_o assistance_n to_o such_o as_o be_v his_o servant_n and_o to_o be_v their_o god_n isa_n 41._o 8_o 9_o 10._o 2._o the_o great_a and_o precious_a promise_n make_v to_o his_o servant_n isa_n 54._o per_fw-la totum_fw-la which_o conclude_v thus_o v._n 17._o this_o be_v the_o heritage_n of_o the_o servant_n of_o the_o lord_n 3._o we_o glorify_v god_n when_o we_o serve_v he_o isa_n 49._o 3._o thou_o be_v my_o servant_n o_o israel_n in_o who_o i_o will_v be_v glorify_v 4._o god_n have_v do_v great_a thing_n for_o i_o both_o for_o my_o outward_a and_o inward_a man_n and_o the_o only_a thing_n that_o he_o require_v of_o i_o be_v to_o serve_v he_o in_o truth_n and_o sincerity_n 1_o sam._n 12._o 24._o 5._o all_o christ_n servant_n shall_v assure_o be_v with_o he_o where_o he_o be_v and_o shall_v be_v honour_v of_o the_o father_n joh._n 12._o 26._o and_o shall_v enter_v into_o the_o joy_n of_o their_o lord_n mat._n 25._o 21._o may_v 19_o 1676._o read_v levit._n 22._o 3._o whosoever_o of_o the_o priest_n in_o their_o generation_n go_v unto_o the_o holy_a thing_n which_o the_o child_n of_o israel_n do_v hallow_v unto_o the_o lord_n have_v his_o uncleanness_n upon_o he_o that_o soul_n shall_v be_v cut_v off_o from_o the_o presence_n of_o the_o lord_n and_o the_o ensue_a sabbath_n be_v sacrament_n day_n i_o consider_v with_o myself_o 1_o st_z that_o great_a reverence_n be_v due_a to_o the_o lord_n supper_n than_o to_o the_o holy_a thing_n under_o the_o law_n 2_o lie_v moral_a uncleanness_n be_v great_a than_o ceremonial_a 3_o lie_n therefore_o i_o consider_v how_o i_o may_v go_v to_o this_o ordinance_n and_o administer_v it_o to_o other_o without_o have_v my_o uncleanness_n upon_o i_o that_o be_v how_o i_o may_v be_v purge_v from_o my_o uncleanness_n to_o that_o end_n i_o determine_v 1._o humble_o to_o acknowledge_v confess_v and_o bewail_v the_o uncleanness_n of_o my_o heart_n lip_n and_o life_n before_o the_o lord_n isa_n 6._o 5_o 6_o 7_o 8_o 9_o when_o the_o prophet_n bemoan_v his_o uncleanness_n the_o lord_n purge_v it_o away_o and_o send_v he_o to_o do_v his_o office_n 2._o to_o go_v to_o the_o fountain_n set_v open_a for_o sin_n and_o for_o uncleanness_n zech._n 13._o 1._o that_o be_v to_o act_v my_o faith_n on_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n which_o cleanse_v from_o all_o sin_n 1_o joh._n 1._o 7._o 3._o to_o rest_v upon_o god_n by_o faith_n for_o fulfil_v his_o covenant_n wherein_o he_o have_v promise_v to_o cleanse_v i_o from_o all_o my_o filthiness_n and_o to_o save_v i_o from_o all_o my_o uncleanness_n ezek._n 36._o 25_o 29._o act._n 15._o 9_o 4._o to_o plead_v earnest_o with_o god_n to_o take_v away_o all_o iniquity_n hos_fw-la 14._o 2._o and_o to_o create_v in_o i_o a_o clean_a heart_n ps_n 51._o 10._o and_o to_o succeed_v my_o prayer_n with_o endeavour_n to_o put_v away_o evil_a and_o uncleanness_n out_o of_o my_o heart_n and_o life_n isa_n 1._o 16._o 18._o 2_o cor._n 7._o 1._o these_o be_v many_o of_o those_o judicious_a observation_n which_o this_o holy_a person_n make_v and_o those_o spiritual_a experience_n he_o find_v and_o record_v for_o his_o own_o use_n that_o he_o may_v always_o have_v at_o hand_n before_o he_o the_o manner_n and_o method_n of_o god_n deal_v with_o his_o soul_n the_o work_n of_o corruption_n and_o grace_n his_o lapse_n and_o recovery_n his_o combat_n and_o victory_n over_o world_n sin_n and_o satan_n his_o perseverance_n and_o progress_n in_o holiness_n the_o secret_a intercourse_n between_o god_n and_o his_o soul_n the_o withdrawing_n and_o return_v of_o the_o holy_a spirit_n the_o faithfulness_n of_o god_n covenant_n the_o truth_n of_o his_o word_n sensible_o feel_v in_o his_o heart_n food_n for_o his_o faith_n encouragement_n to_o walk_v with_o god_n with_o experimental_a instruction_n how_o to_o comfort_v trouble_v conscience_n in_o which_o part_n of_o the_o ministry_n he_o have_v a_o peculiar_a excellency_n beyond_o most_o part_n of_o his_o brethren_n for_o partly_o by_o his_o diligent_a search_n of_o the_o holy_a scripture_n partly_o by_o observe_v and_o record_v the_o method_n of_o the_o holy_a ghost_n towards_o himself_o and_o partly_o by_o discourse_v with_o trouble_a conscience_n wherein_o as_o he_o be_v much_o exercise_v so_o he_o take_v much_o delight_n he_o be_v so_o acquaint_v with_o the_o various_a case_n of_o conscience_n and_o so_o well_o understand_v both_o case_n and_o cure_v that_o it_o may_v be_v true_o say_v of_o he_o the_o lord_n god_n have_v give_v he_o the_o tongue_n of_o the_o learned_a that_o he_o may_v know_v how_o to_o speak_v a_o word_n in_o season_n to_o the_o weary_a on_o which_o account_n he_o may_v be_v surname_v barnabas_n a_o son_n of_o consolation_n it_o be_v his_o usual_a manner_n in_o preach_v to_o foresee_v and_o raise_v such_o objection_n as_o trouble_a soul_n be_v prone_a to_o make_v against_o themselves_o and_o to_o solve_v they_o with_o much_o clearness_n and_o satisfaction_n and_o many_o application_n of_o such_o soul_n be_v make_v to_o to_o he_o in_o private_a as_o to_o a_o skilful_a experience_a spiritual_a physician_n who_o advice_n god_n succeed_v with_o his_o blessing_n to_o the_o encouragement_n of_o the_o faith_n and_o hope_n of_o many_o doubt_a christian_n that_o walk_v in_o darkness_n which_o be_v here_o publish_v not_o only_o as_o instance_n and_o demonstration_n of_o that_o spirit_n of_o light_n and_o grace_n that_o power_n of_o godliness_n which_o possess_v and_o govern_v his_o heart_n and_o life_n and_o fit_v he_o to_o be_v such_o a_o useful_a instrument_n for_o the_o service_n of_o christ_n and_o his_o church_n on_o which_o account_n his_o memory_n be_v worthy_o honourable_a and_o precious_a to_o all_o good_a man_n but_o especial_o for_o the_o instruction_n direction_n relief_n support_n and_o encouragement_n of_o other_o who_o be_v follow_v he_o though_o at_o a_o great_a distance_n in_o that_o narrow_a way_n which_o lead_v to_o that_o life_n to_o which_o he_o be_v arrive_v they_o who_o labour_n and_o be_v heavy_a lade_v who_o be_v bow_v down_o under_o the_o power_n and_o weight_n of_o their_o sin_n wrestle_v with_o corruption_n and_o temptation_n exercise_v with_o darkness_n and_o doubt_n with_o fear_n and_o faint_n they_o who_o be_v call_v to_o difficult_a service_n which_o require_v much_o labour_n and_o diligence_n and_o self-denial_n and_o may_v expose_v they_o to_o the_o hazard_n and_o danger_n of_o this_o evil_a world_n may_v hence_o take_v counsel_n and_o encouragement_n while_o they_o read_v the_o sense_n and_o work_n of_o their_o own_o heart_n in_o the_o experience_n the_o method_n and_o practicablenesse_n of_o their_o duty_n in_o the_o example_n of_o this_o eminent_a saint_n we_o have_v hitherto_o see_v something_n of_o his_o conscience_n of_o sin_n and_o duty_n his_o industry_n and_o zeal_n for_o the_o service_n and_o glory_n of_o god_n his_o combat_n with_o the_o flesh_n and_o satan_n his_o love_n to_o christ_n and_o his_o church_n his_o spirituality_n in_o religion_n his_o long_n and_o breathe_n after_o god_n his_o remember_a god_n upon_o his_o bed_n and_o meditate_v on_o he_o in_o the_o night_n watch_v his_o wise_a improvement_n of_o the_o holy_a scripture_n his_o due_a fulfil_n of_o all_o relation_n his_o holy_a manner_n of_o live_v to_o god_n from_o whence_o we_o may_v rational_o conclude_v that_o sure_o he_o give_v this_o diligence_n unto_o the_o full_a assurance_n of_o hope_n that_o he_o taste_v the_o consolation_n of_o god_n and_o receive_v the_o earnest_n of_o glory_n that_o he_o walk_v upon_o the_o top_n of_o pisgah_n in_o the_o light_n of_o god_n countenance_n and_o in_o the_o sight_n of_o the_o heavenly_a canaan_n which_o privilege_n indeed_o the_o god_n of_o peace_n and_o comfort_n do_v not_o deny_v he_o he_o be_v a_o man_n as_o of_o much_o grace_n so_o of_o much_o peace_n a_o instance_n of_o that_o
word_n ps_n 119._o 165._o great_a peace_n have_v they_o that_o love_v thy_o law_n he_o receive_v the_o spirit_n which_o be_v of_o god_n and_o know_v the_o thing_n that_o be_v free_o give_v to_o he_o of_o god_n and_o rejoice_v therein_o 1_o cor._n 2._o 12._o as_o to_o his_o conversion_n which_o to_o some_o that_o have_v live_v long_o in_o ignorance_n security_n sensuality_n profaneness_n and_o forgetfulness_n of_o god_n be_v very_o sensible_a he_o be_v from_o tender_a year_n restrain_v and_o well_o incline_v it_o be_v not_o so_o remarkable_a to_o he_o the_o most_o discernible_a part_n thereof_o be_v when_o he_o be_v a_o young_a scollar_n in_o cambridge_n nor_o do_v he_o then_o experience_n very_o notable_a work_n of_o the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n which_o occasion_v some_o trouble_n to_o his_o mind_n and_o he_o fear_v his_o humiliation_n be_v not_o deep_a enough_o but_o he_o receive_v full_a satisfaction_n from_o a_o passage_n in_o a_o sermon_n which_o he_o hear_v preach_v by_o that_o worthy_a and_o excellent_a servant_n of_o jesus_n christ_n mr._n richard_n vines_n than_o master_n of_o pembroke_n hall_n he_o have_v sometime_o say_v to_o his_o friend_n that_o he_o be_v not_o much_o acquaint_v with_o those_o ravish_a joy_n which_o some_o have_v feel_v but_o yet_o have_v that_o comfort_n and_o joy_n in_o the_o holy_a ghost_n which_o give_v he_o satisfaction_n his_o method_n and_o manner_n be_v to_o derive_v his_o assurance_n and_o comfort_n from_o the_o write_a word_n of_o the_o truth_n whereof_o he_o will_v say_v he_o have_v such_o a_o full_a persuasion_n as_o be_v the_o sure_a word_n of_o god_n that_o he_o do_v more_o firm_o believe_v it_o than_o if_o a_o angel_n shall_v speak_v to_o he_o from_o heaven_n according_a to_o 2_o pet._n 1._o 17_o 18_o 19_o 20_o 21._o he_o can_v not_o satisfy_v himself_o with_o the_o expectation_n or_o apprehension_n of_o the_o immediate_a sole_a testimony_n of_o the_o spirit_n without_o the_o word_n but_o will_v compare_v himself_o with_o the_o word_n frequent_o practise_v the_o duty_n of_o self_n examination_n search_v for_o those_o grace_n disposition_n and_o operation_n in_o his_o heart_n which_o be_v promise_v in_o the_o word_n and_o to_o which_o the_o promise_n be_v make_v which_o the_o spirit_n of_o god_n enlighten_v he_o to_o discern_v and_o enable_v he_o in_o a_o way_n of_o argumentation_n to_o infer_v thence_o his_o interest_n in_o christ_n and_o the_o covenant_n of_o god_n for_o his_o satisfaction_n and_o spiritual_a consolation_n and_o the_o assurance_n which_o he_o attain_v in_o this_o method_n and_o by_o these_o mean_v he_o thus_o record_v his_o evidence_n 1._o evidence_n of_o true_a and_o save_v faith_n after_o my_o recovery_n from_o a_o sickness_n i_o set_v myself_o to_o examine_v and_o prove_v my_o faith_n to_o see_v if_o it_o be_v true_a and_o save_a because_o pardon_v of_o sin_n freedom_n from_o condemnation_n eternal_a life_n with_o other_o great_a blessing_n be_v promise_v to_o believer_n and_o much_o of_o our_o comfort_n in_o sickness_n and_o health_n in_o life_n and_o death_n depend_v on_o the_o knowledge_n and_o proof_n of_o our_o faith_n and_o that_o i_o do_v believe_v in_o christ_n with_o a_o true_a and_o save_v faith_n i_o be_v satisfy_v thus_o 1._o from_o those_o expression_n of_o scripture_n wherein_o the_o nature_n and_o essential_a act_n of_o faith_n be_v set_v forth_o as_o 1._o come_v to_o christ_n joh._n 6._o 35._o he_o that_o come_v he_o that_o believe_v on_o i_o come_v be_v believe_v my_o conscience_n bear_v i_o witness_v that_o i_o be_o come_v to_o christ_n for_o christ_n himself_o and_o all_o his_o benefit_n i_o sin_v my_o soul_n draw_v to_o christ_n and_o upon_o all_o occasion_n look_v and_o go_v to_o he_o 2._o receive_v joh._n 1._o 12._o as_o many_o as_o receive_v he_o even_o as_o many_o as_o believe_v on_o his_o name_n receive_v be_v believe_v now_o through_o grace_n i_o find_v my_o heart_n willing_o receive_v and_o thankful_o accept_v jesus_n christ_n as_o god_n offer_v he_o in_o the_o gospel_n even_o a_o whole_a christ_n christ_n in_o all_o his_o office_n to_o be_v to_o i_o prophet_n priest_n and_o king_n 3_o trust_v eph._n 1._o 13._o in_o who_o you_o trust_v you_o believe_v trust_v be_v believe_v this_o also_o i_o find_v that_o god_n have_v give_v i_o a_o heart_n to_o rely_v on_o christ_n for_o righteousness_n grace_n and_o life_n 2_o from_o the_o ground_n of_o my_o faith_n which_o be_v the_o word_n of_o god_n it_o be_v through_o my_o knowledge_n and_o acquaintance_n with_o the_o word_n that_o i_o have_v be_v bring_v to_o believe_v in_o christ_n and_o through_o christ_n in_o the_o father_n that_o send_v he_o and_o i_o read_v such_o as_o believe_v through_o the_o word_n be_v true_a believer_n for_o who_o christ_n make_v intercession_n joh._n 17._o 20._o and_o who_o have_v everlasting_a life_n and_o shall_v not_o come_v into_o condemnation_n joh._n 5._o 24._o 3_o from_o this_o property_n and_o effect_n of_o faith_n viz._n prize_v christ_n 1_o pet._n 2._o 7._o unto_o you_o that_o believe_v christ_n it_o be_v precious_a the_o apostle_n speak_v of_o the_o faith_n of_o god_n elect_v ch_n 1._o 2._o and_o of_o save_a faith_n ch_n 1._o 9_o now_o i_o find_v christ_n be_v precious_a to_o i_o so_o precious_a to_o my_o soul_n that_o i_o value_v and_o prefer_v he_o above_o the_o whole_a world_n i_o account_v his_o blood_n precious_a which_o cleanse_v i_o from_o all_o sin_n the_o promise_v exceed_o great_a and_o precious_a which_o in_o he_o be_v yea_o and_o amen_o christ_n be_v so_o precious_a to_o i_o that_o i_o be_o willing_a to_o suffer_v for_o he_o phil._n 1._o 29._o yea_o i_o choose_v a_o suffer_a condition_n for_o christ_n before_o the_o honour_n riches_n and_o pleasure_n of_o the_o world_n when_o they_o can_v be_v enjoy_v without_o sin_v against_o he_o heb._n 11._o 24_o 25_o 26._o i_o be_o willing_a to_o take_v up_o the_o cross_n and_o forsake_v all_o thing_n for_o he_o evidence_n that_o i_o be_v one_o of_o god_n servant_n sept._n 30._o 1666._o i_o consider_v with_o myself_o what_o evidence_n i_o have_v that_o i_o be_v one_o of_o god_n servant_n and_o be_v satisfy_v from_o these_o scripture_n rom._n 6._o 16._o know_v you_o not_o that_o to_o who_o you_o yield_v yourselves_o servant_n to_o obey_v his_o servant_n you_o be_v to_o who_o you_o obey_v whether_o of_o sin_n unto_o death_n or_o of_o obedience_n unto_o righteousness_n i_o find_v god_n have_v give_v i_o a_o heart_n to_o yield_v my_o self_n to_o he_o nehem._n 1._o 11._o o_o lord_n i_o beseech_v thou_o let_v now_o thy_o ear_n be_v attentive_a to_o the_o prayer_n of_o thy_o servant_n and_o to_o the_o prayer_n of_o thy_o servant_n that_o desire_v to_o fear_v thy_o name_n here_o i_o see_v that_o such_o as_o desire_v to_o fear_n god_n be_v account_v god_n servant_n which_o through_o grace_n i_o do_v some_o doubt_n arise_v in_o my_o heart_n whether_o i_o be_v one_o of_o god_n servant_n because_o it_o be_v say_v joh._n 8._o 34._o very_o very_o i_o say_v unto_o you_o that_o whosoever_o commit_v sin_n be_v the_o servant_n of_o sin_n for_o remove_v this_o doubt_n i_o consider_v 1._o that_o the_o meaning_n of_o this_o scripture_n be_v not_o that_o no_o man_n that_o have_v sin_n in_o his_o heart_n or_o do_v sin_n in_o his_o life_n can_v be_v god_n servant_n but_o be_v a_o servant_n of_o sin_n for_o then_o god_n shall_v have_v no_o servant_n upon_o the_o face_n of_o the_o earth_n eccl._n 7._o 20._o there_o be_v not_o a_o just_a man_n upon_o earth_n that_o do_v good_a and_o sin_v not_o joh._n 1._o 8._o if_o we_o say_v that_o we_o have_v no_o sin_n we_o deceive_v ourselves_o and_o the_o truth_n be_v not_o in_o we_o 2._o it_o be_v say_v that_o the_o servant_n of_o sin_n be_v free_a from_o righteousness_n rom._n 6._o 20._o now_o through_o mercy_n i_o follow_v after_o righteousness_n and_o find_v something_o of_o it_o whence_o i_o conclude_v i_o be_v not_o the_o servant_n of_o sin_n 3._o i_o see_v that_o david_n hold_v this_o conclusion_n that_o he_o be_v one_o of_o god_n servant_n though_o he_o be_v compass_v about_o with_o infirmity_n yea_o even_o at_o such_o time_n as_o he_o be_v under_o a_o sense_n of_o his_o sinful_a infirmity_n ps_n 116._o 11_o 16._o o_o lord_n true_o i_o be_o thy_o servant_n i_o be_o thy_o servant_n yet_o he_o have_v say_v in_o his_o haste_n unbelieve_o all_o man_n be_v liar_n david_n after_o he_o have_v commit_v the_o great_a sin_n of_o number_v the_o people_n against_o the_o counsel_n and_o advice_n of_o his_o friend_n confess_v that_o he_o have_v sin_v great_o and_o do_v very_o foolish_o yet_o call_v himself_o a_o servant_n of_o the_o lord_n 2_o sam._n 24._o 10._o 4._o as_o i_o be_v consider_v
witness_n to_o he_o the_o widow_n the_o fatherless_a the_o stranger_n the_o sick_a the_o sufferer_n have_v all_o be_v refresh_v from_o his_o compassion_n though_o he_o offer_v to_o preach_v free_o at_o st_n james_n church_n in_o colchester_n on_o lord_n day_n morning_n as_o have_v be_v before_o mention_v not_o desire_v or_o expect_v any_o reward_n yet_o the_o civility_n of_o the_o people_n do_v gratify_v he_o for_o his_o pain_n the_o great_a part_n of_o which_o i_o be_o assure_v from_o a_o hand_n privy_a to_o it_o he_o distribute_v to_o charitable_a use_n and_o this_o i_o read_v under_o his_o own_o hand_n nou._n 1._o 1665._o i_o make_v a_o vow_n to_o god_n to_o give_v he_o the_o ten_o of_o all_o that_o he_o shall_v give_v unto_o i_o the_o ensue_a year_n that_o which_o occasion_v i_o to_o vow_v this_o vow_n be_v the_o read_n gen._n 28._o which_o fall_v out_o that_o morning_n in_o my_o ordinary_a course_n where_o i_o observe_v that_o most_o of_o those_o blessing_n which_o jacob_n mention_n as_o his_o inducement_n to_o his_o vow_n god_n have_v give_v i_o he_o have_v vouchsafe_v i_o his_o presence_n he_o have_v gracious_o preserve_v and_o keep_v i_o from_o my_o enemy_n and_o the_o noisome_a pestilence_n he_o have_v give_v i_o bread_n and_o raiment_n i_o add_v pro._n 3._o 9_o honour_n the_o lord_n with_o thy_o substance_n and_o with_o the_o first_o fruit_n of_o all_o thy_o increase_n i_o considere_v also_o that_o what_o i_o give_v to_o god_n shall_v be_v fruit_n abound_v to_o my_o account_n phil._n 4._o 17._o math._n 25._o 34_o 35_o 36._o i_o consider_v which_o way_n i_o shall_v give_v it_o to_o god_n and_o i_o see_v from_o prov._n 19_o 17._o that_o what_o be_v give_v to_o the_o poor_a be_v give_v to_o god_n especial_o what_o be_v give_v to_o the_o poor_a saint_n and_o member_n of_o christ_n math._n 25._o 35_o 40._o and_o as_o to_o the_o suffer_a minister_n of_o christ_n i_o determine_v to_o bestow_v part_n of_o what_o i_o have_v dedicate_v to_o god_n on_o they_o and_o that_o though_o they_o be_v not_o bring_v to_o such_o extremity_n as_o not_o to_o know_v how_o to_o subsist_v i_o be_v move_v thereunto_o by_o phil._n 4._o 10_o 11_o 14_o 18._o the_o apostle_n paul_n be_v not_o in_o such_o want_n but_o that_o he_o know_v how_o to_o live_v comfortable_o and_o content_o yet_o he_o say_v the_o philippian_n do_v well_o in_o communicate_v with_o his_o affliction_n and_o tell_v they_o that_o their_o charity_n towards_o he_o be_v a_o odour_n of_o a_o sweet_a smell_n a_o sacrifice_n acceptable_a and_o well_o please_v to_o god_n towards_o the_o church_n of_o god_n in_o general_n his_o indefatigable_a labour_n in_o preach_v and_o write_v his_o frequent_a fast_n and_o humiliation_n his_o fervent_a and_o wrestle_a prayer_n for_o the_o peace_n of_o jerusalem_n his_o affectionate_a sympathize_v with_o she_o in_o her_o suffering_n be_v the_o undeniable_a testimony_n of_o his_o love_n his_o own_o liberality_n and_o stir_v up_o of_o other_o thereunto_o for_o 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they_o to_o the_o study_n of_o divinity_n and_o the_o ministerial_a work_n take_v special_a care_n that_o such_o be_v well_o ground_v and_o establish_v in_o the_o orthodox_n faith_n the_o true_a reform_a protestant_a religion_n and_o in_o case_n any_o such_o elect_v shall_v become_v corrupt_a in_o doctrine_n or_o scandalous_a in_o life_n then_o after_o due_a admonition_n and_o non-reformation_n his_o place_n to_o be_v declare_v void_a and_o another_o to_o be_v choose_v in_o his_o stead_n and_o none_o to_o enjoy_v it_o long_o than_o twelve_o year_n beside_o which_o he_o have_v also_o bequeath_v in_o case_n his_o only_a daughter_n shall_v die_v before_o she_o shall_v accomplish_v the_o age_n of_o one_o and_o twenty_o year_n twenty_o pound_n per_fw-la annum_fw-la to_o be_v settle_v upon_o the_o college_n in_o new_a england_n for_o the_o education_n of_o a_o convert_v indian_a or_o any_o other_o that_o will_v learn_v the_o indian_a language_n to_o be_v a_o minister_n and_o go_v to_o preach_v the_o gospel_n to_o the_o poor_a indian_n nor_o be_v this_o the_o first_o expression_n of_o his_o pious_a regard_n to_o that_o remote_a part_n of_o the_o world_n for_o when_o he_o hear_v of_o that_o waste_a fire_n that_o lay_v so_o great_a a_o part_n of_o boston_n in_o n._n e._n in_o ash_n he_o send_v thither_o free_o to_o be_v distribute_v among_o the_o sufferer_n a_o considerable_a quantity_n of_o his_o book_n entitle_v counsel_n to_o the_o afflict_a which_o he_o have_v write_v upon_o the_o occasion_n of_o the_o burn_a of_o london_n beyond_o which_o he_o have_v also_o give_v twenty_o five_o pound_n to_o charitable_a use_n which_o beque_v he_o have_v make_v yet_o with_o all_o due_a respect_n to_o his_o family_n not_o in_o the_o least_o decline_v from_o the_o kindness_n of_o a_o husband_n or_o the_o tenderness_n of_o a_o father_n so_o order_v his_o charity_n to_o other_o as_o withal_o secure_v to_o his_o widow_n and_o fatherless_a child_n not_o only_o a_o necessary_a and_o competent_a but_o even_o a_o liberal_a and_o plentiful_a subsistence_n reserve_v to_o they_o the_o rent_n of_o what_o he_o have_v bequeath_v to_o the_o college_n during_o their_o natural_a life_n hitherto_o the_o reader_n have_v have_v a_o account_n of_o this_o eminent_a saint_n give_v he_o for_o the_o most_o part_n from_o those_o act_n and_o exercise_n of_o his_o life_n by_o which_o he_o be_v visible_a to_o the_o discern_a and_o judicious_a eye_n of_o those_o that_o know_v he_o we_o shall_v now_o proceed_v to_o give_v a_o further_a account_n of_o those_o his_o own_o observation_n and_o experience_n of_o himself_o through_o which_o we_o may_v look_v into_o the_o very_a frame_n and_o temper_n the_o thought_n and_o affection_n of_o his_o heart_n some_o of_o which_o he_o have_v thus_o record_v his_o observation_n and_o experience_n jan._n 10._o 1653._o in_o read_v of_o calvin_n institution_n i_o meet_v with_o that_o place_n in_o isa_n 44._o 3._o upon_o the_o read_n whereof_o have_v be_v the_o the_o night_n before_o under_o conviction_n of_o the_o emptiness_n and_o barrenness_n of_o my_o soul_n and_o some_o despondency_n of_o spirit_n thereupon_o i_o conceive_v some_o hope_n and_o find_v my_o soul_n lift_v up_o towards_o god_n to_o wait_v for_o and_o expect_v the_o shed_v abroad_o of_o his_o spirit_n in_o my_o soul_n see_v he_o have_v say_v he_o will_v pour_v it_o out_o upon_o the_o dry_a ground_n but_o alas_o the_o lively_a sense_n of_o this_o be_v but_o momentany_a it_o be_v soon_o go_v and_o my_o old_a deadness_n of_o heart_n return_v upon_o i_o hence_o i_o observe_v that_o it_o be_v of_o singular_a use_n both_o for_o the_o establishment_n of_o true_a and_o discern_v of_o false_a comfort_n to_o see_v upon_o what_o ground_n our_o soul_n take_v in_o and_o upon_o what_o ground_n they_o let_v go_v their_o comfort_n the_o let_v go_v of_o our_o comfort_n ofttimes_o proceed_v from_o our_o let_n go_v of_o the_o promise_n when_o satan_n can_v prevail_v to_o beat_v we_o off_o from_o the_o promise_n he_o will_v quick_o rob_v we_o of_o our_o comfort_n i_o find_v that_o at_o several_a time_n i_o have_v be_v keep_v under_o doubt_n and_o fear_n and_o jealousy_n and_o yet_o have_v have_v no_o scripture_n ground_n for_o they_o so_o that_o i_o perceive_v they_o proceedeâ—_n from_o satan_n darken_n my_o heart_n and_o keep_v i_o in_o unbelief_n and_o trouble_v of_o spirit_n feb._n 16._o my_o soul_n be_v deject_v because_o after_o long_o wâ—iting_v upon_o god_n for_o the_o fulfil_n of_o his_o covenant_n in_o give_v his_o spirit_n and_o carry_v on_o the_o work_n of_o faith_n and_o sanctification_n with_o power_n it_o have_v find_v no_o sensible_a incomes_a when_o i_o be_v read_v the_o scripture_n according_a to_o my_o usual_a custom_n the_o lord_n do_v rebuke_v the_o despondency_n of_o
my_o spirit_n from_o those_o word_n of_o the_o prophet_n isa_n 40._o 27._o why_o say_v thou_o o_o jacob_n and_o speak_v o_o israel_n my_o way_n be_v hide_v from_o the_o lord_n and_o my_o judgement_n be_v pass_v over_o from_o my_o god_n and_o do_v encourage_v my_o soul_n still_o to_o hope_v in_o god_n and_o wait_v for_o his_o strength_n from_o the_o follow_a word_n v_o 28_o 29._o 31._o have_v thou_o not_o know_v have_v thou_o not_o hear_v if_o thou_o have_v not_o know_v it_o by_o experience_n have_v find_v his_o everlasting_a arm_n under_o thou_o for_o thy_o support_n yet_o have_v thou_o not_o at_o least_o hear_v it_o that_o the_o everlasting_a god_n the_o lord_n the_o creator_n of_o the_o end_n of_o the_o earth_n faint_v not_o neither_o be_v weary_a he_o give_v power_n to_o the_o faint_a etc._n etc._n continue_v thou_o therefore_o o_o my_o soul_n to_o wait_v upon_o the_o lord_n lord_n what_o a_o accurse_a hard_a heart_n have_v i_o that_o sin_n which_o grieve_v thou_o gen._n 6._o 6._o thy_n son_n mar._n 3._o 5._o thy_o spirit_n eph._n 4._o 30._o shall_v not_o grieve_v i_o that_o sin_n which_o weary_v thou_o isa_n 43._o 24._o shall_v not_o be_v a_o burden_n to_o i_o that_o i_o shall_v not_o be_v trouble_v for_o want_v of_o thy_o presence_n when_o as_o the_o hide_v of_o thy_o face_n make_v our_o saviour_n cry_v out_o my_o god_n my_o god_n why_o have_v thou_o forsake_v i_o that_o eternity_n and_o judgement_n to_o come_v shall_v make_v no_o impression_n upon_o i_o that_o i_o can_v hear_v yea_o speak_v of_o thy_o word_n thy_o wrath_n etc._n etc._n and_o yet_o not_o fear_v thou_o not_o tremble_v at_o thy_o word_n nor_o at_o this_o my_o condition_n feb._n 19_o be_v sabbath_n day_n have_v former_o perceive_v a_o desperate_a hardness_n in_o my_o heart_n that_o that_o word_n which_o work_v upon_o other_o shall_v do_v i_o no_o good_a that_o no_o mean_n no_o mercy_n do_v melt_v my_o soul_n and_o almost_o despair_v of_o ever_o have_v it_o soften_v after_o prayer_n i_o be_v encourage_v from_o the_o lord_n in_o read_v mr._n hooker_n upon_o act._n 2._o 37._o who_o from_o those_o word_n when_o they_o hear_v these_o thing_n they_o who_o have_v crucify_a our_o lord_n christ_n be_v prick_v at_o the_o heart_n raise_v this_o observation_n it_o be_v possible_a even_o for_o the_o most_o stubborn_a sinner_n to_o get_v a_o break_a heart_n and_o now_o o_o my_o soul_n why_o be_v thou_o cast_v down_o be_v not_o the_o lord_n great_a than_o thy_o heart_n can_v satan_n be_v more_o malicious_a to_o destroy_v thou_o than_o the_o lord_n be_v merciful_a to_o save_v thou_o yet_o the_o act_n of_o my_o faith_n hereupon_o be_v but_o faint_a upon_o examination_n of_o myself_o i_o have_v sometime_o find_v that_o to_o my_o own_o sense_n and_o feeling_n i_o have_v be_v altogether_o void_a of_o any_o love_n or_o fear_v of_o god_n and_o that_o i_o have_v be_v at_o such_o a_o time_n as_o unable_a to_o work_v up_o my_o heart_n into_o the_o love_n and_o fear_n of_o god_n as_o to_o say_v to_o this_o mountain_n be_v thou_o remove_v and_o cast_v into_o the_o sea_n such_o wonderful_a deadness_n have_v seize_v upon_o my_o soul_n so_o great_o have_v i_o be_v enslave_v and_o hold_v captive_a by_o satan_n that_o i_o have_v not_o be_v able_a true_o to_o desire_v the_o spirit_n of_o god_n o_o that_o my_o heart_n can_v bleed_v at_o the_o remembrance_n of_o this_o great_a evil_n that_o i_o shall_v not_o only_o be_v cut_v off_o from_o communion_n with_o god_n but_o be_v content_v with_o this_o condition_n that_o i_o shall_v have_v no_o groan_n in_o spirit_n to_o be_v deliver_v from_o this_o miserable_a bondage_n be_v instruct_v hence_o o_o my_o soul_n to_o ascribe_v every_o good_a motion_n to_o god_n if_o thou_o feel_v any_o hungring_n after_o jesus_n christ_n or_o any_o sorrow_n for_o want_n of_o god_n presence_n or_o the_o like_a own_o it_o as_o his_o work_n and_o bless_v he_o for_o it_o i_o have_v sometime_o find_v my_o condition_n much_o like_o the_o man_n mention_v joh._n 5._o who_o lay_v a_o long_a time_n by_o the_o pool_n of_o bethesda_n but_o be_v not_o able_a to_o put_v himself_o in_o that_o he_o may_v be_v heal_v even_o so_o it_o be_v with_o my_o soul_n though_o god_n have_v open_v a_o fountain_n for_o sin_n and_o for_o uncleanness_n to_o wash_v in_o and_o i_o find_v my_o soul_n exceed_o pollute_v yet_o i_o be_o not_o able_a to_o step_v into_o this_o fountain_n that_o i_o may_v be_v heal_v o_o my_o soul_n the_o lord_n see_v thy_o weakness_n and_o that_o thou_o have_v be_v now_o a_o long_a time_n in_o this_o case_n wait_v thou_o on_o god_n who_o can_v tell_v but_o that_o as_o the_o bowel_n of_o jesus_n christ_n do_v yearn_v towards_o the_o poor_a man_n so_o may_v his_o compassion_n be_v great_a towards_o thou_o and_o he_o may_v heal_v thou_o also_o cease_v not_o to_o importune_v he_o say_v jesus_n thou_o son_n of_o god_n have_v mercy_n on_o i_o o_o lord_n heal_v my_o soul_n have_v at_o several_a time_n find_v diverse_a work_n upon_o my_o heart_n as_o conviction_n and_o thereupon_o some_o pant_n and_o breathe_n after_o god_n but_o as_o yet_o nothing_o come_v to_o perfection_n i_o think_v of_o and_o find_v that_o i_o have_v cause_n to_o take_v up_o the_o complaint_n of_o hezekiah_n in_o another_o case_n it_o be_v a_o day_n of_o trouble_n and_o rebuke_v the_o child_n be_v come_v to_o the_o birth_n and_o there_o be_v no_o strength_n to_o bring_v forth_o isa_n 37._o 3._o some_o time_n after_o read_v isa_n 66._o it_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o that_o word_n v._n 9_o be_v suit_v to_o my_o case_n shall_v i_o bring_v to_o the_o birth_n and_o not_o cause_n to_o bring_v forth_o say_v the_o lord_n shall_v i_o cause_v to_o bring_v forth_o and_o shut_v the_o womb_n say_v thy_o god_n o_o my_o soul_n wait_v thou_o on_o god_n who_o will_v perfect_v his_o own_o work_n in_o thou_o he_o have_v say_v he_o will_v not_o break_v the_o bruise_a reed_n nor_o quench_v the_o smoke_a flax_n till_o he_o send_v forth_o judgement_n unto_o victory_n i_o have_v ofttimes_o see_v a_o law_n in_o my_o member_n war_a against_o the_o law_n of_o my_o mind_n and_o lead_v i_o into_o captivity_n to_o the_o law_n of_o sin_n and_o death_n so_o powerful_a and_o mighty_a have_v be_v the_o act_n of_o some_o inward_a corruption_n that_o i_o have_v not_o be_v able_a to_o overcome_v they_o but_o have_v be_v hurry_v captive_a by_o they_o hereby_o i_o come_v to_o see_v that_o truth_n the_o heart_n of_o man_n be_v desperate_o wicked_a who_o can_v know_v it_o i_o can_v fathom_v the_o depth_n of_o iniquity_n which_o be_v in_o my_o heart_n hereupon_o i_o be_o make_v to_o cry_v out_o with_o st._n paul_n o_o wretched_a man_n that_o i_o be_o who_o shall_v deliver_v i_o from_o this_o body_n of_o death_n o_o lord_n be_v not_o thou_o far_o from_o i_o but_o make_v haste_n to_o help_v i_o let_v the_o sigh_v of_o the_o prisoner_n come_v before_o thou_o proclaim_v liberty_n to_o thy_o captive_n and_o the_o open_n of_o the_o prison_n door_n to_o he_o that_o be_v bind_v with_o the_o chain_n of_o sin_n isa_n 61._o 1._o mar._n 26._o 1654._o i_o find_v that_o though_o in_o my_o judgement_n and_o profession_n i_o acknowledge_v christ_n to_o be_v my_o righteousness_n and_o peace_n yet_o upon_o examination_n i_o observe_v that_o my_o heart_n have_v do_v quite_o another_o thing_n and_o that_o secret_o i_o have_v go_v about_o to_o establish_v my_o own_o righteousness_n and_o have_v derive_v my_o comfort_n and_o peace_n from_o my_o own_o act_n for_o when_o i_o have_v be_v disquiet_v by_o the_o act_n of_o my_o sin_n that_o which_o have_v recover_v i_o to_o my_o former_a peace_n have_v not_o be_v that_o i_o can_v find_v god_n speak_v peace_n through_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n but_o rather_o from_o the_o intermission_n of_o temptation_n and_o the_o cessation_n of_o those_o sin_n when_o i_o have_v be_v trouble_v at_o a_o evil_a frame_n of_o heart_n i_o do_v not_o find_v that_o the_o righteousness_n of_o christ_n have_v be_v my_o consolation_n but_o that_o which_o have_v relieve_v i_o as_o far_o as_o i_o can_v find_v be_v that_o afterward_o i_o find_v myself_o in_o a_o better_a temper_n have_v be_v in_o trouble_n and_o perplexity_n i_o have_v read_v the_o scripture_n go_v to_o prayer_n and_o in_o do_v these_o i_o have_v be_v relieve_v yet_o i_o do_v not_o find_v that_o at_o such_o time_n i_o have_v real_a true_a live_a communion_n with_o god_n in_o such_o duty_n or_o that_o the_o spirit_n of_o god_n do_v in_o those_o duty_n reveal_v to_o i_o my_o interest_n in_o christ_n and_o so_o quiet_a my_o conscience_n hence_o i_o come_v to_o see_v