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wonder_v at_o my_o infirmity_n and_o disable_n in_o my_o fortune_n in_o conclusion_n impute_v it_o to_o my_o have_v be_v put_v out_o of_o my_o way_n upon_o what_o ground_n i_o know_v not_o but_o i_o be_o sure_a he_o be_v not_o mistake_v for_o first_o my_o early_a marriage_n in_o a_o short_a fortune_n abate_v the_o edge_n and_o alacrity_n of_o my_o spirit_n next_o the_o course_n and_o conversation_n of_o the_o court_n by_o accident_n make_v unfit_a and_o unfavourable_a to_o i_o have_v enter_v upon_o it_o be_v no_o small_a dejection_n myself_o also_o by_o the_o examination_n and_o test_n of_o discourse_n contradict_v â—â—chewed_v and_o restrain_v my_o natural_a and_o youthful_a inclination_n which_o other_o young_a man_n use_v with_o a_o full_a sail_n to_o give_v way_n to_o and_o uncontrol_o please_v themselves_o amate_v and_o contristate_v my_o mind_n but_o above_o all_o the_o good_a spirit_n of_o god_n who_o way_n and_o religion_n be_v opposite_a to_o flesh_n and_o blood_n and_o consequent_o to_o i_o and_o i_o in_o nature_n bring_v such_o a_o conflict_n upon_o i_o as_o prove_v at_o first_o to_o corrupt_v nature_n ever_o harsh_a and_o perplex_a with_o many_o reluctation_n win_n and_o lose_n of_o ground_n but_o by_o degree_n and_o succession_n of_o grace_n sweet_o recompense_v all_o our_o conflict_n all_o our_o suffering_n good_a god_n how_o sweet_a and_o admirable_a be_v thy_o mercy_n which_o never_o fail_v to_o relieve_v and_o deliver_v they_o who_o persevere_v to_o call_v and_o rely_v upon_o thou_o oh_o the_o tumultuous_a condition_n of_o a_o melancholy_a taint_a mind_n oh_o the_o herculean_a labour_n to_o oppose_v and_o repress_v it_o how_o thought_n impetuous_o like_o hydra_n head_n grow_v upon_o we_o as_o fast_o as_o we_o allay_v and_o cut_v they_o off_o junâ—_n shall_v have_v set_v hercules_n to_o that_o task_n to_o have_v plague_v he_o more_o than_o all_o his_o monster_n all_o his_o labour_n it_o be_v true_o say_v of_o it_o that_o it_o be_v hospitium_fw-la calamitatis_fw-la &_o quamcunque_fw-la rem_fw-la malam_fw-la quares_n illic_fw-la inuenies_fw-la it_o insinuate_v itself_o at_o first_o as_o a_o flatter_a friend_n but_o in_o the_o treacherous_a sweetness_n of_o it_o we_o drown_v and_o lose_v ourselves_o like_o unlucky_a fly_n etc._n etc._n proh_fw-la jupiter_n quantum_fw-la mortalia_fw-la pectora_fw-la caecae_fw-la noctis_fw-la habent_fw-la how_o many_o way_n there_o be_v for_o we_o to_o lose_v ourselves_o in_o this_o world_n labyrinth_n and_o how_o many_o miscarry_v before_o they_o understand_v where_o they_o be_v why_o they_o come_v &_o what_o they_o have_v to_o do_v some_o lose_v themselves_o in_o their_o pleasure_n other_o in_o their_o trouble_n some_o find_v unfortunate_a and_o so_o deign_v some_o a_o linger_a ruin_n some_o be_v bear_v to_o â—â—â—re_v some_o to_o stormy_a day_n some_o to_o journey_n with_o the_o windâ—_n in_o their_o back_n some_o in_o their_o face_n if_o fate_n be_v but_o a_o dream_n the_o world_n have_v be_v much_o deceive_v the_o constancy_n of_o it_o in_o some_o man_n fortune_n speak_v it_o more_o to_o the_o christian_a all_o be_v the_o providence_n of_o god_n and_o there_o be_v no_o true_a plaster_n for_o the_o cure_n of_o a_o break_a heart_n a_o break_a fortune_n but_o the_o contemplation_n and_o application_n of_o his_o goodness_n and_o mercy_n by_o a_o lively_a faith_n that_o must_v be_v his_o gift_n and_o will_v dispel_v all_o cloud_n storm_n and_o discomfort_n it_o little_o import_v what_o weather_n we_o find_v in_o a_o short_a journey_n so_o we_o attain_v at_o our_o journey_n end_n a_o place_n of_o perdurable_a joy_n and_o comfort_n how_o full_a of_o darkness_n be_v the_o mind_n of_o man_n how_o little_o do_v we_o understand_v and_o how_o little_a be_v we_o able_a to_o make_v use_n without_o god_n grace_n of_o what_o we_o know_v how_o often_o and_o violent_o be_v we_o transport_v as_o it_o be_v against_o our_o will_n against_o our_o knowledge_n how_o obvious_a and_o near_a unto_o we_o be_v thing_n ordinary_o most_o useful_a and_o affect_v which_o yet_o we_o be_v most_o blind_a to_o discern_v at_o our_o need_n such_o be_v our_o frailty_n such_o our_o blindness_n so_o that_o neither_o ear_n eye_n knowledge_n will_n or_o understanding_n be_v far_a available_a than_o it_o shall_v please_v god_n to_o bless_v they_o he_o alone_o it_o be_v that_o give_v the_o will_n and_o the_o deed_n and_o without_o he_o the_o will_n be_v uneffectual_a he_o have_v small_a experience_n of_o the_o world_n or_o have_v little_o observe_v himself_o who_o have_v not_o this_o experience_n it_o have_v please_v god_n to_o have_v bless_v i_o with_o some_o understanding_n some_o industry_n and_o some_o holy_a affection_n towards_o he_o all_o have_v fail_v i_o and_o in_o all_o i_o have_v be_v fail_v to_o myself_o yet_o through_o many_o fall_v and_o frailty_n i_o be_o confident_a at_o last_o by_o his_o great_a mercy_n to_o have_v attain_v such_o grace_n as_o will_v abide_v with_o i_o to_o my_o eternal_a comfort_n god_n grant_v i_o to_o my_o end_n the_o antidote_n of_o faith_n and_o confidence_n of_o his_o mercy_n in_o christ_n etc._n etc._n august_n 8._o 1637._o it_o be_v good_a to_o refer_v ourselves_o to_o god_n who_o best_o know_v what_o be_v good_a for_o we_o in_o the_o discourse_n of_o death_n i_o fall_v in_o my_o first_o manhood_n to_o affect_v that_o caesaâ—_n kind_n which_o be_v least_o long_o and_o languish_a suppose_v ever_o a_o constant_a preparation_n but_o it_o have_v please_v god_n contrariwise_o that_o i_o have_v spend_v a_o great_a part_n of_o my_o time_n face_v and_o struggle_v with_o seem_v imminent_a death_n so_o far_o have_v i_o be_v from_o enjoy_v the_o pleasure_n and_o contentment_n that_o this_o world_n afford_v to_o other_o i_o humble_o thank_v god_n who_o have_v give_v i_o patience_n and_o without_o his_o grace_n and_o respect_n to_o he_o my_o resolution_n can_v never_o have_v undergo_v it_o melancholy_n the_o taint_n and_o canker_n of_o our_o mind_n body_n and_o fortune_n how_o many_o way_n and_o easy_o be_v thou_o contract_v how_o almost_o impossible_a to_o be_v cure_v how_o inevitable_o incident_a to_o many_o yea_o the_o strong_a mind_n especial_o when_o many_o perplexity_n and_o cross_a accident_n do_v at_o once_o assault_v they_o for_o my_o part_n beside_o my_o mischievous_a disease_n breed_v in_o my_o body_n which_o natural_o work_v upon_o the_o mind_n make_v all_o more_o sour_a and_o difficult_a i_o meet_v with_o cross_a ambiguity_n and_o judication_n in_o almost_o all_o that_o concern_v i_o or_o that_o i_o affect_v i_o confess_v that_o which_o now_o more_o torment_v i_o a_o resolution_n and_o course_n may_v have_v be_v take_v to_o have_v prevent_v in_o reason_n the_o unhappiness_n which_o i_o have_v find_v and_o breed_v but_o alas_o i_o be_v nip_v in_o my_o bud_n destitute_a of_o experience_n and_o good_a advice_n meet_v with_o time_n opposite_a and_o such_o a_o disposition_n of_o my_o own_o as_o can_v neither_o abandon_v itself_o to_o pleasure_n nor_o rigid_a enough_o to_o subsist_v profit_v though_o ever_o so_o sensible_a therein_o as_o never_o to_o allow_v myself_o a_o ruinous_a delight_n my_o expense_n have_v never_o the_o ground_n of_o please_v myself_o though_o our_o artificial_a humane_a condition_n be_v full_a of_o ambiguity_n and_o some_o mind_n more_o than_o other_o of_o various_a complexion_n yet_o have_v i_o miss_v my_o disease_n i_o may_v with_o god_n grace_n as_o well_o as_o another_o have_v extricate_v myself_o a_o soul_n hard_o to_o please_v and_o a_o pregnant_a fancy_n be_v of_o the_o most_o troublesome_a guest_n a_o man_n can_v lodge_v i_o have_v at_o length_n learn_v so_o to_o disaffect_v this_o world_n and_o worldly_a pleasure_n that_o by_o god_n grace_n i_o be_o only_o please_v in_o he_o it_o be_v a_o hard_a conquest_n etc._n etc._n august_n 8._o 1637._o man_n certain_o in_o his_o natural_n as_o more_o abound_v in_o fancy_n be_v more_o variable_a than_o other_o creature_n yet_o more_o sophisticated_a by_o pleasure_n art_n and_o policy_n by_o religion_n cross_v his_o nature_n cast_v into_o further_a ambiguity_n and_o perplexity_n difficulty_n and_o disproportion_n in_o his_o condition_n and_o fortune_n with_o respect_n to_o his_o quality_n and_o engagement_n aggravate_v and_o intricate_a he_o often_o more_o but_o when_o a_o root_v melancholy_a once_o seize_v he_o as_o by_o many_o accident_n as_o well_o as_o natural_o it_o often_o do_v then_o to_o disentangle_a from_o the_o cross_a consideration_n incident_a to_o a_o perverse_a fortune_n will_v trouble_v a_o strong_a mind_n nay_o so_o hard_o be_v it_o to_o reconcile_v the_o inconvenience_n to_o find_v and_o take_v the_o best_a in_o the_o course_n of_o the_o world_n that_o the_o strong_a and_o large_a the_o mind_n be_v which_o be_v to_o choose_v the_o hard_a it_o find_v it_o to_o please_v itself_o and_o the_o
the_o irish_a sea_n so_o troublesome_a and_o dangerous_a there_o be_v a_o proportion_n of_o bear_v beyond_o which_o we_o sink_v i_o be_v in_o my_o prime_a youth_n encounter_v with_o many_o unfavourable_a dysaster_n etc._n etc._n the_o great_a change_n of_o the_o court_n and_o long_a greatness_n of_o they_o who_o accident_n etc._n etc._n my_o other_o absence_n in_o travail_n hinder_v my_o fall_n in_o with_o those_o time_n my_o retiredness_n by_o that_o course_n and_o over-exact_a study_n of_o language_n which_o certain_o be_v proper_a only_a to_o child_n to_o who_o it_o come_v insensible_o and_o be_v most_o troublesome_a to_o curious_a spirit_n these_o and_o much_o more_o conspire_v against_o i_o i_o will_v when_o my_o fortune_n be_v whole_a have_v match_v my_o son_n then_o very_o young_a and_o have_v assure_v my_o land_n upon_o he_o for_o a_o reasonable_a portion_n it_o can_v not_o be_v my_o predecessor_n after_o a_o long_a and_o desperate_a sickness_n live_v just_a enough_o to_o marry_v i_o and_o many_o strange_a thing_n than_o these_o have_v befall_v i_o in_o the_o article_n of_o a_o catastrophe_n to_o my_o fortune_n november_n 2._o 1637._o to_o say_v something_o still_o of_o diverse_a ambiguity_n and_o perplexity_n incident_a to_o my_o condition_n and_o fortune_n which_o beside_o the_o accidental_a melancholy_n breed_v in_o my_o body_n can_v hardly_o sail_v to_o work_v a_o alteration_n and_o disease_n upon_o a_o mind_n curious_a of_o avoid_v inconvenience_n and_o choose_v the_o best_a my_o nature_n be_v bend_v to_o ordinary_a pleasure_n yet_o moral_o withdraw_v to_o a_o observation_n of_o decency_n virtue_n moderation_n and_o improvement_n of_o knowledge_n with_o a_o acquisite_a affectation_n of_o philosophical_a moral_a civil_a and_o christian_a perfection_n wherein_o as_o well_o for_o vogue_n fashion_n and_o reputation_n as_o truth_n i_o can_v not_o willing_o consent_v to_o come_v short_a of_o the_o best_a when_o i_o grow_v towards_o manhood_n be_v of_o myself_o dispose_v to_o forbear_v marriage_n until_o i_o shall_v be_v thirty_o year_n old_a and_o then_o not_o to_o marry_v without_o great_a choice_n in_o fit_v myself_o and_o obtain_v a_o fullness_n of_o fortune_n to_o set_v myself_o at_o ease_n in_o my_o quality_n and_o that_o estate_n â—&c_n â—&c_n â—&c_n i_o see_v the_o inconvenience_n but_o wife_n child_n and_o my_o disease_n make_v i_o unfit_a for_o another_o man_n house_n and_o though_o i_o wish_v yet_o i_o can_v not_o resolve_v a_o change_n which_o to_o i_o who_o can_v never_o easy_o admit_v a_o resolution_n with_o inconvenience_n attend_v it_o be_v ever_o abhorrent_n my_o natural_a curiosity_n who_o mind_n be_v never_o quiet_a till_o all_o circumstance_n and_o conveniency_n be_v run_v over_o and_o over_o and_o accommodate_v by_o i_o make_v all_o thing_n especial_o in_o a_o seat_n of_o my_o own_o most_o troublesome_a to_o the_o melancholy_a taint_a spirit_n nothing_o be_v more_o unfit_a than_o idleness_n nothing_o more_o troublesome_a than_o its_o curious_a discourse_v upon_o resolution_n nothing_o more_o unfit_a than_o confinement_n to_o one_o place_n yet_o nothing_o more_o hard_a then_o to_o resolve_v and_o digest_v change_n and_o alteration_n once_o marry_v i_o be_v set_v to_o seek_v how_o to_o live_v where_o to_o live_v my_o birth_n and_o breed_n be_v in_o the_o city_n my_o affection_n and_o chief_a seat_n in_o cambridgeshire_n but_o many_o strong_a consideration_n divert_v i_o from_o it_o the_o court_n where_o i_o be_v young_a enter_v follow_v may_v have_v keep_v i_o from_o that_o depth_n of_o melancholy_n whereunto_o travail_n study_n and_o retiredness_n in_o care_n and_o fancy_n of_o what_o belong_v to_o a_o house_n drown_v i_o but_o that_o also_o by_o accident_n be_v unfit_a for_o i_o yet_o at_o length_n for_o a_o strong_a diversion_n and_o under_o so_o brave_a a_o patronage_n as_o that_o of_o prince_n henry_n i_o readventure_v upon_o it_o but_o his_o immature_n death_n and_o much_o sickness_n of_o my_o own_o follow_v upon_o it_o with_o other_o disproportion_n final_o alien_v i_o from_o that_o course_n thus_o and_o much_o more_o have_v my_o life_n be_v a_o conflict_n with_o disease_n and_o fortune_n i_o have_v former_o touch_v many_o more_o particular_n yet_o not_o all_o nor_o the_o worst_a it_o be_v one_o of_o the_o great_a in_o satisfaction_n of_o writing_n to_o a_o ingenuous_a spirit_n in_o most_o important_a matter_n to_o have_v least_o freedom_n there_o be_v many_o noli_fw-la i_o tangere's_fw-fr the_o contrast_n of_o god_n grace_n and_o religion_n against_o the_o impetuosity_n of_o natural_a affection_n have_v be_v many_o year_n my_o great_a combat_n i_o have_v fight_v resolute_o but_o receive_v many_o foil_n yet_o by_o the_o infinite_a goodness_n of_o my_o saviour_n i_o have_v receive_v such_o most_o unexpected_a succour_n that_o to_o my_o unvaluable_a comfort_n i_o triumph_v etc._n etc._n i_o have_v dedicate_v myself_o next_o to_o god_n whole_o to_o my_o son_n and_o have_v many_o year_n endeavour_v his_o good_a beyond_o my_o own_o i_o have_v now_o make_v myself_o his_o pensioner_n and_o i_o wish_v no_o worldly_a happiness_n more_o than_o his_o prosperity_n thus_o with_o a_o run_a pen_n i_o ease_v my_o mind_n which_o though_o with_o no_o serious_a exactness_n yet_o with_o little_a prejudice_n to_o my_o health_n for_o otherwise_o the_o strength_n of_o my_o disease_n will_v not_o suffer_v i_o to_o bear_v the_o strength_n and_o curiosity_n of_o my_o own_o discourse_n he_o who_o be_v subject_a to_o melancholy_n let_v he_o shun_v as_o a_o rock_n at_o sea_n over-studying_a or_o tire_v of_o his_o thought_n and_o when_o he_o find_v conclusion_n come_v not_o off_o clear_o and_o that_o a_o restinesse_n of_o discourse_n grow_v upon_o he_o let_v he_o give_v over_o for_o the_o present_a not_o admit_v the_o least_o tumultuation_n till_o such_o a_o good_a and_o fit_a time_n after_o as_o he_o may_v return_v new_a and_o fresh_a to_o work_v by_o this_o mean_n shall_v he_o avoid_v much_o hurt_n of_o his_o spirit_n and_o attain_v better_o to_o his_o end_n in_o read_v also_o little_a and_o little_a at_o once_o shall_v dispatch_v more_o and_o that_o without_o inconvenience_n of_o health_n then_o much_o together_o to_o the_o oppression_n of_o the_o soul_n ne_fw-la quid_fw-la nimis_fw-la in_o all_o thing_n be_v a_o excellent_a instruction_n how_o many_o a_o man_n have_v tire_v his_o horse_n by_o ride_v a_o little_a too_o fast_o who_o may_v otherwise_o have_v come_v well_o to_o his_o journey_n end_n the_o like_a be_v see_v in_o expense_n a_o very_a little_a contract_n will_v often_o have_v give_v ease_n and_o thirst_n where_o a_o very_a small_a overspending_a have_v breed_v continual_a want_n and_o ruin_n by_o my_o miserable_a experience_n i_o can_v give_v many_o rule_n upon_o this_o world_n course_n and_o melancholy_a moderation_n be_v good_a but_o god_n grace_n be_v above_o all_o and_o without_o it_o nothing_o can_v prosper_v how_o lusty_o do_v the_o root_n feed_v a_o tree_n who_o branch_n be_v few_o and_o small_a in_o respect_n to_o the_o all-seeing_a god_n be_v glory_n for_o with_o we_o but_o through_o he_o dwell_v nothing_o but_o darkness_n error_n frailty_n and_o ignorance_n november_n 4._o 1637._o my_o gracious_a god_n the_o support_n and_o guide_v of_o we_o and_o all_o our_o action_n since_o thou_o have_v vouch_v save_v to_o grant_v i_o a_o firm_a and_o happy_a faith_n in_o christ_n and_o love_n of_o thou_o with_o a_o contempt_n of_o all_o earthly_a and_o carnal_a joy_n confirm_v unto_o i_o i_o most_o humble_o beseech_v thou_o thy_o heavenly_a grace_n and_o the_o comfort_n of_o thy_o good_a spirit_n for_o i_o abhor_v myself_o whensoever_o that_o joy_n fail_v i_o or_o any_o worldly_a affection_n assault_v i_o none_o more_o than_o i_o know_v their_o vanity_n their_o unsoundnesse_n their_o emptiness_n of_o all_o true_a and_o perfect_a satisfaction_n such_o as_o leave_v i_o ever_o to_o seek_v ever_o unquiet_a till_o such_o time_n as_o i_o whole_o resign_v myself_o unto_o thou_o the_o world_n be_v a_o wilderness_n of_o ravenous_a beast_n there_o be_v no_o path_n no_o safety_n no_o contentment_n or_o protection_n but_o through_o thy_o favour_n sweet_a lord_n impart_v it_o unto_o i_o and_o i_o shall_v find_v that_o quiet_a and_o joy_n of_o heart_n which_o i_o have_v ever_o want_v help_v i_o for_o i_o shall_v hate_v myself_o if_o through_o the_o infirmity_n of_o my_o flesh_n and_o blood_n i_o reap_v not_o more_o joy_n and_o complacence_n in_o my_o surrender_n to_o thou_o and_o in_o thy_o grace_n than_o ever_o i_o do_v or_o can_v find_v in_o the_o most_o full_a and_o flatter_a pleasure_n which_o this_o instable_a world_n afford_v i_o have_v often_o find_v thy_o most_o merciful_a and_o miraculous_a relief_n and_o support_n beyond_o expectation_n beyond_o natural_a conceit_n let_v thy_o mercy_n and_o grace_n continue_v with_o i_o to_o my_o end_n and_o