under this Beam but stept aside and so passed away laying my Hand thereon as I stept by the side of it when suddenly I thought the House was all in a flame at which I was something troubled passing on the way and wondring in my self what this should be till I was overtaken by some rude Malicious Men who accused me for setting this House on Fire and would not hear me speak but were violently halling me away to Prison with which being sufficiently affrighted and my stesh set a Trembling I awaked and was offended with my self for being so much concerned at a foolish Dream and Fancy so it being yet dark I laid me down and fell asleep again and wast cast into the same Dream again exactly and at my Right Hand I thought there was a Grave Ancient Man full of white Hairs like Wool and a long white Beard who stood by me and said Chear up fear not for the Lord hath sent me to comfort thee and to tell thee that he hath chosen thee to Preach his Word and the Gospel of Christ which is the Staff thou hadst in thine Hand and wiâ—… this Staff which is the Word of God thou shalt walk home to thy Fathers House in Heaven where is fullness of Joy but after a time thou wilt be troubled with the different opinions and ways of Men and seem at first to be at a loss yet the Lord will be thy Guide Go on and as thou goest forward the way of the Lord will still appear plainer before thine Eyes the footsteps thou sawest are the Examples of the Saints that have gone before you which will be a great help to you and you shall walk chearfully on in the way which is clear to you and shall see no other but yet you must meet with the fair House on the left Hand that is the Glory and Great ones of the World who make a great and fair shew to Men as if built High but they must fall and are only on the left Hand of you whilst you will Despise and Preach against them and turn your Eye forward to go in the way of God without turning about By the Beam that came out of this House is meant the Powers and Opinions of these who when you shall cross or step aside or will not stoop under them they are set on fire and inflamed on a sudden but be not troubled go forward although they send after you saying you have brought this fire upon them and though they falsly accuse you and seek to hawl you to Prison for this fact whereof you are altogether Innocent At which I awaked again it being about Day-break wondring with my self what it should mean and verily believing it to be more than ordinary anâ— being filled with confidence and comfort I rofe up and writit down presently Next day I went away towards Huntington-Shire where I was accepted and entertained and had a comfortable Maintenance for several years But after all these Deliverances I Multiplyed abundantly in Gifts and Graces either to Pray Expound Read Sing Hymns and Spiritual Songs with the Spirit and Understanding and as Israel Exod. 1. the more he was Afflicted he Multiplyed the more so Blessed be the Lord I was the more filled with the Spirit endued with strength and grace and refreshed with Peace and Joy the more I had suffered so that all my troubles were through Grace but as Josephs step to Higher Enjoynments and finding the Lord so abundantly to endue me from above and to Qualifie me for the Call that I had before in the Night for the Ministry which â—ittle thought or imagined could have come to pass my Friends having often resolved on the contrary and all things so fairly concurring I was much confirmed that the Lord had designed me thereunto and not long after I was by a Godly People earnestly importuned and at length grevailed with to Preach the Gospel and was soon known about the Country so although I have ever since met with several Afflictions Oppositions and Troubles yet many have given Testimony to the Word I have Preached in divers places the Lord be praised to the great refreshing of my Soul and toward the filling up of my Joy when I shall give an account to their comfort at the Great Day of the Lord. After this I was sent forth as a Pastor and publick Teacher by the Church and I know my Ministerial Commission and Authority to be from God and notwithstanding the divers Temptations I still meet with finding my Heart full of Corruption and my Life a continual Warfare yet I bless God who hath delivered me in divers ways which I have not here declared from the Fraudulent Gins and Snares of the Devil and who hath called me out of Darkness into Light that his power is stronger in me than any that hath been against me and I am the better provided against Satan because I now live by Faith in the Son of God above the Letter in the Life above the Form in the Power above self in an higher self where I have my aboad so that I am not 〈◊〉 but by the Grace of God it is that I am what I am I have Provision within seeing Christ in me is the hope of Glory and I do certainly expect Salvation in Christ Jesus my Head my Lord my Elder Brother and the first Fruits of them that Rise again And although I meet with daily Tryals at Home and Abroad within and without yet I am all the time ascending to Heaven the same way that Christ my Redeemet went Who hath through the Vail Consecrated a New and living way for me into the Holy of Holies I can comfortably Drink after my Saviour out of his own Cup and in eating his Meat and drinking his Drink I can take Gall and Vinegar as well as Milk and Honey and I account the enjoyment of Christ to be the enjoyment of all the Excellencies and Happiness in Heaven and Earth nesther do I doubt butâ— shall appear perfect in his Righteousness being pardoned by his Death purged by his Blood Sanctified by his Spirit and Saved by his Power and to be Glorified as he is Glorified and see him as he is and whilst I Live and Breath I hope and Resolve to live to him and for him as well as by him and I shall not desire to live one minute longer than it may be for his Honour Glory and Service which I beseech the Lord of Heaven to make me fit for and faithful in and to prepare my Soul for that Glory which is to be Revealed J. R. II. Experiences of R. W. I will declare what the Lord hath done for me First in my Youth my Father being a Godly Man in Dublin in Ireland brought up his Children very Religiously but for my part though I were well Educated and Instructed yet I was very Disobedient being young and Headstrong and refusing to hearken to my Fathers Advice which he often gave
me but I regarded it not which was afterward a veay great grief to me for I could not endure to be curbed nor kept in but at length to avoid the continual Reproofs which he justly gave me for my ill courses and company I resolved not to stay at home any longer but to go into Flanders accordingly I put out to Sea but by Storms and contrary Winds was driven back again yet I could not see the Hand of God in this but still held on my purpose and took the first opportunity to get away out of Ireland into England where my Friends used many Arguments to perswade me to return home again Whilst I continued in England I began to be convinced by hearing several good Men of the heinousness of my sins and wicked disobedience and was thereupon sadly afflicted and disconsolate so that I could have no quiet nor rest In this time my Father hearing where I was not knowing before what was become of me doubting I might be dead or drowned writ a Letter to me wherein I was admonished to beware of such as run headlong to Perdition with many other good advices he seeming like old Jacob to rejoyce that his Son was yet alive c. All these things struck me heavily to the Heart so that I lay long under the fearful Sentence of my Iniquities and Disobedience and could receive no comfort nor satisfaction I concealed this my inward Grief and Torment till my Heart was ready to burst but at length acquainted my Friends therewith who endeavoured to comfort me and I had some quiet for a short space but this lasted not so that I soon fell again into my old malady and trouble as before being so exceedingly disturbed that I could by no means obtain any peace till that Scripture came into my mind Isa 50.10 He that sitteth in Darkness and seeth no light should trust in the Name of the Lord and stay himself upon his God this did much support and incourage me to depend upon God whereby I had abundance of consolation Yet I was seldom free from many Temptations Fears and Doubts and such sometimes as did much disquiet me untill once that I had a Divine Dream which hath been very sweet to my Soul even since for in my Dream I thought I was told that God's love was free in Jesus Christ and bestowed upon poor sinners through his Merits and that he put none by neither turned any away that came to him in and through his Dear Son and that I need not fear but I was one of them that should be accepted and received to Mercy This brought much Joy to my Heart and the sense of it remains to this very day Afterward I went to New-England and had much comfort from them and from their Ministers and since my return I have had great peace of Mind and desire to live in Union with Christ and Communion with his Servants as long as I am upon Earth and I have grounded hopes of living with him when I dye and with all his Saints to enjoy his Blissfull presence to Eternal Ages R. W. III. Experiences of Maj. A. M. I was well Educated by my Parents who were accounted Puritans till about sixteen years of Age after which I was put an Apprentice to London but ill company drew me away and I took ill courses till I was about 24 years Old then I came into Ireland in the beginning of the Rebellion 1641. and Travelling toward the North passed through great Dangers and many Deaths as I may say for there my Father was killed my Wife wounded and I my self with much difficulty escaped from the bloody Rebels after this I was in the Fight at Drogheda oâ— Tredah when it was taken and being laid in the Field of Battel among the Slain I was given over for one of the Dead but it pleased God that I recovered and then went into England I had not been there long but I began to look about me and to have some convictions of mind and thereupon I was diligent to follow the means and hear the VVord of God Preached by good Men being sensible of my sins and former forgetfulness of God or any thing that was good I heard one Mr. Owen with whom I was much affected and convinced of my misery in the want of Christ and afterwards received great comfort and assured hopes of Salvation from Mr. R. and now I do verily believe I have Fellowship with the Father and with his Son Jesus Christ and find a wonderful change in my Soul abhorring all ill company and courses and desiring to walk in all well pleasing toward God and tho' I meet with many Temptations yet I bless the Lord he carries me on in his good ways so that I can now pray to him by the assistance of his Spirit and have an earnest love to his Word and Ordinances Blessed be God for his free grace in Christ Jesus who before I had any knowledge of him spoke to my Heart by the means of an honest Man about thirteen years ago After which I followed all the means I could meet with and was wont to hear Mr. Cradock and Mr. Symson in London the first of whom in a Sermon upon Isaiah Wee is me I am an unclean Creature c. spoke so home to my condition that I imagined his Discourse was directed to me particularly This so wrought upon my Conscience that I was extreamly afflicted for a time and gave my self much to Prayer and at length I became in love with Truth and true Christians and have found and do yet find those things true in me which were spoken by Mr. N. of that oneness of Love and unity of the Spirit which ought to be among all Gods People I have seen my sad condition by Nature and am sensible of the happy change that the grace of God hath made in me and now Oh! how do I love the ways of God and Holiness and Duties and means of Grace and the things of God which before I slighted disregarded and loathed and lastly I now desire and long after Jesus Christ and care not how soon I be taken out of this sinful World that I may live with him in Eternal Glory A. M. IV. Experiences of F. B. MY Experiences of the Mercy and Love of God are more than I can express the first main work upon my Spirit was on a sudden upon an Alarm given to our Troop while I was a Souldier which had such a convincing effect upon me that I lay long under the Apprehension of Gods Wrath and was much disquieted so that though I Prayed and Prayed yet I could take no comfort and had no confidence in the Mercy of God but Confusion was before my Face Afterward I came to Dublin where I was impeached for breaking an Article of War and was condemned to lose my Life for the same whilst I was in Prison I had dreadful apprehensions of Hell in my Soul and could
do nothing but weep and mourn and pray counting my Life to be lost and yet I was more troubled for the wrath of God then the wrath of Man But at length it pleased God to give me comfort for one Night whilst I was beraoaning my self and in much Despair on a sudden the room was all in a flame and I thought my self in the midst of Lightning and being terrified I imagined I saw these words written against the Wall Thy sins are Pardoned and thy Life is hid with Christ in God This extraordinary Manifestation much eased the Trouble and Sorrow wherein I was but yet for want of Faith this comfort did not long continue with me for after that I thought I saw the Lord with such a wrathful countenance that I durst not look upon him and the next news that I heard was that I was ordered to be shot to Death Oh! then I cannot express the terrors that I was in my woful misery was such that neither Prayers reading of the Scriptures nor the pretious promises therein could afford me any Relief for I could not believe that I had any right to them and therefore could not lay hold of them In this dreadfull Distress I lay a condemned Man both in Soul and Body lamenting my wretched condition when opening the Bible in Joel 2.13 I saw it thus written Turn ye to the Lord God for he is Gracious and Merciful slow to Anger and of great Tenderness and Repenteth him of the Evil. Hereupon I pondered a while and said and is he such a God Well then he is my God and with that I gave my self up into his Hands resolving to relie upon him let him do what he would with me and on this Foundation I was Setled and satisfied A while after it pleased the Lord to deliver me out of the danger of Death and to set me at liberty from Prison but notwithstanding this great Mercy yet I must confess that I afterward found such opposition in my Heart against God as I could not believe had been in me I was grievously wounded for it and could have no quiet but went to Mr. W. and acquainted him with it who told me that I had fallen from my first Works and that I must Repent This rent my Heart and I had no Rest I returned from him and applyed to Prayer keeping that course continually till by degrees I was recovered out of that disconsolate condition and I praise God I have since found his favour and kindness extended toward me so that I am fully perswaded he loves me and will pardon my sins in Jesus Christ on whose Merits I relie in whose Righteousness I rest and by whose Grace I am now set free to serve him here and doubt not but to Reign with him hereafter F. B. V. Experiences of H. M. MY Father was a Gentleman of a fair Estate had many Children eleven Sons of us he was High Sheriff and when he dyed all our Family were broken dispersed and in confusion Two of us were brought up within five Miles of Glocester but I was placed an Apprentice in London and by this means my sorrows and troubles began to be great at first from the consideration of this suddain change which continued a while but about the 17th year of my Age my former grief was turned into another kind of Trouble namely Sorrow for my sins I was for three years together wounded with the sense of my sins and corruptions which were many I followed Sermons persuing the means was constant in Duties and Doing looking for Heaven that way I was very precise in outward formalities censuring all for Reprobates that wore their Hair long and not short above their Ears or that followed the common Modes and Fashions of those days Thus I continued Distracted in my Thoughts and wounded in my Conscience weeping often and bitterly and Praying earnestly but yet had no comfort till I heard that sweet Saint now in Heaven Dr. Sibbs by whose Means and Ministry I was brought to Peace and Joy in my Spirit his sweet Soul-melting Sermons won my Heart and Refreshed me much for by him I saw much of the goodness of God and had good Hope and Confidence in Christ Jesus and could overlook the World undervalue all Earthly things and was not afraid of Afflictions and though I was sometimes under the Spirit of Bondage again unto fear yet my Heart still held firm and my desires were all Heaven-ward I took delight to hear Funeral Sermons but Dr. Sibbs chiefly by whom I was effectually wrought upon and Satissied with Comforts which I hope will never leave me till I come to Everlasting Rest H. M. VI. Experiences of Mr. T. H. Minister of the Gospel I was but young when I first came under Gonvictions of Soul and my Heart being warmed by a zealous Ministry which put me much upon Duty I used to read the Scriptures every Night and to Repeat Sermons often and so I spent the first Scene of my Youth till I was sent by my Friends to London where I lived a year or two during that time as often as I saw any Minister I could not but weep and always wisht that I might be one my self to be able to Preach too after this I was sent to one of the Universities in England but being wild with youthful company was removed to the Colledge of Dublin where I continued till the horrid Popish Rebellion broke out in 1641. At which time I left it and went to Liverpool in Lancashire where I Preached some years yet all this while I was but formal and as the young Man in the Gospel said he had kept all these things from his Youth so I was from from my youth Religious well given loving the means and following them hearing Sermons and seeking to serve God But alas I was yet all this while in Darkness and did not know it but afterwards I saw that I was blind and carnal For I began to be in great Doubts and Troubles and very much clouded in my Spirit and was exceedingly tyed and bound up for a time under the Sense of my formal Holiness and sins but the Lord was pleased to give me light Once as I was walking sadly alone upon the Mountains it pleased the Lord so to influence me by his Spirit which seemed to be immediately poured out upon me that my Soul was satisfied in Jesus Christ and my Heart was filled with Heavenly Joy and Peace and with most Ravishing contemplations which continued without a cloud for several weeks together and gave me assured Hopes of the Love of God and ever since I have lived in the Righteousness of the Lord Jesus Christ and though I have met with many storms and clouds yet they have all passed away and cannot hinder me from Salvation so long as Christ who is my Lord and Saviour is above them and I doubt not but he will at last Translate me from his Kingdom of Grace here
W. XVI Experiences of I. I. VVHen I was in the midst of my wealth and worldly enjoyments I was vain covetous and wholy had my heart taken up with the things of the World little or nothing minding the things of God or thinking of a change but went on in presumption putting the evil day far off minidng only for the present what pleased the flesh untill about eight years since I had many outward crosses befell me and was in some want and then being under that dispensation I was much troubled and full of grief I sought to the Lord and begged deliverance from my afflictions and distresses as to outward wants but had not an heart to consider what was the cause or to seek out the mind of God in it until I heard Dr. Holmes shewing sin to be the cause of all our crosses The consideration hereof did come close unto my spirit and I had a clear conviction of my vanity and foolish doting on worldly things which had justly provoked the Lord I hope for my good to lay those crosses upon me which though they were for a time bitter yet God hath since sweetned But my sorrow was then doubled and I was dejected not only for my outward crosses but more especially for my carnal heart and vain conversation whereby I had stirred up the anger of the Lord against me I went to the Ordinances hoping to find comfort from the Word but the weight of my sins and my sufferings so pressed me down that I found much heaviness My sins especially lay heavy upon me and I saw little hope of comfort yet the Lord was pleased to work in my heart a loathing of sin as well as trouble for the affliction it had brought upon me But about a year since I heard Master W. prove by Scripture in a Sermon very effectual to my comfort that those who have been the greatest of sinners if they do heartily and really repent and turn to God by faith in Christ and lead a new life the Lord will receive them to mercy Hereupon I argued with my Soul that though I had been a great sinner yet the Lord had brought my heart to a loathing of those sins I loved and of all sins and to turn to the Lord and sincerely to desire to serve him That therefore there was hope of mercy for me I heard Mr. W. Mr. M. and others and frequented divers meetings where I found much comfort Those several places of Scripture in which I chiefly found comfort from the Promises of God are Matth. 11.28,29,30 where Christ saith Come unto me all ye that labour and are heavy laden and I will give you rest Take my yoke upon you and learn of me for I am meek and lowly in heart and ye shall find rest unto your Souls for my yoak is easie and my burden light This made me to hope that as the Lord hath given me an heavy heart laden with the sense of sin so Christ Jesus will give me comfort for in the 12 verse of the same Chapter it is said a bruised reed shall he not break and and smoaking flax shall he not quench And though I had dishonoured Christ yet I had not blasphemed the Holy-ghost and therefore had incouragement to believe from the words of Christ Luke 12.10 Whosoever shall speak a word against the Son of Man it shall be forgiven him but unto him that Blasphemeth against the Holy Ghost it shall not be forgiven I was comforted to wait upon the Lord in hope because he had humbled my Soul and opened mine eyes to see mercy offered to me and this was strengthend from that example Lament 30.20 to verse 26. My Soul hath them still in remembrance and is humbled in me This I recall to mind therefore have I hope It is the Lords mercy that we are not consumed because his compassions fail not They are new every morning Great is thy faithfulness the Lord is my portion saith my Soul therefore will I hope in him The Lord is good unto them that wait for him to the Soul that seeketh him I was much incouraged from hence to seek the Lord and hope in his mercy My conscience told me I was a great sinner and deserved death and Hell but my hope was in God and strengthened from that promise Ezek. 18.21,22,23 If the wicked will turn from his sins that he hath committed and keep all my Statutes and do that which is lawfull and right he shall surely live he shall not dye All his transgressions that he hath committed they shall not be mentioned unto him In the righteousness that he hath done he shall live Have I any pleasure at all that the wicked shall dye saith the Lord God and not that he should turn from his ways and live And the Lord was pleased to put into my spirit a very great resolution to serve him for the time to come and I praise my God I have had since much joy in duties of Piety and much sweetness from the Word of God and goldly Ministers I have no desire to enjoy the pleasures and vanities of the World as I have done but my heart now takes delight in God and communion with his people and the Lord hath given me an heart in discern a beauty and desirableness in the ways of God which are more joyful to me now than ever sin was formerly and when I come at the Ordinances I often find and feel such heavenly refreshments from the Lord upon my heart that it makes me exceeding full of joy There is such a love upon my heart to God that I dare not willingly offend him in any thing I rejoyce to hear his name spoken of and his glory exalted And I find a very great affection drawn by the power of God from my heart to such as seem to be his people J. J. XVII Experiences of E. C. ABout nine years agoe at the Birth of a Child I had very great temptations of destroying ing my self and have had oftentimes a knife put into my hand to do it so that I durst not be left by my self alone and when I had considered what the causes might be my Conscience did hint most my neglecting of duties which I had many opportunities to have performed they being the Ordinances of God Thus I continued till two years agoe I buryed a Child which was a very great trouble to me to part with and then was I more fully convinced of sin which caused my burthen to be the greater so that I could seldom have any other thoughts but of desperation but the Lord kept me by his great mercy so that sometimes I could pray with devotion and discern the Lord to remove this great trouble from me I did plainly find that those great temptations were very much lessened which was a very great comfort unto my spirit but yet this still was upon me that I could read the Promises but I found none of them to belong to me
scould not say God was mine or had discovered him self to me in pardoning my sins yet this I had often thoughts of that I would throw my self upon Christ and if I perished I perished and since I bless God I have found some satisfaction in several places of Scripture As First In Matth. 11.28 Come unto me all ye that labour and are heavy laden and I will give you rest And feeling such a burthen then upon my Soul I relyed upon that true rest Another is in 1 John 2.2 And he is the reconciliation for our sins and not for ours only but for the sins of the whole World I being one in the World I applyed this to my self and in 1 John 114. The Father sent the Son to be the Saviour of the World Another place of Scripture is John 3.17 For God sent not his Son into the World to condemn the World but that the World through him might be saved And in verse 35. He that believeth on the Son hath everlasting life Upon this account I said I believe Lord help my unbelief And in the sixth Chapter of John and 67 and 68 verses Jesus said unto his Disciples Will ye go from me also Peter said unto him Lord whither shall we go for thou hast the words of eternal life So that I will now wait upon the Lord for a further manifestation of himself unto my Soul in the use of his Ordinances although I have not in times past been fed with the Childrens bread yet now I do believe I shall not be denyed those crums of Spiritual comforts to nourish and refresh my wearyed Spirit for God saith Isa 55.1 Ho! every one that thirsteth come ye to the waters and he that hath no money come ye buy and eat yea come buy Wine and Milk without money and without price And I praise God I have found of late a very great manifestation of Gods working a change upon my heart and drawing me by true faith to himself 1. About a quarter of a year since I heard Mr. B. on the luke-warmness of the Church of Laodicea shewing that the Lord would refuse none that come to him in humbleness of Spirit and sincerity of heart then I thought surely I might make use of these full promises made to those that come to him and it put me to search the Scriptures which I did and found a greater influence upon my spirit in the understanding of the Word than before 2. I am in all things that I do fearfull of offending God and my desire is to do all things to his glory 3. My love to God is so hearty that I delight to be meditating of God and to have communion with him and could wish that I might be wholly if it were possible with God and my heart is never so at rest as when I am reading of his Truths and hearing others speak of them 4. I am so little affected to the World that I account it nothing I can willingly leave all for God and I hope suffer any thing for God if he should please to call me to it so far as I can judge of my own heart but herein trusting in the power of Christ 5. Sin is loathsom to me so that the affections that I did bear to some evils are gone and I now loath them more than before I loved them 6. I have many consticts between the flesh and the spirit but I find in those strivings my heart most cleaving to follow the mind of God knowing that if I give way to sin Satan enters and with all my Soul I desire and delight to follow the leadings of Gods Spirit 7. In all things the resolutions of my heart are for doing those things that may please God and that without delay being fearful to offend God which through infirmity I do I have great trouble in spirit for it and my resolutions are always against every thing that may hinder my peace with God 8. I find in my heart so great a peace between God and my Conscience that should God now call me I shall be very well contented to go to my Saviour 9. I do not doubt of Gods love to me because he hath drawn forth my heart sincerely to love him 10. My love hath been always from a Child to the people of God and my heart hath been ever troubled when I have heard them evil spoken of 11. My affections are great to the Ordinances and my heart longeth after them and when at any time I come with a cold heart to Duties yet my heart is frequently warmed and inlarged in those duties E. C. XVIII Experiences of D. M. SOme years since through many crosses increasing upon me like an armed man I slew unto God to seek his mind by prayer and he discovered to me that it was for my sins which were then set before me which caused in to feel the hand of God by afflictions upon me that sin was the cause of my sufferings which lay very heavy upon me and terrified me so that I thought I had been in the way to damnation And that if it had been in the way to Salvation every affliction would not come so upon me greater than I thought I could be able to bear In particular the Lord discovered to me that I had too much loved my Husband in making an Idol of him and therefore he justly became a great terror to my spirit for he grew an enemy to goodness and so an hindrance to me in coming to Christ And while I thus doted on him he went away from me I feared through the sense of that and other sins together with the aggravations of my afflictions that God did not love me Yet it struck into my heart that God did not strike willingly and therefore I endeavoured to see what was the mind of God in it who had taken away my Husband Goods and all from me namely that he had done it that I should not hang upon husks but should love him And I found that I had loved the world too much and set my heart too much upon these Creature-comforts and therefore the Lord took them away from me This wrought upon me great troubles and despair so that I cryed till I was almost blind And I had great feâ—… and trembling upon me that I could not pray not hear with profit but thought it was in vain for me to pray whom God loved not and whom I had so offended About a quarter of a year after I had a temptation by Satan to drown my self in a Pond near Leeds in York-shire weither the Devil led me telling me that I might do it there it being a private place where no body could see me and I came to the Pond side but by the providence of God having a great love to a young Infant I had I took that Child in my Arms and when I came to the place I looked upon the Child and considered with my self what shall
let the Devil have them for nothing And in the strength of the Lord I repulsed the Devil saying Satan when thou in tempting Christ shewedst him the whole World thou promisedst him that which was none of thine own nor am I thine and therefore avoid Satan for thou hast nothing to do with me and then the Devil departed from me Then my heart was much filled with the thoughts of the goodness of God and with a mixture of tears and joy I had sweet comforts from the Lord. And though I have had many doubts upon my spirit sometimes yet I have since found very great consolation through Faith in the promises of God as in these and divers others Matth. 11.28 Come unto me all ye that labour and are heavy laden and I will give you rest I thank God I have found much rest and refreshment by coming to Christ and that his grace is sufficient for me Matth. 5.6 Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness for they shall be filled I have often laid hold on this promise with a thirsting desire after Jesus Christ and he hath filled me with comfort And the comfort wherewith Christ did comfort Peter bidding him not to fear for he had prayed for him hath been upon my spirit and given me great consolation in that I know Christ is heard in all that he prayeth to the Father And I find the Testimonies of my Conversion to God which give satisfaction to my Soul that I am a true Believer 1. Though I do all that I can to serve God as he hath commanded me yet I find great imperâ— fection and utter unworthiness in my self to deserve any thing of God But my whole dependance and hope of Salvation is in Gods free grace in the blood and merits of my Saviour Jesus Christ 2. I do find that the Love of God in Christ constrains me to love God again above all things in the World and whatever I am about my Soul is delighted with God above all 3. I find that the Lord draws my heart to hate all evil communication and evil things and not so much to fear the punishment of the World for any thing as to sin against God 4. I am much delighted in the workings of Gods Spirit and it is a great joy and comfort to my Soul when my heart is inlarged towards God 5. My heart is much affected unto Ordinances and if Satan suggested worldly thoughts to hinder me from duties I have called upon God and found comfort and when I have come to duties with cold affections I have been much refreshed in the duties 〈◊〉 though sometimes I have felt pain and distemper in my body which I have thought Satan hath done to make me weary in duties yet I have called on the Lord and found comfort 6. I find great peace and much comfort in the Lord so that I could be willing to dye and it is a great joy to me in that I expect to dye that I may be delivered from the afflictions of the World to enter into eternal joy with Christ for ever E. O. XXIV Expeiences of A. G. I Have been many years since very sensible of my Natural Estate and did lye long under the sence of my sins which were so great a burden to me that they made me almost despair insomuch that I could scarce either eat or drink but had my spirits dried up with the anguish thereof For I was brought up under the Means and from a Child frequented the hearing of the Word And the first cause of my great torment was for that I once told a Lye against my Conscience which so lay upon my spirit afterwards that I could receive no comfort I went to hear the Word and read the Scriptures yet all did but increase my horrour Several Ministers and godly People used great means to comfort me but all in vain for a time and when I read the Scriptures I found every threatning and judgment therein that I fixed my thoughts upon to speak terrour to my Soul and my distraction was so great that my Friends said I was mad and kept the Bible from me For so often as I read in it I pored most upon that dreadful place Matth. 12.31 All manner of sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven unto men but the blasphemy against the Holy Ghost shall not be forgiven unto men I did not know what the sin against the Holy Ghost was but I had a perswasion I had committed that sin and feared that my sins could not be pardoned and that I should never go to Heaven but was cast off to the damned Yet this the Lord wrought for me and in me by his blessed Spirit to draw forth my heart to be often praying in that poor doubting way my spirit could by the Lords assistance souchsafed to me attain unto for though I thought it in vain and that God would not hear me yet I continued praying and often cryed to God not only in the day time but frequently in the night and rise out of my Bed to pray to God to have mercy upon me And I was sometimes a little comforted in that I was perswaded to hope in the Lord but yet it was dashed again through fear that I had committed the sin against the Holy Ghost And I thought that all victuals and every thing was too good for me and that I was unworthy of all enâ—oyments Thus I lay for some months in a sad Agony wrastling with temptations perplexed between hope and despair But at last in hearing Mr. W. Minister of B. and reading a Book called The New Birth I found comfort being better satisfied what the sin against the Holy Ghost was than before since which I bless God I have for some years past found much comfort from the Promises of God revealed in his holy Word some of which follow Matth. 5.6 Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness for they shall be filled My chief desires are after Jesus Christ and to follow him by the Rule of the Gospel not doubting but that I shall be blessed in that grace which he communicates to me from his fulness Matth. 11.28 Come â—nto me all ye that labour and are heavy laden and I will give you rest This promise being to Souls laden with dejections and universal to all that come to Christ hath much comforted my heart in that by his Spirit he hath drawn-forth my Soul to come to him And as a testimony of my love to God and evidences of my faith I bless God I have these comfortable fruits of the Spirit of grace in my Soul 1. Though I do all that I can to serve God yet in all things I find infirmities in me so that all my trust is only in the meriâ—s of my Saviour Jesus Christ 2. Though I cannot be so holy as I should yet I desire and labour to be as holy as I can 3. When my heart is dull cold
that Jesus Christ had dyed for me I besought the Lord by earnest prayer that he would be pleased to spare me for I found my self to be very unfit for death I made Promâ—ses to the Lord that if he did please to spare me I would lead a new life and did resolve to walk more close to my God The Lord was pleased in mercy to hear my Prayer and grant this request and spare me a while longer to serve him in the land of the living But notwithstanding my promises and the great deliverance the Lord had wrought for me in keeping me back from Hell and the Grave I had soon forgotten all I began to love the world again and lived as vainly as before But the Lord smote my conscience and sorely troubled my spirit for this backsliding putting me in mind of the promises I had made to him in my sickness With great bitterness of heart and grief of Soul I mourned for my failings and did again resolve for the time to come to keep more close to God and set a watch over my heart But the more I looked into my heart the more vile I saw my self to be and was greatly troubled that I had so often played the hypocrite with my God I again besought the Lord by prayer that he would be pleased for Jesus Christ his sake to forgive all my sins and backslidings which I then was grieved for with loathing more than ever before My conscience was so wounded and my Soul cast down in so great a conflict that my spirits were almost dryed up and my heart began to grow weary and faint with crying and groaning after my Saviour Yet the Lord was pleased to humble me still more and more and to try me further as gold is tryed in the fire And my afflictions were doubled upon me by Satans malice who tempted me with evil thoughts which was grievous to my Soul When I had prayed with a troubled spirit as well as I could the Devil put thoughts into my mind quite contrary to the frame of a praying spirit When I had read the word of God he tempted me with doubts and questions touching some things therein whether it was truth or not And Satan followed his temptations so close upon me that as soon as the Lord had inabled me to repulse one temptation the Devil assaulted me with another so that I had scarce time to fetch my breath one temptation followed so close upon another Being troubled much in my spirit in this condition I was tempted to discontent that the Lord had not taken away these Temptations from me and in anger fell into some great passions even near unto desperation And I was sorely busseted by the Devil in this my lowest extremity who assaulted me with fresh temptations of blasphemous thoughts touching God so that when in the bitterness of my Soul I was seeking after Jesus Christ and had named God he would put into my mind the objects of the brute Creatures and even whilst I was pouring out my Soul to the Creator and was pleading a promise he brought a curse to my thoughts Thus was I repulsed in all duties by Satans terrifying my Soul to perswade me that it was in vain for me to seek for Salvation because I had committed the sin against the Holy Ghost which God by his word hath declared shall never be forgiven neither in this World nor in the World to come because I was discontented that the Lord after all my addresses to him had not delivered me from all my troubles But the Lord gave me strength to resist Satan and say in the bitterness of my Soul to my God far be it from me O Lord to be offended with thee And the Lord wrought this resolution in my Soul that I did protest before the Lord that although I should see nothing but Hell before me yet I would trust in him and stay my self upon my God until he pleased to send me deliverance I made my case known to a dear friend who gave me some comfort he told me that the sin against the Holy Ghost was to sin wilfully by perpetual despite against God I found a clear testimony in my conscience that I was so far from despiting the Spirit of grace that I had not sinned willingly against God for I found it to be an affliction to me to be rempted with evil thoughts touching the Lord tho' I consented not to them and I found my Soul grieved that I could not be freed from them And then with abundance of tears by often prayers and supplications to the Throne of Grace I poured forth my sinful Soul at the foot-stool of Gods mercy exalting free grace and pleading the unspeakable riches of the mercies of God that would appear in the conversion of such a sinner as I had been Methoughts it seemed to exalt Gods mercy and to be one of the greatest manifestations of free grace in the world to be to the great glory of the Lord and unspeakable comfort of my poor Soul if he would be pleased to bring me to himself Now when by the Divine power of God my heart was thus resolved to trust in him and to wait upon him then the Lord was pleased to shew me to my comfort the example of Jesus Christ who had no sin in himself yet he was tempted of the Devil And likewise of Paul how Satan sent sent a messenger to buffet him who then prayed unto God and the Lord said my grace is sufficient for thee my power is made known in thy weakness Then I began to be comforted and to think if Christ himself was tempted if the children of God who had been eminent examples had lain under temptations and the Lord according to his promises had strengthned and delivered them there was hope for me And the Lord wrought faith in my heart to believe that he would strengthen me and keep me that I should not perish for ever And I have since found great consolation in many promises which the Lord hath revealed in his Word which I have pleaded before him some of which follow Isaiah 50.10 Who is among you that feareth the Lord and obeyeth the voice of his Servant that walketh in darkness and hath no light let him trust in the name of the Lord and stay upon his God I applyed this promise thus I had walked in darkness and saw no light but God had wrought in my heart to fear him and a willingness to obey my Savâ—our and a resolution to trust in the name of the Lord therefore I knew it was not in vain to stay my self upon my God And Matth. 12.20 It is said by Christ A bruised reed shall he not break and smoaking flax shall he not quench till he send forth judgment unto victory The Lord having broken and bruised me in the sense of sin and drawn forth my heart to rely upon him I believed that he would in the end give me victory through
midst of my dishress to bring to my mind these words The Spirit saith come and the Bride saith come and every one that will come drink of the water of life freely I said of my self I cannot come But I prayed Lord draw me and I shall run after thee And this word was cast into my Soul by the Lord My grace is sufficient for thee only do thou believe And God hath now wrought faith in me and by the testimony of his Spirit hath sealed his love in Christ to me working in my heart so to love him that I have cast my self wholly upon him H. C. XXXI Experiences of T. R. Mariner AT the Age of two and twenty being in the Streights I was taken by the merciless Turks but the power of the Lord delivered me out of captivity by a miraculous way unexpected The Lord giving me grace to call on him gave me a gracious answer That he would never leave me nor forsake me In the War with France on the Coast of Guinea I was taken by a French Man of War and was greatly afflicted for want of food and raiment and other hardships which they laid on me to have turned to their Catholick Religion yet the Lord still promised me that he would give me a deliverance out of their merciless hands who made good his promise to me in a short time blessed be his holy name After this I went a Voyage to Brasile and our Ship being laden we did intend for Portugal but they detained us a whole year so that our Ship was all eaten with worms and we were fain to keep pumping for nine months but the longer the worse for in our passage homeward we could not tell which death to chuse either to starve or to be drowned for our Victuals was so small that for one year and more we had no bread in our Ship but eat the roots of Trees made into a substance like Oatmeal and for Beef one ounce for a man a day which stunk so that none could have eat it but men in our case for Drink we were glad of a pint of water a day during the time of our passage which was seventeen weeks but in this passage we saw the wonderful works of God for he sent us for three weeks in seasonable times fish called Dolphins sometimes two or three in a day And as we grew within three hundred Leagues of the Coast of Portugal and our Provision near spent only three or four days left and all our men sick and weak and almost starved it pleased God of his great mercy to send us a Ship of Flushing a Man of War who proved to us as Joseph to the children of Israel for they brought us Victuals which saved our lives and after they had taken our Ship they were fain to put on board forty men to keep her from sinking for it pleased God that the next day after we had a violent Storm and a great Sea broke upon her so that we thought she would never have recovered her self again for our goods did shut all to one side and so she was sain to go untill she came to Flushing but we poor creatures were in great peril and danger of our Lives and yet the Lord comforted me by his Promise That he would bring me to shore and would deliver my life from death and my eyes from tears and he hath done graciously with me above my deserts and inabled me above my strength and delivered me above my hope therefore will I praise him without measure and magnifie his name without end Three years after this being on the Coast of Ireland it pleased the Lord to raise a violent Storm and in the morning by the dawning of the day we were so near the Shore that to mans judgment there was nothing but death approaching for we knew no place of that Land by reason of the Fogg and Rain that we had all the day and knew not where to go but as the Lord who is the Pilot of Pilots did carry us untill four a clock at Night which in December is dark and then we came to a great high head-land and a little without that lay a great sand so that we could not go any other way but betwixt them being then past all hopes of life we forced her through the Sea so that it brake over our heads insomuch that we could not tell whether we were in the Sea or the Bark but by our feet and hands for we could not see for the violence of the water only he that was at the Helm And yet in the space of a quarter of an hour we were in a safe place newly taken out of the jaws of death So that I of all men have great cause to be always rendring thanks to my God for his continual and most sweet favours unto me sinful wretched and empty man void of all spiritual goodness Furthermore I being after this in a Ship of 300 Tuns lying on the Coast of Virginia wind-bound the space of seven weeks it pleased God to visit our people with the Pestilential Feaver and the Callenture which is a violent Feaver or Madness at first and we had in our Ship two hundred thirty sive Souls at that time and it was the will and pleasure of God that we had a hundred of them sink at one time so that we had but few to look to the sick and were in great want of Provisions yet we knew not whether to go but it pleased God to raise a great Storm so that a great Sea brake into our main Sail and we had two foot water between Decks and our poor sick people cryed out they were drowned but within an hour after by the mercy of God we had fair weather and fair wind and within three or four days God set us safe on Land to our great joy and comfort that before were almost past hopes so that he caused us to say with the Prophet David It was good for me that I was afflicted And yet have another choice mercy to make known of what God hath done for me for he hath now called me out of the world but not out of the Land of the living he hath also opened my eyes and made clear my understanding with Mary to chuse the better part and whatsoever the World or Satan can cast upon me it shall all turn to my good for I know that my Redeemer liveth and him my Soul desires to bless and praise which I trust I shall do till my change cometh as God shall inable me and the Lord strengthen my faith XXXII Experiences of T. G. IT hath pleased the Lord God of his own free mercy and love in Jesus Christ to prevent and keep me ever since I was born from many thousand dangers and yet I like an unruly Creature have kicked at his Fatherly protection and run into many gross and vile sins The first gross one was many kinds of unlawful gaming
not at that time take comfort in any thing and had I not been with child affected with natural inclination to the Babe in my womb I had been in danger had not God prevented me to have destroyed my self for I had some temptations that way but my God strengthened me yet before I was brought to bed I found peace and comfort and through grace had such settlement in my spirit that I could with joy night and day call upon my God believingly but before I attained to this I had many sore conflicts until after some considerations that the Lord had put into my mind as first touching the child that I went with because God hath said The just and innocent slay thou not and then considering the innocency of the child it became a means to stay my hand from laying violence upon my self Yet for a time I was much troubled in spirit till God gave me peace from these and other Scriptureâ— promises where the Lord saith Call upon me in the day of trouble and I will deliver thee thou shalt glorify me Psal 50.15 Sin shall not have dominion over you for ye are noâ— under the Law but under grace Rom. 6.14 Now the testimonies of my conversion and true believing in which I hope I have a seal of my Interest in the Lord Iesus are these 1. My love to God which is real sincere and hearty desiring him above any thing else whatsoever 2. My relying upon Jesus Christ having nothing of my own to rest upon I fly to him and rest oâ— him for all as my alone Saviour and Redeemer 3. I delight to read the holy Word of God and to hear or other wise to partake thereof in which I find much comfort 4. The comfort which I find by inlargement of my soul when God comes in under the means in dutys and the loathnesse I have to be deprived of the Ordinances 5. The Peace I find with my God in my soul which is sweet though not without much heaviness of spirit for my failings I do not live without waines and changes in my Spiritual life and faith towards the Lord for sometimes I trust God with all and at other times I meet with some donbtings yet blessed be God I find them more and more asswaged and my communion with Christ every day more sweet and full 6. I doubt not but the Lord Jesus Christ my Redeemer will so support me through his Grace that what ever my condition hath been or shall be here I shall not fail of salvation through Christ in heaven for ever L. P. XXXV Experiences of F. P. I Have been troubled at the thoughts of my corruptions and wretched condition I have formerly had some doubtings touchings the Scriptures whether they were truth or not but have been since troubled that I made those foolish doubtings to question Gods word and was so wounded in my Conscience for my sin therein that I feared I should be damned for it because I thought it was a sin that God would not pardon I had also strange thoughts about the sinful wayes of ungodly people and considering how loosely people live I and temptations to perswade me that surely there was some easier way to Heaven then the Scriptures had laid down or then I had learnt But for these evil thoughts of mine I have been so afflicted in my spirit that I thought I was a damned wretch I have been tempted by these blasphemous thoughts against the Lord which have so afflicted me that sometimes I feared the Devil would fetch me away and carry me to Hell and I have thought sometimes that surely God could not in justice pardon such sinnes as I have committed I have also been tempted to make away my self but the Lord God put me in mind to consider that it would not give me ease or comfort but be the way to enter into endless miseries And thus I lay afflicted with a most sad trouble some spirit for about a year yet though with little hope from my present sence I had desires that God would save me and some groanings I had after him And in his time which is best I began to find inlargement of heart from God and a great longing for Christ which encreased through the working of his glorious power so that me thought I could have been content to have gone through all the miseries in the World to have enjoyed him And in my sleep I dreamed that I saw my Saviour lying in a Grave and after again I saw him risen from death when I awaked and had some thoughts about my dream I found comfort in my soul and begun more sweetly to hope that Christ Jesus dyed for my sins and is risen again for my justification but the Devil who goes about like a roaring Lyon did still tempt me so that I was again ready to despair for my former evil thoughts and I was afraid that Satan would have me and I doubted that God had no part in me which caused me to weep much and I was exceedingly troubled and sometimes thought that verily I heard the Devil coming in a Whirlwind for me and so terrified was my conscience that from the thoughts of the wrath which I feared I could have wished my self a Beast a Dog or any thing because their misery would have an end But aftermany comfortable discourses with friends and reading some godly books that came to my hands the Lord God in time delivered me from those temptations and hath since comforted me with these Promises to the great joy of my heart though some times I have not been without some doubtings The Lord hath said Be content with such things as ye have for he hath said I will never leave thee nor forsake thee so that I may boldly say the Lord is my helper Heb. 13.5,6 The Lord saith sin shall not have dominion over you Rom. 6.14 This hath often given me much comfort and kept up my soul when I have been ready to despair And Christ saith I will pray the Father and he shall give you another comforter that he may abide with you for ever even the Spirit of truth John 14.16,17 And I have this testimony of my interest in Christ by faith wrought by his blessed Spirit in me 1 I see such a frailty in my flesh that except the Lord send his holy Spirit to inable me I cannot do any thing of my duty to God of my self it is the Spirit of the Lord and not any thing in me that is the foundation of my comfort 2. I have had many times if my heart deceive me not clear testimonies and evidences that I love God more than any thing else and desire him above all 3. I desire much to hear the Word and am troubled that sometimes it doth not so pierce into my heart as I desire 4. I have sometimes such sweet comforts and enlargements in my soul that I find much peace with God thereby which I