sure you do not neglect to read and pray by your self morning and evening and labour to mind what you are come into the world for Endeavour to get the Lord for thy God make him the chief of thy joy and delight When thou art to pray or read or hear the Word look upon those services as thy priviledg not as thy task as thy duty and yet as thy dignity that thou maist go to the great God of Heaven and Earth as to a gracious and loving Father in Christ When thou findest thy heart backward to any good duty go to God and beg of him to help thee and quicken thee c. Be cheerful and mind thy duty to God the good Lord bless thee and do thy poor soul good so shall it be well with thee for ever Good Child don't neglect to read and pray c. The Lord bless you and keep you bless your soul with spiritual blessings that you may be still doing something to further your souls good Another of her Daughters she thus bespake Redeem all the time that possible you can to secret prayer and often read the Scriptures which will make you wise to salvation and will afford you pleasure at the last when all things here will fail I shall pray for thee and thy dear Sisters that you may all grow in all the graces of the spirit and may be wrought and made meet for the heavenly glory c. 12. As concerning her care to prepare for the Sabbath and her great love to Gods Ministers Word Preached and Ordinances c. IN preparing for the Sabbath I have then been up when others in the Family where I have been have been in bed Of late by reason of my illness and weakness I have lain sometimes longer on Sabbath-day mornings than ordinary but it hath troubled me and the Reason was because sleeping little in the night I found when I rose earlier I was ready afterwards to be sleepy and more unfit for Gods service But if when I had more time and health and strength I had not been more abundant in the service of God and more earnest after Heaven and the things of Heaven than I can be now my spirit would even sink within me Gods Ministers I love dearly yea so dear are they to me that it does me good to see their faces and I could even fall down and kiss their feet and compel them to come into my house and methinks my house is the better when they have been in it Oh I dearly love them Being when I was in the Country invited on a Lecture-day by an honourable person to Dinner the best feast which I had that day was at the hearing of the Word for I had it made appear to me there that I had made entrance into Heaven and I was so comforted that I could have found in my heart to have fallen down at the Ministers feet and have thanked him It did me good at Dinner to hear him speak c. I have never been better satisfied nor pleas'd than when I have been hearing the Word Preached and meditating on it and conferring with the people of God and praying in secret and hearing counsel and direction for my soul and it has been my prayer as I have been going to hear that God would make out some counsel and instruction or reproof to me and the Lord hath heard me counselled me and comforted me I do so love the word of God it is so sweet to me when I meditate on it and I do so love Gods Ministers and it does so rejoice me to think of Mr. Merrills coming to my House A worthy Minister in the Country deoeased I hope he will come I must say as Lidia to Paul If you have judged me to be faithful to the Lord come into my house c. And tell him if I dye I would not have him neglect any more to see such as do so much desire to see him as I do I long to see him c. He is an eminent Minister one who is firm to his principles fears neither mens frowns nor regards their smiles c. He hath been instrumen al of much good and comfort to my soul God was the efficient he the instrument c. I cannot see how the prizing of Gods Word and not to prize Gods Ministers can stand together I am sure I prize both and pray that God would incourage his Ministers Ordinances have been very sweet to me God in and by them hath come to me and met me that I could say with Peter It is good for me to be here And I have thought the time very short I have been hearing the word hath so comforted-me I have gone under trouble but have return'd refreshed Being one day very ill and desiring her to stay at home she answer'd that must be the last place I go to And in a sickness before she said it grieves me I went no longer though she went longer than well she could Oh! how much did she rejoyce and how glad was she to go into the House of the Lord How blessed did she count those who dwelt there Oh! I made account said she to be ready betimes and I shan't get in c. How ready and willing was the spirit when the body was weak I got cold says she by going at such a time to hear but I do not repent for I had a sweet refreshing there blessed be God Thus how lovely amiable and desirable to her were the Tabernacles of the Lord of hosts And how did her soul long yea even saint for his courts I How truly might she say with David Psal 26.8 Lord I have loved the habitation of thy house and the place where thine konour dwelleth and one thing have I desired of the Lord that will I seek after that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life to bekold the beauty of the Lord c. And how truly might she call Sabbaths and Ordinances her delight she had there seen God and his face his power and glory his goings in his sanctuary yea Sabbaths were to her as the Subburbs of Heaven Ordinances are not in Heaven but Heaven she hath many a time met with in Ordinances and she drinks but that Wine new now in Heaven which she began to drink in Ordinances here Matt. 26 29. 13. As concerning some further evidences for Heaven I Have a great deal of comfort in this That I am as willing to take Christ for my Lord as for my Saviour and that I desire and endeavour to my utmost to obey him and have heart-risings against sin both in my self and in others and desire to hate and abhor all appearances of sin I have desired to walk before the Lord in uprightness and have walked with God sincerely though not perfectly and I would not offend God nor dishonour him but have desired to glorify him obâ—y him and to be ruled and
my Bed-side and he snarl'd at me c. but was as a Mastiffchain'd c. Being one Night now long since in extremity of pain Satan set on her with all his might and she had a sore and grievous conflict December 24. 1653 I was called up and found her in so great a conflict that the very Bed did shake under her and she was also withall under sad desertions for God seem'd also to hide his face from her and oh says she unto me speaking of Satan he frighted me he roared upon me like a roaring ramping Lyon he made my bones to shake and my heart to quake and tremble within me he told me God would not hear me though I called on him and cried unto him and now says she to me we must part and God seemeth to hide his face from me and these are but the beginning of sorrows I have grievous pains in my breasts but in a few hours I shall have worse my sins are so many c. Behold said I to her The Lamb of God that takes away the sin of the world John 1.29 But I cannot behold him c. But blessed be God though this assault was sudden and very sore and sharp especially being at such a time when under such grievous pains it was but short for after I had spoken a while to her she recovered some sense of Gods favour her pains were eas'd and Satan rebuked all at once And O what a change was there her extremity was Gods opportunity Psal 30 5 For his anger endureth but a moment In his favour is life Weeping may endure for a night but joy cometh in the morning But here it did not indure for a whole night but joy came before the morning and her sighing was turn'd into singing her mourning into musick and her tears into triumph and the fiercer was the storm the sooner was a clam and the sorer the conflict the sooner was the conquest He is said she my God though he seem to hide his face from me and I shall see him again and though he kill me I will trust in him c. Dost not thou said I to her believe whom he loves he loves to the end I do said she believe Lord help thou my unbelief I have often beaten Satan back with the Sword of the Spirit and he hath gone away like a Coward though he hath brought Scripture too c. Satan would have perswaded me once I loved the Word only as it came from thee not for its own sake then I heard it from another but he told me he was a noted man and one whom I knew then I heard it from a stranger and some others and then I told him he was a Lyar c. But blessed be God he was pleas'd in her last sickness weakness and great pains in a great measure wholly to chain up Satan only towards her latter end because of her great weakness she being not able at length to bear it that I should pray by her he would have perswaded her that I thought it was because she did not love prayer c. but that she quickly was satisfied concerning and got over She desired me formerly to bless her God with her that he was pleased in any measure to tread down Satan her strong busy subtle enemy under her feet and to give her some more cause of joy and oh that my sins said she may not cause God to let him loose again upon me c. 4. As concerning her patient and quiet submission under the afflicting hand of God SHE had frequently such humble and submissive expressions as did abundantly declare and evidence the same to mention some of them as that of Eli 1 Sam. 3.4 It is the Lord let him do what seemeth him good My God in Covenant and I would be satisfied with his will and desire earnestly to submit to it and oh my God my Father not my will but thy will be done thy will is better than mine the best will Being call'd upon to sleep she replied it is better suffering the Will of God than sleeping I would do the Will of God but he will have me suffer it I will bear the indignation of the Lord c I desire to resign my will to the Will of my heavenly Father and commend my Spirit into his hand as into the hand of a faithful Creatour The Lord hath given me a quiet submission to his Will and this bears me up and makes me walk cheerfully under all yea it is as it were meat and drink and all to me c. I go up and down and say this is my Fathers Will that it should be so and I should else it may be forget my latter end c. The Lord hath made my chain heavy but I would not complain we may speak to God but not against God for a thousand worlds My pain is so great sometimes that I cannot be merry but I submit and am content to bear what God shall lay upon me all of you wait patiently I am willing to wait Though my pains be so great and so frequent yet when they are but a little off I am cheerful I cannot but wonder at my self Being asked how she found her spirit she answered I bless God in a sweet willing submissive frame to his Will and O! how sweet and blessed a thing is it to have a quiet submissive frame of heart to the Will of God I am sure I have found by experience that when the Lord hath given me an heart willing to submit to his Will sickness of body hath been but a light burden I would fain get patiently to my journeys end Yet a little while he that shall come will come and will not tarry My Life is labour and sorrow wearisom days and nights are appointed unto me yet I am willing to submit to Gods Will and to stay longer and to bear more if he will have me The Lord fit me by all for himself God sees I have need of all this Oh! the bitterness of sin c. If I have more work to do he can raise me up again but if my work be done I submit to the Will of my God c The good Lord help us to cast our burdens upon him and then as he hath promised we may hope he will sustein us Psal 55.22 O! in a submissive frame of heart is much comfort c. 5. As concerning her great zeal for the Glory of God GOD can raise me up again if it may be for his Glory for his Glory that she repeated again and again and that said she I look at most the Glory of my good God that I prefer before my ease and comfort in the World and am willing to live if I may honour him more and I am afraid lest I should dishonour him by distrusting him If I do not go home now but must stay still I desire it may be to the Glory of God to be a
have not felt the ground I have gone upon When my pains are greatest I have usually most peace and that upholds me Not long before her death she told one of her relations that she was so ravished with the contemplation of the love of God in Christ that it did even swallow her up so as that she was not able to bear it nor contain it but was forced to remit and let go her present thoughts thereof And the ground of my comfort is the assurance of the love of God which he hath given me And what is the assurance of Gods love worth It is more worth than a thousand worlds and I will not let it go it makes me for joy as it were to fly up and down Thus Gods Love was better to her than Wine yea than Life and the Love of God and the assurance thereof is indeed a Cordial that will revive when none other can nor will none to that This is the very life of our lives the light of our day the â—un of our firmament the spring of our year the joy of our hearts the solace of our souls the strength comfort and support of our spirits the mercy of mercies the blessing of blessings so much better than life that life it self without it is no better than death But this is life even in death and hence the Prophet David prays for this for his Cordial and comfort Psal 119.76 Let I pray thee thy merciful kindness be for my comfort c. And this was the cordial and comfort of this blessed Saint now in Heaven in all her tryals and afflictions while here 3. The word and promises of God These were to her as a banqueting or house of wine as staying flagons and comforting apples as green pastures and still waters c. Cant. 2.4 5. Psal 23.2 As that word Rev. 3.19 As many as I love I rebuke and chasten And Heb. 12.10 But he for our profit that we might be partakers of his holiness And Rom. 8.28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God c. One night she repeated over to her self several promises which she said God brought to her mind and were a very sweet cordial to her Such as Psal 34.22 The Lord redeemeth the soul of his servants and none of them that trust in him shall be desolate Vers 10. The young lyons do lack and suffer hunger but they that seek the Lord shall not want any good thing Isa 40.11 He shall gather the Lambs with his arm and carry them in his bosom c. Vers 29 He giveth power to the faint and to them that have no might he increaseth strength c. I am much comforted with that promise Isa 43.25 and I would even live upon it I even I am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake and will not remember thy sins c. There were two places of Scripture which did more especially much run in her mind of late and were very comforting to her one was 1 Cor. 15.55 O death where is thy sting O grave where is thy victory c Vers 57 But thanks be to God who giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ The other Job 19.25 26 27 For I know that my Redeemer liveth and that he shall stand at the latter day upon the earth And though after my skin worms destroy this body yet in my flesh shall I see God Whom I shall see for my self and mine eyes shall behold and not another though my Reins be consumed within me These words were very refreshing to her and were the words discoursed of by Dr. Jacomb at her Funeral though it being propounded to her she acknowledged her great unworthiness that any such thing should be done for her but it might she said do good to the living Those words especially Whom I shall see for my self and mine eyes shall behold and not another she often repeated and was much comsorted by For my self for my self And blessed be God now she sees God for her self even for her self and is in the actual possession of that blessedness of which the contemplation was so sweet to her here She is now seeing God in Heaven in her soul and though after her skin worms destroy her body yet she also shall in due time her body being rais'd see God in her flesh for her self and her eyes shall behold and not another though her reins be consumed within her But her soul is now at present injoying that vision indeed she beholds man no more here with the inhabitants of the world as Hezekiah spake Isa 38 11 neither sees she any more her near and dear relations but she sees a far better sight she sees and injoys God and shall do so for ever and so is now in the participation of the comfort wrapt up in that Scripture and knows experimentally what it is to see God which she had been so long praying and waiting for and to see him for her self for her self and not another as she repeated it Asking her once what it was that comforted her This said she that God hath brought home his promises to my soul and applied them to me he hath said this promise belongs to thee Isa 54.7 8 For a small moment have I forsaken thee but with great mercies will I gather thee In a little wrath I hid my face from thee for a moment but with everlasting kindress will I have mercy on thee saith the Lord thy Redeemer O how full and sweet is this promise c. Thus Gods Word and Promises were very comforting and refreshing to her very sweet yea sweeter than honey and the honey-comb they were her songs in the house of her pilgrimage better to her than thousands of gold and silver and she rejoyced thereat as one that findeth great spoil Psal 119 54 72 162 111. And by those things as Hezekiah said She lived and in all these things was the life of her spirit Isa 38.16 and she might well say as once the Prophet David and as a precious Saint and dear sister of hers long since formerly said Vnless thy Law had been my delights I should then have perished in my affliction Psal 119.2 And the Word of God is the best Cordial in the world Thus that which supported them both was the Word of God and indeed in several respects * Mrs. Elizabeth Moor sometimes of Aldermanbury London who dyed now many years since and at whose funeral Mr. Calamy preached as she desired on those words Psal 119.92 Which Scrmon with several others on the same Text were long since extant And to them we annexed her evidences for Heaven both these dear Sisters and their cases were much a-like both examples of great affliction as also of extraordinary patience in which they possessed their souls both brought to such a sweet humble submissive frame as to be willing to undergo whatever the Lord was pleas'd to