Selected quad for the lemma: spirit_n
Text snippets containing the quad
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A50795
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No wit, [no] help like a womans a comedy / by Tho. Middleton, Gent.
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Middleton, Thomas, d. 1627.
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1657
(1657)
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Wing M1985; ESTC R16728
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68,279
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140
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Vera Effigies Tho Midletoni Gent NO WIT HELP LIKE A VVOMANS A COMEDY BY Tho Middleton Gent. LONDON Printed for Humphrey Moseley at the Prince's Arms in St. Pauls Church-yard 1657. PROLOGUE HOw is' t possible to suffice So many Ears so many Eyes Some in wit some in shows Take delight and some in Clothes Some for mirth they chiefly come Some for passion for both some Some for lascivious meetings that 's their arrant Some to detract and ignorance their warrant How is' t possible to please Opinion tos'd in such wilde Seas Yet I doubt not if Attention Seize you above and Apprehension You below to take things quickly We shall both make you sad and tickle ye The Actors Names SIr Oliver Twilight a rich old Knight Philip his Son servant to Mistress Grace Sandfield friend to Philip servant to Mistress Jane Mr. Sunset true Father of Mistress Grace Mr. Low-water a decayed Gentleman Suitors to the Lady Golden-fleece Sir Gilbert Lambston Mr. Weatherwise Mr. Pepperton Mr. Overdon Mr. Beveril Brother to Mistress Low-water Dutch Merchant Dutch Boy Savor-wit Sir Oliver's man Footman Pickadille Lady Golden-fleeces Fool Lady Twilight Lady Golden fleece a rich Widow Mistress Low-water Mistress Grace Sunsets Daughter but supposed Twilights Mistress Jane Twilights Daughter but supposed Sunsets The Scene LONDON NO Wit Help Like a WOMANS Act 1. Scaen 1. Enter Philip Sir Oliver Twilights Son with Savorwit his Fathers man Phil. I Am at my wits ends Savor-wit Savorw And I am ev•n following after you as fast as I can Sir Phil. My wife will be forc'd from me my pleasure Sav. Talk no more on 't Sir how can there be any hope i' th' middle when w' are both at our wits end in the beginning My invention was nev'r so gravel'd since I first set out upon 't Phil Nor does my stop stick onely in this wheel Though it be a main vexation but I 'm grated In a dear absolute Friend yong Mr. Sandfield Sav. I there 's another rub too Phil. Who supposes That I make love to his affected Mistress When 't is my Father works against the peace Of both our spirits and woes unknown to me He strikes out sparks of undeserved anger ' Bwixt old Steel friendship and new Stony hate As much forgetful of the merry hours The circuits of our youth hath spent and worn As if they had not been or we not born Sav. See where he comes Enter Sandfield Sandf Unmerciful in torment Will this disease never forsake mine eye Phil. It must be kil'd first if it grow so painful Work it out strongly at one time that th' anguish May never more come near thy precious sight If my eternal sleep will give thee rest Close up mine eyes with opening of my Brest Sandf I feel thy wrongs at midnight and the weight Of thy close Treacheries Thou hast a friendship As dangerous as a Strumpets that will kiss Men into poverty distress and ruine And to make clear the face of thy foul deeds Thou work'st by Seconds Phil. Then may the sharp point of an inward horror Strike me to earth and save thy weapon guiltless Sandf Not in thy Father Phil. How much is truth abus'd when 't is kept silent Phil. O defend me Friendship Sav. True your anger 's in an error all this while Sir But that a Lovers weapon now hears reason 'T is out still like a mad mans hear but me Sir 'Ts my yong Masters injury not yours That you quarrel with him for and this shows As if y 'would challenge a lame man the field And cut off 's head because he has lost his Legs His grief makes him dead flesh as it appear'd By offring up his Brest to you for believe it Sir Had he not greater crosses of his own Your Hilts could not cross him Sandf How Sav. Not your Hilts Sir Come I must have you friends a pox of weapons There 's a Whore gapes for 't put it up i' th' Scabbard Sandf Thou' rt a made slave Sav. Come give me both your hands Y' are in a Quagmire both should I release you now Your wits would both come home in a stinking pickle Your Fathers old Nose would smell you out presently Phil. Tell him the Secret which no mortal knows But thou and I and then he will confess How much he wrong'd the patience of his Friend Sav. Then thus the Marigold opens at the splendor Of a hot constant friendship 'twixt you both 'T is not unknown to your ear some ten years since My Mistress his good Mother with a Daughter About the age of six crossing to Jernsey Was taken by the Dunkirks sold both and separated As the last news brings hot the first and last So much discover'd for in nine years space No certain tidings of their life or death Or what place held 'em Earth the Sea or Heaven Came to the old mans ears the Knight my Master Till about five moneths since a Letter came Sent from the Mother which related all Their taking selling separation And never meeting and withal required Six hundred Crowne for Ransom which my old Master No sooner heard the sound but told the sum Gave him the Gold and sent us both aboard We landing by the way having a care To lighten us of our carriage because Gold Is such a heavy mettal eas'd our Pockets In Wenches Aprons Women were made to bear But for us Gentlemen 't is most unkindly Sandf Well Sir Phil. A pure Rogue still Sav. Amongst the rest Sir 'T was my yong Masters chance there to dote finely Upon a sweet yong Gentlewoman but one That would not sell her honor for the Indies Till a Priest struck the bargain and then half a crown dispatcht it To be brief Wedded her and bedded her Brought her home hither to his Fathers house And with a fair tale of mine own bringing up She passes for his sister that was sold Sandf Let me not lose my self in wondring at thee But how made you your score even for the Mother Sav. Pish easily we told him how her Fortunes Mockt us as they mockt her when we were o' th' Sea She was o' th' Land and as report was given When we were landed she was gone to Heaven So he believes two lyes one error bred The Daughter ransom'd and the Mother dead Sandf Let me admire thee and withal confess My injuries to friendship Phil. They 're all pardon'd These are the arms I bore against my friend Sav. But what 's all this to th' present this discourse Leaves you i' th' Bogg still Phil. On good Savorwit Sav. For yet our policy has crost our selves For the old Knave my Master little thinking her Wife to his Son but his own daughter still Seeks out a match for her Phil. Here I feel the Surgeon At second dressing Sav. And h 'as entertain'd Ev'n for pure need for fear the Glass should crack That is already broken but well soader'd A meer Sot for her Suiter a rank Fox One
years wages and an Livery-cloak Wid How will you shame me had you not both last week fool Clow. I but there 's another year past since that Wid. Would all your wit could make that good Sir Clow. I am sure the Sun has run through all the twelve Signs since and that 's a year this Gentlemen can witness Weath The fool will live Madam Clow. I as long as your eyes are open I warrant him Mrs Low Sirrah Mr Low Does your worship call Mrs Low Commend my love and service to the Widow Desire her Ladiship to taste that morsel Mr Low This is the bit I watcht for all this while But it comes duly Lambst And wherein has this name of mine offended That y 're so liberal of your infamous titles I but a stranger to thee it must be known Sir Ere we two part Mrs Low Marry and reason good Sir Wid. O strike me cold this should be your hand Sir Gilbert Lambst Why make you question of that Madam 't is one of the Letters I sent you Wid. Much good do you Gentlemen All How now what 's the matter Weath Look to the Widow she paints white some Aqua Coelist is for my Lady run vilain Clow. Aqua Solister can no body help her case but a Lawyer and so many Suiters here Wid. O treachery unma ch't unheard of Lambst How do you Madam Wid Oh impudence as foul does my disease Ask how I do can it torment my heart And look with a fresh colour in my face Lambst What 's this what 's this Weath I am sorry for this qualm Widow Wid. He that would know a villain when he meets him Let him ne'r go to a Conjurer here 's a glass Will show him without money and far truer Preferver of my state pray tell me Sir That I may pay you all my thanks together What blest hap brought that Letter to your hand From me so fast lockt in mine enemies power Mrs Low I will resolve you Madam I have a Kinsman Somewhat infected with that wanton pitty Which men bestow on the distress of women Especially if they be fair and poor With such hot Charity which indeed is Lust He sought t' entice as his repentance told me Her whom you call your enemy the wife To a poor Gentleman one Low water Wid. Right right the same Mr Low Had it been right 't'ad now been Mrs Low And according to the common rate of sinners Offer'd large maintenance which with her seem'd nothing For if she would consent she told him roundly There was a Knight had bid more at one minute Then all his wealth could compass and withal Pluckt out that Letter as it were in scorn Which by good fortune he put up in jest With promise that the Writ should be returnable The next hour of his meeting But sweet Madam Out of my love and zeal I did so practise The part upon him of an urgent wooer That neither he nor that return'd more to her Lambst Plague a that Kinsman Weath Here 's a gallant Rascal Wid. Sir you have appear'd so noble in this action So full of worth and goodness that my thanks Will rather shame the Bounty of my minde Then do it honor Oh thou treacherous villain Does thy Faith bear such fruit are these the blossoms of a hundred Oaths Shot from thy bosom was thy love so spightful It could not be content to mock my heart Which is in love a misery too much But must extend so far to the quick ruine Of what was painfully got carefully left me And mongst a world of yeilding-needy women Chuse no one to make merry with my sorrows And spend my wealth on in adulterous surfeits But my most mortal enemy O despightful Is this thy practice follow it 't will advance thee Go beguile on have I so happily found What many a Widow has with sorrow tasted Even when my Lip touch't the contracting Cup Ev'n then to see the Spider 't was miraculous Crawl with thy poysons hence and for thy sake I 'll never covet Titles and more Riches To fall into a gulf of hate and laughter I 'll marry Love hereafter I 've enough And wanting that I have nothing There 's thy way Overd Do you hear Sir you must walk Peppert Hear 't thrust him down stairs Weath Out of my house you treacherous lecherous Rascal Lambst All curses scatter you Weath Life do you thunder here if you had staid a little longer I 'd have rip't out some of my Bull out of your Belly again Peppert 'T was a most noble discovery we must love you for ever for 't Wid. Sir for your Banquet and your mirth we thank you You Gentlemen for your kinde company But you for all my merry days to come Or this had been the last else Mrs Low Love and Fortune Had more care of your safety peace and state Madam Weath Now will I thrust in fo'rt Peppert I 'm for my self now Overd What 's fifty years 't is mans best time and season Now the nights gone the Widow will hear reason Mr Low Now now the Suiters flatter hold on Kate The Hen may pick the meat while the Cocks prate Exeunt Enter Mr Sandfield Philip Sir Oliver Twilights Son with Savorwit Phil. If thou talk'st longer I shall turn to Marble And death wil stop my hearing Sandf Horrible fortune Sav. Nay Sir our building is so far defac'd There is no stuff left to raise up a hope Phil. Oh with more patience could my flesh endure A score of wounds and all their several searchings Then this that thou hast told me Sav. Would that Flemmish Ram Had ne'r come near our house there 's no going home As long as he has a Nest there and his yong one A little Flanders Egg new fleg'd they gape for Pork and I shall be made meat for 'em Phil. 'T is not the bare news of my Mothers life May she live long and happy that afflicts me With half the violence that the latter draws Though in that news I have my share of grief As I had share of sin and a foul neglect It is my Loves betraying that 's the sting That strikes through flesh and spirit and sence no• wit From thee in whom I ne'r saw ebb till now Nor comforts from a faithful friend can ease me I 'll try the goodness of a third companion What he 'll do for me Sandf Hold why friend Sav. Why Master is this all your kindness Sir offer to steal into another Country and ne'r take your leave on 's T•oth I take it unkindly at your hands Sir but I 'll put it up for once Faith there was no Conscience in this Sir leave me here to endure all weathers whilst you make your •oul d••••e like a Juglers Egg upon the point of a Rap•er By my troth Sir y 're too blame in 't you might have given us an inckling of your journey perhaps others would as fain have gone as you Phil. Burns