than_o now_o i_o dare_v not_o take_v a_o pin_n or_o a_o stick_n though_o but_o so_o big_a as_o a_o straw_n for_o my_o conscience_n now_o be_v sore_a and_o will_v smart_v at_o every_o touch_n i_o can_v not_o now_o tell_v how_o to_o speak_v my_o word_n for_o fear_n i_o shall_v mis-place_n they_o o_o how_o gingerly_o do_v i_o then_o go_v in_o all_o i_o do_v or_o say_v i_o find_v myself_o as_o on_o a_o miry_a bog_n that_o shake_v if_o i_o do_v but_o stir_v and_o as_o there_o left_a both_o of_o god_n and_o christ_n and_o the_o spirit_n and_o all_o good_a thing_n 70._o and_o though_o i_o be_v thus_o trouble_v and_o toss_v and_o afflict_v with_o the_o sight_n and_o sense_n and_o terror_n of_o my_o own_o wickedness_n yet_o i_o be_v afraid_a to_o let_v this_o sense_n and_o sight_n go_v quite_o off_o my_o mind_n for_o i_o find_v that_o unless_o guilt_n of_o conscience_n be_v take_v off_o the_o right_a way_n that_o be_v by_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n a_o man_n grow_v rather_o worse_o for_o the_o loss_n of_o his_o trouble_n of_o mind_n than_o better_a wherefore_o if_o my_o guilt_n lie_v hard_o upon_o i_o than_o i_o shall_v cry_v that_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n may_v take_v it_o off_o and_o if_o it_o be_v go_v off_o without_o it_o for_o the_o sense_n of_o sin_n will_v be_v sometime_o as_o if_o it_o will_v die_v and_o go_v quite_o away_o than_o i_o will_v also_o strive_v to_o fetch_v it_o upon_o my_o heart_n again_o by_o bring_v the_o punishment_n for_o sin_n in_o hell-fire_n upon_o my_o spirit_n and_o shall_v cry_v lord_n let_v it_o not_o go_v off_o my_o heart_n but_o the_o right_a way_n but_o by_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n and_o by_o the_o application_n of_o thy_o mercy_n through_o he_o to_o my_o soul_n for_o that_o scripture_n lie_v much_o upon_o i_o without_o shed_v of_o blood_n there_o be_v no_o remission_n heb._n 9.22_o and_o that_o which_o make_v i_o the_o more_o afraid_a of_o this_o be_v because_o i_o have_v see_v some_o who_o tho_o when_o they_o be_v under_o wound_n of_o conscience_n than_o they_o will_v cry_v and_o pray_v but_o they_o seek_v rather_o present_a ease_n from_o their_o trouble_n then_o pardon_v foâ—_n their_o sin_n care_v not_o how_o they_o lose_v their_o guilt_n 〈◊〉_d they_o get_v it_o out_o of_o their_o mind_n and_o therefore_o have_v get_v it_o off_o the_o wrong_a way_n it_o be_v not_o sanctifieâ—_n unto_o they_o but_o they_o grow_v hard_a and_o blind_a anâ—_n more_o wicked_a after_o their_o trouble_n this_o make_v 〈◊〉_d afraid_a and_o make_v i_o cry_v to_o god_n that_o it_o may_v noâ—_n be_v so_o with_o i_o 71._o and_o now_o be_v i_o sorry_a that_o god_n have_v make_v mâ—_n a_o man_n for_o i_o fear_v i_o be_v a_o reprobate_n i_o counteâ—_n man_n as_o unconvert_v the_o most_o doleful_a of_o all_o thâ—_n creature_n thus_o be_v afflict_v and_o toss_v abouâ—_n my_o sad_a condition_n i_o count_v myself_o alone_o anâ—_n above_o the_o most_o of_o man_n unblessed_a in_o this_o condition_n i_o go_v a_o great_a while_n but_o when_o comfort_v timâ—_n be_v come_v i_o hear_v one_o preach_v a_o sermon_n upoâ—_n those_o word_n in_o the_o song_n song_n 4.1_o behold_v thou_o anâ—_n fair_a my_o love_n behold_v thou_o be_v fair_a but_o at_o that_o timâ—_n he_o make_v these_o two_o word_n my_o love_n his_o chief_a anâ—_n subject_a matter_n from_o which_o after_o he_o have_v a_o littlâ—_n open_v the_o text_n he_o observe_v these_o several_a conclusion_n 1._o that_o the_o church_n and_o so_o every_o save_v soul_n 〈◊〉_d christ_n love_n when_o loveless_a 2._o christ_n love_n without_o 〈◊〉_d cause_n 3._o christ_n love_n when_o hate_v of_o the_o world_n 4._o christ_n love_n when_o under_o temptation_n and_o under_o diâ—sertion_n 5._o christ_n love_n from_o first_o to_o last_o 72._o but_o i_o get_v nothing_o by_o what_o he_o say_v at_o present_a only_o when_o he_o come_v to_o the_o application_n of_o the_o four_o particular_a this_o be_v the_o word_n he_o say_v if_o it_o be_v so_o thâ—â—_n the_o save_v soul_n be_v christ_n love_n when_o under_o temptation_n and_o dissertion_n then_o poor_a tempt_v soul_n when_o thou_o be_v assault_v and_o afflict_v with_o temptation_n and_o the_o hiding_n 〈◊〉_d god_n face_n yet_o think_v on_o these_o two_o word_n my_o love_n still_o 73._o so_o as_o i_o be_v a_o go_v home_o these_o word_n camâ—_n again_o into_o my_o thought_n and_o i_o well_o remember_v aâ—_n they_o come_v in_o i_o say_v thus_o in_o my_o heart_n what_o shall_v i_o get_v by_o think_v on_o these_o two_o word_n this_o thought_n have_v no_o soon_o pass_v through_o my_o heart_n but_o the_o word_n begin_v thus_o to_o kindle_v in_o my_o spirit_n thou_o be_v my_o love_n thou_o be_v my_o love_n twenty_o time_n together_o and_o still_o as_o they_o run_v thus_o in_o my_o mind_n they_o wax_v strong_a and_o warm_a and_o begin_v to_o make_v i_o look_v up_o but_o be_v as_o yet_o between_o hope_n and_o fear_n i_o still_o reply_v in_o my_o heart_n but_o be_v it_o true_a too_o but_o be_v it_o true_a at_o which_o that_o sentence_n fall_v in_o upon_o i_o he_o wist_v not_o that_o it_o be_v true_a which_o be_v do_v unto_o he_o of_o the_o angel_n act._n 12.9_o 74._o then_o i_o begin_v to_o give_v place_n to_o the_o word_n which_o with_o power_n do_v over_o and_o over_o make_v this_o joyful_a sound_n within_o my_o soul_n thou_o be_v my_o love_n thou_o be_v my_o love_n and_o nothing_o shall_v separate_v thou_o from_o my_o love_n and_o with_o that_o rom._n 8.39_o come_v into_o my_o mind_n now_o be_v my_o heart_n fill_v full_a of_o comfort_n and_o hope_n and_o now_o i_o can_v believe_v that_o my_o sin_n shall_v be_v forgive_v i_o wherefore_o i_o say_v in_o my_o soul_n with_o much_o gladness_n well_o i_o will_v i_o have_v a_o pen_n and_o ink_n here_o i_o will_v write_v this_o down_o before_o i_o go_v any_o further_a for_o sure_o i_o will_v not_o forget_v this_o forty_o year_n hence_o but_o alas_o within_o less_o than_o forty_o day_n i_o begin_v to_o question_v all_o again_o 75._o yet_o still_o at_o time_n i_o be_v help_v to_o believe_v that_o it_o be_v a_o true_a manifestation_n of_o grace_n unto_o my_o soul_n though_o i_o have_v lose_v much_o of_o the_o life_n and_o savour_n of_o it_o now_o about_o a_o week_n or_o fortnight_n after_o this_o i_o be_v much_o follow_v by_o this_o scripture_n simon_n simon_n behold_v satan_n have_v desire_v to_o have_v you_o luk._n 22.31_o and_o sometime_o it_o will_v sound_v so_o loud_o within_o i_o yea_o and_o as_o it_o be_v call_v so_o strong_o after_o i_o that_o once_o above_o all_o the_o rest_n i_o turn_v my_o head_n over_o my_o shoulder_n think_v very_o that_o some_o man_n have_v behind_o i_o call_v to_o i_o be_v at_o a_o great_a distance_n 76._o but_o so_o foolish_a be_v i_o and_o ignorant_a that_o i_o know_v not_o the_o reason_n of_o this_o sound_n which_o as_o i_o do_v both_o see_v and_o feel_v soon_o after_o be_v send_v from_o heaven_n as_o a_o alarm_n to_o awaken_v i_o to_o provide_v for_o what_o be_v come_v only_o it_o will_v make_v i_o muse_v and_o wonder_v in_o my_o mind_n to_o think_v what_o shall_v be_v the_o reason_n that_o this_o scripture_n and_o that_o at_o this_o rate_n so_o often_o and_o so_o loud_a shall_v still_o be_v sound_v and_o rattle_v in_o my_o ear_n but_o as_o i_o say_v before_o i_o soon_o after_o perceive_v the_o end_n of_o god_n therein_o 77._o for_o about_o the_o space_n of_o a_o month_n after_o a_o very_a great_a storm_n come_v down_o upon_o i_o which_o handle_v i_o twenty_o time_n worse_o than_o all_o i_o have_v meet_v with_o before_o it_o come_v steal_v upon_o i_o now_o by_o one_o piece_n then_o by_o another_o first_o all_o my_o comfort_n be_v take_v from_o i_o than_o darkness_n seize_v upon_o i_o after_o which_o whole_a flood_n of_o blasphemy_n both_o against_o god_n christ_n and_o the_o scripture_n be_v pour_v upon_o my_o spirit_n to_o my_o great_a confusion_n and_o astonishment_n these_o blasphemous_a thought_n be_v such_o as_o also_o stir_v up_o question_n in_o i_o against_o the_o very_a be_v of_o god_n and_o of_o his_o only_a belove_a son_n as_o whether_o there_o be_v in_o truth_n a_o god_n or_o christ_n or_o no_o and_o whether_o the_o holy_a scripture_n be_v not_o rather_o a_o fable_n and_o cunning_a story_n than_o the_o holy_a and_o pure_a word_n of_o god_n 78._o the_o tempter_n also_o will_v much_o assault_v i_o with_o this_o how_o can_v you_o tell_v but_o that_o the_o turkâ—_n have_v as_o good_a scripture_n to_o prove_v their_o mahomet_n the_o saviour_n as_o we_o have_v to_o prove_v our_o jesus_n be_v and_o can_v i_o think_v that_o so_o many_o ten_o
i_o shall_v let_v they_o alone_o because_o i_o see_v they_o engender_v strife_n and_o because_o i_o see_v that_o they_o neither_o in_o do_v nor_o in_o leave_v undo_v do_v commend_v we_o to_o god_n to_o be_v his_o beside_o i_o see_v my_o work_n before_o i_o do_v run_v in_o another_o channel_n even_o to_o carry_v a_o awakening-word_n to_o that_o therefore_o do_v i_o stick_v and_o adhere_v 238._o i_o never_o endeavour_v to_o nor_o dare_v make_v use_n of_o other_o man_n line_n rom._n 15.18_o though_o i_o condemn_v not_o all_o that_o do_v for_o i_o very_o think_v and_o find_v by_o expeâ—ience_n that_o what_o be_v teach_v i_o by_o the_o word_n and_o spirit_n of_o christ_n can_v be_v speak_v maintain_v and_o stand_v â—o_o by_o sound_a and_o best_a establish_a conscience_n and_o though_o i_o will_v not_o now_o speak_v all_o that_o i_o know_v in_o this_o matter_n yet_o my_o experience_n have_v more_o interest_n in_o that_o text_n of_o scripture_n gal._n 1.11_o 12._o than_o many_o among_o man_n be_v aware_a 239._o if_o any_o of_o those_o who_o be_v awaken_v by_o my_o ministry_n do_v after_o that_o fall_n back_o as_o sometime_o too_o many_o do_v i_o can_v true_o say_v their_o loss_n have_v be_v more_o to_o i_o then_o if_o one_o of_o my_o own_o child_n beget_v of_o my_o body_n have_v be_v go_v to_o its_o grave_n i_o think_v very_o i_o may_v speak_v it_o without_o a_o offence_n to_o the_o lord_n nothing_o have_v go_v so_o near_o i_o as_o that_o unless_o it_o be_v the_o fear_n of_o the_o loss_n of_o the_o salvation_n of_o my_o own_o soul_n i_o have_v count_v as_o if_o i_o have_v goodly_a building_n and_o lordship_n in_o those_o place_n my_o child_n be_v bear_v my_o heart_n have_v be_v so_o wrap_v up_o in_o the_o gloâ—y_n of_o this_o excellent_a work_n that_o i_o count_v myself_o more_o bless_v and_o honour_v of_o god_n by_o this_o than_o if_o he_o have_v make_v i_o the_o emperor_n of_o the_o christian_a world_n or_o the_o lord_n of_o all_o the_o glory_n of_o earth_n without_o it_o o_o tâ—at_a woâ—d_n he_o that_o convert_v a_o sinner_n from_o the_o error_n of_o his_o way_n do_v save_o a_o soul_n from_o death_n 240._o i_o have_v observe_v that_o where_o i_o have_v have_v a_o work_n to_o do_v for_o god_n i_o have_v have_v first_o as_o it_o be_v the_o go_n of_o god_n upon_o my_o spirit_n to_o desire_v i_o may_v preach_v there_o i_o have_v also_o observe_v that_o such_o and_o such_o soul_n in_o particular_a have_v be_v strong_o set_v upon_o my_o heart_n and_o i_o stir_v up_o to_o wish_v for_o their_o salvation_n and_o that_o these_o very_a soul_n have_v after_o this_o be_v give_v in_o as_o the_o fruit_n of_o my_o ministry_n i_o have_v also_o observe_v that_o a_o word_n cast_v in_o by_o the_o by_o have_v do_v more_o execution_n in_o a_o seâ—mon_a then_o all_o that_o be_v speak_v beside_o sometimes_o also_o when_o i_o have_v think_v i_o do_v no_o good_a than_o i_o do_v most_o of_o all_o and_o at_o other_o time_n when_o i_o think_v i_o shall_v catch_v they_o i_o have_v fish_v for_o nothing_o 241._o my_o great_a desire_n in_o my_o fulfil_n my_o ministry_n be_v to_o get_v into_o the_o dark_a place_n in_o the_o country_n even_o among_o those_o people_n that_o be_v farthest_o off_o of_o profession_n yet_o not_o because_o i_o can_v not_o endure_v the_o light_n for_o i_o fear_v not_o to_o show_v my_o gospel_n to_o any_o but_o because_o i_o find_v my_o spirit_n do_v lean_a most_o after_o awaken_n and_o conveâ—ting_v work_n and_o the_o word_n that_o i_o carry_v do_v lead_v itself_o most_o that_o way_n yea_o so_o have_v i_o strive_v to_o preach_v the_o gospel_n not_o where_o christ_n be_v name_v lest_o i_o shall_v build_v upon_o another_o man_n foundation_n rom._n 15.20_o 242._o in_o my_o preach_n i_o have_v real_o be_v in_o pain_n and_o have_v as_o it_o be_v travel_v to_o bâ—ing_v forth_o child_n to_o god_n neither_o can_v i_o be_v satisfy_v unless_o some_o fruit_n do_v appear_v in_o my_o work_n if_o i_o be_v fruitless_a it_o matter_v nor_o who_o commend_v i_o but_o if_o i_o be_v fruitful_a i_o care_v not_o who_o do_v condemn_v i_o have_v think_v of_o that_o he_o that_o win_v soul_n be_v wise_a pro._n 11.30_o and_o again_o lo_o child_n be_v a_o heritage_n of_o the_o lord_n and_o the_o fruit_n of_o the_o womb_n be_v his_o reward_n as_o arrow_n in_o the_o hand_n of_o a_o mighty_a man_n so_o be_v child_n of_o the_o youth_n happy_a be_v the_o man_n that_o have_v fill_v his_o quiver_n with_o they_o they_o shall_v not_o be_v ashamed_a but_o they_o shall_v speak_v with_o the_o enemy_n in_o the_o gate_n psal._n 127.3_o 4_o 5._o 243._o but_o in_o this_o work_n as_o in_o all_o other_o i_o have_v my_o temptation_n attend_v i_o and_o that_o of_o diveâ—s_a kinâ—s_n as_o sometime_o i_o shall_v be_v assault_v with_o great_a discouragement_n therein_o fear_v that_o i_o shall_v not_o be_v able_a to_o speak_v the_o woâ—d_n at_o all_o to_o edification_n nay_o that_o i_o shall_v not_o be_v able_a to_o speak_v sense_n unto_o the_o people_n at_o which_o time_n i_o shall_v have_v such_o a_o strange_a taintness_n and_o strengthlesness_n seize_v upon_o my_o body_n that_o my_o leg_n have_v scarce_o be_v able_a to_o carry_v i_o to_o the_o place_n of_o exercise_n 244._o sometime_o again_o when_o i_o have_v be_v preach_v i_o have_v be_v violent_o assault_v with_o thought_n of_o blasphemy_n and_o strong_o tempt_v to_o speak_v they_o with_o my_o mouth_n before_o the_o congregation_n i_o have_v also_o at_o some_o time_n even_o when_o i_o have_v begin_v to_o speak_v the_o word_n with_o much_o clearness_n evidence_n and_o liberty_n of_o speech_n yet_o be_v before_o the_o end_n of_o that_o opportunity_n so_o blind_v and_o so_o estrange_v from_o the_o thing_n i_o have_v be_v speak_v and_o have_v also_o be_v so_o straighten_a in_o my_o speech_n as_o to_o utterance_n before_o the_o people_n that_o i_o have_v be_v as_o if_o have_v not_o know_v or_o remember_v what_o i_o have_v be_v about_o or_o as_o if_o my_o head_n have_v be_v in_o a_o bag_n all_o the_o time_n of_o the_o exercise_n 245._o again_o when_o at_o sometime_o i_o have_v be_v about_o to_o preah_a upon_o some_o smart_n and_o scorch_a portion_n of_o the_o word_n i_o have_v find_v the_o tempter_n suggest_v what!_o will_v you_o preach_v this_o this_o condemn_v yourself_o of_o this_o your_o own_o soul_n be_v guilty_a wherefore_o preach_v not_o of_o it_o at_o all_o or_o if_o you_o do_v yet_o so_o mince_v it_o as_o to_o make_v way_n for_o your_o own_o escape_n â—est_v instead_o of_o awaken_n other_o you_o lay_v that_o guilt_n upon_o your_o own_o soul_n as_o you_o will_v never_o get_v from_o under_z 246._o i_o have_v also_o while_o find_v in_o this_o bless_a work_n of_o christ_n be_v often_o tempt_v to_o pride_n and_o lifting_n up_o of_o heart_n and_o though_o i_o dare_v not_o say_v i_o have_v not_o be_v infect_v with_o this_o yet_o true_o the_o lord_n of_o his_o precious_a mercy_n have_v so_o carry_v it_o towards_o i_o that_o for_o the_o most_o part_n i_o have_v have_v but_o small_a joy_n to_o give_v way_n to_o such_o a_o thing_n for_o it_o have_v be_v my_o every-day_n portion_n to_o be_v let_v into_o the_o evil_n of_o my_o own_o heart_n and_o still_o make_v to_o see_v such_o a_o multitude_n of_o corruption_n and_o infirmity_n therein_o that_o it_o have_v cause_v hang_v down_o of_o the_o head_n under_o all_o my_o gift_n and_o attainment_n i_o have_v feel_v this_o thorn_n in_o the_o flesh_n two_o cor._n 12.8_o 9_o the_o veâ—y_a mercy_n of_o god_n to_o i_o 247._o i_o have_v have_v also_o together_o with_o this_o some_o notable_a place_n or_o other_o of_o the_o word_n present_v before_o i_o which_o word_n haâ—h_v contain_v in_o it_o some_o sharp_a and_o pierce_a sentence_n concern_v the_o perish_v of_o the_o soul_n notwithstanding_o gift_n and_o part_n as_o for_o instance_n that_o have_v be_v of_o great_a use_n unto_o i_o though_o i_o speak_v with_o the_o tongue_n of_o man_n and_o angel_n and_o have_v not_o charity_n i_o be_o become_v as_o sounding-brass_n and_o a_o tinkle_a cymbal_n 1_o cor._n 13.1_o 2._o 248._o a_o tinkle_a cymbal_n be_v a_o instrument_n of_o music_n with_o which_o a_o skilful_a plaâ—er_n can_v make_v such_o melodious_a and_o heart-inflaming_a music_n that_o all_o who_o hear_v he_o play_v can_v scarce_o hold_v from_o dance_v and_o yet_o behold_v the_o cymbal_n have_v not_o life_n neither_o come_v the_o music_n fâ—om_fw-mi it_o but_o because_o of_o the_o art_n of_o he_o that_o playeâ—_n therewith_o so_o than_o the_o instrument_n at_o last_o may_v come_v to_o naught_o and_o perish_v though_o in_o time_n past_o such_o music_n
i_o i_o can_v have_v enlarge_v much_o in_o this_o my_o discourse_n of_o my_o temptation_n and_o trouble_n for_o sin_n as_o also_o of_o the_o merciful_a kindness_n and_o work_n of_o god_n with_o my_o soul_n i_o can_v also_o have_v step_v into_o a_o stile_n much_o high_a than_o this_o in_o which_o i_o have_v here_o discourse_v and_o can_v have_v adorn_v all_o thing_n more_o theâ—_n here_o i_o have_v seem_v to_o do_v but_o i_o dare_v not_o god_n do_v not_o play_v in_o convince_a of_o i_o the_o devil_n do_v not_o play_v in_o tempt_v of_o i_o neither_o do_v i_o play_v when_o i_o sink_v as_o into_o a_o bottomless_a pit_n when_o the_o pang_n of_o hell_n catch_v hold_n upon_o i_o wherefore_o i_o may_v not_o play_v in_o my_o relate_n of_o they_o but_o be_v plain_a and_o simple_a and_o lay_v down_o the_o thing_n as_o iâ—_n be_v he_o that_o like_v it_o let_v he_o receive_v it_o and_o he_o that_o do_v not_o let_v he_o produce_v a_o better_a farewell_o my_o dear_a child_n the_o milk_n and_o honey_n be_v beyond_o this_o wilderness_n god_n be_v merciful_a to_o you_o and_o grant_v you_o be_v not_o slothful_a to_o go_v in_o to_o possess_v the_o land_n jo._n bunyan_n grace._n abound_v to_o the_o chief_a of_o sinner_n or_o a_o brief_a relation_n of_o the_o exceed_a mercy_n of_o god_n in_o christ_n to_o his_o poor_a servant_n john_n bunyan_n in_o this_o my_o relation_n of_o the_o merciful_a work_n of_o god_n upon_o my_o soul_n it_o will_v not_o be_v amiss_o if_o in_o the_o first_o place_n i_o do_v in_o a_o few_o word_n give_v you_o a_o hint_n of_o my_o pedigree_n and_o manner_n of_o bring_v up_o that_o thereby_o the_o goodness_n and_o bounty_n of_o god_n towards_o i_o â—ay_v be_v the_o more_o advance_v and_o magnify_v before_o â—he_n son_n of_o man_n 2._o for_o my_o descent_n then_o it_o be_v as_o be_v well_o know_v â—y_a many_o of_o a_o low_a and_o inconsiderable_a generation_n â—y_a father_n house_n be_v of_o that_o rank_n that_o be_v meanâ—st_v and_o most_o despise_a of_o all_o the_o family_n in_o the_o â—and_n wherefore_o i_o have_v not_o here_o as_o other_o to_o boast_v of_o noble_a blood_n or_o of_o a_o high-born_a state_n according_a to_o the_o flesh_n though_o all_o thing_n consider_v i_o magnify_v the_o heavenly_a majesty_n for_o that_o by_o thiâ—_n door_n he_o bring_v i_o into_o this_o world_n to_o partake_v oâ—_n the_o grace_n and_o life_n that_o be_v in_o christ_n by_o the_o gospel_n 3._o but_o yet_o notwithstanding_o the_o meanness_n and_o inconsiderableness_n of_o my_o parent_n it_o please_v god_n to_o put_v it_o into_o their_o heart_n to_o put_v i_o to_o school_n to_o learn_v both_o to_o read_v and_o write_v the_o which_o i_o also_o attain_v according_a to_o the_o rate_n of_o other_o poor_a man_n child_n though_o to_o my_o shame_n i_o conâ—ess_v i_o do_v sooâ—_n loose_v that_o little_a i_o learn_v and_o that_o even_o almost_o utter_o and_o that_o long_a before_o the_o lord_n do_v work_v hiâ—_n gracious_a work_n of_o conversion_n upon_o my_o soul_n 4._o as_o for_o my_o own_o natural_a life_n for_o the_o time_n that_o i_o be_v without_o god_n in_o the_o world_n it_o be_v indeed_o accord_v to_o the_o course_n of_o this_o world_n and_o the_o spirit_n that_o now_o work_v in_o the_o child_n of_o disobedience_n it_o be_v my_o delight_n to_o be_v take_v captive_a by_o the_o devil_n at_o his_o will_n be_v fill_v with_o all_o unrighteousness_n the_o which_o do_v also_o so_o strong_o work_v and_o put_v forth_o itself_o both_o in_o my_o heart_n and_o life_n and_o thaâ—_n fâ—om_o a_o child_n that_o i_o have_v but_o few_o equal_n especial_o consider_v my_o yeaâ—s_n which_o be_v tender_a be_v few_o both_o for_o curse_v swear_v lie_v and_o blaspheme_v the_o holy_a name_n of_o god_n 5._o yea_o so_o settle_v and_o root_v be_v i_o in_o these_o thing_n that_o they_o become_v as_o a_o second_o nature_n to_o i_o the_o which_o as_o i_o also_o have_v with_o soberness_n consider_v since_o do_v so_o offend_v the_o lord_n that_o even_o iâ—_n my_o childhood_n he_o do_v scare_v and_o affright_v i_o witâ—_n fearful_a dream_n and_o do_v terrify_v i_o with_o dreadful_a vision_n for_o often_o after_o i_o have_v spend_v this_o and_o thâ—_n other_o day_n in_o sin_n i_o have_v in_o my_o bed_n be_v great_o afflict_v while_o asleep_o with_o the_o apprehension_n oâ—_n devil_n and_o wicked_a spirit_n who_o still_o as_o i_o theâ—_n think_v labour_v to_o draw_v i_o away_o with_o they_o of_o which_o i_o can_v never_o be_v rid_v also_o i_o shall_v at_o â—hese_fw-mi year_n be_v great_o afflict_v and_o trouble_v with_o â—he_n thought_n of_o the_o day_n of_o judgement_n and_o that_o â—oth_v night_n and_o day_n and_o shall_v tremble_v at_o the_o thought_n of_o the_o fearful_a torment_n of_o hell-fire_n still_o â—earing_v that_o it_o will_v be_v my_o lot_n to_o be_v find_v at_o last_o â—mongst_a those_o devil_n and_o hellish_a fiend_n who_o be_v â—here_o bind_v down_o with_o the_o chain_n and_o bond_n of_o eternal_a daâ—knâ—ss_n 6._o these_o thing_n i_o say_v when_o i_o be_v but_o a_o child_n do_v so_o distress_n my_o soul_n that_o when_o in_o the_o midst_n of_o my_o many_o sport_n and_o childish_a vanity_n amid_o my_o â—ain_a companion_n i_o be_v often_o much_o cast_v down_o and_o afflict_v in_o my_o mind_n therewith_o yet_o can_v i_o not_o let_v go_v my_o sin_n yea_o i_o be_v so_o overcome_v with_o despair_n of_o life_n and_o heaven_n that_o then_o i_o shall_v often_o wish_v either_o that_o there_o have_v be_v no_o hell_n or_o that_o i_o have_v be_v a_o devil_n suppose_v they_o be_v only_a tormentor_n that_o if_o it_o must_v needs_o be_v that_o i_o indeed_o go_v thither_o i_o may_v be_v rather_o a_o tormentor_n then_o torment_v myself_o 7._o a_o while_n after_o these_o terrible_a dream_n do_v leave_v i_o which_o also_o i_o soon_o forget_v for_o my_o pleasure_n do_v quick_o cut_v off_o the_o remembrance_n of_o they_o as_o if_o they_o have_v never_o be_v wherefore_o with_o more_o greediness_n according_a to_o the_o strength_n of_o nature_n i_o do_v still_o let_v loose_v the_o reins_o to_o my_o lust_n and_o delight_v in_o all_o transgression_n against_o the_o law_n of_o god_n so_o that_o until_o â—_o come_v to_o the_o state_n of_o marriage_n i_o be_v the_o very_a ringlead_a of_o all_o the_o youth_n that_o keep_v i_o company_n inâ—o_o all_o manner_n of_o vice_n and_o ungodliness_n 8._o yea_o such_o prevalency_n have_v the_o lust_n and_o fruit_n of_o the_o flesh_n in_o this_o poor_a soul_n of_o i_o that_o have_v not_o â—_o miracle_n of_o precious_a grace_n prevent_v i_o have_v not_o only_o perish_v by_o the_o stroke_n of_o eternal_a justice_n but_o â—ad_v also_o lay_v myself_o open_a even_o to_o the_o stroke_n of_o those_o â—aws_n which_o bring_v some_o to_o disgrace_n and_o open_a shame_n before_o the_o face_n of_o the_o woâ—ld_n 9_o in_o these_o day_n the_o thought_n of_o religion_n waâ—_n very_o grievous_a to_o i_o i_o can_v neither_o endure_v it_o mâ—_n self_n nor_o that_o any_o other_o shall_v so_o that_o when_o i_o hauâ—_n but_o see_v some_o read_n in_o those_o book_n that_o concern_v chistian_a piety_n it_o will_v be_v as_o it_o weâ—e_v a_o pâ—ison_n to_o i_o tâ—en_o i_o say_v unto_o god_n depart_v from_o i_o for_o i_o desire_v not_o the_o knowledge_n of_o thy_o way_n job_n 21.14_o 15._o 〈◊〉_d be_v now_o void_a of_o all_o good_a consideration_n heaveâ—_n and_o hell_n be_v both_o out_o of_o sight_n and_o mind_n anâ—_n as_o for_o save_v and_o damn_v they_o be_v least_o in_o my_o thought_n o_o lord_n thou_o know_v my_o life_n and_o my_o wayâ—_n be_v not_o hide_v fâ—om_n thou_o 10._o yet_o this_o i_o well_o remember_v that_o though_o 〈◊〉_d can_v myself_o sin_n with_o great_a delight_n and_o ease_v and_o also_o take_v pleasure_n in_o the_o vileness_n of_o my_o companion_n yet_o even_o then_o if_o i_o have_v at_o any_o time_n see_v wicked_a thing_n by_o those_o that_o profess_a goodness_n iâ—_n will_v make_v my_o spirit_n tremble_v as_o once_o above_o alâ—_n the_o rest_n when_o i_o be_v in_o my_o height_n of_o vanity_n yeâ—_n hear_v one_o to_o swear_v that_o be_v reckon_v for_o a_o relious_a man_n it_o have_v so_o great_a a_o stroke_n upon_o my_o spirit_n as_o it_o make_v my_o heart_n to_o ache_v 11._o present_o after_o this_o i_o change_v my_o condition_n into_o a_o marry_a state_n and_o my_o mercy_n be_v to_o light_v upon_o a_o wife_n who_o father_n be_v count_v godly_a this_o woman_n and_o i_o though_o we_o come_v together_o aâ—_n poor_a as_o poor_a may_v be_v not_o have_v so_o much_o as_o a_o dish_n or_o spoon_n betwixt_o we_o both_o yet_o this_o she_o have_v for_o her_o part_n the_o plain_a man_n pathway_n to_o heaven_n
and_o the_o practice_n of_o piety_n which_o her_o father_n have_v leave_v heâ—_n when_o he_o die_v in_o these_o two_o book_n i_o shall_v sometime_o read_v with_o she_o wherein_o i_o also_o find_v somâ—_n thing_n that_o be_v somewhat_o please_v to_o i_o buâ—_n all_o this_o while_n i_o meet_v with_o no_o conviction_n she_o alsâ—_n will_v be_v often_o tell_v of_o i_o what_o a_o godly_a man_n heâ—_n fatâ—er_n be_v and_o how_o he_o will_v reprove_v and_o correct_v vice_n both_o in_o his_o house_n and_o among_o his_o neighbour_n what_o a_o strict_a and_o holy_a life_n he_o live_v in_o his_o day_n both_o in_o word_n and_o deed_n 12._o wherefore_o these_o book_n with_o this_o relation_n though_o they_o do_v not_o reach_v my_o heart_n to_o awaken_v it_o about_o my_o sad_a and_o sinful_a state_n yet_o they_o do_v beget_v within_o i_o some_o desire_n to_o religion_n so_o that_o because_o i_o know_v no_o better_o i_o fall_v in_o very_o eager_o with_o the_o religion_n of_o the_o time_n to_o wit_n to_o go_v to_o church_n twice_o a_o day_n and_o that_o too_o with_o the_o foremost_a and_o there_o shall_v very_o devout_o both_o say_v and_o sing_v as_o other_o do_v yet_o retain_v my_o wicked_a life_n but_o withal_o i_o be_v so_o overrun_v with_o a_o spirit_n of_o superstition_n that_o i_o adore_v and_o that_o with_o great_a devotion_n even_o all_o thing_n both_o the_o high-place_n priest_n clerk_z vestment_n service_n and_o what_o else_o belong_v to_o the_o church_n count_v all_o thing_n holy_a that_o be_v therein_o contain_v and_o especial_o the_o priest_n and_o clerk_n most_o happy_a and_o without_o doubt_n great_o bless_v because_o they_o be_v the_o servant_n as_o i_o then_o think_v of_o god_n and_o be_v principal_a in_o the_o holy_a temple_n to_o do_v his_o work_n therein_o 13._o this_o conceit_n grow_v so_o strong_a in_o little_a time_n upon_o my_o spirit_n that_o have_v i_o but_o see_v a_o priest_n though_o never_o so_o sordid_a and_o debauch_a in_o his_o life_n i_o shall_v find_v my_o spirit_n fall_v under_o he_o reverence_v he_o and_o knit_v unto_o he_o yea_o i_o think_v for_o the_o love_n i_o do_v bear_v unto_o they_o suppose_v they_o be_v the_o minister_n of_o my_o god_n i_o can_v have_v lie_v down_o at_o their_o foot_n and_o have_v be_v trample_v upon_o by_o they_o their_o name_n their_o garb_n and_o work_v do_v so_o intoxicate_a and_o bewitch_v i_o 14._o after_o i_o have_v be_v thus_o for_o some_o considerable_a time_n another_o thought_n come_v into_o my_o mind_n and_o that_o be_v whether_o we_o be_v of_o the_o israelite_n or_o no_o for_o find_v in_o the_o scripture_n that_o they_o be_v once_o the_o peculiar_a people_n of_o god_n think_v i_o if_o i_o be_v one_o of_o this_o race_n my_o soul_n must_v needs_o be_v happy_a now_o again_o i_o find_v within_o i_o a_o great_a longing_n to_o be_v resolve_v about_o this_o question_n but_o can_v not_o tell_v how_o i_o shall_v at_o last_o i_o ask_v my_o father_n of_o it_o who_o tell_v i_o no_o we_o be_v not_o wherefore_o then_o i_o fall_v in_o my_o spirit_n as_o to_o the_o hope_n of_o that_o and_o so_o remain_v 15._o but_o all_o this_o while_n i_o be_v not_o sensible_a of_o the_o danger_n and_o evil_n of_o sin_n i_o be_v keep_v from_o consider_v that_o sin_n will_v damn_v i_o what_o religion_n soever_o i_o follow_v unless_o i_o be_v find_v in_o christ_n nay_o i_o never_o think_v of_o he_o nor_o whether_o there_o be_v one_o or_o no._n thus_o man_n while_o blind_a do_v wander_v but_o weary_v himself_o with_o vanity_n for_o he_o know_v not_o the_o way_n to_o the_o city_n of_o god_n eccles._n 10.15_o 16._o but_o one_o day_n among_o all_o the_o sermon_n our_o parson_n make_v his_o subject_n be_v to_o treat_v of_o the_o sabbath_n day_n and_o of_o the_o evil_a of_o break_v that_o either_o with_o labour_n sport_n or_o otherwise_o now_o i_o be_v one_o that_o take_v much_o delight_n in_o all_o manner_n of_o vice_n and_o especial_o that_o be_v the_o day_n that_o i_o do_v solace_v myself_o therewith_o wherefore_o i_o fall_v in_o my_o conscience_n under_o his_o sermon_n think_v and_o believe_v that_o he_o make_v that_o sermon_n on_o purpose_n to_o show_v i_o my_o evil-doing_a and_o at_o that_o time_n i_o feel_v what_o guilt_n be_v though_o never_o before_o that_o i_o can_v remember_v but_o then_o i_o be_v for_o the_o present_a great_o load_v therewith_o and_o so_o go_v home_o when_o the_o sermon_n be_v end_v with_o a_o great_a burden_n on_o my_o spirit_n 17._o this_o for_o that_o instant_n do_v cut_v the_o sinew_n of_o my_o delight_n and_o do_v embitter_v my_o former_a pleasure_n to_o i_o but_o behold_v it_o last_v not_o for_o before_o i_o have_v well_o dine_v the_o trouble_n begin_v to_o go_v off_o my_o mind_n and_o my_o heart_n return_v to_o its_o old_a course_n but_o oh_o how_o glad_a be_v i_o that_o this_o trouble_n be_v go_v from_o i_o and_o that_o the_o fire_n be_v put_v out_o wherefore_o when_o i_o have_v satisfy_v nature_n with_o my_o food_n i_o shake_v the_o sermon_n out_o my_o mind_n and_o to_o my_o old_a custom_n of_o sport_n and_o game_n i_o return_v with_o great_a delight_n 18._o but_o the_o same_o day_n as_o i_o be_v in_o the_o midst_n of_o a_o game_n at_o cat_n and_o have_v strike_v it_o one_o blow_n from_o the_o hole_n just_a as_o i_o be_v about_o to_o strike_v it_o the_o second_o time_n a_o voice_n do_v sudden_o dart_v from_o heaven_n into_o my_o soul_n which_o say_v will_v thou_o leave_v thy_o sin_n and_o go_v to_o heaven_n or_o have_v thy_o sin_n and_o go_v to_o hell_n at_o this_o i_o be_v put_v to_o a_o exceed_a maze_n wherefore_o leave_v my_o cat_n upon_o the_o ground_n i_o look_v up_o to_o heaven_n and_o be_v as_o if_o i_o have_v with_o the_o eye_n of_o my_o understanding_n see_v the_o lord_n jesus_n look_v down_o upon_o i_o as_o be_v very_o hot_o displease_v with_o i_o and_o as_o if_o he_o do_v severe_o threaten_v i_o with_o some_o grievous_a punishment_n for_o these_o and_o other_o my_o ungodly_a practice_n 19_o i_o have_v no_o soon_o thus_o conceive_v in_o my_o mind_n but_o sudden_o this_o conclusion_n be_v fasten_v on_o my_o spirit_n for_o the_o former_a hint_n do_v set_v my_o sin_n again_o before_o my_o face_n that_o i_o have_v be_v a_o great_a and_o grievous_a sinner_n and_o that_o it_o be_v now_o too_o too_o late_o for_o i_o to_o look_v after_o heaâ—â—n_n for_o christ_n will_v not_o forgive_v i_o nor_o pardon_v my_o transgression_n then_o i_o fall_v to_o muse_v upon_o this_o also_o and_o while_o i_o be_v think_v on_o it_o and_o fear_v lest_o it_o shall_v be_v so_o i_o feel_v my_o heart_n sink_v in_o despair_n conclude_v it_o be_v too_o late_o and_o therefore_o i_o resolve_v in_o my_o mind_n i_o will_v go_v on_o in_o sin_n for_o think_v i_o if_o the_o case_n be_v thus_o my_o state_n be_v sure_o miserable_a miserable_a if_o i_o leave_v my_o sin_n and_o but_o miserable_a if_o i_o follow_v they_o i_o can_v but_o be_v damn_v and_o if_o it_o must_v be_v so_o i_o have_v as_o good_a be_v damn_v for_o many_o sin_n as_o to_o be_v damn_v for_o few_o 20._o thus_o i_o stand_v in_o the_o midst_n of_o my_o play_n before_z â—ll_z that_o then_o be_v present_a but_o yet_o i_o tell_v they_o â—othing_v but_o i_o say_v i_o have_v make_v this_o conclusion_n â—_o return_v to_o my_o spoâ—t_n again_o and_o i_o well_o remember_v that_o present_o this_o kind_n of_o despair_n do_v so_o possess_v my_o soul_n that_o i_o be_v persuade_v i_o can_v never_o attain_v to_o other_o comfort_n then_o what_o i_o shall_v get_v in_o sin_n for_o heaven_n be_v go_v already_o so_o that_o on_o that_o i_o must_v not_o think_v wherefore_o i_o find_v within_o i_o a_o great_a desire_n to_o take_v my_o fill_n of_o sin_n still_o study_v what_o sin_n be_v yet_o to_o be_v commit_v that_o i_o may_v taste_v the_o sweetness_n of_o it_o and_o i_o make_v as_o much_o haste_n as_o i_o can_v to_o fill_v my_o belly_n with_o its_o delicate_n lest_o i_o shall_v die_v before_o i_o have_v my_o desire_n for_o that_o i_o sear_v great_o in_o these_o thing_n i_o protest_v before_o god_n i_o lyâ—_n not_o neither_o do_v i_o feign_v this_o form_n of_o speech_n these_o be_v real_o strong_o and_o with_o all_o my_o heart_n my_o desire_n the_o good_a lord_n who_o mercy_n be_v unsearchable_a forgive_v i_o my_o transgression_n 21._o and_o i_o be_o very_o confident_a that_o this_o temptation_n of_o the_o devil_n be_v more_o usual_a among_o poor_a creature_n than_o many_o be_v aware_a of_o even_o to_o overrun_v theiâ—_n spirit_n with_o a_o scurvy_a and_o sear_a frame_n of_o heart_n and_o benumb_a of_o conscience_n
show_v i_o that_o none_o can_v enter_v into_o life_n â—ut_v thoâ—e_o that_o be_v in_o downright_a earnest_n and_o â—nless_a also_o they_o leave_v this_o wicked_a world_n behind_o â—â—em_n for_o here_o be_v only_o room_n for_o body_n and_o soul_n â—ut_v not_o for_o body_n and_o soul_n and_o sin_n 44._o this_o resemblance_n abode_n upon_o my_o spirit_n many_o day_n all_o which_o time_n i_o see_v myself_o in_o a_o sorlorn_a and_o sad_a condition_n but_o yet_o be_v provoke_v to_o a_o vehement_a hunger_n and_o desire_v to_o be_v one_o of_o that_o number_n that_o do_v sit_v in_o this_o sunshine_n now_o also_o i_o shall_v pray_v where_o ever_o i_o be_v whether_o at_o home_n or_o a_o broad_a in_o house_n or_o field_n and_o shall_v also_o often_o with_o lift_v up_o of_o heart_n sing_v that_o of_o the_o fifty_o first_o psalm_n o_o lord_n consider_v my_o distress_n for_o as_o yet_o i_o know_v not_o where_o i_o be_v 45._o neither_o as_o yet_o can_v i_o attain_v to_o any_o comfortable_a persuasion_n that_o i_o have_v faith_n in_o chirst_n but_o instead_o of_o have_v satisfaction_n here_o i_o begin_v to_o find_v my_o soul_n to_o be_v assault_v with_o fresth_n doubt_v about_o my_o future_a happiness_n especial_o with_o such_o as_o these_o whether_o i_o be_v elect_v but_o how_o if_o the_o day_n of_o grace_n shall_v now_o be_v past_a and_o go_v 46._o by_o these_o two_o temptation_n i_o be_v very_o much_o afflict_v and_o disquiet_v sometime_o by_o one_o and_o sometime_o by_o the_o other_o of_o they_o and_o first_o to_o speak_v of_o that_o about_o my_o question_v my_o election_n i_o find_v â—t_a this_o time_n that_o though_o i_o be_v in_o a_o flame_n to_o find_v the_o way_n to_o heaven_n and_o glory_n and_o though_o nothing_o can_v beat_v i_o off_o from_o this_o yet_o this_o question_n do_v so_o offend_v and_o discourage_v i_o that_o i_o be_v especial_o at_o sometime_o as_o if_o the_o very_a strength_n of_o my_o body_n also_o have_v be_v take_v away_o by_o the_o force_n and_o power_n thereof_o this_o scripture_n also_o do_v seem_v to_o i_o tâ—_n trample_v upon_o all_o my_o desire_n it_o be_v neither_o in_o he_o that_o will_v nor_o in_o he_o that_o run_v but_o in_o god_n thâ—â—_n show_v mercy_n rome_n 9_o 47._o with_o this_o scripture_n i_o can_v not_o tell_v what_o to_o do_v for_o i_o evident_o see_v that_o unless_o the_o great_a god_n of_o hiâ—_n infinite_a grace_n and_o bounty_n have_v voluntary_o chosâ—_n i_o to_o be_v a_o vessel_n of_o mercy_n though_o i_o shall_v desire_v and_o long_o and_o labour_n until_o my_o heart_n do_v break_v 〈◊〉_d good_a can_v come_v of_o it_o therefore_o this_o wouâ—â—_n still_o stick_v with_o i_o how_o can_v you_o tell_v you_o be_v â—lected_v and_o what_o if_o you_o shall_v not_o how_o then_o 48._o o_o lord_n think_v i_o what_o if_o i_o shall_v not_o indeed_o it_o may_v be_v you_o be_v not_o lay_v the_o tempter_n it_o may_v be_v so_o indeed_o think_v i._o why_o then_o â—aid_n satan_n you_o have_v as_o good_a leave_n off_o and_o strive_v no_o further_o for_o if_o indeed_o you_o shall_v not_o be_v elect_v and_o choose_v of_o god_n there_o be_v no_o talk_n of_o your_o be_v save_v for_o it_o be_v neither_o in_o he_o that_o will_v nor_o in_o he_o that_o run_v but_o in_o god_n that_o show_v mercy_n 49._o by_o these_o thing_n i_o be_v drive_v to_o my_o wit_n end_n not_o know_v what_o to_o say_v or_o how_o to_o answer_v these_o temptation_n indeed_o i_o little_o think_v that_o satan_n have_v thus_o assault_v i_o but_o that_o rather_o it_o be_v my_o own_o prudence_n thus_o to_o start_v the_o question_n for_o that_o the_o elect_a only_o attain_v eternal_a life_n that_o i_o without_o scruple_n do_v hearty_o close_a withal_o but_o that_o myself_o be_v one_o of_o they_o there_o lay_v all_o the_o question_n 50._o thus_o therefore_o for_o several_a day_n i_o be_v great_o assault_v and_o perplex_v and_o be_v often_o when_o i_o have_v be_v walk_v ready_a to_o sink_v where_o i_o go_v with_o faintness_n in_o my_o mind_n but_o one_o day_n after_o i_o have_v be_v so_o many_o week_n oppress_v and_o cast_v down_o therewith_o as_o i_o be_v now_o quite_o give_v up_o the_o ghost_n of_o all_o my_o hope_n of_o ever_o attain_v life_n that_o sentence_n fall_v with_o weight_n upon_o my_o spirit_n look_v at_o the_o generation_n of_o old_a and_o see_v do_v ever_o any_o trust_n in_o god_n and_o be_v confound_v 51._o at_o which_o i_o be_v great_o lighten_v and_o encourage_v in_o my_o soul_n for_o thus_o at_o that_o very_a instant_n it_o be_v expound_v to_o i_o begin_v at_o the_o begin_n of_o genesis_n and_o read_v to_o the_o end_n of_o the_o revelation_n see_v if_o you_o can_v find_v that_o there_o be_v any_o that_o ever_o trust_v in_o the_o lord_n and_o be_v confound_v so_o come_v home_o i_o present_o go_v to_o my_o bible_n to_o see_v if_o i_o can_v find_v that_o say_n not_o doubt_v but_o to_o find_v it_o present_o for_o it_o be_v so_o fresh_a and_o with_o such_o strength_n and_o comfort_n on_o my_o spirit_n that_o i_o be_v as_o if_o it_o talk_v with_o i_o 52._o well_o i_o look_v but_o i_o find_v it_o not_o only_o it_o abide_v upon_o i_o then_o i_o do_v ask_v first_o this_o good_a man_n and_o then_o another_o if_o they_o know_v where_o it_o be_v but_o they_o know_v no_o such_o place_n at_o this_o i_o wonder_v that_o such_o a_o sentence_n shall_v so_o sudden_o and_o with_o such_o comfort_n and_o strength_n seize_v and_o abide_v upon_o my_o heart_n and_o yet_o that_o none_o can_v find_v it_o for_o i_o doubt_v not_o but_o it_o be_v in_o holy_a scripture_n 53._o thus_o i_o continue_v above_o a_o year_n and_o can_v not_o find_v the_o place_n but_o at_o last_o cast_v my_o eye_n into_o the_o apocrypha-book_n i_o sound_v it_o in_o ecclesiasticus_fw-la this_o at_o the_o first_o do_v somewhat_o daunt_v i_o but_o because_o by_o this_o time_n i_o have_v get_v more_o experience_n of_o the_o love_n and_o kindness_n of_o god_n it_o trouble_v i_o the_o less_o especial_o when_o i_o consider_v that_o though_o it_o be_v not_o in_o those_o text_n that_o we_o call_v holy_a and_o canonical_a yet_o for_o as_o much_o as_o this_o sentence_n be_v the_o sum_n and_o substance_n of_o many_o of_o the_o promise_n it_o be_v my_o duty_n to_o to_o take_v the_o comfort_n of_o it_o and_o i_o bless_v god_n for_o that_o word_n for_o it_o be_v of_o god_n to_o i_o that_o word_n do_v still_o at_o time_n shine_v before_o my_o face_n 54._o after_o this_o that_o other_o doubt_n do_v come_v with_o strength_n upon_o i_o but_o how_o if_o the_o day_n of_o grace_n shall_v be_v pass_v and_o go_v how_o if_o you_o have_v overstood_a the_o time_n of_o mercy_n now_o i_o remember_v that_o one_o day_n as_o i_o be_v walk_v into_o the_o country_n i_o be_v much_o in_o the_o thought_n of_o this_o but_o how_o if_o the_o day_n of_o grace_n be_v pass_v and_o to_o aggravate_v my_o trouble_n the_o tempter_n present_v to_o my_o mind_n those_o good_a people_n of_o bedford_n and_o suggest_v thus_o unto_o i_o that_o these_o be_v convert_v already_o they_o be_v all_o that_o god_n will_v save_v in_o those_o part_n &_o that_o i_o come_v too_o late_o for_o these_o have_v get_v the_o blessing_n before_o i_o come_v 55._o now_o be_v i_o in_o great_a distress_n think_v in_o very_a deed_n that_o this_o may_v well_o be_v so_o wherefore_o i_o wenâ—_n up_o and_o down_o bemoan_v my_o sad_a condition_n count_v myself_o far_o worse_o than_o a_o thousand_o fool_n for_o stand_v off_o thus_o long_o and_o spend_v so_o many_o year_n in_o sin_n as_o i_o have_v do_v still_o cry_v out_o oh_o that_o i_o have_v turn_v soon_o oh_o that_o i_o have_v turn_v seven_o year_n ago_o it_o make_v i_o also_o angry_a with_o myself_o to_o think_v that_o i_o shall_v have_v no_o more_o wit_n but_o to_o trifle_v away_o my_o time_n till_o my_o soul_n and_o heaven_n be_v lose_v 56._o but_o when_o i_o have_v be_v long_o vex_v with_o this_o fear_n and_o be_v scarce_o able_a to_o take_v one_o step_n more_o just_a about_o the_o same_o place_n where_o i_o receive_v my_o other_o encouragement_n these_o word_n break_v in_o upon_o my_o mind_n compel_v they_o to_o come_v in_o that_o my_o house_n may_v be_v fill_v and_o yet_o there_o be_v room_n luke_n 14.22_o 23._o these_o word_n but_o especial_o they_o and_o yet_o there_o be_v room_n be_v sweet_a word_n to_o i_o for_o true_o i_o think_v that_o by_o they_o i_o see_v that_o there_o be_v place_n enough_o in_o heaven_n for_o i_o and_o moreover_o that_o when_o the_o lord_n jesus_n do_v speak_v these_o word_n he_o then_o do_v think_v of_o i_o and_o that_o he_o
time_n my_o wife_n be_v great_a with_o child_n and_o before_o her_o full_a time_n be_v come_v her_o pang_n as_o of_o a_o woman_n in_o travel_n be_v fierce_a and_o sâ—rong_a upon_o she_o even_o as_o if_o sâ—e_n will_v immediate_o have_v fall_v in_o labour_n and_o be_v deliver_v of_o a_o untimely_a birth_n now_o at_o this_o very_a time_n it_o be_v that_o i_o have_v be_v so_o strong_o tempt_v to_o question_v the_o â—eing_v of_o god_n wherefore_o as_o my_o wife_n lie_v cry_v by_o i_o i_o say_v but_o with_o all_o secrecy_n immaginable_a even_o think_v in_o my_o heart_n lord_n if_o thou_o will_v now_o remove_v this_o sad_a affliction_n from_o my_o wife_n and_o cause_n that_o she_o be_v trouble_v no_o more_o therewith_o this_o night_n and_o now_o weâ—e_v her_o pang_n just_a upon_o she_o then_o shall_v know_v that_o thou_o can_v discern_v the_o most_o secret_a thought_n of_o the_o heart_n 195._o i_o have_v no_o soon_o say_v it_o in_o my_o â—eaâ—t_n but_o her_o pang_n be_v take_v fâ—om_v she_o and_o she_o be_v cast_v into_o a_o deep_a sleep_n and_o so_o she_o continue_v till_o morning_n at_o this_o i_o great_o marvel_v not_o know_v what_o to_o think_v but_o after_o i_o have_v be_v awake_a a_o good_a while_n and_o hear_v she_o câ—y_v no_o more_o i_o fall_v to_o sleep_v alâ—o_o so_o when_o i_o wake_v in_o the_o morning_n it_o come_v upon_o i_o again_o even_o what_o i_o have_v say_v in_o my_o heart_n the_o last_o night_n and_o how_o the_o loâ—d_n have_v sâ—ewed_v i_o that_o he_o know_v my_o secret_a thought_n which_o be_v a_o great_a astonishment_n unto_o i_o for_o several_a week_n after_o 196._o well_o about_o a_o year_n and_o a_o half_a afterward_o that_o wicked_a sinful_a thought_n of_o which_o i_o have_v speak_v before_o go_v through_o my_o wicked_a heart_n even_o this_o thought_n let_v christ_n go_v if_o he_o will_v so_o when_o i_o be_v fall_v under_o guilt_n for_o this_o the_o remembrance_n of_o my_o other_o thought_n and_o of_o the_o effect_n thereof_o will_v also_o come_v upon_o i_o with_o this_o retort_n which_o carry_v also_o rebuke_v along_o with_o it_o now_o you_o may_v see_v that_o god_n do_v know_v the_o most_o secret_a thought_n of_o the_o heart_n now_o you_o may_v see_v that_o god_n do_v know_v the_o most_o secret_a thought_n of_o the_o heart_n 197._o and_o with_o this_o that_o of_o the_o passage_n that_o be_v betwixt_o the_o lord_n and_o his_o servant_n gideon_n fall_v upon_o my_o spirit_n how_o because_o that_o gideon_n tempt_v god_n with_o his_o fleece_n both_o wet_n and_o dry_a when_o he_o shall_v have_v believe_v and_o venture_v upon_o his_o word_n therefore_o the_o lord_n do_v afterwards_o so_o try_v he_o as_o to_o send_v he_o against_o a_o innumerable_a company_n of_o enemy_n and_o that_o too_o as_o to_o outward_a appearance_n without_o any_o strength_n or_o help_n judg._n chap._n 6_o 7._o thus_o he_o seâ—ved_v i_o and_o that_o just_o for_o i_o shall_v have_v believe_v his_o word_n and_o not_o have_v put_v a_o if_o upon_o the_o all-seeingness_a of_o god_n 198._o and_o now_o to_o show_v you_o something_o of_o the_o advantage_n that_o i_o also_o gain_v by_o this_o temptation_n and_o first_o by_o this_o i_o be_v make_v continual_o to_o possess_v in_o my_o soul_n a_o very_a wondered_a sense_n both_o of_o the_o be_v and_o glory_n of_o god_n and_o of_o his_o belove_a son_n in_o the_o temptation_n before_o my_o soul_n be_v perplex_v with_o atheism_n but_o now_o the_o case_n be_v otherwise_o now_o be_v god_n and_o christ_n continual_o before_o my_o face_n though_o not_o in_o a_o way_n of_o comfort_n but_o in_o a_o way_n of_o exceed_a dread_n and_o terror_n the_o glory_n of_o the_o holiness_n of_o god_n do_v at_o this_o time_n break_v i_o to_o piece_n and_o the_o bowel_n and_o compassion_n of_o christ_n do_v break_v i_o as_o on_o the_o wheel_n for_o i_o coulâ—_n not_o consider_v he_o but_o as_o a_o lose_a and_o reject_v christ_n the_o remembrance_n of_o which_o be_v as_o the_o continual_a break_n of_o my_o bone_n 199._o the_o scripture_n now_o also_o be_v wonderful_a thing_n unto_o i_o i_o see_v that_o the_o truth_n and_o verity_n of_o they_o weâ—e_v the_o key_n of_o the_o kingdom_n of_o heaven_n those_o the_o scripture_n favour_n they_o must_v inherit_v bliss_n but_o those_o they_o oppose_v and_o condemn_v must_v perish_v for_o evermore_o o_o this_o word_n for_o the_o scripture_n can_v be_v break_v will_v â—end_n the_o cawl_n of_o my_o heart_n and_o so_o will_v that_o other_o who_o sin_n you_o remit_v they_o be_v remit_v but_o who_o sin_n you_o retain_v they_o be_v retain_v now_o i_o see_v the_o apostle_n to_o be_v the_o elder_n of_o the_o city_n of_o refuge_n josh._n 20.4_o those_o they_o be_v to_o receive_v in_o be_v receive_v to_o life_n but_o those_o that_o they_o shut_v out_o be_v to_o be_v slay_v by_o the_o avenger_n of_o blood_n 200._o o_o one_o sentence_n of_o the_o scripture_n do_v more_o afflict_v and_o terrify_v my_o mind_n i_o mean_v those_o sentence_n that_o stand_v against_o i_o as_o sometime_o i_o think_v they_o every_o one_o do_v more_o i_o say_v than_o a_o army_n of_o forty_o thousand_o man_n that_o may_v have_v come_v against_o i_o woe_n be_v to_o he_o against_o who_o the_o scripture_n bend_v themselves_o 201._o by_o this_o temptation_n i_o be_v make_v see_v more_o into_o the_o nature_n of_o the_o promise_n then_o ever_o i_o be_v before_o for_o i_o lie_v now_o tremble_v under_o the_o mighty_a hand_n of_o god_n continual_o tear_v and_o rend_v by_o the_o thundering_n of_o his_o justice_n this_o make_v i_o with_o careful_a heart_n and_o watchful_a eye_n with_o great_a seriousness_n to_o turn_v over_o every_o leaf_n and_o with_o much_o diligence_n mix_v with_o tremble_v to_o consider_v every_o sentence_n together_o with_o its_o natural_a force_n and_o latitude_n 202._o by_o this_o temptation_n also_o i_o be_v great_o beaâ—en_v oft_o my_o former_a foolish_a practice_n of_o put_v by_o the_o word_n of_o promise_n when_o it_o come_v into_o my_o mind_n for_o now_o though_o i_o can_v not_o suck_v that_o comfort_n and_o sweetness_n from_o the_o promise_n as_o i_o have_v do_v at_o other_o time_n yet_o like_v to_o a_o man_n a_o sink_v i_o shall_v catch_v at_o all_o i_o see_v former_o i_o think_v i_o may_v not_o meddle_v with_o the_o promise_n unless_o i_o feel_v its_o comfort_n but_o now_o it_o be_v no_o time_n thus_o to_o do_v the_o avenger_n of_o blood_n too_o hardly_o do_v pursue_v i_o 203._o now_o therefore_o i_o be_v glad_a to_o catch_v at_o that_o word_n which_o yet_o i_o fear_v i_o have_v no_o ground_n nor_o right_a to_o own_o and_o even_o to_o leap_v into_o the_o bosom_n of_o that_o promise_n that_o yet_o i_o fear_v do_v shut_v its_o heart_n against_o i_o now_o also_o i_o shall_v labour_v to_o take_v the_o woâ—d_n as_o god_n have_v lay_v it_o down_o without_o restrain_v the_o natural_a force_n of_o one_o syllable_n thereof_o o_o what_o do_v i_o now_o see_v in_o that_o bless_a six_o of_o john_n and_o he_o that_o come_v to_o i_o i_o will_v in_o no_o wise_a cast_v out_o now_o i_o begin_v to_o consider_v with_o myself_o that_o god_n have_v a_o big_a mouth_n to_o speak_v with_o than_o i_o have_v heart_n to_o conceive_v with_o i_o think_v also_o with_o myself_o that_o he_o speak_v not_o his_o word_n in_o haste_n or_o in_o a_o unadvised_a hear_v but_o with_o infinite_a wisdom_n and_o judgement_n and_o in_o very_a truth_n and_o faithfulness_n 2_o sam._n 3.28_o 204._o i_o shall_v in_o these_o day_n often_o in_o my_o great_a agony_n even_o flounce_v towards_o the_o promise_n as_o the_o horse_n do_v towards_o sound_a ground_n that_o yet_o stick_v in_o the_o mire_n conclude_v though_o as_o one_o almost_o bereave_v of_o his_o wit_n through_o fear_n on_o this_o i_o will_v rest_v and_o stay_v and_o leave_v the_o fulfil_n of_o it_o to_o the_o god_n of_o heaven_n that_o make_v it_o o_o many_o a_o pull_n have_v my_o heart_n have_v with_o saâ—an_n for_o that_o bless_a six_o of_o john_n i_o do_v not_o now_o as_o at_o other_o time_n look_v principal_o for_o comfort_n though_o o_o how_o welcome_a will_v it_o have_v be_v unto_o i_o but_o now_o a_o word_n a_o word_n to_o lean_v a_o weary_a soul_n upon_o that_o i_o may_v not_o sink_v for_o ever_o 205._o yea_o often_o when_o i_o have_v be_v make_v to_o the_o promise_n i_o have_v see_v as_o if_o the_o lord_n will_v â—efuse_v my_o soul_n for_o ever_o i_o be_v often_o as_o if_o i_o have_v run_v upon_o the_o pike_n and_o as_o if_o the_o lord_n have_v thrust_v at_o i_o to_o keep_v i_o from_o he_o as_o with_o a_o flame_a sword_n then_o i_o shall_v think_v of_o esther_n who_o go_v to_o petition_v
by_o christ_n i_o be_v as_o if_o my_o joyns_n be_v break_v or_o as_o if_o my_o hand_n and_o foot_n have_v be_v tie_v or_o bind_v with_o chain_n at_o this_o time_n also_o i_o feel_v some_o weakness_n to_o seize_v my_o outward_a man_n which_o make_v still_o the_o other_o affliction_n the_o more_o heavy_a and_o uncomfortable_a 215._o afr_o i_o have_v be_v in_o this_o condition_n some_o three_o or_o four_o day_n as_o i_o be_v sit_v by_o the_o fire_n i_o sudden_o feel_v this_o word_n to_o sound_v in_o my_o heart_n i_o must_v go_v to_o jesus_n at_o this_o my_o former_a darkness_n and_o atheism_n flee_v away_o and_o the_o bless_a thing_n of_o heaven_n be_v set_v within_o my_o view_n while_o i_o be_v on_o this_o sudden_a thus_o overtake_v with_o surprise_n wife_n say_v i_o be_v there_o ever_o a_o such_o scripture_n i_o must_v go_v to_o jesus_n she_o say_v she_o can_v not_o tell_v therefore_o i_o sit_v muse_v still_o to_o see_v if_o i_o can_v remember_v such_o a_o place_n i_o have_v not_o sit_v above_o two_o or_o three_o minute_n but_o that_o come_v bolt_v in_o upon_o i_o and_o to_o a_o innumerable_a company_n of_o angel_n and_o withal_o hebrew_n the_o twelve_o about_o the_o mount_n zion_n be_v set_v before_o my_o eye_n 216._o then_o with_o joy_n i_o tell_v my_o wife_n o_o now_o i_o know_v i_o know_v but_o that_o night_n be_v a_o good_a night_n to_o i_o i_o never_o have_v but_o few_o better_a i_o long_v for_o the_o company_n of_o some_o of_o god_n people_n that_o i_o may_v have_v impart_v unto_o they_o what_o god_n have_v show_v i_o christ_n be_v a_o precious_a christ_n to_o my_o soul_n that_o night_n i_o can_v scarce_o lie_v in_o my_o bed_n for_o joy_n and_o peace_n and_o triumph_n through_o christ_n this_o great_a glory_n do_v not_o continue_v upon_o i_o until_o morning_n yet_o that_o twelve_o of_o the_o author_n to_o the_o hebrews_n heb._n 12.21_o 22_o 23._o be_v a_o bless_a scripture_n to_o i_o for_o many_o day_n together_o after_o this_o 217._o the_o word_n be_v these_o you_o be_v come_v to_o mount_v zion_n to_o the_o city_n of_o the_o live_a god_n to_o the_o heavenly_a jerusalem_n and_o to_o a_o innumerable_a company_n of_o angel_n to_o the_o general_a assembly_n and_o church_n of_o the_o first-born_a which_o be_v write_v in_o heaven_n to_o god_n the_o judge_n of_o all_o and_o to_o the_o spirit_n of_o just_a man_n make_v perfect_a and_o to_o jesus_n the_o mediator_n of_o the_o new_a testament_n and_o to_o the_o blood_n of_o sprinkle_v that_o speak_v better_a thing_n than_o that_o of_o abel_n through_o this_o bless_a sentence_n the_o lord_n lead_v i_o over_o and_o over_o first_o to_o this_o word_n and_o then_o to_o that_o and_o show_v i_o wonderful_a glory_n in_o every_o one_o of_o they_o these_o word_n also_o have_v oft_o â—â—nce_v this_o time_n be_v great_a refreshment_n to_o my_o spirit_n bless_a be_v god_n for_o have_v mercy_n on_o i_o a_o brief_a account_n of_o the_o author_n call_v to_o the_o work_n of_o the_o ministry_n 218._o and_o now_o i_o be_o speak_v my_o experience_n i_o will_v in_o this_o place_n thrust_v in_o a_o word_n or_o two_o concern_v my_o preach_v the_o word_n and_o of_o god_n deal_v with_o i_o in_o that_o particular_a also_o for_o after_o i_o have_v be_v about_o five_o oâ—_n six_o year_n awaken_v and_o help_v to_o see_v both_o the_o want_n and_o worth_a of_o jesus_n christ_n our_o lord_n and_o enable_v to_o venture_v my_o soul_n upon_o he_o some_o of_o the_o most_o able_a among_o the_o saint_n with_o we_o i_o say_v the_o most_o able_a for_o judgement_n and_o holiness_n of_o life_n as_o they_o conceive_v do_v perceive_v that_o god_n have_v count_v i_o worthy_a to_o understand_v something_o of_o his_o will_n in_o his_o holy_a and_o bless_a word_n and_o have_v give_v i_o utterance_n in_o some_o measure_n to_o express_v what_o i_o see_v to_o other_o for_o edification_n they_o desire_v i_o and_o tâ—at_a with_o much_o earnestness_n that_o i_o will_v be_v willing_a at_o sometime_o to_o take_v in_o hand_n in_o one_o of_o the_o meeting_n to_o speak_v a_o word_n of_o exhortation_n unto_o they_o 219._o the_o which_o though_o at_o the_o first_o it_o do_v much_o dash_n and_o abash_v my_o spirit_n yet_o be_v still_o by_o they_o desire_v and_o entreat_v i_o consent_v to_o their_o request_n and_o do_v twice_o at_o two_o several_a assembly_n but_o in_o private_a though_o with_o much_o weakness_n and_o infirmity_n discover_v my_o gift_n among_o they_o at_o which_o they_o not_o only_o seem_v to_o be_v but_o do_v solemn_o protest_v as_o in_o the_o sight_n of_o the_o great_a god_n they_o be_v both_o affect_v and_o comfort_v and_o give_v thanks_o to_o the_o father_n of_o mercy_n for_o the_o grace_n bestow_v on_o i_o 220._o after_o this_o sometime_o when_o some_o of_o they_o do_v go_v into_o the_o country_n to_o teach_v tâ—ey_n will_v also_o that_o i_o shall_v go_v with_o they_o where_o though_o as_o yet_o i_o do_v not_o nor_o dare_v not_o make_v use_n of_o my_o gift_n in_o a_o open_a way_n yet_o moâ—e_n private_o still_o as_o i_o come_v among_o the_o good_a people_n in_o those_o place_n i_o do_v sometime_o speak_v a_o word_n of_o admonition_n unto_o they_o also_o the_o which_o they_o as_o the_o other_o receive_v with_o rejoice_v at_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n to_o me-ward_n profess_v their_o soul_n be_v edify_v thereby_o 221._o wherefore_o to_o be_v brief_a at_o last_o be_v still_o desire_v by_o the_o church_n after_o some_o solemn_a prayer_n to_o the_o lord_n with_o fast_v i_o be_v more_o particular_o call_v forth_o and_o appoint_v to_o a_o more_o ordinary_a and_o public_a preach_v the_o word_n not_o only_o to_o and_o among_o they_o that_o believe_v but_o also_o to_o offer_v the_o gospel_n â—o_o those_o that_o have_v not_o yet_o â—eceived_v the_o faith_n thereof_o about_o which_o time_n i_o do_v evident_o find_v in_o my_o mind_n a_o secret_a prick_n forward_o thereto_o though_o i_o bless_v god_n not_o for_o desire_v of_o vain_a glory_n for_o at_o that_o time_n i_o be_v most_o sore_o afflict_v with_o â—he_n fiery_a dart_n of_o the_o devil_n concern_v my_o eternal_a state_n 222._o but_o yet_o can_v not_o be_v content_a unless_o i_o be_v find_v in_o the_o exercise_n of_o my_o gift_n unto_o which_o also_o i_o be_v great_o animate_v not_o only_o by_o the_o continual_a desire_n of_o the_o godly_a but_o also_o by_o that_o say_n of_o paul_n to_o the_o corinthian_n i_o beseech_v you_o brethren_n you_o know_v the_o household_n of_o stephanas_n that_o it_o be_v the_o firsâ—_o fruit_n of_o achaia_n and_o that_o they_o have_v addict_v themselves_o to_o the_o ministry_n of_o the_o saint_n that_o you_o submit_v yourselves_o unto_o such_o and_o to_o every_o one_o that_o help_v with_o we_o and_o labour_v 1_o cor._n 16.15_o 16._o 223._o by_o this_o text_n i_o be_v make_v to_o see_v that_o the_o holy_a ghost_n never_o intend_v that_o man_n who_o have_v gift_n and_o ability_n shall_v bury_v they_o in_o the_o earth_n but_o rather_o do_v command_n and_o stir_v up_o such_o to_o the_o exercise_n of_o their_o gift_n and_o also_o do_v commend_v those_o that_o be_v apt_a and_o ready_a so_o to_o do_v they_o have_v addict_v themselves_o to_o the_o ministry_n of_o the_o saint_n this_o scripture_n in_o these_o day_n do_v continual_o run_v in_o my_o mind_n to_o encourage_v i_o and_o strengthen_v i_o in_o this_o my_o work_n foâ—_n god_n i_o have_v be_v also_o encourage_v from_o several_a other_o scripture_n and_o example_n of_o the_o godly_a both_o specify_v in_o the_o word_n and_o other_o ancient_a history_n act._n 8.4_o &_o 18·24_n 25_o etc._n etc._n 1_o pet._n 4.10_o rom._n 12.6_o fox_n act_n and_o mon._n 224._o wherefore_o though_o of_o myself_o of_o all_o the_o saint_n the_o most_o unworthy_a yet_o i_o but_o with_o great_a fear_n and_o tremble_a at_o the_o sight_n of_o my_o own_o weakness_n do_v set_v upon_o the_o work_n and_o do_v according_a to_o my_o gift_n and_o the_o proportion_n of_o my_o faith_n preach_v that_o bless_a gospel_n that_o god_n have_v show_v i_o in_o the_o holy_a word_n of_o truth_n which_o when_o the_o country_n understand_v they_o come_v in_o to_o hear_v the_o word_n by_o hundred_o and_o that_o from_o all_o part_n though_o upon_o sundry_a and_o divers_a account_n 225._o and_o i_o thank_v god_n he_o give_v unto_o i_o some_o measure_n of_o bowel_n and_o pity_n for_o their_o soul_n which_o also_o do_v put_v i_o forward_o to_o labour_v with_o great_a diligence_n and_o earnestness_n to_o find_v out_o such_o a_o word_n as_o might_n if_o god_n will_v bless_v lay_v hold_v of_o and_o awaken_v the_o conscience_n in_o which_o also_o the_o good_a lord_n have_v respect_n to_o the_o desire_n of_o his_o