God and wait upon him Let me resolve never to choose a new Lord or Master Or take up with any Portion beneath God himself or any way of Hope or Salvation but by J. Christ my only Saviour neither let me forsake the way of Faith and Holiness for all the hopes and Happiness of this World if put to my choice But be always able to say Blessed be God I now can that I will return to my former Husband for then it was better with me than now I had peace and refreshment in my former ways I will return to them Lord forsake me not utterly Keep not thine Anger for ever Cast me not away from thy presence and take not thy H. Spirit from me Restore unto me the Joy of thy Salvation that my Heart may be inlarged to praise thy name and to run the way of thy Commandments XXVI Confession of Sin Humiliation and Repentance must follow upon Self-Examination Advice concerning Repentance of some particular Backsliding The great Perplexity and Distress of a Penitent Sinner represented as a Caution against returning to Folly. THat we may turn unto the Lord is the end of searching and trying our Ways Lord I have been searching my Heart and considering my ways but can find little or no good neither can I discover all that is evil in both But I find enough to make my own Heart condemn me and Thou who art greater than my Heart and knowest all things maist much more condemn me I am altogether unclean polluted and abominable If I go about to enumerate the Sins of my Thoughts Words and Actions in all the periods of my Life hitherto if I consider my Omissions of Duty and dayly Crimes by actual Commission if I reflect upon my Sins according to their respective Object as either against Thee O God and against my Neighbour and against my own Soul or Body and compare my Heart and Life with thy strict and holy Law and think in how many Instances I have transgrest every of thy Righteous Commandments I find they are more than the hairs on my head they cannot be number'd Who can tell how oft he hath offended Many of my sins make little Impression on my Memory I observe them not I remember them not but this hinders not but they may make deep Impression on my Conscience which will one day be awake and set them in order before me and they are all written in thy Book of Remembrance in order to my final Judgment All my sins are before thee but thou requirest my humble Confession of them in order to Repentance and as a part thereof that I freely acknowledg their hainous aggravations to shame and humble my self the more before thee whom I have offended and provok'd How long did I serve divers Lusts and Pleasures with the neglect and forgetfulness of God How sad a prospect may I take of the far greatest part of my Life past Especially of my younger years which have been trifl'd away in vanity and folly And since I have known the way of Truth how shamefully have I prevaricated with God I am confounded to consider how often I have despised the Commandment and rebelled against the Light against the Principles of Education and the checks of Conscience frequent warnings from God and reproofs from Others contrary to my Profession and Experience contrary to the obligation of peculiar Mercies solemn Promises Resolutions and Engagements and a nearer Relation to God than many others Which sins have more dishonor'd my Lord discredited his H. Gospel gratifi'd the Devil scandaliz'd the world and strengthen'd the hands of the ungodly than the sins of others And alas How much of my precious Time is thus gone which if duely improv'd would now afford me comfort to review How much Guilt have I contracted every Year particularly in this last I now begin another which will soon be gone as that which was concluded yesterday And shall I only advance in Age to increase the number of my sins and heighten my Account against the Day of Reckoning In Temporal and Civil Affairs Day unto Day uttereth knowledg ond Night unto Night teacheth Wisdom We are Taught by Experience many useful Lessons which we should not else have learnt to reform many Errors and mistakes to correct many rash and foolish Actions and Speeches c. And shall I not learn wisdom by the Experience of another year in what concerns my greatest my Eternal Interest Shall not the reflection on my past sins prevent my Commission of the like Especially considering how my sins are aggravated by every Mercy I have received by every Affliction I have undergone every awakening Sermon I have heard every motion of God's Spirit and every check of my own Conscience that I have resisted every offer of his Grace every warning of his Providence every invitation and call of his Word every purpose to Repent and every resolution I have made to forsake sin The greater knowledg I have had of my danger the longer time I have deliberated about it the oftner I have confess'd my sin and been sorry for it every reproof I have had from others and every promise I have made my self doth aggravate and encrease my Guilt How many Years hath God vouchsafed me to work out my Salvation but how little have I done towards it Had I died this last year how unprepar'd must I have made my Appearance before his Tribunal What opportunities of doing and receiving good have I let slip Have I not made it more my business to seem Religious than really to be so How much of the Patience of God have I abus'd refusing his calls to Repentance resisting the strivings of his Spirit smothering my Convictions and turning the Grace of God into wantonness Instead of returning gratitude for all his Love I have repeated my Transgressions after Forgiveness and gone in a circle of Repenting and Sinning even to this day Lord I am asham'd and lay my self in the dust before thee To me belongs nothing but shame and confusion of Face If God should condemn and punish me as a Rebel and a Traytor and give me the Portion of Hypocrites I cannot but own his Justice even in Hell I must do it with my flaming Tongue and Breath O Spare me for thy mercies sake Enter not into Judgment with thy servant for in thy sight shall no flesh living be justified if Thou lay Judgment to the Line and Equity to the Plummet Give me Repentance unto life never to be repented of never to be retracted again Bring me to the Blood of Jesus which cleanseth from all sin Behold the sighings of a contrite Spirit For I acknowledg my Transgressions unto thee against whom I have sinned O Lord forgive the Iniquity of my Sin. I am unworthy to lift up my Hands and Eyes towards Heaven unworthy to be called thy Son or thy Servant I am vile in mine own eyes because I have made my self vile in thine For this I
another Thing than most imagine it When their aggravated Sins shall beset them behind and before be placed in order before their eyes and set in array against them 'T is always a work of Difficulty as well as Importance to crucifie corrupt affections to tear a beloved Lust from the Heart with self-indignation to abhor and cast away what before you lov'd and delighted in How did David's Sin stare him in the Face it is continually with me it is ever before me saith He. It haunted him like a Spectre or like Belshazzar's hand-writing on the wall it still appear'd before him in some horrid shape However Sin may smile in its first address and bespeak us in flattering language and promise Pleasure and Profit and great Advantages and Satisfaction these are but fair Appearances This is but the outside of the Cup and the colour of the Liquor it will prove Gall and Wormwood and a mixture of deadly Poison if ever God set it home upon the Conscience and awaken us to a true sense of it And the Continuance of dayly Repentance for Sin which all Christians are called to is no such easy matter neither Constant self-abasement and Humiliation before God from a sense of his Majesty and Holiness and of our many Sins and pollution thereby The imperfection of our best duties continually to be bewailed inordinate affections to be still mortified always resisting and opposing Sin in its Root and and Branches conflicting against the whole Interest of the Flesh the World and the Devil seeking after more Holiness to be deriv'd unto us by the Grace of Christ to be wrought in us by his Spirit and maintain'd by his Power and making dayly applications to the Fountain of all Grace for spiritual strength to continue our warfare against Sin in all Instances of outward duty and inward Actings of Grace even as long as we live all this is included in it Due Apprehensions concerning Repentance as so comprehensive and difficult a Duty would teach us to beware of Sin. XXVII The necessity of Christian Resolution to Vpright Persevering Obedience how full and extensive it ought to be and yet humble by what means we may be assisted to perform that which we resolve HAving acknowledg'd my transgressions unto God and begg'd forgiveness and experimentally learnt the Evil of Sin by the bitterness of Repentance I resolve for the future to watch against it more narrowly and against every thing that leads to it endeavouring to please and honour my God and Saviour by an upright obedient Heart and Life And for the remission of my former contracted Guilt I trust to Jesus Christ according to the Revelation made in the Gospel of what he is hath done and suffer'd and continues to do in Heaven for the Salvation of repenting Sinners who desire to come unto God by Him. But how often O my Soul have I mock'd God and deceiv'd my self with formal and faint Purposes of Amendment My good Resolutions have been all of them as the morning Cloud and the early Dew which quickly passed away One fresh assault of Temptation hath swept away all my good Purposes as a Spider's Web. I have falsified so many and broke my word so often that I dare not trust to any thing I now resolve or rely on any promise I should farther make Succor me therefore O Lord by thy powerful Grace that what was defective in my former fruitless Resolutions may be now rectified Let me be more humble in the sense of my weakness more dependant on thy Grace and more heartily seek it from time to time Strengthen me with Strength in my Soul with Might and Power in my inward man that I may so resolve and purpose as to perform that I may not be one day hot and the next cold zealous in the Beginning but faint and lukewarm in the Progress fervent and serious only in Resolving but weak and impotent in the Execution Having chang'd my Master my End and my Hopes by returning unto God from whom I had gone astray I firmly resolve through the assistance of his Grace to change my Course of Life that Old things being done away all things may become New that * Rom. 6. c. 22. being made free from sin by pardoning Mercy and become the servant of Christ I may have my fruit unto Holiness that my End may be Eternal Life In the interim whether I live or die let it be unto the Lord resolving both in Life and Death to be absolutely His. And to that purpose O my Soul let me seek for continual supplies of Grace from Christ my Head to enable me to yield ready Obedience in the most difficult hazardous painful and humbling Duties In vain do I resolve it without the assistance of his mighty Power to strengthen my Heart and Hands whenever I am called to such a trial of my Sincerity Without it I shall never recover my Liberty or break asunder those Bonds and Cords wherewith I have formerly been held Captive as the Servant of Sin and Satan Such is the Weakness and Treachery of my own Heart the influence of ill Examples and the subtlety and cunning of the Tempter that otherwise I shall quickly change my mind and return to Folly as the Dog to his Vomit The Spirit is so weak and the Flesh so frail the Snares of the World so many the Power of remaining Corruption so strong and of my self I am so unsettled and wavering fickle and unsteady and prone to backsliding that all my strongest purposes will not be sufficient without daily strength from above My Senses are so deceitful my Passions so ungovernable the Rule and Law I am to walk by so strict and spiritual and extensive Criminal Omissions may be so frequent and so easily overlook'd so many several and difficult Duties are to be performed and by every change of my Condition or of God's Providence so many new Dangers and new Duties may arise that I fear the issue of my firmest Resolutions So strict a Watch must always be kept such Humility and Caution is every-where to be practis'd such speedy Repentance requir'd after every fall with thankfulness and contentment in every State under all Calamities be they never so many or never so pinching and perseverance herein absolutely necessary though never so many Stratagems be used to discourage me from proceeding or to entice me to go back or turn aside to some other Path insomuch that if God had not promised me his continued Presence and that his Grace shall be sufficient for me and that I shall not be tempted above what I am able to bear I should utterly despair of making good what I now resolve But besides these Promises to encourage my Resolved Obedience he hath left upon Record in his Word many glorious Examples of his assisting and rewarding the Courage and Resolution of his Servants to continue faithful as in the case of Joseph Daniel and his Three Friends c. If Christ stand
where God has been pleas'd to cast my Lot. Causing me to lay down in green Pastures and leading me beside the still Waters Instructing me in the Revelation of his Will and Grace by Jesus Christ acquainting me with the sublime Principles and Articles Precepts and Rules Promises and Hopes of the Gospel in order to Eternal Life I bless Thee O Lord and shall for ever do so that with any or all these Advantages and Helps thy Holy Spirit hath taught me to know the Truth as it is in Jesus heartily to believe and obey it That by thy Grace I have been convinc'd of Sin and brought to Repentance shewing me the necessity of a Saviour to make my peace with Thee the all-sufficiency of his Grace the fulness of his Merit the freeness of his Love and his readiness to receive me to Mercy inviting and calling me to it and enabling me to accept his gracious Invitation and obey his compassionate Call making me willing by a Powerful and Victorious Grace drawing me with Cords of Love and so effectually persuading me to consent to thy Covenant and comply with thy Message on the gracious terms of the Gospel Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ who through his abundant Mercy hath begotten me again to a lively Hope having humbled my proud Heart and conquer'd the perverseness of my stubborn Will and brought my Soul to an entire subjection to himself who took pity on me when he saw me in my Blood spread his Skirt over me cast a Mantle upon my Nakedness wash'd me from my Sins and put his own Comliness upon me by Sanctification who open'd my eyes when I was leaping blindfold into the Pit of Destruction who healed my Soul when I was sick unto Death who rescu'd and recover'd me from the Slavery of the Devil when I was led Captive by him at his will. Shall not a ransom'd redeemed Slave be thankful to his Deliverer Shall not a miserable undone Sinner who is received to Mercy be thankful for a Pardon Awake O my Soul and utter a Song of Praise to him * Psal 103. v. 3. who forgiveth all thine Iniquities and healeth all thy Diseases who redeemeth thy Life thy Soul from Destruction and crowneth thee with loving-kindness and tender Mercies Hath he made thee Partaker of his own renewed Image and Likeness given thee his Son his Grace his Spirit and taken such a wretched Creature into so near a relation to Himself and promised to be thy God and Guide thy Portion and thine Inheritance thy Friend and thy Physician thy Sun and thy Shield and thine exceeding great Reward and shall not my Soul speak aloud his Praise Hath he been * Isa 43. v. 14. merciful to my unrighteousness and blotted out my sins Hath he gathered me with his Arm and carried me in his Bosom Hath he been my Saviour and Redeemer adopted me into his Family and promis'd to make me Blessed in his Glory with the holy Angels the Curse being removed and the Hand-writing against me cancell'd the Price paid the Breach made up the Mouth of Justice stopt and the condemning Sentence of the Law exchang'd for a gracious Pardon through the Sacrifice of my Blessed Lord Jesus and shall I not praise his ineomprehensible Love and Grace I likewise thank Thee most holy Father for saving me from Guilt and Ruine when assaulted by powerful and dangerous Temptations that by preventing Mercy or restraining Grace thou hast kept me from many scandalous and presumptuous Crimes I thank Thee for making the Sins of Others a Warning and a Caution to Me an Argument to Humility and a Motive to Watchfulness for preserving my Judgment from many Errors and Delusions by which others are seduced for enabling me to improve any Opportunities of doing Good and making me in any thing useful to Others yea I thank thee for all thy Mercies to other Christians for all the Gifts and Graces and usefulness of any of thy Servants wherein as a Member of the same Body I desire to rejoyce for any Support and Comfort to me or any of them under honourable Sufferings for thy Names sake I desire unfeignedly to bless Thee for any Succour Relief and Victory with respect to the Snares and Buffetings of Satan and the vilest of his Temptations When he hath tempted me to Apostacy and Infidelity in Speculation and Practice to question the Truth of the Holy Scriptures and the Life to come to doubt of the foundations of the Christian Faith or to despair of the Mercy of God and give up the Reins to sensual Lusts or to draw me from God by the love of the World and the praise of Men by Evil Company Intemperance secret Wickedness c. I Bless Thee with my whole Soul for calling me back from any of my Wanderings and by infinite Goodness recovering me after great Falls enabling me to return when I had gone astray and seek thy forfeited favour that thou maist heal my Backslidings giving me in order to it a deep sense of my own Sin and of thy Sovereign Grace leading me to a Saviour whose Blood cleanseth from all sin when my guilty defiled Soul so much needed its pardoning and cleansing Virtue awakening me to make holy Vows and calling upon me by thy Word and Spirit and Providence to perform them I Bless Thee who hast guided my feet into the way of peace when by the terrors of an accusing Conscience and the sense of unpardon'd Sin and the apprehensions of thy deserved Wrath I was ready to despair that though thou didst most justly hide thy Face at any time it was but for a little while but didst seasonably and in Mercy return to wipe off my Tears restore the Joy of thy Salvation and chace away the clouds and darkness on my Spirit by the reviving presence of thy own Thou who art the Author wilt be the Finisher of my Faith and therefore though thou hast visited mine Iniquities with a Fatherly Rod yet thy loving-kindness thou hast not taken from me or suffer'd thy faithfulness to fail or thy Covenant of Peace to be removed but hast refreshed me with hidden Manna after great Perplexities saying unto my Soul I am God even thy God making me to hear thy Voice which was sweet and to taste thy Love which is better than Wine enabling me to say with thine Apostle Thomas My Lord and my God and to have any Communion with thee since in publick or private Duties For all these innumerable Mercies I desire to praise Thee which yet are but in order to greater to Everlasting Kindness in Heaven These are but the taste and Earnest of what thou wilt bestow hereafter O how great is his Goodness that he hath laid up for those that fear him And now Lord what wait I for my hope is even in Thee I thank thee who hast thus put it into my Heart to render thee solemn Praise and once more to renew my Covenant with Thee
are opprest and feebled by the weight of Affliction We shall then want that vigour of Reason which should co-operate with the Remedy and which if used before-hand would help to support and stay our minds under all subsequent Revolutions For those Considerations may be able to fix and stay our minds under Changes that may not be sufficient to recover and raise our Spirits after they are dejected and fallen II. Of the Change in Mens Inclinations Opinions and Actions which one year shews How observable it is in Others how much more discernible in our Selves Honour and Reputation c. how uncertainly preserved and how easily blasted WHat a discovery doth one Year make of the Mutability of Man not only of his outward Condition but of the Man himself his Temper his Practise his Inclinations his Aversions c. He abideth not at one stay every breath of wind turns him to another shape We despise to day that which we admired yesterday and to morrow hate the object of our present love We begin Friendships and cancel them on slight occasions And a mortal Enmity often succeeds to a tender Affection The very Persons who are in one year our darling Friends and possibly deserved to be so may yet be open Enemies the next and seek our Ruine Lord what is Man How deceitful and mutable the Heart of Man We know not what other Men are or will prove to be till a trial and we are equally ignorant concerning our selves till an hour of Temptation How patiently do we think we could bear Afflictions till we feel them how partial and mistaken a Judgment do we make of our Wisdom and Strength in reference to the future we counsel others to Submission and Resignation in the most difficult trials and wonder they complain so loud when we our selves despond and sink under half their Burthen and send up our more impatient murmurs to Heaven when God thinks fit to prove us by a lighter Stroke We censure and condemn Others who are in an higher Station and are called to more difficult work than we when by a little Advancement and the like Temptations we discover that we are as bad as they They who were reputed Humble Temperate and Religious when they have been Exalted higher become proud sensual and ungodly Had some been told a Twelve month since what now they are and speak and act they would have made Hazael's Answer Am I a Dog that I should do this A change in the publick Affairs of the State and by that means of particular Interests or some Alteration of our own private Circumstances calling us to new Duties and exposing us to new Temptations discovers us more to our selves and to other Men than was expected and proves us to be very different from what we appeared to be Such a change for Instance as from Poverty to Riches from Sickness to Health from Obscurity to Honour from Privacy to a Publick charge c. or on the contrary Men cannot bear the weight of Temporal Happiness but Riches and Honours make us to be Other Men than before we seemed to be How weak a thing is Man that cannot carry his own Wishes without falling under them That cannot prosper in his designs without being changed in the Temper of his mind upon every success So true is it that Man in Honour is like the Beast that perisheth And changed ordinarily for the worse as to serious Religion May we not fear that some who a year since dared not live a day in the neglect of Closet and Family Devotion do now omit it for many Days and Weeks together And that some who once were careful to improve the whole Sabbath to religious purposes now place the whole of their Religion in attending the publick Worship and think it enough not for that Day only but for the whole Week Under the Afflicting hand of God or some Apprehensions of an approaching change or sense of guilt upon great Transgressions the Convictions of Sin are lively Conscience is sensible and awake Affections warm Resolutions strong c. But alas how soon doth the case alter our Spirits cool our Zeal abates our good Purposes untwist and die and come to nothing By degrees we return to Folly and boldly venture on that Sin we lately trembled at Through the want of continued smart Afflictions or of a serious awaking Ministry and friendly faithful Admonition or through the Temptations of vain Company and the remaining power of fleshly Lusts So that we falsifie our most sacred Promises and Resolutions violate our holy Vows cancel the bonds of God upon us suffer the Devil to re-enter and prevail again to take possession of our hearts and yield our selves an easie prey to his Temptations till our latter end be worse than our Beginning Oh what a change doth one year let us see in Persons as well as things in our selves as well as other Men And as it is with Man himself so with every thing that he Values himself upon or for which he is esteemed by others and even his Esteem and Reputation is also changeable and uncertain Not to Instance in Riches but in what is nobler Learning and the Improvements of the Mind by study how soon may the violence of a Disease disturb or stupifie the Brain to that degree as shall reduce the greatest Scholar to the pitied Condition of a Fool or Bedlam And where is his Reputation and Renown in such a Case But much less than that will blast the fairest Reputation with the far greatest part of the world It may be lost by unwary mistakes by false reports by envy and Malice by the subtle hatred of Enemies or by the weakness and credulity of Friends who will listen to every Backbiters story or by one or two Indiscretions of the man himself and no man can be certain to secure his Reputation whilst he lives much less after he is dead Who can content all men however he live And who is well spoken of by all when he is dead Who is so esteemed that some do not despise him The wisest Conduct cannot hinder but some will judge hardly and a miss How vain and faulty is an Ambition to be talkt of afater we are dead which will be but by very few and that very differently and but for a little while There is no Remembrance of former things neither shall there be of things to come with those that shall come after Eccles 1.11 For how little a while do the proudest Monuments last that are set over the rotten Flesh and Bones of many to preserve their Memory God hath promis'd 't is true that the Righteous shall be had in everlasting Remembranc but it must be understood so far only as the frame and state of this World and the Revolutions and Vicissitudes of Time will permit But what Good can it do us farther than the Interest of Gods Glory and the Good of others is concerned in it The Blessed will not need
it and the Damned have no advantage by it And no Endeavours can be certain of Success For People will talk of us as they please and their Opinions very often change from one Extream to the other But he who hath the loudest Fame shall only be talkt of a little longer than his Neighbors and that by a few dying Men that must themselves be ere long forgotten And how small a part of the inhabited World is acquainted so much as with the Name of the greatest men in Europe And how different and contrary are mens Opinions and Discourses of them where they are known and talkt of And how many holy excellent Persons are buried in Oblivion or mis-represented as unworthy to live on Earth whose Names will be found in the Book of Life Our Life is yet as mutable and uncertain as any of theirs The Time is hastning when we shall be too old to Live but at any time we are old enough to Die. Our Breath is in our Nostrils and though there be room enough for it to go out we have no assurance that we shall have power to draw it in again III. Of the Uncertainty of Living to the Period of another Year The Vanity of this Life The Swiftness of Time and how to be improved I Now begin another Year But what Assurance have I to out-live it I cannot say how soon my Sovereign Judge may call me hence and summon me to appear before his Righteous Bar. O let me not defer my necessary Preparation for Death which may be nearer than I imagine Let me mind the Great things first which are of absolute necessity to be done some time or other before I dye This perishing Body which I have pampered and indulged at the expence of so much Cost and Time may be putrifying in a silent Grave before half this Year be past Lord bless this thought to awaken my diligent endeavours to secure the Blessedness of Eternity to mortifie the Desire of Great things for my self in future Years by the considered possibility of dying before the end of this Let me look into the Graves of others and consider that this may quickly happen to me and must ere long be my own case Let me think what this Body will shortly be when it hath been six or eight days separated from my Soul how vile how loathsome that I may despise the Beauty and be dead to the Pleasures of the Body which so easily so suddenly so strangely may be changed For no Glass is more brittle no Bubble more vanishing no Ice more dissolving no Flower more fading no Shadow less substantial no Sleep or Dream more deceiving no Sound more transient nothing more vain and more uncertain than Life on which all other things in this World depend My days are as nothing saith Job though they lasted above two Ages There is hardly any thing very Frail and Fading Mutable and Uncertain but the Spirit of God in Scripture sets forth the Vanity of Life by as if he would teach us by it from the Light of every perishing Object which our Eyes behold to reflect on our own Mortality We sleep every Night in the outer Chambers of Death And in some Diseases Sleep which is the image and Picture of Death is taken away to give place to the Original and make way for death And every year every week every day are hastening to our final Change which may overtake us ere we are aware Every day we lose some part of our Lives in our very growth from Infancy to Manhood our Life decreases and grows less Every Pulse and Breath doth tell us we are hastening to the End of Time and calls upon us to dispatch our Work. Every Word we speak is formed of that Breath whereby we live and we may not live to pronounce another Sentence but the Lamp of Life may be extinguisht and blown out by a sudden Blast Every thing we do carries away some Sands of our little Glass of Time and how little may remain Or how soon may the Glass be broke Our Souls are in our Bodies as a little Air inclosed in a thin Bubble how easily is that broken and where are we How many who are now alive in health and vigour who deliberate on their Meat and Drink and are curious of Air and Exercise to maintain themselves in Health and please themselves with the Dream of Years to come shall never see another New-years-day It may be not another month or week or morrow Many have promised themselves great things on the morrow but dyed before Night Let me not say I shall not dye this Day when I may this Hour and 't is but once for all there is no amending an ill Death by another Tryal When I lye down to sleep I hope to rise stronger and fresher and fitter for work but I know withal I may rise no more And may not my Name be on the Roll of those who shall next be called at least some time this Year Let me not then neglect or foolishly delay my Principal Business to provide against a Change which is inevitable but the time of it altogether doubtful Ought not my first and chiefest Care be imployed to make my Peace with God He alone can be my Happiness to his final Judgment I am hastening His Favour alone can give me support and Joy in a dying Hour To his Mercy I must trust when I leave this World and can have no advantage more by any thing in it that he may mercifully receive my Soul at Death and be my Everlasting Portion Do I know my Life is thus vain and transient and shall I not seriously improve it to such a Purpose Shall these Thoughts leave no Impression upon me Do I breath continually in this Element of Vanity and yet forget where I am and remain insensible of so near a Change Shall these Thoughts pass away as a vanishing Cloud and distil no softening drops on my Soul Shall the Image of Death which meets me every where be only like an appearing Ghost or Phantasm that startles and scares a little but is presently gone and no more considered O! let me now remember to make God my Friend and secure an interest in his Eternal Mercy while the Day lasts yea while my Reason and Understanding are free and not disturbed and clouded by Fear and Pain and the Disorders of the Body as commonly they are in Sickness if God should vouchsafe me that Warning which yet I may not promise my self to have for I may be cut off by a Sudden Stroke before the end of this Year I now begin And how great and necessary a Work have I to do in so short and so uncertain a Portion of Time endless joy or Misery will be the consequence of spending this present Time. My ignorant Soul must be instructed my carnal Heart renewed many false Opinions must be unlearnt and sinful Customes changed and powerful Lusts mortified and strong
which they enjoyed first in faith and hope and afterwards in fruition Yea they passed through the dark valley and so must we Their Earthly tabernacle was dissolved and so must ours be We must expect to go the same way to Rest and Glory and wait Gods Time for our admission We must finish first the work which God hath for us to do and suffer and then all Tears shall be wiped from our eyes we shall grieve no more we shall sin no more but be as the Angels in Heaven or as the Spirits of the Just made Perfect XIII What Influence the consideration of Eternity would have upon our Hearts and Lives if soundly believed and considered Especially if the supposition of Dying this year be annexed to it WIth what Humility Mortification and Self-denial what Seriousness Watchfulness and resolved Constancy would every Christian live on Earth did he act alwaies under the influence and power of a confirmed Faith concerning the Life to come We should not then grudge at a little labor or boggle at a few difficulties in our way What tho' I meet with injuries and affronts hadships and inconveniencies Being now in a Foreign Country and every day I live one daies journey nearer my Eternal Home Shall I not patiently bear momentany Sorrows while I believe I am hastening to Eternal Joys Did I look more to the Everlasting World should I not make the pleasing of God in order to my Eternal welfare the great business of my Life Should I not serve the Lord with more fervency of Spirit and be better fortified against the fears of man who can but hurt and kill the Body nor that neither without the permission of God Should I not order all my affairs answer all Temptations mortifie inward Lusts live in the Exercise of Grace and in circumspect persevering Obedience in order to it Should I not watch more over my Heart and Lips and Ways be more diligent to trim my Lamps more crucified to this world more careful to call my self frequently to an account and renew my Repentance Would not my converse be more useful and edifying my discourses more savory and full of Religion my Prayers to God more humble and earnest my Charity to men more unfeigned and extensive and my preparations every way more suitable to such a Faith and to such apprehensions of an Everlasting State Could we carry the thoughts of Eternity about with us every day and often admit them in our civil and secular affairs did we repeat it frequently to our selves at least every Morning as soon as we are awake that we are near Eternity this grain of Incense would perfume the whole Temple and be an Antidote against inward Lust and impure Thoughts against the Infection and defilement of bad Company and the snares of worldly Business and do much to prevent vain and sensual actions and to cure vain affections Did we believe it and believe it near should we not take as much pains to secure Eternal Life as we see Men do to get Riches Should we not use the same diligence care and circumspection the same prudent foresight watchfulness and perseverance to prevent Everlasting destruction as others do to provide against Poverty and to live in Plenty a little while on Earth Should we not rejoyce as much in the promise and hopes of it as others do in the prospect and expectation of some Earthly Advantage Lord I confess and bewail the weakness of my Faith. How often have I concluded and said that Heaven alone is the place of Happiness and yet my carnal Heart is too much affected with Earthly Things How often have I resolved upon the conviction of the certainty of the Eternal World to mind this less and to affect and seek it no more as I have done and yet my foolish Heart is hankering after it still O crucifie my affections to things below and let the believing Thoughts of the next Life render me victorious over all the Temptations of this Pardon and cure the staggering trembling Thoughts of an unbelieving Heart by greater measures of a lively Faith. That my desires may be strong and urgent and my diligence and stedfastness in the way of Truth be some way correspondent to this important Article Let me live only for Eternity hope for nothing but Eternity design and intend nothing as my chief end but Eternity and seek and mind nothing in comparison with Eternity Did we believe it how would every thing in this World be lookt upon as eligible or fit to be refused as it is like to be an help or an hindrance with reference to Eternity we should then endeavour to do nothing unbecoming such an Expectation Considering this World as our Passage and the invisible future World as our abiding Country where we are to dwell for ever whatever we meet with here whether sweet or bitter easy or troublesome pleasing or ungrateful we should not much matter but as it relates to hereafter And were I certain I should have no longer time of Trial in order to this Eternal State than this one year which is now begun if a Messenger from God should convincingly assure me of it what would I not do to prepare for Death and secure the interests of Eternity With what remorse and deep Repentance should I reflect on the Follies of my past Life With what importunate cries should I beg Forgiveness How patiently should I bear Calamity for so short a time How little should I value the favours or frowns of Men How circumspect to improve every Season of doing and receiving good How careful to avoid Temptation and how resolute in resisting it Did I verily believe I had no longer time to live on Earth than this one Year at most how insipid would be the offer of carnal Mirth vain Pastime sensual Diversions idle Company c. how should I value every Hour every inch of my little Time under the apprehension that Eternity is at hand O my Soul shall I make no provision against the possiblity of such a case Is not my change as certain as if it were this year as if it were to Morrow tho' I am not certain it is so near nor certain but it may be Let me then seek first the Kingdom of God and his Righteousness let me fix it well and make it clear that I have secured my great Concern and am ready for a sudden summons XIV How a Good Man may improve and encourage himself under the Supposition of dying this Year even in the most uneasy and undesirable Circumstances I May dye this Year then all my Cares and Fears if I am Rich all my Sorrows and calamities as to this World if I am Poor will die too I may dye this Year then I shall have no more Enemies no more Sickness and which is infinitely better I shall Sin no more I must shortly die it may be this Year but there is no other way to come to a blessed Life
spend my whole Life in Diversions from the main business of it Have I nothing else to do but to gather Shells if they were Pearls the absurdity were still the same and pile them upon heaps till I am snatcht away past all recovery Shall I be regardless of an Eternal State and run the hazard of being undone for ever by sollicitous care about pretended Necessaries for a long abode on Earth Much less for Superfluities when I am not certain of the Possession this one Year Shall I magnifie and admire what is so soon to be parted with Value my self upon these things so as to despise those that have less and envy such as have more and suffer my Mind to be distempered and my passions immoderate on every Change of these things Tho' I know besides my own Mortality that to inforce the Argument there is a principle of Corruption in all these things that our very Manna here in a little while will stink and Bread which is the staff of Life moulder our richest Garments wax old and rot Silver and Gold rust and the greatest Beauty wither and every thing that is Earthly decay and perish And shall not this teach me to sit loose from all such things Can I imagine that in my last hour it will be easier to part with much than little or better in the day of Judgment to have a great Estate to answer for than a lesser one We read concerning the Patriarch Abraham who rightly understood the transitory nature of Riches and his own mutable Condition that the only purchase he made with his Riches was a Grave chusing to take Possession of the Land promised him rather by a mark of his parting with it than of his possessing it Did I think oftner and more seriously O my Soul of tarrying here but a little while I should more easily be perswaded that a little of this World were sufficient to carry me through it I should consider more that my Heaven-born Soul is made and designed for another an endless World and therefore should not so far forget his own People and Fathers House as eagerly to pursue and seek what is suited only to the Body for a little while and whereof a little with Contentment will be sufficient The same Reflection may be useful to contract our Thoughts to present Duty that we may not perplex our Minds with long designs and Projects which if we dye this this Year will come to nothing Our great Business in this World is adapted to the little portion of Time which is allowed us Not that good Designs for the publick Benefit may not be begun by one and finisht by others or that we are not obliged prudently to provide for those who shall come after us by attempting many Things of probable Advantage to Posterity But considering the shortness and uncertainty of Life not only should the most necessary Things be first minded and not put off by prosecuting such designs as may signifie somewhat to others when we are Dead But we should not now omit that which we may hope to compass our selves to begin such things whose accomplishment must depend on the Pleasure of our Successors Consideration and faithful Counsel would in this case have prevented the fruitless Expence of many Mens Time and Money which if otherwise imployed might have turned to good account to themselves and others And this heightens our Folly that while we pursue great Projects in reference to this World and dye without effecting them our preparations for Eternity are neglected and so we are suddenly cut off in the midst of our Folly and all our Thoughts perish How easily how soon may they do so The difference and distance between Death and Life being no more than that of a Candle lighted from its being blown out and if it is exposed to all Winds how quickly may that happen XVIII The consideration of the certain near Approach of an Everlasting State amplified and prest to inforce an Holy Life IN this World we begin a Year and quickly come to the end of it and ere long the little number of our Years and Days will be expired But when Death conveys us into the World of Spirits the day of Eternity shall never be closed with an Evening Of how fearful consequence is that Death by which an Eternity must be decided What attention what seriousness what diligence what care doth the dicision of so important a matter call for ETERNAL what will be the next word O my Soul how much am I concerned to know it will it be Blessedness or Misery will it be Life or Death This one word is the Joy of Angels and the Horror of Devils the unspeakable delight of blessed Saints and the confusion and despair of condemned Sinners At the Creation of the World Time got the start of us and was five days elder then we but our Immortal Souls shall endure beyond the utmost limits of Time and last as long as the Everlasting Father of Spirits of whose duration there is no end Shall I then exist and live though my Body perish and see corruption Shall my Soul my Self exist beyond the Grave in Felicity or Misery and that for ever and according to my present Actions What am I then most concerned to mind What am I to chuse What am I most to fear to wish to do What is a shadow of Honour and Reputation among dying Men What are a few drops of fleshly Pleasure for a Moment to eternal Rivers of Pleasure at God's right hand What are the sufferings of an hour or two to the pains and anguish of Eternity What can the World Flesh or Devil give me comparable to eternal Life What can I suffer in the way of Holiness that may be set in the Balance against an Everlasting Hell And yet how often O my Soul how boldly how unconcernedly how foolishly do I hazard the one and forfeit the other for the Sins and Vanities of this World Whereas one prospect of Eternity should make every thing that is Temporal appear little in my Eyes the highest elevation of earthly Greatness abundance of Riches the great Affairs Business and Imployments of the World Pomp and Splendor and Reputation and all that now flatters the Senses and the vanity of Mankind Oh that I could but live as believing and expecting an Eternal State as having it in my Eye managing all my affairs with a visible reference to it discovering to all the World by my Behaviour and Deportment that I do in earnest believe it certain for be it never so Certain if I do not apprehend and consider it as such it will no more affect me than a Fable Neither is it enough to consider it as certain but as near for the most weighty the most terrible things apprehended as at a great distance will little move Thinking of the long Interval between the advantage of being exempted from such Evils for so long a time will please me
a Change do we think it would work upon us But if we will nor hear Moses and the Prophets Christ and his Apostles neither should we believe tho one came from the Dead XX. The Eternal Blessedness of HEAVEN considered as the Perfection of Holiness to quicken our desires and endeavours after greater Meetness to possess it DOth one year after another hasten me to the end of Time And doth the Blessedness of Eternity depend on the Communications I now receive from God On the Preparations I now make and the Meetness I can now attain for Eternal Felicity in the Presence of my God and Saviour O with what Intenseness of mind should I now prosecute that glorious Object with what unwearied diligence should I run the race that is set before me lest I fall short of the Incorruptible Crown of Life How should every thing be undervalued and rejected that would divert retard or hinder me from pursuing this end Lord be not a stranger to my Soul in this distant Wilderness state Let me see more of thy Light be transform'd more into thine Image experience more of thy Love feel more of thy vital Presence and quickening Spirit let the Divine Life in my Soul be more powerful and the Characters of thy Likeness be more legibly stampt upon it by the daily exercise of Faith and Hope and holy Affections carry me through this World till my Pilgrim state be over and thou hast brought me to perfect Everlasting Holiness And let the believing fore-thoughts of it till all the Powers of my Soul with Joy and Wonder Desire and Love Give me Lord to think a right of the Heavenly Glory as a confirmed State of positive perfect Holiness of heavenly Light Love Liberty and Joy with the satisfying Vision of God in the Face of Christ and his impressed Likeness dwelling for ever in the direct and steady view of his transforming Glory with compleat conformity of the Soul to Eternal Goodness Truth and Love as its Perfection esteeming nothing desiring nothing but that God and Christ may be glorified with an intire Subjection to his Will adherence to him Rest and Confidence in him swallowed up in the Love Admiration and Praise of God and our Lord Jesus living in joyful repeated Acts of Subjection Adoration and acknowledg'd Dependance ravisht to behold the Glory of God in the Face of Christ to see his blessed Image perfect in every one of the Saints c. When all the present Blindness of our Minds the Errors of our Judgment the Perversness of our Will the Disorder and Rebellion of our Passions the remaining Aversation from God and Disaffection to him which in this World we complain of shall all be done away The Flesh shall no more Lust against the Spirit or the Law in our Members against the Law of our Minds but an everlasting Tranquility and holy Peace take place a Peace which passeth all understanding without any outward Molestation or inward cause of Disquiet Our corrupted Nature shall no more cast forth Mire and Dirt as now we shall have no more vain or wicked Thoughts no more sinful Fears or foolish Hopes unbecoming Heats unruly Desires sensual Inclinations earthly Affections feeble slothful spiritless Duties dead and heartless Prayers cold Thanksgivings c. but as we shall then know God without Error and see our Lord Jesus face to face so we shall love him without reserve more than now we can think and serve him without Dulness and Distraction and Praise him without Weariness the spiritual Actings of our Souls shall have no allay of Dross And thus shall we be with him and admire and injoy him without end Thus when Death is swallowed up in victory and what was imperfect is done away and what was Corruptible and Mortal hath put on Immortality God in Christ shall be All in All And when it is truly and perfectly so Then it is Heaven The blessedness whereof is unconceivable A Blessed Person is not exprest in the singular Number by the Hebrews but in the abstract and in the Plural Beatitudes instead of Blessed because the Blessings are as many and great as they have Powers and Capacities to partake of Blessedness so will it be in Heaven A Word tho commonly used as little understood as Holiness which is one of the greatest Mysteries in the World. But will hereafter be fully and delightfully understood by the Blessed Saints as the Malignity and intrinsick Evil of Sin shall be by the damned Spirits Oh that I might now feel more of this Heavenly Life begun and carried on in my Soul by a farther Participation of his holy Image and Conformity to his Will by more vital Effects of his indwelling Spirit in my Soul forming it to be a Temple to himself for his own delightful Residence that forgetting that which I have received I may still be Covetous and desirous of more forgetting what I have attain'd I may press on with an holy Eagerness and Fervency towards the Mark When I seriously examine my own heart had I nothing else to prove the weakness of my Grace and the sinful remainders of Unbelief but the low desires and few comfortable Thoughts the seldom joyful prospect of this Blessed State how sad an Evidence were it of my low attainments that I breathe with no more Impatience after that Blessed Holy Rest in the injoyment of God and Christ and labour no more in preparing for it When we profess to believe that all the Desires of our Souls shall be fix'd on Him and filled with Him as our Infinite and Supreme Good and all the Expectations of Faith and Hope swallowed up in endless Admiration Gratitude and Joy being fully satisfied and at Rest in the Presence and Vision of God without the least Inclination or Desire of Change. And by consequence There will be no need of Novelty as now to give a relish to our Happiness All Happiness in this World is by comparing a Man's present Condition with his past or with that of some Inferiors But the Intrinsick Good Felicity and Joy of Heaven will need no such Foil to set it off no such Comparison to make it prized The Blessed Spirits will never lose the lively Sense of that low and miserable Condition from which they were raised to so great a Glory and so will ever equally rejoyce in the Happiness of their Translation and wonderful Change. And what was at first delightful will for ever be so and not be disdain'd or lessen'd by a continuance as it happens in this World from the Emptiness Shallowness and Vanity of the Creature An Affectation of Variety and desire of Change proceeding always from a Sense of Want. But Holy Souls shall never be weary of seeing loving and injoying God his blessed Presence will afford us undecaying and endless Satisfaction Pleasure never to be interrupted or abated and never to cease The blessed Object is absolutely Infinite and so will be always new to a finite understanding and
we might not perish under it He was a Man of Sorrows and acquainted with Griefs that we might Rejoyce His Agonies and bloody Sweat were for our Refreshment and by his Stripes we are Healed He bowed his Head on the Cross that we might lift up ours in Triumph and because we had eaten of the forbidden Fruit he hung on the accursed Tree 'T was for us that he suffered the Frowns of Heaven the Enmity of Hell the Rage of Devils the Hatred and Persecution of the World He was judged that we might not come into Condemnation He was Crucified that we might be Glorified and he is now Come again finally and fully to effect it O the Height and Depth and Length and Breadth of the Love of Christ which passeth Knowledg but calls for Admiration and everlasting Gratitude This is the Blessed Day we long'd and waited and prayed for This is our Gracious our Glorious Lord whose Love melted our Heart whose Promise was our Support whose Word was our Rule whose Spirit was our Comforter whose Cross was our Crown and the hope of his Appearance our chief Consolation Lord what am I what was I that the ever Blessed Son of God should do and suffer and purchase all this for me I can remember when I was ignorant of God a Stranger to him at Enmity with him under the Power of Darkness and the Devil serving divers Lusts and Pleasures hastening to Hell and liable to his Wrath. But he chose me out of the World stampt his Image upon me pardoned my Sins and imbrac't me in the Arms of his unchangeable Love. O happy Change and yet how little did I prize his Grace admire his Love and express my own or promote his Glory and honour him in the Eyes of others How did I dishonour my Profession and holy Calling as his Disciple by aggravated Apostacy But he recovered me by Repentance and healed my Back-slidings and received me graciously because he loved me freely O admirable Grace to pardon and save and bring to Glory such an unthankful Wretch as I have been to make such a Difference between Me and Others whom I knew on Earth that the same Power which makes them Miserable now makes me Blessed that when they are banisht from his Presence into Everlasting Destruction I am admitted to behold his Glory and shall dwell with him for ever O how much more do I now see and find than ever I believed of the Love of Christ and his promised Salvation How much more glorious is the Person of my Redeemer How much more Excellent is the heavenly State than ever I thought or expected I could not have imagined the thousandth thousandth Part of that which I now see and feel I cannot but admire and spend an Eternity in admiring and praising the incomparable Grace and Glory of my blessed Redeemer Such holy Admiration will certainly produce the most thankful Adorations of our Lord Jesus Saying one to another O Bless the Lord of Love and Glory who humbled himself so low as our Mediator and hath exalted us so high as the blessed Fruit of it How can we ever enough adore and praise him who condescended so far and hath done and suffer'd so much for us See how the holy Angels worship this King of Glory and have not every one of us more reason to do so O let all the Quire of Heaven celebrate his glorious Love and let us his Redeemed his Glorified ones say continually Let the Lord be magnified who hath loved us and washed us from our Sins in his own Blood and made us Kings and Priests unto God his Father and through him ours O merciful Saviour O glorious Change O happy Society with whom we shall Eternally adore our Common Lord. We can some of us remember when we lived together on Earth how we wept and prayed and fasted and mourned together how we suffered and complain'd and sin'd together O the marvellous Change our Redeemer hath now wrought for us and in us These Bodies these Souls this Life this Place this Company these Injoyments are not like those in yonder World. But alas who can describe what Believers shall then think and say to extol their Saviour How small a Portion is it we understand of that World How little can I conceive and how much less express Blessed be God we know so much as the matter of our joyful Hopes and for ever Blessed be God who hath promised and provided such a Glory for us as cannot now be fully known What inexpressible Sweetness might Believers tast by rejoycing in Hope did a more lively Faith realize all this to their Souls We might listen as it were to the Shouts and Acclamations of the Saints above and say Amen to their Thanksgivings We might behold them about the Throne of God and of the Lamb with Palms of Victory in their Hands a Crown of Glory on their Heads and Songs of Triumph in their Mouths saying Allelujah * Rev. 4. c. 11. 5. c. 12 13. Worthy art Thou O Lord to receive Glory and Honour and Power for thou hast created all things and for thy Pleasure they are and were created And worthy is the Lamb that was slain to receive Power and Riches and Wisdom and Strength and Honour and Glory and Blessing And again Blessing Honour Glory and Power be unto him who Sits upon the Throne and to the Lamb for ever and ever Whence is it O my Soul if indeed I believe and expect all this that I can Hear and Read and Think and Speak of these great Things with no more ardent Affections suitable Preparations inportunate Prayers and vigorous Desires How should the believing Thoughts of that Day promote my heavenly Mindedness Self-denial Contempt of the World Patience and Perseverance Quicken my Zeal secure my Stedfastness and give Life and Spirit to my Prayers for the hastening of it How should my Soul rise towards Heaven by holy Love and Desire Ascend and meet him get as near him as I can breathe after more of his Presence and beg him to prepossess my Heart to anticipate his second Coming by clearer discoveries of his Love and fuller Communications of his Grace Even so Come Lord Jesus XXIV Concerning the Examination of a man's Heart and Life the Reasonableness Advantages and Necessity of it Some Direction and Advice concerning the Time and Manner That we may know in what Preparedness we are for ETERNITY I Am hastening every Year every Day to the period of this Life I must shortly appear before my Glorious Judg and experience these Terrors or Comforts this Blessedness or Misery which I have now read of Shall I not therefore inquire which of the two belongs to me Is it not worth considering whither I must go and how I shall fare when I quit this Body What is like to be my next Habitation To which of the two unchangeable States I shall be adjudg'd Shall an Inquiry of so much consequence be put off to
to at last When even the little Good that remains is ready to dye May I not ask such Christians or desire them to ask themselves What is already the effect and consequence of this Declension Is not God's Spirit removed and the Light of his Countenance Eclipsed Yea as to many of them are they not under sad apprehensions of God's displeasure Do they not feel the terrors of the Lord Do they not walk heavily from day to day They that could once converse with God on all occasions as a Friend and a Father do now think of God and are troubled Thick Darkness doth incompass them round about They have lost the sense of his Love the comforts of his presence and their Song in the night and see no relief This is a more hopeful case however than theirs who are under great Backslidings and Desertion and hardly sensible of it To awaken and assist both Consider I beseech you whence you are fallen and what you have lost and what will be the issue of this if Sickness or some smart Affliction overtake you or if you should dye in this condition And inquire seriously and presently into the cause of all this Evil for a few transient thoughts will not affect the Heart and persuade to Action And do it presently because by every delay your work will be the harder your danger the greater and your recovery the more difficult Reflect upon the Sinfulness as well as Affliction of this case Know that you have displeased God and run from him neglected his Presence and griev'd his Spirit and in what Instances you have done so that hath made him weary of his dwelling what Ordinances you have slighted what Duties you have omitted what sins you have given way to in order to Repentance and deep Humiliation Can you contentedly sit still with this dismal State of things while God hath somewhat yea a great deal indeed against you for having left your first Love Will you not endeavour to remove that which hath made such a separation between God and you and brought you thus low What Communion with God what Communications of his Grace what Influences of his Spirit and Evidences of his Favour have you lost And will you not acknowledg your Iniquity and abase your selves in the Dust and return to the Lord and do your first works that he may heal your Backslidings and receive you graciously that you may again take hold of his Covenant and be at Peace with him But to be at Peace with God is not the whole of your Concern you need not only a Pardon but a Physician to heal you as doth a Malefactor that is not only liable to the Law but desperately sick Your State is sinful and dangerous as well as troublesome From performing duties in such a manner as you now do you may quickly be Tempted to let them altogether alone God may be so far provok'd to suffer Satan to make attempts upon you of that kind and he is forward enough to make use of such an opportunity to try all his Snares and Stratagems against you till he prevail with you to think hardly of God himself * Vid. Mr. Gilpin of Temptation p. 2. chap. 6. unthankfully to overlook all his former kindnesses to put the worst Interpretation that can be upon all his Providences to distrust and quarrel with him as if his faithfulness had failed and his Mercy were clean gone for ever and there were no hope left for one in your case and so run into Desperation and through the subtlety and violence of Satan's Temptations try the most foolish and unlawful means for ease and cure either open Licentiousness or it may be Self-Murder Therefore speedy present Repentance is necessary to find out and mortifie every Corruption and that especially which Conscience tells us you have most indulg'd from whence your Distress doth principally arise Confessing your sin freely fully and without reserve and waiting on God in the diligent use of all means for the recovery of that which you have lost and Justifying God in his Righteousness Truth Wisdom Holiness in all his Rebukes That you may regain a Spirit of Prayer and taste the sweetness vertue and efficacy of every Duty and of every Ordinance and God may give you the Garment of Praise for the Spirit of Heaviness and the Joy of the Lord may be your Strength for future service and suffering In the mean time do not cast away your Hope but tho you have too justly depriv'd your self of the Faith of Assurance yet indeavour to maintain and exercise the Faith of Adherence (a) Vid. Dr. Owen on Ps 130.2 Say unto God that because there is forgiveness with him therefore he is to be feared My sin is not too great to be forgiven 'T is not the Vnpardonable Sin for I desire to repent and am resolv'd to return I will still cleave to the Lord and wait upon him and follow hard after him and take no other course for Deliverance and Comfort Mine is not a single Case I am not the only Soul that hath been so distressed and yet found relief by seeking unto God. 'T is therefore good for me to hope and quietly wait for the Salvation of God (b) Lam. 3. c. 26. I will draw near to God I will lye at his foot and continue in all ways of Worship and Duty wherein I may hope to meet with the quickning and comfort of his Spirit I will seek relief from no other I will keep as near him as I can whither else shall I go he alone hath the words of Eternal Life he alone can create what is the fruit of his own lips Peace Peace * Vid. Mr. Baxter's Method for Peace of Conscience I will encourage my self in the consideration of his General Grace and the probabilities of his special Love I will recollect my former Experiences when I had some good hope through Grace concerning my Adoption I will remember the years of the right hand of the most High. If God will give me so much Grace as to continue waiting I will hope still and though I walk in darkness and see little or no Light I will stay my self upon the Lord. And if by the want of sensible Consolation he will make me more humble and keep me in a greater Submission to his will I will bless his holy Name and derive more comfortable hope from thence than from the most sweet and sensible Considerations I ever had and look upon Humility Self-denial Dependance on God Resignation to him and Hatred of sin as a better sign of his Love than the highest fervors of Affection in his service can be Oh that I had formerly done as much for Holiness as I have for Comfort by the enjoyment of the one I should have had more of the other the Exercise of Grace would have discover'd the Truth of it Let me therefore accuse and condemn my self but still trust and love
am troubled and mourn and my Soul is grieved within me O thou Heavenly Physician of Souls from thy Pity alone I expect my cure I am miserable and undone without thy Compassion and expect no relief but from the Treasure of thy Grace I must perish and sink under the burden of Sin if thy merciful hand do not save me and lift me up I am intangled and insnar'd by the Devil and my Lusts and without thy Succour can never hope to get free O Lord forgive my Sin and heal my Soul Deliver and save me for thy Mercies sake May I not yet hope in thy Mercy Thou hast mercifully born with me hitherto thou callest me to repent thou commandest me to return and promisest to forgive those Sins which are confessed and forsaken O do not cast me out of thy Sight and Presence now I desire from the bottom of my Heart to return to thee I abhor my self in dust and ashes for my past Iniquities But alas such is the hardness of my Impenitent Heart that I am even asham'd of my humblest Repentance how much more may God despise and reject it But hast thou not given thy Blessed Son to dye for Sinners and exalted him to this very end to be a Prince and a Saviour to give Repentance and Remission of Sins And by the word of thy Grace thou beseechest all even the Greatest Sinners to accept of mercy and art more willing to pardon than we can be to Repent 'T is thy Delight and Glory agreeable to thy Nature and declared Name as a God gracious and merciful slow to Anger and of great Kindness forgiving Iniquity Transgression and Sin. O Pardon mine Iniquity for it is great and receive an humble Penitent who implores thy Grace according to the Tenor of thy new Covenant flying to the arms of thy Mercy through the merits of Jesus Christ who is able to save to the uttermost all that come unto God by him Lord hear my Prayer and let not the mixture of my weaknesses and unworthiness turn it into Sin but graciously vouchsafe to look upon a returning Prodigal and cause me to hear the voice of Joy and Gladness that my sorrowful Heart may be comforted and my life be directed to thy Praise Lead me into the path of life that I may no longer err from the way of thy Commandments Teach me to do thy Will O God and write thy Law upon my Heart that I may never more return to Folly. I am convinc't of the Evil of Sin of thy Right to govern me of the Equity and Justice of thy Law of the sweetness and rewards of keeping thy precepts O sanctifie my Heart and make me Sound in thy Statutes that I may hate every false way and be devoted to thy Fear the remainder of my Life If there be any particular Lust or Wickedness which through the power of Temtation and the deceitfulness of Sin you have fallen into that hath wasted Conscience and rob'd you of your Peace and provok't God to write bitter things against you be sure to humble your self without delay in an especial manner for that Backsliding Confess it freely with its aggravations Consider whether it was not after some special manifestation of God's Love after some special warning some strong Conviction under or soon after some great Affliction from God or some more than ordinary kindness of his Providence c. And impress such Thoughts to humble your self the lower search into the grounds and causes of such Apostacy such as the abatement of your Watchfulness the neglect of serious closet Devotion making bold with Temptation too great compliance with vain Company venturing too far in lawful or indifferent Things toò much Confidence in your own Wisdom Strength and stedfastness not fearing sufficiently the Approaches and Beginnings of Sin or avoiding the fuel incentives and occasions of it c. Palliate and disguise nothing that may make your sin exceeding sinful lest by some little Art of the Devil you deceive your self by an half-Repentance and the Evil Spirit you think to be cast out return again with seven worse than himself and so your latter end be worse than your Beginning For if the sin be not truly hated but only cover'd over with penitential Ashes it will quickly flame out again when it meets with combustible matter and a strong blast of Temptation But if you are griev'd to the very Heart and abhor the Sin and resolve to quit it you need not doubt of God's readiness to receive you to Mercy His Spirit is yet striving with you if you are willing to Repent and return to God. He sought you and call'd you to return when you were wandring as a lost sheep in the broad way and can you think he will not be found of you if you seek him with your whole Heart Therefore renew your Repentance and beg more earnestly a Spirit of Humility Holy Fear and Watchfulness And every morning implore Divine succours against that Sin and all Temptations to it Which as much as possible you must avoid Constant and fervent Prayer after Repentance must be your refuge and your Remedy If you let fall your hands this Amalek will prevail again As soon and as far as you fail in the constancy and fervency of that Duty your Sin will get strength and successfully attempt you another Time. But by this practise God may turn Evil to work for Good make you gain by your loss stand the faster by your Falls and become stronger by the discovery of your weakness and so be better establisht for the future But take heed that you pervert not the Grace of God and encourage your self to sin again by the supposition that if you should Fall 't is but to Repent and renew your Resolutions and all will be well This is a subtle Artifice of Satan but such methinks as should take with none who have ever known by Experience what it is to Repent Who have felt the burden of Sin to be heavier than a Millstone than Luke 23. c. 30. 17. c. 2. the weight of a Mountain Who have tasted how evil and bitter a thing it is to depart from God. Who have loathed and abhorr'd themselves with deep Remorse and Sorrow and Anguish of Spirit wishing with all their Hearts that they had not sinn'd and if it were in their power would give all the world to retrieve it and would rather dye than commit that Folly again they then repented of Let those who have not their own Experience to confirm this read over and consider the case of David when he wrote the Penitential Psalms How many like him have roar'd and cried out under the sense of sin of stings and furies in their Conscience of the poison'd Arrows in their Souls and his Terrors surrounding them whereever they went from the sense of sins Malignity the apprehensions of God's Anger and the consequent Fears of his Wrath. Serious Repentance after great Transgressions is
by and strengthen me I know I shall be able to do all things I shall not then be flatter'd or frighted out of the way of my Duty no Wind that can blow shall then turn me to another Point nothing shall then be able to prevail for my consent to a wilful and deliberate forsaking of God no Argument no Temptation though Privacy Opportunity Impunity from Men with Rewards of Worldly Gain and Honour should all concur to enforce a Temptation But by that Heavenly Assistance I shall be preserv'd Humble Temperate Chast Patient Thankful Self-denying Crucified to the World and hold fast my Integrity till I die still perfecting Holiness in the fear of God growing in Grace and in the Knowledge of my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ waxing stronger from day to day be seldomer surpriz'd offend less and repent more quickly and watch more narrowly afterwards till at last I receive the Crown Especially let me watch against my Constitution Sins such as I am most inclined to and where a Temptation doth most easily enter where the Devil can take the fastest hold and be least suspected where he hath formerly sprung a Mine and made a Breach I have known some humble watchful Christians after being recovered from their Backslidings who abhorr'd every Temptation to that sin by which they had been defiled and wounded they can hardly put up a Prayer but they mention it hardly have their hearts affected in any ordinance but they are inwardly asham'd of it hardly hear of any one guilty of the like but they are ready to burst out into Tears Fix therefore I beseech thee most Gracious God! my unfeigned Resolutions of cleaving to thee with full purpose of Heart and shew thy strength in my weakness by inabling me to do what I now resolve To that end teach me to watch over my Heart to keep it with all diligence to be more conversant with my own Thoughts examining the motions that arise in my Heart whence they come and whither they go and what they tend to that I may suppress the beginnings of Sin. The unsearchable Deceitfulness of the Heart the rovings straglings and wandrings of the Thoughts the ungovernable motions and stirrings of the Passions and Affections with the corrupt Inclinations that are ready to comply with Temptation make such a constant Watchfulness necessary Let me live no longer as a stranger to my self but by Self-reflexion dwell more at home reckoning my principal Work to be within doors to keep my own Vineyard Teach me to watch over my Senses to guard the door of my Lips to govern my Passions to be wary in the Choice of my Company and in the Right Vse of it to be Circumspect in every step of my daily walk to call my self frequently to a Reckoning to cast up my Accounts at the foot of every page by every days review of my Actions to live always as in God's presence and be awed every where by the thought of his Holy Eye to shun the occasions and appearances of Evil c. By the neglect of this Spiritual Distempers will insensibly creep upon us There is such a venom and malignity in Sin to wound and weaken the Soul to put us off the Hinges to disorder and unfit us for any Spiritual Service to make our Hearts vain and frothy lazy and listless that we shall easily let slip our Opportunities lose our Seasons and languish and pine away notwithstanding all the means of thriving and growth And hence it is that so many Professors mourn and complain lick the dust and lye among the clods are dead under the most awakening Ministry and barren under the most fruitful means Hence it is they do little Good as well as taste little Comfort some duties are neglected and others perform'd slightly and in none of them do they meet with that Sweetness and Satisfaction that Refreshment and Advanvantage Fruit and Benefit as formerly And all from the neglect of Watchfulness making bold with Temptation and not standing upon their Guard in the use of their Christian Armour And because no Place no Condition no Imployment is exempted from Temptations let me fortify my self every morning against all Assaults for that day by Serious Prayer as Holy David was wont to do My voice saith he shalt thou hear in the morning O Lord in the morning will I direct my Prayer unto thee and will look up Psal 5. v. 3 4. Let the Law of God be my daily and delightful study that I may be able presently to bring my Words and Actions to the Touchstone and know how to manage the sword of the Spirit on all occasions against the fiery Darts of the Devil that knowing the rule I may not be doubtful or at a loss when ever I am tempted I may not make a stand to parley but immediately summon all my forces to Resist and reject the Snare being assur'd from God that the Continuance of this Warfare shall end in a most Glorious Victory He will shortly tread down Satan under my feet Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ my Lord. XXVIII The Import and Obligation of our Baptismal Covenant The renewal of it by a solemn Dedication of our selves to God the Father Son and Holy Spirit exemplify'd and recommended ALL this O my Soul which I have now resolv'd on is no more than what I am obliged to by my Vow in Baptism to renounce the Devil and his Works the Flesh and the Lusts thereof the World and conformity to it that I may Love and Serve the Lord agreeable to the undoubted Right which God hath in me by Creation Redemption and his inuumerable other Benefits But the outword washing of Baptism and a visible profession of obedience will not save me without the Answer of a good Conscience towards God 1 Pet. cap. 3. v. 21. May I not by the consideration of my Baptismal Covenant suppose God speaking to my Conscience to this effect Will you take me for your whole Portion and Felicity and my Law for the constant Rule of your obedience and fight against the World the Flesh and the Devil to your lives end Will you believe in Jesus Christ and receive him as a Prince and Saviour and adhere to the faith and obedience of the Gospel how hazardous and difficult soever the profession and practice of it may be Will you receive the Blessed Spirit as your Teacher Sanctifier and Comforter and cherish all his Motions to inlighten purify confirm comfort and assist you 'T is my hearty consent to these Terms and resolved compliance with them which Baptism obligeth to and this is the Answer of a good Conscience towards God. I have often renewed this Covenant on several occasions but did I ever duly consider the tenor and obligation of it How have I lyed unto the God of Truth dealt deceitfully with him and been False and Fickle Treacherous and Unfaithful to what I promised O let me now again repeat it and give up
my self once more to be the Lord's more unfeignedly more firmly than ever I have hitherto done that the Bonds of God upon me may be strengthned and my Soul more throughly ingag'd to be the Lord's O help me to do it with the greatest seriousness as the most important Affair of my whole Life by thine aid and Grace alone shall I be sincere and cordial in this surrender and Dedication of my self O breathe upon my Soul most Holy Spirit the Power of the Highest that there may be no Hypocrisie or Reservation in this so weighty and solemn Transaction between God and me O most Blessed and Glorious TRINITY Father Son and Holy Spirit Thy favor is my Life and thy Lovingkindness is better than Life Thy Will should have been my Rule thy Word my Law thy Glory my end to please thee my principal Business and to injoy thy Love and Presence my ultimate Felicity But I am one of thy revolted Creatures who have lost thine Image and rebell'd against thy Law slighted thy Authority and rejected thy Grace and deserve to be cast out of thy sight and banisht from thy Presence for ever Nevertheless O most merciful God and Father upon thy gracious invitation and call I now return to thee my rightful Lord acknowledging thee as my Almighty Wise and bountiful Creator my absolute Owner my Righteous Governour my End my Happiness and Chief Good. I now accept thine offer'd Mercy I now submit to the Scepter of thy Grace and give up my self to Thee as my King and my God to rule and sanctify me now and be my Everlasting Portion I desire to be no longer my own but Thine to whom of right I belong and ought to be devoted I yield my self to Thee O my Lord Accept and possess that which is thine own I lay my self at thy Foot at all Times and in all Conditions to be at thy dispose and in every thing to acquiesce in thy Good Pleasure Deliberately resolving with unfeigned and free consent of my Will to walk before Thee in Holiness and Righteousness all the days of my Life Hereby I consecrate and devote my self to be thy perpetual Avowed Servant Lord I am thy servant I am thy servant the Son of thine Handmaid Though other Lords have had dominion over me I will now make mention of thy Name and of thy Righteousness only by Jesus Christ O Blessed Jesus my All-sufficient Saviour Thy dying Love infinite Condescention and matchless Grace hath at last overcome me and constrain'd me to resolve to be wholly Thine who hast redeem'd and bought me with thy most precious Blood. I now acknowledg and own Thee as my Lord and my Jesus my Prophet Priest and King my Sacrifice Surety and Ransom to satisfy for my Sins and reconcile me unto God to instruct me in his Will and teach me the Mysteries of his Kingdom and the way to the Father How often hast thou open'd thine arms and called me yea beseecht me to come unto thee and accept of Life but I refused to come I adore thy merciful Condescention that yet thou wilt receive me on such easy Terms O thou Lord of Life and Glory now accept of an unworthy helpless Sinner who flies to Thee as his only Refuge and Hope who is convinc't that None but Christ None but Christ can make his Peace with God and save from wrath to come I acknowledg thy Title to me and my obedience and to all I have by dying for me I desire to take thy Yoke upon me for it is Easie and thy Burthen which is Light. I desire to be intirely and for ever thine in an Everlasting Covenant never to be broken to take up the Cross and follow thee whithersoever thou shalt lead me through the straight Gate and the narrow way I will reserve no Lust refuse no Labour grudge at no Suffering stick at no difficulty so I may please and honour thee and continue in thy Love. O shed abroad more of thy Love in my Heart to make all Things easie for his sake who hath loved me and washed me from my Sins in his own Blood. O God the Holy Ghost I acknowledg Thee as my Great Teacher and Sanctifier and give up my self to Thee as the Author of all saving Knowledg and Holiness By Thee I have been convinc't of my Sin against the Law of God and the Gospel of Christ and of my necessity of his Merit Satisfaction and Righteousness to justify my guilty Soul by procuring the Forgiveness of Sin and my acceptance with God and of the freeness of his Love the Riches and alsufficiency of his Grace towards all who come unto God by Him. I adore Thee O most Blessed Spirit as proceeding and sent from the Father and the Son to renew all the Powers of my Soul and restore the Divine Image there to enlighten my mind to know and receive the Truth as it is in Jesus and purify my Heart and to sanctify all the Members of my Body and make them Instruments of Righteousness unto Holiness which before were Servants unto Sin and gradually to deliver me from the power the defilement and abode of Sin as from the Guilt and Punishment by the Blood of Jesus And as the Witness of God to the Truth of the Holy Scriptures and as the Great Paraclete to comfort and establish the Hearts of Believers sealing them up to the day of Redemption and giving them the Earnest of the Heavenly Inheritance O blessed Spirit be thou my Witness that though I have violated the Law of God and defac'd his Image and formerly undervalu'd the Love of Christ and the Grace of the Gospel yet by thine Aid I now accept what I have so long neglected and thankfully devote my self henceforward to be the Lord 's in a Covenant Relation But fearing and distrusting my self I give up my self entirely to the conduct of thy Grace depending upon it for my establishment and perseverance O form my Heart into an obediential Frame that in every thing I may endeavor to answer the Ends and Obligations of this Devoted State. To this One God I have once again dedicated and resign'd my self to serve and please and honour Thee in Thought Word and Act to the last moment of my Life in the Performance of all Duties even those which I have been most averse from in the mortification of every Lust and the forsaking of every Sin even those which I was once most addicted to Resolving deliberately to allow my self in nothing great or little secret or open which I shall know or believe to be contrary to thy holy Will making it my business to be fruitful in good Works to the praise of my Redeemer waiting in the use of all his appointed means for higher measures of Grace and Holiness to be more victorious over inward Lusts and outward Temptations still pressing towards the mark for the prize of my high and holy Calling even Eternal Life I call Heaven and Earth O Lord
to witness this day That I own and avow this to be my Mind and the setled Prevailing Purpose of my Soul. This I again ratifie and confirm without any Clauses or Exceptions So help me O my God. Glory be to God the Father God the Son and God the Holy Spirit XXIX Practical and Consolatory Reflections on the preceding Self-dedication or Covenant with God. I Have this day solemnly avouched the Lord to be my God to walk in his ways thereby to fortifie my Resolutions that I and my Deut. 6. c. 17 18. House and All that I can persuade to be of my mind will serve the Lord. I intend desire and hope never willfully to violate the Faith which I have now plighted in the presence of God but to continue stedfast unmoveable always abounding in the work of the Lord c. Should I undertake any new Imployment or enter into any new Condition or change the place of my Abode where I might see more of God's dishonour and meet with more and stronger Temptations to Sin and be called to the performance of more difficult duties greater watchfulness and self-denial c. I would hope hereby to ingage the presence of God with me and his Blessing on all my Affairs on which depends the success of all that I undertake and would hope the better to preserve my Integrity not only This Year but in all the remaining portion of my Time by the abiding sense of my Covenant with God thus seriously renewed This is the method I have been often advis'd to for Peace of Conscience under doubts and scruples concerning my spiritual State to put the matter out of doubt by again accepting the offered mercy and Grace of the Gospel and heartily consenting to the new Covenant giving up my self to God in Christ to be ruled and saved by him Blessed be God I have now done so Lord say Amen to thy part of the Covenant that Thou art and wilt be my God as I desire unfeignedly to do to mine that I will be thy Servant But beeause Articles are sooner consented to than made good tho I seriously intend never to disown this my solemn Act and Deed but firmly to adhere to it as long as I live that having sworn I will endeavour to perform it that this shall be my Everlasting Choice never to be recanted or alter'd yet considering the sad Instances of my former weakness and the vigilance and subtle malice of my Great Adversary I again implore the succour of Divine Grace to keep it for ever in the purpose of my Heart that it may be as the Laws of the Medes and Persians never to be reversed I have given up my name to be Thine O put thy fear into my Heart that I may never depart from Thee Imprint thy Laws upon my Heart that my obedience may be uniform and universal unwavering and perpetual suitable to so honourable and near a Relation to Thee I am sensible I want Wisdom and Strength to that purpose but thou hast bid me ask it of Thee who givest liberally to All without desert and upbraidest not with present unworthiness or former faults O lead me not into Temptation but deliver me from Evil. Stand by and Strengthen me in the Hour of Trial lest I forget my vows and deny Thee O that my Soul may never draw back lest Thine have no Pleasure in me I can serve no better Master O let mine Ears be bored to the door of thine house as the Token and Assurance of my being thy Servant unto Death I know 't is my Duty I am sensible 't is my Privilege and Honour I am convinc'd that 't is my Interest and Felicity my Soul my Life my present and everlasting Welfare and All depends upon it that thou shouldst be my God for ever O conduct me by thy Holy Spirit of Grace that I may walk and act as having heartily consented he should be so and direct my Heart into thy Love and the faithful keeping of thy Commandments That when so many Professors make shipwrack of Faith and a Good Conscience and discredit the Religion of my Lord by their shameful Falls thou mayst make me to stand and improve the warning of their Examples to walk humbly and while I stand to take heed least I fall Having thus surrendred my self to God what is there O my Soul that is ever like to prevail with me to go back and revolt from him Is the gratification of a Lust the securing of an Estate compliance with a Friend the pleasing of a Superior living in Ease and Honour and outward Prosperity for a little while the saving my Body from Suffering or my life from Violence or what ever else be the Motive of my unfaithfulness to God and Apostacy from Him Is Any is All of these any way considerable compared with the Blessedness of having God to be my God For thereby I have the forgiveness of all my Sins and the Assurance of his Favour the certainty of present Protection and Provision all Creatures reconciled to me and to be imployed for my Good as the Friend of God All things to work together for my Advantage and by the evidence of my Adoption a well grounded Hope of Eternal Life God as my Sun and Shield will give Grace and Glory and with-hold no Good Thing So unspeakably Comprehensive are the Privileges of so near a Relation to God in Christ O happy are the People who are in such a case Blessed are the Persons whose God is the Lord. Do I resolve to abide by my Choice and to trust in Christ for persevering Grace and shall I not ought I not to take Comfort in it Shall I not give God the Glory of his infinite Goodness by adhering to him and rejoycing in him notwithstanding all Temptations to the Contrary Casting all my Care upon him and quieting my self in the Alsufficiency of my Heavenly Father having a God in Covenant who will supply all my wants and take care of me as his own Shall I not give him the glory of his Truth and Power by trusting him in every Condition By confidence in his Promise Dependance on his Word Faithfulness to his Interest and Constancy in his Service to the end Is it not a most encouraging Thought That God doth never Abandon any who do not first forsake him And after such strict Engagements as I have laid upon my self shall I ever strike the fatal stroke with my own Hand Shall I be off and on say and unsay promise and retract And after I have proceeded thus far shall I forsake the Fountain of Living Waters and turn again to broken Cisterns After I have examin'd my self consider'd my ways confest my Sins and upon serious Deliberation am come to a Resolve and in pursuance of it have devoted my self with such solemnity to be the Lord's shall I ever after this forsake Him and my own Mercies and lightly esteem the Rock of my Salvation Now I have