slip have I not made it more my business to seem Religious then really to be so how much of the Patience of God have I abus'd refusing his calls to Repentance resisting the strivings of his Spirit smothering my Convictions and turning the grace of God into wantonness In stead of returning gratitude for all his Love I have repeated my Transgressions after Forgiveness and gone in a circle of Repenting and Sinning even to this day Lord I am Asham'd and lay my self in the dust before thee To me belongs nothing but shame and confusion of Face If God should condemn and punish me as a Rebell and a Traitor and give me the Portion of Hypocrites I cannot but own his Justice even in Hell I must do it with my flaming Tongue and Breath O Spare me for thy mercies sake Enter not into Judgment with thy servant for in thy sight shall no flesh living be justifi'd if Thou lay Judgment to the line and equity to the Plummet Give me Repentance unto life never to be repented of never to be retracted againe Bring me to the Bloud of Jesus which cleanseth from all sin Behold the sighings of a contrite Spirit For I acknowleg my Transgressions unto thee against whom I have sinned o Lord forgive the Iniquity of my Sin. I am unworthy to lift up my hands and Eyes towards Heaven unworthy to be called thy son or thy servant I am vile in mine own eyes because I have made my self vile in thine For this I am troubled and mourn and my Soul is grieved within me O thou Heavenly Physitian of Souls from thy Pitty alone I expect my cure I am miserable and undone without thy Compassion and expect no relief but from the Treasure of thy Grace I must perish and sink under the burden of Sin if thy mercifull hand doe not save me and lift me up I am intangled and insnar'd by the Devill and my Lusts and without thy Succor can never hope to get free O Lord for give my Sin and heal my Soul deliver and save me for thy mercies sake May I not yet hope in thy mercy thou hast mercyfully born with me hitherto thou callest me to repent thou commandest me to return and promisest to forgive those Sins which are confessed and forsaken O do not cast me out of thy Sight and Presence now I desire from the bottom of my Heart to return to thee I abhorr my self in dust and ashes for my past Iniquities But alas such is the hardness of my Impenitent Heart that I am even asham'd of my humblest Repentance how much more may God despise and reject it But hast thou not given thy H. Son to dye for Sinners and exalted him to this very end to be a Prince and a Saviour to give Repentance and Remission of Sins And by the word of thy Grace thou beseechest all even the Greatest Sinners to accept of mercy and art more willing to pardon then we can be to Repent T is thy Delight and Glory agreable to thy nature and declared Name as a God gracious and mercifull slow to Anger and of great Kindness fergiving Iniquity Transgression and Sin. O Pardon mine Iniquity for it is great and receive an humble Penitent who implores thy Grace according to the Tenor of thy new Covenant flying to the arms of thy Mercy thro the merits of Jesus Christ who is able to save to the uttermost all that come unto God by him Lord hear my Prayer and let not the mixture of my weaknesses and unworthiness turn it into Sin but graciously vouchsafe to look upon a returning Prodigal and cause me to hear the voice of Joy and Gladness that my sorrowfull Heart may be comforted and my life be directed to thy Praise Lead me into the path of life that I may no longer erre from the way of thy Commandments Teach me to do thy Will o God and write thy Law upon my heart that I may never more return to Folly. I am convinc't of the Evill of Sin of thy Right to govern me of the equity and Justice of thy Law of the sweetness and rewards of keeping thy precepts O sanctifie my Heart and make me Sound in thy Statutes that I may hate every false way and be devoted to thy Fear the remainder of my Life If there be any particular Lust or Wickedness which thro the power of Temptation and the deceitfullness of Sin you have fallen into that hath wasted Conscience and robb'd you of your Peace and provok't God to write bitter things against you be sure to humble your self without delay in an especial manner for that Backsliding Confess it freely with its aggravations Consider wither it was not after some special manifestation of God's Love after some special warning some strong Conviction under or soon after some great Affliction from God or some more then ordinary kindness of his Providence c. and impress such Thoughts to humble your self the lower search into the grounds and causes of such Apostacy such as the abatement of your watchfullness the neglect of serious closet devotion making bold with Temptation too great compliance with vaine Company venturing too far in lawfull or indifferent Things too much Confidence in your own Wisdom Strength and stedfastness not fearing sufficiently the Approaches and Beginnings of Sin or avoiding the fuell incentives and occasions of it c. Palliate and disguise nothing that may make your sin exceeding sinfull least by some little Art of the Devil you deceive your self by an half-Repentance and the Evil Spirit you think to be cast out return againe with seven worse then himself and so your latter end be worse then your Beginning For if the sin be not truly hated but only cover'd over with penitential Ashes it will quickly flame out againe when it meets with combustible matter and a strong blast of Temptation But if you are griev'd to the very Heart and abhorr the Sin and resolve to quitt it you need not doubt of God's readiness to receive you to Mercy His Spirit is yet striving with you if you are willing to Repent and return to God. He sought you and call'd you to return when you were wandring as a lost sheep in the broad way and can you think he will not be found of you if you seek him with your whole Heart Therfore renew your Repentance and beg more earnestly a Spirit of Humility Holy Fear and Watchfullness and every morning implore divine succors against that Sin and all Temptations to it Which as much as possible you must avoid Constant and fervent Prayer after Repentance must be your refuge and your Remedy If you let fall your hands this Amaleck will prevail againe assoon and as far as you fail in the constancy and fervency of that Duty your Sin will get strengh and successfully attempt you another Time. But by this practise God may turn Evil to work for Good make you gaine by your loss stand the faster by your
Falls and become stronger by the discovery of your weakness and better establisht for the future But take heed that you pervert not the Grace of God and encourage your self to sin againe by the supposition that if you should Fall 't is but to Repent and renew your Resolutions and all will be well This is a subtle Artifice of Satan but such methinks as should take with none who have ever known by Experience what it is to Repent Luke 23. c. 30 17. â—â— 2. Who have felt the burden of Sin to be heavier then a Millstone then the weight of a Mountaine Who have tasted how evill and bitter a thing it is to depart from God. Who have loathed and abhorr'd themselves with deep Remorse and sorrow and Anguish of Spirit wishing with all their Hearts that they had not sinn'd and if it were in their power would give all the world to retrieve it and would rather dye then commit that Folly again they then repented of Let those who have not their own Experience to confirm this read over and consider the case of David when he wrote the Penitential Psalms How many like him have roar'd and cryed out under the sence of sin of stings and furies in their Conscience of the poison'd Arrows surrounding them wherever they went from the weight of sins Malignity the apprehensions of God's Anger and the consequent Fears of his Wrath. Serious Repentance after great Transgressions is another Thing then most imagine it When their aggravated Sins shall besett them behind and before be placed in order before their eyes and set in array against them 'T is allways a work of Difficulty as well as Importance to crucifie corrupt affections to tear a beloved Lust from the Heart with self-indignation to abhorr and cast away what before you lou'd and delighted in How did David's sin stare him in the Face it is continually with me it is ever before me saith He. It haunted him like a Spectre or like Belshazar's handwriting on the wall it still appear'd before him in some horrid shape How ever Sin may smile in its first address and bespeak us in flattering language and promise Pleasure and Profit and great Advantages and Satisfaction These are but fair Appearances This is but the outside of the Cup and the colour of the Liquor it will prove Gall and Wormwood and a mixture of deadly Poison if ever God set it home upon the Conscience and awaken us to a true sence of it And the Continuance of dayly Repentance for Sin Which all Christians are called to is no such easy matter neither Constant self-abasement and Humiliation before God from a sence of his Majesty and Holiness and of our many Sins and pollution therby the imperfection of our best duties continually to be bewailed inordinate affections to be still mortified always resisting and opposing Sin in its Root and branches conflicting against the whole Intrest of the Flesh the world and the Devil seeking after more Holiness to be deriv'd unto us by the Grace of Christ to be wrought in us by his Spirit and maintain'd by his power and making dayly applications to the Fountaine of all Grace for spiritual strength to continue our warfare against Sin in all Instances of outward duty and inward Actings of Grace even as long as we live all this is included in it Due Apprehensions concerning Repentance would teach us to beware of Sin. XXVII The necessity of Christian Resolution to Vpright Persevering Obedience how Full and extensive it ought to be and yet Humble By what means we may be assisted to perform that which we Resolve HAving acknowledg'd my Transgressions unto God and beg'd forgiveness and experimentally learnt the Evil of Sin by the bitterness of Repentance I resolve for the future to watch against it more narowly and against every thing that leads to it endeavoring to please and honour my God and Saviour by an upright obedient Heart and Life And for the Remission of my former contracted Guilt I trust to J. Christ according to the Revelation made in the Gospell of what he is hath done and suffer'd and continues to do in Heaven for the salvation of Repenting Sinners who desire to come unto God by Him. But how often o my Soul have I mockt God and deceiv'd my self with formal and faint Purposes of amendment my good Resolutions have been all of them as the morning cloud and the Early dew which quickly passed away One fresh assault of Temptation hath swept away all my good Purposes as a spiders web I have falsified so many and broke my word so often that I dare not trust to any thing I now resolve or rely on any promise I should farther make Succor me therfore o Lord by thy Powerfull Grace that what was defective in my former fruitless Resolutions may be now rectified Let me be more Humble in the sense of my weakness more dependant on thy Grace and more heartily seek it from time to time Strengthen me with Strength in my Soul with might and power in my inward man that I may so resolve and purpose as to perform that I may not be one day hot and the next cold zealous in the Beginning but faint and lukewarm in the Progress fervent and serious only in Resolving but weak and impotent in the Execution Having chang ' my Master my End and my Hopes by returning unto God from whom I had gone astray I firmly resolve thro the assistance of his Grace to change my course of Life That old things being done away all things may become new that being made free from Sin by pardoning Mercy Rom. 6. c. 22. and become the servant of Christ I may have my fruit unto Holiness that my End may be Eternal Life In the interim wither I live or dye let it be unto the Lord resolving both in Life and Death to be absolutely His. And to that purpose O my Soul let me seek for continual supplies of Grace from Christ my Head to inable me to yeild ready obedience in the most difficult hazardous painfull and humbling duties In vaine do I resolue it without the assistance of his mighty Power to strengthen my Heart and hands when ever I am called to such a Trial of my sincerity Without it I shall never recover my Liberty or break a sunder those bonds and cords wherwith I have formerly been held Captive as the Servant of Sin and Satan such is the weakness and treachery of of my own Heart the influence of ill Examples and the subtlety and cunning of the Tempter that otherwise I shall quickly change my mind and return to Folly as the Dog to his vomit The Spirit is so weak and the Flesh so frail the snares of the World so many the power of remaining Corruption so strong and of my self I am so unsetled and wavering fickle and unsteady and prone to Backsliding that all my strongest Purposes will not be sufficient without dayly
which way to turn he hath made my Path plaine Under sinking Disapointments he hath commanded Succour and been a present Help in the time of Trouble In Great Perplexities his Eye hath been my Guide and his own Arm hath brought Salvation it may be by the Ministry of his H. Angels obeing his order and giving unusual Intimations of very great and otherwise unsuspected Dangers or sending Relief and Deliverance by such small unlikely and unexpected Means as carried the name of God visibly ingraven on them Innumerable Calamities he saves me from which Others groan under and as many Blessings am I favor'd with whereof they are destitute He Spreads my Table and fills my Cup and gives me All Things richly to enjoy when many Excellent Persons of whom the World is not worthy are fed with the bread of Affliction and the Water of Affliction Others have only Necessaries or but few Conveniencies in Comparison with the Plentifull Provisions God hath made for my Chearfull Obedience to Him. And shall I not Praise Him for the precious Things of Heaven the blessings of the Earth the dew and the deep and more especially for the Goodwill of Him who dwelt in the Bush to sanctifie and sweeten All Wherby Common Mercies become the pledge and fore-runner of better Things as the fruit of his Special kindness the witness of his Truth and the seed of Peace and Joy and Righteousness and Praise by reason of his Blessing on all that I possess which otherwise would prove a snare and a Temptation and be intermixt with a Curse And besides the ordinary and Continued Bounty of every Day in the midst of how may Difficulties and Dangers Deut. 33. v. 13.14 have I felt the dear obligations of his Preserving Mercy abroad and at home in forreign Countries as well as my own in the midst of Enimies and among Friends in all Places and at all Times He hath prolonged my Health or made my Bed in Sickness He hath often granted the Desires of my Heart when ever it was for his Glory and contradicted my wishes and disapointed my Endeavors in other Instances when it was more to my Advantage From how many Mischiefs hath he sav'd me by such Things as I deprecated and would have hinder'd How many Evills hath he turn'd for Good He hath heard my Cry in the day Adversity and set my feet in a large Place He hath Chasten'd me for my Profit His Rod and his Staff have comforted me He hath spoken comfortably to me in the Wilderness Affliction hath been usefull and necessary Physick made an Instrument of Vertue and so a token of his Love. Therfore I will sing of the Mercy of the Lord for ever and with the voice of Thanksgiving will make known his Faithfullnes He hath all along conducted me by his Wisdom guided me by his Providence and the Angel of his Presence hath directed my Path and ordered all my Goings He hath been a Cloud to me by Day and a Pillar of Fire by night he hath helped me in my Straits and suppli'd my wants and comforted me in all my sadnesses His powerfull and gracious Presence hath been my constant Guard and his Soveraign never-failing Goodness hath compast me about with Mercy on every side For which O most Mercifull Father my Soul and all that is within me desires to speak thy Praise Ps 89. v. 1. The advantagious Circumstances of many divine Favors do raise their value and deserve to be particularly observ'd and and acknowledged How suitably how seasonably how wisely hath he conser'd his Benefits with what Tenderness and Kindness with what Freedom and Readiness Of his own bounty and goodwill without any Necessity or Obligation on his Part without any desert and Sometimes without so much as a Prayer on mine And what is more notwithstanding my Ingratitude and Forgetfullness of Him and great Provocations heigthned by the abuse of so much Mercy demanding nothing after all in requital of so much Kindness but my Acceptance of his Love and gratefull sense of his Goodness and the sweetest and most reasonable Expressions of it by Thankfull Obedience More especially would I Bless the Lord for Inlightening my mind in the Great Mysteries of Religion disposing in wonderfull Wisdom the several means and methods wherby he brought me to the Knowledg of the Truth by Parents Ministers Friends Acquaintance Books Afflictions c. Beginning with me in Childhood awakening and cultivating the inbred notions of God and natural Religion of Good and Evil Rewards and Punishments by the carefull Instructions of Parents or others concern'd in my Education giving me the advantage of Good Examples Counsels and Encouragements to know and do well with more assistance and less hindrances and diversions then to many Others Particularly for the Excellent Priviledge and inestimable Blessing of his H. Word and Sacraments the liberty of the Christian Religion in the Purity of it in most of those Places where God hath been pleas'd to cast my Lot. Causing me to lay down in green Pastures and leading me beside the still Waters Instructing me in the Revelation of his Will and Grace by J. Christ acquainting me with the sublime Principles and Articles Precepts and Rules Promises and Hopes of the Gospel in order to Eternal Life I bless Thee O Lord and shall for ever do so that with any or all these advantages and helps thy H. Spirit hath taught me to know the Truth as it is in Jesus heartily to believe and obey it That by thy Grace I have been convinc't of Sin and brought to Repentance showing me the necessity of a Saviour to make my Peace with Thee the All sufficiency of his Grace the fullness of his merit the freeness of his Love and his readines to receive me to mercy inviting and calling me to it and enabling me to accept his gracious Invitation and obey his Compassionate Call making me willing by a Powerfull and Victorious Grace drawing me with Cords of Love and so effectually persuading me to consent to thy Covenant and comply with thy message on the gracious terms of the Gospel Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord J. Christ who thro his abundant mercy hath begotten me againe to a lively Hope having humbled my proud Heart and conquer'd the perversness of my Stubborn Will and brought my Soul to an entire Subjection to himself Who took pitty on me when he saw me in my Bloud spread his skirt over me cast a mantle upon my nakedness washed me from my Sins and put his own Comeliness upon me by sanctification who open'd my Eyes when I was leaping blinfold into the pit of Destruction who healed my Soul when I was fick unto Death who rescue'd and recover'd me from the slavery of the Devil when I was led Captive by him at his will. Shall not a ransom'd redeemed Slave be thankfull to his Deliverer shall not a miserable undone Sinner who is receiv'd to mercy be thankfull for a
Pardon A wake O my Soul and utter a song of Praise to Him who forgiveth all thine Iniquities and healeth all thy Diseases who redeemeth thy Life thy Soul from Destruction and erowneth thee loving-kindness and tender mercies Hath he made thee pertaker of his own renewed Image and likeness given thee his Son his Grace his Spirit and taken such a wretched Creature into so near a Relation to Himself and promised to be thy God and Guide thy Portion and thine Inheritance thy Friend and thy Physitian thy Sun and thy shield and thine exceeding great Reward Ps 103. v. 2. and shall not my Soul speak aloud his Praise Hath he been mercifull to my unrighteousness and blotted out my sins hath he gathered me with his arm and carried me in his bosome hath he been my Saviour and Redeemer adopted me into his Family and promis'd to make me Blessed in his Glory with the H. Angels the Curse being removed and the hand writing against me cancell'd the Price paid the breach made up the mouth of Justice stopt and the condemning Sentence of the Law exchang'd for a gracious pardon thro the Sacrifice of my B. Lord Jesus and shall I not praise his incomprehensible Love and Grace I likewise thank Thee most Holy Father for saving me from Guilt and Ruine when assaulted by powerfull and dangerous Temptations that by preventing mercy or Restraining Grace Esa 43. v. 14. thou hast kept me from many Scandalous and presumptuous Crimes I thank Thee for making the Sins of Others a warning and a Caution to me an argument to humility and a motive to watchfullness for preserving my Judgment from many Errors and delusions by which others are seduced for enabling me to improve any opportunities of doing Good and making me in any thing usefull to Others yea I thank thee for all thy Mercies to other Christians for all the Gifts and Graces and usefullness of any of thy Servants wherin as a member of the same Body I desire to rejoyce for any support and comfort to me or Any of them under honourable Sufferings for thy name sake I desire unfeignedly to bless Thee for any Succor relief and victory with respect to the snares and buffetings of Satan and the vilest of his Temptations When he hath tempted me to Apostacy and Infidelity in Speculation and practise to question the Truth of the H. Scriptures and the Life to come to doubt of the foundations of the Christian Faith or to despair of the mercy of God and give up the Reins to sensual Lusts or to draw me from God by the love of the World and the praise of men by Evil Company Intemperance secret wickedness c. I bless Thee with my whole Soul for calling me back from any of my Wanderings and by infinite Goodness recovering me after great Falls enabling me to return when I had gone astray and seek thy forfeited Favor that thou mayst heal my Back slidings giving me in order to it a deep sense of my own Sin and of thy Soveraign Grace leading me to a Saviour whose Bloud cleanseth from all Sin when my guilty defiled Soul so much needed its pardoning and cleansing vertue awakening me to make holy vows and calling upon me by thy word and Spirit and Providence to perform them I Bless Thee who hast guided my feet into the way of Peace when by the terrors of an accusing Conscience and the sense of unpardon'd Sin and the apprehensions of thy deserved wrath I was ready to despair That tho thou didst most justly hide thy Face at any time it was but for a little while but didst seasonably and in mercy return to wipe off my Tears restore the Joy of thy salvation and chase away the clouds and darkness on my Spirit by the reviving presence of thy own Thou who art the Author wilt be the finisher of my Faith and therfore tho thou hast visited mine Iniquities with a Fatherly Rod yet thy Lovingindness thou hast not taken from me or suffer'd thy Faithfullness to fail or thy Covenant of Peace to be removed but hast refreshed me with hidden Manna after great Perplexities saying unto my Soul I am God even thy God making me to hear thy voce which was sweet and to taste thy Love which is better then wine enabling me to say with thine Apostle Thomas My Lord and My God. And to have any Communion with thee since in publick or private Duties For all these innumerable Mercies I desire to praise Thee which yet are but in order to greater to Everlasting Kindness in Heaven These are but the taste and earnest of what thou wilt bestow hereafter O how great his his Goodness that he hath laid up for Those that fear Him And now Lord what wait I for my Hope is even in Thee I thank thee who hast thus put it into my Heart to render thee solemn Praise and once more to renew my Covenant what thee I will magnifie the Lord and my Spirit shall rejoyee in God my Saviour Return unto thy rest O my Soul for the Lord hath dealt bountifully with me While (a) Psal 104.33 I live I will praise Thee and sing praises to my God while I have a being O come and behold the works of the Lord what he hath done for my Soul the Lord liveth (b) Psal 18.46 Blessed be my Rock and let the God of my Salvation be exalted Let my Heart be glad and my Glory rejoyce for the Lord is not asham'd to be called my God. Thanks be to God who hath caused me to triumph in Christ Jesus Sing unto the Lord O ye his Saints and give thanks at the Remembrance of his Holiness (c) Ps 30. I cryed unto thee and thou hast healed and sav'd me I will give thanks to Thee for ever (d) Psal 119.62 I will show forth thy Lovingkindness in the morning and thy Faithfullness every Night For the Lord is Good his mercy is Everlasting and his Truth endures throout all Generations O enter into his Gates with Thanksgiving and his Courts with Praise be thankfull unto him and bless his name Bless the Lord all ye his works in all places of his Dominion Bless the Lord O my Soul. Let me add for a Conclusion that the particular Deliverances Supports and Consolations which at any time God hath given in cases of great Exigence or in answer to importunate Prayer ought never to be forgotten Many experienc't Christians have been wont to write down such remarkable Appearances of God for them with the particular Circumstances that did recommend and enhanse the mercy wither Spiritual or Temporal as an encouragement to trust in God in future difficulties and have afterwards found the Comfort and Advantage of being able to have recourse to such Papers This practice I recommend as what hath been usefull and Consolatory to diverse Christians for many years afterward and to some others of their more intimate Friends to whom they might without vanity be imparted What experiences might be recorded of signal returns to Prayer and seasonable manifestations of the Truth and Goodness and wisdom of God if all the Instances therof were duely recollected and preserv'd And how sweet and pleasant would the work of Prayer and Praise then be with what rejoycing and delight should we set about it live in it if the constraining Goodness Love of God and a Thankfull sense of his unspeakable mercies did bring us to him and indite and animate every word what support and comfort and probable hopes at least of the special Love of God might we derive from the various passages of his Compassion and kindness And hereby we may be able more heartily to give him thanks for Pardon Sanctification and Adoption which we commonly mention with too much doubt and fear It may likewise be advisable to examine and record the workings of your own Spirit under such Dispensations What Thoughts you then had of God what acts of Faith Love Thankfullness you did then manifest what Evidences of God's favor and what discovery of your own Sincerity you have had at such Times when and how and by what means you were cured of your uncomfortable unbelief and raised from your despondency what Promises you had recourse to for relief what Considerations were most helpfull to you what Frame of Spirit you kept up in Prayer before and after what Resolutions and Engagements you made to God to love and trust and praise and serve him and give up all to his dispose for the future and what consequent obligation may be infer'd from thence to acquiesce in the Will of God and resign our selves entirely to Him saying This God is our God for ever and ever and He will be Our Guide unto Death THE END
of this Substance which is it self but a Shadow His Life is but a vapor on which they all depend then how much less are they to how speedy an alteration are they subject what numberless Instances of this doth one years experience furnish what sadning Disapointments and unexpected Calamities have befallen many since this Day Twelve moneth and multitudes who are now at ease and think their mountaine too strong to be removed shall meet with sharper Trials before the end of this year Alas how few consider or believe it till they find it so All men should count upon trouble and Disapointment suffering and sorrow in this world and he that hath the least share is reckon'd the most Prosperous man and yet he knows not how soon his Portion may be doubled We reckon our Joys by the absence of some degrees of sorrow and Calamity that others meet with and before the end of this year our condition may be as disconsolate as theirs O my soul tho I know this to be true tho I cannot I dare not deny it yet how difficult is it to conquer the Love of this world and of this Body to that degree I ought to undervalue the intrest of a short a mutable uncertaine and troublesome Life in comparison of the permanent possession of an Everlasting Good tho I know that what is earthly and temporal must needs be thus changeable and fading and that it is as true of Man himself as of any thing under the sun yet how do I forget what Man is how do I live as if all this were as certainly fals as it is unquestionably true admire love fear trust in Man as if he were the direct-contrary to what he is and seek for immortality upon earth act as if I were assured of it were not liable to any change tho I acknowledgd and know the contrary Tho the last years experience and the observation of every day doth convince me of it tho all history and all the records of the Grave attest it tho all mankind in every Age have found it so tho it be a manifest notorious truth legible in the various changes and calamities but especially in the Dust and ashes of all who have lived before us our Graves being often made of our Predecessors Dust and the Earth we bury in having once been living yet how little is it believed how seldom considered The Confirmation of it which one year gives us hath little Influence on our Hearts of lives with respect to the next We ought therefore to accustom our selves to these thoughts before such changes Happen to which our Final change shall ere long succeed They will be less efficacious if never admitted till our minds are opprest and feebled by the weight of Affliction We shall then want that vigor of Reason which should cooperate with the remedy and which if used before hand would help to support and stay our minds under all subsequent revolutions For those Considerations may be able to fix and stay our minds under changes that may not be sufficient to recover and raise our spirits after they are dejected and fallen II. Of the change in mens Inclinations Opinions and Actions which one year shows How observable it is in Others how much more discernible in our selves Honor and Reputation c. how uncertainly preserved and how easily blasted WHat a discovery doth one year make of the mutability of Man not only of his outward Condition but of the Man himself his temper his Practise his Inclinations his Aversions c. He abideth not at one stay every breath of wind turns him to another shape We despise to day that which we admired yesterday and to morrow hate the object of our present Love. We begin friendships and cancell them on slight occasions and a mortal enmity often succeeds to a tender affection the very Persons who are in one year our darling Friends and possibly deserved to be so may yet be open Enemies the next and seek our Ruine Lord what is man How deceitfull and mutable the Heart of man we know not what other men are or will prove to be till a trial and we are equally Ignorant concerning our selves till an hour of temptation How patiently do we think we could bear Afflictions till we feel them how Partial and mistaken a Judgment do we make of our wisdom and strengh in reference to the future we counsel others to submission and resignation in the most difficult trials and wonder they complaine so loud when we our selves despond and sink under half their Burden and send up our more impatient murmurs to Heaven when God thinks fit to prove us by a lighter Stroke We censure and condemn others who are in an higher Station and are called to more difficult work then we when by a little Advancement and the like Temptations we discover that we are as bad as they They who were reputed Humble Temperate and Religious when they have been exalted higher become Proud sensual and ungodly Had some been told a twelve moneth since what now they are and speak and act they would have made Hazael's answer Am I a Dog that I should do this A change in the publick affaires of the State and by that means of particular Intrests or some alteration of our own more private Circumstances calling us to new Duties and exposing us to new Temptations discovers us more to our selvs and to other men then was expected and proves us to be very different from what we appeared to be Such a change for Instance as from Poverty to Riches from Sickness to Health from obscurity to Honor from Privacy to a Publick charge c. or on the contrary May we not fear that some who a year since dared not live a day in the neglect of Closet and family Devotion do now omit it for many Days and weeks together And that some who once were careful to improve the whole Sabbath to religious purposes now place the whole of their Religion in attending the publick worship and think it enough not for that Day only but for the whole week Under the afflicting hand of God or some apprehensions of an proaching change or sens of Guilt upon Great Transgressions the convictions of sin are lively Conscience is sensible and awake affections warm Resolutions strong c. but alas how soon doth the case alter our Spirits cool our zeal abates our good Purposes untwist and dye and come to nothing By degrees we return to Folly and boldly venture on that sin we lately trembled at Thro the want of continued smart afflictions or of a serious awakening Ministry and friendly faithfull admonition or thro the Temptations of vaine Company and the remaining power of fleshly Lusts So that we falsifie our most sacred Promises and Resolutions violate our holy vows cancell the bonds of God upon us suffer the Devil to reenter and prevail again to take possession of our hearts and
and yet how few do take the warning carefully to prevent the like unhappiness O Lord preserve those strong Convictions those serious thoughts those holy Resolutions those lively apprehensions of the Life to come of the Evill of sin and the Terrors of thy wrath which the Sight of dying persons hath at any time awakened in my soul O the Eloquence of a dying sinner to persuade to Repentance even when he hath lost his speech and lays gasping and trembling on a bed of sickness breathing out his last faint breath and passing into the other world to answer for the crimes and follies of a wicked Life Lord revive thes thoughts upon my soul and let me feel the power and influence of them in the hour of Temptation and in every time of need And let the consideration of the death of Believers the Blessedness they are thereby entred into and the Holiness they are to posses'd of quicken my desires and diligence to prepare to follow When I think where they are and what they are doing what is their work and what their state what their continual imployment and what their Injoyments and how different from ours I cannot but wish to be with them to be as they are and do as they do to know and love and praise God as they They are not hindred by such a clog as this body is to us or tempted by their senses appetite and fancy to sin against him they complaine not of a seducing flesh unruly passions low and disordered thoughts of Temporal afflictions spiritual desertions the snares of the world and the malice and subtility of the Devil we who are Pilgrims and Travellers are exposed to these difficulties and storms which they are freed from They are now rejoycing in the light of God's countenance and shall never question his love more while we are in Tears and sorrows groaning to be delivered But think o my soul that they were lately such as we are now They were members of the militant Church before they entred into joy and Triumph They had their conflicts and difficulties their hour of Temptation and time of trial as we have ours They were slandered and persecuted and sadned and disapointed as their Followers are They went to Heaven the same way and got the victory after the same manner by Repentance and Faith and humble persevering Obedience They were once imperfect as we are now and complained of the Body of Sin and Death and struglings of unmortified lust as we doe and were sometimes in the dark about their intrest in the promise and walkt heavily by the hiding of God's face and indured Temptation even as we And as we have nothing to doe or suffer but what they met with we have the same encouragement that administred to their support the same God and Saviour the same way and rule the same assistance by the aids of his H. Spirit offred us the same promises and the same rewards proposed which they injoyed first in faith and hope and afterwards in fruition Yea they pass'd thro the dark valley and so must we their Earthly Tabernacle was dissolved and so must ours be We must expect to goe the same way to Rest and Glory and wait God's Time for our admission We must finish first the work which God hath for us to doe and suffer and then all Tears shall be wipt from our eyes we shall grieve no more we shall sin no more but be as the Angels in Heaven or as the Spirits of the Just made Perfect XIII What Influence the consideration of Eternity would have upon our Hearts and Lives if soundly believed and considered Especially if the supposition of Dying this year be annexed to it WIth what Humility mortification and self denial what seriousness watchfulness and resolved constancy would every Christian live on Earth did he act allways under the influence and power of a confirmed Faith concerning the Life to come We should not then grudge at a little labor or boggle at a few difficulties in our way What tho I meet with injuries and affronts hardships and inconveniencies being now in a forreign country and every day I live one days journey nearer my Eternal Home Shall I not patiently bear momentany sorrows while I believe I am hastening to Eternal Joys Did I look more to the Everlasting World should I not make the pleasing of God in order to my Eternal welfare the great Business of my Life Should I not serve the Lord with more fervency of Spirit and be better fortified against the Fears of man who can but hurt and kill the Body nor that neither without the permission of God Should I not order all my affaires answer all Temptations mortifie in ward Lusts live in the Exercize of Grace and in circumspect persevering Obedience in order to it Should I not watch more over my Heart and Lips and Ways be more diligent to trim my Lamps more dead to this world more carefull to call my self frequently to an account to renew my Repentance Would not my converse be more usefull and edifying my discourses more savory and full of Religion my Prayers to God more humble and earnest my charity to men more unfeigned and extensive and my preparations every way more suitable to such a Faith and to such apprehensions of an Everlasting State Could we carry the thoughts of Eternity about with us every day and often admit them in our civil and secular affaires did we repeat it frequently to our selvs at least every morning as soon as we are awake that we are near Eternity this graine of Incense would perfume the whole Temple and be an Antidote against inward Lust and impure thoughts against the Infection and defilement of bad Company and the snares of worldly Business and do much to prevent vaine and sensual actions and to cure vaine affections Did we believe it and believe it near should we not take as much pains to secure Eternal life as we see men doe to get Riches Should we not use the same diligence care and circumspection the same prudent foresight watchfulness and perseverance to prevent Everlasting destruction as others doe to provide against Poverty and to live in Plenty a little while on Earth Should we not rejoyce as much in the promise and hopes of it as others do in the prospect and expectation of some Earthly Advantage Lord I confess and bewail the weakness of my faith How often have I concluded and said that Heaven alone is the place of Happiness and yet my carnal Heart is too much affected with Earthly ThÃngs How often have I resolved upon the conviction of the certainty of the Eternal world to mind this less and to affect and seek it no more as I have done and yet my foolish Heart is hankering after it still O crucifie my affections to things below and let the believing Thoughts of the next Life render me victorious over all the Temptations of this Pardon and
to which Immortality is annext and labor to be accepted with God at whose Bar I must be judged endeavoring to keep the testimony of a good conscience and then it is not much wither I pass thro good Report or Evill Report no contempt or frowns or threatnings of men need then discourage me Tho I should be trampled on by the foot of Pride while others are happy in a dream for a little while and it may be have a prossperous passage to damnation I 'le rather thank God for delivering me from their Temptations and giving me the opportunity and call to hasten my Preparations for a Better World. Let God dispose of my Condition here and Reputation too as best shall please his Sovereign will only be pleased to keep me upright and to preserve me from Everlasting shame and confusion of Face after the general Resurrection and final Judgment vouchsafe me a portion now in thine approving love and own me for Thine at last in the Great and Terrible Day of Reckoning that then I may hear the Blessed Euge and enter into my Lords Joy XVII The same Argument considered farther as dissuasive from Worldliness and Earthly mindedness and as proper to confute the vanity of long Projects and great Designs for this World. ARe the years of my Life but few and they hastening to a Period and may this be my last Let me not then greedily covet riches and abundance and wast my little time to scrape together large Provisions for many years to come when I have no assurance to see the end of this Is it becoming such a belief to toyl from day to day that I may lay up that which I must so soon leave as if I were to spend and Eternity here on earth and in the mean while neglect the one thing Necessary Am I not upon the shore of Eternity may not the next tide carry me off and shall I spend my whole Life in Diversions from the maine Busines of it have I nothing els to doe but to gather shells if they were Pearls the absurdity were still the same and pile them upon heaps till I am snatcht away past all Recovery Shall I be regardless of an Eternal State and run the hazard of being undone for ever by sollicitous care about pretended Necessaries for a long abode on Earth Much less for superfluities when I am not certaine of the possession this one year Shall I magnifie and admire what is so soon to be parted with value my self upon thes things so as to despise those that have less and envy such as have more and suffer my mind to be distempered and my passions immoderate on every change of these things Tho I know besides my own mortality that to inforce the argument there is a principle of Corruption in all these things that our very Manna here in a little while will stink and Bread which is the staff of Life moulder our richest garments wax old and rot silver and gold rust and the greatest Beauty wither and every thing that is Earthly decay and perish And shall not this teach me to sit loose from all such Things Can I imagine that in my last hour it will be easier to part with much then little or better in the day of Judgment to have a great Estate to answer for then a lesser one We read concerning the Patriarch Abraham who rightly understood the transitory nature of riches and his own mutable Condition that the only purchase he made with his riches was a Grave choosing to take possession of the land promised him rather by a mark of his parting with it then of his Possessing it Did I think oftner and more seriously o my Soul of tarrying here but a littte while I should more easily be persuaded that a little of this world were sufficient to carry me thro it I should consider more that my Heavenborn soul is made and designed for another an endless World and therefore should not so far forget his own People and Fathers house as eagerly to pursue and seek what is suited only to the Body for a little while and whereof a little with Contentment will be sufficient The same Reflexion may be usefull to contract our Thoughts to present duty that we may not perplex our minds with long designs and projects which if we dye this year will come to nothing Our great Business in this world is adapted to the little portion of Time which is allowed us Not that good Designs for the publick Benefit may not be begun by one and finisht by others or that we are not obliged prudently to provide for those who shall come after us by attempting many Things of probable Advantage to Posterity But considering the shortness and uncertainty of Life not only should the most necessary Things be first minded and not put off by prosecuting such designs as may signifie some what to others when we are dead but we should not now omit that which we may hope to compass ourselvs to begin such things whose accomplishment must depend on the Pleasure of our successors Consideration and faithfull Counsell would in this case have prevented the fruitless expence of many mens Time and Money which if otherwise imployed might have turned to good account to themselves and others And this heightens our folly that while we pursue great projects in reference to this world and dye without effecting them our preparations for Eternity are neglected and so we are suddenly cut off in the midst of our Folly and all our Thoughts perish how easily how soon may they do so the difference and distance between Death and Life being no more then that of a Candle lighted from its being blown out and if it is exposed to all winds how quickly may that Happen XVIII The consideration of the certaine near Approach of an Everlasting State amplifi'd and prest to in force an Holy Life IN this world we begin a Year and quickly come to the end of it and ere long the little number of our years and days will be expired But when death conveys us into the World of Spirits the day of Eternity shall never be closed with an Evening Of how fearfull consequence is that Death by which an Eternity must be decided What attention what seriousness what diligence what care doth the decision of so important a matter call for ETERNAL what will be the next word o my soul how much am I concerned to know it will it be Blessedness or Misery will it be Life or Death This one word is the Joy of Angels and the Horror of Devils the unspeakable Delight of blessed Saints and the confusion and Despair of condemned Sinners At the Creation of the World Time got the start of us and was five days elder then we but our Immortal Souls shall indure beyond the utmost limits of Time and last as long as the Everlasting Father of Spirits of whose duration there is no end Shall I then
and the Prophets Christ and his Apostles neither should we believe tho one came from the Dead XX. The Eternal Blessedness of HEAVEN considered as the Perfection of Holiness to quicken our desires and endeavors after greater Meetness to possess it DOth one year after another hasten me to the end of Time and doth the Blessedness of Eternity depend on the Communications I now receive from God on the preparations I now make and the meetness I can now attaine for Eternal Felicity in the presence of my God and Saviour O with what Intenseness of mind should I now prosecute that glorious object with what unwearied diligence should I run the race that is set before me Least I fall short of the Incorruptible Crown of Life how should every thing be undervalued and rejected that would divert retard or hinder me from pursuing this end Lord be not a stranger to my soul in this distant Wilderness state Let me see more of thy light be transform'd more into thine Image experience more of thy Love feel more of thy vital Presence and quickening Spirit let the divine life in my soul be more powerfull and the characters of thy Likeness be more legibly stampt upon it by the dayly exercise of Faith and Hope and holy Affections carry me thro this World till my Pilgrim state be over and thou hast brought me to perfect Everlasting Holiness And let the believing fore-thoughts of it fill all the powers of my soul with Joy and wonder Desire and Love Give me Lord to think aright of the Heavenly Glory as a confirmed State of positive perfect holiness of heavenly Light Love Liberty and Joy with the satisfying vision of God in the face of Christ and his impressed Likeness dwelling forever in the direct and steady view of his transforming Glory with compleat conformity of the soul to Eternal Goodness Truth and Love as its perfection esteeming nothing desiring nothing but that God and Christ may be glorified with an intire subjection to his will adherence to him Rest and Confidence in him swallowed up in the love admiration and praise of God and our Lord Jesus living in joyfull repeated Acts of Subjection Adoration and acknowledg'd Dependance ravisht to behold the Glory of God in the Face of Christ see his blessed Image perfect in every one of the Saints c. When all the present Blindness of our minds the errors of our Judgment the Perversness of our Will the disorder and rebellion of our Passions the remaining Aversation from God and disaffection to him which in this world we complaine of shall all be done away The Flesh shall no more lust against the Spirit or the Law in our Members against the Law of our Minds but an Everlasting Tranquillity and holy Peace take place a Peace which passeth all understanding without any outward Molestation or inward cause of disquiet Our corrupted Nature shall no more cast forth mire and dirt as now we shall have no more vaine or wicked Thoughts no more sinfull Fears or foolish Hopes unbecoming Heats unruly Desires sensual Inclinations Earthly Affections feeble slothfull Spiritless Duties dead and heartless Prayers cold Thanks givings c. but as we shall then know God without Error and see our Lord Jesus face to face so we shall love him without reserve more then now we can think and serve him without dullness and distraction and praise him without weariness the spiritual actings of our souls shall have no allay of drosse And thus shall we be with him and admire and injoy him without end Thus when Death is swallowed up in victory and what was imperfect is done away and what was corruptible and mortal hath put on Immortality God in Christ shall be All in All And when it is truly and perfectly so Then it is Heaven A Word tho commonly used as little understood as Holiness which is one of the greatest Mysteries in the World. But will hereafter be fully and delightfully understood by the Blessed Saints as the Malignity and intrinsick Evill of Sin shall be by the Damned Spirits Oh that I might now feel more of this Heavenly Life begun and carried on in my soul by a farther participation of his holy Image and conformity to his will by more vital effects of his indwelling Spirit in my soul forming it to be a Temple to himself for his own delightfull residence that forgetting that which I have received I may still be Covetous and desirous of more forgetting what I have attain'd I may press on with an holy Eagerness and Fervency towards the mark When I seriously examine my own heart had I nothing els to prove the weakness of my Grace the sinfull remainders of unbelief but the low desires and few confortable Thoughts the seldom joyfull prospect of this Blessed State how sad an Evidence were it that I breath with no more Impatience after that Blessed holy Rest in the injoyment of God and Christ and labor no more in preparing for it when all the Desires of our Souls shall be fix't on Him and filled with him as our Infinite and supreme Good and all the Expectations of Faith and Hope swallowed up in endless admiration gratitude and Joy being fully satisfied and at Rest in the Presence and vision of God without the least Inclination or Desire of change And by consequence There will be no need of Novelty as now to give a relish to our Happiness All Happiness in this world is by comparing a man's present Condition with his past or with that of some Inferiors But the Intrinsick Good Felicity and Joy of Heaven will need no such foile to set it off no such comparison to make it prized The Blessed Spirits will never lose the lively sense of that low and miserable Condition from which they were raised to so great a Glory and so will ever equally rejoyce in the Happiness of their Translation and wonderfull change And what was at first delightfull will for ever be so and not be disdain'd or lessen'd by a continuance as it happens in this world from the Emptiness shallowness and vanity of the Creature An Affectation of variety and desire of change proceeding allways from a sense of want But Holy Souls shall never be weary of seeing loving and injoying God his blessed presence will afford us undecaying and endless satisfaction Pleasures never to be interrupted or abated and never to ceas The blessed object is absolutely Infinite and so will be allways new to a finite understanding and continual fresh Communications from his infinite fullness must needs make our subjective Happiness to be allways new Eternally So. Let me by such Thoughts quicken and excite my diligent endeavors after a greater meetness to injoy so Great a Bliss And to that end consider whither any of those happy souls who have finisht their course and obtained the Prize do now regret their utmost diligence patience and perseverance during their short abode here to secure
What inexpressible sweetness might Believers tast by rejoycing in Hope did a more lively Faith realize all this to their Souls we might listen as it were to the shouts and Acclamations of the Saints above and say Amen to their Thanksgivings We might behold them about the Throne of God and of the Lamb with Palms of victory in their hands a Crown of Glory on their heads and songs of Triumph in their mouths saying Allelujah Worthy art Thou o Lord Rev. 4. c. 11.5 c. 12.13 to receive Glory and Honour and Power for thou hast Created all Things and for thy Pleasure they are and were created And worthy is the Lamb that was slaine to receive Power and Riches and wisdom and strength and honour and glory and Blessing And againe Blessing Honour Glory and Power be unto him who sits upon the Throne and to the Lamb for ever and ever Whence is it o my Soul if indeed I believe and expect all this that I can hear and read and think and speak of these great Things with no more ardent affections suitable preparations importunate prayers and vigorous desires How should the believing Thoughts of that Day promote my Heavenly mindedness self-denial contempt of the world patience and perseverance quicken my zeal secure my stedfastness and give life and spirit to my Prayers for the hastening of it how should my soul rise towards Heaven by holy Love and desire ascend and meet him get as near him as I can breath after more of his presence and beg him to prepossess my Heart to anticipate his second Coming by clearer discoveries of his Love and fuller communications of his Grace Even so Come Lord Jesus XXIV Concerning the Examination of a mans Heart and Life the Reasonableness Advantages and Necessity of it Some direction and advice concerning the Time and manner That we may know in what Preparedness we are for ETERNITY I Am hastening every year every day to the period of this Life I must shortly appear before my Glorious Judge and experience these Terrors or Comforts this Blessedness or Misery which I have now read of Shall I not therefore inquire which of the two belongs to me Is it not worth considering wither I must goe and how I shall fare when I quit this Body what is like to be my next Habitation to which of the two unchangeable States I shall be adjudg'd Shall an Inquiry of so much consequence be put off to an indefinite Hereafter do I not desire to know the worst while a remedy may be found or am I content to dye thro an unwillingness to discover that I am Sick The question to be resolved is of infinite weight Shall I not spend a few hours to know what will become of me for ever An error is more then possible 't is easy to mistake and the hazard of doing so is unspeakably great How many thousands perish eternally even under the light of the Gospel who never suspected their danger how ordinary how common a thing is it for men to be thus deceived how successfull is the Devill in this Stratagem against the Souls of men Is it not then a most criminal stupidity to be contentedly Ignorant and unresolved Wither I am reconciled to God or no Wither I am led by the Flesh or the Spirit wither I am in the broad or narrow way which lead to such contrary Ends that is wither if I dye in this condition I shall be saved or perish Can such an Inquiry be frivolous or indifferent Is the subject of it so contemptible and my concern in it so small that it merits not to be attentively considered Shall I never ask my soul till I am leaving this world the unfittest Time of all to begin so important an affaire what am I to whom do I belong whose Image do I bear how have I liv'd what do I doe what do I love most what do I most constantly desire and choose and seek how doth the Pulse of my soul beat is it quickest towards God or towards the world wither am I goeing what will be final upshot and issue of my present course Is it Heaven or Hell I must be translated to by Dyeing what Security have I got for Eternal Life what provisions have I made what foundation have I laid How strangely infatuated are most men who talk of an Everlasting Life as an Article of their Creed and say they count upon it that they must dwell in Happiness or Misery for ever and that seldom or never bethink themselvs in good earnest and for any Time with a setled composed exercize of Thoughts Which of these Two is like to be their Lot. Or If they begin to search and try themselvs they come to no Conclusion or conclude too hastily they pluk off the plaister assoon as it begins to smart they are either frighted with the horrid prospect of past Crimes or haveing escap't the grosser Pollutions of the world judge too favourably of their own case They commonly do the work but by halves and so goe from the glass and forget what manner of persons they were Let me therfore o my Soul Sequester my self from the world to commune with my own heart to reflect upon my past Life and look in to my present strate to recollect and review the most considerable passages of my course and Time hitherto O how neglected and disused a Practise is this which doth challenge and require our principal and most Serious concern about it and how many begin it and are discouraged and leave off without reaching the End of such an Enquiry How much wiser in this respect are the Children of this world in their Generation then the Children of Light who is so Exact in his accounts between God and his own Soul as Trades-men in their dealings with one another who is at the pains to write down his Sins and his Mercies the grounds of his Fear and the encouragements of his Hope or keeps a Journal and Diary of his Spiritual State who doth at set times once a moneth or once a Quarter or even once a year take a just view of him self his Heart and Life and State as a Christian that he may see what he hath received and done what he owes and what he may expect that he may know wither he thrive or decay wither be increase or decrease wither he goe backward or forward wither he be Richer or Poorer this year then the last And is it not a symptom that you are declining when you love not to examine your Accounts Is there not ground of Jealousie and Suspicion that you are behind hand because you are loath to inquire whither you are or no and unwilling to know the worst of your Condition Nevertheless without Such Enquiries and bringing the matter to a determination at what uncertainties must we live and how unconceivable an haszard do all Hypocrites and unrenewed Sinners run and how reasonable how necessary is it that
that Awe of God with that Humility Fervency and Intensness of Spirit as some times they were are you not more Negligent and unconcern'd before and after wither you find any thing of this or no your Desires weak your Hearts flat your Thoughts wandring your Spirits trifling so the work be done and the duty be over in how formal customary and careless a manner soever it be you consider it not you lay it not to Heart you reflect not upon it you bewail it not or at least are better contented and sooner quieted and take less notice of the frame of your Heart in such Duties then formerly Examine farther how 't is with you as to the great distinguishssing Duties of an upright Christian if performed as they ought to be I mean Secret Pra er and meditation Are you as strict and carefull constant and Conscientious frequent and abundant in these as formerly may not our Closets and places of Retirement witness against us our former humble and importunate Prayers joyfull Thanksgivings and sweet Contemplation of the Mysteries of Religion compared with our present dayly practice will testifie that we are declin'd and fallen Moreover consider the Evil of Sin and how your Heart stands affected to it Is not your Hatred of Sin and Zeal against it much decayed especially with respect to inward Spiritual sins such as the secret workings of unbelief and distrust pride envy uncharitableness c. Doe you bewail it shire against it and shun the occasions and fear the Temptations that may lead you unto Sin as once you did Have you not lost much of that tenderness and holy Jealousy over your heart and ways you formerly had Doe you not now make more bold with Temptation Are you not of oftner conquered and with less Reluctance and by small Temptations c. Are you not more Unserviceable Root and Fruit in a withering condition God less Honour'd and Others less profited and edifyed by your Example and Life doe you not adhere more to the world conform to it and comply with it in many things which formerly you durst not have done and are every day waxing worse Make a pause a while and bethink your self what this will come to at last even the little Good that remains is ready to dye May I not ask such Christians or desire them to ask themselves what is all ready the effect and consequence of this declension Is not God's Spirit removed and the Light of his Countenance Ecclipst yea as to many of them are they not under Sad apprehensions of God's displeasure do they not feel the terrors of the Lord do they not walk heavily from day to day they that could once converse with God on all occasions as a Friend and a Father do now think of God and are troubled thick Darkness doth incompass them round about they have lost the sence of his Love the comforts of his presence and their Song in the night and see no relief This is a more hopefull case however then theirs who are under great Backslidings and Desertion and hardly sensible of it To awaken and affist both Consider I beseech you whence you are fallen and what you have lost and what will be the issue of this if Sickness or some smart Affliction overtake you or if you should dye in this condition And inquire seriously and presently into the cause of all this Evil for a few transient thoughts will not affect the Heart and persuade to Action And do it presently because by every delay your work will be the harder your danger the greater and your Recovery the more difficult Reflect upon the Sinfullness as well as Affliction of this case know you have displeased God and run from him neglected his Presence and griev'd his Spirit and in what Instances you have done so that have made him weary of his dwelling what Ordinances you have slighted what Duties you have omitted what sins you have given way to in order to Repentance and deep Humiliation Can you contentedly sit still with this dismal State of Things while God hath somewhat yea a great deal indeed against you for having left your first Love will you not endeavor to remove that which hath made such a separation between God and you and brought you thus low what Communion with God what communications of his Grace what influences of his Spirit and Evidences of his favor have you lost and will you not acknowledg your Iniquity and abase your selves in the Dust and return to the Lord and doe your first works that he may heal your Backslidings and receive you graciously that you may againe take hold of his Covenant and be at Peace with him But to be at Peace with God is not the whole of your Concern you need not only a Pardon but a Physitian to heal you as doth a Malefactor that is not only liable to the Law but desperately sick Your State is sinfull and dangerous as well as troublesome From performing duties in such a manner as you now do you may quickly be Tempted to let them altogether alone God may be so far provok't to suffer Satan to make attempts upon you of that kind and he is forward enough to make use of such an opportunity to try all his Snares and Stratagems against you till he prevail with you to think hardly of God himself Vid. Mr. Gilpiu of Temptations p. 2. chap. 6. unthankfully to overlook all his former kindnesses to put the worst Interpretation that can be upon all his Providences to distrust and quarel with him as if his faithfullness had failed and his Mercy were clean gone for ever and there were no hope left for one in your case and so run into Desperation and thro the subtlely and violence of Satan's Temptations try the most foolish and unlawfull means for ease and cure either open Licentiousness or it may be self Murder Therfore speedy present Repentance is necessary to find out and mortifie every Corruption and that especially which Conscience tells you you have most indulg'd from whence your Distresse doth principally arise Confessing your sin freely fully and without reserve and waiting on God in the diligentuse of all means for the recovery of that which you have lost and Justifying God in his Righteousness Truth Wisdom Holiness in all his Rebukes That you may regaine a Spirit of Prayer and taste the sweetness vertue and efficacy of every duty and of every ordinance and God may give you the Garment of Praise for the Spirit of Heaviness and the Joy of the Lord may be your Strength for future service and suffering In the mean time do not cast away your Hope but tho you have too justly depriv'd your self of the Faith of Assurance yet indeavor to maintaine and exercise the Faith of Adherence Vid. Dr. Owen on 130 Ps 2. Say unto God that because there is Forgiveness with him therfore he is to be feared My sin is not too Great to be
forgiven T is not the Vnpardonable Sin fer I desire to repent and am resolv'd to return I will still cleave to the Lord and wait upon him and follow hard after him and take no other course for Deliverance and comfort Mine is not a single Case I am not the only Soul that hath been so distress'd and yet found relief by seeking unto God. This therfore good for me to hope Lam. 3 c. 26. and quietly wait for the Salvation of God. I will draw near to God I will lay at his foot and continue in all ways of Worship and Duty wherin I may hope to meet with the quickning and comfort of his Spirit I will seek relief from no other I will keep as near him as I can wither els shall I goe he alone hath the words of Eternal Life he alone can create what is the fruit of his own lips Peace Peace I will encourage my self in the consideration of his General Grace Vid. Mr. Baxter's method for Peace of Conscience and the probabilities of his special Love I will recollect my former Experiences when I had some good hope thro Grace concerning my Adoption I will remember the years of the right hand of the most High. If God will give me so much Grace as to continue waiting I will hope still and tho I walk in darkness and see little or no Light I will stay my self upon the Lord. And if by the want of sensible Consolation he will make me more humble and keep me in a greater Submission to his will I will bless his holy name and derive more comfortable hope from thence then from the most sweet and sensible Consolations I ever had and look upon Humility self denial Dependance on God Resignation to him and Hatred of sin as a better sign of his Love then the highest fervors of Affection in his service can be Oh that I had formerly done as much for Holiness as I have for Comfort by the joyment of the one I should have had more of the other the exercise of Grace would have discover'd the Truth of it Let me therfore accuse and condemn my self but still trust and love God and wait upon him Let me resolve never to choose a new Lord or Master Or take up with any Portion beneath God him self or any of Hope or Salvation but by J. Christ my only Saviour neither let me forsake the way of Faith and Holiness for all the hopes and Happiness of this world if put to my choice But be allways able to say Blessed be God I now can that I will return to my former Husband for then it was better with me then now I had peace and refreshment in my former ways I will return to them Lord forsake me not utterly keep not thine Anger for ever cast me not away from thy presence and take not thy H. Spirit from me Restore unto me the Joy of thy Salvation that my Heart may be in larged to prayse thy name and to run the way of thy Commandments XXVI Confession of Sin Humiliation and Repentante must follow upon Self-Examination Advice concerning Repentance of some particular Backsliding The great Perplexity and Distress of a Penitent Sinner represented as a Caution against returning to Folly. THat we may turn unto the Lord is the end of searching and trying our Ways Lord I have been searching my Heart and considering my ways but can find little or no good neither can I discover all that is evill in both But I find enough to make my own Heart condemn me and Thou who art greater then my Heart and knowest all things mayst much more condemn me I am altogether unclean polluted and abominable If I goe about to enumerate the Sins of my Thoughts words and actions in all the periods of my Life hitherto if I consider my omissions of Duty and dayly Crimes by actual commission if I reflect upon my Sins according to their respective objects as either against Thee o God and against my Neighbour and against my own Soul or compare my Heart and Life with thy strict and holy Law and think in how many Instances I have tansgrest every of thy Righteous Commandments I find they are more then the hairs on my head they can not be number'd who can tell how oft he hath offended many of my sins make little Impression on my Memory doe I observe them not I remember them not but this hinders not but they may make deep Impression on my Conscience which will one day be awake and set them in order before me and they are all written in thy book of Remembrance in order to my final Judgment All my sins are before thee but thou requirest my humble Confession of them in order to Repentance and as a part therof that I freely acknowledg their hainous aggravations to shame and humble my self the more before thee whom I have offended and provok't How long did I serve diverse Lusts and Pleasures with the neglect and forgetfullness of God How sad a prospect may I take of the far greatest part of my Life past especially of my younger years which have been trifl'd away in vanity and folly And since I have known the way of Truth how shamefully have I prevaricated with God I am confounded to consider how often I have despised the Commandment and rebelled against the Light against the Principles of education and the checks of Conscience frequent warnings from God and reproofs from Others contrary to my Profession and Experience contrary to the obligation of peculiar mercies solemn Promises Resolutions and Engagements and a nearer Relation to God then of many others which sins have more dishonor'd my Lord discredited his H. Gospel gratifi'd the Devil scandaliz'd the world and strengten'd the hands of the ungodly then the sins of others And alas How much of my precious Time is thus gone which if duely improv'd would now afford me comfort to review How much Guilt have I contracted every year particularly in this last I now begin another which will soon be gone as that which was concluded yesterday And shall I only advance in Age to increase the number of my sins and heigthen my Account against the Day of Reckoning In Temporal and Civil Affaires Day unto Day uttereth knowledg and Night unto Night teacheth Wisdom We are Taught by Experience many usefull lessons which we should not els have learnt to reform many Errors and mistakes to correct many rash and foolish Actions and Speeches c. And shall I not learn wisdom by the Experience of another year in what concerns my greatest my Eternal Interest shall not the reflexion on my past sins prevent my Commission of the like How many Years hath God vouchsaf't me to work out my salvation but how little have I done towards it had I dyed this last year how unprepar'd must I have made my Appearance before his Tribunal what opportunities of doing and receiving good have I let
strength from above My senses are so deceitfull my Passions so ungovernable the Rule and Law I am to walk by so strict and spiritual and extensive Criminal Omissions may be so frequent and easily overlook't so many several and difficult Duties are to be performed and by every change of my Condition or of God's Providence so many new dangers and new duties may arise that I fear the issue of my firmest Resolutions So strict a watch must allways be kept such humility and Caution is every where to be practis'd such speedy Repentance required after every fall with thankfullness and contentment in every State under all Calamities be they never so many or never so pinching and perseverance herein absoluty necessary tho never so many stratagems be used to discourage me from proceding or to intice me to goe back or turn aside to some other Path that if God had not promised me his Continued presence and that his Grace shall be sufficient for me and that I shall not be Tempted above what I am able to bear I should utterly despaire of making good what I now resolve But besides these promises to encourage my resolved obedience he hath left upon record in his word many glorious Examples of his assisting and rewarding the courage and resolution of his servants to continue faithfull as in the case of Joseph Daniel and his Three Friends c. If Christ stand by and strengthen me I know I shall be able to do all things I shall not then be flattered or frighted out of the way of my duty no wind that can blow shall then turn me to another point nothing shall then be able to prevail for my consent to a willfull and deliberate forsaking of God no Argument no Temptation tho Privacy Opportunity Impunity from men with rewards of wordly Gaine and Honour should all concurr to enforce a Temptation But by that heavenly mind I shall be preserv'd Humble Temperate Chast patient Thankfull self-denying crucifyed to the World and hold fast my Integrity till I dye still perfecting Holiness in the fear of God growing in Grace and in the Knowledg of my Lord and Saviour J. Christ waxing stronger from day to day be seldomer surprized offend less and repent more quickly and watch more narrowly afterwards till at last I receive the Crown Fix therfore I beseech thee most Gracious God! my unfeigned Resolutions of cleaving to thee with full purpose of Heart and show thy strength in my weakness by inabling me to doe what I now resolve To that end teach me to watch over my Heart to keep it with all diligence to be more conversant with my own Thoughts examining the motions that arise in my Heart whence they come and whither they goe and what they tend to that I may suppress the beginnings of Sin. Let me live no longer as a stranger to my self but by self-reflexion dwell more at home reckoning my principal Work to be within doors to keep my own vineyard Teach me to watch over my senses to guard the door of my Lips to govern my Passions to be wary of my Company to be circumspect in every step of my dayly walk to call my self frequently to a reckoning to cast up my accounts at the foot of every page by every days review of my Actions to live allways as in God's presence and be awed every where by the thought of his Holy Eye to shun the occasions and appearanees of Evil c. And because no place no Condition no Imployment is exempted from Temptations let me fortifie my self every morning against all Assaults for that day by Serious Prayer as Holy David was wont to do My voice saith he shalt thou hear in the morning O Lord in the morning will I direct my Prayer unto thee and will look up Psalm 5. v. 3.4 Let the law of God be my dayly and delightfull study that I may be able presently to bring my words and Actions to the Touchstone and know how to manage the sword of the Spirit on all occasions against the fiery Darts of the Devil that knowing the rule I may not be doubtfull or at a losse when ever I am Tempted I may not make a stand to parley but immediately summon all my forces to resist and reject the snare being assur'd from God that the Continuance of this warfare shall end in a most Glorious Victory He will shortly tread down Satan under our feet Thanks be to God thro Jesus Christ my Lord. XXVIII The Import and Obligation of our Baptismal Covenant The renewal of it by a solemn Dedication of our selves to God the Father Son and H. Spirit exemplifi'd and recommended ALl this O my soul which I have now resolu'd on is no more then what I am obliged to by my vow in Baptism to renounce the Devil and his works the Flesh and the Lusts therof the World and conformity to it that I may Love and Serve the Lord agreable to the undoubted Right which God hath in me by Creation Redemption and his innumerable other Benefits But The outward washing of Baptism and a visible profession of obedience will not save me without the Answer of a good Conscience towards God. 1 Pet. cap. 3. v. 21. May I not by the consideration of my Baptismal Covenant suppose God speaking to my Conscience to this effect Will you take me for your whole Portion and Felicity and my Law for the constant Rule of your obedience and fight against the world the flesh and the Devil to your lives end will you believe in Jesus Christ and receive him as a Prince and Saviour and adhere to the faith and obedience of the Gospel how hazardous and difficult soever the profession and practice of it may be Will you receive the B. Spirit as your Teacher Sanctifier and Comforter and cherish all his Motions to inlighten purifie confirm comfort and assist you 'T is my hearty consent to these Terms and resolved compliance with them which Baptism obligeth to and this is the Answer of a good Conscience towards God. I have often renewed this Covenant on several occasions but did I ever duely consider the tenor and obligation of it How have I lyed unto the God of Truth dealt deceitfully whath Him and been False and Fickle treacherous and unfaithfull to what I promised O let me now againe repeat it and give up my self once more to be the Lords more unfeignedly more firmly then ever I have hitherto done that the bonds of God upon me may be strengthned and my soul more throughly ingag'd to be the Lords O help me to do it with the greatest seriousness as the most important Affaire of my whole Life by thine aid and grace alone shall I be sincere and cordial in this surrender and Dedication of my self O breath upon my soul most H. Spirit the Power of the Highest that there may be no Hypocrisy or Reservation in this so weighty and solemn Transaction between God and
persuade to be of my mind will serve the Lord. I intend desire and hope never willfully to violate the Faith I have now plighted in the presence of God but to continue stedfast unmoveable all was abounding in the work of the Lord c. Should I undertake any new Imployment or enter into any new Condition or change the place of my Abode where I might see more of God's dishonour and meet with more and stronger Temptations to Sin and be called to the performance of more difficult duties greater Watchfullness and self denial c. I would hope hereby to ingage the presence of God with me and his Blessing on all my Affaires on which depends the success of all that I undertake and would hope the better to preserve my Integrity not only This Year but in all the remaining portion of my Time by the abiding sense of my Covenant with God thus seriously renewed This is the method I have been often advis'd to for Peace of Conscience under doubts and scruples concerning my spiritual State to put the matter out of doubt by againe accepting the offered mercy and Grace of the Gospell and heartily consenting to the new Covenant giving up my self to God in Christ to be ruled and saved by him Blessed be God I have now done so Lord say Amen to thy part of the Covenant that Thou art and wilt be my God as I desire unfeignedly to do to mine that I will be thy Servant But because Articles are sooner consented to then made Good tho I seriously intend never to disown this my solemn Act and Deed but firmly to adhere to it as long as I live that having sworn I will endeavor to perform it that this shall be my Everlasting Choice never to be recanted or alter'd yet considering the sad Instances of my former weakness and the vigilance and subtle malice of my Great Adversary I againe implore the succor of divine Grace to keep it for ever in the purpose of my Heart that it may be as the Laws of the Medes and Persians never to be reverst I have given up my name to be Thine O put thy Fear into my Heart that I may never depart from Thee Imprint thy Laws upon my Heart that my obedience may be uniform and universal unwavering and perpetual suitable 〈◊〉 so honourable and near a Relation to Thee I am sensible I want Wisdom and Strength to that purpose but thou hast bid me ask it of Thee who givest liberally to All without desert and upbraâ—â—est not with present unworthiness or former faults O lead me not into Temptatien but deliver me from Evill Stand by and strengthen me in the Hour of Trial least I forget my vows and deny Thee O that my Soul may never draw back least Thine have no Pleasure in me I can serve no better Master O let mine Ears be bored to the door of thine house as the Token and Assurance of my being thy Servant unto Death I know 't is my Duty I am sensible 't is my Priviliedge and Honour I am convin'd that 't is my Interest and Felicity my Soul my Life my present and everlasting Well-fare and All depends upon it that thou shouldst be my God for ever O conduct me by thy H. Spirit of Grace that I may walk and Act as having heartily consented he should be so and direct my Heart into thy Love and the faithfull keeping of thy Commandments That when so many Professors make shipwrack of Faith and a Good Conscience and discredit the Religion of my Lord by their shamefull Falls thou mayst make me to stand and improve the warning of their Examples to walk humbly and while I stand to take heed least I fall Having thus surrendred my self to God what is there o my Soul that is ever like to prevail with me to goe back and revolt from him Is the gratification of a Lust the securing of an Estate compliance with a Friend the pleasing of a Superior living in Ease and Honour and outward Prosperity for a little while the saving my Body from suffering or my Life from violence or what ever els be the Motive of my ufaithfullness to God and Apostacy from Him Is Any is All of these any way considerable compared with the Blessedness of having God to be my God. For therby I have the forgiveness of all my Sins and the Assurance of his Favor the certainty of present Protection and Provision all Creatures reconciled to me and to be imployed for my Good as the Friend of God All things to work together for my Advantage and by the evidence of my Adoption a well grounded hope of Eternal Life God as my Sun and Shield will give Grace and Glory and with hold no Good Thing So unspeakably Comprehensive are the Priviliedges of so near a Relation to God in Christ O happy are the People who are in such a case Blessed are the Persons whose God is the Lord. Doe I resolve to abide by my Choice and to trust in Christ for persevering Grace and shall I not ought I not to take Comfort in it Shall I not give God the Glory of his infinite Goodness by adhering to him and rejoycing in him notwithstanding all Temptations to the Contrary Casting all my care upon him and quieting my self in the All-sufficiency of my Heavenly Father having a God in Covenant who will supply all my wants and take care of me as his Own. Shall I not give him the glory of his Truth and Power by trusting him in every Condition by confidence in his Promise Dependance on his Word Faithfullness to his Interest and Constancy in his Service to the end Is it not a most encouraging Thought that God doth never Abandon any who do not first forsake him And after such strict Engagements as I have laid upon my self shall I ever strike the fatal stroke with my own Hand shall I be off and on say and unsay promise and retract and after I have proceeded thus far shall I forsake the Fountaine of Living Waters and turn againe to broken Cisterns After I have examin'd my self considerd my ways confest my Sins and upon serious Deliberation am come to a Resolve and in pursuance of it have devoted my self with such solemnity to be the Lords shall I ever after this forsake Him my own Mercies and lightly esteem the Rock of my Salvation Now I have learn'd in some mensure what Sin is by the sorrows and anguish of an Hearty Repentance now I have discoverd so much of the Snares and Devices of Satan wherby I have formerly been betraid now I am sensible of the dangerous and powerfull influence and Infection of bad Company the Treachery of fleshly Lusts the bewitching Temptations of the World and have tasted a little by my own Experience of the Pleasantness of Wisdoms Paths the Peace and satisfaction of Devotedness to God by the present Rewards of a calm Conscience the communications of divine Grace and