concern_v truth_n and_o why_o many_o that_o live_v a_o long_a time_n under_o much_o mean_n yet_o continue_v very_o ignorant_a it_o may_v be_v ever_o learning_n and_o never_o able_a to_o come_v to_o the_o knowledge_n of_o the_o truth_n 2_o ti._n 3._o 7._o and_o as_o the_o seed_n upon_o the_o stony_a ground_n wither_v away_o because_o it_o have_v no_o root_n so_o truth_n not_o be_v root_v in_o the_o heart_n and_o judgement_n though_o it_o spring_v up_o in_o much_o affection_n yet_o it_o come_v to_o nothing_o and_o indeed_o ignorant_a person_n many_o time_n be_v soon_o affect_v and_o do_v seem_v to_o have_v more_o affection_n than_o other_o he_o reason_n of_o that_o i_o conceive_v be_v the_o same_o also_o with_o that_o of_o the_o seed_n upon_o the_o stony_a ground_n it_o spring_v up_o sudden_o because_o it_o have_v not_o depth_n of_o earth_n so_o it_o be_v natural_a for_o ignorant_a person_n to_o spring_v forth_o in_o affection_n they_o have_v as_o it_o be_v nothing_o else_o to_o do_v but_o only_o to_o be_v affect_v their_o strength_n run_v all_o in_o one_o vein_n or_o in_o one_o channel_n they_o spend_v all_o in_o affection_n while_o other_o that_o have_v more_o understanding_n have_v many_o other_o thing_n to_o do_v all_o the_o faculty_n of_o their_o soul_n be_v exercise_v their_o strength_n be_v disperse_v into_o many_o vein_n weigh_v and_o ponder_v thing_n in_o the_o heart_n and_o judgement_n that_o it_o may_v have_v depth_n to_o root_n and_o settle_v there_o as_o it_o be_v say_v of_o mary_n she_o ponder_v those_o thing_n in_o her_o heart_n luke_n 2._o 19_o so_o they_o be_v treasure_v it_o up_o in_o their_o heart_n have_v in_o their_o treasury_n thing_n new_a and_o old_a mat._n 12._o 35._o and_o 13._o 52._o and_o a_o little_a affection_n where_o there_o be_v judgement_n be_v better_a than_o a_o great_a deal_n without_o judgement_n yet_o much_o affection_n with_o a_o sound_a judgement_n be_v best_a of_o all_o the_o second_o note_n of_o experience_n how_o i_o be_v bring_v to_o see_v myself_o in_o a_o miserable_a state_n by_o nature_n and_o convince_v of_o sin_n by_o the_o law_n and_o so_o convert_v to_o duty_n labour_v for_o life_n by_o do_v though_o at_o that_o time_n in_o my_o own_o thought_n far_o from_o own_v such_o a_o thing_n by_o providence_n hear_v a_o minister_n of_o the_o nation_n who_o be_v then_o call_v a_o puritan_n who_o though_o i_o use_v often_o to_o hear_v yet_o i_o can_v true_o say_v as_o the_o prophet_n in_o dan._n 10._o 8._o i_o hear_v but_o i_o understand_v not_o and_o as_o i_o be_v once_o hear_v of_o he_o very_o sudden_o i_o think_v i_o do_v discern_v and_o understand_v thing_n more_o clear_o and_o more_o distinct_o than_o ever_o i_o do_v before_o that_o time_n be_v much_o affect_v with_o it_o and_o do_v then_o own_o god_n in_o it_o have_v many_o such_o thought_n as_o these_o that_o as_o it_o be_v say_v of_o lydia_n act._n 16._o 14._o that_o now_o the_o lord_n have_v open_v my_o understanding_n and_o now_o i_o hope_v i_o shall_v have_v more_o knowledge_n and_o delight_v more_o in_o hear_v and_o read_v whereas_o before_o it_o be_v wearisome_a to_o i_o because_o i_o do_v not_o understand_v any_o thing_n but_o in_o a_o confuse_a manner_n after_o this_o i_o have_v a_o great_a delight_n to_o hear_v this_o man_n and_o though_o i_o think_v it_o much_o on_o any_o other_o occasion_n to_o go_v one_o mile_n on_o foot_n yet_o to_o hear_v he_o i_o can_v go_v three_o and_o back_o again_o the_o same_o day_n frequent_o and_o by_o his_o ministry_n i_o be_v bring_v to_o see_v the_o superstitious_a variety_n of_o my_o former_a zeal_n and_o lay_v it_o aside_o and_o i_o remember_v that_o at_o this_o time_n i_o have_v such_o affectionate_a heart-working_n towards_o god_n and_o godliness_n and_o such_o a_o hatred_n of_o all_o sin_n according_a to_o what_o i_o then_o know_v that_o i_o do_v many_o time_n in_o my_o serious_a thought_n choose_v rather_o to_o die_v than_o live_v mere_o upon_o that_o account_n because_o i_o will_v not_o sin_v against_o god_n know_v myself_o subject_a thereunto_o and_o though_o i_o can_v say_v that_o at_o this_o time_n i_o have_v faith_n in_o god_n so_o as_o to_o believe_v his_o love_n to_o i_o on_o gospel_n ground_n for_o i_o be_v total_o ignorant_a of_o any_o such_o thing_n many_o year_n after_o yet_o i_o have_v good_a thought_n of_o god_n from_o that_o glimmer_a light_n which_o i_o then_o have_v and_o which_o do_v produce_v in_o i_o much_o love_n to_o he_o as_o i_o can_v but_o so_o judge_v but_o no_o soon_o be_v i_o bring_v to_o this_o but_o satan_n be_v ready_a to_o assault_v i_o and_o set_v upon_o i_o with_o this_o horrid_a temptation_n to_o question_v the_o be_v of_o god_n and_o i_o remember_v it_o usual_o come_v upon_o i_o when_o i_o be_v alone_o but_o especial_o as_o i_o be_v go_v by_o myself_o to_o hear_v the_o aforesaid_a minister_n insomuch_o that_o it_o do_v exceed_o trouble_v i_o and_o i_o then_o discern_v it_o to_o be_v a_o temptation_n and_o do_v resist_v and_o labour_n against_o it_o draw_v argument_n as_o i_o go_v in_o the_o field_n from_o the_o very_a work_n of_o creation_n to_o confirm_v myself_o in_o this_o truth_n that_o there_o be_v a_o god_n that_o it_o shall_v not_o be_v in_o vain_a for_o i_o or_o any_o to_o serve_v he_o and_o earnest_o cry_v to_o god_n against_o it_o through_o grace_n i_o be_v not_o overcome_v by_o it_o but_o have_v a_o supply_n of_o strength_n until_o it_o be_v remove_v and_o i_o be_v no_o more_o trouble_v with_o it_o in_o many_o year_n after_o so_o i_o continue_v a_o constant_a hearer_n of_o this_o man_n and_o other_o such_o like_a for_o some_o year_n by_o which_o i_o come_v to_o see_v myself_o in_o a_o miserable_a state_n by_o nature_n and_o be_v convince_v of_o sin_n by_o the_o law_n but_o be_v very_o ignorant_a of_o the_o lord_n jesus_n and_o their_o doctrine_n be_v for_o the_o most_o part_n such_o as_o be_v suitable_a to_o the_o old_a covenant_n instead_o of_o go_v to_o christ_n for_o life_n i_o be_v bring_v to_o a_o great_a degree_n of_o labour_n and_o travel_v for_o life_n and_o happiness_n by_o do_v though_o at_o that_o time_n in_o my_o own_o thought_n far_o from_o own_v such_o a_o thing_n be_v as_o exact_v and_o strict_a in_o all_o my_o way_n i_o think_v i_o may_v say_v as_o it_o be_v possible_a for_o a_o poor_a creature_n to_o be_v but_o the_o more_o strict_a i_o be_v still_o look_v through_o the_o glass_n of_o the_o law_n the_o more_o my_o bondage_n be_v increase_v for_o i_o can_v see_v nothing_o but_o a_o addition_n of_o sin_n in_o all_o that_o i_o do_v the_o law_n still_o call_v for_o a_o perfect_a righteousness_n then_o i_o begin_v to_o be_v very_o much_o trouble_v and_o in_o a_o great_a amazement_n &_o perplexity_n of_o spirit_n fear_v i_o shall_v perish_v for_o ever_o then_o i_o have_v thought_n to_o discover_v my_o condition_n to_o some_o to_o have_v advise_v from_o they_o but_o meet_v with_o many_o discouragement_n do_v not_o but_o keep_v it_o in_o my_o own_o breast_n discover_v no_o more_o but_o what_o i_o can_v not_o hide_v which_o be_v only_o my_o outward_a appearance_n much_o differ_v from_o what_o former_o it_o be_v which_o do_v occasion_n some_o to_o say_v that_o i_o be_v near_o a_o distraction_n they_o not_o know_v what_o condition_n i_o be_v in_o and_o true_o my_o condition_n be_v so_o sad_a that_o i_o be_v afraid_a of_o a_o distraction_n myself_o for_o i_o think_v it_o impossible_a to_o continue_v long_o in_o that_o condition_n and_o not_o be_v distract_v which_o fear_n do_v occasion_v i_o to_o apply_v myself_o to_o some_o mean_n of_o comfort_n whereas_o before_o i_o be_v not_o willing_a to_o hearken_v to_o any_o thing_n that_o way_n the_o mean_v i_o use_v be_v chief_o read_v &_o prayer_n by_o which_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n i_o come_v to_o some_o dark_a apprehension_n concern_v jesus_n christ_n be_v persuade_v there_o be_v something_o of_o that_o nature_n which_o if_o i_o can_v get_v a_o right_a understanding_n of_o my_o condition_n will_v be_v much_o better_a but_o fear_v leave_v i_o shall_v sink_v under_o my_o burden_n temptation_n come_v on_o i_o like_o the_o wave_n of_o the_o sea_n i_o be_v force_v as_o i_o go_v about_o my_o occasion_n often_o to_o cry_v to_o god_n like_o the_o disciple_n in_o another_o case_n lord_n save_v i_o else_o i_o perish_v mat._n 8._o 25._o i_o think_v many_o time_n i_o be_v even_o sink_v under_o my_o burden_n and_o i_o do_v believe_v there_o be_v no_o help_n but_o only_o in_o the_o lord_n and_o that_o he_o be_v able_a to_o do_v it_o but_o whether_o he_o will_v do_v it_o or_o whether_o he_o
a_o instrument_n for_o the_o good_a of_o soul_n or_o to_o propagate_v the_o least_o truth_n of_o the_o lord_n jesus_n yet_o i_o shall_v be_v willing_a to_o submit_v to_o better_a judgement_n hope_v through_o the_o blessing_n of_o god_n it_o may_v be_v useful_a know_v from_o my_o own_o experience_n i_o have_v receive_v much_o from_o the_o lord_n by_o read_v but_o beside_o the_o sense_n of_o my_o own_o unworthiness_n as_o i_o have_v some_o discourage_a thought_n as_o to_o my_o writing_n of_o it_o at_o the_o first_o so_o i_o have_v meet_v with_o the_o like_a as_o to_o my_o give_a way_n to_o the_o publish_n of_o it_o as_o first_o i_o think_v i_o may_v seem_v to_o some_o to_o walk_v in_o a_o untrodden_a path_n i_o have_v never_o see_v any_o thing_n write_v before_o in_o this_o manner_n and_o method_n but_o whatever_o entertainment_n it_o may_v find_v with_o such_o know_v from_o who_o i_o have_v receive_v it_o i_o be_o well_o satisfy_v my_o footstep_n will_v be_v find_v as_o for_o matter_n so_o for_o method_n and_o manner_n among_o the_o footstep_n of_o the_o flock_n of_o christ_n where_o i_o desire_v to_o feed_v beside_o the_o shepherd_n tent_n cant._n 1._o 8_o another_o thought_n which_o do_v discourage_v i_o be_v know_v i_o must_v expect_v to_o encounter_v with_o satan_n in_o relation_n to_o it_o several_a way_n but_o believe_v that_o which_o way_n soever_o he_o appear_v whether_o to_o abase_v or_o exalt_v i_o in_o my_o own_o thought_n the_o lord_n will_v not_o be_v want_v with_o strength_n to_o withstand_v and_o resist_v he_o and_o that_o i_o shall_v with_o advantage_n be_v deliver_v from_o his_o snare_n and_o temptation_n thus_o resolve_v to_o commit_v myself_o and_o it_o to_o the_o blessing_n of_o the_o almighty_a desire_v it_o may_v be_v accept_v of_o the_o saint_n as_o the_o widow_n mite_n and_o that_o what_o be_v weak_a may_v be_v cover_v with_o love_n be_v the_o desire_n of_o i_o the_o unworthy_a servant_n of_o christ_n jane_n turner_n the_o manner_n how_o i_o be_v put_v upon_o the_o writing_n these_o follow_a line_n with_o the_o reason_n and_o ground_n for_o do_v the_o same_o through_o the_o good_a providence_n of_o god_n i_o live_v in_o newcastle_n for_o some_o time_n where_o i_o receive_v many_o precious_a mercy_n from_o the_o lord_n which_o i_o desire_v may_v never_o be_v forget_v by_o i_o and_o be_v under_o a_o bodily_a affliction_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v so_o to_o visit_v i_o with_o his_o love_a kindness_n that_o i_o can_v true_o say_v it_o be_v a_o time_n of_o joy_n to_o my_o soul_n and_o indeed_o i_o never_o enjoy_v so_o much_o sweet_a communion_n with_o god_n for_o so_o long_a a_o time_n together_o as_o i_o do_v at_o that_o time_n for_o for_o the_o space_n of_o seven_o or_o eight_o week_n together_o i_o be_v in_o a_o continual_a converse_n and_o exchange_a love_n with_o god_n as_o it_o be_v lodging_n and_o live_v in_o the_o bosom_n of_o christ_n and_o true_o i_o do_v not_o remember_v that_o in_o all_o that_o time_n i_o have_v one_o considerable_a interruption_n which_o condition_n be_v so_o sweet_a and_o joious_a to_o i_o that_o it_o do_v exceed_o grieve_v i_o to_o think_v that_o ever_o i_o shall_v forget_v the_o particular_n thereof_o find_v from_o sad_a experience_n that_o though_o i_o can_v never_o forget_v the_o substance_n of_o such_o thing_n yet_o i_o be_o prone_a to_o forget_v the_o particular_n the_o remembrance_n of_o which_o i_o find_v to_o be_v much_o for_o the_o glory_n of_o god_n and_o my_o own_o comfort_n and_o profit_n especial_o in_o time_n of_o trial_n and_o temptation_n upon_o the_o consideration_n of_o which_o i_o think_v it_o may_v be_v a_o good_a way_n to_o write_v they_o down_o and_o call_v to_o mind_n some_o of_o the_o old_a love_a kindness_n of_o god_n towards_o i_o i_o resolve_v to_o write_v down_o some_o of_o they_o for_o i_o do_v believe_v i_o can_v remember_v the_o hundred_o part_n of_o the_o kind_a deal_n of_o god_n towards_o i_o so_o as_o to_o write_v they_o all_o but_o though_o i_o can_v remember_v all_o yet_o i_o may_v remember_v some_o and_o those_o i_o judge_v most_o considerable_a i_o resolve_v to_o write_v they_o down_o but_o as_o i_o have_v many_o thought_n of_o encouragement_n to_o do_v it_o so_o i_o have_v some_o thought_n that_o do_v discourage_v i_o as_o first_o i_o think_v it_o will_v be_v very_o hard_a if_o not_o impossible_a for_o i_o to_o remember_v that_o which_o have_v be_v so_o long_o since_o so_o as_o to_o write_v it_o but_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o satisfy_v i_o in_o this_o that_o my_o end_n be_v such_o as_o be_v agreeable_a to_o his_o will_n he_o will_v according_a to_o his_o promise_n in_o my_o endeavour_n bring_v thing_n to_o my_o remembrance_n and_o true_o i_o be_v confirm_v in_o believe_v he_o will_v so_o do_v from_o my_o own_o experience_n for_o i_o do_v not_o remember_v that_o ever_o i_o set_v myself_o serious_o to_o meditate_v on_o the_o former_a kindness_n of_o god_n towards_o i_o but_o i_o be_v much_o refresh_v by_o it_o and_o remember_v that_o which_o i_o seem_v to_o have_v forget_v a_o second_o think_v which_o do_v discourage_v i_o be_v fear_v leave_v through_o forgetfulness_n as_o i_o know_v i_o shall_v leave_v out_o something_o which_o be_v so_o i_o may_v possible_o write_v something_o which_o be_v not_o which_o i_o will_v not_o by_o any_o mean_n willing_o do_v this_o i_o discern_v to_o be_v a_o temptation_n for_o fear_n of_o hypocrisy_n but_o god_n be_v please_v to_o satisfy_v i_o in_o it_o with_o this_o resolution_n that_o what_o i_o do_v i_o will_v do_v as_o in_o his_o presence_n and_o that_o if_o there_o be_v any_o thing_n which_o be_v clear_a to_o my_o remembrance_n that_o i_o can_v not_o bring_v in_o without_o something_o which_o be_v doubtful_a i_o will_v rather_o leave_v out_o the_o one_o than_o write_v the_o other_o much_o less_o write_v any_o thing_n which_o be_v a_o plain_a addition_n and_o in_o this_o resolution_n i_o set_v upon_o it_o believe_v that_o god_n will_v assist_v and_o help_v i_o desire_v not_o to_o give_v way_n to_o discourage_a thought_n for_o i_o have_v often_o experience_v this_o that_o if_o in_o writing_n speaking_z or_o do_v of_o any_o thing_n whereby_o god_n may_v be_v glorify_v we_o shall_v give_v way_n to_o temptation_n and_o discouragement_n we_o shall_v do_v nothing_o at_o all_o for_o satan_n and_o our_o own_o heart_n will_v not_o be_v want_v to_o we_o that_o way_n but_o with_o grief_n of_o heart_n i_o must_v confess_v that_o the_o great_a discouragement_n that_o i_o have_v meet_v with_o have_v be_v from_o the_o saint_n themselves_o i_o do_v not_o mean_v only_o as_o to_o this_o particular_a but_o as_o to_o other_o spiritual_a duty_n also_o by_o which_o i_o trust_v i_o have_v learn_v in_o some_o measure_n to_o take_v the_o more_o heed_n how_o i_o discorage_v other_o and_o doubtless_o saint_n ought_v to_o take_v great_a heed_n leave_v by_o their_o give_v just_a occasion_n of_o discouragement_n they_o quench_v the_o spirit_n of_o god_n in_o they_o 2_o thes_n 5._o 1â—_n quench_v not_o the_o spirit_n which_o that_o we_o may_v not_o do_v we_o ought_v to_o endeavour_v for_o a_o spirit_n of_o discern_v and_o for_o such_o a_o carriage_n by_o which_o we_o may_v best_o draw_v forth_o the_o heart_n of_o other_o in_o spiritual_a thing_n not_o that_o we_o shall_v draw_v or_o put_v person_n upon_o that_o which_o they_o have_v not_o receive_v or_o that_o we_o shall_v encourage_v any_o who_o put_v themselves_o on_o such_o thing_n but_o rather_o reprove_v they_o especial_o those_o who_o so_o act_n in_o a_o public_a way_n such_o as_o the_o apostle_n speak_v of_o who_o will_v be_v preacher_n of_o the_o law_n when_o indeed_o they_o know_v not_o what_o they_o say_v nor_o whereof_o they_o affirm_v 1_o tim._n 1._o 7._o the_o hear_n of_o which_o have_v be_v no_o small_a burden_n to_o my_o spirit_n i_o wish_v from_o my_o soul_n that_o not_o only_o particular_a saint_n may_v be_v faithful_a in_o the_o discharge_n of_o their_o duty_n to_o reprove_v such_o but_o also_o that_o the_o church_n will_v put_v forth_o their_o authority_n for_o the_o call_n of_o they_o in_o and_o that_o such_o brethren_n only_a who_o gift_n be_v approve_v of_o by_o the_o church_n may_v exercise_v their_o gift_n public_o and_o no_o other_o that_o the_o saint_n may_v not_o be_v burden_a nor_o the_o world_n blaspheme_v i_o shall_v say_v no_o more_o as_o to_o this_o believe_v that_o the_o lord_n will_v instruct_v those_o that_o be_v call_v to_o that_o work_n namely_o to_o judge_v who_o be_v fit_a to_o be_v teacher_n desire_v only_o to_o caution_n saint_n to_o take_v heed_n of_o cast_v stumble_a block_n in_o each_o other_o way_n
will_v save_v or_o damn_v i_o at_o last_o i_o know_v not_o neither_o do_v i_o think_v it_o possible_a for_o i_o ever_o to_o have_v know_v that_o except_o it_o be_v by_o some_o extraordinary_a way_n which_o very_o few_o do_v attain_v unto_o but_o by_o degree_n i_o begin_v to_o stay_v upon_o some_o promise_n through_o such_o consideration_n as_o these_o first_o i_o think_v it_o can_v not_o stand_v with_o the_o goodness_n of_o god_n to_o damn_v a_o poor_a soul_n that_o have_v such_o heart-working_n and_o desire_n after_o he_o as_o i_o have_v have_v much_o in_o my_o thought_n those_o word_n of_o sampsons_n mother_n judges_z 13._o 23._o i_o think_v that_o if_o he_o do_v intend_v to_o destroy_v i_o he_o will_v never_o have_v give_v i_o such_o desire_n after_o he_o &_o preserve_v i_o till_o now_o and_o then_o that_o promise_n mat._n 5._o 6._o do_v much_o support_v i_o for_o i_o think_v that_o if_o ever_o poor_a creature_n do_v hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o righteousness_n i_o do_v these_o promise_n and_o consideration_n with_o some_o confuse_a apprehension_n that_o i_o have_v concern_v the_o lord_n jesus_n do_v much_o raise_v i_o the_o thought_n i_o have_v of_o he_o be_v such_o as_o these_o i_o do_v believe_v that_o the_o justice_n of_o god_n must_v be_v satisfy_v for_o sin_n and_o that_o nothing_o can_v satisfy_v his_o justice_n but_o a_o perfect_a righteousness_n now_o i_o think_v i_o be_v to_o be_v very_o strict_a and_o circumspect_a in_o all_o my_o way_n if_o it_o be_v possible_a to_o perform_v such_o a_o righteousness_n but_o what_o i_o can_v not_o do_v christ_n have_v do_v for_o i_o and_o when_o i_o have_v do_v any_o thing_n that_o i_o think_v be_v sin_n i_o can_v not_o apply_v christ_n till_o i_o have_v repent_v that_o be_v till_o i_o have_v mourn_v fast_v and_o pray_v afflict_v myself_o in_o such_o a_o measure_n as_o i_o think_v may_v stand_v with_o the_o not_o destroy_v or_o prejudice_v nature_n for_o there_o god_n will_v have_v mercy_n rather_o than_o sacrifice_v and_o jesus_n christ_n will_v make_v up_o that_o which_o be_v want_v so_o that_o christ_n be_v my_o stay_n though_o it_o be_v through_o a_o very_a carnal_a and_o wrong_a apprehension_n but_o though_o i_o think_v i_o must_v be_v so_o qualify_v and_o fit_v for_o christ_n before_o i_o can_v receive_v he_o and_o be_v make_v happy_a by_o he_o yet_o i_o know_v there_o be_v no_o mercy_n to_o be_v find_v without_o he_o nor_o no_o life_n but_o in_o he_o in_o this_o condition_n i_o live_v some_o year_n more_o and_o grow_v very_o cheerful_a &_o confident_a as_o i_o think_v it_o be_v possible_a to_o be_v under_o such_o a_o apprehension_n but_o yet_o my_o confidence_n be_v always_o more_o or_o less_o as_o i_o be_v more_o or_o less_o strict_a in_o my_o way_n and_o sometime_o though_o i_o have_v be_v never_o so_o strict_a yet_o i_o be_v subject_a to_o fear_v leave_v i_o have_v not_o do_v as_o much_o as_o it_o be_v possible_a for_o i_o to_o do_v for_o otherways_o i_o think_v christ_n will_v be_v nothing_o at_o all_o to_o i_o yet_o my_o hope_n be_v great_a than_o my_o fear_n and_o i_o be_v resolve_v if_o i_o perish_v i_o will_v perish_v here_o at_o the_o foot_n of_o christ_n and_o now_o i_o do_v not_o only_o see_v that_o possible_a which_o before_o i_o think_v impossible_a but_o i_o have_v great_a hope_n and_o much_o confidence_n most_o time_n this_o apprehension_n though_o it_o be_v that_o which_o be_v far_o below_o the_o glory_n of_o the_o free_a grace_n of_o god_n in_o the_o gospel_n yet_o it_o do_v present_a christ_n very_o lovely_a to_o i_o and_o do_v produce_v in_o i_o a_o real_a love_n to_o he_o as_o i_o dare_v not_o but_o so_o judge_n consider_v how_o i_o stand_v affect_v to_o and_o delight_v in_o whatever_o i_o know_v to_o be_v his_o will_n though_o i_o must_v confess_v i_o think_v at_o the_o first_o the_o great_a wheel_n that_o carry_v all_o about_o be_v my_o own_o good_a yet_o i_o be_o very_o confident_a that_o at_o this_o time_n i_o have_v a_o real_a love_n to_o &_o delight_n in_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n and_o his_o commandment_n be_v not_o grievous_a to_o i_o but_o i_o do_v approve_v of_o they_o to_o be_v the_o most_o excellent_a thing_n because_o approve_v of_o by_o the_o lord_n and_o i_o well_o remember_v i_o be_v so_o far_o take_v off_o from_o delight_v in_o sin_n that_o i_o think_v i_o may_v say_v i_o do_v hate_v it_o with_o a_o perfect_a hatred_n as_o that_o which_o be_v in_o itself_o the_o only_a object_n of_o hatred_n as_o it_o be_v against_o god_n and_o all_o my_o delight_n be_v to_o be_v with_o those_o that_o i_o think_v do_v excel_v in_o virtue_n and_o i_o can_v not_o bear_v wicked_a person_n but_o their_o way_n and_o practice_n be_v odious_a to_o i_o yet_o still_o i_o say_v my_o condition_n at_o this_o time_n be_v a_o condition_n of_o extreme_a bondage_n and_o below_o the_o gospel_n i_o shall_v say_v no_o more_o of_o it_o but_o only_o this_o that_o what_o i_o have_v here_o write_v i_o think_v i_o may_v say_v be_v not_o the_o hundred_o part_n of_o the_o labour_n and_o travel_n of_o my_o soul_n while_o i_o live_v in_o that_o condition_n and_o if_o i_o shall_v go_v about_o to_o write_v it_o all_o i_o know_v not_o how_o nor_o when_o to_o make_v a_o end_n but_o god_n be_v please_v in_o mercy_n to_o free_v i_o from_o that_o bondage_n by_o the_o manifestation_n of_o his_o love_n and_o grace_n through_o his_o son_n to_o who_o be_v all_o praise_n and_o glory_n for_o ever_o more_o amen_n some_o brief_a observation_n from_o this_o second_o note_n of_o experience_n first_o concern_v the_o person_n by_o who_o my_o experience_n in_o these_o thing_n begin_v which_o be_v one_o as_o i_o judge_v not_o right_o call_v or_o send_v to_o preach_v the_o gospel_n he_o not_o be_v relate_v to_o a_o true_a church_n though_o otherwise_o i_o hope_v a_o godly_a man_n according_a to_o that_o measure_n of_o light_n he_o have_v receive_v from_o whence_o i_o observe_v that_o it_o be_v possible_a for_o a_o godly_a man_n in_o time_n of_o ignorance_n and_o darkness_n to_o be_v a_o minister_n of_o a_o false_a church_n second_o i_o observe_v that_o though_o it_o be_v not_o the_o work_n of_o a_o false_a ministry_n neither_o be_v it_o the_o way_n of_o god_n to_o convert_v soul_n by_o yet_o accidental_o or_o providential_o something_o may_v be_v do_v that_o way_n by_o they_o especial_o in_o time_n of_o persecution_n where_o there_o be_v not_o a_o true_a ministry_n abroad_o as_o indeed_o i_o be_o much_o incline_v to_o own_o the_o work_n of_o conversion_n to_o be_v begin_v in_o i_o at_o this_o time_n and_o that_o for_o these_o reason_n first_o because_o now_o be_v the_o day_n of_o god_n power_n noâ—_n only_o to_o make_v i_o willing_a but_o there_o be_v some_o change_n wrought_v in_o the_o whole_a soul_n and_o every_o faculty_n of_o it_o which_o before_o be_v dead_a have_v now_o some_o life_n and_o motion_n in_o thing_n relate_v to_o god_n and_o godliness_n as_o the_o understanding_n be_v open_v so_o the_o will_n be_v change_v and_o make_v willing_a to_o submit_v to_o truth_n and_o to_o embrace_v the_o way_n of_o life_n though_o it_o be_v through_o the_o great_a difficulty_n yet_o in_o much_o darkness_n and_o then_o the_o affection_n be_v take_v and_o though_o there_o be_v but_o a_o little_a glimpse_n of_o truth_n appear_v yet_o there_o be_v a_o love_n to_o it_o and_o delight_n in_o it_o and_o a_o great_a hatred_n of_o the_o contrary_a all_o which_o i_o apprehend_v can_v not_o be_v but_o from_o some_o seed_n of_o the_o gospel_n though_o through_o false_a teach_n there_o be_v not_o that_o bless_a fruit_n of_o joy_n and_o peace_n in_o believe_v also_o the_o memory_n be_v active_a and_o busy_a to_o retain_v truth_n so_o that_o here_o be_v some_o change_n wrought_v in_o the_o whole_a soul_n as_o aforesaid_a a_o second_o reason_n be_v because_o when_o i_o lie_v under_o conviction_n of_o sin_n by_o the_o law_n and_o be_v ready_a to_o sink_v under_o my_o burden_n that_o which_o do_v support_v and_o uphold_v my_o spirit_n be_v the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n though_o my_o apprehension_n of_o he_o be_v not_o according_a to_o the_o gospel_n as_o to_o the_o glory_n of_o the_o free_a grace_n therein_o contain_v a_o three_o reason_n be_v from_o the_o consideration_n of_o that_o fruit_n which_o do_v appear_v at_o that_o time_n which_o be_v a_o entire_a love_n to_o christ_n and_o a_o conversation_n suitable_a thereunto_o according_a to_o the_o light_n then_o receive_v for_o there_o be_v not_o only_o a_o do_v good_a but_o a_o love_n to_o it_o and_o delight_n in_o it_o and_o there_o be_v not_o only_o a_o forbear_n evil_a
believe_v that_o as_o justification_n and_o sanctification_n be_v inseparable_a 2_o thes_n 2._o 13._o and_o that_o as_o one_o end_n of_o christ_n death_n be_v as_o well_o to_o redeem_v his_o people_n from_o all_o iniquity_n and_o the_o power_n of_o sin_n as_o from_o the_o punishment_n of_o sin_n so_o the_o power_n of_o grace_n be_v more_o strong_a and_o able_a to_o keep_v i_o from_o sin_n than_o all_o the_o legal_a band_n and_o slavish_a fear_n in_o the_o world_n tit._n 2._o 11._o and_o though_o possible_o i_o may_v meet_v with_o some_o temptation_n of_o that_o nature_n yet_o to_o the_o praise_n of_o his_o grace_n i_o can_v true_o say_v i_o never_o find_v my_o heart_n more_o engage_v for_o god_n and_o godliness_n and_o more_o disengage_v from_o sin_n than_o now_o which_o the_o lord_n keep_v i_o so_o and_o all_o his_o amen_o some_o brief_a observation_n from_o this_o three_o note_n of_o experience_n first_o concern_v my_o confidence_n in_o my_o former_a condition_n before_o i_o know_v these_o thing_n from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o person_n may_v be_v very_o confident_a on_o false_a ground_n and_o that_o it_o be_v not_o the_o confidence_n that_o make_v the_o condition_n good_a but_o the_o ground_n of_o it_o for_o though_o still_o i_o say_v i_o be_o incline_v to_o own_o the_o work_n of_o conversion_n to_o be_v begin_v in_o i_o at_o that_o time_n before_o say_v by_o some_o accidental_a or_o providential_a scatter_n of_o the_o seed_n of_o the_o gospel_n yet_o through_o false_a teach_n those_o seed_n be_v so_o bury_v under_o the_o ash_n of_o legal_a righteousness_n that_o there_o be_v a_o great_a power_n require_v to_o blow_v off_o those_o ash_n and_o to_o carry_v on_o that_o work_n than_o if_o it_o have_v never_o be_v begin_v according_a to_o that_o forementioned_a place_n matth._n 21._o 31._o how_o hard_o then_o must_v it_o need_v be_v to_o begin_v that_o work_n where_o there_o be_v only_o such_o a_o righteousness_n from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o legal_a righteousness_n where_o the_o work_n of_o conversion_n be_v begin_v in_o a_o soul_n be_v a_o great_a obstruction_n to_o the_o carry_v on_o and_o perfect_v of_o that_o work_n second_o concern_v the_o manner_n of_o the_o deal_n of_o god_n with_o i_o in_o the_o manifestation_n of_o his_o love_n and_o grace_n which_o be_v at_o this_o time_n by_o read_v as_o indeed_o however_o god_n be_v please_v to_o deal_v with_o other_o yet_o with_o i_o i_o can_v say_v but_o what_o i_o have_v receive_v i_o have_v always_o receive_v by_o and_o through_o some_o mean_n from_o whence_o i_o observe_v that_o it_o be_v good_a to_o wait_v on_o god_n in_o the_o use_n of_o all_o mean_n for_o though_o the_o holy_a one_o of_o israel_n be_v not_o limit_v yet_o ordinary_o he_o work_v by_o mean_n and_o leave_v no_o ground_n in_o holy_a scripture_n to_o expect_v he_o out_o of_o mean_n three_o concern_v my_o idolize_v those_o forementioned_a minister_n be_v keep_v by_o it_o from_o read_v or_o hear_v any_o other_o doctrine_n but_o they_o from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o it_o be_v a_o dangerous_a thing_n to_o esteem_v of_o person_n above_o what_o be_v meet_v and_o to_o be_v implicit_o lead_v by_o they_o in_o spiritual_a thing_n four_o concern_v my_o not_o receive_v the_o doctrine_n of_o free_a grace_n for_o fear_n of_o carnal_a liberty_n from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o such_o as_o be_v ignorant_a of_o the_o free_a grace_n of_o god_n be_v subject_a to_o this_o mistake_n to_o think_v it_o the_o way_n to_o sin_n when_o indeed_o there_o be_v no_o true_a holiness_n without_o it_o five_o concern_v its_o be_v so_o hard_o to_o i_o to_o lay_v down_o my_o own_o righteousness_n etc._n etc._n and_o yet_o that_o i_o shall_v do_v it_o with_o so_o much_o joy_n when_o i_o see_v clear_o the_o righteousness_n of_o christ_n to_o excel_v all_o from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o though_o it_o be_v a_o very_a hard_a thing_n for_o person_n eminent_a in_o legal_a righteousness_n to_o lay_v it_o down_o and_o submit_v to_o the_o righteousness_n of_o god_n by_o faith_n yet_o the_o appearance_n of_o the_o transcendent_a excellency_n of_o christ_n righteousness_n will_v make_v they_o do_v it_o with_o joy_n six_o concern_v my_o be_v so_o much_o affect_v with_o the_o free_a grace_n of_o god_n at_o my_o first_o receive_v it_o that_o i_o can_v not_o but_o declare_v it_o to_o other_o from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o the_o glad_a tiding_n of_o the_o gospel_n be_v apply_v by_o the_o spirit_n of_o christ_n so_o glad_v the_o heart_n that_o when_o the_o soul_n first_o receive_v it_o its_o like_a fire_n that_o can_v be_v hide_v seven_o concern_v the_o effect_n of_o the_o free_a grace_n of_o god_n upon_o my_o heart_n engage_v i_o more_o to_o himself_o and_o disingage_v i_o more_o from_o sin_n from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o there_o be_v no_o engagement_n so_o strong_a to_o keep_v the_o soul_n from_o sin_v against_o god_n as_o the_o free_a grace_n of_o god_n nor_o nothing_o more_o endear_v the_o heart_n to_o god_n yet_o doubtless_o where_o there_o be_v nothing_o but_o only_a the_o notion_n of_o it_o there_o be_v the_o great_a advantage_n to_o satan_n that_o can_v be_v and_o usual_o such_o person_n be_v the_o worst_a of_o all_o other_o for_o though_o gospel_n bond_n be_v the_o best_a to_o be_v tie_v from_o sin_n by_o yet_o in_o many_o respect_v its_o better_a to_o be_v tie_v by_o legal_a bond_n than_o none_o at_o all_o yet_o for_o saint_n to_o be_v so_o tie_v be_v not_o only_o carnal_a and_o below_o their_o privilege_n but_o a_o great_a dishonour_n to_o christ_n and_o a_o undervalue_v of_o the_o free_a grace_n of_o god_n which_o above_o all_o thing_n ought_v to_o be_v exalt_v by_o we_o as_o that_o alone_a by_o which_o we_o be_v true_o exalt_v and_o therefore_o aught_o to_o lie_v as_o the_o strong_a engagement_n on_o saint_n heart_n to_o keep_v they_o from_o sin_n and_o see_v all_o that_o we_o be_v have_v or_o ever_o shall_v have_v as_o to_o happiness_n here_o or_o glory_n hereafter_o be_v all_o of_o grace_n i_o desire_v for_o ever_o to_o admire_v it_o and_o to_o live_v in_o the_o glory_n of_o it_o by_o faith_n but_o this_o i_o find_v of_o all_o other_o the_o hard_a lesson_n yea_o so_o hard_a that_o unto_o this_o day_n i_o have_v cause_n to_o complain_v of_o a_o unbelieve_a heart_n in_o many_o thing_n and_o i_o have_v often_o experience_v that_o to_o bring_v over_o the_o heart_n to_o believe_v and_o to_o keep_v it_o up_o in_o believe_v be_v no_o less_o than_o the_o mighty_a power_n and_o gift_n of_o god_n john_n 6._o 65._o phil_n 1._o 29._o ephesi_n 1._o 19_o yet_o in_o this_o i_o have_v strong_a consolation_n that_o i_o be_o keep_v by_o his_o power_n 1_o peter_z 1._o 5._o and_o he_o have_v say_v i_o will_v never_o leave_v thou_o nor_o forsake_v thou_o hebrew_n 13._o 5._o and_o as_o the_o lord_n once_o say_v to_o peter_n though_o satan_n shall_v desire_v to_o winnow_v i_o like_o wheat_n yet_o he_o have_v pray_v for_o i_o and_o my_o faith_n shall_v not_o fail_v and_o though_o the_o very_a reason_n why_o some_o person_n do_v not_o believe_v be_v for_o want_v of_o a_o clear_a understanding_n of_o the_o free_a grace_n of_o god_n in_o the_o general_a tender_n of_o it_o to_o sinner_n yet_o all_o that_o have_v that_o understanding_n do_v not_o believe_v john_n 12._o 17._o there_o be_v some_o who_o heart_n be_v harden_v that_o they_o can_v not_o believe_v and_o act_n 13._o 41._o it_o be_v say_v of_o the_o jew_n they_o shall_v in_o no_o way_n believe_v the_o work_n of_o god_n though_o a_o man_n declare_v it_o to_o they_o that_o be_v to_o say_v though_o they_o do_v understand_v it_o and_o as_o faith_n be_v wrought_v in_o the_o soul_n by_o god_n so_o it_o be_v that_o by_o which_o we_o most_o honour_n he_o and_o without_o which_o it_o be_v impossible_a to_o please_v he_o faith_n work_v many_o way_n and_o it_o be_v a_o excellent_a thing_n to_o be_v strong_a in_o faith_n as_o we_o may_v see_v in_o those_o worthy_n hebrew_n 11._o it_o be_v the_o very_a life_n of_o saint_n galatian_n 2._o 20._o and_o without_o it_o there_o be_v no_o life_n in_o they_o john_n 6._o 53._o and_o as_o there_o be_v no_o life_n without_o it_o so_o there_o be_v no_o life_n above_o it_o till_o grace_v be_v swallow_v up_o in_o glory_n for_o the_o just_a shall_v live_v by_o faith_n hebrew_n the_o 10._o verse_n 38._o but_o though_o faith_n act_v many_o way_n and_o about_o many_o thing_n yet_o it_o must_v always_o act_v in_o free_a grace_n and_o there_o be_v no_o room_n for_o it_o elsewhere_o for_o when_o we_o go_v to_o exercise_v faith_n out_o of_o free_a grace_n it_o be_v weak_a and_o feeble_a and_o ready_a to_o