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A57009 The works of F. Rabelais, M.D., or, The lives, heroic deeds and sayings of Gargantua and Pantagruel with a large account of the life and works of the author, particularly an explanation of the most difficult passages in them never before publish'd in any language / done out of French by Sir Tho. Urchard, Kt., and others. Rabelais, François, ca. 1490-1553?; Urquhart, Thomas, Sir, 1611-1660. 1694 (1694) Wing R104; ESTC R29255 455,145 1,095

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of the softness of the said Doun and of the temperate heat of the Goose which is easily communicated to the Bumgut and the rest of the Intestines insofar as to come even to the Regions of the Heart and Brains And think not that the Felicity of the Heroes and Demigods in the Elysian Fields consisteth either in their Asphodele Ambrosia or Nectar as our old Women here use to say but in this according to my judgment that they wipe their Tails with the Neck of a Goose holding her Head betwixt their Legs and such is the Opinion of Master Iohn of Scotland CHAP. XIV How Gargantua was taught Latin by a Sophister THE good Man Grangousier having heard this discourse was ravish'd with Admiration considering the high reach and marvellous understanding of his Son Gargantua and said to his Governesses Philip King of Macedon knew the great Wit of his Son Alexander by his skilful managing of a Horse for his Horse Bucephalus was so fierce and unruly that none durst adventure to ride him after that he had given to his Riders such devillish falls breaking the Neck of this Man the other Man's Leg braining one and cracking another's Jaw-bone This by Alexander being considered one day in the Hippodrome which was a place appointed for the breaking and managing of great Horses he perceived that the fury of the Horse proceeded meerly from the fear he had of his own shadow whereupon getting on his back he run him against the Sun so that the shadow fell behind and by that means tamed the Horse and brought him to his hand Whereby his Father perceiving his marvellous Capacity and divine Insight caused him most carefully to be instructed by Aristotle who at that time was highly renowned above all the Philosophers of Greece After the same manner I tell you that by this only discourse which now I have here had before you with my Son Gargantua I know that his Understanding doth participate of some Divinity and that if he be well taught and have that Education which is fitting he will attain to a supream degree of Wisdom Therefore will I commit him to some learned Man to have him indoctrinated according to his Capacity and will spare no cost Presently they appointed him a great Sophister-Doctor called Master Tubal Holophernes who taught him his ABC so well that he could say it by heart backwards and about this he was Five Years and three Months Then read he to him Donat facet theodolet and Alanus in parabolis About this he was Thirteen Years six Months and two Weeks But you must remark that in the mean time he did learn to write in Gottish Characters and that he wrote all his Books for the Art of Printing was not then in use And did ordinarily carry a great Pen and Inkhorn weighing above Seven thousand Quintals the Pen-case vvhereof vvas as big and as long as the great Pillar of Enay and the Horn vvas hanged to it in great Iron Chains it being of the vvideness to hold a Tun of Merchand Ware After that vvas read unto him the Book de modis significandi with the Commentaries of Hurtbise of Fasquin of Tropifeu of Gaulhaut of Iohn Calf of Billonio of Berlinguandus and a rabble of others and herein he spent more then Eighteen Years and eleven Months and was so well versed therein that to try Masteries in School-disputes with his Condisciples he would recite it by heart backwards And did sometimes prove on his Fingers ends to his Mother Quod de modis significandi non erat scientia Then was read to him the Compost on which he spent Sixteen Years and two Months And at that very time which was in the Year 1420 his said Praeceptor died of the Pox. Afterwards he got an old coughing Fellow to teach him named Master Iobelin Bridé vvho read unto him Hugotio Flebard Grecism the Doctrinal the Pars the Quid est the Supplementum Marmoretus de moribus in mensa servandis Seneca de quatuor virtutibus cardinalibus Passaventus cum commento and Dormi securè for the Holy-days and other such llke stuff by reading vvhereof he became as vvise as any vve ever since baked in an Oven CHAP. XV. How Gargantua was put under other School-masters AT the last his Father perceived that indeed he studied hard and that although he spent all his time therein yet for all that did he profit nothing but vvhich is worse grew thereby a Fool a Sot a Doult and Block-head whereof making a heavy complaint to Don Philip of Marays Viceroy of Papeligosse he found that it were better for his Son to learn nothing at all then to be taught such like Books under such School-masters because their Knowledge was nothing but all Trifle and their Wisdom Foppery serving only to basterdize good and noble Spirits and to corrupt the Flower of Youth That it is so take said he any Young Boy of this time who hath only studied two Years if he have not a better Judgment a better Discourse and that expressed in better Terms then your Son with a compleater Carriage and Civility to all manner of persons account me for ever hereafter a very clounch and baconslicer of Brene This pleased Grangousier very well and he commanded that it should be done At night at supper the said Don Philip brought in a young Page of his of Ville-gouges called Eudemon so neat so trim so handsom in his Apparel so spruce with his Hair in so good Order and so sweet and comely in his behaviour that he had the resemblance of a little Angel more than of a human Creature Then he said to Grangousier Do you see this young Boy He is not as yet full twelve years old let us try if it like you what difference there is betwixt the knowledge of the Dunces Mateologian of old time and the young Lads that are now The Tryal pleased Grangousier and he commanded the Page to begin Then Eudemon asking leave of the Vice-Roy his Master so to do vvith his Cap in his hand a clear and open countenance beautiful and ruddy Lips his Eyes steady and his Looks fixed upon Gargantua with a youthful modesty standing up strait on his feet began to commend him first for his Vertue and good Manners secondly for his knowledg thirdly for his Nobility fourthly for his bodily accomplishments and in the fifth place most sweetly exhorted him to reverence his Father with all due observancy vvho was so careful to have him well brought up in the end he prayed him that he vvould vouchsafe to admit of him amongst the least of his Servants for other Favour at that time desired he none of Heaven but that he might do him some grateful and acceptable Service all this was by him delivered vvith such proper gestures such distinct Pronunciation so pleasant a Delivery in such exquisite fine Terms and so good Latin that he seemed rather a Gracchus a Cicero an Aemilius of the time past then a
and calmest Port of any full of Repose Ease Rest Tranquility free from the Troubles and Sollicitudes of this tumultuous and tempestuous World then is it that they with alacrity Hale and Salute them Cherish and Comfort them and speaking to them lovingly begin even then to bless them with Illuminations and to communicate unto them the abstrusest Mysteries of Divination I will not offer here to confound your Memory by quoting antick Examples of Isaac of Iacob of Patroclus towards Hector of Hector towards Achilles of Polymnester towards Agamemnon of Hecuba of the Phodian renowned by Possidonius of Calanus the Indian towards Alexander the Great of Orodes towards Mezentius and of many others it shall suffice for the present that I commemorate unto you the learned and valiant Knight and Cavalier William of Ballay late Lord of Langcy who died on the Hill of Tarara the Tenth of Ianuary in the Climacterick year of his Age and of our Supputation 1543. according to the Roman Account The last three or four hours of his Life he did imploy in the serious utterance of a very pithy Discourse whilst with a clear Judgment and Spirit void of all Trouble he did foretell several important Things whereof a great deal is come to pass and the rest we wait for Howbeit his Prophesies did at that time seem unto us somewhat strange absurd and unlikely because there did not then appear any sign of efficacy enough to engage our Faith to the belief of what he did prognosticate We have hear near to the Town of Villomer a Man that is both Old and a Poet to wit Raminogrobis who to his Second Wife espoused my Lady Broadsow on whom he begot the fair Basoche it hath been told me he is a dying and so near unto his latter end that he is almost upon the very last moment point and article thereof repair thither as fast as you can and be ready to give an attentive Ear to what he shall chant unto you it may be that you shall obtain from him what you desire and that Apollo will be pleased by his means to clear your scruples I am content quoth Panurge let us go thither Epistemon and that both instantly and in all hast least otherways his Death prevent our coming Wilt thou come along with us Fryar Ihon Yes that I will quoth Fryar Ihon right heartily to do thee a Courtesie my Billy-ballocks for I love thee with the best of my Milt and Liver Thereupon incontinently without any further lingring to the way they all three went and quickly thereafter for they made good speed arriving at the Poetical Habitation they found the jolly Old Man albeit in the Agony of his Departure from this World looking chearfully with an open Countenance splendid Aspect and Behaviour full of alacrity After that Panurge had very civilly saluted him he in a free Gift did present him with a Gold Ring which he even then put upon the Medical Finger of his Left Hand in the Collet or Bezle whereof was inchased an Oriental Saphire very fair and large Then in imitation of Socrates did he make an Oblation unto him of a fair White Cock which was no sooner set upon the Tester of his Bed then that with a high raised Head and Crest lustily shaking his Feather-Coat he crowed Stentoriphonically loud This done Panurge very courteously required of him that he would vouchsafe to favour him with the Grant and Report of his Sence and Judgment touching the future Destiny of his intended Marriage For answer hereto when the honest Old Man had forthwith commanded Pen Paper and Ink to be brought unto him and that he was at the same Call conveniently served with all the three he wrote these following Verses Take or not take her Off or on Handy-dandy is your Lot When her Name you write you blot 'T is undone when all is done Ended e're it was begun Hardly Gallop if you Trot Set not forward when you Run Nor be single tho' alone Take or not take her Before you Eat begin to Fast For what shall be was never past Say unsay gainsay save your Breath Then wish at once her Life and Death Take or not take her These Lines he gave out of his own Hands unto them saying unto them Go my Lads in Peace the great God of the highest Heavens be your Guardian and Preserver and do not offer any more to trouble or disquiet me with this or any other Business whatsoever I have this same very day which is the last both of May and of me with a great deal of labour toyl and difficulty chased out of my House a rabble of filthy unclean and plaguily pestilentious Rake-hells black Beasts dusk dun white ash-coloured speckled and a foul Vermine of other hues whose obtrusive importunity would not permit me to die at my own ease for by fraudulent and deceitful pricklings ravenous Harpy-like graspings waspish stingings and such-like unwelcome Approaches forged in the Shop of I know not what kind of Insatiabilities they went about to withdraw and call me out of those sweet Thoughts wherein I was already beginning to repose myself and acquiesce in the Contemplation and Vision yea almost in the very touch and tast of the Happiness and Felicity which the good God hath prepared for his faithful Saints and Elect in the other Life and State of Immortality Turn out of their Courses and eschew them step forth of their ways and do not resemble them mean while let me be no more troubled by you but leave me now in silence I beseech you CHAP. XXII How Panurge Patrocinates and Defendeth the Order of the Begging Fryars PAnurge at his issuing forth of Raminagobris's Chamber said as if he had been horribly affrighted by the Vertue of God I believe that he is an Heretick the Devil take me if I do not he doth so villanously rail at the Mendicant Fryars and Iacobins who are the two Hemispheres of the Christian World by whose Gyronomonick Circumbilvaginations as by two Celivagous Filopendulums all the Autonomatick Metagrobolism of the Romish Church when tottering and emblustricated with the Gibble gabble Gibbrish of this odious Error and Heresie is homocentrically poysed But what harm in the Devil's Name have these poor Devils the Capucins and Minims done unto him Are not these beggarly Devils sufficiently wretched already Who can imagine that these poor Snakes the very Extracts of Ichthyophagy are not throughly enough besmoaked and besmeared with Misery Distress and Calamity Dost thou think Fryar Ihon by thy Faith that he is in the State of Salvation He goeth before God as surely damned to Thirty thousand baskets full of Devils as a Pruning-Bill to the lopping of a Vine-Branch To revile with opprobrious Speeches the good and couragious Props and Pillars of the Church is that to be called a Poetical Fury I cannot rest satisfied with him he sinneth grosly and blasphemeth against the true Religion I am very much offended at his scandalizing Words and
Algebraical C. Venust C. Aromatizing C. Trixy C. Paillard C. Gaillard C. Broaching C. Adle C. Syndicated C. Boulting C. Snorting C. Pilfring C. Shaking C. Bobbing C. Chiveted C. Fumbling C. Topsiturvying C. Raging C. Piled up C. Filled up C. Manly C. Idle C. Membrous C. Strong C. Twin C. Belabouring C. Gentil C. Stirring C. Confident C. Nimble C. Roundheaded C. Figging C. Helpful C. Spruce C. Plucking C. Ramage C. Fine C. Fierce C. Brawny C. Compt C. Repaired C. Soft C. Wild C. Renewed C. Quaint C. Starting C. Fleshy C. Auxiliary C. New vamped C. Improved C. Malling C. Sounding C. Batled C. Burly C. Seditious C. Wardian C. Protective C. Twinkling C. Able C. Algoristical C. Odoriferous C. Pranked C. Jocund C. Routing C. Purloyning C. Frolick C. Wagging C. Ruffling C. Jumbling C. Rumbling C. Thumping C. Bumping C. C●ingeling C. Berumpling C. Jogging C. Nobbing C. Touzing C. Tumbling C. Fambling C. Overturning C. Shooting C. Culeting C. Jagged C. Pinked C. Arsiversing C. Polished C. Slasht C. Hamed C. Leisurely C. Cut C. Smooth C. Depending C. Independent C. Lingring C. Rapping C. Reverend C. Nodding C. Disseminating C. Affecting C. Affected C. Grapled C. Stuffed C. Well-fed C. Flourished C. Fallow C. Sudden C. Grasp-full C. Swillpow C. Crushing C. Creaking C. Dilting C. Ready C. Vigorous C. Scoulking C. Superlative C. Clashing C. Wagging C. Scriplike C. Encremaster'd C. Bouncing C. Levelling C. Fly-flap C. Perinae tegminal C. Squat-couching C. Short-hung C. The hypogastrian C. Witness bearing C. Testigerous C. Instrumental C. My Harcabuzing Cod and Buttock-stirring Ballock Fryar Ihon my Friend I do carry a singular respect unto thee and honour thee with all my Heart thy Counsel I hold for a choice and delicate Morsel therefore have I reserved it for the last Bit. Give me thy Advice freely I beseech thee Should I marry or no Fryar Ihon very merrily and with a sprightly chearfulness made this Answer to him Marry in the Devil's Name Why not What the Devil else shouldst thou do but marry Take thee a Wife and furbish her Harnish to some tune Swinge her Skin-coat as if thou wert beating on Stock-fish and let the repercussion of thy Clapper from her resounding Metal make a Noise as if a double Peal of Chiming-Bells were hung at the Cremasters of thy Ballocks As I say Marry so do I understand that thou shouldst fall to work as speedily as may be yea my meaning is that thou oughtest to be so quick and forward therein as on this same very day before Sun-set to cause proclaim thy Banes of Matrimony and make provision of Bedsteads By the Blood of a Hog's-pudding till when wouldst thou delay the acting of a Husband's part Dost thou not know and is it not daily told unto thee that the end of the World approacheth We are nearer it by three Poles and half a Fathom then we were two days ago The Antichrist is already born at least it is so reported by many the truth is that hitherto the effects of his wrath have not reached further then to the scratching of his Nurse and Governesses his Nails are not sharp enough as yet nor have his Claws attained to their full growth he is little Crescat Nos qui vivimus multiplicemur It is written so and it is holy stuff I warrant you The truth whereof is like to last as long as a Sack of Corn may be had for a Penny and a Punction of pure Wine for Three-pence Would thou be content to be found with thy Genitories full in the Day of Judgment Dum veneris judicari Thou hast quoth Panurge a right clear and neat Spirit Fryar Ihon my Metropolitan ●od thou speakst in very deed pertinently and to purpose That belike was the reason which moved Leander of Abydos in Asia whilst he was swimming through the Hellespontick Sea to make a Visit to his Sweetheart Hero of Sestus in Europe to pray unto Neptune and all the other Marine Gods thus Now whilst I go have pity on me And at my back returning drown me He was loath it seems to die with his Cods over-gorged He was to be commended therefore do I promise that from henceforth no Malefactor shall by Justice be executed within my Jurisdiction of Salmigondinois who shall not for a day or two at least before he be permitted to culbut and foraminate Onocrotalwise that there remain not in all his Vessels to write a great Greek 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 such a precious thing should not be foolishly cast away he will perhaps therewith beget a Male and so depart the more contentedly out of this Life that he shall have left behind him one for one CHAP. XXVII How Fryar Ihon merrily and sportingly counselleth Panurge BY Saint Rigomet quoth Fryar Ihon I do advise thee to nothing my dear Friend Panurge which I would not do my self were I in thy place only have a special care and take good heed thou soulder well together the Joynts of the double backed and two bellied Beast and fortifie thy Nerves so strongly that there be no discontinuance in the Knocks of the Venerian thwacking else thou art lost poor Soul for if there pass long intervals betwixt the Priapising Feats and that thou make an intermission of too large a time that will befall thee which betides the Nurses if they desist from giving suck to Children they lose their Milk and if continually thou do not hold thy Aspersory Tool in exercise and keep thy Mental going thy Lacticinian Nectar will be gone and it will serve thee only as a Pipe to piss out at and thy Cods for a Wallet of lesser value then a Beggars Scrip. This is a certain truth I tell thee Friend and doubt not of it for my self have seen the sad experiment thereof in many who cannot now do what they would because before they did not what they might have done Ex desuetudine amittuntur Privilegia Non-usage oftentimes destroys ones Right say the learned Doctors of the Law therefore my Billy entertain as well as possibly thou canst that Hypogastrian lower sort of Troglodytick People that their chief pleasure may be placed in the case of sempiternal labouring Give order that henceforth they live not like adle Gentlemen idly upon their Rents and Revenues but that they may work for their Livelyhoood by breaking ground within the Paphian Trenches Nay truly answered Panurge Fryar Ihon my left Ballock I will believe thee for thou dealest plain with me and fallest down-right square upon the business without going about the Bush with frivolous circumstances and unnecessary reservations Thou with the splendour of a piercing Wit hast dissipated all the louring Clouds of anxious Apprehensions and Suspicions which did intimidate and terrifie me therefore the Heavens be pleased to grant to thee at all She-conflicts a stiff-standing Fortune Well then as thou hast said so will I do I will in good Faith Marry in that point there shall be no failing I promise thee and shall have
them nevertheless confirmed ratified and approved of by an Order Decree and final Sentence of the said Sovereign Court to the casting of the Appellants and utter overthrow of the Suits wherein they had been foiled at Law for ever and a day that now in his Old Age he should be personally summoned who in all the foregoing time of his Life hath demeaned himself so unblamably in the Discharge of the Office and Vocation he had been called unto it cannot assuredly be that such a change hath happened without some notorious Misfortune and Disaster I am resolved to help and assist him in Equity and Justice to the uttermost extent of my power and ability I know the Malice Despight and Wickedness of the World to be so much more now-a-days exaspered increased and aggravated by what it was not long since that the best Cause that is how just and equitable soever it be standeth in great need to be succoured aided and supported Therefore presently from this very instant forth do I purpose till I see the event and closure thereof most heedfully to attend and wait upon it for ●●ar of some under-hand tricky Surprizal ●●●villing Pettifoggery or fallacious Qui●ks in Law to his detriment hurt or disadvantage Then Dinner being done and the Tables drawn and removed when Pantagruel had very cordially and affectionately thanked his invited Guests for the Favour which he had enjoyed of their Company he presented them with several rich and costly Gifts such as Jewels Rings set with precious Stones Gold and Silver Vessels with a great deal of other sort of Plate besides and lastly taking of them all his Leave retired himself into an inner Chamber CHAP. XXXVII How Pantagruel perswaded Panurge to take Counsel of a Fool. WHen Pantagruel had withdrawn himself he by a little sloping Window in one of the Galleries perceived Panurge in a Lobbey not far from thence walking alone with the Gesture Carriage and Garb of a fond Dotard raving wagging and shaking his Hands dandling lolling and nodding with his Head like a Cow bellowing for her Calf and having then called him nearer spoke unto him thus You are at this present as I think not unlike to a Mouse intangled in a snare who the more that she goeth about to rid and unwind herself out of the Gin wherein she is caught by endeavouring to clear and deliver her feet from the Pitch whereto they stick the foulier she is bewrayed with it and the more strongly pestered therein even so is it with you for the more that you labour strive and inforce your se●f to disincumber incumber and extricate your Thoughts out of the implicating Involutions and Fetterings of the grievous and lamentable Gins and Springs of Anguish and Perplexity the greater difficulty there is in the relieving of you and you remain faster bound then ever nor do I know or the removal of this Inconveniency any Remedy but one Take heed I have often heard it said in a Vulgar Proverb The Wise may be instructed by a Fool. Seeing the Answers and Responses of sage and judicious Men have in no manner of way satisfied you take Advice of some Fool and possibly by so doing you may come to get that Councel which will be agreeable to your own Heart's desire and contentment You know how by the Advice and Councel and Prediction of Fools many Kings Princes States and Commonwealths have been preferved several Battels gained and divers doubts of a most perplexed Intricacy resolved I am not so diffident of your Memory as to hold it needful to refresh it with a Quotation of Examples nor do I so far undervalue your Judgment but that I think it will acquiesce in the Reason of this my subsequent Discourse As he who narrowly takes heed to what concerns the dextrous Management of his private Affairs domestick Businesses and those Adoes which are confined within the streight-lac'd compass of one Family who is attentive vigilant and active in the oeconomick Rule of his own House whose frugal Spirit never strays from home who loseth no occasion whereby he may purchase to himself more Riches and build up new Heaps of Treasure on his former Wealth and who knows warily how to prevent the Inconveniencies of Poverty is called a worldly Wise Man though perhaps in the Second Judgment of the Intelligences which are above he be esteemed a Fool. So on the contrary is he most like even in the thoughts of all Coelestial Spirits to be not only sage but to presage Events to come by Divine Inspiration who laying quite aside those Cares which are conducible to his Body or his Fortunes and as it were departing from himself rids all his Senses of Terrene Affections and clears his Fancies of those plodding Studies which harbour in the Minds of Thriving Men all which Neglects of Sublunary Things are vulgarly imputed Folly After this manner the Son of Picus King of the Latins that great Southsayer Faunus was called Fatuus by the witless Rabble of the common People The like we dail● see practised amongst the Comick Players whose Drammatick Rolls in distribution of the Personages appoint the acting of the Fool to him who is the wisest of the Troop In approbation also of this fashion the Mathematicians allow the very same Horoscope to Princes and to Sots Whereof a right pregnant instance by them is given in the Nativities of Aeneas and Choraebus the latter of which two is by Euphorion said to have been a Fool and yet had with the former the same Aspects and heavenly Genethlick Influences I shall not I suppose swerve much from the purpose in hand if I relate unto you what Ihon Andrew said upon the Return of a Papal Writ which was directed to the Mayor of Rochel and Burgesses after him by Panorm upon the same Pontifical Canon Barbatia on the Pandects and recently by Iason in his Councels concerning Seyny Ihon the noted Fool of Paris and Caillets fore-great Grandfather The Case is this At Paris in 〈◊〉 Roast-meat Cookery of the Petit 〈◊〉 before the Cook-Shop of one 〈◊〉 Roast-meat Sellers of that Lane a 〈◊〉 hungry Porter was eating his Bread after he had by Parcels kept it a while above the Reek and Steam of a fat Goose on the Spit turning at a great Fire and found it so besmoaked with the Vapour to be savoury which the Cook observing took no notice till after having ravined his Penny Loaf whereof no Morsel had been unsmoakified he was about discamping and going away but by your leave as the Fellow thought to have departed thence shot-free the Master-Cook laid hold upon him by the Gorget demanded payment for the Smoak of his Roast-meat The Porter answered that he had sustained no loss at all that by what he had done there was no Diminution made of the Flesh that he had taken nothing of his and that therefore he was not indebted to him in any thing As for the Smoak in question that although he had not been