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A57001 The works of the famous Mr. Francis Rabelais, doctor in physick treating of the lives, heroick deeds, and sayings of Gargantua and his son Pantagruel : to which is newly added the life of the author / written originally in French, and translated into English by Sr. Thomas Urchard.; Works. English. 1664 Rabelais, François, ca. 1490-1553?; Urquhart, Thomas, Sir, 1611-1660. 1664 (1664) Wing R103; ESTC R24488 220,658 520

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O my pretty little waggish boy said Grangousier what an excellent wit thou hast I will make thee very shortly proceed Doctor in the jovial quirks of gay learning and that by G for thou hast more wit then age now I prethie go on in this torcheculaife orw ipe-bummatory discourse and by my beard I swear for one punche on thou shalt have threescore pipes I mean of the good Breton wine not that which growes in Britain but in the good countrey of Verron Afterwards I wiped my bum said Gargantua with a kerchief with a pillow with a pantoufle with a pouch with a pannier but that was a wicked and unpleasant torchecul then with a hat of hats note that some are shorne and others shaggie some velveted others covered with taffitie's and others with sattin the best of all these is the shaggie hat for it makes a very neat abstersion of the fecal matter Afterwards I wiped my taile with a hen with a cock with a pullet with a calves skin with a hare with a pigeon with a cormorant with an Atturneyes bag with a montero with a coife with a faulconers lure but to conclude I say and maintain that of all torcheculs arsewisps bumfodders tail-napkins bunghole-cleansers and wipe-breeches there is none in the world comparable to the neck of a goose that is well douned if you hold her head betwixt your legs and beleeve me therein upon mine honour for you will thereby feele in your nockhole a most wonderful pleasure both in regard of the softnesse of the said doune and of the temperate heat of the goose which is easily communicated to the bum-gut and the rest of the inwards insofarre as to come even to the regions of the heart and braines and think not that the felicity of the heroes and demigods in the Elysian fields consisteth either in their Asphodele Ambrosia or Nectar as our old women here use to say but in this according to my judgement that they wipe their tailes with the neck of a goose holding her head betwixt their legs and such is the opinion of Master Iohn of Scotland alias Scotus CHAP. XIV How Gargantua was taught Latine by a Sophister THe good man Grangousier having heard this discourse was ravished with admiration considering the high reach and marvellous understanding of his sonne Gargantua and said to his governesses Philip King of Macedon knew the great wit of his sonne Alexander by his skilful managing of a horse for his horse Bucephalus was so fierce and unruly that none durst adventure to ride him after that he had given to his Riders such devillish falls breaking the neck of this man the other mans leg braining one and putting another out of his jaw-bone This by Alexander being considered one day in the hippodrome which was a place appointed for the breaking and managing of great horses he perceived that the fury of the horse proceeded meerly from the feare he had of his own shadow whereupon getting on his back he run him against the Sun so that the shadow fell behinde and by that meanes tamed the horse and brought him to his hand whereby his father knowing the divine judgement that was in him caused him most carefully to be instructed by Aristotle who at that time was highly renowned above all the Philosophers of Greece after the same manner I tell you that by this only discourse which now I have here had before you with my sonne Gargantua I know that his understanding doth participate of some divinity and that if he be well taught and have that education which is fitting he will attain to a supreme degree of wisdome Therefore will I commit him to some learned man to have him indoctrinated according to his capacity and will spare no cost Presently they appointed him a great Sophister-Doctor called Master Tubal Holophernes who taught him his A B C so well that he could say it by heart backwards and about this he was five yeares and three moneths Then read he to him Donat facet theodolet and Alanus in parabolis About this he was thirteen years six moneths and two weeks but you must remark that in the mean time he did learn to write in Gottish characters and that he wrote all his books for the Art of printing was not then in use and did ordinarily carry a great pen and inkhorne weighing above seven thousand quintals that is 700000 pound weight the penner whereof was as big and as long as the great pillar of Enay and the horne was hanged to it in great iron chaines it being of the widenesse of a tun of merchand ware After that he read unto him the book de modis significandi with the Commentaries of Hurtbise of Fasquin of Tropifeu of Gualhaut of Ihon Calf of Billonio of Berlinguandus and a rabble of others and herein he spent more then eighteen yeares and eleven monethes and was so well versed in it that to try masteries in School-disputes with his condisciples he would recite it by heart backwards and did sometimes prove on his fingers ends to his mother quod de modis significandi non erat scientia Then did he reade to him the compost for knowing the age of the Moon the seasons of the year and tides of the sea on which he spent sixteen yeares and two moneths and that justly at the time that his said Praeceptor died of the French Pox which was in the yeare one thousand foure hundred and twenty Afterwards he got an old coughing fellow to teach him named Master Iobelin Bride or muzled doult who read unto him Hugotio Flebard Grecisme the doctrinal the parts the quid est the supplementum Marmoretus de moribus in mensa servandis Seneca de quatuor virtutibus cardinalibus Passavantus cum commentar and dormi securè for the holy days and some other of such like mealie stuffe by reading whereof he became as wise as any we ever since baked in an Oven CHAP. XV. How Gargantua was put under other School-masters AT the last his father perceived that indeed he studied hard and that although he spent all his time in it did neverthelesse profit nothing but which is worse grew thereby foolish simple doted and blockish whereof making a heavie regret to Don Philip of Marays Viceroy or deputie-King of Papeligosse he found that it were better for him to learne nothing at all then to be taught such like books under such Schoolmasters because their knowledge was nothing but brutishnesse and their wisdome but blunt foppish toyes serving only to bastardize good and noble spirits and to corrupt all the flower of youth That it is so take said he any young boy of this time who hath only studied two yeares if he have not a better judgement a better discourse and that expressed in better termes then your sonne with a compleater carriage and civility to all manner of persons account me for ever hereafter a very clounch and baconslicer of Brene This pleased Grangousier very
they went unto the most open place of the house to see the face of the sky and there beheld the comets if any were as likewise the figures situations aspects oppositions and conjunctions of the both fixed starres and planets Then with his Master did he briefely recapitulate after the manner of the Pythagoreans that which he had read seen learned done and understood in the whole course of that day Then prayed they unto God the Creator in falling down before him and strengthening their faith towards him and glorifying him for his boundlesse bounty and giving thanks unto him for the time that was past they recommended themselves to his divine clemency for the future which being done they went to bed and betook themselves to their repose and rest CHAP. XXIV How Gargantua spent his time in rainie weather IF it happened that the weather were any thing cloudie foul rainie all the forenoon was employed as before specified according to custom with this difference only that they had a good clear fire lighted to correct the distempers of the aire but after dinner in stead of their wonted exercitations they did abide within and by way of Apotherapie that is a making the body healthful by exercise did recreate themselves in botteling up of hay in cleaving and sawing of wood and in threshingsheaves of corn at the Barn Then they studied the Art of painting or carving or brought into use the antick play of tables as Leonicus hath written of it and as our good friend Lascaris playeth at it In playing they examined the passages of ancient Authors wherein the said play is mentioned or any metaphore drawn from it They went likewise to see the drawing of mettals or the casting of great ordnance how the Lapidaries did work as also the Goldsmiths and Cutters of precious stones nor did they omit to visit the Alchymists money-coiners Upholsters Weavers Velvet-workers Watchmakers Looking-glasse-framers Printers Organists and other such kinde of Artificers and every where giving them somewhat to drink did learne and consider the industry and invention of the trades They went also to heare the publick lectures the solemn commencements the repetitions the acclamations the pleadings of the gentle Lawyers and Sermons of Evangelical Preachers He went through the Halls and places appointed for fencing and there played against the Masters themselves at all weapons and shewed them by experience that he knew as much in it as yea more then they And in stead of herborising they visited the shops of Druggists Herbalists and Apothecaries and diligently considered the fruits roots leaves gums seeds the grease and ointments of some forreign parts as also how they did adulterate them He went to see the Juglers Tumblers Mountebanks and Quacksalvers and considered their cunning their shifts their summer-saults and smooth tongue especially of those of Chauny in Picardie who are naturally great praters and brave givers of fibs in matter of green apes At their return they did eate more soberly at supper then at other times and meats more desiccative and extenuating to the end that the intemperate moisture of the aire communicated to the body by a necessary confinitie might by this means be corrected and that they might not receive any prejudice for want of their ordinary bodily exercise Thus was Gargantua governed and kept on in this course of education from day to day profiting as you may understand such a young man of his age may of a pregnant judgement with good discipline well continued Which although at the beginning it seemed difficult became a little after so sweet so easie and so delightful that it seemed rather the recreation of a King then the study of a Scholar Neverthelesse Ponocrates to divert him from this vehement intension of the spirits thought fit once in a month upon some fair and clear day to go out of the City betimes in the morning either towards Gentilly or Boulogne or to Montrouge or Charantou-bridge or to Vanures or St. Clou and there spent all the day long in making the greatest chear that could be devised sporting making merry drinking healths playing singing dancing tumbling in some faire medow unnestling of sparrowes taking of quailes and fishing for frogs and crabs but although that day was past without books or lecture yet was it not spent without profit for in the said medowes they usually repeated certain pleasant verses of Virgils Agriculture of Hesiod and of Politians husbandrie would set a broach some wittie Latine Epigrams then immediately turned them into round-lays and songs for dancing in the French language In their feasting they would somtimes separate the water from the wine that was therewith mixed as Cato teacheth de re rustica and Plinie with an ivie cup would wash the wine in a basin full of water then take it out again with a funnel as pure as ever They made the water go from one glasse to another and contrived a thousand little automatarie Engines that is to say moving of themselves CHAP. XXV How there was great strife and debate raised betwixt the Cake-bakers of Lerne and those of Gargantua's countrey-whereupon were waged great warres AT that time which was the season of Vintage in the beginning of Harvest when the countrey shepherds were set to keep the Vines and hinder the Starlings from eating up the grapes as some cake-bakers of Lerne happened to passe along in the broad high way driving unto the City ten or twelve horses loaded with cakes the said shepherds courteously intreated them to give them some for their money as the price then ruled in the market for here it is to be remarked that it is a celestial food to eate for breakfast hot fresh cakes with grapes especially the frail clusters the great red grapes the muscadine the verjuice grape and the luskard for those that are costive in their belly because it will make them gush out and squirt the length of a Hunters staffe like the very tap of a barrel and often-times thinking to let a squib they did all-to-besquatter and conskite themselves whereupon they are commonly called the Vintage-thinkers The Bunsellers or Cake-bakers were in nothing inclinable to their request but which was worse did injure them most outragiously calling them pratling gablers lickorous gluttons freckled bittors mangie rascals shiteabed scoundrels drunken roysters slie knaves drowsie loiterers slapsauce fellows slabberdegullion druggels lubbardly lowts cosening foxes ruffian rogues paultrie customers sycophant-varlets drawlatch hoydons flouting milksops jeering companions staring clowns forlorn snakes ninnie lobcocks scurvie sneaksbies fondling fops base lowns sawcie coxcombs idle lusks scoffing Braggards noddie meacocks blockish grutnols dod-di-pol-jolt-heads jobernol goosecaps foolish loggerheads slutch calf-lollies grouthead gnatsnappers lob-dotterels gaping changelings codshead loobies woodcock slangams ninnie-hammer flycatchers noddiepeak simpletons Turdie gut shitten shepherds and other such like defamatory epithetes saying further that it was not for them to eate of these dainty cakes but might very well content themselves with the course unraunged bread