your time religiously in reading some portion of the Scripture or other good book Or talking together of what you have heard read or preached in the publick how it concerns or may concern either of you and perswade and encourage one another to an holy and serious praetice conclude as you begin the day with prayer And so comfort your selves together and edisie one another 1 Thes 5.11 And by no means make it your custome to wander abroad on the Sabbath evenings unless it be to some Religious neighbours that mind the things of God and keep up some good duty as reading or repeating of Sermons or the like And learn of such how to governe your family in the fear of the Lord as every good man should Josh 24.15 Or else on good and warrantable accounts you may go and carry some good book to a neighbour that cannot read And read to them and their family for their Souls good and comfort Or else in the same Spiritual manner visit such as can read but do not who you may justly doubt are careless of their Souls And buy a book for that purpose so may you do good both to your selves and them Or if you cannot read not find a neighbour family to joyne with that usually does so spend the Sabbath labour to procure one that can read to go along with you in those Spiritual errands before mentioned Or if as Gods providence calls you visit â—â—â—h as are sick a thing usual on the Sabbath day and not to be discommended yet be not as idle lookers on only with Complement and how do you do but bring unto them some Spiritual present from the Church from Gods house some word of exhortation or comfort or instruction as they may need And supposing there be no elder grave and serious person that will speak as a Christian do you speak as becomes Christs servant for their Souls good and discharge of your own Conscience O if you have but an heart towards God how many wayes have you to do good for your selves and others and to spend that day in Religion and Piety the exercises of Charity works of Mercy and holy love A joy and comfort that the ignorant dark world are strangers to Adv. 6. One further advice I give in the sixth and last place and that is that you admonish and stir up one another to the Solemn and serious coming to the Lords Table there to receive together the Holy Sacrament of the Lords Supper thereby to renew your vow in Baptisim on your entrance on your changed condition in the married state Therefore take the first opportunity after you are married and help each other before to prepare for it You are now become one discover therefore freely the state of your Soules to each other your thoughts and knowledg in this matter your hopes your doubts and fears and pray for one another and direct and assist each other to understand and to do as God in his word requires and promise together to watch over one another in the love and fear of the Lord and to help each other to walk answerably to the Covenant that being joyned to each other you may both be united to Christ one with him and he with you But especially if neither have receiv'd the Sacrament as 't is too often the sinful neglect of young people forgetting their Baptismal vow and covenant of their youth 't is then more necessary to call on one another and a great token of true love to labour to bring each others Soul under the bond of the covenant To see the Sinfulness of their neglect and make one another sensible of it and hasten that it may no longer continue Yet beware that you come not slightly and carelessly to attend there and by mistake take the Sacrament for a ceremony Custom fashion in Religion or you know not what and so come ignorantly and without faith and so not only unprofitably but to your danger But help each other to consider what the Sacrament is why appointed and how useful to you in every condition Learn to know that it was appointed by Christ himself as a solemn remembrance of what he has done and suffered for the Redemtion of mankind and to be as a Seale of confirmation to all true believers of their share and portion and interest in Christ as indeed given to them according to the Covenant And on our part the Seal of renewing our Resolutions of accepting of Christ and giving up our selves to God according to the Covenant of God in his Grace and Mercy as we promised or was promised for us at our Baptism so we come to receive Gods renewed promises and to renew our owne And so it becomes thro' Gods grace a means of stirring up all Christian graces in us and of keeping down the power of Sin by the Spirit of Christ according to the promise of God and Divine assistance And this it is indeed to all that come sincerely and in earnest desiring to be and to continue true members of Christs Body united unto him and continuing in the Communion of Saints in stedfast Faith and holy obedience and joyful hope thankful love Come then together as fellow heirs of the same grace and renew your Baptismal vow and engagement with knowledg and understanding thankfully and sincerely accepting of and receiving Christ as offered to your Souls by God the Father in the Gospel believing the whole word of God and resolvedly and thankfully giving up your selves to God thro' Christ Heartily and sincerely consenting to the covenant to be Gods people and to take him for your God his Son for your Saviour his Spirit for your Guide and Sanctifier his Word for your Direction his Promises for your Comfort Hope and Trust Renouncing all other the devil and his workes the world and its vanities the flesh and its lusts that in heart and practice you may so live as the Gospel teaches in comfortable expectation of the Gospel-promises thro' Christ For further help in this matter read those Chapters which contain the institution as 1 Cor. 11.23 Lu. 22. Math. 26. And such Books of that subject as you can have as Mr. Glanvil on the Sacrament The Key of Knowledg short and plain The whole duty of Man Sunday 3d. Some one of these read together and talk together and enquire of each others Souls welfare of knowledg saith repentance charity and resolution of holy obedience by renewed life in the married estate giving up your selves to God thro' Christ and promise this to each other and both to God And if you have never been at the Sacrament then after such private preparation go together to your minister whom Gods providence has set over you to watch for your souls and desire his help in setling the case of your souls for increase of knowledg strengthening of faith quickening repentance and directing your practice in every good thing And so receive to the renewing of your
willing indeed to endeavour is certainly in your power especially at first when all circumstances make such endeavours more easy and hopeful in respect of success as I shewed before in the former part of the third Section Besides you have endeavoured in other things when there was as little likelyhood of prevailing and in cases to which you were as much strangers as you are in this so also may you endeavour now in this and how can you tell but you may prevail If you enquire what you may do to win each others love to the Lord and to perswade each other to walk in his ways call to mind what ways you took to gain the affection of each other for marriage the like method of intreating and entertaining followed with equal diligence and care in all probability will be succesful and may be as effectual in this matter as in the other 1. Remember what wayes you took to get acquaintance and to find opportunities of favourable acceptance So now be as watchful to procure opportunities to bring each other to God And when alone in secret seek to perswade to this And observe which is the fittest season to bring either to a promise 2. Remember how careful then you were to do nothing to displease one another but that you might still find the same favourable countenance So now much more labour that all your carriage may be so pleasing that all things on both parts may be so ordered that the duties of Religion may be delightful and not seem a burden 3. Then you could forbear many things which you knew were displeasing to each other so now also forbear all that may hinder each other in this good thing Let the man avoid all unnecessary spending of time abroad and let the woman avoid all negligence at home that all things may be in order for reading and prayer at the hour appointed 4. Then you could talk of love and almost nothing else and make great pretences at least now then talk as much and as often of the love of God and his love to Souls and of your love to the Souls of one another and talk of the Goodness of God and of his holy waies that thereby you may excite and inflame each other with love to God and goodness and what you could talk of without any help but natural inclinations now in this you may have the help of God his word his grace and holy Spirit 5. Then you could use arguments to win love and propose advantages enquire reasons of denial and answer their objections So may you now use arguments to win each other to the love of God shew each other the advantages of an holy and heavenly living together How it will strengthen natural affection end enable to bear all crosses and worldly troubles Ask what should hinder a resolution to joyn in so good so comfortable a design and answer what may be said against it with the Spirit of love and mildness 6. Then you would take no denial but ask again and again So may you now to win each other to the ways of God And be not wearied for this is well doing Continue to use the fittest opportunities till you have perswaded each other to be willing to embrace the ways of God to go to God together to go to heaven together Can you deny me this you may jnstly say this that is so much for our comfort both in sickness and in health and even in death it self I will never leave asking till I have obtained 7. Remember how then you could bear with patience all peevishness and mourn at refusal without anger so now wait in the Spirit of meekness endeavouring to win Could you then beg and wait and intreat acceptance and rejoyce if at last you obtained consent and agreement and cannot you do so now without some such endeavours as these where is the love you talked of where is that true love to thy partner and dear yoke-fellow Where is thy love to thy own Soul And where is thy love to thy dear Lord And especially if either find the other backward and yet lost in the flesh and either in words or actions discovering an enmity to a Godly life They had need mourn for their condition in secret and pray for them in secret but give not over as lost but wait and woo with patience and hope and prudence How knowest thou but at last it may prevail and that God may make thee the happy instrument of saving the Soul of thy Partner 1 Cor. 7.16 I shall now conclude with some few considerations to encourage to this duty or serious endeavours at least You are hereby in a probable way of reaping much comfortable fruit 1. Consider if this be attained to that both are willing and desirous and resolved thus to seek the Lord and to live in his way as in covenant with him how great the blessing of holy peace and comfort will be at present in this life God dwelling in such families where his Worship is set up and his holy way followed God promises to such and sayes I will walk among you and will be your God and ye shall be my people Lev. 26.11 12. And if you love indeed and seek the welfare of each others Souls this must needs yeild the pleasant fruit of mutual comfort in each other at present And without that all worldly advantages and seeming comforts will be but bitter troubles 2. Consider when you have won each other to this holy practice there is comfort in hope a well grounded hope of which you will be able to render a reason to any that may ask you 1 Pet. 3.15 Hereby in this present life you are laying a good foundation for an holy family if God hereafter shall increase you with Children and Servants you have chosen for them the best portion the most secure protection even the Almighty preserver And in some measure have done your duty answerable to your prayers in taking care that your Children may be Christianly vertuously brought up to Gods Glory and may justly expect such a prosperity that may not be a snare but that your Souls may prosper or a sanctified adversity for you and yours And then in the end of life and finishing your dayes on earth how great a comfort will it be to think that all shall meet in heaven pleasant and comfortable in this life And the more pleasant in this that in death you shall not be divided neither one from another nor either from God And then the comforts already tasted will be enlarged to the full Methinks this consideration singly it self is enough to quicken and perswade to endeavour that is the having a grounded hope of meeting together in the glories of heaven and joys of the blessed and of being instruments of bringing and establishing that good in a family which death cannot destroy 3. Consider it will be matter of comfort to those that do endeavour whether man
Adam and Eve and didst sanctifie and joyn them together in marriage pour upon us the riches of thy Grace sanctifie and bless us that we may please thee both in body and Soul and live together in holy love to our lives end Amen These you may use or so many of them as you think best only take heed that you may with the words express the true and hearty desires of your Souls to God alwayes concluding with the Lords Prayer as our Saviour in his Gospel hath taught us to pray saying OUR Father which art in heaven hallowed be thy name thy Kingdom come Thy Will be done in earth as it is in heaven Give us this day our daily bread And forgive us our trespasses as we forgive them that trespass against us and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil for thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory for ever and ever Amen And then add The Grace of our Lord Jesus Christ and the Love of God and the fellowship of the holy Ghost be with us evermore Amen A prayer to obtain Children to be used by those for whom it is necessary O Merciful God and heavenly Father by whose gracious gift mankind is increased we beseech thee assist us both with thy blessing that we may neither of us be barren but both of us fruitful in Children and also may live together so long in godly love and honesty that we may see our Children Christianly and Vertuously brought up to thy praise and honour thro' Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen Or instead of these you may make use of either of those that follow which of them you shall think most suitable to your condition to make known the desire of your heart to the heart-searching God The married persons joynt request unto God taken out of Mr. Hieron's help to Devotion THou O most blessed God didst first ordain the married state and it is thy providence by which we which were two are now made one flesh having mutually resigned our selves either to other by our entrance into this holy League It is the desire of our Souls to live together to thy glory and to the contentment each of other This we cannot do without thee for of our selves besides sin we can do nothing unto thee therefore do we commend our most earnest and humble suit that it may please thee so to besprinkle our Souls with the dew of thy grace that from thence may spring a plentiful increase of Sobriety of righteousness and of holiness in our lives Allay in us all sensual and brutish love purifying and sanctifying our affections one toward another that we may in nothing dishonour this honourable state nor pollute the bed of marriage which thou thy self in thy word hast called undefiled but may use this thine ordinance in that holy sort that carnal lusts may be slaked and subdued not increased or inflamed thereby Endue us with a godly care to acquaint our selves with thy blessed word that we may know and understand what duty is required at our hands what authority tempered with love and compassion and freed from all bitterness is committed to the husband what obedience and submission with reverence is commended in the wife what faithfulness in matrimonial duties either to other is enjoyned what providence and care is expected of the man and what assistance and help of the woman And when we know and have learned these things grant that it may be our study to practise them that so the husband may be as a faithful guide to his wife and the wife a crown and credit to her husband Make us wise to observe the natures and dispositions one of another that in all lawful things the one may seek to please and content the other the one may know how to bear with and to forbear the other not winking at any evil in one another but discreetly chusing the fittest opportunities for mutual admonishing without all shews of tyranny in the one or of presumption in the other Open our hearts that we may faithfully and chearfully communicate one to the other that sweetness which we find in heavenly things that sowe may go hand in hand towards heaven And that our chief love and delight either in other may be grounded upon the hope we have that we are heirs together of the grace of life In our family link us together in one common care to oversee the wayes of our houshold to seek the promoting and advancing of thy Kingdom the good instruction and education of our Children and servants Finally O Lord so unite and joyn us together in fidelity of affection that we may ever devote our selves to the procuring of the present and eternal good one of another that so living here comfortably we may reign with thee perpetually in that thy Kingdom which the blood of thy Son hath prepared for those that love and fear thy name Unto which Kingdom O Lord reserve us even for thy Son's sake and for thy mercies sake Amen Another to the same purpose O Lord our God who art pleased to look in mercy on thy poor creatures thro' the Lord Jesus Christ and dost promise to hear the prayers made to thee in his name we beseech to hear our prayers and supplications incline our hearts to pray and be pleased to hear and answer us graciously for Christ Jesus sake Thou O blessed Lord hast ordained the state of marriage and by thy good providence hast brought us together in that holy bond that we might be meet helps for one another And now O Lord we beseech thee frame both our hearts to holy desires to be helpful to each other both in soul and body And help us by thy Grace that we may live together in holy love and assist each other in faith and repentance and sincere obedience to thy holy word and will That we may live together in thy fear and be both of us ever in thy favour Put it into our hearts good Lord daily to pray and call upon thy holy name one with another and one for another Enable us to read thy holy word diligently enlighten our understandings that we may thereby know thy will and quicken us by thy Grace and good Spirit that we may be doers of thy Word And that being taught thereby we may learn truly to sanctifie thy Sabbaths and to give up our selves to thee our God heartily and entirely in frequent serious and solemn renewing the Covenant at thy holy Table in the blessed Sacrament of the Lords Supper and that we may live together as in Covenant with the Lord and do all that good thou hast appointed us in this state and condition of life to which thou hast called us Pardon we beseech thee all our Sins for Christ Jesus sake And all that vanity whereby we may have ensnared each other since our first acquaintance either in thought word or action savouring too much of the flesh and unbecoming
love And what indeed can professed Christians offer better then true Christian love to souls in the way of God and sincere Religion The best is expected and this being offered at first will be accepted and esteemed as indeed it is the best we can offer So then the way is prepared and this makes it easy 'T is easy to do that which is generally expected you should do And indeed you may well wonder at your selves if Satan should so deceive you that you should fall short of your own Expectations 4. The fourth advantage that young married people have to set about Religious duty 's both secretly and in their families at their first coming together is that then those hindrances of Children and a great deal of worldly business is not justly to be pleaded in excuse which afterwards may tho' there is no reason that these or any thing else should keep from God in Christ in whom and on whom we live Nothing can excuse you from the care of your souls without that no good can come nor profit be expected tho' you should gain the whole world Yet the corruption of nature and the policy of Satan being joyned will make such arguments appear reasonable and experience shews us that such vaine pleas are too prevailing and in time raise such difficulties as are hardly to be removed but may with ease be prevented at first when they cannot be pretended Let these advantages then perswade you to try what you can do at first to engage each other to promise to be faithful to God and one to the other in living together religiously praying and reading together helping one anothers Souls watching to prevent sin in each other and in resolving to rule your family as the Lords Servants Consider what comfort you may have in perswading and engaging one another to these things when you know not but hereby you may be the means of saving each the other And if either of you can prevail for a promise which I can scarce doubt if sincerely desired at first then let each write their name or make some mark at this place for a remembrance of the promise And look on it sometimes to quicken to continuance in mutual duty and to comfort you in that you have begun to look in earnest towards the Lord. And in case of coldness and neglect of Duty that one may shew it to the other as a gentle and silent admonition a token whereby to remember the early holy promises of Your first Love It may be a means to keep you from back-sliding and make you ashamed to fall off from so good an engagement and promise so as having begun in the Spirit to end in the flesh But before I conclude this Section I will set before you some of those benefits you may obtain by early beginning in this holy way I hope I have made it manifest to be easy enough to a willing mind And I also hope that what follows of the benefits which will come thereby will yet give further encouragement and encline your hearts to be willing to enter on so comfortable and hopeful a practice 1. There is the benefit of credit and reputation in the world Tho' Religion be generally too much slighted yet we may observe that most men will commend those that on marriage break off from their evil ways and settle themselves to mind and do that which is good 2. Next there is the benefit of hopefull proceeding A good beginning generally has got the reputation in the world as giving the most probable hope of a good ending A good foundation gives the promise of a lasting building And in any thing to have begun well is esteemed more then half the work But 't is not only hopefull in the judgment of men but God in his word both commands and commends early beginnings So that this is Gods way and in his way you may justly expect his blessing and that beginning betimes you shall continue in the good way Train up a Child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it Prov. 22.6 That is such do not usually miscarry tho' sometimes they may So also begin the married state in the fear of God and perswade and engage one another at first to set your selves in the good and the right way and then you will not easily depart from it afterward but more easily continue living in the Love of God and each other when you are old 3. A third benefit you will have because early beginnings in good prevent those ill habits and customs in evil which are so hard to be changed and difficult to be broken And in this case a resolved beginning in a Religious way will prevent those corrupt inclinations to slight God and his way and the living as beasts without God in the world and prevent that hardening of heart against the word preached and all that danger of delaying sloth which usually grows by continuance 4. A fourth benefit is that the beginning in a Religious way to live together and going on constantly tho' weakly will make the practice easy and natural and custome comes up to a second nature This takes off all that indisposition and reluctancy which must sometime or other be removed before it will be well with you and the sooner the better this will make the practice of holy living not only easy but pleasant as skill and knowledg increases Therefore the advice is good tho' of an heathen chuse the best way and custom will make it easy and delightful And you will look for reading and prayer as you do for your meat or sleep And what seem'd difficult at first by use and practice will become easy pleasant and necessary 5. The fifth benefit is this the beginning at first to exercise a Godly love to endeavour to bring each other to the knowledg and love of God and Christ and the holy Spirit by a serious practice of Religion will best settle true and lasting affection toward each other for that love which is on the Spiritual account and for the Souls good is like to be lasting We are apt to judg of each other by our first most intimate and familiar converse what appears before may be the effect of Caution but the intimate familiarity of marriage makes discoveries without reserve and when you find in each other when most retired a sober conversation tending to piety vertue and true Religion in the life and power of Godliness and consider that the end of such a conversation is Christ and lasting love The same yesterday to day and for ever There are peculiar charms and a winning sweetness in such a discovery which will cause you to value each other the more when one or both may say with a well grounded confidence God has given me one of his children to be my yoke-fellow 6. Lastly to all there may be added the Spiritual benefit or advantage of the
coming on of children Poor young infants must be looked to sickness or frowardness in them will be accounted a just and reasonable hindrance and is used too often as a pretence when it meets with a delaying and unwilling mind when indeed there is no just reason so to pretend as in the fourth advantage in the last Section 'T is easy to find an excuse for what we have not a mind to It may indeed be allowed sometimes as an interruption but cannot be allowed as a continual hindrance while there is the cradle or the mothers breast to keep peace and quietness for the time of reading and prayer 3. A third disadvantage is the possibility of an increase of worldly business and this may succeed as a continual hindrance when company and visits can be no longer a pretence as in the first Paragraph of this Section So that if you begin not at first when business is less how can a beginning be expected when business is really more 4. The ill custom of negligence will make the heart more dull and dead to all that is good confirmed habits are not easily to be removed you will be apt to fancy that so long you have done well enough without prayer and reading or any religious duty and may still do so And then tho' there be no excuse left yet you will continue in the neglect and this at last will turn to contempt and so you will cast it off quite 5. Fifthly a great disadvantage of delaying and putting off may arise under a seeming good pretence that is of being fitter and more able hereafter You will be apt to think that knowledg and ability will come with age you are yet too young when elder you shall be more able and then it will come of it self But this is a sore delusion of Satan for you will labour still under the same disadvantage and be as unskilful in the way of righteousness when old as when young unless you begin to practise when young And when you find ignorance and inability still continue whereas you thought it would be otherwise you will be apt to judg this work is not to be done and then to think it is not required at least of you but of the better learned and more able and you will be ready to say God requires no more then he gives he knows you cannot when indeed 't is not the want of ability but of a willing mind And the fault is your own negligence who would so long delay your own sinful negligence that whereas in that time you have delayed you might have been able by use and exercise yet are you as far to seek as when being young and delayed to that time of age Heb. 5.12 Still to seek for a beginning and still complaining of that which you pretended hindred you at first Whereas if you had begun in due time you would have found that use and practice through Gods blessing would have rendred you able and knowing now by neglect you find your selves both weak and ignorant And so tho' 't is possible that one may be more capable of learning a trade at five and twenty years old then at fifteen yet we see none put off learning so long Because then is the time to use it and use by that time makes those that begin early then to be masters which if they had deserred on hope of better ability they had certainly been as much to seek then as at fifteen But these particulars are as it were more immediately from your selves but there are other disadvantages of an higer nature 't is true indeed they are disadvantages caused by your own neglect but now depend more immediatly on a superiour power and stand as brazen walls a disadvantage next to impossible to be overcome And that is the long slighting the offers that God has made provoking him to withdraw his divine influences and to leave you without further calls admonitions and helps When the holy and blessed Spirit has long waited to be gracious and it will not yet be that you will be perswaded but are still delaying and shifting off duty with excuses he then departs as grieved Eph. 4.30 The striving and inward motions of the Spirit cease as quenched 1 Thes 5.19 Then as a ship forsaken of the wind thou canst not move You can do nothing without Christ Jo. 15.5 And he has offered and called but you would not consent and he that only can help is now departed in displeasure O what a sore and dreadful disadvantage is this procured by neglect and sinful delay And what danger are you in lest you should be hardned and undone for ever God has called for your first love and you have put him off with trifing excuses And can you think that what you would not have on invitation is so cheap a trifle that you cannot miss it but it must be allowed you when you will No no trifler 't is not so this is such a disadvantage as may make them tremble that are under it and if well considered will set you upon timely endeavours to prevent the Danger 7. Lastly there is another disadvantage of the same sort with that last mentioned and that is the curse of God that the negligent lie under all that time that they refuse God and Christ and the holy Spirit and blessing to dwell with them While you neglect the serious practice of Religion in private you lose all the benefit of the publick ordinances and the private instructions and good wishes of your friends You hear the word preached or read but 't is in vain while you neglect to practice it You do but deceive your selves Jam. 1.22 And put your selves further under the curse of God And from this neglect the curse grows more heavy tho' you perceive it not Here is indeed that dreadful disadvantage as the Apostle tells us Heb. 6.7.8 Those that receive the dew of heavenly instructions from Gods word read or preached or from such books as this and yet bring forth only briers and thorns excuses and neglect they are nigh to Cursing And this is indeed a dreadful state But I have spoken something on this account before in the last Paragraph of the former Section and therefore conclude this Sect. V. Shewing that married people ought to take care of each others Souls and to perswade each other to the practice of holiness I Have set before you the good and the right way to make the married life a comfortable joyful happy state I have shewed you the advantages of entring on those offered joyes betimes and the disadvantages of delaying even the long losing the most comfortable part of the married state and the danger of losing your Souls for ever Now some may think it a very needless thing to add more to perswade But while Satan and Corrupt nature are so prevailing and true Christian love appears so little there is reason to fear that many will not