enough for me to consider the Divine nature in Unitie of Essence unless I go yet further and find a Trinity of Persons to be curious in this search is dangerous to be careless damnable nothing may be here safely seen but what is gratiously revealed Lord no man can see thee as thou art in thy self suffer mee therefore to see thee as thou art unto us that I may know thee and love thee and delight in thee and be for ever known and loved of thee If there were not an eternity of being then it may be truly said that not being was before being and so that being had its rise from-not being by causing it self to be when it was not So should Privation which was eternally evill produce that glorious being which is eternally good Seeing this cannot be it will hence follow that being was from all eternity and that this being was eternally Good for that which was good in the effect must needs be far more eminently good in the cause That this eternall good being must be also infinite because eternity it self is infinite That this infinite eternall good being must be of infinite power to continue infinitely That this infinite power must also bee of infinite understanding to support and preserve this eternall infintie good beeing and this infinite understanding is God Where there is an infinite understanding there must also be an infinite object to be understood els could it not be insinitely active and so should both eternity and infinitie suffer diminution and become defective which were for them both to be and not to be which is impossible and seeing there can be no object infinite out of God therefore this eternall infinite and ever-blessed object must of necessity be God Where there is an infinite understanding and an infinite object to be understood there cannot choose but be an infinite and eternall love for from this infinite Understanding of this infinitely amiable and for ever blessed object there must needs proceed an infinite delight whereby it infinitely injoyeth its own excellency and eternally reflecteth on the beauty of its own perfection els this infinite eternall understanding should want power to enjoy this infinitely aimiable object and so should be neither good infinite nor eternall and this infinite and eternall love is God Now because this Understanding Object and Love are all infinite and that whatsoever is infinite must of necessity be God it will from thence truly and undoubtedly follow that this understanding is God this Object God and this Love God And because it is as equally impossible that there can be any more than one infinite therefore it will as assuredly follow that these three are one three in Existence one in Essence three in Order one in Eternity three persons one eternall infinite glorious incomprehensible wise God to whom be glory for ever Amen This is that blessed Father Son and Holy Spirit that ineffable most mysterious Trinity in Unity eternally injoying blessedness in its own Essence This is that blessed inter-union of that ever blessed Spirit that most unspeakable immutable incomprehensible fruition of eternall joy at which the blessed Angells stand amazed in which the blessed Saints shall sweetly rest themselves for ever All this and infinitely more than this thou art Lord in thy self thy Wisdom Justice Mercy Truth Power Holiness and whatsoever other Attributes thou art pleas'd to take unto thy Divine Essence are unto thee one although unto us divers and thou art therefore pleased diversly to manifest thy self unto us because we cannot otherwise conceive thy being than according to thine outward working thy distinct operations are unto us the divers Indications of thine eternall undivided and for ever blessed essence And now Lord who can see thee thus and live I have hitherto seen nothing but destruction to my body amazement to my soul In thine Essence there is light inaccessible unto which no mortall eye can approach in thine attributes terror unutterable from which no mortall man can escape Thy wisdom trying my corrupt heart and scoarching my sinfull reines Thy Justice most severe fearfull in the pronunciation dreadfull in the execution Thy truth admitteth of no alteration no Judgement pronounced but precisely fullfilled Heaven and Earth shall pass away but not one tittle of thy sacred word Thy Holiness is such that even the blessed Angells are impute in thy sight what then shall become of me a miserable wretch the thoughts of whose heart are only evill and that continually were it not for thy rich mercy I were lost for ever by this alone I am for ever reconcilâ—d unto thee and shall eternally be blessed with thee I can here with joy unspeakable and glorious behold thee my loving Father affectionately imbracing me in Christ from all eternity by the sweet working of thy holy Spirit this is that truly-blessed vision of the sacred and mysterious Trinity in this life of Grace that will for ever make me truly happy in that of Glory Lord if I find thee not Three in One to my soul's comfort in this life I shall never be found of thee to be blessed in thee in that to come Without thy Power it had not been decreed without thy Wisdom it had never been acted without thy Love it had never been sinished Here in a severe Judge I joyfully behold a mercifull Redeemer In a glorious Divinity a true Humanity united to the Deity not mixed with it Before I had three Persons in one Essence here I have two Natures in one Person God and Man one Christ in whom and by whom I have a joyfull interest and undoubted union in the Godhead Here is the Father promising the Son performing the Holy Spirit confirming This is alone that blessed sight of God that bringeth rest and quietness to my weary soul To know him to be my God to have suffered for my sin and risen again for my Justification To find him supporting sustaining me in my infirmaties relieving my wants chastising my errors revenging my wrongs repairing my breaches directing my wayes protecting my person wounding rending breaking my obdurate heart creating in me a clean heart and renewing a right Spirit within me bemoaning bewailing mine iniquities inviting nay compelling me to mercy and forgiveness Seeing now O my Soul that Gods being in himself is incomprehensible and his Love in Christ unutterable with what Filial fear shouldst thou think of him with what awfulness name him with what reverence and preparedness pray unto him with what heat of affection love him with what carefulness and conscience fear to offend him with what cheerfulness and holy diligence devote thy service to him Blessed Lord Seeing that I am utterly unable of my self to comprehend thee O let me be graciously comprehended of thee that corruption may be swallowed up of immortality and humane frailty of eternall glory As thou hast given me an understanding in part to know thee so give me also affections intirely to love thee and fixed
whole life a very sink of sin and all uncleanness When thy hand hath been heavy upon me I have then promised thee amendment when thy rode hath been taken off from me I have again returned to mine evil courses this plainly sheweth that I have hitherto sought but any self in thee and may therefore justly fear to be forsaken of thee I have been undutiful to thee my God envious and uncharitable to my neighbour hypocritical to the world deceitful to mine own soul My thoughts have been wanton my desires lascivious my actions unclean I have been blind to thy precepts deaf to thy promises dumb in thy praises lame in thy services sick at thine ordinances dead to thy imbraces I have broken all my promises I have slighted all thy threatnings I have abused all thy mercies I have rejected all thy favours I have delayed my repentance I have resisted the checks of mine own conscience I have quenched the motions of thy blessed Spirit and turned thy grace into wantonness and yet as if all this had been too little to condemn me I have most daringly presumed on thy mercie and most ungracionsly resolved to go on in my impieties Lord thou hast peomised to forgive those that repent to ease those that are heavy laden to raise up those that are fallen to satisfie those that are hungry and to bind up those that are broken-hearted O Lord my God I earnestly desire to repent I am laden with a burthen insupportable I am feeble and sore smitten with the terrors of thy Law my flesh trembleth and my heart fainteth I am fallen into the very mouth of hell I am sorely wounded with the remorse of mine own accusing conscience and hungry for the sweet refreshings of thy saving grace Thou O Lord hast made me sensible of this my great misery and thou alone canst make me capable of thy rich mercy unto that mercie therefore I appeal with sighs in my soul and sorrow in my heart O thou which art the blessed fountain of all goodness which desirest not the death of a sinner but rather that he should repent and live have mercy upon me O thou which art the Saviour of the world which camest to seek and to save those which were lost have mercy upon me O holy and for ever blessed Spirit thou which feedest and refreshest the distressed soules of thine Elect have mercy on me Let thy power O blessed Father support my weakness thy wisdom O blessed Son supply my folly thy love O blessed Spirit restrain my wilfulness that as thou art eternally one so I may for ever be at unity with thee although most wofully divided in my self Lord as thou hast given me a heart to pray unto thee so give me also a soul to praise thee and a serius resolution to perform those promises I make unto thee Lord sweeten all my sorrows by thy blessed sufferings inlarge my heart with thankfulness for thy many favours strengthen my weak faith restrain my rebellious nature increase daily in me the gifts and graces of thy blessed Spirit indue me with a perfect hatred against all sin and grant dear God that daring and presumptuous sinnes may never have dominion over me Amen CHAP. 14. Upon Quenching the motions of Gods holy Spirit COnsider O my soul from whence these happy thoughts arise and wherefore if they were from nature they must needs savour of corruption but now they are from Grace they summon thee to goodness they beckon thee to immortality Thy God now calleth thee to repentance he offers thee his gracious pardon for thy sin his love his protection his peace his grace his glory He now woeth thee to favour and thou a wofull wretch convicted by thine own accusing conscience condemned by divine Justice rebelliously rejectest all these gracious offers Ah what wofull folly is this nay rather what wilfull madness As there is a time of calling so there will be a time of rejecting the blessed wind of Gods holy Spirit bloweth but where it listeth when it is once gone thou knowest not whether it shall ever return God will have mercy on whom he will have mercy and whom he will he hardeneth Rom. 9. Ah wo be unto that soul whose time of calling is once past a thousand worlds cannot redeem its loss If thou wilt not now embrace these comfortable breathings of his tender love thou shalt then endure the bitter storms of his incensed wrath If thou wilt not embrace his Mercy thou shalt exalt his Justice I called unto you saith God and yee refused to come I held out my hand and ye would not look towards me therefore will I forsake you in your extremity when your fear cometh as desolation and your destruction as a whirlwind when distress and anguish cometh upon you then shall they call upon me but I will not answer they shall seek me early but they shall not find me Prov. 1.24 27 28. Gods clemency and patience in this life will assuredly exasperate his fury and revenge in that to come as his Mercy is unutterable so his Justice is intollerable both are his divine being and therefore both must needs be infinite both are to manifest his glory and therefore both must be eternall From hence is that expression of Saint Vaul It is a fearfull thing to fall into the hands of the living God Heb. 10. From hence it is that wicked men are left unto their own swing in this life that they may be payd home with Gods wrath in that to come Let this teach thee O my soul to welcome these endeared motions of the gladding Spirit to thirst for them to rejoyce in them to think no thought too dear to be disloged for them Blessed Lord I hear thee calling thy holy Apostle Saint Peter and I see him readily forsaking all to follow thee how often hast thou called me a sinfull wretch by the sweet motions of thy blessed Spirit and I have hitherto refused to forsake the very least of all my sins for thy sake who willingly forsookest all the pleasures of this life for mine Long hast thou waited my repentance but I have yet hated to be reformed Mercy hath been offered and I have not esteemed it Judgement hath been threatned and I have not regarded it thou hast not onely whispered unto me by thy gracious visits of thy blessed Spirit but thou hast even called me aloud by thy divine hand of wholsom chastisement By loss of friends by loss of means by loss of health by loss of liberty and without thy rich mercy by the great danger of that greater loss of thy Gospel and thereby of thy gracious presence in this life and thine eternall joys in that to come All this my sins have justly brought upon me and yet for all this my wretched heart desires to be a stranger to thee Lord who am I that thou so graciously invitest unto mercy Lord what am I that now presume to speak unto thee I am so
temptation if the World frown upon them they can chearfully say and faithfully believe that A small thing which the righteous hath is better than great riches of the ungodly Psal 37.16 if it smile that They then account all things but loss and dung in compare of Christ Jesus if outward blessings be present they are humble under them and thankfull for them if absent They can patiently tarry for the Lord for they know he is their help Psal 33.14 and that No good thing will he withhold from them that love him Psal 34.10 if sickness seize upon them The Lord is about their bed and about their path and spieth out all their waies their waies of sin and their waies of sorrow yea He maketh their beds in their sickness by ease to their bodies comfort to their souls if famine threaten them they have God's promise to maintain them For the eye of the Lord is upon them that fear him and upon all those that put their trust in his mercy To deliver their souls from dearth and to feed them in the time of security Psal 33.17 18. if sudden danger approach them they have heavenly succour to defend them for The Angell of the Lord tarrieth about all them that fear him to deliver them yea even Death it self is an advantage to them and therefore no waies able to affright them for Pretious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his Saints and therefore Though the Lord kill them yet will they trust in him Iob 13.15 Lord if thy mercy be thus great unto me while I am yet in my sinfull flesh how unspeakable shall I find thy love when my body is become spirituall my joy eternall From these outward enjoyments may well be derived their inward contentments but by their inward refreshments is enjoyed that incomparable inconceivable unutterable sweetness that blessed peace of God and joy in the holy Ghost which passeth all our understanding God's holy Spirit witnessing with their spirits that they are his children and most pretious in his sight and they are now fully perswaded with his blessed Apostle that Neither Death nor Life nor Angels nor Principalities nor Powers nor things present nor things to come nor height nor depth nor any other Creature shall be ever able to separate them from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord Rom. 8. 37 38. How full of solid comfort is this blessed assurance how are our souls ravished with apprehension of the sweetness of our present comforts of the fulness of our future joyes these blessed earnests of that ever blessed Spirit are the faithfull pledges of his future embraces far above the reach of Malice to disturb or Devill to destroy Hence it is that our faith is pretious our hope lively our joy glorious our lives safe our deaths blessed and from hence arise those many and those rich endowments of the Saints their zeal burning their love wonderfull their desires earnest their longings insatiate their petitions for enjoyings importunate Lord what can I desire more of thee than what I enjoy from thee I have thy mercy without me and thy mercy within me thy mercy in life and thy mercy in death thy mercy from the beginning thy mercy to the end and thy mercy without end I am even crowned and encompassed with mercy O let me now say with holy David I will allwaies give thanks unto the Lord and his praise shall be ever in my mouth Psal 34.1 Let me not onely praise thee my self but with him allso invite others to praise thee O praise the Lord with me all ye his Saints and let us magnifie his name together Psal 34.3 O tast and see how gratious the Lord is blessed is that man which putteth his trust in him Be glad O yee righteous and rejoyce in the Lord and be joyfull all yee that are true of heart Psal 32.12 And now Lord having had a tast of the sweetness of thy Saints happiness on earth I willingly forsake all to follow them I have too long been straying in the strange pastures of impiety and am now joyfully desirous to be led home to thy fold that I may feed in the green and fresh pastures of thy sacred precepts and drink freely of those waters of comfort in thy blessed promises that I may so drinle that I may never thirst but be fully satisfied with thy grace in this life with thy glory in that to come O let this evill world neither allure me to its vanities nor betray me from thy mercies but as thou hast overcome the world for me so by thy grace assisting it may be allso overcome by me Thou hast indeed told me that I shall mourn in it but my mourning shall be turned into joy and that my joy shall no man take from me Lord I believe help my unbeliefe I embrace thy cross I despise the shame for that glory which is set before me of which I have a safe assurance by the blessed earnest of thy holy Spirit in me To thee O Father Son and holy Spirit one eternall infinite incomprehensible and ever blessed Goodness be all possible praise honour and glory now and for ever Amen O thou great God who hast tender bowels of compassions and multitudes of mercies for us miserable sinners who art not easy to be provoked but ever ready to forgive who sufferest not thy whole displeasure to arise against us but even in thy very judgements remembrest mercy and art then moved with the sight of our misery have mercy upon me a great and grievous finner Lord I have sinned I have transgressed I have done foolishly in departing from thy judgements But righteousness belongeth unto thee O Lord and unto me shame and confusion of face O let thy bowels of compassions remove out thy sight my multitudes of transgressions that I may now appear before thee with a joyfull heart and happy soul Let thy words be sweeter to me than the hony and the hony comb than the vain pleasures and false profits of this life O let my chiefest joy be in thy service my greatest delight to walk in thy waies and all false waies of pollution and uncleanness let me utterly abhorr Give me that inward peace that quietness of conscience which the world cannot take from me that when I am afflicted by it I may not be condemned with it Lord let me faithfully believe and gratiously improve the constancy of thy love in the worlds great unconstancy the richness of thy mercy in this wretched ages misery O that my eye might drop without ceasing that my heart might break forth into complaints and my soul be melted into sorrows for mine own and others sins that have occasioned these heavy judgements these sad complainings of thy people Lord as I have been a great and grievous sinner amongst them so let me be a constant and a true mourner for them as thou hast beheld us sinning so now allso behold us sorrowing
blessed Sphere Suffer me not dear Lord to moove from thee There is no rest But in thy Brest And in thine absence present misery O that I were at rest with thee Or else that thou wert come to mee Since in thine absence I am so distrest Thy wrathfull frown Hath thrown me down And rais'd a storm in my unquiet brest Come Lord and close these wretched eyes So blear'd with sins and miseries Resolve this erring heart to tamer dust Which every day Thus sleals away That it may rise more joyfull and more just THE SINNERS JOY All my Soul why so dismai'd Why so sad so sore afraid Canst thou think those gratious eyes Drench'd in tears for thee Can disdain such powerfull cryes Such humility Sinners soules must sorrow keep Man may mourn when God can weep Soul though thou hast done amiss Yet rejoyce for thou art his See his soul was sad to death In his agony Sad to case thy wofull breath In thy misery Be not faithless but beleeve Man may sigh when God can grieve Do not grudge to lend a tear Can'st thou doubt or can'st thou fear Can'st thou see his bleeding heart And not believe him Wounded soul that bears a part Can never grieve him Timely tears are precious seed Man may weep when God can bleed Be not so cast down Alass See his soul forsaken was Frighted with his Fathers frown Left in paines of hell Ah why art thou so cast down 'T was to make thee well Doubt not but admire his cost Man may stray when God was lost Soul when thou art left alone Do not deem thy Saviour gone When thou canst not see his face 'T is to let thee know That those sinnes with-draw his grace Which brought him so low See where he in grave doth lie Man may faint when God can die Weep no more but wipe thine eyes See O see thy Saviour rise Happie Soul thy debts are paid He is ascended Death is not be not afraid All woes are ended Grieve no more believe and live Man may take when God can give DEO SALVATORI WIth sighing Soul and bended knee Thy Servant vowes himself to thee My God accept a broken heart Bleeding for Sin O thou which art The Soveraign balm vouchsafe to bee My dearest Lord that Balm to mee Inlighten with thy saving grace Those eyes thou guidest to this place And grant dear God those fins of mine May not obscure that Grace of thine Amen THE SINNER'S TEARS The Entrance to the Work THere is no man but naturally desireth Happiness even those unhappy ones that least endeavour for it have oftentimes an earnest longing to it there can be no true Happiness without Peace no true Peace without Holiness without offering violence to our corrupt affections without ransaking our soules and searching out the very secrets of our Sinfull hearts the wordling may be outwardly merry but none but the sons of sorrow can be inwardly contented that outward Joy may delight for a season but this inward Peace remaineth for ever Peace is the richest Jewell in a Christians Cabinet the choisest Legacy that Christ bequeathed to his chosen ones in it there is a complication of all Blessings and without it an expectation of all Miseries there is no attaining to it but by the search of him who is the giver of it there is no following this search but by that path which leadeth to the ready way and there is but one guide that can direct us unto that path Blessed God there is no way unto thee but by thee thou art life and thou art the way to that life and thou art the guide to that way thou Lord art all in all unto me and therefore shalt be now and ever praised by me In all awfull reverence to thy sacred Majestie in fear and trembling at the sight of thy severe Justice to impenitent sinners in serious apprehension of thy sweet mercy in forbearing me a miserable wretch and with unfeigned forrow and humilitie of heart for grieving thy good Spirit I here dedicate the short remainer of my sinfull dayes to thy service In thy name and in thy fear I begin my discourse who art the God of peace by whose holy Spirit I am guided to this happy search Lord lead mee in it by the same Spirit that I may become an instrument of glory unto thee of happiness to thine of rest to mine own soul CHAP. I. Upon the consideration of our sinfull thoughts touching the Sacred Deitie with holy cautions to order our Devotions aright Lord WHen I seriously consider what thou art the least glimps of whose eternall glory I can no way see but by conceiving what thou art not when I look upon the vast distance between thee the blessed Creator and mee thy sinfull Creature I cannot but wonder at thy great patience at thy rich goodness at thine endless mercy towards mee My whole life from my nativitie hath been a continued course of sinfulness against thee mine actions highly rebellious my thoughts finfully wicked even the very best of them a dark confused indigested heap of misconceivings of thy sacred Majestie Thou Lord art an Essence most glorious most inconceivable eternallie injoying Blessedness in the fruition of thy self thy Centre is every where thy Circumference no where thou admittest not of Augmentation nor of Diminution no length of time is bâ—yond thee no depth of wisdome beneath thee no height of glory above thee no bredth of mercy beside thee Thou aâ—tâ—o Lord a most pure simple and eternall beeing Pure without matter without form Simple without mixture without composition Eternall without beginning without end no Created being can express thee no imagination conceive thee no understanding utter thee when I think of thee as thou art the bright beames of thy glory amaze mee when I conceive of thee what thou art not the terrors of mine own heart affright mee even but the Least thought of this kind is impious seeing that hereby I do not onely rob thee of thy glory but even deprive thee of thy self and yet Lord as thy being is most high so is the search thereof most necessary because from it as from the blessed fountain I enjoy my present I exspect my future happiness and unto it with joy of heart and earnestness of soul I desire should run the current of my praises in this life of my Allelujaes in that to come When I find therefore any Corporall parts appropriated to the Divine nature I there see thee gratiously descending to the weakness of my frail and infirm nature and ever bless thy holy name that vouchsafest to declare thy self not as thou art but as I am Thine Eye Lord is thy Wisdom thy Right hand thy Power thy sitting thine Immutability thy Standing thy Fortitude thine Anger thy Justice in punishing thy Repentance thy Mercy in pardoning thy Hatred of sin thy Holiness thy grieving thy Loving kindness thy Patience and long suffering thy Goodness all are thy self Neither is it
not only safety inviolable but peace untterable safety in life and sweetness in death And now Lord when I enquire for what cause thou givest me all this I find nothing but thy meer love unto me when I ask what thou requirest for all this I hear thee demand no thing but the return of love what is more easy what more sweet than love and what object more aimable than that glorious being that is the perfection of al love that love the beauty of al perfection Thou canst not give Lord what thou hast not the glory of thy creation is but a glimps of that grater glory of thine essence Lord who can deny thee Love how sweet is this yoak how light this burden when I love thee I enjoy thee and my self in thee I possess thee I rest in thee for ever O my God all that thou givest mee all that thou requirest of mee is to make mee happy to thee be glory for ever Amen Blessed Lord All this I joyfully confess thou hast done for mee and yet the whole course of my corrupt life hath been nothing elce but a continued Rebellion against thee mine Eyes full of Adultery my tongue of Corrupt communication my hands of oppression mine eares open to iniquity my heart full of hypocricy my feet Lame in thy paths and swift to walk in the wayes of sinners my whole man nothing elce but the very body of death and destruction I have sinned against precepts against promises against mercies against judgments against the checks of mine own conscience and the blessed motions of thy holy Spirit I have even tempted my temptations by making daily and hourely provisions for sin and have been so farr from sorrowing for all this that I have resolved to continue yet still And yet so great is thy compassion towards mee that still thou storest up new mercies for mee Lord I bewail my weakness I lament my willfulness I abhorr my filthiness I heartily desire and earnestly endeavour to unrip my soul to ransack my heart to unlock the very secrets of my thoughts that I may have all my sins continually before mee even in their worst appearances and I may loath them and leave them and obtain thy gratious pardon for them I confesse Lord that I am utterly unworthy to enjoy this blessed light which I have so much abused to thy great dishonour much more the light of Grace by which thou leadest me to that of Glory and that it were more just with thee for ever to deprive me of these happy lights and to expose me to the terrours of eternall darknesse Lord I have finned and cannot chuse but sin I am a great and grievous sinner and yet I am thy child have pity upon me have pity upon me for I am in misery into the bosome of thy tender love I thrust my sinfull soul for safety and protection O let not thy justice triumph in my ruine but thy mercy in my deliverance so shalt thou have the glory and I the sweetnesse of mine eternall happinesse Hear me O Lord and help me for thy name sake for thy promise sake for thy Sons sake Amen CHAP. 3. Vpon the consideration of Divine Providence A Meditation for Noon Blessed God WIthout thy holy providence no creature can subsist by thine Allmighty power they were created out of nothing and if thou shouldst not sustain them they must needs return to nothing how wisely how wonderfully doest thou guide and govern these inferiour creatures All things are at once disposed of by thee and move successively to their appointed ends but above all how gratiously hast thou provided for the good of man what varieties of food how secretly how sweetly disposed it to sustentation No creature can be nourishing without thee and with thee I enjoy not onely nutriment but delectation how sweet is this thy goodnesse to my body how much more sweet thy mercy to my soul and if thy temporall refreshments are so good how ravishing is that celestiall food with which thy Saints and Angels are delighted Lord how undeserving am I of these thy many favours Thou givest rain to the earth and it becometh fruitfull thou loadest me daily with thy blessings and loe I am unthankâ—â—â— even those creatures that are insensible are daily nourisht into augmentation and man alone whom thou hast made to live for ever contents himself with daily diminution This wofully appears by my deadness and dulness in my Christian calling by my back wardness to Holy Duties by my carelesnesse and coldnesse in prayer wearinesse in reading irkomenesse in meditation by my faint Hope sick Faith luke-warm Love frozen Charity lame Patience languishing Zeal and all those other visible decayes of Goodness which are none other than the very symptomes of a dying soul Ah now Lord how miserably deformed must I needs appear in thy fight that am thus ugly in mine own Thou that hadst compassion on me when I was in my blood and then saidst unto me Live that hast washed me clean from sin and pollution and espoused me into thine own bolom wilt thou allso love me in death Wilt thou court me in the grave How justly mightest thou for ever leave me to mine own ruin that can so easily so willingly forsake thee for the pleasures of sin and yet how sweetly how affectionately doest thou order all things for me Even my very sins invite me to a more happy to a nearer Union with thee To thee therefore O my God the life of my life the very being and assured comfort of my sinfull soul and wretched body do I address my self for mercy and forgiveness I confess my self unworthy of thy gracious providence in sustaining this frail and infirm body much more unworthy O Lord of thine unspeakable love in reviving relieving imbracing my deformed soul Blessed Lord who am I of whom thou art thus tenderly compassionate When I was in the womb I was defiled with sin when I came out of it I was covered with shame the World bewitched me the Flesh besotted me the Devill beguiled me Lord when no eye pittied me then thou badst mercy on me and now at last when I am run from thee when I have adulterated my first Love when I am become poor and wretched and miserable and blind and naked thou freely forgivest me thou callest me thy fair one and givest me thy love O my God I admire thy Goodness I deplore and abhor mine own wretchedness O let the sweetness of thy love in Christ inflame the dying sparks of my benummed soul to praise thee without ceasing Expatiatc my narrow thoughts with day'y contemplation of my heavenly home with joyfull expectation of the sweet fruition of Eternity O give me such a blessed raptasie of soul that I may live above the reach of humane misery and reign with thee hereafter in immortall glory CHAP. 4. Upon the consideration of the sinfulness shortness and uncertaintie of life A Meditation suited to the Evening
worst room in thy House is too good even for the best of us yet decency of place may be taken with modesty if not sought with emulation During the time of this holy dispensation I will call my thoughts unto a strict attendance and make it part of my precedent prayer that I may Satan is ever most busie when our intentions are most holy which when he cannot divert he labours to corrupt and by this means when I desire to grow better I become worse How carefull ought I to be to avoyd his cunning who can couzen me in my best actions My soul shall more delight it self with the matter than my ears with the melody of thy sacred Notes Church-musick will be then truly sweet unto me when mine outward joy is subservient to mine inward Mans sinfull weakness shall not make me slight thy holy Ordinance If my Pastor have failings I will pity and pray for him but not despise him If I look into mine own soul I shall there find work enough to repair mine own ruins This Lord shall rather move me to extoll thy mercy in upholding mine own steps to lament the sadness of my Brothers misery Lord let me never think my self better than another because I know not how soon I may become worse I shall willingly continue in that Fold where thou hast placed me and hope to remain there with comfort till thou shalt lead me out with safety While I am at thy feeding I am happy one of thy morsels well digested with humility and thankfulness will yeeld me better nourishment than that other food of mine own finding The very meanest of thy Ministers may afford me Patience and that heavenly Grace with thy blessing to boot is a great advantage If I receive thy Sacred Word with cheerfulness with earnestness of heart my obedience shall be accepted my zeal rewarded While I am within thy walls I shall account that gesture most decent that is most humble and those ceremonies most necessary that are most suitable to obedience all matters of Doctrine which are necessary to salvation ought to be guided by thy sacred Word which is the onely rule of faith all matters of Discipline which are necessary onely to obedience are therefore left to thy Churches care that as thou art one so thy Church may be one in that blessed union of love which is the bond of peace And now O Lord if thou shalt call me to a strict account for all my misdemeanours in thy sacred Worship with what confusion of face must â—needs appear before thee How many evill suggestions how many idle imaginations how many sinfull objects have I often entertained to divert my thoughts from thy service I have too often sinned in absenting thy House but more often and more grievously in frequenting it by coming carelesly and out of custome by unbeseeming gestures cold prayers heartlesse hearing profane scoffing curious censuring and even in the best of my performances by serving thee my God by halves all this I heartily bewail and earnestly desire thy pardon and forgivenesse for it Lord let this daies rest of my body bring to my remembrance that eternall rest of my soul let me not now think mine own thoughts speak mine own words doe mine own actions but come before thee with a sanctified and humble soul with a wounded and contrite spirit Repell all evill suggestions remove all idle imaginations divert all sinfull objects enlighten mine understanding rectify my will strengthen my memory subdue mine affections that I may rejoyce in thy love delight in thy law long for thy presence rely on thy promises thirst for thy grace and be for ever blessed in thy glory Amen CHAP. 6. Upon our returning from Gods House and the neglect of private duties Lord HE that knoweth thee will undoubtedly delight to serve thee if I call thy Sabbath a delight my thoughts in this day will be pure my words gratious mine actions holy That soul which cannot joyfully familiarize it self with thee in this life may well be fearfull to be seen of thee in that to come When I seriously consider what a rich favour I enjoy how great a distance I am at from thee my God how sweet a mercy thou affordest me to speak unto thee I cannot but confesse mine own unworthinesse if I regard not what I hear if I rejoyce not to recall thy blessed words to my remembrance How dreadfull was that voyce that spake in thunder and how severe the words that then were spoken how blessed is this still musick of the Gospell and how delightfull to my wounded spirit Lord let this raise my soul above the reach of earthly vanities let this encourage me to heavenly chearfullnesse in heavenly duties to be joyfull in reading fervent in prayer frequent in meditation constant in all That knowledg wil make wofully wise which teacheth me to know and not to do thy will Meditation is the life of Hearing Practice the life of Meditation and a sincere heart the life of Practice When I look into my life past I find it to be all sin when I consider of my life present I cannot but confesse it to be all shame I am still so far from growing better that I am become much worse this is that blessed day which concerneth my peace if I embrace not this happy opportunity I may justly fear these gratious offers will be hid for ever from mine eyes each word that I heard thy day is of weight if I become not more holy by my heavenly improvements by it I shall certainly become sinfull by my carelesse neglecting of it Thy work O Lord will have its end and this end either to my happinesse or ruine shall assuredly promote thy glory there is no vacuity in nature with thee the God of nature there can be none Think therefore O my soul that this daies instruction may be thy last as thou hopest for heaven let it not passe thee without some profit Consider seriously how many millions of worlds one lost soul would give to be restored to thy condition that to morrow thou mayest be as one of them and then judge how great will be thy folly how wofull thy misery if thou triflest with those sacred counsels which concern thy rest O thou God of infinite compassions look not upon those infinite failings of my sinfull nature but behold me in the beauty and perfection of thy blessed Son Teach me O Lord to see the rebellion of mine own wicked heart by his perfect obedience my sinfulnesse by his righteousnesse my misery by his mercy Forgive my many and sinfull compliances of nature which have made me a stranger to thy graces and mine own happinesse The great neglect of mine obedience unto thy commands hath justly called for the great and heavy load of mine afflictions the carelesse withdrawing of mine affections from thee my God hath occasioned the sad departings of thy holy Spirit from me O that my losse of tears
might now prevail with thee to repair the losse of thy presence in my sinfull soul Lord let the greatnesse of my folly in sinning extoll the richnesse of thy mercy in forgiving Restore me to the joy of thy salvation and stablish me with thy free Spirit so shall I have the comfort and thou the praise of my deliverance If thou Lord wilt give me understanding to delight in thy Law I shall allso have a sweet assurance that thou wilt delight in me to doe me good Accept of my desires strengthen my endeavours perfect my performances pardon my weaknesse assist my willingnesse forgive my sinfulnesse nourish the good motions of thy holy Spirit in me and for thy mercies sake remove all dangers and temptations from me that when the short and wretched race of my imperfect holinesse is ended here I may solemnize that eternall Sabbath with thy blessed Saints and Angels in thy Kingdome and rest with thee in the perfection of true happinesse for ever Amen CHAP. 7. Upon the want of due Preparation for receiving of the blessed Sacrament of the Lords Supper Lord WHen I look upon the inestimable value of that gift which I am this day to receive when I consider of the Majestie of thee the Giver of the misery of me the Receiver of the vast difference between corruption and eternity of thy strict commands for preparation to the Passcover under thy Law of thy blessed precepts for due receiving of thy Sacrament under the Gospell of thine own example in washing thy Disciples feet and thereby symbolizing the eternall washing of their souls of thy Saints practice in their solemn preparations unto holinesse by pulling off their shoes when they approached thy presence of thy severe judgements against Vzza for heedlesse touching of thine Ark against the Bethshemites for curiousnesse in looking in against those rash Corinthians whereof for want of holy preparation some were weak some sick some fallen asleep and lastly of that dreadfull sentence against unworthy commers to thy Wedding Feast pronounced by thine own mouth I tremble at my bold approaches to thy blessed Table I wonder at thy goodnesse that I am yet alive to say there is yet mercy with thee that thou mayst be scared How many blessed opportunities of coming to thy Table have I sinfully neglected How many abused by my sinfull resort thither by my wandring and idle thoughts there by my wicked and profane actions after I returned thence Lord wilt thou still suffer me to abuse thy goodnesse How long Lord how long shall I wander in these wofull waies of wickednesse I am weary of the sins and miseries of this life and willing to embrace this heavenly comfort for my soul I confesse my self a great and grievous sinner and yet I know Lord thou camest not to call the righteous but sinners to repentance I am hungry and poor and blind and naked and miserable destitute of all hope of all help but from thee alone Lord I am unworthy of thy crums yet thou admittest me to thy Table the sinfulnesse of my corrupt nature hath made a wofull separation between us but the richnesse of thy sufferings hath for ever made a sweet conjunction of us all my sins are thine all thy righteousnesse is mine thou art now my well-beloved and I am thy chosen one and in this blessed Union is my sweet and safe repose for ever Who can enough deplore that more than wofull separation Who can enough admire this more than wonderfull conjunction this more than happy reconciliation Here is Justice undeniable Mercy incomprehensible Wisdome unutterable Love unimitable O let my soul now lose it self in the unknown paths of heavenly contemplation let me this day apprehend thee O my Saviour fasting praying weeping groaning sweating bleeding fainting dying for my sake and now pleading to my God for mercy for me Let me now tast the sweetnesse of that mercy by a lively faith the fulnesse of this sweetuesse by a blessed hope the fruition of this fulnesse by eternall love Lord how unworthy am I of these embraces if I bewail not if I abhor not if I forsake not all the wretched failings of my sinfull life past if I rejoyce not with joy unspeakable and glorious to be admitted to so great a mercy if this inflame not mine affections with unspotted love to thee my God with earnest longings for thy presence of Grace in this life of Glory in that to come And now Lord since thou in thy rich love hast freely forgiven me my pounds I will allso most willingly and heartily forgive my brother his pence I will have nothing to doe with malice that had so much need of mercy I will unfeignedly and freely and fully forgive all injuries on earth I will love all those that hate me and pray for all those that despightfully use me and all this for thy sake who hast freely loved me and layd down thy life for me to whom be Glory for ever Amen Blessed Lord God Look down in mercy and compassion on me thy poor distressed suppliant whom thou now vouchsafest to admit unto thy heavenly Banquet Illuminate my blindness by the blessed light of thy most sacred Word satisfie my hunger with the sweet refreshings of thy gracious presence inrich my poverty with the gifts and graces of thy holy Spirit cover my nakedness with the precious robes of thine own righteousness swallow up the depth of my misery by the height of thy mercy that I may this day appear before thee with a sincere heart and happy soul Lord strengthen and support my feeble faith make me joyfully to trust in thee constantly to rely upon thee thankfully to sacrifise my soul in praises to thee Vouchsafe dear Lord that I may worthily approach thy blessed Table that I may this day be so united to thee that all my joy and comfort may hereafter bee for ever with thee Amen CHAP. 8. Containing pious Ejaculations at the time of Receiving Lord THis art that blessed Bread by which my soul is nourisht to eternall life thou art that fruitfull Vine from which doth flow those gladding comforts to my fainting spirit Thou wert broken for my sins thou wert bruised for my transgressions and the chastisement of my peace was upon thee Lord by thy stripes let my sinfull soul be healed Thou tookest into thy hand the cup of trembling thou drankest out the very dregs thereof and thy precious blood was poured out like water for my sake Sweet Jesus sustain me by this Bread refresh me with this Wine recover me with this Potion cleanse me by this Effusion that I may this day receive joyfully return thankfully live righteously and dye happily CHAP. 9. Containing a brief Meditation and pious Thanksgiving after our Receiving I Am this day joyfully delivered from the bondage of Sin and Satan and happily restored unto the glorious liberty of the sons of God I have rellished the sweetness of his heavenly promises and received the seal of
his gracious performances I now enjoy that blessed Peace of God which passeth all our understanding My deliverance is wonderful my freedom absolute my peace unalterable my joy unutterable My conscience is now quieted my spirit ravished mine enemies vanquished and my God wel-pleased To thee therefore O thou blessed Fountain of eternall sweetness do I address my joyfull soul to love and honour thee to my lives end Lord Jesus accept of me and so powerfully and graciously assist me that I may savingly behold thee in thy blessed promises that I may happily enjoy thee in thy holy Ordinances that I may clearly see and joyfully confess what great things thou hast done for my poor soul that I may be dayly ravished with apprehension of thine exceeding love and hourly husied with recounting thy endless praise Lord make me to forsake the sins and miseries of this life make me more watchful over my corrupt heart more zealous of thy glory and thy childrens good that I may never willingly offend thee but wholly sacrifise the short remainder of my dayes unto thee that so my heart and my flesh may triumphantly rejoice in thee the living God Mortifie my corruptions support my weakness accept my willingness Let this my humiliation before thee be a pleasing sacrifice unto thee for his alone sake whose precious life thy rich mercie hath sacrifised to thy Justice for me Lord hear me and have mercy on me for his alone sake whom thou hast freely given unto me that I may truly love thee devoutly serve thee earnestly imbrace thee eternally enjoy thee Amen CHAP. 10. Upon a Journey undertaken and the many dangers incident thereunto I Am now going from mine own home and know not whether I shall ever return God I know hath set a pâ—riod to my dayes beyond which I cannot pass but when or where or how my life shall end I am uncertain Many are the dangers that attend this sinfull life and many more my sins that have deserv'd them I can neither number the one nor foresee the other this is the wretched and the sad condition of my body and without unfeigned sorrow for my sins the much more wofull case of my distressed soul Lord there is nothing so sweet as thy love nothing so safe as thy protection and yet I have carelessy neglected the one and thou mayst now justly deny me the other thou hast woed me to mercy and I have refused to come thou hast graciously invited me by thy continuall preservations by thy fatherly sustentations by thy gentle corrections by thy faithfull promises and thy rich performances Blessed Lord how wonderfull are thy compassions towards me when I am unthankfull for thy many favours when I am unmindfull of mine own miseries even then thou graciously providest for me and yet for all this I have not hitherto resolved seriously to come unto thee Such and so many are my sins so great is my unthankfulness that I now tremble to appear before thee and yet so tender is thy mercy to me that thou again allurest me to comfort and contentment Lord into the blessed bosom of thy love I cast my self for safety and protection and in the midst of danger even in death it self will joyfuliy rely upon thee For thou O Lord art my strong rock and fortress unto which I will alwaies resort Lord keep me as the apple of thine eye hide me under the shaddow of thy wings Strengthen my weak faith against the strong assaults of Satan support and comfort me in all the fears and terrors of mine own accusing conscience protect and keep me in this present journey let thy holy Angels be my blessed Guardians to protect me in life to preserve me in death to assist me after death O let me never grieve those blessed Spirits which though invisibly yet most assuredly are my attendants Lord as thou hast given them readyness and cheerfulness of mind to watch my preservation and further my salvation so give me carefulness and constancy of soul to joy them in my life and conversation And seeing Lord I cannot know my hour of dissolution O teach me so to number my days that I may apply my heart unto heavenly wisdom that I may obtain a sweet assurance of thy love in Christ unfeigned sorrow for my sins a sincere and constant heart to thy service and a cheerfull readiness at thy call Amen CHAP. 11. Containing pious Meditations and zealous Ejaculations after a Journey I Am now by Gods gracious providence returned safe unto mine earthly home but am still travelling to my heavenly There is nothing in this life but labour and sorrow nothing in that but rest and happiness and yet I dote upon the one and neglect the other Lord if my treasure were with thee my heart would be there allso When thou givest me more knowledge of thee I shall have more desire to come unto thee When my sins have made me more sensible of mine own misery thy Grace I trust will make me more capable of thy sweet mercy Lord if this vain unquietness be so refreshing to my mortall body how truly blessed will thy heavenly rest be to mine immortall soul When thou Lord wilt wipe away all tears from mine eyes all akings from my heart when there shall be no more death neither sorrow nor crying nor any more pain when soul and body shall triumphantly and joyfully repose themselves in thee for ever when they shall drink freely of the rivers of thy pleasures and be for ever satisfied with the fatness of thy house I confess my self unworthy to enjoy this outward rest in this mine earthy home much more unworthy to enjoy that inward rest that sweet assurance of a lively hope to be partaker of eternall rest How wretched is my body without this outward quietness How much more wre ched is my soul without thee Thou O Lord art my shield to defend me my staff to uphold me my food to sustain me my wine to glad me my beloved to embrace me my pleasure to delight me my joy to ravish me my sweet and sate repose for ever to refresh me Let this teach me Lord to fix my thoughts on heaven and heavenly things to use this world soberly in thee and to thee to view it truly as it is a barren wilderness a transitory vain and empty thing far inconsistent with my reall happiness to desire nothing to enjoy nothing in the creature but onely in and unto thee the great Creator so shall no vain pleasure bewitch me no unjust profit beguil me no sudden sorrow dismay me no terrors of conscience affright me To thee O thou soveraign of my soul do I devote the remnant of my sinfull dayes to love thee to praise thee to honour thee to rest in thee for ever Lord wean me from the sins and miseries of this life and raise my thoughts to immortality Let the sweetness of thy heavenly joyes relieve the harshness of my worldly sorrows that misery may
deformed and contemptible that mine own knowledge cometh far short of mine own misery O how justly mightst thou for ever leave me to my self to eat the fruit of mine own wayes and to be filled with the falshood of mine own devices to possess sorrow and inherit shame But thou O Lord who art infinite in goodness hast manifested to my sinfull soul that when I wretchedly forsake thee thou readily forsakest all to follow me when I run from thee thou bewailest me when misery compels me to return thou joyfully receivest me thou lovingly relievest me thou then graciously acceptest of me And now O Lord when I have even wearied out thy mercy and compassion towards me thou still invitest me to come unto thee To thee therefore O thou blessed Shepheard of my soul do I devote these penitent expressions O let those tributary tears which are due to thy sufferings be now plentifully poured forth for mine own sins Lord pardon my contempt of grace and graciously enable me to entertain these happy visits of thy holy Spirit and patiently to bear these sweet chastisements of thy heavenly hand that I may have fellowship with Christ and peace with God If thou Lord for the sins of my prosperity shalt think it fit to bring upon me the miseries of adversity for the great neglect of thy gracious visits to deny mee the sweet comforts of thy blessed answers yet give me patience and sure confidence to trust stil in thy mercie that so while I am most justly debarred of my longing desires I may not be utterly deprived of thy loving favours Lord cast me not away from thy presence O leave me not unto my self lest I perish everlastingly make me to see the richness of thy love and favour towards me Quicken the motions of thy blessed Spirit in me renew my good thoughts and six them wholly upon heaven and heavenly things Lord Jesus make me joyful in them and for ever truly thankful for them Make me willing to enjoy thee and ready to abandon all things for thee Lord I now seek thee but I cannot find thee I call upon thee but thou answerest me not O kiss me with the kisses of thy mouth for thy love is better than wine Lord let thy left hand support me and thy right hand imbrace me let me be outwardly and inwardly sustained by thee my weaknss by thy power my rebellion by thine obedience my folly by thy wisdom my pollution by thy sanctification my faith by thy fruition that I may be grieved for thine absence delighted in thy presence inamored with thy beanty inriched with thy bounty inflamed with thy love adorned with thy graces comforted with thy consolation incompast with thy glory Amen CHAP. 15. Upon the consideration of Gods peculiar Providence to his Children Lord NOthing can befall me in this life without thy wife and over-ruling providence not so much as one hair of me can fail without thy allowance for even my very hairs are numbred as a Sparrow cannot fall to the ground so neither a hair from mine head without thy sacred leave And if thy blessed Providence protecteth these inferior creatures if it extend it self even unto excrements how much more safely doest thou guard the bodies how much more tenderly the soules of thine Elect Yet such is my stupidity by nature that I seldom look beyond the seond causes I usually content my self with casuals and contingencies and often judge that meerly accidentall which sweetly moves by thy commands to thine appointment and thy childrens good Thy Providence is eternall thy provision in time thou O Lord art infinitely wise and caust therefore provide infinitely well the end thou ordainest to thy self the means to thy creature good and bad are under thy protection the good for themselves the bad for others both for thy glory the one thou willest to be happy the other thou permittest to be miserable neither of them can avoyd their necessity of fate and yet thou neither inclinest the one nor inforcest the other because unto both in their originall thou gavest perfect freedome of will to chuse the good to leave the bad to inherit life or purchase death Blessed God we are all debtors in our first Parents thou mayst therefore most justly require that of us which was lent us in them They were able to pay but not willing we their wofull posterity as we are in nature are neither able nor willing But by thy grace Lord we are onely willing and not able and thou hast therefore sent thine onely Son who was both freely willing and fully able to appease thy Justice to reconcile thy Mercy to comfort us here to crown us hereafter And now Lord having given us thy Son how shalt thou not together with him allso give us all things and yet I often see thee giving of good things to the bad and bad to the good there is nothing more fiequent in this life than the afflictions of thy children nothing more common than the prosperity of the wicked they receive their good things in this life I shall enjoy mine in that to come when I shall be comforted and they tormented Thou O Lord art righteous in all they waies and holy in all thy works thou loadest them with thine outward blessings for their outward obedience thou deniest me these outward favours for mine inward advantage by the one they are left inexcusable by the other I am made more conformable my patience exercised my faith tried my love examined my humility proved all these are speciall tokens of thy mercy towards me for as grace increaseth here so shall glory hereafter Lord what can he fear that is assured of thy favour that knoweth assuredly that all these outward things shall work together for the best to his advantage If Joseph be thrown into the Pit it is to send him into Egypt if into Prison to preser him to Pharoah that so Corn may be sent into Canaan if Satan be sent to tempt Job with afflictions it is because Job shall overcome Satan by patience if holy David become a sad spectacle of humane frailty by sinning it is to make him a pattern of true piety in repenting if the bodies of the Saints be grievously martyr'd in this life it is to array them with glorious robes in that to come Lord let this teach me joyfully to entertain the saddest of events which either thy wisdome mans unrighteousness or Satans cruelty can bring upon me to be patient under them and thankfull for them to ransake my soul and search diligently there for what sin thou sendest this sorrow to bewail it abhor it forsake it and earnestly implore thy pardon for it When I am thus happily resolved I shall then have that undaunted boldnesse to say with holy Job Allthough thou killest me yet will I trust in thee with holy David Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death yet will I fear none evill for thou Lord art with me
thy self for me and to me give me allso unfeigned repentance that I may heartily bewail the sinfulnesse of my life past that I may make a gratious improvement of my life present and faithfully perform the vows and promises which I make unto thee for the short remainder of my life to come O blessed and eternall Comforter of all those sinfull souls that put their trust in thee give me a sweet and full assurance of thy love in Christ withdraw my wretched heart from vanity inflame it with an earnest and affectionate desire to thee open mine eyes that I may see some glimps of thy celestiall joyes prepared for me make me often to think of them earnestly to long for them and readily and chearfully to part with all these earthly pleasures to enjoy them Lord make me able to encounter and withstand the strong assaults of Satan and this evill world give me thy saving grace and take from me what thou wilt without thy blessed presence all these outward joyes are wearinesse and emptinesse without thee even life it self is bitternesse unto me without thy love I ask it not of thee yea I rather beg thee Lord to take it from me that so I may be joyfully released from the bondage of a sinfull body that I may love thee with a pure and spotlesse soul that all mine imperfections may be done away that so I may securely dwell with thee in perfect holinesse and endlesse happinesse Amen CHAP. 18. Upon the sin of Uncleannesse with encouragements to avoid it COnsider O my Soul in what a blessed relation thou now standest to thy God thou hast lately grieved for thy sins and God hath allso gratiously accepted of thy sorrow and thou art now at peace and union with him his holy Spirit is thy Comforter his holy Providence thy Guide his holy Angels thy Guardians his holy Saints thine Assistants the Creatures without thee are at league and union with thee and thy Conscience within thee is a continuall feasâ— unto thee while thus thou continuest thy safety is inviolable thy joy unutterable thy peace unalterable Who can expresse the blessednesse of this condition how ravishing is this reviving presence of the gladding Spirit by which thou art sustained sweetly here by which thou shalt be joyfully refresht hereafter Wilt thou now lose all this O my Soul for this false this foul this momentany pleasure wilt thou lodge this beastly sin where thou now lodgest thy Redeemer Consider how vain it is how bitter it will be think how many sad thoughts how many aking hearts how many wounding sighs this fall of thine will cost thee what distempers of body what disturbance of soul what unquietnesse of sleep what checks of conscience what inward sadnesse in thy greatest merriment and which is worst of all what a fearfull apprehension of Gods wrath in this life and wofull expectation of judgement and suffering of extremity of pains in Hell for ever Let not the vain hope of Gods mercy flatter thee for while he is mercifull he will be just yea his mercy shall provoke his justice if his patience and long-suffering doe not lead thee into timely repentance his wrath and fury shall surely lead thee out to greater condemnation If custome perswade thee let custome allso reclame thee if thy flesh murmur thy spirit will rejoyce O how happy wilt thou find this opposition how glorious this victory even but one blessed thought of amendment is of more value than an age of sin Holy Saint Augustine who was wont to nourish his lascivious flesh and thought it then impossible to live without the lustfull kisses of his Roman Dames when once he had but relished the ravishing embraces of eternity brake forth into this sweet and most divine expression How truly sweet is the losse of this earthly sweetnesse those transitory joyes which I was formerly afraid to lose I now rejoyce to banish it was thou O Lord who didst thrust them out it is thou O Lord who art entred in who art sweeter than all sweetnesse c. Lord let this example move me to a blessed imitation of this blessed Saint to take heed of holding conference with Satan to labour to repell the very first motions to sin if I delight in his discourse I shall soon consent to his counsell if he feel me resist I shall find him give ground Lord let me remember what I fight for and follow my advantage with courage and successe that when my daies of warfare shall determine I may say with joy and comfort with thy blessed Apostle I have fought a good fight I have kept the faith I have finished my course from henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousnesse which the Lord the righteous Judge shall give me at that day and not unto me onely but unto all those that love and expect the day of his appearing 2 Tim. 4.7 8. Lord Thou hast often seen the weaknesse of thy sinfull servant how willingly how wretchedly I have been yeelding to the false allurements of my sinfull flesh how basely I have given ground even upon the very first assault without desire of resistance without care of repentance I have hitherto been so far from sorrowing for this sin that I have much delighted in it and often grieved thee my God in framing of excuses for it Blessed God how rich is that peace which I enjoy by thee how glorious that hope which I possesse in thee how wonderfull that mercy I obtain from thee and yet how carelesly how coldly have I parted from thee Lord forgive what is past restrain what is present prevent what is to come O let me enjoy no sweetnesse but in thee who art nearer to me than I can be to my self who art sweeter to me than the sweetnesse of these earthly pleasures O give me such a blessed frame of heart such Angel-like integrity of soul that my thoughts may be chast my desires holy my words gratious my actions good Give me a double portion of thy blessed Spirit that I may double my obedience to thy sweet commands that I may tast the comforts of thy heavenly joyes and utterly abhor the false allurements of this sinfull world Let the sweet showers of thy distilling graces allay these motions of concupiscence extinguish these devouring flames of lust that I may constantly and happily oppose this darling sin to my last hour and joyfully triumph with thee for ever Amen CHAP. I. Upon immoderate Mirth and the sinfull inconveniencies thereof Lord IF I were this day to dye If thou shouldest now say unto me Give an account of thy Stewardship for thou shalt be no longer St ward if mine Audit were at this instant to be given up and all mine actions this present hour to be accountâ—d for how sadly should I look upon that lost time which hath been spent in sin how many vain Items must needs appear to my deserved shame and ondless forrow So many minutes wasted in
a Father thou wilt abhor that sin that hath so much provoked his displeasure thou wilt most solemnly protest against it and seriously resolve for ever to avoyd it thy sin will be ever before thee to humble thee here to exalt thee hereafter Thy degrees of sin will have thy degrees of sorrow thy measure of pollution will require thy measure of sanctification As thou hast given up thy members to be servants of sin so thou must now yeeld them up to be weapons of righteousness as thou hast been drowned in pleasure so thou must be drencht in tears yea those tears will be thy dayly food to nourish thee in grace to enrich thee in glory O how truly-blessed is that soul which hath unfeignedly resolved on this good this great this necessary work that can cheerfully and joyfully express it self with holy David and say Lord I am bowed down greatly I goe mourning all the day long I have roared out for very anguish and unquietness of heart If thou hast Davids sorrow O my soul thou shalt assuredly have Davids joy thou shalt say with him allso Lord I am thy child and the son of thine handmaid thou hast broken my bonds in sunder Psal 116.16 Satan may now tempt thee and through thy frailty and infirmity prevail against thee but to become a customer to evill the powers of hell cannot entice thee a thousand worlds are not now of that value with thee as the joyfull remembrance of thy passed dangers thy present comfort thy future safety Thou hast now seen O my soul how absolutely necessary this great work is think now how happy will be the performance how full of danger the delay the longer thou continuest in sin the more remote thou art from grace What extreme folly is this in thee to deprive thy self of that friend of whom thou hast most need If thou findest thy self so backward to this holy duty now how averse wilt thou be hereafter when sin is more deeply rooted in thee the devill in more firm possession of thee and God himself removed further off from thee From whence now are these false hopes these vain promises of future happiness how darest thou refuse these gracious offers of eternity how full of doubtfulness and extreme hazard is this false assurance of that holy Spirit which thou hast so often grieved Be not deceived God is not mocked look what a man soweth even that shall he reap he that soweth in the flesh shall reap corruption he that soweth in the Spirit life everlasting If thou wilt not hear Gods call in this life he will not hear thine in that to come if thou wilt not mourn for thy sins here thou shalt howl for them for ever And who shall then have pitty upon thee or who shall be sorry for thee or who shall pray for thy peace thou hast abandoned me saith God thou hast gone from me and now will I stretch out my hand against thee to destroy thee Jerem. 15.5 6 Lord let this teach me to deal truly with my self to search narrowly for sin timely for sorrow and speedily for pardon Seek the Lord O my soul while he may be found for in the great water-floods of his eternall wrath thou shalt not come nigh him Lord I have sinned and I desire to repent I have layen long festering in the grave of sin and cannot be now raised without a miracle I have sinned in delight in consent in action in custom in long continuance of custom without remorse of conscience without thought of repentance I am grown old and impudent in sin and am no more worthy to be called thy child Lord I am become loathsom to my self how much more odious unto thee who art a God of pure eyes and canst behold none iniquitie I have sinned against thee I cannot repent but by thee my transgression is active my obedience passive I can no more arise from sin than death even this desire of sorrow is from thee the repair of my corruption is the work of thy creation when thou hast raised me by thy grace thou supportest me by thy goodnesse thou leadest me by thy providence thou drawest me by thy patience thou compellest mee by thy power Such is my weakness such is my feebleness by nature that I cannot rise without thee that I cannot stand without thee when I am raised by thee such is my strength such is my ability by grace that I am able to go with thee that I am joyfull to run after thee Lord quicken and revive me from the death of sin and grave of misery sustain my wounded conscience with the sweetness of thy saving promises let thy patience and long-suffering lead me in to repentance thy holy Spirit unto perfect holiness and endless happiness Lord Jesus draw me and I shall joyfully run after thee my body in obedience to my soul my soul and body in obedience to thy blessed will more zealously more willingly more constantly to my lives end Amen CHAP. 21. Upon Servile fear and the danger thereof NO child can fear his father as lie ought that is not jealous of his fathers honour that is not feelingly affected with his injuries and zealously devoted to perpetuate his praise and it is as equally impossible that this father can affect that son whose obedience is rather enforced by power than invited by affection If this be so in Nature it is much more so in Grace for thou O Lord art now a double father to me thou art my father by creation and my father by redemption Lord as thou hast doubled thy goodness towards me I should have doubled my return of thankfulness towards thee Thy love to me is absolute no breach can dissolve it no time determine it thy love to me was from the beginning and whom thou lovest thou lovest to the end My love to thee is fickle false and full of imperfections and if my filiall fear even in my rest performances be full of spots and blemishes in thy sight how most deformed shall I appear when I serve thee with an irreligious and ungodly fear when I doe thy will repiningly and coldly not for love of thy mercy but for fear of thy justice when I am knowingly and willingly consenting to thy great dishonour when I am so zealous in the worlds cause yea too too often in the devils cause and so benummed in thine when sorrows dismay me and sins delight me Ah Lord how far am I from what I ought to be If I go on in this path I perish everlastingly while I continue in this course of disobedience I hang over hell fire by the slender twig of an uncertain life and if that once break my loss is irrecoverable Thou Lord hast sayd it and thy word is truth He which denieth me before men him will I deny before my Father which is in heaven Lord let this teach me to delight in thy service to be jealous of thine honor to thirst for thy
favour to tremble at thy frown to submit to thy rod to think nothing too dear to part withall to purchase thy grace to promote thy glory Thou O Lord lovest not a cowardly Christian if I prefer any thing to thy love I am most unworthy of it that friendship is too dearly bought which cannot be enjoyed without the loss of thy favour If my brother offend me I will labour to restore him with the spirit of meekness lest whilst I study to rebuke another I become guilty my self No sin shal pass me without some shew of distast without some feeling of my Makers injury and my brothers misery If I be not moved with compassion for anothers sin I shall never be moved with contrition for mine own such comfort as I can willingly afford another I may well hope shall be graciously conferred on my self In my reproof of sin I will observe these holy cautions lest while I endeavour to become serviceable unto thee I prove injurious to my neighbour Private sins shall not have publique reprehensions neither shall publique sins be undecently reproved by me a private person Piety must not confound Charity nor Religion Policy Lord I may easily transgress even in my best intentions how grievously have I then failed in my rebellious actions when I have not feared thee with that sincerity of heart which becometh thy child when I have not loved thee for that beauty for that richness for that goodness which thou art but for those outward blessings which I enjoy from thee when I serve thee for base and by respects such and so unbeseeming my profession so far below that soul which thou hast given me that thou mayst justly now withhold thy blessings from me when I have hitherto sought but my self in thee when my thoughts have been carnall my words hypocriticall my service deceitfull To thy glory Lord and mine own deserved shame I willingly confess that I have not only sinned through the frailty of my nature but I have sinned allso with an high hand sin hath not onely surprised me at unawares but I have obeyed it in the lusts thereof with willingness with greediness with joyfulness I have not onely corrupted mine own wayes before thee by mine own sins but I have allso foolishly contracted others faults by hearing and seeing thee my God dishonored in vain and sinfull discourse in more vain and sinfull excess without shew of dislike without thought of reproof yea Lord I have added unto others sins by mine example while I have feared to reprove that which I have known to be distastfull unto thee while I have seemed to love that which hath been hatefull to mine own soul With those time-pleasing Rulers in the Gospel I have believed in thee but because of the Pharisees because of outward respects I have feared to confess thee and have loved the praise of men more than the praise of God But thou Lord who art infinitely good and ever ready to forgive whose wise and over ruling Providence is only able to produce the greatest good out of the greatest evill Pardon and pass by my many and my weak compliances of sinfuâ—l nature supply my defects accept my desires incourage my endeavours Let thy power be magnified in my weakness thy love in my willfulness thy grace in my sinfulness Suffer me not O Lord to run from thee by a base and servile fear of thy Justice O let me rather run into the bosom of thy love by a filiall fear in sweet and safe assurance of thy mercy Lord make me to see the fearfulness and ugliness of sin by the bright rayes of thy celestiall beauty O let me patiently and joyfully and thankfully endure thy sweet chastisements for it and speedily and constantly withdraw my longings from it Give me an yearning and relenting soul for grieving thy good Spirit give me O Lord that chast and blessed fear belonging onely to thy children that I may not fear thee to tremble at thee but to love thee to honor thee to delight in thee to enjoy thee Lord make me jealous of every deed of every word of every thought that may displease thee and truly penitent for all those sins by which I have so much dishonoured thee Indue me with a loyall heart to love thee truly as I ought strengthen this love with holy confidence and happy perseverance that may for ever hanish this unholy fear that so my joyfull soul may live above the reach of humane misery that I may be capable of no fear but of offending thee and that I may not onely fear thee my self but be jealous allso of thy fear in others Lord let nothing in this life withdraw me from a zealous and a constant love to thy service from a faithfull and devout indeavour to promote thy glory that so I may be ever found truly obedient unto thee my God religiously acquainted with the affairs of this life piously affected to the good of mine own soul Amen CHAP. 22. Upon the great neglect of reckoning daily with our consciences and the benefits lost thereby COnsider O my soul how venomous the nature of sin is if thou canst afford to sleep in small sins thou wilt not stick to welcom greater Sin is of an incroaching nature if thou suffer it to sleep in thy bosom it will expect to dwell there Little sins are harbingers to bigger ones if thou lodgest these those will challenge entertainment Let each evening therefore take a strict accompt of that daies action and where thou findest thy self failing pray heartily for pardon In thine entrance upon this holy course thou wilt surely find three potent oppositions Satan will tell thee that God requireth no such strictness at thy hands the World will tell thee thou hast this or that employment to consider of thine own Corruption will perswade thee that nature will abhor this discontented course that thy spirits will be too much dulled and thy life will prove uncomfortable Alass my soul these are delusions to betray thee to a greater mischief As there are degrees of Sanctification so there are of Pollution no man becometh evill in an instant from hence it is that sometimes the soul can start even at the very thought of that sin which by degrees it can digest without disturbance If holy David had accounted with his conscience after his lustfull looks on Bathsheba doubtless those fearfull sins of his had never been committed O let not any vain pretences deter thee from this task but the blessed benefits allure thee if the entrance be harsh the progress will be safe the continuance sweet the end happy By this enquiry thou shalt see thy sins those great disturbers of thy pâ—ace arraigned convicted condemned and by the mercy of thy Saviour dayly dying in thee Satan repulsed the gifts and graces of Gods holy Spirit strengthened thy mournings comforted thine infirmities susteined thy conscience quitted thy rejoycings exalted the holy Angels delighted and thy heavenly Father well
the triall of my courage of my Christianity if I overcome I shall rejoyce on earth triumph in heaven If that evill one were as powerfull as malicious I had just cause to fear him but now my comfort and assurance is that he cannot hurt me but by me He now strongly labours to encline my will and wo were me if he might compell it his subtile suggestions his unclean solicitations his fulminated motions may be the father begetting but mine own corrupt heart is the mother conceiving there can be no danger from abroad if there be no treason at home Look well into thy self therefore O my soul ascend the Watch tower of thine understanding and see that there lurk therein no seeming shews no specious pretences no gross lies no false proposals to betray thee if thy head be surprised thy heart cannot long hold out Examine thine affections try them by the blessed rule of divine precepts if they be not sharply corrected they will soon be corrupted endeavour to resist the very first motions to sin for if Satan can beguile thine affections he will undoubtedly command thine actions Quicken thy memory by the momentany pleasure of sin by the heavy judgements threatned against it by the sad consequences of it by the eternity of torments after it Think how often thou hast been allready foyled how many serious vows and faithfull promises thou hast allready made to God of thine amendment how carelesly thou hast dispensed with them all and how presumptuously persisted in thy follies O think how gracious thy God hath been unto thee in forbearing how wonderfull his mercy is in pardoning how justly he might now destroy thee even in the very act of sinning Lord if none of all this will yet scare me from sinning against thee nor allure me to repenting that I may draw nearer home unto thee O let me yet confider who it is that leadeth me to fight and wherefore I have engaged Thou O my blessed Saviour art my Captain and Heaven is my Country Shall I now lose those rivers of eternall pleasures for this short this false this momentany joy shall I run from thee who art the Prince of Peace and who hast spilt thy pretious blood for me unto that cruel enemy of Mankind who hath drawn so much blood from me Shall I forsake thee who hast layd down thy life for me and inslave my self to him who every minute seeketh to devour me Shall I dishonor thee my God grieve thine holy Angels shame my profession wound mine own conscience terrifie mine own soul seek mine own ruin If I consent to this temptation that God whom I dishonour will abhor me those blessed Angels whom I grieve will forsake me those cursed spirits whom I obey will deride me that conscience which I now wound will accuse me that glorious Gospel which I shame will condemn me and that ruin which I now seek will for ever seize upon me Let this move thee O my soul as thou exspectest happiness to take up a blessed resolution of resistance If the assault dismay thee let the conquest encourage thee if the beginning be sharp the close will be sweet if nature be dejected grace will be strengthened and as grace increaseth here so shall glory hereafter Consider last of all what Saint James saith and fix it in thy thoughts as chief of all Blessed is the man that endureth temptation for when he is tryed he shall receive the crown of life which the Lord hath promised to them that love him Jam. 1.12 Thrice happy is that soul which is faithfull in Gods service although it may often faint it shall never fail it may sometimes be foyled but shall never be overcome it shall never fall totally it can never fall finally for thou Lord upholdest it and in thy love it is sure of safety here of triumph hereafter Blessed God With grief of heart I willingly confess that I have shamefully dishonored thy great and glorious name by mine often failings by my many faintings and more wretched yeeldings to the shame of my profession the grief of thy good Spirit and the terror of my frail condition Lord how wretched is my soul without thee and yet how easily how willingly am I enticed from thee even at this instant I am ready to forsake thee and may most justly fear to be forsaken of thee The world allureth me the flesh besotteth me the devill beguileth me and mine own false heart deceiveth me and is now ready to rebell against me O wretched man that I am who shall deliver me Lord Jesus assist me and let thy saving grace be now and evermore sufficient for me Lord rebuke these evill thoughts relieve my miserie support my weakness strengthen my willingness give me an undaunted courage in thy service an unfeigned sorrow for my former failings and constancy of heart against present suggestions and future temptations that I may find no sweetness but in thy love no pleasure but in thy service no profit but in thy rewards Amen CHAP. 26. Upon the Infirmities of the Saints Lord WIth grief of heart I confess that I find a Law in my members rebelling against the Law of my mind and leading me captive to the Law of fin so that those things which I would do I cannot and I dayly and hourly do those things which I would not yet my comfort is that I make not provision for the flesh to fulfill the lusts thereof By the weakness of mine own corruptions I often fall into sin but by the blessed assistance of thy grace I abhor to lie there sin oftentimes surpriseth me but by thy rich mercy hath never yet reigned over me It hath often deceived me but I trust shall never destroy me It hath pleased thee O my blessed Saviour to conclude all things under sin that thy grace may abound while I strive against it and am afflicted for it my sinfull desires will I trust be graciously accepted and in thy perfect obedience gloriously rewarded Be not dismayed therefore O my soul that thou sometimes art ravished with apprehension of thy heavenly joyes and suddenly relapsed to the follies of a wretched heart the one thou happily enjoyest by the sweet assistance of the heavenly Spirit the other thou violently sufferest by the strong torrent of my sinfull nature Lord such is thy great wisdom and inconceivable goodness towards me that oftentimes thou leavest me unto my self and therefore sufferest me to fall and that most grievously sometimes that I may see mine own infirmities and be truly humbled for them that I may impute nothing to mine own merits but give all the glory to thy sufferings that I may goe out of my self and mine own misery into the sweet enjoyment of thy rich and endlesse mercy Consider therefore O my soul that so long as thou continuest in this valley of tears thou canst not live without this burthen of sin so long as thou carriest this frail body about thee continuing weaknesses
will be attending on thee O let this teach thee to bewail the misery of this frail life which is onely prone to evill and that continually let it humble thee for thy many failings and invite thee to a more hearty and sincere affection to thy Saviour by whose absolute and perfect obedience all thine imperfections shall be done away and lastly to a more earnest longing for thy bodies dissolution Comfort thy self in this that all the miseries of this life shall work together for the best to thine advantage nothing can befall thee without his holy providence that so dearly loveth thee even thy very sins shall further thee to Heaven if thou hast now fallen through the infirmity of thy corrupt nature God will raise thee by this fall of thine to more perfection in goodnesse to more vigilance to more holinesse to more courage to more constancy in thy Christian calling for The Lord ordereth a good mans goings and maketh his way acceptable unto him though he fall he shall not be cast away for the Lord upholdeth him Psal 37.23 24. and if that evill one be powerfully malicious the greater shall thy joy and triumph be when thou art happily victorious Lord how truly blessed is the condition of thy Saints who compellest even the rage of earth and hell to work for their advantage Why art thou then so sad O my Soul and why art thou so disquieted within me still trust in God for he is the help of thy countenance and thy God Psal 42.15 Lord how sad is my condition without thee thou who alone knowest the secrets of all hearts knowest that I love thee that I long for thee that I desire nothing in compare of thee my God and yet thou findest nothing but pollution in me sometimes I beg to be at union with thee and sometimes live as if I cared not for mercy from thee still I sin and still thou forgivest yea I am therefore the more ready to rebell against thee because thou Lord art most ready to be mercifull unto me and yet for all this such are thy bowels of compassion towards me thou bemoanest mine iniquity thou invitest thou compellest me to mercy Lord wilt thou still suffer me to abuse thy goodnesse I have oftâ—n run from thee by relapsing into grievous sins and thou O Lord as often hast received me to favour and afforded me the sweet refreshings of thy holy Spirit I confesse my self unworthy to enjoy that blessed Spirit which I have so often grieved O let this teach me to be truly and sincerely thankfull unto thee to love thee more heartily praise thee more joyfully serve thee more faithfully to my lives end For thou O blessed Lord art all in all unto me thou art strength in my weaknesse love in my wilfulness life in my sinfulnesse thou alone knowest under what great evils of sin under what sad pressures of sorrow I daily groan and thou hast promised to ease those weary souls that cry to thee for succour and relief Lord save me or I perish Lord ease me of this heavy burden that I sink not to eternall misery give me thy saving grace to guide me from these wofull waies of wickednesse O let this hour put an end to this sin Lord lead me unto thy paths and uphold me there that my feet slip not suffer me not to feed upon these empty husks O satisfie me with thy mercy and that soon before I goe hence and be no more seen My spirit is willing O Lord but my flesh is weak have pity upon me have pity upon me for I am in misery Lord cover my sins Lord pardon mine infirmities Lord Jesus accept of me and interpose thy blessed merits for me Lord raise me from this wretched fall support my weaknesse renew my repentance increase my faith quicken my zeal that so by thy gracious assistance I may be raised to more purity to more perfection in my Christian calling that where sin hath abounded there grace may abound much more to thy great glory and mine own endlesse comfort O Lord hear O Lord forgive O Lord consider and doe it defer not for thine own sake O my God Amen CHAP. 27. Upon Desertion WHile I am in this pilgrimage of sin I cannot be without this portion of sorrow why complain I of that which I have so justly deserved how often hath my God afforded me the gracious visits of his blessed Spirit and yet how easily have I regarded them Lord I am not worthy of the least of all thy mercies much lesse of this invaluable favour to enjoy the kisses of thy sacred mouth as I am now grieved for the losse of thy presence so I have too often grieved thee by mine own rebellious absence this is the sad condition even of the best of thy Saints in this life as they have had their aberrations from grace so they have had their fluctuations in woe these sad departings of thy blessed Spirit have ever been the just memorials of their present griefs and former miseries I see thy holy servant David sadly bemoaning this great losse and allmost despairing of the enjoyment of thy gratious presence I hear him crying out in bitternesse of soul Will the Lord absent himself for ever and will he shew no more favour Is his mercy clean gone for ever doth his promise fail for evermore Hath God forgotten to be gratious hath he shut up his tender mercy in displeasure Psal 77.7 8 9. How grievous was this complaint how gratious thine answer even in the very minute of distresse even by the very lips of the distressed for it follows in a breath And I said this is my death but I will remember the years of the right hand of the most High Jonah's extremity was thy blessed opportunity even when Jonah thought himself in most danger of perishing he then found thy mercy most ready in relieving when he thought himself cast out of thy sight even then he found himself looking to thy presence and ready to be received into thy favour Jonah 2.4 Lord if thou givest me but the least measure of true faith I shall be able to remove the greatest mountains of sin and know assuredly to my souls exceeding comfort that thou hidest thy face from me but for a moment in this life that thou mayst gather me to everlasting kindnesse in that to come Comfort thy self in this therefore O my Soul that God will never leave thee that he will never forsake thee that he will never leave thee totally nor forsake thee finally that he hath not now withdrawn his gratious presence from thee but the present comfort of his grace from working in thee as there are sad desertions so there will undoubtedly be gratious visits thou mayst be forsaken in sin in the suffering of punishment for sin in the severity of that punishment in the fearfull apprehension of Gods wrath in this severity but assure thy self O my soul thou shalt never be forsaken
in the finall execution of this wrath in the eternall duration of this final execution Lord if my hopes of heaven were grounded on the weak foundation of mine own abilityes If mine Election were but temporary I might justly fear this desertion would prove eternall but now my comfort is that Christ is my strong rock on whom I am safely built that nothing can separate me from his love that his Decree of mine Election is particular sweet sure and eternal that the happy means appointed to this blessed end is faith holiness righteousness and sanctification holiness to obey thy precepts saith to embrace thy promises righteousness to enjoy thy Saints and sanctification to possess my self Thy blessed Decree O Lord is so far from giving me liberty to commit sin that it most undoubtedly restrains me from it If I cannot make my calling and election sure by thy decreed means of sanctification I shall never make my comfort sure by my vain hopes of glorification If I look upon Noah Lot David Jonah Christ himself I shall there see the several and the sorrowfull degrees of this Desertion Noah and Lot fearfully sinning David a long time resting in sin and wofully deprived of Gods gracious presence for sin Jonah even doubting of Gods favour in the suddenness and the sharpness of his punishment and thou O my blessed Saviour affrighted with the fierceness of thy Fathers wrath for sin and for a time as thou wert man despairing of his gracious prefence Be not afraid therefore O my soul for as thou art deferted for thy sins sake so thou art beloved for thy Saviours sake though he hide himself behind the wall of thy corruption yet he will graciously look through the lattice of thine humiliation Cant. 2.9 Even this thy present sadness will afford thee some refreshings some gracious glimpses of his holy Spirit and though thy heart be now disquieted within thee thou shalt again assuredly receive the voice of joy and gladness Lord let this teach me to abhor those sins that have deprived me of thy presence to seek earnestly to enjoy thee to rise early to find thee whom my soul loveth to settle mine affections upon thy beauty mine actions upon thy service that I may be guided by thy grace in this life and encompast with thy glory in that to come For thou O my blessed Saviour art infinitely dearer to me than the choicest of these earthly vanities their love is false and uncertain but thine true and eternall abundantly sufficient to rejoice me here to enrich me hereafter O Lord my God my soul longeth for thee I am weary of the sins and miseries of this life and nothing can relieve me but thy blessed presence O make thy face to shine upon me and save me for thy mercy sake My God my God look upon me why hast thou forsaken me and art so far from the words of my complaint O satisfie my longings for thou knowest Lord that I love thee Hear my prayer O Lord and hide not thy face from my supplications O hide not thy self from me nor cast thy servant away in displeasure Thou hast been my succour therefore leave me not nor forsake me O God of my salvation Make thy face to shine upon thy servant and save me for thy mercy sake O lead me from the bondage of sin into the blessed liberty of thy children that I may be comforted in the sweetness of thy promises and thou mayst be delighted in the zeal of my performances Give me the comfort of thy help again and stablish me with thy free Spirit O hide not thy face from thy servant for I am in trouble make hast and hear me Lord I am defiled with sin and disquieted with sorrow I am daily vexed with temptations and hourly overcome with vanity I am wretchedly infolded in the miseries of mine own corruptions and wofully beguiled by the devils subtilties O wretched man that I am who shall deliver me Lord I bewail my misery and implore thy mercy O that I were this hour at union with thee that I might hereafter joyfully adhere unto thee be graciously accepted of thee and for ever gloriously exalted by thee Amen CHAP. 28. Upon the apprehension of sudden danger BLessed God I know that nothing can befall me without thy holy providence even this present danger is by thine appointment and what thou hast designed it unto I know not I enquire not Lord give me a sweet and safe assurance that I am thine and then doe with me what thou wilt O let me live and I shall praise thee and thy judgements shall help me but if thou haft appointed me this hour to dye O let me then goe home unto thee and be united in a safer in a sweeter union with thee Lord hear me and have mercy on me for my dear Saviours sake who hath given his precious life a ransom for me Preserve me O God for in thee have I put my trust forsake me not O Lord my God be not thou far from me Lord strengthen and support my wavering faith forgive me all my sins and suffer not my soul to be surprised in my last extremity Hast thee to help me O Lord God of my salvation for thy names sake for thy promise sake for thy precious blood sake Into thy hands I commend my spirit for thou hast redeemed me O Lord thou God of truth CHAP. 29. Upon the weaknesse of Faith and sinfulness of Thoughts tending to Despair HOW much art thou mistaken O my Soul to think thy self then farthest off from God when thou art nearest unto him to suppose thy self then most wretched when thou art nearest to the paths of happiness He that never doubted never truly believed and he that hath least assurance in himself will have most certainty in Christ Thou hast sinned and thou art sorrowfull thou hast committed great and grievous sins and thou abhorrest them thou forsakest them thou heartily desirest pardon for them if thou hadst not a godly sorrow thou couldst not have this godly desire if thy sorrow were for punishment it would cause thy death but now it is for sin it will lead thee to repentance if thou grievest not so much for the severe sentence of an incensed Judge as for the displeasure of a good and gratious Father as thou sowest in tears thou shalt reap in joy nay thou shalt have great joy even in these tears thou shalt have much sweetness even in this sorrow and if thy seed-time be sweet how blessed will thy harvest be hear what thy Saviour saith Blessed are they that mourn for they shall be comforted in sorrows here in eternity of joyes hereafter who can curse where God hath blessed what Devill can deject where God will exalt Thou art grieved for offending thy gratious God and thou implorest him for mercy comfort thy self in this that God is near unto all those which call upon him yea that call upon him faithfully Psal 105.18 Be not afraid
therefore for if thy faith be weak yet it is living if it be languishing it will assuredly recover more strength if there be blossomes now there will be fruit hereafter these happy beginnings will have gratious proceedings blessed câ—dings Consider what thy God hath promised by his holy Prophet I will not break the bruised reed nor quench the smoking flax Isay 42.3 Let not the smarting therefore of thy conscience trouble thee remember who it is that searcheth it I have wounded thee saith God and I will heal thee I have broken thee and I will bind thee up Thou art therefore wounded that thou mayst be healed thou art therefore broken that thou mayst be bound up That sore which is insensible is ever most dangerous and that wound which smarteth most is most capable of remedy Blessed Lord I now feel to mine unspeakable comfort that thou hast wounded me with the terrours of thy Law that thou mayst heal me with the comforts of thy Gospell that I am therefore bruised with the burden of my sins that I may be ever eased by the merits of my Saviours sufferings all my imperfections are his all his righteousness is mine I may boldly chalenge it thou wilt not deny it I may safely plead it thou canst not refuse it Consider yet further O my Soul what thy blessed Saviour saith unto thee I am the resurrection and the life he that believeth in me though he were dead yet shall be live and whosever liveth and believeth in me shall never dye Ioh. 11.25 26. How canst thou doubt now O my Soul when thy Saviour biddeth thee believe and live what canst thou fear when thou hast his promise for thy safety Heaven and Earth shall pass away but not one tittle of his Word shall fail Let not the number of thy sins affright thee for it is his bloud which clenseth us from all iniquity 1 Ioh. 1.7 9. Let not the nature of thy sins amaze thee for though they were red as scarlet yet he will make them white as snow Let not the long continuance of them stagger thee for At what time soever a sinner doth repent him of his sins from the bottome of his heart I will blot them out of my remembrance saith the Lord Ezech. 18. Thy Coâ—â—cience shall not trouble thee for Being justified by faith we have peace with God Rom. 5.1 The Devill cannot hurt thee for Who shall lay any thing to the charge of Gods elect it is God that justifieth who is he that condemneth it is Christ that died yea rather that is risen again who is even at the right hand of God who allso maketh intercession for us Rom. 8.32 33. Nay which is the sum of all God himself in Iustice cannot condemn thee for There is no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus who walk not after the flesh but after the spirit Rom. 8.1 his lustice is satisfied his Mercy magnified his Name be for ever glorified Lord let this teach me to rely with comfort on thy blessed promises and to walk worchy of them in my religious performances to manifest my increase of grace by my increase of goodness to fix my heart wholly upon thee to love thee to fear thee to honour thee and assuredly to rest in thee when thy grace shall enable me to delight in thy fear my sins can never perswade me to despair of thy favour my peace will be then inviolable my joy unutterable my happiness unalterable Blessed Lord God When I consider of the wretchedness of mine own corruptions in nature I am even ready to despair of thy love But when I look upon the blessedness of my condition in Christ I am then encouraged to sue to thee for mercy and forgiveness Allthough thy justice be severe against ane as I am a grievous sinner yet thy mercy is most sweet unto me in my Saviour I now tremble at thy judgements yet I rejoyce in thy promises allthough thy Law speak never so terribly thy curses be never so many thy plagues be never so grievous thy wrath never so tempestuous yet in the sweet mercy of my Saviour I am able to abide them all O Lord my God I abhor my self I accuse my self I condemn my self I am now ready with thy wrath to seize upon my sinfull soul and cast it down to everlasting misery Lord unto thee onely I appeal for mercy and forgiveness sweet Jesus accept of me and interpose thy blessed merits for me inrich my soul with thy sufferings be ever present with me and eternall comfort to me O holy and for ever blesssed Spirit thou that sanclifiest the souls of thine Elect assist and strengthen me quicken and revive my drooping saith increase my hope cherish my love foment those dying sparks by the sweet breathings of thy blessed Spirit that they may zealously break forth into a pure and fervent flame of holy affections to thy great glory and mine own eternall happiness Amen CHAP. 30. Upon the great Neglect of the duty of Prayer Lord WHen I serionsly consider how manifold and great my failings are when I think of the shortness and uncertainty of life of the solemnity of death of the eternity of happiness or misery after death and by all these of the necessity usefulness and excellency of Prayer I may well wonder that I am ever from my knees My life is all sin and had therefore need to be all sorrow the greatness and continuance of my sins have added to the greatness and continuance of my misery and there is none but thou O Lord that can relieve me there is no coming to thee but by Prayer and no Prayer powerfull with thee but that which is fervent This is â—hat eye of my affection that woundeth the heart of thy compassion this is that holy violence that taketh Heaven by force that surpriseth thy Mercy that manicles thy Justice that wrestles with thy Love and will not let thee goe without a blessing This is my strong armour to defend me my daily food to sustein me my safe repose to refresh me my sweet content for ever to delight me Blessed Lord how wonderfull is thy desire to man how graciously doest thou provide for him how daily art thou mindfull of him Thy words instruct me thy promises allure me thy graces sustein me thy sacraments strengthen me thy visits comfort me thy embraces ravish me And as if all this were not yet enough to manifest thy favour towards me so unspeakable is thy love so earnest thy desires unto me that thou hast even given me thy self to be overcome by me Lord thou art all love when I strive with thee for mercy I overcome thee by thy self how great is thy goodness how tender are thy mercies unto man for whose sake thou contendest even with thine own Essence Thou hast given thy Son to die for me and in him thy self to be overcome by me Lord let this teach me to renew my acquaintance often with thee to
labour to be powerfull in my prayers to study to be humble zealous earnest even importunate in my devotions to let no sinfull thought pass me without a sigh no sinfull action without holy contrition no divine favours without devout and thankfull acknowledgement That soul which is truly sensible of the burden of sin will hasten unto that heavenly help that can give it ease and that heart which is once truly inflamed with thy love will readily instruct â—he tongue to be zealous in thy praise Lord let me first seek mine own heart before I presume to come before thy Mercy seat lest if I recall it not from the vanities of this life my very prayers become sin and so while I expect a blessing I deserve a curse Let no vain excuse no barren pretence of this life perswade me to intermit this holy duty lest carelesness and coldness in devotion beget in me a loathing of that course which by constant practice will become my constant comfort I ord make me to consider of the sweetness of the excellency of this gift that I may dayly labour to improve it to my soules eternall happiness That when I often fall as I needs must through the weakness of the flesh thou O Lord in mercy mayst restore me through my blessed importunity of spirit With grief of heart Lord I confess that my great neglect of this holy duty hath most justly occasioned the great abatement of thy holy Spirit in me and long withholdings of thine outward blessings from me Lord give me yet an heart to serve thee and then take from me what thou wilt I desire nothing with out thee for I know assuredily that with thee I cannot but enjoy all things needfull for me O make me to bewail mine own unworthiness my drownsiness my dulness my carelesness my much untowardness in thy service Create in me a clean heart O Lord and renew a right spirit within me that I may praise thee with alacrity and fervency of soul that I may be daily ravished with contemplation of eternity and hourly satisfie my thoughts with apprehension of the sweetness of my present safety of my future glory Lord make me every day more earnest in this holy duty O give me such affectionate desires such holy longings such insatiate appetites such earnest importunities of heart for heavenly graces that I may not onely beg of thee but even wrestle with thee for this blessing although the sinfull desires of my corrupt flesh go halting to the grave Be mercifull unto me O Lord for my soul trusteth in thee and in the shadow of thy wings will I make my refuge untill these calamities of sins and miseries be overpast Lord hear the voice of my humble petitions when I cry unto thee when I hold up my hands towards thy Mercy seat shew thy servant the light of thy countenance and save me for thy mercy sake Ps 28.2 Ps 31.18 CHAP. 31. Upon the great neglect of Reading the sacred Scriptures ALass my soul how unbeseeming thy profession is this thy backwardness to holy duties how long wilt thou grovell on this element of earth how long be cheated with these counterfeit commodities these childish toys of outward enjoyments what sweetness canst thou find in those things which favour of corruption what comfort in those joyes which are but vain vexatious toylsom transitory whose seeming beauties are suddenly passing never returning O let this move thee to delight in that which cannot pass to remember whence thou art and whether thou art going that thou mayst thereby raise thy thoughts to immortality Look upon the beauty of those sacred leaves and thou wilt loath the falshood of this worlds embraces Thou mayst there find the sum of all that was or is or is to come conducing to thy reall happiness There is nature unbowelled hell opened and heaven unveiled Thou mayst there see the creature to be vanity thy self misery thy Saviour felicity Thou hast there his counsell to guide thee his wisdom to instruct thee his power to sustein thee his gifts to encourage thee his threatnings to admonish thee his mercies to allure thee his judgements to deter thee his holy Spirit to comfort thee There is antiquitie strangeness truth in history wonder in miracles amazement in prophecie foundness in precepts sweetness in promises each sillable contained in this Book is matter of eternall moment Take heed therefore that thou passest by no portion of thâ—s sacred volume lightly nor pryest into any presumptuously holy diligence is often blest with heavenly knowledge and humble ignorance with heavenly grace Lord seeing that thy word is in it self so excellently rich and in its use so absolutely good with what earnestnâ—ss of soul ought I to embrace it with what holy diligence peruse it with what devout cheerfulness and constancy of heart apply my self unto it These high perfectiâ—â—s shall religiously oblige me to repair my former neglects by my present promises of my future performances No day shall henceforth pass me without some time alotted for this holy exercise custoâ— will make it easie profit sweet if the troublesom affairs of this lise do sometimes to my soul grief distuâ—b me in it by thy grace assisting they shall never divert me from it what is borrowed from this blessed task by inforced necessity shall be repayed with advantage by the next happy opportunity Lord all is but vanity and meer nothing in compare of thee and thy service If I cannot be willingly holy I shall never be joyfully happy Blessed Lord So sanctifie my sinfull soul that I may joyfully perform those promises I make unto thee that I may daily dedicate some part and portion of my sinfull houres to read some portion of thy sacred Scriptures O let them ever be the joy of my joy the life of my life the light of mine eyes and comfort of my heart Lord turn away mine eyes from these outward enjoyments lest they behold vanity and quicken me in thy way Give me an humble soul that I may read thy blessed lines with holy fear and awfull reverence that I may be piously delighted with them and happily instructed by them Give me a discerning soul that I may see the wonderfull things of thy law that I may truly love it and delight in it that my heart may be inflamed by it and my tongue be ever talking of it O let thy Statutes be my song in the house of my pilgrimage that I may walk in thy wayes with constancy that I may run in thy race with fervency Amen CHAP. 32. Upon the neglect of Divine Meditation WHat doest thou here on earth O my soul why art thou so perplexed with the cares and sorrows of this sinfull life so careless of the joyes in that to come Who can judge him likely to inherit Heaven that loves not to think of it Thou mayst measure thy degrees of Grace by thy desires of Glory If thy thoughts be not often and earnestly taken up
their help much more vain for who can ransome the soul of his brother surely man must let that alone for ever My substance is a meer shadow and my rest unquietness I labour for holiness but I cannot attain it I search for happiness but I cannot find it the Devill beguiles me of it the World allures me from it yea so sad is my condition that mine own soul is against mine own contentment Mine understanding cosens me mine affections betray me my memory forsakes me those things which I would doe I cannot and I daily doe those things which I would not all that I am all that I can be in this life is nothing else but extreme vanity What shall I think of all this and wherewith shall I comfort me by thy mercy Lord I have found out one that can relieve me Thou O my blessed Saviour art unto me life and by thee death is unto me advantage while my body sleeps it shall rest and that rest shall be truly blessed I shall rest from labour from sorrow from sin my sleep shall be safe my vision happy while my body sleepeth my soul shall awake when my soul is uncloathed of flesh and my flesh of beauty my spirit shall be made ready with the robes of glory while my dust is insensible my spirit is intelligible mine eyes shall be then opened and I shall see even as I am seen with purity and perfection of soul no veil of nature shall obscure me no defect of organes hinder me no clouds of sin molest me mine understanding shall be clear mine affections pure my memory perfect I shall there be satisfied in beholding ravished in injoying blessed in reteining nothing can be there wanting where I enjoy all that was that is that is to come where the happy humanity is eternally united to the blessed deity where I am Christs and Christ is Gods O happy condition of my sinfull body O blessed change of my immortall soul the one is sowen in corruption that it may rise to immortality the other layeth down corruption to inher it glory though I now leave it I still long to enjoy it and joy exceedingly in longing for it because I know I shall for ever be united to it But wo is me even in this happiness I am still miserable I have found out my quiet but I care not to enjoy it death offers me a crown and I refuse to accept it am I so sensless to affect mine own unhappiness to rejoyce in labour and complain of rest what doe I here any longer the world loves me not nor I it why do I thus dote upon mine enemy when it frowns it afflicts me when it smiles it betrayes me there is nothing in it but weariness and misery Go out therefore O my soul go out cheerfully from thy prison to thy palace God is thy father and heaven thy country thou art here distressedly poor and wretchedly naked bereaved of graces dispoyled of goodness thou hast there much treasure and of great price a fair mansion and a goodly heritage Christ hath purchased it and is gone before to prepare it Thou longest much in this life to behold that which thou never sawest here are great and glorious things prepared for thee such as eye hath not seen ear hath not heard neither have entred into the heart of man to conceive how earnestly shouldst thou long to see them how much more earnestly to enjoy them how willingly should this make thee to express thy self with holy David and say My soul is athirst for God yea even for the living God when shall I come and appear before the presence of my God Alass my soul thou art here but groping in the dark daily erring and mistaking hourly stumbling and salling into sin into shame into sorrow in great danger of the miseries of life in greater of the torments of eternall death All that thou knowest here is to know thy self ignorant Thou onely knowest things here by their events thou shalt there know them in their first causes thou art here wearied out in gaining this imperfect lame and empty knowledge thou shalt there delight thy self in knowing all that is desirable by knowing him in whom are all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge these drops of transitory joyes are full of bitterness those rivers of eternall pleasures are derived from the fountain of eternall sweetness thou hast here vain pomp to delight thee thou hast there a far greater and more exceeding weight of glory to encompass thee thou art here enthralled by the misery of life thou art there inlarged by the blesedness of death Blessed Lord all this by grace I know and saithfully believe and yet by nature I am still blind and ignorant unable to discern unwilling to desire those blessed things which are belonging to mine everlasting peace but when thou in thy rich mercy shalt once open mine eyes to see the beauty of my heavenly home I shall then entirely love it and unfeignedly long for it I shall then most willingly forsake these tottering walls of my frail flesh to dwel with thee in pâ—rfect holiness and endless happiness that frailty may be swallowed up of immortality and immortality may be imbraced by eternity O thou which wert and art to come who hast sweetned death by thy perfect obedience and perfumed the grave by thy blessed sufferings suffer me not in my last hour for any pains of death or terrors of hell to fall from the fast hold of a true and lively faith in thy promises to lose the precious hopes of immortality and sweet enjoyments of eternity Lord let me then say with thy blessed Apostle That I know whom I have trusted that he will keep what I have delivered to him and restore it safely unto me at that day Let me seriously consider of the misery of life and blessedness of death acquaint me every day with the remembrance of it and bless me every hour with a desire unto it that I may willingly uncloath my self of sin and misery and joyfully be cloathed upon with immortalitie O Lord prepare me for that blessed hour and in my greatest weakness and extremity even then when all the comforts of this wretched life shall fail me Lord Jesus forsake me not be not thou far from me O give me then that inward joy that blessed comfort of thy holy Spirit that may support and comfort me in all the terrors and amazements of this dark and unknown passage in all the dreadfull accusations of the devill and mine own accusing conscience Lord let thy blessed Spirit then witness to my soul that I am thy child that thou wilt purge away all my dross and take away all my sins that I am powerfully protected by thy grace and shall assuredly be made partaker of thy glory Amen CHAP. 36. Upon the great Neglect of Opportunities in doing good unto the Saints Lord WHen I call to mind the richness and the largeness of thy bounty
towards me I am much grieved at the coldness and the carelesness of my affections towards thine each object of charity is an opportunity of mercy If I neglect it I am unkind to thee my Saviour cruel to my neigbour injurious to mine own soul I am not â—ord but Steward of thine outward blessings and it were now just with thee to call me to a strict account If any of thy Saints suffer which thou sendest unto me for relief their sufferings thou wilt surely require at my hands as each cup of cold water which I have given in thy name shall not lose its reward so each farthing which I ow unto thee in thy members will assuredly require its everlasting punishment I have been too carefully solicitous for the things of this life too caresly negligent of the treasures in that to come I have had many wayes to deprive my self of my present comfort of my future happiness when my talent hath been large I have had no leisure when little no ability to works of mercy The present necessities of thy Saints have been daily neglested upon the false pretence of future opportunities and those future opportunities again put off by the dilatory plea of mine own present necessities Thus have I long kept my self in a circulation of self-couzenage and have so lived here as if I were never to go hence and were utterly ignorant for what cause I came hither From whence is this my great neglect of charity towards my brethren but from my greater want of love to thee my God and from whence my disobedience to thy precepts but from mine unbelief of thy promises Thou biddest me Give and hast promised it shall be given unto me good measure shaken together pressed down and running over Luke 6.38 Thou commandest me not to be weary in well doing and hast promised that in due time I shall reap if I faint noâ— Ephes 6.9 If I did beleeve the one I should gladly perform the other and whose word shall I take Lord if I dare to question thine All thy blessed promises are Yea and Amen the begining sweet the end certain as thou hast a bottle for my tears and a bag for my transgressions so thou hast allso a book for mine Alms-deeds Acts 10.4 Not one of them shall be forgotten but even the very least of them shall be â—raciously accepted gloriously rewarded not for my work sake but for thy promise sake no for mine own sake but for my Saviours sake Lord I can merit nothing at thy hands but by thine own mercy And now Lord let me examine What I have gained by my want of charity I have exchanged Heaven to enjoy earth I have parted with thee my Saviour in whom are all the treasures that are true and crernall for the very basest part of earth which is vain and uncertain I have lost those blessed opportunities of doing good which can never be recalled and together with them those rewards of thine which shall never be enjoyed I have offended thee my God grieved thy Saints burdened mine own conscience and been an utter enemy to mine own salvation As my affections have been frozen towards others so have I justly found the gifts and graces of thy holy Spirit decaying daily in mine own soul my love cold to thy law mine ears deaf to thy precepts my mouth dumb to thy praises my faith dead to thy promises my hope fainting my zeal languishing my joy perishing These are the sad and sure effects of want of charity the beginning sinfull the progress dangerous the end desperate Lord if those heavenly spirits whose very names import their ardency of love to thy glory are yet found cold enough in thy sight with what horror and confusion of face will those wretched souls appear before thee who have not been so much as lukewarm in thy service By thy grace Lord I will therefore henceforth make a godly improvement of all future opportunities of doing good wharsoever thine allowance is unto me of these outward blessings I will dedicate some due proportion of it unto works of mercy and cheerfully and thankfully trust thee my God with the sustentation of my body upon whose blessed protection I safely relie for the eternall preservation of my soul my heart my hand my tongue mine actions shall be allwaies ready to relieve the necessities to promote the good of thy children and as this happy resolution hath had its beginning from thy grace so shall its aim be wholly at thy glory Blessed Lord Such is thy gratious goodnesse unto thine that thou even preventest them with thy blessings while they call upon thee thou art ready to answer and before they speak unto thee thou art willing to hear Lord I am thy child and am therefore bold to crave a blessing of thee and what is now more suitable to my necessities than the sweet infusion of thy holy Spirit for I now find to my grief of heart that the forein heat of the pleasures and profits of this life have extracted from me the inward heat of my desires and longings for thy blessed presence the adventitious heat of the love of this world hath quite consumed in me the naturall heat of my zeal to thy kingdom Lord kindle in me those decaying sparks of thy grace that they may now grow up into a bright flame of fervent affections to thy glory and thy childrens good Teach me to know that godlinesse is great gain and that the truest treasures are those which are layd up with thee in thy Kingdom Lord pardon my neglects of holy duties forgive my deadnesse and my dulnesse unto works of mercy repair my sinfull breaches by thy present graces O let the fervour of my future charity become a pleasing sacrifise to expiate my former misery to reconcile my soul in Christ to endless mercy Amen CHAP. 37. Upon the deceitfulness of the heart in the performance of holy duties NOthing is more common amongst Christians than to be deluded by the shew of holy actions the heart of man is deceitfull above all things who can know it holy performances are usually accompanied with hellish temptations when the Ship of our soules is under sail and hath the freshest way for heaven we have then most need to look to our steerage to have an eye to the compass and land-marks Which of our holy duties which are the ships we sayl in to the port of happiness have not their rocks to split upon or Remoraes to hinder them or cross winds to divert them or leaks to sink them or seas to overwhelm them when we arrive at any small measure of goodness we many times rest in it and grow secure upon it if grace carry us on farther we are too apt to beleeve that we are far better than our neighbours that we are highly in Gods favour and cannot but deserve his fatherly protection his liberall remuneration and so by this secret insinuation of pride in our hearts wee have
folly in our hands sinne in our mindes and shame in our actions That prayer is very rare that is not fick of some distemper that charity very pure that can admit of no mistakes and that performance very perfect that is not soyled with some filth of wickedness How willing are our thoughts to wander in our prayers how cold and careless are we in them and how remils in the performance of them where is that constancy that fervency that holy importunity of spirit that is required of us in this holy exercise which of us can truly say that throughout the whole course of his whole life hitherto he ever put up one prayer unto Almighty God that was not cumbred with distracted thoughts that needed not a present pardon I tremble at mine own and grieve at others failings O let my severest censures of my brothers sins be assured signs of my best love How far are we even the very best of us from that purity and perfection of soul which becometh this holy duty and yet how ready are we even the very worst of us to beleeve our selves sufficiently holy assuredly happy We content our selves usually with the very shels and husks and outsides of Religion with shews and shadows of devotion with customary cold prayers intermitted undigested readings careless inconsiderate meditations hypocritall pharisaical fastings popular Alms-deeds having onely the shew of godliness but denying the power thereof All these and whatsoever else are like to these are odious to God abhominable to good men and most destructive to their souls that are deluded by them When by the sweet assistance of the heavenly goodness and gentle breathings of his blessed Spirit we are drawing nearer to our haven when the aguish distempers of the soul are abated and her native and radicall heat is grown strong and vigorous when the fervencie of our zeal is a rich evidence of the liveliness of our faith of the certainty of our hope of the perfection of our charity when our affections are inflamed with Gods love and our actions aim onely at his glory when we are grown up to that happy state of grace that our consciences are pure our resolutions godly our conversations unblamable allthough wee dare not then propose these base and by respects these outward aims unto out selves yet how cunningly and closely will corruptions Real in upon us even in these very blessed acts of grace This is too truly proved too sadly experienced even by the very best of Christians Lord in thy rich mercie give us eyes to discern it hearts to avoyd it How often may we find pride in our humility lust in our desires of chastity our own private ends in our proposals of Gods publique interest when we bear a part amongst the mourners of Syon when we are cast down for some humane frailty wee presently conceive highly of our own holiness and very meanly of others in their relations unto happiness while we have sought to become better by the proposall of some strict rules to preserve chastity have we not many times become worse by poysoning those very defires by unclean thoughts and uncleaner actions How many while they have sincerely aimed at Gods glory by the holy proposall and happy performance of some reall good for the benefit of his children have been secretly surprised with the by-end of their own deserved praise Lord how readily have I now met with mine own sins to thy great glory and mine own deserved slame I willingly confess that I am guilty of all this and infinitely more than this even these very lines are witnesses against me of my secret corruptions O let this my sorrowfull confession purchase for me thy free and full remission that thou mayst have the glory I the comfort of these weak endeavours And now Lord seeing I am thus impure and sinfull in mine own eyes even in the very best of my performances how loathsome must I needs appear in thy sight who art Purity it self and canst not behold iniquity Blessed Lord as thou hast given me the light of thy Word to discover me unto my self so give me allso the sword of thy Spirit to deliver me from my self Deliver me O Lord from the evill man from mine ownsecret corruptions and unknown abominations Allthough I am unto mine own soul both ruine and destruction yet let my blessed Saviour be unto me safety and salvation Search my heart O Lord and try my reins O let no base and by-respects inhabit there to rob thee of thine honour no false and vain respects to cheat me of my present holiness and future bappiness Pardon and pass by the secret and unknown errours of my sinfull life suppress the great disturbances turbances of my corrupt affections allthough they many times prevail against me yet let thy saving grace Lord be sufficient for me Lord make me purely and entirely holy let me love holiness neither for fear of thy punishments nor for hope of thy rewards but for thy sake onely O my God who art holiness it self Let me never think my self holy enough but forget all those holy actions which are past and press hard forward towards the mark for the rich price of the high calling in Christ Jesus Lord crown my holy desires with happy performances and blessed perseverance that at the end of my race I may receive the end of my hopes the salvation of my pretious soul and that for his sake and perfect holiness by whom I trust these weak and sinfull endeavours of mine shall be gratiously accepted and faithfully rewarded Amen CHAP. 38. Upon the unruliness of the Tongue with necessary cautions to restrain it Lord THY servant David is said to be a man after thine own heart and yet I find him setting a watch before his lips that he might not offend with his congue if such a chosen vessel as he had so much need of circumspection what holy cautions had I need to use what strict rules to observe who am so far from David's purity that I am nothing else but wilfull impiety I am so far Lord from being at union with thee that I am even enmity it self against thee In vain had holy David set a watch before his lips unless he had first set a guard upon his heart where the fountain is impure the streams can never be wholsome if the heart be full of sinfull corruption the tongue will soon overflow with corrupt and sinfull communication Lord I need none other proof of this point than mine own sinfull failings how often have I provoked thee to anger and displeasure against me by that usuall but most fearfull sin of swearing of which with shame and sorrow I confess my younger years were sadly guilty since when time and experience having added more light to my mind but thou O Lord especially more grace to my heart when I would have left it to my great grief I could not and had not that thy saving and preventing grace restrained my
thee Lord as this holy motion came from thy heavenly Spirit so enable me to the performance of it by thy grace to thy glory and my soules eternall comfort I vow my self a serious and professed enemy to all ungodlinesse no sinfull thought shall surprise me without a sorrowfull sigh no ungracious word pass me without a sudden retractation and devout confession no wicked action defile me without a sincere and godly humiliation unto each measure of sin I will allow a due measure of sorrow those sins that have been reigning over me shall at set houres be constantly revenged by me and as my body hath been a deep sharer in my sinnes so it shall allso be a dayly sharer in my sufferings I will at set seasons deny my self somewhat of these outward enjoyments which thou Lord in mercy hast allowed me as a true sign of my true sorrow for that sinfull excess which I have too often taken without thine allowance Those sinfull houres which have been vainly lost in idlenesse and emptinesse shall be willingly redeemed in a constant observation of religious duties no day shall passe me without a solemn and devout task of devotion no hour without some sweet ejaculation And when at any time the troubles and disturbances of this frail life shall deny me happy opportunities for these heavenly performances what is wanting in act shall be made up in desire which thou Lord I trust wi lt graciously accept and look upon as done because faithfully intended O thou infinitely wise and for ever blessed being that art truly and eternally happy without the sinfull service of thy creature and yet commandest us to serve thee for our own sakes that we allso may be happy in thee thou that lovest not a false and fickle heart nor delightest in the sacrifise of fooles give me a wise and understanding heart that I may seriously consider of this sacred Vow give me a constant and religious heart that I may chearfully perform what I have faithfully promised give me a broken and a contrite heart that I may bitterly bewail what I have foolishly neglected that thy great name may be glorified my sinfull life amended my conscience quieted my spirit comforted thy Saints delighted thine Angels rejoyced and my soul and body eternally saved in the great and dreadfull day of the Lord Jesus to whom with thee O blessed Father and thine holy Spirit be all possible praise and honour and glory now and for ever Amen CHAP. 40. Upon the blessed condition of Gods Saints with motives and encouragements unto Godliness Lord To close up these imperfect lines as I began with that beauty of holinesse which thou thy self art and is essentially contained in thee so my soules desire is to end with that blessednesse which we thy Saints enjoy even in this vale of misery and is eternally derived from thee that so I may begin and end with thee who art the beginning and end of thy creature that I may lead thy servants from the pure fountain of true holinesse to the sweet streames of inward happinesse wherein we may securely bath our weary soules in rest and quietnesse untill thy gracious goodnesse shall conduct us home unto the full fruition of those joyfull rivers of thine endlesle pleasure I am no sooner entred upon this blessed search but I find my soul ravished with admiration at the greatnesse with apprehension of the goodnesse with contemplation of the freenesse of thy love and favour towards me I see thee the great and glorious God of heaven and earth from all eternity out of thine own gracious goodnesse without all possibility in me when I was not either of desiring or deserving this inestimable love of thine electing me in Christ of whom thou hadst no need from whom thou couldst receive no benefit unto holynesse and happinesse in this life and unto blefsednesse in that to come and as I find this love of thine to be purely simply admirably and eternally great so is it also truly necessarily sufficiently and permanently good If it were not truly good it could never make me truly happy if not necessarily good I might then enjoy happinesse without it if not sufficiently good my happinesse enjoyed by it could not afford me satisfaction in it if not permanently good what I enjoy in satisfaction I may want in perfection by being suddainly removed from it But thou O Lord hast graciously afforded me all these degrees of happinesse that I might be truly and eternally happy that I might be happy in thee because there is no attainining happinesse but by thee that I may be happy in soul and happy in body happy in life and happy in death happy here and happy hereafter Thou O my blessed Saviour art sweeter unto me than all sweetnesse thou art that blessed All-sufficiency by which I am both fully and for ever satisfied thou art my safe repose my inviolable peace my rich rest my safety in life my comfort in death my glory after death By thy patient sufferings I am more than conqueror of sin of sorrow of death of hell by thy glorious resurrection I have assured hope of immortality by thy blessed ascention of eternall glory by the one thou hast powerfully defended me against the rage and malice of devils by the other thou hast graciously exalted me in thy blessed union with me above the nature of Angels thy peace thou hast left with me thy peace thou hast given unto me even that blessed peace of conscience which the world cannot take from me and that eternity of peace with thee in thy Kingdom which thou Lord in thy rich mercy hast prepared for me O that I might now lose my self with contemplation of thine endlesse love that I might be ravished into extasie with apprehension of my present safety of my future glory that all my faculties of soul might be but one entire and pleasing sacrifise of thankfulnesse unto thee that as thou O my Saviour and the Father are one so I may be one with thee to magnifie thy gracious presence here and to be for ever where thou art hereafter to see thy great glory and enjoy mine own end lesse felicity From this for ever blessed fountain of eternall happiness doe plentifully flow those pleasant streams of comfort to the souls and bodies of the Saints even in this life by which they are securely quieted and joyfully contented even in the very worst of times which either mans malice or the Devils cruelty can study to inflict upon them if they receive injuries they return prayers they entertain them with a Father forgive them for they know not what they doe Luk. 23.34 and Lord lay not this sin to their charge Act. 7.60 And so while they lose outwardly they gain inwardly godliness is great gain for by patience they possess their own souls Their courage is undaunted for The righteous is hold as a Lion able to encounter the fiercest affliction ready to withstand the strongest
frailties commiserate his infirmities forgive his iniquities Lord purge him by thy pretious blood cloath him with thine own righteousnesse inrich him with thy blessed merits and plead them to thy Father for him O thou holy and for ever blessed Spirit who art the pure fountain of eternall love be present with him relieve and comfort him in all these bitter pangs of his last hour indue him with a willingnesse and cheerfulnesse to leave this transitory life and crown him with eternity of joyes in that to come And now O Lord we come unto thee for our selves who are here at this time upon our sinfull knees before thee Lord open our eyes that we may seriously consider of that last and solemn hour of our departure Lord sanctifie our hearts that while we are encompassed with sinfull flesh we may lament our often failings and infirmities and every day be more and more desirous to goe home to thee who art the God of spirits Lord give us grace that we may walk soberly and righteously and holily as becometh thy children that at the resurrection of the just our soules and bodies may enjoy the blessed consummation of their endlesse happinesse Lord hear our prayers and let our cries come unto thee for thy name sake for thy promise sake for thy blessed Sons sake Amen The Conclusion BLessed Lord God by whose onely mercy I have finished this imperfect Work as I began it by thy goodnesse so I desire to end it with thy praise Lord accept of it and graciously afford thy blessing to it Let not the weaknesse and the sinfulnesse of me the Instrument be the Readers discouragement but give glory and honour to thee the Agent for of thee and through thee and to thee are all things to thee be praise for ever Amen SOLI DEO GLORIA For the comfort and assistance of those that are ready to depart this life I have hereunto added the dying Confession of Mr. Anthâ—ny Sadler Minister of Gods Word at West-Thorock in Essex of which I was an Ear-witness Obiit vicesimo die Maii Anno 1643. THE Lord hath laid a gratious and a gentle visitation on me I doe acknowledge with a thankfull heart that this weakness of body this languishing of nature these painfull daies and nights are from him For misery cometh not out of the dust neither doth affliction spring out of the earth Job 5.6 Ah my friends little doe men think how much the great disturbances of sickness how much he pains and infirm ties of a dec ying body distract those blessed thoughts those sweet and happy meditations which the troubled soul desires The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak Lord Jesus strengthen the inward man and lay no more upon this sinfull bâ—dy than thou in mercy shalt enable it to bear I am now verily perswaded that God hath purposed to determine my daies his blessed will be done even so Lord Jesus come quickly He that looketh into his life past that ransaketh his soul and calleth to minde the sinfull failings of his youth will finde it very hard and difficult to make his calling and election sure I have earnestly desired to leave no corner of my soul unsearcht and I finde my self to be a very great and wretched sinner I have committed grievous sinnes very grievous sinnes such sinnes as are not fit to be named before God's Saints I have examined my soul by each particular Commandment and I finde my self guilty of the breach of all and that in an high manner especially considering that weighty Function God's providence hath called me unto I have not onely sinned against mine own soul but against the soules of others too whom I have corrupted by my ill example and that very often And now when I look upon the glasse of the Law and there see mine owne vildnesse I finde Gods justice and mine own deserts even ready to surprise and cast me down into the nethermost hell and that most righteously But O see the goodnesse of a gratious God! I now come to lay hold upon the promises but how not without repentance not presumingly I apply them not in a generall but particular way I doe not onely believe that Christ Jesus came iâ— to the World to save sinners but I believe allso that he died for my sinnes and rose again for my justification God hath promised and all his promises are Yea and Amen that he will not forsake those which trust in him nay he hath bound himself unto it by an oath by two immutable things which cannot fail his Truth and his Holinesse Heb. 6.18 and God hath said That he which confesseth and forsaketh his sinnes shall finde mercy 1 Joh. 1.9 I acknowledge them I confesse them I am grieved for them I forsake them I abhorre themwhat should I doe more God requireth not more of me These pauses were supplied with tears and yet for all this I cannot find my self assured of his favour methinkes this sorrow is not so hearty as it ought to be and yet I know and stedfastly believe that if God did not work with me this sorrow could not be and where he worketh there can be nothing wanting I know that the most righteous man alive cannot perform this work so perfectly as he ought and therefore I believe that he which is ascended up on high hath done it for me in that full and ample manner which is able to appease his Father's wrath and I now trust that by his perfect obedience this imperfect worke of mine shall find a gratious acceptation This is my hope and this my beliefe Nay I can goe yet a little further to strengthen my assurance that my peace is made with God I every day and every houre doe pray unto my Saviour to intercede his Father for me and if I implore him he will intercede his Father and if he intercede his Father he cannot be denied O my God impute my sinnes to him transferre his righteousnesse to me and then I know I shall appear a glorious soul before thee Amen FINIS THE CONTENTS CHAP. 1. UPon the sinfulnesse of our thoughts touching the sacred Deity with holy cautions to order our devotions aright pag. 2. CHAP. 2. Upon the consideration of God's love and man's unthankfulnesse A Meditation suited to the morning pag. 9 CHAP. 3. Upon the consideration of Divine Providence A Meditation for noon pag. 14 CHAP. 4. Upon the consideration of the sinfulnesse shortnesse and uncertainâ—y of life A Meditation suited to the evening pag. 17 CHAP. 5. Upon our approaching unto God's House with necessary cautions for our behaviour there pag. 20 CHAP. 6. Upon our returning from God's House and the neglect of private duties pag. 24 CHAP. 7. Upon the want of due preparation for Receiving of the Lord's Supper pag. 27 CHAP. 8. Containing pious Ejaculations at the time of Receiving pag. 30 CHAP. 9. Containing a brief Meditation and pious Thanksgiving after our Receiving pag. 31 CHAP. 10. Upon a Journey undertaken and the many dangers incident thereunto pag. 32 CHAP. 11. Containing pious Meditations and zealous Ejaculations after a Journey pag. 34 CHAP. 12. Upon the great danger of Security pag. 37 CHAP. 13. Upon the great danger of Prosumption pag. 41 CHAP. 14. Upon quenching of the motions of God's holy Spirit pag. 47 CHAP. 15. Upon the consideration of God's peculiar Providence to his Children pag. 51 CHAP. 16. Upon sinfull Anger and the great disturbance thereof pag. 55 CHAP. 17. Upon Man's inordinate love to the Creature pag. 58 CHAP. 18. Upon the sin of Uncleaness with Incouragements to avoid it pag. 63 CHAP. 19. Upon immoderate Mirth and the great Inconveniencies thereof pag. 67 CHAP. 20. Upon the great danger of deferring the hour of Repentance pag. 75 CHAP. 21. Upon Servile Fear and the danger thereof pag. 79 CHAP. 22. Upon the great neglect of reckoning daily with our Thoughts and the benefits lost thereby pag. 84 CHAP. 23. Upon Unchristian-like Dulnesse in Affliction pag. 87 CHAP. 24. Upon uncheerfulnesse in Christianitie with Incouragements to avoyd it pag. 91 CHAP. 25. Upon mans sinfull frailty in the hour of Temptation with Motives to make resistance pag. 94 CHAP. 26. Upon the Infirmitie of the Saints pag. 97 CHAP. 27. Upon Desertion pag. 101 CHAP. 28. Upon sudden danger pag. 106 CHAP. 29. Upon the weaknesse of Faith and sinfulnesse of Thoughts tending to Despair pag. 107 CHAP. 30. Upon the great Neglect of the duty of Prayer pag. 111 CHAP. 31. Upon the great neglect of Reading the sacred Scriptures pag. 114 CHAP. 32. Upon the neglect of Divine Meditation pag. 117 CHAP. 33. Upon Unchristian-like Dejectedness in Poverty pag. 119 CHAP. 34. Upon Sickness and ungodly repining thereat pag. 122 CHAP. 35. Upon the misery of Life and blessednesse of Death pag. 126 CHAP. 36. Upon the great neglect of opportunities in doing good to the Saints pag. 131 CHAP. 37. Upon the deceitfulnesse of the heart in the performance of holy duties pag. 135 CHAP. 38. Upon the unrulinesse of the Tongue with necessary cautions to restrain it pag. 140 CHAP. 39. Upon holy revenge for sin with motives and incouragements thereunto pag. 144 CHAP. 40. Upon the blessed condition of the Saints with motives and encouragements unto Godlinesse pag. 147 A comfortable Prayer to be used at the point of Death by the Visitors of the Sick pag. 157 FINIS
depraved nature this sin had doubtless been a sad memoriall to my grave such is the power of sin once grown habituall O let my sorrowfull confession be the readers usefull instruction that thou mayst have the glory I the shame of my mis-doing Lord I have often sinned against thee by my wretched violation of the truth in envious detractions from the good of my neighbour vain-glorious aggravations of mine own abilities censorious taxations of my brethrens infirmities indulgent diminutions of mine own iniquities I have often grieved thy good Spirit by which thou hast sealed me up unto the day of redemption by my vain and idle communications by my rash and sinfull exprobations by my weak and froward objurgations to the great dishonour of thee my God to the cominuall grief of thy Saints to the sad disturbance of my self All this to my hearts grief have I often done and by all this I may now plainly see how much I have hitherto been the servant of sin and Satan how great an enemy to thy glory and to the good of mine own soul But now Lord by thine assistance my speciall care shall henceforth be to allow my self no liberty of speech but what is aiming at Eternity if my heart be heavenly my words will be gratious my actions holy mine end happy and that all this may be so indeed by thy grace Lord I will observe with carefulness and constancy these following cautions 1. Before I speak I will consider that I am in thy blessed presence that what is once â—pâ—kâ—n can never be recalled but is recorded for eterternity 2. That each idle word must be accounted for and that my whole life hitherto hath been little else but vain and empty discourse tending much to thy dishonor the hurt of my neighbour and without mercy in Christ the destruction of my own soul 3. That there is no truer testimony of a graceless heart than a licentious tongue that if I be not holy in my discourse I can never be happy in mine actions 4. That it is impossible for those prayers to be pleasing to God which are offered up with that sinfull member that is so shamefully defiled with evill and corrupt communications amongst men 5. That if I make a mock at Christianity by having onely a form of godliness in mine outward actions but denying the power thereof in my usuall conversation God will one day pay me home by shewing me the richness of his sufferings but denying me the benefits thereof and the sweet enjoyments thereby 6. That without helinesse no man shall see the Lord and that such as is my common and most accustomed discourse in my life I may well fear will be my last and most uncomfortable expressions at my death 7. Unto all this I will adde the shortnesse misery and uncertainty of a sinfull life the horrour and amazement of a wretched death the extremity and eternity of torments after death Lord when my heart is thus guarded by thy grace my lips I trust will be ever open to thy praise Blessed God If thy holy Angell durst not give railing accusations against the devill if thy Sainss in patience possesse their own soules and their speeches he seasoned with salt administring grace to the hearts of the hearers if thou the blessed Saviour of the world when thou wert reviled reviledst not again but as a lamb before the shearers so openedst thou not thy mouth with what comfort can I now appear before thee with what confidence expect a blessing from thee With grief and sorrow I confesse that my heart hath ever been full of corruption and naughtinesse my mouth full of cursing and bitternesse my daily discourse full of folly and uncleannesse the whole course of my life full of misery and wickednesse O that my head were water and mine eyes a fountain of tears that I might weep day and night that I might mourn continually for mine own and others sins Lord purifie my heart and rectifie my tongue that both may be accepted of thee and now and ever graciously directed by thee Lord I acknowledge my faults and my sin is ever before me O let the sorrowfull remembrance of my sins invite thee to a sweet remembrance of thy mercies that thou mayest have the praise and I the comfort of thy gracious pardon Lord let my heart be inflamed with thy love and my mouth filled with thy praise that I may sacrifile my oul unto thee that I may sanctifie my soul before thee by devout thoughts by gracious words and godly actions that so I may with joyfulnesse and thankfulnesse appear in thy fight not onely all the day long but even all my life long that thou my God mayst be glorified thy Saints delighted and my sinfnll foul eternally comforted Amen CHAP. 39. Upon holy revenge for sin with motives and encouragements thereunto Lord I Have ever been too apt to revenge the smallest injuries offered unto me by others in relation to mine outward condition and too remiss in that holy revenge of those great and insufferable wrongs which I daily and hourly obtrude upon mine own soul this plainly sheweth me to have been too much savouring of flesh and blood too little mindfull of thy kingdom and the righteousness thereof That soul which is truly sensible of its own injury will by thy grace be dayly minding of its own redresle and that sinner which is uncapable of slight offences will in time become insensible of greater My greatest enemies are those of mine own houshold The world may allure me the devill perswade me but it is mine own false heart alone that betrayes me and mine own corrupt nature that enslaves me my greatest care shall therefore be to bend my strongest force against mine own corruptions to labour much to subdue mine affections and to take an holy revenge upon my sinfull actions not to satisfie thy justice but to implore thy mercie that I may thereby truly manifest my perfect hatred against sin and the sincerity of my soul to thy service There need none other motives to invite me to this holy duty than the wofull breaches sin hath daily made in my soul such as without mercy will never be repaired this is too sadly proved by the sensible decay of goodnesse and the too powerfull growth of ungodlinesse in my corrupt heart as it is easie for that Castle to stand a close siege that is well fortified man'd and victualled so is it impossible for that Fort to hold out long which maketh no resistance Lord as mine own spirituall ruins have hitherto been caused by mine own neglects so by thy gratious assistance mine own repairs shall be begun and finished by my present desires and future endeavours That time which I have lost by former carelesnesse and coldnesse in Religion I will endeavour to redeem by holy vigilance and Christian fortitude and that I may sincerely be what I intend with willingness of heart I offer up this solemn Vow unto