bee lesse if my seruice should bee wanting nor so to ply thee with my seruice as a man does his land that vnlesse I tilld thee thou must lye faellow but made I am both to serue and worship thee that I might receiue a well-being from thee from whom it proceedes that I haue such a being as is capeable of a well-being CHAP. 2. Of the creatures dependancy vpon their Creator 1. FOr by the fulnesse of thy goodnesse doth thy creature subsist that the good which could no wayes profite thee nor though of thee no wayes equall vnto thee yet being of thee might not bee wanting For what did Heauen and Earth which thou madest in the beginning deserue of thee Let those spirituall and corporeall natures which thou madest in thy Wisedome say how they deserued thee that things both now begunne and vnformed as yet euery one in its owne kinde spirituall or corporeall yea now falling away into an immoderate liberty and farre-distant vnlikenesse vnto thee should still haue their dependance vpon thee The Spirituall nature euen without its due forme as yet is farre more noble then any corporeall nature though fully formed and a corporeall thing though not yet formed better then if at all it had no being And in this manner should all things haue for euer depended vpon thy Word vnformed were they not by the same Word reduced vnto thy Vnity indued with a forme and improued by Thee the onely Soueraigne Good to become very good What can these formelesse natures deserue a being of thee seeing they could not haue so much as a beeing vnlesse they had it from thee 2. What did that corporeall matter deserue of thee that it should be made so much as inuisible shapelesse seeing it could not be so much as so hadst not thou made it so and therefore because it was not at all it could not deserue of thee to bee made Or what could the spirituall creature euen now begun to bee created deserue of thee that it might at least all darkesomely flit vp and downe like vnto the Deepe but very vnlike thee vnlesse it had beene by the same word call'd backe vnto that by whom it was created and by the same also enlightened that it might bee made light some by it although not in any equality yet in some conformity vnto that forme which is equall vnto thee For like as to a body simply to be is nor all one with being beautifull for then it could no wayes bee deformed so likewise to a created spirit to line is not all one with lining wisely for then should it euer continue wise vnchangeably But good it is for it to sticke close vnto thee lest what light it hath obteyned by turning to thee it may lose againe by turning from thee and relapse into a state of life resembling the darkesome deepe For euen wee our selues who according to our soules are a spirituall creature when wee were sometimes turned away from the our Light were very darkenesse in that estate of life yea and still wee labour amidst the reliques of our old darkenesse vntill in thy onely One wee bee made thy Righteousnesse which is like the great mountaines For wee haue somtimes vnder gone thy Iudgements which are like vnto the great Deepe CHAP. 3. All is of the grace of Gods 1. BY that which thou saydest in the first creation Let there be light and there was light I doe not vnfitly vnderstand the Spirituall creature because euen then was there a kinde of life which thou mightest illuminate But yet as then it had done nothing whereby to deserue of thee that there might bee such a light euen so when already it was come to bee could it not deserue of thee to bee enlightned For neyther could its formelesse estate bee pleasing vnto thee vnlesse it might bee made light light not by an absolute existing of light in it selfe but by beholding thee the Light all-illuminating and by cleauing vnto it that so the life that is liued at all and the life that is liued thus happily it might owe to nothing but thy grace being now conuerted by a better change vnto That which can neuer bee changed eyther into worse or better and that is vnto thee thy selfe onely because thou onely Art simply vnto thee it being not one thing to liue and another thing to liue well seeing thy selfe art thine own happinesse CHAP. 4. God needs not the Creatures but they him 1. VVHAT therefore could haue been wanting vnto thy good which thou thy selfe art although all these creatures should neuer haue been or haue remained vtterly without forme which thou madest not out of any want but out of the fulnesse of thy goodnesse holding them in and conuerting them to forme with no thought as if thy ioy were to receiue any accomplishment thereby For vnto thee who art absolutely perfect is their imperfection displeasing that so they be perfected by thee and thereby please thee not as if thou wert imperfect or wert to receiue perfection from their being perfected Thy good spirit indeede mooued vpon the waters yet was not borne vp by the waters as if he staied vp himselfe vpon them for vpon what waters thy good Spirit is sayd to stay those did hee cause to be stayed vp in himselfe But thy uncorruptible vnchangeable Will which is in it selfe all-sufficient for it selfe moued vpon that life which thy selfe hadst before created vnto which lining is not all one with happy liuing seeing it does but liue flitting vp and downe in its owne obscurity and which yet remaineth to be conuerted vnto him by whom it was made and to liue more and more neere by the fountain of life yea and in his light to see light and to be perfected at last and enlightened and made happy CHAP. 5. His Confession of the blessed Trinity 1. LOe now the Trinity appeares vnto mee in a glasse aarkly which is Thou my God because thou O Father in the beginning that is in thy Wisedome borne of thy selfe equall and coeternall vnto thee that is to say in thy Sonne hast created Heauen and Earth Much now haue we said of the Heauen of heauens and of the inuisible and vnshapen earth and of the dark some Deepe according namely vnto the wayning of spirituall deformity which euer it should haue wandered in vnlesse it had beene conuerted vnto him from whom that life which already it had was receiued by whose enlightning it might be made a beauteous life and become the heauen of that heauen which was afterwards set betweene water and water And vnder the name of God I now vnderstood the person of the Father who made all and vnder the name of beginning the person of the Sonne in whom hee made all and thus beleeuing as I did the Trinity to be my God I searcht further into thy holy Word and lo his Spirit moued vpon the waters See here the Trinity my God the Father and Sonne and holy
Ghost the Creator of all thine owne creatures CHAP. 6. Of the Spirits mouing vpon the waters 1. BVt what was the cause O thou true-speaking light vnto thee lift I vp my heart let it not bee taught vanities dispell thou the darkenesse of it and tell mee by our mother charity I beseech thee tell mee the reason I beseech thee why after the mention of heauen and of the inuisible and shapelesse earth and darknesse vpon the Deepe thy Scriptures should euen then at length make the first mention of thy Spirit Was it because it was meete so to haue Him insinuated as that he should bee sayd to moue vpon and so much could not truely bee sayd vnlesse that were first mentioned vpon which thy Spirit may bee vnderstood to haue moued For verily neyther vpon the Father not vpon the Sonne was hee moued nor could he rightly be sayd to moue vpon if there were nothing yet for him to moue vpon First therefore was that to bee spoken of which He was sayd to moue vpon and then Hee whom it was requisite not to haue named otherwise then a Hee was sayd to moue vpon But wherefore yet was â—â— not fitting to haue Him insinuated otherwayes vnlesse Hee were sayd to moue vpon CHAP. 7. Of the effect or working of the Holy Ghost 1. FRom hence let him that is able follow with his vnderstanding thy Apostle where hee thus speakes Because thy loue is shed abroad in our hearts by the holy Ghost which is giuen vnto vs and where concerning spirituall gifts he teacheth and sheweth vnto vs a more excellent way of charity and where he bowes his knees vnto thee for vs that wee may come to learne that most excellent knowledge of the loue of Christ And therefore euen from the very beginning did the Spirit supereminently moue vpon the waters Whom shall I tell it vnto and in what termes shall I describe how the hugy weight of lustfull desires presses downe into the steepe pit and how charity rayses vs vp againe by thy Spirit which moued vpon the waters Vnto whom shall I speake it and in what language vtter it For they are no certaine places into which wee are plunged and out of which wee are againe lifted What can bee liker and yet what vnlikeer They bee Affections they be Loues they be the vncleannesse of our owne spirits that ouerflow our lower parts with the loue of cares and it is the holynesse of thy Spirit that rayseth vs vpwards againe by the loue of our safeties that wee may lift our harts vp vnto the Lord where thy Spirit is moued vpon the waters and that wee may come at length to that repose which is aboue all rests when namely our soules shall haue escaped ouer these waters where we can find no ground CHAP. 8. How Gods Spirit cherisheth feeble soules 1. THE Angels fell and mans soule fell and all thy Spirituall creatures in generall had shewne the way vnto the deepe which is in that most darkesome bottome hadst not thou sayd Let there be light and there was light and vnlesse euery spirituall creature of thy heauenly City had continued in obedience vnto thee and settled it selfe vpon thy Spirit which moues vnchangeably vpon euery thing that is changeable Otherwise had euen the heauen of heauens it selfe for euer continued a darkesome Deepe whereas now it is light in the Lord. And now by that miserable restlesnesse of the falling spirits and by their discouering of their owne darknesse the garment of thy light being pluckt off them doest thou sufficiently reueale how noble the reasonable creature is which thou hast created vnto which nothing will suffice to settle its happynesse and rest vpon that is any way inferior vnto thy selfe and therefore cannot herselfe giue satisfaction vnto herselfe For t is thou O Lord that shalt lighten our darknesse from thee must grow these our garments and then shall our darknesse be as the noone day 2. Giue thy selfe vnto me O my God yea restore thy selfe vnto me for I loue thee and if it be too little let mee now loue thee more affectionately I am not able to measure my loue that I may so come to know how much there wants of enough that my life may euen runne into thy embracements and not tnrne from them againe vntill I bee wholy hidden in the secret of thy presence This one thing am I sure of that woe is me if I be not in thee yea not so onely if I bee without my selfe but ill will it goe with mee though I be hidden within my selfe yea all other plenty besides my God is meere beggery vnto me CHAP. 9. Why the Spirit onely moued vpon the waters 1. BVT did not the Father also or the Sonne moue vpon the waters And if wee vnderstand mouing as it were in a place like a body then neyther did the Spirit moue But if the excellent highnesse of the diuinity aboue euery changeable creature bee vnderstood then did both Father Sonne and Holy Ghost moue vpon the waters Why therefore is this sayd of thy Spirit onely Why of him onely as if there had beene some place where indeede there is no place for it of which onely it is written that Hee is thy gift Let vs now take vp our rest in this thy gift there let vs enioy thee O our rest and our place 2. Loue preferres vs thither and thy good Spirit aduances our lowlynesse from the very gates of death In thy good pleasure lies our peace our body with his owne lumpishnesse swaies vs towards its owne place Weight makes not downeward onely but to his owne place also The fire mounts vpward a stone sinks downeward All things pressed by their owne weight goe towards their proper places Oyle powred in the bottome of the water yet will swimme on the toppe of it water powred vpon Oyle sinkes to the bottome of the Oyle They are weighed downe by their owne hea-luinesse they go to seeke their owne centers Things a little out of their places become vnquiet put them in their order agayne and they are quieted My weight is my loue that way am I carried whithersoeuer I bee carried Wee are inflamed by thy gift and are carried vpwards wee waxe hot within and we goe forwards Wee ascend thy waies that be in our heart and wee sing a song of degrees inwardly enflamed with thy fite with thy good fire and wee goe euen because we goe vpwards to the peace of Ierusalem for glad I was when as they sayd vnto me We will go vp into the house of God There let thy good pleasure settle vs that wee may desire no other thing but to dwell there for euer CHAP. 10. All is of Gods gift O Happy creature which knowes no other thing but that whenas it selfe was another thing euen by thy Gift which moueth vpon euery mutable thing it was so soone as created and no delay of time betweene taken vp in that
call whereby thou saydest Let there be light and there was light Whereas in vs there is distance of time betweene our hauing beene darknesse and our making light but of that creature it is onely sayd what it would haue beene if it had not beene enlightened And this is spoken in that manner as if it had beene vnsetled and darkesome before that so the reason might now appeare for which it was made to bee otherwise that is to say that it being conuerted vnto the light that neuer faileth might it selfe bee made light Let him vnderstand this that is able and let him that is not aske it of God Why should he trouble mee with it as if I could enlighten any man that commeth into this world CHAP. 11. Of some Impressions or resemblances of the blessed Trinity that be in man 1. VVHich of vs does sufficiently comprehend the knowledge of the almighty Trinity and yet which of vs but talkes of it if at least it be that A rare soule it is which whilest it speakes of it knowes what it speakes of For men contend and striue about it and no man sees the vision of it in peace I could wish that men would consider vpon these three that are in themselues Which three be farre another thing indeede then the Trinity is but I doe but now tell them where they may exercise their meditations and examine and finde how farre they are from it Now the three that I spake of are To Be to Know and to Will For I both Am and Know and Will I Am Knowing and Willing and I Know my selfe to Be and to Will and I would both Be and Know. Betwixt these three let him discerne that can how vnseparable a life there is yea one life one mind and one essence yea finally how vnseparable a distinction there is and yet there is a distinction Surely a man hath it before him let him looke into himselfe and see and then tell mee 2. But when once hee comes to finde any thing in these three yet let him not for all this beleeue himselfe to haue found that vnchangeable which is farre aboue all these and which IS vnchangeably and Knowes vnchangeably and Willes vnchangeably But whether or no where these three bee there is also a Trinity or whether all three bee in each seuerall one or all three in euery of them or whether both wayes at once in admirable manner simply and yet manifoldly in its infinite selfe the and vnto it selfe by which end it is and is knowne vnto it selfe and that being vnchangebly euer the same by the abundant greatnesse of its Vnity it bee all-sufficient for it selfe what man can readily conceiue who is able in any termes to expresse it ◠who shall dare in any measure rashly to deliuer his opinion vpon it CHAP. 12. The water in Baptisme is effectuall by the Holy Spirit 1. PRoceede in with thy Confession of the Lord thy God O my faith O holy holy holy Lord my God in thy name haue we beene baptized O Father Sonne and Holy Ghost because that euen among vs also in Christ his Sonne did God make an heauen and earth namely the spirituall and carnall people of his Church Yea and our earth before it receiued the forme of doctrine was inuisible and vnformed and wee were couered ouer with the darknesse of ignorance For thou hast chastised man for his iniquity and thy Iudgements were like the great deepe vnto him 2 But because thy Spirit moued vpon the waters thy mercy forsooke not our misery for thou saydst Repent ye for the Kingdom of Heauen is at hand Repent Let there be light And because our soule was troubled within vs wee haue remembred thee O Lord concerning the land of Iordan and that hill which being equall vnto thy selfe was made little for our sakes and vpon our being displeased at our owne darkenesse wee turned vnto thee and were made light So that behold we hauing sometimes beene darknesse are now light in the Lord. CHAP. 13. His deuout longing after God 1. BVT yet we walke by faith still not by sight for we are saued by hope but hope that is soene is not hope And yet doeth one deepe call vnto another in the voyce of thy water-spoutes and so doeth hee that sayth I could not speake vnto you as vnto spirituall but as vnto carnall euen He who thought not himselfe to haue apprehended as yet and who forgot those things which are behynd and reacht foorth to those things which are before yea he groaned earnestly and his soule thirsted after God as the Hart after the water-brooks saying When shall I come desiring to be cloathed vpon with his house which is from heauen he calleth also vpon this lower deepe saying Be not conformed to this world but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind And Be not children in vnderstanding but in malice be ye children that in vnderstanding ye may be perfect and O foolish Galatians who hath bewitched you 2. But now speakes hee no longer in his own voice but in thine who sentest thy Spirit from aboue by his mediation who ascended vp on high and set open the flood-gates of his gifts that the force of his streames might make glad the City of God Him doeth this friend of the bridegroome sigh after though hauing the first fruites of the Spirit in himselfe alreadie yet groaneth he within himselfe as yet wayting for the adoption to wit the redemption of his body to him he sighes as being a mēber of his Bride towards him he burnes with zeale as being a friend of the Bridegroome towards him hee burneth not towards himselfe because that in the voyce of thy water-spowtes and not in his owne voyce doth hee call to that other deepe for whose sake hee is both iealous and fearefull lest that as the serpent beguiled Eue through his subtiltie so their minds should be corrupted from the simplicitie that is in our Bridegrome thy onely Sonne Oh what a light of beauty will that be when we shall see that Bridegrome as Hee is when all teares shall be wiped from our eyes which haue beene my meat day and night whilest they daily say vnto me Where is now thy God CHAP. 14. Our misery is comforted by faith and Hope 1. ANd so say I too Where art thou O my God see where art thou In thee take I comfort a little while whenas I powre out my soule by my selfe in the voyce of ioy and prayse which is the sound of him that keepes holyday And yet againe is it besadned euen because it relapseth againe and becomes a darkesome deepe or perceiues it selfe rather euen still to bee one Vnto it thus speakes my faith which thou hast kindled to enlighten my feete in this my night Why art thou so sad O my soule and why art thou so
curiosities like as the fishes of the Sea in which they wander over the unknown paths of the bottomlesse pit and their owne luxuriousnesse like as the beasts of the field that thou Lord who art a consuming fire mayst burne up those dead cares of theirs and renew themselves immortally 4. But they knew not that way thy Word by which thou madest these things which themselves can calculate and the calculators themselves and the sense by which they see what they calculate and the understanding out of which they do number it or that of thy wisedome there is no number But the onely Begotten is made unto us Wisdome and Righteousnesse and Sanctification and was numbred as one of us and paid tribute unto Caesar This way have not these men knowne by which they should descend from themselves downe to him and by it ascend againe unto him They verily knew not this way and they conceit themselves to move in an high orbe and to shine amongst the Starres whereas behold they grovell upon the ground and their foolish heart is darkened They discourse truely of many things concerning the creature but the true Architect of the creature they doe not religiously seeke after and therefore doe they not finde him Or if they doe finde him acknowledging him to be God yet they glorifie him not as God neither were thankefull but became againe in their imaginations They give out themselves to bee wise attributing thy workes unto their skill and in this humor with a most perverse blindnesse study they on the other side to impute to thee their own follies entitling thee who art Truth it selfe unto their lyes changing thus the glory of the uncorruptible God into an Image made like corruptible man and to birds and foure footed beasts and creeping things changing thy truth into a lye and served the creature more than the Creator 5. But yet diverse observations concerning the creature truly delivered by these Philosophers did I retaine in memory yea and I conceived the Reason of them by mine owne calculations the order of times and the visible testimonies of the Staries and all this I compared with the sayings of Manichaeus who had written much of these subjects doting most abundantly nor did he give me any reason either of the Solstices or Aequinoxes or the Ecclipses of the greater Lights nor of any such point as I had learned in the Bookes of secular Philosophie But in his Writings was I commanded to beleeve all but no answer met I withal unto those reasons which had beene found true both by mine owne calculatings and eye-sight from all which his was quite contrary CHAP. 4. Onely the knowledge of GOD makes happy 1. TEll me O Lord God of Truth is whosoever is skilfull in these Philosophic all things thereby acceptable unto thee Surely most unhappy is the man that knowes all these things and is ignorant of thee but happy is hee that knowes thee though ignorant of these And he that knowes both thee and them is not the happier for them but for thee onely upon condition that as he knows thee so he glorifies thee as God and it thankfull and becomes not vaine in his owne imaginations 2. For even as he is in better case that knows how to possesse a Tree and to returne thanks unto thee for the commodities of it although he knowes not how many cubits high it rises or how broad it spreads than hee that hath the skill to measure it and keepes an account of all the boughes of it and is neither owner of it nor knowes nor loves him that created it Even so a faithfull man whose right all this world of wealth is and who having nothing yet doth as it were possesse all things even by eleaving unto thee to whom all things serve though he knowes not so much as the Circles of the North yet is it folly to doubt but he is in better estate than hee that can quarter out the heavens and number the starres and poises the Elements and yet is negligent of thy knowledge who hast made all things in number weight and measure CHAP. 5. The rashnesse of Faustus in teaching what he know not 1. BVt yet who requested I know not what Manichaean to write these things without the skill of which true piety might well bee learned For thou hast said unto man Behold piety is wisedome of which that Manichaean might be utterly ignorant though perfect at the knowledge of these things but these things because he knew not most impudently daring to 〈◊〉 them hee was not able plainely to attaine the knowledge of that piety A great vanity it is verily to professe the knowledge of these worldly things but it is a pious thing to confesse unto thee Wherefore this roving fellow prated indeed much of these things that so being confuted by those who had not learned the truth of these things he might bee evidently discovered what understanding he had in points that were abstruser For the man would not have himselfe meanely thought of but went about forsooth to perswade that the Holy Ghost the Comforter and Enricher of the faithfull ones was with full auhority personally resident within him 2. Whereas therefore he was found out to have taught falsely of the Heavens and Starres and of the courses of the Sunne and Moone although these things pertaine little to the Doctrine of Religion yet that his presumptions were sacrilegious is apparent enough seeing that he delivered those things not onely which he knew not but which himselfe had falsifyed and that with so mad a vanity of pride that he went about to attribute them to himselfe as to a divine person When-ever now I heare a Christian Brother either one or other that is ignorant enough of these Philosophicall Subtilties and that mistaketh one thing for another I can patiently behold such a man delivering his opinion nor doe I see how it can much hinder him when as he doth not beleeve any thing unworthy of thee O Lord the Creator of all if perchance hee be lesse skilled in the situation or condition of the corporeall creature But then it hurts him if so be he imagines this to pertaine to the forme of the doctrine of piety and will yet stand too stiffely in a thing he is utterly ignorant of 3. And yet is such an infirmity in the infancie of a mans faith borne withall by our Mother Charity till such time as this new Convert grow up unto a perfect man and not to be carried about with every wind of Doctrine whereas in that Faustus who was so presumptuous as to make himselfe the Doctor and Author the Ring-leader and chiefe man of all those whom he had inveigled to the opinion that who-ever became his follower did not imagine himselfe to follow a meere man but thy holy Spirit who would not judge but that so high a degree of madnesse when once hee had beene convicted
much said shee to me But to thee O Fountaine of mercies powred shee forth more frequent prayers teares that thou wouldest hasten thy helpe and enlighten my darknesse that I might more studiously runne unto the Church and settle my beleefe vpon Ambrose his Preaching and desire the Fountaine of that Water which springeth up into Life ever lasting For that man shee loved as an Angell of GOD because shee presumed most assuredly that I had beene brought by him in the meane time to that doubtfull state of faith I was now in by which I was to passe from sicknesse unto health some sharper conflict comming betweene in another Fit as it were which the Physicians call The Crisis CHAP. 2. His Mother is turned from her Countrey Superstition 1. VVHen as my Mother therefore had one time brought unto the Oratories erected in memory of the Saints as she was wont to doe in Africke certaine Cheese-cakes and Bread and VVine and had beene forbidden to doe it by the Sexton so soone as ever she knew that the Bishop had forbidden this shee did so piously and obediently embrace the motion that I my selfe wondred at it that she should so easily be brought rather to blame her owne Countrey custome than to call the present countermand in question For Wine-bibbing besotted not her spirit nor did the love of Wine provoke her to the hatred of the Truth as it doth too many both men and women who being a little whittled once turne the stomacke to a song of sobriety as they would doe at a draught of water But she when she had brought her basket of these solemne lunkets which she meant to eat a little of first and to give the rest away never used to allow herselfe above one small pot of Wine well allayed with water for her owne sober palate whence she would sippe a mannerly draught And if there were any more Oratories of the departed Saints that seemed to be honoured in like maner shee still carried the selfe-same pot about with her which she used every where which should not onely below allayed with water but very lukewarme with carrying about and this would shee distribute to those that were about her by small sups for she came to those places to seeke devotion and not pleasure 2. So soone therefore as shee found this custome to be countermanded by that famous Preacher and the most pious Prelate Ambrose yea forbidden even to those that would use it but soberly that so no occasion of ryot might thereby bee given to such as loved drinking too well and for that these funerall Anniversary Feasts as it were in honour of our dead Fathers did too neerely resemble the superstition of the Gentiles she most willingly forbare it ever after and in stead of a Basket filled with the fruits of the earth she now had learned to present a breast replenished with sinne-purging petitions at the Oratories of the Martyrs and to give away what shee could spare among the poore that so the Cōmunion of the Lords Body might in that place bee rightly celebrated where after the example of his Passion these Martyrs had bin sacrificed and crowned 3. But for all this it seemes to me O Lord my God and thus thinks my heart of it in thy sight That my Mother would not so easily have give way to the breaking of her Countrey custome had it bin forbidden her by some other man whom she had not loved so well as she did Ambrose who in regard of my salvation she very entirely affected and he bergaing as well for her most religious conversation whereby s◠full of good workes so servent in the spirit she frequented the Church Yea so well he affected 〈◊〉 that hee would very often when he saw mee breake forth into her praises congratulating with me in that I had such a Mother little knowing in the meane time what a sonne she had of me who doubted of all these things and least of all imagined the way to life could possibly be found out CHAP. 3. The employments and studies of S. Ambrose 1. NOr did I hitherto grone in my prayers that thou wouldest helpe me but my unquiet minde was altogether intentive to seeke for Learning and to dispute upon it As for Ambrose himselfe I esteemed him a very happy man according to the world whom personages of such authority so much honoured onely his remaining a 〈◊〉 seemed a painefull course unto mee But what hopes hee carried about him against the temptations his excellent parts were subject unto what struglings he felt and what comfort hee found in his adversities and how savourie joyes that mouth hidden in his heart fed upon in thy Bread I neither knew how to ghesse at nor had I yet any feeling of As little on the other side knew hee of my privie heats nor of the pit of my danger For I had not the opportunity to make my demands to him what I would or how I would for that multitudes of people full of businesse whose infirmities hee gave up himselfe unto debarred me both from hearing and speaking with him With whom when he was not taken up which was but a little time together hee either refreshed his body with necessary sustenance or his minde with reading But when he was reading hee drew his eyes along over the leaves and his heart searcht into the sense but his voice and tongue were altogether silent 2. Oft-times when we were present for no man was debarred of comming to him nor was it his fashion to be told of any body that came to speake with him we still saw him reading to himselfe and never otherwise so that having long sate in silence for who durst be so bold as to interrupt him so intentive to his study wee were faine to depart We conjectured that the small time which he gate for the repairing of his minde hee retyred himselfe from the clamour of other mens businesses being unwilling to be taken off for any other imployment and he was warie perchance too left some hearer being strucke into suspence and eager upon it if the Author he read should deliver any thing obscurely hee should be put to it to expound it or to discusse some of the harder questions so that spending away his time about this worke hee could not turne over so many Volumes as he desired although peradventure the preserving of his voice which a little speaking would weaken might bee a just reason for his reading to himselfe But with what intent soever he did it that man certainely had a good meaning in it 3. But verily no opportunity could I obtaine of propounding my demands as I desired to that so holy an Oracle of thine his breast unlesse the thing might be heard very briefly But those commorions in me required to finde him at his best leasure that I might powre them out before him but never could they finde him so Yet heard
I him every Sunday preaching the Word of Truth rightly to the People by which that apprehension of mine was more and more confirmed in me that all those knots of crafty calumnies which those our deceivers had knit in prejudice of the Holy Bookes might well enough bee untyed 4. But so soone as I understood withall That Man created by thee after thine owne Image was not so understood by thy spirituall sonnes whom of our Catholike Mother thou hast begotten by thy Grace as if they once beleeved or imagined thee to be made up into an humane shape although I had not the least suspicion nor so much as a confused notion in what strange manner a spirituall substance should be yet blushing did I rejoyce that I had not so many yeeres barkt against the Catholike faith but against the fictions of carnall imaginations But herein had I beene rash and anpious that what I ought to have learned by enquirie I had spoken of as condemning For thou O the most high and the most neere the most secret and yet most present with us hast not such limbes of which some be bigger and some smalâ—â—â— but art wholly every where circumscribed in no certaine place nor art thou like these corporeall shapes yet hast thou made man after thine owne Image and behold from head to foot is he contained in some certaine biding CHAP. 4. Of the Letter and the Spirit 1. BEing thus ignorant therfore in what manner this Image of thine should subsist I something earnestly propounded the doubt how that was to be 〈◊〉 but did not triumphingâ—y oppose against it as if it peremptorily should according to the Letter bee beleeved The anxiety therefore of resolving what certaintie I was to hold did so much the more sharply even gnaw my very bowels by how much the more ashamed I was that having bin so long deceived by the promise of certaineties I had with a childish errour and stubbornnes prated up and downe of so many uncertainties and that as confidently as if they had beene certainties For that they were meere falshoods it cleerely appeared to me afterwards yea even already was I certaine that they were at least uncertaine and that I had all this while beleeved them for certaine when as namely out of a blinde and contentious humour I accused thy Catholike Church which though I had not yet found to 〈◊〉 trâ—â—â— yet found it not â—o teach what I heartily 〈◊〉 it for teaching In this manner was I first confounded and then converted and I much rejoyced O my God that thy onely Church the body of thine onely Sonne wherein the name of Christ had beene put upon me being yet an Infant did not relish these childish toyes nor maintained any such Tenet in her sound Doctrine as to crowd up the Creator of this All under the shape of humane members into any proportions of a place which though never so great and so large should yet be terminated and surrounded 2. And for this I rejoyced also for that the Old Scriptures of the Law the Prophets were laid before me now to be perused not with that eye to which they seemed most absurd before when as I misliked thy holy ones for thinking so so whereas indeed they thought not so and for that with joyfull heart I heard Ambrose in his Sermons to the people most diligently oftentimes recommend this Text for a Rule unto them The letter killeth but the Spirit giveth life and for that those things which taken according to the letter seemed to teach perverse doctrines he spiritually laid open unto us having taken off the veyle of the mystery teaching nothing in it that offended mee though such things he taught as I knew not as yet whether they were true or no. For I all this while kept my heart firme from assenting to any thing fearing to fall headlong but by this hanging in suspence I was the worse killed for my whole desire was to be made so well assured of those things which I saw not as I was certaine that seven and three make tenne 3. For I was not so mad yet as not to thinke that this last proposition might not by demonstration bee comprehended wherefore I desired to have other things as cleerely demonstrated as this whether namely those things should bee corporeall which were not present before my senses or spirituall whereof I knew not yet how to conceive but after a corporeall manner But by beleeving might I have beene cured that so the eye-sight of my soule being cleered might some way or other have beene directed toward thy truth which is the same eternally and in no point fayling But as it happens usually to him that having had experience of a bad Physician is fearefull afterwards to trust himselfe with a good so was it with the state of my soule which could no waies be healed but by beleeving and left it should beleeve falshoods it refused to be cured resisting in the meane time thy hands who hast prepared for us the Medicines of faith and hast applyed them to the diseases of the whole world and given unto them so great Authority CHAP. 5. Of the Authority and necessary vse of the holy Bible 1. FRom henceforth therfore I beganne first of all to esteeme better of the Catheâ—â—â— Doctrine and also to thinke that â—e did with more modesty and without any deceit command many things to be beleeved notwithstanding it were not there demonstrated 〈◊〉 what it should be or to what purpose it should serve nor yet what it should not bee than in the Manichees doctrine upon a rash promise of great knowledge expose my easinesse of beliefe first of all unto derision and suffer afterwards so many most fabulous and absurd things to be therefore imposed upon me to beleeve because they could not be demonstrated Next of all thou Lord by little and little with a gentle and most mercifull hand working and rectifying my heart even while I tooke into my consideration how innumerable things I otherwise beleeved which I had never scene nor was present at while they were in doing like as those many reports in the History of severall Nations those many relations of places and of Cities which I had never seene so many reports likewise of friends so many of Physicians so many of these and these men which unlesse wee should beleeve we should doe nothing at all in this life Last of all I considered with how unalterable an assurance I beleeved of what parents I was descended which I could not otherwise come to know had I not beleeved it upon heare-say perswadedst mee at last that not they who beleeved thy Bible which with so great authority thou hast setled almost among all Nations but those who beleeved it not were to bee blamed nor were those men to bee listned unto who would say perchance How knowest thou those Scriptures to have beene imparted unto mankinde by the spirit
are from thee taught so by this one most firme demonstration that they are Of these things I was certaine enough yet too too weake to comprehend thee I prated altogether like a skilfull Fellow but had I not sought thy way in Christ our Saviour I had not proved a skilfull man but a lost man For now forsooth I beganne to be desirous to seeme wise full of mine owne punishment yet could not weepe for it but became more and more puffed up with my knowledge 2. For where was that charity that should build mee up from that foundation of humility which is in Christ Iesus or when would these bookes have taught me that Yet upon these I beleeve it was thy pleasure that I should first fall before I tooke thy Scriptures into my consideration that I might print in memory how far those Bookes wrought upon my affections and that when afterwards I should come to bee made tractable by thy Bookes thine own fingers undertaking the cure of me and my wounds dressed I might discerne at last and distinguish how maine a difference there was betwixt Presumption and Confession betwixt those that saw whither they were to goe but knew nothing of the way and that path which leades unto that blessed Countrey not to be lookt upon onely but dwelt in For had I first been brought up in thy holy Scriptures and in the familiar use of them thy selfe had grown sweet unto me and falne upon these Philosophicall volumes afterwards they might eyther have withdrawne me from the sollid ground of piety or if I had stood firme in that wholsome disposition which I had there tasted I might perchance have thought that a man even out of these Platonike bookes might have gotten the same had he studied them onely CHAP. 21. What he found in the holy Scriptures which was not in the Platonists 1. MOst greedily therefore laid I hold upon that venerable stile of thy Spirit and upon the Apostle Paul above all the rest Whereupon those difficulties quite vanished away in which hee sometimes seemed unto mee to contradict himselfe and wherein the Text of his discourse seemed not to agree with the testimonies of the Law and the Prophets And there appeared unto me that one face of that chaste Eloquence and I learned to rejoyce with trembling I set upon it and found whatsoever I there read to be true These things to the praise of thy Grace I there learned that he which sees may not so glory as if he had not received not that onely which hee does see but also that which he may see For what hath hee which hee hath not received Yea both that hee may be put in minde not onely to see thee who art ever the same but that he may be made strong to hold thee and that he who from a farre off is not able to see his way may yet walke on to the end he may at last arrive and see and comprehend For though a man be delighted with the Law of God after the inner man yet how shall he doe with that other Law in his members which warres against the Law of his minde and bringeth him into captivity to the Law of sin which is in his members For thou art righteous O Lord but we have sinned and committed iniquity and thy hand is growne heavy upon us â—and we are justly delivered over unto that old Sinner the President of death for he hath wrought our will to become like his will whereby he departed from thy Truth 2. What shall wretched man doe who shall deliver him from the body of this death but only thy Grace through Iesus Christ our Lord whom thou hast begotten coeternall to thy selfe and possessedst in the beginning of thy waies in whom the prince of this world found nothing worthy of death yet kild he him whereby the hand-writing was blotted out which was contrary to us None of all this doe these Platonike writings containe Those leaves can shew nothing of this face of peitie those teares of confession that sacrifice of thine a troubled spirit a broken and a contrite heart the salvation of thy people the Spouse the City the earnest of the Holy Ghost the Cup of our Redemption No man sings there Shall not my soule waite upon God seeing from him commeth my salvation For he is my God and my salvation my defence I shall not be greatly moved 2. No man in those Bookes heares him calling Come unto me all yee that labour yea they scorne to learne of him because he is meeke and lowly inheart For these things hast thou hid from the wise and prudent and hast revealed themunto babes For it is one thing from the wilde top of a Mountaine to see the Land of Peace and not to find the way thither and in vaine to travell through wayes unpassable round about beset with these fugitive Spirits forsakers of their God lying in ambush with that Ring-leader of theirs the Lion and the Dragon and another thing to keep on the way that leades thither which is guarded by the care of our heavenly Generall where they exercise no robberies that forsooke the heavenly Armie which they abhorre as much as their very torment These things did by wonderfull meanes sinke into my very bowels when as I read that least of thy Apostles and had considered upon thy workes and trembled * ⎠* SAINT AVGVSTINES Confessions THE EIGHTH BOOKE CHAP. 1. How being inflamed with the love of heavenly things hee goeth to Simplicianus GIve me leave O my God with Thanksgiving to remember confesse unto thee thine owne mercies bestowed upon me Let my bones be filled with thy love and let them say unto thee Who is like unto thee O Lord thou hast broken my bonds in sunder I will offer unto thee the sacrifice of thanksgiving And how thou hast broken them will I now declare and all men who worship thee when they heare of it shall say Blessed bee the Lord both in Heaven and in Earth great and wonderfull is his Name Thy words had stucke fast even to the very roots of my heart and I was hedged round about by thee Of the eternity of thy life I was now become certaine though I had no more than seene it in a glasse as it were darkely All my former doubtings concerning an incorruptible substance from which all other substance should derive its being was now quite taken away from me nor did I desire as now to bee made more certaine of thee but better assured in thee As for mine owne temporall life all things were as yet unresolved my heart was to be purged from the old leaven The way our Saviour himselfe I very well liked oft but it iâ—ked me to follow him through those streâ—ghts which he had passed 2. Thous didst put into my minde and it seemed good in mine owne eyes to goe unto Simplicianus
wee remembring our selves of the humanity received from our friend and not allowed to reckon him in the number of thy Flock should be tortured with intolerable sorrow for him 2. Thankes unto thee O our God wee are now thine Thy inspirations and consolations tell us so Thou O faithfull promiser shalt repay Verecundus for his Countrey house of Cassiacum where from the troubles of the world we rested our selves in thee with the pleasantnesse of thy Paradise which is ever greene for that thou hast forgiven him his sinnes upon earth in that mountaine of spices thine owne mountaine that fruitfull mountaine Verecundus therefore was much perplexed but Nebridius was as joyfull as wee For although when as he was not yet a Christian hee had falne into the same pit of most pernicious error with us beleeving the flesh of thy Sonne to be fantasticall yet getting out from thence he beleeved as wee did not as yet entered into any sacraments of thy Church but a most zealous searcher out of the truth Whom not long after our conversion and regeneration by thy Baptisme being also baptized in the Catholike Faith serving thee in perfect chastity and continence amongst his owne friends in Africa having first converted his whole family unto Christianity didst thou take out of the flesh and now he lives in the bosome of Abraham 3. Whatsoever that estate be which is signified by that bosome there lives Nebridius my sweet friend thy child O Lord adopted of a freed-man lives there For what other place is there for such a soule In that place he lives concerning which hee sometimes demanded of me unskilfull man so many questions Now layes he his eare no longer unto my mouth but layes his spirituall mouth unto thy fountaine and drinketh as much of Wisedome as he is able to containe proportionable to his thirst now without end happy Nor doe I yet thinke that he is so inebriated with it as to forget me seeing thou O Lord of whom hee drinketh art still mindfull of us Thus fared it then with us sorrowfull Verecundus wee comforted reserving our friendship entire notwithstanding our conversion and exhorting him to continue in the fidelity of his degree namely of his married estate Nebridius we stayed for expecting when he would follow us which being so neere he might well doe and even now hee was about to doe it when behold those daies of Interim were at length come to an end For long and many they seemed unto me even for the love I bare to that easefull liberty that we might sing unto thee out of all our bowels My heart hath said unto thee I have sought thy face thy face Lord will I seeke CHAP. 4. What things he wrote with Nebridius 1. NOw was the day come wherein I was actually to be discharged of my Rhetoricke Professorship from which in my thoughts I was already discharged And done it was And thou deliveredst my tongue whence thou hadst before delivered my heart And I blessed thee for it rejoycing in my selfe I and mine going all into the Countrey What there in point of learning I did which was now wholly at thy service though yet sorely panting and out of breath as it were in following the Schoole of pride my bookes may witnesse both those which I disputed with my friends present and those which I composed alone with my selfe before thee and what intercourse I had with Nebridius now absent my Epistles can restifle And when shall I have time enough to make rehearsall of all the great benefits which thou at that time bestowedst upon me especially seeing I am now making hast to tell of greater matters For my remembrance now calls upon me and most pleasant it is to me O Lord to confesse unto thee by what inward prongs thou hast thus tamed mee and how thou hast taken mee downe by bringing low those mountaines and hils of my high imaginations and madest my crookednesse straight and my rough waies smooth And by what meanes thou also subduedst that brother of my love Alipius unto the name of thy onely begotten Sonne our Lord and Saviour Iesus Christ which he at first would not vouchsafe to have it put into our writings For rather would he have had them favour of the lofty Cedars of the Schooles which the Lord had now broken downe than of those wholesome hearbes of thy Church which are so powerfull against Serpents 2. Oh what passionate voyces sent I up unto thee my God when as I read the Psalmes of David those faithfull songs Oh what sounds of devotion quite excluding the swelling spirit of ostentation when namely I was yet but Rude in my kindly loving of thee as being â—uta Catechumenus as yet in the Country whither I had withdrawne my selfe together with Alipius a Catechumenus also and with my Mother likewise inseparably sticking unto us in a womans habit verily but with a masculine faith voyd of worldly care as a woman in her yeeres should be yet imploying a matronely charity and a Christian piety Oh what passionate expressions made I unto thee in the reading of those Psalmes Oh how was I inflamed towards thee by them yea I was on fire to have resounded them had I been able in the hearing of the whole world to the shame of the pride of mankind though verily they be already sung all the world over nor can any hide themselves from thy heate With what vehement and bitter sorrow was I angred at the Manichees whom yet againe I pittied for that they knew nothing of those Sacraments those Medicaments and for that they were so madde at that Antidote which had been able to recover them I heartily wished they had beene somewhere or other neere me I not knowing that they did then heare me or were then so neere me that they might have beheld my face and heard my words when as I read the fourth Psalme in that time of my leasure and how that Psalme wrought upon me 3. When I called upon thee thou heardest me O God of my righteousnesse thou hast enlarged mee in my distresse Have mercy upon mee O Lord and heare my prayer That they might heare I say what I uttered at the reading of these words I not knowing whether they heard me or no lest they should thinke I spake it purposely against them Because in good truth neither would I have spoken the same things nor in the same manner had I perceived them to have both heard and seene me But had I so spoken yet would not they so have understood how with my selfe and to my selfe before thee out of the familiar and ordinary affection of my soule I quaked for feare and boy led high againe with hope and with rejoycing in thy mercy O Father And all these expressions of my selfe passed forth both by mine eyes and voyce at what time as thy good Spirit turning himselfe towards us said O yee sonnes of men
I beseech thee and in the manifestation thereof let me with sobriety continue vnder thy wings Thou toldest mee also with a strong voyce O Lord in mine inner care how that t is thy selfe selfe who made all those Natures and substances which are not what thy selfe is and which yet haue their being and how that onely is not from thee which hath no being no nor the Will that slydes backe from thee that art eminently vnto that which hath an inferior being because that all such backeslyding is transgression and sinne and that no mans sinne does eyther hurt thee or disturbe the order of thy gouernment first or last All this is in thy sight now cleare vnto mee and let it bee so more and more I beseech thee and in the manifestation thereof let mee soberly continue vnder thy wings 2. With a strong voyce thou toldest mee likewise in mine inner care how that neyther is that creature coeternall vnto thy selfe whose desire thou onely art which with a most perseuering chastity greedily drinking thee in does in no place and at no time put off its naturall mutability and thy selfe being euer present withit vnto whom with its whole affection it kepes it selfe it hauing neyther any thing in future to expect nor conueying any thing which it remembreth into the time past is neyther altered by any change nor stretcht along into any times O blessed creature if any such there bee euen for cleauing so fast vnto thy blessednesse blest in thee the eternall Inhabitant and Enlightener thereof Nor doe I find what I am more glad to call the Heauen of heauens which is the Lords then thine owne House which still contemplating that delight which in thee it finds without any forsaking thee to goe into other a most pure mind most peacefully continuing one by that settled estate of peace of those holy spirits those Citizens of thy Citty in heauenly places which are farre wes that it is not here meant of the aboue those heauenly places that we see By this now may the Soule vnderstand how farre shee is cast off by her owne straggling if namely she now thirsts after thee if her owne teares be now become her bread while they daily say vnto her Where is now thy God If she now seekes thee alone and require this one thing that shee may dwell in thy house all the dayes of her life 3. And what is her life but thou And what are thy dayes but euen thy eternity like as thy yeeres are which fayle not because thou art euer the same Hereby therefore let the Soule that is able vnderstand how farre thou art aboue all times eternall seeing that thy very house which hath at no time departed from thee although it be not coeternall vnto thee yet by continually and inseparably cleauing vnto thee suffers not the least changeablenesse of Times All this is cleare vnto me in thy sight and more and more let it bee so I be seech thee and in the manifestation thereof let mee abide vnder thy wings 4. There is behold I know not what vnshapednesse in the alterations of these last made and lowest creatures and who shall tell mee what vnlesse such a one as through the emptynesse of his owne heart wanders and tosses himselfe vp and downe with his owne fancies Who now but euen such a one would tell mee That if all figure bee so wasted and consumed away as that there onely remaines vnshapelynesse by which the thing was changed and turned out of one figure into another that that were able to shew vnto vs the changeable courses of the Times Playnely it can neuer doe it because without the variety of motions there are no times and there is no variety where there is no forms CHAP. 12. Of two creatures not within compasso of time 1. THese things considred for as much as thou giuest O my God for as much as thou stirrest mee vp to knock and forasmuch as thou openest to me when I knock two things I finde that thou hast made not within the compasse of times notwithstanding that neyther of them bee coeternall with thy selfe One which is so formed as that without any ceasing to contemplate thee without any interruption of change though in it selfe it bee changeable yet hauing beene neuer changed it may thorowly for euer enioy thy eternity and vnchangeablenesse The other was so vnshapely as that it had wherewithall to be changed out of one forme into another eyther of motion or of station whereby it might become subiect vnto time But this thou didst not leaue thus vnshapely because before all dayes thou in the beginning didst create Heauen Earth the two things that I spake of 2. And the Earth was inuisible and without shape and darknesse was vpon the Deepe In which words is the vnshapelynesse noted vnto vs that such capacities may hereby bee drawne on by degrees as are not able to conceiue so vtter a priuatiō of all the forme of it as should not yet come so low as a meere nothing out of which another Heauen was to bee created together with a visible earth a well furnished and the Waters replenished with their kinds and whatsoeuer beside is in the setting foorth of the world recorded to haue beene not without dayes created and that because they are of such a nature that the successiue changes of times haue power ouer them by reason of their appoynted alterations of motions and of formes CHAP. 13. The nature of the Heauen of heauens described 1. THis O my God is my priuate iudgement in the meane time whenas I heare thy Scripture saying In the beginning God made Heauen and Earth and the Earth was without shape and voyd and darkenes was vpon the deepe and not once mentioning what day thou createdst them This I in the mean time iudge to bee spoken because of the Heauen of heauens that intellectuall Heauen where to vnderstand is to know all at once not in part not darkly not through a glasse but in whole clearely and face to face not this thing now and that thing anon but as I sayd know all at once without all succession of times and I iudge it spoken also because of that inuisible and voyd Earth exempted in like manner from all interchangeablenesse of times which vses to haue this thing now and anon that the reason is that where there is not any figure there can bee no variety of this or that Because of these two that One first formed vtterly vnperfected Heauen meaning the Heauen of heauens and this other earth meaning the inuisible and shapelesse earth because of these two as I iudge in the meane time did thy Scripture speake without mention of any dayes In the beginning God created Heauen and Earth seeing presently hee added what earth hee spake of and because also the Firmament being recorded to bee created the second day and called