sones of men that God might manifest them that they might see that they them selves are beasts Whilst thus he stood what to do he knew not was ready to loath and abhor him self and to wish that he had never been born for the booke which was opened was as a thousand witnesses he saw he could no wayes evade its record and testimony no escaping no fleeing from it and what he read therein he read it all to be against and not for him nor no wayes tending to his releife that he could see but the contrary For as for those things whereby he might have had hope as the receiveing of him whom God had sent in the ministration of a wakening conviction and drawing neere in true holy subjection thereunto and those good things of his before spoken of which could not stand or remaine with him to his support in this the day of the appearance of the son of God in clouds because his worke was and for ever is to make a decision for the Lord in the righteouss judgeing and scattering of these things which had not been effected or wrought by his holy Spirit who hath sayd without me you can do nothing but were produced and taken up as before hath been sayd to seek and obtaine life by and not acting or working from it so was climbing up a wrong way and not striveing to enter into the true sheepfold at the right door so that when he came to have need indeed his Lamp proved without oyle for so he saw himself to be as the heart searcher found him out to lay wast the inheritance of the wicked for ever So that an anchor to have held his soule by in this the day of his sore troubles and afflictions he had not nor nought to defend himself withall therein but was founde out to be by him who is the Amen the faithfull and true witness whose eyes are as a flame of fire naked and blinde and miserable darkness and ignorance filling his heart and the wofull effects thereof and what to do more he knew not for the revelation of this his destitute and forsaken state and the opening his heart in the manifestation thereof and bringing things forth into his remembrance and setting them before his face all this and what ever might besayd of that kinde was not deliverance it was but manifestation not a setting him at liberty from the night and the chain of it neither a setting him at the table of the Lord to eate of the flesh of Christ and to drink of the consolateing wine of the Kingdom but the ripping open of his corrupted heart that he might learn to know him self and what it was to go from the Fathers house to feed him self with husks amongst swine And herein in measure was the great love of God manifested unto him in not suffering him to go on in his former wayes and courses untill those things which belonged to his peace had been hid from his eyes Thus the Lord proceeded with him and then the vialls of wrath was not poured forth nor the recompence and reward in flames of fire from heaven to execute vengance on that ungodly nature and Spirit which he had cleaved to and lived in and thereby had been adulterated from his maker Of these things he knew not as yet as afterwards when the day burned as an Oven to consume the stuble and the dross in which day he might have sayd who shall abide or who shall dwell with devoureing fire The man dyed in greiff unutterable and such sorrow as never was before nor can demonstration and greatest utterance tell of as he shall know who thereunto shal be brought by the righteouss correcting hand of the Lord when he wil be eased of his adadversaries and avenged of his enemies in which day the Lord will judge with fire Some times whilst sorrow hath fild his heart and perplexity his Spirit by reason of the disquietnes and trouble which was there he hath walked into the feilds and seen allthings in a sweet serene calm scarsly a leafe of a tree to stir he hath been affected therewith and sayd with in him self the creation is more happy then I which is at rest in its place from such storms and tempests as he was fild with and wished and desired that he might know so great a calm inwardly as those creatures outwardly did enjoy for he concluded surely a blessed state it would be unto him who now was fild with restless thoughts and greiffs as the sea is troubled when the mighty winds rowleth the waters thereof on heapes for then he should know tranquilitie of minde and rest in the holy one which nothing but his power could say be still and effectually worke it for him for all his attempts had proved short and whilst he was striveing was disapointed and so in sorrow lay Thus was it with the poor and comfortless man who in misery was and distress good things was removed away from him and his pretented freind manifested to be his enemy a bad one indeed for so he thought him now to be who through all his pretences deceivings and flatteries sought his ruin and destruction but how to get rid of him out of his heart for there he had seated himself and to redemption and salvation the thing which all along was in his eye he knew not And thus lay the man in his greife and the terrors of the Lord revealing in him because of his transgressions And so gloriouss and dreadfull was the Majesty thereof that he exceedingly feard and trembled and how help should come unto him or when or never he knew not he was a fraid to look to the Lord as hath been sayd or to hope for his help for with what thought he shall I look I who am in a state rather to greive and vex the Lord rather then to hope or trust in him and to rebell against him and transgress rather to curss then to bless his holy Name well if it be thus with me said he as it is and surely so it was with him as the Prophet sayd that as every battle of the warrior is with confused noyse and garments rowld in blood so this is with burning and devoureing fire then in a bed of sorrow I am out of which I can not arise but oh that I might be helped and releived I even I who am without comfort or releife like unto the poor destitute people of old time who for many dayes were with out a King and without a Prince and without an offering and without an image and without an Ephod and without Jerraphim but afterwards it s sayd of them that they should seek the Lord and David there King Now although it was a lamentable state and condition yet it might be it was possible with the Lord that at the last he might know the repayrer of breaches and the restorer of pathes to dwell in and that at last he might come to walk
of ten troubled and in my trouble feare exceedingly and in my feare to have torment O! said his beloved neighbour for he whose voice made this inquiring in him he looked upon him as his enemy and had not a thought that he that wounded did it that he might heal Come come see thy neighbours and acquaintance they are merry men and they refresh them selves thou see and be jocund together come drinck of there cup and eate of their dish that a melancholy spirit may not come over thee and thou go drooping up downe untill thou makes thy self ridiculous unto them and rob thy self of the comfort of thy life what wouldst thou have behold thy possessions may thou not compare with them what wantest thou or what wouldest thou have The man was afraid and knew not well what was the matter with him but as it afterwards appeared the conscience of him stirred in him and there by his peace was broken which he had in the freindship of this world which is enmitie against God he could not swallow his sweet bits as formerly but was therein persued to his astonishment and his pleasures become burthensome unto him then he said he knew not how to live there and therefore would go to his neighbours habitations take of theire mirth and pleasure and refresh himself in their company and castforth thereby the trouble that was in his mind for there the mans greiffe and trouble was so he went and took of of their cup that thereby he might wash down his sorrow as he hoped and other essayes he made which are abounding in the world to divert him from his trouble and endeavourd to talk at any rate that he might be deliverd and be quiet By this time the man might have perceived that when God visit man for his iniquity he makes his beauty to consume as a moth for his face begon to gather paleness and his endeavours proved vaine for he could not get rid of this searching inquiring voice which had visited him it would be sounding in his eares and persuing him and often in the midst of his laughter sorrow would arise and fill his heart so that sometimes he was ready to throw of all his companions and to bid adieu to his idle pleasures and passtimes and then would hang down his head And heaviness of spirit like a tallent of lead ready to sinck him would come over him as if he should have ben swallowed up thereby but still he knew not the hand that persued him neither did he care for acquainting himself with it he looked upon it as his enemy he could not hope for deliverance from that which wounded him for he saw no freindlyness in it and he would have bin at ease and enjoye his frolicks as his neighbours did and not have bin so afflicted as he was but he that smot him still did smit him and his peace which was broaken seemed as if it had bin quite removed from him Now on the other hand he that had enticed him to the drawing his minde out into worldly vanities and the unprofitablenes thereof and thereby drawn him from Remembring his Creator in the dayes of his youth before the evill dayes come where in he could say he had no pleasure he I say continued his insinuations and flatteries seeking by all wayes and meanes of his owne to dawb the man up and that answerable to the desires of his owne heart for when he was wounded and afflicted so that what ever he put his hand unto visitations of sorrow and disquietnes arose in him he said unto him well if sin do ly at thydoor at whose door doth it not have not all sined and all faln short why canst thou not be content quiet thy self The Prophets they prophesied of a saviour to come and thou have read that he came beleeve thou that they are the elect that beleeve in him beleeve thy self to be one of them and apply the promises and it wil be well with thee all must carry about them so long as they are in this world a body of sin thou knows thou will be rid of that when thou comes to dy and rid of all these legall feares and frights of minde which now thou give way unto and readily receive into thy minde and from whence things proceeds and lyes in thy way for which there is no cause or reason to greive and offend thee do thou beleeve the promises they are many and large and that Christ dyed for thee then all will be well do thou see thy neighbours thy acquaintance thy freinds they do not acquaint them selves with such petyfull feares as thou entertaines nor with such needless distracting doubts and questionings and it concerns them as well as thou to see that they lay hold of their saviour and his merits although they perplex not themselves to their owne wounding and make their lives uncomfortable as thou do Thus strove the adversarie to hold the man in the deceivablenes of his owne unrighteousnes that so he might have withstood the visitations of the Lord untill there had ben noe remedy who had visited him by his gentile reproofs that his heart might bow before him and in the sence of his evill have humbled his soule before his holy throne in great contrition of Spirit but notwithstanding the favour of the Lord thus appearing for him he submitted not unto him but sought out to him self many inventions thereby to have been delivered And so the man he would go read the scriptures as he saw others did for he began to think of Religion and see to get some good promises into his minde to comfort and satisfy him felf with all and thought that if he could make out him self to be one of Gods elect one in whom his soule delighted and one whom the Lord took care of and did sustaine by watching over him and leading him by his eye in the wey of the blessing and sure mercies of the Lord that then he might sometimes enjoy him self with his freinds and neighbours after which there was a secret working in his minde which he could not then part with all not having learnd the dayly cross and might pertake of their cups and neighbourly freindships for the man did take notice that some of them would sometimes be talking of Religion of Christs ordinances and Christian duties and such good things and the other which they absented not them selves from he thought would be good fellowship good neighbourhood and the maintaining good society with them and many he saw esteemed them so to be and then he should not be judged by them as a man singuler or of a morose temper and frowardly inclined so tumbled over the scriptures forward and backward like those who searched the Scriptures as since he understood but would not come to Jesus that they might have life to see for some comfortable places to stay himself upon or thereby to releive him self upon so great an
from the holy visitation of his compassionate freind which had received and beleived as conduceing to his satisfaction so that instead of setling downe in heart and mind into the holy operation of it thereby to feel his deliverance he steales away his heart therefrom and begets him into a boasting and exalting spirit to talk of that his enjoyment and thereby to a loss he came and an abatement of the supply thereby which he had some hopes of whilst it manifested it self unto him and he joyning him self thereto for its assistance and releife And being made destitute thereof by so doing more then a knowledg in his braine and vaine boasting he soon felt the former miserie to revive which made him to groan within him self as one like unto a ship tossed in the troubled sea by the restless waves thereof without a rudder and in danger of perishing every moment This made the man to recollect him self whereby he saw not that subjection feare and humilitie in his heart which he was inclined to by the former visitation nor him self persecuteing that former desire of his of casting himself upon the goodnes and mercie of the Lord that so he might know a settlement in a habitation of quietness and peace And begon to see and understand that there was an adverse part spirit or power in him unto his salvation which did get and steale away his minde from waiting for it And further that there was also a Spirit principle or power in him which wrought in his minde against the former and him for joyning to it which brake his peace and made those woundings in his soule from whence arose all those feares distresses and miseries which he had so long in deepheart sorrow groaned under and from whence sprangfort those hopefull and true refreshing beames of comfort which he had at sometimes had some feeling of and was good cause and incouragement unto him further to waite thereon as on that alone which might worke his deliverance And in the consideration of this he some time was and the Lords secret and still drawings of his minde inward often visited him to draw him to him self from whence he was departed into folly so that the man in tremblingwise or broakeness began to be before the Lord and to encline his heart to him who before now had visited him to his wounding even he who searcheth the heart and tryeth the reines had smitten him that in everlasting kindness he mightly downe and sorrow be removed from him And as the compassionate one unvailed the man and understanding began to reside with him this was unto him as if life had enterd to the raising of him up above his former troubles like unto a woman for joy that a man was born into the world and remembring how he had been deceived for he could not but with greiffe of heart reflect back on that he began to have regard thereto in more bowedness of spirit least that he also should loose the fruition of so great mercie and therefore said Let me know thee O thou searcher of my heart that I may obey thee and deliver me from all my enemies and that was it which he was earnest for and had his eye at and hoped to enjoy but it was in a hasty mind out of true subjection and understanding as those of old time who said Lord wilt thou at this time restore the kingdom to Israel so apt is man to make hast and not to waite resignedly upon the Lord that his will might be don and work effected in the earth And it is to be noted for so it came to pass that as the man sunck downe or bowed before the Lord and breathed for the manifestation and teaching of his holy power and Spirit to effect and work there in his soule according to the good will of his owne tender goodness and compassion that the Lord further enlightned his understanding although contrary to his owne giveing him to see the darkness and confusion in which he was wrapped about as with a mantle and fetterd as with chaines of Iron where at fresh cause of lamentation and mourning arose in him in consideration of that enimitie disobedience and rebellion that he had lived in indayes by past against his maker for of this he was perswaded in his minde who before now thought that although he had not spent his time so citcumspectly or with such holy consideration and sobriety as he should or ought to have don yet far was it from him to think or beleeve that he had so far faln short of his dutie or so far been alienated from his Maker as now he began to be convinced that he had and was And concluded that it had been well for him to have remembred his Creator in the dayes of his youth and not to have spent soe much of his pretiouss time in such idleness vanitie according to the evill course of this world as he had don which if he had not hearkned unto nor inclined his heart to follow after but had sought after the Lord to know him according to his early visiting of him to return unto him to walk before him in his holy feare he had come to know with those which so do no great travell for it s said that wisdom preventeth those which earely seek her by first shewing her self unto them and he did really beleeve the same and hath since seen the fullfilling so it in many who hath sought after her betimes But as the Light of the Lord did arise and shine forth in him letting him to see things which differd from it this caused him to confess his guilt before the Lord he could in no wise deny or extenuate it for he read it in his owne conscience which stood as an everlasting record against him and now he thought him self in a more desperate and distressed condition then ever before for he could not speak for him self he could not call for mercie he was afraid to lift up his eyes to heaven the pressure of his owne iniquity lay so heavy upon him neither knew he how to eate or drinck possess or enjoy he was afraid and his feare increased day by day for understanding was given unto him and the revealation of his wretched and deploreable state in measure stood open and bare before him So gloriouss was the outgoings of the Lord in the removing the vayle of his heart so as if he needed not any one to accuse him or to lay things to his charge or to make him guilty in his owne eyes And as he saw him self at first deceived so now how forward he had been to yeild to the deceiver which stood as an aggravation of his former evils in which he had lived Thus saw he that he stood in covenant with hell and death and alienated from God in enmity and ungodlyness or as that of Salomon when he thus concluded I sayd in my heart concerning the estate of the
afraid to look upon God And the man sayd that he saw that his feet was not to be shod with his owne shoeing but with the preparation of the gosple of peace or he could not make streight steps with his feet on the holy ground And hee had read of some that turned a side like a deceitfull bow and that Josephs bow a bode in his strength and he was renowned and stood in a blessed and holy record amongst the antient worthyes of the Lord who thorow faith subdued Kingdoms of weake were made strong obtaineing throw faith a good report and the man said Well if the Lord will destroy me for ever my mouth is stopt he could not raise a defence for him self he dared not to complain for he had sind aganist him and saw that he must beare his indignation whither or not that ever he knew an end or redemption out of it His distress and miserie was great which those not acquainted with the judgments of the Lord that proceeds out of his mouth as consumering fire as David sayd can not beleeve although told unto them by those who have been acquainted with them and traveld through the way thereof But at last it pleased the Father of mercies according to the counsell of the working of the Lord in his wisdom and goodness to instruct the man and wrought in his minde to cause him to lye downe in his will and submit him self to the rod of his chasticeing hand which as he yeilded him self thereunto he felt some what working and enlargeing or opening it self unto his incouragement whereby he in some hopes began to say True and righteouss are thy Judgments and that if he perished everlastingly from beholding his face with joy and his salvation yet he must and would justify him and his righteouss judgments for ever more and after this he felt a joy to spring in him and to feel some Spirit to revive and did at some times seem as if he saw some glimpses of a great glory as a farr off and of a heavenly Arm and that there was salvation in it but could not get to it he thought if he could and therein continue that the winter would be past and the time of refreshing from the Lords presence would be come and the hearing of the voice of the turtle where in his teares would be wiped away according to the Prophet and that the sorrowing and sithing would flee away and instead thereof joy and rejoiceing would be which he longed for haveing some expectation or beleife in him that the antient Prophecies were many of them as really to be fullfilled in these latter dayes as ever they were at first spoken forth and that because of the unchangeable faithfullnes and goodness of the Lord. But now he rather ran into hast then to run the race which he saw in measure set before him and that was to waite for Gods salvation for without that manifestly he saw salvation he could never attain to seeing all his former wayes and courses proved ineffectuall to him and no wayes advantagious and he rejoyced in some measure and was glad in the beholding of it although it seemed to be and was a far of and not brought neere unto him and earnest he was to inherit it and not to ly in the fire for the utter consummation of the dross and thorow purgeing of the floor and so earnest indeed the man was and in hastines of Spirit that he had all most lost his submission to the will of the refiner and instead of wayting patiently upon him to hear what he would speak to him and to see what he would do for him who is the mighty Counseller and of whom he had read that he would speak comfortably to Jerusalem and peace to his people who feared his Name notwithstanding he was for takeing the Kingdom some thing of his old practise and endeavours not considering that he ought not to make hast nor to fly with the swift and cry as some did Nay wee will flee upon horses such whirling Notions men chose rather then to bow before the Lord that he might be exalted Lord and King over all his ever Now the race is not to the swift nor the battle to the strong thus the man had read and so there was another lesson that he was to learn and that was as an honest Prophet of the Lord once sayd In returning and in rest you shall be saved in quietness and confidence is your strength which the Apostle answerd unto when he sayd The Lord direct your hearts into the Love of God and into the patient waiting for Jesus Christ That he might know feel therein that the Lords Arm alone brought salvation and that he might have nought nor none to glory in but the Lord who for his owne mercie sake dothsave deliver Thus he was to turn off his hast and not to take the Kingdom by force but to feel the meek peacable Prince thereof to lead him into it and to give him therein a portion and priviledge amongst the Princes upon the Throne of judgment and mercie for ever And thus learned the man again to return in his minde into the enlightning opening light of the Lord which in his heart was as a fire and a flame and to resign up unto it to feel the effect thereof which he hoped might be at the last blessed and greatly advantagiouss to the stay and comfort of his then greived minde as others had enjoyed before him whom the Lord had lead by his owne right arm into a habitation of joy and salvation But nothwithstanding all this he againe fell to contriving of a speedy way and to wish for the enjoyment of that which before this time by way of incouragement had visited him to teach him that not by might nor strength but by the Spirit of the Lord and its holy leading and teaching he was to hope for and enjoy his deliverance And the voice sounded in his eares be still according to what he had read in Habbakuk Let all the earth keep silence before him Here upon he againe enclined to sinck downe in his Spirit unto the messenger of the Lords glorious holy power revealed with in him and there to abide and endure in patience of minde and Spirit for its holy purpose and work to be wrought in the earth that it also might be replenished and bring forth its encrease to the Lord. Whereupon he sayd O Lord lead me on in the way which is clearing for to the day of claering thou knowest that I have earnestly desired with desire of spirit to come and now I am in some measure come throw thy draweing by thy blessed hand held forth unto me O Lord God of mercie and compassion guide thou my feet and uphold me by thy free Spirit that in that thy holy way which is the way of the blessed and of the ransomed ones I may be kept and perserved Yet still againe and