and all ordinances and make the means of Grace ineffectual to thee Do they deprive thee of the good thou hast and deprive thee of the light of Gods countenance Do they cause the withdrawing of the light of Gods countenance O then what an evil thing is it for thee to be angry with thy Husband or thy Wife upon every trifle Thus I have opened the great evil of contentions between Husband and Wife in shewing the evil effect of their anger and discord between each other 2. Consider O Husband or O Wife Anger is a sore evil because thy angry fits of passion do grieve the spirit of God Though by venting the froth of thy froward passionate spirit thou may'st please thy self yet thou grievest the Holy Spirit It is an ill thing to grieve thy friend and indeed none are more grievous to their dearest Friends and nearest Relations than froward and passionate people When thy Friend comes to thy Family and sees thee in a froward and passionate temper it grieves him and thou grievest the heart of thy Husband It may be also he goes and complains of it to God and thou grievest thy Friend and he complains of it but this is worst of all thou grievest the spirit of God When thou art in a fit of passion the Spirit of God goes away to Heaven sadly as it is in Ephes 4.30 31. And grieve not the holy Spirit of God Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamour and evil speaking be put away from you with all malice The Apostle unto that command grieve not the Spirit immediately subjoyneth this let all bitterness c. be put away intimating that otherwise they could not cease from grieving the Holy Spirit Here are mentioned various degrees of anger and every one of them doth grieve the Spirit By bitterness of Spirit is understood the lowest degree of sinfui anger and also by Bitterness is understood all secret smothered displeasure and alienation of affection which hath more of discontent and grudge than of revenge The next degree is wrath or fierceness of Spirit which is an impetuous rage and passionate commotion of the heart and affections upon the sense of an apprehended injury preventing and obstructing the use of reason and in some it grows to a desire of revenge and a fixed resolution after deliberation to have that desire satisfied In some anger breaks out into boisterous words loud menaces and other inordinate speeches which are the black smoak whereby the fire of anger and wrath kindled within first manifests it self and then anger proceeds to evil speaking uttering disgraceful and contumelious speeches by which the party incensed doth endeavour to stain the reputation of him who hath seemed to have offered him or her a wrong Of this sort was Saul's anger 1 Sam. 20.30 Now all and every degree of anger doth grieve the Holy Spirit of God and darken much the Work of Grace in the heart there being no sins more opposite to the fruits of the spirit mentioned in Gal. 5.22 Then those sins are so that where such sins are given way Grace must needs be on the decaying hand O the prevalency of sinful passion is very injurious to the Spirit of God! it grieves the Spirit so much that he will withdraw his motions his guidance assistance and comforts from angry persons O then if thou would'st not grieve the Spirit of God lay aside all bitteresns wrath and anger c. Consider what an heinous evil anger wrath and frowardness of Spirit is Thou dost not only by thy passion grieve thy Friend or near Relation but also the Spirit of God and wilt thou be so ungrateful as to grieve that Spirit that hath done thee so much good that is appointed by the Father and by Jesus Christ to be thy Comforter even the Comforter of thy Spirit If thou hadst an ingenious Spirit thou would'st think it an ill thing to grieve thy Friend and if thou hearest thou hast done that which hath grieved him in will grieve thee exceedingly O then how should it trâ—uble thee and grieve thee that when thou art in an angry passion thou dost grieve the dearest Friend thou hast in the world thou dost grieve the holy Spirit of God 3. O Husband or O wife by thy giving way to excessive anger thou dost give place to the Devil Ephes 4.27 Thou dost cast open the doors to Sathan the capital enemy of thy Soul to enter thy heart and incite thee by his uncessant suggestions to act some mischief As Sathan is dethroned and shut out of the hearts of all true believers and though he shall never reign over them at his pleasure yet he is daily watching searching out if it were but the narrowest passage and least opportunity whereby he may again re-enter his old possession and exercise his former Tyranny and where excessive or sinful anger is not only given way to but also continued in there doth Sathan get an open door to settle himself in the heart and exercise his power by inciting the person guilty to commit more wickedness A furious angry person is the prey of Sathan for this raging passion having put out the eye of an angry persons reason Sathan makes him a fit instrument for his own business so that unadvised anger is a notable means that Sathan useth to work some persons destruction for when once rage hath blinded the eye of reason he can easily lead a person into a gulph of all wickedness O then if thou dost permit anger to rage in thy Spirit if thou dost nourish thy froward humour and art so often contending with thy Husband or with thy Wife thou dost gratifie thy self exceedingly thou dost do as he would have thee thou dost give him a welcom entertainment in thy heart Alas how canst thou fancy such a monstrous Fiend as to comply with his suggestions Be not so vile a wretch as to be kind to the mortal enemy of thy Soul His design is to have thee angry and so contentious that he may hinder the exercise of thy reason and so make thee unreasonable in thy actions O then when thy anger begins to rise suppress it with this consideration If I give way to my anger I please no one but the Devil all others except the Devil are displeased with my anger and frowardness That act must needs be dreadfully evil which the Devil doth rejoyce in the doing of What a sad wretch wilt thou evidence thy self to be in despising the counsel of God and following the Devils God bids thee not to be of an hasty spirit but to forgive the trespasses of thy Brother and the Devil tells thee Be not such a fool as to pass by such wrongs or suffer such opposition and wilt thou slight God to hearken to the Devil shall the Devil prevail more with thee than God Wilt thou shut the door of thy heart against God and open it to let in Satan Then thou makest thy self a Child of
they are angry and displeased with than immoderate and common anger Frequency of Husbands and Wives passionate fits mightily blazeth abroad and discovereth their shame and folly which occasioneth their contempt as Wisdom causeth Honour and Respect When Husbands and Wives anger and the effects thereof clamorous brawling and sometimes fighting are usual and common as well for trifles as weighty matters persons do desperately contemn both when they have no hope to prevent either If thou O Husband or O Wife would'st have the better'dness of thy displeasure have any effectual operation upon the mind of the party with whom thou art displeased for the purging away faults and vices thou must manifest thy displeasure as the Physicians administer strong Physick only upon extraordinary cases for if Physick be commonly taken it will have no extraordinary effect If thou dost habituate thy self to the use of Physick in a common way as thou dost thy food it will not benefit thee in times of sickness so if thy anger be frequent and common it will neither do good to thy self or another it will not be regarded The frequent brawlings of an angry person do but make him the scorn of others That person that will not let pass any rumour or report that is spread of him or her without reasonings and stir doth expose him or her self to the more reproach for they that cannot rule their own spirits deserve no respect because as Solomon saith Prov. 25.28 He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a City broken down and without walls who is able to defend himself against no assaults therefore every one slights him 7. If an Husband or Wife doth manifest much passion frowardness and discontent against the other the prevailing of such corrupt humours will hinder the angry froward and discontented contentious wrangling person from doing any good A person in a froward temper is exceedingly indisposed to any good work When thou wilt seem to aim at the glory of God and yet wilt shew thy self very passionate know God hath no need of thy wrath It is true he hath need of thy Zeal but that is not thy wrath and passion to break out in outragious speeches or railing bitter language God hath no need of this wrath of man Let persons have never such excellent parts yet they will not be able to do any good almost if they be froward but they are like unto a Candle wet with salt Brine they spit up and down and are very unuseful in the places where they live 1. The prevailing of anger in any persons the indulging and gratifying an humorous spirit indisposeth them to do good to themselves Angry persons will be averse to commune with their own hearts and to consider their own ways or to search out their own disorders of life The Wife is so transported with disgust against her Husband that she apprehends to have displeased her that she can think of nothing or talk of nothing but what may vilifie or reproach her Husband she will not do so much good to her self as to try whether those carriages correspond with the Divine rule whether she can justifie what she saith or doth to her Husband by a warrant from Gods word She will not consider whether she hath not been transported into indiscreet and indecent excesses or whether she would not have condemned such violent heats in another as she hath manifested What I speak of one Sex here I intend of both so I proceed Peoples frowardness and passion hinders them from doing good to themselves as to farther the convincing themselves of the evil that they have done and bringing them to repentance for it And wilt thou then dare indulge thy angry passions that make thee uncapable of doing thy self good Most men aim at self-interest self-advantage and self-applause but thou by thy passions dost disable thy self from doing any act advantagious to thy self either to promote thy spiritual good present profit or present credit Surely that temper of spirit must needs be very evil that hinders thee from doing good to thy self 2. Thy frowardness and angry passion thy contentious wrangling spirit hinders from doing any spiritual good it indisposeth thee for performance of any spiritual duty to God it makes thee averse to converse with God and unfit to serve God in a right manner it is an hindrance of holy Prayer Angry persons cannot call upon God in a serious spiritual manner because their hearts are carnal earthy and poysoned with self-love nor will God hear them if they call upon him Anger hinders persons in all ordinances it makes them the most unfit persons in the world for to pray therefore the Apostle saith in the 1 Tim. 2.8 I will therefore that men pray every where How lifting up holy hands but without wrath O Husband or O Wife thou must be sure when thou liftest up thine hands to prayer that there be no wrath in thy spirit that thou do not go to prayer in a passion Angry passionate Prayers are vain Prayers The Lord loveth zeal and much warmth of affection in prayer but he cannot abide wrath or the least spark of passion in prayer a peaceable heart is as necessary in prayer as a pure hand When a Wife coming to God in prayer hath I know not what wrathful disputes within her self against her Husband how can she look for a gracious acceptance with God the like may be said of the Husband Will the Lord be pleased with those that nourish secret displeasure against their nearest Relation No no furious and unquiet thoughts must be laid down by those that would have favour with God and compassions from God If persons would compass Gods Altar and there offer up the Sacrifice of Prayer and Thanksgiving they must first wash their hands in innocency Ps 26.6 And our Saviour Christ commandeth that before persons offer any gift unto the Lord that they seek to be reconciled to the party with whom they are displeased Mat. 5.23 So long therefore as any continue in their anger they are unfit to pray and this appears most manifestly in the fifth Petition of the Lords Prayer where we desire to be forgiven as we forgive Mat. 6.12 And again our Saviour Christ doth single this out of all the other Petitions but if you will not forgive men their trespasses no more will your Father forgive your trespasses They who are suing for and expecting favour and mercy from God have need to discharge themselves of all wrath and displeasure towards men And the Apostle Peter in the 1 Ep. 3.7 exhorts Man and Wife to live together in love that their prayers be not interrupted Jarrings between such Relations do hinder their praying together to any good purpose therefore if you would be fit to go to God together for mercy and favour beware that you carry no wrath in your hearts towards one another for then you will be sent empty away And is not that a very great evil
the Devil and not a Child of God and in thy rage and fury dost resemble the Devil who g es about like a roaring Lyon seeking whom he may devour 4. Persons by their sinful anger their contentious wrangling and frowardness of spirit do subject themselves to the wrath of God and bring his curse upon them yea their anger brings upon them even in this life the dreadful effects of Gods anger O thou angry Husband or angry Wife if thou dost not repent thee of thy sinful anger frowardness hastiness and touchiness of spirit upon every trivial occasion God will deal with thee in his anger as thou would'st deal with thy Husband or Wife in thy anger for as we forgive others so doth God forgive us If therefore thou retain thine anger towards thine Husband God will retain his anger towards thee The Lord acteth the part of an Umpire to make up breaches heal differences and make reconciliation between Relations but if either of them be so stiff and contentious that he or she will not be reconciled what doth that party else but by froward behaviour and obstinate stiffness refusing the Lords arbitrement and determination make God his enemy Eliphaz tells Job cap. 5.2 Wrath killeth the foolish man That may be taken two ways very true the wrath of God kills or destroys the wrathful rash and inconsiderate man that hath no true government of himself for anger resteth in the bosom of fools Eccles 7.9 or the angry man kills himself his own wrath is as a Knife to his throat and as a Sword in his own bowels Wrath properly is anger inveterate Wrath is a long anger When a man or woman is set upon it when the Spirit is steeped or soaked in anger then it is wrath but in this place I conceive it notes a fervent heat and distemper of Spirit presently breaking forth or an extreme vexation fretting or disquieting within as in Psal 112.10 The wicked shall see it and be grieved That is he shall have secret indignation in himself to see matters go so he shall gnash with his teeth and melt away Gnashing of the teeth is caused by the vexing of the heart and therefore said he shall melt away which notes an extreme heat within so that a persons wrath makes him or her melt away as we say of a person furiously vex'd it melos his or her grease with chafing This is an effect of Divine displeasure whereby God in judgment doth suffer peoples wrath to be so vexatious to them that it makes their lives a continual death to them and at last so weary and wast their spirits that they die for very grief and except the Lord be merciful to them and the death of Christ heal the wounds that their anger and impatiency have made they will murder their own Souls for ever frowardness and anger is a persons sin and torment For People tare themselves in their anger Job 18.4 The more fretful people are the more miserable do they make themselves Those that are of wrathful spirits will certainly feel some degrees of the wrath of God either in this life or in the life to come That must needs be hurtful yea mortal to men that carries in it a resistance to the immortal God Some anger is not only grief for the opposition that persons meet with but a kind of stomacking at God who permits them to be opposed or crossed and tho' they do not confess it to be so yet the spirit of God knows it to be so Now know that the wrath of man against man is a sin which God will punish with further wrath God will powre out wrath upon wrathful persons and it appears that the wrath of man stirs up God to punish man if we observe what the Apostle saith in Gal. 5.15 If ye bite and devour one another What is this biting and devouring that is every act which is opposite to that love which God commands us to exercise towards our Neighbour or our near and dear Relation is a biting and devouring We bite and devour one another when we are unkind wrathful and vexatious one to another See what follows as the effect of their passionate and froward carriages one to another Take heed ye be not consumed one of another Take heed lest by walking so unlike Christians and so unanswerable to the Law of Gospel-love you provoke God to kindle such a fire among you and in you as may prove an utter consumption When Husbands and Wives are not careful to walk together in love as Christ hath loved us God sometimes as an evidence of his wrath and displeasure gives them up to a spirit of contention and their breaches are like the Sea which cannot be healed Their cruel and harsh dealings which are yet but to the vexing and healing of one anothers spirits or to devouring and eating one anothers credit may provoke such Judgments as shall destroy their Persons Families and Estates until nothing be left Thus peoples peevish froward and angry carriages to such as are their nearest Relations provoke God to execute revenges on them When an Husband or Wife is fierce towards the other God is angry with that person and will not suffer that person to live in peace who hath so much love to dissention and this Judgment of God upon persons is both the fore-runner and demonstration of further yea the final Judgment And so saith Solomon in Prov. 19.19 A man of great wrath shall suffer punishment And Christ denounceth great Judgment against unadvised anger in Mat. 5.22 He that is angry with his brother without cause is in danger of judgment intimating that rash anger is a capital offence and doth bring a person under the severe sentence of Gods Judgment In the latter part of the verse Christ saith That if a persons anger break out in disrespectful speeches the sin is the more capital because such an one gives words of disdain Whosoever shall say to his brother Racha shall be in danger of the Councel but if anger and disdain proceed so far as to reproach a brother yet more despightfully and call him Fool then that person shall be in danger of Hell-fire Consider then O Husband or O Wife the dreadful effects of thine anger wrath and frowardness It subjects thee to the wrath of God and Oh! what punishments what consuming judgments doth Gods wrath bring forth The wrath of God may be specificated into any Judgment it produceth every evil If Gods wrath be kindled but a little if it be but as a spark it will quickly grow up to a flame and consume all as in Numb 16.46 Moses bids Aaron hast to make the Attonement for saith he wrath is gone out from the Lord the Plague is begun But know the wrath of God is not a passion in him but an action towards man He acts as men when they are angry but he suffers nothing by his anger He smites and wounds and pulls down and destroys
Apostle prescribeth humility as an Antidote against strife and contention and a sovereign mean for attaining unto and entertaining of union and peace But where pride is predominant men and women walk so as that they care not to give content to any body but themselves in the Family they must have all the content and no body else be pleased Certainly an humble Spirit is much freer from angry passions than any other because as an humble person is not willing to give offence to any so is not ready to take offence from others for it is pride of spirit to be ready to take offence from others upon every trifle and by this means persons prove to be very burdensom to others The ground of a proud persons taking offence is this because they think that every body must say as they say and do as they do else they cry out that they are always opposed and because they think their own judgments best and such a thing is better therefore others must do it and if they do not then they are lofty then they are proud and stout and break out into unseemly speeches be inflamed with passion evidencing that they are under the tyranny of their pride So that there is no preventing of anger contention between Husband Wife without the mortification of their Pride 4. Another direction to prevent siâ—ful anger and hot contests between Husband and Wife is that thou dost consider that God is merciful and gracious slow to anger and abundant in kindness Exod. 34.6 And as he is not easily provoked to anger so being provoked his anger lasteth not long for he will not always chide nor keep his anger for ever Psal 103. 8 9. The Lord with much lenity suffereth the vessels ordained to destruction how long did he suffer the old world how loath was he to strikeâ— if in and hundred twenty years he could have reclaimed them he would have forborn them 1 Pet. 3.20 The measure of his grace and mercy towards us is daily boundless and exceeding all measure He forgiveth us every moment much more than we can possibly be wronged of men yea he forgiveth that person that injureth us much more than we can forgive him O then if thou wilt evidence thy self to be a Child of God must thou not labour to express his Virtues This is that the Apostle exhorts Col. 3.12 13. Put on therefore as the elect of God holy and beloved bowels of mercy kindness humbleness of mind meekness long-suffering forbearing one another If any man have a quarrel against any even as Christ forgave you even so do ye He recommendeth the practice of meekness and long-suffering which consists in bearing with and pardoning of even real injuries done by others and persuadeth to it from Christs example in pardoning us The example of God and Christ is a most convincing pattern for exciting us to pardon and forgive on another if we consider either the greatness of those wrongs which he pardoneth Isa 1.18 or our baseness who do injure him Isa 40.17 22. or his omnipotency to right himself of the wrongs done unto him Mat. 10.28 Dost thou O Husband or O Wife stand in need of forgiveness and wilt thou not forgive thy Husband or thy Wife shall God forgive thee infinite sins and wilt thou not pass by one offence dost thâ—n stand in deed of a sea of mercy for the washing away thy many foul offences and wilt thou not let one drop fall upon thy Husband or thy Wife to forbear or forgive in trifling wrongs Certainly if Husbands and Wives would but seriously consider these things it would make all quarrellings and contentions between them to cease O what little cause hast thou then to manifest a furious spirit against thy Husband or thy Wife for every trifle seeing God doth not deal furiously with thee for great offences O that these considerations might prevent Husbands and Wives raging against and falling out one with another for the time to come 5. If thou would'st keep thy spirit quiet and free from furious passions when any thing is done by thy Husband or thy Wife that is contrary to thy mind and doth much displease look up to the hand of God and acknowledge the Providence of God without which not the least grief or injury could befall thee for even the least is a portion of that Cup which the hand of God reacheth out to thee to drink of Job looked not at the Sabeans and Thieves that took away his Goods but at the hand of God The Lord hath taken away blessed be his name Job 1.21 22. He was satisfied that God willed that in righteousness and justice which they acted with so much cruelty and injustice David's looking up to God when Shimei cursed him quieted his spirit and restrained his anger So in Psal 39.9 I was dumb and opened not my mouth O Lord because thou didst it He doth neither manifest forwardness nor discontent because he took notice of the hand of God Joseph did not vent his passion against his Bretheren for selling him to the Ishmeelites but kept himself in a calm frame of spirit by considering this it was God that sent me hither A godly man cannot be angry at the doing or speaking of that which pleaseth God to order the speaking or doing of because he knows he is bound to submit to the will of God And thy only observing of the person that doth in any way displease thee and not considering that God hath an hand in all things that befall thee is the cause that thou art so often transported with furious passions An observation that God hath an hand in all things that befall thee is as water to quench the inflamation of thy angry passions This persuasion That God seeth cause for all the wrongs that thou dost suffer is many ways forceable to move thee unto patience For 1. If thou dost look to the hand of God in those things that distast thee it will constrain thee to confess that all thy chastisements are just far less than thy sins have deserved for indeed all the opposition that thou hast from thy Husband or thy Wife is in some measure a rebuke of God against some miscarriage of thine And God in permitting thee to be exercised with such things as do very much distast thy spirit doth do thee no wrong because 't is not commensurate to the merit of thy sin For indeed such crosses and provocations as thou dost meet with from thy Husband or thy Wife are but light to a gracious heart and if not so light to thee as to others yet but momentory but thy sins have deserved infinite and eternal punishments If therefore the Lord use those earthly rods to correct thy sins thou should'st rather admire his mercy than be angry at so gentle chastisements If thou didst but consider that the hand of God is in every thing whereby thy Husband or thy Wife displeaseth thee thou would'st
see that the manner of the Lords dealing with thee is tender and compassionate Psal 25.10 All the ways of the Lord are Mercy and Truth to them that fear him and keep his Testimonies When thou deservest to be cut down root and branch and cast into unquenchable fire he doth only lop and prune thee to make thee more fruitful Therefore if the matter be well weighted thou hast more cause to be thankful than to be offended Consider with thy self when any word is spoken or any act done by thy Husband or by thy Wife that hath a tendency to discompose thee and say It is the will of God to afflict me in my Wife or in my Husband O but this is not the full desert of my sin this is not Hell I deserve severer dealings from God than these and this will suppress thine anger that it break not out 3. Consider when thou dost meet with any matter of provocation from thy Husband or thy Wife that God in his infinite Wisdom will dispose of every thing for thy good if thou dost love God Rom. 8.28 Why then should'st thou vex thy self with anger seeing God will turn the injuries wrongs crossings and slightings of thy Husband or thy Wife into blessings Therefore when any wrong is offered thee which thou canst not by any just and lawful means avoid Do thou say with our Saviour Christ John 18.11 Should I not drink of the Cup that my Father hath provided for me should I be angry with the Cup because the Physick is bitter or with the hand whereby it is conveyed to me My Heavenly Father correcteth me for my good and amendment I will not therefore be angry with whom I am beaten but rather look to the principal hand that layeth the chastisement upon me and the happy fruit that brings with it and thus thâ—u may'st keep down the risings of thine anger when thy Husband or thy Wife doth distast thee 1. If thou dist observe the hand of God in any contradiction that thou hast from thy Husband or Wife which might make thee angry thou would'st acknowledge that the present course that God takes with thee to be best for that is always best which is ordered by God who is infinitely good and in all his dispensations is communicating of some good one way or other to his Creatures As God is most wise so his prescriptions are most safe and healthful Now 2. there is good cause why thou should'st cease to be angry for crosses wrongs and injuries for otherwise thou wilt be angry with Gods disposing of his Providences resist thine own profit and chuse rather to please thy pallat though to thy greater torment aftewards than to preserve thy health and peace O then say to thy self Hath God an hand in permitting my Wife to shew me such disrespect or in permitting my Husband to be unkind to me Is it then my fretting or raging against my Husband or my Wife an evidence that I am displeased with God for permitting such an act When thou art vexed that thou art related to such an one as an Husband thou art offended with Gods appointment And when thou dost wish that thou hadst never been related to him as thy Husband thou dost in truth desire God to break thy Relation to him by his death but know that God seldom gratifies the desires of such humoursom persons and commonly those that long for the death of another do die first themselves Such considerations as these well settled on thy heart cannot but quiet and pacifie thy Soul in the midst of manifold provocations 6. I thou would'st keep peace and amity between thy self and Husband or between thy self and Wife turn thine anger upon thy self not to tear thy self but to consider and reprove thy self for thine own miscarriages a just indignation against the sin of thine own Soul restraineth carnal anger from breaking forth against another For whosoever is zealous against the errors and disorders of his or her own life shall not find time to jar and contend with others for petty injuries and wrongs Experience sheweth that the greatest heat abroad is accompanied with the least at home A true sight of thine own faults will shew thee so much cause to be displeased with thy self that thou wilt have little leisure and less cause to be displeased with thy Husband or with thy Wife Thou think'st thy self ill dealt with by thy Husband but if thou considerest thine own sins thou wilt find that thou hast dealt worse with God than thy Husband hath dealt with thee and this is an excellent means to prevent thy being angry with thy Husband and make thee angry with thy self My Husband hath offended me and I have offended God God forbears manifesting anger against me and why should not I forbear mine anger against my Husband O then when thou hast received any seeming injuries from thy Husband before thou dost let forth thine anger against him ask thine own conscience Am I clear from offering the like injuries or greater to my Husband and how many times have I offended God much more If thou would'st thus speak to thine own conscience in the presence of God thou would'st not be so easily incited to anger seeing thou thy self dost many things that need pardon And thy greater faults might serve to excuse those that are less in thy Husband if thou would'st but look upon them for thou could'st not without blushing be angry with those faults in thy Husband for which thou shalt need to crave pardon thy self If thou didst truly judge that by thy sins committed against God thou hast deserved not only contumelies wrongs but also the eternal death of thy Body and Soul thou could'st not be easily provok'd to anger upon every trifling occasion nor think it any great disparagement to endure lesser injuries seeing thou hast deserved greater 7. If thou would'st suppress thine anger and live in a sweet harmony and peace with thy Husband or with thy Wife endeavour to get thy heart more desirous of and affected with spiritual and heavenly things that thou may'st have thy conversation in Heaven and have thy heart always in a spiritual frame Such a conversation and such a frame of spirit will make thee tread under-feet all vain and transitory things which concern this life because the Treasures that the Faith of an heavenly Christian discovers are more excellent and durable than any thing this world affordeth the preferment it longeth after is not of an earthly nature the riches it coveteth are above as for the things of this life an heavenly Christian doth not desire much delighteth not in much and consequently is not much disturbed with unquietness nor incensed with anger when crossed in them for by living in Heaven by Faith a persons spirit is well ballasted and made steady and Heaven is above all storms and tempests and the more thou dost converse there the less stormy is thy heart thou would'st not then trouble thy self
in thy memory for thy memory is not to be filled with trash and all occasions of enmity and discord should be put out of thy mind as in Levit. 19.18 When things done by thy Husband or Wife are not of any consequence rather let him or her know that thou dost not take notice of them But if thou wilt be taking notice of or offended with every thing that is done or spoken it is impossible but there will be a great deal of disturbance between thy self and Husband 12. If thou hast an angry Husband or an angry Wife and yet after all the means thou hast used to prevent his or her angry passions yet if he or she remain froward and contentious upon every trifle then observe this rule That thou resolve to walk before thy Husband or thy Wife in a convincing way Thy Wife is of a troublesom Spirit and wrests every word that thou speakest and gives thee railing and reviling speeches thou canst not in any way meddle with her but thou dost foul thy fingers yet resolve with thy self that thou wilt not render her reviling for reviling and though she be froward yet thou wilt not deal frowardly with her Say within thy self I will do what I can to convince her in a constant way of Good of Holiness Justice and Righteousness it may be I may melt her heart that way I am resolved whatever evil she doth to me I will do good to her Here is a peaceable Spirit indeed and this is the way to keep peace between thy self and Wife When means have been tried to quiet her Spirit yet it cannot be done yet walk convincingly before her and a convincing conversation in a few months may prevail with her heart more than all the means that thou hast used Take but this course and thou wilt find in some time that the bitterness of her Spirit will be allayed O then wait on the Lord keep his way walk strictly and inoffensively and commit thy cause to God and in time all the stirs and clamours of thy Wife will vanish away and come to nothing and she will be at last convinced and say that thou art a faithful Servant of God 13. If thou would'st live in peace with thy Husband or thy Wife be much in secret prayer earnestly importuning God that he would mortifie thy angry passions Prayer is an excellent spiritual help to prevent frowardness and discord between Husband and Wife Thou may'st cry out of the contentions that are between thy self and Husband of the bitterness of his Spirit and that he is an offence to thee but I appeal this day in the name of God to thy conscience what time hast thou spent in secret prayer to make thy moan to God to complain to God in secret between God and thy Soul Perhaps when thou art in more publick Prayer thou may'st pray God to heal the breaches betwixt thee and thy Husband or thy Wife but when thou hast been in secret hast thou powred out thy heart with earnest prayer that God would find out means of reconciliation Say unto the Lord. There is a great distance between my self and Wife or between my self and Husband and I find all means that I use ineffectual to make up the breaches between us But Lord thou knowest how to still the rage of my Wifes spirit thou knowest how to compose differences between us Do it Lord I humbly pray thee Oh I pray thee O gracious God to vouchsafe the assistance of thy Spirit to subdue mine anger or my Wifes anger that both our affections may be so ruled and sanctified that they being freed from natural corruption may be made fit and serviceable for the setting forth of thy glory and the mutual good peace and comfort of each other and the furthering one anothers Salvation This is the most excellent means to prevent frowardness and contention between Husband and Wife for it is only the water of the Spirit and the Shield of Faith which is able to quench the fury of our passions of which Prayer is the chief means of obtaining and then we shall find that what cannot be done at all by our strength and skill may be easily done by Gods assistance and direction Thus O Husband and O Wife I have given several directions how you may prevent anger and discord between each other And O that the Lord would give you hearts to follow them And therefore let me give you some arguments to press you to use those helps and directions for the restraining and suppressing your angry passions and that very briefly 1. Thou should'st take care to use means to suppress and prevent thy angry passions because the furiousness and disquiet of a persons spirit hinders that person from Communion with God it keeps him or her from intimacy with and comfortable enjoyments of God As God forbids men Prov. 22.24 to make any friendship with an angry person neither to go with a furious man lest they learn his ways and receive destruction to their Souls That is avoid the company of those who are angry and cholerick lest by a certain contagion they poyson thee with their passions Indeed so will God withdraw from such as he commands us to withdraw from and should'st thou not watch against evil that will make thee to be without God in the world 'T is sad indeed to do any thing to cause the withdrawments of God for as soon as God departs from a Soul the Devil visits it therefore it is said That a giving way to wrath is a giving place to the Devil Oh what a miserable exchange is this and what a sad loss is it to lose God! and when God is driven away by the excess of angry passions there is a loss of that sweet and holy disposition of Soul which ought to be in every Christian and is in every one that walketh in peace and fellowship with God in true peace of conscience As there is required reconciliation with God and a sense of his love so likewise a freedom from the hurry of boisterous passions and a calmness of spirit which is a necessary qualification in the subject capable to hold Communion with God and receive the beams of his favour O consider this seriously Dost thou think it nothing to be without the blessing of God Alas then thou losest Gods protection and guidance in times of danger who then shall help thee in thy streights or direct thee in times of darkness and doubtings when the Original of all Power and the Fountain of all Wisdom hath left thee Indeed if thou let thy angry passions to rage upon every trifling occasion thou dost not only provoke God to be gone from thee but to be gone in distast 'T is sad when God conceals himself but a little while from a poor Soul and clouds his presence a little while A gracious Soul cannot bear a little withholding of God from it when he lets out no intimations of displeasure but
how terrible are the withdrawments of God when he withdraws in high displeasure and thou knowest not whether he will ever return again in mercy or not And it is said in 2 Sam. 22.27 And with the froward thou wilt shew thy self unsavory The Hebrew hath it With the perverse thou behavest thy self as one turned about and that the very thoughts of God will be unsavory and unpleasant thoughts to them Angry froward persons shall not have the least discovery or sense of Gods love while they are in their fits nor much at other times because an angry froward frame of spirit is an abomination to the Lord Prov. 3.32 chap. 8.13 11.20 ' As frowardness causeth strife between the nearest Relations so it makes contention between God and the Soul The angry froward person opposeth God and God opposeth that person So that hence it appears that thou hast abundant cause and reason to use all possible means to restrain and suppress thy angry passions because they hinder thee from enjoying the divine Presence and the hlessed discoveries of divine Favour 2. Thou should'st take great care to restrain and suppress thy angry passions and hasty frowardness of spirit because as they prevail thy actings are as contrary to true grace as any thing almost that thou canst think of and truly there may be a great deal of suspicion whether thou hast true Grace or no. I conceive there may be some Analogy between a Nazarite and a gracious Soul It is said in Numb 6.2 That the Nazarites were to separate themselves unto the Lord. They were to be separated from the ordinary course of that they might more freely and wholly dedicate themselves to the service of God and to a more strict and pure course of serving God than other men used and indeed God confined them to strict rules They were to abstain from any thing that did belong to the Vine hereby also signifying a full and perfect renouncing all worldly pleasures or any thing tending thoreunto intimating that they were not only to abstain from all evil but all appearances of evil 1 Thes 5.22 All the outward Ceremonies injoyn'd them were but Types of inward Holiness I take notice of one thing injoyned them which is most especially to my purpose which is That they should drink no Vinegar of Wine or any other strong Liquor that was to signifie that they must not be of Vinegar Spirits of sower and eager Spirits but of of quiet Spirits of loving and meek Spirits Now all the Saints of God they are Nazarites As Christ was a Nazarite so all that are Christs are Nazarites seperated from others to be the Lords people The Lord separates the godly man for himself as in Psal 4.3 But know that the Lord hath set apart him that is godly for himself and they must not be of harsh and hot Spirits but should be adorned with this lovely amiable grace of meekness so that a hasty froward and passionate Spirit is directly opposite to a meek patient and quieâ— Spirit and if there be any grace in a furious person it is rak'd up under a great deal of ashes of corruption that it is not easily discerned Now the opposition that anger and frowardness bears to Grace appears 1. If thou dost consider what it is that Grace doth in the heart when it first comes the first thing is to shew unto the Soul it s own vileness it s own wretchedness and baseness by sin and the danger that it is in through sin Now a froward passionate heart is very contrary to the sight of its own baseness and vileness for thou canst not see thy self to be a base vile sinful worm and yet bear nothing that is against thee but presently thy heart is in a flame if any thing doth cross thee for thou could'st not be so angry if thou didst not think thy self too great and too good to be crossed 2. When Grace comes into the heart it brings the heart into subjection unto God and unto another rule than it walked by before That 's a principal work of Grace to subdue the heart of a sinner unto God The hearts of sinners are naturally stout and rebellious against God and goes on in a stubborn way till Grace comes and lays them under but a froward and passionate heart would be indeed above God and any of his rules It cannot keep it self under and lie in subjection unto rule and hence is the reason that froward and passionate people use to have such expressions I will nay but I will and I care not their hearts are subdued to the authority of God But the heart that is subdued to the Lord bring it but a Scripture and it yields presently but a froward Spirit is not so How contrary then is frowardness to Grace I might instance in many other particulars but I shall be too large then O then is passion and frowardness so opposite to Grace doth it either hinder the working of grace in the heart or at least weaken yea smother grace that it is almost extinguish'd tho' not totally yet so as it is not easily discernable Dost thou not then see great reason to use all means to mortifie thy passions 3. Thou should'st use thy utmost endeavours to mortifie thy passions and live in peace with thy Husband or thy Wife because thou dost manifest a truly noble and generous Spirit if thou would'st pass by offences without manifesting anger and frowardness of Spirit To this effect speaks Solomon Prov. 19.11 It is the Glory of a man to pass by a transgression that is not to manifest an angry displeasure for an offence that another doth him And so we say when we restrain our anger against another for any thing done amiss I will pass you by for this time I will not take any severe notice of what you have done O it is an honourable thing to bridle anger when a person is offended to wink at smaller infirmities and remit greater wrongs Generous Spirits are as it were impenetrable by offences yea a Spirit truly elevated a generous and noble Soul is always quiet moderate and grave never suffering it self to be transported with the violent motions of choler Certainly a meek person hath a magnanimous and heroick Spirit See what the wise man saith in Prov. 16.32 He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty and he that ruleth his Spirit than he that taketh a City He that overcometh himself is stronger than one that overcometh a City Now it is a glorious thing for a Souldier to overcome a City but one that can overcome his own passion is more valiant and hath a more excellent Spirit than one that overcomes a great City And so some Creatures that are more heroical are more meek and gentle than others are The Lion is of a more generous Spirit than the Wolf is The more honourable any one is the more he is of a peaceable disposition and his anger is
undergo Gods Curss for discovering your Husbands nakedness as your Parents for your Husbands are nearer Relations to you then your Parents Therefore if you would do good to your Husbands by any advice and counsel that you do respectfully give them do not publish their failings unto others 7. If you would reclaim your Husbands from any evil way to a faithful walking in the ways of God your orderly and regular Conversation is the most effectual means of gaining them and winning upon them 1 Pet. 3.1 2. Likewise ye wives be in subjection to your own husbands that if any obey not the word they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives which they behold your chast conversation coupled with fear◠By this means they might by Gods blessing prevail with their Husbands to conform to the Gospel Rule when they can mark nothing but chastity and holiness to their Wives Conversations Now winning Conversation doth consist 1. In a Reverend Esteem of the Husband as one placed by the Lord in a degree of Superiority above her Likewise ye Wives be in Subjection to your own Husbands for know that the Sin of an Husband doth not exempt the Wife from her duty but rather tie her the more strictly to the duty of Subjection Wicked Husbands observing the dutiful carriage of their Wives to them notwithstanding they have been very unkind to their Wives will be brought to believe some excellency in Religion that doth enable them so to do so by degrees attain a liking of Religion and endeavour to be Religious 2. A chaist Conversation coupled with Fear as in the second Verse there is no part of a Christians Conversation so prevalent to gain others to fall in love with Religion as that wherein the duties we owe to others in the Relation we have to them do shine for these two first Chastity which is the main duty in Reference to the manifesting of the faithfulness of the Wife to the Husband and fear which signifies the Reverence the Wife ows to the Husband as her Superior whereby she is affraid to displease him These I say are the qualities of a Christian Conversation which the spirit of God condiscends to intimate as most prevalent to gain Evil Husbands to fall in Love with Religion When an Husband observes the modesty chastity and faithfulness of his Wife the care she hath to please him in all lawful things and her watchfulness to avoid every thing that may distast him It will influence him very much to like Religion which prompts her to such an obliging Conversation 3. In order to attaining this winning conversation whereby Wives might reclaim their Husbands from sin by their outward carriages they should take great care to attain a right frame of Spirit to have their inward man adorned with meekness and peaceableness of spirit as in 1 Pet. 3.4 This is the way for Wives to commend Religion unto their Husbands and to win them to fall in love with it by their outward carriages Their prime care must be exercised to manifest in me and practice that their hearts are adorned with the graces of Gods Spirit then their conversations cannot but be lovely to their Husbands This is the way of gaming such a conversation as will gain their Husbands to an holy life Now those graces in a Wife that have the most powerful Influence to prevail upon her Husband are Meekness and Quietness of Spirit 1. Meekness whereby she keeps down her passions from rising against her Husband tho' he wrongs her or against the Lords dispensations in exercising her more hardly than others whereby she useth all amicable and loving ways to reclaim her Husband from continuing to deal injuriously with her 2. Quietness of Spirit whereby she doth eschew all needless contradictions of her Husband all rashness in her Actions all medling with things not belonging to her all expressions of discontent with that lot which the Lord hath carved out to her and such carriages of a Wife will work more upon an Husbands heart then the strongest Arguments and sharpest Reproofs she can assault him with Now the Apostle doth enforce this Exhortation to Wives with these two Arguments The first is taken from the example of holy believing Women who counted it their best Ornament to manifest their Holiness and Faith by their dutifulness to their Husbands and particularly of Sarah who testified her Obedience and Subjection to her Husband by her Respectful and Reverend carriage towards him and language to him She obeyed him and called him Lord 1 Pet. 3.6 The second Argument is from the advantage of such a carriage and such a winning Conversation that if they did immitate these Holy Women especially Sarah in dutifulness to her Husband notwithstanding any wrongs they might receive from them they should prove themselves Heirs of Sarah blessedness 〈◊〉 when we obtain Grace from the Lord to follow the Foot-stepts of the Saints Registred in the Scripture especially in the Faithful discharge of the duties of our perticular Stations and Relations then do we prove our selves to have a right to be made pertakers of the same spiritual priviledges with them and Heirs of the same Eternal Blessedness which they now possess So Wives behaving themselves to their Husbands in a Dutiful Respectful Reverential way manifesting a chast Conversation coupled with fear having their hearts in a gracious frame adorned with meekness and quietness of spirit they will clear up to themselves their right to Sarahs Blessedness and enjoy the sence of their interest in the spiritual priviledges that she had by their meek and quiet Conversations be very prevalent to win their Husbands from the error of the◠ways When God by the Spirit hath husht the storms and tempests that usually arise in the Spirits of Wives when he breaths upon them with a favourable wind and stills their Spirits and restrains Satan the master of misrule that he doth not kindle Jealousies and Animosities in their Spirits but that they have a spiritual quietness of heart and tranquility of mind wrought in them by the sweet breathings of the blessed spirit which they can retain when they have the highest Provocations from their Husbands to unquietness then they will have a mighty influence upon their Husbands to reclaim them from their Vicious Actions and violent passions Although the Children of the Lord be bound to deal with those with whom they live or converse that they observe to sin by discourse and conference commending Christ to them and opening the evil of sin to them and their dangerous State if they remain impenitent the necessity of reforming their lives and entertaining Christ in their hearts by faith Yet it is mainly a Conversation suitable to the word of God that God useth to bless to make men fall in love with Religion without which the best discourse will rather harden them in sin than reclaim them from their sinful ways Then I say do Wives stop