scold_v not_o say_v god_n be_v i_o or_o have_v discover_v himself_o to_o i_o in_o pardon_v my_o sin_n yet_o this_o i_o have_v often_o thought_n of_o that_o i_o will_v throw_v myself_o upon_o christ_n and_o if_o i_o perish_v i_o perish_v and_o since_o i_o bless_v god_n i_o have_v find_v some_o satisfaction_n in_o several_a place_n of_o scripture_n as_o first_o in_o matth._n 11.28_o come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o labour_n and_o be_v heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_n and_o feel_v such_o a_o burden_n then_o upon_o my_o soul_n i_o rely_v upon_o that_o true_a rest_n another_o be_v in_o 1_o john_n 2.2_o and_o he_o be_v the_o reconciliation_n for_o our_o sin_n and_o not_o for_o we_o only_o but_o for_o the_o sin_n of_o the_o whole_a world_n i_o be_v one_o in_o the_o world_n i_o apply_v this_o to_o myself_o and_o in_o 1_o john_n 114._o the_o father_n send_v the_o son_n to_o be_v the_o saviour_n of_o the_o world_n another_o place_n of_o scripture_n be_v john_n 3.17_o for_o god_n send_v not_o his_o son_n into_o the_o world_n to_o condemn_v the_o world_n but_o that_o the_o world_n through_o he_o may_v be_v save_v and_o in_o verse_n 35._o he_o that_o believe_v on_o the_o son_n have_v everlasting_a life_n upon_o this_o account_n i_o say_v i_o believe_v lord_n help_v my_o unbelief_n and_o in_o the_o six_o chapter_n of_o john_n and_o 67_o and_o 68_o verse_n jesus_n say_v unto_o his_o disciple_n will_v you_o go_v from_o i_o also_o peter_n say_v unto_o he_o lord_n whither_o shall_v we_o go_v for_o thou_o have_v the_o word_n of_o eternal_a life_n so_o that_o i_o will_v now_o wait_v upon_o the_o lord_n for_o a_o further_a manifestation_n of_o himself_o unto_o my_o soul_n in_o the_o use_n of_o his_o ordinance_n although_o i_o have_v not_o in_o time_n past_o be_v feed_v with_o the_o child_n bread_n yet_o now_o i_o do_v believe_v i_o shall_v not_o be_v deny_v those_o crumb_n of_o spiritual_a comfort_n to_o nourish_v and_o refresh_v my_o weary_a spirit_n for_o god_n say_v isa_n 55.1_o ho_o every_o one_o that_o thirst_v come_v you_o to_o the_o water_n and_o he_o that_o have_v no_o money_n come_v you_o buy_v and_o eat_v yea_o come_v buy_v wine_n and_o milk_n without_o money_n and_o without_o price_n and_o i_o praise_v god_n i_o have_v find_v of_o late_a a_o very_a great_a manifestation_n of_o god_n work_v a_o change_n upon_o my_o heart_n and_o draw_v i_o by_o true_a faith_n to_o himself_o 1._o about_o a_o quarter_n of_o a_o year_n since_o i_o hear_v mr._n b._n on_o the_o lukewarmness_n of_o the_o church_n of_o laodicea_n show_v that_o the_o lord_n will_v refuse_v none_o that_o come_v to_o he_o in_o humbleness_n of_o spirit_n and_o sincerity_n of_o heart_n then_o i_o think_v sure_o i_o may_v make_v use_n of_o these_o full_a promise_n make_v to_o those_o that_o come_v to_o he_o and_o it_o put_v i_o to_o search_v the_o scripture_n which_o i_o do_v and_o find_v a_o great_a influence_n upon_o my_o spirit_n in_o the_o understanding_n of_o the_o word_n than_o before_o 2._o i_o be_o in_o all_o thing_n that_o i_o do_v fearful_a of_o offend_v god_n and_o my_o desire_n be_v to_o do_v all_o thing_n to_o his_o glory_n 3._o my_o love_n to_o god_n be_v so_o hearty_a that_o i_o delight_v to_o be_v meditate_v of_o god_n and_o to_o have_v communion_n with_o he_o and_o can_v wish_v that_o i_o may_v be_v whole_o if_o it_o be_v possible_a with_o god_n and_o my_o heart_n be_v never_o so_o at_o rest_n as_o when_o i_o be_o read_v of_o his_o truth_n and_o hear_v other_o speak_v of_o they_o 4._o i_o be_o so_o little_o affect_v to_o the_o world_n that_o i_o account_v it_o nothing_o i_o can_v willing_o leave_v all_o for_o god_n and_o i_o hope_v suffer_v any_o thing_n for_o god_n if_o he_o shall_v please_v to_o call_v i_o to_o it_o so_o far_o as_o i_o can_v judge_v of_o my_o own_o heart_n but_o herein_o trust_v in_o the_o power_n of_o christ_n 5._o sin_n be_v loathsome_a to_o i_o so_o that_o the_o affection_n that_o i_o do_v bear_v to_o some_o evil_n be_v go_v and_o i_o now_o loathe_v they_o more_o than_o before_o i_o love_v they_o 6._o i_o have_v many_o constict_n between_o the_o flesh_n and_o the_o spirit_n but_o i_o find_v in_o those_o strive_n my_o heart_n most_o cleave_v to_o follow_v the_o mind_n of_o god_n know_v that_o if_o i_o give_v way_n to_o sin_n satan_n enter_v and_o with_o all_o my_o soul_n i_o desire_v and_o delight_n to_o follow_v the_o leading_n of_o god_n spirit_n 7._o in_o all_o thing_n the_o resolution_n of_o my_o heart_n be_v for_o do_v those_o thing_n that_o may_v please_v god_n and_o that_o without_o delay_n be_v fearful_a to_o offend_v god_n which_o through_o infirmity_n i_o do_v i_o have_v great_a trouble_n in_o spirit_n for_o it_o and_o my_o resolution_n be_v always_o against_o every_o thing_n that_o may_v hinder_v my_o peace_n with_o god_n 8._o i_o find_v in_o my_o heart_n so_o great_a a_o peace_n between_o god_n and_o my_o conscience_n that_o shall_v god_n now_o call_v i_o i_o shall_v be_v very_o well_o content_v to_o go_v to_o my_o saviour_n 9_o i_o do_v not_o doubt_v of_o god_n love_n to_o i_o because_o he_o have_v draw_v forth_o my_o heart_n sincere_o to_o love_v he_o 10._o my_o love_n have_v be_v always_o from_o a_o child_n to_o the_o people_n of_o god_n and_o my_o heart_n have_v be_v ever_o trouble_v when_o i_o have_v hear_v they_o evil_n speak_v of_o 11._o my_o affection_n be_v great_a to_o the_o ordinance_n and_o my_o heart_n long_v after_o they_o and_o when_o at_o any_o time_n i_o come_v with_o a_o cold_a heart_n to_o duty_n yet_o my_o heart_n be_v frequent_o warm_v and_o enlarge_v in_o those_o duty_n e._n c._n xviii_o experience_n of_o d._n m._n some_o year_n since_o through_o many_o cross_n increase_v upon_o i_o like_o a_o arm_a man_n i_o slay_v unto_o god_n to_o seek_v his_o mind_n by_o prayer_n and_o he_o discover_v to_o i_o that_o it_o be_v for_o my_o sin_n which_o be_v then_o set_v before_o i_o which_o cause_v in_o to_o feel_v the_o hand_n of_o god_n by_o affliction_n upon_o i_o that_o sin_n be_v the_o cause_n of_o my_o suffering_n which_o lie_v very_o heavy_a upon_o i_o and_o terrify_v i_o so_o that_o i_o think_v i_o have_v be_v in_o the_o way_n to_o damnation_n and_o that_o if_o it_o have_v be_v in_o the_o way_n to_o salvation_n every_o affliction_n will_v not_o come_v so_o upon_o i_o great_a than_o i_o think_v i_o can_v be_v able_a to_o bear_v in_o particular_a the_o lord_n discover_v to_o i_o that_o i_o have_v too_o much_o love_v my_o husband_n in_o make_v a_o idol_n of_o he_o and_o therefore_o he_o just_o become_v a_o great_a terror_n to_o my_o spirit_n for_o he_o grow_v a_o enemy_n to_o goodness_n and_o so_o a_o hindrance_n to_o i_o in_o come_v to_o christ_n and_o while_o i_o thus_o dote_v on_o he_o he_o go_v away_o from_o i_o i_o fear_v through_o the_o sense_n of_o that_o and_o other_o sin_n together_o with_o the_o aggravation_n of_o my_o affliction_n that_o god_n do_v not_o love_v i_o yet_o it_o strike_v into_o my_o heart_n that_o god_n do_v not_o strike_v willing_o and_o therefore_o i_o endeavour_v to_o see_v what_o be_v the_o mind_n of_o god_n in_o it_o who_o have_v take_v away_o my_o husband_n good_n and_o all_o from_o i_o namely_o that_o he_o have_v do_v it_o that_o i_o shall_v not_o hang_v upon_o husk_n but_o shall_v love_v he_o and_o i_o find_v that_o i_o have_v love_v the_o world_n too_o much_o and_o set_v my_o heart_n too_o much_o upon_o these_o creature-comfort_n and_o therefore_o the_o lord_n take_v they_o away_o from_o i_o this_o wrought_v upon_o i_o great_a trouble_n and_o despair_n so_o that_o i_o cry_v till_o i_o be_v almost_o blind_a and_o i_o have_v great_a feâ—…_n and_o tremble_a upon_o i_o that_o i_o can_v not_o pray_v not_o hear_v with_o profit_n but_o think_v it_o be_v in_o vain_a for_o i_o to_o pray_v who_o god_n love_v not_o and_o who_o i_o have_v so_o offend_v about_o a_o quarter_n of_o a_o year_n after_o i_o have_v a_o temptation_n by_o satan_n to_o drown_v myself_o in_o a_o pond_n near_o leeds_n in_o yorkshire_n whither_o the_o devil_n lead_v i_o tell_v i_o that_o i_o may_v do_v it_o there_o it_o be_v a_o private_a place_n where_o no_o body_n can_v see_v i_o and_o i_o come_v to_o the_o pond_n side_n but_o by_o the_o providence_n of_o god_n have_v a_o great_a love_n to_o a_o young_a infant_n i_o have_v i_o take_v that_o child_n in_o my_o arm_n and_o when_o i_o come_v to_o the_o place_n i_o look_v upon_o the_o child_n and_o consider_v with_o myself_o what_o shall_v
those_o many_o actual_a sin_n which_o i_o have_v personal_o commit_v but_o i_o be_o justify_v by_o christ_n 14._o i_o desire_v to_o show_v my_o dutiful_a love_n in_o obedience_n to_o my_o father_n command_n and_o my_o affection_n according_a to_o the_o rule_n of_o the_o gospel_n to_o christ_n my_o husband_n with_o who_o i_o be_o spiritual_o marry_v 15._o the_o lord_n say_v come_v out_o from_o among_o they_o all_o you_o my_o people_n and_o be_v you_o separate_v and_o touch_v no_o unclean_a thing_n and_o i_o will_v be_v your_o god_n and_o you_o shall_v be_v my_o people_n and_o if_o i_o regard_v iniquity_n in_o my_o heart_n the_o lord_n will_v not_o hear_v my_o prayer_n i_o take_v god_n to_o witness_v who_o know_v the_o secret_n of_o all_o heart_n that_o i_o desire_v to_o join_v in_o duty_n not_o to_o the_o end_n that_o other_o shall_v have_v a_o good_a opinion_n of_o i_o i_o know_v i_o must_v leave_v all_o worldly_a relation_n how_o soon_o i_o know_v not_o but_o herein_o i_o shall_v have_v peace_n that_o i_o do_v as_o my_o father_n have_v command_v i_o and_o i_o rejoice_v in_o christ_n jesus_n put_v no_o confidence_n in_o the_o flesh_n but_o only_o in_o the_o merit_n of_o my_o saviour_n m._n m._n xxvi_o experience_n of_o h._n w._n when_o my_o god_n appear_v through_o his_o grace_n to_o shine_v by_o his_o sacred_a spirit_n into_o my_o dark_a soul_n my_o thought_n be_v much_o take_v up_o in_o consideration_n of_o my_o sad_a and_o deplorable_a condition_n under_o the_o curse_n by_o nature_n yet_o so_o that_o i_o do_v withal_o see_v enough_o in_o christ_n to_o deliver_v i_o from_o all_o if_o i_o do_v attain_v to_o a_o true_a belief_n but_o my_o perplex_a soul_n drink_v deep_a of_o the_o bitter_a dregs_n of_o a_o sorrowful_a cup_n before_o i_o can_v taste_v of_o the_o sweet_a cordial_n my_o bless_a saviour_n have_v prepare_v for_o i_o wherewith_o i_o have_v since_o be_v often_o refresh_v my_o conscience_n tell_v i_o that_o if_o i_o ever_o expect_v deliverance_n from_o sin_n death_n and_o hell_n and_o to_o have_v favour_n with_o god_n i_o must_v devote_v my_o heart_n to_o he_o alone_o but_o yet_o i_o find_v the_o love_n of_o some_o worldly_a vanity_n root_v so_o fast_o in_o my_o affection_n that_o i_o do_v often_o put_v god_n off_o and_o have_v a_o eye_n to_o some_o worldly_a content_n which_o deprive_v i_o for_o that_o time_n of_o enjoy_v peace_n in_o his_o presence_n i_o often_o say_v lord_n such_o a_o day_n i_o will_v leave_v all_o and_o never_o seek_v myself_o but_o thy_o glory_n in_o all_o thing_n and_o then_o again_o lord_n after_o such_o a_o merry_a meeting_n than_o i_o will_v shake_v hand_n with_o all_o temporal_a delight_n and_o again_o now_o lord_n once_o more_o i_o will_v have_v but_o one_o day_n of_o pleasure_n and_o then_o i_o will_v part_v with_o all_o that_o offend_v thou_o and_o not_o seek_v after_o any_o thing_n out_o of_o thou_o more_o but_o for_o a_o time_n all_o this_o prove_v but_o unfaithfulness_n to_o my_o saviour_n and_o wound_n to_o my_o own_o spirit_n the_o sense_n whereof_o do_v sad_o terrify_v my_o conscience_n my_o soul_n be_v much_o cast_v down_o and_o i_o sit_v up_o a_o great_a part_n of_o many_o night_n when_o all_o the_o family_n where_o i_o than_o live_v be_v in_o bed_n and_o with_o a_o heavy_a heart_n and_o flood_n of_o tear_n gush_v from_o my_o sorrowful_a eye_n i_o be_v exceed_o disquiet_v pour_v forth_o my_o heart_n to_o my_o god_n and_o beg_a mercy_n at_o the_o footstool_n of_o the_o throne_n of_o grace_n and_o that_o which_o be_v the_o great_a horror_n upon_o my_o spirit_n be_v that_o i_o can_v not_o manifest_v my_o believe_v by_o a_o pious_a spiritual_a conversation_n in_o a_o faithful_a obedience_n according_a to_o the_o sacred_a rule_n of_o the_o gospel_n when_o i_o have_v have_v resolution_n for_o worldly_a pleasure_n to_o satisfy_v the_o desire_n of_o nature_n it_o have_v take_v away_o the_o comfort_n of_o my_o heart_n from_o spiritual_a duty_n in_o the_o interim_n but_o i_o find_v in_o my_o soul_n a_o great_a conffict_n in_o wrestle_v against_o those_o sad_a temptation_n my_o conscience_n convince_a i_o how_o great_a a_o enemy_n i_o be_v to_o my_o soul_n therein_o and_o testify_v that_o it_o will_v be_v infinite_o better_a to_o leave_v all_o the_o vain_a thing_n of_o the_o world_n than_o to_o live_v without_o the_o love_n of_o my_o saviour_n but_o when_o my_o god_n be_v please_v to_o bring_v my_o heart_n to_o a_o frame_n to_o resolve_v serious_o never_o to_o delay_v with_o god_n a_o moment_n more_o my_o heart_n be_v so_o fix_v on_o my_o saviour_n that_o i_o see_v a_o sufficiency_n in_o he_o under_o any_o dispensation_n i_o taste_v a_o great_a sweetness_n in_o the_o grace_n of_o his_o spirit_n than_o in_o any_o temporal_a pleasure_n and_o i_o find_v much_o of_o the_o love_n grace_n spirit_n and_o power_n of_o my_o dear_a saviour_n appear_v to_o refresh_v my_o trouble_a soul_n and_o i_o have_v find_v much_o comfort_n from_o divers_a promise_n of_o the_o lord_n and_o particular_o isa_n 49.8,8_o i_o will_v preserve_v thou_o and_o give_v thou_o for_o a_o covenant_n of_o the_o people_n to_o establish_v the_o earth_n and_o to_o cause_n to_o inherit_v the_o desolate_a heritage_n that_o thou_o may_v say_v to_o the_o prisoner_n go_v forth_o to_o they_o that_o be_v in_o darkness_n show_v yourselves_o though_o i_o be_v before_o a_o prisoner_n to_o worldly_a vanity_n and_o shut_v up_o in_o darkness_n yet_o christ_n be_v send_v to_o declare_v the_o covenant_n to_o such_o i_o find_v good_a warrant_n to_o apply_v it_o to_o myself_o ezek._n 34.22_o therefore_o will_v i_o save_v my_o flock_n and_o they_o shall_v be_v no_o more_o a_o prey_n tâ—…_n salvation_n i_o apply_v as_o promise_v to_o i_o consider_v that_o though_o i_o be_v a_o sinful_a man_n yet_o it_o be_v my_o comfort_n that_o the_o lord_n be_v my_o god_n vers_fw-la 31._o and_o you_o my_o flock_n the_o flock_n of_o my_o pasture_n be_v man_n and_o i_o be_o your_o god_n mat._n 5.6_o bless_a be_v they_o which_o do_v hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o righteousness_n for_o they_o shall_v be_v fill_v god_n have_v give_v i_o a_o heart_n to_o hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o my_o saviour_n and_o my_o god_n above_o all_o thing_n i_o believe_v this_o promise_n be_v make_v to_o i_o with_o many_o more_o which_o give_v much_o sweet_a comfort_n and_o consolation_n to_o my_o soul_n and_o be_v justify_v by_o faith_n i_o have_v peace_n with_o god_n through_o our_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n the_o testimony_n of_o which_o faith_n be_v seal_v to_o my_o soul_n by_o his_o bless_a spirit_n in_o these_o demonstration_n 1._o i_o find_v many_o evident_a testimony_n of_o the_o love_n of_o god_n to_o i_o which_o have_v draw_v forth_o my_o soul_n to_o a_o high_a esteem_n of_o he_o and_o to_o love_v he_o above_o all_o thing_n 2._o i_o see_v nothing_o but_o sin_n in_o myself_o and_o my_o trust_n be_v in_o my_o saviour_n merit_n for_o justification_n 3._o i_o feel_v glorious_a refreshment_n from_o the_o heavenly_a gale_n of_o god_n bless_a spirit_n breathe_v his_o grace_n into_o my_o soul_n which_o be_v the_o high_a bliss_n i_o can_v desire_v on_o this_o side_n heaven_n 4._o i_o find_v much_o comfort_n from_o the_o word_n and_o ordinance_n 5._o my_o chief_a desire_n in_o all_o thing_n be_v to_o glorify_v god_n 6._o i_o find_v a_o very_a great_a affection_n in_o my_o heart_n to_o the_o people_n of_o god_n or_o any_o that_o i_o judge_v so_o to_o be_v 7._o i_o desire_v to_o be_v at_o peace_n with_o and_o do_v all_o the_o good_a i_o can_v to_o all_o especial_o those_o of_o the_o household_n of_o faith_n 8._o i_o can_v hearty_o beg_v of_o the_o lord_n to_o give_v i_o deliverance_n from_o and_o strength_n against_o every_o sin_n though_o never_o so_o please_v to_o my_o nature_n or_o which_o i_o be_o most_o prone_a to_o 9_o i_o find_v no_o such_o full_a joy_n in_o any_o thing_n as_o i_o do_v in_o communion_n with_o my_o god_n 10._o i_o see_v a_o purity_n and_o glory_n in_o the_o way_n of_o god_n and_o gospel-duty_n above_o all_o thing_n 11._o i_o desire_v no_o long_o to_o live_v than_o to_o glorify_v god_n 12._o all_o the_o day_n of_o my_o appoint_a time_n i_o wait_v till_o my_o change_n shall_v come_v h._n w._n xxvii_o experience_n of_o d._n r._n it_o have_v please_v the_o lord_n ever_o since_o i_o know_v a_o difference_n between_o good_a and_o evil_n to_o give_v i_o a_o heart_n to_o seek_v after_o those_o thing_n which_o savour_v most_o of_o god_n and_o it_o be_v my_o delight_n always_o to_o frequent_v the_o society_n of_o those_o who_o i_o think_v be_v true_o godly_a and_o upon_o this_o account_n i_o think_v
be_v the_o lord_n say_v with_o mary_n in_o luke_n 1._o my_o soul_n do_v magnify_v the_o lord_n and_o my_o spirit_n do_v rejoice_v in_o god_n my_o saviour_n who_o have_v regard_v the_o low_a estate_n of_o his_o handmaid_n 8._o though_o former_o my_o foundation_n be_v build_v upon_o the_o sand_n and_o therefore_o easy_o overthrow_v yet_o now_o i_o trust_v in_o the_o lord_n i_o be_o establish_v by_o faith_n build_v upon_o that_o rock_n which_o be_v the_o love_n of_o god_n my_o saviour_n christ_n be_v the_o corner_n stone_n isa_n 28.16_o behold_v i_o lie_v in_o zion_n a_o stone_n a_o try_a stone_n he_o that_o believe_v shall_v not_o make_v haste_n 9_o i_o wait_v upon_o the_o will_n of_o my_o heavenly_a father_n in_o all_o his_o dispensation_n for_o a_o more_o full_a enjoyment_n of_o jesus_n christ_n in_o my_o soul_n which_o i_o do_v hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o and_o i_o have_v the_o promise_n of_o my_o god_n that_o i_o shall_v be_v fill_v and_o have_v taste_v i_o have_v find_v the_o lord_n be_v gracious_a and_o more_o to_o be_v desire_v than_o thousand_o of_o world_n 10._o i_o believe_v not_o upon_o other_o word_n but_o as_o in_o john_n 4.42_o as_o some_o say_v to_o the_o woman_n of_o samaria_n now_o we_o believe_v not_o because_o of_o thy_o say_n for_o we_o have_v hear_v he_o ourselves_o and_o know_v that_o this_o be_v indeed_o the_o christ_n the_o saviour_n of_o the_o world_n 11._o as_o david_n say_v i_o have_v faint_v unless_o i_o have_v believe_v to_o see_v the_o goodness_n of_o the_o lord_n and_o i_o believe_v therefore_o have_v i_o speak_v for_o i_o be_v great_o afflict_v as_o the_o apostle_n say_v you_o be_v complete_a in_o christ_n therefore_o i_o reckon_v myself_o in_o he_o 12._o the_o lord_n have_v clear_v it_o to_o i_o that_o i_o be_o a_o believer_n i_o be_o confident_a that_o christ_n jesus_n do_v pray_v to_o his_o father_n for_o i_o in_o the_o 17._o of_o john_n say_v i_o pray_v not_o for_o these_o only_a but_o for_o they_o that_o shall_v believe_v through_o their_o word_n that_o they_o may_v be_v one_o even_o as_o we_o be_v one_o therefore_o thou_o be_v my_o god_n and_o i_o will_v praise_v thou_o for_o thou_o have_v hear_v i_o and_o be_v become_v my_o salvation_n thus_o in_o some_o measure_n i_o have_v weak_o hint_v out_o a_o reason_n of_o the_o hope_n that_o be_v in_o i_o trust_v in_o my_o god_n that_o as_o he_o have_v take_v away_o the_o guilt_n of_o sin_n out_o of_o my_o conscience_n so_o in_o his_o due_a time_n he_o will_v take_v away_o all_o sin_n from_o my_o conversation_n as_o he_o have_v give_v i_o a_o pardon_n for_o sin_n so_o he_o will_v overpower_v all_o my_o corruption_n that_o i_o may_v live_v more_o to_o the_o praise_n of_o the_o glory_n of_o his_o grace_n wherein_o he_o have_v make_v i_o accept_v in_o the_o belove_a and_o that_o i_o shall_v become_v over_o sin_n satan_n self_n and_o all_o thing_n opposite_a to_o grace_n more_o than_o a_o conqueror_n through_o he_o that_o have_v love_v i_o and_o wash_v i_o from_o my_o sin_n in_o his_o blood_n for_o to_o he_o be_v all_o thing_n possible_a and_o he_o be_v the_o wise_a master-builder_n who_o will_v not_o only_o begin_v but_o will_v go_v on_o to_o accomplish_v his_o own_o work_n d._n r._n xxviii_o experience_n of_o a._n o._n i_o have_v undergo_v sad_a trouble_n of_o spirit_n for_o my_o sin_n which_o i_o have_v have_v a_o great_a sight_n and_o sense_n of_o and_o shed_v many_o tear_n for_o and_o desire_v to_o be_v true_o sorry_a for_o they_o and_o hate_v they_o and_o to_o have_v no_o more_o communion_n with_o they_o about_o two_o year_n i_o lay_v under_o very_o great_a temptation_n and_o be_v ready_a to_o despair_v and_o for_o several_a night_n can_v not_o take_v any_o rest_n in_o my_o bed_n but_o be_v very_o weak_a with_o weep_v and_o much_o grieve_v for_o my_o evil_a thought_n yet_o the_o lord_n draw_v forth_o my_o heart_n to_o call_v upon_o he_o and_o hope_v in_o he_o for_o mercy_n but_o i_o have_v many_o sore_a conflict_n insomuch_o that_o i_o can_v not_o lie_v in_o the_o chamber_n alone_o i_o make_v what_o use_n i_o can_v of_o opportunity_n to_o desire_v comfort_n from_o such_o godly_a christian_n as_o i_o can_v meet_v withal_o to_o counsel_v i_o in_o the_o way_n of_o god_n and_o i_o labour_v to_o hearken_v to_o they_o but_o find_v my_o heart_n very_o dull_a and_o heavy_a for_o a_o time_n until_o about_o three_o year_n since_o i_o begin_v to_o find_v comfort_n from_o some_o sermon_n that_o i_o hear_v and_o book_n that_o i_o read_v and_o some_o thought_n that_o the_o lord_n settle_v upon_o my_o heart_n by_o his_o spirit_n hope_v that_o there_o be_v mercy_n for_o i_o and_o i_o do_v believe_v that_o i_o have_v all_o the_o prayer_n of_o all_o the_o saint_n in_o the_o world_n put_v up_o to_o the_o throne_n of_o grace_n for_o i_o and_o that_o my_o saviour_n have_v satisfy_v for_o my_o sin_n and_o through_o he_o god_n be_v reconcile_v to_o i_o and_o in_o particular_a i_o find_v comfort_n from_o these_o and_o some_o other_o promise_n john_n 16.35_o jesus_n say_v unto_o they_o i_o be_o the_o bread_n of_o life_n he_o that_o come_v to_o i_o shall_v never_o hunger_n and_o he_o that_o believe_v on_o i_o shall_v never_o thirst_v verse_n 37._o all_o that_o the_o father_n give_v i_o shall_v come_v to_o i_o and_o he_o that_o come_v to_o i_o i_o will_v in_o no_o wise_a cast_v out_o john_n 14.1_o let_v not_o your_o heart_n be_v trouble_v you_o believe_v in_o god_n believe_v also_o in_o i_o jerem._n 31.23_o but_o this_o shall_v he_o the_o covenant_n that_o i_o will_v make_v with_o the_o house_n of_o israel_n after_o those_o day_n say_v the_o lord_n i_o will_v put_v my_o law_n in_o their_o inward_a part_n and_o write_v it_o in_o their_o heart_n and_o i_o will_v be_v their_o god_n and_o they_o shall_v be_v my_o people_n and_o i_o do_v find_v in_o my_o heart_n a_o testimony_n of_o my_o believe_v &_o that_o i_o do_v love_n god_n wrought_v in_o i_o by_o his_o bless_a spirit_n by_o these_o particular_n 1._o i_o love_v god_n not_o through_o slavish_a fear_n but_o for_o his_o name_n and_o glory_n so_o that_o i_o can_v leave_v all_o for_o he_o and_o nothing_o be_v so_o dear_a and_o precious_a unto_o i_o as_o the_o love_n of_o god_n and_o nothing_o so_o great_a a_o joy_n to_o i_o as_o that_o christ_n who_o die_v for_o i_o have_v not_o leave_v i_o 2._o i_o find_v such_o comfort_n from_o the_o lord_n that_o he_o by_o his_o spirit_n revive_v my_o droop_a heart_n and_o fill_v my_o empty_a soul_n and_o when_o my_o poor_a spirit_n be_v even_o faint_v away_o i_o find_v comfort_n from_o his_o glorious_a power_n and_o presence_n 3._o when_o i_o can_v come_v to_o ordinance_n it_o be_v a_o grief_n to_o i_o and_o when_o i_o be_o in_o duty_n it_o be_v a_o grief_n to_o i_o that_o i_o be_o so_o dull_a and_o find_v no_o more_o enlargement_n yet_o my_o affection_n be_v groan_v after_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n in_o duty_n and_o i_o have_v a_o great_a longing_n to_o receive_v more_o of_o christ_n and_o i_o find_v more_o comfort_n when_o my_o heart_n be_v enlarge_v in_o duty_n than_o in_o any_o other_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n and_o i_o know_v that_o all_o my_o comfort_n be_v from_o jesus_n christ_n 4._o what_o i_o desire_v to_o enjoy_v i_o seek_v to_o enjoy_v it_o in_o god_n through_o peace_n of_o conscience_n that_o it_o may_v be_v to_o the_o comfort_n of_o my_o faith_n for_o god_n be_v pure_a and_o it_o be_v a_o great_a grief_n to_o i_o that_o i_o can_v serve_v my_o god_n no_o better_o 5._o i_o do_v not_o fear_v death_n for_o my_o faith_n be_v so_o settle_a in_o god_n that_o i_o long_o to_o be_v with_o my_o saviour_n when_o he_o shall_v be_v please_v to_o call_v i_o to_o he_o christ_n have_v dye_v for_o i_o to_o take_v away_o the_o fear_n of_o the_o second_o death_n a._n o._n xxix_o experience_n of_o m._n w._n i_o have_v from_o my_o childhood_n desire_v to_o serve_v the_o lord_n and_o to_o make_v his_o commandment_n my_o rule_n to_o walk_v by_o and_o i_o think_v once_o that_o i_o can_v have_v say_v with_o the_o young_a man_n in_o the_o gospel_n all_o these_o have_v i_o keep_v from_o my_o youth_n but_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o visit_v i_o with_o a_o grievous_a sickness_n even_o unto_o death_n and_o then_o my_o heart_n tell_v i_o that_o i_o be_v a_o great_a sinner_n and_o my_o conscience_n accuse_v i_o that_o i_o have_v love_v the_o world_n more_o than_o i_o have_v love_v jesus_n christ_n then_o i_o be_v afflict_v in_o my_o spirit_n with_o fear_n because_o i_o can_v not_o believe_v
but_o this_o i_o find_v by_o experlence_n to_o the_o praise_n of_o my_o god_n free_a grace_n that_o as_o trouble_n have_v abound_v my_o consolation_n have_v abound_v much_o more_o for_o god_n bring_v seasonable_o into_o my_o mind_n many_o precious_a promise_n which_o be_v as_o so_o many_o sweet_a cordial_n which_o much_o support_v and_o comfort_v my_o heart_n and_o uphold_v my_o spirit_n when_o new_a storm_n have_v arisen_a and_o unexpected_a deliverance_n have_v follow_v and_o i_o have_v and_o do_v resolve_v by_o god_n grace_n not_o to_o distrust_v he_o any_o more_o yer_z though_o more_o and_o great_a danger_n shall_v arise_v yet_o i_o will_v trust_v in_o he_o and_o stay_v myself_o upon_o he_o though_o as_o job_n say_v he_o shall_v slay_v i_o the_o good_a lord_n establish_v my_o heart_n in_o this_o good_a and_o holy_a resolution_n who_o be_v able_a to_o keep_v we_o to_o the_o end_n and_o have_v promise_v that_o he_o will_v preserve_v we_o by_o his_o power_n through_o faith_n to_o the_o salvation_n of_o our_o soul_n in_o regard_n of_o satan_n temptation_n especial_o concern_v my_o come_n to_o the_o sacrament_n of_o the_o lord_n supper_n my_o experience_n have_v be_v these_o find_v often_o that_o i_o be_v very_o unable_a to_o fit_v and_o prepare_v myself_o for_o a_o comfortable_a approach_n to_o that_o sacred_a ordinance_n i_o use_v to_o desire_v the_o prayer_n of_o the_o congregation_n unto_o god_n in_o my_o behalf_n and_o use_v the_o best_a endeavour_n i_o can_v in_o private_a as_o god_n enable_v i_o though_o i_o come_v far_o short_a of_o what_o be_v require_v and_o of_o what_o i_o desire_v so_o that_o i_o do_v trust_v and_o hope_n through_o god_n mercy_n to_o find_v a_o comfortable_a day_n of_o it_o and_o to_o have_v it_o a_o seal_a ordinance_n to_o my_o soul_n but_o on_o the_o contrary_a i_o find_v much_o deadness_n and_o little_a spiritual_a taste_n relish_n and_o comfort_n in_o the_o use_n of_o it_o so_o that_o my_o spirit_n be_v oft_o much_o trouble_v and_o cast_v down_o in_o i_o fear_v lest_o i_o have_v some_o secret_a sin_n undiscovered_a and_o unrepented_a of_o which_o cause_v the_o lord_n thus_o to_o hide_v his_o face_n from_o i_o but_o then_o my_o gracious_a god_n bring_v this_o into_o my_o mind_n that_o the_o lord_n do_v sometime_o afflict_v we_o for_o the_o exercise_n and_o improvement_n of_o our_o grace_n as_o well_o as_o to_o humble_v we_o for_o our_o sin_n i_o also_o consider_v that_o as_o the_o lord_n do_v tender_a great_a mercy_n to_o we_o in_o this_o sacrament_n renew_v his_o covenant_n of_o grace_n and_o seal_v to_o we_o the_o pardon_n of_o our_o sin_n in_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n so_o he_o give_v we_o leave_v to_o engage_v ourselves_o by_o renew_v our_o covenant_n with_o he_o to_o believe_v in_o he_o and_o to_o trust_v upon_o christ_n for_o life_n and_o salvation_n and_o it_o please_v god_n to_o give_v i_o faith_n to_o apply_v this_o to_o my_o own_o particular_a soul_n and_o a_o while_n after_o to_o show_v i_o and_o to_o make_v good_a to_o my_o soul_n that_o precious_a and_o comfortable_a promise_n that_o though_o he_o hide_v his_o face_n from_o we_o for_o a_o little_a moment_n yet_o with_o mercy_n and_o lâ—ving_a kindness_n he_o will_v return_v to_o we_o again_o this_o be_v a_o wonderful_a comfort_n and_o support_v to_o my_o deject_a heart_n bless_a be_v the_o lord_n for_o ever_o i_o desire_v to_o treasure_n up_o these_o experience_n that_o for_o the_o future_a i_o may_v in_o the_o like_a case_n resolve_v to_o put_v my_o whole_a trust_n and_o conâ—idence_n in_o he_o that_o so_o satan_n may_v not_o entrap_v i_o in_o his_o snare_n through_o unbelief_n but_o that_o i_o may_v resist_v he_o steadfast_a in_o the_o faith_n for_o i_o be_o not_o altogether_o ignorant_a of_o his_o device_n god_n promise_n be_v that_o in_o all_o these_o thing_n we_o shall_v be_v more_o than_o conqueror_n through_o he_o that_o have_v love_v we_o and_o have_v say_v that_o this_o be_v the_o victory_n whereby_o we_o overcome_v the_o world_n even_o our_o faith_n 1_o john_n 5.4_o in_o the_o year_n 1664_o there_o come_v to_o we_o the_o sad_a news_n of_o the_o death_n of_o my_o second_o son_n mr._n john_n clark_n a_o godly_a faithful_a and_o powerful_a minister_n thus_o as_o the_o wave_n of_o the_o sea_n follow_v one_o another_o so_o god_n be_v please_v to_o exercise_v his_o child_n with_o one_o affliction_n after_o another_o he_o see_v whilst_o we_o carry_v about_o we_o this_o body_n of_o sin_n we_o have_v need_n of_o manifold_a trial_n and_o temptation_n as_o say_v the_o apostle_n 1_o pet_n 1.6_o now_o for_o a_o season_n you_o be_v in_o heaviness_n if_o need_v be_v through_o manifold_a temptation_n to_o keep_v we_o under_o and_o to_o make_v we_o the_o better_a to_o remember_v ourselves_o indeed_o it_o have_v be_v the_o lord_n course_n and_o deal_n with_o i_o ever_o since_o he_o stop_v i_o in_o the_o way_n as_o i_o be_v post_v to_o hell_n to_o raise_v up_o one_o affliction_n or_o other_o either_o inward_a or_o outward_a either_o from_o satan_n the_o world_n or_o my_o own_o corrupt_a heart_n and_o nature_n not_o have_v wisdom_n and_o grace_n to_o behave_v and_o carry_v myself_o as_o i_o ought_v under_o his_o various_a dispensation_n and_o providence_n as_o appear_v at_o this_o time_n by_o his_o lay_v so_o great_a and_o grievous_a a_o affliction_n upon_o i_o in_o take_v away_o so_o dear_a a_o son_n from_o who_o i_o have_v much_o soul-comfort_n and_o ardent_a affection_n which_o he_o manifest_v by_o his_o fervent_a prayer_n for_o i_o and_o by_o his_o spiritual_a letter_n and_o write_n to_o i_o wherein_o he_o apply_v himself_o suitable_o to_o my_o comfort_n in_o those_o inward_a trouble_n of_o heart_n and_o spirit_n that_o lay_v upon_o i_o this_o cause_v my_o grief_n and_o sorrow_n to_o take_v the_o great_a hold_n on_o i_o upon_o the_o loss_n of_o one_o who_o be_v so_o useful_a to_o i_o yet_o hereby_o i_o do_v not_o derogate_v from_o my_o elder_a son_n from_o who_o i_o have_v the_o like_a help_n and_o comfort_n upon_o this_o sad_a occasion_n my_o grief_n grow_v so_o great_a that_o i_o take_v no_o pleasure_n of_o any_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n but_o be_v so_o overwhelm_v with_o melancholy_a and_o my_o natural_a strength_n be_v so_o abate_v that_o little_a food_n serve_v my_o turn_n and_o i_o judge_v that_o i_o can_v not_o live_v long_o in_o such_o a_o condition_n hereupon_o i_o begin_v to_o examine_v my_o heart_n why_o it_o shall_v be_v so_o with_o i_o and_o whether_o carnal_a and_o inordinate_a affection_n be_v not_o the_o great_a cause_n of_o my_o trouble_n which_o i_o much_o fear_v and_o have_v use_v many_o argument_n and_o lay_v down_o many_o reason_n to_o myself_o to_o quiet_a and_o moderate_v my_o passion_n yet_o nothing_o prevail_v to_o quiet_a and_o calm_a my_o heart_n and_o to_o bow_v i_o to_o the_o obedience_n of_o god_n reveal_v will_n and_o withal_o consider_v that_o it_o be_v god_n only_o that_o can_v quiet_v the_o heart_n and_o set_v our_o unruly_a and_o carnal_a affection_n into_o a_o holy_a frame_n and_o order_n and_o that_o he_o be_v a_o present_a help_n in_o time_n of_o trouble_n i_o often_o and_o earnest_o seek_v the_o lord_n with_o many_o prayer_n and_o tear_n beseech_v he_o to_o quiet_v my_o heart_n and_o to_o overpower_v and_o tame_v my_o unruly_a affection_n so_o as_o to_o be_v willing_a to_o submit_v unto_o he_o and_o to_o bear_v his_o afflict_a hand_n patient_o and_o fruitful_o and_o to_o be_v ready_a and_o willing_a to_o submit_v either_o in_o do_v or_o suffer_v whatsoever_o he_o please_v to_o impose_v upon_o i_o and_o to_o be_v ready_a to_o part_v with_o the_o best_a outward_a comfort_n i_o enjoy_v whensoever_o he_o shall_v please_v to_o call_v for_o the_o same_o and_o it_o please_v god_n seasonable_o to_o hear_v my_o prayer_n to_o regard_v my_o tear_n and_o to_o grant_v my_o request_n by_o calm_v and_o quiet_v my_o heart_n and_o spirit_n and_o to_o give_v i_o much_o more_o contentedness_n to_o submit_v to_o his_o holy_a will_n and_o good_a pleasure_n who_o be_v a_o god_n of_o judgement_n and_o know_v the_o fit_a time_n and_o season_n to_o come_v in_o with_o refresh_a comfort_n and_o who_o wait_v to_o be_v gracious_a unto_o those_o that_o trust_v in_o he_o yet_o sure_o i_o be_v not_o without_o many_o temptation_n in_o this_o hour_n of_o darkness_n from_o that_o subtle_a adversary_n who_o always_o stand_v at_o watch_n to_o insinuate_v and_o frame_v his_o temptation_n answerable_a to_o our_o condition_n and_o like_o a_o roar_a lion_n walk_v about_o continual_o seek_v to_o devour_v poor_a yet_o grecious_a soul_n then_o i_o call_v upon_o the_o lord_n in_o my_o distress_n and_o he_o answer_v i_o and_o deliver_v i_o bless_v
heaven_n upon_o earth_n or_o good_a news_n for_o repent_v sinner_n be_v a_o account_n of_o the_o remarkable_a experience_n and_o evidence_n for_o eternal_a life_n of_o many_o eminent_a christian_n in_o several_a declaration_n make_v by_o they_o upon_o solemn_a occasion_n display_v the_o exceed_a riches_n of_o the_o free_a grace_n and_o love_n of_o god_n in_o support_v they_o under_o violent_a temptation_n and_o at_o length_n fill_v their_o soul_n with_o divine_a consolation_n approve_a of_o as_o very_o necessary_a for_o comfort_v poor_a doubt_v believer_n by_o william_n dyer_n min._n of_o the_o gospel_n come_v and_o hear_v all_o you_o that_o fear_v god_n and_o i_o will_v declare_v what_o he_o have_v do_v for_o my_o soul_n psalm_n 66.17_o london_n print_v for_o thomas_n and_o nath._n crouch_n jun._n at_o the_o bell_n in_o the_o poultry_n near_o cheapside_n 1697._o to_o the_o reader_n i_o be_o very_o sensible_a that_o discourse_n of_o conversion_n in_o this_o age_n be_v much_o slight_v and_o deride_v by_o some_o kind_n of_o man_n that_o make_v high_a pretence_n to_o learning_n and_o knowledge_n who_o tell_v we_o that_o this_o talk_n of_o conversion_n be_v sitter_n for_o pagan_n and_o infidel_n to_o hear_v than_o christian_n and_o protestant_n but_o as_o some_o people_n speak_v against_o learning_n that_o have_v none_o themselves_o so_o such_o person_n may_v be_v think_v to_o inveigh_v against_o conversion_n and_o the_o spirit_n of_o god_n because_o they_o never_o experience_v the_o effect_n of_o either_o of_o they_o in_o themselves_o for_o certain_o i._o it_o be_v not_o the_o take_n on_o we_o the_o profession_n of_o christianity_n that_o can_v save_v our_o soul_n or_o make_v we_o happy_a forever_o if_o to_o cease_v to_o be_v jew_n or_o pagan_n and_o to_o put_v on_o the_o christian_a profession_n be_v sufficient_a than_o the_o christian_n of_o sardis_n and_o laodicea_n who_o have_v a_o name_n to_o live_v will_v never_o have_v be_v condemn_v by_o our_o bless_a lord_n and_o threaten_v to_o be_v spew_v out_o rev._n 3.1,16_o be_v there_o not_o many_o that_o name_n the_o name_n of_o jesus_n christ_n that_o yet_o depart_v not_o from_o iniquity_n and_o profess_v they_o know_v god_n but_o in_o work_n deny_v he_o and_o will_v god_n receive_v these_o for_o true_a convert_v because_o they_o be_v turn_v to_o the_o christian_a religion_n ii_o it_o be_v not_o be_v baptise_a into_o the_o christian_a faith_n nor_o be_v wash_v in_o the_o laver_n of_o regeneration_n that_o can_v denominate_v a_o man_n a_o real_a and_o sincere_a christian_a many_o take_v the_o press_n money_n and_o wear_v the_o livery_n of_o christ_n that_o yet_o never_o stand_v to_o their_o colour_n nor_o follow_v their_o leader_n ananias_n and_o saphira_n and_o simon_n magus_n be_v baptize_v as_o well_o as_o the_o rest_n how_o fond_o then_o do_v many_o man_n mistake_v deceive_v and_o be_v deceive_v dream_v that_o the_o effectual_a grace_n of_o god_n be_v necessary_o join_v to_o the_o outward_a administration_n of_o baptism_n and_o that_o be_v convert_v and_o regenerate_v already_o when_o baptise_a they_o need_v no_o more_o but_o if_o this_o be_v so_o than_o all_o that_o be_v baptize_v in_o their_o infancy_n must_v necessary_o be_v save_v because_o the_o promise_n of_o pardon_n and_o salvation_n be_v make_v to_o conversion_n and_o regeneration_n and_o we_o need_v look_v no_o further_o to_o see_v our_o name_n write_v in_o heaven_n but_o to_o search_v the_o register_n and_o see_v whether_o we_o be_v baptize_v and_o the_o certificate_n of_o our_o baptism_n will_v be_v the_o fair_a evidence_n for_o heaven_n and_o we_o need_v only_o to_o cry_v god_n mercy_n and_o be_v absolve_v by_o the_o minister_n at_o our_o death_n and_o we_o 〈◊〉_d inherit_v the_o kingdom_n of_o god_n but_o let_v i_o tell_v you_o from_o the_o live_a god_n that_o whatever_o benefit_n you_o receive_v by_o baptism_n yet_o if_o when_o you_o come_v to_o year_n you_o be_v unholy_a unclean_a malicious_a covetous_a a_o scoffer_n or_o the_o like_a you_o can_v be_v save_v except_o you_o be_v renew_v again_o by_o repentance_n and_o a_o through_o and_o powerful_a change_n of_o your_o heart_n and_o life_n iii_o it_o be_v not_o moral_a righteousness_n that_o will_v evidence_n we_o to_o be_v christian_n we_o must_v exceed_v the_o scribe_n and_o pharisee_n and_o though_o the_o bless_a apostle_n paul_n before_o his_o conversion_n say_v that_o he_o be_v touch_v the_o righteousness_n of_o the_o law_n blameless_a phil._n 3._o so_o that_o none_o can_v charge_v he_o with_o the_o least_o immorality_n and_o though_o the_o self_n justify_v pharisee_n can_v say_v i_o be_o no_o extortioner_n adulterer_n unjust_a etc._n etc._n luke_n 18.11_o yet_o this_o be_v not_o sufficient_a thou_o must_v have_v something_o more_o than_o all_o this_o to_o show_v or_o else_o god_n will_v not_o justify_v thou_o i_o condemn_v not_o morality_n but_o we_o be_v not_o to_o rest_v there_o piety_n include_v morality_n as_o christianity_n do_v humanity_n and_o grace_n include_v reason_n but_o we_o must_v not_o divide_v the_o two_o table_n iv_o external_n conformity_n to_o the_o rule_n of_o piety_n be_v not_o enough_o to_o make_v we_o true_a christian_n many_o have_v a_o form_n of_o godliness_n without_o the_o power_n they_o may_v pray_v long_o fast_o often_o hear_v glad_o and_o be_v very_o forward_o in_o the_o service_n of_o god_n though_o costly_a and_o expensive_a and_o yet_o be_v stranger_n to_o christianity_n and_o the_o divine_a life_n it_o will_v not_o be_v enough_o for_o they_o to_o plead_v at_o the_o great_a day_n of_o account_n that_o thâ—_n keep_v their_o church_n say_v their_o prayer_n receive_v the_o sacrament_n constant_o give_v alm_n or_o the_o like_a for_o there_o be_v no_o outward_a service_n but_o a_o hypocrite_n may_v perform_v it_o even_o to_o the_o give_v all_o his_o good_n to_o the_o poor_a and_o his_o body_n to_o be_v burn_v 1_o cor._n 13.3_o v._o a_o seem_v conformity_n to_o the_o will_n of_o god_n occasion_v either_o by_o the_o restraint_n of_o humane_a law_n education_n affliction_n or_o the_o like_a can_v never_o give_v we_o assurance_n of_o eternal_a happiness_n it_o be_v too_o common_a and_o easy_a to_o mistake_v education_n for_o the_o grace_n of_o god_n but_o if_o this_o be_v true_a who_o be_v a_o better_a man_n than_o jehoash_n who_o while_o his_o uncle_n live_v be_v very_o forward_o in_o god_n service_n and_o call_v upon_o he_o to_o repair_v the_o house_n of_o the_o lord_n 2_o king_n 12.2,7_o yet_o there_o be_v nothing_o but_o good_a education_n all_o this_o while_n for_o when_o his_o good_a tutor_n be_v take_v out_o of_o the_o way_n he_o appear_v to_o have_v be_v only_o chain_v up_o and_o present_o fall_v to_o idolatry_n so_o in_o case_n of_o humane_a law_n and_o affliction_n though_o man_n may_v seem_v very_o conformable_a while_o they_o be_v restrain_v by_o they_o yet_o that_o be_v remove_v many_o throw_n of_o all_o and_o commit_v iniquity_n with_o groodiness_n have_v brief_o declare_v what_o true_a christianity_n be_v not_o i_o shall_v in_o short_a discover_v what_o it_o be_v conversion_n or_o true_a religion_n consist_v in_o the_o through_o change_n both_o of_o the_o heart_n and_o life_n by_o the_o spirit_n of_o god_n through_o the_o merit_n and_o intercession_n of_o jesus_n christ_n where_o this_o be_v in_o truth_n it_o go_v throughout_o all_o the_o power_n principle_n and_o practice_n of_o a_o man_n his_o mind_n be_v change_v and_o the_o scale_n of_o his_o natural_a ignorance_n fall_v off_o so_o that_o god_n and_o his_o glory_n weigh_v down_o all_o carnal_a and_o worldly_a interest_n and_o he_o be_v turn_v from_o darkness_n to_o light_n he_o that_o think_v former_o there_o be_v little_o hurt_v in_o sin_n now_o come_v to_o see_v it_o to_o be_v the_o chief_a of_o evil_n heretofore_o he_o see_v no_o form_n nor_o comeliness_n in_o his_o holy_a redeemer_n that_o he_o shall_v desire_v he_o but_o now_o he_o find_v he_o to_o be_v the_o hide_a treasure_n and_o the_o pearl_n of_o price_n for_o which_o he_o be_v willing_a to_o part_v with_o all_o to_o purchase_v it_o now_o god_n be_v all_o to_o he_o and_o he_o value_v his_o favour_n and_o the_o light_n of_o his_o countenance_n above_o all_o the_o good_a that_o he_o former_o inquire_v after_o and_o set_v his_o heart_n upon_o let_v the_o world_n now_o present_v herself_o in_o all_o the_o glory_n of_o her_o kingdom_n yet_o his_o soul_n will_v prefer_v a_o naked_a a_o crucify_a a_o persecute_a christ_n before_o she_o and_o he_o will_v cry_v out_o the_o lord_n be_v my_o portion_n say_v my_o soul_n who_o have_v i_o in_o heaven_n but_o thou_o and_o there_o be_v none_o upon_o earth_n that_o i_o desire_v beside_o thou_o god_n be_v the_o strength_n of_o my_o heart_n and_o my_o portion_n for_o ever_o he_o have_v rather_o be_v
gracious_a than_o great_a and_o have_v rather_o be_v the_o holy_a man_n upon_o earth_n than_o the_o most_o learned_a the_o most_o famous_a or_o the_o most_o prosperous_a his_o joy_n be_v change_v he_o now_o rejoice_v in_o the_o way_n of_o god_n testimony_n more_o than_o in_o all_o riches_n he_o delight_v in_o the_o law_n of_o the_o lord_n of_o which_o he_o former_o have_v little_a savour_n he_o have_v no_o such_o joy_n as_o in_o the_o thought_n of_o christ_n and_o fruition_n of_o his_o company_n forever_o his_o ear_n and_o fear_n be_v alter_v he_o be_v once_o careful_a about_o the_o thing_n of_o this_o life_n but_o now_o his_o great_a solicitude_n be_v how_o to_o secure_v his_o soul_n and_o everlasting_a concern_v he_o use_v to_o fear_v nothing_o so_o much_o as_o the_o loss_n of_o his_o estate_n reputation_n friend_n or_o pleasure_n nothing_o sound_v so_o terrible_a to_o he_o as_o pain_n poverty_n or_o disgrace_n now_o these_o be_v little_a to_o he_o in_o comparison_n with_o the_o dishonour_n and_o displeasure_n of_o god_n it_o pierce_v his_o heart_n to_o think_v of_o lose_v god_n favour_n or_o of_o be_v part_v from_o his_o bless_a saviour_n his_o love_n run_v a_o new_a course_n and_o he_o like_o the_o ancient_a father_n can_v scarce_o find_v word_n sweet_a enough_o to_o express_v his_o affection_n to_o his_o well_o belove_a jesus_n let_v i_o see_v thou_o o_o light_n of_o my_o eye_n come_v o_o thou_o joy_v of_o my_o spirit_n let_v i_o behold_v thou_o o_o the_o gladness_n of_o my_o heart_n let_v i_o love_v thou_o o_o light_n of_o my_o soul_n appear_v unto_o i_o o_o my_o chief_a delight_n my_o sweet_a comforter_n o_o my_o god_n my_o life_n &_o the_o whole_a glory_n of_o my_o soul_n let_v i_o find_v thou_o o_o desire_n of_o my_o heart_n let_v i_o hold_v thou_o o_o love_n of_o my_o soul_n let_v i_o embrace_v thou_o and_o possess_v thou_o o_o heavenly_a bridegroom_n his_o sorrow_n have_v now_o a_o vent_n by_o the_o view_n of_o his_o sin_n the_o sight_n of_o a_o crucify_a christ_n which_o do_v scarce_o move_v he_o before_o how_o much_o do_v 〈◊〉_d affect_v his_o heart_n his_o hatred_n boil_v his_o anger_n 〈◊〉_d against_o sin_n all_o the_o faculty_n and_o member_n of_o his_o soul_n and_o body_n that_o be_v former_o instrument_n of_o sin_n be_v now_o become_v the_o holy_a utensil_n of_o christ_n live_a temple_n that_o eye_n which_o be_v once_o wander_v wanton_a haughty_a and_o cavetous_a be_v now_o employ_v as_o ave-mary_n weep_v over_o his_o sin_n in_o behold_v god_n in_o his_o work_n in_o read_v his_o word_n in_o search_v for_o object_n of_o charity_n and_o mercy_n and_o seek_v all_o opportunity_n to_o do_v he_o service_n that_o ear_n that_o be_v open_v to_o satan_n call_n and_o like_o a_o vitiate_a appetite_n relish_v nothing_o better_a than_o filthy_a or_o at_o least_o srothy_a unprofitable_a discourse_n and_o the_o laughter_n of_o fool_n be_v now_o bear_v to_o hear_v the_o sweet_a voice_n of_o jesus_n and_o be_v open_a to_o his_o teach_n it_o now_o say_v speak_v lord_n for_o thy_o servant_n hear_v and_o wait_v for_o his_o word_n as_o the_o rain_n which_o be_v sweet_a to_o he_o than_o the_o honey_n and_o the_o hovey_n comb_n or_o his_o appoint_a food_n that_o head_n which_o be_v fill_v with_o carnal_a contrivance_n and_o design_n be_v now_o employ_v in_o matter_n of_o great_a concern_n and_o study_n how_o it_o may_v perform_v the_o will_n of_o god_n his_o thought_n be_v now_o more_o intent_n about_o his_o duty_n than_o his_o gain_n and_o his_o principal_a business_n be_v how_o be_v may_v please_v god_n and_o avoid_v sin_n his_o heart_n which_o be_v full_a of_o pollution_n and_o defilement_n be_v now_o become_v a_o altar_n of_o divine_a incense_n where_o the_o fire_n of_o celestial_a love_n be_v continual_o burn_v and_o from_o whence_o the_o daily_a sacrifice_n of_o prayer_n and_o praise_n and_o the_o sweet_a perfume_n of_o holy_a desire_n ejaculation_n and_o soliloquy_n be_v constant_o ascend_v his_o mouth_n be_v become_v a_o well_o spring_n of_o life_n his_o tongue_n be_v as_o choice_a silver_n &_o his_o lip_n feed_v many_o now_o the_o salt_n of_o heavenly_a grace_n have_v season_v his_o speech_n and_o purge_v out_o all_o its_o corruption_n have_v cleanse_v it_o from_o its_o former_a filthy_a communication_n flatery_a boast_v rail_a lie_a swear_v backbiting_a which_o once_o issue_v out_o like_a flash_n of_o infornal_a fire_n from_o the_o hell_n that_o be_v in_o his_o heart_n his_o throat_n that_o be_v once_o a_o open_a sepulchre_n now_o send_v forth_o the_o sweet_a breath_n of_o prayer_n and_o holy_a discourse_n and_o the_o man_n speak_v in_o another_o tongue_n even_o the_o language_n of_o canaan_n and_o be_v never_o so_o well_o please_v as_o when_o talk_v of_o god_n christ_n and_o the_o glorious_a thing_n of_o another_o world_n his_o â—…outh_n bring_v forth_o wisdom_n and_o his_o tongue_n be_v become_v the_o silver_n trumpet_n of_o his_o maker_n praise_n and_o glory_n to_o conlude_v his_o conversation_n be_v in_o heaven_n and_o the_o new_a man_n take_v a_o new_a course_n in_o his_o life_n and_o practice_n when_o god_n have_v give_v he_o the_o new_a heart_n and_o write_v his_o law_n in_o his_o mind_n he_o forthwith_o walk_v in_o his_o statute_n and_o keep_v his_o judgement_n and_o though_o sin_n like_o a_o wearisome_a and_o unwelcome_a guest_n god_n know_v dwell_v in_o he_o yet_o it_o have_v no_o more_o dominion_n over_o he_o he_o have_v his_o fruit_n unto_o holinese_n and_o though_o he_o have_v many_o a_o fall_n yet_o the_o law_n and_o life_n of_o jesus_n be_v his_o rule_n and_o he_o have_v a_o unfeigned_a respect_n to_o all_o god_n commandment_n and_o keep_v a_o good_a conscience_n willing_a in_o all_o thing_n to_o live_v honest_o and_o without_o offence_n towards_o god_n and_o men._n in_o such_o a_o state_n as_o this_o no_o doubt_n be_v those_o eminent_a christian_n who_o make_v the_o follow_v solemn_a declaration_n of_o the_o gracious_a experience_n which_o they_o have_v of_o the_o exceed_a love_n &_o favour_n of_o god_n to_o their_o soul_n in_o support_v they_o under_o their_o doubt_n and_o difficulty_n and_o afterward_o confirm_v their_o mind_n in_o the_o good_a way_n of_o the_o lord_n they_o have_v find_v the_o lord_n to_o be_v merciful_a and_o full_a of_o goodness_n compassion_n and_o truth_n and_o therefore_o think_v that_o they_o ought_v with_o their_o mouth_n to_o show_v forth_o his_o praise_n both_o to_o stir_v up_o they_o to_o join_v with_o they_o therein_o and_o likewise_o to_o encourage_v poor_a distress_a disconsolate_a christian_n to_o put_v their_o trust_n in_o the_o almighty_a since_o if_o they_o persevere_v sincere_o in_o seek_v his_o face_n he_o will_v certain_o at_o length_n discover_v himself_o unto_o they_o and_o fill_v their_o heart_n with_o joy_n and_o gladness_n and_o it_o may_v be_v reasonable_o hope_v that_o these_o heavenly_a experience_n will_v be_v very_o effectual_a and_o conducive_a thereunto_o since_o they_o consist_v of_o such_o variety_n of_o trial_n temptation_n and_o exercise_n of_o spirit_n that_o we_o can_v scarce_o suppose_v but_o the_o most_o disquiet_v despair_v soul_n way_n here_o meet_v with_o case_n as_o dark_a and_o comfortless_a as_o his_o own_o and_z and_o likewise_o find_v what_o a_o good_a end_n the_o lord_n in_o his_o due_a time_n bring_v all_o the_o trouble_n of_o his_o afflict_a child_n unto_o and_o for_o this_o purpose_n no_o doubt_n they_o be_v first_o collect_v and_o publish_v some_o year_n since_o by_o divers_a faithful_a and_o pious_a minister_n of_o the_o gospel_n in_o and_o about_o london_n and_o though_o they_o have_v omit_v the_o name_n of_o the_o person_n because_o no_o glory_v shall_v appear_v therein_o yet_o they_o be_v then_o know_v to_o be_v christian_n who_o have_v true_o taste_v &_o see_v that_o the_o lord_n be_v gracious_a now_o that_o the_o god_n of_o all_o peace_n and_o consolation_n may_v give_v his_o blessing_n hereunto_o be_v the_o hearty_a and_o earnest_a prayer_n and_o desire_n of_o he_o who_o be_v a_o well_o wisher_n to_o the_o soul_n of_o men._n w._n d._n mercy_n triumphant_a in_o the_o conversion_n of_o sinner_n to_o god_n discover_v in_o the_o remarkable_a and_o gracious_a experience_n of_o several_a eminent_a christian_n i._o experience_n of_o mr._n j._n r._n minister_n of_o the_o gospel_n before_o i_o give_v a_o account_n of_o my_o own_o experience_n i_o shall_v brief_o discover_v the_o duty_n and_o usefulness_n of_o communicate_v christian_n experience_n 1._o it_o be_v a_o duty_n because_o it_o have_v be_v the_o practice_n of_o the_o people_n of_o god_n in_o former_a age_n when_o our_o bless_a saviour_n have_v cleanse_v the_o leper_n matth._n 8.4_o he_o bid_v he_o go_v and_o show_v it_o for_o a_o testimony_n and_o matth._n 28.7_o the_o angel_n
account_n of_o the_o wonâ—derful_a deal_n of_o the_o almighty_a with_o my_o unworthy_a self_n to_o give_v a_o formal_a account_n of_o my_o life_n will_v be_v tedious_a though_o i_o may_v safe_o say_v in_o every_o year_n since_o i_o can_v remember_v i_o have_v be_v insicht_v with_o for_o many_o and_o such_o remarkable_a enpericace_n as_o may_v make_v some_o rather_o admire_v than_o believe_v they_o and_o first_o when_o i_o be_v a_o schoolboy_n at_o malden_n in_o essex_n i_o begin_v to_o be_v rouse_v by_o two_o man_n mr._n will-fenner_n and_o mr._n stephen_n martial_n about_o the_o ten_o year_n of_o my_o age_n for_o before_o that_o i_o be_v i_o know_v not_o what_o though_o i_o be_v keep_v to_o read_v every_o day_n be_v catechise_v with_o other_o good_a order_n but_o then_o hear_v mr._n fenner_n full_a of_o zeal_n and_o see_v he_o thunder_v about_o and_o beat_v the_o palpit_n i_o be_v amaze_v and_o think_v he_o be_v mad_a wonder_v what_o he_o meanâ—…_n now_o whilst_o i_o be_v gaze_v upon_o he_o i_o be_v sudden_o strike_v and_o perceive_v it_o be_v we_o that_o be_v mad_a which_o make_v he_o seem_v to_o be_v so_o oh_o say_v he_o you_o knotty_a rugged_a proud_a piece_n of_o flesh_n you_o stony_a rocky_a flinty_a hard_a heart_n what_o will_v you_o do_v 〈◊〉_d you_o be_v roar_v in_o hell_n among_o the_o damn_a etc._n etc._n this_o make_v i_o at_o first_o astonish_v and_o run_v so_o oft_v in_o my_o mind_n afterward_o that_o i_o begin_v to_o be_v trouble_v sear_a and_o affright_v and_o for_o fear_n of_o go_v to_o hell_n i_o fall_v to_o pray_v hear_v sermon_n read_v the_o scripture_n morning_n and_o evening_n though_o i_o understand_v little_a but_o only_o think_v the_o bare_a read_v sufficient_a i_o learn_v to_o pray_v first_o out_o of_o book_n and_o get_v all_o the_o grace_n so_o call_v by_o heart_n and_o after_o family_n prayer_n i_o be_v every_o night_n afraid_a the_o devil_n will_v carry_v i_o away_o to_o hell_n if_o i_o do_v not_o say_v my_o prayer_n our_o father_n etc._n etc._n and_o i_o believe_v in_o god_n etc._n etc._n with_o the_o ten_o commandment_n and_o my_o little_a catechism_n of_o dr._n hall_n which_o i_o have_v learn_v and_o this_o i_o do_v due_o every_o night_n before_o i_o dare_v sleep_v which_o i_o think_v a_o sufficient_a defence_n to_o preserve_v i_o from_o the_o devil_n be_v tear_v i_o in_o piece_n before_o morning_n yet_o sometime_o when_o i_o be_v sleepy_a to_o make_v more_o haste_n i_o will_v say_v some_o of_o they_o in_o the_o chimney-corner_n whilst_o i_o be_v undress_v i_o think_v all_o be_v well_o enough_o so_o it_o be_v but_o do_v yea_o when_o i_o be_v extreme_o surprise_v with_o fear_n of_o the_o devil_n be_v apt_a to_o fancy_v any_o thing_n to_o be_v he_o i_o often_o say_v all_o my_o prayer_n and_o commandment_n twice_o over_o suspect_v i_o have_v not_o say_v they_o well_o enough_o or_o have_v for_o haste_n leave_v out_o some_o of_o they_o and_o the_o like_a and_o thus_o as_o the_o apostle_n say_v when_o i_o be_v a_o child_n i_o do_v childish_a thing_n and_o think_v all_o this_o be_v very_o well_o and_o ofttimes_o i_o will_v get_v one_o of_o my_o playfellow_n to_o walk_v alone_o with_o i_o and_o will_v tell_v he_o of_o sin_n and_o hell_n and_o such_o matter_n for_o they_o run_v always_o in_o my_o mind_n and_o i_o be_v in_o a_o desperate_a fear_n at_o length_n go_v to_o hear_v mr._n martial_n whilst_o i_o be_v nod_v and_o almost_o asleep_a his_o powerful_a voice_n awaken_v i_o thunder_v in_o my_o ear_n the_o dreadful_a danger_n of_o such_o as_o be_v drowsy_a and_o sleep_v and_o slumber_v away_o their_o salvation_n which_o i_o think_v be_v speak_v direct_o to_o i_o and_o have_v such_o prevalency_n upon_o i_o that_o i_o start_v up_o with_o a_o ache_a heart_n be_v much_o terrify_v at_o his_o word_n which_o he_o still_o pursue_v and_o wound_v i_o to_o the_o heart_n when_o he_o tell_v we_o that_o when_o time_n be_v past_a it_o can_v never_o be_v recall_v again_o and_o that_o there_o be_v no_o other_o way_n but_o to_o double_v our_o diligence_n and_o redeem_v the_o time_n we_o have_v lose_v by_o make_v more_o haste_n and_o take_v more_o care_n and_o pain_n or_o else_o we_o shall_v be_v utter_o lose_v and_o undo_v this_o touch_v i_o sufficient_o so_o that_o i_o can_v not_o forbear_v weep_v extreme_o after_o sermon_n i_o go_v home_o and_o sit_v alone_o i_o fall_v to_o cry_v and_o complain_v that_o i_o have_v lose_v my_o time_n take_v up_o a_o resolution_n never_o to_o sleep_v at_o church_n again_o and_o i_o think_v i_o have_v keep_v that_o solemn_a covenant_n to_o this_o very_a day_n after_o this_o i_o be_v not_o content_a with_o my_o former_a customary_a duty_n for_o now_o i_o must_v double_v they_o and_o do_v more_o than_o before_o wherefore_o i_o resolve_v to_o write_v down_o the_o sermous_n i_o hear_v as_o well_o as_o i_o can_v but_o have_v little_a skill_n to_o write_v fast_o or_o orderly_o i_o ever_o observe_v the_o doctrine_n reason_n and_o head_n of_o the_o use_v which_o i_o get_v by_o heart_n repeat_v the_o morning_n sermon_n at_o noon_n and_o the_o evening_n sermon_n at_o night_n so_o that_o i_o can_v the_o readily_o answer_v my_o father_n when_o he_o examine_v i_o and_o then_o i_o learn_v out_o of_o a_o book_n a_o prayer_n for_o morning_n and_o another_o for_o evening_n this_o course_n i_o continue_v for_o nine_o or_o ten_o year_n together_o so_o that_o at_o length_n i_o attain_v to_o repeat_v to_o myself_o the_o substance_n of_o some_o sermon_n which_o i_o have_v hear_v seven_o or_o eight_o year_n before_o and_o the_o lord_n lead_v i_o on_o in_o this_o orderly_a way_n i_o know_v not_o how_o without_o the_o advice_n or_o direction_n of_o any_o person_n upon_o earth_n whereby_o i_o hope_v to_o work_v out_o my_o salvation_n and_o redeem_v my_o time_n but_o this_o i_o must_v say_v from_o this_o form_n i_o learn_v much_o of_o god_n and_o goodness_n and_o what_o i_o do_v at_o first_o for_o fear_n of_o hell_n at_o last_o i_o perform_v out_o of_o love_n to_o heaven_n yea_o out_o of_o love_n to_o god_n and_o christ_n as_o if_o it_o be_v without_o heaven_n i_o use_v this_o method_n some_o year_n after_o i_o come_v to_o the_o university_n of_o cambridg_n whereby_o i_o be_v enable_v to_o recollect_v several_a man_n sermon_n 10_o year_n after_o they_o be_v preach_v and_o likewise_o with_o god_n assistance_n to_o preach_v myself_o at_o 18._o or_o 19_o year_n of_o age_n to_o the_o great_a wonder_n of_o many_o thus_o you_o hear_v how_o formal_a i_o be_v and_o i_o must_v needs_o confess_v it_o be_v more_o out_o of_o fear_n than_o love_v that_o i_o maintain_v this_o strictness_n in_o the_o duty_n of_o religion_n but_o not_o long_o after_o i_o be_v further_o awaken_v by_o my_o own_o father_n mr._n n._n r._n minister_n in_o essex_n who_o preach_v upon_o the_o good_a samaritan_n and_o show_v christ_n compassion_n to_o wound_a soul_n he_o in_o reproof_n of_o sinner_n declare_v that_o they_o be_v more_o guilty_a than_o the_o hard-hearted_a jew_n that_o they_o crucify_v christ_n afresh_o and_o have_v no_o compassion_n on_o he_o now_o he_o be_v in_o glory_n but_o spit_v on_o he_o and_o make_v he_o suffer_v and_o that_o his_o blood_n will_v rise_v up_o in_o judgement_n against_o they_o for_o if_o abel_n a_o mere_a man_n do_v so_o much_o more_o he_o and_o if_o david_n pray_v to_o be_v deliver_v from_o blood_n guiltiness_n how_o ought_v we_o to_o beg_v of_o god_n to_o be_v free_v from_o be_v guilty_a of_o the_o precious_a blood_n of_o the_o son_n of_o god_n and_o saviour_n of_o the_o world_n this_o he_o preach_v and_o press_v so_o powerful_o that_o i_o be_v throw_v into_o a_o tremble_a as_o lie_v under_o the_o guilt_n of_o christ_n blood_n and_o be_v long_o perplex_v with_o the_o horror_n thereof_o one_o remarkable_a passage_n i_o must_v never_o forget_v which_o happen_v in_o my_o youth_n that_o be_v one_o time_n play_v and_o run_v about_o my_o father_n house_n with_o my_o other_o companion_n i_o know_v not_o upon_o what_o occaon_n i_o utter_v vain_a word_n cry_v o_o lord_n which_o we_o be_v not_o suffer_v to_o do_v whereupon_o my_o heart_n be_v instant_o smite_v and_o i_o be_v sudden_o set_v a_o run_v by_o i_o know_v not_o what_o power_n or_o spirit_n as_o if_o i_o have_v be_v possess_v and_o can_v not_o possible_o stay_v myself_o till_o i_o be_v carry_v with_o much_o violence_n to_o a_o little_a gate_n way_n where_o to_o my_o apprehension_n i_o perceive_v as_o plain_o as_o ere_o i_o see_v any_o thing_n by_o the_o sunshine_n a_o naked_a sword_n glitter_v with_o a_o sharp_a edge_n which_o take_v up_o the_o whole_a space_n
do_v nothing_o but_o weep_v and_o mourn_v and_o pray_v count_v my_o life_n to_o be_v lose_v and_o yet_o i_o be_v more_o trouble_v for_o the_o wrath_n of_o god_n than_o the_o wrath_n of_o man_n but_o at_o length_n it_o please_v god_n to_o give_v i_o comfort_n for_o one_o night_n whilst_o i_o be_v beraoan_v myself_o and_o in_o much_o despair_n on_o a_o sudden_a the_o room_n be_v all_o in_o a_o flame_n and_o i_o think_v myself_o in_o the_o midst_n of_o lightning_n and_o be_v terrify_v i_o imagine_v i_o see_v these_o word_n write_v against_o the_o wall_n thy_o sin_n be_v pardon_v and_o thy_o life_n be_v hide_v with_o christ_n in_o god_n this_o extraordinary_a manifestation_n much_o ease_v the_o trouble_n and_o sorrow_n wherein_o i_o be_v but_o yet_o for_o want_v of_o faith_n this_o comfort_n do_v not_o long_o continue_v with_o i_o for_o after_o that_o i_o think_v i_o see_v the_o lord_n with_o such_o a_o wrathful_a countenance_n that_o i_o dare_v not_o look_v upon_o he_o and_o the_o next_o news_n that_o i_o hear_v be_v that_o i_o be_v order_v to_o be_v shoot_v to_o death_n oh_o than_o i_o can_v express_v the_o terror_n that_o i_o be_v in_o my_o woeful_a misery_n be_v such_o that_o neither_o prayer_n read_v of_o the_o scripture_n nor_o the_o precious_a promise_n therein_o can_v afford_v i_o any_o relief_n for_o i_o can_v not_o believe_v that_o i_o have_v any_o right_n to_o they_o and_o therefore_o can_v not_o lay_v hold_n of_o they_o in_o this_o dreadful_a distress_n i_o lie_v a_o condemn_a man_n both_o in_o soul_n and_o body_n lament_v my_o wretched_a condition_n when_o open_v the_o bible_n in_o joel_n 2.13_o i_o see_v it_o thus_o write_v turn_v you_o to_o the_o lord_n god_n for_o he_o be_v gracious_a and_o merciful_a slow_a to_o anger_n and_o of_o great_a tenderness_n and_o repent_v he_o of_o the_o evil._n hereupon_o i_o ponder_v a_o while_n and_o say_v and_o be_v he_o such_o a_o god_n well_o then_o he_o be_v my_o god_n and_o with_o that_o i_o give_v myself_o up_o into_o his_o hand_n resolve_v to_o rely_v upon_o he_o let_v he_o do_v what_o he_o will_v with_o i_o and_o on_o this_o foundation_n i_o be_v settle_a and_o satisfy_v a_o while_n after_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o deliver_v i_o out_o of_o the_o danger_n of_o death_n and_o to_o set_v i_o at_o liberty_n from_o prison_n but_o notwithstanding_o this_o great_a mercy_n yet_o i_o must_v confess_v that_o i_o afterward_o find_v such_o opposition_n in_o my_o heart_n against_o god_n as_o i_o can_v not_o believe_v have_v be_v in_o i_o i_o be_v grievous_o wound_v for_o it_o and_o can_v have_v no_o quiet_a but_o go_v to_o mr._n w._n and_o acquaint_v he_o with_o it_o who_o tell_v i_o that_o i_o have_v fall_v from_o my_o first_o work_n and_o that_o i_o must_v repent_v this_o rent_n my_o heart_n and_o i_o have_v no_o rest_n i_o return_v from_o he_o and_o apply_v to_o prayer_n keep_v that_o course_n continual_o till_o by_o degree_n i_o be_v recover_v out_o of_o that_o disconsolate_a condition_n and_o i_o praise_v god_n i_o have_v since_o find_v his_o favour_n and_o kindness_n extend_v towards_o i_o so_o that_o i_o be_o full_o persuade_v he_o love_v i_o and_o will_v pardon_v my_o sin_n in_o jesus_n christ_n on_o who_o merit_n i_o rely_v in_o who_o righteousness_n i_o rest_v and_o by_o who_o grace_n i_o be_o now_o set_v free_a to_o serve_v he_o here_o and_o doubt_v not_o but_o to_o reign_v with_o he_o hereafter_o f._n b._n v._o experience_n of_o h._n m._n my_o father_n be_v a_o gentleman_n of_o a_o fair_a estate_n have_v many_o child_n eleven_o son_n of_o we_o he_o be_v high_a sheriff_n and_o when_o he_o die_v all_o our_o family_n be_v break_v disperse_a and_o in_o confusion_n two_o of_o we_o be_v bring_v up_o within_o five_o mile_n of_o gloucester_n but_o i_o be_v place_v a_o apprentice_n in_o london_n and_o by_o this_o mean_v my_o sorrow_n and_o trouble_n begin_v to_o be_v great_a at_o first_o from_o the_o consideration_n of_o this_o sudden_a change_n which_o continue_v a_o while_n but_o about_o the_o 17_o year_n of_o my_o age_n my_o former_a grief_n be_v turn_v into_o another_o kind_n of_o trouble_n namely_o sorrow_n for_o my_o sin_n i_o be_v for_o three_o year_n together_o wound_v with_o the_o sense_n of_o my_o sin_n and_o corruption_n which_o be_v many_o i_o follow_v sermon_n pursue_v the_o mean_n be_v constant_a in_o duty_n and_o do_v look_v for_o heaven_n that_o way_n i_o be_v very_o precise_a in_o outward_a formality_n censure_v all_o for_o reprobate_n that_o wear_v their_o hair_n long_o and_o not_o short_a above_o their_o ear_n or_o that_o follow_v the_o common_a mode_n and_o fashion_n of_o those_o day_n thus_o i_o continue_v distract_v in_o my_o thought_n and_o wound_v in_o my_o conscience_n weep_v often_o and_o bitter_o and_o pray_v earnest_o but_o yet_o have_v no_o comfort_n till_o i_o hear_v that_o sweet_a saint_n now_o in_o heaven_n dr._n sibbs_n by_o who_o mean_n and_o ministry_n i_o be_v bring_v to_o peace_n and_o joy_n in_o my_o spirit_n his_o sweet_a soul-melting_a sermon_n win_v my_o heart_n and_o refresh_v i_o much_o for_o by_o he_o i_o see_v much_o of_o the_o goodness_n of_o god_n and_o have_v good_a hope_n and_o confidence_n in_o christ_n jesus_n and_o can_v overlook_v the_o world_n undervalue_v all_o earthly_a thing_n and_o be_v not_o afraid_a of_o affliction_n and_o though_o i_o be_v sometime_o under_o the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n again_o unto_o fear_n yet_o my_o heart_n still_o hold_v firm_a and_o my_o desire_n be_v all_o heaven-ward_n i_o take_v delight_n to_o hear_v funeral_n sermon_n but_o dr._n sibbs_n chief_o by_o who_o i_o be_v effectual_o wrought_v upon_o and_o satissy_v with_o comfort_n which_o i_o hope_v will_v never_o leave_v i_o till_o i_o come_v to_o everlasting_a rest_n h._n m._n vi_o experience_n of_o mr._n t._n h._n minister_n of_o the_o gospel_n i_o be_v but_o young_a when_o i_o first_o come_v under_o gonviction_n of_o soul_n and_o my_o heart_n be_v warm_v by_o a_o zealous_a ministry_n which_o put_v i_o much_o upon_o duty_n i_o use_v to_o read_v the_o scripture_n every_o night_n and_o to_o repeat_v sermon_n often_o and_o so_o i_o spend_v the_o first_o scene_n of_o my_o youth_n till_o i_o be_v send_v by_o my_o friend_n to_o london_n where_o i_o live_v a_o year_n or_o two_o during_o that_o time_n as_o often_o as_o i_o see_v any_o minister_n i_o can_v not_o but_o weep_v and_o always_o wish_v that_o i_o may_v be_v one_o myself_o to_o be_v able_a to_o preach_v too_o after_o this_o i_o be_v send_v to_o one_o of_o the_o university_n in_o england_n but_o be_v wild_a with_o youthful_a company_n be_v remove_v to_o the_o college_n of_o dublin_n where_o i_o continue_v till_o the_o horrid_a popish_a rebellion_n break_v out_o in_o 1641._o at_o which_o time_n i_o leave_v it_o and_o go_v to_o liverpool_n in_o lancashire_n where_o i_o preach_v some_o year_n yet_o all_o this_o while_n i_o be_v but_o formal_a and_o as_o the_o young_a man_n in_o the_o gospel_n say_v he_o have_v keep_v all_o these_o thing_n from_o his_o youth_n so_o i_o be_v from_o from_o my_o youth_n religious_a well_o give_v love_v the_o mean_n and_o follow_v they_o hear_v sermon_n and_o seek_v to_o serve_v god_n but_o alas_o i_o be_v yet_o all_o this_o while_n in_o darkness_n and_o do_v not_o know_v it_o but_o afterward_o i_o see_v that_o i_o be_v blind_a and_o carnal_a for_o i_o begin_v to_o be_v in_o great_a doubt_n and_o trouble_n and_o very_o much_o cloud_v in_o my_o spirit_n and_o be_v exceed_o tie_v and_o bind_v up_o for_o a_o time_n under_o the_o sense_n of_o my_o formal_a holiness_n and_o sin_n but_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o give_v i_o light_n once_o as_o i_o be_v walk_v sad_o alone_a upon_o the_o mountain_n it_o please_v the_o lord_n so_o to_o influence_n i_o by_o his_o spirit_n which_o seem_v to_o be_v immediate_o pour_v out_o upon_o i_o that_o my_o soul_n be_v satisfy_v in_o jesus_n christ_n and_o my_o heart_n be_v fill_v with_o heavenly_a joy_n and_o peace_n and_o with_o most_o ravish_a contemplation_n which_o continue_v without_o a_o cloud_n for_o several_a week_n together_o and_o give_v i_o assure_v hope_n of_o the_o love_n of_o god_n and_o ever_o since_o i_o have_v live_v in_o the_o righteousness_n of_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n and_o though_o i_o have_v meet_v with_o many_o storm_n and_o cloud_n yet_o they_o have_v all_o pass_v away_o and_o can_v hinder_v i_o from_o salvation_n so_o long_o as_o christ_n who_o be_v my_o lord_n and_o saviour_n be_v above_o they_o and_o i_o doubt_v not_o but_o he_o will_v at_o last_o translate_v i_o from_o his_o kingdom_n of_o grace_n here_o
i_o have_v but_o a_o mind_n to_o seek_v god_n and_o to_o repent_v he_o be_v gracious_a and_o will_v receive_v i_o to_o mercy_n the_o thing_n that_o i_o do_v earnest_o beg_v of_o god_n be_v to_o know_v christ_n crucify_v for_o i_o and_o he_o tell_v i_o that_o indeed_o be_v best_a of_o all_o and_o after_o some_o good_a inâ—…tructions_n from_o he_o and_o other_o i_o be_v much_o delight_v to_o frequent_v the_o meeting_n of_o god_n servant_n and_o good_a sermon_n and_o i_o find_v many_o good_a operation_n upon_o my_o heart_n after_o very_o strong_a conflict_n which_o i_o have_v thus_o for_o about_o three_o quarter_n of_o a_o year_n lie_v in_o my_o bed_n wake_v all_o the_o night_n and_o call_v upon_o god_n to_o direct_v i_o to_o ask_v at_o his_o hand_n those_o thing_n which_o may_v be_v for_o his_o glory_n and_o my_o comfort_n and_o beg_v that_o he_o will_v give_v i_o a_o settle_a heart_n that_o may_v not_o be_v distract_v with_o the_o thing_n of_o the_o world_n in_o the_o morning_n i_o fall_v into_o a_o slumber_n with_o god_n still_o in_o my_o thought_n in_o which_o i_o hear_v as_o it_o be_v a_o voice_n from_o heaven_n speak_v to_o my_o heart_n and_o say_v thus_o ask_v of_o god_n a_o persect_n upright_a heart_n to_o walk_v in_o his_o presence_n which_o when_o i_o be_v full_o awake_a i_o take_v to_o be_v the_o motion_n of_o god_n spirit_n upon_o my_o conscience_n which_o do_v fill_v i_o with_o much_o joy_n provoke_v i_o to_o pray_v to_o the_o lord_n to_o grant_v i_o that_o grace_n and_o about_o two_o year_n since_o the_o lord_n give_v i_o a_o sense_n of_o my_o sin_n in_o a_o great_a measure_n than_o before_o and_o my_o repentance_n be_v more_o spiritual_a and_o my_o hatred_n of_o sin_n more_o real_a and_o i_o find_v a_o sore_a combat_n betwixt_o the_o flesh_n and_o the_o spirit_n be_v more_o senfible_a how_o i_o have_v stray_v from_o the_o rule_n of_o the_o gospel_n and_o do_v yet_o come_v short_a of_o my_o duty_n therein_o and_o it_o be_v a_o great_a grief_n to_o my_o heart_n that_o i_o can_v not_o live_v according_a to_o that_o which_o god_n have_v reveal_v of_o his_o will_n to_o i_o whilst_o i_o be_v thus_o trouble_v in_o spirit_n i_o hear_v some_o thing_n in_o several_a sermon_n preach_v by_o master_n b._n touch_v the_o sin_n of_o our_o natural_a corruption_n and_o what_o holiness_n god_n repuire_v of_o we_o and_o i_o hear_v mr._n c._n show_v that_o we_o shall_v strive_v to_o enter_v in_o at_o the_o narrow_a gate_n which_o wrought_v in_o my_o heart_n a_o very_a great_a sense_n of_o my_o sin_n in_o these_o conflict_n i_o meet_v with_o many_o discouragement_n and_o satan_n tempt_v i_o to_o despair_v but_o the_o lord_n sustain_v i_o i_o consider_v that_o as_o a_o sinner_n i_o deserve_v nothing_o but_o damnation_n but_o my_o comfort_n be_v in_o christ_n and_o my_o grief_n be_v interlace_v with_o comfort_n sometime_o i_o be_v in_o sorrow_n two_o or_o three_o day_n and_o then_o again_o find_v comfort_n and_o often_o pray_v unto_o the_o lord_n to_o lay_v no_o more_o weight_n upon_o i_o than_o he_o will_v give_v i_o strength_n to_o bear_v and_o i_o find_v the_o lord_n to_o be_v my_o shield_n and_o buckler_n and_o remember_v many_o promise_n from_o the_o lord_n in_o which_o to_o this_o day_n i_o bless_v god_n i_o have_v and_o still_o do_v find_v much_o comfort_n as_o psal_n 34.19_o many_o be_v the_o affliction_n of_o the_o righteous_a but_o the_o lord_n deliver_v he_o out_o of_o they_o all_o i_o have_v have_v many_o affliction_n for_o my_o sin_n but_o none_o but_o christ_n righteousness_n be_v my_o comfort_n in_o who_o i_o trust_v for_o deliverance_n ezekiel_n 33.11_o as_o i_o live_v say_v the_o lord_n god_n i_o have_v no_o pleasure_n in_o the_o death_n of_o the_o wicked_a but_o that_o the_o wicked_a turn_n from_o his_o evil_a way_n and_o live_v turn_v you_o turn_v you_o from_o your_o evil_a way_n for_o why_o will_v you_o die_v o_o you_o house_n of_o israel_n matth._n 11.28_o come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o labour_n and_o be_v heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_n ezekiel_n 18.30_o repent_v and_o turn_v yourselves_o from_o all_o your_o transgnession_n so_o iniquity_n shall_v not_o be_v your_o ruin_n isaiah_n 43.25_o ay_o even_o i_o be_o he_o that_o blot_v out_o thy_o transgression_n for_o my_o own_o sake_n and_o will_v not_o remember_v thy_o sin_n these_o and_o divers_a other_o promise_n i_o praise_v god_n i_o have_v have_v comfort_n from_o and_o as_o the_o fruit_n of_o my_o faith_n and_o my_o love_n to_o god_n i_o have_v these_o evidence_n wrought_v by_o his_o spirit_n through_o faith_n in_o my_o heart_n as_o a_o further_a manifestation_n of_o my_o interest_n in_o christ_n 1._o i_o believe_v in_o the_o promise_v of_o the_o free_a mercy_n of_o god_n in_o the_o merit_n of_o christ_n and_o can_v apply_v they_o with_o comfort_n to_o my_o own_o soul_n as_o i_o by_o faith_n 2._o my_o heart_n and_o my_o mind_n affect_v god_n above_o all_o the_o pleasure_n and_o joy_n in_o the_o world_n and_o when_o i_o think_v of_o the_o thing_n of_o the_o world_n in_o relation_n to_o god_n i_o think_v that_o without_o god_n all_o be_v but_o vain_a and_o vanity_n 3._o when_o i_o think_v of_o my_o cross_n and_o affliction_n in_o the_o world_n than_o i_o lift_v up_o my_o heart_n to_o god_n in_o christ_n and_o can_v say_v have_v thou_o i_o have_v all_o thing_n if_o i_o have_v christ_n i_o have_v enough_o 4._o my_o heart_n rejoice_v in_o duty_n and_o my_o soul_n do_v more_o rejoice_v in_o hear_v the_o word_n than_o in_o worldly_a pleasure_n 5._o i_o have_v the_o peace_n of_o god_n upon_o my_o conscience_n which_o be_v more_o to_o i_o than_o all_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n and_o make_v i_o set_v the_o world_n at_o naught_o and_o it_o be_v my_o prayer_n that_o i_o may_v never_o be_v without_o that_o peace_n of_o god_n whatever_o befall_v i_o 6._o the_o lord_n have_v give_v i_o a_o content_a mind_n in_o what_o condition_n soever_o he_o bring_v i_o to_o and_o his_o spirit_n work_v upon_o my_o heart_n that_o i_o do_v not_o repine_v against_o his_o will_n e._n l._n xx._n experience_n of_o j._n b._n some_o time_n ago_o a_o child_n of_o i_o about_o six_o year_n of_o age_n when_o i_o have_v bid_v he_o go_v forth_o to_o play_v he_o have_v come_v in_o again_o very_o solitary_a because_o other_o child_n will_v swear_v and_o be_v rude_a i_o will_v ask_v he_o robert_z what_o ail_v you_o why_o do_v you_o not_o go_v to_o play_v he_o will_v answer_v that_o he_o have_v no_o fellow_n to_o play_v withal_o but_o such_o as_o will_v swear_v and_o the_o like_a and_o they_o can_v be_v say_v he_o god_n child_n i_o will_v say_v why_o not_o child_n then_o he_o will_v say_v no_o mother_n though_o i_o be_o but_o a_o little_a way_n in_o my_o book_n yet_o i_o have_v learn_v that_o god_n will_v not_o pardon_v such_o sin_n as_o swear_v i_o have_v sometime_o say_v yes_o child_n i_o hope_v god_n will_v pardon_v they_o else_o god_n help_v thy_o father_n and_o god_n help_v we_o all_o then_o he_o have_v reply_v mother_n with_o great_a repentance_n god_n can_v forgive_v for_o his_o mercy_n be_v great_a but_o good_a mother_n let_v we_o forbear_v that_o which_o be_v evil_a and_o many_o time_n i_o have_v such_o conference_n with_o that_o child_n that_o see_v i_o trouble_v about_o it_o he_o have_v say_v good_a mother_n be_v content_a their_o parent_n be_v such_o and_o they_o must_v needs_o learn_v after_o they_o i_o think_v upon_o my_o child_n word_n and_o have_v before_o often_o offend_v god_n on_o the_o lord_n day_n and_o the_o thought_n of_o other_o fail_n in_o my_o conversation_n it_o wrought_v great_a trouble_n upon_o my_o heart_n so_o that_o i_o be_v much_o afflict_v in_o soul_n consider_v that_o my_o child_n so_o young_a shall_v give_v i_o such_o instruction_n which_o have_v prove_v a_o blessing_n to_o bring_v i_o home_o to_o he_o i_o do_v then_o make_v some_o doubt_n whether_o god_n will_v forgive_v i_o those_o sin_n and_o about_o that_o time_n hear_v dr._n usher_n preach_v several_a sermon_n and_o particular_o upon_o that_o text_n that_o we_o be_v but_o sojourner_n and_o traveller_n here_o and_o show_v that_o we_o be_v not_o at_o home_n therefore_o we_o must_v keep_v on_o in_o the_o straight_a way_n to_o heaven_n and_o take_v heed_n of_o the_o broad_a way_n which_o lead_v to_o hell_n this_o and_o other_o mean_v since_o do_v throw_v i_o down_o low_o ander_fw-mi the_o sense_n of_o sin_n yet_o not_o without_o sometime_o some_o refreshment_n and_o from_o a_o sermon_n preach_v by_o dr._n usher_n that_o the_o lord_n be_v the_o shield_n and_o defence_n of_o
those_o that_o trust_v in_o he_o i_o have_v some_o comfortable_a hope_n in_o the_o lord_n mercy_n but_o i_o find_v many_o doubt_n still_o yet_o about_o seven_o year_n slince_n master_n tompson_n make_v a_o sermon_n at_o liverpoole_n then_o besiege_v show_v that_o we_o must_v lay_v hold_v on_o the_o lord_n and_o hold_v fast_o and_o be_v will_v lead_v we_o through_o all_o trouble_n and_o soon_o after_o it_o be_v lose_v and_o many_o be_v kill_v but_o i_o bless_v god_n i_o have_v no_o hart_n at_o all_o which_o do_v much_o comfort_v i_o that_o the_o lord_n of_o his_o mercy_n have_v deliver_v i_o i_o do_v and_o still_o do_v hope_n that_o the_o lord_n have_v a_o mind_n to_o save_v i_o and_o to_o draw_v i_o near_o to_o himself_o which_o together_o with_o some_o other_o deliverance_n of_o the_o lord_n great_a mercy_n i_o take_v great_a comfort_n in_o so_o that_o when_o i_o have_v scarce_o bread_n and_o water_n and_o i_o have_v be_v straighten_v since_o yet_o i_o find_v still_o comfort_n from_o the_o lord_n for_o iny_n self_n and_o to_o be_v a_o instrument_n to_o help_v other_o who_o be_v prisoner_n and_o the_o lord_n then_o and_o since_o have_v by_o his_o spirit_n comfort_v i_o with_o several_a promise_n which_o i_o praise_v god_n i_o can_v apply_v to_o myself_o by_o which_o i_o have_v a_o testimony_n of_o my_o true_a belief_n some_o of_o which_o be_v these_o which_o follow_v gen._n 15.1_o the_o word_n of_o the_o lord_n come_v unto_o abraham_n in_o a_o vision_n say_v fear_v not_o abraham_n i_o be_o thy_o shield_n and_o thy_o exceed_a great_a reward_n i_o have_v find_v the_o lord_n to_o be_v my_o shield_n in_o those_o many_o deliverance_n he_o have_v wrought_v for_o i_o and_o have_v take_v away_o that_o distrustful_a fear_n which_o before_o be_v upon_o i_o and_o therefore_o i_o be_v and_o still_o be_o confident_a he_o will_v be_v my_o exceed_a great_a reward_n psal_n 119.57_o thou_o be_v my_o portion_n o_o lord_n i_o have_v say_v that_o i_o will_v keep_v thy_o word_n the_o same_o god_n wrought_v in_o my_o heart_n to_o say_v with_o david_n that_o i_o will_v keep_v thy_o word_n o_o lord_n and_o though_o i_o can_v as_o i_o shall_v yet_o my_o desire_n be_v to_o keep_v it_o my_o mind_n be_v to_o keep_v it_o therefore_o i_o presume_v with_o david_n to_o say_v thou_o be_v my_o portion_n o_o lord_n john_n 15.5_o christ_n say_v i_o be_o the_o vine_n you_o be_v the_o branch_n he_o that_o abide_v in_o i_o and_o i_o in_o he_o the_o samâ—_n bring_v forth_o much_o fruit_n for_o without_o i_o you_o can_v do_v nothing_o i_o know_v myself_o to_o be_v nothing_o without_o christ_n and_o though_o i_o have_v infirmity_n yet_o my_o heart_n abide_v in_o christ_n and_o therefore_o i_o hope_v to_o find_v righteousness_n and_o salvation_n not_o in_o myself_o but_o in_o christ_n desire_v also_o that_o i_o may_v bring_v forth_o fruit_n as_o a_o branch_n in_o he_o rom._n 8.1_o there_o be_v therefore_o now_o no_o condemnation_n to_o they_o that_o be_v in_o christ_n jesus_n who_o walk_v not_o after_o the_o flesh_n but_o after_o the_o spirit_n i_o find_v myself_o to_o be_v one_o of_o those_o who_o walk_v in_o my_o heart_n in_o the_o way_n of_o god_n to_o which_o i_o be_o lead_v by_o his_o spirit_n and_o not_o after_o the_o flesh_n and_o though_o i_o can_v serve_v god_n so_o well_o as_o i_o will_v i_o do_v as_o well_o as_o i_o can_v and_o be_o trouble_v in_o my_o spirit_n for_o my_o fail_n and_o therefore_o i_o believe_v i_o shall_v never_o be_v condemn_v and_o i_o have_v these_o testimony_n of_o my_o conversion_n and_o sincere_a love_n to_o god_n as_o the_o fruit_n of_o my_o faith_n 1._o the_o lord_n have_v by_o his_o spirit_n manifest_v to_o my_o soul_n that_o the_o wisdom_n of_o the_o spirit_n be_v life_n and_o peace_n and_o have_v wrought_v that_o peace_n in_o my_o heart_n that_o i_o do_v not_o desire_v any_o way_n to_o break_v from_o it_o for_o any_o other_o enjoyment_n whatsoever_o 2._o this_o i_o desire_v to_o be_v build_v upon_o that_o i_o may_v find_v christ_n to_o be_v my_o life_n and_o peace_n 3._o i_o find_v that_o the_o lord_n have_v great_o wrought_v upon_o i_o and_o my_o mind_n be_v full_o affect_v with_o the_o lord_n out_o of_o who_o i_o do_v not_o care_n for_o any_o thing_n that_o be_v in_o the_o world_n 4._o my_o desire_n be_v whole_o to_o serve_v god_n and_o leave_v all_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n as_o vain_a trifle_n for_o the_o enjoyment_n of_o he_o 5._o my_o love_n be_v so_o much_o to_o god_n in_o christ_n that_o have_v he_o i_o know_v i_o have_v all_o thing_n and_o without_o he_o i_o have_v nothing_o 6._o i_o find_v that_o i_o have_v great_a comfort_n and_o be_o much_o refresh_v by_o ordinance_n a_o sense_n of_o the_o spirit_n be_v frequent_o bring_v upon_o my_o heart_n and_o i_o have_v receive_v a_o great_a deal_n of_o comfort_n therein_o when_o i_o have_v be_v weak_a and_o it_o have_v be_v a_o refresh_n to_o i_o when_o food_n have_v be_v scant_o and_o particular_o from_o several_a serinons_n preach_v by_o mr._n whitaker_n mr._n marshal_n mr._n carter_n and_o other_o as_o also_o mr._n p._n dr._n homes_n mr._n w._n and_o at_o other_o meeting_n of_o godly_a people_n 7._o i_o find_v that_o the_o comfort_n of_o the_o ordinance_n be_v more_o sweet_a to_o i_o than_o all_o the_o pleasure_n riches_n or_o friend_n in_o the_o world_n for_o they_o be_v content_v comfort_n and_o so_o be_v not_o worldly_a thing_n 8._o i_o can_v find_v in_o my_o heart_n willing_o to_o die_v and_o leave_v child_n brother_n sister_n and_o all_o the_o world_n beside_o to_o go_v to_o my_o christ_n j._n b._n xxi_o experience_n of_o a._n j._n when_o it_o please_v god_n to_o call_v my_o husband_n from_o i_o i_o be_v for_o a_o time_n aâ—_n exceed_o cast_v down_o and_o trouble_v as_o i_o think_v any_o poor_a creature_n can_v be_v in_o which_o i_o be_v so_o overwhelm_v that_o i_o do_v not_o know_v which_o way_n to_o turn_v myself_o nor_o what_o to_o do_v yet_o be_v seek_v the_o lord_n to_o find_v out_o what_o be_v his_o mind_n in_o the_o thing_n i_o have_v lose_v a_o good_a estate_n have_v no_o body_n to_o look_v after_o my_o business_n have_v many_o injure_v i_o and_o have_v lose_v above_o the_o rest_n a_o pious_a husband_n who_o i_o entire_o love_v yet_o the_o lord_n put_v it_o into_o my_o heart_n that_o all_o this_o be_v to_o wean_v i_o from_o my_o sin_n and_o too_o much_o dote_v upon_o a_o husband_n and_o other_o worldly_a enjoyment_n which_o my_o heart_n be_v too_o much_o take_v up_o with_o therefore_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o strip_v i_o of_o they_o in_o a_o great_a measure_n to_o bring_v i_o near_o to_o himself_o i_o go_v to_o divers_a place_n to_o hear_v several_a minister_n and_o by_o wait_v upon_o the_o ordinance_n to_o seek_v after_o the_o lord_n if_o possible_a i_o may_v find_v comfort_n and_o satisfaction_n to_o my_o soul_n herein_o but_o continue_v in_o much_o affliction_n upon_o my_o spirit_n for_o near_o a_o year_n time_n at_o last_o i_o hear_v master_n jenkins_n preach_v out_o of_o the_o 21._o chapter_n of_o john_n the_o 18._o and_o 19_o verse_n very_o very_o i_o say_v unto_o thou_o when_o thou_o be_v young_a thou_o gird_v thyself_o and_o walkedst_a whether_o thou_o will_v but_o when_o thou_o shall_v be_v old_a thou_o shall_v stretch_v forth_o thy_o hand_n and_o another_o shall_v gird_v thou_o and_o carry_v thou_o whither_o thou_o will_v not_o this_o speak_v be_v signify_v by_o what_o death_n he_o shall_v glorify_v god_n the_o consideration_n of_o which_o dispensation_n from_o god_n to_o he_o draw_v forth_o my_o heart_n to_o be_v content_v with_o whatsoever_o the_o lord_n shall_v be_v please_v to_o lay_v upon_o i_o and_o i_o be_v satisfy_v to_o suffer_v or_o bear_v any_o thing_n in_o that_o it_o be_v the_o lord_n will_v to_o glorify_v himself_o by_o such_o dispensation_n towards_o the_o saint_n and_o the_o lord_n have_v since_o make_v i_o as_o he_o do_v david_n to_o be_v content_v as_o well_o with_o his_o rod_n as_o with_o his_o staff_n and_o then_o and_o since_o i_o praise_v the_o lord_n i_o can_v say_v with_o david_n it_o be_v well_o for_o i_o that_o i_o be_v afflict_v i_o be_v comfort_v with_o that_o example_n of_o â—he_n woman_n in_o the_o gospel_n to_o who_o it_o be_v say_v by_o christ_n that_o it_o be_v not_o lawful_a to_o take_v the_o child_n bread_n and_o cast_v it_o to_o dog_n in_o that_o i_o can_v say_v with_o she_o truth_n lord_n have_v the_o dog_n may_v lick_v the_o crumb_n that_o fall_v from_o their_o master_n table_n i_o remember_v god_n dispensation_n towards_o job_n and_o david_n and_o resolve_v with_o
joshua_n that_o i_o and_o my_o house_n will_v serve_v the_o lord_n and_o although_o it_o be_v a_o bitter_a pill_n to_o i_o to_o bear_v the_o cross_n before_o yet_o now_o my_o god_n have_v make_v it_o easy_a and_o i_o praise_v the_o lord_n through_o his_o grace_n i_o can_v go_v under_o it_o with_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o comfort_n and_o he_o have_v now_o discover_v to_o i_o the_o way_n of_o his_o work_n in_o those_o thing_n which_o before_o be_v wonderful_a strange_a to_o i_o many_o special_a promise_n i_o find_v great_a comfort_n in_o some_o that_o i_o remember_v be_v these_o that_o follow_v viz._n 1_o pet._n 5.6,7_o humble_a yourselves_o therefore_o under_o the_o mighty_a hand_n of_o god_n that_o he_o may_v exalt_v you_o in_o due_a time_n cast_v all_o your_o care_n on_o he_o for_o he_o care_v for_o you_o this_o promise_n i_o have_v find_v of_o a_o truth_n make_v good_a to_o i_o in_o some_o measure_n i_o have_v apply_v it_o often_o and_o have_v find_v the_o comfort_n of_o it_o 2_o con._n 1.29_o my_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a for_o thou_o from_o this_o place_n i_o find_v much_o comfort_n know_v the_o fullness_n of_o so_o glorious_a a_o portion_n jam._n 1.2,3,4_o count_v it_o all_o joy_n when_o you_o fall_v into_o divers_a temptation_n know_v this_o that_o the_o trial_n of_o your_o faith_n work_v patience_n but_o let_v patience_n have_v her_o perfect_a work_n that_o you_o may_v be_v perfect_a and_o entire_a want_v nothing_o this_o administer_v great_a joy_n to_o i_o against_o all_o temptation_n isa_n 55.1_o ho_o every_o one_o that_o thirst_v come_v you_o to_o the_o water_n of_o life_n and_o he_o that_o have_v no_o money_n come_v you_o tâ—…uy_v and_o eat_v this_o give_v great_a comfort_n to_o my_o soul_n at_o several_a time_n though_o it_o be_v so_o much_o cast_v down_o and_o that_o which_o give_v i_o great_a content_n and_o comfort_n be_v the_o seal_n of_o god_n spirit_n in_o my_o heart_n give_v evidence_n of_o peace_n in_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n between_o god_n and_o my_o soul_n by_o these_o testimony_n 1._o my_o love_n to_o god_n be_v so_o that_o i_o be_o confident_a if_o the_o lord_n keep_v i_o with_o his_o spirit_n which_o at_o this_o time_n he_o have_v bestow_v upon_o i_o i_o can_v be_v content_a to_o part_v with_o any_o thing_n or_o lay_v down_o my_o lise_fw-fr for_o his_o glory_n if_o he_o will_v call_v i_o to_o it_o 2._o the_o lord_n have_v be_v please_v so_o toâ—inrich_v my_o soul_n with_o his_o spirit_n that_o i_o loathe_v the_o thing_n of_o the_o world_n when_o they_o will_v draw_v i_o in_o any_o thing_n from_o submit_v to_o the_o motion_n of_o god_n spirit_n in_o my_o heart_n i_o once_o think_v nothing_o can_v have_v draw_v i_o from_o the_o love_n of_o the_o vain_a thing_n of_o the_o world_n but_o now_o i_o do_v as_o much_o disdain_v they_o for_o god_n and_o more_o than_o then_o i_o love_v they_o 3._o i_o desire_v to_o follow_v god_n ordinance_n and_o find_v great_a enlargment_n of_o my_o heart_n to_o god_n both_o to_o and_o in_o the_o ordinance_n and_o particular_o from_o mr._n s._n mr._n w._n and_o other_o from_o who_o many_o thing_n have_v fall_v that_o have_v much_o refresh_v my_o soul_n and_o i_o find_v my_o heart_n in_o duty_n to_o god_n more_o refresh_v than_o in_o any_o thing_n 4._o i_o find_v much_o peace_n in_o my_o conscience_n because_o of_o a_o free_a submission_n which_o his_o spirit_n have_v wrought_v in_o my_o soul_n to_o all_o the_o command_n of_o jesus_n christ_n and_o i_o find_v comfort_n in_o that_o true_a circumcision_n which_o be_v in_o my_o heart_n wrought_v by_o his_o spirit_n 5._o i_o find_v every_o every_o day_n so_o great_a a_o peace_n in_o my_o soul_n and_o such_o comfort_n in_o god_n that_o i_o can_v be_v willing_a and_o i_o bless_v god_n find_v in_o myself_o a_o readiness_n to_o die_v every_o moment_n xxii_o experience_n of_o a._n a._n about_o two_o year_n since_o my_o husband_n be_v sore_o wound_v which_o i_o take_v as_o a_o great_a trial_n not_o have_v above_o a_o month_n to_o go_v with_o child_n and_o i_o be_v trouble_v at_o it_o and_o about_o a_o quarter_n of_o a_o year_n after_o i_o be_v up_o all_o my_o child_n be_v sick_a together_o of_o the_o small_a pox._n yet_o all_o this_o do_v not_o work_v upon_o i_o inward_o so_o sensible_o as_o about_o a_o month_n afterward_o that_o one_o of_o my_o child_n die_v sudden_o when_o i_o think_v he_o have_v be_v near_o well_o than_o i_o say_v the_o wage_n of_o sin_n be_v death_n think_v that_o the_o lord_n have_v warn_v i_o by_o fatherly_a threaten_n before_o but_o i_o do_v not_o hearken_v to_o he_o and_o therefore_o i_o think_v he_o smite_v i_o now_o by_o the_o death_n of_o my_o child_n but_o yet_o i_o can_v not_o enter_v into_o any_o particular_a sin_n that_o god_n shall_v strike_v at_o only_o in_o general_n i_o seek_v the_o lord_n to_o lay_v open_a my_o sin_n to_o i_o i_o be_v very_o much_o trouble_v that_o the_o lord_n take_v my_o child_n so_o sudden_o from_o i_o but_o be_v comfort_v by_o mr._n strong_a in_o some_o sermon_n preach_v from_o the_o word_n the_o church_n to_o paul_n go_v to_o suffer_v at_o jerusalem_n act_v 21.14_o when_o he_o will_v not_o be_v persuade_v we_o cease_v say_v the_o will_n of_o the_o lord_n be_v do_v so_o i_o be_v settle_v pretty_a well_o in_o my_o thought_n till_o sudden_o the_o lord_n strike_v the_o elder_a of_o my_o two_o child_n then_o live_v which_o be_v a_o boy_n my_o other_o which_o be_v a_o girl_n i_o do_v not_o so_o much_o value_n but_o now_o i_o do_v and_o know_v god_n mercy_n in_o spare_v she_o but_o my_o child_n that_o then_o dye_v be_v the_o chief_a comfort_n that_o my_o heart_n be_v fix_v upon_o in_o this_o world_n which_o be_v so_o great_a a_o grief_n to_o i_o that_o i_o have_v sleep_v few_o night_n quiet_a i_o desire_v to_o know_v the_o mind_n of_o god_n what_o he_o will_v do_v with_o i_o sometime_o i_o shall_v have_v difpair_v through_o great_a busfeting_n inward_o but_o that_o the_o lord_n sustain_v i_o sometime_o i_o think_v that_o the_o wrath_n of_o god_n be_v hindle_v against_o i_o think_v never_o to_o have_v comfort_n in_o this_o world_n again_o but_o bless_v be_v the_o lord_n for_o it_o he_o have_v often_o comfort_v i_o in_o this_o that_o i_o have_v think_v he_o do_v it_o in_o love_n to_o i_o yet_o sometime_o i_o have_v fear_v that_o i_o shall_v despair_v and_o that_o the_o hand_n of_o god_n be_v against_o i_o in_o it_o have_v be_v trouble_v with_o thought_n that_o i_o be_v the_o death_n of_o my_o child_n thus_o i_o have_v be_v between_o hope_n and_o despair_v and_o can_v not_o find_v what_o the_o will_n of_o god_n be_v in_o it_o towards_o i_o and_o i_o have_v fear_n that_o the_o hand_n of_o god_n be_v still_o against_o i_o for_o further_a punishment_n because_o i_o have_v have_v many_o temptation_n upon_o i_o in_o low_a thought_n of_o god_n but_o i_o have_v go_v to_o prayer_n and_o desire_v the_o lord_n to_o deliver_v i_o and_o discover_v his_o mind_n to_o i_o in_o every_o thing_n that_o i_o do_v and_o have_v find_v a_o willingness_n to_o part_v with_o any_o thing_n even_o to_o cut_v off_o a_o limb_n or_o any_o thing_n if_o i_o can_v find_v out_o what_o it_o be_v and_o i_o bless_v god_n i_o have_v find_v a_o good_a spirit_n resist_v the_o bad_a yet_o i_o have_v be_v under_o much_o fear_n that_o i_o be_v not_o a_o child_n of_o god_n but_o it_o have_v please_v god_n to_o comfort_v i_o in_o this_o that_o paul_n life_n be_v subject_a to_o temptation_n therefore_o i_o have_v hope_n and_o cast_v myself_o upon_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n resolve_v that_o if_o i_o perish_v i_o perish_v never_o dare_v to_o offend_v willing_o in_o any_o thing_n that_o i_o know_v to_o be_v a_o sin_n yet_o i_o know_v i_o be_o a_o wretched_a sinner_n but_o i_o humble_o desire_v to_o do_v the_o will_n of_o god_n so_o far_o as_o i_o be_o able_a and_o in_o that_o i_o can_v say_v with_o david_n psal_n 42.1_o as_o the_o heart_n pant_v after_o the_o water-brook_n so_o pant_v my_o soul_n after_o thou_o o_o god_n i_o find_v comfort_n with_o he_o to_o say_v why_o be_v thou_o cast_v down_o o_o my_o soul_n and_o why_o be_v thou_o disquiet_v within_o i_o hope_v thou_o in_o god_n for_o i_o shall_v yet_o praise_v he_o for_o the_o help_n of_o his_o countenance_n verse_n 5._o and_o i_o will_v look_v unto_o the_o lord_n with_o the_o prophet_n micha_n i_o will_v wait_v for_o the_o god_n of_o my_o salvation_n my_o god_n will_v hear_v i_o mich._n 7.7_o and_o i_o have_v find_v much_o comfort_n in_o apply_v several_a promise_n to_o my_o
soul_n as_o matth._n 5.4_o christ_n say_v bless_a be_v they_o that_o mourn_v for_o they_o shall_v be_v comfort_v as_o god_n have_v give_v i_o a_o mourn_a spirit_n for_o my_o sin_n so_o i_o believe_v that_o in_o his_o time_n i_o shall_v be_v comfort_v and_o i_o have_v taste_v i_o bless_v god_n of_o the_o comfort_n of_o his_o spirit_n in_o my_o soul_n isaiah_n 55.1_o the_o lord_n faith_n ho_o every_o one_o that_o thirst_v come_v you_o to_o the_o water_n and_o he_o that_o have_v no_o money_n come_v you_o buy_v and_o eat_v yea_o come_v buy_v wine_n and_o milk_n without_o money_n and_o without_o price_n as_o the_o lord_n have_v make_v my_o soul_n to_o thirst_v for_o he_o so_o i_o doubt_v not_o but_o to_o find_v he_o and_o the_o lord_n say_v ezek._n 33.11_o as_o i_o live_v i_o have_v no_o pleasure_n in_o the_o death_n of_o the_o wicked_a but_o that_o the_o wicked_a turn_n from_o his_o way_n and_o live_v i_o thank_v god_n my_o heart_n and_o soul_n be_v turn_v from_o all_o thing_n and_o be_v only_o after_o the_o lord_n and_o in_o a_o special_a manner_n i_o have_v find_v sweet_a evidence_n of_o my_o faith_n and_o interest_n in_o god_n through_o christ_n i_o have_v late_o much_o comfort_n from_o a_o sermon_n preach_v by_o mr._n strong_a who_o show_v that_o affliction_n do_v not_o make_v â—s_n low_a in_o the_o fight_n of_o god_n though_o before_o man_n as_o also_o from_o the_o 〈◊〉_d at_o a_o conference_n by_o mr._n v._o that_o in_o the_o world_n we_o shall_v have_v tribulation_n but_o in_o god_n rest_n and_o 1._o i_o do_v clear_o find_v that_o my_o love_n be_v more_o set_v upon_o god_n than_o upon_o any_o thing_n 2._o i_o can_v more_o willing_o leave_v the_o world_n now_o than_o ever_o before_o and_o i_o can_v willing_o die_v if_o god_n see_v it_o good_a in_o the_o mind_n i_o be_o 3._o i_o find_v in_o my_o heart_n that_o i_o do_v so_o cast_v myself_o upon_o god_n that_o i_o have_v peace_n with_o he_o 4._o in_o time_n of_o doubt_n i_o find_v coâ—fort_n that_o i_o have_v a_o god_n to_o call_v upon_o and_o i_o find_v much_o peace_n in_o my_o mind_n in_o return_n from_o god_n 5._o i_o do_v always_o find_v when_o any_o evil_a thought_n arise_v a_o power_n from_o god_n which_o subdue_v they_o so_o that_o i_o never_o willing_o give_v way_n to_o they_o 6._o i_o find_v my_o affection_n ready_a to_o go_v forth_o both_o to_o duty_n and_o in_o duty_n to_o god_n and_o when_o i_o come_v to_o they_o with_o little_a affection_n yet_o i_o bless_v god_n i_o find_v a_o great_a deal_n of_o comfort_n usual_o before_o i_o go_v away_o 7._o i_o find_v the_o most_o comfort_n to_o my_o spirit_n be_v when_o i_o be_o weep_v for_o my_o infirmity_n or_o at_o prayer_n or_o duty_n in_o public_a or_o private_a and_o methinks_v i_o find_v such_o joy_n in_o they_o that_o i_o can_v dwell_v there_o have_v no_o comfort_n in_o the_o world_n like_o thaâ—_n 8._o i_o find_v in_o my_o heart_n a_o real_a love_n to_o all_o if_o any_o have_v wrong_v i_o i_o desire_v no_o revenge_n but_o that_o i_o may_v be_v at_o peace_n with_o all_o 9_o whatsoever_o i_o find_v to_o be_v 〈◊〉_d truth_n from_o god_n and_o a_o motion_n of_o his_o spirit_n i_o find_v in_o my_o soul_n a_o willingâ—_n submit_v to_o it_o a._n a._n xxiii_o experience_n of_o e._n c._n about_o 16._o year_n of_o age_n though_o i_o do_v not_o understand_v the_o word_n yet_o i_o have_v a_o great_a desire_n to_o go_v to_o hear_v because_o they_o serve_v god_n therein_o that_o do_v so_o know_v that_o there_o be_v a_o god_n that_o ought_v to_o be_v serve_v and_o i_o sit_v in_o corner_n study_v what_o way_n i_o may_v come_v to_o god_n if_o i_o shall_v die_v have_v a_o very_a great_a affection_n wrought_v by_o the_o lord_n upon_o my_o spirit_n pray_v as_o well_o as_o i_o can_v that_o myself_o and_o my_o father_n and_o mother_n and_o friend_n may_v go_v to_o god_n when_o we_o die_v and_o i_o be_v very_o much_o set_v upon_o duty_n think_v to_o find_v god_n there_o but_o afterward_o live_v in_o a_o family_n where_o i_o be_v much_o hinder_v from_o the_o ordinance_n or_o partake_v of_o any_o thing_n of_o god_n which_o be_v a_o great_a grief_n unto_o i_o yet_o sometime_o i_o have_v thought_n towards_o worldly_a thing_n ponder_v how_o to_o be_v rich_a or_o fine_a as_o other_o but_o god_n wrought_v in_o my_o heart_n a_o remorse_n to_o check_v those_o temptation_n and_o frequent_o the_o lord_n lay_v some_o affliction_n or_o other_o upon_o i_o to_o wean_v i_o the_o more_o from_o such_o vain_a thought_n which_o bring_v my_o heart_n into_o a_o very_a sad_a condition_n many_o time_n and_o sometime_o i_o have_v weep_v day_n and_o night_n and_o at_o other_o time_n through_o grief_n that_o i_o can_v not_o sorrow_n enough_o i_o have_v fall_v into_o a_o great_a measure_n of_o weep_v after_o i_o have_v live_v in_o several_a other_o family_n where_o i_o have_v little_a comfort_n about_o twenty_o year_n since_o hear_v mr._n f._n and_o mr._n p._n on_o lords-day_n i_o be_v much_o comfort_v and_o also_o by_o mr._n martial_n and_o other_o and_o from_o the_o consideration_n of_o the_o love_n of_o god_n in_o christ_n and_o the_o suffering_n of_o christ_n for_o we_o as_o also_o of_o the_o woman_n that_o do_v but_o by_o faith_n touch_v the_o hem_n of_o christ_n garment_n how_o she_o be_v comfort_v and_o heal_v and_o i_o have_v much_o comfort_n in_o private_a meeting_n but_o about_o five_o year_n since_o see_v my_o other_o neighbour_n many_o of_o they_o flourish_v and_o prosper_v in_o the_o world_n more_o than_o i_o i_o begin_v to_o doubt_v that_o i_o do_v but_o play_v the_o hypocrite_n and_o that_o perhaps_o they_o do_v pray_v more_o at_o home_n than_o i_o though_o i_o know_v some_o of_o they_o go_v less_o to_o the_o public_a ordinance_n i_o be_v very_o much_o trouble_v at_o this_o and_o think_v with_o myself_o lord_n shall_v i_o still_o lie_v at_o the_o pool_n and_o find_v no_o body_n to_o put_v i_o in_o that_o i_o may_v be_v heal_v and_o i_o be_v much_o trouble_v because_o many_o of_o my_o neighbour_n hate_v i_o for_o frequent_v private_a meeting_n and_o for_o above_o a_o month_n i_o spend_v much_o time_n in_o private_a prayer_n and_o often_o in_o the_o night_n upon_o my_o bed_n and_o go_v to_o hear_v only_o on_o the_o lords-day_n but_o then_o i_o have_v thought_n upon_o i_o that_o it_o be_v not_o please_v to_o god_n to_o pray_v unto_o he_o upon_o a_o soft_a bed_n then_o the_o lord_n put_v it_o in_o my_o heart_n that_o he_o have_v promise_v that_o where_o two_o or_o three_o be_v meet_v together_o in_o my_o name_n that_o i_o will_v be_v in_o the_o midst_n of_o they_o this_o cause_v i_o to_o go_v again_o as_o i_o have_v do_v before_o to_o hear_v of_o sermon_n on_o weekday_n but_o still_o i_o find_v many_o reason_n and_o doubting_n upon_o my_o spirit_n whether_o i_o be_v elect_v or_o not_o and_o be_v much_o cast_v down_o many_o time_n about_o it_o and_o have_v some_o temptation_n to_o despair_n fear_v that_o such_o a_o sinner_n as_o i_o can_v not_o be_v save_v yet_o i_o have_v comfort_n in_o this_o that_o though_o i_o be_v a_o finner_n god_n by_o his_o spirit_n have_v mortify_v i_o and_o though_o i_o be_o not_o so_o good_a as_o i_o shall_v be_v yet_o through_o the_o power_n of_o grace_n i_o be_o not_o so_o bad_a as_o the_o flesh_n will_v be_v and_o find_v much_o of_o the_o testimony_n of_o god_n spirit_n upon_o my_o heart_n i_o have_v great_a hope_n that_o i_o have_v mark_n and_o token_n of_o my_o believe_v one_o night_n have_v for_o about_o half_a a_o year_n time_n before_o use_v to_o go_v to_o bed_n before_o i_o pray_v be_v in_o bed_n and_o think_v to_o pray_v to_o god_n i_o have_v strange_a temptation_n upon_o i_o to_o put_v god_n out_o of_o my_o mind_n and_o i_o can_v not_o speak_v a_o word_n nor_o scarce_o think_v of_o god_n and_o if_o i_o do_v in_o some_o interval_n i_o can_v not_o name_n god_n or_o christ_n nor_o speak_v a_o word_n to_o god_n for_o the_o present_a and_o satan_n then_o seem_v to_o appear_v to_o i_o in_o a_o most_o ugly_a shape_n laugh_v and_o jeer_v at_o i_o which_o do_v much_o affright_v i_o and_o i_o fear_v that_o i_o have_v play_v the_o hypocrite_n with_o god_n and_o now_o shall_v run_v mad_a to_o make_v good_a what_o some_o have_v reproachful_o east_n upon_o i_o that_o i_o be_v a_o hypocrite_n and_o i_o be_v rise_v out_o of_o my_o bed_n but_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o put_v it_o into_o my_o mind_n that_o christ_n jesus_n have_v not_o give_v so_o much_o for_o soul_n as_o he_o have_v do_v to_o
let_v the_o devil_n have_v they_o for_o nothing_o and_o in_o the_o strength_n of_o the_o lord_n i_o repulse_v the_o devil_n say_v satan_n when_o thou_o in_o tempt_a christ_n show_v he_o the_o whole_a world_n thou_o promise_v he_o that_o which_o be_v none_o of_o thou_o own_o nor_o be_o i_o thou_o and_o therefore_o avoid_v satan_n for_o thou_o have_v nothing_o to_o do_v with_o i_o and_o then_o the_o devil_n depart_v from_o i_o then_o my_o heart_n be_v much_o fill_v with_o the_o thought_n of_o the_o goodness_n of_o god_n and_o with_o a_o mixture_n of_o tear_n and_o joy_n i_o have_v sweet_a comfort_n from_o the_o lord_n and_o though_o i_o have_v have_v many_o doubt_n upon_o my_o spirit_n sometime_o yet_o i_o have_v since_o find_v very_o great_a consolation_n through_o faith_n in_o the_o promise_n of_o god_n as_o in_o these_o and_z divers_z other_o matth._n 11.28_o come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o labour_n and_o be_v heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_n i_o thank_v god_n i_o have_v find_v much_o rest_n and_o refreshment_n by_o come_v to_o christ_n and_o that_o his_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a for_o i_o matth._n 5.6_o bless_a be_v they_o which_o do_v hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o righteousness_n for_o they_o shall_v be_v fill_v i_o have_v often_o lay_v hold_v on_o this_o promise_n with_o a_o thirst_a desire_n after_o jesus_n christ_n and_o he_o have_v fill_v i_o with_o comfort_n and_o the_o comfort_n wherewith_o christ_n do_v comfort_n peter_n bid_v he_o not_o to_o fear_v for_o he_o have_v pray_v for_o he_o have_v be_v upon_o my_o spirit_n and_o give_v i_o great_a consolation_n in_o that_o i_o know_v christ_n be_v hear_v in_o all_o that_o he_o pray_v to_o the_o father_n and_o i_o find_v the_o testimony_n of_o my_o conversion_n to_o god_n which_o give_v satisfaction_n to_o my_o soul_n that_o i_o be_o a_o true_a believer_n 1._o though_o i_o do_v all_o that_o i_o can_v to_o serve_v god_n as_o he_o have_v command_v i_o yet_o i_o find_v great_a imperâ—_n fection_n and_o utter_a unworthiness_n in_o myself_o to_o deserve_v any_o thing_n of_o god_n but_o my_o whole_a dependence_n and_o hope_n of_o salvation_n be_v in_o god_n free_a grace_n in_o the_o blood_n and_o merit_n of_o my_o saviour_n jesus_n christ_n 2._o i_o do_v find_v that_o the_o love_n of_o god_n in_o christ_n constrain_v i_o to_o love_n god_n again_o above_o all_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n and_o whatever_o i_o be_o about_o my_o soul_n be_v delight_v with_o god_n above_o all_o 3._o i_o find_v that_o the_o lord_n draw_v my_o heart_n to_o hate_v all_o evil_a communication_n and_o evil_a thing_n and_o not_o so_o much_o to_o fear_v the_o punishment_n of_o the_o world_n for_o any_o thing_n as_o to_o sin_n against_o god_n 4._o i_o be_o much_o delight_v in_o the_o working_n of_o god_n spirit_n and_o it_o be_v a_o great_a joy_n and_o comfort_n to_o my_o soul_n when_o my_o heart_n be_v enlarge_v towards_o god_n 5._o my_o heart_n be_v much_o affect_v unto_o ordinance_n and_o if_o satan_n suggest_v worldly_a thought_n to_o hinder_v i_o from_o duty_n i_o have_v call_v upon_o god_n and_o find_v comfort_n and_o when_o i_o have_v come_v to_o duty_n with_o cold_a affection_n i_o have_v be_v much_o refresh_v in_o the_o duty_n 〈◊〉_d though_o sometime_o i_o have_v feel_v pain_n and_o distemper_n in_o my_o body_n which_o i_o have_v thought_n satan_n have_v do_v to_o make_v i_o weary_a in_o duty_n yet_o i_o have_v call_v on_o the_o lord_n and_o find_v comfort_n 6._o i_o find_v great_a peace_n and_o much_o comfort_n in_o the_o lord_n so_o that_o i_o can_v be_v willing_a to_o die_v and_o it_o be_v a_o great_a joy_n to_o i_o in_o that_o i_o expect_v to_o die_v that_o i_o may_v be_v deliver_v from_o the_o affliction_n of_o the_o world_n to_o enter_v into_o eternal_a joy_n with_o christ_n for_o ever_o e._n o._n xxiv_o expeience_n of_o a._n g._n i_o have_v be_v many_o year_n since_o very_o sensible_a of_o my_o natural_a estate_n and_o do_v lie_v long_o under_o the_o sense_n of_o my_o sin_n which_o be_v so_o great_a a_o burden_n to_o i_o that_o they_o make_v i_o almost_o despair_v insomuch_o that_o i_o can_v scarce_o either_o eat_v or_o drink_v but_o have_v my_o spirit_n dry_v up_o with_o the_o anguish_n thereof_o for_o i_o be_v bring_v up_o under_o the_o mean_n and_o from_o a_o child_n frequent_v the_o hear_n of_o the_o word_n and_o the_o first_o cause_n of_o my_o great_a torment_n be_v for_o that_o i_o once_o tell_v a_o lie_n against_o my_o conscience_n which_o so_o lie_v upon_o my_o spirit_n afterward_o that_o i_o can_v receive_v no_o comfort_n i_o go_v to_o hear_v the_o word_n and_o read_v the_o scripture_n yet_o all_o do_v but_o increase_v my_o horror_n several_a minister_n and_o godly_a people_n use_v great_a mean_n to_o comfort_v i_o but_o all_o in_o vain_a for_o a_o time_n and_o when_o i_o read_v the_o scripture_n i_o find_v every_o threaten_n and_o judgement_n therein_o that_o i_o fix_v my_o thought_n upon_o to_o speak_v terror_n to_o my_o soul_n and_o my_o distraction_n be_v so_o great_a that_o my_o friend_n say_v i_o be_v mad_a and_o keep_v the_o bible_n from_o i_o for_o so_o often_o as_o i_o read_v in_o it_o i_o pore_v most_o upon_o that_o dreadful_a place_n matth._n 12.31_o all_o manner_n of_o sin_n and_o blasphemy_n shall_v be_v forgive_v unto_o man_n but_o the_o blasphemy_n against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n shall_v not_o be_v forgive_v unto_o man_n i_o do_v not_o know_v what_o the_o sin_n against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n be_v but_o i_o have_v a_o persuasion_n i_o have_v commit_v that_o sin_n and_o fear_v that_o my_o sin_n can_v not_o be_v pardon_v and_o that_o i_o shall_v never_o go_v to_o heaven_n but_o be_v cast_v off_o to_o the_o damn_a yet_o this_o the_o lord_n wrought_v for_o i_o and_o in_o i_o by_o his_o bless_a spirit_n to_o draw_v forth_o my_o heart_n to_o be_v often_o pray_v in_o that_o poor_a doubt_a way_n my_o spirit_n can_v by_o the_o lord_n assistance_n souchsafe_v to_o i_o attain_v unto_o for_o though_o i_o think_v it_o in_o vain_a and_o that_o god_n will_v not_o hear_v i_o yet_o i_o continue_v pray_v and_o often_o cry_v to_o god_n not_o only_o in_o the_o day_n time_n but_o frequent_o in_o the_o night_n and_o rise_v out_o of_o my_o bed_n to_o pray_v to_o god_n to_o have_v mercy_n upon_o i_o and_o i_o be_v sometime_o a_o little_a comfort_v in_o that_o i_o be_v persuade_v to_o hope_v in_o the_o lord_n but_o yet_o it_o be_v dash_v again_o through_o fear_n that_o i_o have_v commit_v the_o sin_n against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n and_o i_o think_v that_o all_o victual_n and_o every_o thing_n be_v too_o good_a for_o i_o and_o that_o i_o be_v unworthy_a of_o all_o enjoyment_n thus_o i_o lay_v for_o some_o month_n in_o a_o sad_a agony_n wrestle_v with_o temptation_n perplex_v between_o hope_n and_o despair_n but_o at_o last_o in_o hear_v mr._n w._n minister_n of_o b._n and_o read_v a_o book_n call_v the_o new_a birth_n i_o find_v comfort_n be_v better_o satisfy_v what_o the_o sin_n against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n be_v than_o before_o since_o which_o i_o bless_v god_n i_o have_v for_o some_o year_n past_a find_v much_o comfort_n from_o the_o promise_v of_o god_n reveal_v in_o his_o holy_a word_n some_o of_o which_o follow_v matth._n 5.6_o bless_a be_v they_o which_o do_v hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o righteousness_n for_o they_o shall_v be_v fill_v my_o chief_a desire_n be_v after_o jesus_n christ_n and_o to_o follow_v he_o by_o the_o rule_n of_o the_o gospel_n not_o doubt_v but_o that_o i_o shall_v be_v bless_v in_o that_o grace_n which_o he_o communicate_v to_o i_o from_o his_o fullness_n matth._n 11.28_o come_v â—nto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o labour_n and_o be_v heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_n this_o promise_n be_v to_o soul_n lade_v with_o dejection_n and_o universal_a to_o all_o that_o come_v to_o christ_n have_v much_o comfort_v my_o heart_n in_o that_o by_o his_o spirit_n he_o have_v drawn-forth_a my_o soul_n to_o come_v to_o he_o and_o as_o a_o testimony_n of_o my_o love_n to_o god_n and_o evidence_n of_o my_o faith_n i_o bless_v god_n i_o have_v these_o comfortable_a fruit_n of_o the_o spirit_n of_o grace_n in_o my_o soul_n 1._o though_o i_o do_v all_o that_o i_o can_v to_o serve_v god_n yet_o in_o all_o thing_n i_o find_v infirmity_n in_o i_o so_o that_o all_o my_o trust_n be_v only_o in_o the_o meriâ—s_n of_o my_o saviour_n jesus_n christ_n 2._o though_o i_o can_v be_v so_o holy_a as_o i_o shall_v yet_o i_o desire_v and_o labour_n to_o be_v as_o holy_a as_o i_o can_v 3._o when_o my_o heart_n be_v dull_a cold_a
christ_n and_o isa_n 40.29_o he_o give_v power_n to_o the_o faint_a and_o to_o they_o that_o have_v no_o might_n he_o increase_v strength_n this_o promise_n i_o lay_v hold_v on_o because_o christ_n say_v come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o labour_n and_o be_v heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_n mat._n 11.28_o when_o i_o have_v refresh_v my_o spirit_n by_o apply_v these_o and_o some_o other_o promise_v to_o my_o own_o soul_n by_o faith_n in_o the_o lord_n jesus_n i_o find_v a_o effect_n of_o my_o faith_n by_o that_o love_n to_o god_n which_o by_o his_o holy_a spirit_n he_o have_v wrought_v in_o my_o soul_n which_o appear_v by_o these_o particular_a evidence_n 1._o i_o be_o grieve_v that_o i_o have_v be_v so_o unbelieving_a towards_o god_n and_o so_o impatient_a in_o my_o affliction_n 2._o i_o be_o trouble_v to_o think_v that_o whilst_o i_o live_v here_o in_o this_o mortal_a flesh_n i_o can_v be_v quite_o free_v from_o sin_n but_o must_v live_v to_o offend_v so_o good_a a_o god_n who_o have_v wrought_v so_o great_a a_o deliverance_n for_o i_o 3._o i_o bless_v the_o lord_n i_o can_v through_o divine_a goodness_n from_o the_o testimony_n of_o the_o bless_a spirit_n say_v with_o comfort_n the_o lord_n be_v my_o god_n whereby_o i_o can_v cry_v abba_n father_n 4._o i_o can_v i_o hope_v willing_o deny_v myself_o in_o all_o thing_n and_o shall_v the_o lord_n call_v i_o to_o it_o take_v up_o the_o cross_n of_o my_o saviour_n jesus_n to_o follow_v he_o and_o bless_v god_n in_o all_o dispensation_n whatsoever_o 5._o i_o find_v a_o total_a desire_n and_o willingness_n in_o my_o heart_n to_o surrender_v myself_o to_o be_v lead_v by_o god_n bless_a spirit_n in_o all_o holiness_n and_o piety_n with_o perseverance_n that_o i_o may_v live_v all_o my_o day_n to_o the_o glory_n of_o my_o god_n 6._o my_o affection_n be_v more_o firm_o and_o real_o knit_v to_o god_n than_o to_o any_o thing_n so_o that_o i_o can_v part_v with_o any_o thing_n for_o god_n and_o i_o value_v my_o interest_n in_o god_n above_o all_o thing_n and_o i_o find_v more_o joy_n in_o he_o than_o in_o all_o thing_n 7._o i_o be_o not_o now_o afraid_a to_o die_v shall_v god_n call_v i_o that_o i_o may_v go_v to_o be_v with_o my_o saviour_n for_o ever_o 8._o i_o desire_v to_o be_v in_o love_n and_o charity_n with_o all_o man_n but_o in_o a_o especial_a manner_n i_o do_v love_n the_o godly_a because_o in_o appearance_n they_o be_v the_o child_n of_o god_n and_o i_o desire_v to_o seed_n upon_o christ_n by_o faith_n in_o his_o ordinance_n m._n w._n xxx_o experience_n of_o h._n c._n at_o the_o beginning_n of_o the_o civil_a war_n i_o as_o well_o as_o other_o be_v much_o fright_v and_o when_o it_o be_v say_v that_o such_o a_o day_n the_o city_n shall_v be_v destroy_v i_o be_v amaze_v i_o have_v be_v a_o hearer_n a_o great_a while_n of_o very_o eminent_a minister_n in_o the_o city_n of_o london_n yet_o profit_v very_o little_a by_o what_o i_o hear_v for_o if_o they_o preach_v the_o mercy_n of_o god_n i_o sear_v they_o do_v not_o belong_v to_o i_o because_o i_o can_v not_o find_v those_o qualification_n in_o i_o which_o i_o think_v i_o ought_v to_o have_v if_o i_o expect_v to_o receive_v mercy_n i_o can_v rejoice_v in_o hear_v of_o the_o promise_n but_o can_v not_o lay_v hold_n on_o they_o as_o belong_v to_o i_o but_o still_o i_o go_v to_o hear_v though_o with_o much_o trouble_n of_o mind_n that_o day_n wherein_o it_o be_v say_v the_o city_n shall_v be_v destroy_v i_o begin_v to_o call_v myself_o to_o account_n what_o will_v become_v of_o my_o soul_n if_o it_o shall_v be_v so_o i_o be_v almost_o amaze_v but_o do_v much_o desire_n of_o god_n that_o he_o will_v give_v i_o faith_n and_o with_o the_o publican_n i_o say_v lord_n i_o believe_v help_v my_o unbelief_n i_o then_o resolve_v with_o myself_o well_o i_o will_v cast_v my_o soul_n into_o the_o arm_n of_o god_n if_o i_o perish_v i_o perish_v and_o through_o belief_n in_o he_o i_o be_v quiet_v in_o my_o spirit_n at_o that_o time_n but_o my_o sense_n of_o peace_n be_v soon_o veil_v and_o i_o be_v afterward_o sore_o afflict_v with_o the_o sight_n of_o my_o sin_n and_o be_v full_o persuade_v that_o i_o be_v a_o hypocrite_n and_o that_o all_o that_o i_o do_v be_v but_o for_o fear_n of_o hell_n than_o dare_v i_o not_o be_v any_o where_o alone_a for_o fear_v of_o the_o sight_n of_o the_o devil_n and_o if_o i_o have_v be_v at_o prayer_n by_o myself_o i_o dare_v not_o open_v my_o eye_n thus_o be_v i_o perplex_v with_o fear_n and_o persuade_v myself_o i_o shall_v perish_v my_o condition_n be_v very_o bitter_a to_o i_o and_o i_o do_v much_o labour_n for_o a_o rest_a place_n for_o my_o soul_n and_o be_v one_o day_n at_o a_o funeral_n the_o minister_n that_o preach_v the_o sermon_n show_v the_o sufficiency_n of_o god_n and_o the_o insufficiency_n of_o man_n and_o that_o all_o good_a come_v from_o god_n he_o say_v that_o it_o be_v as_o possible_a for_o that_o dead_a man_n to_o put_v life_n into_o himself_o as_o for_o any_o man_n to_o gain_v the_o least_o drop_n of_o grace_n of_o himself_o for_o faith_n be_v the_o gift_n of_o god_n then_o i_o begin_v to_o consider_v with_o myself_o and_o to_o take_v notice_n of_o the_o promise_n of_o god_n and_o i_o will_v write_v they_o to_o keep_v they_o about_o i_o i_o then_o be_v a_o hearer_n at_o st._n m._n the_o minister_n be_v much_o upon_o the_o affair_n of_o the_o time_n and_o i_o be_v much_o trouble_v about_o what_o i_o hear_v for_o i_o find_v not_o my_o soul_n satisfy_v with_o that_o matter_n when_o i_o come_v home_o i_o find_v that_o my_o soul_n be_v not_o able_a to_o live_v with_o that_o food_n and_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o direct_v i_o to_o hear_v mr._n sympson_n at_o allhollows_a toame_v street_n and_o he_o be_v set_v forth_o the_o free_a grace_n of_o god_n to_o poor_a sinner_n and_o then_o i_o begin_v to_o reason_n with_o myself_o that_o sure_o in_o put_v all_o mercy_n from_o i_o i_o do_v dishonour_n god_n for_o he_o invit_v all_o to_o believe_v his_o promise_n and_o i_o read_v that_o he_o say_v as_o i_o live_v i_o desire_v not_o the_o death_n of_o a_o sinner_n and_o christ_n say_v he_o come_v to_o save_v sinner_n and_o that_o the_o whole_a need_v not_o a_o physician_n but_o those_o that_o be_v sick_a and_o god_n have_v promise_v not_o to_o break_v the_o bruise_a reed_n nor_o quench_v the_o smoke_a flax_n and_o christ_n die_v for_o the_o ungodly_a and_o god_n be_v no_o respecter_n of_o person_n and_o christ_n promise_v that_o whosoever_o come_v unto_o he_o he_o will_v in_o no_o wise_a cast_v off_o when_o i_o have_v consider_v these_o and_o other_o promise_n and_o that_o place_n where_o it_o be_v say_v that_o without_o faith_n it_o be_v impossible_a to_o please_v god_n than_o i_o be_v earnest_a with_o god_n that_o he_o will_v give_v i_o faith_n and_o sincerity_n of_o heart_n and_o that_o place_n do_v much_o refresh_v i_o i_o will_v never_o leave_v thou_o nor_o forsake_v thou_o yet_o again_o after_o all_o this_o the_o sense_n of_o my_o own_o unworthiness_n do_v much_o trouble_v i_o and_o i_o be_v great_o grieve_v that_o i_o be_v so_o cumber_v in_o the_o world_n and_o begin_v to_o doubt_v say_v sure_o i_o have_v not_o choose_v the_o better_a part_n for_o sometime_o i_o shall_v rejoice_v and_o praise_n god_n be_v much_o satisfy_v from_o those_o place_n of_o scripture_n which_o say_v he_o have_v lay_v our_o iniquity_n on_o he_o and_o he_o have_v lay_v help_n on_o he_o that_o be_v mighty_a and_o in_o another_o place_n you_o be_v save_v by_o grace_n not_o of_o yourselves_o it_o be_v the_o gift_n of_o god_n and_o we_o have_v a_o advocate_n with_o the_o father_n even_o jesus_n christ_n the_o righteous_a and_o he_o be_v make_v sin_n for_o we_o that_o keâ—…_n no_o sin_n that_o we_o may_v be_v make_v the_o righteousness_n of_o god_n in_o he_o and_o behold_v the_o lamb_n of_o god_n that_o take_v away_o the_o sin_n of_o the_o world_n but_o in_o a_o short_a time_n i_o shall_v lose_v all_o my_o sense_n of_o comfort_n and_o then_o i_o have_v sad_a thought_n muse_v what_o god_n will_v do_v with_o i_o in_o the_o depth_n of_o these_o conflict_n at_o last_o that_o place_n refresh_v i_o where_o god_n say_v i_o the_o lord_n change_v not_o therefore_o you_o son_n of_o jacob_n be_v not_o consume_v though_o before_o i_o be_v not_o satisfy_v that_o my_o faith_n be_v true_a but_o doubt_v that_o sure_o i_o have_v presume_v upon_o false_a ground_n and_o be_v much_o perplex_v yet_o now_o it_o please_v god_n in_o the_o
offend_v and_o man_n in_o a_o lose_a condition_n but_o present_o a_o remedy_n promise_v go_v on_o i_o find_v the_o paschal_n lamb_n the_o brazen_a serpent_n the_o bunch_n of_o grape_n the_o escape_n goat_n and_o divers_a other_o thing_n to_o be_v type_n of_o that_o promise_a seed_n i_o likewise_o take_v a_o view_n of_o the_o affliction_n of_o joseph_n david_n and_o job_n that_o do_v much_o ease_v my_o grief_n come_v to_o that_o place_n where_o my_o god_n speak_v by_o his_o prophet_n come_v let_v we_o reason_n together_o though_o your_o sin_n be_v as_o scarlet_a i_o will_v make_v they_o as_o white_a as_o snow_n though_o they_o be_v like_o crimson_a they_o shall_v be_v like_o wool_n and_o though_o you_o have_v lie_v among_o the_o pot_n yet_o shall_v you_o belike_o dove_n wing_n cover_v over_o with_o silver_n then_o i_o think_v will_v the_o lord_n reason_n with_o sinner_n will_v he_o vouchsafe_v a_o parley_n o_o that_o i_o be_v able_a to_o answer_v he_o one_o of_o a_o thousand_o o_o that_o these_o promise_n belong_v unto_o i_o o_o that_o this_o god_n be_v reconcile_v unto_o i_o how_o happy_a shall_v i_o be_v how_o happy_a be_v that_o man_n who_o transgression_n be_v forgive_v and_o who_o sin_n be_v cover_v o_o how_o bless_a be_v that_o man_n unto_o who_o the_o lord_n impute_v no_o sin_n i_o find_v the_o same_o prophet_n isaiah_n prophesy_v of_o my_o saviour_n birth_n in_o his_o 9th_o chapter_n and_o in_o his_o 53_o he_o lively_o set_v forth_o his_o passion_n and_o in_o the_o 55_o the_o lord_n invite_v i_o with_o a_o proclamation_n ho_o every_o one_o that_o thirst_v come_v then_o i_o answer_v lord_n i_o will_v fain_o come_v but_o how_o shall_v i_o come_v i_o have_v nothing_o to_o bring_v to_o pacify_v thy_o anger_n o_o that_o i_o can_v see_v thou_o smile_v upon_o i_o as_o once_o i_o see_v thou_o frown_v how_o happy_a shall_v i_o be_v a_o then_o i_o call_v to_o mind_n that_o i_o have_v hear_v and_o read_v that_o jesus_n christ_n shed_v his_o blood_n for_o sinner_n and_o that_o whoseever_n believe_v in_o he_o shall_v be_v save_v and_o i_o be_v something_o encourage_v to_o petition_n in_o his_o name_n on_o this_o manner_n heal_n i_o o_o lord_n and_o i_o shall_v be_v heal_v turn_v i_o and_o i_o shall_v be_v turn_v convert_v i_o and_o i_o shall_v be_v convert_v o_o save_v i_o my_o god_n and_o i_o shall_v be_v save_v take_v away_o this_o stony_a heart_n of_o i_o and_o give_v i_o a_o heart_n of_o flesh_n renew_v a_o right_a spirit_n within_o i_o restore_v i_o to_o those_o joy_n that_o i_o be_v wont_a to_o find_v in_o thou_o for_o thy_o love_a kindness_n be_v better_a than_o thousand_o of_o river_n of_o oil_n o_o cast_v i_o not_o away_o who_o thou_o have_v have_v so_o much_o patience_n withal_o o_o cast_v i_o not_o away_o who_o thou_o have_v buy_v with_o so_o dear_a a_o price_n o_o forsake_v i_o not_o in_o this_o my_o great_a necessity_n o_o look_v upon_o that_o ever-streaming_a fountain_n of_o thy_o son_n blood_n which_o be_v pour_v forth_o for_o all_o they_o that_o believe_v lord_n i_o believe_v help_v thou_o my_o unbelief_n o_o pardon_n pardon_v i_o beseech_v thou_o forgive_v i_o all_o my_o sin_n my_o sermon-sin_n my_o sabbath-sin_n my_o every_o day_n sin_n my_o other_o people_n sin_n my_o sin_n of_o omission_n my_o sin_n of_o commission_n my_o sin_n of_o ignorance_n my_o sin_n of_o knowledge_n my_o sin_n of_o presumption_n my_o sin_n of_o wilfulness_n o_o lord_n forgive_v i_o my_o know_a and_o secret_a sin_n o_o pardon_v the_o sin_n that_o i_o have_v commit_v this_o day_n o_o speak_v the_o word_n only_o and_o thy_o servant_n shall_v be_v heal_v amen_n thus_o when_o the_o lord_n have_v open_v my_o mouth_n to_o speak_v unto_o he_o i_o gather_v a_o great_a deal_n of_o strength_n and_o have_v much_o hope_n that_o he_o will_v be_v entreat_v but_o not_o set_v so_o great_a a_o esteem_n on_o my_o saviour_n jesus_n christ_n as_o i_o ought_v i_o think_v i_o must_v bring_v something_o with_o i_o to_o pacify_v my_o god_n i_o think_v i_o must_v make_v myself_o all_o fair_a and_o beautiful_a before_o my_o god_n will_v love_v i_o but_o how_o to_o do_v this_o i_o know_v not_o for_o the_o space_n of_o eleven_o year_n i_o seek_v all_o opportunity_n to_o please_v he_o yet_o when_o i_o examine_v my_o way_n work_n and_o action_n i_o find_v they_o be_v so_o far_o from_o please_v he_o that_o they_o be_v rather_o motive_n to_o stir_v he_o up_o to_o anger_n if_o he_o shall_v be_v severe_a to_o mark_v what_o i_o do_v amiss_o many_o time_n i_o think_v upon_o the_o sad_a condition_n that_o i_o have_v be_v in_o and_o how_o the_o lord_n have_v restore_v i_o than_o my_o heart_n be_v elevate_v and_o overjoy_v i_o find_v a_o great_a deal_n of_o love_n in_o myself_o towards_o god_n but_o be_v not_o sure_a of_o god_n love_n to_o i_o which_o i_o esteem_v above_o all_o the_o world_n the_o honour_n of_o god_n be_v so_o dear_a unto_o i_o that_o i_o can_v sometime_o say_v unto_o he_o lord_z if_o there_o be_v no_o way_n to_o bring_v honour_n to_o thy_o name_n but_o by_o my_o confusion_n then_o let_v i_o be_v confound_v but_o sure_a lord_n thou_o may_v gain_v more_o glory_n in_o save_v i_o than_o in_o damn_v i_o the_o dead_a can_v bring_v honour_n to_o thy_o name_n for_o who_o shall_v give_v thou_o thanks_o in_o the_o pit_n the_o live_n the_o live_n they_o shall_v praise_v thou_o as_o i_o hope_v to_o do_v hereafter_o many_o time_n i_o pray_v and_o have_v many_o petition_n grant_v i_o present_o and_o at_o other_o time_n i_o prayeâ—_n and_o be_v deny_v what_o i_o beg_v but_o have_v what_o i_o desire_v in_o a_o better_a way_n in_o all_o dispensation_n i_o find_v my_o god_n with_o i_o either_o with_o his_o prevent_n assist_a or_o support_v grace_n i_o receive_v innumerable_a favour_n from_o he_o yet_o can_v i_o not_o be_v persuade_v that_o they_o come_v from_o his_o love_n but_o that_o rather_o they_o be_v to_o augment_v my_o scere_fw-la i_o be_v still_o labour_v and_o inquire_v how_o i_o may_v come_v to_o be_v assure_v of_o god_n love_n which_o he_o be_v please_v at_o length_n to_o show_v i_o in_o some_o measure_n on_o this_o manner_n in_o the_o sixth_o of_o john_n i_o hear_v my_o saviour_n jesus_n christ_n tell_v i_o that_o i_o can_v come_v to_o he_o except_o god_n our_o father_n draw_v i_o and_o if_o i_o come_v to_o he_o him_z he_o will_v in_o no_o wise_a cast_v i_o out_o but_o will_v raise_v i_o up_o at_o the_o last_o day_n i_o be_o persuade_v that_o it_o be_v my_o god_n alone_o that_o do_v draw_v i_o to_o my_o saviour_n jesus_n christ_n that_o will_v receive_v i_o and_o will_v raise_v i_o up_o at_o the_o last_o day_n in_o john_n 17._o i_o hear_v he_o pray_v to_o his_o father_n for_o i_o who_o request_n i_o be_o confident_a shall_v not_o be_v deny_v nay_o further_o by_o faith_n i_o see_v my_o saviour_n jesus_n christ_n suffer_v for_o i_o nail_v upon_o the_o cross_n for_o i_o wounded_z buffet_v strip_v and_o spit_v upon_o for_o i_o dead_a bury_v rise_v again_o ascend_v into_o heaven_n and_o sit_v on_o the_o right_a hand_n of_o his_o father_n and_o my_o god_n make_v intercession_n for_o i_o which_o give_v i_o assurance_n of_o my_o god_n everlasting_a and_o unchangeable_a love_n in_o and_o through_o my_o saviour_n jesus_n christ_n towards_o i_o and_o that_o not_o for_o any_o thing_n that_o be_v in_o i_o but_o for_o his_o sake_n he_o say_v unto_o i_o when_o i_o be_v in_o my_o blood_n live_v and_o i_o know_v i_o do_v believe_v and_o be_o regenerate_v by_o the_o holy_a ghost_n 1._o because_o i_o find_v such_o a_o alteration_n in_o myself_o that_o whereas_o before_o i_o can_v not_o believe_v there_o be_v a_o god_n now_o i_o be_o sure_a there_o be_v a_o great_a and_o a_o almighty_a god_n and_o he_o be_v my_o love_a father_n 2._o before_o i_o dare_v not_o lift_v up_o my_o eye_n to_o heaven_n now_o i_o can_v with_o boldness_n cry_v abba_n dear_a father_n 3._o before_o i_o do_v not_o regard_v the_o people_n of_o god_n now_o all_o my_o delight_n be_v with_o the_o saint_n that_o be_v upon_o the_o earth_n 4._o i_o love_v to_o hear_v my_o god_n well_o speak_v of_o it_o grieve_v i_o to_o hear_v or_o see_v he_o dishonour_v 5._o i_o long_o to_o see_v my_o saviour_n and_o to_o kiss_v those_o wound_n from_o which_o issue_v stream_n of_o blood_n which_o pacisy_v god_n anger_n towards_o i_o 6._o i_o rejoice_v when_o i_o think_v of_o death_n know_v that_o it_o be_v swallow_v up_o in_o victory_n 7_o i_o often_o hear_v this_o voice_n in_o my_o ear_n arise_v you_o dead_a and_o come_v to_o
especial_o i_o be_v give_v much_o to_o impatiency_n for_o which_o my_o husband_n have_v often_o reprove_v i_o but_o still_o i_o go_v on_o in_o my_o sin_n be_v not_o sensible_a of_o my_o sad_a condition_n therein_o until_o i_o come_v into_o england_n after_o which_o this_o sermon_n of_o mr._n t._n do_v much_o humble_v i_o and_o wrought_v upon_o my_o heart_n a_o very_a great_a sense_n of_o my_o sin_n and_o i_o be_v afraid_a that_o i_o have_v commit_v the_o sin_n of_o blasphemy_n against_o god_n as_o job_n say_v his_o child_n perhaps_o have_v do_v some_o way_n or_o other_o because_o i_o have_v sometime_o curse_v some_o body_n or_o something_o that_o have_v anger_v i_o and_o in_o passion_n rapt_v out_o sometime_o at_o oath_n many_o night_n i_o water_v my_o bed_n with_o my_o tear_n about_o it_o and_o go_v to_o mr._n west_n a_o minister_n near_o liverpoole_n and_o other_o godly_a people_n who_o use_v such_o mean_n as_o god_n lead_v they_o forth_o to_o for_o my_o comfort_n but_o i_o be_v still_o afflict_v in_o my_o soul_n about_o the_o space_n of_o three_o week_n and_o then_o i_o find_v much_o comfort_n be_v persuade_v by_o good_a counsel_n to_o trust_v in_o god_n which_o i_o do_v and_o be_v hearty_o sorry_a for_o my_o sin_n and_o then_o my_o husband_n be_v trouble_v in_o mind_n himself_o and_o the_o lord_n make_v i_o a_o instrument_n to_o comfort_v he_o as_o well_o as_o i_o can_v but_o about_o five_o month_n after_o he_o have_v abundance_n of_o joy_n and_o comfort_n and_o expect_a death_n say_v that_o he_o be_v persuade_v he_o shall_v be_v kill_v and_o so_o present_o after_o he_o be_v settle_v in_o his_o mind_n it_o fall_v sad_o out_o for_o the_o enemy_n take_v liverpool_n and_o kill_v my_o husband_n and_o a_o child_n both_o before_o my_o face_n and_o strip_v and_o wound_v i_o and_o a_o child_n of_o five_o year_n old_a and_o it_o be_v think_v i_o can_v not_o live_v and_o this_o be_v a_o strong_a trial_n and_o i_o be_v much_o tempt_v my_o sense_n i_o think_v be_v go_v from_o i_o and_o my_o heart_n i_o think_v will_v have_v rend_v in_o piece_n yet_o i_o pray_v and_o the_o lord_n hear_v i_o i_o think_v it_o be_v too_o much_o for_o i_o to_o bear_v but_o i_o remember_v my_o saviour_n word_n he_o that_o will_v not_o forsake_v father_n or_o mother_n or_o sister_n or_o brother_n or_o husband_n or_o child_n for_o christ_n be_v not_o worthy_a of_o he_o and_o i_o desire_v to_o give_v glory_n to_o his_o name_n i_o consider_v that_o i_o must_v part_v with_o all_o for_o christ_n i_o strive_v hard_o against_o my_o own_o weakness_n and_o my_o heart_n say_v that_o god_n be_v just_a in_o all_o his_o deal_n with_o i_o i_o think_v when_o i_o have_v consider_v of_o it_o that_o i_o do_v but_o suffer_v as_o a_o evil_a doer_n myself_o but_o our_o cause_n be_v god_n and_o our_o enemy_n popish_a rebel_n paul_n be_v ready_a not_o only_o to_o suffer_v but_o to_o die_v at_o jerusalem_n for_o the_o name_n of_o christ_n so_o i_o take_v it_o patient_o give_v glory_n to_o god_n and_o believe_v that_o god_n who_o â—us_o come_v so_o near_o i_o will_v not_o forsake_v i_o i_o be_v assure_v with_o much_o joy_n that_o the_o lord_n will_v bring_v i_o to_o himself_o and_o in_o this_o confidence_n do_v rejoice_v with_o my_o wound_a child_n and_o a_o little_a daughter_n in_o a_o barn_n where_o we_o be_v put_v have_v get_v a_o piece_n of_o a_o old_a bible_n and_o then_o and_o since_o i_o have_v find_v much_o settledness_n in_o my_o faith_n from_o several_a promise_n of_o the_o lord_n reveal_v in_o his_o holy_a word_n some_o of_o which_o follow_v john_n 15.7_o if_o you_o abide_v in_o i_o and_o my_o word_n abide_v in_o you_o you_o shall_v ask_v what_o you_o will_v and_o it_o shall_v be_v do_v unto_o you_o i_o trust_v in_o god_n never_o to_o depart_v from_o his_o word_n and_o therefore_o hope_v to_o find_v comfort_n in_o the_o end_n and_o do_v find_v comfort_n in_o the_o way_n in_o that_o christ_n abide_v with_o i_o matth._n 5.6_o bless_a be_v they_o which_o do_v hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o righteousness_n for_o they_o shall_v be_v fill_v though_o the_o lord_n have_v thus_o empty_v i_o of_o some_o worldly_a comfort_n yet_o he_o have_v give_v i_o a_o hunger_a and_o thirst_a soul_n after_o himself_o and_o therefore_o i_o lay_v hold_v of_o this_o promise_n of_o blessedness_n as_o make_v so_o i_o matth._n 15.28_o where_o christ_n say_v come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o labour_n and_o be_v heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_n it_o this_o i_o have_v be_v and_o still_o be_o much_o comfort_v in_o the_o great_a affliction_n that_o god_n have_v lay_v upon_o i_o in_o who_o alone_o be_v true_a rest_n and_o as_o further_a testimony_n of_o my_o love_n to_o god_n and_o evidence_n of_o my_o faith_n i_o have_v these_o comfortable_a inference_n which_o speak_v much_o peace_n to_o my_o soul_n 1._o my_o love_n to_o god_n and_o christ_n be_v more_o than_o to_o all_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n 2._o i_o find_v a_o great_a difference_n in_o my_o affection_n to_o god_n and_o to_o the_o world_n and_o the_o thing_n thereof_o so_o that_o my_o child_n which_o of_o all_o worldly_a thing_n be_v most_o hear_v and_o dear_a to_o i_o yet_o if_o god_n shall_v take_v they_o from_o i_o i_o can_v free_o give_v they_o 3._o i_o find_v the_o spirit_n strive_v against_o the_o flesh_n so_o that_o when_o i_o hear_v dr._n holmes_n speak_v of_o that_o still_a voice_n which_o a_o believer_n hear_v aâ—_n it_o be_v from_o the_o spirit_n it_o do_v so_o enlarge_v my_o heart_n that_o for_o joy_n and_o great_a comfort_n it_o make_v i_o weep_v through_o the_o influence_n of_o the_o spirit_n sensible_o then_o upon_o my_o heart_n and_o so_o at_o other_o time_n also_o i_o find_v much_o comfort_n in_o the_o spirit_n of_o god_n which_o be_v my_o great_a joy_n 4._o i_o do_v rejoice_v mighty_o in_o the_o ordinance_n and_o apply_v what_o i_o hear_v to_o myself_o as_o well_o as_o i_o can_v and_o when_o i_o hear_v any_o thing_n against_o any_o evil_n that_o i_o can_v apply_v to_o myself_o the_o lord_n draw_v forth_o my_o heart_n frequent_o to_o pray_v to_o god_n that_o i_o may_v do_v nothing_o that_o may_v displease_v he_o and_o i_o thank_v my_o god_n i_o find_v a_o full_a willingness_n in_o desire_n and_o affection_n to_o submit_v to_o every_o truth_n of_o jesus_n christ_n 5._o when_o i_o hear_v comfort_n speak_v of_o that_o concern_v i_o i_o be_o so_o joyful_a that_o it_o fill_v my_o heart_n and_o sometime_o fetch_v tear_n from_o my_o eye_n as_o particular_o when_o master_n m._n say_v that_o affliction_n be_v a_o testimony_n of_o god_n love_n to_o his_o people_n as_o lazarus_n be_v fore_o afflict_v and_o dear_o belove_v 6._o since_o i_o hear_v mr._n b._n and_o other_o as_o also_o suitable_a to_o my_o condition_n several_a thing_n lay_v open_a by_o mr._n w._n in_o some_o case_n of_o conscience_n i_o have_v be_v much_o affect_v to_o settle_v myself_o so_o by_o the_o power_n of_o christ_n that_o i_o may_v find_v peace_n in_o my_o conscience_n in_o all_o thing_n before_o i_o die_v and_o have_v make_v it_o my_o chief_a business_n and_o have_v find_v comfort_n in_o the_o meeting_n of_o godly_a people_n 7._o i_o bless_v the_o name_n of_o the_o lord_n my_o affection_n be_v love_v to_o the_o people_n of_o god_n and_o i_o know_v i_o love_v they_o dear_o and_o my_o heart_n rise_v to_o hear_v they_o speak_v against_o i_o have_v rather_o bear_v reproach_n myself_o than_o than_o see_v any_o one_o of_o they_o wrong_v or_o suffer_v 8._o i_o desire_v as_o to_o live_v with_o god_n in_o glory_n in_o heaven_n so_o to_o lead_v my_o life_n to_o his_o glory_n here_o on_o earth_n in_o grace_n according_a to_o the_o rule_n of_o his_o holy_a word_n and_o the_o example_n of_o the_o saint_n therein_o express_v and_o i_o can_v hearty_o wish_v be_v it_o possible_a that_o i_o may_v never_o sin_v more_o and_o i_o have_v i_o bless_v god_n a_o clear_a discern_a through_o the_o power_n of_o the_o spirit_n of_o grace_n that_o the_o gospel_n be_v the_o word_n of_o truth_n to_o salvation_n 9_o when_o i_o come_v before_o the_o lord_n i_o see_v nothing_o but_o emptiness_n in_o myself_o and_o therefore_o trust_v in_o the_o fullness_n of_o christ_n in_o who_o power_n and_o spirit_n i_o find_v much_o comfort_n and_o desire_v always_o that_o i_o may_v come_v prepare_v with_o that_o wedding_n garment_n that_o may_v never_o be_v take_v away_o from_o i_o for_o of_o myself_o i_o can_v do_v nothing_o but_o through_o christ_n if_o he_o abide_v in_o i_o and_o i_o in_o he_o i_o shall_v do_v all_o thing_n m._n
w._n xvi_o experience_n of_o i._o i._n when_o i_o be_v in_o the_o midst_n of_o my_o wealth_n and_o worldly_a enjoyment_n i_o be_v vain_a covetous_a and_o whole_o have_v my_o heart_n take_v up_o with_o the_o thing_n of_o the_o world_n little_a or_o nothing_o mind_v the_o thing_n of_o god_n or_o think_v of_o a_o change_n but_o go_v on_o in_o presumption_n put_v the_o evil_a day_n far_o off_o minidng_v only_o for_o the_o present_a what_o please_v the_o flesh_n until_o about_o eight_o year_n since_o i_o have_v many_o outward_a cross_n befall_v i_o and_o be_v in_o some_o want_n and_o then_o be_v under_o that_o dispensation_n i_o be_v much_o trouble_v and_o full_a of_o grief_n i_o seek_v to_o the_o lord_n and_o beg_v deliverance_n from_o my_o affliction_n and_o distress_n as_o to_o outward_a want_n but_o have_v not_o a_o heart_n to_o consider_v what_o be_v the_o cause_n or_o to_o seek_v out_o the_o mind_n of_o god_n in_o it_o until_o i_o hear_v dr._n holmes_n show_v sin_n to_o be_v the_o cause_n of_o all_o our_o cross_n the_o consideration_n hereof_o do_v come_v close_o unto_o my_o spirit_n and_o i_o have_v a_o clear_a conviction_n of_o my_o vanity_n and_o foolish_a dote_a on_o worldly_a thing_n which_o have_v just_o provoke_v the_o lord_n i_o hope_v for_o my_o good_a to_o lay_v those_o cross_n upon_o i_o which_o though_o they_o be_v for_o a_o time_n bitter_a yet_o god_n have_v since_o sweeten_v but_o my_o sorrow_n be_v then_o double_v and_o i_o be_v deject_v not_o only_o for_o my_o outward_a cross_n but_o more_o especial_o for_o my_o carnal_a heart_n and_o vain_a conversation_n whereby_o i_o have_v stir_v up_o the_o anger_n of_o the_o lord_n against_o i_o i_o go_v to_o the_o ordinance_n hope_v to_o find_v comfort_n from_o the_o word_n but_o the_o weight_n of_o my_o sin_n and_o my_o suffering_n so_o press_v i_o down_o that_o i_o find_v much_o heaviness_n my_o sin_n especial_o lay_v heavy_a upon_o i_o and_o i_o see_v little_a hope_n of_o comfort_n yet_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o work_v in_o my_o heart_n a_o loathe_n of_o sin_n as_o well_o as_o trouble_v for_o the_o affliction_n it_o have_v bring_v upon_o i_o but_o about_o a_o year_n since_o i_o hear_v master_n w._n prove_v by_o scripture_n in_o a_o sermon_n very_o effectual_a to_o my_o comfort_n that_o those_o who_o have_v be_v the_o great_a of_o sinner_n if_o they_o do_v hearty_o and_o real_o repent_v and_o turn_v to_o god_n by_o faith_n in_o christ_n and_o lead_v a_o new_a life_n the_o lord_n will_v receive_v they_o to_o mercy_n hereupon_o i_o argue_v with_o my_o soul_n that_o though_o i_o have_v be_v a_o great_a sinner_n yet_o the_o lord_n have_v bring_v my_o heart_n to_o a_o loathe_n of_o those_o sin_n i_o love_v and_o of_o all_o sin_n and_o to_o turn_v to_o the_o lord_n and_o sincere_o to_o desire_v to_o serve_v he_o that_o therefore_o there_o be_v hope_n of_o mercy_n for_o i_o i_o hear_v mr._n w._n mr._n m._n and_o other_o and_o frequent_v divers_a meeting_n where_o i_o find_v much_o comfort_n those_o several_a place_n of_o scripture_n in_o which_o i_o chief_o find_v comfort_n from_o the_o promise_v of_o god_n be_v matth._n 11.28,29,30_o where_o christ_n say_v come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o labour_n and_o be_v heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_n take_v my_o yoke_n upon_o you_o and_o learn_v of_o i_o for_o i_o be_o meek_a and_o lowly_a in_o heart_n and_o you_o shall_v find_v rest_n unto_o your_o soul_n for_o my_o yoke_n be_v easy_a and_o my_o burden_n light_n this_o make_v i_o to_o hope_n that_o as_o the_o lord_n have_v give_v i_o a_o heavy_a heart_n lade_v with_o the_o sense_n of_o sin_n so_o christ_n jesus_n will_v give_v i_o comfort_n for_o in_o the_o 12_o verse_n of_o the_o same_o chapter_n it_o be_v say_v a_o bruise_a reed_n shall_v he_o not_o break_v and_o and_o smoke_a flax_n shall_v he_o not_o quench_v and_o though_o i_o have_v dishonour_v christ_n yet_o i_o have_v not_o blaspheme_v the_o holyghost_n and_o therefore_o have_v encouragement_n to_o believe_v from_o the_o word_n of_o christ_n luke_n 12.10_o whosoever_o shall_v speak_v a_o word_n against_o the_o son_n of_o man_n it_o shall_v be_v forgive_v he_o but_o unto_o he_o that_o blaspheme_v against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n it_o shall_v not_o be_v forgive_v i_o be_v comfort_v to_o wait_v upon_o the_o lord_n in_o hope_n because_o he_o have_v humble_v my_o soul_n and_o open_v my_o eye_n to_o see_v mercy_n offer_v to_o i_o and_o this_o be_v strengthen_v from_o that_o example_n lament_v 30.20_o to_o verse_n 26._o my_o soul_n have_v they_o still_o in_o remembrance_n and_o be_v humble_v in_o i_o this_o i_o recall_v to_o mind_n therefore_o have_v i_o hope_v it_o be_v the_o lord_n mercy_n that_o we_o be_v not_o consume_v because_o his_o compassion_n fail_v not_o they_o be_v new_a every_o morning_n great_a be_v thy_o faithfulness_n the_o lord_n be_v my_o portion_n say_v my_o soul_n therefore_o will_v i_o hope_v in_o he_o the_o lord_n be_v good_a unto_o they_o that_o wait_v for_o he_o to_o the_o soul_n that_o seek_v he_o i_o be_v much_o encourage_v from_o hence_o to_o seek_v the_o lord_n and_o hope_v in_o his_o mercy_n my_o conscience_n tell_v i_o i_o be_v a_o great_a sinner_n and_o deserve_a death_n and_o hell_n but_o my_o hope_n be_v in_o god_n and_o strengthen_v from_o that_o promise_n ezek._n 18.21,22,23_o if_o the_o wicked_a will_v turn_v from_o his_o sin_n that_o he_o have_v commit_v and_o keep_v all_o my_o statute_n and_o do_v that_o which_o be_v lawful_a and_o right_a he_o shall_v sure_o live_v he_o shall_v not_o die_v all_o his_o transgression_n that_o he_o have_v commit_v they_o shall_v not_o be_v mention_v unto_o he_o in_o the_o righteousness_n that_o he_o have_v do_v he_o shall_v live_v have_v i_o any_o pleasure_n at_o all_o that_o the_o wicked_a shall_v die_v say_v the_o lord_n god_n and_o not_o that_o he_o shall_v turn_v from_o his_o way_n and_o live_v and_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o put_v into_o my_o spirit_n a_o very_a great_a resolution_n to_o serve_v he_o for_o the_o time_n to_o come_v and_o i_o praise_v my_o god_n i_o have_v have_v since_o much_o joy_n in_o duty_n of_o piety_n and_o much_o sweetness_n from_o the_o word_n of_o god_n and_o gold_o minister_n i_o have_v no_o desire_n to_o enjoy_v the_o pleasure_n and_o vanity_n of_o the_o world_n as_o i_o have_v do_v but_o my_o heart_n now_o take_v delight_n in_o god_n and_o communion_n with_o his_o people_n and_o the_o lord_n have_v give_v i_o a_o heart_n in_o discern_v a_o beauty_n and_o desirableness_n in_o the_o way_n of_o god_n which_o be_v more_o joyful_a to_o i_o now_o than_o ever_o sin_n be_v former_o and_o when_o i_o come_v at_o the_o ordinance_n i_o often_o find_v and_o feel_v such_o heavenly_a refreshment_n from_o the_o lord_n upon_o my_o heart_n that_o it_o make_v i_o exceed_o full_a of_o joy_n there_o be_v such_o a_o love_n upon_o my_o heart_n to_o god_n that_o i_o dare_v not_o willing_o offend_v he_o in_o any_o thing_n i_o rejoice_v to_o hear_v his_o name_n speak_v of_o and_o his_o glory_n exalt_v and_o i_o find_v a_o very_a great_a affection_n draw_v by_o the_o power_n of_o god_n from_o my_o heart_n to_o such_o as_o seem_v to_o be_v his_o people_n j._n j._n xvii_o experience_n of_o e._n c._n about_o nine_o year_n ago_o at_o the_o birth_n of_o a_o child_n i_o have_v very_o great_a temptation_n of_o destroy_a ing_z myself_o and_o have_v have_v oftentimes_o a_o knife_n put_v into_o my_o hand_n to_o do_v it_o so_o that_o i_o dare_v not_o be_v leave_v by_o myself_o alone_o and_o when_o i_o have_v consider_v what_o the_o cause_n may_v be_v my_o conscience_n do_v hint_n most_o my_o neglect_v of_o duty_n which_o i_o have_v many_o opportunity_n to_o have_v perform_v they_o be_v the_o ordinance_n of_o god_n thus_o i_o continue_v till_o two_o year_n ago_o i_o bury_v a_o child_n which_o be_v a_o very_a great_a trouble_n to_o i_o to_o part_v with_o and_o then_o be_v i_o more_o full_o convince_v of_o sin_n which_o cause_v my_o burden_n to_o be_v the_o great_a so_o that_o i_o can_v seldom_o have_v any_o other_o thought_n but_o of_o desperation_n but_o the_o lord_n keep_v i_o by_o his_o great_a mercy_n so_o that_o sometime_o i_o can_v pray_v with_o devotion_n and_o discern_v the_o lord_n to_o remove_v this_o great_a trouble_n from_o i_o i_o do_v plain_o find_v that_o those_o great_a temptation_n be_v very_o much_o lessen_v which_o be_v a_o very_a great_a comfort_n unto_o my_o spirit_n but_o yet_o this_o still_o be_v upon_o i_o that_o i_o can_v read_v the_o promise_n but_o i_o find_v none_o of_o they_o to_o belong_v to_o i_o
〈◊〉_d destroy_v myself_o and_o my_o poor_a child_n and_o cry_v out_o unto_o god_n lord_n what_o will_v thou_o have_v i_o to_o do_v and_o have_v a_o fore_a conflict_n at_o that_o time_n with_o the_o devil_n but_o i_o think_v at_o last_o i_o hear_v the_o lord_n say_v to_o my_o soul_n as_o he_o do_v to_o paul_n trust_v in_o i_o my_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a for_o thou_o and_o then_o i_o find_v some_o comfort_n which_o enlarge_v my_o heart_n through_o the_o assistance_n of_o god_n spirit_n to_o call_v upon_o the_o name_n of_o the_o lord_n for_o further_a assistance_n and_o comfort_n and_o so_o i_o go_v back_o again_o with_o much_o joy_n believe_v that_o i_o shall_v have_v the_o favour_n of_o god_n and_o the_o lord_n put_v it_o into_o my_o mind_n to_o go_v to_o one_o e._n b._n that_o dwell_v by_o a_o moor_n side_n near_o leeds_n who_o i_o know_v be_v a_o godly_a woman_n and_o she_o open_v to_o i_o the_o trouble_n of_o david_n and_o job_n and_o give_v i_o sweet_a comfort_n say_v god_n be_v by_o i_o and_o i_o do_v not_o see_v he_o and_o as_o job_n wish_v so_o she_o wrought_v upon_o my_o heart_n to_o wish_v o_o that_o i_o can_v see_v he_o o_o that_o i_o can_v behold_v he_o and_o my_o heart_n be_v full_a of_o joy_n and_o i_o cry_v and_o be_v much_o grieve_v with_o very_o great_a repentance_n that_o i_o have_v be_v so_o seduce_v and_o do_v so_o despair_v of_o god_n mercy_n and_o have_v be_v so_o blind_v and_o the_o lord_n set_v it_o upon_o my_o spirit_n that_o though_o i_o have_v lay_v all_o aside_o yet_o now_o i_o shall_v come_v out_o of_o the_o wilderness_n lean_v on_o my_o belove_a and_o i_o have_v a_o great_a affection_n to_o the_o way_n of_o god_n than_o ever_o and_o delight_v in_o they_o more_o than_o ever_o before_o they_o be_v a_o burden_n to_o i_o now_o they_o be_v easy_a and_o sweet_a be_v at_o york_n i_o hear_v a_o minister_n there_o out_o of_o hosea_n 2._o preach_v that_o which_o wrought_v much_o comfort_n in_o i_o and_o that_o christ_n have_v promise_v to_o betrothe_v himself_o to_o every_o believer_n and_o then_o and_o since_o i_o have_v much_o joy_n in_o the_o promise_n of_o god_n and_o can_v through_o the_o spirit_n of_o god_n which_o i_o find_v and_o feel_v in_o my_o heart_n lay_v hold_v by_o faith_n on_o they_o as_o my_o particular_a interest_n as_o rom._n 10.4_o christ_n be_v the_o end_n of_o the_o law_n for_o righteousness_n to_o every_o one_o that_o believe_v christ_n by_o h_z spirit_n have_v wrought_v belief_n in_o i_o both_o in_o his_o promise_n and_o threaten_n and_o to_o live_v according_a to_o his_o word_n therefore_o i_o conclude_v that_o i_o shall_v be_v save_v by_o the_o righteousness_n of_o my_o saviour_n rom._n 9.4_o who_o be_v israelites_n to_o who_o pertain_v the_o adoption_n and_o the_o glory_n and_o the_o covenant_n and_o the_o give_v of_o the_o law_n and_o the_o service_n of_o god_n and_o the_o promise_n i_o know_v that_o every_o believer_n be_v a_o true_a israelite_n and_o bring_v under_o the_o covenant_n of_o grace_n by_o jesus_n christ_n and_o that_o therefore_o the_o promise_n of_o grace_n and_o salvation_n belong_v to_o i_o rom._n 3.21,22_o but_o now_o the_o righteousness_n of_o god_n without_o the_o law_n be_v manifest_v be_v witness_v by_o the_o law_n and_o the_o prophet_n even_o the_o righteousness_n of_o god_n which_o be_v by_o faith_n of_o jesus_n unto_o all_o and_o upon_o all_o they_o that_o believe_v for_o there_o be_v no_o difference_n i_o be_v one_o who_o god_n have_v draw_v to_o believe_v it_o be_v manifest_v unto_o i_o that_o i_o have_v a_o interest_n in_o the_o righteousness_n of_o jesus_n christ_n to_o justify_v i_o before_o god_n by_o his_o merit_n which_o be_v make_v i_o by_o faith_n hosea_n 2.19,20_o i_o will_v betrothe_v thou_o unto_o i_o for_o ever_o yea_o i_o will_v beter_v thou_o unto_o i_o in_o righteousness_n and_o in_o judgement_n and_o in_o love_a kindness_n and_o in_o mercy_n i_o will_v even_o betrothe_v thou_o unto_o i_o in_o faithfulness_n and_o thou_o shall_v know_v the_o lord_n i_o find_v great_a comfort_n from_o this_o promise_n in_o that_o the_o lord_n double_v and_o treble_v his_o promise_n and_o enlarge_v himself_o so_o free_o to_o the_o soul_n and_o as_o testimony_n of_o my_o real_a conversion_n to_o god_n and_o union_n with_o jesus_n christ_n and_o that_o reconciliaon_n be_v make_v between_o god_n and_o my_o soul_n i_o find_v these_o real_a evidence_n wrought_v by_o god_n bless_a spirit_n in_o i_o 1._o i_o find_v in_o my_o heart_n great_a love_n to_o god_n that_o when_o god_n say_v seek_v my_o face_n my_o heart_n rejoin_v again_o say_v thy_o face_n lord_n will_v i_o seek_v and_o i_o find_v nothing_o so_o dear_a to_o i_o as_o the_o love_n of_o god_n and_o if_o my_o heart_n deceive_v i_o not_o i_o can_v bear_v and_o suffer_v any_o thing_n to_o bring_v glory_n to_o god_n account_v all_o thing_n but_o dung_n and_o dross_n below_o christ_n 2._o when_o any_o thing_n of_o the_o flesh_n arise_v against_o the_o motion_n of_o god_n spirit_n to_o draw_v i_o from_o good_a or_o to_o do_v evil_a i_o find_v frequent_o the_o power_n of_o the_o spirit_n to_o subdue_v my_o heart_n not_o to_o submit_v to_o the_o flesh_n but_o to_o walk_v in_o his_o way_n and_o yet_o i_o be_o so_o sensible_a of_o my_o infirmity_n that_o all_o that_o i_o do_v or_o can_v do_v be_v nothing_o but_o as_o filthy_a rag_n but_o i_o know_v jesus_n christ_n be_v my_o saviour_n and_o stand_v engage_v for_o i_o and_o when_o the_o flesh_n be_v weak_a i_o find_v the_o spirit_n thirst_v after_o god_n 3._o i_o find_v in_o my_o heart_n a_o very_a great_a thirst_v after_o the_o ordinance_n and_o a_o great_a enlargement_n of_o heart_n and_o comfort_n in_o they_o my_o heart_n be_v delight_v to_o be_v among_o the_o people_n of_o god_n and_o full_a of_o joy_n in_o they_o 4._o when_o thought_n of_o want_n at_o any_o time_n arise_v i_o find_v full_a satisfaction_n in_o the_o better_a part_n which_o never_o can_v be_v take_v from_o i_o which_o be_v my_o interest_n in_o jesus_n christ_n and_o i_o find_v in_o my_o conscience_n a_o great_a testimony_n of_o my_o spiritual_a union_n with_o god_n and_o that_o i_o be_o so_o separate_v from_o the_o world_n in_o my_o affection_n that_o god_n have_v draw_v i_o to_o himself_o 5._o god_n who_o search_v the_o heart_n know_v what_o be_v the_o mind_n of_o the_o spirit_n because_o he_o make_v intercession_n for_o the_o saint_n according_a to_o the_o will_n of_o god_n which_o will_v of_o god_n i_o find_v a_o free_a submission_n to_o in_o my_o heart_n with_o joy_n know_v that_o all_o thing_n shall_v work_v together_o for_o good_a to_o they_o that_o love_n god_n 6._o it_o be_v the_o chief_a desire_n of_o my_o heart_n that_o god_n will_v keep_v i_o close_o to_o my_o duty_n and_o i_o have_v abundance_n of_o joy_n in_o communion_n with_o the_o lord_n which_o be_v more_o sweet_a to_o i_o than_o my_o joy_n in_o any_o thing_n else_o 7._o i_o delight_v much_o to_o speak_v of_o god_n and_o of_o his_o way_n and_o to_o use_v what_o mean_v i_o can_v to_o comfort_v the_o saint_n who_o i_o love_v dear_o and_o if_o possible_a to_o convert_v sinner_n d._n m._n xix_o experience_n of_o ae_n l._n i_o have_v late_o great_a grief_n upon_o my_o spirit_n about_o a_o daughter_n which_o be_v bring_v to_o great_a suffering_n and_o by_o reason_n of_o she_o go_v away_o in_o her_o affliction_n i_o think_v she_o have_v make_v away_o herself_o god_n put_v it_o into_o my_o thought_n to_o remember_v my_o sin_n and_o that_o he_o have_v lay_v this_o affliction_n upon_o i_o for_o neglect_v my_o duty_n to_o he_o and_o not_o serve_v he_o as_o i_o ought_v this_o cause_v great_a sorrow_n in_o i_o and_o make_v i_o abundant_o shed_v tear_n my_o sin_n i_o think_v be_v the_o occasion_n that_o the_o lord_n make_v she_o so_o great_a a_o cross_n to_o i_o for_o which_o i_o have_v deserve_v it_o so_o that_o both_o become_v a_o great_a grief_n to_o my_o soul_n and_o thus_o i_o lie_v languish_v in_o very_o great_a sorrow_n then_o i_o begin_v to_o think_v with_o myself_o that_o there_o be_v no_o refuge_n but_o only_o in_o christ_n and_o i_o consult_v my_o thought_n how_o to_o go_v to_o good_a company_n and_o meeting_n where_o i_o may_v find_v comfort_n from_o the_o people_n of_o god_n and_o about_o two_o year_n since_o one_o morning_n i_o come_v to_o mr._n s._n to_o join_v with_o godly_a people_n that_o come_v thither_o to_o prayer_n though_o with_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o distraction_n in_o my_o mind_n and_o i_o show_v my_o discontent_n and_o condition_n to_o he_o and_o he_o tell_v i_o that_o if_o
myself_o to_o be_v something_o when_o be_v serious_o weigh_v i_o become_v nothing_o for_o i_o know_v god_n but_o as_o a_o natural_a man_n do_v even_o by_o way_n of_o discourse_n i_o be_v as_o i_o conceive_v since_o much_o in_o the_o posture_n of_o the_o proud_a pharisee_fw-mi i_o can_v say_v i_o thank_v god_n i_o be_v not_o such_o a_o person_n as_o be_v give_v to_o lewdness_n or_o vice_n as_o other_o be_v and_o be_v thus_o in_o my_o natural_a condition_n i_o think_v i_o have_v need_n of_o nothing_o when_o i_o be_v as_o the_o church_n of_o the_o laodicean_n wretched_a and_o miserable_a and_o poor_a and_o blind_a and_o naked_a and_o that_o which_o be_v worst_a i_o know_v not_o that_o i_o be_v thus_o in_o ignorance_n walk_v in_o darkness_n till_o the_o lord_n bring_v i_o forth_o into_o the_o light_n first_o by_o convince_a i_o of_o sin_n second_o convince_v i_o of_o righteousness_n the_o first_o be_v according_a to_o my_o remembrance_n about_o seven_o or_o eight_o year_n since_o i_o be_v in_o discourse_n with_o a_o friend_n concern_v something_o which_o do_v much_o displease_v i_o wherein_o my_o answer_n be_v very_o cross_a and_o my_o word_n very_o full_a of_o anger_n i_o begin_v to_o espy_v myself_o full_a of_o malice_n and_o envy_n which_o do_v much_o reflect_v upon_o my_o own_o heart_n and_o cause_v a_o wonderful_a grief_n unto_o i_o and_o have_v never_o take_v notice_n of_o any_o such_o thing_n before_o it_o be_v so_o much_o the_o more_o strange_a to_o i_o but_o call_v myself_o to_o a_o strict_a examination_n what_o foundation_n i_o have_v lay_v when_o the_o building_n begin_v to_o prove_v so_o rot_v it_o please_v the_o lord_n that_o thereby_o i_o grow_v more_o and_o more_o sensible_a of_o my_o own_o miserable_a condition_n as_o be_v in_o the_o state_n of_o nature_n a_o child_n of_o wrath_n find_v myself_o a_o lump_n of_o sin_n and_o uncleanness_n and_o at_o a_o far_a distance_n from_o the_o way_n of_o god_n and_o to_o be_v in_o probability_n of_o nothing_o so_o much_o as_o of_o damnation_n and_o ready_a to_o be_v cast_v into_o hell_n for_o my_o sin_n find_v myself_o out_o of_o christ_n and_o not_o any_o hope_n that_o i_o shall_v ever_o gain_v a_o interest_n in_o he_o for_o i_o see_v that_o without_o faith_n it_o be_v impossible_a to_o please_v he_o and_o that_o without_o faith_n i_o can_v not_o think_v of_o any_o way_n to_o please_v he_o be_v lose_v in_o false_a way_n of_o my_o own_o invention_n and_o consider_v also_o that_o paul_n counsel_v the_o corinthian_n to_o examine_v themselves_o whether_o they_o be_v in_o the_o faith_n and_o say_v he_o know_v you_o not_o your_o own_o self_n whether_o jesus_n christ_n be_v in_o you_o except_o you_o be_v reprobate_n and_o follow_v this_o course_n i_o can_v not_o otherwise_o judge_v but_o that_o i_o be_v a_o reprobate_n and_o this_o condition_n be_v very_o burdensome_a unto_o my_o spirit_n and_o neither_o in_o hear_v or_o read_v can_v i_o for_o the_o time_n find_v any_o ease_n of_o this_o my_o trouble_n but_o still_o i_o do_v apprehend_v the_o lord_n as_o a_o angry_a judge_n require_v satisfaction_n of_o i_o for_o my_o sin_n thus_o i_o languish_v not_o know_v which_o way_n to_o steer_v my_o thought_n but_o oftentimes_o cry_v out_o to_o the_o throne_n of_o grace_n what_o shall_v i_o do_v to_o be_v save_v sometime_o i_o shall_v persuade_v myself_o it_o be_v altogether_o impossible_a for_o i_o to_o think_v of_o be_v save_v or_o ever_o to_o gain_v so_o much_o faith_n as_o to_o believe_v that_o christ_n die_v for_o my_o sin_n for_o i_o think_v it_o will_v be_v a_o very_a great_a presumption_n in_o i_o to_o attempt_v any_o such_o thing_n have_v often_o have_v thought_n of_o destroy_v myself_o it_o be_v my_o desire_n that_o i_o may_v never_o forget_v the_o providence_n of_o god_n in_o keep_v i_o from_o all_o danger_n in_o this_o my_o extreme_a doubtful_a condition_n wherein_o i_o make_v not_o any_o one_o acquaint_v with_o my_o trouble_n but_o the_o lord_n who_o work_n it_o be_v to_o deliver_v i_o in_o this_o my_o spiritual_a londage_n when_o i_o have_v hear_v godly_a man_n encourage_v poor_a soul_n to_o believe_v in_o christ_n i_o have_v think_v that_o other_o might_n but_o i_o dare_v not_o presume_v because_o i_o be_v no_o better_o qualify_v for_o if_o i_o can_v find_v myself_o more_o holy_a or_o more_o godly_a or_o full_a of_o goodness_n than_o there_o will_v be_v some_o hope_n that_o i_o may_v believe_v and_o hope_v for_o the_o favour_n of_o god_n and_o that_o christ_n die_v for_o i_o but_o afterward_o god_n put_v into_o my_o heart_n to_o consider_v that_o see_v by_o the_o deed_n of_o the_o law_n no_o flesh_n can_v be_v justify_v for_o i_o think_v before_o i_o must_v have_v do_v something_o that_o shall_v have_v prove_v meritorious_a and_o begin_v to_o be_v acquaint_v with_o a_o emptiness_n in_o myself_o and_o a_o inability_n of_o my_o own_o to_o do_v any_o good_a and_o find_v that_o it_o must_v be_v give_v i_o from_o the_o lord_n christ_n be_v all_o in_o all_o to_o the_o saint_n upon_o this_o consideration_n i_o cast_v myself_o upon_o god_n say_v lord_n i_o be_o thy_o workmanship_n do_v with_o i_o what_o seem_v good_a unto_o thou_o if_o thou_o do_v damn_v i_o i_o have_v deserve_v the_o severe_a of_o thy_o judgement_n thou_o be_v just_a although_o i_o be_o for_o ever_o just_o miserable_a and_o one_o day_n read_v of_o mr._n perkins_n his_o book_n treat_v of_o the_o small_a degree_n of_o saving-faith_n which_o do_v express_v that_o a_o desire_n to_o believe_v be_v faith_n itself_o i_o be_v something_o comfort_v to_o hear_v of_o this_o know_v that_o none_o can_v more_o desire_v it_o than_o i_o do_v and_o upon_o this_o a_o while_n i_o rest_v satisfy_v but_o not_o long_o after_o i_o find_v it_o a_o reed_n whereon_o i_o have_v lean_v and_o grow_v again_o very_o restless_a and_o be_v beat_v off_o from_o this_o stay_n by_o have_v the_o opportunity_n of_o another_o book_n which_o make_v i_o to_o understand_v that_o the_o poor_a man_n know_v full_a well_o that_o a_o desire_n to_o be_v rich_a and_o to_o be_v rich_a indeed_o be_v two_o several_a thing_n and_o so_o a_o desire_n to_o believe_v and_o faith_n itself_o be_v not_o the_o same_o for_o as_o all_o that_o desire_v to_o be_v rich_a be_v not_o rich_a so_o all_o that_o desire_v to_o believe_v do_v not_o believe_v be_v thus_o drive_v from_o my_o other_o principle_n i_o begin_v to_o see_v a_o more_o emptiness_n in_o the_o creature_n and_o a_o great_a fullness_n in_o the_o creator_n and_o this_o last_o book_n by_o the_o blessing_n of_o god_n through_o his_o grace_n do_v inform_v my_o judgement_n in_o many_o thing_n which_o be_v very_o comfortable_a to_o i_o as_o that_o the_o love_n of_o god_n be_v the_o cause_n christ_n be_v give_v for_o sinner_n and_o that_o he_o become_v a_o full_a satisfaction_n to_o god_n for_o sin_n and_o if_o we_o stay_v from_o christ_n till_o we_o be_v full_a of_o good_a work_n it_o may_v be_v a_o symptom_n we_o shall_v never_o believe_v for_o it_o show_v that_o we_o must_v be_v ingraft_v into_o christ_n by_o faith_n before_o we_o can_v bring_v forth_o good_a fruit_n for_o without_o i_o you_o can_v do_v nothing_o say_v christ_n and_o whatsoever_o be_v not_o of_o faith_n be_v sin_n these_o and_o many_o such_o like_a expression_n in_o the_o scripture_n which_o god_n put_v into_o my_o mind_n be_v very_o comfortable_a to_o the_o refresh_n of_o my_o dull_a and_o weary_a spirit_n many_o time_n but_o yet_o fear_n in_o interval_n possess_v i_o as_o not_o find_v christ_n to_o be_v make_v i_o by_o faith_n for_o i_o can_v not_o say_v in_o particular_a that_o god_n be_v my_o god_n nor_o see_v that_o there_o be_v a_o reconcilement_n make_v between_o god_n and_o my_o soul_n sometime_o i_o will_v persuade_v my_o heart_n to_o venture_v to_o believe_v in_o christ_n for_o the_o pardon_n of_o my_o sin_n but_o present_o objection_n will_v thwart_v my_o resolution_n by_o conclude_v that_o i_o be_v too_o great_a a_o sinner_n and_o it_o be_v not_o absolute_o say_v that_o christ_n die_v for_o i_o in_o this_o condition_n i_o be_v for_o about_o four_o year_n before_o i_o do_v thorough_o apprehend_v the_o love_n of_o god_n in_o christ_n jesus_n unto_o i_o yet_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v at_o last_o to_o work_v effectual_o upon_o i_o by_o many_o sweet_a promise_n out_o of_o his_o word_n which_o do_v wonderful_o rejoice_v my_o soul_n as_o john_n 13.15,16_o whosoever_o believe_v in_o the_o son_n shall_v not_o perish_v but_o have_v everlasting_a life_n this_o very_a word_n whosoever_o do_v work_v so_o kind_o and_o with_o such_o a_o sweet_a efficacy_n upon_o my_o heart_n that_o i_o be_v constrain_v
that_o jesus_n christ_n have_v dye_v for_o i_o i_o beseech_v the_o lord_n by_o earnest_a prayer_n that_o he_o will_v be_v please_v to_o spare_v i_o for_o i_o find_v myself_o to_o be_v very_o unfit_a for_o death_n i_o make_v promise_n to_o the_o lord_n that_o if_o he_o do_v please_v to_o spare_v i_o i_o will_v lead_v a_o new_a life_n and_o do_v resolve_v to_o walk_v more_o close_o to_o my_o god_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v in_o mercy_n to_o hear_v my_o prayer_n and_o grant_v this_o request_n and_o spare_v i_o a_o while_n long_o to_o serve_v he_o in_o the_o land_n of_o the_o live_n but_o notwithstanding_o my_o promise_n and_o the_o great_a deliverance_n the_o lord_n have_v wrought_v for_o i_o in_o keep_v i_o back_o from_o hell_n and_o the_o grave_a i_o have_v soon_o forget_v all_o i_o begin_v to_o love_v the_o world_n again_o and_o live_v as_o vain_o as_o before_o but_o the_o lord_n smite_v my_o conscience_n and_o sore_o trouble_v my_o spirit_n for_o this_o backslide_n put_v i_o in_o mind_n of_o the_o promise_n i_o have_v make_v to_o he_o in_o my_o sickness_n with_o great_a bitterness_n of_o heart_n and_o grief_n of_o soul_n i_o mourn_v for_o my_o fail_n and_o do_v again_o resolve_v for_o the_o time_n to_o come_v to_o keep_v more_o close_o to_o god_n and_o set_v a_o watch_n over_o my_o heart_n but_o the_o more_o i_o look_v into_o my_o heart_n the_o more_o vile_a i_o see_v myself_o to_o be_v and_o be_v great_o trouble_v that_o i_o have_v so_o often_o play_v the_o hypocrite_n with_o my_o god_n i_o again_o beseech_v the_o lord_n by_o prayer_n that_o he_o will_v be_v please_v for_o jesus_n christ_n his_o sake_n to_o forgive_v all_o my_o sin_n and_o backslide_n which_o i_o then_o be_v grieve_v for_o with_o loathe_v more_o than_o ever_o before_o my_o conscience_n be_v so_o wound_v and_o my_o soul_n cast_v down_o in_o so_o great_a a_o conflict_n that_o my_o spirit_n be_v almost_o dry_v up_o and_o my_o heart_n begin_v to_o grow_v weary_a and_o faint_a with_o cry_v and_o groan_v after_o my_o saviour_n yet_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o humble_v i_o still_o more_o and_o more_o and_o to_o try_v i_o further_o as_o gold_n be_v try_v in_o the_o fire_n and_o my_o affliction_n be_v double_v upon_o i_o by_o satan_n malice_n who_o tempt_v i_o with_o evil_a thought_n which_o be_v grievous_a to_o my_o soul_n when_o i_o have_v pray_v with_o a_o trouble_a spirit_n as_o well_o as_o i_o can_v the_o devil_n put_v thought_n into_o my_o mind_n quite_o contrary_a to_o the_o frame_n of_o a_o pray_a spirit_n when_o i_o have_v read_v the_o word_n of_o god_n he_o tempt_v i_o with_o doubt_n and_o question_n touch_v some_o thing_n therein_o whether_o it_o be_v truth_n or_o not_o and_o satan_n follow_v his_o temptation_n so_o close_o upon_o i_o that_o as_o soon_o as_o the_o lord_n have_v enable_v i_o to_o repulse_v one_o temptation_n the_o devil_n assault_v i_o with_o another_o so_o that_o i_o have_v scarce_o time_n to_o fetch_v my_o breath_n one_o temptation_n follow_v so_o close_o upon_o another_o be_v trouble_v much_o in_o my_o spirit_n in_o this_o condition_n i_o be_v tempt_v to_o discontent_n that_o the_o lord_n have_v not_o take_v away_o these_o temptation_n from_o i_o and_o in_o anger_n fall_v into_o some_o great_a passion_n even_o near_o unto_o desperation_n and_o i_o be_v sore_o bussete_v by_o the_o devil_n in_o this_o my_o low_a extremity_n who_o assault_v i_o with_o fresh_a temptation_n of_o blasphemous_a thought_n touch_v god_n so_o that_o when_o in_o the_o bitterness_n of_o my_o soul_n i_o be_v seek_v after_o jesus_n christ_n and_o have_v name_v god_n he_o will_v put_v into_o my_o mind_n the_o object_n of_o the_o brute_n creature_n and_o even_o whilst_o i_o be_v pour_v out_o my_o soul_n to_o the_o creator_n and_o be_v plead_v a_o promise_n he_o bring_v a_o curse_n to_o my_o thought_n thus_o be_v i_o repulse_v in_o all_o duty_n by_o satan_n terrify_n my_o soul_n to_o persuade_v i_o that_o it_o be_v in_o vain_a for_o i_o to_o seek_v for_o salvation_n because_o i_o have_v commit_v the_o sin_n against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n which_o god_n by_o his_o word_n have_v declare_v shall_v never_o be_v forgive_v neither_o in_o this_o world_n nor_o in_o the_o world_n to_o come_v because_o i_o be_v discontent_v that_o the_o lord_n after_o all_o my_o address_n to_o he_o have_v not_o deliver_v i_o from_o all_o my_o trouble_n but_o the_o lord_n give_v i_o strength_n to_o resist_v satan_n and_o say_v in_o the_o bitterness_n of_o my_o soul_n to_o my_o god_n far_o be_v it_o from_o i_o o_o lord_n to_o be_v offend_v with_o thou_o and_o the_o lord_n wrought_v this_o resolution_n in_o my_o soul_n that_o i_o do_v protest_v before_o the_o lord_n that_o although_o i_o shall_v see_v nothing_o but_o hell_n before_o i_o yet_o i_o will_v trust_v in_o he_o and_o stay_v myself_o upon_o my_o god_n until_o he_o please_v to_o send_v i_o deliverance_n i_o make_v my_o case_n know_v to_o a_o dear_a friend_n who_o give_v i_o some_o comfort_n he_o tell_v i_o that_o the_o sin_n against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n be_v to_o sin_v wilful_o by_o perpetual_a despite_n against_o god_n i_o find_v a_o clear_a testimony_n in_o my_o conscience_n that_o i_o be_v so_o far_o from_o despit_v the_o spirit_n of_o grace_n that_o i_o have_v not_o sin_v willing_o against_o god_n for_o i_o find_v it_o to_o be_v a_o affliction_n to_o i_o to_o be_v rempt_v with_o evil_a thought_n touch_v the_o lord_n though_o i_o consent_v not_o to_o they_o and_o i_o find_v my_o soul_n grieve_v that_o i_o can_v not_o be_v free_v from_o they_o and_o then_o with_o abundance_n of_o tear_n by_o often_o prayer_n and_o supplication_n to_o the_o throne_n of_o grace_n i_o pour_v forth_o my_o sinful_a soul_n at_o the_o footstool_n of_o god_n mercy_n exalt_v free_a grace_n and_o plead_v the_o unspeakable_a riches_n of_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n that_o will_v appear_v in_o the_o conversion_n of_o such_o a_o sinner_n as_o i_o have_v be_v methinks_v it_o seem_v to_o exalt_v god_n mercy_n and_o to_o be_v one_o of_o the_o great_a manifestation_n of_o free_a grace_n in_o the_o world_n to_o be_v to_o the_o great_a glory_n of_o the_o lord_n and_o unspeakable_a comfort_n of_o my_o poor_a soul_n if_o he_o will_v be_v please_v to_o bring_v i_o to_o himself_o now_o when_o by_o the_o divine_a power_n of_o god_n my_o heart_n be_v thus_o resolve_v to_o trust_v in_o he_o and_o to_o wait_v upon_o he_o than_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o show_v i_o to_o my_o comfort_n the_o example_n of_o jesus_n christ_n who_o have_v no_o sin_n in_o himself_o yet_o he_o be_v tempt_v of_o the_o devil_n and_o likewise_o of_o paul_n how_o satan_n send_v send_v a_o messenger_n to_o buffet_v he_o who_o then_o pray_v unto_o god_n and_o the_o lord_n say_v my_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a for_o thou_o my_o power_n be_v make_v know_v in_o thy_o weakness_n then_o i_o begin_v to_o be_v comfort_v and_o to_o think_v if_o christ_n himself_o be_v tempt_v if_o the_o child_n of_o god_n who_o have_v be_v eminent_a example_n have_v lie_v under_o temptation_n and_o the_o lord_n according_a to_o his_o promise_n have_v strengthen_v and_o deliver_v they_o there_o be_v hope_n for_o i_o and_o the_o lord_n wrought_v faith_n in_o my_o heart_n to_o believe_v that_o he_o will_v strengthen_v i_o and_o keep_v i_o that_o i_o shall_v not_o perish_v for_o ever_o and_o i_o have_v since_o find_v great_a consolation_n in_o many_o promise_n which_o the_o lord_n have_v reveal_v in_o his_o word_n which_o i_o have_v plead_v before_o he_o some_o of_o which_o follow_v isaiah_n 50.10_o who_o be_v among_o you_o that_o fear_v the_o lord_n and_o obey_v the_o voice_n of_o his_o servant_n that_o walk_v in_o darkness_n and_o have_v no_o light_n let_v he_o trust_v in_o the_o name_n of_o the_o lord_n and_o stay_v upon_o his_o god_n i_o apply_v this_o promise_n thus_o i_o have_v walk_v in_o darkness_n and_o see_v no_o light_n but_o god_n have_v wrought_v in_o my_o heart_n to_o fear_v he_o and_o a_o willingness_n to_o obey_v my_o saviour_n and_o a_o resolution_n to_o trust_v in_o the_o name_n of_o the_o lord_n therefore_o i_o know_v it_o be_v not_o in_o vain_a to_o stay_v myself_o upon_o my_o god_n and_o matth._n 12.20_o it_o be_v say_v by_o christ_n a_o bruise_a reed_n shall_v he_o not_o break_v and_o smoke_a flax_n shall_v he_o not_o quench_v till_o he_o send_v forth_o judgement_n unto_o victory_n the_o lord_n have_v break_v and_o bruise_v i_o in_o the_o sense_n of_o sin_n and_o draw_v forth_o my_o heart_n to_o rely_v upon_o he_o i_o believe_v that_o he_o will_v in_o the_o end_n give_v i_o victory_n through_o
midst_n of_o my_o dishress_n to_o bring_v to_o my_o mind_n these_o word_n the_o spirit_n say_v come_v and_o the_o bride_n say_v come_v and_o every_o one_o that_o will_v come_v drink_v of_o the_o water_n of_o life_n free_o i_o say_v of_o myself_o i_o can_v come_v but_o i_o pray_v lord_n draw_v i_o and_o i_o shall_v run_v after_o thou_o and_o this_o word_n be_v cast_v into_o my_o soul_n by_o the_o lord_n my_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a for_o thou_o only_o do_v thou_o believe_v and_o god_n have_v now_o wrought_v faith_n in_o i_o and_o by_o the_o testimony_n of_o his_o spirit_n have_v seal_v his_o love_n in_o christ_n to_o i_o work_v in_o my_o heart_n so_o to_o love_v he_o that_o i_o have_v cast_v myself_o whole_o upon_o he_o h._n c._n xxxi_o experience_n of_o t._n r._n mariner_n at_o the_o age_n of_o two_o and_o twenty_o be_v in_o the_o strait_n i_o be_v take_v by_o the_o merciless_a turk_n but_o the_o power_n of_o the_o lord_n deliver_v i_o out_o of_o captivity_n by_o a_o miraculous_a 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enable_v i_o and_o the_o lord_n strengthen_v my_o faith_n xxxii_o experience_n of_o t._n g._n it_o have_v please_v the_o lord_n god_n of_o his_o own_o free_a mercy_n and_o love_n in_o jesus_n christ_n to_o prevent_v and_o keep_v i_o ever_o since_o i_o be_v bear_v from_o many_o thousand_o danger_n and_o yet_o i_o like_v a_o unruly_a creature_n have_v kick_v at_o his_o fatherly_a protection_n and_o run_v into_o many_o gross_a and_o vile_a sin_n the_o first_o gross_a one_o be_v many_o kind_n of_o unlawful_a game_n
which_o hold_v i_o as_o a_o bondslave_n near_o thirty_o year_n to_o the_o great_a endanger_v both_o of_o my_o body_n and_o soul_n but_o yet_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o look_v gracious_o upon_o i_o and_o to_o give_v i_o afterward_o a_o hatred_n against_o this_o vice_n and_o withal_o he_o put_v into_o my_o mind_n a_o resolution_n which_o i_o confirm_v with_o a_o vow_n as_o follow_v that_o as_o i_o love_v god_n and_o his_o word_n or_o my_o own_o soul_n i_o will_v never_o play_v at_o any_o game_n for_o money_n so_o long_o as_o i_o live_v the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o accept_v of_o my_o good_a will_n and_o bless_v i_o and_o i_o in_o my_o lawful_a call_v many_o year_n until_o at_o the_o last_o that_o old_a serpent_n the_o devil_n envy_v my_o happy_a proceed_n in_o this_o reformation_n he_o draw_v i_o into_o many_o other_o sin_n which_o have_v almost_o bring_v i_o to_o as_o bad_a a_o end_n as_o the_o first_o but_o the_o lord_n out_o of_o the_o low_a extremity_n give_v in_o remedy_n to_o his_o child_n and_o he_o give_v i_o a_o hatred_n against_o they_o also_o and_o a_o resolution_n never_o to_o commit_v they_o any_o more_o yet_o about_o two_o or_o three_o year_n after_o that_o old_a enemy_n of_o mankind_n satan_n that_o roar_a lion_n seek_v who_o he_o may_v devour_v come_v again_o with_o turn_n to_o destroy_v i_o persuade_v i_o that_o to_o drink_v with_o my_o neighbour_n be_v acceptable_a to_o god_n which_o may_v be_v use_v without_o excess_n but_o i_o give_v will_n the_o full_a reins_o which_o bring_v i_o back_o again_o to_o my_o former_a course_n withal_o annex_v wrath_n and_o anger_n to_o my_o house_n and_o family_n persuade_v i_o that_o i_o must_v rule_v in_o my_o house_n which_o have_v bring_v i_o beside_o myself_o have_v not_o god_n help_v i_o who_o never_o fail_v those_o who_o he_o love_v and_o that_o put_v their_o trust_n in_o he_o for_o present_o upon_o this_o extremlty_n he_o send_v this_o remedy_n 1._o a_o sight_n of_o my_o sin_n 2._o a_o grief_n and_o 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into_o the_o door_n of_o my_o house_n if_o there_o be_v any_o controversy_n in_o my_o family_n that_o then_o i_o will_v with_o gentle_a persuasion_n do_v my_o best_a endeavour_n to_o end_v it_o and_o this_o with_o god_n help_v i_o will_v perform_v and_o i_o pray_v o_o lord_n my_o god_n bless_v my_o hand_n and_o my_o heart_n to_o perform_v thy_o will_n that_o when_o any_o temptation_n to_o game_n or_o drunkenness_n or_o lust_n shall_v assault_v i_o either_o by_o thought_n or_o any_o other_o mean_n that_o then_o present_o i_o may_v fly_v unto_o thou_o in_o the_o name_n of_o christ_n jesus_n my_o saviour_n and_o i_o do_v still_o fly_v unto_o god_n confess_v and_o sorrow_v for_o my_o sin_n desire_v the_o lord_n to_o help_v and_o assist_v i_o to_o perform_v and_o keep_v all_o these_o and_o in_o all_o thing_n to_o serve_v god_n as_o long_o as_o i_o live_v i_o can_v be_v so_o humble_v for_o my_o sin_n as_o i_o desire_v yet_o have_v i_o have_v much_o trouble_n for_o sin_n and_o have_v shed_v tear_n many_o a_o time_n and_o i_o have_v be_v much_o trouble_v that_o my_o heart_n can_v be_v break_v enough_o yet_o i_o have_v have_v many_o cross_n but_o i_o know_v it_o be_v the_o hand_n of_o god_n and_o i_o desire_v to_o lie_v low_a before_o he_o when_o god_n first_o discover_v my_o sin_n to_o i_o i_o be_v be_v much_o terrify_v but_o i_o have_v find_v much_o comfort_n in_o that_o glorious_a promise_n which_o god_n make_v when_o adam_n have_v sin_v that_o the_o seed_n of_o the_o woman_n shall_v break_v the_o serpent_n head_n gen._n 3._o and_o also_o that_o sweet_a promise_v declare_v by_o the_o lord_n jesus_n come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o be_v weary_a and_o heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_n matth._n 11.28_o and_o peter_n declare_v save_v repent_v and_o be_v convert_v that_o your_o sin_n may_v be_v blot_v out_o when_o the_o time_n of_o refresh_a shall_v come_v from_o the_o presence_n of_o the_o lord_n i_o have_v plead_v these_o and_o several_a other_o promise_n with_o god_n and_o have_v by_o faith_n trust_v in_o god_n who_o bid_v we_o cast_v our_o care_n on_o he_o and_o he_o will_v care_v for_o we_o 1_o pet._n 5.7_o and_o i_o do_v believe_v in_o god_n and_o cast_v myself_o upon_o he_o know_v all_o the_o promise_v to_o be_v yea_o and_o amen_o in_o christ_n and_o i_o have_v these_o effect_n of_o god_n gracious_a spirit_n work_v regeneration_n in_o my_o soul_n 1._o in_o that_o the_o lord_n bless_v be_v his_o holy_a name_n have_v so_o settle_v my_o heart_n on_o himself_o that_o i_o can_v leave_v friend_n relation_n and_o all_o thing_n for_o god_n 2._o i_o find_v in_o my_o heart_n a_o real_a affection_n and_o love_v strong_o carry_v out_o to_o all_o the_o child_n of_o god_n and_o i_o love_v to_o do_v good_a to_o the_o people_n of_o god_n 3._o i_o take_v much_o delight_n to_o hear_v the_o word_n of_o god_n preach_v and_o to_o partake_v of_o duty_n with_o the_o people_n of_o god_n &_o to_o have_v communion_n with_o god_n in_o private_a duty_n 4._o i_o be_o trouble_v when_o my_o heart_n be_v cold_a in_o duty_n but_o much_o comfort_v when_o my_o heart_n be_v enlarge_v towards_o god_n 5._o i_o believe_v that_o god_n will_v save_v i_o through_o christ_n for_o ever_o t._n g._n xxxiii_o experience_n of_o m._n h._n in_o my_o youthful_a age_n it_o please_v god_n to_o give_v i_o a_o heart_n to_o take_v delight_n to_o hear_v the_o word_n preach_v at_o many_o place_n but_o especial_o at_o st._n antholins_n at_o the_o morning_n lecture_n and_o this_o i_o do_v often_o for_o some_o time_n until_o satan_n stir_v up_o many_o instrument_n to_o call_v i_o puritan_n with_o many_o other_o reproachful_a term_n that_o make_v i_o ashamed_a to_o go_v in_o public_a but_o like_o nicodemus_n by_o stealth_n as_o it_o be_v in_o the_o dark_a but_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o convince_v i_o of_o satan_n wile_n that_o he_o be_v a_o deceiver_n from_o the_o first_o and_o that_o in_o hear_v the_o word_n preach_v those_o that_o will_v be_v soldier_n in_o christ_n school_n must_v not_o be_v daunt_v for_o every_o foil_n and_o if_o i_o do_v look_v for_o salvation_n by_o jesus_n christ_n i_o must_v manful_o fight_v under_o the_o banner_n of_o christ_n and_o hold_v out_o to_o the_o end_n if_o i_o will_v be_v save_v from_o the_o consideration_n hereof_o god_n be_v please_v to_o put_v courage_n into_o my_o heart_n to_o hold_v on_o in_o the_o way_n of_o god_n and_o in_o profess_v the_o gospel_n which_o i_o do_v though_o with_o abundance_n of_o weakness_n and_o difficulty_n and_o thus_o i_o do_v continual_o go_v on_o though_o dark_o until_o it_o please_v god_n to_o break_v forth_o in_o his_o most_o glorious_a light_n for_o by_o special_a providence_n i_o be_v bring_v to_o see_v a_o utter_a ruin_n to_o my_o soul_n without_o a_o christ_n and_o though_o i_o have_v hear_v much_o of_o christ_n by_o the_o outward_a ear_n yet_o have_v i_o no_o experimental_a knowledge_n of_o he_o till_o the_o word_n of_o christ_n show_v i_o that_o my_o condition_n be_v such_o as_o paul_n speak_v of_o to_o the_o ephesian_n that_o i_o be_v dead_a in_o trespass_n and_o sin_n and_o except_v i_o be_v quicken_v by_o the_o spirit_n and_o by_o faith_n do_v bathe_v my_o soul_n in_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n i_o be_v a_o undo_v creature_n notwithstanding_o all_o my_o long_o hear_v the_o word_n preach_v have_v then_o weigh_v many_o circumstance_n and_o have_v conference_n with_o many_o of_o the_o people_n of_o god_n both_o preacher_n and_o other_o i_o be_v very_o much_o strengthen_v in_o faith_n and_o have_v a_o assurance_n
of_o the_o love_n of_o god_n in_o christ_n jesus_n whereby_o i_o do_v find_v much_o comfort_n to_o my_o soul_n and_o since_o hear_v some_o able_a minister_n of_o the_o gospel_n hold_v forth_o most_o precious_a truth_n i_o find_v much_o comfort_n and_o more_o particular_o mr._n bridges_n of_o yarmouth_n open_v that_o comfortable_a scripture_n pfal_n 41.11_o why_o be_v thou_o cast_v down_o o_o my_o soul_n why_o be_v thou_o disquiet_v within_o i_o trust_v in_o god_n etc._n etc._n his_o doctrine_n be_v that_o a_o godly_a man_n have_v no_o just_a cause_n to_o be_v discourage_v whatsoever_o his_o condition_n be_v either_o the_o sense_n of_o sin_n or_o the_o temptation_n of_o satan_n or_o trouble_v or_o affliction_n that_o a_o man_n have_v cause_n to_o be_v humble_v for_o the_o least_o sin_n but_o not_o to_o be_v discourage_v at_o the_o great_a from_o trust_v in_o god_n but_o to_o rely_v upon_o the_o lord_n by_o faith_n in_o christ_n whatsoever_o his_o disincouragement_n be_v which_o have_v since_o cause_v i_o to_o walk_v in_o a_o thankful_a posture_n towards_o god_n for_o his_o unspeakable_a mercy_n and_o it_o be_v my_o great_a grief_n that_o i_o can_v be_v no_o more_o thankful_a see_v i_o have_v receive_v so_o much_o mercy_n from_o god_n who_o i_o do_v daily_o offend_v which_o have_v make_v i_o with_o paul_n to_o cry_v out_o o_o wretched_a man_n that_o i_o be_o who_o shall_v deliver_v i_o from_o this_o body_n of_o death_n but_o that_o the_o next_o word_n produce_v comfort_n bless_a be_v god_n through_o jesus_n christ_n yet_o after_o this_o it_o please_v god_n to_o suffer_v i_o to_o fall_v into_o a_o sinful_a condition_n by_o be_v too_o confident_a in_o my_o own_o strength_n which_o fall_v cost_v i_o abundance_n of_o tear_n sigh_n and_o sobbing_n of_o heart_n even_o as_o david_n say_v to_o the_o break_n and_o dry_v of_o my_o bone_n it_o make_v i_o walk_v sad_o for_o many_o month_n together_o &_o even_o to_o despair_v of_o any_o help_n and_o see_v i_o have_v bring_v so_o much_o dishenour_n to_o god_n and_o scandal_n to_o the_o gospel_n and_o reproach_n to_o the_o professor_n thereof_o this_o do_v much_o press_v my_o soul_n consider_v what_o a_o professor_n i_o be_v before_o in_o stand_v for_o the_o glory_n of_o god_n and_o oppose_v all_o gainsayer_n and_o for_o i_o to_o fall_v oh_o this_o do_v make_v such_o gash_n in_o my_o soul_n that_o the_o consideration_n thereof_o cause_v rue_v to_o walk_v sad_o and_o sorrowful_o and_o with_o so_o much_o shame_n that_o i_o can_v not_o endure_v to_o go_v in_o the_o street_n but_o that_o urgent_a necessity_n force_v i_o to_o go_v out_o for_o comfort_n then_o it_o please_v god_n by_o special_a providence_n to_o east_n i_o under_o dr._n homes_n his_o ministry_n and_o he_o treat_v on_o that_o subject_n concern_v backsliding_a out_o of_o jer._n 14_o v._n 7._o o_o lord_n though_o our_o iniquity_n testify_v against_o we_o yet_o do_v thou_o it_o for_o thy_o name_n sake_n for_o our_o back_n sliding_n be_v many_o etc._n etc._n which_o sermon_n be_v by_o the_o work_n of_o the_o spirit_n of_o god_n effectual_a unto_o i_o for_o i_o be_v almost_o under_o despair_n before_o but_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o give_v i_o much_o comfort_n from_o this_o doctrine_n that_o saint_n may_v be_v guilty_a of_o many_o backslide_n yet_o they_o shall_v not_o despair_v for_o that_o be_v a_o great_a sin_n the_o doctor_n make_v this_o use_n that_o if_o saint_n may_v break_v their_o peace_n wicked_a and_o unregenerate_a man_n may_v break_v their_o neck_n a_o second_o use_n be_v that_o a_o saint_n shall_v beware_v of_o backslide_v and_o make_v all_o speed_n to_o go_v to_o jesus_n christ_n for_o more_o strength_n to_o keep_v and_o uphold_v he_o for_o the_o future_a this_o do_v give_v i_o some_o comfort_n and_o cause_v i_o to_o set_v upon_o the_o work_n of_o seek_v to_o jesus_n christ_n more_o earnest_o because_o christ_n tell_v paul_n that_o his_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a for_o he_o i_o have_v rest_v in_o that_o little_a mustard-seed-faith_n i_o have_v before_o but_o now_o it_o do_v begin_v to_o spring_v and_o blossom_n to_o the_o praise_n and_o glory_n of_o jesus_n christ_n that_o he_o shall_v as_o it_o be_v snatch_v i_o as_o a_o brand_n out_o of_o those_o burn_n of_o hell_n and_o establish_v my_o poor_a soul_n by_o his_o free_a grace_n to_o see_v all_o my_o iniquity_n lay_v to_o the_o charge_n of_o christ_n as_o isa_n 53._o v._n 5._o all_o we_o like_v sheep_n have_v go_v astray_o we_o have_v turn_v every_o one_o to_o his_o own_o way_n and_o the_o lord_n have_v lay_v on_o he_o the_o iniquity_n of_o we_o all_o which_o scripture_n be_v open_v by_o a_o worthymember_v of_o that_o church_n mr._n f._n it_o do_v much_o strengthen_v my_o faith_n in_o the_o application_n when_o i_o come_v to_o consider_v first_o that_o it_o be_v iniquity_n that_o the_o lord_n jehovah_n lay_v on_o christ_n second_o that_o it_o be_v my_o iniquity_n that_o be_v thus_o lay_v on_o he_o three_o that_o it_o be_v the_o lord_n himself_o that_o do_v lay_v it_o on_o he_o and_o four_o that_o the_o lord_n have_v do_v it_o already_o it_o be_v not_o now_o to_o do_v all_o these_o point_n do_v much_o comfort_v i_o see_v they_o be_v back_v by_o scripture_n and_o such_o a_o caution_n give_v by_o the_o apostle_n paul_n heb._n 3.12_o say_n take_v heed_n lest_o there_o be_v find_v in_o you_o a_o evil_a heart_n of_o unbelief_n etc._n etc._n which_o be_v a_o great_a sin_n and_o plague_n to_o any_o poor_a soul_n this_o wrought_v much_o with_o i_o but_o then_o apply_v several_a other_o scripture_n to_o the_o everlasting_a praise_n of_o jehovah_n and_o to_o jesus_n christ_n my_o saviour_n this_o scripture_n be_v produce_v in_o psal_n 68.16_o compare_v with_o the_o apostle_n word_n speak_v of_o christ_n thoâ—_n have_v ascend_v up_o on_o high_a and_o lead_v captivity_n captive_a and_o receive_v gift_n for_o man_n even_o rebellious_a one_o that_o the_o lord_n god_n may_v dwell_v among_o they_o and_o that_o of_o ezek._n 16.7,8,9,10_o a_o precious_a scripture_n for_o trouble_a soul_n to_o be_v meditate_a on_o for_o comfort_n that_o a_o man_n be_v in_o his_o filth_n and_o guilt_n and_o all_o over_o with_o blood_n nay_o when_o no_o eye_n will_v pity_v he_o that_o then_o be_v a_o time_n of_o love_n to_o his_o soul_n oh_o mercy_n and_o free_a grace_n indeed_o theâ—_n again_o consider_v the_o new_a covenant_n to_o open_v blind_a eye_n and_o to_o bring_v prisoner_n out_o of_o prison_n to_o the_o glorious_a light_n and_o liberty_n of_o the_o son_n of_o god_n and_o his_o proclamation_n isa_n 55._o hâ—every_a one_o that_o thirst_v come_v and_o in_o that_o of_o joh._n 6._o v._n 37._o he_o that_o come_v to_o christ_n he_o have_v promise_v in_o no_o wise_a to_o cast_v out_o though_o thy_o sin_n he_o as_o crimson_a and_o scarlet_a yea_o of_o such_o a_o deep_a dye_n as_o that_o with_o paul_n i_o may_v say_v to_o be_v chief_a of_o sinner_n yet_o it_o please_v god_n to_o give_v i_o in_o refreshment_n from_o he_o same_o scripture_n about_o two_o year_n since_o providence_n cast_v my_o lot_n at_o westminster_n where_o i_o hear_v mr._n w._n and_o have_v observe_v many_o honest_a people_n at_o hear_v of_o the_o word_n i_o then_o seek_v to_o the_o lord_n by_o earnest_a prayer_n so_o to_o direct_v i_o by_o his_o bless_a spirit_n that_o my_o only_a aim_n may_v be_v for_o his_o glory_n the_o good_a of_o other_o and_o with_o comfort_n to_o my_o own_o soul_n it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o direct_v my_o heart_n notwithstanding_o all_o opposition_n of_o satan_n and_o the_o persuasion_n of_o some_o other_o to_o resolve_v and_o to_o break_v through_o all_o opposition_n and_o difficulty_n and_o to_o join_v in_o the_o worship_n of_o the_o lord_n god_n of_o our_o father_n and_o so_o walk_v in_o his_o way_n according_a to_o the_o strict_a rule_n of_o the_o gospel_n of_o jesus_n christ_n hold_v forth_o in_o his_o word_n m._n h._n xxxiv_o experience_n of_o l._n p._n about_o twenty_o year_n since_o i_o be_v then_o with_o child_n be_v much_o trouble_v at_o some_o thought_n which_o god_n put_v into_o my_o mind_n touch_v my_o conversation_n which_o lie_v so_o fore_o and_o heavy_a upon_o i_o that_o i_o can_v not_o tell_v what_o to_o do_v because_o i_o see_v though_o i_o endeavour_v as_o much_o as_o i_o can_v to_o do_v my_o duty_n to_o my_o god_n yet_o i_o be_v not_o able_a to_o live_v as_o i_o shall_v and_o then_o i_o begin_v to_o know_v what_o the_o worm_n of_o conscience_n mean_v i_o feel_v what_o until_o then_o i_o be_v ignorant_a of_o and_o the_o blackness_n of_o my_o spirit_n be_v such_o with_o the_o burden_n of_o my_o trouble_a and_o afflict_a soul_n that_o i_o can_v
injurious_a yet_o obtain_v mercy_n that_o in_o he_o christ_n jesus_n may_v show_v forth_o all_o long-suffering_a for_o a_o pattern_n to_o they_o that_o shall_v after_o believe_v on_o he_o to_o eternal_a life_n 1_o tim._n 1.13,16_o so_o god_n strike_v he_o to_o the_o ground_n as_o it_o be_v by_o a_o light_n from_o heaven_n and_o a_o voice_n of_o thunder_n round_o about_o he_o insomuch_o that_o now_o the_o scale_n fall_v from_o his_o eye_n as_o they_o do_v from_o the_o apostle_n paul_n his_o stony_a heart_n be_v open_v and_o stream_n of_o tear_n gush_v out_o the_o bitter_a but_o wholesome_a rear_v of_o true_a repentance_n the_o mean_n which_o prepare_v the_o way_n for_o this_o wonderful_a change_n be_v a_o sharp_a and_o painful_a sickness_n with_o which_o he_o be_v visit_v which_o the_o almighty_a often_o make_v use_n of_o to_o reduce_v the_o wander_a sinner_n to_o the_o knowledge_n of_o god_n and_o of_o himself_o and_o though_o to_o forsake_v our_o sin_n then_o when_o we_o can_v no_o long_o commit_v they_o seem_v to_o be_v rather_o necessity_n than_o choice_n yet_o we_o often_o find_v that_o god_n use_v one_o to_o bring_v about_o the_o other_o and_o improve_v a_o force_a abstinence_n from_o sin_n into_o a_o settle_a loathe_v and_o a_o true_a detestation_n of_o it_o as_o in_o the_o case_n of_o manasseh_n in_o 2_o chron._n and_o of_o the_o prodigal_a son_n luke_n 20._o and_o god_n say_v of_o ephraim_n i_o will_v be_v unto_o ephraim_n as_o a_o lion_n i_o will_v tear_v and_o go_v away_o and_o none_o shall_v relieve_v he_o till_o they_o acknowledge_v their_o offence_n and_o seek_v my_o face_n and_o in_o their_o affliction_n they_o will_v seek_v i_o early_o hos_fw-la 5.14,15_o though_o some_o stubborn_a nature_n fly_n in_o the_o face_n of_o their_o heavenly_a father_n while_o he_o be_v correct_v they_o and_o other_o be_v like_a to_o those_o child_n who_o while_o under_o the_o rod_n promise_v wonder_n and_o present_o forget_v all_o as_o the_o psalmist_n say_v when_o he_o slay_v they_o than_o they_o seek_v he_o and_o they_o return_v and_o inquire_v early_o after_o god_n never_o theless_o they_o do_v but_o flatter_v he_o with_o their_o mouth_n and_o lie_v unto_o he_o with_o their_o tongue_n for_o their_o heart_n be_v not_o right_a with_o he_o nor_o continue_v they_o steadfast_a in_o his_o covenant_n psal_n 78.34_o etc._n etc._n and_o probable_o this_o have_v be_v this_o penitent_n case_v former_o but_o there_o be_v a_o evident_a difference_n betwixt_o the_o effect_n of_o this_o last_o sickness_n upon_o he_o and_o many_o other_o before_o for_o he_o tell_v the_o minister_n that_o he_o have_v now_o other_o sentiment_n and_o thought_n of_o thing_n and_o act_v upon_o quite_o different_a principle_n he_o be_v not_o vex_v that_o his_o sickness_n be_v painful_a or_o that_o it_o hinder_v he_o from_o his_o sin_n which_o he_o long_v again_o to_o be_v at_o but_o submit_v patient_o to_o it_o accept_v it_o as_o the_o hand_n of_o god_n and_o be_v thankful_a blessing_n and_o praise_v god_n not_o only_o in_o his_o extremity_n but_o for_o they_o also_o and_o whereas_o former_o he_o have_v so_o habituate_v himself_o to_o curse_v and_o swear_v that_o he_o use_v it_o almost_o every_o minute_n there_o be_v now_o no_o curse_n no_o rail_n nor_o reproach_n to_o his_o servant_n or_o those_o about_o he_o which_o in_o other_o sickness_n be_v their_o usual_a entertainment_n but_o he_o treat_v they_o with_o all_o the_o meekness_n and_o patience_n in_o the_o world_n beg_v pardon_n frequent_o of_o the_o mean_a of_o his_o attendant_n but_o for_o a_o hasty_a word_n which_o the_o extremity_n of_o his_o sickness_n and_o sharpness_n of_o his_o disease_n proceed_v from_o a_o ulcer_n in_o his_o bladder_n which_o cause_v his_o urine_n to_o pass_v from_o he_o with_o intolerable_a pain_n may_v easy_o force_v from_o he_o of_o which_o one_o instance_n be_v relate_v that_o call_v for_o something_o which_o he_o think_v be_v not_o bring_v he_o soon_o enough_o he_o cry_v that_o damn_a fellow_n but_o be_v gentle_o admonish_v instant_o recollect_v himself_o complain_v of_o that_o language_n of_o hell_n or_o fiend_n which_o he_o say_v have_v be_v former_o so_o familiar_a to_o he_o that_o it_o still_o hang_v about_o he_o whereas_o none_o deserve_v to_o be_v damn_v more_o than_o he_o have_v do_v and_o desire_v to_o ask_v his_o servant_n pardon_v for_o that_o rash_a say_n his_o prayer_n be_v not_o now_o so_o much_o for_o ease_n or_o health_n or_o a_o continuance_n of_o his_o life_n as_o for_o grace_n and_o faith_n and_o perfect_a resignation_n to_o the_o will_n of_o god_n so_o that_o it_o may_v be_v charitable_o and_o just_o conclude_v that_o his_o sickness_n be_v not_o the_o chief_a ingredient_n but_o through_o the_o grace_n of_o god_n a_o effectual_a mean_n of_o true_a though_o late_a repentance_n for_o though_o it_o be_v a_o deathbed_n repentance_n and_o therefore_o full_a of_o danger_n and_o the_o utmost_a hazard_n yet_o it_o be_v not_o whole_o impossible_a to_o be_v true_a nor_o absolute_o desperate_a since_o that_o god_n who_o be_v a_o god_n of_o infinite_a compassion_n and_o forbearance_n allow_v he_o leisure_n and_o opportunity_n for_o repentance_n by_o a_o long_a and_o linger_a sickness_n that_o he_o awaken_v he_o out_o of_o his_o spiritual_a slumber_n by_o a_o pungent_a distemper_n as_o to_o provide_v prudent_o for_o his_o worldly_a affair_n and_o yet_o not_o to_o be_v distract_v nor_o divert_v by_o they_o from_o the_o thought_n of_o a_o better_a world_n that_o god_n lengthen_v out_o his_o day_n of_o grace_n and_o accompany_v the_o ordinary_a mean_n of_o salvation_n and_o the_o weak_a ministry_n of_o his_o word_n with_o the_o convince_a and_o overrule_a power_n of_o his_o spirit_n to_o his_o conscience_n which_o word_n of_o god_n become_v to_o he_o quick_a and_o powerful_a sharp_a than_o any_o two-edged_a sword_n pierce_v even_o to_o the_o divide_v asunder_o of_o his_o soul_n and_o spirit_n and_o at_o last_o the_o spirit_n of_o god_n witness_v to_o his_o spirit_n that_o now_o he_o be_v become_v one_o of_o the_o child_n of_o god_n upon_o my_o first_o visit_n to_o he_o say_v the_o minister_n at_o his_o return_n from_o a_o journey_n out_o of_o the_o west_n he_o most_o glad_o receive_v i_o show_v i_o extraordinary_a respect_n upon_o the_o score_n of_o my_o office_n and_o thank_v god_n who_o have_v in_o mercy_n and_o good_a providence_n send_v i_o to_o he_o who_o so_o much_o need_v my_o prayer_n and_o counsel_n acknowledge_v how_o unworthy_o heretofore_o he_o have_v treat_v minister_n of_o the_o gospel_n reproach_v they_o that_o they_o be_v proud_a and_o prophesy_v only_o for_o reward_n but_o now_o he_o have_v learn_v how_o to_o value_v they_o that_o he_o esteem_v they_o the_o servant_n of_o the_o most_o high_a god_n who_o be_v to_o show_v to_o he_o the_o way_n to_o everlasting_a life_n at_o the_o same_o time_n i_o find_v he_o labour_v under_o strange_a trouble_n and_o conflict_n of_o mind_n his_o spirit_n wound_v and_o his_o conscience_n full_a of_o terror_n upon_o this_o journey_n he_o tell_v i_o he_o have_v be_v argue_v with_o great_a vigour_n against_o god_n and_o religion_n than_o ever_o he_o have_v do_v in_o his_o life-time_n before_o and_o that_o he_o be_v resolve_v to_o run_v they_o down_o with_o all_o the_o argument_n and_o spite_n in_o the_o world_n but_o like_o the_o great_a convert_n st._n paul_n he_o find_v it_o hard_o to_o kick_v against_o the_o prick_n for_o god_n at_o that_o time_n have_v so_o strike_v his_o heart_n by_o his_o immediate_a hand_n that_o present_o he_o argue_v as_o strong_o for_o god_n and_o virtue_n as_o before_o he_o have_v do_v against_o it_o he_o declare_v that_o god_n strange_o open_v his_o heart_n create_v in_o his_o mind_n most_o awful_a and_o tremendous_a thought_n and_o apprehension_n of_o the_o divine_a majesty_n with_o a_o delightful_a contemplation_n of_o the_o divine_a nature_n and_o attribute_n and_o of_o the_o loveliness_n of_o religion_n and_o 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name_n of_o god_n and_o as_o they_o regard_v the_o welfare_n of_o their_o immortal_a soul_n no_o more_o to_o deny_v his_o be_v or_o his_o providence_n or_o despise_v his_o goodness_n no_o more_o to_o make_v a_o mock_n of_o sin_n or_o contemn_v the_o pure_a and_o excellent_a religion_n of_o my_o ever_o bless_a redeemer_n through_o who_o merit_n alone_o i_o one_o of_o the_o great_a of_o sinner_n do_v yet_o hope_v for_o mercy_n and_o forgiveness_n amen_n j._n rochester_n declare_v and_o sign_v june_n 19_o 1680._o in_o the_o presence_n of_o ann_n rochester_n robert_n parson_n he_o enjoy_v a_o steady_a temper_n of_o mind_n through_o the_o whole_a course_n of_o his_o sickness_n and_o repentance_n which_o must_v needs_o proceed_v not_o from_o a_o
fidelity_n 3._o of_o chastity_n temperance_n and_o humility_n and_o on_o the_o contrary_a the_o tremendous_a consequence_n 4._o of_o hatred_n revenge_n and_o ingratitude_n 5._o of_o cowardice_n barbarity_n and_o treachery_n 6._o of_o unchastity_n intemperance_n and_o ambition_n embellish_v with_o figure_n pr._n 1s_o 21._o the_o kingdom_n of_o darkness_n or_o the_o history_n of_o demon_n spectre_n witch_n apparitions_z &_o other_o supernatural_a delusion_n &_o malicious_a imposture_n of_o the_o devil_n contain_v near_o 80_o memorable_a relation_n foreign_a and_o domestic_a ancient_a and_o modern_a collect_v from_o author_n of_o undoubted_a verity_n with_o picture_n pr._n 1s_o 22._o surprise_v miracle_n of_o nature_n and_o art_n in_o two_o part_n contain_v 1._o miracle_n of_o nature_n or_o the_o wonderful_a sgn_n and_o prodigious_a aspect_n and_o appearance_n in_o the_o heaven_n earth_n and_o sea_n with_o a_o account_n of_o the_o most_o famous_a comet_n and_o other_o prodigy_n from_o the_o birth_n of_o christ_n to_o this_o time_n 2._o miracle_n of_o art_n describe_v the_o most_o magnificent_a building_n and_o other_o curious_a invention_n in_o all_o age_n as_o the_o seven_o wonder_n in_o the_o world_n etc._n etc._n beautify_v with_o picture_n pr._n 1s_o 23._o the_o general_a history_n of_o earthquake_n or_o a_o account_n of_o the_o most_o remarkable_a earthquake_n in_o divers_a part_n of_o the_o world_n from_o the_o creation_n to_o this_o time_n particular_o those_o late_o in_o naples_n smyrna_n jamaica_n england_n and_o sicily_n with_o a_o description_n of_o the_o famous_a burn_a mount_n aetna_n and_o several_a other_o late_a strange_a accident_n as_o i._o a_o surprise_v account_n of_o angel_n sing_v psalm_n in_o the_o air_n over_o the_o ruin_n of_o a_o protestant_a church_n in_o france_n in_o the_o year_n 1686._o with_o the_o word_n they_o sing_v in_o the_o hear_n of_o many_o hundred_o ii_o the_o life_n of_o a_o great_a person_n of_o near_a a_o hundred_o year_n old_a now_o a_o hermit_n in_o a_o forest_n in_o france_n with_o the_o devotion_n clothing_n diet_n etc._n etc._n of_o he_o and_o his_o cumpanion_n etc._n etc._n iii_o the_o wonderful_a army_n of_o grasshopper_n near_o breslaw_n in_o silesia_n septemb_n 7._o 1693._o and_o in_o other_o part_n of_o germany_n which_o in_o their_o march_n take_v up_o sixteen_o mile_n devour_v every_o green_a thing_n iv_o three_o miraculous_a cure_n wrought_v by_o faith_n in_o christ_n in_o 1693._o as_o 1._o of_o mary_n maillard_n the_o french_a girl_n heal_v of_o a_o extreme_a lameness_n 2._o the_o wife_n of_o mr._n savage_a cure_a of_o a_o lame_a hand_n 3._o a_o shepherd_n near_o hitchin_n in_o hartfordshire_n instant_o heal_v of_o the_o king_n be_v evil_a under_o which_o he_o have_v languish_v twenty_o year_n pr._n 1s_o 24._o memorable_a accident_n and_o unheard_a of_o transaction_n contain_v a_o account_n of_o several_a strange_a event_n as_o the_o depose_v of_o tyrant_n lamentable_a shipwreck_n dismal_a 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agony_n in_o the_o garden_n 2._o his_o be_v betray_v by_o judas_n 3._o his_o be_v false_o accuse_v smite_a buffer_v and_o spit_v upon_o before_o caiphas_n the_o high_a priest_n 4._o his_o condemnation_n scourge_v crown_v with_o thorn_n and_o be_v deliver_v to_o be_v crucify_a by_o pontius_n pilate_n 5._o his_o bear_v the_o cross_n 6._o his_o crucifixion_n 7._o our_o saviour_n institution_n of_o the_o bless_a sacrament_n with_o brief_a resolution_n to_o these_o objection_n allege_v for_o the_o omission_n of_o this_o important_a duty_n and_o eight_o curious_a sculpture_n proper_a to_o the_o several_a part_n with_o grace_n imprimatur_fw-la z._n isham_n r._n p._n d._n hen._n episc_n lond._n a_o sacred_a pr._n 1s_o 31._o a_o guide_n to_o eternal_a glory_n or_o brief_a direction_n to_o all_o christian_n how_o to_o atain_a everlasting_a salvation_n to_o which_o be_v add_v several_a other_o small_a tract_n as_o 1._o save_v faith_n discover_v in_o three_o heavenly_a conference_n between_o our_o 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and_o undeniable_a argument_n answer_v all_o the_o objection_n of_o the_o papist_n and_o all_o other_o together_o with_o the_o judgement_n of_o many_o ancient_n and_o modern_a divide_v and_o most_o eminent_a writer_n concern_v the_o rise_n and_o final_a ruin_n of_o the_o beast_n and_o baby_n loâ—_n prove_v it_o will_v be_v in_o this_o present_a age_n with_o a_o account_n of_o many_o strange_a prediction_n relate_v to_o these_o present_a time_n by_o b._n keach_n price_n one_o shilling_n 37._o the_o devout_a soul_n daily_a exercise_n in_o prayer_n contemplation_n and_o praise_n contain_v devotion_n for_o morning_n noon_n and_o night_n for_o every_o day_n in_o the_o week_n with_o prayer_n before_o and_o after_o the_o holy_a communion_n and_o likewise_o for_o person_n of_o all_o condition_n and_o upon_o all_o occasion_n with_o grace_n and_o thanks_o giving_n before_o and_o after_o meat_n by_o r._n p._n d._n d._n price_n bind_v six_o penny_n 38._o sacramental_a meditation_n upon_o divers_a 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