heart and â—ryeth the reins Great mistakes through a deceitful heart thou maist entertain and apply to thy self that comfort which of right belongs not to thee a deceitful heart saith oft times Peace where no true peace is therefore O how pretious is that peace of God that passeth understanding that only can make the Soul happy that blessed peace which the Lord Jesus breathed upon his poor disciples and left them as a glorious legacy of pretious Love O my soul It must be Christ in thee the hope of Glory must be the author of thy comfort and eternal happiness therefore sayes the Apostle by this truth try the truth of your condition examine your selves whether ye be in the faith 2 Cor. 13. 5. Prove your own selves know ye not your own selves that Christ be not in you except you are reprobates a sad and dismal condition to be rested in and since it is so needful a thing to be found in Christ O my Soul how requisite would it be and how much would it add unto thy present and eternal comfort to be fully assured in this point of so great importance but what should a poor weak creature do Lord I will cast my self at thy footstool O do thou prove me and try me and suffer me not to rest under a deceitful heart make clear this in the way of prayer meditation c. and to my Soul that by the spirit speaking peace my soul may be sealed up with everlasting comfort by which to glorifie the riches of thy free Grace for ever Meditations of being in Christ TO be in Christ is to be a new Creature quickned inlivened delivered from the power of sin and Satan and the deadness of our sinful natures to serve the living Lord the spirit is given unto those whom he hath called by Grace and taken into Covenant with himself for he that hath not the spirit of Christ is none of his and this spirit is holy humble gratious teaching the soul to know the voice of him that gives it My sheep her my voice the Lord knows them also for he hath given them of his own spirit and so made them to be partakers with him of the Divine nature by which grace the soul comes to be a follower of Jesus Christ denying ungodliness and sinful lusts All these things which are in opposition to so glorious a change and to be more in confâ—â—mity unto our Lord and Saviour who hath gâ—ven of his spirit unto poor souls that they might be so nâ—w the fruits of the spirit is love joy peace long sâ—ffâ—ring genâ—â—â—â—â—ss goodness faith weakness temperaâ—ce fuâ—filled all in that blessed pattern the Lord Jesus who out of Love to the poor Soul made himself an example that thou thereby mightest learn of him instructions Now the righteous Lord loves righteousness and is gratiously pleased to place a delight in that soul that desires to walk humbly before him having access unto the father by the same spirit of Christ living in the soul by faith through him to find acceptance at the throne of Grace and favour in the sight of the great and holy God now my soul be earnest in the search this great thing ask the assistance of thy great JEHOVAH thy tender loving father who only can give grace and promiseth gratiously that he will supply the wants of them that truly seek him and shall spread their case before him through so rich a mediator the Mediator of that new and everlasting Covenant of grace and mercy who hath said for the comfort of his poor Wormâ— here whatsoever ye shall ask the father in my name believing it shall be done unto you O is the Lord so gratious and hast thou so great refuge to run to why standest thou here gazing Meditations of being the Servant of Christ OH how rich a priviledge is it to be a Servant of the Lord Jesus Christ hath not my Lord been pleased to give me a heart truly to beg this yea from my soul to beg that he would cast his yoak upon my neck that he would accept of me poor worm to be his servant O how much more did my soul long to be made a door keeper in the house of my God then to injoy the greaâ—est glories of the world O how hath my soul longed yea thirsted after the living Lord that he would please to make me one whom he would honour with the beholding of â—is glory not desiring greater priviledge O but my Soul now see and above all admire the gratious condescention or thy glorious God who hath not only answered the poor request which he did through grace inable thee to breath out before him but hath abundantly inlarged his bounty and filled thee with joy he hath filled the hungry Soul with good things with the best things and given thee not only a sight of his Glory but O the abounding Love the unspeakable goodness of thy gratious God an interest in that glory so that thou canst through grace now say thou art my God thou art my Lord so great a priviledge to me thou knowest dear Lord my soul desires to resine it self to thee make it such as thou wouldst have it Lord I am thine do by me whaâ—soever seemeth good in thy sight this afternoon the Lord was pleased to bring open home unto my soul the glorious nature of prayer through the Ministry of our dear Pastors from the 12 of Rom. to the 12 v. that this prayer is It is a Saints recreation A glorious exercise in which the Soul hath access to go through a Mediaâ—or whereby a Saint may improve his interest daily at the throne of grace and make humble confession of our manifold transgressionâ— to ask things needful for us these remain on our part but to return humble and hearty thanksgivings to the Lord for all our mercies herein is the Lord glorified and O what a comfort through Grace is it when we can give thanks when we can come and return hearty and humbâ—e thanks at the throne for all the good we have and do daily receive from the bountiful hands of our great JEHOVAH Lord be thou pleased to engrave this upon the heart of thy poor servant Meditations on the 11th of Luke 19. Of a new heart And I will give them one heart and I will put a new spirit within you and I will take tâ—e stony heart out of the flesh and will give them a heart of flesh WHo is the giver of this new heart even the Lord of Glory what is this new heart it is a pure single upright sincere heart why doth the Lord in the conversion of a Soul give him a new heart because it is the heart that he requires in duties the sincerity of the soul to walk before him in Love this cannot an old base carnal heart do until it be renewed an humble soul goes with a regenerated Soul the Lord will give more grace unto the humble but pride the
Lord resisteth Oh give thy poor unworthy one more grace and keep my soul humble under the sence and feeling of thy gratious Love so shall I Lord still praise thee and whilst I live extol the riches of thy grace O to injoy this sweet communion with thy glorious self Dear Lord this is more delightful and more pretious to me then to injoy the greatest treasures upon eâ—rth how pretious is the Lord unto my soul These are the excellencies and the glorious priviledge of a regenerate soul a new creature whose heart is changed through the gratious opperation of the holy spirit the whole nature is changed the glorious Image of the Lord Jesus is râ—newed on it it is made an heir of Heaven a tempâ—e of the Holy Ghost a member of Christ Of thirsting after assurance of Heaven BLessed are they that hunger and thirst after righteousness for they shall be filled they shall be made to drink deep of the wells of Salvation they shall be filled in the mansions of eternal glory when others shall be deprived of the least crum of comfort t is he that seeks shall find and he that knocks shall have the door opened unto him seek ye first the kingdom of Heaven and the righteousness thereof and all these things shall be added unto you things of this life are but additional acts of his bounty The great and prime part of a Christians work is to make sure of Heaven and his eâ—ernall happyness hereafter O great is that goodness of the Lord how abundant his compassion his love to poor sinful man who would not have them set their hearts on such poor low things as only this world affords but a Kingdom of glory yea an everlasting Kingdom that shall never fade a kingdom in which dwelleth righteousness the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus no less then these things would the Lord have his poor people covet after the rest are but things less material and shall be given over and above these things shall be added to you O wonderful goodness Such great and glorious priviledges such promises such additional comforts Oh what is man that thou shouldest be so mindful of him or the son of man that thou shouldest thus delight to do him good Oh my soul this is the Lords doings it is the great JEHOVAH is thus pleased to stoop and condescend on terms of mercy to take poor sinful souls into his favour I and he willeth nothing less to them then an eternal weight of Glory and is not this worth seeking after O sure it is to that soul who hath had a tast of what it is su e heavenly treasures far exceed all earthly vanities then surely in proportion to the goodness of them should the desire of the â—oul be let out after them Therefore O let thy affections be set on heavenly things since it is the goodness of the Lord to thee that thou mightest â—ast that he is gratious that thou shouldest by sweet experiences find him to be faithful in whatsoever he hath promised for good unto thy soul thy poor immortal soul which without his grace had perished to all eternity O 't is for good to thee the Lord hath thus commanded thee to seek that everlasting Kingdom O t is thy soul will be the gainer and thou through grace shall one day find it so O remember my Soul thy Covenant with God in the day of thy espousal then when it was the time of love when he was pleased to put thee in the clefts of the rock Christ Jesus and then to cause his gâ—ory to pâ—sâ— before thee to make with thee an everlasting Covenant setled and sure thâ—t in the unchangeableness of his Grace shall stand for ever wer 't thou but all wayes in the contemplations of these heavenly joyes thy heart could find no time to place it self on such mean things as this poor world affords to be rich in Grace and to be heirs of Glory O how much better is it then to be incumbred with the things below to have Communion with God and to joy in the presence of thy King is far better then to be in favour with the greatest Princes upon Earth oh let my soul dear father live daily in the rich experience of this blessed truth more and more whilst my abode is here oh let me find the daily quickning of thy gratious spirit to injoy thy presence is to live in Heaven whilst here oh tâ—s thy self that makes the passage sweet to Glory oh t is the cords of thy Love that makes the soul to run with hungrings and breathings after thee that makes it love thy precepts more then its dayly food thus thou hast made me through thy grace experimentally to tast O then hide not thy face dear Lord from my soul The Loves wherewith thou hast delighted my soul goes beyond all earthly glories oh in the sence of this let my soul walk before my God in its integrity yea for this will I go unto my God and Father for daily supplies since he it is that giveth liberally Meditations of Death IS death a terror to a gâ—atious Soul what is there in it can affright thee when as the sting is gone let it put on its worse ill shapen dress it can it shall produce no harm unto thee Death shall but â—elease thee from a wretched world of misery and prefer thee to a glorious Crown of blessedness the one will make thee everlasting miserable the other eternally happy in the fruition of the fathers Love in the full free and perfect injoyment of his glorious presence unto all eternity oh then how happy how blessed a thing it is to be dissolved and be with Christ where sin shâ—ll no more haunt thee here poor soul thou canst not chuse but see thy self daily involved with sin followed with corruptions one of the worst of sinners and in that thy shame should pull thee down into the dust and make thee daily mourn in the abhorrency of thy vile self since 't is a God of so much Love that thou dost daily sin against oh wretched Soul maist thou cry out who shall deliver thee from this body of death Yet O my soul take comfort in a dying Lord and glory in the strength of him who is the God of thy salvation O let his strength be magnified in thy weakness and the riches of his grace appear more glorious in the saving of such a one thou well maist say thou art the worst of sinners and yet through grace thou canst say thou dost abhor sin dost thou delight in it no t is thy burthen and since t is so take comfort In the remembrance of him who sweetly sayes come unto me he hath taken out the sting and is become thine advocate yea and will plead thy cause through his own merit and everlasting Righteousness in which through free grace and infinit mercy he will present thee spotless before the throne of that Heavenly Grace
away my distemper and so heal mâ— that I have through his mercy never since been troubled with it I fell under some other tryal but the Lord was pleased to inlarge my heart to lay open my case before him and in mercy caused me to see that he did not dispise my poor supplications but was gratiously pleased to sweeten my troubles and by this to comfort me in that they carried me nearer to the Lord sometimes he was pleased to mittigate them but mostly gave me strength to go through them and patiently to bear them thus was the Lord pleased to exercise his loving kindness and tender compassions to my poor soul carrying of it as a Lamb in his Arms But oh why was my heart so dead that I was so long contented in a state of Ignorance and not more desirous to come to the knowledge of his ways but thou O Lord art good and thy ways past finding out thy tender compassions never fails those whose hearts are upright before thee O blessed is the Soul to whom thou impuâ—est no sin for certainly O Lord shouldst thou have been so just aâ— to mark what was done amiss O Lord my sins my corruptions my daily actings besides that guilt of original sin brought into the world with me was enough to have sunk me into the bottomless pit for ever I could not see the need I had of my troubles nor the end for which they were sent but blessâ—d be thy Name O Lord who in thy righteousness and goodness and tender mercy didâ—â— afflict me thou mightest have spared thy pains and have bestowed those sweet discoveries of thy love on such who would have better improved it and have let me perish to all Eternity Oh how is my soul bound for ever to extol the riches of thy grace now I have seen his glory I abhor my self in dust and ashes oh how unworthy am I to appear before â—â—ee but blessed be thy name who have not left me in despair but in the sight of my unworthiness and the wretchedness of my condition caused me to seâ— that there was hope concerning this matter that thou hadst laid help upon one who was mighty to save About a years time I lived very contentedly and in much ease in my outward conditions but I began to be unmindful of the Lord who had done so much for me O how apt was I to forget the rock of my salvation I began to find these things indifferent to me which before I had prosecured with much Zeal the dishonoring of Gods name by others being so common where I was I did not find my seâ—f so affected as before nor so much troubled at it till the Lord was pleased by new allarums to awâ—ken my drowsiâ—â—oul which was so willing to be lulled a sleâ—p bâ— Satan in a sinful security and by afflictions some outward trouble brought me truly to consider my wayes and to lie low again before the Lord often spreading my condition before him in private who was gratiously pleased once more to look upon me and caused me to see the tenderness of his love towardâ— me Then did I begin to grieve at their dishonouring God by their profane walkings and the Lord was pleased to cause an aw upon my spirit concerning him and his ways I was mighty desirous to receive the Lords Supper but I darâ—d not I wondred at some that made so light a thing of it when I found it to be of much weight upon my spirit I found them in their ways very prophane and cold to any good duty I then began to apply my heart unto the Scriptures desiring the Lord to give me an understanding therein it was much upon my spirit to desire that the Lord would be pleased to open my heart as he did lydia's that so I might attend unto the things that were of God It pleased the Lord my time being expired at â—chool to return me home to my Fathers house Mr Pierce being then Minister the first Sermon I heard from him did much take upon my affections and raise up my desires unto the ways of God preaching from the 4. Cant. 7. 8. Thou art all fair my love there is no spot in thee wherein he opened the beauty of a Soul in Christ and the love the Lord was pleased to honour such a Soul withall this filled me with desires and longings to be such a one but how to attain unto it I did not know then was I full of fears and doubtings and Satan brought into my mind my evil and unworthy walkings under so much of the love of God as I had been partaker of this made my Soul walk heavily under much dispute a long time and when the Lord was pleased to come into my heart by a word at any time which did refresh me it lusted but a little time The Devill would be ready to tell me that was not my part I was too apt to catch at Châ—ldrens bread and think that my own which did not belong to me thus did he follow me a long time robbing me of the comfort of many a sweet Sermon making me waâ—k in such sadness which was taken notice of by my fâ—iends I would fain have related my condition and declared my doubts but could not do it yet in these doubts found some comfort I found my Soul much carried out in love to Christ I could delight to sit alone and meditate on the love of Christ held forth in the Gospel to poor sinners and in the former testimonies of his love wherewith he had followed me in every outward providence my soul would be many times carried out to admire the freeness of his love my soul longed for such a heavenly communion which put me much at the throne of Grace to desire one glimps of his Glory one testimony of â—is love in Christ but Satans suggestion put â—e to a loss in my comfort he would often perswade me I was a Hypocrite and that I was fallen from Grace this was a sad and great burden upon my spirit and I thought my sins was so great I must cry out with Cain my punishment should be greater then I can bear yet was the Lord in his goodness pleased not long to leave me in this condition but to incline my heart more and with much affection to the word remembring the deadness of spirit I had been under There was few I was acquainted with whom I could in the least have any converse with in the whole Town thus did I labour to keep my troubles to my self I remember a senteâ—ce which did something refresh me which was He wâ—ll lead sinâ—ers â—n the right way and the Lord was pâ—eased to come into my heart with this truth I never said unto the â—ouse of Jacoâ— sâ—ek ye me in vain then did I go unto the Lord aâ—d earnestly desire the assistance of his spirit to seek counsel in this matter I sought oveâ— the book of God and begged of
the Lord with tears that he would be pleased to give me a right understanding in what I could not well apprehend so gratious was the Lord at that time to give in answer to my poor request and caused me to find much sweetness and comfort in reading which before I never had found this raised up my heart to praise the Lord for his mercy towards me and gave me much comfort in that I hoped the Lord had not forgotten to be gratious but had in mercy owned himself to be my God hearing prayer and that the poor weak prayer of a wretched miserable creature who was looked upon with the eâ—e of scorn and much dispised this carried up my soul to joy in the Lord with praises to him in which I found much comfort and incouragement then did I in my heart resolve to wait upon the Lord with my poor petitions for strength till he should pâ—ease to give me a clearer evidence of his love and the true knowledge of his wayes which I desired to know above all earthly things tâ—us was the Lord pâ—eased to come in with a gratious iâ—fluence of his holy spirit whereby I received comfort from every â—ermon I â—eard for about 2 Months space But then how was my sinful and deceitful heart puffed up what thoughts did I begin to have of my self how had the Devil changed his notâ— and told my proud heart my state was now good and my graces were much increased for which I ought to be much esteemed how ready I was to do any thing which might secretly make me bethought well of by such as knew it then did I walk as one that was well principled in Religion and a great professâ—r O wicked wretch that after so much love should dare to be so careless as to let Satan steal away my heart yet the goodness of the Lord whose mercies indure for ever would not suffer me to rest in this condition but was pleased by a Sermon to make me behold my condition and search into with a single eye the subject he preached from was the 25 of Matthew the parable of the ten virgins whereby he shewed how far a carnal outward professor might be like a real Christian and yeâ— have never a dram of grace whiâ—h the Lord was pleased to fasten upon my soul making me to weigh my actions and the thoughts of my heart with the pure word of God where I â—ound much unsoundness and rottenness then was my heart east into its former sadness then was the Lord pleased to hâ—mblâ— my soul under the sence of a proud disâ—â—â—dâ—ent heart and made me to be more watchfull to my ways and apply my heart to reading and prayer which before it was much streightned in Thus did I look into the waies of some other professors where the Lord discovered to me many weaknesseâ— and failings by comparing of their wayes unto the pure word of God I saw a shortness of that Gospel spirit the whole Gospel so sweetly treats of this was a stumbling block to my soul thus was my trouble greatly increased wherein Saâ—an was very busie to destroy the comforts I had formerly had None could I find to declare my trouble so malitious was the fire brand of hell to cause several jealousies in the hearts of people what might be the cause of my trouble and as Daevid saies my humbling becaâ—e a reproach unto mâ— I cared not for company but most to be aloue in which I did contemplate the sweetness of his Divine Mercy yet desiring the Lord would ease me of my burden which I thought to be very great often should I sit and bewail my sad condition and be ready with Job to curse the day of my biâ—th yet in this my distress the Lord was pâ—eased to bring me to his feet then would I come with tears and offer up my poor supâ—licâ—tions before the Lord where I found my heart much inlarged beâ—ng affected with the love of God to sinners and carried out much upon those words call upon the Lord and he wiâ—l hear thee he is nigh unâ—o aâ—l that call upon him to deliver them ouâ— of trouble and many more sweet and seasonable Scriptures was the Lord pleased graâ—iously to bring into my remembrance and powerfully to apply unto my heart which made me go often unto the Lord and spread my condition before the Throne of his Grace having much incouragement to hope in his mercy thus did I find much comfort and sweetness in my secret communion with the Lord and found much ease in my troubles which I took aâ— gratious returns of my poor broken prayers and was much carried out to trust in him and to wâ—it upon him then could I sit and call to remembrance the mercies of old as a tender and a loving father who nourished up my poor soul which made me exceedingly admire the infinite riches of his Grace and the freeness of his love in Christ Jesus to my poor Souls which made me often cry out Lord what am I that thou shouldst take such notice of a poor creature that thou shouldest cast thine eye of love upon me though the Devil would yet be busie and often cast into my thoughts doubtful fear what was there in me should cause the Lord to pitty me and indeed I could do nothing in my self which began to increase my trouble yet I remembred it was the saying of David when my father and my Mother forsook me then the lord would look upon me this did at first revive me but then I considered David was a holy man after Gods own heart how dare I to lay claim to any thing belonged to him Thus was my base distrustful heart exercised with vaâ—iâ—â—y of temptaâ—ions by the Devil as to distrust the goodness of the Lord and to rob my soul of the comforts he was pleased many times to come in withall many times has the Lord been pleased to come in by a Sermon to my soul and as it were spake unto my present condiâ—ion but oh how dull have I been to remember and how did my unworthy walking cause those blessed truths to slip out of my mind yet was the Lord in mercy pleased to keep my heart sincere before him to plead for mercy for the Lords sake for whose sake he was gratiously pleased to continue his tender and compassionate love unto me The sweet experiences of the tender love of God to my Soul at Mrs. W. at School THen was the Lord pleased in much bounty to appear very gratious to my poor Soul and drawed out my heart much to long after the knowledge of his waies now being yet under the old way of Worship I bâ—sought the Lord truly to convince my Judgement as well as my affâ—â—ctions of the way which is of his own setting up but for a small time the Lord was pleased yet to leave me to my self that I found my self at a loss being dead and dull yet performing outward duties but with
little spiritual life and my heart also was carried out after vanities then I found that I had lost the former sweet incombs of the Lord and the refreshings of this blessed spirit and was as one luâ—led a sleep by the deceitful inchantments of Satan and malitious devices O wicked and decâ—iâ—ful â—eaâ—t how couldst thou so soon forget such bondage delivered from such 〈◊〉 aâ— the Devil had so often got thee into how soon hast thou forgot the God of all thy mercies how hast thou made the Lord to serve with thy sins Yet once more was the Lord pleased to call me out of my benumbed conditions and shewed how I was running my self into my own destruction Oh the goodness of the Lord who never dâ—d leave me but to see my oâ—n in aâ—ility to live without his heâ—p then did the Lord in mercy convince me of the emptiâ—ess of all Earthly vanities and also of that way of formal worship that it was a dead carnal lifeless thing under which my soul couâ—d not prosper and so growing weary of it more and more at length besought the Lord to guide my poor iâ—norant Soul which was so easie to be led away with every wicked and â—ubâ—ile device of â—atan my heart desired much to hear goâ—d men and when I could with convenience which some took notice of and said I was one whom the Apostle speaks of having iâ—chiâ—g ears ever lâ—arning c. â—his did muâ—h afflict me about which the Lord was pleased to give me a heart to seeâ— him and that earnestly for his assistance in the knowledge of his truth One more experience of the providence of God appeared unto me as an incouragement to trust in his mercy and to wait upon him by prayer for all things I had at that time a distemper upon me of which I saw no hope of cure yet one day particularly being in a serious meditation of the infinite goodness of the Lord toward me the Lord was pâ—eased to direct my eye upon a place of Scripâ—ure where I found the woman coming to the Lord confessing that she had â—pent aâ—l she hâ—d â—o be cuâ—ed of her Infirmity and one touch of Christs garment had done it from thence may not I come trembling that have received so many testimonies of his love tryed so many medcines before I came unto the Lord or looâ—ed up to him for help then did I bewail my unpâ—ofitableness yet went unto the Lord in the language of the Lepper and said Lord if thâ—u wilt thou canst make me clean who was not deaf to my poor request but in some small time was gratiously pleased as I may say without means wholy to clear me of it this mercy carried up my heart more to praise the Lord then any yet I had received who notwithstanding all my weaknesses and sinfulnesses was gratiously pleased to follow me with many mercys Of further discoveries of Christ Then was the Lord pleased in his gratious Providence to remove me to a place in H. Sh. where I had much more advantage of means and helps for my poor Soul VVHere the Lord was pleased to give me through his grace a little more insight into the mind â—f Christ evidencing himself to be a God graâ—ious and merciful abundant in gâ—odnâ—ss c. I was filled with admiration to see the holy glorious God abase himself to so poor a wretchless Creature as I then was I cryed out with earnest desires and longings after more of the knowledge of this God but here came I under strong temptations Satan was powerful in raising up of spiritual Pride but the Lord whose goodness never failled me did then take care for me thou O Lord who broughtest me out of the Pit of despair O suffer me not to climb up to the Mount of Presumption then was the Lord pleased in the tenderness of his love to convince me that the poor in Spirit were heirs of the Kingdom that the lowly Soul was his habitation then I besought God begging at the Throne of Grace for the assistance of his gratious Spirit without which I could do nothing and that he would humble me even to the dust that so my Soul might not loose the sight of that Glory revealed in the face of Jesus Christ This the Lord was gratiously pleased to grant and sweetly bring me to see a riches in Christ Jesus and that this was more to be desired then all the treasures upon Earth The longings of her Soul after Church Fellowship and all the Ordinances of Christ THen did I long after God and the injoyment of him in his own way and said Lord thou hast made me O lead me in that way wherein I may bring most glory to thy self I durst â—ot trust my own judgement but resign'd my self unto his will and continued my petitions at tâ—e â—hrone of Grace and at length he was pleased gâ—atiâ—usâ— to answer my poor prayer â—lessâ—d be â—hy name O Lord O let my Soul be inlarged in thy pâ—aâ—ses One day the Lord was pleased by a strange providence to cast me into the company of one that I never saw before but of a sweet and free disposition and whose discourse savour'd so much of the Gospel that I could not but at that instant bless God for his goodness in that providence it pleased the Lord to carry out our hearts much towards one another at that time and a little while after the Lord was pleased to bring us together again for the space of three dayes in which time it pleased God by our much converse together to establish and confirm me more in the desires I had to jâ—yn with the people of God in socâ—ety and enjoy Communion with them according to the order of the Gospel she was of a society of the Congregational way called Iudependants and gave me so clear a demonstration of their wayes that upon considerations and searching of the Scripture for the understanding of which learnestly besought the Lord I was cleerly convinc't in my judgment that this was the way which came nearest to the ruâ—e of the Gospel and the commands of Christ then were our hearts firmâ—y united and â— blessed the Lord from my soul for so glorious and vâ—sible an appearance of his love for I had many sweet refreshments given me at that time when she was gone I was sensible of the great mercy the Lord had been pleased to show me but in an instance snatcht it from me again at which I began to be troubled but aâ—ter a few reflections to this purpose why do I not patiently submit to the will of my Father who knows what is best for me my soul was again filled with hungrings and thirstings after God for a more clear and full inâ—oyment of him and that in that bâ—essed ordinance appointed for a seal to coâ—fiâ—m the Covenant he hatâ— gratiously made through hiâ— dear Son with aâ—l believers this was at a time when the Lord was pleased as to
bestowed upon us that we should be called the sons of God and if sons then Heirs of God and Co-heirs with Christ in Eternal Glory O blessed change from enemies to friends from friends to Sons and so heirs with the Lord Jesus of an eternal inheritance O the gratious effect of this transcendant love Now are we Sons of God but yet it doth not appear what we shall be why can greater testimony of love be shown then this to be taken into the number of Gods Children to be counted Sons and Daughters of the Great and Glorious God the Lord of Hosts the High and Mighty King of Kings Oh yes it doth not yet appear what we shall be now we see but darkly as in a Glass but here is mercy this is tender love that when he shall appear who hath so loved us even our dear Redeemer in his Glory we shall be like him for we shall see him as he is our dear Saviour who was content not only to lay down his life for us that we might be partakers with him of his Son-ship and also of the Gâ—ory Oh the transcendant and unspeakable love of God to poor Souls whom the Lord Jesus is pleased out of the rich treasury of his diviâ—e Love to reconcile unto God by the blood of the Cross and what hath the Lord required again of us poor Worms for all his benefits but that we shâ—uld return him love again and this is the love he requires that we should keep his Commandements oh blâ—ssed Lord and thy commandements are not grievous but delightful to the Soul that loves thee and what is thy Commandement dear Lord this is my Commandement and it is a â—ew Commandement that you should love one another my Commandements are not grievous it is only love that is required and that you should manifest it in obedience to my commands one of which is that you love one another but how dear Lord shall we manifest our love to thee in loving one another how hast thou required that we should love one another have not I set you an example Did not I first love you and therefore give you this new Commandement that as I have loved you so you would love one another with a sincere pure unbounded love such a love as seeks not your own things but the good of others such a love as is inward and not in outward show only but in deed and in truth in the sincerity of your hearts such a love as seeks the good and spiritual advantage of one anothers Souls to love one another as I have loved you or to love thy friend as thou lovest thy self most willing to do that which may be for thy friends good although it be to some prejudice to thy self this is love and by this you shall know that you are my Disciples if thus you love one another and by this men shaâ—l know that you are mine such as I have loved from the beginning Oh dear Lord how art thou pleased thus to plead with pooe clods of clâ—y what sweet argument of thine own matchless goodness Art thou pleased to lay down thy life to draw poor sinful Souls to thy self O Lord whom didst thou ever bless with a clear sight of the least glimps of thy most gratious goodness that yet could not love the Lord are not our hearts harder then stone How many is there do profess to love thee but in works deny thee even in this great matter of love even in loving one another Do we not rather back-bite and discover one another where is that tender bearing one anothers burthens Where is that sweet convincing spirit to reprove as should be in Christians how few are to be found but such as fear both to reprove and to be reproved to exhort or to be exhorted in that sâ—nce where is that love which hides a multitude of faults that love that works noâ— thinks ne ill to his neighbour where is that spirit of mourning over one anothers infirmities that spirit of supplication in one anothers behalf Lord where is this Spirit to be found in the measure it ought Sure but in few that do make profession of thy name Lord is there not secret pride lieâ— hidden through Hippocricy in our base deceitful hearts whoever saw the Lord that could not love who Lord hast thou ever brought under the power of thy constraining love that are not willing there to rest but Lord unless thou teachest by thy holy spirit ond give us daily supply from thine own self we can do nothing O Lord we are not able to de one good action without thy especial grace but here lies our fault still we have not power no strength Lord we have not because we aâ—k not Our dear Lord hath said Ask and you shall receive O how largely is he pleased to make promise unto poor worms Whatsoever ye shall ask in my name I will do it and again repeats it And if ye shall ask any thing in my name I will do it is not there a gratious promise from the mouth of him in whose power it is to make it good Is it not from the Lord himself who is the only giver of all good whose word the least tittle of which shall not fall to the Ground O then why are we not more at the throne of Grace since he is pleased in mercy to afford unto us so glorious a priviledgâ— O that my soul may abide seeking of thee that my heart may still more and more be carried out with this sincere love unto thee and thine O suffer me dear Lord once more to say with boldness through thy Grace I will not let thee go until thou herein will bless me This before her Marriage La libre de mon Consalationes la meditationes de mon Coeure Sarah Roane December 1660. My Meditations from that blessed experience the Lord hath been pleased in much mercy through the infinite Riches of his Grace to give my poor unworthy Soul of his unspeakable love in Jesus Christ by the preaching of the word and reading of the Scriptures Meditations of Wisdom in embracing the offer of Jesus Christ VVISDOM is accompanied with a most glorious train of Heavenly beautieâ— exactâ—y formed into a scene which doth present the souls eternal happiness and being united with the soul make it pertaker of her graces she carries ever with her and those that finâ— her shall find with her in esteemable values and things of great price happy therefore is the man that sits knocking at her gates for in her are all the paths of pleasure and the wayes of peace and what can be defired more Pleasure is that the world is most eager after but it is such a pleasure as ends in sorrows these pleasures cannot bring peace to the soul they may satisfie them selves with vain hope and say peace we shall do well but surely sudden destruction shall come upon them there is no peace for such
saith my God But now here is pleasure which proceeds from the breast of wisdom such pleasure as will bring profit to the soul and peace also such pleasure as will never hurt the soul but make it happy for ever What is it people take pleasure in is it not commonly in things that excel for richness for glory and delight c. Pray consider what thing more glorious can we have then to be found in the radiments of Heaven for glory for beauty for splendor for delight and comfort such are not to be found in the earth nor in the least to be equalled with it to injoy Communion with a God who is infinitely glorious so that there is none like unto our God to have an interest in a Christ who is altogether lovely and can it be exprest the good and comfort a soul in Christ is inriched withal even with joy unspeakable and full of Glory Oh what comparison can be made with the joys of heaven and those Rivers of endless pleasures which are at Christs right hand for evermore these are the pleasures which true spiritual Wisdom is accompanied with nay her paths are pleasantness and her ways are peace she leads in the wayes of God and those wayes are the wayes of peace and worldly troubles can never overcome a heavenly peace is it not a comfort to a Soul though in the midst of storms in the world to see himself at peace with God what sufferings would he think hard and too much for him to bear when he sees his Soul in a bond of peace being reconciled unto the Father by the Son even Christ Jesus This is not such a peace as the world giveth no 't is the peace of God which passeth all understandings which God is pleased to give unto his Saints alone as an earnest of eternal happiness and t was the care of our dear Saviour himself at his parting out of the world to leave his peace with us even with his own to bear them out and keep up their hearts in those tryals temptations and conflicts which they are sure to meet withal in their pilgrimage before they come to that holy Hill of Sion that heavenly Jerusalem that glorious City of which the Lamb himself is the light which being attained the recompence surely outpasses very much the labour after it here is the pleasure of a true believer in the fruition of God and here lies his comfort in being at peace with God and this can bear him up and support him though in the midst of a fiery furnace now those are the pleasures of the godly but the worldlings pleasures are of another kind the wicked deliâ—hteth himself in worâ—d iâ— vanities as if their were the greatest happiness and truly so it is to them they think not of their eternal being 〈◊〉 make provision â—or the flâ—sh â—haâ— they may 〈◊〉 the luâ—t thereof And hâ—d rather loose heaven with all the glory of it although it be a being of eternal rest rather then part with their base lusts in which they take pleasure and which they cannot keep long but may in the midst of those their pâ—easures â—e snatched away and 〈◊〉 to receive the reward of their actions in horror and eternal darkness those that had rather sin then suffer for the cause of Christ here shall assuredly suffer for their sin to all eternity he is not worthy of Christ that cannot with coâ—tenâ— parâ— wiâ—hal for him what is our all even nothing when we consider the gain we have by Christ nay what have we of our own to loose what we have is it not from the hand of our heavenly father who is the given of all goodness We â—â—ceive it and cannot he that giveth all take it aâ— again wâ—ensoever he pleaseth and if he â—hrough his infinite wisdom seem good to take hose things from us which might through our base corrupt hearts proves snares to our Souls and give unto us heavenly treasures the riches of his grace and gift of his holy spirit the true wisdom to know him who to know a right is life Eternal and having of these how great will the exchange be what cause can a Soul in such a case have to complain although he were stript of all worldly comforts surely he ought to lay his hand upon his mouth and submit unto the Lord in all things Naked came I out of my mothers womb c. Yet sometimes the Saints of God walk in heaviness under the afflicting hand of God even when the Lord hath withdrawn his quickning presence from them which made David lye sobbing under so great an oppression also all the dear Children of God have been sensible of the loss they have sustained by Gods withdrawing of his presence from them what sad cries and complaints have the church made for the same reason but will God forsake for ever no he will not for a moment I hid my face from thee but in everlasting kindness will I remember thee whom God loves he loves for ever and chastisements are but effects of his love the dearest of Gods Children may stand in need of the rod of Correction And God is pleased as a loving Father to try all waâ—es for his Childrens good he will hide his face from them that they may see the evil of their sin which hath caused them to loose the comfort of their Souls and thereby return with repentance that they receive mercy for he is a tender hearted father who looks with the eyes of compassion on his Children and will hear them when they cry unto him he will put their tears into his bottle so pretious are they in his sight he will comfort the mourner and hath pronounced him blessed O blessed be the means that brings such blessedness to the Soul that it should be taken notice of by the great God who would not be a mourner all his dayes to have such a comforter to help and succour him and who would not forsake the vain pleasures of the world to injoy those heavenly felicities and eternal pleasures which are at Christ right hand for ever more Lord give me evermore that bread and satisfie my Soul there with O see where beauty lies the Kings daughter is all glorious within there 's her beauty not laid open to the eyes of worldlings but in the sight of her well beloved alone to the world they look black and swarthy yet are they washed in the fountain of his blood hence they are declared to be without spot the world seeth not these things but the Lord is the searcher of hearts and the tryer of Reins whose eyes go through the earth and knoweth who they be whose hearts are upright before him O here is wisdom even in the knowledge of the Lord Jesus whom to know to know a rigbt is life Eternal to know God to be a wise just and merciful God to those that have his fear in their hearts who desire to walk in obedience
thou part with him on any terms surely thou hast not loved him for Loaves only but for that excellency the Father hath cloathed him with the fear of man brings a snare but he that trusteth in the Lord shall be safe man says thou shalt not doe this c. t is disobedience to commands of men and the Issue of it will be either prison Banishment or death but the spirit of God says pay thy vows though it come in competition with thy very life for he that loveth his Father Mother c. Ye his very life better then me is not worthy of me and he that taketh not up his Cross to follow me cannot be my disciple then surely t is better disobeying man on earth then to be found an offender of the Majesty on high the waies of Christ are still the same good waies in persecution and they were in peace nor are they a whit the less disowned by Christ for being disallowed of man the soul that truly is established in Gospel truths is upon a sure foundation and owning Christ to be his Lord and King gives the honour due unto his King his Lord and Law giver As thy redeemer as thy saviour as a mediator now in heaven interceeding for thee as thy Lord and King as one who being fully interested in the fathers love and in all the father is and hath also made thee through grace to perticipate thereof O the unbounded richeâ— of free love what love was ever like to that of Christs who loved not his life unto the death but gave it freely for thee that thou mayest thereby freely come out of that cursed damned estate thou else hadst lain in unto all eternity and into the glorious liberty of Sons O how sweetly sounds that word Sons and Daughters heirs of a Kingdom and Co-heirs with Christ Jesus this is a believers portion and a glorious portion through the lively exercise of faith for the Lord in the offers of his grace sayes come come freely without any worth in your selves or good of your own and take my Son and with him all that shall make you eternally happy the Lord Jesus he a lone is thy redeemer he a lone is thy Redeemer he alone hath perfected the work of thy Redemption And unto him be glory ye all glory for ever and for ever who still had been a glorious and a holy God though thou hadst perished to all eternity and now what hath he required of thee O my soul but to love him to own him and this love begits obedience to him and love unto his laws and from which if thou shouldest now draw back thou wilt deny thy love to him and through a slavish fear make Shipwrack of thy faith deny the power faithfullness soveranity and omnipotency of the great God and so be come a prey to Satan and loose thy soul thy God thy Christ and all thy heavenly treasures forever the Lord in his mercy prevent it and all this for a song a sinful compliance with the men of the worâ—d and for fear of there threats sin against such Light such Love such Convictions of Conscience as the Lord through rich grace hath manifested to thee then consider how the Lord speaks to his poor covenant people who art thou that thou shouldest be afraid of a man that shall dye when I am on thy side who hath power to do with all men whatsoever he will am not I your Father and cannot you trust me with your preservation though in suffering times there fore O my soul trust in the Lord let him bee all thy stay and â—â—e assured all shall be well with thee if suffering be thy Lot as it is all theirs that will live Godly â—â— Christ â—esus the Lord will give out strength proportionable for he hath said that he will lay no more upon thee then he will inable thee to bear then let thy sufferings be what they will they shall be crowned with a glorious Isue thy small moment of affliction shall work for thee an eternity of glory say they then vaunt over thee with reviling speeches and reproach the too with sedition Hypocriâ— Hereticks Schismaticks c. Better is it to bear the Reproach then be truly guilty but what is this when the Lord saith Blessed are ye when all men hate Reproach and speak all manner of evil against you for my sake shall the Disciples be abâ—vt his Lord for what can they do to thee that they have not done to him He suffered a vile and shamefull death without the camp for the bearing this reproach he was scoffed at made a scorn off reviled buffered spit upon and at lengt crucified and all for thy sake taking it patiently and quietly and can't thou be content to suffer some small thing for his sake who hath suffered such great things for thee therefore my soul fix thou thy faith on Jesus Christ who ever liveth to make intercession for his affiicted ones is ready at hand to give seasonable supplies for every condition O be found still walking in his wayes and full of love to his pretious Laws and trust him with thy condition who can deliver thee from trouble or else preserve thee and bear thee up under it Blessed David saith the reproaches of them that reproached thee are fallen upon me and for thy sake I have borne reproach shame hath covered my face it was good Davids portion to fall under such reproaches as were even ready sometimes to have broken his heart yet for his help hath his recourse to God ye though the Lord is pleased seemingly to turn away his ear yet he will seek no other help I was a reproach to all mine enemies but especially among my Neighbours ye his very friends reproached him but says he As for me I will call upon God and he shall save me evening and morning and at noon will I pray and cry aloud he shall hear my voice O let this be thy work to approve thy integretie and sincerity unto God And so plead with thy God for mercy and deliverance for what matter is it how man Judgeth of thee so thy heart be right with God what disadvantage will reproaches bring unto thee Mâ—ses esteâ—med the reproaches of Christ greater riches then the treasures of Egypt therefore says Paul I take pleasure in reproaches Yea if you be reproached for the name of Christ hâ—pâ— are ye for the spirit of glory and of God in a more eminent manner resteth upâ—n you the Church of God in all ages hath lain under such afflictions and the father hath so ordained it for the purging away of sin the purifying of man from his dross that so he might become as tryed silver resigned fit for holy use and therefore seeing the necessity of it saith the Apostle beloved think it not stâ—ange concerning the fiery tryal which is to try you as though some strange thing happened unto you t is no new thing
therefore know thy duty in it but rejoice in as much as ye are partakers of Christs sufferings that when his glory shall be revealed ye mâ—â— be glad also with exceeding joy And in another place if you suffer with him you shall also Reign with him and let none of you suffeâ— aâ— an evill doer at a Mâ—â—derer thiefe or as a busie body in other mens matters yet if any man suffer as a Christian cleaâ—ly on that account let him not be a shamed â—ut let him glorifie God on this behalf for the time is coming that judgâ—ment must begin at the house of God and if it first begin at us what shall the end bâ— of them thaâ— obey not the Gospell of God and if the righteous scaâ—cely be saved where shall the ungodly and siners apear Wherefore let them â—hat suffer accordiâ—g to the will of God commit the keeping of their Souls to him in well doing as unâ—o a faithful Creator through grace I desire to pitch my Soul â—n everlasting faithfullnâ—ss by which I trust I shall be kept in even walking in his own paths be they never so rugged yet if I meet my Lord I shall do well his gratious presence makes every condition sweet and though this poor piâ—gramage represents nothing but thorns aâ—d bryers it will be recompensed with an eternity of glory A place where no sorrow shall be known but fulness of joy add pleasure and the compâ—eat injoyment of thy Lord for ever therefore O Lord into thy gratious care I do commit my self my Soul and spirit Lord fit me for thy will and let me only fear thy righteous judgements and be sound trembling at thy word so shall I be kept faithfull unto the end Sparks of Divine Love Love is a heavenly fire fetcht from above Irradiant beams shot from the God of Love Unâ—er those blessed shines my Soul abide Let all thy paces there be multiply'd In firength and beauty there to rest secure Through Love divine which ever shall indure Hast thou dear Lord such great things done for me And shall I not give up my heart to thee â—oo poor a thing yet Lord since 't is my All O take it Lord though it be poor and small O take it Lord by purchase it is thine Let me not any longer call it mine Nor set it on poor fond things here below Which vainly are but actors of a show Or feigâ—'d objects painted ore delights Appear a little and pass from our sights Vain shadows of a poor short Sunny day While â—e peruse them quickly fly away A praising Soul Lord shall a heaven born Soul forget to sing Eternal praises to her Lord and King Shall she be one that seemeth not to know The hand from which her mercies still do flow O quicken Lord thy servant O that she May have her life all praises unto thee O t is a life of praises thou wouldst have Thy poor redeemed ones return to thee Give Lord what thou art pleased from them to crave Of thy own store what thou acceptest must be Then my dear Lord I shall not cease to sing The Song of Canaan unto Israels King Though in a Land so far and strange I be As destitute of what I would injoy Let me by faith my Native Country see And not forsake my treasure for a toy O blessed be thy name which still doth keep My droâ—sie soul which else would ever sleep And loose its glorious comforts sweet delights Which in the presence of its Lord is found Those Heavenly Glories and transcendant sights In which to empty souls Grace doth aboundi O glorious Grace let my soul still admire And warm it self at this blest Heavenly fire O shall I grieve that glorious spirit which Is pleased to bow and condescend so low Thus to a poor unworthy sinful wretch How is it Lord that I thy Grace should know And that thou shouldest be pleased to look on me So as redeem me from such misery A hymne of free grace What shall I do my soul shall I then speak Or shall I let my heart through silence break Should I be dumb then sure stones would cry Me shame and magnifie the Lord on high Who doth his riches wonderful bestow On such pâ—oâ— wormâ— as crawleth here below But now to praise him would I fain begin Who is my God my Lord and eke my King Who in his goodness hath done more for me Then can with admiration spoken be O though I would I want both power and art For to express what lâ—es within my heart But since it is the heart Lord thou wouldest have Acceptance is the thing I only crave Receive it Lord O that I could aspire Into thy aâ—ms which is my Souls desire On wings of faith and Soaring acts of Love Oh in the Clefts behold me as thy Dove My sweetest Lord help me to sing thy praâ—se And tell the world the wonders of thy grace Shall I be dumb and live henceforth as one To whom such favor never had been shown Then were I sure unworthy ere to live But Lord what 's wanting thou canst quickâ—y give Both tongue and heart that daily I may bring Of sweetest Odour my poor offering Let my soul bless the Lord with all delight Of thy glory have a daily sight Goodness and mercy that do so excel O in its fillings my Soul still dwell The ocean of his love so sweet and pure Which shall to all eternity indure What greater good unto my soul can bring Then singing praises to my Lord and King Lord take and keep me there why shall we part T is thy own hand must hold my feeble heart A short dialogue between flesh and spirit Flesh Fond foul what â—ileth thee thus low to deem Our pleasure and our comforts here below And that thou dost so highly them estâ—em As if thou didst not care such things to know Is it not better mirth for to injoy Which maketh fat the bones and glads the heart Then in thy musings thus thy self annoy At last perswaded he with them to part Spirit Fond fleshly part this all thou hast to say Cease now with all spetious flattering speech And never think by all thy pleas to sway A soul that now is got above thy reach All thy suggestions I cannot approve Seeing in earth thy comforts all do lye But I much live in flames of heavenly love With heavenly comforts which will never dye What are your pleasures that you count so great But very froths and bubbles in the wind What can they do for you at mercies seat Or can you true contentment in them find Indeed your fleshly eâ—es cannot behold These Jewels of most rich and glorious worth That pearl of price that City of pure Gold And therefore think to set yeur pleasures forth Poor Soul alass why dost thou cavil so My comforts come from a far greater spring Then are the puffs of mirth which you would know Whilst I desire the love of Christ my