this_o thou_o find_v thou_o have_v more_o desire_n after_o grace_n that_o be_v more_o grace_n be_v thou_o not_o only_o thankful_a for_o a_o little_a grace_n but_o art_n reach_v after_o more_o do_v thou_o grow_v more_o weary_a of_o thy_o sin_n and_o more_o earnest_a after_o christ_n i_o hope_v in_o the_o lord_n it_o be_v thus_o with_o i_o that_o i_o be_o more_o weary_a of_o sin_n and_o desire_v more_o grace_n now_o growth_n be_v a_o sign_n of_o life_n again_o put_v this_o question_n to_o thyself_o do_v i_o hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o christ_n this_o be_v a_o evidence_n of_o spiritual_a life_n dead_a man_n do_v not_o hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o christ_n now_o i_o hope_v in_o the_o lord_n i_o do_v hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o christ_n and_o nothing_o but_o himself_o will_v content_v i_o again_o ask_v thy_o soul_n do_v i_o love_v god_n and_o christ_n or_o do_v i_o not_o these_o mark_v he_o give_v of_o love_n to_o christ_n lord_n i_o love_v thou_o for_o i_o be_o grieve_v at_o thy_o absence_n and_o be_o rejoice_v at_o thy_o presence_n lord_n i_o love_v thou_o for_o i_o love_v those_o that_o be_v like_o thou_o o_o my_o lord_n i_o love_v thou_o for_o i_o love_v the_o place_n and_o duty_n where_o thou_o be_v wont_a to_o meet_v thy_o people_n and_o warm_v their_o heart_n but_o if_o thou_o be_v not_o there_o i_o can_v take_v up_o content_o with_o they_o lord_n i_o humble_o say_v i_o love_v thou_o for_o i_o dare_v not_o deny_v but_o i_o be_o grieve_v when_o thou_o be_v dishonour_v by_o myself_o or_o other_o though_o i_o grieve_v for_o this_o less_o than_o i_o shall_v because_o i_o love_v thou_o less_o than_o i_o ought_v lord_n i_o love_v thou_o for_o i_o desire_v to_o have_v a_o heart_n that_o shall_v be_v willing_a to_o part_v with_o all_o for_o thou_o thing_n sinful_a in_o themselves_o at_o all_o time_n and_o thing_n lawful_a when_o thou_o call_v i_o to_o it_o once_o more_o i_o humble_o say_v i_o love_v thou_o for_o i_o will_v have_v a_o heart_n to_o love_n and_o long_o and_o look_v for_o thy_o come_v and_o appearance_n in_o glory_n mr._n ambrose_n direct_v to_o try_v our_o title_n to_o heaven_n advise_v first_o to_o write_v down_o the_o scripture-marks_a or_o grace_n or_o glory_n and_o mention_n these_o several_a scripture_n follow_v 1_o joh._n 2._o 3._o hereby_o we_o know_v that_o we_o know_v he_o if_o we_o keep_v his_o commandment_n 2_o cor._n 1._o 12._o for_o our_o rejoice_n be_v this_o the_o testimony_n of_o our_o conscience_n that_o in_o godly_a simplicity_n and_o sincerity_n we_o have_v have_v our_o conversation_n in_o the_o world_n 1_o joh._n 3._o 9_o 10._o whosoever_o be_v bear_v of_o god_n sin_v not_o because_o his_o seed_n abide_v in_o he_o neither_o can_v he_o sin_v because_o he_o be_v bear_v of_o god_n in_o this_o the_o child_n of_o god_n be_v manifest_a etc._n etc._n 1_o joh._n 4._o 13._o hereby_o we_o know_v that_o we_o dwell_v in_o he_o and_o he_o in_o we_o because_o he_o have_v give_v we_o of_o his_o spirit_n 1_o joh._n 3._o 14._o we_o know_v that_o we_o have_v pass_v from_o death_n to_o life_n because_o we_o love_v the_o brethren_n james_n 1._o 12._o there_o be_v a_o crown_n of_o life_n the_o lord_n have_v promise_v to_o they_o that_o love_v he_o but_o above_o all_o observe_v these_o text_n follow_v as_o contain_v the_o special_a gospel-condition_n to_o which_o we_o find_v so_o often_o annex_v the_o promise_n of_o justification_n and_o glorification_n joh._n 3._o 16._o god_n so_o love_v the_o world_n that_o he_o give_v his_o only_a beget_v son_n that_o whosoever_o believe_v in_o he_o shall_v not_o perish_v but_o have_v everlasting_a life_n joh._n 5._o 24._o he_o that_o believe_v have_v everlasting_a life_n and_o shall_v not_o come_v into_o condemnation_n but_o be_v pass_v from_o death_n unto_o life_n joh._n 6._o 40._o and_o this_o be_v the_o will_n of_o he_o that_o send_v i_o that_o every_o one_o that_o see_v the_o son_n and_o believe_v in_o he_o may_v have_v everlasting_a life_n joh._n 20._o 31._o these_o thing_n be_v write_v that_o you_o may_v believe_v that_o jesus_n be_v the_o christ_n the_o son_n of_o god_n and_o that_o believe_v you_o may_v have_v life_n through_o his_o name_n act_n 16._o 31._o believe_v on_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n and_o thou_o shall_v be_v save_v rom._n 10._o 9_o 10._o if_o thou_o shall_v confess_v with_o thy_o mouth_n the_o lord_n jesus_n and_o shall_v believe_v in_o thy_o heart_n that_o god_n have_v raise_v he_o from_o the_o dead_a thou_o shall_v be_v save_v heb._n 10._o 39_o we_o be_v not_o of_o they_o who_o draw_v back_o unto_o perdition_n but_o of_o they_o that_o believe_v to_o the_o save_n of_o the_o soul_n 1_o joh._n 5._o 13._o these_o thing_n have_v i_o write_v unto_o you_o that_o believe_v in_o the_o name_n of_o the_o son_n of_o god_n that_o you_o may_v know_v that_o you_o have_v eternal_a life_n from_o the_o first_o text_n we_o gather_v the_o scripture_n mark_v of_o universal_a obedience_n from_o the_o second_o sincerity_n from_o the_o three_o opposition_n against_o and_o abstinence_n from_o sin_n from_o the_o four_o spiritual_a performance_n of_o holy_a duty_n from_o the_o five_o a_o love_n of_o the_o brethren_n from_o the_o six_o a_o love_n of_o christ_n from_o all_o the_o rest_n faith_n in_o christ_n the_o root_n and_o spring_n of_o all_o other_o grace_n and_o necessary_a condition_n of_o pardon_n and_o eternal_a life_n proceed_v we_o now_o to_o put_v the_o question_n to_o ourselves_o but_o be_v sure_o to_o state_n it_o aright_o let_v it_o not_o be_v whether_o there_o be_v any_o good_a in_o we_o at_o all_o for_o so_o we_o shall_v err_v on_o the_o one_o hand_n nor_o yet_o whether_o we_o have_v such_o and_o such_o a_o degree_n and_o measure_n of_o grace_n for_o so_o we_o shall_v err_v on_o the_o other_o hand_n but_o whether_o according_a to_o the_o forementioned_a scripture_n such_o and_o such_o a_o save_a grace_n be_v in_o we_o or_o not_o now_o i_o have_v beg_v of_o god_n his_o help_n to_o try_v the_o state_n of_o my_o soul_n by_o what_o follow_v this_o 17_o of_o august_n 1676._o and_o i_o do_v hope_n i_o find_v the_o true_a mark_n of_o save_a grace_n in_o my_o soul_n and_o desire_v here_o to_o enter_v they_o down_o that_o i_o may_v have_v recourse_n to_o it_o in_o time_n of_o need_n and_o the_o lord_n grant_v i_o be_v sincere_a 1._o o_o my_o soul_n have_v thou_o respect_v to_o and_o do_v observe_v all_o god_n commandment_n do_v thou_o keep_v the_o law_n in_o truth_n and_o sincerity_n though_o not_o in_o gradual_a perfection_n do_v thou_o know_v god_n in_o part_n and_o love_n god_n true_o by_o a_o sincere_a obedience_n do_v thou_o keep_v the_o commandment_n in_o a_o evangelical_n sense_n and_o wherein_o thou_o fail_v do_v thou_o acknowledge_v thy_o fail_n and_o rely_v upon_o christ_n for_o pardon_n be_v thy_o universal_a obedience_n internal_a and_o spiritual_a as_o well_o as_o external_a be_v thy_o delight_n in_o the_o law_n of_o god_n after_o the_o inward_a man_n be_v thy_o obedience_n to_o the_o duty_n of_o both_o table_n do_v thou_o make_v conscience_n of_o particular_a duty_n in_o every_o relation_n 2._o o_o my_o soul_n have_v thou_o sincerity_n and_o uprightness_n of_o heart_n be_v there_o a_o powerful_a change_n of_o the_o whole_a man_n by_o the_o grace_n of_o god_n do_v thou_o do_v what_o be_v good_a upon_o this_o account_n because_o god_n command_v it_o not_o because_o it_o will_v agree_v with_o thy_o end_n and_o advantage_n but_o because_o god_n have_v require_v it_o be_v thou_o diligent_a and_o conscientious_a in_o secret_a duty_n to_o perform_v they_o and_o in_o spiritual_a or_o heart_n sin_n and_o secret_a lust_n to_o avoid_v they_o do_v thou_o serve_v god_n in_o spirit_n do_v thou_o eye_n god_n whether_o in_o private_a or_o public_a do_v thou_o set_v thyself_o zealous_o against_o those_o sin_n thou_o be_v most_o incline_v unto_o do_v thou_o hate_v sin_n most_o in_o thyself_o and_o in_o those_o that_o be_v near_a unto_o thou_o have_v thou_o respect_v to_o all_o god_n commandment_n but_o yet_o to_o the_o duty_n of_o the_o first_o table_n before_o the_o second_o to_o the_o command_v of_o great_a duty_n before_o those_o of_o lesser_a duty_n or_o if_o in_o all_o these_o particular_n thou_o find_v not_o such_o a_o uprightness_n as_o have_v no_o deceit_n or_o falsehood_n or_o carnal_a respect_n at_o all_o join_v with_o it_o for_o as_o all_o other_o grace_n be_v but_o in_o part_n so_o be_v we_o sincere_a and_o upright_o but_o in_o part_n be_v thou_o humble_v under_o thy_o hypocrisy_n and_o spiritual_a guile_n and_o do_v thou_o trust_v only_o to_o christ_n and_o do_v thou_o cry_v as_o david_n do_v for_o truth_n in_o the_o
christ_n far_o better_a the_o dress_n for_o the_o sacrament_n lord_n where_o be_o i_o what!_o all_o the_o child_n of_o the_o bride-chamber_n up_o and_o dress_v and_o i_o slumber_v in_o my_o bed_n tell_v i_o you_o fair_o what_o make_v you_o up_o so_o early_o alas_o our_o lord_n be_v up_o before_o we_o all_o he_o call_v we_o up_o by_o break-of-day_n and_o wonder_v that_o we_o be_v not_o trim_v our_o lamp_n know_v with_o who_o we_o be_v to_o feast_v this_o day_n well_o then_o i_o will_v rise_v up_o too_o o_o what_o a_o show_n do_v these_o bright_a and_o glitter_a saint_n make_v in_o my_o eye_n sure_o they_o do_v not_o thus_o dress_v themselves_o it_o be_v my_o father_n make_v they_o thus_o prepare_v to_o entertain_v his_o son_n but_o where_o be_v my_o clothes_n now_o for_o the_o fair_a sweet_a robe_n of_o thought_n and_o wish_n that_o can_v be_v find_v o_o how_o naked_a be_o i_o but_o where_o be_v my_o silken_a golden_a twist_n of_o faith_n to_o hang_v the_o jewel_n of_o joy_n and_o love_n and_o humility_n upon_o i_o be_o never_o dress_v till_o they_o be_v on_o o_o where_o be_v they_o i_o see_v they_o by_o i_o but_o just_a now_o i_o lay_v they_o by_o my_o heart_n before_o i_o go_v to_o bed_n but_o ah_o i_o fear_v this_o envious_a world_n have_v with_o her_o vanity_n steal_v they_o away_o or_o the_o envious_a devil_n or_o unbelief_n have_v be_v ravel_v or_o snarl_v of_o they_o that_o now_o i_o be_o as_o far_o to_o seek_v as_o ever_o whither_o o_o whither_o shall_v i_o go_v to_o find_v they_o out_o now_o will_v the_o bridegroom_n come_v and_o i_o be_o not_o ready_a i_o can_v dare_v not_o go_v to_o day_n now_o will_v my_o lord_n be_v angry_a and_o ask_v i_o why_o i_o come_v not_o and_o i_o have_v no_o answer_n to_o make_v he_o and_o if_o i_o go_v undress_v he_o will_v ask_v i_o where_o be_v my_o wedding-garment_n and_o than_o i_o shall_v be_v speechless_a ah_o foolish_a simple_a heart_n that_o thou_o shall_v let_v these_o thought_n of_o earth_n so_o entangle_v themselves_o with_o thy_o heavenly_a meditation_n how_o to_o get_v they_o loose_v again_o thou_o know_v not_o this_o by_o care_n thou_o may_v have_v prevent_v now_o what_o help_n lord_n i_o have_v sin_v o_o holy_a father_n pardon_v this_o time_n and_o i_o will_v take_v more_o heed_n o_o come_v and_o untie_v my_o thought_n from_o this_o earth_n and_o come_v and_o dress_v i_o up_o as_o best_o please_v thou_o come_v be_v not_o discourage_v o_o my_o soul_n let_v but_o thy_o attire_n of_o grace_n be_v whole_a that_o be_v sincere_a and_o thy_o god_n and_o saviour_n will_v accept_v thou_o though_o thy_o garment_n be_v not_o so_o much_o perfume_v with_o heaven_n as_o thy_o brethren_n be_v thy_o lord_n know_v all_o have_v not_o talent_n alike_o and_o where_o he_o give_v but_o little_a he_o expect_v but_o little_a thou_o have_v a_o honest_a willing_a serious_a heart_n that_o think_v it_o do_v despise_v and_o trample_v under_o foot_n the_o near_a dear_a pleasure_n profit_n and_o glory_n in_o the_o world_n compare_v with_o he_o that_o give_v himself_o to_o death_n for_o thou_o and_o have_v rather_o anger_v all_o the_o world_n than_o he_o by_o sin_v against_o he_o in_o the_o least_o if_o this_o he_o true_a fear_v not_o thou_o have_v thy_o wedding-garment_n on_o thou_o be_v well_o clad_v as_o mean_v soever_o as_o it_o be_v it_o be_v such_o a_o one_o as_o heaven_n give_v thou_o and_o such_o a_o one_o as_o thy_o dear_a redeemer_n can_v and_o will_v embrace_v thou_o in_o the_o presence-chamber_n fear_v not_o o_o my_o soul_n i_o charge_v thou_o do_v not_o faint_a let_v not_o thy_o weakness_n and_o the_o poverty_n of_o thy_o grace_n discourage_v thou_o see_v how_o thy_o lord_n draw_v nigh_o o_o he_o come_v and_o it_o be_v but_o to_o welcome_v thou_o and_o fall_v about_o thy_o neck_n and_o kiss_v thou_o and_o bid_v thou_o a_o kind_n welcome_o to_o thy_o bleed_a lord_n the_o bread_n welcome_o fair_a take_v and_o eat_v it_o be_v the_o sweet_a dainty_n dear_a morsel_n heaven_n can_v afford_v thou_o welcome_o my_o dear_a to_o the_o table_n of_o thy_o lord_n welcome_o a_o thousand_o time_n i_o bid_v thou_o yea_o welcomer_n than_o thou_o own_o heart_n can_v wish_v take_v eat_v this_o morsel_n it_o cost_v my_o life_n it_o be_v a_o portion_n thy_o father_n send_v unto_o thou_o by_o i_o and_o bid_v i_o remember_v thou_o of_o his_o love_n to_o thou_o he_o bid_v thou_o remember_v a_o father_n love_n i_o a_o saviour_n he_o have_v a_o heart_n to_o give_v thou_o and_o so_o have_v i_o take_v this_o in_o earnest_n of_o they_o both_o in_o one_o take_v free_o if_o thou_o be_v not_o welcome_a i_o will_v have_v tell_v thou_o i_o will_v have_v ask_v thou_o for_o thy_o wedding-garment_n tell_v i_o o_o tell_v i_o do_v thou_o not_o love_v i_o i_o know_v thou_o do_v and_o will_v not_o thou_o take_v the_o cross_n and_o follow_v i_o i_o know_v thou_o will_v i_o hear_v thou_o and_o have_v compassion_n on_o thy_o groan_n i_o know_v thou_o well_o enough_o thou_o be_v i_o and_o i_o be_o thou_o take_v it_o i_o charge_v thou_o eat_v it_o as_o thou_o love_v i_o and_o while_o thou_o feed_v remember_v the_o love_n of_o thy_o dear_a redeemer_n the_o wine_n come_v my_o dear_a i_o have_v drink_v and_o thou_o shall_v pledge_v i_o i_o have_v broach_v my_o side_n and_o draw_v it_o on_o purpose_n for_o thou_o this_o be_v a_o wine_n of_o my_o own_o make_n when_o i_o tread_v the_o winepress_n of_o my_o father_n wrath_n it_o be_v my_o blood_n take_v and_o drink_v it_o sin_n be_v the_o cause_n of_o my_o wound_n but_o to_o thy_o soul_n it_o shall_v prove_v heal_v i_o die_v and_o bleed_v to_o make_v this_o banquet_n for_o thou_o i_o have_v bring_v thou_o into_o my_o wine-cellar_n and_o my_o banner_n over_o thou_o shall_v be_v love_n fear_v not_o take_v and_o drink_v thou_o have_v a_o ulcer_n in_o thy_o heart_n and_o this_o shall_v cure_v it_o thy_o spirit_n be_v faint_a this_o shall_v revive_v thou_o drink_v i_o charge_v thou_o drink_v on_o thy_o love_n and_o loyalty_n to_o i_o i_o command_v thou_o as_o thou_o will_v have_v thy_o heart_n to_o mend_v thy_o wound_n to_o be_v cure_v thy_o spirit_n to_o revive_v thy_o fear_n to_o scatter_v thy_o soul_n to_o love_n and_o obey_v i_o take_v o_o take_v this_o cup_n into_o thy_o hand_n taste_v it_o and_o praise_v my_o name_n memorable_a say_n and_o passage_n collect_v and_o transcribe_v for_o his_o own_o use_n these_o be_v some_o among_o other_o what_o we_o be_v afraid_a to_o do_v before_o man_n we_o shall_v be_v afraid_a to_o think_v before_o god_n because_o our_o secret_a thought_n be_v as_o obvious_a to_o the_o eye_n of_o god_n as_o our_o action_n to_o the_o eye_n of_o men._n god_n show_v more_o mercy_n in_o save_v some_o when_o he_o may_v have_v condemn_v all_o than_o he_o do_v justice_n in_o leave_v some_o to_o perish_v when_o he_o may_v have_v save_v none_o great_a virtue_n without_o sincerity_n of_o heart_n be_v reject_v when_o great_a infirmity_n without_o hypocrisy_n be_v pardon_v a_o good_a intention_n can_v make_v a_o bad_a action_n good_a though_o a_o ill_a intention_n may_v make_v a_o action_n in_o itself_o good_a to_o be_v evil_a he_o who_o presume_v to_o sin_n in_o hope_n of_o repentance_n shall_v be_v sure_a to_o repent_v because_o he_o presume_v they_o who_o presume_v most_o in_o a_o time_n of_o prosperity_n be_v most_o apt_a to_o despair_v in_o adversity_n repent_v one_o day_n before_o thou_o die_v be_v good_a counsel_n i_o know_v not_o when_o that_o day_n will_v be_v therefore_o i_o will_v repent_v to_o day_n lest_o it_o shall_v be_v too_o late_o to_o morrow_n he_o that_o delay_v his_o repentance_n one_o day_n have_v another_o day_n more_o to_o repent_v of_o and_o one_o day_n less_o to_o do_v it_o in_o god_n who_o join_v the_o end_n and_o means_n together_o do_v accomplish_v all_o his_o purpose_n of_o good_a to_o we_o by_o work_v in_o we_o desire_n and_o endeavour_n suitable_a to_o those_o purpose_n better_o go_v to_o heaven_n by_o the_o gate_n of_o hell_n than_o to_o hell_n by_o the_o gate_n of_o heaven_n mourning_n to_o the_o heavenly_a glory_n than_o laugh_v to_o the_o place_n of_o torment_n one_o may_v suffer_v and_o not_o sin_n but_o if_o he_o sin_v he_o shall_v be_v sure_a to_o suffer_v herod_n may_v have_v keep_v his_o oath_n and_o not_o have_v cut_v off_o the_o baptist_n head_n he_o only_o promise_v to_o grant_v what_o she_o ask_v to_o the_o half_a of_o his_o kingdom_n whereas_o the_o prophet_n head_n be_v more_o worth_a than_o the_o whole_a such_o be_v the_o infinite_a extent_n and_o value_n of_o our_o saviour_n merit_n that_o
be_v a_o temptation_n and_o present_o to_o run_v to_o jesus_n christ_n for_o succour_n and_o relief_n and_o to_o apply_v the_o promise_n unto_o my_o soul_n and_o i_o quick_o find_v comfort_n and_o be_v soon_o free_v from_o temptation_n but_o in_o this_o my_o prosperity_n i_o be_v ready_a to_o say_v i_o shall_v never_o be_v remove_v i_o begin_v to_o think_v i_o shall_v never_o be_v in_o adversity_n and_o sometime_o i_o be_v ready_a to_o question_v whether_o i_o be_v one_o of_o god_n child_n because_o i_o have_v no_o affliction_n i_o think_v god_n do_v not_o love_v i_o because_o he_o do_v not_o chasten_v i_o i_o think_v i_o can_v bear_v any_o thing_n he_o shall_v lay_v upon_o i_o as_o i_o value_v not_o life_n so_o i_o fear_v not_o death_n i_o think_v i_o can_v free_o and_o willing_o lay_v down_o my_o life_n for_o christ_n if_o i_o be_v call_v to_o it_o but_o this_o joyful_a lively_a active_a frame_n of_o spirit_n do_v not_o long_o continue_v in_o about_o a_o quarter_n of_o a_o year_n it_o begin_v to_o abate_v and_o i_o begin_v to_o be_v more_o cold_a and_o indifferent_a in_o spiritual_a thing_n and_o not_o to_o be_v so_o active_a and_o lively_a as_o before_o this_o be_v a_o great_a trouble_n to_o i_o and_o make_v i_o to_o question_v all_o that_o be_v pass_v i_o think_v i_o shall_v still_o have_v grow_v better_a and_o better_o and_o not_o worse_o then_o that_o scripture_n be_v terrible_a to_o i_o 2_o pet._n 2._o 29._o if_o after_o they_o have_v escape_v the_o pollution_n of_o the_o world_n through_o the_o knowledge_n of_o our_o lord_n and_o saviour_n jesus_n christ_n they_o be_v again_o entangle_v therein_o and_o overcome_v their_o latter_a end_n be_v worse_a than_o their_o beginning_n and_o that_o scripture_n heb._n 6._o 4._o it_o be_v impossible_a for_o those_o that_o be_v once_o enlighten_v and_o have_v taste_v the_o good_a word_n of_o god_n etc._n etc._n if_o they_o fall_v away_o to_o renew_v they_o again_o to_o repentance_n also_o that_o text_n rev._n 3._o 15_o 16._o because_o thou_o be_v neither_o hot_a nor_o cold_a i_o will_v spew_v thou_o out_o of_o my_o mouth_n i_o be_v much_o sensible_a of_o my_o backslide_n fear_v i_o shall_v turn_v apostate_n have_v not_o that_o sweet_a promise_v interpose_v i_o will_v heal_v their_o backslide_n and_o love_v they_o free_o i_o have_v be_v certain_o swallow_v up_o in_o despair_n satan_n that_o roar_a lion_n come_v upon_o i_o very_o fierce_o but_o that_o scripture_n be_v very_o comfortable_a to_o i_o i_o will_v put_v my_o fear_n into_o their_o heart_n and_o my_o spirit_n into_o their_o inward_a part_n and_o they_o shall_v never_o depart_v from_o i_o and_o who_o he_o love_v he_o love_v to_o the_o end_n and_o he_o that_o have_v begin_v a_o good_a work_n will_v perform_v it_o unto_o the_o day_n of_o jesus_n christ_n and_o faithful_a be_v he_o that_o have_v call_v you_o who_o will_v also_o do_v it_o these_o and_o other_o scripture_n do_v support_v i_o but_o i_o can_v not_o attain_v to_o my_o former_a lively_a performance_n of_o holy_a duty_n nor_o have_v i_o that_o communion_n with_o god_n in_o holy_a duty_n as_o former_o which_o be_v no_o small_a trouble_n to_o i_o and_o keep_v i_o from_o rejoice_v in_o god_n yet_o i_o can_v say_v but_o i_o have_v sometime_o assurance_n of_o god_n love_n but_o not_o constant_o as_o i_o have_v before_o then_o my_o grandmother_n be_v sick_a i_o go_v to_o be_v with_o she_o at_o my_o uncle_n house_n he_o be_v a_o very_a good_a man_n his_o company_n be_v no_o small_a comfort_n to_o i_o my_o grandmother_n also_o be_v a_o very_a pious_a woman_n be_v always_o speak_v of_o what_o be_v good_a i_o enjoy_v much_o of_o god_n while_o i_o be_v there_o but_o yet_o be_v many_o time_n in_o fear_n about_o my_o spiritual_a state_n and_o much_o trouble_v with_o the_o temptation_n of_o satan_n after_o i_o have_v be_v there_o a_o quarter_n of_o a_o year_n it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o visit_v i_o with_o the_o small_a pox_n which_o be_v a_o very_a sore_a disease_n to_o i_o i_o be_v bring_v so_o low_a as_o to_o be_v give_v over_o for_o dead_a by_o most_o if_o not_o all_o that_o see_v i_o and_o once_o they_o think_v i_o have_v be_v actual_o dead_a when_o i_o be_v first_o sick_a i_o begin_v to_o be_v in_o great_a fear_n what_o will_v become_v of_o i_o if_o i_o shall_v die_v but_o this_o cloud_n be_v soon_o blow_v over_o and_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o shine_v upon_o i_o with_o the_o light_n of_o his_o countenance_n and_o speak_v peace_n to_o my_o conscience_n and_o when_o i_o be_v as_o weak_a as_o i_o think_v any_o can_v be_v and_o live_v yet_o have_v i_o then_o much_o inward_a joy_n and_o comfort_n the_o promise_n be_v as_o cordial_n to_o my_o faint_a spirit_n that_o promise_n isa_n 41._o 10_o do_v often_o refresh_v i_o fear_v not_o for_o i_o be_o with_o thou_o be_v not_o dismay_v for_o i_o be_o thy_o god_n i_o will_v strengthen_v thou_o i_o will_v help_v thou_o yea_o i_o will_v uphold_v thou_o with_o the_o right_a hand_n of_o my_o righteousness_n that_o also_o psal_n 73._o 25._o my_o flesh_n and_o my_o heart_n fail_v but_o god_n be_v the_o strength_n of_o my_o heart_n and_o my_o portion_n for_o ever_o so_o psal_n 43._o 5._o why_o be_v thou_o cast_v down_o o_o my_o soul_n why_o be_v thou_o disquiet_v within_o i_o hope_v thou_o in_o god_n for_o i_o shall_v yet_o praise_v he_o who_o be_v the_o health_n of_o my_o countenance_n and_o my_o god_n these_o and_o many_o other_o promise_v be_v my_o support_n in_o the_o day_n of_o my_o distress_n i_o have_v then_o such_o assurance_n of_o god_n goodness_n and_o love_n to_o i_o and_o of_o the_o pardon_n of_o my_o sin_n and_o of_o my_o interest_n in_o christ_n that_o i_o long_v for_o death_n and_o can_v not_o bear_v the_o thought_n of_o live_v any_o long_o i_o have_v such_o fore-tastes_a of_o heaven_n that_o i_o care_v not_o for_o the_o earth_n i_o earnest_o desire_v to_o be_v dissolve_v and_o to_o be_v with_o christ_n which_o be_v best_a of_o all_o i_o think_v if_o i_o shall_v live_v any_o long_a i_o shall_v but_o sin_n against_o god_n and_o that_o i_o can_v not_o glorify_v he_o in_o my_o life_n as_o i_o desire_v i_o think_v if_o he_o shall_v restore_v i_o i_o shall_v not_o be_v enable_v to_o walk_v answerable_o to_o so_o great_a a_o mercy_n these_o and_o other_o such_o reason_n make_v i_o impatient_a of_o life_n and_o long_o for_o death_n i_o be_v angry_a with_o any_o that_o pray_v for_o my_o life_n i_o now_o fear_v that_o i_o do_v sin_n in_o be_v so_o desirous_a of_o death_n and_o not_o submit_v my_o will_n to_o the_o will_n of_o god_n to_o be_v at_o his_o disposal_n whether_o for_o death_n or_o life_n so_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n after_o a_o long_a and_o tedious_a sickness_n to_o raise_v i_o up_o from_o the_o very_a gate_n of_o death_n this_o be_v look_v upon_o as_o almost_o a_o resurrection_n from_o the_o dead_a for_o which_o great_a deliverance_n i_o can_v never_o be_v sufficient_o thankful_a and_o because_o i_o so_o much_o desire_v to_o die_v i_o do_v not_o prize_v my_o life_n and_o this_o deliverance_n as_o i_o shall_v have_v do_v neither_o do_v i_o render_v to_o the_o lord_n according_a to_o the_o mercy_n i_o receive_v from_o he_o i_o desire_v now_o to_o be_v true_o thankful_a to_o the_o lord_n for_o all_o his_o mercy_n and_o to_o show_v forth_o my_o thankfulness_n by_o walk_v more_o close_o with_o he_o all_o the_o day_n of_o my_o life_n the_o follow_a encourage_v consideration_n among_o other_o be_v collect_v by_o he_o out_o of_o several_a book_n and_o sermon_n and_o be_v print_v from_o his_o own_o paper_n in_o hope_n of_o be_v useful_a for_o the_o support_n of_o other_o i._o thou_o that_o complain_v of_o a_o hard_a heart_n and_o fain_o will_v mourn_v for_o thy_o sin_n to_o thou_o i_o say_v be_v not_o discourage_v thy_o hardness_n fear_v and_o feel_v be_v not_o the_o plague_n of_o hardness_n it_o be_v the_o disease_n indeed_o of_o the_o heart_n but_o it_o be_v not_o the_o curse_n it_o shall_v not_o destroy_v thou_o thou_o may_v be_v comfort_v under_o hardness_n feel_v and_o bewail_v and_o pray_v against_o true_a tenderness_n about_o sin_n be_v always_o accompany_v with_o dislike_n and_o hatred_n against_o sin_n and_o with_o watch_v and_o strive_v against_o it_o if_o thou_o have_v so_o much_o tenderness_n bless_v god_n and_o be_v thankful_a ii_o there_o be_v no_o instance_n can_v be_v give_v of_o a_o soul_n utter_o for_o saken_a of_o god_n that_o can_v mourn_v for_o the_o want_n of_o his_o presence_n if_o god_n love_n be_v precious_a to_o thou_o and_o most_o desirable_a be_v
bear_v the_o cross_n as_o well_o as_o receive_v the_o crown_n now_o it_o be_v say_v if_o we_o suffer_v with_o he_o we_o shall_v also_o reign_v with_o he_o 2_o tim._n 2._o 12._o these_o thing_n it_o please_v god_n to_o bring_v to_o my_o mind_n as_o some_o ground_n of_o hope_n that_o my_o state_n be_v good_a i_o enter_v these_o thing_n here_o aug._n 11._o 1676._o now_o my_o intention_n be_v if_o it_o please_v god_n to_o make_v use_n of_o other_o help_n and_o search_v my_o heart_n by_o they_o and_o enter_v they_o down_o here_o that_o i_o may_v have_v resort_n to_o they_o in_o a_o time_n of_o need_n anâ—_n the_o lord_n help_v i_o further_o in_o this_o great_a work_n of_o self-examination_n that_o i_o may_v not_o be_v deceive_v for_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n sake_n have_v endeavour_v to_o search_v my_o heart_n thorough_o after_o earnest_a prayer_n to_o god_n i_o hope_v i_o find_v the_o evidence_n of_o grace_n in_o i_o that_o mr._n allen_n have_v lay_v down_o which_o be_v these_o 1._o where_o there_o be_v true_a grace_n there_o be_v a_o hearty_a willingness_n to_o part_v with_o every_o sin_n where_o ever_o there_o be_v this_o breach_n make_v between_o sin_n and_o the_o soul_n it_o be_v grace_n that_o have_v make_v it_o when_o sin_n have_v lose_v the_o will_n it_o have_v lose_v the_o man_n when_o christ_n have_v gain_v the_o will_n he_o have_v gain_v the_o man._n give_v i_o thy_o heart_n be_v the_o same_o as_o be_v willing_a to_o be_v i_o reason_n say_v i_o ought_v to_o turn_v conscience_n say_v i_o must_v turn_v and_o yet_o nothing_o may_v follow_v but_o when_o the_o heart_n say_v i_o will_v turn_v to_o god_n than_o the_o work_n be_v do_v reason_n say_v these_o idol_n ought_v not_o to_o stand_v conscience_n say_v these_o lust_n must_v be_v subdue_v but_o when_o the_o will_n say_v to_o they_o get_v you_o hence_o there_o be_v a_o work_n of_o grace_n begin_v this_o willingness_n discover_v itself_o to_o be_v prevail_v first_o when_o a_o man_n be_v true_o willing_a to_o part_v with_o sin_n there_o will_v be_v resolution_n against_o it_o he_o take_v part_n with_o god_n against_o sin_n and_o use_v all_o mean_n for_o the_o conquer_a of_o it_o second_o this_o resolution_n will_v bring_v forth_o resistance_n a_o heart_n weary_a of_o sin_n will_v fall_v to_o strive_v against_o sin_n gal._n 5._o 17._o the_o flesh_n lust_v against_o the_o spirit_n and_o the_o spirit_n against_o the_o flesh_n those_o two_o be_v contrary_a one_o to_o the_o other_o 2._o where_o ever_o there_o be_v true_a grace_n there_o be_v a_o prefer_n in_o the_o esteem_n and_o choice_n of_o a_o strict_a and_o sincere_a godly_a life_n above_o any_o other_o life_n in_o the_o world_n though_o the_o foolish_a world_n run_v a_o mad_n after_o money_n and_o pleasure_n spend_v their_o day_n waste_v their_o life_n prostitute_v their_o conscience_n throw_v away_o their_o soul_n upon_o these_o thing_n yet_o one_o drachm_n of_o godliness_n one_o day_n spend_v in_o the_o fear_n of_o the_o lord_n be_v better_a than_o all_o this_o psal_n 4._o 6._o there_o be_v many_o that_o say_v who_o will_v show_v we_o any_o good_a but_o lord_n lift_v thou_o up_o the_o light_n of_o thy_o countenance_n on_o i_o say_v a_o gracious_a soul_n thou_o have_v put_v gladness_n in_o my_o heart_n more_o than_o in_o the_o time_n when_o their_o corn_n and_o wine_n increase_v psal_n 17._o 14_o 15._o the_o man_n of_o the_o world_n have_v their_o portion_n in_o this_o life_n their_o belly_n thou_o fille_v with_o thy_o hide_a treasure_n they_o be_v full_a of_o child_n and_o leave_v the_o rest_n of_o their_o substance_n to_o their_o babe_n but_o as_o for_o i_o i_o will_v behold_v thy_o face_n in_o righteousness_n i_o shall_v be_v satisfy_v when_o i_o awake_v in_o thy_o likeness_n the_o man_n of_o this_o world_n as_o they_o seek_v so_o they_o have_v their_o portion_n in_o this_o life_n they_o have_v a_o gallant_a time_n of_o it_o here_o great_a portion_n great_a prosperity_n enough_o to_o spend_v on_o themselves_o and_o leave_v to_o their_o child_n after_o they_o this_o they_o have_v and_o much_o good_a may_v it_o do_v they_o let_v i_o but_o behold_v the_o face_n of_o god_n in_o righteousness_n walk_v before_o the_o lord_n in_o my_o integrity_n keep_v a_o good_a conscience_n live_v in_o the_o obedience_n of_o his_o will_n and_o in_o the_o light_n of_o his_o countenance_n and_o then_o let_v they_o take_v the_o corn_n and_o wine_n and_o what_o else_o they_o can_v get_v let_v the_o lord_n be_v i_o and_o i_o shall_v never_o envy_v they_o their_o portion_n psal_n 119._o 30._o i_o have_v choose_v the_o way_n of_o truth_n v._n 111._o thy_o testimony_n have_v i_o take_v as_o my_o heritage_n for_o ever_o observe_v 1._o that_o a_o godly_a man_n settle_a judgement_n be_v that_o a_o godly_a life_n be_v the_o best_a and_o happy_a life_n 2._o that_o a_o godly_a man_n choice_n be_v according_a to_o his_o judgement_n he_o esteem_v the_o fear_n of_o the_o lord_n above_o gold_n and_o he_o choose_v it_o before_o gold_n he_o be_v better_a please_v and_o do_v rather_o take_v up_o with_o the_o mean_a and_o most_o afflict_a condition_n in_o a_o way_n of_o holiness_n than_o with_o the_o most_o plentiful_a and_o prosperous_a estate_n in_o a_o way_n of_o sin_n he_o prefer_v the_o poverty_n of_o christ_n before_o the_o riches_n of_o the_o world_n 3._o godly_a man_n and_o worldly_a man_n may_v be_v know_v one_o from_o the_o other_o by_o the_o choice_n they_o make_v for_o themselves_o he_o that_o make_v a_o worldly_a choice_n be_v a_o worldly_a man_n and_o he_o that_o make_v a_o godly_a choice_n be_v a_o godly_a man._n 3._o whosoever_o have_v true_a grace_n do_v actual_o live_v a_o godly_a life_n the_o tree_n be_v best_a know_v by_o its_o fruit_n the_o sincerity_n of_o our_o purpose_n by_o our_o performance_n he_o that_o do_v righteousness_n be_v righteous_a 1_o joh._n 3._o 7._o a_o godly_a man_n make_v godliness_n the_o business_n of_o his_o life_n religion_n be_v a_o christian_n trade_n a_o man_n trade_n be_v his_o constant_a work_n and_o not_o the_o exercise_n of_o now_o and_o then_o a_o day_n or_o two_o godliness_n be_v a_o christian_n be_v daily_a walk_n do_v not_o inquire_v only_o about_o your_o affection_n what_o your_o desire_n be_v or_o what_o your_o joy_n be_v what_o your_o comfort_n be_v or_o what_o your_o peace_n be_v but_o what_o your_o path_n be_v when_o all_o come_v to_o all_o this_o be_v the_o sure_a mark_n he_o that_o have_v righteousness_n be_v righteous_a he_o that_o do_v not_o righteousness_n be_v not_o of_o god_n mr._n sheppard_n in_o his_o sincere_a convert_n lay_v down_o three_o mark_n wherein_o a_o child_n of_o god_n go_v beyond_o a_o hypocrite_n and_o i_o have_v examine_v my_o heart_n hope_v i_o find_v they_o in_o i_o 1._o no_o hypocrite_n or_o unregenerate_a man_n though_o he_o go_v never_o so_o far_o let_v he_o do_v never_o so_o much_o but_o he_o live_v in_o one_o sin_n or_o other_o secret_a or_o open_a little_a or_o great_a now_o i_o hope_v in_o the_o lord_n i_o do_v not_o live_v in_o any_o sin_n 2._o no_o hypocrite_n no_o unregenerate_a man_n ever_o come_v to_o be_v poor_a in_o spirit_n and_o to_o be_v carry_v off_o from_o all_o duty_n unto_o christ_n in_o regard_n of_o dependence_n and_o trust_n if_o it_o be_v possible_a for_o they_o to_o forsake_v and_o break_v loose_a for_o ever_o from_o all_o sin_n yet_o here_o they_o stick_v they_o seek_v to_o save_v themselves_o by_o their_o duty_n without_o christ_n now_o if_o my_o heart_n do_v not_o very_o much_o deceive_v i_o i_o desire_v to_o renounce_v all_o thing_n and_o rest_v only_o on_o christ_n 3._o if_o any_o unregenerate_a man_n come_v unto_o christ_n he_o never_o take_v up_o his_o rest_n in_o christ_n only_o but_o he_o will_v have_v christ_n and_o the_o world_n too_o be_v not_o content_a with_o christ_n alone_o but_o i_o hope_v i_o desire_v to_o be_v content_a with_o christ_n alone_o and_o to_o say_v as_o the_o martyr_n none_o but_o christ_n none_o but_o christ_n mr._n d._n in_o his_o book_n of_o the_o lord_n supper_n to_o prove_v that_o one_o have_v a_o principle_n of_o spiritual_a life_n and_o be_v not_o dead_a in_o trespass_n and_o sin_n write_v thus_o can_v thou_o groan_v and_o cry_v to_o the_o lord_n for_o a_o interest_n in_o christ_n and_o will_v nothing_o quiet_a and_o still_v thou_o but_o jesus_n christ_n then_o sure_o thou_o do_v live_v all_o the_o creature_n can_v quiet_v thou_o till_o thou_o have_v hope_n that_o christ_n be_v form_v in_o thou_o sure_o i_o find_v this_o sign_n of_o spiritual_a life_n in_o i_o again_o do_v thou_o grow_v it_o may_v be_v thou_o can_v not_o say_v thou_o have_v more_o grace_n but_o
a_o title_n to_o heaven_n or_o that_o we_o have_v not_o but_o pass_v not_o this_o sentence_n with_o self-flattery_n nor_o from_o melancholy_a terror_n and_o fear_n one_a not_o with_o self-flattery_n alas_o what_o will_v it_o profit_v we_o to_o think_v ourselves_o the_o child_n of_o god_n when_o we_o visible_o express_v the_o power_n of_o sin_n and_o satan_n in_o our_o life_n two_o on_o the_o other_o side_n pass_v not_o this_o sentence_n from_o melancholy_a unbelief_n terror_n and_o fear_n as_o the_o carnal_a man_n fail_v the_o former_a way_n so_o the_o tempt_a christian_n sometime_o fail_v this_o way_n in_o this_o case_n run_v we_o over_o our_o evidence_n again_o and_o again_o and_o proceed_v we_o from_o those_o that_o be_v more_o difficult_a to_o those_o that_o be_v more_o easy_a one_o sign_n perhaps_o may_v be_v more_o easy_o perceive_v than_o another_o and_o if_o we_o can_v but_o discover_v some_o yea_o if_o but_o one_o we_o may_v assure_o gather_v all_o the_o rest_n be_v there_o come_v then_o pass_v on_o now_o to_o sentence_n o_o but_o implore_v the_o spirit_n be_v assistance_n now_o if_o ever_o let_v we_o desire_v he_o to_o shine_v on_o our_o grace_n and_o then_o speak_v ground_o and_o deliberate_o and_o true_o as_o we_o find_v according_a to_o our_o very_a conscience_n do_v not_o conclude_v as_o some_o do_v i_o be_o a_o good_a christian_a or_o as_o other_o do_v i_o be_o a_o reprobate_n or_o a_o hypocrite_n and_o shall_v be_v damn_v when_o we_o have_v no_o ground_n for_o what_o we_o say_v but_o our_o own_o fancy_n or_o hope_n or_o fear_n let_v not_o our_o judgement_n be_v any_o way_n biased_a or_o bribe_v from_o sentence_v aright_o then_o he_o further_o advise_v that_o we_o shall_v labour_v to_o get_v our_o heart_n kind_o affect_v with_o its_o discover_a condition_n according_a to_o the_o sentence_n pass_v on_o it_o do_v not_o think_v enough_o to_o know_v but_o labour_v to_o feel_v what_o god_n have_v make_v we_o to_o see_v if_o we_o find_v ourselves_o renew_v and_o sanctify_v indeed_o o_o let_v we_o get_v this_o warm_a and_o close_o to_o our_o heart_n bethink_v ourselves_o what_o a_o bless_a estate_n have_v the_o lord_n bring_v we_o into_o to_o be_v his_o child_n his_o friend_n to_o be_v pardon_v justify_v and_o entitle_v to_o life_n why_o what_o be_v it_o we_o now_o need_v to_o fear_v but_o sin_v against_o he_o come_v war_n or_o plague_n or_o sickness_n or_o death_n we_o be_v sure_o they_o can_v but_o thrust_v we_o into_o heaven_n thus_o let_v we_o follow_v these_o meditation_n till_o they_o have_v leave_v their_o impression_n on_o our_o heart_n then_o he_o advise_v to_o record_v this_o sentence_n so_o pass_v to_o write_v it_o down_o which_o now_o i_o desire_v to_o do_v this_o 18_o of_o august_n 1676._o have_v search_v and_o try_v my_o heart_n yesterday_o and_o at_o this_o time_n also_o after_o i_o hope_v earneft_v and_o hearty_a prayer_n to_o god_n for_o the_o help_n of_o his_o spirit_n to_o try_v my_o state_n and_o condition_n i_o do_v fall_v again_o to_o the_o work_n of_o self-trial_n by_o the_o forementioned_a particular_n and_o though_o i_o can_v full_o declare_v a_o positive_a answer_n to_o every_o question_n yet_o if_o my_o heart_n do_v not_o very_o much_o deceive_v i_o i_o can_v to_o most_o of_o they_o i_o hope_v i_o can_v i_o beg_v of_o god_n i_o may_v not_o be_v deceive_v it_o be_v some_o comfort_n to_o i_o where_o i_o can_v so_o full_o answer_v some_o of_o they_o i_o hope_v i_o can_v true_o say_v i_o most_o hearty_o desire_v it_o may_v be_v so_o with_o i_o and_o though_o grace_n be_v very_o weak_a in_o i_o which_o i_o hope_v i_o desire_v to_o be_v humble_v and_o mourn_v for_o yet_o i_o dare_v not_o deny_v god_n work_n in_o i_o i_o must_v not_o deny_v the_o day_n of_o small-thing_n but_o to_o the_o glory_n of_o god_n must_v own_v sure_o there_o be_v something_o of_o good_a wrought_v in_o i_o by_o his_o holy_a spirit_n and_o my_o comfort_n be_v christ_n will_v not_o quench_v the_o smoke_a flax_n nor_o break_v the_o bruise_a reed_n mat._n 12._o 20._o i_o be_o not_o now_o affect_v with_o the_o discovery_n of_o my_o condition_n as_o i_o shall_v and_o do_v not_o find_v at_o present_a inward_a comfort_n in_o my_o soul_n i_o be_o and_o have_v be_v much_o under_o the_o withdrawing_n of_o god_n for_o a_o time_n by_o reason_n of_o my_o apostasy_n and_o backslide_n from_o he_o and_o not_o walk_v close_o with_o he_o yet_o i_o desire_v i_o hope_v to_o lament_v after_o the_o lord_n and_o not_o content_v myself_o till_o i_o again_o meet_v with_o he_o the_o lord_n give_v i_o grace_n to_o wait_v on_o he_o in_o a_o way_n of_o duty_n and_o to_o act_v grace_n though_o i_o want_v comfort_n o_o if_o i_o be_o but_o sincere_a and_o wait_v still_o upon_o god_n who_o can_v tell_v but_o he_o may_v return_v with_o comfort_n to_o my_o poor_a soul_n the_o lord_n help_v i_o to_o maintain_v faith_n and_o hop_v through_o christ_n though_o i_o sit_v in_o darkness_n and_o see_v no_o light_n yet_o to_o trust_v in_o the_o lord_n and_o stay_v myself_o on_o my_o god_n isa_n 50._o 10._o the_o lord_n help_v i_o now_o to_o walk_v answerable_a to_o the_o great_a thing_n he_o have_v do_v for_o my_o poor_a soul_n i_o desire_v and_o hope_v i_o may_v have_v recourse_n to_o this_o hereafter_o as_o i_o shall_v have_v need_n and_o that_o it_o may_v be_v of_o comfort_n to_o i_o for_o the_o time_n to_o come_v as_o mr._n ambrose_n advise_v his_o word_n be_v this_o record_n will_v be_v very_o useful_a to_o we_o hereafter_o if_o we_o find_v we_o have_v a_o work_n of_o grace_n in_o we_o what_o a_o help_n will_v it_o be_v against_o the_o next_o temptation_n to_o doubt_v and_o fear_n to_o go_v and_o read_v under_o our_o hand_n this_o record_n may_v we_o not_o think_v if_o at_o such_o a_o time_n i_o find_v the_o truth_n of_o grace_n be_v it_o not_o likely_a to_o be_v now_o the_o same_o and_o these_o doubt_n to_o come_v from_o the_o enemy_n of_o my_o peace_n yet_o trust_v not_o so_o to_o one_o discovery_n as_o to_o try_v no_o more_o especial_o if_o we_o have_v make_v any_o soul_n defection_n from_o christ_n and_o play_v the_o backslider_n see_v then_o that_o we_o renew_v the_o search_n again_o neither_o let_v this_o hinder_v we_o in_o the_o daily_a search_n of_o our_o way_n or_o of_o our_o increase_n in_o grace_n and_o fellowship_n with_o christ_n it_o be_v a_o ill_a sign_n and_o a_o desperate_a vile_a sin_n for_o a_o man_n when_o he_o think_v he_o have_v find_v himself_o gracious_a and_o in_o a_o happy_a state_n to_o let_v down_o his_o watch_n and_o grow_v negligent_a of_o his_o heart_n and_o way_n and_o scarce_o look_v after_o they_o any_o more_o neither_o shall_v we_o give_v over_o in_o discouragement_n if_o we_o can_v at_o once_o or_o twice_o or_o ten_o time_n try_v discover_v our_o case_n but_o follow_v it_o on_o till_o we_o have_v discover_v it_o if_o one_o hour_n or_o day_n will_v not_o do_v take_v another_o if_o one_o minister_n can_v direct_v we_o sufficient_o go_v to_o another_o the_o issue_n will_v answer_v all_o our_o pain_n there_o be_v no_o sit_v down_o discourage_v in_o a_o work_n that_o must_v be_v do_v if_o we_o have_v be_v hypocrite_n or_o ungodly_a person_n all_o our_o life_n yet_o be_v the_o promise_v offer_v to_o we_o by_o christ_n and_o he_o tender_v himself_o to_o we_o to_o be_v our_o lord_n and_o saviour_n neither_o can_v we_o possible_o be_v so_o willing_a to_o accept_v he_o as_o he_o be_v to_o accept_v we_o nothing_o but_o our_o own_o unwillingness_n can_v keep_v our_o soul_n from_o christ_n though_o we_o have_v hitherto_o abuse_v he_o and_o dissemble_v with_o he_o o_o that_o the_o lord_n will_v persuade_v we_o to_o the_o close_a performance_n of_o this_o self-trying_a task_n that_o we_o may_v not_o tremble_v with_o horror_n of_o soul_n when_o the_o judge_n of_o all_o the_o world_n shall_v try_v we_o but_o have_v our_o evidence_n so_o ready_a at_o hand_n and_o be_v so_o able_a to_o prove_v our_o title_n to_o heaven_n that_o the_o thought_n and_o approach_v of_o death_n and_o judgement_n may_v revive_v our_o spirit_n and_o fill_v we_o with_o joy_n and_o not_o apale_fw-la we_o and_o fill_v we_o with_o amazement_n september_n the_o 19_o 1676._o find_v my_o heart_n very_o hard_a and_o dead_a of_o late_a and_o be_v still_o under_o the_o withdrawing_n of_o god_n but_o i_o bless_v god_n i_o hope_v sensible_a of_o it_o and_o desirous_a to_o wait_v upon_o he_o for_o discovery_n of_o his_o love_n and_o favour_n and_o to_o lament_v after_o he_o and_o seek_v he_o in_o his_o ordinance_n for_o i_o hope_v i_o can_v take_v up_o with_o duty_n without_o something_o
of_o god_n in_o it_o at_o least_o some_o quickning_n and_o drawing_n out_o of_o my_o heart_n after_o he_o in_o earnest_a desire_n and_o long_n and_o pant_n after_o he_o yet_o i_o be_o apt_a to_o be_v cast_v down_o my_o conscience_n be_v apt_a to_o accuse_v i_o that_o i_o do_v not_o my_o duty_n and_o be_o fearful_a lest_o death_n come_v of_o a_o sudden_a and_o find_v i_o unready_a and_o thereupon_o be_o great_o trouble_v and_o not_o know_v what_o to_o do_v methinks_v i_o will_v not_o be_v want_v in_o my_o duty_n and_o often_o pray_v that_o god_n will_v show_v i_o my_o duty_n and_o help_v i_o to_o do_v it_o yet_o when_o i_o think_v to_o go_v about_o any_o thing_n there_o come_v such_o a_o multitude_n of_o thing_n into_o my_o mind_n to_o do_v this_o and_o to_o do_v the_o other_o and_o all_o can_v be_v do_v together_o that_o i_o be_o sometime_o almost_o discourage_v and_o tempt_v to_o let_v all_o alone_a the_o lord_n in_o infinite_a mercy_n look_v upon_o i_o for_o christ_n sake_n and_o help_v i_o against_o this_o temptation_n of_o satan_n and_o my_o own_o wicked_a heart_n and_o enable_v i_o to_o remember_v the_o lord_n be_v gracious_a and_o merciful_a and_o accept_v of_o the_o willing_a mind_n where_o there_o be_v truth_n and_o sincerity_n the_o lord_n help_v i_o also_o to_o remember_v and_o believe_v though_o i_o must_v be_v do_v yet_o i_o be_o not_o justify_v for_o it_o if_o i_o can_v do_v never_o so_o much_o the_o lord_n help_v i_o to_o renounce_v all_o and_o trust_v whole_o to_o jesus_n christ_n for_o acceptance_n for_o justification_n and_o salvation_n now_o this_o morning_n be_v in_o my_o shop_n and_o have_v nothing_o to_o do_v trading_n be_v very_o dead_a i_o think_v with_o myself_o what_o to_o set_v about_o and_o though_o i_o have_v examine_v myself_o before_o yet_o know_v i_o can_v be_v too_o much_o in_o this_o work_n i_o resolve_v to_o go_v to_o it_o again_o and_o although_o i_o can_v so_o solemn_o search_v my_o heart_n as_o if_o i_o be_v in_o secret_a yet_o i_o hope_v i_o find_v something_o of_o mr._n naltion_n character_n which_o i_o shall_v here_o note_v question_n how_o may_v we_o know_v christ_n be_v we_o and_o we_o be_v he_o ans_fw-fr 1._o do_v you_o high_o prize_v jesus_n christ_n 2._o be_v you_o make_v new_a creature_n 3._o do_v you_o find_v the_o power_n of_o corruption_n in_o some_o measure_n abate_v in_o you_o 4._o be_v you_o desirous_a to_o have_v christ_n rule_v over_o you_o as_o well_o as_o save_v you_o 5._o do_v thou_o lament_v after_o the_o lord_n and_o mourn_v over_o a_o crucify_a saviour_n 6._o do_v you_o feel_v sin_n a_o burden_n and_o will_v you_o willing_o be_v rid_v of_o it_o quest_n how_o may_v i_o know_v i_o love_v christ_n answ_n 1._o if_o you_o love_v jesus_n christ_n you_o will_v be_v content_a with_o nothing_o but_o his_o love_n again_o all_o the_o world_n will_v not_o content_v you_o without_o the_o love_n of_o christ_n 2._o if_o you_o love_v jesus_n christ_n you_o will_v delight_v to_o think_v and_o speak_v of_o christ_n 3._o if_o you_o love_v christ_n you_o will_v be_v afraid_a to_o offend_v he_o 4._o you_o will_v love_v the_o saint_n and_o follower_n of_o christ_n 5._o you_o will_v delight_v to_o be_v where_o christ_n be_v in_o his_o ordinance_n and_o rejoice_v in_o his_o presence_n when_o you_o meet_v with_o he_o 6._o love_n to_o christ_n will_v make_v you_o seek_v the_o honour_n of_o christ_n 7._o your_o life_n will_v run_v out_o in_o lively_a act_n and_o exercise_n of_o grace_n upon_o christ_n 8._o if_o you_o love_v christ_n you_o will_v not_o think_v any_o thing_n too_o much_o to_o do_v for_o christ_n or_o to_o part_v with_o he_o if_o you_o love_v i_o keep_v my_o commandment_n say_v christ_n so_o that_o if_o i_o keep_v christ_n commandment_n it_o be_v a_o sign_n that_o i_o love_v he_o now_o follow_v some_o character_n that_o mr._n nalton_n lay_v down_o of_o true_a faith_n in_o jesus_n christ_n but_o before_o these_o he_o give_v some_o rule_n to_o help_v we_o in_o try_v ourselves_o 1._o if_o you_o will_v judge_v aright_o of_o your_o faith_n be_v sure_a you_o do_v not_o trust_v to_o your_o own_o heart_n 2._o examine_v your_o heart_n when_o you_o be_v in_o a_o calm_a quiet_a compose_a frame_n 3._o take_v heed_n you_o do_v not_o err_v in_o the_o nature_n of_o faith_n to_o think_v there_o be_v no_o true_a faith_n where_o there_o be_v no_o assurance_n 4._o judge_v not_o of_o your_o faith_n by_o some_o legal_a trouble_n that_o have_v be_v in_o your_o spirit_n as_o a_o forerunner_n of_o faith_n but_o judge_n by_o the_o consequent_n of_o these_o trouble_n whether_o they_o bring_v christ_n and_o your_o soul_n near_o together_o 5._o though_o you_o must_v judge_v your_o faith_n by_o the_o fruit_n of_o it_o yet_o they_o be_v in_o some_o of_o a_o high_a degree_n some_o of_o a_o low_a degree_n joy_n in_o tribulation_n be_v a_o high_a fruit_n of_o faith_n that_o every_o man_n can_v attain_v unto_o let_v not_o a_o man_n say_v i_o have_v no_o faith_n because_o i_o can_v sing_v in_o a_o prison_n but_o if_o there_o be_v but_o any_o fruit_n of_o faith_n that_o discover_v to_o thou_o thou_o be_v a_o believer_n though_o not_o a_o strong_a believer_n thou_o have_v cause_n ro_o rejoice_v now_o i_o hope_v my_o desire_n be_v to_o try_v myself_o by_o these_o mark_n of_o true_a faith_n follow_v the_o lord_n grant_v i_o may_v find_v they_o in_o my_o soul_n for_o christ_n sake_n one_a true_a faith_n may_v be_v know_v by_o the_o efficient_a or_o principal_a cause_n of_o it_o which_o be_v no_o other_o but_o the_o holy_a spirit_n of_o god_n all_o the_o angel_n in_o heaven_n and_o saint_n on_o earth_n can_v persuade_v my_o heart_n to_o believe_v till_o the_o spirit_n of_o god_n draw_v my_o soul_n to_o jesus_n christ_n now_o have_v the_o spirit_n of_o god_n draw_v thou_o to_o christ_n have_v you_o find_v the_o mighty_a power_n of_o the_o spirit_n of_o god_n overcome_v the_o pride_n and_o stubbornness_n of_o your_o will_n to_o make_v you_o willing_a to_o accept_v of_o christ_n on_o his_o own_o term_n then_o you_o have_v a_o true_a faith_n two_o true_a faith_n may_v be_v know_v by_o the_o manner_n of_o production_n the_o spirit_n of_o god_n have_v a_o previous_a or_o forego_v work_n upon_o the_o soul_n 1._o the_o spirit_n of_o god_n convince_v the_o sinner_n this_o go_v before_o believe_v the_o spirit_n of_o god_n let_v a_o sinner_n see_v the_o inside_n of_o himself_o thou_o be_v a_o sinner_n say_v the_o spirit_n of_o god_n so_o that_o the_o poor_a sinner_n see_v himself_o in_o a_o lose_a and_o undo_v condition_n in_o himself_o by_o reason_n of_o sin_n 2._o after_o convince_a the_o spirit_n of_o god_n humble_v the_o sinner_n he_o be_v humble_v to_o the_o dust_n this_o sorrow_n and_o humiliation_n be_v in_o some_o more_o in_o some_o less_o but_o in_o all_o there_o be_v so_o much_o sense_n of_o sin_n and_o misery_n as_o to_o drive_v the_o sinner_n out_o of_o himself_o and_o to_o let_v he_o see_v he_o must_v perish_v for_o ever_o without_o christ_n 3._o there_o be_v also_o a_o encourage_v work_n of_o the_o spirit_n of_o god_n have_v convince_v and_o humble_v the_o sinner_n he_o revive_v he_o by_o some_o heart-chearing_a consideration_n as_o 1._o that_o there_o be_v a_o christ_n a_o all-sufficient_a saviour_n by_o who_o he_o may_v be_v deliver_v from_o wrath_n to_o come_v 2._o the_o spirit_n of_o god_n make_v a_o particular_a proffer_n of_o christ_n and_o pardon_v and_o grace_n to_o he_o and_o tell_v he_o the_o promise_v of_o the_o gospel_n be_v make_v to_o he_o as_o well_o as_o other_o and_o that_o god_n invite_v he_o poor_a sinner_n and_o that_o there_o be_v mercy_n for_o he_o if_o he_o accept_v it_o 3._o the_o spirit_n of_o god_n do_v sometime_o secret_o whisper_v to_o the_o soul_n of_o a_o sinner_n by_o a_o voice_n within_o he_o invite_v he_o and_o draw_v he_o to_o come_v to_o christ_n come_v to_o i_o all_o you_o that_o labour_n and_o be_v heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_v ho_o every_o one_o that_o thirst_v come_v to_o the_o water_n be_v thou_o a_o thirsty_a soul_n thou_o be_v he_o that_o be_v invite_v say_v the_o spirit_n of_o god_n therefore_o stand_v out_o no_o long_o 4._o the_o spirit_n of_o god_n do_v work_v faith_n by_o bow_v the_o will_n make_v it_o pliable_a to_o come_v and_o taste_v how_o good_a christ_n be_v well_o say_v the_o soul_n i_o be_o resolve_v to_o come_v to_o christ_n though_o i_o know_v not_o how_o i_o shall_v speed_v i_o will_v cast_v my_o soul_n into_o the_o arm_n of_o christ_n and_o if_o i_o sink_v i_o will_v sink_v with_o a_o saviour_n in_o my_o
happiness_n for_o ever_o and_o when_o i_o think_v of_o the_o torment_n of_o hell_n the_o fire_n that_o must_v never_o go_v out_o and_o the_o worm_n that_o shall_v never_o die_v this_o i_o look_v upon_o as_o the_o due_a desert_n of_o my_o sin_n and_o as_o my_o portion_n i_o have_v renounce_v all_o my_o own_o righteousness_n i_o can_v see_v nothing_o in_o myself_o but_o what_o deserve_a hell_n i_o wonder_v at_o the_o patience_n of_o god_n to_o i_o i_o can_v justify_v he_o though_o he_o shall_v damn_v i_o i_o think_v myself_o unworthy_a to_o eat_v or_o drink_v or_o breathe_v or_o tread_v upon_o the_o earth_n i_o look_v every_o day_n when_o god_n will_v glorify_v himself_o in_o my_o damnation_n but_o this_o i_o keep_v to_o myself_o though_o other_o can_v not_o but_o take_v notice_n of_o the_o sadness_n of_o my_o spirit_n and_o wonder_v at_o it_o yet_o i_o do_v not_o tell_v any_o how_o it_o be_v with_o i_o my_o heart_n be_v very_o full_a and_o i_o long_v to_o vent_v it_o but_o i_o know_v not_o how_o to_o god_n i_o dare_v not_o go_v be_v conscious_a of_o my_o own_o vileness_n i_o be_v ashamed_a to_o make_v know_v my_o condition_n to_o man_n it_o be_v so_o bad_a i_o think_v none_o ever_o have_v such_o blasphemous_a thought_n as_o i_o have_v i_o wish_v some_o of_o the_o saint_n do_v know_v my_o condition_n that_o they_o may_v direct_v i_o and_o pray_v for_o i_o but_o i_o can_v not_o tell_v to_o who_o to_o apply_v myself_o thus_o be_v i_o in_o perplexity_n toss_v to_o and_o fro_o and_o not_o comfort_v and_o though_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o uphold_v i_o and_o keep_v i_o from_o fall_v into_o the_o pit_n of_o despair_n yet_o i_o be_v very_o near_o it_o i_o be_v encompass_v about_o with_o so_o many_o and_o great_a temptation_n and_o they_o come_v so_o strong_a upon_o i_o that_o i_o can_v not_o hold_v out_o any_o long_a to_o conceal_v my_o trouble_n then_o the_o lord_n put_v it_o into_o my_o mind_n to_o acquaint_v my_o uncle_n gearing_n with_o my_o sad_a condition_n but_o the_o devil_n endeavour_v all_o he_o can_v to_o hinder_v it_o by_o persuade_v i_o that_o it_o be_v a_o foolish_a thing_n to_o declare_v my_o wickedness_n to_o one_o that_o be_v so_o holy_a that_o i_o shall_v but_o purchase_v his_o ill_a opinion_n of_o i_o and_o cause_v he_o to_o hate_v and_o abhor_v i_o and_o do_v myself_o no_o good_a at_o all_o by_o tell_v he_o of_o it_o yet_o still_o i_o have_v a_o desire_n to_o do_v it_o and_o i_o have_v no_o rest_n in_o my_o spirit_n till_o i_o have_v do_v it_o but_o sometime_o i_o want_v a_o opportunity_n and_o sometime_o when_o i_o will_v have_v speak_v i_o can_v not_o but_o at_o last_o a_o fit_a opportunity_n be_v present_v upon_o a_o sabbath-day_n night_n all_o be_v in_o bed_n except_o my_o uncle_n and_o myself_o i_o be_v resolve_v to_o open_v my_o heart_n free_o to_o he_o when_o i_o begin_v to_o speak_v my_o mouth_n be_v as_o it_o be_v stop_v but_o with_o tremble_v i_o force_v myself_o to_o speak_v and_o make_v know_v my_o sad_a condition_n i_o tell_v he_o what_o grievous_a blasphemous_a thought_n i_o have_v and_o that_o i_o be_v afraid_a i_o have_v commit_v the_o sin_n against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n and_o think_v therefore_o i_o shall_v certain_o be_v damn_v and_o have_v no_o hope_n of_o salvation_n but_o i_o desire_v his_o prayer_n for_o i_o and_o his_o advice_n in_o a_o matter_n of_o such_o consequence_n it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o affect_v his_o heart_n with_o my_o condition_n he_o tell_v i_o it_o be_v not_o my_o sin_n to_o be_v tempt_v if_o i_o do_v not_o yield_v to_o the_o temptation_n and_o therefore_o it_o shall_v not_o drive_v i_o to_o despair_v of_o god_n mercy_n he_o say_v it_o be_v a_o sign_n i_o have_v not_o commit_v the_o sin_n against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n because_o i_o be_v afraid_a i_o have_v commit_v it_o he_o speak_v much_o of_o the_o gracious_a nature_n of_o god_n and_o of_o his_o willingness_n to_o save_v sinner_n and_o as_o i_o remember_v he_o tell_v i_o of_o many_o and_o great_a sinner_n in_o scripture_n to_o who_o god_n have_v show_v mercy_n as_o manasseh_n and_o mary_n magdalen_n and_o the_o thief_n upon_o the_o cross_n he_o also_o direct_v i_o to_o many_o sweet_a promise_n in_o scripture_n but_o that_o especial_o which_o be_v never_o to_o be_v forget_v ezek._n 36._o 25_o 26._o then_o will_v i_o sprinkle_v clean_a water_n upon_o you_o and_o you_o shall_v be_v clean_o from_o all_o your_o filthiness_n and_o from_o all_o your_o idol_n will_v i_o cleanse_v you_o a_o new_a heart_n also_o will_v i_o give_v you_o and_o a_o new_a spirit_n will_v i_o put_v within_o you_o etc._n etc._n he_o tell_v i_o every_o one_o may_v lay_v hold_n on_o this_o promise_n when_o he_o read_v these_o scripture_n to_o i_o my_o heart_n rejoice_v and_o i_o begin_v to_o hope_n god_n will_v pardon_v i_o and_o give_v i_o a_o new_a heart_n and_o cause_v i_o to_o walk_v in_o his_o way_n he_o also_o give_v i_o very_o good_a counsel_n particular_o to_o be_v constant_a in_o the_o excellent_a duty_n of_o secret_a prayer_n and_o tell_v i_o the_o great_a benefit_n i_o shall_v find_v thereby_o etc._n etc._n now_o have_v make_v know_v my_o condition_n and_o declare_v my_o trouble_n and_o hear_v these_o gracious_a promise_n to_o poor_a sinner_n i_o find_v some_o ease_n and_o satisfaction_n in_o my_o mind_n and_o the_o beginning_n of_o comfort_n in_o my_o soul_n i_o resolve_v to_o put_v these_o duty_n in_o practice_n secret_a prayer_n self-examination_n meditation_n etc._n etc._n but_o i_o be_v altogether_o a_o stranger_n to_o these_o inward_a heart-duty_n i_o know_v not_o how_o to_o perform_v they_o as_o i_o ought_v how_o many_o time_n have_v i_o kneel_v down_o to_o pray_v and_o know_v not_o what_o to_o say_v but_o want_v not_o sigh_n and_o tear_n and_o so_o my_o necessity_n and_o the_o sense_n of_o my_o vileness_n my_o earnest_n desire_v after_o christ_n and_o his_o grace_n put_v word_n into_o my_o mouth_n though_o my_o duty_n be_v miserable_o lame_a and_o defective_a yet_o they_o be_v perform_v with_o much_o earnestness_n and_o importunity_n and_o i_o think_v i_o may_v say_v in_o sincerity_n sure_o then_o my_o heart_n be_v in_o every_o word_n and_o in_o every_o duty_n i_o do_v not_o then_o dally_v with_o god_n i_o be_v in_o good_a earnest_n for_o my_o soul_n and_o that_o promise_v be_v comfortable_a to_o i_o if_o there_o be_v first_o a_o willing_a mind_n it_o be_v accept_v with_o god_n etc._n etc._n i_o find_v that_o scripture_n make_v good_a to_o i_o then_o shall_v we_o know_v if_o we_o follow_v on_o to_o know_v the_o lord_n and_o that_o in_o isa_n 40._o 16._o i_o will_v bring_v the_o blind_a by_o the_o way_n that_o they_o know_v not_o i_o will_v make_v darkness_n light_a before_o they_o and_o crooked_a thing_n straight_o these_o thing_n will_v i_o do_v unto_o they_o and_o not_o forsake_v they_o say_v the_o lord_n these_o and_o such_o scripture_n be_v sweet_a and_o i_o begin_v to_o search_v the_o bible_n to_o find_v they_o and_o when_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o set_v they_o home_o upon_o my_o heart_n they_o be_v as_o cordial_n many_o time_n to_o my_o faint_a soul_n but_o though_o i_o have_v some_o comfort_n and_o support_v yet_o be_v i_o not_o free_a from_o temptation_n and_o trouble_v of_o mind_n my_o spiritual_a enemy_n strive_v hard_a to_o hinder_v my_o godly_a course_n and_o turn_v i_o from_o it_o have_v not_o the_o lord_n be_v strong_a than_o they_o my_o sin_n be_v a_o heavy_a burden_n to_o i_o and_o i_o have_v earnest_a desire_n after_o christ_n yet_o i_o find_v it_o very_o hard_a to_o believe_v satan_n labour_v to_o persuade_v i_o that_o i_o be_v not_o elect_v to_o salvation_n and_o therefore_o whatever_o i_o do_v i_o shall_v never_o be_v save_v this_o be_v no_o small_a trouble_n to_o my_o spirit_n but_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o direct_v i_o to_o a_o book_n in_o which_o i_o find_v much_o satisfaction_n concern_v this_o matter_n then_o satan_n tell_v i_o he_o that_o believe_v not_o shall_v be_v damn_v and_o therefore_o because_o i_o be_v full_a of_o unbelief_n and_o doubt_v i_o be_v condemn_v already_o but_o when_o i_o be_v in_o great_a trouble_n about_o this_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o cast_v in_o this_o scripture_n if_o we_o believe_v not_o yet_o he_o abide_v faithful_a he_o can_v deny_v himself_o this_o do_v very_o much_o support_v i_o and_o so_o do_v these_o follow_a promise_n which_o i_o have_v not_o take_v notice_n of_o before_o nor_o apply_v to_o myself_o isa_n 55._o 1._o and_o all_o this_o chapter_n and_o mat._n 11._o 28._o joh._n 7._o 37._o rev._n 22._o 17._o joh._n 3._o 16._o