to the Deliverer To have God deserting a Soul and permitting Satan to Rage and Rule so far that it believeth all his suggestions and is not able to believe the contrary expecting nothing but the lowermost Hell This was my condition and when I have told you so though you might perceive something of my sad and wearysome Life yet cannot the misery be expressed by me nor conceived by you a thousand worlds had I been owner would I have given for a Free Spirit a heart enabled to shake off the meditating and pondering upon Hell torments as the things that methoughts I should for ever dwell with Now I say when all this lay upon my Soul and I expected no deliverance then for the Lord my God to surprize and break in upon me with so glorious and unexpected a mercy who can but set forth the loving kindness of so gratious a God and Saviour I may therefore boldly say to any poor Soul let his distress be never so great yet if he have but so much faith as to believe the Scriptures and that Jesus is the Son of God and died for sinners though he hath no assurance for himself no more hopes then I had not a spark of Grace in his own apprehension Is 50.10 Yet let him trust in the name of the Lord and stay himself upon his God Let him wait for the Lord will come Is 8.17 And such a faith is sufficient for such a Soul in that condition In my distress before my God gave me experience of Light Love and Salvation I engaged by promise that if my God would give me deliverance I would declare to his Saints abroad what he had done for me and that as Satan suggested to me before that I should be a shame to Professors so would I declare his wiles and devices and what a lying unclean and murdering Spirit he is that in what I could his designs of ruine against poor Souls might be frustrated and the Lord having heard my vows setting me at liberty a strong temptation fell upon me to pray that God would assist me in performance of them nor were my prayers single or alone I had the help of such as feared God about me my body at that time was very much disordered Yet he that prepared my heart to pray enclined his Ear to hear enabling with speed and ease to the wonder of some to Write the ensuing discourse I here present to open view with much hope that the same hand that made it easie to me will make it useful to many who may be troubled in Spirit For the comfort of such and the discovery of Sathans subtilty the good of them and hurt of none but Him are the ends I have in publishing this experimental Relation begging that the Lord would exalt his great and glorious Name in magnifying his Mercy to all Eternity by dealing thus with many poor Souls as he hath done with his poor servant Charles Langford The Captive delivered Or a Relation of the great things which the Lord the mighty God of Heaven and Earth did for his poor Servant C. L. in delivering him out of the midst of violent and dreadful temptations April 16. 1669. witnessing to his Soul the greatness of his mercy in the midst of his sins and magnifying his free-grace in sealing it with the comfortable perswasion of his being one of Abrams believing seed and this when under great unworthiness and unbelief all which he now desires in thankfulness and according to his vows in the day of his distress to declare to the people of God and to as many as shall read it CHAP. I. Of the Original cause of all troubles what share the Authour had therein Why seeing all men are by nature the children of wrath do not all thus feel the weight of it the particular occasion of his first awakening Satans design in it Gods over-ruling and turning it to good VVHen I consider the sad estate wherein all the sinful Sons of Adam lye how through the most righteous judgement of God for our wilful transgression of his holy Law which he gave for a rule and tryal of our obedience miserably they are deprived of a most blessed estate Gods Image and blessed presence once had and enjoyed and how dangerously depraved and swollen up into an enmity against God their Maker their nature is I am so far from wondring at the horror that sometimes here and there one is surprized withall that I must confess 't is a far greater wonder to me that any are found to live at ease Dread and horror are the best fruit that can be had for eating of the forbidden tree If meer justice ruled the world the thickets would be every mans habitation Magor Missabib might be the fittest name for Adams race Jer. 20.3 fear round about now degenerated into a brood of vipers 'T is a wonder sin hath not found out and frightned the sinner upon earth that caught him in and cast him out of Paradice If it spared him not there how should it pass him by here if it turned him out of his walk his most delightful walk with the God of bliss there why hath it not tumbled him down into a bed of fire â—ere sure I am sorrow and distress of conscience is as much an attendant upon sin and guilt as the shadow is of the body as hear is of the fire as dark shadows were of the night by this the children of the day are transformed into those of the night and the heirs of God into haters of God and children of wrath and such are all men without exception in a natural condition These considerations make it less to be wondred at I say that any man should groan under the burthen of sin which lyes so heavy upon all it being a far greater wonder as I said before that the just holy and righteous God should so long suspend the execution of the antient sentence past upon Adam and his posterity or that any of the inhabitants of the earth should not sear their dropping into Hell and dread their danger I for my part must to the honour of my strong Redeemer take to my self the guilt of that first transgression and acknowledge that from the loins of the first Adam hath a venemous empoisoned nature been conveyed unto me Let no man say or think that any part of my past misery sprung from any other fountain then this evil nature I know that amidst the numberless number of Satans artifices this is one of his main engines whereby he would keep poor captive souls from the ways of life and peace He labours to bring up an evil report of such ways representing religion as the great incending as well in the Consciences as in the Kingdoms of Men and with as much confidence avers it as wicked Ahab did of the good Prophets that profession of the Gospel attended with it's required strictness is the grand trouble of the world
upon him my nature that he might become my Lord and King Saviour and Redeemer who brake the doors of Brass rescued me from the Rape of Hellish furies cast them out delivered my darling soul from the power of the Dog and barred the Gate that he could enter no more to stuff my thoughts with his detestable injections although he attempted a return Thou hast thrust fore at me oh mine enemy that I might fall but the Lord helped me many a time may I now say have these things afflicted me from my youth many a time have they afflicted me from my youth yet they have not prevailed against me The Plowers plowed upon my back they made long their furrows but the righteous Lord he hath cut asunder the cords of the weeked one I was brought low and the Lord helped me He hath delivered my soul from death mine eyes from tears and my feet from falling Oh Lord my God I will give thanks to thee for ever CHAP. V. Concluding the whole experiment with an account of the unconceivable sweetness of divine consolations the usual consequent of long and sort temptations a more then abundant reason to abide Gods leisure under the heavy load of dâ—sertions Of the cause of writing ANd now at last when the Lord my Lord of whom the Father said sit thou at my right hand until I make thy enemies thy foot-stoolâ— had set my soul at freedom by his mighty power he sent his blessed spirit the holy Ghost that most glorious self evidencing and sweet comforter whose sweetness no heart can conceive but he who hath tasted how good he is who shewed me from the Father and his blessed Son that all the miseries afore mentioned pressing me down were the delusions of Satan and whereas he intended to have made me a shame and reproach to all that should know or hear of my overthrow that now my God hath taken advantage of the greatness of my sins thereby to magnifie his mercy in pardoning thereof according to my cry in the day of my distress and that now I was of Abrahams Family numbred among the spiritual Children of Abraham a priviledge which I often especially under my troubles prized highly and desired earnestly to be partaker off The blessed spirit bearing witness of these things wrought in my soul such unconceiveable joy that in the words of Thomas I cryed out my Lord and my God so ravishing were the kisses of those divine lips of love that my heart was silled with joy unspeakable and glorious my mouth with laughter my body much weakened by the anguish and horror of my soul so that I kept my Chamber for many dayes together was now revived and my youth renewed as the Eagle that casteth her Beak so that I became as lightsome as if I had not known sorrow to the great admiration of my Friends who had known my long confinement to my Chamber by reason of sorrow and heavyness My heart my sorrowful heart of which I was wont to cry out None so fad none so disquieted as thou was now through the joy of the Lord quite altered The spirit of my God now covering me with the glorious robes of his Sons righteousness turned my mourning into dancing put off my Sackcloath and girded me with gladness gave me a garment of praise for the spirit of heavyness so that then and since being upheld by the same hand I could say I carry about me a chearful heart and a much more healthy body notwithstanding the great disappointments I in my worldly condition then met with and still lye under Being now enabled by faith to apprehend my self justified through the righteousness of God even the righteousness of Jesus Christ imputeth to poor sinners the guilt the obligation of my sins to punishment being taken away I can now through the tender mercy of God whereby the day spring from on high hath visited me comfortably give a challenge to Death and the Grave Oh Death where is thy sting oh Grave where is thy victory my dear Lord having ransomed me from the power and fear of the grave and helping me in despight of him that hath the power of death that is the Devil to look upon my self as one of those whom God the Father hath given to the Son as part of the travaile of his soul so that the Lord Christ delights in me as the gift of his Father and the purchase of his own bloud And my God loveth me with the same love wherewith he loveth his Son and all the promises of grace made to sinners in the holy word through Jesus Christ I have an interest in and expect to have fulfilled to me as far as it shall tend to his glory and my good He that gave me his Son will freely also give me all good things Well may I therefore take up the words of the Prophet Oh Lord I will praise thee for though thou wast angry with me thine anger is turned away and thou comfortedst me For the iniquity of my soul thou wast wroth with me and smotâ—st me but now thou hast healed me and restored comforts to me the Lord Jehovah is my strength and song he also is become my salâ—ation I waited patiently for the Lord and he encâ—â—ned his ear to me and heard my cry he drew my feet out of an horrible pit out of the miry clay and hath set me upon a Rock and established my goings What shall I render unto the Lord for all his benefits I will call upon him as long as I live I will pay my vows unto the Lord now in the presence of all his people When the Lord Jesus is pleased to go away to withdraw the comfortable warm beams of his love and presence from the sight and sence of his poor people Joh. 16.6 like the Apostles their hearts are filled with heavyness they think every day a week and every week a month and every month a year the time seemeth tedious till he return till he lifteth up the light of his countenance till he restores comforts to them like the mother of Sisera they are putting forth their heads crying why are his Chariot wheels so long in coming But oh that such would remember what I now find that it is expedient for them that he should sometimes go away from them withholding his consolations for the holy Ghost the Comforter shall one time or other come to such as wait for it with such joy and peace that passeth all understanding of eye ear and heart of man And then long time spent in waiting shall seem but a little moment Is 40 2. and they shall receive double pay for all the punishments of their iniquities The Children of this world in this are wiser in their generation then the Children of light no discouragement of wind or rain can make them forbear their seasons of sowing in hope nor can the interposition of many perillous months delay work a dissolution of the hope that
GODS Wonderful MERCY IN THE MOUNT of woful EXTREMITY OR The Recovered Captive BEING A plain Relation of Gods unspeakable goodness in rescuing one of the meanest of his flock from the paw of the roaring Lyon and pangs of unconceivable horror through long and strong temptations and spiritual desertions Published 1. For the encouragement of poor distressed consciences worried with temptations and almost quite wearied with waiting 2. For a caution to secure sinners lest they also come into such or sorer torment 3. For a call of all in whose hearts are the ways of God to bear a part in the high praises of him whose wonders are in the deep By Charles Langford I will sing of the mercies of the Lord for ever Ps 89.1.17 Knowing the terrours of the Lord we perswade men 1 Cor. 5.11 Thou hast turnea for me Ps 30.11.12 London Printed for Anna Brewster at the Golden bellows in Fore-street at Moor-lanâ—â—end 1672. To the Reader THe ensuing Narrative is intended for the good of all and therefore may well expect freedom from the scornfull censures of any But 't is primarily published for the benefit of such who are apt to think feeling the weight of their own sin as of an heavy burden Psal â—8 4 or the wounds of their own Spirit made by the Arrows of the Almighty sent â—rom the Devils bow and poysoned so that â—hey become fiery darts drinking up the â—pirit Job 6.4 that never any man was in â—uch a case as they none ever went so far â—nto the Valley of the shadow of death and â—eturned alive as they are gone for the â—roken in Spirit those whom the terrours â—f God have to use Hemans words distracâ—d and cut off Ps 88.15.16 for the good of these are the ensuing pages penned and therefore from these may they expect the choâ—â—est entertainment 't is no small favour Heaven shews that besides those fixed monuments of mercy erected in the word oâ— truth such as David Job Heâ—â—an yea and the blessed Jesus all which as they were plunged in the depths of Terrors so were they delivered from their fears every agâ— of the Church should have some living test monies of deep calling unto deep and that as Sathans malice so Gods mercy enduâ—eth for ever that some have deep gashes made upon their peace and those unhealed so long till hope seemeth to be cut off and tâ—e cuâ—ed at the last I am sure will be thy meâ—cy O thou afflicted tossed with Tempest and not comforted however others look upon it Examples in this as in other cases make the deepest impression the understanding here being ever annoyed by the loud and hasty clamours of a misgiving conscience may not be able to make so long a stand as to hear all that the tongue of the Learned have to say for the relief of their weary Souls the judgement must needs be weak when passions are strong Now for such a one to hear that others hunted by the terrors of the Almighty set in array against them to the very brink of desperation and hope even just ready to quit the field have yet through the mercy of the Most High put Sathan to flight won the day recovered their peace and lived in the sweet possession of the Spirit of a sound mind and all this after many a doubtful combate and in a time they looked not for it I say to hear of this exemplefyed in the case of others will at least do thus much service for tottering spirits as to perswade not to make too much hast to run away to hide themselves and that yet there is hope in Israel concerning this thing If in every circumstance of the following Narrative thou find not thy self concerned yet thou wilt in many if thou be one that hast had any experience of the Spirit of Bondage yea and in the main of all thou art troubled in Spirit thy everlasting welfare fare stands bleeding thy hope is giving up the Ghost blasphemous injections the very spirit and humour of hopeless damned Souls haunt and affrighten thy wracked mind thy flesh trembleth for fear of Gods wrathful Judgements all his waves and his billowes pass over thee thou art weary of thy life and yet tormented at the thoughts of death this was the case of the Authour of these following lines 't is hard to conceive a more dangerous condition or that the God of his Salvation should suffer his Faithfulness to thee to fail Wait on the Lord be of good courage Let Satans suggâ—stions be what they will hold this for a certain truth established in the very heavens and irreversible by the gates of Hell Blessed are all they that wait for him Isaiah 30.18 That any should look upon discourses of this kind as matter of scorn and reproachful contempt is matter of sorrow and lamentation that the common enemy to the Race of Adam should find so much Friendship and Folly in the hearts of men yet such there are men that side with their greatest Foe accounting all experiences of this sort as meer Fictions and the issue of a melancholly brain But poor Souls the hour of trembling will come to you at last when you have slept out your sleep upon the lap of lust the Philistines will be upon you and your pleasant dreams of security shall bring you to the King of Terrors let the ensuing narrative be your preservative happy they can discern the vileness of sin and devices of Satan in the clear glass of another Mans Soul confounding terrours one main end of this is thy warning if unhappily thou shalt despise it and thy Faithful Monitor seem to thee as one that mocketh it is no new thing thus it was in the days of Lot Gen. 19.14 even those whose Office should oblige them to better things have been sometimes ignorant in the case of Gods withdrawings Cant. 5.2 smiting and wounding and taking away the Vail have been their work when sympathizing hath been their duty However to be of the Family of Abraham to inherite the blessing is more then sufficient Armour against the persecuting scoffs of Ishmael As for such as truly fear God 't is hoped they will not be offended to see that done by any which is incumbent upon all to declare the works of God with rejoycing and to tell what great things he hath done for our Souls Mark 5.14 is a Law shall stand in Force when the Heavens and Earth shall reel into a change nor will they stumble at the plainness of delivery all have not alike abilities to express themselves Exod. 18.5 gaudy paints of eloquence may sometimes be taken for Ornaments but they are best put off when we have so nearly to do with God Goats Hair and Badgers Skins Exod. 25.45 where there are no better are a good offering for the Sanctuary And to speak truly 't is not in well set words and sentences but in clear experiences true learning doth consist To say any thing
of the Authour is needless read him a man he is of long standing in profession a Follower of God both up-hill and down-hill for many years one who hath not liv'd so ill as to have all men speak well of him nor common frailties excepted as to deserve the contrary If his zeal for God hath expos'd him to the reproach of some well may he bear it He desires to let the World see nothing in him but his infirmities the rest is God's and not his A man whom long diseases of Soul and many Paroxcisms or heights of distemper have annoyed but not left by the great Physitian How he came at first to any sence of Religion in truth and with how much difficulty through the strong temptations of Sathan he attained to a comfortable hope of the love of God what was the course taken by him for his relief how Faith in the promises and submission to all Gods dealings were and are to be exercised are the cheif things here spoken of The Lord make it as profitable to thee in reading as he testifies they were to him in the experiencing who after many weak fits of Faith and Faithfulness in weakness rejoyceth in hope of the glory of God That thou maist be bettered by this publication is the Authours design and the hearty prayer of To the Saints of the Most High God especially the afflicted in Conscience lying under sad desertions and groaning for deliverance Grace Peace and Victory be given to you from the Lord Jesus Christ our Saviour HAving received so glorious a mercy as to be delivered from many delusions and temptations of Sathan under which I lay for many years I look upon it as my great duty to manifest Gods gratious dealings with me to the Sons and Daughters of Men and so much the rather do I thus judge because the wayes of God to me have not been common or ordinary wayes they are but a few of Gods Children as the Authour of the book entituled Dr. Tho. Goodwin A Child of Light walking in darkness witnesseth whom their Father casts into the belly of Hell deep Waters where they feel no bottom letting out Sathan upon them and the manifestation of his glorious grace in saving such to the utmost is the main end one of them he aimeth at in dealing thus with any 't is no wonder Satan should have an access to and converse with the spirits of men and many times when they know it not for he is a Spirit or that with so much vigour and terrour his temptations in times of desertion should be accompanyed for by the evidence of Gods word ana his own ways 't is certain that his work and business is to drink up and devour his nature is not only that of a Roaring Lyon for power and terrour but also of a subtle Serpent for pollicy and poison his season and opportunity is when we are weakest and at the worst and night and day doth he keep watch and ward for taking all the advantage that may be if God for needful ends turns but his back upon his child hides his face from him forsakes him but for a little moment the enemy waiteth at the door to break in as a mighty flood If by Feavor Melancholly or other bodily distempers the natural spirits which are the â—ursitors between the body and the Soul are made uncapable of performing their Office aright then is he sure to be up and doing every affiction is an hour of temptation the dark is his delight now is the time for him to lay his delusions upon the fantasie and to charge sin upon the Soul when he findeth it most unable to resist and ready to embrace and believe it To bring the Soul in to inextricable troubles is his design to accomplish with more then conceiveable pollicy cruelty and mallice are set at work for he is the red Dragon who hath all along traded in persecution of the woman and her seed Christ and his Church For the space of fourty years or thereabouts hath it pleased the hand that took me out of my Mothers Womb to train me up and lead me along in this uncomfortable Wilderness of temptation though I cannot say that in all these years he hath left me to the violence of spiritual conflicts for then the burthen had been too heavy for flesh to stand under so long yet must I needs say my clearest day all that time was but dark and however I seemed to others in point of comfort outwardly sure I am my soul enjoyed not her rest nor could I ever say I was all that while any more then a Prisoner of hope still subject unto bondage and not discharged of the debt nor delivered from my fears 'T was but an hard shift I made to hold up my head when I was at best my worst cannot be expressed until now at last that God for whom I wâ—ited in the way of his Judgements and from whom were my expectations in the use of appointed means all this while came and was found of me when I looked not for him delivered me from my strong Enemy set my Feet upon a Rock and established my goings The same God that was my stay in the day of calamity is now my Glory and the lifter up of my head he is my strength and song and is now become my Salvation Upon the whole I may truly say as once Job said I have heard of God by the hearing of the Ear but now mine Eye hath seen him now hath he made known himself to me by his sweet Spirit and by the manifestation and operation of his glorious power in giving me deliverance And I can say by experience more then ever that now I know there is a God so also now I know there is a Devill such have been the delusions cursed injections of blasphemous thoughts and dreadful temptations wherewith he hath endeavoured to fill my Soul till the day the Lord by his great power delivered me out of his hands that I have cause to know him and to make him known as far as I am able to the World which is the endeavour of this ensuing Relation Every Child of God I am perswaded is somewhat acquainted with the wounds of conscience but God who best knows the frame of his people and what they can bear and for what work they are intended measures not to all alike Some are made to sip onely of the Cup of Trembling while others are made to drink down larger draughts every Soul hath his tast To much as will serve to make an experiment of the evil and bitter nature of sin but some have more then others and though every man is apt to magnifie his own miseries into a Non such because the heart knows his own bitterness and a wounded Conscience who can bear yet without breach of modesty I think I may bolaly affirm that few of the Sons of Men have been in greater danger or more beholden
my duty and safety to become partner with the people of God in all the divine ordinances and providences that should be imposed upon them the sence of which duty made me tye my endeavours with theirs to draw the Ark of the God of Israel to its own place 1 Sam. 6.12 And although like the Kine went on lowing all the way yet to the best of my understanding I kept the strait wayes of the Lord and did not wickedly depart from my God After the intestive broils of those times were somewhat abated and leisure with liberty lay common for any man to be as good as he would Though I thankfully embraced the freedom of the Gospel as a singular favour from Heaven yet I must confess as matter of much sorrow that neither the many afflictions nor mercyes under which I was exercised were so well improved as they should But contrarily I forgot to return to God according to his benefits Not long after this I found my sins growing to so great a bulk that I could not look up My former sin began to grow fresh in my remembrance and the Lord to withdraw the light of his countenance which I had now for a good season and in a good measure enjoyed my communion with him began much to abate and his rod of affliction such as I had not known before began to smart upon my back In my former trials then which I thought once none could be greater I was not brought so near the brink of utter ruins as I was in this and what followed First the Lord began to lay on a load of sore and gauling afflictions upon my loines mainly By bringing a day of silence upon his Ministers from whose lips I had often received sufficient drops of that water of life to quench the thirst of my heart panting after God And blocking up the solemn assemblies of his Saints permitting things so contrary to my judgement to be introduced and added to his worship These together with some other heavy afflictions at home from some of mine own relations did so concur with my former tryals that I now concluded more then at any time before God had withdrawn himself from me Hereupon he was pleased to suffer that cruel enemy Satan that old Serpent to break in upon my soul with such dread and terror that he made my body to quake upon my bed so that I was fain to have one to lye upon me to keep me from shaking thinking then he had an opportunity to accomplâ—sh his hellish tragedy my self being so abused by his former delusions and still entertaining thoughts that God had forsaken me that cursed enemy to the most glorious and ever blessed God would have tempted me as once Jobes Wife dâ—d her husband to curse God and this he pressed with much violence but through the mercy of God was not able to accomplish his wicked design though he seemed to me to affirm with as strong affirmations and as bloudy oaths as ever were heard from any swearing wretch that I was damned territâ—ing me in the night with fearful dreams and visions of a spiritual nature which were most dreadful to my apprehensionâ— and not being be through the goodness of God to make my tongue his cursed instrument departed for a season as though he would have rented the Heavens and the Earth But reviving again his temptations she whom God had given me for a meet helper fighting against him by earnest prayer to Almighty God and likewise many Christian friends that came to see me he now began to desist and fail in that way and therefore began to try another viz. In relation to the former delution as though I should do some murtherous act And now shewing himself to be according as our God hath said of him a murtherer from the beginning he with strong temptations endeavoured to make me imbrue my hands in the bloud of my dearest friend who had been so helpful to me against his former temptations which was most grievous to my poor soul and fearing least his violent temptation might have overcome me I being so much in his hands desired her that she would withdraw her self telling her the temptation But she something amazed thereat undauntedly lifted up her soul to the Lord by holy ejaculations and resolved she would not give that enemy one inch of ground But casting us both upon the protection of the Almighty with a lively faith in the Lord Jesus vanquished the enemy at that time Yet this temptation continnued about two months in all which time my poor soul being most dreadfully afflicted I did again earnestly desire my Wife to get some company in the house by night but having little help or comfort from others she the more uncessantly acted faith and prayer until our gratious God had given us deliverance CHAP. IV. His strugling under and against temptations The means most used and blessed for his support Cast again the fourth and last time into the furnace of fiery hot instigations to blaspheme the means used and owned for coming thence An happy issue ANd having now passed some five or six years since the last grievous visitation all this time labouring for the pardon of sin in the use of means appointed of God to get out of that sad condition wherein I was still haunted with blasphemous and horrible injections and cursed instigations to curse and swear which that wicked enemy could not after his utmost endeavours bring any further then my tongues end Now I say labouring under these temptations and making my condition known to my Godly acquaintance they affirming that these were not my own but Satans suggestions some comfort I had from them labouring in the word of the Lord and prayer This was one good stay Making use also of those blessed streams flowing from the word of God I mean the works of those blessed servants of Christ who have laboured much in writing upon such subjects As namely Dr. Preston upon the attributes which I read above twelve times over Dr. Thomas Goodwins Child of light walking in darkness Mr. Bridges's lifting up of cast down Mr. Simonds his deserted soul And that pretious piece of that worthy Mr. Burroughs Saints walking by faith without sight and sence And Mr. Baxâ—ers thirty two directions traversing these books over through the Lords blessing Were a great comfort and support in bearing up my soul against the enemies cruel attempts and wearisome afflictions under which I strugled having no assurance of the pardon of my sins and lying still under the guilt of that great transgression so long past committed and under many more since Moreover though I could not pray with a free spirit yet under all this heavy load I still followed the Lord by earnest prayer that he would come and take away both guilt and filth of sin and destroy that cursed nature from which Satan took his advantage against me and help me though he tarry yet still to wait for
him in the way of his judgements And now publick assemblies which were wont to be a great solace to me in my distress being not to be enjoyed in that purity I expected and the practise of the publique ministers being so contrary to my judgement and conscience I neither could nor would upon any terms become a hearer of them and thereupon did rather choose to expose my self to the scorn and displeasure of men in keeping meetings every Lords day in my Family Spending that day in prayer and praises and as occasion was offered dayes of humiliation These duties having most of them been my practise for many years wherein I served the Lord withall my might though sometimes under much dejection about the beginning of April my good God through the purchase made by the bloud of his Son that blessed seed of the Woman through whom he had covenanted with out first Parents immediately after the fall to give eternal life having by earnest prayer and intercession I humbly claiming this from the Lord that he would account and make me righteous through that purchase and redemption made by Christ now resolved to take up and put an end to the quarrel which he had against me for all my sins yet to let me know my deserving and to manifest a further work upon me did suffer the enemy to break in again upon me in most dreadful manner Charging upon me that one sin as formerly named above others with such violence and power That I believe I was in as great despair for the time as ever man was My soul by that malicious enemy to mankind being stuffed with all abominations of hellish thoughts injections cursed instigations with other base and abominable vile immaginations he at last infused into me as much malice against my blessed God as possibly he could I thought now I was utterly forsaken living in expectation of nothing but the lower most hell and brought now again almost to blaspheme When I saw that I was in this most dreadful case fearing I should I have wilfully blasphemed I could have been well content that God should have damned me and thrown mâ— into hell fear of being over tempted and thereby to blaspheme God made me weary of life When my Wife would put me on to pray for a blessing upon my meat I did it feignedly being willing to be starved if I could And now in this dreadful condition so dreadful that I believe few Sons of Adam were ever in a worse that did not do the things that I feared i. e. blaspheme God and destroy himself I say being in such a condition and the sin so often spoken of lying still heavy upon me and shame withholding me from revealing it for many years it pleased God to over-rule my spirit that I sent for a worthy Minister of Jesus Christ who coming to me the day before my deliverance I acquainted him with that sin which did so lye upon my Conscience and never was revealed before Well remembring how holy David Ps 32.3.5 who while he kept silence his waxed old through his roaring all the day long did but say he would confess his sin and the Lord forgave his iniquity So the Lord the very next day came and set my soul at rest The comfort and help that I found from my natural relations and friends this woful condition was none at all but instead of pitty I met with reproach from many only my dear yoke fellow was my fellow sufferer of whom I can say the Lord gave her to me for such a day as this to be his blessed instrument of my deliverance for when I was even distracted she laid the glory of the Lord deeply to her heart and did daily bring the word of God to my soul reading with great dilligence the holy Scriptures Which being done then powring forth her soul to the Lord with ardent affections and with a mighty faith in our gratious God who had manifested his great love to her in former troubles the experience of which encouraged her to go on still in earnest and frequent prayer and expectation that the Lord would accomplish the work of deliverance And upon the sixteenth day of April 1669. a day for ever to be solemnized as glorious and honourable to the Lord by me his poor creature she going on in her constant course of prayer after she had given the Lord his holy and reverend titles using Moses his arguments brake forth into these words My Father my Father what wilt thou do with mine husband he hath been speaking and acting still in thy cause oh destroy him not for thine own glory Oh! what dishonor will come to thy great name if thou do it Oh! rather do with me what thou wilt oh do with me what thou wilt but spare my Husband c. Thus laying hold of that word of God in the Prophet With a lively faith concerning your Sons and your Daughters command you me and striving mightily in prayer the duty being eâ—ded the Lord immediately appeared and then that Lyon of the tribe of Judah that blessed seed of the Woman that second Adam that promised Messiah the Son of the living God who had formerly broke the Serpents head he who in a single duel had disarmed the Devil in the Wilderness tâ—od the Wine press of his Fathers wrath alone this Jesus the Saviour who knew how to succour tempred souls made hare his holy arm and his own right hand brought dâ—liverance he delivered me from my strong enemy and saved mâ— from him that hated me He that is pleased to stile himself a God hearing prayer and in most of his great works delights to advance his own power by using small and unlikely means after long tarrying and in a time when I looked not for him came now and owned his own ordinance crowned the cryes and faith and patience of a poor Woman with such success that my praise shall be continually of him The proud mâ—y scorn but the humble shall hear ther of and be glad That roaring Lyon mine adversary the Devil that old Serpent that red-Dragon that unclean Spirit that Lyar Accuser Murtherer from the beginning that Apollion to the Geeckâ— Abbaddon to the Jews and destroyer to all for as are the names given him by the word of truth so is his nature and so hath he laboured mightily for a long season to shew himself in me even now when he thought himself almost seated in the pâ—ssâ—ssion of his long sought Dominion and that there was no casting of him out of my soul which â—e abused making it his dunghil whereon he laid all the filth of hellish thoughts and abominations that he could wanting nothing but my will that Fort-royal to have put me under an eternal vassalage to his long laid desigâ—s now I say was that accursed enemy to God and me his poor creature sent to his own place by my dear Lord Christ that holy Son of the blessed God who took
is conceived Jam. 5.7 And yet the ground they go upon affords no such footing for hope and trust as doth that of a Christian Mic. 1.6 how of have they sown much and brought in little whereas a Christian under all the improbabillities of outward sensible appearance hath sufficient cause to be confident of a plentiful harvest Under the furrows of dark providences lie the seed of faithful patient endeavours which shall spring up into light and joy Psal 126.5 And doubtless they that sow in a wâ—t weeping season shall meet with a welcome harvest The smallest seeds of faith and patience shall stretch into certain Sheaves of joy When the earth over-wet with showers is become a standing pool who would adventure to bestow his seed Pains and patience had aâ— such a time the Plowman calls imprudence Be it what it will sure I am he never lyed who hath pronounced Is 32.20 Blessed are ye that sow the seeds of pious endeavours beside all waters of deep and drowning afflictions that send forth thither the feet of the Ox and the Ass Venture then to hold on your way keep hope and trust a going in the paths of duty Deep mire shall one day prove a fruitful soil to thee and the joy of the harvest which is a shouting joy shall so fill thy soul that many years of wearisome waiting shall seem no longer then the shortest night This calling to mind those engagements which I had made unto the Lord in my low estate viz. that if the Lord would deliver me I would declare it to the Sons of men and and whereas the wicked enemy had suggested to me that I should be a shame to my friends and a reproach to religion if the Lord would redeem my soul out of his hands then would I declare abroad the glorious and renowned works and wonders of the lifter up of my head and what a great impostor deceiver destroying and lying Spirit the Devil this enemy to mankind is Hereupon having had help from God I have adventured these few pages into the world may the Lord inherit the praises of his people hereby I â—rall not value the reproaches of his enemies May poor dropping souls understanding how Satan hath dealt come to the sight of the net which he hath laid for them and be perswaded to an holy constancy in resistance I shall be much rejoyced in the success Let the Lord do with me and it as seemeth good in his sight I have enough My true Joseph is yet alive I hope shortly I shall goe up to see him here I shall leave this Pillar of remembrance in the land of the living it is mine Eben Ezer Hitherto hath the Lord helped me A Post-script BEfore I withdraw my hand my earnest desire to promote the welfare of all men in generall but espeacially of such who having given up their names to Jesus Christ lye under the furious assaults of the Devil that common enemy doth mightily ingage me to speak a few words more by way of humble and hearty request That man who hath obtained mercy and cannot shew pitty to others in misery is such a monster that hath no mention in the holy Scriptures nor other reason then to call in question whether his seeming deliverances be not real delusions I would gladly leave a testimony of my dearest love to my Redeemer by laying out my once-doleful now-joyful experience of inexpressible horror of mind for the benefit of three sorts of Christians espeacially 1. First such as at present lye groaning under the heavy burden of a wounded Spirit â—onging for deliverance 2. Secondly such as have once had experience of that sad condition but are now mercifully delivered 3. Such as God hath dealt more gently with not suffering them to fall into those horrible depths of disertion and temptation Into the hands of some or all of these 't is possible these lines may come and then my first and main request which I earnestly beg is this that they would offer up at least one freewill offering of thanksgiving to the mighty God of Jacob the hope of Israel and the Saviour thereof in the time of trouble when they shall read what great things he hath done for me poor sinner My poor stock will never reach to furnish the Alter with sufficient Sacrifices of praise oh help me by glorifying God on my behalf As his mercy hath been abundant towards me so oh that it might be abundant to the glory of him by the thanksgiving of many This being the generall request I shall make a few more particular ones to those three sorts of Professors briefly in order 1. To the poor doubting distressed and almost distracted Conscience Pretious Soul my dear fellow and companion in spiritual tribulation the purchase of the precious bloud of the Son of God! conformist to Jesus Christ in his sore agonies of temptation whom the Devil envyeth hateth and seeketh to destroy I know there is no condition under the Sun hath more need of pity and supplyes of comfort then this of thine and yet I know no condition more rarely pityed or more hardly comforted thy heart knows its own bitterness Thou thinkest so much of this that thou canst relish no sweetness in and therefore wilfully refusest the Cup of sweetest and divine consolation Oh poor soul what weary some hours thou art made to possess how tediously thy dismal nights of terrors pass over thee and thou in them reduced to such confounding streights that whither to fly from or how to stand in the face of Gods conceived displeasure the Devils furious representations or thy own fearful apprehensions thou knowest not These things having been mine old acquaintance I hope with freedome I may be permitted to beg two or three things at your hands 1. That thou wouldest not let this mercyful dealing of God with my soul pass without some thankful acknowledgement of thine Lay aside thy sable weed a little and cloath thy self with the Garment of praise Praise the Lord for his goodness and for his wonderful works to the Children of men Conclude not henceforth thy sores to be incurable nor Gods long stay to be a sign that he will never come Consider what he hath done for me and let that put a little heart in thee to conclude that 't is good to continue yet in a waiting posture for surely he can and will at last do so for all such as wait for him I know how apt such a soul as this will be to varie the case tempted souls shall never want arguments against themselves nor skill to manage them while the Devil hath any Thou wilt be ready to say the case is not the same with thee as 't was with me Either the sin thou art troubled for or the manner of thy troubles seizing and the Devils handling thee under temptation is not the same with mine Something or other will be still found as matter of objection against thy self To run over
particulars would be long In a word thou thinkest possibly as once good David in another case that all men are liars thy temptations may beget such hasty expressions as to say the case hath not been with others as they represent it or to doubt their deliverance to be but feigned at the best or else a short parrole a meet reprieve not a discharge from the like or worse enthrallment Or if things have been truly related it only proves what God can do not what Hell will do as if the mercy of God did not bear an equal proportion with his power Think of what thou wilt or canst that may make against thee and yet I shall continue to beg Give not up your hopes hold on seeking after God you have not yet waited forty years he will come in a time when you look not for him Your case is not yet desperate 'T is not so bad with you but 't was as bad with me 2. My earnest suite is also that in stead of regarding dreams visions voices and other delusions you give credit to the un-erring word of God and oppose that against them all The generall drift design and scope of the book of God is to perswade man unbelieving man that God is mercyful That sin never damned any man yet simply and of it self but as qualified by wilfulness and unbelief That though God be a consuming fire a jealous God yet fury is not in him Is 27.4 His jealousie he puts upon him as a Cloak a meer covering a loose garment and this he never puts on till provoked by the obstinate refusals of love and mercy Even under the dark and terrible administrations of the Law how clearly did this doctrine shine forth Exod. 34 6 7. The Lord the Lord gratious and merciful long suffering and abundant in goodness and truth Keeping mercy for thousands forgiving iniquity transgressions and sin This is his name for ever this his memoriall to all generations This the strong tower of souls hungring and thirsting after righteousness Oh le ts not be beaten out of this perswasion by any Hellish suggestion What great advantage the Devil makes of dreams visions and the like now under the Gospel wherein God speaketh to us only by his Son Heb. 1.1 2. the woful experience I have doth in some measure manifest The overmuch credit I gave to the delusion laid upon me in my first sickness was the root of all the rest This is my second request oppose the word of God against all such Hell-hatcht conceipts as would put you upon the wrack of affrighting doubts Fly from these to that least you suffer as I have done 3. Moreover let me begg this that you stand not to hear what every one saith about Religion but fall thou upon the profession and practise of real Godliness with all the speed thou canst He that is a professor in truth and not in hypocrisy to which conscience it self is able most commonly to bear witness hath the name and glory of the Lord engaged for his relief He that beareth his testimony for Gâ—d and his truths in sincerity God cannot find in his heart to do by him what in justice he might The sins of such as these strike high at the honour of God and therefore well might the Lord destroy and blot out their names for ever But yet he will not Dan 9 18 19. They bear his name upon them what would the more wicked part of the world say if God should arm himself with fury against his own would they not say where is now your God what is become of all your prayers and all your services which you pretend were done for his glory The merciful Lord foreseeth this and his own glory restraineth the hands of the destroyer Deut. 32.26 27. I said I would scatter them into corners and blot out their remembrance from among men were it not that I feared the wrath of the enemy God will not doe against the Professors of his name as much as he can for fear least the enemy should say and do more then he ought Our God is seldom employed in long and wrathful rebukes of his own when they are exposed to the outward rage of their enemieâ— He spareth them then however they escape at another time Oh! then let me intreat thee to make choice of the wayes of holiness as the best and safeest wayes to walk in Run not to seek for shelter from your fears and sorrows amidst the prophane rout of merry worldlings Their sparks of joy cast but little light and how soon shall that be put out alas poor souls the way of peace have they not known City of refuge The horns of the Alter is the likeliest place for security against the Avenger of bloud Consort thy self with those that walk in the truths of practical piety according to the mind of God plainly revealed in his holy word My deliverance God wrought for his own name sake There were sins enough in me fuel enough to maintain the fire of divine displeasure for ever But the name and glory of God are pretious to him If thou hast made profession in sincerity and truth thou maist expect deliverance more then others A sincere professor under teoubles hath more reason to hope then others for the glory of the Lord is engaged for his defence 4. I have this further to add from my own experience That though thing expectation of deliverance must be from God yet not without the use of means 'T is the God of peace alone that can make peace in thy troubled soul or else all thy labour will amount to nothing The lips and labours of the most learned are but fruitless Is 57.19 till the Lord create the fruits of them both and make them yeild peace Cent. 1.18 And yet 't is good to feed by the Shepherds tents A faithful Gospel ministry is an unvalluable mercy Their gifts in preaching and writing are the purchase of the bloud of Christ From the fountain of sacred truths are these Buckets filled And all for the use of poor weak souls that want skill and strength of their own God hath crowned the labours of such and made them men of renown for conversion of souls their labours are the issue of the blessed spirit Ob then lets not rob the Lord of his glory in raising up such lights who have spant themselves in guiding our feet in the ways of peace by their pretious labours the word of God hath been so unfolded and the glorious attributeâ— so explained and sweetly applyed that if poor souls have not been much advantaged the fault hath been too much their own Let me begg of you then to praise the Lord for and to make use of and shew all the due respect you can to these they are the horsemen and the Chariots of the Gospel-Israel the best visible assistance that Earth can afford for management of our spiritual war against the powers of Hell By the
Hell Gates and yet are delivered Let me put you in remembrance of these two or three duties 1. Oh see that you ingage your hearts unto the Lord I will love the Lord with my whole heart I will love him dearly Ps 103.1 c. Bless the Lord oh my soul and all that is within me bless his holy name Bless the Lord oh my soul and forget not all his benefits who forgiveth all thine iniquities who healeth all thy diseases who redeemeth thy life from destruction who crowneth thee with loving kindness and tender mercies Oh pray that your love to him who hath delivered your souls from the snares of cruel death and pulled your feet out of the miry Clay where there was no bottom may encrease and abound more and more Josh 24.14 Sincere affections and dissobedience are the only returns that God looks for Deny not these in the highest degree 2. Give up your lives for the Lord. Be content he shall dispose of them in the way he knoweth best for his glory If he shall call you forth to suffer death for a testimony of your love to him and the Gospel of his Son think it not too much for him Well mayst thou undergo ten thousand natural deaths were it possible for Jesus Christs redemption from the hands of thy spiritual enemies is cause enough for thee to serve him without fear of what man can do unto thee Look upon thy past deliverance as things never no never to be forgotten nor sufficiently to be required by thee 3. Take care now thou hast found him whom thy soul loveth oh take care for his undisturbed residence You know what it is to want the comforting presence of Jesus Christ let those who know not the terrors of the Lord and the fearful consequents of his forsakings venture the displeasure of him by their slighting of his precepts and slothfulness in his paths but let not us do so we that know what it is to be thrown into the depths of horror and how hard as well as sweet is our recovery thence oh let not us dare to sleep upon the top of the mast but rather keeping fast hold upon our beloved by the hand of Faith beg of him that he would not depart out of our hearts lay a strict charge over all the cares and comforts and companies and conditions of this life Canticles 2.7 by the Roes and by the Hindes that they stir not up nor awake our Love until he please 4. If the Lord Jesus Christ shall please for his own glory to walk a while out of your hearts again if he shall at any time withdraw the comforts of the Holy Ghost loose not in Satan again by unbelief distress not your selves overmuch by giving way to the least mistrust as if he would never return Ps 77. and more remember his loving kindness and his works and wonders of old think he never goes away but when it is expedient for us Joh. 16.7 and having already sealed us by the holy spirit of promise given us eye-salve enlightning our understandings in the knowledge of his love whereby we are perswaded our names are written in the book of Life Râ—m 11.29 The gifts and calling of God are without repentance 2 Cor. 1.10 He that hath delivered may well be trusted that he will do so again John 10 29. No Man or Devil can take us out of the hands of God John 13.1 Whom be loveth he loveth to the end Phil. 1.6 He that hath begun a good work will carry it on to the day of Christ 5. You have been delivered from the violence of temptations but remember that yet we carry about us such sinful natures the Fruits of our first Parents transgression that would again put up his head against God and his most righteous Laws yea and take part with Satan against him and our selves too there is yet an unregenerate part the remnant of the old Adam remaining in the best and holiest of mâ—n after all the forty years temptations of Israel in an howling wilderness and when they are brought into the Land of rest Judg. 3. yet there the Amorite will be found nothing but dissolution will fetch the leprosie of natural corruption out of our earthly tabernacles Lev. 14.45 and especially will this cursed corruption annoy us with offers to do the same things that Satan before he was dispossessed would have done my experience tells me some of the old filth still sticks behind The wise God will have it so that the vileness and greatness of our old sins might not be forgotten that we may be poised down with humility and put a longing after natures dissolution till which time sin now twisted with our nature will not be removed this remnant of the old man with its stirrings cannot choose but be an heavy burden to the new Rom. 7.24 't is such a body that it made the very soul of a Paul groan and cry out for a deliverance Ex. 17.16 This â—malck God hath sworn it that he will have war with it for evnr As good Souldiers of Christ our Captain let us be perswaded to hold on our war against this party of corruption yet abiding in our natures and in so doing we have the comfort of these ensuing considerations 1. That this remainder of cursed nature though it be not utterly destroyed yet shall it not have dominion over us so as to bring forth Fruits unto death or to be charged upon our persons to condemnation Rom. 8 2. For by Christ our Lord we are dischargea and set at freedom from the Law of sin and death being under the Covenant of grace we have received the spirit of life and power even that blessed spirit that raised our Lord Jesus Christ from the dead which hath quickned us and put life and power into us in a good measure enabling us to crucifie the flesh with its affections and lusts Gal. 5.24 so that its dominion is taken away though its life be continued for a season 2. And it is but for a season that its life is continued in us the war will not hold always there is a time coming when we shall be delivered from this bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the sons of God Rom. 8.19 c. 23. and not onely we but those very Creatures the Heaven and the Earth shall be set free from that bondage of corruption which lyeth upon them by reason of the sin of man in that day we shall be made like unto the Son of God in our measure The transfiguration upon the Mount seemeth to be a resemblance of that glory wherein Jesus Christ shall appear as he was the Son of David when he shall come to take the Kingdom unto himself then shall the poor benighted Sons of the day welcome in that joyful morning with a new Song and Psalms of tryumphant victory in their hands Rev. 15.3 then shall all the enemies of our Souls be totally subdued and even
this Amalek of inbred corruption against which we have been fighting with the sword of the Spirit many a weary day Numb 24.20 I say then this Amalek the first of the nations that warred against Israel our souls his end shall be that he be destroyed for ever 3. Such a sence of sin remaining in us as hinders our rejoycing in expectation of the future glory or joyful thanksgiving for our present deliverances is not our duty but our sin God will not be robbed of his glory under a pretence of mourning for his dishonour as soon as God the Father hath delivered us from the power of darkness and translated us into the Kingdom of his dear Son Col. 1.12 13. 'T is then our duty to give thanks to him who hath made us meet to be partakers of the inheritance among the Saints in light He that readeth the book of the Acts and considereth how the holy Ghost takes notice of the affection of joy in the converts of those times Act. 2.46 Act. 8.8.39 Act. 9.31 Act. 16.34 may readily conclude that it is as natural for babes in Christ as soon as they are born to rejoyce as it is for others to cry The life of a real Christian should be a continual holy-day And therefore let us keep the feast according to that of our Apostle 1 Cor. 5.8 And follow the advice of that holy man Mr. Downam to that purpose in his Christian warfare who himself was not only troubled with this old man but also with blasphemous suggestions as he himself told me many years past when I went to seek comfort in my condition Let us submit lye down acquiese and be satisfied in the wisdom and goodness of God whose providence is every where and over ruleth all things in Heaven and earth for his own glory and his peoples good And rejoycing in our hopes of glory and interest in all the blessed promises of the word of God so go on in our Christian warfare with good courage not feating men or Devils as to perform out duties towards God and reach out after the end of our faith the salvation of our souls Christ in his word hath given us good assurance of our obtaining this In fidelity is the Devils greatest engine to destroy our rejoycing of hope Would the Lord but go on with his Conquest over unbelief and raise our faith into a more sollid substance of things hoped for Heb. 11.1 And a clearer evidence of things not seen Would he but teach us how to live by faith how rich a living would it afford us how sweetly might we in the contemplation of the truth and worth of that promised glory triumph over all adversities That state wherein poor man shall behold the face of the blessed God in such a fullness that the glorious Angels Heb. 2.16 are not capable of the like man who hath a nearer relation to Jesus Christ hath also a nearer standing to the very throne then the blessed Angels themselves Rev. 4.4 c. is so transporting so ravishing in the foresight thereof that we may well take up that triumphant song Oh Death where is thy stâ—ng oh Grave where is thy victory 1 Cor. 15.55 Behold what manner of love the Father hath loved us withall that we should be called the Sons of God Now are we the Sons of God And it doth not yet appear what we shall be but we know that when he shall appear we shall be like him for we shall see him as he is Oh! the length the heighth the breadth and depth the fulness of that love of Christ that passeth knowledge Now I come to the third sort of Professors â—nd they are such as have never been greatly â—roubled who though they have been scared â—nd lightly touched by the Arrows of the Almighty yet cannot say they have stuck fast â—ithin them and that the Poison thereof â—ath at any time drunk up their spirits To â—hese my request is that they would suffer a â—ord of warning from one who hath more â—â—eply drunk of the Cup of trembling That â—â—up which his Lord and master drank to the â—ottom that so in a little he might be conâ—â—rmable to his head and having obtained â—ercy might be found faithful The main of all I have to say to such is â—â—at my hearty prayer to God for them is â—â—at they all may be strengthened with all might according to his glorious power unto all patience and long suffering with joyfulness Col. 1.11 That they may walk worthy of the Lord in all well pleasing Remembring 1. The gentler dealings of the Lord with them then with others calls for hearty acknowledgement of thanksgiving Judg. 8.16 He might have taught you with the bryars and thorns of the Wilderness whereas he hath led you with the gentle cords of a man Hos 11.4 Spared you as a man spareth his Son that serveth him Mal. 3 17. He hath made you free without serving a long and hard Apprenticeship under the yoke of bondage He hath gone an easier way with yoâ— then the way of the Philistins Exod. 13.17 you have not seen warr as others have done Let the miseries of me and others provokâ— you to thankfulness and fruitfulness in everâ— good work 2. Remember your condition is not yet 〈◊〉 safe your danger is not so farr over but thâ—â— you have need of caution your great caâ—â— should be that your latter end might be peaâ—â— Prize the peace of your Conscience aâ—â— while you are in with God oh keep in wiâ—â— him still if you let sin in you drive God 〈◊〉 of your souls And when he is gone all yoâ—â— peace is gone all your comfort of hope is gone too A privation of the light of his countenance will beget a dismal night of horror sin will tumble you down from your Heaven of Communion with God and then the valley of the shadow of death will be your walk and Hellish fiends shall frighten you there with continual alarums of your falling lower into the depths of Hell And how long it may be thus with you who can tell oh how will you be able to bear such changes as these are learn of me and others in like case and be wise think not that your present favour of men or gain of Silver and Gold or flattering pleasures of vanity will make you satisfaction for the harms done by sin Or that the remembrance of these will ransome you from or purchase you the least gentler usuage under the hand of terror Your profession is no priviledged condition Sin can find out the sinner even when he hath taken Sanctuary in Sion Is 33.14 Nothing but righteousness can deliver from death Prov. 10 2. Be found any where or doing any thing else and be sure your sin will find you out Num. 32.23 Those things that appear to thee to be plainly sinful or of the lawfulness whereof thou makest a doubt peremtorily refuse the one and patiently forbear till thou art well
it had before The Flowers and Herbs and Spices did as liberally send abroad their sweet Odours as they did before The sight wanted nothing of that compleatest beauty which clad the whole Creation It had the same ravishing Object discerning Organ and diffusing Medium the eye saw the Sun shone the creatures shewed themselves as much as they did before And yet poor Adam could not take that delight in any thing as he took before oh monstrouâ— Oh astonishing change what will not a guilty Conscience do when sin entred into the world what a death came upon all the comforts that were in the world and now what footsteps of melancholly canst thou find here it is probable that he who came but newly warm out of his makers hands so exactly tempered as might have made him live a life of immortallity should thus be astonished and câ—ushed into amazing dread upon the juddain and all by the abounding of a melancholick humour away with this conceit Rather think what sad work sin will one day or other make upon the soul that maketh not a speedy return and an holy timely resistance against it 3. But still thou art of opinion that 't is melancholly that doth all this mischief amongst the Sons of Adam however it fared with their Father well be it so but tell me then dost thou think that it is not possible for theâ— to fall into the like condition is not the God with whom thou hast to do the God of nature as well as the God of grace and therefore able to prohibite the comfortable influence of and suffer discords and disorders to arise in both he is able to transform thee into a breathing Statue to make this jollity and roaring mirth to hide its head and hold its peace while sorrow and sadness tribulation and anguish gnaw upon thine heart he is able to cut off the spirit of Princes Ps 76.12 Kings cannot stand before him they that have the greatest advantages and priviledges above all other men to solace themselves in the abundance of Earthly delights do little think how easily God can bring them down without hands he can smite thy heart with melancholly as well as others 't is but for him to cross thee in the thing thou settest thine heart upon and where art thou then no further proof of this is needed then that of Saul A man considering to what by whom over whom he was raised that might have as well expected a peaceable continuance in his great and unsought-for Royalty as any other Monarch And yet you find it otherwise God for his neglect of waiting patiently and believingly takes away his Kingdom puts him under the rule of an evil spirit 1 Sam. 16.14 The spirit of the Lord departed from him and the evil spirit from the Lord terrified troubled him Thus you see 't is not easie to dally with sin God can make the sinner quickly weary of his life by withdrawing the comfort and quiet of it and filling it with so much terror and horror that there shall not be the least room left for pleasures I told you of Nebuchadnezzar of Cain Bellshazzer and Judas and now of Saul and you your selves may possibly remember what doleful examples have been in your own knowledge how those who spent their days in pleasure putting Heaven to defiance by their ungodly conversations have some of them at least been glad to be beholden to the Knife to the Halter to the Water to the Sword to the Bullet c. to help their tormented soules out of their weary bodies So exquisite is that torture arising from an awakened Conscience that it puts the patient upon a miserable choice of ending his present agonies with the adventure of an infinitely more worse rather then abide the woe that is therein Poor man such a thing as this can the hand of the Lord once lifted up against thee bring upon thee Thou thinkest thou hast little cause to fear falling into the depths of terrors because resolved to avoid melancholly by a merry life Thou conceivest that to be the only cause of any ones distress and therefore not so much to be feared But were this true alasâ— thou hast the greater cause to sear Thine enemy is within thy own bowels As Physick doth not always preserve him who with the greatest care and constancy observeth its rules but oftentimes apparently brings to an untimely end so carnal joyes do by inward peace preserve it they may a while but many times destroy it by provoking the just God to arise in his wrath But however this is most certain corporal medicines cannot immortalize any mans person nor can carnal mirth any mans peace assuredly God will break that peace that is not purchased by the bloud of Christs Cross One time or other call it melancholly or what you will that fit of fears shall so closely follow the now presumptuous soul that no carnal no corporal cordial nothing but a touch of that hand that cast down will be able to rid away Such an evil that no King can cure but he whose prerogative it is to kill and make alive out of whose hand none can deliver Deut. 32.29 6. Remember judgement is already gone out against thee the sentence wants nothing but execution The righteous Law of God which he is resolved to magnifie and make it glorious hath already declared what shall be the end of impenitency Bless not thy self with vain thoughts that God will spare any one for his greatness or for his goodness or his meanness or for any thing but his own Sons righteousness and such also must not go free without their share of a wounded Conscience 4. especial hours of temptation At the begining of Spiritual life or the end of natural or upon some hainous fin committed or heavy afliction let out God usually at one of these times more or less will have every one to know by sad experience that he himself is a righteous sin-hating God that the Devil is a malicious soul-hunting enemy that they themselves are in a miserable and forlorn condition without a multitude of tender mercy no way to be had but by a Christ The Law spares none and the Law-maker is a God of truth that will keep up the authority and honour of his own sayings to a little Oh! take the book of the Law in your hands then and let the truth of that strike such a terror into thee that may make thee to betake thy self to the love and life of Christ with strong cryes to save thee from the terror of that wrath that is to come If you will not hearken unto me and will not do all these Commandments And if you shall despise my statutes or if your soul abhor my judgements so that you will not do all my Commandments but that ye break my Covenant I also will do this unto you I will even appoint over you terror Levit. 26.14 15 16. If there be among you a
that tended that way And by reason of the indwelling of sin the remainder of the curse for our first transgression which the best of Gods servants do carry about them taking advantage thereof being like unto Tinder that is ready to take fire as soon as is toucht doth cast his fiery darts into our souls part within us our hearts are ready to opose every truth of God and so we have a daily warfare and great strivings to keep our hearts from consenting to his wicked injections and much ado to bring them into a subjection unto the truths of God and like unto the Bird that hath a dogg tyed unto his legg whereby he is hindred from flying up into the Air and so by his impressions left upon our souls which is so weighty a burden that unders us from soaring up to Jesus Christ by 〈◊〉 and so vigilant is that cursed enemy to the glory of God and mans salvation that he goeth about day and night seeking whom he may davour and taking advantage of our weakness in our sleeps annoying us often with sinful dreams then laying his delusions upon us who still pursuing me according to his former methods lately in the night acted upon me in my sleep as though I had been in the number of them who were dragged from the Tribunal seat to Hell having received the sentance of condemnation with the damned and all this to the end and purpose it possible he could to have blasted that glorious mercy I received from the Lord by the witness of his blessed spirit that God did rather take the advantage of the greatness of my sins for the magnifying of his mercy rather then his justice in my condemnation and that I was of Abrakams family as I have declared in my Narrative in the day when the Lord gave me deliverance out of his hand But so impudent is this fiend of Hell called by the word of truth a lyar from the begining and so the Father of lyes using his old trade towards me with the subtlety of the old Serpent and all this to daunt my faith and to have blasted the mercy which I received from my gratious God who hath laid it upon my soul by such a witness that I believe and know all the Devils in Hell shall not be able to overthrow it And that I may magnifie and set forth the goodness of God I will take up the words of the Prophâ—t Isaiah O Lord my God I will exalt thoe and praise thy name for ever for thou hast done wonderful things according to thy councel of old thou hast been a strength to the needy in his troubles a refuge against the tempest so that the blast of the mighty was as a storâ—â— against the wall the Lord will destroy death and wipe away tears from the faces of his and take of their rebakes the Lord hath spoken it and â—ill make it good and in that day will men say â—â—lo this is our God we have waited for him yea in the way of his judgements he will save us and we will be glad in his salvation He shall bring down the pride of Moab and lay their defensed walls as low as the dust in that day shall this song be sunged in the Land of Judah we have a strong City salvation shall God sâ—t for walls and bulworks Open ye the gates that the righteous Nation may enter therein for by an asured purpose wilt thou preferve in parfect peace for ever because they trusted in thee Trust in the Lord for ever for in the Lord Jehovah is everlasting strength Thou wilt make equal the righteous way of the just the desire of our souls is to the remembrance of thy name for when thy judgements are upon the Earth the Inhabitants of the Earth shall learn righteousness even they that fear thy name but the wicked will not do so nor behold the Majesty of the Lord O Lord they will not now behold thy hand but they shall see it and be confounded with the zeal of thy people but unto us thou wilt ordain peace for thou kast wright all our works for us thy dead men shall live and with my body shall they arise even with my body and shall behold the King in his beauty Awake and sing ye that dwell in the dust thy dew is as the dow of kerbs and the Earth will cast out his dead and in that day of this power shall the coming in be like the drops of dow that arise from the Womb of the worning Thou hast drunk of the brook in the way therefore shall thy head be lifted in that day for the Lord â—â—mâ—â—h out of his place to visit the iniquity of the Inhabitants of the Earth and the Earth shall disclose his blood And to receive the Kingdoms for his inheritance and the utmost parts of the Earth for his possession beirg Heir thereunto by donatian of the Father and â—hâ—n shall that good word of the Lord be â—â—de good that at the â—â—me of Jesus every knee shall bow both in Heaven and Earth and every tongue shall confess that Jesus Christ is both Lord and King to the praise and glory of the Lord for the Father hath said when he brirgeth his first begotten again into the world 〈◊〉 all the Angels and every Creature worship him And the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see together O Sion that bringest good tidings get thee up into the Mountains O Jerusalem that bringest good ridings lift up thy voice with strength be not affraid say to the Cities of Judah behold your God behold he comith with power and his arme shall rule behold his Reward is with him and his work before him and he shall feed his flock like a Shepherd and gather his lambs in his armes and carry in his bosome and guide them with them which are with young It is he that hath measured the waters in his fists covered the Heavens with a span comprehended the dust of the Earth in a measure weigheth the Mountains in Scales and the Hills in Ballances Who hath instructed the spirit of the Lord of whom took he Counsel Who instructed him and taught uim in the way of his judgements Behold the Nation are as a drop of water or counted as the dust oâ— the Ballance He taketh up the Isles as a little thing Lebanon not sufficient for a fire nor the beasts thereof for a burnt Offering to whom the will you liken God he sitteth upon the Circle of he Earth and the inhabitants are as Grasshoppets he spreadth out the Heavens like a Curtain he bringeth the Princes to nothing and maketh the Judges of the Earth as vanity to whom then will ye liken me saith the holy one lift up your eyes and behold who hath Created all these things he bringeth out his Armies by number and calleth them all by their names by the greatness of his strength nothing faileth O ye suffering Saints