terrors and perplexities and sore plunges I could make a large rehearsall I could tell you much of the sad apprehensions I had of my eternall condition which I have but as it were given you a little hint of my condition in the time of my bonds but my desire now is rather to tell you of my freedom unto which I hasten though I know that these mourning experiences may be of great use to the sorrowfull and troubled spirit that lyeth languishing for want of the light of assurance which God doth see good for a time to conceal from his beloveds that he hath loved with an eternall love which in time be draweth with loving kindness Therfore let not any poor soul despair there is free grace enough an ocean to swallow up not my sins onely but many more a fountain open for all manner of sins be they never so great poor souls you cannot out-sin mercy your sins are finite but grace is infinite do not think that any sin can shut thee out of divine love if it could it would have shut me out for certain I am that no heart could be more desperatly wicked then mine no ones sins could be of a more scarlet dye then mine strong unbelief continually departing from the living God as full of heart hypocrisie as I could hold Oh let sinners admire free grace with me that hath freed me from as stony as seared benummed sensless a condition as any could or can be in hearing or reading or Saints speaking to me was as to one deaf I still concluded my condition to be like theirs the Scripture speaks of that were given up by the Lord to blindness of mind and hardness of heart I thought confidently God had given me to know that I should perish for ever but Gods thoughts at length appeared higher then mine as the Heavens are higher then the Earth and when my Spirit had thus been upon the rack for a season and tossed up and down with the waves of a continual accusing troubled conscience And none spake any word that did in the least measure revive me till that voice sounded that I could not contradict but I did withstand it and repulse it as long as I could and when it spake as a stil small voice I rejected it a week before I felt heard and saw that glorious light and power sounded into my spirit which caused an eccho or answer from my spirit in believing the testimony of the Spirit but that small voice made such a report in my soul which made me to listen it was such a speaking that I had not heard before therefore it was very strange to me the word I had was this Christ is thine and thou art his and no word was spoken to my spirit for six or seven days but this it followed me where ever I went sometimes as I have been going along the streets I have looked behind me thinking I had heard some locall voice a voice without me but sure it was because I was unacquainted with the voice of the Spirit speaking in or to the soul I oft-times turned back when I have been going along the streets to see who it was that spake taking that for visible which was invisible I did not know that I had read such a word in the Scripture that the Spirit spake to me but before my heart was brought over to believing the same power that raised Christ from the grave appeared in destroying that strong unbelief that made me depart from the living God and as in the fulness of time Almighty power brought Christ into the world and into the grave it raised Christ also out of the grave this same power was a hand by Divine appointment leading me through varieties of inward bitter desolations untill it brought me not onely to the gates but into a heaven of sweet consolation Now I shall by the assistance of the Spirit tell the time when my heart was brought to believe the pardon of my sins past present and to come by an act of grave through the blood of the Lord Jesus which I clearly saw by the light of the Spirit bearing witness to my Spirit that Christ was mine and I was his The time the year 1642. the day the first of the first moneth called January it being the first day of the week commonly called the Sabbath day which was indeed a Lords day to my soul While Mr. John Simpson was preaching from that Scripture in the 8 of the Romans the words are these Now if any man have not the spirit of Christ be is none of his Many Sermons he preached from this Scripture and he had shewed that the Spirit might be in that soul that was very dark and much confused in its apprehensions of Christ as he proved from John 14.5 6 7. Thomas faith unto Christ Lord we know not whâ—ther thou goest and how should we know the way Christ in the 4. verse told them they knew whither he went and the way they knew and he tells them that they had known the Father and seen him and yet they said they knew not so that the Disciples of Christ had sometimes a confused knowledge of the Father and yet they had both seen and known so that from thence was proved that many poor souls might have the Spirit as was instanced in many particulars that the Spirit might be in the soul though it could not make it out through that exceeding hurry the soul lay in being still in a confusion its darkness being not dispelled by the glorious manifestation of the light of the spirit sealing it up to the day of Redemption My Spirit was under much trembling for fear it should still be said that I had none of the Spirit which often was a terrible sound within me which I still dreaded and my spirit cryed out to the Lord when this Sermon before mentioned upon that 8. of the Romans was almost ended I said Lord I have the Spirit in this confused manner as I found a witness within me that I had the Spirit in those particulars that were declared but my spirit strongly run out to the Lord for a clear manifestation of his love in Christ and suddenly my soul was filled with joy unspeakable and full of glory in believing the spirit witnessing in that word Christ is thy wel-beloved and thou art his my soul was now full of joy as it could hold now I saw all my sins laid upon Jesus Christ and when he was sacrificed all my sins were sacrificed with him oh what triumphing and songs of Hallelujah were in my spirit I knew not where I was nor how to get out of the place where I sat I apprehended nothing but a clothing of glory over my whole man I never beheld Saints as I did then I saw their faces like the face of Angels Oh what Angelicall creatures did they appear before me full of shining brightness oh what a heart inflamed now was mine filled
they loved Saints as Saints and oh that Saints were in such a frame as to eye Saintship more and to love one another because of that heavenly relation they are in having one Father and one Saviour I onely briefly mention some things concerning the time of my spirits first step into dissertion and I cannot but warn Christs babes nay though they be young men that is such as are grown from their time of infancy to riper years yet those that are more strong in the faith that have got higher then an Infant in spirituality even these may be cautioned to take heed that they look not more upon externals then upon internals Saints fetch all your comforts from your Saviours bosom still eye that which is from everlasting to everlasting it s a very secure centering in Jesus we are still in hazzard of losing our spirits when they take a rambling from Mountains to Hills sometimes they fall into a deep valley ere they are aware and when they are down many again find it a long time ere they can get up HItherto you have had an account of the Proceedings of God with her from the beginning of his Works in her in various dispensations of Free-Grace through Light and Darkness Liberty and Bondage wherein the deep and more discerning Generation of Christians may discover the beginnings and growing up of the child Jesus in her unto greater measures of Wisdom and Power then are common to most Saints and withall some hints from God of the pleasure of his will to magnifie the Wonders and Powers of his Spirit by her in some notable and transcending way where God begins to break down the Walls of flesh in a Creature in such a rending way upon those ruines he raiseth up a foundation of Heaven and of Glory to be admired In the deeps do men behold the wonders of the Lord and be lays the foundation of his Chambers in the depths Here followeth a Relation how the Glory of God appeared in her in a time of sore sickness when to all appearance she was nigh unto death shewing the precious and Powerfull faith that wrought in her and the mighty witness of God to the truth of her faith in a Glorious Effect of his Power demonstrated upon her in a visible way whereby god would seem as by a visible Sign to manifest that the Invisible God dwells in her and would put to silence the Ignorance Pride and Rage of flesh against the Presence and Power of God in her And whereby she seems to be set forth of God as an Example to all them that believe of a Faith and Power with God that is to be attained beyond what most have yet received the enjoyment of The Mysterie of Faith with Power in the heights and depths of it being yet very little understood and less enjoyed by the Lords dearest Children For whose sake this is come forth at length after some years Concealment and the rather in such a day as this wherein the Saints are called to put on again the Faith once delivered whereby they overcame all things both within and without and all things became subject unto them The account hereof follows as it was delivered to us in her own Words and Writings IT being the desire of all the Saints and of all that wish well to Sion to hear of the experiences each of other that they have in the pourings out of the Spirit which God hath said he will pour out in the latter days upon all flesh his Sons and his Daughters shall Prophesie many promises we have in the like nature And faith Christ those that believe as the Scripture hath said out of their belly shall flow Rivers of living Waters this spake he of the Spirit which should be given after his Ascention to the Father therefore the Saints are to expect it and the more the Spirit appears the greater will be the rage of Antichrist but the greater their Tribulations are the nearer will be their time of deliverance and Christ encourages Saints to list up their heads for their Redemption draweth nigh And Christ tells believers it is not only given them to believe but to suffer and the Apostle bids us not think it strange concerning fiery Tryals for such things we must meet withall before we enter into Glory even that glory promised the Saints in this life Now Saints the dropings and glimmerings of the Spirit begin to appear the day begins to dawn the day-star shall appear in its brightness so that it shall be said to the Saints arise and shine for your light is come and the glory of the Lord is risen upon you then shall the Saints be of one mind and one heart and shall not need to teach one another Saying know the Lord for they shall all be taught of God from the least to the greatest and then shall light break forth as at noon day Surely then believers shall be more frequent in calling to each other to tell what God hath done for their souls as I the most unworthy servant of the Lord Jesus am engaged to declare what God hath lately done for me putting forth his Power both for the removing of the distemper from soul and body which now I shall relate to the praise and glory of Free-Grace And I doubt not but that it will be to the joy of all the Saints for unto them I call to magnifie the Lord with me and that we may exalt his name together for it should be the delight of Saints to set up God and not self because what they are or have is all by Grace so that the Psalmist saith Not unto us but unto thy name be the praise this O friends this makes me to abhor my self in dust and ashes because I have seen the Lord more then in an ordinary manner So that I cannot but speak the things which I have seen and heard from the holy Spirit and this may be sufficient to draw out your attentions and serious considerations to that experience I am about to speak through the strength of the Spirit which bears witness to what I speak to be truth which Spirit shall lead into all truth Saints let me tell you or the Spirit making use of me to tell you that though a Cloud and Darkness may for a time cover your Spirits after you are Called and Justified and Sanctified by the holy Spirit in believing for the Tryal of your faith which is much more precious then Gold or Silver for certainly when God seems to be at a distance from the soul in respect of Communion so that God seems to be afar off and yet the soul made one Spirit with the Lord Jesus And this was my condition that though I could own God as my Father and had the Spirit of Adoption whereby I could cry Abba Father and faith given to believe the pardon of all my sins past present and to come even then my Spirits were ready to crack in
I will raise thee up and thou shalt live in my sight and with a full perswasion that I should recover but I said Lord this Scripture holds out my resurrection or the restoring of the Jews I was answered it was to manifest my recovery but this departed from me and the glory of God shined exceeding bright and through the sweet odour of the savour of the spirit which Scripture compares to ointment which mightily drew out my love to my Saviour and to the Saints debasing and loathing my self and my love was drawn out to the greatest persecutors of our times I could have lain under their feet to have done them good and many Scriptures were presented and a three-fold interpretation given on them Scriptures never appeared so sweet to me as they did then and as many as the spirit brings to my remembrance I shall relate Further on the Lords day after so indeed it was to me a Lords day in the fore-noon as I lay in the strength of the fever burning very much within but without like a clod and my stomack being shut up not able to take the creatures nor to hear them spoken of my stomack was so weak that all that fortnight I lay and took nothing but small beer a little juice of cherries or conserve of currants I took a little sometimes for cooling of me I did so burn in my throat and stomack I remained thus like a dead carcase in respect of bodily strength but filled with the spirit and as I lay on the said Lords day this Scripture came in with a very great strength in the middest of Divine contemplation it was spoken this second time after two daies I will revive thee then I was drawn forth to ask of God his mind to his hand-maid from that Scripture and my request was thus answered one day with me saith the Lord is as a thousand and a thousand as one day but then I said Lord reveal the meaning of two daies and it was presently given in the two daâ—es are two weeks after two weeks I will recover thee a perswasion came in with great confidence in believing that at that season God unloosed the bands of my spirit he would unloose the weakness of my body though contrary to reason it was even that night two weeks that my soul was set at liberty that my body should be healed and God spake thus to me did I not tell thee I would work a wonder in Israel and did I not say unto thee if thou wouldst believe thou shalt see the glory of thy God these Scripture languages were spoken to me in the spirit encouraging me to believe though the body should grow weaker as it did afterward and after the second appearing of God I desired rather to be out of the body then in it and when I breathed forth to God how I should live in the body it was answered me to the glory of thy God is not my grace sufficient for thee and art thou afraid to live in the body for fear of the strength of corruptions Sin shall not have dominion over thee for thou art not under the Law but under Grace and through the strength of thy Saviour thou shalt be able to conquer all thy enemies and get the victory over the greatest Giant-corruption and temptation therefore be not faithless but believing it is for my glory thy recovery then I said Lord do with me what thou wilt if thou beest glorified in it whatsoever thy servant suffers it matters not when the Lord told me of that glory he would have in my recovery my spirit was satisfied in urging it to God any more to take me out of the body Now I looked for a further unfolding of God in this thing now I knew it should be further sealed to me but I knew not the time when God would seal it to me so that when my friends desired me to settle things concerning outward affairs nothing but death being expected and feared by them and to my own sence and feeling and yet believed otherwise and I desired my friends to wait a while for I told them I believed a recovery and â— told them upon what grounds but I bid them be silent for if God had a purpose to take me hence he would reveal it to me but I told them surely I should be raised here by a mighty power for I knew it must be a great power to raise up one so dead in the body that could not rise out of my bed all that fortnight but as five lifted me out one night and I was so extream earthy even as lead that they had much ado to lift me into bed again and I slept not but talked night and day the pourings forth of the spirit was such when I did slumber and that was but little but then I felt my pain and weakness very much now the greatest extremity did not affright me though sometimes my bones hath been shaken in my flesh my joints unloosed and sometimes great pains as if my bones had been pulled asunder such torture hath seized upon me and sick fits that the parties which watched by me hath bowed me double to keep breath in me when I have been cold and my breath cold within me and to sence a breathing out my last breath so that my friend that watched with me desired to call other friends but I intreated her to wait much ado I had to speak yet at that instant God told me my breath should be given me and the vitals of my spirits restored that were sinking the Lord gave me faith to believe and I found at that time the power of the most high And the next day about the same hour I had an extream fit of shaking to the amazement of those that stood by and I desired a friend to raise me up in the bed and as she held me she askt me why I shook so I told her the earthly Tabernacle must be shaken and God would lay it lower before he restored it that so his power may be made manifest which he spake of at the beginning of my weakness and this extremity came on me after the second perswasion given me by my God from that Scripture spoken of which came to me on the first day of the week On the third day of the week the Lord sent me Mr. Greenhil Minister of Gods word who assoon as I beheld I could not but say behold the man of God such joy was in my spirits which I could not but utter forth when I saw the Saints I was mightily filled with rejoycing and after I had declared those Revelations given into my spirit to this Minister of God and other Saints that were then by and the Spirit came with such a mighty gale upon me that though I desired to be slow to speak and swift to hear yet then I could not when they desired me to tel them of the distemper of my body when I
clouds At another season when I have shut my eyes immediatly they have been unclosed and my Saviour presenting his speech to me that he said to his Disciples when he was to depart from them and that was this Verily verily I say unto you I will drink no more of the fruit of this Vine till I drink it new in my Fathers Kingdom This came in in such a mysterie that I was not able to understand it but it was discovered a little thus That the spirit was held out in an embleme of wine when as Christ was upon the earth but it shall after his Ascention break forth in a new and far more glorious manner like new wine more sweet and perspicuous so that it was made forth to me to be meant the pourings forth of the Spirit Now I shall tell you Saints of more illustrations and interpretations given in from the sight of hearbs and flowers as that of the sweet Bryar why sweet and yet thorny we see the most sweetest enjoyment that this world can present to the creature hath a thorn accompanying it and likewise Christ is a very sweet fragrant smell to his friends but to his enemies a thorn and concerning flowers this was given in the variety of smells proceeding from them and the variety of colours in which was held forth the variety of beauties and sweetness flowing from my Saviour one thing I minded in the marigold it being brought before my eyes I saw pleasures and honours and the greatest preferments here guilded outsides but black in the middle so I saw the Lord Jesus glory to the Saints but black to the wicked even as the marygold appears like gold in the middle black and so likewise concerning spice A few nutmegs being presented from a friend to me thus much was hinted forth mercy and love coming from the friend of friends not single but double mercies and this was presented also from the hardness of it being stony so Christ is the corner stone and as the nutmeg is barky without and gives but little smell till it be grated and then the smell is very fragrant and the oylness of it appears so Christ when he is grated upon the spirits that is when he is made known unto the soul by the spirit Oh what sweet fragrant smell comes into every faculty of the soul And the spirit that holy oyl or unction drops down upon the whole man even as there is a discovery of the oyl in the nutmeg when it is grated Truly Saints did you but feel in the reading of this that sweet odour that I found in my spirits you could not but praise with me And when I saw the fruits of the earth many instructions were given in as in the sight of Cherries I saw the blood of my Saviour and such fruits which was firm in the outside yet hollow and a stone in the middle of them so all things here below are hollow though they appear firm Isa 40. Last the erring spirit shall come to understand and the murmuring spirit shall learn doctrine The Lord made this Scripture very sweet to me and I was incouraged to comfort drooping Saints to cast their souls upon Jesus Christ who calls to the weary and heavy laden to come to him that is to believe in him whom the father hath sent And I also was filled with such a spirit of boldness as it is written the righteous are as bold as a Lion so that whereas I am of a fearful spirit by nature yet God then carryed me forth to speak abundantly to all that came to me whether they were of high or low degree And such relentings of spirit was in me towards backsliders that I desired to weep tears of blood if it had been possible to have gained them Oh friends how did I thirst after the welâ—are of every one that they that told me they lived in the spirit I told â—hem how sweet a thing walking in the spirit wâ—s which will teach to intreat when we are reviled and to be of a lamblike spirit when enemies reproach that so we might imitate that lamb which took away sin and sure had not the spirit of God gone along with exhortations they would not have took so much effect upon many spirits I think hardly any came but they went away affected both young and old such was the love of God thus to break forth which had I the tongue of Angels I could not express I desire it may shine forth in all my actions for truly the work of God is marvellous in my eyes and that Scripture of Christ telling his Disciples that they should set upon twelve thrones Judging the twelve Tribes of Israel by that word twelve thrones was much set forth to me the great dignity of the Saints The Lord acquaint us more with the Spirit in the letter then shall we be able to understand every truth and the erring spirit shall come to understand and the murmuring spirit shall learn doctrine as God much perswaded me that that spirit of formality which hath lain so long upon the Saints should be taken off and the Lord gave me faith to believe for the Saints and me thinks I see them groaning after the pourings forth of the spirit and surely the time shall not be long ere the Lord will satisfie the groaning soul and answer the expectations of the Saints for as in God are hid treasures of wisdom and knowledge so every treasure shall be opened to the Saints in the appointed time therefore the Saints shall wait for it Many times God appeared in visions of glory to me as I lay wrapt up in the spirit I beheld a glorious star shining exceeding bright and the bright morning star the Lord Jesus was much presented into my thoughts and concerning Fzekiels vision he saw by the River Chebar it is said he saw visions of God which word being brought immediatly from God to me it was very sweet this was given into me that when Saints are in affliction in respect of their outward man though they be in great straits yet nothing can deprive them of the breakings forth of their God nay then when the creature is at a low ebb in the outward man the Lord is pleased to visit the creature with a full Sea of glory and saith to the Saints be you open ye everlasting gates that the King of glory may enter in Oh how sweet this Scripture was spoken in the spirit to me I can but hint things forth and speak partly of what I found Saints I question not but in your own experiences what hath been declared will be more cleared to you by the spirit though I am able to declare them but stammeringly yet these things came plaâ—nly into my spirits and with a mighty fulness that I could evidently say these are the appearances of an infinite God and no delusion praised be the most high my mouth was full of praises and begged of all that
of Idols and yet never bow down to a picture But oh when the Lord took away my gods how I lamented and the more spirituall my company was in their discourse the more stony hearted I was I could freely speak to those that lived under an old administration my spirit being under the same a legall discourse suited best with me when I have been among those that have been filled with joy being Proffessors of Divine love and much acquainted with free grace in the power of it which I was very ignorant of so that their company was burdensom to me yet I could not keep from them sometimes I have gone from them full of horror and my heart ready to burst and my countenance hath startled them that have come to visit me they have said I looked so gastly that they were affrighted to see me asking me what I ailed which I could hardly tell them I was so filled the with terrors of the Law I have come from hearing the word preached even distracted so that my mother would say to me if thou dost fast so day after day and run thus up and down the devill will take advantage against thee but I could not indure to be spoken to my spirit was so peevish and fâ—oward and I apprehended I was never the better for my hearing so much and praying and fasting yet I could not forbear And many that were inlightned in the doctrine of free grace took a great deal of pains with me perswading me to hear those Ministers that taught most upon the doctrine of free grace but I could not relish that doctrine it was such a cold lean poor discovery I thought I being under the flashes of hell I delighted in the thunderings of the Law and they pleased me best that preached most upon the Law and that prest legall qualifications which I strove to come up to and thought I should never have Christ without I was so qualified as I was taught unto which I could not attain for all my strugling and striving after it which made me conclude that I was not elected if I were I should be made conformable to his Image who is holy which I was not and therefore I was none of Christs flock which condition was very dreadful to me to be without Christ and I could not receive a word of satisfaction from any though some would say to me dost thou not love Christ I would say but how shall I know whether my love be true love I may think I love Christ and deceive my self I not being able to judge of may love whether it were right or no and therefore I was so puzled because I looked for that in the first place which should come in as a second evidence which caused my spirit continually to be in a hurry I delighted to hear much of Christ preached to righteteou ones but I cared not to hear Christ preached to sinners for I looked first for holiness and then for Christ But the great and glorious God at length throughly convinced me of his justifying ungodly ones and that he sent Christ not to call the Righteous but Sinners and he came to save the chiefest of sinners and now I began to hearken to free grace and I saw nothing else could revive me and I found my spirits a little stayed in listening to the free tenders of Christ and then I was put upon arguing with God intreating him to give me Christ which he had given as the onely object for poor sinners to flie unto being stung with sin he was the brazen Serpent that the father set up for to heal and take away that sting of sin and now though I could not come unto God as a righteous one I could come as a sinner and beg of God to receive me being such an object that he sent forth his love to commending it to sinners and to rebels and I desired oh that I might be one of those rebels that might have a pardon were it upon never so hard terms and truly I sound God trying me to purpose it was a very hard thing to me to be ranked amongst the vildest miscreants in the world and to behold my self as bad as the greatest adulterer or blasphemer in the world which I looked upon to be a great deal vilder then I and further from Gods accepting but this conceit free grace laid in the dust and Divine light shewed me the spawn and seed of all sin within my corrupt nature which made me to lie in the dust and to cry out Lord let free grace own me else I am undone when the Law of the Spirit came then sin revived and I died it shewed me every secret sin that I saw not before so that all my sins were set in order before me and I beheld them innumerable Oh what a deplored condition was I iâ— forlorn and without hope nothing now could comfort me but the true Comforter and nothing could speak peace to my soul but Christ I saw I was undone without the Son looked upon me and my spirit grew very restless and my thirst was very great oh how I long after the water of life I often told God I câ—uld not subsist without it a generall promise would not serve my turn though it a little quiteted me when I was in great agonies yet I could not be satisfied without a knowledge of God as my father I thought to hear of an inheritance and not to have an interest in it it did but aggravate my sorrow I must have a particular promise the Spirit also to bear witness to my spirit and sealing me up to the day of Redemption I must have an assurance upon good grounds my heart could not now cheat me with a counterfeit assurance it had so often deceived me and made me take comfort from false grounds and still carried me about but never brought me to my journeys end I entered not into my true rest till the Lord brought me to cease from my own works and to take a Christ upon his own terms Oh what a knotty piece was I for the great Jehovah to work upon untill he put forth his mighty power I could not believe though many that cryed down free grace as a doctrine of liberty to sin I found no doctrine so striking at my sins as it and though some would tell me I had found out an easie way to heaven now to go to heaven in believing but I found it a hard way yea impossible for I could not believe till the day of Gods power I found it as easie to keep the whole Law as to believe I saw it alone the work of the most high and in his own time his arm brought salvation to the heart of a poor miserable lost creature had it not been for free grace which I must continually acknowledge and ascribe praise to him who is worthy of honour for evermore I could speak much concerning the time of my sorrow of my
with the flame of Divine love there appeared now no smoak but a clear flame nothing now before me but christal appearances oh how my soul was enamoured with Christ Earth was now gone and heaven come the unclean spirit dispossessed the pure spirit now possest taking my soul from the dunghill and setting it upon the throne my naturall food I tasted not till now it was bitter to my taste but oh now every bit of bread I eat how sweet was it to my taste Christ sweetned every creature to me oh how sweet was the feasts of love that my soul was made partaker of in very creature oh what a rebound doth Divine love make in the soul I could not keep love in it would flame forth into a declaration I must now tell Saints what I had now received from the spirits testimony and that they might praise with me having mourned with me I told them I had now seen him whom my poor spirit doubted I should never have beheld I called to others to come and taste how sweet and loving Christ is to sinners now Sermons appeared living to me where Christ was preached most to sinners I delighted most in such a Ministry and still went away with melody in my heart for a whole year after I was sealed up to the day of Redemption I had exceeding raptures of joy very frequent little or no intermissions no questions or doubtings in the least measure but my seat was still for constancy a seat of joy and spirituall mirth though sometimes the golden trumpet sounded higher and sometimes lower yet it still was sounding and caused an eccho to follow it A sore combat after the Spirits testimony THe time of that glorious sealing me was after that testimony in which my spirit was set at liberty that day before mentioned being the first day of the week and year 1642. upon the third day of that week and year my occasions called me to Stepny where I lodged at my Uncles all night and my Aunt coming up into the Chamber to me she said to me Cosen the Lord hath taken your mother from you now labour to be married to Christ you have nothing to take up your time but to labour for Christ I answered I hope I am married to Christ but as soon as my Aunt was gone down stairs from me the Lord spoke to me and said I have made thee as sure of salvation as I am God in heaven why didst thou say thou hopest and didst not rather tell that thy God had assured thee that Christ was thine thou having such a clear testimony of the spirit witnessing with thy spirit in such a bright light of glory that thou couldst not but assent to it thou shouldst now have declared it Satan presently was let loose upon me as soon as the Lord had spoken these words which I am sure was from the Lord they came in such Majesty that caused all my joints to tremble and sore perplexed I was Satan buffetted and my own heart strongly set upon me perswading me that I had fallen from grace and I had denied the Spirits work in me and now I was nearer to perishing then ever very hideous thoughts I was filled with and nothing but blackness before me now I had sinned against the spirit and this was more dreadfull to me then all the time of my bondage for I thought now the unclean spirit would have torn me a pieces I was so terrified I could not go to bed till midnight but walked about the chamber hearing nothing nothing but damnation and hell set before me I thought my torment to be as great as any of the damned wherein it was a terrible hell to me for the time which time the indeared love of the Father suffered not to be long it was not above three hours my heavenly Father knew had that extremity of spirit lasted long it would have consumed my vitall spirits but as love moved my Father to speak kindly to my distressed spirit in taking away this unexpressible torment he gave me unexpressible glory and refreshing And when I gave up all that I had received for lost at the very nick of time and this night that was so dreadful to me before the morning light my spirit was full of light and a greater shining light then I saw before I now beheld And the spirit speaking that word in great power Christ is thine and thou art his and the gates of hell shall never prevail against thee all the power and policy of the devil shall not hurt thee so as to deprive thee of thy Saviour I had the representation of a seal set upon the wax the spirit as fire made my stony spirits pliable for it to leave its mark or impression and stamp was set on my spirit now I felt saw and heard that I never did before oh that Aâ—ras of glory that now was my clothing now was I made like my Saviour a crown given me not made with pearls or rich diamonds but far richer not to be valued earth cannot wear this crown it s onely the heaven of God that must injoy this prerogative it s those that are made Kings and Priests unto God that are thus honoured oh how transcendently glorious is the true sealing of the Spirit sure no tongue is able to speak it out the pen of the readiest writer cannot write this it may give some hints of this seal but for depth length and breadth who can give a full description or relation of it it is a thing impossible to be published Oh then you sealed ones come admire with me who can tell forth Sions glory Could not Paul tell what he saw in the third heavens How then shall we declare our heavens glory when we know not whether we are in the body or out Our joy is such when the spirit takes us up we know not where we are for that present though afterward it may be we are found in the Isle of Pathmos our bodies may be found amongst the Babylonians yea and our spirits too our communion taken away but not our union no doubting or questioning concerning that though there may be much dissertion and darkness as I shall tell you God willing he giving me life to accomplish my desire which is to leave the Saints a Legacy of experiences that they may read not my works but the spirits works and so admire him who is most worthy when I am gone hence and shall be no more seen And if I vary concerning some experiences in this in respect of doubting and questioning union after sealing it is my own experience I must not record anothers experience it may be some may scruple at it and therefore I thought fit to mention it After my Spirit received the seal of the Spirit I had abundance of raptures of joy some when I have gon along the street my raptures hath been such that I minded not the ground I went upon but divers times have been
I was not one by adherency though by imputation Antinomianism was not inherent in me or adhered to by me this name in plain terms is liberty to sin as the Divel nick names Saints so he nick names the doctrine of grace too and sin which is like himself he puts upon is a nick-name garment greater is he that is within Saints then he that is in the world Saints garment is Jesus Christ and nothing can rear or rent or defile this garment Saints clothing is the purest white no dirt throwed upon it can soil it oh Saints rejoyce with me shall we be found worthy to enter in at the straight gate and plucked into the house by the hand of the Angell of the new Covenant when they without shall be stricken with blindness and so not able to find he door Why must a Zoar be preserved for us and a Sodom set on fire Why must some be vessels of dishonour and some of honour some that are high-wayes and lyers about in the hedges fetched in to sup with Christ and the grave ones of the world must not so much as have a taste of Christs dainties Fâ—ee grace and nothing but free grace makes us to differ from others oh let the redeemed of the Lord say so let not Sion boast of her own righteousness which she hath done but let her look by whom she hath her dignity who strikes off all self-boasting the more free grace is apprehended the more self-righteousness is reprehended the creature can never learn the lesson of humiliation and self-denial till it hath been in the School of free grace that is the free School where the best learning is to be had the poor and fatherless here find mercy and here the Governor of this Free-school receiveth every poor Orphane he refuseth none that comes though they have not one friend to make suit for them nay such are soon entertained that trust wholly to this great Governors mercy they have the best learning here is no respect of persons but the poor begger that lyeth in the street that knows not where to have a bit of bread lath nothing but a clothing of tatters to outward view a very miserable creature such a one more respected then a rich Dives that goeth in his velvet and diadems of gold very day oh what manner of love is this that makes no difference between fools and learned ones preferring ideots before the wisdom of the world making the ignorant and erring Spirit to have the greatest understanding Surely such must needs magnifie free grace oh how low is that creature in its own eyes that lives in the spirit and fetcheth nothing from its own free will or from any work of his own but all from Christ he sticks no flower in his bosom but that which none can snatch from him his walks of delight is in no garden but where he may see his beloved walk before him the Saint that is throughly spiritual loves dearly to walk inclosed in the arms of its Saviour and to be imbraced by him and kissed with the kisses of his mouth for his love is better then wine the spirits of wine hath a great efficacy in quickning those that faint and sound away but of a stronger efficacy is divine love it makes dead souls live yea though they are as a tree twice dead and plucked up by the roots dead once and plucked up and set again and again and pruned and dunged and it becomes withered dead though sin hath killed the soul so as to make it wither no convictions no legall promises those are such promises that are made with conditions no such striving can fetch life into one dead in sin and trespasses all strugling and striving in this case is but like the pains which the gardner takes with dead plants that passeth his skill to recover but what the skill of the Gardner cannot reach Divine love can the dead withered soul though to its own view and to others view it appear irrecoverable Divine love lifts this dead soul though it hath lain in the grave of sin that in the thoughts of others it s quite putrified as they thought of Lazarus body Let not dead souls be discouraged for there is life enough for them when not appehended by them once my note was nothing but sorrowful complaining of a dead seared stony hard heart a Spirit I though nothing could have stuck upon it or have soaked into such a heart so hard as it was often my expression my heart nothing can possible enter it for it is as hard surely as the neather mil-stone I could not tell what to liken it to I thought it harder then any thing yet though it was very hard melting love wrought upon it Now I wrought from life and not for it the spirit makes every duty a pleasure whereas I sorely tugged to get up my heart in a duty when I looked upon it as a task which I must do and provide straw too it was a burden I greatly groaned under when I was put upon duties by a command and I had no frame of spirit suitable nor no words I had nothing to fulfill my task and yet I was prest to do it or else the threatning reached me and terrified but when my Mediator came he overcame all my enemies that kept me under and shewed them to me dead and drowned in that red Sea his blood which victory was a long time accomplished before I saw it but when Christ made known to me my freedom bringing me out of Egypt then I offered sacrifices without interruption now I had that brought to hand which wrought all in me and for me when duty is accompanied with priviledge there is then a delight in duties I was mightily taken with priviledge and it was meat and drink to me to be much in hearing praying and meditating and conversing and I could do little else for a year I now met with God in duties I made them not my Comforters but Christ in them and as they were priviledges given me by him so I enjoyed them giving Christ the preheminence which was due to him I having all from the father not of debt but by gift those that say they enjoy all from him they give all to him and rejoice in him as their onely Portion My Dear bosom friends with whom I have fellowship in the spirit from that ingagement of love that is upon me I am strongly moved to declare to you the sundry dealings of God with me the time of bondage and freedom from that bondage hath been declared though but in short Now after this hot Sun shine there arose a black cloud which appeared small at the first rising but it still spread bigger and bigger till it filled the heavens with blackness the heaven in which God had set up his throne in which the King of glory took delight which is the Saints this heaven was covered with clouds and this dark cloud had its
first rising out of the Sea which Sea in its self when not troubled its very clam and smooth and to swim upon it there is no danger if we keep in the ship we are safe but when winds arise this calm Sea is troubled contrary winds makes the smooth Sea full of waves and billows and it becomes very tempestuous and the creature is put to some plunges and tossed up and down though in the ship yet many are put to great straits by reason of such mighty storms which sometimes Sâ—a-men meet withall yet valiant Sea-mens hearts do not sink without a leak be sprung in the ship then their hearts ake and the stâ—uâ—est spirits then begin to dye but as long as the ship is firm the coragious Marryner doth not fear there is no danger so long as they keep the Sea under them and out of them it will never drown them but prove a sweet refresher Oh what pleasure doth the Marryners take when they get the mastery over the storm and not it over them This Sea in which my spirit first received trouble and dark dissertion began to take hold of my rejoycing spirit it was an eager pressing after the way of worship to know the right way and to enjoy it I earnestly sought for but could not find now there arose contrary winds which did blow so strong that this smooth and pleasant Sea began to be so full of waves and storms grew so fast that my joy sunk there grew a thick skin over my sight of union and truly I minded not that which was my life so much as the enjoyment of a way of worship which night and day I lay poring upon I could not take my natural rest my thoughts dwelt so continually upon the study of Ordinances and the right administrations according to that practice in the time of the Apostles the which I could not find any come up unto fain I would have been in the practice of all the Ordinances that Christ left his Disciples to be helps meet to them and I believe they are a Sea on which Saints may swim safely till they arrive at their haven of eternal glory Saints voyage continues till their mortal shall put on immortality and till then the waters are for Saints to float upon Saints you are a float keep in your Ark and you are safe take heed of the blustring winds which is too much eagerness extrams will toss your spirits they may drown your comfort and joy of union though nothing can possibly drown your union Saints you have need to stand upon your watch Tower even at the time when you are seeking after spiritual things for we have within us such a corrupt spirit which proves such a treacherous enemy it betrayes us into the hands of Satan which is that roaring Lion that goeth about seeking whom he may devour and so joyneth with our enemy within us to fight against us Therefore unto all the Saints that practice as they think all the Ordinances that Christ left to his Disciples I shall speak this word to you have a care your fall not overhead and ears into this Sea If you keep upon it it may be very sweet to you but if it once flow over your spirits you sink my meaning is this if any thing below Christ yea though it be an institution of Christ if thou exalts it higher then thou shouldst thou dishonourest Christ and indangers thy spirituall welfare truly Saints are very apt to misplace things every thing may be usefully kept in their right sphear but when that which should be beneath gets uppermost then comes in confusion and darkness for it we rejoyce more in the Administration then in the Administrator dark misty clouds will arise upon our spirits and if a second vail cover our sight it is worse for us then when the Law was a vail Obscurity after the shining of Gospel light is terriblyer to bear then that darkness before a freedom for when once the soul hath a freedom from legall bondage by the spirit that it can cry Abba father and have Communion in the sight of union with God as their father and now though union may be in sight yet it is afar off and for want to Communion the poor soul cannot take the felicity in its union as it should And truly if we have too high esteem of things we shall enthrall our selves Therefore dear friends let God be your all and not Ordinances let God be your all and not any practice though a practice prescribed by the spirit it s a dangerous thing to have our thoughts too much upon or after things we are so apt to make that our all our hearts are so ready to delude us when our eye is a little off Christ therefore let us still desire a fixed eye upon God in Christ for this is the safest Road there is no damage to that soul that continually keeps his feasts with Christ for Christ is at all the cost Oh that Saints were more in spiritual practice the Lord knoweth I would not undervalue or have a slight thought of of any Administration or of any Saint for surely I prize them but the sum of all my speaking is to give God his due and by him we shall be thought to give every thing its due and in so doing how sweet will our harmony be and though we be at a loss in respect of externaâ—â— yet that sweet internal converse will delight our spirits if that be not smothered by sin and Satan which aims to give that a greater blow then any thing else and this blow my spirits felt it was not externals that caused my dissertion for they are good in themselves I would not be thought to make them the cause or put fault in them the fault was in my self concerning Ordinances I still went on trying and examining the way which sundry Congregations walked in and I walked a moneth or there abouts with one Congregation and a time with another and so with divers people I tryed their way but I could not be satisfied in my seeking because I found not neither was I taken off from that restless frame I was in till a constant over powring word came which was this I say to thee wait it is the mind of thy God that thou shouldst wait then my spirit was quiet and I clearly understood that it was the mind of God not to discover a way of worship to me in that I could not behold the practice of any people under any form to be like the pattern in mount Sion I could not apprehend their practice to be like that of old time which the Scripture makes mention of which was a practice full of the spirit and the gifts of the spirit they had not onely a letter but the spirit bear witness to their practice they were full of the spirit of love and unity not judging and ready to censure those that were not under the dispensation as they were
the apprehension of my self the greatest of sinners though brought up in the most strictest ways of God according to that light even from my Cradle never given to any licentious ways as I could say much to this purpose when I came to look on God as a consuming fire But I shall forbear to set forth the dealings of God with me before and after Conversion and in Conversion which my Conversion was four years ago wanting about a Quarter of a year and for a year I may say I lived in the Regions of Heaven being always rejoycing and praysing God but since that many Clouds of Darkness hath passed over my Spirits But to speak of the late dealings of God with me about half a year before my sickness my Spirits groaned after the pourings forth of the Spirit that so there might be a greater perfection break forth in my words thoughts and actions The Word perfect did much seize upon my spirits but the more I sought for it the further off it went to my apprehension God was at a distance from me yet in the greatest darkness I had the light of Union but my soul breathed after Communion with my God that though when I was among the Saints Enlargements were given in Yet when I was separated from them and thinking to have Communion with God alone my mouth hath been stopped and my spirits in a Prison not able to speak to God because God spake not to me For the Creature cannot speak till God speaks but I still thirsted and my soul panted as the Hart after the water brooks And the nearer the time of light grew the thicker I apprehended the Cloud But praised be my Father that hath wrought a deliverance in me for me a stregthening of the Inward man in decaying of the Outward I cannot but say a sickness but it was no more then a bodily weakness and though a great weakness and extream pain took hold of my body all pain and distemper was removed from my spirits in a moment The beginning of my distemper of body was about the seventeenth of June 1646. And from that time it waxed more and more upon me but I strove against it as long as I could and went abroad till the latter end of the forenamed moneth about the twenty eighth day I took my Chamber the feverish distemper growing still stronger and the beginning of July which is so called on the first day of that moneth which was the fourth day of the week in the morning I had thoughts to go forth thinking the Feaver had been wearing away but on a suddain that morning a great extremity of pain seized on my body that as soon as I was out of my bed I was fain to lye down again and it was in much pains and great heaviness of spirit and a rending of heart so that I watered my Couch with my tears and I lay very heavy in spirit all that day and much pained in body and by that time night came my strength of body was quite taken from me so that I could not help my self but friends were fain to help me into bed and assoon as I was laid I felt the knot unknit and the heaviness of my spirits removed and darkness expelled and Sathan fled and corruptions mortified and all distempers of spirit disbanded that now instead of a Chaos of Confusion a Fabrick of Glory was set before me And my spirit was so drawn forth in a view of God so much glory was presented before me such Visions of the Eternal God that tongue is not able to express the Raptures were so great that I was not sensible of a body whether in the body or out of the body God knows But these discoveries were as coals of fire within me which could not be kept in and these pourings forth of love had in them such a heat that it melted my frozen spirits which caused my eyes to drop tears that though in the morning my spirits were rended at evening the Son of Righteousness arose with healing in his wings and uttering his Voice telling me he was my beloved that would not leave me and thus renewing of my former Evidences I had from Scripture when the power of God enabled me to believe for my free Justification in the Lord Jesus and also giving in immediately from himself in Scripture Language as thus I am thy father that hath pardoned thy iniquity for my own names sake and I will never remember thy sins against thee any more for I thy God change not but rest in my love and rejoyce over thee with joy and singing as it is written And thus the Lord told me that though I had been as an untamed Heifer like Ephraim in my thoughts and words yet his bowels of love were not straitned towards me but he looked on me as one of his beloved ones in the Lord Jesus This speech from God came with a mighty lustre beyond what I am able to express and that Scripture mixed with it Hos 14 I have healed thy back-slidings and loved thee freely and I lay not this weakness on thy body to upbraid thee because thou hast lived so long in the flesh and walked so little in the spirit but this weakness on thy body is that the power of thy God may be made manifest And I saith the Lord wil teach and instruct thee and inform and reform thee by this my visitation which is in my love to thee and the Lord was pleased to tell me the reason why my reproofs took so little effect on the Saints that it was because I did not tell them of their faults in a way of love and in the meekness of my Saviour and he sweetly informed me and told me for the future how I should speak to the Saints and God â—lrried me out all the time of my sickness to speak suitable unto persons according to each conditions And thus God came in the first night the flood of Divine excellency shined down mightily that some Saints standing by me could not but conclude that certainly I was going out of the body thinking that ere long I should be in enjoyment of what I saw expresly flow from the Spirit which to them it appeared so glorious that they were amazed that stood by me and that night I still continued speaking or rather the spirit in me And the next day I was desirous to be out of the body I longed to be dissolved and while I continued pleading with God to be out of the body entreating to go hence that so I might be swallowed up in glory lest continuing in the body I should act in the flesh and so dishonour my loving father and in the midst of this and many other requests to God this Scriprure was presented Hosea 6.2 which voice was from God my thoughts not being on it nor none speaking of it but God alone it came thus after two daies I will revive thee and the third day
came nigh me to praise that had the spirit of praises and still I was entreating the Saints to speak sweetly and gently to all persons that they might appear to be the sheep of the great shepheard Christ I told them how it bâ—came Saints to be of a meek spirit and I was not ashamed to confess that I was by nature of a contentious perverse spirit which I now loathed and every proud thought was an abomination to me and I told the Saints they were to look up for strength to walk as people of another Nation that it might be said they are the people of the living God who have the mark of God in all their actions Now friends I shall tell you once concerning my raising from weakness to strength from pain to ease and that both to the amazement of my self and those that were present with me but oh that I might never forget to praise the Lord not only in word but in my holy conversation in all these discoveries that have been related my body still grew weaker and weaker and the Sent of dead souls turned out of the grave was still in my nostrils and my body like unto a clod of earth and pain working up to my heart the day before my recovery one Captain Harris prayed by me and in that prayer I was mightily strengthened in believing and could not but say Lord why may not I be raised now And answer was suddenly darteâ— into my spirit I the Lord can raise thee now but thou shalt be raised at that time that thy God hath given thee to believe Oh how sweet was this answer in my Spirits that though I had a desire then to arise and I strove to list up my self yet I could not for the Lord told me his time was not yet and untill the day of deliverance came I was not onely weak and sick in body but my spirits were very dead not activity or liveliness in them all the forenoon but in the afternoon this Scripture was handed by my father to me why is thy soul troubled why is thy spirit sad within thee Believe in God believe also in me John 14.1 in this I was mightily refresht and my spirits quickned and faith much strengthened not that unbelief did seize upon me at any time after God had sealed these things upon my spirit though Satan told me that at that instant I believed I should recover my breath should be taken out of my body now it did not fear me God still perswading me that his power should be made manifest but I still grew to the earth my body waxt very cold and in clamy sweats that those that had been present with persons when their breath departed from them they could not imitate or liken me to any other but a dying person to my own feeling and sence my hands were dead and the rest of my body very liveless my breath to my own sence was even departing from me this was about six or seven a clock that night then I was raised and suddenly God poured a mighty spirit of prayer upon me that I felt my breath which was taking leave of my body heated and I pleaded with God in believing for the accomplishment of his promise and Abraham was set before me his faith strong though he saw no sacrifice he believed God would raise an Isaac out of the ashes so God carried my spirits up contrary unto sence and when the spirit of prayer was off me then god instructed me what to say to the Saints that stood by quivering and fearing not being able to see this accomplished by the eye of faith it being very contrary unto sence and when the spirit making use of me had done incouraging the Saints telling them they should surely see the work of the Lord and after thus speaking I fell in a trance in which I saw the glory of my Saviour exceedingly but I cannot speak what I saw and this lasted about a quarter of an hour and when it began to wear away this voice was given into my Spirits I say arise walk and praise me set forth my glory this came with a mighty strength that I felt strength given into my limbs that were deadest first revived and a song of Hallelujah sounded into my spirits saying now sing praise unto the great God and to the Lamb that sits upon the throne and great joy came into my spirits from the holy Spirit and no sooner did God say arise walk but I was lifted up by the power of the most high God from my bed and I called for my clothes all pain was ceased the Fever left me and I put on my clothes and as soon as I came out of my bed death pangs seized extraordinarily upon me my heart strings were ready to crack and I was even sinking a swiming in my head being very great also and my spirit suddenly was drawn forth to say Lord wilt thou now nullifie the work and shall thy hand maid now be deserted and the Lord answered me am not I thy strength and I found strength immediatly and could walk about the room without fainting or any body to help me and my stomack was opened that I could let down broth which before I could not and I continued up till midnight praising God with the Saints and after I was laid in my bed I could not shut my eyes to sleep all that night to think that on such a sudden so great an alteration should be made that I could lye down free from all pain and distemper that I felt before and so I grew still every day more strength was given in to me on the fourth day at night thus God appeared and on the first day of the week after which is called the Sabbath day I went abroad to the praise and glory of my father which hath ever since continued my health and I minded thus much in Gods raising of me he doubled his power in recovering me once and again when I began to faint and also the week following God told me I should have my perfect strength which week was the third day instanced in Hosea 6. And thus Saints having an incouragement from the Spirit of Truth to set before your view some of the experiences God hath given into me through his own free love but a creature-capacity cannot contain all the incomings of God I had while I lay in my sickness but being very much importuned by some friends I have fulfilled their desires through the assistance of God in setting forth as much as was brought to my remembrance I being a weak worthless creature a babe in Christ which makes his power the more manifest And now Saints I intreat your prayers continually for me HEre is further added a short discourse written eight years ago weighty and precious for that it pierceth through the veil searcheth into the inside of things and giveth some hint of things now looked for by many but then more
hid and covered whereby the wisdom and depth of that spirit that is in her may sufficiently appear we find this inscription before it as the title of it viz. The third moneth the year 1646. A declaration of Revelations or the unfoldings of God to the soul in visions of glory the mind of God made known by his spirit not onely concerning its own particular but others also according to promise thy God will shew thee great things to come Ier. 33.3 After an extraordinary appearance of God he yet shewed me more and hath been and is still very mighty in all his operations working such a frame of spirit subjecting it self unto its God in all the several kinds of providences sundry dispensations that it meets with seeing a sweet harmony in contraries in things that please not flesh and blood in every thing enjoyed and in nothing enjoyed God appears all in all so that when pipes are cut off and streams cease running and not onely streams without but also within seem to be dryed up even then when the heart and strength fails nay though there be not any feeling of the movings and actings and flowings of the Spirit though the beams are claspt in the body of the Sun it is not the beams that are my center but the Son it self unto this height will the spirit bring the Saints until which time there is a living upon something below God I by the spirit am able to tell Saints that God is about to take them off resting on any thing below himself and surely God will lead them through the wilderness but they shall march on triumphantly because the captain of their salvation shal go before them so that Scorpions and fiery Serpents shall not devour them God will put a hook in the nostrils of the Leviathan the flood of the dragon shall not swallow up the woman which is the Church Rev. 12. because the child Jesus which is the man child spoken of is within the Saints the heavens of God most expect to be shaken by God but not from God but from all things below God me thinks I see by the light of the spirit the time of desolation and restauration drawing nigh Oh Saints stand upon your watch for certainly Antichrist which is the beast spoken of that shall appear like a Lamb but with his two horns shall gore as a beast for so his nature is though in pretences there may be the form of a Lamb and in outward shew therefore iniquity is called a mysterie Rev 13. because it worketh in a Sophistical manner else it would not swallow up so many into its gulf this beast which comes wrapt up in the skin of the Lamb it is onely a Lamb in shew not in substance it is said to come out of the earth which signifies his power onely to be in the earth and his two horns the one is subtle policy or a secret sophistry and the other horn an open power the one playing the part of an underminer the other of an open discoverer the one horn worketh under ground making the ground hollow the other horn is a more visible power pushing those that work not with them and that would swallow them up into its own power but this beast understands not the things made known by the spirit to an Elisha that the King of Syria spoke in his bed chamber 2 King 6.12 so that though this undermining beast may think to affright in uttering his voice like a dragon yet he shall not scare the Saints from their stedfastness they will follow their Lamb where ever he goes which Lamb will appear a Lion to rescue the Sheep-out of the mouth of the woolf though they prevail so far as to catch the sheep into their mouths they shall not let their teeth in them so as to bite them in pieces For the Saints their bars are iron and their gates brass so that the strongest Dragons teeth cannot rend Saints a sunder the beast shall so far prevail as to scatter them from enjoying some outward priviledges nay I believe for a time all outward priviledges shall as it were be in the hand of Antichrist he exalting himself above all that is called God or above him that is the true God and seeking dominion in the seat of God which is the Saints into which seat he shall never come for its Gods alone prerogative to keep his Court in the Saints they are his throne the Prince of the Air shall abide in Airy climates Surely the footstool of God shall not mount up into the throne though the horn of policy working under ground may cause a dust to flye about the throne and may raise up ill vapours out of the bottomless pit which may be offensive and there may and is and will be yet a great smother in the Nations so that the Temple shall hardly be discerned but the King knoweth his Temple and his place where he keeps Court and his Subjects know him to be their Prince of peace in the midst of wars and ruins of the outward Court and no smother shall make their eyes to water or wax dim because Christ is their sight and the light and being of their eye no marvell that the Saints are so strong sighted what can deprive them of their sight it is not the rail of the Dragon nor the horn of the beast nor the smoak of Antichrist that is able in the least measure to dim the sight and light of Saints They are his house of glory upon whom he sets a defence what Cannon can batter down that house that God is in They do but beat the Air that mannage subtilty to shakle Saints they do but bring themselves further into shakels but what shall I say or shall God say it That he hath sent the Assyrian into the Land to bring about his own design Isa 10.12 and when the great Iehovah hath accomplished his own purpose on mount Sion by that time shall the measure of iniquity be full and the vials of wrath ready to empty on that harlot that hath deceived the Nations then shall the spirit appear in its full flame burning up all dross and rubbish before it and on whom it displaies its glorious rayes of beauty there shall be such a sparkling that others seeing the sparks flye out so fast shâ—ll conclude there is fire within and shall say this is the very Mount of God the City of the Holy One and shall admire that fire should be in the bush and the bush not burnt is it not matter of wonder that the infinite being should be in a finite being and yet not the finite consumed Me thinks I see not only foolish Virgins slumbering and sleeping but the wise Virginis are also in a slumber but when the bridegrooms appearance shall be manifested shall they still lye in slumber I believe otherwaies that there shall be such an awaking of all things the very foundations of all things shall be
least trespass my heart was smitten and though my godly mother did not see me offend that she might reprove me which she was ready to do being tender of the honour of her beloved Saviour even for the least secret sin that the world calls a trifle though I thought it nothing yet still the all-seeing eye watched my ways and he called to me though I knew him not yet he kept meâ— and his banner over me was love and though my nature was as corrupt as any a child of wrath as well as others and forward to do evill and backward to that which is good yet still I was under the awaking of Jehovah Further when I was about 14. years of age I began to be very eager and forward to hear and pray though in a very formall manner Thus I went on some years and then I rose to a higher pitch to a more spâ—rituâ—l condition as I thought and I followed after that Ministry that was most pressed after by the strictest Professors and I â—an with great violence having a great zeal though not according to knowledge and I appeared a very high grown Christian in the thoughts of many I had great parts in prayer great inlargements and in discouâ—sing and repeating of Sermons I was very forward and did it with great delight and affection and much trembling of spirit was upon me but I was in all this very legall and yet more legall providence ordered that I should hear Mr. Peters speak from those words in the 26. of Isaiah the 20. verse Come my people enter thou into thy chambers and shut thy doors about thee hide thy self as it were for a little moment until the indignation be overpast From these words he opened the marriage Covenant that is between God and his Spouse from that word Come he shewed the sweet compellation of God to his Covenanted people then I was convinced of the excellency of that condition to be in Covenant and to know it upon good grounds which I was very ignorant of and though I thought my self in a very good condition before yet now it seized upon my spirit that surely I was not in the Covenant and if I were I should know it and I still cryed out oh what shall I do to know it without the knowledge of God to be my God I am undone my spirit is filled with horror and the terrors of the Law exceedingly oppressed me and I ran from Minister to Minister from Sermon to Sermon but I could find no rest I could not be contented to hear once or twice in the week but I must hear from the first day to the last and thought that not enough neither and if I had not shed some tears in a Sermon I then went home full of horror concluding my self to be that stony ground Christ spake of in the parable of the sower I apprehended Divine displeasure against me leaving me in a feared condition giving me over to blindness of mind and hardness of heart for ever and when I have been hindred from hearing a Sermon which I desired to hear I have concluded that I might have received Christ in that Sermon which being shut out from I was shut out from Christ that being the time that Christ should have been tendred to me the which I mist and so should be without Christ for ever Such bondage I was under that had I neglected a duty or an opportunity of hearing though a lawfull occasion hindred and I could not be said to neglect yet it sorely seized upon me that I had And I was damn'd one set a part for destruction and I was strongly tempted to destroy my self which had not divine power prevented I had been a murderer of my own life and of their lives that I loved most intirely I have been waked in the night by the devill for this very purpose and directed where to have the knife and what knife I should take these assaults followed me not seldom but very often which made my poor soul and body exceedingly to tremble I was exceedingly hurried to duty to Ordinances so that I could not sleep in my bed was carried one while to draw forth a good condition from marks and signs and if they were not in view then my joy and comfort was gone and my spirit was full of horror love to the godly I thought had been an infallible sign to witness my good condition and my thoughts much dwelt upon those words I Joh 3.14 We know that we have passed from death unto life because we love the brethren Now then I came to examine my love and to compare it to that love which was among the Saints spoken of in Scripture which was not a first evidence neither This prop I was quite taken off from I was now as a cripple when his crutches are taken from him he falls so my spirit was laid flat on the ground and I was convinced that it was the Spirit alone that witnesseth to the creature its good condition and all witnesses were nothing if the Spirit did not witness I was as if I had never heard of a Spirit though I had profest much some years before but because I went about to establish a righteousness of my own as it were by the works of the Law therefore I was left in the dark concerning the righteousness of the Lord Jesus which I thought I had not denyed and if any that were Gospel enlightned Saints had said to me you rest in your good works and expect to be saved some other way then alone by Jesus Christ I looked upon them as doing me great wrong and speaking very false I thought and I would say so to them I am not so ignorant to look upon my works as any thing but I was made to acknowledge afterward that I had let up my own works in the room of Christ and the Lord stript me at last of all gifts and inlargements in duty and I was striken dumb or else fast asleep when I have set my self to pray and it was indeed self that the Lord struck dumb though I then beheld it not but was sore wounded being perswaded that I was for ever shut out from the presence of God which weight I could hardly bear it was so burdensom that I still cryed out what shall I do and all my prayer that was left me was this Give me Christ or else I die Now nothing but a Christ would serve my turn before it I could have had tears or any relentings for sin or inlargements in duty I was well enough but the onely wise God knew it was best for me to be deprived of these which I so much builded upon and made idols of I was as much troubled as Micah was when Israel carried away his God I am perswaded that bare Professors are the greatest Papists in the world spirituall idolatry is the worst and my experience teacheth me that one may be a great worshipper
ready to fall flat on the plain ground I have had sometimes so great ravishing of spirit when I have been alone in a room by my self my outward man hath been so altered on a sudden to the view of those that have been in the house which have found me alone and not able to speak to them for a season so that they have been frighted thinking me not to be in health and they beholding the tears falling from my eyes have wondred what I ailed but it was because the Son of righteousness shone hot upon my spirit which caused a melting into tears and many Scriptures opened to me which I spoke to them that sat by which have been astonished to hear and see a poor creature so filled but it was Christ in me making use of me to publish the excellency of Jesus Christ which my soul was so enamoured with that my old Aunt sitting by me said she had lived above threescore years and yet never felt such joy of the spirit and yet a very godly woman she wept to see me so her heart was much affected And this year in which I was new-born I shall the Lord helping me give forth some few of those discoveries which whole volumes cannot contain Let free grace have all the glory Oh to be in Christ who can tell out his or her estate night and day How pleasant is it Such a one where ever it goes cannot but set forth it s beloved it cannot tell how to speak of any thing else but Christ it cannot tarry there where it may not speak of its Saviour no language is pleasant to it but that wherein its God is exalted oh how sweet was my sleeping and waking still I had rest in the bosom oâ— Jesus oh what a great delight I had to be amongst the Saints and my heart was full of zeal for his glory oh what an eagerness and forwardness there is to receive good and to do good in that time of the souls first conversion then it s forward to suffer any thing for Christ nick names are nothing to it scandals and reproaches it can trample under foot but when the doctrine of free grace was nick-named as some would tell me it was a doctrine of liberty to sin then I could not but speak sharply to such I found no doctrine leading to holiness so much as it no salve drawing out corruptions and ill humors like this no plaister healing the most desperate wound like the plaister of free grace its cleansing physick it runneth between the marrow and the bones sinners would you be rid of bloody sins Free grace hath opened a fountain for to wash in not onely your feet but head and hands yea your whole man in this fountain I was cleansed by this wine my drooping spirits were revived Christ was that good Samaritan that found me wounded whom the Law nor Priest did not pitty legall threatnings and legall promises looked upon me but pissed by and left me wallowing in blood and pained with wounds and if it had not been for that tender hearted Samaritan Jesus Christ I had perished oh how comfortable was his oyl and wine to my wounds great was his care for me no tender mother like to Jesus the Saints told me when I mourned for the loss of my tender mother that Christ would be more tender and would be all to me in the loss of earthly comforts and he was more to me then they told me he was double comfort and a Comforter that hath tarried and abided with me and will abide with me for ever a Comforter that was still revealing love and bringing love tokens to my soul and setting before me varieties of dishes at every bankquet for a year together my meat was sweet meats from heaven my drink wine upon the lees wines well refined milk and hony was my ordinary dish the least appearance of God was marvellous sweet some days and nights I had feasts full of marrow and visious full of glory In the night before sleep had seized upon me a bright light shined round my head visible and in the midst of that light stood one all in white in the likeness of a creature all covered with brightness my outward man at this light was stricken very weak and all in a sweat but I received much joy and was bid by the inward speaking of the spirit not to fear for I had seen an Angell surely it was a very glorious vision such a perfume was left in my spirits all that night and my strength of body given me as soon as this vision was ended and I was full of triumphing in the Lord who killeth and maketh alive oh how sweet are true visions oh that I could praise more that God that hath is and will be gracious to me for ever my song was when the sentence of death was on my earthly Tabernacle by reason of illness I still was filled with this joyfull long Oh death where is thy sting Oh grave vvhere is thy victory Death vvas still presenced vvithout a sting and the Lavv vvithout strength these vvere novv dissolved and gone and I savv an accomplishment of the great vvork of Redemption by Jesus Christ I could not but dance before this Ark though Michols mocked I must declare that I was past from Mount Sinai into the Regions of Mount Sion where I saw an end of the Law for Righteousness sake to every one that believes not that I was now without Law unto God neither despised I any part of the Law but beheld it good if a man or woman use it lawfully the Apostle could not have said the Law had been faulty as in the Hebrews But in respect of our corruptness in the using of it we it were that were faulty not the Law in it self that was pure but I looked not where I might not onely see it in its purity without me but enjoy it within me which while I looked first on commands and then on promises I could not attain to it but when I beheld first promises and then commands novv I savv an attaining to the Lavv of righteousness though not in or by my self yet in and by another novv I looked on the Lavv and legall precepts vvith an Evangelicall eye vvhereas before the light of the spirit camâ— I turned Gospel into Lavv but novv appeared a harmony betvveen both a Lavv within me not making void that vvithout me but novv vvas given me a help meet in beholdâ—ng morall precepts in Evangelicall arms Sinai's voice in Sions breast novv frovvns are gone and similes are come thunder is fallen and the still voice is risen death under life in the top which crown sin nor Satan can never deprive Saints of for Saints are not under legall precepts but under Gospel commands and in this sense they are dead to the Law by the life or Christ in them And for this tenent of truth I passed under the name of Aninomian but praised be the Lord
exceeding sweet to me which caused me to Exhort the Saints to study the Trinity more of which one thought is more worth then ten thousand words And further I shall tell you Saints in other Scriptures how God did present himsef as concerning Jacobs ladder as it is written In his sleep he saw a Vision a Ladder set upon the earth the top of it reached to heaven and he beheld the Angels of God Ascending and Descending on it and behold the Lord stood above it and this Mysterie was held forth in it the Ladder signifies Christ a Saviour the top reaching to heaven and from those words the Lord stood above it and it reached to the earth in that the humane nature of Christ was presented the Divine nature assumeing to it self flesh and whereas it is said the Angels of God Ascended and Descended on it in that was held forth the sweet recourse the Saints have in Jesus Christ in his Death in his Resurrection and Ascention to glory This appeared very sweet to me but I cannot set forth things so fully as they came in and God in the night set before me Sampsons Riddle of the Lyon and the hony out of the eater came forth meat and out of the strong came sweetness By Lyon is meant Christ who is called in Scripture the Lyon of the Tribe of Juda and by Honey is meant that sweetness that lies wrapt up in Jesus Christ considered as a Lyon yet full of sweetness And as it is said out of the eater come forth meat Christ is that eater which eats up the spirits as David said the Zeal of thine house hath eaten me up and the word might set out that vertue which comes from the Lord Jesus which is the bread of life in which we have life for ever and out of the strong came sweetness that is out of the Lyon of the Tribe of Juda flows all our sweetness and raptures of joy and as Sampson told them Except they had plowed with his Heyfer they could not have found out his Riddle So the great God spake to me in the whisperings of his Spirit and said in believing in my son Christ which is typed out by an Heyfer and Plowing may signifie believing that in believing in thy Saviour thou shalt understand my secrets God I may say spoke to me as a man speaks to his friend but in a far more transcendent manner and Ionathan spoken of in the 1 Sam. 14. it came thus to me that though he was so faint that he climbed on his hands and feet and his eyes were dim with faintness and no sooner had he taken of the hony that dropt out of the rock but his eyes were enlightned so as soon as there is a distilling from that rock Christ upon the spirits then it tastes such sweetness which strengthens the fainting spirits and this was that which made me say oh come Saints taste and see did you but know what I feel you would admire with me oh how strong am I in the Lord and in the power of his might When I have closed my eyes thinking to sleep they have on a sudden been forced open and upon the Sun shining in the room this was declared to me seest thou how the Sun shines in beams and streams accompanied with shadows and I said Lord why doth it not shine as in the body of it why doth it not shine so on the Earth as in the Firmament It was answered me should it shine on the Earth as it is in the Firmament it would suddenly burn up all things on the earth no fruits of the earth nor any creature could live or breathe and therefore that it might be for the comfort of the fruits of the earth and of all creatures it was spread forth in the beams and streams of it so the Lord said to me should I thy God dwell in thee as I am in my essentiall glory thou couldst not breathe in the body but immediatly thou wouldst dye in the body it could not bear such a weight of glory therefore I shine on thee on beams and streams of glory which produces those effects spoken of in Scripture I was filled with joy now I knew not wherefore God spake this to me till a while after I was going to speak of it and this voice came to me This was brought to thee for the rectifying of thy Judgement the erring spirit shall come to understand Isa 29. last now I considered how I had erred in that I had held forth before I sickned that God dwelt essentially in his Saints when I considered in Scripture where it is said God in us and likewise when I viewed Gal. 5. which holds out the fruits and operations of the spirit I was at a loss in my spirits concerning this nor could not make it out nor be convinced by any till God satisfied me and so in many other things none could give me light till the light of lights came and then my spirit was full of praises Another time when I laid my self to sleep something as it were pulled me by the shoulder with this voice it is better for thee to wake I will shew thee thy Saviour in the Mount then was set before me Jesus taking up Peter and Iohn into the Mount and his transfiguration before them which to me shined forth very glorious that I said as the disciples said Lord it is good to be here and that of Moses and Elias appearing in that was presented to me the glory of the Law of Moses and from Elias was discovered the glory of the Prophets and both these glories meeting in the glory of Jesus Christ Oh how this did enamour the spirits of the Disciples and herein they manifested the strength of their delight in saying And let us build here three Tabernacles one for thee one for Moses and one for Elias it was with them as it is with a man that delights and affects a place he desires to take up his abode there so the Disciples would fain have been continually beholding that glory but while he yet spake a bright cloud overshadowed them and behold a voice out of the cloud saying This is my beloved Son in whom I am well pleased hear you him The soul wrapt up in the glorious discovery of the brightness of God would fain be always in that condition but that God seeth it good to draw a cloud to overshadow them a cloud but not a thick black one but a bright one which noted thus much That let the greatest discovery of glory which caused the face to shine be withdrawn God doth not leave his without glory though in a cloud yet there appears brightness and a sweet voice telling the Saints that they shall hear and see that invisible glory sounded forth in the Son by that word hear ye him now we see him as in a glass but we shall see him as he is when we shall be lifted up for ever above all