assented to vanitie and so quicklie forsaken thee which art the truth Oah how greatlie haue I sinned euen in this that I haue not sticken to thee alone neglecting all things else For I was made to loue and to enioie thee but by following after creatures inordinatelie I haue lost thee and found no rest for mine hart in them neither But turne mee vnto thee ô Lord and leaue me not in earthlie things thou which hast vouchsafed to promise celestiall things to such as folowe thee CHAP. 10. 1. A comparison betweene earthlie and heauenlie ioies 2. with a praier for grace to contemne this transitorie world MY soule hath refused comfort Wander thou not after deceiptfull vanities madnes ô my soule but turne vnto the Lord thy God for hee is the fountaine of all comfort Whatsoeuer thou seekest either among men or among creatures thou shalt leese it and shalt well perceaue it to perish For though I graunt theie maie yeeld some showe of comfort yet sure I am nothing dooth continue Whie so vanelie wilt thou bee deceaued It is egregious follie to beg of a begger when he that is rich will giue abundantlie Euerie creature is but poore to minister comfort vnto vs but God which is rich in mercie giueth to all men liberallie and reprocheth no man if thou for thy part diligentlie doo seeke and patientlie expect his leisure Returne ô my Soule returne downe vnto Noah in the arke euen vnto Christ in thine heart because it is not good to abide long abroade See thou refuse outward comfort if inwardlie thou wilt be refreshed Doo not thou with the crowe abide without the arke but with speede auoide the carcase Returne thou an hungred and Christ so will feede thee with the bread of life If vrgent necessitie or weakenes hold thee abroade take heed thou make no staie but with speede get thee home least thou be either ouerwhelmed with the flud of words or comprehended in the snares of diuelish tentation Manie traps are laid for the wandering soule and great safetie hath the quick returning dooue which not finding where to set her foote made haste to come back vnto Noah in the ship Go thou therefore vnto thy secret place and abide there yea let it bee a griefe for thee to bee else-where Oah blessed is the soule which hath a cleare conscience before God and is not delighted with anie vane thing which is neither polluted with louing anie thing nor wearied with extremelie hating anie man Blessed is the soule that seeketh no comfort of creatures but fixeth all her hope in the Lord Blessed is the soule which refuseth all outward and temporall quietnes and whatsoeuer belongeth vnto the welfare of the bodie and which for the loue of Christ dooth willinglie embrace both paine and pouertie Blessed is the soule which commendeth her selfe to God that hee maie doo with her euen as hee thinketh good Blessed is the soule which at no time seeketh her owne glorie which desireth at no time to haue her owne will doon but continuallie mindeth loueth and preferreth the glorie and will of God aboue all things Blessed is the soule which dooth esâ—ange her selfe from whatsoeuer is temporall and keepeth her selfe pure and vndefiled before God in all her dealings O reioice and be thou much glad thou which art such a soule for thou maist abide in secret and celestiall cogitations and so magnifie the Lord daie and night Blessed and blessed againe is the soule whose desires are to heauen-ward whose hands and armes are out-stretched euen as the two wings of the Cherubims whose eies are pure to behold God whose inward power and strength dooth goe altogether and ascend and returneth not vntill it haue him whome onlie she loueth before all things And when she hath found him she foloweth him whether soeuer hee will haue her And when he speaketh he reioiceth to heare her make answere saieng I am thine onlie beloued of thee elected I am thine exceeding great reward Bee thou neither proude in prosperitie nor impatient in aduersitie Consider how theie which loue mee are comforted of mee How sweetelie thinkest thou I will entreate them when theie shall be receaued vnto the eternall rest after that the troobles of the bodie and soule are laide aside Oah that I enioied such pleasure as dooth the holie soule when the senses beeing asleepe shee is carried aloft and eleuated aboue her selfe beloued and coopled to God by the bonde of most hartie frendship O my God which art the treasure of mine heart thou knowest right well how this would bee the onlie comfort of mine inward griefe But thou art the geuer and the pourer in of this ointment Thou teachest thou exhortest thou cherishest thou comfortest thou carriest thou vpholdest thou guidest out and bringest back thou doost with the soule whome thou hast chosen euen as thou wilt and whatsoeuer thou doost and wilt it is all good But I who am as a sowre vessell altogether vnworthie to receaue th'infusion of thy good spirit doo humblie craue that plentifullie it maie so spout forth vpon mee that I maie both taste the sweetenes of thine inward loue and also perceaue those sacred pleasures the which I doubt not the religious soule dooth feele by thy grace I did smell the celestiall perfumes a far off when I did meditate certaine inward cogitations of the minde concerning the soule but Lord thou knowest how sildome how litle I doo thinke of eternall things how often words doo wither how rude the vnderstanding how vnquiet the conscience how my hart is troobled darkened and irreligious and onlie through mine owne default Notwithstanding sometime seeking a waie vnto spirituall matters hauing taken my cogitations with mee in secret I begin seriouslie to call into my remembrance the good things of the blessed soule how great are the celestiall ioies and spirituall delightes which are in her heart what peace what tranquilitie what hope and reioicing in God her Sauiour whose words be sweete and face bewtifull And these cogitations though short theie endure yet when theie come blessed is the houre And I thus thinking and thou enlightening my darkenes I doo finde iust complaints vpon my selfe and by priuie holes of grace I perceaue how such and such is the soule inwardlie vnited vnto thee and thaâ— so and so thou hast spoken to her She is still from all things sensible and thou in the spirit speakest to her of inuisible matters She seemeth as it were to be forsaken of all creatures and after an vnspeakeable manner thou doost comfort her So that I said againe in mine hart wo to the sinfull soule to the grieued conscience to the man which is neither hote nor colde destitute of the light of grace and of spirituall comfort seeking teares and yet finding none But peace be to him which vnfeinedlie dooth loue Christ
because hee is faithfull As we haue heard so we haue seene as wee haue beleeued so wee haue spoken and borne witnesse to the truth Once the Lord did speake and it was doon Hee saide My counsaile shall stand but yours shall come to naught ô yee sonnes of men Wo vnto them which imagine euill and afterward make a scoffe at the word of God! Wo vnto you which doo faigne a religion out of your owne braine and are exalted in your owne power Heare the word of the Lord yee which serue the Lord knowe yee that he hath a controuersie with the inhabitants of the earth To turne awaie your selues it is not good stand yee therefore and consider his waies Returne you and come vnto him so will he ioiefullie receaue you into fauor for the Lord is gratious and mercifull He keepeth not his anger as man dooth but pardoneth all sinnes yea and moreouer he restoreth the former grace with the later Onlie returne you with all your harts and dedicate your selues wholie and vnfeinedlie to his seruice Thus doo the sancts speake in mine eares That which musick is at a banquet and sweete smelling frankincense in a censar euen that is the word of God in a pure hart And thy sancts Lord filled with thy spirit haue thus sounded forth the memorie of thine abundant sweetenes and haue lest their words vnto vs to be sounded abroade But my speech often-time is stopped so that it hath no passage to ascend But if that fire come from aboue then shal my toong be hot and if it once be enflamed I shall forth-with be consumed I shall not be able to stand in the presence thereof for as the winde driueth awaie chaffe so shall sorow be expelled from the hart And as the rust by the fire so shal my sinnes be consumed The fire of God which consumeth all things shall sweep the floore of mans hart Descende and get vp tuch me a little and I shall flee Things passed shall be as though theie had neuer been and that to come shall not be accompted of for all sinnes shall vtterlie be forgotten Old things shall passe awaie new shall come abundantlie holie desires shall encrease and rise vp on all sides wheresoeuer the good spirit shall blowe Feare shall depart loue shall possesse the harts of all all affliction shall cesse for this alteration is by the hand of God Therefore that which I saie is not to mine owne but to his praise The pensiue hath comfort the hungrie bread the thirstie drinke The sick is healed the wauering assisted the weake strengthened the wearie quieted the hopelesse comforted the complainer pittied To the blinde sight to the wandering a readie waie to the knocker the gate is opened He which doubted is now resolued hee which staggered is nowe strengthened hee that diligentlie enquired is now entertained ioiefullie by mother charitie The freend commeth more ioiefullie to meete than is the soule desirous to speake with him L. Lo now am I present saith he saie on what new thing hath fallen out What haue you forgotten what you are to suffer and to doo for my sake B. Yet this staied mee not being desirous to go forward with him So straight-waie I mounted aloft and forgat all mine affliction Hee would not by and by discomfort the partie so longing to abide with him but with gentle words he said that in due time it should bee performed L. Thy desire is good and request vnto mee dooth like mee well notwithstanding it maie not presentlie be graunted Go thy waie and get home to thine owne house and declare to thine acquâ—intâ—nce what the Lord hath doon for thee Saie vnto them Prepare your harts euerie one of you and laie downe the heauie burden of sinne and bee yee warie and strong to resist the snares of Satan Watch and praie least yee fall into tentation I will come shortlie looke that I finde you readie Lo I haue warned you aforehand CHAP. 12. 1. The desire of the soule after God 2. The properties of God by the sondrie titles ascribed vnto him 3. None commeth vnto God vnlesse God draweth him SAie vnto my soule I am thy saluation O of what excellencie art thou my soule what wonderfull virtue is hidden in thee that thou canst neuer bee at rest vntill thou haue attained perfect happines and found the last end which thou so desirest which once being knowen and found out the care is gone Oah happines aboue all happines ô end without end when shall I both without measure and euerlastinglie enioie thee I finde manie good things in this world But theie continue not neither doo theie satisfie my desire But one thing is necessarie This one thing is that I seeke this oâ—e thing I desire For one thing are all things and of one thing are all things If I â—et this thing I shall be coâ—â—ent but if I enioie it not I shall continuallie be tossed because manie things cannot satisfie mee What is this one thing I am not able to saie what it is sure I am I desire that than which nothing either is or maâ—e be imagined either better or greater For this is not one thing among manie things but one thing aboue all things And it is my God to whome if I stick I shall doo well To him I saie to him I 〈◊〉 when I saie Saie vnto my soule I am thy saluation O my soule my longing soule what more desirest thou Is it not better for thâ—e to cleaâ—e vnto one thing than vnto manie things Of one thing are manie things but one thing is not of manie things Cesse to seeke manie things ioine thee to one stick vnto one for in one thing all things consist Let others enquire after manifold and diuers outward things but doo thou seeke one inward good thing and it is sufficient Lo this man seeketh a farme that man traueleth about his marchandise another heapeth vp much gold and siluer another hunteth after pleasures and preferment another visiteth his freends and kinred another is merie with his acquaintance another rideth vnto cities and castles another doth long to see diuers contries of the world another desireth wisedome another preferment another principalitie another a kingdome and thus one wisheth one thing another man another thing euen aswell among the spirituall sort as among the secular But fewe doo seeke one thing and other things purelie and simplie for one thing And therefore theie neither doo finde anie sure peace nor yet sauor the inward grace of the spirit For so manie as are the seruants of Christ doo couet not temporall not earthlie things as though they were then iolie and glorious felows if theie abunded therewith What then wilt thou saie that the things which theie seeke for doo touch thee ô deuout soule in truth thou canst not For my part I detest all these things for my good
drunke thereof the sharper shall his torments bee because the whole pleasure of this world shall more speedelie passe awaie than the winde and leaue to their louers paines and burnings Therefore out of my sight thou deceiptfull glorie of the world and all foolish pleasure of the flesh Manie you doo drawe and deceiue but in the ende you leaue and destroie them Woe to them which beleeue thee woe to them which be there drowned But come and come nigh mee most holie humilitie and the full renouncing of all worldlie pompes and neuer doo thou leaue mee ô thou sweete remembrance of my present pilgrimage What am I but ashes and earth and whether tende I but towardes earth Oah how wretched am I become how iustlie maie I lament when I thinke vpon my pilgrimage and how little I am priuie how I shall ende the same If I liue well and continue so there is no cause whie I should feare an euill death But who can glorie of a good life and of a pure conscience Hee which knoweth himselfe to be such a one let him reioice in the Lord and take compassion vpon mee a sinner To liue I haue no desire because miserie enuironeth mee on euerie side to die an euill conscience is affraide for to answeare God it hath not one for a thousand The Prophet was not so in a feare which said Mine heart is prepared ô God mine heart is prepared O Lord the God of my saluation let my life come vnto a good ende and prolong not the daies of my lamentation With sorowe I came into this prison and without griefe I shall not get out S. Long doo I thinke this life and the rather because of the continuall miserie and troubles which I finde therein but in truth it is not long for it passeth awaie more swiftlie than a Poste To a man that liueth in paine and miserie all time is long and hee compteth a daie for a yeere This maketh my life tedious vnto mee and so much the more it dooth trouble mee as the more trulie I consider all the miseries of the same But if happelie anie consolations and ioie come betweene it standeth mee vpon to looke about whether they bee of God or no If they beâ— of God I accept them gladlie but yet I knowe not how long they will continue yet howe shorte soeuer they bee they like and please mee well But would to God hee would powre them largelie vpon mee and cause them to continue with mee a long while But the ioies and pleasures which are not of God are vile and vading albe to the showe they appeare sweete and pleasant Thus euen thus passeth awaie this life replenished continuallie both with good and euill things Therefore so long as I liue in this world I am a poore pilgrime I cannot trulie saie I haue enough because presentlie there is saâ—ietie of no good thing but the good thing which I looke for thou art in whome I beleeue So that when thy glorie hath appeared and replenished mee then euen then I will acknowledge that I haue enough But in the meane while because this word is hidden fro mee much griefe and sorowe dooth enuiron my soule And therefore beeing mindfull of thine holie saieng I repeate this often-times My soule is verie heauie euen vnto the death Well were it with mee if this houre were come and that neither griefe nor sorowe did possesse mee But Lord I beseech thee let thy goodnes conserue mee CHAP. 6. 1. An ardent desire of the soule to bee loosed from sinne and from the troubles of this world BRing my soule out of prison The greatnes of my sorowe will not suffer mee to bee still For whie doo I yet liue in this world I knowe not what I can doo heere Slowlie God hee knoweth I go forward in virtue naie would to God I went not backward O Lord what a pleasure shouldest thou doo mee if speedelie thou wouldest take mee out of this life that a woorser thing come not vnto mee My life alas sigheth in paine and in weldoing amendeth not If thou looke for my conuersion I repent not by the same but doo abuse thy long sufâ—ering if thou punish mee I doo â—ardlie show patience because thou pursuest drie stuble Whie then doost thou not quite take awaie thy seruant Whie doo I liue vpon the earth that is whie doo I dwell among good people and yet reforme not my life and manners Whie so vnwoorthelie and dangerouslie keepe I the place of some better person and yet walke so careleslie and so coldlie in this life Thus powre I out this wofull thing which I consider of in the eares of my God Yet gratious Lord crie not out in thine anger against me Cut downe the tree and cast it into the fire I accuse mine infirmitie before thee that I maie finde grace in thy sight through my confession It is my part to accuse but it belongeth vnto thee to show mercie It is my part to weepe and to sigh bitterlie but it belongeth vnto thee Lord mercifullie to comfort Wherefore my Lord and God either giue mee more grace in this life or take me speedelie out of this world that the rent bee not woorser For to liue long and not to cesse from ill liuing is but to augment the punishment of hell Neither can I awaie with such a life as knoweth neither how to proceede in virtue nor to bewaile wickednes For that partie which leadeth an holie and righteous life is greeued at the heart whensoeuer hee offendeth and that he maie in grace and virtue encrease more and more it is alwaies his desire What shall hee doo which knoweth himselfe dailie to offend and that his flesh greeuouslie dooth rise against the spirit who also beeing ouercome with tediousnes sometime and cooled with negligence and idlenesse dooth giue ouer to resist or else laieng aside the spirituall weapons dooth folow the swing of the flesh whether his owne wil dooth drawe him Alas Lord and God such a one alas draweth nigh vnto the gates of death and liuing in the flesh runneth into the death of the soule Oah how is euerie one to take heede that hee bee not seduced and supplanted of the enimie No man is suâ— from temptation no man is pure from sinne but all the sort of vs are fraile But Lord thou which art almightie and knowest all things raise vp the broken in heart and clense the vncleane from all filthines renue a new spirit within his bowels that all faintnes and lazenes may leaue him that spirituall zeale may returne and that thy loue may continue vnmooueable within him vnto the ende For he onlie wanteth thine assistance who is peâ—sed downe with his owne waight neither is hee able to cast off the loade of sinne vntill thou sende strength from heauen of power to loase the hard fetters
of carnall affections And this my request is to obteine for without thy speciall grace wee shall neither leade a good life in this world nor liue eternalie in the life to come And whereas I now liue in the bodie it is no ioie to mee for better it were for mee to die than to liue because through this life I am debarred the farder from eternall life which cannot come vnlesse that death doo destroie the life present yea and death also it selfe bee destroied Hence it is that my desire is to heauen-ward and mine heart seeking eternall rest fetcheth deepe sighes and crieth It is now enough Lord take awaie my soule which thou hast redeemed with thy pretious blood Open to mee the gate of thy kingdome and let in a poore pilgrime returning vnto thee from exile Listen to mee Lord and loase me from the band of the bodie What should I longer doo heere I am good neither to my selfe nor to others Whie then doo I liue To my selfe I am burdensome to others troblesome What shall become of mee I wot not Lord whether thou hast foreseene anie better thing of me wherefore my longing should bee lingred I doo allow thine ordinance because it is good but in mee onlie I finde the euill whie it greeueth and troobleth mee to liue in the world For dailie I doo sinne I heape sinne vpon sinne and yet as I ought I repent not If therefore I were loased from this bodie of sinne and coopled to thee in heauen neither should I offend anie more nor thou bee offended but be praised continuallie Notwithstanding as yet thou bearest with mee and showest all patience I know my fault because through my sinnes I maie not enter into thy kingdome For none vncleane thing shall enter thereinto But when shall I be without sinne When shall I throughlie be cleansed that I maie not feare to bee prohibited but reioice rather to bee let in If I goe not forward more zealouslie nor bee more carefull than hetherto I haue bin I am affraide mine hope will be little enough But Lord thou which wilt that no man should perish but that all should bee saued grant mee more grace to the amendment of my life and to hope for celestiall blessings giue mee the spirit of inward fatnes Let not mine heart heere reioice after the flesh but in fearing let it expect for death Let no care or creature hold mee back but let thy desired presence drawe and comfort mee Blessed is the man which trusteth in thee ô Lord but more blessed is hee that is passed out of this wicked world for he shall no more either feele or feare anie trooble ⸪ CHAP. 7. 1. A godlie desire for a good death O Lord thou art mine hope euen fro my youth In this hope I flie vnto thee vntill the last houre and time of my resolution shall come Oah that I were so well prepared that I might euen now die vnder the hope of grace Oah that I had ended this life with an happie departure and laide off the loade of this bodie how manie dangers and feares had I then escaped Happie is the man whome thou hast chosen and taken vp who is now gone out of this world vnto the father from banishment vnto a kingdome from the prison vnto the palace from darkenes vnto light from death vnto life vnto securitie from dangers from labor vnto rest and from all manner miseries vnto euerlasting felicitie Happie is the soule that now enioieth her reward triumphing in thee her Lord But alas that my contrie is so long kept fro mee How gratiouslie and mercifullie shouldest thou deale with mee if quicklie I were called awaie and bidden to come vnto thee that where thou art I might be also Oah that I had bin taken out of this world before euer I had knowen the filthines of the same and before I was affraide to offend euen in small things how happie then had I bin But now the longer heere I liue the more I wander from thee and doo sinne in too too manie things Wo is mee what haue I doone Alas I haue folowed the desires of the flesh and haue drawen vanitie to my selfe with roapes but godlines I haue abandoned abhorred innocencie and added sinne vnto sinne so that now to my griefe I finde that true which I haue sometime read Woe be to the wicked it shall be euill with him Too too late almost I haue returned vnto my God yea verie late it was eare I began to amend and then too but slowlie went I on I was not zealous enough in my proceeding I did not encrease in zeale but which is woorser I waxed cooler and cooler Hence it was that manie times I was verie loath to die because my guiltie conscience still tolde mee I had not liued as I should haue doone Notwithstanding in consideration of the dangerous temptations wherevnto I am subiect and that my sinnes might not encrease manie a time haue I wished for death and into these woordes haue I burst sayeng Oah that now God in mercie would take mee out of this world that I might sinne no more vpon earth Oh that God speedelie would vouchsafe to take mee awaie and make an ende of my labors in what an happie state should I then bee But Lord all things must bee euen as thou wilt If thou minde to doo that which I require it shall forth-with bee accomplished but if otherwise thy will bee doon I maie vtter out my desire and the miserie which I endure not as to him which is ignorant thereof but that thereby I may finde some comfort to my soule I knowe I am not yet readie as I ought to bee for my conscience is greatlie out of quiet And what maruell though I a sinner doo stand in feare seeing manie euen of the holie fathers were affraide because thou iudgest not as man dooth But how shall I prepare my selfe It were good for mee to prepare my selfe against that time which may come this daie before to morow for anie thing I knowe Therefore I will more firmelie alter my purpose I will bewaile all my negligences passed I will sacrifice my selfe to thee and wholie and henceforth commend my selfe vnto thy mercie ô Lord. O Lord my God all my works doo stand at thy mercie and without thy mercie I haue no merits And this is mine hope this is all my trust But how fareth it with a good and pure conscience What saith the chaste and deuoute soule Come saith she Lord Iesus ô come and tarie not vntie my sinnes loase my fetters bring me out of prison out of the lake of miserie and mirie claie I haue waited patientlie for thee ô Lord incline to mee and heare my crie Leaue mee not anie longer in this wicked world Let it content thee that hetherto I haue striuen that so long I haue bin
thing is but one thing I loue but one thing I require but one thing and this one thing is better to mee than all other things either in heauen or earth If thou hast founde such a good thing my counsell is that you hold and keepe it for whoâ—e sake you haue contemned all things For hauing that it shall not grieue you to want other things naie you will iudge it reason for the getting thereof that you doo both giue and suffer all things Now therefore ô my soule seeke thou after so singular and superexcellent a good thing So long as you liue in the flesh you are of necessitie to seeke because that cannot too carefullie be sought for which can at no time sufficientlie be comprehended But then shall you cesse seeking when the houre of enioieng is once come For then shal he be all in all euen he which alone is all sufficient for all and euerie man And although there too hee must be sought where he is continuallie sound yet is hee not there sought with labor as in this world but with surpassing pleasure and loue What he is in this life to the godlie it maie be declared by his manifold titles and such as haue experience of his goodnes knowe verie well how it maie be showen Notwithstanding consider what the names of God are as I haue learned them in the schoole of experience I will recite a few but the grace of his spirit maie put you in minde of manie mo beside Lo hee is a spouse to such as loue but to such as still serue him in feare a dreadfull Lord Hee is a father to good children but to the obstinatelie wicked a seueare iudge To the sick he is a physition and to the whole wholesome foode To the ignorant a teacher and to the obedient an euerlasting Sauiour Hee is the waie for beginners the truth for proceeders the life for the absolute performers of his holie will Hee is the hope of repenters and a surpassing comforter of the righteous Hee is a crowne for the humble and a punishment for the proude In darkenes hee is a light and in the night a lanterne Hee giueth medicine to the diseased soules and much wine of comfort to the sorowfull With such as stand to the battell hee standeth with such as proceede in their iornie he walketh with such as feruentlie make haste hee runneth with such as mount in diuine contemplation he flieth Doo you praie hee is present with you Doo you reade hee is talking with you Doo you meditate hee is still with you One and the same God worketh in all these things showing himselfe to euerie one euen as hee thinketh good in his words there is no fault and his works are past finding out For great and vnsearchable are his iudgements and no man is tâ— saie vnto him whie doost thou soâ— or whie doost thou chuse this maâ— rather than that man It is follie for a man to reason aâ—gainst the almightie and all the will of Adams children is vane anâ— to no purpose How like you these things and how dooth God sauor vnto you S. Hee seemeth sweete vnto mee neither am I offended at his works Hee is righteous and who can rebuke him of ill dealing Hee that so dooth dooth set himselfe against God and shal be reprooued of his irreprehensible light M. But what thou hast heard what is it in his presence scarse vndoubtedlie so much as a sparcle without that which is hidden within Aske you what that is I must saie I knowe it not it is altogether aboue my capacitie euen as a certaine cloude far off whose beginning and ende are vnknowen And therefore meditate rather and thinke more often vpon the base humanitie of Iesus and doo not mount vp too high least of his glorious maiestie you be confounded But forsomuch as burning loue dooth now and then forget all reuerence and feare you are in that respect the more to be borne withall if sometime being extreemelie set on fire with the loue of Iesus you doo consider not onlie how hee cried in the manger and how hee hanged vpon the crosse but also how hee raigneth nowe in heauen all gloriouslie and ruleth all things vnder heauen most wonderfullie S. O most louelie Iesu gladlie doo I folow thee in earth but more gladlie would I folow thee vnto heauen Where my treasure is there would mine hart be also Oah thou art my treasure thou which art at the right hand of the father art deerer to mee than anie creature For my sake thou wast incarnate for my sake thou wast eleuate Thou diddest leaue thy selfe an example vpon earth thou keepest thy selfe for a reward in the heauens Vpon thee therefore mine eies are fixed and after thee doo my feete trace To thee mine hart saith my face seeketh thee ô Lord I will continualie seeke thy face O Lord how long wilt thou hide the sight of thy glorie Whie hiâ— est thou thy face and takest mee for thine enemie Thou knowest right well my mind wil be distracted hether and thâ—ther and be diuerslie beate vntill it be fast ioined to thee her freende in the heauens For the force of loue knoweth not how to be quiet but vnceâ—santlie maketh enquirie of her louer sendeth forth messengers and dobleth praiers neither doth it so giue ouer because loue will altogether possesse that which it desireth Therefore drawe mee that I maie begin zelouslie to run after thee I had neede to be drawen and with great force to be drawen For vnlesse thou drawe none wil come none will folow because euerie one is naturallie inclined to himselfe-ward But if thou once drawe lo then I doo hasten then I run then I waxe hot But if thou doo not drawe I doo neither run nor seeke yea scarse haue I anie desire at all to folowe If thou reach out thine hand I doo run so much the more swiftlie as thou forceablie doost drawe This is the voice of my louer drawing And when I am â—ift vp from the earth I will drawe all men vnto mee O sweete Iesu drawe mee after thee and then not I onlie but all shal run after thee by the sauor of thine ointments First therefore drawe mee after thee then let others folow seeing an example of good life But that we maie not waxe proude it is good that we marke this withall howe that wee began to run not through our owne strength but by the sauor of thine ointments This is the heauenlie drawing without which no man can go forward no not so much as begin as likewise thou didest saie No man can come vnto mee except my father drawe him So that whome the father draweth he foloweth thee and forsaketh himselfe He seemed to be well drawen that said Master I will folow thee
whether soeuer thou goest But euerie one hath not the gift to be so affected neither is it a weake stomach that can so readelie folowe thee vnto all things M. What let hast hou ô my soule that thou doost not forsake all for Iesus sake Whie so vnwillinglie doo you depart from vane and transitorie things What good can these worldlie things doo you Behold while you passe by mortall things and visible creatures willing to delight your self in them you forget better things While you so doo you seuer your selfe from the soueraigne good thing and turne your minde from the true blessed and eternall life And therefore you shall continue miserable and wretched full of griefe and vexation For turne your selfe on which side you will and you shall finde matter of continuall sorow and much tediousnes vntill you turne againe vnto thy creator because he is thy peace and secure quietnes But if thou neither make staie in earthlie things nor fasten thy foote in the mire but rather beholde and worship in the glasse of worldlie creatures not the figure which passeth awaie but him whose image and superscription it is blessed art thou and shalt neuer die For when thou seekest after these visible things not to enioie them but beholdest them to the ende to glorifie the name of thy creatour by making to thy selfe of his best and basest woorkes a kinde of ladder wherewithall thou maist ascend thou shalt be deliuered so from the filthie bowels of this world and thoroughlie bee coopled to thy desired ende which is aboue all things the blessed God for euer and euer CHAP. 13. 1. How and when the soule and God are vnited together 2. The miserie where God is not present MY Soule cleaueth vnto thee O my God the true comforter thou knowest how thou likest me well and how I take pleasure dailie to be talking with thee secretlie alone But where maie I seeke thee if happelie I do misse thee for an hour who shall bring mee vnto thee Thou art God aboue all things and I beneath all things a miserable man Thou art in heauen and I in the world Thou art most high but I am poore and a begger Who euer hath measured the distance betweene heauen and earth Far asunder be theie but farder art thou fro mee ô God Who therefore shall vnite mee to thee either thou must doo it or none can But if thou wilt it maie speedelie be doon And thou knowest how of my selfe I maie easelie fall but that I doo stand and go forward it is of thy goodnes So that my soule dependeth vpon the grace of thy spirit and of the infusion of thy speciall fauor I◠thou command it shall be lifted vp from earth but if thou turne awaie thy face it shall be greatlie troobled But of thy woonted fauor and mercie receaue mee and let thy right hand guide mee wonderfullie vnto thee Heare this all yee people giue eare all yee that dwell in the world for it is an easie thing with God to bring it to passe as it is written that the rich and poore maie be all one I am poore and lack manie things but this my God is rich and wanteth nothing And although no great experience yet I haue an vndoubted testimonie to prooue that the soule through grace maie be vnited to God My beloued is mine saith he and I am his he feedeth among the lilies This is the testimonie of the frende and his dearling of the bridegroome and the spouse and it is a verie fit and a strong testimonie of the holie lawe The next is like to this I will that theie all maie be one as thou ô father art in mee and I in thee Behold the notable testimonies of two bookes whereby it plainelie appeareth that the soule through speciall grace from aboue maie bee linked familiarlie vnto God And although it rarelie come so to passe yet is it deerelie to be accompted of and not altogether vnknowen to the louer And againe though verie hardlie yet may it fall out The soule therefore so conioined to God let no man dare to separat or to trooble If thou doost woonder at this maruelous vnion woonder thou and maruell at the excellencie of his goodnes and at the strange and singular vniting of the humane bodie to his Godhead Hee maie doo what he will which onlie dooth great woonders If thou lookest for merits you shall finde it is his good pleasure to haue it so O sweete societie with Christ and vnder the wings of Christ O gratious coniunction full of loue and sweetenes of the holie Ghoste the which is perceaued better than vttered These things belong vnto the soule that is estranged from all worldlie matters and is not delighted with this present life but is carried aloft in godlie meditation The more the louer knoweth this the more am I ignorant Notwithstanding gladlie would I bee in presence when the deuout soule is in such an happie case And then is she so when the spouse and she is together at the noone daie But then it fareth ill with her and that verie ill too if it happen that Iesus bee awaie if the perfumes of grace run not from aboue if no pleasure she take in the holie Bible if it bee irksome for her to continue in praier and godlie meditation if the cloudes of the hart be so thick and hurtfull cogitations doo so preuaile that theie cannot be restrained but do labor to ouerwhelme in a manner all the former good things O Lord God whie doost thou so What plaie is this O blessed Iesus what meane you heereby If it were not offensiue to thine honor I could wish to haue farther communication betweene thee and thy beloued Forsomuch as she is so greatlie desirous of thy gratious presence whereby she may be nourished with chaste delightes I doo much muse whie sometime you suffer her to fit so desolate Thou passest by and goest thy waie as though she had no desire vnto thee But she is alone all pensiue For thus she saith in effect With my soule haue I desired thee in the night It is night with her when thou the true light art not present So that she praieth for thy presence that the darkenes of sinne comprehend her not For she feeleth manifold discommodities when thy gratious visitation is taken from her For had she not suffered somewhat she had neuer so earnestlie cried vnto thee Another also which was before said cried thus My soule cleaueth vnto thee But I thinke no trouble is or seemeth so troublesome to her as the want of thy presence And no maruell if through this want the waieward soule doo languish awaie in sorow For thou art verie hardlie found at anie time and being found she reioiceth at thy returne hoping to spend the daie merelie with thee but thinking little of thy departure she suspecteth no aduersitie to come But handling another matter secretlie
my sins I cannot denie but deseruedlie â—heie conceaue ill of mee yea I doo â—penlie acknowledge this withall â—hat I am much more wicked than â—nie man dooth knowe L. You doo well thus to humble your â—elfe For in so dooing you shall euer gaine and more easelie obteine my â—auor Notwithstanding I will not thereâ—ore cast you awaie because you are 〈◊〉 sinner and faultie albeit that should â—ake you both to thinke baseâ—â—e of â—our selfe and alwaie to haue in mind what great sins you are polluted withall But that you perish not through desperation consider howe manie righteous men I haue made of sinners freendes of enimies choosing the humble and refusing the proude I haue no neede of anie gift of thine onlie this I require at your hands namelie that you loue mee with a pure hart and I am satisfied S. I am cleane dashed for alas there is nought within mee to stir vp your loue thus to mee-ward L. I doo neither respect nor require the things that this world dooth offer to get fauor withall if you doo loue and that your loue be feruent and constant it is all that I aske But I praie thee whose are the things that doo or maie adorne a man Are not all things mine whatsoeuer doo glitter either in the bodie or minde As for that of the world and which set out the bodie theie ought litle to trooble your minde But the things which belong to the beutifieng of virtue it standeth you vpon to seeke that you maie please the Lord in the light of the liuing Howbeit you haue well doon in humbling and accusing your selfe so well outwardlie as inwardlie before the face of my maiestie by confessing vnfainedlie your great weakenes and wickednes and by fetching deep sighes for that you are verie vnworthie to chalenge the fauor of my familiaritie euen but one houre beeing as I am a glasse pure without spot and you are a great sinner and vncleane euen from your infancie And therefore be euer mindfull both of your fraile condition and of my glorious maiestie and so with humble reuerence approch boldlie into my presence For I am hee that putteth awaie thine iniquities and will not remember thy sins it is I that iustifie the vngodlie and this I doo for mine holie name sake yea and I am still readie to minister greater gifts of mercie vnto thee Because I doo euer choose to showe fauor rather than displeasure as one who had rather spare than punish Yea all this seemeth but little in mine eies neither am I so content with the first grace that I will not add a second or a third rather yea in verie deede as I can set none ende to my mercies so neither can the number of my gifts and benefits bee recited Last of all after that I for my part haue pardoned sins and men for their partes by their goodnes haue testified to the world their vnfained repentance then doo I restore for the most part the comfort of mine healthfull countenance by powring in most plentifull manner the grace of mine holie Spirit And although a sinner doo abide still in the flesh yet doo I receaue him into my familiaritie so that he is not to feare the vtter confusion for sins committed but rather to thanke and praise God that old things bee passed awaie and that all things are become newe So gratious and mercifull am I that alwaies I am more readie to forgiue than thou art to beg forgiuenes at mine hands more readie to giue than thou art to aske Therefore whie feare you What dismaieth you to approch vnto the side of such fauor And whie doo you estrange your selfe from so greate kindenes offered vnto you so francklie of mine owne accord Doubtlesse though you did certainlie vnderstand that I were purposed to giue you the deniall yet ought you not to desist from praier nor yet to be out of all hope of being heard but so much the more earnestlie to be instant in crieng vntill you were heard For my mercies are infinite and what I denie at one time maie bee granted fauorablie at another How knowe you whether I will turne my face vnto you and grant you the desire of your hart And what saith the Prophet concerning mee Approch vnto him and be illightened so shall not your faces be confounded Wherefore accuse your slowe comming vnto mee rather than your often approching and rather your fearefull shamefastnes than your prompt presuming of forgiuenes To hope well of my goodnes is a verie token of true humilitie and of a great faith This doo I speake that you maie not offend and that when you doo offend you despeire not but rise againe with speede For yet you haue hope and an aduocate with the Father What Looke you to be all woorthie before you make accesse vnto mee And of your selfe when will you be so If onlie such as are good and worthie and great and perfect should approch vnto mee to whome should sinners and publicans approch So then what saith the Gospell There resorted vnto him publicans and sinners to heare him Therefore let the vnwoorthie approch that theie maie become woorthie let the wicked approch that theie maie be made good let the weake and vnperfect approch that theie maie prooue strong and perfect yet let all and euerie one approch that theie maie receaue from the abundant streames of the well of life I am the well of life that can not be drawen drie He which is a thirst let him come vnto me and drinke And he which hath nothing let him come and buie without siluer and without monie Hee that is sick let him come to be healed Hee that is neither hot nor cold let him come to be inflamed Hee that is fearefull let him come to be encouraged hee that is sorowfull let him come to be comforted Hee that is withered let him come to be fatted hee that is wearied with cares let him come to be refreshed with ioie Lo my delite is to be with the children of men Hee that desireth wisedome let him come vnto my lessons Hee that seeketh riches let him come to receaue those which are eternall and vncorruptible Hee that hunteth for honor let him come to get an euerlasting name in the inheritance of heauen hee that wisheth for felicitie let him come and hee shall taste the soueraigne eternall and infinite happines I euen I it is which giue all temporall good things yea and besides that I giue eternall riches in the heauens And what I promise I will performe at such time as my commandements are dulie obserued And hee then shall be crowned gloriouslie in heauen that hath foughten couragiouslie in this world CHAP. 19. 1. The desire of a Christian Soule is neuer satisfied till God bee enioied 2. No comfort anie whit comparable to the spirituall ioie LEt the meditation of