were Communicated to me in such a manner and measure as unspeakably passeth my Frail Capacity to tell forth or express Which occasioned me to call to Mind my former Wondering and Musing while going on in the way of my Ignorant and Blind Zeal in Serving God before the Spirit of Bondage visited me to think what the Joy of the Holy Ghost should mean Whenever I did Read of the Joy of the Holy Ghost Or did hear any mention thereof Joy of the Holy think I Lord what is that What is the meaning of it I cannot tell or apprehend what this Joy of the Holy Ghost should be Sixthly The Spirit of Adoption was given me whereby I was enabled to come to God's Throne of Grace and with a Holy and Humble Boldness to call him my God and my Father The Instinct in the New Creation wrought by the God of all Grace in me led me to God as the Fountain of all Good The Spirit given me putting into my Mouth Words of Solemn Thanks and Praise for the Greatness and Strangeness of my Salvation To my Knees I betook me Adoreing and Worshipping with my Spirit That Holy Jehovah Trinity in Unity and Unity in Trinity Father Son and Holy Ghost the True and Eternal God Whom all the time of my Blind Zeal and during the time of my Bondage State I had so Ignorantly Worshipped I was now and never before Enabled Jacob like to catch hold of and to Wrestle with a Reconciled God The Greatness Holiness and Infiniteness of his Majesty which before I knew him in Christ terrified and affrightned me with a Witness Animated and Encouraged me in Praying to him It is not to be Exprest in Words with what Alacrity and Chearfulness of Spirit I approached the Throne of Grace and with what Enlargedness and inward Meltings of Heart and Soul I called on God When I did but mention this My God and my Father Oh! what Ravishment of Soul did I Experimentally feel Overflowing and Drowning my very Spirit To my Bed I went with a Glad Ravish'd Heart Christ knows The Burning Inflammation which the Horror and Bondage of my Wounded Despairing Conscience caused in my Body was gon and my Bodys Disposition to Crookedness thought the sinking weight which lay on my Spirit within was Instantly Rebuked and caused to Retreat by the Glad and Joyful Tideings of Gospel Peace which that Night took up its Lodging within me Succeeding and Powerfully Supplanting that Spirit of Bondage which made me so hopeless and as I thought Past all possibility of escapeing Hell No sooner was I stretched in my Bed but Swooning and Fainting Fits of Love Sickness seized me I was Inwardly and Spiritually so Apprehensive of the Mysteriousness of Christs Incarnation his Humbling himself even to Death his lying Confined as a Prisoner in the Grave and his being Raised therefrom again his Ascending to Heaven from whence he came and his Sitting down at the Fathers Right Hand to Enter on the Work of Intercession with God And that as my Surety and Mediator and all for me that I verily thought my Body was near its Dissolution A thing which the clear and certain assurance given me of my being an Adopted Son of God made me even Long and Pant after My Thoughts and Meditations were now wholly Employed about Christ and that Blessed Change which I Sensibly felt was Past on me The sweet and Soul Ravishing Communion I had with Father Son and Holy Ghost was to me instead of Meat Drink and Sleep and that the most Pleasing and Satisfactory that I ever Enjoyed The Actings and Sufferings of Christ in the assumed Nature for me were so realized and the Virtue and Reconciling Efficacy of the same so sensibly set home on my Wounded and Bleeding Soul by the Spirit of Adoption that I thought I had the Person of Christ claspt in my Arms in the Bed Oh! The sweet Intercourses which by the Operation of the Holy Ghost passed between Precious Jesus and my Languid Soul Then was I made to know Experimentally the meaning of Rev. 3. 20. While I was Wakeing I was entertained with strange variety of Interlocution or Discourse which Passed between Christ and me which did Explain and Unfold to me that in Prov. 6. 22. During this I continued in such a Melting Frame that the very Pillow-beer under my Head was as if dipt in a River through the great abundance of Tears of unconceivable Joy which the Sense and feeling of Christ's Love constrained me to shed When I found a necessity of turning in my Bed I could not turn without my Dearly Beloved and Incomparably Loving Jesus in my Arms with me When I Slumber'd and Slept I was soon visited with most Joyful and Ravishing Dreams of God Christ Holy Ghost the Glory of Heaven and the unutterable Bliss and Felicity of those Souls who are Reconciled to God by Christ This was very Frequent and common when Sleep came on me after I had been Sealed in Beleiving And albeit I never durst to heed or mind Nocturnal Dreams yet they have sometimes had such a strange Influence on me that I have felt such delightful Joy and Comfort in my Spirit that sometimes I have been at a stand to think whether I had been asleep or awake It was a frequent Practice with me for some considerable time how long I cannot now Remember to arise in my Bed when I awaked out of My sleep to Bend my Knees and lift up my Eyes Hands and Heart to heaven to Land Praise and Magnify Father Son and Holy Ghost for the greatness and strangeness of my so unexpected and unlook'd for Salvation Being but the Night before yea and every Morning ready to Drop into final Desparation of ever being Saved Oh! What a loss was I at in my self Not knowing how sufficiently to Extol and Bless God for what had now befallen me I was even ready to quarrel with my self because of the narrowness and streightness of my Soul which hindred that I could not take in more of God and go out in more enlarged Expressions of Love and Praises to him For above six Months together I could neither lye down nor arise go down or come up Stairs pass in or out from one place to another but I strongly Conceited that I perceived a Guard of Angels attending my Person It cannot be Expressed with what scorn and abhorrence I look'd on the Pride and Gallantry of the Family where I Lived Their Changeable Suits of Rich and Glittering Apparel with their Choice Meats and sweet Musick with other delightful Pastimes I look'd on and accounted them but as Smoak and Dust The Titles of Worldly Honour wherein the Rest of my Relations did not a little Glory I accounted the same but a meer empty Vanity Oh! think I That my Poor Relations could see taste and feel what I do how would they disrelish and be ashamed and weary of these Poor perishing sensual Delights wherein they Place their Delight and
Improve that Action to the utmost to the Reproach of Dissenters The which afterward fell out as I feared The Alderman refusing to comply with that my but reasonable Request he alledging for his non-compliance with me that he had none but me whom he could trust in an Affair of that Nature Finding the Ineffectualness of my Endeavours to prevail with the Alderman to Excuse or Exempt me from that Service and his strict Commands being Instant upon me a Writ was taken out of which the said Grundy having notice he Absconds for a time on this I took the two special Bayliffs who were to Execute the Writ with nine or ten of the Village he lived in into the House along with me to Witness that I Seized those Goods which were Visible in the House for the use of Alderman Preston and that for the non-payment of Rent I mov'd no Goods but left them where I found them leaving them to the Disposal of the Alderman Immediately on this the wretched Man contrives with some Papist Russians to lay a Plot against me the Substance of which was that on a Day I entred his House to Distrain for such a Man naming Alderman Preston and meeting with a Cabinet I forc'd the Lock and Stole Three Pound Fifteen Shillings which he said his Witnesses would positively Swear they saw me to Reckon and put into my Pocket forthwith he Rides to a Justice of Peace for a Warrant to Bind me over acquainting the Justice with the whole of the concern in all its Circumstances The Justice tho' Enemy enough on the Account of Religion told him plainly that he would not grant a Warrant against me if he would give him Five Hundred Pounds He goes to a Second to a Third and to a Fourth about the same Errand but from none of them could he get a Warrant to Bind me over they being all affraid to meddle at that time with me whether for fear of my Uncle who was at that time Lord Chief Justice of the Kingdom of Ireland or from any restraint from God on their Spirits I do not know He finding all his Hopes of having me for ever disgraced if not Arraigned for my Life frustrated Prepares a Bill of Indictment to Arraign me at my Uncles Barr the Term next ensuing This Assault I confess was a great Tryal of the little Faith and Patience which the Gift of God handed out to my Poor Soul in the instant of Regeneration as ever I have since met with I have sometimes with Holy David thought that my Mountain in respect of Inward and Settled Peace of Concience should never be shaken or mov'd till this Storm arose And albeit it did not influence my Soul inwardly to shake my Comfort and Confidence in God God and my own Conscience knowing mine Integrity and Innocency in the thing laid to my Charge Yet Considering the Reproach which I apprehended would hence arise to the Name Gospel and People of God the Stain and Scandal it would be to my whole Family no Man can fully conceive the disquietude and shame which took up its Lodging in my Breast Oh! the tossings and workings of my Spirit Lord think I What will this come to Thou knowest mine Innocency in this Matter But the World will readily Believe I am Guilty Blasphemy and sad Reproach will hence Redound to thy Most Holy and Tremendous Name and Gospel which I value unspeakably more than my Life and all the World The truly Godly and Religious the only Men of my delight will with sad Hearts often think how sadly they were mistaken in me what to apprehend this Storm would Issue in any other than what I have already exprest I could not Imagine The guiltless Blushes which daily on this occasion appear'd in my Countenance I concluded would be to all that saw me an Argument of my Guilt The thoughts of the Term approaching encreas'd the Inward Preturbation of my Mind and the Blushings of my Face to think I must stand Arraigned for Felony before a Judge and all my other Relations who but a few Years before had unanimously Censured Condemned and cast me out of their Favours and Affections for being a Phanatick as they term True and Gospel Religion Oh! How close this went secretly wishing but still with humble submission to God that he would please either to break that horrid Plot before I came to be publickly Arraign'd as a Malefactor or else call me off by Death which I did unspeakably prefer before living to be a cause of Reproach and Blasphemy to the Name and Religion of the Most High God As the Term drew very near and the various and restless tossing of my mind on that Account encreased God Infinitely Wise and ever faithful to his Word who best knows how to time Deliverance and break those Nets in which the Enemies hope to catch the Innocent He a very short space before the Term le ts loose the Reins to this wicked Mans Guilty Conscience which wrought so violently with him that all the strength of Reason in him yea the hopes he inwardly cherished of seeing me brought to perpetual Disgrace if not cut off were not able to restrain him from treading the Foot steps of Judas A Rope he gets out he goes to his own Garden in the dusk of the Evening and having fastned the Rope about his Neck just as he was drawing the end of the Rope through the Arm of a Tree on which he designed to Hang himself his Wife and his Man happened to discover what he was about On this the Shout was up and such a Cry made as did presently bring about him all the Neighbours who over powering him prevented his intended design But notwithstanding their cutting the Rope yet could they have no access to that Guilty Conscience of his to asswage or allay the horrible and self Condemning Agonies which like restless Waves and Billows did distract and torment his Soul He being by force stretched on his Bed and with the same Rope he attempted to Hand himself being fast bound to the Bed he fell into raging and desperate Fits like to a Demoniack dashing his Head with all his force against the Bed-Stock Foaming at the Mouth uttering these Words as fast and with a strange vehemency which Frighted all the By-standers as he could viz. I drive away Cows I Sell Cows No I drove away no Cows I Sold no Cows Roger Eckersley and Captain Stopford will give under their Hands that I am an honest man And so in raging Madness expired his last Breath with these Words in his dying Mouth I drove no Cows away I Sold no Cows which were the last Words he spoke The Reader must know that before this Plot designed against my Life and Reputation the same Poor Wretch Commenced a Law Suit against me or which he had not the least appearance of Reason save what he and some others as desperately Wicked as himself had contrived and which was stoutly sworn
7. Jo. 16. 14. Jo. 17. 6. Ephes 1. 17. Fifthly He Interrogated or Queried of my Soul as follows 1. Art thou become truly and thoroughly sensible and convinced that thou art by Departing from and Sinning against God an undone miserable and guilty Creature having lost his Blessed Image stamped on thee in Adam thy Natural and Faederal Head in the First Creation And being now become obnoxious to God's Curse and the Wrath to come and Partaker of such a Spiritual Impotency as Renders thee utterly uncapable of doing any thing whereby thou mayst be Delivered out of thy present folorn condition Art thou Conviuced that this thy Misery is of thy own bringing upon thee Sinner Answers O thou Most Holy Just and Tremenduous God! By the Light now Sprung from thee the Fountain of all Light into my Dungeon-like Soul I plainly see what a wretch I am become no way like what thou at first made me in Adam I am likewise fully Convinced that this my Misery was brought on me by my every way voluntary Defection and Apostacy when in Adam's Loins I first yielded to the Motion of the Tempter 2. Art thou Convinced of what the real Desert and Merit of thy Sinning against a Holy and Righteous God is What canst thou say against Gods Casting thee into Hell for that Hellish Rebelon of thine against his Holy and Righteous Law Sin Ans O thou Most Holy and Everlastingly Righteous God who canst not possibly Act amiss in any thing thou dost with thy Creatures I am by the Convincing Power of thy Holy Spirit made Sensible that by my Departing from and Rebelling against thy Majesty I have forfeited that Right I had in Adam to all Good Spiritual and Temporal And shouldst thou Cast me into Hell and Assign me my Portion with the Apostate Angels whose Conduct and wretched Example I followed when I turned my Back on thee thou art and wilt for ever be and remain a Just a Holy and a Most Righteous God my Misery is of my own Procurement and so far am I from reflecting on thee as unjust shouldst thou throw me from thee for ever that I am amaz'd and astonished to think I should be so long out of Hell The Place where I sometimes evenlong'd to be to try whether there was any specifical Difference between the Torments and Miseries of that Place and what I felt in my self while shut up in thy Laws Prison under the sharp and killing Pedagogie thereof 3. Hast thou Viewed and taken notice of that Mediator which I have proposed and discovered to thee in the Gospel Dost thou think or canst thou be perswaded that he can do thy Work for thee viz. Save thee from Curse and Wrath to come and not only so but to Restore thee and bring thee back again to the Favour and Fellowship of God Dost thou see in him an Adequate suitableness to Answer all thy Necessities Sinner Answers O Lord My Eyes are so intent and fix'd on that Mediator that I can have no leisure or spare time to look on any other object in Heaven or Earth never did neither can Men or Angels behold or see such an object except himself The Angels and all the Glory of the whole Creation are but Darkness and Deformity when compared to his Surpassing and Incomparable Amiableness and Loveliness since I had the first glimps of him as held forth and discovered by thy Divine and Efficacious Manifestation I have forgotten my Misery and the fearful Thoughts of Hell and Damnation are swallowed up of the Thoughts and Apprehensions I have of his suitableness to Answer the necessitous Condition of such a Sinner as I am 4. Hast thou Viewed and Observed him so as to like him and choose him for thy Reconciler and Saviour What sayest thou Poor Sinner Wilt thou have him for thine own 'T is Personal Propriety in him that makes the Thoughts and Sight of him Ravishing and Enriching for ever Sinner Answers O Tremendous and Astonishing Mystery of Divine Grace in sending forth from the Father and the Son that Holy Spirit of Promise that by his Illuminating Virtue and quickening Power I might have such a saving Sight of Christ the Saviour as should both beget in me a likeing to his Person and likewise cause in me a burning desire to be Vnited and Married to him I am indeed sick of Love to him and filled with such desires after him as nothing short of a Mystical Vnion to his Most Holy and Glorious Person can satisfy my thirsting Soul 5. Art thou willing that this Mediator shall have the whole Honour of Saving thee by his own Mediatorial Righteousness For As no Righteousness of a meer Creature can stand before the Bar of Gods Infinite and Incomprehensible Holiness and to abide such a Tryal as to be Judged fit and sufficient to Justifie a Sinner before God seeing that the Righteousness to which such Honour is Reserved and Assigned must be the Righteousness of God And also the Righteousness of a sinless Man so this Mediator will become a Saviour to none who will mix or join any thing of their own or other Creatures with his Immaculate and All-sufficient Righteousness The whole and entire Work of Reconciling and Saving Sinners is Devolv'd on him alone He will admit of no Competitor in this Work to which the Father hath Called and Anointed him And the which he himself as Vademony and Surety for God's Elect hath undertaken to go through and Perform What sayest thou Sinner Art thou willing to this Sin Ans O thou Holy of Holy's I see and find so little need of joyning any Righteousness of my own or other Creatures to the Compleat and Perfect Righteousness of this Mediator that I am resolved to look no where else for a Righteousness whereby to be Justified and Saved I am fully Convinced that as he needs no Coadjutor to help him out in this Work of Saving Sinners seeing he is the Holy and Almighty one of God able to Save to the uttermost So I see nothing like a Legal Righteousness which can Answer the Demand of the strict and Righteous Law of God either in my self or any other meer Creature whatsoever Whatever therefore is or can be Suggested or Objected by the Devil or Carnal Reason against this Righteousness of his as Insufficient to Save I am by Strength from above fixedly Resolved to cast my Weary Bleeding Soul thereon come Life come Death 6. There is a thing called the Cross which thou must expect and look to meet with if thou resolve to Live and Reign with Christ in Heaven hereafter Thou must look to Part with all that in this World is Near and Dear to thee for his sake and the Gospels Thou must Sacrifice thy Reputation and Credit among Men. Thou must become willing to be accounted a Fool a Madman a Turbulent Fellow an Enemy to Caesar a Separatist from the Church Thou must not think or look to be advanced to Worldly Wealth and
Achilles I am uncertain but in this of the Wounding and Healing of my Soul I am not more certain of any thing in Nature than I am that the Spirit of Christ which Wounded me by the Law did also Heal me by the Gospel Job 5. 18. For he maketh Sore and Bindeth up He Woundeth and his Hands make whole OBSERVATION IV. See and Learn hence How stedfast and faithful God is to his Word of Promise When for Christ and the Gospel was forsaken and cast off by my Father and all other Fleshly Relations being turn'd out empty handed to the wide World and not knowing whether to go or what to do God took care of me and provided a Lodging and Friends for me which with the Peace of my Conscience gave me more satisfaction and comfortable content than all the Gallantry and Greatness of my Fleshly Relations Those sweet Promises Recorded in the Scriptures and made good by the Providence of God have oftentimes Refreshed and Ravish'd my pensive and weary Soul Psal 27. 10. When my Father and my Mother forsake me then the Lord will take me up Mat. 19 29. And every one that hath forsaken Houses or Brethren or Sisters or Father or Mother or Wife or Children or Lands for my Name 's sake shall Receive an Hundred fold and shall Inherit Everlasting Life Heb. 13. 5. Let your Conversation be without Covetousness and be content with such things as ye have For he hath said I will never never never never never leave thee nor forsake thee The Greek hath no less than five Negatives in this one Scripture to assure the true Believer that God will in no wise forget or forsake him I have been forsaken of my Nurse when but three Months old but I was taken into the Nursery of God's Providential Care which causes in me often to think with Comfort of that in Psal 22. 10. I was cast upon thee from the Womb thou art my God from my Mothers Belly The same Providence which took Care of the Head takes Care also of the Members I was forsaken of my Bodily Physitians But the Great Physitian of Soul and Body Cur'd me by poor Contemptible Snails I was forsaken of my Earthly Father and all Fleshly Relations But God is become by Grace and Free Adoption my Father who will never forske me Totally or Finally I was forsaken by my Brethren and Sisters But those who are the Sons and Daughters of God they are become my Brethren and Sisters And albeit many of them who know me not are on Malicious Reports prejudiced against me yet others of them who know me and Gods dealing with me they Love me dearly I have been forsaken by several of my Church Members in Ireland and England Christ my Lord and Master hath been so before me Jo. 6. 66. From that time many of his Disciples went back and walked no more with him Yet God is my God still I have been forsaken of My Brethren in the Sacred Office and left to stand alone when Popery and Quakerism were coming in like a Floud None stepping in to help or Encourage me against those Adversaries of Gods Religion But he that stood by Paul when all other Preachers in his day forsook him stood by me and emboldned me against their Threats and Malice I had Thoughts of Printing the most material Objections brought in by Satan to distress and distract a poor Sinner to keep him from Christ And how the Spirit of Grace Taught and Enabled me to Answer them all But my intended Brevity hath Prevented me therein All Glory Honour and Eternal Praise to the only Wise and Glorious God Father Son and Holy Ghost Amen Amen Postscript LEst Satan should get an Advantage by this Relation of God's strange and wonderful dealing with me in bringing me Home to Christ in such an unusual manner and his Handling me so sharply by the Spirit of Bondage As also his Bountiful dealing with me in making my Soul the Receptacle of such Ravishing Joy and unutterable Consolation upon Believing in Christ in Effectual Calling I thought it may be seasonable to give the present Caution to the Poor Doubting Tempted Believer who through Satans Subtilty Tempting will find him or her self wretchedly Prone to Conclude from what they read of my Conversion That the Work of true Conversion was never yet effectually wrought in themselves And that because they were never under such Terrible Bondage of Soul Neither ever yet were lifted up so near Heaven as I was Such Poor Tempted Believers are to consider the Particulars following for their help and relief against the Tempter in this Case First Consider That as in Nature there is a vast disparity or difference between Persons in the Natural Birth so there is as vast a difference in the Spiritual Birth Some Women go through abundantly more and sharper Pains and Throws in Travel than others meet with Some Babes meet with greater difficulties and dangers in the Birth than do others The causes whereof in Nature tho they appear not to us yet it is most certain that so it is So in Conversion some Souls pass through greater Horror and Bondage in the Consciences than others do Some are brought as it were through the very Jaws of Hell and desparation as I was others are dealt more easily and gently with Being sweetly allured and as it were insensibly Transplanted into Christ they not well knowing what is done to them Paul and the rugged Jaylor were handled more roughly their Conscience were more deeply Wounded with the frightning Terrors of God's Law set Home by the Spirit of Bondage than Lydia whose Heart the Lord opened with more gentle Touches of his Spirit Acts 9. 6. Acts 16. 15 29. That Woman who is safely Delivered without any danger or great difficulty to herself or her Babe hath no reason to question whether she be indeed Delivered because she went not through such danger and difficulty as her Neighbour did who narrowly escaped with her Life neither hath she any Cause of being Jealous with her Neighbour because her case or condition was more dangerous and desperate in Travel than was her own Thou who art brought to Christ by the gentle Drawings of the spirit of Grace and not brought so nigh to the affrightning sight of Hell And to such a Sense and feeling of the Pains of the Damned As have caused some to think themselves actually in Hell Admire at and Bless God for his Condescention towards thee in bringing thee through the New Birth so easily Secondly Consider That albeit the truth of thy Conversion be not so sensibly discern'd as the Conversion of that Person is who is brought Home in the way of Legal Terror Yet thou art bound to Bless God for the smallest measure of Grace bestowed on thee as the smallest Spark of Fire tho' it be hid under a great heap of Ashes is as truly Fire as the greatest Fire in Nature So thy small Grace which in comparison of some others Grace may be so weak and little that it can scarcely be discerned yet Grace it is tho' thou know it not to be so And he who bestowed it on thee and wrought it in thee he will never reject or neglect thee because of thy little Grace while he sees thee Constant and Diligent in the use of means Labouring to grow in Grace Esa 42. 3. Mat. 5. 6. Esa 41. 17. Phil. 1. 6. Oh! But I do not find that I am brought to Christ and which is far worse I fear I never shall To this I Answer in Two Particulars First Thy very fear about this greatest of Concerns is an Argument of thy Translation from the First Adam to the Second Adam Christ Jesus the Lord. If the Spirit of Grace had not given thee some Sight and Taste of the Excellency and Sweetness of Christ thou couldest never prize or desire after him 'T is only the Child that hath Tasted the Hony or Sugar that Longs and Crys for more Secondly If thou findest a fixt Resolution in thy Soul in going on to seek the Lord. And his Strength by Prayer and Supplication and other means of Grace not resting in or depending upon them but on Christ alone for Life and Salvation My Life for thine come Death when God Pleaseth to send it it will end all thy fears and put thee beyond the reach of all thine Enemies Thy frequent Crying to God in Prayer for Christ and Saving Grace is the Eccho of Christ Praying for thea at the Throne of Grace And thy going on and continuing to Watch at Wisdoms Gates could not possibly be without invisible Supplies of Spiritual Strength Communicated to thy Soul by the Spirit of Christ THE END
by an Irish Papist Witness for but one poor Quart of Ale against me at the Assizes held in the County where he and I Lived God knows I no more knew any thing of what he Charged against me in his Civil Bill then I knew of the Three Pound Fifteen Shillings for which he designed to Arraign me But so it was that upon the Evidence possitively Swearing a Decree was Granted for Seven Pound which was the Sum mentioned in his Bill The Decree contrary to promise being on a sudden while I was from Home about Business Executed Seven Prime Milch Cows of my Stock where taken away and in half an Hours time Appraised and Sold for Seven Pounds tho' the Cows in the Judgment of all that knew them and who understood Cattel were really worth Thirty Pounds between Brother and Brother And thus it pleased God in the Wonder working Providence of his to break these Nets which the Devil by his Instruments laid not only for my Life but also for my Credit and Reputation I do not in the least doubt but the great Advantage which the Devil proposed to himself by putting those Miscreants on Work to bring my Name and Person into the blackest Contempt was to overthrow the efficacy of my Ministry when I should be thereto called For the Devil knew very well how importunate Godly Ministers and others were with me to take on me that great Work of the Ministry And sore guesses no doubt he had how greatly I should be Employ'd in disturbing his Kingdom being in a great measure made acquainted with his Lion and Fox like Devices several Years before I was prevailed with to adventure on so Great and Sacred a Work Many more Strange Deliverances hath the Providence of God wrought for me his Poor unworthy Creature The which I am Necessitated to Omit fearing my Book should Swell to too great a Bulk I heartily wish that both my self and others who Read what I have Faithfully and Impartially Related of the Wonders of Divine Providence towards me might be so rightly Affected with what I have Related as to give God the Glory and Praise of his own Works And be by Reading these things stirr'd up and Encouraged for ever to trust in that Adorable Providence of Heaven which never fails them who belong to Christ CHAP. II. An Account of God's Woderful Dealings with me about the Concerns of my Soul some Years before the Spirit of Bondage took me WHen I was between Fourteen and Fifteen Years of Age or thereabouts as near as I can Remember the Lord was pleased to dart some beginnings of Convictions into my Soul Which was after this manner One Lord's Day as I was in the Height of Vigour in Profaning God's Holy Day with the Rude and Ignorant Papists there was darted into my Conscience like an affrightning flash of Lightening from above this Apprehension and Thought Viz. That I must be either Converted or else sent to Hell to be Damned This Arrow being Shot out of his Bow who never misseth the Mark at which he Shoots took up its Lodging within me But what to make of it or what the meaning of it should be I was as far to seek as a Beast so Ignorant and Bruitish was I the Lord knows But though I knew not from whence it came or what its Tendency would be yet being a Messenger from God it maintained its Ground stuck close by me accompanied me whereever I went putting me sometimes into a Sweat sometimes into inward Shiverings of Soul sometimes into distracting and perplexing Cogitations and Thoughts what it should be Be sent to Hell think I Lord What 's that And be Damn'd Bless me think I What 's this to be Damn'd Dear Reader Believe me I had Read in Scripture the Words Hell and Damn'd with the term Converted But no more did I understand the Sense or the meaning of the one or the other of those three Words than a Beast At length I began in my Thoughts to fix on something what this strange thing should be or mean And the Result came to this I did Conceive and strongly Apprehend that Hell and Damn'd were some ugly frightful and dangerous thing to the which should I be brought I should be a sad and undone Creature for ever As for the other viz. Converted I did verily think it meant no more than the leaving off or ceasing from those Mad and Youthful Pranks of Prophaning the Sunday as I then called the Lord's Day with several other Immoralities to which I been exceedingly and wretchedly adicted and in the stead or room of those vain and wretched Practises to fall upon a serious and sober Living Both of which I fully concluded lay within the compass of my own Free-Will and Natural Power to effect Accordingly I fell to Work Deserting and throwing off both my Wicked Companions and also my dearly beloved Sports and sinful Pastimes To the Bible and Practice of Piety a Book I dearly Lov'd I Adrest my self with all Imaginable Devotion and Seriousness And being fully resolved on a thorow Work of Conversion that so I might shun and escape Hell and being Damn'd I became very Bookish Looking into almost every Book where ever I came to try whether I could meet with any help which might forward me in my new Trade of Religion Among other Books wherewith I met Mr. Baxter's Call to the Vn-Converted came into my Hands the which I did no sooner open but its Title Page invited my Fancy to make choice of it for my chief Companion the which I also did Blessing my self in that Book more than with any other wherewith I had met the more and oftener I Read it the more was I Enamor'd with it even to a preferring it before Gods own Sacred Book So suited was it to the Purpose I had then Engaged in viz. to Work out of my self and in my own Strength that great Work of Conversion To my course of Reading and Praying by those Forms of Prayer in the Common-Prayer-Book and Practice of Piety I joined very strict and severe Fasting Taking up a Resolution that I would in a most Solemn manner observe two Days in every Week viz. Wednesday and Friday for my Fasting Days The which I also did even to such a degree of Pharisaicall severity that I almost rendred my Body unfit for any Service But Converted I must be and Converted I was Resolved to be whatever it cost me in order whereto I kept my Religious doings of Duty both Negatively and Positively with such a Constant and Zealous elaborateness that I verily believe it would be hard to find one among the Romish Monks who could in all respects match me or out do me at the Trade of Serving God in that way I fell in with It can hardly be told much less believed how great Zeal I had for God and how restless my Active and Working Spirit was to be with him in Heaven Tho' I neither knew God according
should be an Honour to the Family and a Man of no ordinary Figure in the Orb of the Church CHAP. III. Seting forth the Spirit of Bondage seiz'd me in the very heighth of my Confidence of being in a good and sure state of Salvation What sad work it made with me and what means I used for Help and Relief under its killing and sinking Weight WHen I was about Twenty One Years of Age in the very heat and height of my Zeal in Prosecuting that Righteousness consisting of that Negative and Positive Obedience which the Law Moral enjoyns and requires as the condition of Life and Salvation It pleased God to send forth the Spirit of Bondage to Seize me to the end I might be Instructed and fully convinc'd how vain my Confidence of being Sav'd and going to Heaven in that self pleasing way of Legal Righteousness was The manner of it was thus being on the Day called Easter Monday at my Cathedral Devotion in the Place call'd Christ Church in Dublin a Place I constantly frequented to Morning and Evening Service and a Place which I more Zaelously Lov'd and Venerated than any Place in the World besides For that I verily conceited in my self it was as the very Entrance into Heaven it self After the Service was ended one Dr. Golborn Preach'd his Text was in Ephes 5. 14. Wherefore he saith Awake thou that sleepest and arise from the dead and Christ shall give thee light A Good and Choice Text but how well or ill Handled I must acknowledge my self to have been at that time a very incompetent Judge to say or determine About the middle of the Sermon as near as I could guess there was darted into my mind this sad and killing Thought viz. that I had the day before Received the Sacrament unworthily which sad Thought was back'd with that of 1 Cor. 11. 29 For he that Eateth and Drinketh unworthily Eateth and Drinketh Damnation to himself not descerning the Lords Body This sad and dismal Thought back'd as I said with that Scripture just now Quoted Not any Word spoken by the Preacher was that which seiz'd my Mind and let in the Spirit of Bondage upon me No sooner had I look'd this 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 oâ— â—ore-runner of the Spirit of Bondage in the Face compareing it with the place already mentioned but I concluded my self a lost and an undone man My Spirit was in such an amazing Fright and over whelming consternation to think that I was most certainly Damn'd to all intents and purposes that indeed I verily thought all the People in the place were a swarm or a Legion of Devils which God in revengefull wrath had sent from the Bottomless Pit to guard and attend my Guilty Soul thither The apprehensions I had of being Damn'd and sent to Hell so rack'd and tormented my Spirit that I found my self unable to stay till Sermon was ended Away I ran out of that Place to shun as I then thought those swarms of Devils which I strongly conceived were to guard me to Hell As soon as I came to my Lord of Santry's where I then Liv'd I entered my Chamber with a sad and heavy Heart God knows to my Knees I go with an intent to Pray if so be there might be any scrap of Hope of my escaping being Eternally Damn'd But alass What Tongue or Pen can Relate the Pass and condition I was then at My Reason my Conscience and my very Speech were as it were Plung'd and Drown'd in the Gulph of Despair so that I could neither utter a Word in Prayer nor yet consider what I should do to Relieve my Bleeding Soul in that sore distress I durst not abide in my Chamber fearing to see and feel the Devils actually to Seize me To the Minister of the Parish I went from whose Hands I Received the Sacrament but the Day before not knowing but that he might Administer some kind of Relief to one in my condition He observing the gastliness of my Looks and taking notice that somewhat ailed me he asked me how I did to which I could not Reply He pressing to know what the matter was I at length in a very abrupt and broken manner told him that I was full of the apprehensions and fears that I was a Damn'd Man and that there was no hopes of Mercy for such a one as I was The Minister somewhat surprized at so sudden and so great a Change since but the Day before he began to Examin what great and heinous Sins one of my Age and one in so encouraging Circumstances as I was in could be guilty of which should occasion such sad Despair He mentioned some Texts of Scriptures thereby hoping to have given some Relief to my weary gasping Soul but all in vain God's time of Healing me being not yet come And finding by my frequent coming to him for Ease and Comfort to how little purpose he had laboured with me he at length advised me to Ride into the Country to Visit my Father and other Relations and by that means as also by Exercising my self with such Exercise as I formerly delighted in as Shooting with the Gun and Angling to divert my Melancholy Thoughts This I was glad to hear of my own Inclinations leading so strongly to it in order to the effecting of which I Addressed my self to my Lord's House-Keeper entreating her to acquaint my Lord that in regard of some present Indisposition under which I laboured and in order to my Health I had not only an inclination but was advised to Visit my Father in the Country in order whereto I thought it convenient to acquaint his Lordship therewith to the end I might obtain not only his Lordships free consent but also the liberty of a Horse to perform my intended Journey The House-Keeper no sooner delivered my request to my Lord but my Lord Commands her to call me up into his Chamber As soon as I received the Command I fell immediately into a great Sweat and sore Trembling up I went and being entered into the Chamber my Lord Locks the Chamber Door and laying his Hat on a Cabinet sits down in his Chair and with an earnest and piercing Eye looks on a pretty while before he Speaks I all the while sweating and quaking At length my Lord begins with James what ails you What is the matter I hear you go privately to Ministers there is somewhat ails you What is it I perceiving by my Lord's Discourse that the Minister of the Parish had acquainted my Lord with my Case I found my self far more uneasie than before My Sweat and Trembleings of Soul encreasing upon me My Lord continued querying What ails you James tell me what is the matter I was so overwhelm'd in my Spirit that my Speech was swallowed up as Job saith Job 6. 3. But my Lord not letting me alone but with earnest Importunities pressing to know what I ailed I at length as a poor Condemn'd Caitiff hanging by a
the Chamber Door I found the Horror and Fright under which I Laboured greatly to encrease the Devil suggesting that he would either pull me back from entring into the Chamber or else that he would enter along with me to hinder or distract me in my intended Devotion All this while the place of Scripture above mentioned ran still in my Thoughts as before Being entred into my Chamber all in a Sweat and unusual Consternation of Spirit I stood before the Bed-side where I used to kneel in Praying and with my Eyes closed as I was taking my self to Task endeavouring to Recollect my Memory where I had been all that Day With what Company I had Convers'd What Duties I had knowingly omitted And what Immoralities I had any ways consented to All on a sudden I found the Eyes of my Understanding so clearly Enlightned that I was enabled to know and understand the meaning of that Place of Scripture which run all that Day in my Thoughts A Scripture than which The whole Book of God could not afford a more suitable Text for the design therein which was to debase the Creature and to Extol and to Advance the Grace and Mercy of the Most High Jehovah who alone Excluding all others is God over all Blessed for Evermore I was from the time of my first awakening as above mentioned possess'd of an Opinion that Conversion consisted in an External or outward Reformation of the Life and that it was in the Power of the Creature to effect the same And that by Repenting of the by-past Follies of Youth and by a Strenuous and Zealous Constancy in walking strictly according to the Precepts of the Moral Law both negatively and possitively for the time to come I was then under the Predominancy of a legal Spirit and acting under the Covenant of Works looking with the Bond-Womans Children for Justification and Life Eternal in the way of Works Reckoning it the only sure and safe way to expect Salvation by performing the Conditinal Covenant of Works and abounding in such personal Qulifications as might render me acceptable to God Of which I have often thought I had as great measure as any he I knew Living I shall not Insist on the Particulars of those Inherent Qualifications wherein I am apt to believe I did match if not out strip the strictest Moralist I know who is yet in his Natural State In short I was exceeding Zealous in the Law not in the least understanding the Spiritual meaning thereof or how miserably wretched I was by reason of its Condemning Sentence against not only my worst but also against my most Refined Acts of Morality I did then as too to many do at this Day of Gospel Light viz. set up the Letter of the Law in opposition to the Spirit of the Law But so it pleased God that by his enabling me to understand the Mind of his Spirit in that Text I soon became convinced that I had taken wrong Methods in order to get from under the Laws Curse and to have a Settled Peace in my self The Course I had taken for Relieving my wounded and sinking Spirit I perceived to be directly contrary to the Gospel way of saveing lost Sinners I was all for Doing and Working and the more Works I did the farther I found my self from true Peace and Comfort My Chief and only Work now was Believing in the Son of God in whom alone that Righteousness is to be found which Reconciles a Sinner to an offended God From that Text above mentioned the Covenant of God's Free Grace in Christ was Explained and laid open before the Eyes of my Enlightned Understanding the Terms whereof I found were as far wide of or contrary to the way to which the Covenant of Works directs for attaining Life Eternal as the East is from the West or as Heaven is from Hell The Work of the Spirit in discovering Christ to me from that Text and his drawing me to close with Christ so discovered was so ful of amazing and astonishing Wonderment and surprizing Ravishment of Soul that I am no mroe able to Express or Relate the same than I am able to find out the Dimensions of the Sun or to give an exact account of the Number of the Stars There was held as it were a Court of Enquiry in my Soul The Holy Ghost which before was the Spirit of Bondage wounding and killing me by the Terrible Sentence of the Law He is become the Spirit of Adoption to Consummate a Sweet and Blessed Marriage between the Lord Jesus Christ God's only Son by Eternal and Ineffable Generation and a poor lost and undone Prodigal who as Adam's Child was Born Heir of the Curse Partaker of a Nature as Vile and Poluted as Hell it self could make it and whose Case and Condition in respect of inward Horrour and Despair of Soul differed but little at least as I thought and believed from that of the Damned in Hell Six Things this Blessed Spirit of Adoption did effect in order to Consummate this Match First He discovered and made known to me who the Lord Jesus held forth in the Gospel was from whence he came and to what end the Father sent him Secondly He made plain Discoveries to me of Christ's Almightiness to Save and Reconcile to God the worst and most wretched of Sinners and that the Righteousness which he as Mediator between God and Sinners hath wrought is the alone Righteousness by which a Sinner is to be Saved And that in a way of Believing though not for Believing that God for the sake and merrit of his Sons obedience to the Law both Active and Passive doth Frankly and Freely Pardon and Forgive the Poor Rebels Transgressions committed against the Moral Law as if he had never committed them and accounting the whole of that Righteousness of Christ both Active and Passive as truly the Sinners as if the Sinner had Personally performed the same himself and that in a way of free Imputation Thirdly He perswaded my Heart that God the Father against whose Law I had Sinned and whose Anger and Curse for the same I fear'd was really willing and desirous that I should be Reconciled to himself by the Virtue of his Sons Mediation and that by my betaking my self to him and casting my weary and sinking Soul on him to be introduced into his Presence and by his Spotless Comeliness put on me I might be made Amiable and Acceptable in his Sight Fourthly He Discovered to me and Perswaded my Hearts of the Full and Compleat Provision made by God and made known in the Covenant of Grace for the making Compleatly and Eternally Happy those Souls who are by Christ his Son Believed and Relied on for Salvation Reconciled to his Majesty In Respect of these and the like Discoveries which the Holy Ghost makes to the Elect in effectual Calling And between that and their Arriving at Glory he is Stiled the Spirit of Manifestation and of Revelation 1 Cor. 12.
said I I Humbly Conceive that you are to Pray according to the present Condition of the Souls of your Family Pray Sir said my Lord How is it Possible for me to know the Inward Thoghts and Condition of my Families Souls so as to Order my Prayers accordingly My Lord Reply'd I albeit your Lordship cannot possibly Acquaint your self with all the Secrets of your Family yet you may by Catechizeing your Family and frequently Examining them about the State of their Souls and Gods Dealing with them find Matter enough to Enlarge on in Putting up Prayers to God for them in the General which is as much as the Rule of Duty directs or obliges to My Lord finding that the Truth I was call'd to Vindicate and the Spirit by which I spoke to be too Powerful for his Great Learning he let fall the Dispute which I am very sure was his Wisdom and his best Advantage so to do Considering that none ever yer prospered who continued to fight against God My Lord by this means found how I stood affected in Religion and accordingly Communicated to my Father his Judgement and Apprehensions of me Immediately a Consultation was held about me to Consider what Methods were most proper to take not only to prevent my farther Advancing in that way of Religion which they Accounted Phanaticism But also to bring me Back to the Church of England whereon I had turn'd the Back The Result of their Consultation as soon afterwards appeared Issued in a fixed Resolution to carry it towards me with all the Urbanity and Gentleness imaginable My Relations considering and knowing full well that my Temper and Spirit was to be drawn and won by Fair and Gentle means not to be Forc't by Violence According to the Methods agreed on I was at a strange and unusual Rate Treated by my Father my Lord my Grand-Mothers my Uncles and Aunts with the Rest of my Relations in such ways of Kindness and Love as caused in me some hopes that the Love and Kindness they shew'd and Express'd in their Dealing with me had Sprung from an Apprehension or Conviction in them that the Principles in Religion which I had Embraced in opposition to theirs were the Truth But I soon found that I was herein mistaken For It was not long before great offers were made me of making a Purse to Set me up in the World On condition I would desist going to Meetings and return apain to the Church wherein I was Born and Baptized And not bring such disgrace on the Holy Church of which my Ancestors were such Noted and Eminent Members And besides That I might not stain my Family by occasioning Peoples saying that a B and one who was Son to a Father in the Church was turned Phanatick To which they Added The Consideration of what a hopeful Prospect there was before me of Advancement to Worldly Greatness in Case I did not hinder my self by Continuing a Dissenter from the Church And what hardship and Poverty I must expect to Wrestle with to my own Ruin and the great Disgrace of the whole Family in Case I refused the Offers made me and the Advice and Counsel given for my own good To all which I was enabled with an Holy Magnanimity and becoming Fortitude to Reply that the Sight and Sense I had of a Future Happiness with God in Heaven had Blunted the Edge of my Appetite to these Poor Low and Empty Vanities which I question not will prove unspeakably more Vain Empty and Tormenting to me then they are in themselves should I for the Love of them loose my Soul In Case said I my Friends and Relations who seem so greatly concern'd for my Good can procure from Heaven an Infallible Certificate that my Closing with the Present offer on such a Condition as is now laid before me will not provoke the Holy Trinity and prove a Snare to my Immortal Soul I shall readily comply But if they cannot it will said I Prove your Wisdom to let me alone to Rejoyce in the Choice I have made Had my Relations felt what I have felt for Sinning against God and could they tast the Joy and Sweet Comforts of God which have put me out of Conceit and Love with the present World They would I question not be not only unwilling to Blame and Censure me for the choice I have made but they themselves would readily and Heartily make the same Choice for which I am now slighted and judged to be Miserable My Relations finding how ineffectual their Methods prov'd to gain me they soon turn'd their Smiles into Frowns and their kind Speeches into Discourageing Menaces what severe Courses should be taken with me to reclaim and reduce me to Obedience My Lord threatned severely that he would have me bound with Ropes on a Porters Back and brought into the Church in the time of Divine Service To this I Reply'd That if his Lordship did not as well Gag my Mouth as Bind my Hands and Feet I would certainly Roar out and Disturb all the People at their Devotion For fear of which no Force of that kind was offered me After some considerable time My Father and Lord finding that neither Fair and Gentle means would Allure and Draw me to the Lyturgy in their Church and that no Severity wherewith they threatened me could Drive me from the Pure Worship of God in the Meetings I was soon Attack't with greater and sharper Opposition than I had before met with from them First By my Father Who in the Presence and Hearing of at least Forty of our Family took me to Task about my Principles and in regard of the small hopes he had of Convincing me by the Arguments he used He openly declared his Resolution never to own me for his Son Unless I forsook the Meetings and came to the Church and Service again as formerly And this Sir said my Father I think fit to tell you before all these Friends to the end you may take it into Serious Consideration whether of the Twain you Judge more Eligible to forsake your Fanatick Opinion and Schismatical Companions or to be deprived of the Love and Affections of a Father And know it Sir said he that I do by the Authority of a Father Command and Require you to fix on whether of these two you intend to Choose and that within a Week If you resolve to hold your New Opinion I charge you to quit my Lords House and Provide another Lodging and as for me I charge you that you come not near my Doors or any of your Brethren or Sisters Doors I 'll see said he which of your Holy Brethren or Sisters will take you in To this I was enabled to Reply thus viz. Sir Though you Resolve according to your present Declaration to cast me out of your Paternal or Fatherly Affections and to disown me for your Son meerly for my Conscience to God because I cannot without greatly offending against God and Wounding my
of old unto me saying yea I have Loved thee with an Everlasting Love therefore with Loving Kindness have I drawn thee Here Note That Everlasting Love in the Hebrew signifies a Love of Eternity From whence I make this Observation viz. That God Loves his Elect from one Eternity to another With this agrees that of the Apostle Ephes 1. 4. According as he hath Chosen us in him before the Foundation of the World This Discovery of God's Love to his Elect is as a Millstone laid on the Back of that Popish Arminian Doctrin of a Temporary and Conditional Election to sink it into the Bottomless Depth of the Eternal Abhorrence and Loathing of God the Elect Angels and all Saved Sinners Therefore from hence Learn What to think and say when the Devil and thy vain Heart Suggest unto thee Upon thy doing and Performing any Duty and Service now the Lord hath Elected or will Elect me because I have done thus and thus Reader The Devil who seeks thy Ruin is cordially Reconciled to such an Election as this because he knows it will end in thy Eternal Ruin if God leave thee here Therefore Repel and Stave off this Cursed Popish Arminian Dream by stedfastly Believing and Affirming that God's Electing Love Embraced me in its Arms and Registred or Enrolled my Name in the Lambs Book of Life before I had a Personal Being or any Capacity to do or perform any Duty which could move God to Elect me Then when the Devil and thy remaining Unbelief suggest unto thee upon any personal miscarriage or fall into new Provocation against God now God hath cast me out of his Love and Rejected me because I have broken Covenant with him Repel this Temptation by considering and stedfastly Believing that the Electing Love of God which Embraced me and Enrolled my Name in the Lambs Book before the Foundation of the World it is a Love like God himself As without Beginning of Time so also without End or Change Mal. 3. 6. OBSERVATION II. See hence and Observe the Impossibility of frustrateing Gods Decrees and his Working Providence The Deaths and Dangers to which I have been so often exposed have been so many and greatly dangerous that had not Gods Love to me and his Providence over me preserved me I had certainly perished The Snow in which I lay for Four or Five Hours at so tender an Age as but three Months old was as powerful to have killed me by the Extremity of its peircing Cold as it was to destroy the vast Numbers of Men and Cattel which have often Perished by its Strength The Element of Fire which surrounded me in my Bed when buried in Sleep and no way able to help my self it was of as devouring a quality to destroy me as the Fire that heat Nebuchadnezzar's Furnace was to destroy those faithful Worthies Cast into it had not God's Providenc restrain'd it in my Case as it did in theirs The Feirceness and Teeth of the great Mastiff-Dog which had my Head in his Mouth up to the Throat was as ready and able to crush me to Death as the Lions in the Den were to crush Daniel had not the Care and Providence of Daniel's God which Restrain'd his Lions watch'd over me and restrained my Dog The Element of Water in which I was several times a Drowning and to all appearance past Recovery It was as powerful to swallow me up and to stop my Breath as it was to over-whelm and choak Pharaoh and his Host had not God restrain'd it in my Case The great Boar How strong and ready was it to rend my Bowels when on the Top of me making Search with his frightful Tushes to come to my Belly had not Divine Providence so strangely and seasonably sent the Gray-Hound in to my Rescue My Cloaths rent and carry'd away in his Tushes My Belly untouch'd Oh Amazing Providence The Two Horses mention'd in the beginning of the Book how near were they to putting a Period to my Life The one by his great Strength in throwing me and striking at my Fore-head with his Frost Nails leaving the Print of the Nails in my Cap within the thickness of Half a Crown peice to my Scull And the other by running me fo far out of Breath that no motion of Life conld be perceived in me for so long a time as caused all the Spectators to cry out he is kill'd he is gon had not the Providence of Heaven watch'd over me then where had I been When the Bloody Papists had lain in wait to Murder me in Dublin several times there being several Parties of their Soldiers appointed to way lay me to kill me of which designs I knew nothing till afterwards Who or what kept me from Ruine then but the never failing Providence of God When my Life and Reputation were both equally struck at by the Hellish Plot laid against me by that Man who instead of Hanging me would have Hang'd himself Who wrought my Escape and Deliverance from that Destroyer but the Wonder Working Providence of Jehovah Such Plots as the Two last mentioned have prov'd successful to the destroying Thousands of other Men. But me they could not reach Because I was hid in the Hollow of God's Providential Hand That Sinful Desparation and Unbelief while under the Terrours of the Law which sent Cain Judas and Innumerable Millions of Adams Reprobate Posterity to Hell the place of the Damned What hindred that it did not Fix me in the same place and condition of Misery When by the rageing power thereof I was brought so near Hell in my own apprehensions As that I look'd on my self as a free Denizon of that Place What I say kept me back from descending into that place but the Providence of God discovering and applying to me by the Saving Operation of the Holy Ghost the Almighty Saviour held forth in the Gospel OBSERVATION III. See and Learn hence How like an Absolute and unlimmited Soveraign the great God did Work in my behalf And that in behalf of my Soul as well as of my Body He who by the Ministry of Man hath by his own Blessing accompanying that his own Ordinance Converted innumerable Thousands of the Elect it pleased him Convert and Call me out of my Natural State to a State of Grace without the Ministry of Man And that both by awakening and wounding me by the Spirit of Bondage setting home by the Law the Sight and Sense of my Lost Estate And by Healing and Curing the Bleeding Wounds of my Despairing Soul by the Spirit of Adoption Discovering and Applying to me the Merit and Saving Virtue of Christ's Mediatoral Righteousness Which hath occasioned my often thinking of what is Storied of Achilles a notable Archer among the Heathen who gave such Wounds by the Arrows he Shot as no Hand but his own could Cure Vna Eademque Manus Vulnus Opemque tulit The self same Hand which gave the Wound brought the Cure How true this is of