see O make them lampes to burne alwaies before thee in thy Temple willing euen to consume themselues to giue light vnto thy house and readie beeing set on fire as it were in a burnt offering spend themselues for thine and thy Churches seruice and let me the least of them all finde grace with my Lord to see my candle also lightened by the Father of lights and so set it in thy Temple not suffering it at any time to be remooued out of the Candlestick but in thy mercie as thou didst encrease the widowes oile all the time of the famine so also increase thy grace in my lampe that it may with the wise virgins be found burning and shining at the comming forth of the Bridegroome and so I receiued into the rest of my Master Guide the Armie of thy Ministers with thy principall spirit O Lord lead them out of Egypt with a stretched out arme that all the powers of darknesse bandied especially to assault them preuaile not against them It is Sathans desire to grinde and winnowe them to make the watchmen of thy holy city to sleepe that so it may be betraied Out of his hatred to thee he seekes most to persecute these whome thou hast set in thy stead that the light of thy Temple beeing extinguished and put out and their Candlesticks remooued he may walke himselfe in the darke and that their eies beeing darkened the bodie blinded may fall into his pits and snares Thou therfore O God goe forth with our Armies vnto battell the cause is thine set bounds vnto the raging sea that it ouerflow not thy holy Land And now Lord since I am come into thy seruice and haue left all to followe thee let me neuer leaue thee to followe any other thing For as thou couldst neuer haue chosen a worse seruant so shall I neuer find so good a Master or meet with such a seruice it beeing fit onely indeede for thy heauenly Angels but because it hath pleased thee as that King to set earthē vessels among the golden ones of thy Temple therefore as euerie creature euen the silly worme doth striue to doe the seruice in his kind and order so among the vnworthiest of them doe I present my humble seruice vnto thee and knowing not what other thanks to render thee who hast made me fellow-seruant with thy Angels that are ministring spirits sent for the good of thy choosen I will euen render thy grace vnto thy glorie and ioyfully yeeld vp my selfe and my soule which thou hast so graciously accepted vnto the hands of my faithful redeemer there is nothing worthy to haue part with thee nothing shal vsurpe thy right in me or robbe thee of thine honour Though O Lord it is not I that doe or can do thee seruice It is thou that seruest thy selfe by me as by an instrument I haue not so much as moouing of my selfe it is thou that workest in me both the wil and the power I am of my selfe but a iarring instrument quite out of tune it is thou that tunest me and makest what soeuer musique and harmonie is in mee that so I among the rest of the Leuites might with ioy and mirth helpe to bring home thine Arke vnto Hierusalem that is aboue I haue nothing that I can call properly mine owne but my sinnes weakenesse and imperfections and wretchednesse whatsoeuer is else in mee more then these is thine O God of thy free gift and grace and therefore bound vnto thy seruice A meditation vpon the first of the seauen paenitentiall Psalmes of Dauid Psalm 6. vers 1. O Lord rebuke me not in thine Indignation neither chastice mee in thy displeasure I Require not O Lord that thou rebuke mee or chastice mee not at all it beeing the prerogatiue of thy children here in this world to be chastened and punished for their sinnes whereas thou sufferest the wicked without troubling to heape vp wrath against the day of wrath till they haue filled vp the measure of their iniquitie My sinnes I know exact chasticement onely I desire that thou correct mee in thy mercie not in thine anger as a sonne not as a bastard with the correction of thy Israel not with the plagues of Egypt to amendment not destruction to the humbling not the hardening of my heart to my comfort not confusion that thou reaching out thy helping hand as thou didst to Peter when he was sinking I be not ouerwhelmed in the waters of temptation or as the burning bush or three children be not consumed in the fire and furnace of affliction but that they may be to mee as the whale to Ionas not to swallow but to preserue and to my sinnefull soule as salt to tainted flesh to keepe it from putrefaction Set bounds O Lord to the raging seas that they ouerflow not and put thy bridle and hooke into the mouth of the beast that it deuoure not the heart of the Turtle If thou rebuke in thy wrath who can beare it if thine anger be kindled yea but a little who can stand before thee if thou but touch the mountaines must they not smoake for it The least breath of thy displeasure is able to blast all the beautie of the world and as a word of thy mercie made all so a word of thine anger is able to destroie all How glad would they be that beare the insupportable burthen of thine anger if in exchaunge thereof the mountaines would fall vpon them and the hills couer them Oh how light a load are the greatest mountaines in comparison of thy least heauie displeasure At the day of thy wrath the heauens shall be rowled vp as a peece of parchment the starres fall from the firmament the moone be turned into blood and the sunne darkned then Lord who am I withwhom thou shouldst be angrie or what is flesh and blood what seely man that thou shouldest striue with him Turne the edge of thy wrath O Lord against those principalities and powers of darknesse that resist thee from vs poore soules that submit our earthen vessells euen to be broken in peeces by the Potter that made vs. O thou Lion of the Tribe of of Iudah spare them that lie prostrate before thee and pardon vs if not thy punishment yet thine anger then if thou killest vs we shall loue thee and in death it selfe remember thee in the pit giue thee thankes Vers. 2. Haue mercie vpon me Lord for I am weake O Lord heale me for my bones are vexed O God whose mercie is thy greatest glorie and whose glorie and power is most seene in mans weaknesse and frailtie as wherein there is no other power seene let not thy invincible strength striue with so weake an adversarie as an arme of flesh wrastle not O God with thy poore seruant as with Iacob vnlesse as vnto him thou chaunge his name to Israel and giue him the blessing of preuailing with God For O Lord thy yron rodde if it as that of Moses he turned
as shadow but I haue fallen and defaced it that now it cannot be knowne whose image and superscription it is and now that the beautie of my flourishing is gone what remaineth but the old man full of the wrinkles and furrowes and frosts of Winter so exceedingly deformed and so great a malefactor that it is time for him now to die and I may with iustice crie Crucifie him In this is the description of the naturall old man rightly verified in a spirituall sence The Sunne of righteousnesse is darkned in him and the clouds returne after the raine one sinne after an other one miserie after an other the keepers of the house tremble the strong men bowe and they waxe darke that look out of the windowes faith is weake hope fainteth and charitie faileth O graunt O Lord that as the Eagle reneweth her youth I may cast off this old man and put on the new Iesus Christ thine and thy Churches welbeloued whose countenance is all white and ruddie the fairest of ten thousand so exceeding aspectable that it is able to change this vile body whose beautie is quite gone and worn away and make it like his glorious bodie Vers. 8. Away from me all yee that worke vanitie for the Lord hath heard the voice of my weeping BEhold here how the Lord after his whirlewinde that tore all the mountains of pride in me and burst in sunder my heart of rocke commeth at length in the still and soft voice The Lord hath wounded but loe he bindeth vp againe hee hath brought vnto the graue loe hee bringeth backe againe For whē my tongue failed I spake vnto him in the silence of my soule and when my soule fainted mine eies flowed out with teares to speake vnto him and loe he hath answered the request of my heart heard the voice of my weeping Now therefore since the Lord deigneth to come vnto me in his mercie and build vp my ruines and dwell with mee againe what haue I to do with my olde companions the workers of iniquitie shall they and my God keepe together or shall I entertaine my Soueraigne Lord with such houshold seruāts no they shal not enter into my house or come within my roofe Nowe the Sunne is risen it is time these shadowes were parted away For neither can thy light dwell with darkenes nor their works of darknes abide the triall of thy light Therefore away from me both all ye workers and all yee workers of vanitie I knowe Lord there will be a hard parting between my olde pleasures and my old heart the syrens will sing many a sweete song and cast many a faire looke and weepe many a false teare before they will part with me but it is no matter what the Harlots do since thou hast heard the voice of my weeping I haue nothing to doe with the voice of theirs since my voice vttered in the bitternesse of my heart was so well accepted of thee nothing shall henceforth pleasure me but such bitter songs wherewith they are litle acquainted though I cannot cast out these Iebusites but they will still dwell with me yet thorough thy grace I will keepe them in subiection and if they grow insolent in my bodie the temple of thy holy Spirit I wil weep for their sinnes and so crying daily vnto thee with teares for pardon wil make them serue me at the least to draw water for the house of the Lord. O that I could make an integrall separation of my self from them and might not carrie my greatest enemies in my bosome so neere my heart the lusts of it but in stead of that fountaine of death be ioyned vnto the Fountaine of life Christ Iesus in whome there is so vnseparable an vnion betweene God and man that neither death nor hell no not the strongest things of this world weake vnto thee much lesse the weakest the vanities thereof can euer be able to separate vs from thee Vers. 9. The Lord hath heard my petition The Lord will receiue my prayer IT is a great grace of thee O my Lord to suffer dust and ashes to speake vnto thee but it is as common with thee as it is great For thou sufferest many to say vnto thee Lord Lord whome neuerthelesse thou knowest not It is a greater therefore that when we call vpon thee in the time of trouble thou wilt heare vs and yet this also may seeme to be not so singular a mercie for whatsoeuer is spoken shall not he that made the eare heare it but so to heare our praiers as to receiue and grant them and then to heare the crie of our petitions when the lowder crie of our sinnes would drowne their voice this is a goodnes as neere vnto thy nature as it is far from our desert O how vnlike are thy eares that are alwaies open to the request of the poore and needie to those of the deaf Adder that old Serpent that stoppes his eares and is inexorable charme the charmer neuer so sweete how vnlike to vs O Lord that hauing eares yet whē thou callest for our obedience haue none to heare thee where contrariwise thou hauing none when we call to thee inclinest thine eares to heare vs. But certenly O Lord it is impossible that thy iust eares should heare the praiers of such as we are for we know God heareth not sinners True Lord and therefore thou hast got thee new eares and least we should thinke these like thy other hast set them euen vpon our Head Iesus Christ with them thou hearest vs if we speak vnto thee and our words passing through his mouth as how can we speak vnto thee but by our head are set on fire by that Golden censor and like holy incense make a sweet sauour vpon thine Altar So that henceforth though our workes be all like our selues wicked though our rough hands be the hands of Esau yet our voice is Iacobs voice and wee haue got the apparrell of our eldest brother Esau and therefore we know that thou wilt blesse vs we are sure thou wilt heare vs and spare vs though more sinnefull then euer Sodome was What though Abraham Moses and Elias were now liuing and prayed for vs we are sure thou wouldst much lesse heare them for vs then for their and thine owne people of the Iewes yet thou hast heard him for vs and without conditioning as with Abraham for the sparing of Sodome if fiftie twentie or ten iust men were found therein hast spared vs all onely for one iust mans sake In him therefore with boldnesse doe all thy Saints offer vp their golden vyals of odours their prayers before thee For hee onely is worthy to make our prayers well-pleasing vnto thee in whom only thou art well pleased Vers. 10. All mine enemies shall be confounded and sore vexed they shall be turned backe and put to shame suddainely BEhold the bountie and seueritie of God seueritie towards mine enemies that haue fallen bowntie towards mee
that when I and they stood before thine Altar as the two Goats one of vs to be sacrificed to appease thy wrath and as Ionas with the Marriners in the tempest of thine anger one of vs to be cast out hast pleased to let the lot of the scape-goate fall on mee and to make them the sin-offring Nor weart thou content O Lord to repaie mee good for euill that rendered thee euill for good but after thou hadst pardoned me thou wouldst not pardon mine enemies as though thou hatest thy childrens enemies more then thine owne and louest them better then thy selfe giuing thy selfe for them when they were thine enemies and when we for want of spirituall senses had no sence of our spirituall wants then redeeming vs but confounding and sore vexing and suddainly turning backe and putting to a perpetuall shame those that hate vs and not vs that hated thee Now Lord taught by thy example that art so good to thine enemies and hauing thine owne word for it I cannot but loue mine enemies and pray for them that curse mee If it be a fault or a folly as the world esteemes it thou hast taught it mee and I would willingly erre with thee my God it is inough for the Disciple to be as his Master is But yet there are some of mine enemies I confesse that made mee first an enemie vnto thee O Lord whom I hate with a perfect hatred who are growne now so ill as they are past my prayers and haue gone further then thy mercie will follow them euen into the gates and mouth of hell that gap't so wide to deuoure me with thē O let the sword of thy Iustice be drunkē vvith the slaughter of these great arch-enemies of thy innocent little flock blessed be my Lord for carrying away like Samson the gates of hel that they should not preuaile ouer mee and so leading my captiuitie captiue and casting my soules enemies into the pit they had prepared for me Many farre greater starres and fairer lights then I O God hath the taile of that dragon dravvne dovvne after him from heauen hadst not thou to vvhom onely the fame belongeth taken my cause into thine ovvne hand I had also been vvinnovved caried like dust and chaffe before the wind Therefore as thou hast broken these mine enimies in peices so also scatter them that the peices of the mangled Serpent may neuer come together againe O let not the deadly vvound of the head of the beast be healed to make vvarre against thy Saints and against the Lambe for euer His daily Sacrifice HOw commeth it to passe O Lord that thou art so mindefull of man man beeing so forgetfull of thee Sure but that mercie is essentiall vnto thee and thou canst assoone forget to bee as forget to bee gratious it were impossible but such a man of sinnes and sorrovves as I am rather a vvorme and no man or more truly dust and ashes and none of all thy liuing creatures nothing indeed but a verie bundle of vanitie vanitie of vanities should dispaire of pardon and thinke my sinnes greater then they could be forgiuen I that haue seconded the first fall of man vvith so many fallings from thy grace and if that one were so powerfull to condemne all ah what are so many to conuince one I that haue as often denyed thee in my deeds as I haue sinned and that not thrice not seuen times but seauēty seauen times in a day I that haue so often when thou hast by thy graces come in and lodged with me for a vile price of base peasures betraied thee I that whereas I should haue mortified the old man and crrucified the lusts thereof so oft haue grieued thy good spirit and crucified the Lord of life within me and so buried and sealed him vp in an obdurate and stonie heart that it must be a great worke of thy power and mercie to rise againe in me and rowle away the stone I that haue thus filled vp my measure of iniquitie with Sodō how dare I with Abrahā so often mooue the Lord for mercie I that haue so often rebelled how can I hope to be receiued again to grace and pardon I that haue no other plea but guiltie how dare I importune the iust iudge vnlesse as that woman did the vniust iudge for iustice Hath my best seruice vnto thee been betthen theirs who kneeling saluting thee haile king of the Iewes yet crucified thee wherein haue my prayers and teares been better then those of the hypocritall Pharisies onely seeming for a time and so full of sinne that when I haue praied for forgiuenes I had neede pray again for forgiuenes of my prayers Ah my wretched soule mocke not thy Sauiour any longer with thy kneeling and prayers like those soldiers that crucified him thou hast gone alreadie further then Iudas not onely betraying him but beeing which he denied to be guiltie of the shedding of his innocent blood think with thy selfe how oft thou hast grieued his holy spirit turning the grace thereof into wantonnes how oft thou hast when he of this mercie had healed thee presently fallen into a relaps far worse then thy former disease how oft thou hast walowed thy self again in the mire when hee had washt not thy feete onely but thy head and hands also how oft when thy heauenly Physition had purged thee returned to thy vomit And now Lord with what fig leaues shall I couer the shame of my sinne since I know thou hast cursed the fig-tree that bore leaues only Oh tell mee how with the Prodigall shall I returne to my Father or if I doe returne say hast thou any more kisses and embraces lest for such a riotous Sonne If the mountaines which yet offended not did tremble and melt away at thy presence and if euen thy holiest Saints at thy presence fell downe to the groūd almost for dead troubled and amazed saying surely they should die because they had seene the Lord if the Cherubins that stand alwaie before thee couer their faces looking but vpon thy Mercie-seate O with what face shall a guiltie soule come before thee when it appeares before thy seate of iustice Haue I not reason to hate my sinnes that are able to make the sight of thee which is so amiable and beatificall and to thy happie seruants a vision wherein their whole felicitie consists so full of horrour to mee O how the verie thought thereof confounds mee and as if now like Balthazar I sawe the handwriting against mee makes mee tremble and stand amazed smiting my knees one against another what can I say for my selfe or what can I doe what sinne-offring what peace-offering shall I bring to make attonement with the Lord what Moses or Aaron haue I to stand betweene Gods destroying Angel and mee whom haue I to make intercession for mee I dare not approach to my Sauiour whom my sinnes may iustly make of a meeke Lambe an enraged Lion vnto
mee I see no other but a two-edged sword proceed out of his mouth for my destruction and me thinkes hee is a prouiding whips to scourge me out of his Temple returning those stripes those thornes those wounds vpon mee which he hath vnworthily borne for mee denying any more to beare my crosse so that now though I crie vnto him Lord Lord he will not know mee nor suffer mee any more to haue a part in the Sonne of Ishai Since therefore thy sword is drawne O Lord against mee what can I doe but laie downe my necke and submit my selfe to the stroke of that Axe that cutteth downe all vnfruitfull and ill-fruitfull Trees For if euen the death of a sinner and ruine of a wretched soule please thee and may any way satisfie thy Iustice as indeed it cannot for thou delightest not in the death of a sinner oh how willingly should I cast away my selfe with Ionas to accalme the tempest of thine anger against mee but alas it is not my sacrifice can expiate my sins It were a good fruit of my bodie if it might be offered for the sin of my soule but how can that satisfie for sinne which it selfe is most sinnefull O no I confesse O Lord that I haue no other sinne-offering but my repentance left nor other burnt-offering then an aggrieued heart nor other drink-offering then teares nor other incense then my sighes nor other propitiation or Priest and Mediatour then thy selfe O Christ. Thou art our King to protect vs our Prophet to teach vs our Priest to make an attonement for vs and thou hast promised to make vs also Kings Priests and Prophets vnto thy Father but such is my vnworthinesse O Lord that often when I would take vpon mee the Priests office and offer my prayers as thou hast taught mee vnto my Father which is in heauen for pardon that I am quite confounded and haue nothing at all to say for my selfe and though I knowe thou art able to cure my dumbnesse yet it is safer for mee to heare thee open thy mouth to thy Father for mercie then let my mouth be opened to crie for vengeance against my selfe For I more vnnaturall then Caine haue slaine not my yonger brother but my selfe nor my selfe only but my elder brother therefore my blood cannot but with Abells crie to heauen for vengeance against him that spilt it but when I listen what the crie of thy blood my elder brother is whom my sinne hath slaine O how much better things doe I heare it speake then the blood of Abel Father forgiue him besides if I speake for my selfe my words are like the winde that passe away and goe I know not whither but most likely with my selfe into the Land where all things are forgotten but thine are like thine owne essence O Lord who art the eternall word such as heauen and earth may sooner passe away theÌ„ one tittle of theÌ„ Do thou therfore O gratious Sauiour speake and mediat for me let the many wounds inflicted on thee for my sinnes be as so many mouthes to craue mercie for me O let thy blood as when thou wert wounded it fel on the base earth be distilled also by the grace and merit thereof vpon me a vile and vnworthy sinner how happie were I if as thou madest Adam of red earth so thou hadst made me of that fruitfull red ground which thou vouchsafedst to water with thine owne blood Let thy stripes O Christ goe for the many stripes wherewith I as an euill seruant deserue to be beaten thy death for that eternall death my sinnes haue as their hire deserued and thy descent into hell for mine to free me from thence Indeede if thou wert as man is prone to anger nay were thine anger kindled but a little and were not thy mercy rather as farre aboue mans reason as his merit how long since had I perished from the land of the liuing If I looke vpon my sinnes me thinks I should alwaies see thee before me as thine Angel in the way of Baalim with the sword of thy iustice drawne against me vpon which as mad men doe vpon weapons my sinnes make mee wilfully to runne and I seem to my selfe to lie as Isaac vnder thy sword for sacrifie still expecting when thou shouldst come by mee in the whirlewindes earthquakes and tempests of thy iudgements yet to see how thou that no man might denie it to proceed only of grace and not of merit chusest rather to come in the still and soft voice of thy mercies euen vnto vs sinners wilt that thy holy spirit the spirit of meeknes come down rather in the forme of a doue without gal theÌ„ of a consuming fire vnto vs. How far art thou from desiring the death of a sinner that wheÌ„ we were both branch and roote vnder the Axe of thy iudgements and as Isaac readie to be sacrificed and made a sinne offring didst prouide thy selfe a Lambe yea thy selfe the Lambe to saue vs and to set vs free How readie art thou to snatch the perishing brand out of the fire how soone entreated to forbeare and spare the fruitlesse figtree not doing that vnto the dry tree which thou hast done vnto the greene O see if euer there were loue like thy loue thy loue and mercie as thy selfe transcending all If euer thou repentest it is of thine anger not of thy mercie if euer thou hearest not our prayers it is because they tend to our owne hurt if thou hidest thy face it is that we might seek thee and if thou fliest froÌ„ vs that we might follow after thee more eagerly if thy iustice take vengeance it shall bee onely vpon those that hate thee and in theÌ„ but to the fourth generation but if thy mercie begin to shewe it selfe it will content it selfe with no lesse then a thousand generations O thou immortall goodnes and beauty of heauen draw me vnto thee with the bands of thy loue and with the same cordes bind me that I breake not from thee let me be ward vnto the King of heauen thy grace be my Guardian Then shal mine inheritaÌ„ce and my lines fall vnto mee in a faire Land euen in the vineyard and Paradise of my God whereof though the first could not yet the second Adam with his blood as Nabaoth hath kept possession out of which neither the serpent nor all the powers of darknes shal be euer able to expell me so thou onely but suffer the weak hand of my faith to lay hold on thy crosse and to eate of the fruit of that tree of life For if thou be with me I shall be safe death shall haue no sting sinne no poyson hell no victorie For thou hast ouercome all the power of hell and death not for thy selfe ouer whome it could haue no power but for vs whose weakenesse could make no resistance but if thou absent thy selfe though but for a while my weake faith which had the boldnes to cast me out vpon the sea of thy mercie that so with Peter I might meete thee walking vpon the waters will neuer haue the courage if it see the waues rise to vphold it self Lord stretch out thy hand and saue me from sinking and so henceforth binde the sacrifice with cords vnto the Altar fasten me vnto thy crosse O Christ and spread thy selfe in thy merits and mercies as Elias vpon me that I may recouer life and though out of due season be borne vnto thee O graunt me any one of the menest places of the many mansions of thy Fathers house and when Israel thy chosen children and thy invited Ghests set with thee at thy great marriage feast and many come from East to West to set with Abraham in thy kingdom when thy seruants are placed may but I take the lowest place at thy table so when thou hast fedde thousands behold thee breaking vnto me but of thy broken bread or but be suffered to gather vp the crummes vnder that heauenly table and my hungrie and thirstie soule satisfied with that angelicall Manna made drunk with the pleasures of thy house shall neuer hunger or thirst more In the mean time while I dwell in this corruptible Tabernacle O let that grace of thine which shines vpon thy worthier Seruants if any worthy vnder whose roofe thou shouldst come as thou visitest other Publicans and sinners turne in vnto thy Seruants house and dine with him FINIS Plutarch Gen. 43.9 Gen. 28.12 Isa. 37.3 1. Sam. Harmon pag. 117. Plutarch in Ages Gen. 49.6 Revel Matt. 25.9 Iob 40.18 Pers. Sat. 1. Bion apud Laert. Plut. Ier. 48.10 Eccl. 10.16 1. Cor. 3.2 part 3. c. 26. Matt. 23.4 1. Tim 3 6. Iudg. 4. Matt. 7.17 King on Ionas 2. Sam. 18.23 Isa. 54.1 Plin. l. 35. Cael. Rh. Cicer. Aristot. l. 2 Phys. Act. 17.18 Ioh. 9.6 Aquin. Eccl. 4.17 Prou. 6.9 10. Cicer. de Orat. Epist. ad Luc. Aul. Gell. Confess â—â—b 4. Alex. ab Alex. Epist. 1. Cor. 9.16 Ps. 137.6 Ps. 137.5 Cicer. Tusc. qu. Luk. 10.41 Deut 5.29 Chrysost. Iudg 7. 1. Sam. Ter â—un Exod. 3. Ezek. 3.14 Ion. 1. Paul in vita Ambr. In eius vita à scipso scripta Possido Aug. Epist. 148. ad Val. Homil. 3. in acta Apost Matt. 9.38 Aug Epist. 148. in inst Quint. Curt. Matt. 22.37 Aug. epist. Act. 20.24 Act. 20.24 Phil. 2.12 In tersinitum insinitum c. Prolog in lib. Retr Num. 11 2â— Plut. Eph. 3.8 Greg. Rom. 11.33 Preface in Lull Psal. 42.7 Hipp. proem in Apho Possidor in eius vita 1. De Nat. Deor. Rom. 13.12 Ezek. 47.3 Cic. Totis artubus contremisco 2. Cor. 2.17 Tull. l. 1. de nat Deor. Calvin in Exod. 30 â—3 Gen. 23.15 Plin. l 35. Plut. Laert. Tu iurabis c. Luk. 2. Ioseph antiq Gregor de curâ Past. part 3. c. 26 Possidor 2. Tim. 4 1. Seneca magni emit qui precatur ad finem Epist. predict 1. Sam. 17.28 29. Eccl. 12.
Isâ—achar seeing the rest good and the land pleasant to sit me downe betweene my burthens so that as one buried aliue there should want nothing but Senocas epitaph passing by the house of a sluggish citizen Hìc situs est Vatia here lies one that only serued to make one qui nulla re alia nisi otio notus consenuit only by keeping tale of the many yeares of his age standing grew old died For such a life if it be any thing at the best it is but as Pyndarus prizes it a shadow a dreame such a bodie but the soules sepulchre and such a soule fit for nothing but to embalme a carcase and keepe it from putrefaction But though such be the quiet contented and pleasing life we lead here in the Vniuersitie which from the pleasant situation thereof hath long since wonne the surname of Bellositum such indeed that I may borrow the Italians proverbe of Venice that he who hath not seene it and liued in it cannot prise it marrie he that liues there it costs him deare though such I say be the content I find here that had I liued neuer so many yeares yet according to the epitaph of that noble Romane who dying old professed he had beene long indeed but liued onely seauen yeares which free from the seruice of the Court he had past quietly at his countrie farme I might well number the daies of my life onely from the time I beganne my studie here and iustly blesse the meanes thereof as farre as euer Augustine did his freinds liberalitie strayning themselues to maintaine him at the Vniversitie of Carthage yet farre be it from me to make that quiet and content which God hath giuen but as meanes for the furthering of better ends my vtmost end or as if I were in my proper place where each bodie is quiescent to set vp my rest and make me a Tabernacle here No man I know was expulsed paradise to labour and not to make himselfe another paradise elsewhere for ease and pleasure And as farre doe I wish from our Vniuersitie all such priests as sacrifice here to Vacuna the goddesse of idlenes as her Temple was remooued out of the gates of Rome For mine owne part as fearefull and as breefe as the trumpe of iudgement alwaies sounded in Saint Hieromes cares is Saint Pauls woe euer before mine eyes if I preach not the Gospel and when I leaue my diligence in my calling or loue my ease or pleasure more then that nay if I preferre not Sion in all my mirth then God do so to me and more and leaue me likewise as indeed vnlesse he leaue me I cannot leaue his seruice For according to that reason which that glorious Martyr gaue the Tyrant why he could not choose but alwaies remember the name of Iesus it is written in my heart it cannot out And therefore I will gladly make the Prophets contestation my owne Let my right hand forget that little skill it hath when I forget Gods seruice yea let my tongue cleaue to the roofe of my mouth and forget to speake when it forgets to speake of thy word and testimonies But though this ease and quiet hath not had power to captiuate me yet peradventure I stand off as ashamed of the Gospel of Christ Iesus repenting me of my choise as if like Demas I could be content to forsake the Ministerie and follow the world No I shall euer magnifie my calling as my crowne my reioycing and thinke my selfe much more bound to giue thankes to almightie God in this behalfe then Plato because he was made a Grecian rather then a Barbarian And so farre euer was I from Hercules crosse-way to demur and debate the matter that as if this one thing were necessarie I euer minded and intended it alone and howsoeuer in other things I wish to put off childishnes and grow in wisedome as in yeares yet shall I neuer be ashamed in this behalfe stil to thinke as when I was a child but rather it shall be my daily prayer as it was Gods for the Israelites when their heart was right that the same heart be euer in me and for euer so affected to my calling But happily as the louelinesse thereof hath allured me so the difficultie therof now deterreth me and the greatnes of the charge beeing as one tearmes it Onus Angelicis humeris formidandum such a burden that the angels themselues would tremble to vndergo it doth so discourage mee that with Gedeons faint souldiers for feare I desire to be dismissed from this warfare and beeing called to so great a charge like feareful Saul seeke to lurke and avoide so troublesome a function Indeede if I thought it enough to pretend authorities as that Braggadochian said hee would be with them paulò post principia after the fraie was well begunne and the worst past and good reason why for fecerunt Herules Pyrrhus I haue presidents inough before me to countenance my weakenes and fearefulnesse For Moses thrice refused and excused himselfe euen till God was angrie Ezechiel for all God so laboured to strengthen and confirme him yet went vnwillingly yea in bitternesse and indignation of his spirit and Ionas directly turned his backe fled an other way How many of the Fathers whilst they tooke counsel with flesh and blood withdrew their haÌ„ds from the Lords plough This made Ambrose hide himselfe and three times flie from Millaine and when he was miraculously brought backe after he had trauelled all night finding himselfe in the morning but at an other gate of the same citie though one of singular integritie he sought to defame himselfe to trie if by any means he might avoid this pastorall charge This drove Gregorie Nazianzene to flie againe and againe to the studie of Philosophie And this caused S. Augustine to absent himselfe from Churches where pastors were wanting and euen to weepe when taken vnawares he was to be ordered and to deprecate the Episcopall function put vpon him by Valerian in these tearmes Quid vis vt peream as if it stood him as much vpon as his life and soules saluation came vnto But of all Chrysostome is most plaine in this point Ex Ecclesiae ministris non arbitror multos saluari translating vpon Ministers that hard saying of our Sauiour with what difficultie rich men shall be saued because of the greatnesse of their charge and their negligence therin But though this difficultie haue made many so backward that the Lord of the haruest hath been forced euen to thrust out labourers into his vinyard yet while I remember nihil esse difficilius c. sed apud Deum nihil beatius c. the one so ballanceth the other that I professe the difficultie thereof though I duly waigh it yet waighing withal from whome and to what ende it is it
into a serpent would soone deuoure ours and if our earthen vessells should encounter with thine stronger then brasse how can they escape breaking must not our weake ships if driven with the tempest of thine anger they fall vpon that rocke of thine be needs grinded into their owne elements of dust Therefore be mercifull vnto mee O Lord because I am weake The strong will arrogate the glorie to themselues and say by the strength of their owne arme they haue gotten themselues the victorie but in shewing mercie to the weake not vnto them but vnto thy name thou giuest glorie For there are none so reprobate but in thy mercie to the weake they will confesse that it is the finger of the Lord. Let not then the sun-shine of thy grace go downe in thy wrath but refresh and releeue a pore Lazar a weak fainting soule lying begging at the doore of thy rich mercie and desiring to be satisfied but with the crummes that fal from thy heauenly table with the least if any little of thy graces For thy least grace as those fiue loaues is able to suffice thousands as thy least anger if thy mercie should not meete and kisse it were enough as an other deluge to ouerwhelme the whole world That is the two-edged sword that pierceth the very bones and diuideth vnto the marrow so that for selfe-guiltines and horrour therof my very bones are vexed and euen that small strength I had powred out as water vpon the ground It is only the powring out of thy bowels of compassion that can gather me vp againe onely the soueraigne hand of thy mercie that can heale the wounds wherewith the seuere hand of thy iustice hath so deepely impierced me Vers. 3. My soule is also sore troubled but Lord how long wilt thou punish IF thy lightning O Lord had onely ceazed on my bones and had not past my bodily sheath and entred into my soule my spirit like a faithfull companion should haue giuen some rest to my earthly tabernacle and helpt to heale my infirmitie but a wounded spirit in a bruised and broken bodie who can beare Thou hast melted my very soule within mee the venime of thine arrowes hath drunke vp my spirits so that now both my bodie is vexed because my soule hides it selfe from his comfort and because thou hidest thy face my soule is troubled And in what waters doth that Behemoth delight to drinke but in such as are most troubled who nowe like a cunning fisher hath laid his baites and hooks in euery part of my soule while I in these troubled waters am not able to discerne or discouer them but since thou hast sent thine Angel O Lord as into the poole of Bethesda to trouble the waters and they are gone ouer my soule and my bodie with Ionas is cast into the tempest O let me come out in thy good time whole and recured of all my infirmities let the tempest of thine anger be at lēgth appeased How long shall my sacrificed soule vnder this altar of flesh wherein it hath been so long crucified cry vnto thee how long Lord holy and true before thou wilt heare the voice and auenge the cause of our martyred spirits iustly complaining against the men of the earth our earthly ly members Thine answer is but for a little season but euen a little time O Lord semeth long without thee and as a thousand yeares is but a day with thee so a day is as a thousand yeares without thee But is this a question for me who can make no ende of sinning to aske when thou wilt be pleased to make an ende of thy punishment May not thy answer be to me iustly the same with that of Iehu to sinfull Ahabs motion of peace what hast thou to doe with peace as long as the iniquities of Iesabel nay farre worse remaine in thee True Lord if thou still looke on me with the eie of thy iustice which is as those eies which kill what they behold I knowe thou must needes still punish me since the bow and sword of thy iustice neuer depart emptie from the battells of the Lord against sinne and sinners but thou hast two eies O God one of Iustice another of Mercie O let thine eie of Iustice looke vpon the merits of thy Sonne an obiect able to delight euen that iust eie but bend thine eie of mercie vpon the miseries of thy seruant that so when thy iustice hath seene my miseries made his his merits by thy mercie maie be made mine Vers. 4. Turne thee O Lord and deliuer my soule O saue me for thy mercie sake IF thou but turne thee O Lord and looke gratiously out of heauen vpon me the powers of darkenesse with the shadowes of death will at thy first fight as at the daie breaking flie all away but because I turned from thee with my Father the first Adam by pride and returned not vnto thee by humility with thy Sonne the second Adam but would needes leaue Ierusalem to goe to Iericho therefore am I fallen among theeues who haue spoiled and wounded me leauing me nothing but a cureles bodie and a carelesse soule that sending out perpetuall streames and issues of blood readie presently to die this not knowing but denying thee his Maker by whome onely it is able to liue O if thou wouldst but turn aside with the mercifull Samaritan or turne backe as to the woman diseased with a fluxe of blood or turne thine eie onely vpon me as vpon Peter my wounds should be washed the issues of blood stopped and my deniall pardoned Turne thee therefore and remember Dauids troubles O Lord. Shall the hand of little Dauid O thou most mightie if a rauenous beare breake into his flocke and steale awaie a sheepe or if a roaring Lion sallie out of his denne and rent awaie a lambe from him be able to deliuer them both from the mouth of the beare and the pawe of the Lion and shalt not thou be much more able to rescue the sheepe of thy fold and lambs of thy flocke Or is that wild beast of the wood or that roaring lion that going about hath long sought and now while thy face is turned away hath found whome to deuoure euen my dismaied soule able to make greater resistance against thee then those against Dauid Or was his Flocke dearer to him thē thine is to thee Or can Dauid become more mercifull then his God Or if thou be that gratious God of whom Dauid hath so often sung that Thy mercie endureth for euer thy mercie endureth for euer is thy mercie come now vtterly to an end or hast thou forgotten to be gratious and shut vp thy bowells of compassion for euer and euer Or what is it is my sinne greater then it can be forgiuen that so my wickednesse should exceed thy goodnesse No no none of these If David deliuered his lambe from the pawe of the beare thou deliueredst Dauid frō the pawe of the Lion if he