the_o chamber_n door_n i_o find_v the_o horror_n and_o fright_v under_o which_o i_o labour_v great_o to_o increase_v the_o devil_n suggest_v that_o he_o will_v either_o pull_v i_o back_o from_o enter_v into_o the_o chamber_n or_o else_o that_o he_o will_v enter_v along_o with_o i_o to_o hinder_v or_o distract_v i_o in_o my_o intend_v devotion_n all_o this_o while_n the_o place_n of_o scripture_n above_o mention_v run_v still_o in_o my_o thought_n as_o before_o be_v enter_v into_o my_o chamber_n all_o in_o a_o sweat_n and_o unusual_a consternation_n of_o spirit_n i_o stand_v before_o the_o bedside_n where_o i_o use_v to_o kneel_v in_o pray_v and_o with_o my_o eye_n close_v as_o i_o be_v take_v myself_o to_o task_n endeavour_v to_o recollect_v my_o memory_n where_o i_o have_v be_v all_o that_o day_n with_o what_o company_n i_o have_v converse_v what_o duty_n i_o have_v know_o omit_v and_o what_o immorality_n i_o have_v any_o way_n consent_v to_o all_o on_o a_o sudden_a i_o find_v the_o 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zealous_a constancy_n in_o walk_v strict_o according_a to_o the_o precept_n of_o the_o moral_a law_n both_o negative_o and_o positive_o for_o the_o time_n to_o come_v i_o be_v then_o under_o the_o predominancy_n of_o a_o legal_a spirit_n and_o act_v under_o the_o covenant_n of_o work_n look_v with_o the_o bond-womans_n child_n for_o justification_n and_o life_n eternal_a in_o the_o way_n of_o work_n reckon_v it_o the_o only_a sure_a and_o safe_a way_n to_o expect_v salvation_n by_o perform_v the_o conditinal_a covenant_n of_o work_n and_o abound_v in_o such_o personal_a qulification_n as_o may_v render_v i_o acceptable_a to_o god_n of_o which_o i_o have_v often_o think_v i_o have_v as_o great_a measure_n as_o any_o he_o i_o know_v live_v i_o shall_v not_o insist_v on_o the_o particular_n of_o those_o inherent_a qualification_n wherein_o i_o be_o apt_a to_o believe_v i_o do_v match_v if_o not_o out_o strip_v the_o strict_a moralist_n i_o know_v who_o be_v yet_o in_o his_o natural_a state_n in_o short_a i_o be_v exceed_v zealous_a in_o the_o law_n not_o in_o the_o least_o understand_v the_o spiritual_a meaning_n thereof_o or_o how_o miserable_o wretched_a i_o be_v by_o reason_n of_o its_o condemn_v sentence_n against_o not_o only_o my_o worst_a but_o also_o against_o my_o most_o refine_a act_n of_o morality_n i_o do_v then_o as_o too_o to_o many_o do_v at_o this_o day_n of_o gospel_n light_n viz._n set_v up_o the_o letter_n of_o the_o law_n in_o opposition_n to_o the_o spirit_n of_o the_o law_n but_o so_o it_o please_v god_n that_o by_o his_o enable_v i_o to_o understand_v the_o mind_n of_o his_o spirit_n in_o that_o text_n i_o soon_o become_v convince_v that_o i_o have_v take_v wrong_a method_n in_o order_n to_o get_v from_o under_o the_o law_n curse_v and_o to_o have_v a_o settle_a peace_n in_o myself_o the_o course_n i_o have_v take_v for_o relieve_v my_o wound_a and_o sink_a spirit_n i_o perceive_v to_o be_v direct_o contrary_a to_o the_o gospel_n way_n of_o save_a lose_v sinner_n i_o be_v all_o for_o do_v and_o work_v and_o the_o more_o work_v i_o do_v the_o far_o i_o find_v myself_o from_o true_a peace_n and_o comfort_n my_o chief_a and_o only_o work_v now_o be_v believe_v in_o the_o son_n of_o god_n in_o who_o alone_o that_o righteousness_n be_v to_o be_v find_v which_o reconcile_v a_o sinner_n to_o a_o offend_a god_n from_o that_o text_n above_o mention_v the_o covenant_n of_o god_n free_a grace_n in_o christ_n be_v explain_v and_o lay_v open_a before_o the_o eye_n of_o my_o enlighten_v understanding_n the_o term_n whereof_o i_o find_v be_v as_o far_o wide_a of_o or_o contrary_a to_o the_o way_n to_o which_o the_o covenant_n of_o work_n direct_v for_o attain_v life_n eternal_a as_o the_o east_n be_v from_o the_o west_n or_o as_o heaven_n be_v from_o hell_n the_o work_n of_o the_o spirit_n in_o discover_v christ_n to_o i_o from_o that_o text_n and_o his_o draw_v i_o to_o close_v with_o christ_n so_o discover_v be_v so_o full_a of_o 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respect_n of_o inward_a horror_n and_o despair_v of_o soul_n differ_v but_o little_a at_o least_o as_o i_o think_v and_o believe_v from_o that_o of_o the_o damn_a in_o hell_n six_o thing_n this_o bless_a spirit_n of_o adoption_n do_v effect_v in_o order_n to_o consummate_v this_o match_n first_o he_o discover_v and_o make_v know_v to_o i_o who_o the_o lord_n jesus_n hold_v forth_o in_o the_o gospel_n be_v from_o whence_o he_o come_v and_o to_o what_o end_n the_o father_n send_v he_o second_o he_o make_v plain_a discovery_n to_o i_o of_o christ_n almightiness_n to_o save_o and_o reconcile_v to_o god_n the_o worst_a and_o most_o wretched_a of_o sinner_n and_o that_o the_o righteousness_n which_o he_o as_o mediator_n between_o god_n and_o sinner_n have_v wrought_v be_v the_o alone_a righteousness_n by_o which_o a_o sinner_n be_v to_o be_v save_v and_o that_o in_o a_o way_n of_o believe_v though_o not_o for_o believe_v that_o god_n for_o the_o sake_n and_o merit_n of_o his_o son_n obedience_n to_o the_o law_n both_o active_a and_o passive_a do_v frank_o and_o free_o pardon_v and_o forgive_v the_o poor_a rebel_n transgression_n commit_v against_o the_o moral_a law_n as_o if_o he_o have_v never_o commit_v they_o and_o account_v the_o whole_a of_o that_o righteousness_n of_o christ_n both_o active_a and_o passive_a as_o true_o the_o sinner_n as_o if_o the_o sinner_n have_v personal_o perform_v the_o same_o himself_o and_o that_o in_o a_o way_n of_o free_a imputation_n three_o he_o persuade_v my_o heart_n that_o god_n the_o father_n against_o who_o law_n i_o have_v sin_v and_o who_o anger_n and_o curse_n for_o the_o same_o i_o fear_v be_v real_o willing_a and_o desirous_a that_o i_o shall_v be_v reconcile_v to_o himself_o by_o the_o virtue_n of_o his_o son_n mediation_n and_o that_o by_o my_o betake_v myself_o to_o he_o and_o cast_v my_o weary_a and_o sink_a soul_n on_o he_o to_o be_v introduce_v into_o his_o presence_n and_o by_o his_o spotless_a comeliness_n put_v on_o i_o i_o may_v be_v make_v amiable_a and_o acceptable_a in_o his_o sight_n four_o he_o discover_v to_o i_o and_o persuade_v my_o heart_n of_o the_o full_a and_o complete_a provision_n make_v by_o god_n and_o make_v know_v in_o the_o covenant_n of_o grace_n for_o the_o make_v complete_o and_o eternal_o happy_a those_o soul_n who_o be_v by_o christ_n his_o son_n believe_v and_o rely_v on_o for_o salvation_n reconcile_v to_o his_o majesty_n in_o respect_n of_o these_o and_o the_o like_a discovery_n which_o the_o holy_a ghost_n make_v to_o the_o elect_n in_o effectual_a call_v and_o between_o that_o and_o their_o arrive_v at_o glory_n he_o be_v style_v the_o spirit_n of_o manifestation_n and_o of_o revelation_n 1_o cor._n 12._o
improve_v that_o action_n to_o the_o utmost_a to_o the_o reproach_n of_o dissenter_n the_o which_o afterward_o fall_v out_o as_o i_o fear_v the_o alderman_n refuse_v to_o comply_v with_o that_o my_o but_o reasonable_a request_v he_o allege_v for_o his_o noncompliance_n with_o i_o that_o he_o have_v none_o but_o i_o who_o he_o can_v trust_v in_o a_o affair_n of_o that_o nature_n find_v the_o ineffectualness_n of_o my_o endeavour_n to_o prevail_v with_o the_o alderman_n to_o excuse_v or_o exempt_a i_o from_o that_o service_n and_o his_o strict_a command_n be_v instant_a upon_o i_o a_o writ_n be_v take_v out_o of_o which_o the_o say_a grundy_n have_v notice_n he_o abscond_v for_o a_o time_n on_o this_o i_o take_v the_o two_o special_a bailiff_n who_o be_v to_o execute_v the_o writ_n with_o nine_o or_o ten_o of_o the_o village_n he_o live_v in_o into_o the_o house_n along_o with_o i_o to_o witness_v that_o i_o seize_v those_o good_n which_o be_v visible_a in_o the_o house_n for_o the_o use_n of_o alderman_n preston_n and_o that_o for_o the_o nonpayment_n of_o rent_n i_o move_v no_o good_n but_o leave_v they_o where_o i_o find_v they_o leave_v they_o to_o the_o disposal_n of_o the_o alderman_n immediate_o on_o this_o the_o wretched_a man_n contrive_v with_o some_o papist_n russian_n to_o lay_v a_o plot_n against_o i_o the_o substance_n of_o which_o be_v that_o on_o a_o day_n i_o enter_v his_o house_n to_o distrain_v for_o such_o a_o man_n name_v alderman_n preston_n and_o meet_v with_o a_o cabinet_n i_o force_v the_o lock_n and_o steal_v three_o pound_n fifteen_o shilling_n which_o he_o say_v his_o witness_n will_v positive_o swear_v they_o see_v i_o to_o reckon_v and_o put_v into_o my_o pocket_n forthwith_o he_o ride_v to_o a_o justice_n of_o peace_n for_o a_o warrant_n to_o bind_v i_o over_o acquaint_v the_o justice_n with_o the_o whole_a of_o the_o concern_v in_o all_o its_o circumstance_n the_o justice_n though_o enemy_n enough_o on_o the_o account_n of_o religion_n tell_v he_o plain_o that_o he_o will_v not_o grant_v a_o warrant_n against_o i_o if_o he_o will_v give_v he_o five_o hundred_o pound_n he_o go_v to_o a_o second_o to_o a_o three_o and_o to_o a_o four_o about_o the_o same_o errand_n but_o from_o none_o of_o they_o can_v he_o get_v a_o warrant_n to_o bind_v i_o over_o they_o be_v all_o afraid_a to_o meddle_v at_o that_o time_n with_o i_o whether_o for_o fear_n of_o my_o uncle_n who_o be_v at_o that_o time_n lord_n chief_a justice_n of_o the_o kingdom_n of_o ireland_n or_o from_o any_o restraint_n from_o god_n on_o their_o spirit_n i_o do_v not_o know_v he_o find_v all_o his_o hope_n of_o have_v i_o for_o ever_o disgrace_v if_o not_o arraign_v for_o my_o life_n frustrate_v prepare_v a_o bill_n of_o indictment_n to_o arraign_v i_o at_o my_o uncle_n bar_n the_o term_n next_o ensue_v this_o assault_n i_o confess_v be_v a_o great_a trial_n of_o the_o little_a faith_n and_o patience_n which_o the_o gift_n of_o god_n hand_v out_o to_o my_o poor_a soul_n in_o the_o instant_n of_o regeneration_n as_o ever_o i_o have_v since_o meet_v with_o i_o have_v sometime_o with_o holy_a david_n think_v that_o my_o mountain_n in_o respect_n of_o inward_a and_o settle_a peace_n of_o conscience_n shall_v never_o be_v shake_v or_o move_v till_o this_o storm_n arise_v and_o albeit_o it_o do_v not_o influence_n my_o soul_n inward_o to_o shake_v my_o comfort_n and_o confidence_n in_o god_n god_n and_o my_o own_o conscience_n know_v my_o integrity_n and_o innocency_n in_o the_o thing_n lay_v to_o my_o charge_n yet_o consider_v the_o reproach_n which_o i_o apprehend_v will_v hence_o arise_v to_o the_o name_n gospel_n and_o people_n of_o god_n the_o stain_n and_o scandal_n it_o will_v be_v to_o my_o whole_a family_n no_o man_n can_v full_o conceive_v the_o disquietude_n and_o shame_n which_o take_v up_o its_o lodging_n in_o my_o breast_n oh_o the_o toss_n and_o work_n of_o my_o spirit_n lord_n think_v i_o what_o will_v this_o come_v to_o thou_o know_v my_o innocency_n in_o this_o matter_n but_o the_o world_n will_v ready_o believe_v i_o be_o guilty_a blasphemy_n and_o sad_a reproach_n will_v hence_o redound_v to_o thy_o most_o holy_a and_o tremendous_a name_n and_o gospel_n which_o i_o value_v unspeakable_o more_o than_o my_o life_n and_o all_o the_o world_n the_o true_o godly_a and_o religious_a the_o only_a man_n of_o my_o delight_n will_v with_o sad_a heart_n often_o think_v how_o sad_o they_o be_v mistake_v in_o i_o what_o to_o apprehend_v this_o storm_n will_v issue_v in_o any_o other_o than_o what_o i_o have_v already_o express_v i_o can_v not_o imagine_v the_o guiltless_a blush_n which_o daily_o on_o this_o occasion_n appear_v in_o my_o countenance_n i_o conclude_v will_v be_v to_o all_o that_o see_v i_o a_o argument_n of_o my_o gild_n the_o thought_n of_o the_o term_n approach_v increase_v the_o inward_a perturbation_n of_o my_o mind_n and_o the_o blush_n of_o my_o face_n to_o think_v i_o must_v stand_v arraign_v for_o felony_n before_o a_o judge_n and_o all_o my_o other_o relation_n who_o but_o a_o few_o year_n before_o have_v unanimous_o censure_v condemn_v and_o cast_v i_o out_o of_o their_o favour_n and_o affection_n for_o be_v a_o fanatic_a as_o they_o term_v true_a and_o gospel_n religion_n oh_o how_o close_o this_o go_v secret_o wish_v but_o still_o with_o humble_a submission_n to_o god_n that_o he_o will_v please_v either_o to_o break_v that_o horrid_a plot_n before_o i_o come_v to_o be_v public_o arraign_v as_o a_o malefactor_n or_o else_o call_v i_o off_o by_o death_n which_o i_o do_v unspeakable_o prefer_v before_o live_v to_o be_v a_o cause_n of_o reproach_n and_o blasphemy_n to_o the_o name_n and_o religion_n of_o the_o most_o high_a god_n as_o the_o term_n draw_v very_o near_o and_o the_o various_a and_o restless_a toss_n of_o my_o mind_n on_o that_o account_n increase_v god_n infinite_o wise_a and_o ever_o faithful_a to_o his_o word_n who_o best_o know_v how_o to_o time_n deliverance_n and_o break_v those_o net_n in_o which_o the_o enemy_n hope_v to_o catch_v the_o innocent_a he_o a_o very_a short_a space_n before_o the_o term_n le_fw-fr we_o loose_v the_o reins_o to_o this_o wicked_a man_n guilty_a conscience_n which_o wrought_v so_o violent_o with_o he_o that_o all_o the_o strength_n of_o reason_n in_o he_o yea_o the_o hope_n he_o inward_o cherish_v of_o see_v i_o bring_v to_o perpetual_a disgrace_n if_o not_o cut_v off_o be_v not_o able_a to_o restrain_v he_o from_o tread_v the_o foot_n step_v of_o judas_n a_o rope_n he_o get_v out_o he_o go_v to_o his_o own_o garden_n in_o the_o dusk_n of_o the_o evening_n and_o have_v fasten_v the_o rope_n about_o his_o neck_n just_a as_o he_o be_v draw_v the_o end_n of_o the_o rope_n through_o the_o arm_n of_o a_o tree_n on_o which_o he_o design_v to_o hang_v himself_o his_o wife_n and_o his_o man_n happen_v to_o discover_v what_o he_o be_v about_o on_o this_o the_o shout_z be_v up_o and_o such_o a_o cry_v make_v as_o do_v present_o bring_v about_o he_o all_o the_o neighbour_n who_o over_o pour_a he_o prevent_v his_o intend_a design_n but_o notwithstanding_o their_o cut_v the_o rope_n yet_o can_v they_o have_v no_o access_n to_o that_o guilty_a conscience_n of_o he_o to_o assuage_v or_o allay_v the_o horrible_a and_o self_n condemn_v agony_n which_o like_o restless_a wave_n and_o billow_n do_v distract_v and_o torment_v his_o soul_n he_o be_v by_o force_n stretch_v on_o his_o bed_n and_o with_o the_o same_o rope_n he_o attempt_v to_o hand_n himself_o be_v fast_o bind_v to_o the_o bed_n he_o fall_v into_o rage_v and_o desperate_a fit_n like_v to_o a_o demoniac_a dash_v his_o head_n with_o all_o his_o force_n against_o the_o bed-stock_n foam_v at_o the_o mouth_n utter_v these_o word_n as_o fast_o and_o with_o a_o strange_a vehemency_n which_o fright_v all_o the_o bystander_n as_o he_o can_v viz._n i_o drive_v away_o cow_n i_o sell_v cow_n no_o i_o drive_v away_o no_o cow_n i_o sell_v no_o cow_n roger_n eckersley_n and_o captain_n stopford_n will_v give_v under_o their_o hand_n that_o i_o be_o a_o honest_a man_n and_o so_o in_o rage_a madness_n expire_v his_o last_o breath_n with_o these_o word_n in_o his_o die_a mouth_n i_o drive_v no_o cow_n away_o i_o sell_v no_o cow_n which_o be_v the_o last_o word_n he_o speak_v the_o reader_n must_v know_v that_o before_o this_o plot_n design_v against_o my_o life_n and_o reputation_n the_o same_o poor_a wretch_n commence_v a_o law_n suit_n against_o i_o or_o which_o he_o have_v not_o the_o least_o appearance_n of_o reason_n save_v what_o he_o and_o some_z other_o as_o desperate_o wicked_a as_o himself_o have_v contrive_v and_o which_o be_v stout_o swear_v
case_n to_o be_v altogether_o desperate_a and_o hopeless_a it_o be_v not_o to_o be_v tell_v by_o tongue_n or_o pen_n what_o soul_n conflict_n and_o agony_n accompany_v i_o wherever_o i_o go_v and_o whatever_o i_o set_v about_o insomuch_o that_o they_o become_v frequent_a and_o familiar_a to_o i_o in_o the_o very_a night_n vision_n the_o devil_n hell_n damnation_n with_o the_o manner_n how_o the_o wicked_a be_v handle_v in_o hell_n be_v thing_n very_o often_o present_v to_o my_o fancy_n in_o those_o short_a and_o torment_a slumber_n whereinto_o i_o fall_v yea_o i_o have_v sometime_o dream_v that_o i_o have_v see_v and_o feel_v myself_o in_o hell_n among_o the_o damn_a tumble_v and_o sink_v down_o deep_o and_o deep_o feel_v no_o bottom_n which_o have_v occasion_v i_o often_o to_o think_v of_o job_n case_n of_o which_o he_o bitter_o complain_v job_n 7._o 14._o then_o thou_o scare_v i_o with_o dream_n and_o terrify_v i_o with_o vision_n as_o it_o be_v with_o job_n so_o it_o be_v with_o i_o when_o i_o have_v be_v even_o spend_v with_o the_o conflict_n and_o temptation_n of_o the_o day_n i_o think_v sometime_o and_o hope_v at_o least_o that_o my_o bed_n and_o sleep_n will_v something_o ease_v and_o lessen_v my_o pain_n and_o inward_a horror_n of_o mind_n but_o woe_n and_o alas_o i_o be_v never_o weary_a of_o the_o fatigue_n of_o the_o day_n than_o i_o be_v of_o the_o restless_a toss_n of_o the_o night_n and_o that_o because_o of_o those_o dream_n and_o vision_n which_o do_v as_o it_o be_v realize_v the_o thing_n themselves_o to_o my_o mind_n the_o consternation_n into_o which_o those_o soul_n afflict_v vision_n do_v put_v i_o do_v often_o startle_v i_o out_o of_o my_o sleep_n and_o cause_v in_o i_o restless_a long_n for_o daylight_n and_o that_o because_o i_o can_v not_o employ_v my_o thought_n about_o any_o thing_n but_o what_o have_v a_o tendency_n to_o augment_v my_o despair_n and_o misery_n my_o thought_n run_v out_o and_o fix_v upon_o the_o sin_n of_o my_o youth_n 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shall_v never_o see_v light_n well_o when_o contrary_a to_o my_o foolish_a and_o wicked_a thought_n and_o expectation_n i_o have_v live_v to_o see_v the_o morning_n light_n i_o will_v then_o begin_v to_o reason_n and_o query_n with_o myself_o what_o i_o have_v so_o earnest_o desire_v the_o day_n for_o my_o day_n of_o grace_n be_v certain_o pass_v and_o go_v there_o be_v no_o mercy_n in_o store_n for_o such_o a_o one_o as_o i_o be_o all_o the_o help_n and_o mean_n of_o grace_n which_o have_v have_v a_o blessing_n attend_v they_o for_o special_a good_a to_o other_o be_v attend_v with_o a_o curse_n to_o i_o i_o be_o a_o reprobate_n in_o vain_a it_o be_v to_o pray_v any_o more_o or_o spend_v any_o more_o time_n in_o the_o duty_n of_o religion_n i_o have_v have_v sad_a experience_n of_o that_o under_o this_o weight_n will_v i_o lie_v in_o my_o bed_n conclude_v it_o altogether_o in_o vain_a to_o arise_v to_o engage_v in_o any_o duty_n this_o temptation_n so_o far_o prevail_v that_o i_o do_v for_o a_o time_n refrain_v prayer_n and_o neglect_v other_o duty_n of_o religion_n from_o my_o conclude_v that_o i_o belong_v not_o to_o god_n i_o find_v myself_o like_o a_o dead_a log_n as_o if_o i_o have_v neither_o life_n nor_o soul_n leave_v in_o i_o i_o expect_v certain_o every_o hour_n nay_o each_o minute_n nay_o every_o breath_n i_o fetch_v to_o be_v hurry_v away_o into_o the_o place_n and_o company_n of_o the_o damn_a which_o cause_v in_o i_o such_o amazement_n and_o unusual_a horror_n that_o i_o will_v creep_v like_o a_o condemn_a malefactor_n into_o the_o chimney_n corner_n among_o the_o company_n there_o resolve_v to_o stay_v while_o any_o stay_v there_o on_o purpose_n to_o avoid_v and_o shun_v those_o damn_a spirit_n who_o i_o expect_v every_o twinkle_a of_o a_o eye_n to_o see_v among_o my_o sad_a and_o despair_a thought_n concern_v the_o ineffectualness_n of_o all_o mean_n and_o duty_n to_o do_v i_o good_a there_o do_v come_v into_o my_o thought_n a_o passage_n which_o i_o have_v read_v in_o some_o author_n who_o name_n i_o have_v forget_v it_o be_v this_o viz._n that_o there_o be_v different_a degree_n of_o torment_n among_o the_o damn_a in_o hell_n this_o thing_n i_o fix_v my_o thought_n on_o so_o long_o till_o i_o do_v hence_o infer_v and_o conclude_v that_o see_v there_o be_v different_a degree_n of_o torment_n among_o the_o damn_a in_o hell_n and_o that_o the_o damn_a exceed_v each_o other_o in_o the_o degree_n of_o sin_n must_v necessary_o be_v the_o ground_n and_o foundation_n of_o such_o a_o difference_n i_o conclude_v that_o the_o less_o sin_n i_o commit_v the_o less_o will_v be_v my_o torment_n in_o hell_n now_o every_o omission_n of_o duty_n think_v i_o as_o well_o as_o do_v what_o be_v positive_o forbid_v in_o the_o moral_a law_n be_v a_o sin_n against_o god_n and_o therefore_o to_o make_v my_o chain_n the_o light_a in_o hell_n i_o be_o resolve_v against_o all_o know_a sin_n and_o according_o i_o fall_v to_o work_n again_o perceive_v in_o myself_o no_o other_o motive_n or_o inducement_n hereto_o but_o mere_o expect_v and_o hope_v that_o by_o this_o mean_n my_o be_v in_o hell_n will_v be_v make_v more_o tolerable_a and_o easy_a than_o that_o of_o other_o reprobate_n by_o this_o very_a thing_n it_o will_v easy_o be_v understand_v how_o near_o i_o be_v to_o final_a despair_n in_o my_o own_o thought_n and_o apprehension_n but_o among_o all_o the_o combat_n and_o conflict_n i_o meet_v with_o in_o the_o time_n of_o my_o bondage_n none_o more_o rack_v and_o torment_v my_o spirit_n than_o those_o hideous_a and_o abominable_a thought_n which_o by_o the_o devil_n be_v like_o fiery_n and_o poison_a arrow_n inject_v into_o my_o mind_n sometime_o against_o the_o holy_a scripture_n as_o that_o they_o be_v not_o the_o word_n of_o god_n but_o the_o cunning_a and_o politic_a invention_n of_o man_n devise_v and_o contrive_v by_o some_o to_o awe_n and_o keep_v other_o in_o subjection_n this_o temptation_n cause_v no_o small_a anguish_n and_o perturbation_n in_o my_o mind_n but_o do_v not_o continue_v long_o for_o though_o sad_a and_o desperate_a i_o think_v my_o case_n to_o be_v i_o be_v enable_v to_o consider_v what_o a_o mighty_a power_n go_v along_o with_o the_o scripture_n in_o discover_v my_o most_o secret_a corruption_n and_o put_v my_o conscience_n and_o spirit_n into_o such_o fear_n of_o what_o will_v ensue_v in_o case_n i_o do_v not_o cofess_v and_o forsake_v they_o this_o very_a consideration_n viz._n that_o the_o word_n which_o discover_v to_o i_o my_o vain_a and_o sinful_a thought_n and_o condemn_v the_o ill_a life_n i_o have_v lead_v and_o that_o lay_v i_o under_o such_o captivate_a horror_n and_o fear_n for_o the_o same_o must_v needs_o be_v the_o word_n of_o a_o infinite_a all-knowing_a and_o powerful_a god_n do_v foil_n and_o repel_v that_o temptation_n no_o soon_o have_v the_o first_o temptation_n be_v over_o but_o a_o second_o immediate_o ensue_v which_o be_v that_o there_o be_v no_o such_o thing_n as_o a_o god_n in_o nature_n and_o that_o man_n believe_v and_o profess_v the_o be_v of_o a_o god_n be_v more_o from_o use_n of_o custom_n and_o from_o the_o strong_a work_n of_o fancy_n than_o from_o any_o real_a truth_n ground_v on_o sensible_a experience_n oh_o the_o sad_a concussion_n this_o temptation_n give_v to_o the_o power_n of_o nature_n i_o be_v so_o strange_o influence_v by_o it_o that_o i_o solemn_o prosess_v i_o feel_v myself_o sink_v and_o and_o just_a totter_a to_o fall_v off_o my_o foot_n all_o over_o in_o a_o muck_n sweat_n with_o a_o strange_a shiver_a and_o tremble_v in_o all_o the_o power_n and_o part_n of_o soul_n and_o body_n but_o
lump_n of_o ice_n before_o the_o warm_a sun_n by_o the_o sense_n and_o perception_n i_o have_v of_o the_o love_n of_o god_n vouchsafe_v to_o such_o a_o base_a and_o deform_a sinner_n as_o god_n know_v i_o be_v and_o still_o be_o i_o feel_v the_o servile_a and_o mercenary_a frame_n and_o disposition_n of_o my_o spirit_n take_v wing_n and_o that_o filial_a child_n like_o frame_n and_o disposition_n of_o spirit_n which_o be_v suit_v to_o a_o gospel_n dispensation_n succeed_v in_o its_o room_n and_o look_v up_o to_o heaven_n with_o the_o tear_n flow_v from_o i_o so_o extreme_o fast_o that_o i_o hear_v they_o drop_n drop_v upon_o drop_n on_o the_o floor_n where_o i_o stand_v continue_v so_o long_o that_o i_o sensible_o feel_v my_o cheek_n to_o burn_v and_o scald_v i_o my_o soul_n in_o a_o strange_a ecstasy_n run_v over_o those_o particular_n which_o the_o holy_a ghost_n have_v assure_v i_o of_o here_o be_v the_o second_o rapture_n of_o joy_n what_o joy_n like_v to_o this_o i_o now_o feel_v who_o can_v possible_o relate_v or_o express_v it_o what!_o have_v god_n elect_v i_o even_o i_o sinful_a and_o vile_a i_o and_o have_v he_o do_v it_o before_o time_n and_o notwithstanding_o he_o perfect_o know_v what_o i_o shall_v prove_v in_o time_n oh_o wonderful_a love_n why_o i_o lord_n why_o i_o and_o not_o one_o of_o the_o reprobate_n in_o hell_n who_o never_o sin_v against_o thou_o to_o that_o degree_n that_o i_o have_v and_o have_v god_n lay_v my_o iniquity_n even_o all_o my_o iniquity_n on_o the_o back_n of_o christ_n and_o charge_v they_o to_o his_o score_n as_o my_o surety_n oh_o amaze_a mystery_n of_o divine_a love_n and_o grace_n who_o be_v able_a to_o know_v whether_o the_o father_n or_o the_o son_n love_v i_o most_o the_o father_n in_o lay_v my_o sin_n on_o his_o own_o and_o only_a son_n though_o innocent_a and_o harmless_a or_o the_o son_n in_o condescend_v to_o bear_v they_o as_o his_o own_o sin_n and_o be_v all_o those_o sin_n of_o i_o discharge_v and_o satisfy_v 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be_v with_o all_o the_o wicked_a reprobate_n who_o have_v no_o share_n in_o the_o redemption_n of_o his_o son_n even_o then_o when_o thou_o be_v un-called_n he_o may_v have_v send_v thou_o to_o hell_n who_o can_v have_v hinder_v he_o and_o be_v the_o reason_n wherefore_o he_o handle_v thou_o so_o rough_o by_o the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n as_o have_v be_v discover_v by_o the_o holy_a ghost_n and_o not_o because_o he_o hate_v thou_o or_o any_o way_n design_v to_o satisfy_v his_o vindicative_a justice_n for_o thy_o sin_n what_o cause_n have_v thou_o to_o reflect_v on_o and_o abhor_v thyself_o for_o all_o thy_o hard_a thought_n and_o unbecoming_a apprehension_n which_o be_v lodge_v in_o thou_o of_o god_n and_o his_o deal_v with_o thou_o and_o be_v it_o certain_a as_o most_o certain_o it_o be_v see_v god_n can_v lie_v that_o i_o poor_a sinful_a i_o shall_v be_v make_v to_o persevere_v and_o hold_v out_o in_o a_o state_n of_o grace_n and_o continue_v in_o god_n favour_n for_o ever_o oh_o what_o unspeakable_a cause_n have_v thou_o to_o adore_v love_n and_o praise_n jehovah_n to_o all_o eternity_n and_o what_o little_a reason_n have_v thou_o to_o be_v discourage_v to_o think_v of_o what_o the_o power_n of_o darkness_n can_v do_v to_o hinder_v thy_o perseverance_n and_o will_v the_o eye_n of_o divine_a providence_n be_v on_o i_o and_o the_o right_a hand_n of_o god_n righteousness_n keep_v under_o i_o to_o secure_v i_o for_o ever_o from_o final_o miscarry_v or_o perish_v how_o great_a encouragement_n be_v this_o to_o thou_o my_o soul_n to_o have_v the_o eye_n of_o faith_n and_o hope_v depend_o fix_v on_o the_o faithfulness_n and_o almightiness_n of_o god_n see_v the_o end_n and_o the_o mean_n be_v ever_o inseparable_a and_o have_v god_n that_o can_v lie_v promise_v and_o engage_v that_o the_o very_o be_v of_o indwelling_a corruption_n with_o all_o the_o out-breaking_a thereof_o in_o my_o conversation_n as_o also_o the_o many_o affliction_n attend_v the_o same_o shall_v infallible_o work_v for_o my_o eternal_a good_n what_o reason_n have_v i_o to_o cry_v out_o and_o say_v with_o astonishment_n of_o soul_n who_o be_v a_o god_n like_o unto_o thou_o who_o pardone_v iniquity_n and_o pass_v by_o the_o trasgression_n of_o the_o remnant_n of_o thy_o heritage_n who_o out_o of_o darkness_n produce_v light_a and_o out_o of_o the_o great_a evil_n can_v bring_v the_o great_a good_n and_o be_v it_o so_o that_o notwithstanding_o the_o many_o and_o great_a opposition_n and_o tribulation_n i_o be_o to_o meet_v with_o in_o the_o world_n i_o shall_v through_o christ_n accompany_v and_o strengthen_v i_o be_v bring_v through_o they_o and_o make_v a_o complete_a conqueror_n in_o the_o end_n how_o great_o zealous_a ought_v i_o to_o be_v in_o love_v and_o laud_v the_o true_a and_o living_n god_n father_n son_n and_o holy_a ghost_n who_o tremendous_a and_o glorious_a name_n be_v infinite_o transcend_v all_o praise_n which_o saint_n or_o angel_n be_v capable_a of_o give_v and_o see_v that_o from_o henceforth_o till_o i_o come_v to_o heaven_n the_o special_a providence_n of_o god_n will_v be_v with_o i_o in_o every_o change_n of_o condition_n so_o as_o nothing_o shall_v be_v able_a to_o do_v i_o harm_n what_o unspeakable_a cause_n have_v i_o to_o fear_v with_o a_o reverential_n holy_a and_o filial_a fear_n the_o glorious_a name_n and_o infinite_a majesty_n of_o the_o great_a god_n and_o how_o unbecoming_a i_o for_o who_o god_n have_v do_v so_o many_o and_o wonderful_a thing_n will_v it_o be_v to_o fear_v either_o devil_n or_o man_n who_o set_v themselves_o against_o god_n and_o his_o son_n interest_n o_o my_o soul_n rejoice_v now_o in_o god_n who_o be_v become_v thy_o salvation_n and_o fear_v nothing_o but_o what_o may_v any_o way_n grieve_v his_o holy_a and_o tender_a spirit_n marvellous_a and_o unutterable_a be_v those_o manifestation_n of_o god_n love_n let_v out_o upon_o i_o his_o poor_a nothing_o creature_n in_o that_o moment_n of_o his_o spirit_n seal_v i_o in_o believe_v and_o by_o the_o sense_n whereof_o the_o holy_a ghost_n fill_v up_o those_o vally_n and_o bottom_n in_o my_o soul_n and_o conscience_n occasion_v by_o the_o sharp_a and_o terrible_a work_n of_o the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n and_o as_o the_o manifestation_n but_o now_o mention_v be_v in_o themselves_o marvellous_a and_o astonish_v so_o be_v also_o the_o sensible_a effect_n they_o produce_v in_o i_o wonderful_a and_o ravish_a those_o effect_n i_o reduce_v for_o order_n sake_n to_o six_o head_n first_o the_o horror_n and_o gild_n of_o my_o conscience_n be_v go_v which_o be_v succeed_v by_o the_o answer_n of_o a_o good_a conscience_n towards_o god_n which_o do_v inward_o suggest_v and_o dictate_v to_o i_o that_o my_o state_n and_o condition_n godward_o be_v true_o safe_a and_o most_o happy_a second_o the_o spiritual_a veil_n which_o cover_v my_o heart_n and_o mind_n and_o which_o keep_v i_o from_o see_v into_o the_o mystery_n of_o the_o gospel_n be_v take_v off_o like_a scale_n or_o a_o web_n off_o the_o eye_n of_o a_o blind_a man._n whereon_o i_o be_v enable_v to_o see_v and_o behold_v who_o and_o what_o jesus_n hold_v forth_o in_o the_o gospel_n be_v to_o i_o three_o the_o affright_v distraction_n and_o overwhelm_a hurricane_n of_o my_o despair_v soul_n occasion_v by_o my_o continual_a expectation_n of_o be_v send_v to_o hell_n be_v turn_v into_o a_o unexpected_a and_o soul_n surprise_v calm_a and_o sedate_v frame_n of_o spirit_n four_o the_o spirit_n of_o slavish_a fear_n which_o on_o every_o occasion_n torment_v and_o rack_v i_o vanish_v and_o the_o spirit_n of_o power_n of_o love_n and_o of_o a_o sound_a mind_n be_v give_v i_o five_o the_o joy_n and_o comfort_n of_o the_o holy_a ghost_n
be_v communicate_v to_o i_o in_o such_o a_o manner_n and_o measure_n as_o unspeakable_o pass_v my_o frail_a capacity_n to_o tell_v forth_o or_o express_v which_o occasion_v i_o to_o call_v to_o mind_n my_o former_a wonder_v and_o muse_v while_o go_v on_o in_o the_o way_n of_o my_o ignorant_a and_o blind_a zeal_n in_o serve_a god_n before_o the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n visit_v i_o to_o think_v what_o the_o joy_n of_o the_o holy_a ghost_n shall_v mean_v whenever_o i_o do_v read_v of_o the_o joy_n of_o the_o holy_a ghost_n or_o do_v hear_v any_o mention_n thereof_o joy_n of_o the_o holy_a think_v i_o lord_n what_o be_v that_o what_o be_v the_o meaning_n of_o it_o i_o can_v tell_v or_o apprehend_v what_o this_o joy_n of_o the_o holy_a ghost_n shall_v be_v six_o the_o spirit_n of_o adoption_n be_v give_v i_o whereby_o i_o be_v enable_v to_o come_v to_o god_n throne_n of_o grace_n and_o with_o a_o holy_a and_o humble_a boldness_n to_o call_v he_o my_o god_n and_o my_o father_n the_o instinct_n in_o the_o new_a creation_n wrought_v by_o the_o god_n of_o all_o grace_n in_o i_o lead_v i_o to_o god_n as_o the_o fountain_n of_o all_o good_n the_o spirit_n give_v i_o put_v into_o my_o mouth_n word_n of_o solemn_a thanks_o and_o praise_n for_o the_o greatness_n and_o strangeness_n of_o my_o salvation_n to_o my_o knee_n i_o betake_v i_o adore_v and_o worship_v with_o my_o spirit_n that_o holy_a jehovah_n trinity_n in_o unity_n and_o unity_n in_o trinity_n father_n son_n and_o holy_a ghost_n the_o true_a and_o eternal_a god_n who_o all_o the_o time_n of_o my_o blind_a zeal_n and_o during_o the_o time_n of_o my_o bondage_n state_n i_o have_v so_o ignorant_o worship_v i_o be_v now_o and_o never_o before_o enable_v jacob_n like_v to_o catch_v hold_n of_o and_o to_o wrestle_v with_o a_o reconcile_v god_n the_o greatness_n holiness_n and_o infiniteness_n of_o his_o majesty_n which_o before_o i_o know_v he_o in_o christ_n terrify_v and_o affrightn_v i_o with_o a_o witness_n animate_v and_o encourage_v i_o in_o pray_v to_o he_o it_o be_v not_o to_o be_v express_v in_o word_n with_o what_o alacrity_n and_o cheerfulness_n of_o spirit_n i_o approach_v the_o throne_n of_o grace_n and_o with_o what_o enlargedness_n and_o inward_a melt_n of_o heart_n and_o soul_n i_o call_v on_o god_n when_o i_o do_v but_o mention_v this_o my_o god_n and_o my_o father_n oh_o what_o ravishment_n of_o soul_n do_v i_o experimental_o feel_v overflow_a and_o drown_v my_o very_a spirit_n to_o my_o bed_n i_o go_v with_o a_o glad_a &_o ravish_v heart_n christ_n know_v the_o burn_a inflammation_n which_o the_o horror_n and_o bondage_n of_o my_o wound_a despair_v conscience_n cause_v in_o my_o body_n be_v go_v and_o my_o body_n disposition_n to_o crookedness_n think_v the_o sink_a weight_n which_o lie_v on_o my_o spirit_n within_o be_v instant_o rebuke_v and_o cause_v to_o retreat_n by_o the_o glad_a and_o joyful_a tideing_n of_o gospel_n peace_n which_o that_o night_n take_v up_o its_o lodging_n within_o i_o succeed_v and_o powerful_o supplant_n that_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n which_o make_v i_o so_o hopeless_a and_o as_o i_o think_v past_o all_o possibility_n of_o escape_v hell_n no_o soon_o be_v i_o stretch_v in_o my_o bed_n but_o swoon_a and_o faint_v fit_n of_o love_n sickness_n seize_v i_o i_o be_v inward_o and_o spiritual_o so_o apprehensive_a of_o the_o mysteriousness_n of_o christ_n incarnation_n his_o humble_v himself_o even_o to_o death_n his_o lie_v confine_v as_o a_o prisoner_n in_o the_o grave_a and_o his_o be_v raise_v therefrom_o again_o his_o ascend_v to_o heaven_n from_o whence_o he_o come_v and_o his_o sit_v down_o at_o the_o father_n right_a hand_n to_o enter_v on_o the_o work_n of_o intercession_n with_o god_n and_o that_o as_o my_o surety_n and_o mediator_n and_o all_o for_o i_o that_o i_o very_o think_v my_o body_n be_v near_o its_o dissolution_n a_o thing_n which_o the_o clear_a and_o certain_a assurance_n give_v i_o of_o my_o be_v a_o adopt_a son_n of_o god_n make_v i_o even_o long_a and_o pant_v after_o my_o thought_n and_o meditation_n be_v now_o whole_o employ_v about_o christ_n and_o that_o bless_a change_n which_o i_o sensible_o feel_v be_v past_a on_o i_o the_o sweet_a and_o soul_n ravish_v communion_n i_o have_v with_o father_n son_n and_o holy_a ghost_n be_v to_o i_o instead_o of_o meat_n drink_v and_o sleep_n and_o that_o the_o most_o please_a and_o satisfactory_a that_o i_o ever_o enjoy_v the_o act_n and_o suffering_n of_o christ_n in_o the_o assume_v nature_n for_o i_o be_v so_o realize_v and_o the_o virtue_n and_o reconcile_a efficacy_n of_o the_o same_o so_o sensible_o set_v home_n on_o my_o wound_a and_o bleed_a soul_n by_o the_o spirit_n of_o adoption_n that_o i_o think_v i_o have_v the_o person_n of_o christ_n clasp_v in_o my_o arm_n in_o the_o bed_n oh_o the_o sweet_a intercourse_n which_o by_o the_o operation_n of_o the_o holy_a ghost_n pass_v between_o precious_a jesus_n and_o my_o languid_a soul_n then_o be_v i_o make_v to_o know_v experimental_o the_o meaning_n of_o rev._n 3._o 20._o while_o i_o be_v wake_v i_o be_v entertain_v with_o strange_a variety_n of_o interlocution_n or_o discourse_n which_o pass_v between_o christ_n and_o i_o which_o do_v explain_v and_o unfold_v to_o i_o that_o in_o prov._n 6._o 22._o during_o this_o i_o continue_v in_o such_o a_o melt_a frame_n that_o the_o very_a pillow-beer_n under_o my_o head_n be_v as_o if_o dip_v in_o a_o river_n through_o the_o great_a abundance_n of_o tear_n of_o unconceivable_a joy_n which_o the_o sense_n and_o feel_v of_o christ_n love_n constrain_v i_o to_o shed_v when_o i_o find_v a_o necessity_n of_o turn_v in_o my_o bed_n i_o can_v not_o turn_v without_o my_o dear_o belove_a and_o incomparable_o loving_n jesus_n in_o my_o arm_n with_o i_o when_o i_o slumber_v and_o sleep_v i_o be_v soon_o visit_v with_o most_o joyful_a and_o ravish_a dream_n of_o god_n christ_n holy_a ghost_n the_o glory_n of_o heaven_n and_o the_o unutterable_a bliss_n and_o felicity_n of_o those_o soul_n who_o be_v reconcile_v to_o god_n by_o christ_n this_o be_v very_o frequent_a and_o common_a when_o sleep_n come_v on_o i_o after_o i_o have_v be_v seal_v in_o believe_v and_o albeit_o i_o never_o dare_v to_o heed_n or_o mind_n nocturnal_a dream_n yet_o they_o have_v sometime_o have_v such_o a_o strange_a influence_n on_o i_o that_o i_o have_v feel_v such_o delightful_a joy_n and_o comfort_n in_o my_o spirit_n that_o sometime_o i_o have_v be_v at_o a_o stand_n to_o think_v whether_o i_o have_v be_v asleep_o or_o awake_v it_o be_v a_o frequent_a practice_n with_o i_o for_o some_o considerable_a time_n how_o long_o i_o can_v now_o remember_v to_o arise_v in_o my_o bed_n when_o i_o awake_v out_o of_o my_o sleep_n to_o bend_v my_o knee_n and_o lift_v up_o my_o eye_n hand_n and_o heart_n to_o heaven_n to_o land_n praise_n and_o magnify_v father_n son_n and_o holy_a ghost_n for_o the_o greatness_n and_o strangeness_n of_o my_o so_o unexpected_a and_o unlooked_a for_o salvation_n be_v but_o the_o night_n before_o yea_o and_o every_o morning_n ready_a to_o drop_n into_o final_a desperation_n of_o ever_o be_v save_v oh_o what_o a_o loss_n be_v i_o at_o in_o myself_o not_o know_v how_o sufficient_o to_o extol_v and_o bless_v god_n for_o what_o have_v now_o befall_v i_o i_o be_v even_o ready_a to_o quarrel_v with_o myself_o because_o of_o the_o narrowness_n and_o straightness_n of_o my_o soul_n which_o hinder_v that_o i_o can_v not_o take_v in_o more_o of_o god_n and_o go_v out_o in_o more_o enlarge_v expression_n of_o love_n and_o praise_n to_o he_o for_o above_o six_o month_n together_o i_o can_v neither_o lie_v down_o nor_o arise_v go_v down_o or_o come_v up_o stair_n pass_v in_o or_o out_o from_o one_o place_n to_o another_o but_o i_o strong_o conceit_a that_o i_o perceive_v a_o guard_n of_o angel_n attend_v my_o person_n it_o can_v be_v express_v with_o what_o scorn_n and_o abhorrence_n i_o look_v on_o the_o pride_n and_o gallantry_n of_o the_o family_n where_o i_o live_v their_o changeable_a suit_n of_o rich_a and_o glitter_v apparel_n with_o their_o choice_a meat_n and_o sweet_a music_n with_o other_o delightful_a pastime_n i_o look_v on_o and_o account_v they_o but_o as_o smoak_n and_o dust_n the_o title_n of_o worldly_a honour_n wherein_o the_o rest_n of_o my_o relation_n do_v not_o a_o little_a glory_n i_o account_v the_o same_o but_o a_o mere_a empty_a vanity_n oh_o think_v i_o that_o my_o poor_a relation_n can_v see_v taste_n and_o feel_v what_o i_o do_v how_o will_v they_o disrelish_v and_o be_v ashamed_a and_o weary_a of_o these_o poor_a perish_v sensual_a delight_n wherein_o they_o place_v their_o delight_n and_o