father_n holdekeeper_n so_o as_o it_o be_v a_o mother_n to_o ten_o child_n a_o mistress_n over_o six_o servant_n none_o to_o do_v any_o thing_n without_o my_o command_n or_o consent_n be_v as_o it_o be_v my_o father_n right_a hand_n from_o who_o i_o have_v this_o authority_n it_o do_v not_o only_o stop_v my_o sorrow_n but_o cause_v a_o exceed_a juyful_a pride_n or_o proud_a joy_n to_o seize_v upon_o my_o heart_n see_v myself_o aâ—_n it_o be_v advance_v be_v respect_v among_o the_o chief_a of_o the_o parish_n who_o be_v my_o mother_n a_o companion_n i_o represent_v her_o person_n when_o i_o be_v among_o they_o then_o begin_v the_o care_n of_o the_o worlâ—_n and_o the_o deceivableness_n of_o vanity_n to_o seize_v upon_o my_o heart_n and_o make_v i_o forget_v my_o former_a order_n promise_n and_o intention_n and_o thus_o i_o spend_v almost_o seven_o year_n cumber_v about_o many_o thing_n but_o quite_o neglect_v that_o one_o thing_n which_o iâ—_n needful_a about_o this_o time_n it_o please_v god_n to_o take_v my_o father_n from_o i_o upon_o a_o sudden_a i_o ask_v my_o heart_n what_o be_v the_o cause_n of_o my_o father_n death_n it_o make_v answer_v thus_o because_o thou_o have_v sin_v against_o god_n thou_o have_v not_o only_o omit_v much_o good_a but_o thou_o have_v coâ—…itted_v much_o evil_n thou_o have_v spend_v thy_o time_n idle_o and_o loose_o and_o for_o thy_o sake_n all_o thy_o brother_n and_o sister_n be_v now_o make_v fatherless_a and_o motherless_a thâ—…_n consideration_n make_v such_o a_o deep_a impression_n upon_o thy_o spirit_n that_o i_o refuse_v all_o coâ—…fort_n for_o half_a a_o year_n cry_v out_o continual_o my_o sin_n my_o sin_n woe_n be_v i_o my_o sin_n be_v demand_v by_o divers_a godly_a friend_n and_o reverend_a divine_n what_o those_o sin_n be_v which_o so_o much_o trouble_v i_o i_o tell_v they_o sin_n of_o omission_n sin_n of_o omission_n they_o will_v persuade_v i_o that_o i_o be_v young_a and_o that_o i_o have_v not_o year_n enough_o over_o my_o head_n to_o be_v guilty_a of_o so_o many_o sâ—…s_n by_o omission_n that_o need_v so_o much_o sorrow_n i_o tell_v they_o that_o i_o be_v old_a enough_o to_o offend_v god_n and_o to_o provoke_v he_o to_o anger_n indeed_o i_o can_v not_o give_v so_o ready_a account_n of_o my_o sin_n of_o evil_n commit_v and_o of_o good_a omit_v but_o though_o they_o never_o take_v notice_n of_o my_o sin_n yet_o my_o heart_n be_v witness_v against_o i_o thus_o i_o weary_v all_o my_o friend_n with_o my_o excessive_a sorrow_n who_o know_v not_o what_o to_o do_v for_o i_o more_o than_o they_o have_v do_v with_o one_o consent_n they_o send_v i_o up_o to_o london_n persuade_v i_o that_o the_o word_n of_o god_n be_v more_o plentiful_o preach_v there_o which_o make_v i_o willing_a to_o come_v but_o miss_v of_o my_o brother_n to_o who_o i_o be_v send_v to_o be_v provide_v for_o and_o resolve_v to_o wait_v upon_o some_o gentlewoman_n until_o i_o can_v with_o conveniency_n return_v down_o again_o god_n by_o his_o providence_n bring_v i_o to_o the_o wife_n of_o dr._n page_n minister_n of_o debtford_n from_o who_o i_o receive_v great_a comfort_n but_o in_o a_o short_a time_n god_n take_v he_o from_o we_o all_o who_o death_n be_v great_o lament_v i_o find_v much_o favour_n and_o love_n from_o all_o that_o know_v i_o and_o most_o especial_o from_o mris._n page_n who_o for_o three_o year_n and_o a_o half_a will_v not_o suffer_v i_o to_o be_v away_o from_o she_o one_o day_n at_o the_o end_n of_o which_o time_n i_o be_v marry_v to_o her_o elder_a son_n than_o live_v we_o have_v not_o be_v long_o marry_v and_o my_o husband_n receive_v his_o portion_n but_o we_o take_v a_o house_n in_o westminster_n intend_v to_o take_v some_o honest_a course_n for_o a_o livelihood_n but_o there_o god_n know_v we_o fall_v acquaint_v with_o some_o company_n which_o do_v not_o only_o cause_v much_o time_n to_o be_v spend_v in_o idleness_n but_o almost_o all_o our_o mean_n one_o man_n especial_o who_o give_v his_o mind_n to_o drink_v and_o other_o vice_n more_o than_o any_o good_a he_o i_o say_v be_v never_o well_o content_v without_o my_o husband_n company_n see_v imminent_a danger_n to_o hang_v over_o our_o head_n by_o reason_n of_o this_o course_n of_o life_n i_o great_o desire_v my_o husband_n to_o refrain_v that_o man_n company_n or_o at_o least_o not_o to_o suffer_v he_o to_o come_v so_o often_o home_n to_o our_o house_n this_o i_o beg_v upon_o my_o knee_n with_o tear_n but_o can_v not_o prevail_v then_o do_v the_o devil_n set_v his_o foot_n into_o my_o heart_n and_o persuade_v i_o that_o by_o the_o commit_n of_o one_o sin_n i_o shall_v prevent_v many_o and_o so_o stir_v i_o up_o to_o murder_v he_o to_o which_o suggestion_n i_o cowardly_o yield_v and_o seek_v all_o opportunity_n to_o perform_v this_o wicked_a act_n here_o i_o deny_v my_o master_n christ_n in_o the_o high_a of_o this_o hatred_n in_o my_o sleep_n i_o think_v i_o be_v in_o a_o very_a large_a chamber_n sit_v behind_o a_o table_n cover_v with_o a_o green_a carpet_n upon_o which_o lie_v all_o manner_n of_o instrument_n which_o proclaim_v death_n sudden_o the_o man_n come_v into_o the_o chamber_n who_o so_o soon_o as_o i_o espy_v to_o be_v alone_o catch_v up_o a_o weapon_n in_o my_o hand_n i_o resolve_v there_o to_o commit_v the_o horrid_a act_n of_o murder_n upon_o his_o body_n but_o god_n who_o watch_v over_o he_o whether_o they_o sleep_v or_o walte_n and_o work_v by_o mean_n and_o without_o mean_n which_o way_n he_o please_v at_o that_o time_n put_v a_o end_n to_o all_o my_o revengeful_a thought_n and_o cause_v i_o to_o hear_v a_o voice_n in_o my_o ear_n say_v vengeance_n be_v i_o to_o which_o voice_n i_o answer_v aloud_o and_o thou_o will_v repay_v o_o lord_n then_o wake_v hear_v myself_o speak_v i_o be_v in_o very_o good_a charity_n with_o he_o and_o leave_v my_o wrong_n to_o god_n but_o reflect_v upon_o my_o own_o heart_n there_o i_o find_v not_o only_o these_o but_o a_o whole_a nest_n of_o most_o diabolical_a and_o wicked_a intention_n which_o my_o god_n be_v please_v by_o his_o prevent_a grace_n to_o smother_v in_o their_o birth_n for_o i_o no_o soon_o have_v conclude_v that_o i_o will_v fulfil_v my_o own_o heart_n lust_n although_o i_o suffcred_a all_o the_o punishment_n due_a for_o such_o and_o such_o like_a sin_n wherein_o i_o run_v away_o from_o my_o captain_n yet_o for_o all_o this_o he_o have_v a_o favour_n towards_o i_o and_o send_v a_o herald_n after_o i_o to_o bring_v i_o back_o again_o but_o than_o begin_v a_o fresh_a batteâ—_n for_o my_o god_n come_v as_o it_o wear_v to_o see_v what_o use_n i_o have_v make_v of_o the_o talon_n that_o he_o have_v give_v i_o he_o find_v it_o not_o only_o wrap_v up_o in_o a_o napkin_n but_o exceed_o abuse_v and_o search_v my_o heart_n what_o find_v he_o there_o but_o a_o sink_n of_o sin_n a_o cage_n of_o unclean_a bird_n and_o den_n of_o thief_n a_o place_n for_o dragon_n for_o the_o scritchowl_a and_o for_o the_o satire_n these_o have_v take_v full_a possession_n there_o be_v no_o room_n for_o my_o god_n they_o keep_v he_o out_o and_o what_o do_v they_o there_o but_o make_v it_o like_o a_o trouble_a sea_n first_o tell_v i_o my_o sin_n be_v great_a than_o can_v be_v forgive_v do_v thou_o not_o know_v say_v they_o that_o thy_o thought-sin_n be_v sufficient_a to_o damn_v thou_o although_o thou_o have_v never_o commit_v any_o actual_o do_v not_o the_o scripture_n say_v plain_o if_o a_o man_n lust_n after_o a_o woman_n he_o have_v commit_v adultery_n which_o commandment_n be_v break_v bring_v death_n i_o than_o take_v a_o view_n of_o all_o the_o ten_o commandment_n write_v in_o the_o moral_a law_n to_o see_v which_o of_o they_o i_o have_v break_v and_o which_o i_o have_v keep_v i_o find_v they_o all_o break_a and_o at_o the_o end_n of_o every_o one_o be_v write_v death_n and_o not_o only_o those_o but_o those_o sweet_a command_n of_o my_o saviour_n jesus_n christ_n wherein_o he_o bid_v we_o watch_v and_o pray_v for_o your_o enemy_n seed_n the_o hungry_a clothe_v the_o naked_a love_v one_o another_o all_o which_o i_o have_v likewise_o break_v which_o make_v i_o to_o see_v nothing_o to_o remain_v for_o i_o but_o death_n and_o damnation_n cargue_v then_o with_o myself_o on_o this_o wise_a i_o have_v read_v and_o i_o have_v hear_v that_o almighty_a god_n which_o by_o his_o power_n make_v heaven_n and_o earth_n and_o all_o therein_o have_v send_v his_o son_n to_o die_v for_o sinner_n and_o that_o there_o be_v hope_n through_o his_o death_n that_o i_o shall_v get_v pardon_n i_o have_v no_o soon_o cast_v my_o eye_n upon_o my_o
those_o that_o trust_v in_o he_o i_o have_v some_o comfortable_a hope_n in_o the_o lord_n mercy_n but_o i_o find_v many_o doubt_n still_o yet_o about_o seven_o year_n slince_n master_n tompson_n make_v a_o sermon_n at_o liverpoole_n then_o besiege_v show_v that_o we_o must_v lay_v hold_v on_o the_o lord_n and_o hold_v fast_o and_o be_v will_v lead_v we_o through_o all_o trouble_n and_o soon_o after_o it_o be_v lose_v and_o many_o be_v kill_v but_o i_o bless_v god_n i_o have_v no_o hart_n at_o all_o which_o do_v much_o comfort_v i_o that_o the_o lord_n of_o his_o mercy_n have_v deliver_v i_o i_o do_v and_o still_o do_v hope_n that_o the_o lord_n have_v a_o mind_n to_o save_v i_o and_o to_o draw_v i_o near_o to_o himself_o which_o together_o with_o some_o other_o deliverance_n of_o the_o lord_n great_a mercy_n i_o take_v great_a comfort_n in_o so_o that_o when_o i_o have_v scarce_o bread_n and_o water_n and_o i_o have_v be_v straighten_v since_o yet_o i_o find_v still_o comfort_n from_o the_o lord_n for_o iny_n self_n and_o to_o be_v a_o instrument_n to_o help_v other_o who_o be_v prisoner_n and_o the_o lord_n then_o and_o since_o have_v by_o his_o spirit_n comfort_v i_o with_o several_a promise_n which_o i_o praise_v god_n i_o can_v apply_v to_o myself_o by_o which_o i_o have_v a_o testimony_n of_o my_o true_a belief_n some_o of_o which_o be_v these_o which_o follow_v gen._n 15.1_o the_o word_n of_o the_o lord_n come_v unto_o abraham_n in_o a_o vision_n say_v fear_v not_o abraham_n i_o be_o thy_o shield_n and_o thy_o exceed_a great_a reward_n i_o have_v find_v the_o lord_n to_o be_v my_o shield_n in_o those_o many_o deliverance_n he_o have_v wrought_v for_o i_o and_o have_v take_v away_o that_o distrustful_a fear_n which_o before_o be_v upon_o i_o and_o therefore_o i_o be_v and_o still_o be_o confident_a he_o will_v be_v my_o exceed_a great_a reward_n psal_n 119.57_o thou_o be_v my_o portion_n o_o lord_n i_o have_v say_v that_o i_o will_v keep_v thy_o word_n the_o same_o god_n wrought_v in_o my_o heart_n to_o say_v with_o david_n that_o i_o will_v keep_v thy_o word_n o_o lord_n and_o though_o i_o can_v as_o i_o shall_v yet_o my_o desire_n be_v to_o keep_v it_o my_o mind_n be_v to_o keep_v it_o therefore_o i_o presume_v with_o david_n to_o say_v thou_o be_v my_o portion_n o_o lord_n john_n 15.5_o christ_n say_v i_o be_o the_o vine_n you_o be_v the_o branch_n he_o that_o abide_v in_o i_o and_o i_o in_o he_o the_o samâ—_n bring_v forth_o much_o fruit_n for_o without_o i_o you_o can_v do_v nothing_o i_o know_v myself_o to_o be_v nothing_o without_o christ_n and_o though_o i_o have_v infirmity_n yet_o my_o heart_n abide_v in_o christ_n and_o therefore_o i_o hope_v to_o find_v righteousness_n and_o salvation_n not_o in_o myself_o but_o in_o christ_n desire_v also_o that_o i_o may_v bring_v forth_o fruit_n as_o a_o branch_n in_o he_o rom._n 8.1_o there_o be_v therefore_o now_o no_o condemnation_n to_o they_o that_o be_v in_o christ_n jesus_n who_o walk_v not_o after_o the_o flesh_n but_o after_o the_o spirit_n i_o find_v myself_o to_o be_v one_o of_o those_o who_o walk_v in_o my_o heart_n in_o the_o way_n of_o god_n to_o which_o i_o be_o lead_v by_o his_o spirit_n and_o not_o after_o the_o flesh_n and_o though_o i_o can_v serve_v god_n so_o well_o as_o i_o will_v i_o do_v as_o well_o as_o i_o can_v and_o be_o trouble_v in_o my_o spirit_n for_o my_o fail_n and_o therefore_o i_o believe_v i_o shall_v never_o be_v condemn_v and_o i_o have_v these_o testimony_n of_o my_o conversion_n and_o sincere_a love_n to_o god_n as_o the_o fruit_n of_o my_o faith_n 1._o the_o lord_n have_v by_o his_o spirit_n manifest_v to_o my_o soul_n that_o the_o wisdom_n of_o the_o spirit_n be_v life_n and_o peace_n and_o have_v wrought_v that_o peace_n in_o my_o heart_n that_o i_o do_v not_o desire_v any_o way_n to_o break_v from_o it_o for_o any_o other_o enjoyment_n whatsoever_o 2._o this_o i_o desire_v to_o be_v build_v upon_o that_o i_o may_v find_v christ_n to_o be_v my_o life_n and_o peace_n 3._o i_o find_v that_o the_o lord_n have_v great_o wrought_v upon_o i_o and_o my_o mind_n be_v full_o affect_v with_o the_o lord_n out_o of_o who_o i_o do_v not_o care_n for_o any_o thing_n that_o be_v in_o the_o world_n 4._o my_o desire_n be_v whole_o to_o serve_v god_n and_o leave_v all_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n as_o vain_a trifle_n for_o the_o enjoyment_n of_o he_o 5._o my_o love_n be_v so_o much_o to_o god_n in_o christ_n that_o have_v he_o i_o know_v i_o have_v all_o thing_n and_o without_o he_o i_o have_v nothing_o 6._o i_o find_v that_o i_o have_v great_a comfort_n and_o be_o much_o refresh_v by_o ordinance_n a_o sense_n of_o the_o spirit_n be_v frequent_o bring_v upon_o my_o heart_n and_o i_o have_v receive_v a_o great_a deal_n of_o comfort_n therein_o when_o i_o have_v be_v weak_a and_o it_o have_v be_v a_o refresh_n to_o i_o when_o food_n have_v be_v scant_o and_o particular_o from_o several_a serinons_n preach_v by_o mr._n whitaker_n mr._n marshal_n mr._n carter_n and_o other_o as_o also_o mr._n p._n dr._n homes_n mr._n w._n and_o at_o other_o meeting_n of_o godly_a people_n 7._o i_o find_v that_o the_o comfort_n of_o the_o ordinance_n be_v more_o sweet_a to_o i_o than_o all_o the_o pleasure_n riches_n or_o friend_n in_o the_o world_n for_o they_o be_v content_v comfort_n and_o so_o be_v not_o worldly_a thing_n 8._o i_o can_v find_v in_o my_o heart_n willing_o to_o die_v and_o leave_v child_n brother_n sister_n and_o all_o the_o world_n beside_o to_o go_v to_o my_o christ_n j._n b._n xxi_o experience_n of_o a._n j._n when_o it_o please_v god_n to_o call_v my_o husband_n from_o i_o i_o be_v for_o a_o time_n aâ—_n exceed_o cast_v down_o and_o trouble_v as_o i_o think_v any_o poor_a creature_n can_v be_v in_o which_o i_o be_v so_o overwhelm_v that_o i_o do_v not_o know_v which_o way_n to_o turn_v myself_o nor_o what_o to_o do_v yet_o be_v seek_v the_o lord_n to_o find_v out_o what_o be_v his_o mind_n in_o the_o thing_n i_o have_v lose_v a_o good_a estate_n have_v no_o body_n to_o look_v after_o my_o business_n have_v many_o injure_v i_o and_o have_v lose_v above_o the_o rest_n a_o pious_a husband_n who_o i_o entire_o love_v yet_o the_o lord_n put_v it_o into_o my_o heart_n that_o all_o this_o be_v to_o wean_v i_o from_o my_o sin_n and_o too_o much_o dote_v upon_o a_o husband_n and_o other_o worldly_a enjoyment_n which_o my_o heart_n be_v too_o much_o take_v up_o with_o therefore_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o strip_v i_o of_o they_o in_o a_o great_a measure_n to_o bring_v i_o near_o to_o himself_o i_o go_v to_o divers_a place_n to_o hear_v several_a minister_n and_o by_o wait_v upon_o the_o ordinance_n to_o seek_v after_o the_o lord_n if_o possible_a i_o may_v find_v comfort_n and_o satisfaction_n to_o my_o soul_n herein_o but_o continue_v in_o much_o affliction_n upon_o my_o spirit_n for_o near_o a_o year_n time_n at_o last_o i_o hear_v master_n jenkins_n preach_v out_o of_o the_o 21._o chapter_n of_o john_n the_o 18._o and_o 19_o verse_n very_o very_o i_o say_v unto_o thou_o when_o thou_o be_v young_a thou_o gird_v thyself_o and_o walkedst_a whether_o thou_o will_v but_o when_o thou_o shall_v be_v old_a thou_o shall_v stretch_v forth_o thy_o hand_n and_o another_o shall_v gird_v thou_o and_o carry_v thou_o whither_o thou_o will_v not_o this_o speak_v be_v signify_v by_o what_o death_n he_o shall_v glorify_v god_n the_o consideration_n of_o which_o dispensation_n from_o god_n to_o he_o draw_v forth_o my_o heart_n to_o be_v content_v with_o whatsoever_o the_o lord_n shall_v be_v please_v to_o lay_v upon_o i_o and_o i_o be_v satisfy_v to_o suffer_v or_o bear_v any_o thing_n in_o that_o it_o be_v the_o lord_n will_v to_o glorify_v himself_o by_o such_o dispensation_n towards_o the_o saint_n and_o the_o lord_n have_v since_o make_v i_o as_o he_o do_v david_n to_o be_v content_v as_o well_o with_o his_o rod_n as_o with_o his_o staff_n and_o then_o and_o since_o i_o praise_v the_o lord_n i_o can_v say_v with_o david_n it_o be_v well_o for_o i_o that_o i_o be_v afflict_v i_o be_v comfort_v with_o that_o example_n of_o â—he_n woman_n in_o the_o gospel_n to_o who_o it_o be_v say_v by_o christ_n that_o it_o be_v not_o lawful_a to_o take_v the_o child_n bread_n and_o cast_v it_o to_o dog_n in_o that_o i_o can_v say_v with_o she_o truth_n lord_n have_v the_o dog_n may_v lick_v the_o crumb_n that_o fall_v from_o their_o master_n table_n i_o remember_v god_n dispensation_n towards_o job_n and_o david_n and_o resolve_v with_o
i_o but_o i_o regard_v it_o not_o which_o be_v afterward_o a_o veay_n great_a grief_n to_o i_o for_o i_o can_v not_o endure_v to_o be_v curb_v nor_o keep_v in_o but_o at_o length_n to_o avoid_v the_o continual_a reproof_n which_o he_o just_o give_v i_o for_o my_o ill_a course_n and_o company_n i_o resolve_v not_o to_o stay_v at_o home_o any_o long_o but_o to_o go_v into_o flanders_n according_o i_o put_v out_o to_o sea_n but_o by_o storm_n and_o contrary_a wind_n be_v drive_v back_o again_o yet_o i_o can_v not_o see_v the_o hand_n of_o god_n in_o this_o but_o still_o hold_v on_o my_o purpose_n and_o take_v the_o first_o opportunity_n to_o get_v away_o out_o of_o ireland_n into_o england_n where_o my_o friend_n use_v many_o argument_n to_o persuade_v i_o to_o return_v home_o again_o whilst_o i_o continue_v in_o england_n i_o begin_v to_o be_v convince_v by_o hear_v several_a good_a man_n of_o the_o heinousness_n of_o my_o sin_n and_o wicked_a disobedience_n and_o be_v thereupon_o sad_o afflict_v and_o disconsolate_a so_o that_o i_o can_v have_v no_o quiet_a nor_o rest_n in_o this_o time_n my_o father_n hear_v where_o i_o be_v not_o know_v before_o what_o be_v become_v of_o i_o doubt_v i_o may_v be_v dead_a or_o drown_v write_v a_o letter_n to_o i_o wherein_o i_o be_v admonish_v to_o beware_v of_o such_o as_o run_v headlong_o to_o perdition_n with_o many_o other_o good_a advice_n he_o seem_v like_o old_a jacob_n to_o rejoice_v that_o his_o son_n be_v yet_o alive_a etc._n etc._n all_o these_o thing_n strike_v i_o heavy_o to_o the_o heart_n so_o that_o i_o lie_v long_o under_o the_o fearful_a sentence_n of_o my_o iniquity_n and_o disobedience_n and_o can_v receive_v no_o comfort_n nor_o satisfaction_n i_o conceal_v this_o my_o inward_a grief_n and_o torment_n till_o my_o heart_n be_v ready_a to_o burst_v but_o at_o length_n acquaint_v my_o friend_n therewith_o who_o endeavour_v to_o comfort_v i_o and_o i_o have_v some_o quiet_n for_o a_o short_a space_n but_o this_o last_v not_o so_o that_o i_o soon_o fall_v again_o into_o my_o old_a malady_n and_o trouble_n as_o before_o be_v so_o exceed_o disturb_v that_o i_o can_v by_o no_o mean_n obtain_v any_o peace_n till_o that_o scripture_n come_v into_o my_o mind_n isa_n 50.10_o he_o that_o sit_v in_o darkness_n and_o see_v no_o light_n shall_v trust_v in_o the_o name_n of_o the_o lord_n and_o stay_v himself_o upon_o his_o god_n this_o do_v much_o support_v and_o encourage_v i_o to_o depend_v upon_o god_n whereby_o i_o have_v abundance_n of_o consolation_n yet_o i_o be_v seldom_o free_a from_o many_o temptation_n fear_n and_o doubt_n and_o such_o sometime_o as_o do_v much_o disquiet_v i_o until_o once_o that_o i_o have_v a_o divine_a dream_n which_o have_v be_v very_o sweet_a to_o my_o soul_n even_o since_o for_o in_o my_o dream_n i_o think_v i_o be_v tell_v that_o god_n love_n be_v free_a in_o jesus_n christ_n and_o bestow_v upon_o poor_a sinner_n through_o his_o merit_n and_o that_o he_o put_v none_o by_o neither_o turn_v any_o away_o that_o come_v to_o he_o in_o and_o through_o his_o dear_a son_n and_o that_o i_o need_v not_o fear_v but_o i_o be_v one_o of_o they_o that_o shall_v be_v accept_v and_o receive_v to_o mercy_n this_o bring_v much_o joy_n to_o my_o heart_n and_o the_o sense_n of_o it_o remain_v to_o this_o very_a day_n afterward_o i_o go_v to_o new-england_n and_o have_v much_o comfort_n from_o they_o and_o from_o their_o minister_n and_o since_o my_o return_n i_o have_v have_v great_a peace_n of_o mind_n and_o desire_v to_o live_v in_o union_n with_o christ_n and_o communion_n with_o his_o servant_n as_o long_o as_o i_o be_o upon_o earth_n and_o i_o have_v ground_v hope_n of_o live_v with_o he_o when_o i_o die_v and_o with_o all_o his_o saint_n to_o enjoy_v his_o blissful_a presence_n to_o eternal_a age_n r._n w._n iii_o experience_n of_o maj._n a._n m._n i_o be_v well_o educate_v by_o my_o parent_n who_o be_v account_v puritan_n till_o about_o sixteen_o year_n of_o age_n after_o which_o i_o be_v put_v a_o apprentice_n to_o london_n but_o ill_a company_n draw_v i_o away_o and_o i_o take_v ill_a course_n till_o i_o be_v about_o 24_o year_n old_a then_o i_o come_v into_o ireland_n in_o the_o begin_n of_o the_o rebellion_n 1641._o and_o travel_v towards_o the_o north_n pass_v through_o great_a danger_n and_o many_o death_n as_o i_o may_v say_v for_o there_o my_o father_n be_v kill_v my_o wife_n wound_v and_o i_o myself_o with_o much_o difficulty_n escape_v from_o the_o bloody_a rebel_n after_o this_o i_o be_v in_o the_o fight_n at_o drogheda_n oâ—_n tredah_n when_o it_o be_v take_v and_o be_v lay_v in_o the_o field_n of_o battle_n among_o the_o slay_a i_o be_v give_v over_o for_o one_o of_o the_o dead_a but_o it_o please_v god_n that_o i_o recover_v and_o then_o go_v into_o england_n i_o have_v not_o be_v there_o long_o but_o i_o begin_v to_o look_v about_o i_o and_o to_o have_v some_o conviction_n of_o mind_n and_o thereupon_o i_o be_v diligent_a to_o follow_v the_o mean_n and_o hear_v the_o word_n of_o god_n preach_v by_o good_a man_n be_v sensible_a of_o my_o sin_n and_o former_a forgetfulness_n of_o god_n or_o any_o thing_n that_o be_v good_a i_o hear_v one_o mr._n owen_n with_o who_o i_o be_v much_o affect_v and_o convince_v of_o my_o misery_n in_o the_o want_n of_o christ_n and_o afterward_o receive_v great_a comfort_n and_o assure_v hope_n of_o salvation_n from_o mr._n r._n and_o now_o i_o do_v very_o believe_v i_o have_v fellowship_n with_o the_o father_n and_o with_o his_o son_n jesus_n christ_n and_o find_v a_o wonderful_a change_n in_o my_o soul_n abhor_v all_o ill_a company_n and_o course_n and_o desire_v to_o walk_v in_o all_o well_o please_v towards_o god_n and_o though_o i_o meet_v with_o many_o temptation_n yet_o i_o bless_v the_o lord_n he_o carry_v i_o on_o in_o his_o good_a way_n so_o that_o i_o can_v now_o pray_v to_o he_o by_o the_o assistance_n of_o his_o spirit_n and_o have_v a_o earnest_a love_n to_o his_o word_n and_o ordinance_n bless_v be_v god_n for_o his_o free_a grace_n in_o christ_n jesus_n who_o before_o i_o have_v any_o knowledge_n of_o he_o speak_v to_o my_o heart_n by_o the_o mean_n of_o a_o honest_a man_n about_o thirteen_o year_n ago_o after_o which_o i_o follow_v all_o the_o mean_n i_o can_v meet_v with_o and_o be_v wont_a to_o hear_v mr._n cradock_n and_o mr._n symson_n in_o london_n the_o first_o of_o who_o in_o a_o sermon_n upon_o isaiah_n we_o be_v i_o i_o be_o a_o unclean_a creature_n etc._n etc._n speak_v so_o home_o to_o my_o condition_n that_o i_o imagine_v his_o discourse_n be_v direct_v to_o i_o particular_o this_o so_o wrought_v upon_o my_o conscience_n that_o i_o be_v extreme_o afflict_v for_o a_o time_n and_o give_v myself_o much_o to_o prayer_n and_o at_o length_n i_o become_v in_o love_n with_o truth_n and_o true_a christian_n and_o have_v find_v and_o do_v yet_o find_v those_o thing_n true_a in_o i_o which_o be_v speak_v by_o mr._n n._n of_o that_o oneness_n of_o love_n and_o unity_n of_o the_o spirit_n which_o ought_v to_o be_v among_o all_o god_n people_n i_o have_v see_v my_o sad_a condition_n by_o nature_n and_o be_o sensible_a of_o the_o happy_a change_n that_o the_o grace_n of_o god_n have_v make_v in_o i_o and_o now_o oh_o how_o do_v i_o love_v the_o way_n of_o god_n and_o holiness_n and_o duty_n and_o mean_n of_o grace_n and_o the_o thing_n of_o god_n which_o before_o i_o slight_v disregard_v and_o loathe_v and_o last_o i_o now_o desire_n and_o long_o after_o jesus_n christ_n and_o care_v not_o how_o soon_o i_o be_v take_v out_o of_o this_o sinful_a world_n that_o i_o may_v live_v with_o he_o in_o eternal_a glory_n a._n m._n iu_o experience_n of_o f._n b._n my_o experience_n of_o the_o mercy_n and_o love_n of_o god_n be_v more_o than_o i_o can_v express_v the_o first_o main_a work_n upon_o my_o spirit_n be_v on_o a_o sudden_a upon_o a_o alarm_n give_v to_o our_o troop_n while_o i_o be_v a_o soldier_n which_o have_v such_o a_o convince_a effect_n upon_o i_o that_o i_o lie_v long_o under_o the_o apprehension_n of_o god_n wrath_n and_o be_v much_o disquiet_v so_o that_o though_o i_o pray_v and_o pray_v yet_o i_o can_v take_v no_o comfort_n and_o have_v no_o confidence_n in_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n but_o confusion_n be_v before_o my_o face_n afterward_o i_o come_v to_o dublin_n where_o i_o be_v impeach_v for_o break_v a_o article_n of_o war_n and_o be_v condemn_v to_o lose_v my_o life_n for_o the_o same_o whilst_o i_o be_v in_o prison_n i_o have_v dreadful_a apprehension_n of_o hell_n in_o my_o soul_n and_o can_v
do_v nothing_o but_o weep_v and_o mourn_v and_o pray_v count_v my_o life_n to_o be_v lose_v and_o yet_o i_o be_v more_o trouble_v for_o the_o wrath_n of_o god_n than_o the_o wrath_n of_o man_n but_o at_o length_n it_o please_v god_n to_o give_v i_o comfort_n for_o one_o night_n whilst_o i_o be_v beraoan_v myself_o and_o in_o much_o despair_n on_o a_o sudden_a the_o room_n be_v all_o in_o a_o flame_n and_o i_o think_v myself_o in_o the_o midst_n of_o lightning_n and_o be_v terrify_v i_o imagine_v i_o see_v these_o word_n write_v against_o the_o wall_n thy_o sin_n be_v pardon_v and_o thy_o life_n be_v hide_v with_o christ_n in_o god_n this_o extraordinary_a manifestation_n much_o ease_v the_o trouble_n and_o sorrow_n wherein_o i_o be_v but_o yet_o for_o want_v of_o faith_n this_o comfort_n do_v not_o long_o continue_v with_o i_o for_o after_o that_o i_o think_v i_o see_v the_o lord_n with_o such_o a_o wrathful_a countenance_n that_o i_o dare_v not_o look_v upon_o he_o and_o the_o next_o news_n that_o i_o hear_v be_v that_o i_o be_v order_v to_o be_v shoot_v to_o death_n oh_o than_o i_o can_v express_v the_o terror_n that_o i_o be_v in_o my_o woeful_a misery_n be_v such_o that_o neither_o prayer_n read_v of_o the_o scripture_n nor_o the_o precious_a promise_n therein_o can_v afford_v i_o any_o relief_n for_o i_o can_v not_o believe_v that_o i_o have_v any_o right_n to_o they_o and_o therefore_o can_v not_o lay_v hold_n of_o they_o in_o this_o dreadful_a distress_n i_o lie_v a_o condemn_a man_n both_o in_o soul_n and_o body_n lament_v my_o wretched_a condition_n when_o open_v the_o bible_n in_o joel_n 2.13_o i_o see_v it_o thus_o write_v turn_v you_o to_o the_o lord_n god_n for_o he_o be_v gracious_a and_o merciful_a slow_a to_o anger_n and_o of_o great_a tenderness_n and_o repent_v he_o of_o the_o evil._n hereupon_o i_o ponder_v a_o while_n and_o say_v and_o be_v he_o such_o a_o god_n well_o then_o he_o be_v my_o god_n and_o with_o that_o i_o give_v myself_o up_o into_o his_o hand_n resolve_v to_o rely_v upon_o he_o let_v he_o do_v what_o he_o will_v with_o i_o and_o on_o this_o foundation_n i_o be_v settle_a and_o satisfy_v a_o while_n after_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o deliver_v i_o out_o of_o the_o danger_n of_o death_n and_o to_o set_v i_o at_o liberty_n from_o prison_n but_o notwithstanding_o this_o great_a mercy_n yet_o i_o must_v confess_v that_o i_o afterward_o find_v such_o opposition_n in_o my_o heart_n against_o god_n as_o i_o can_v not_o believe_v have_v be_v in_o i_o i_o be_v grievous_o wound_v for_o it_o and_o can_v have_v no_o quiet_a but_o go_v to_o mr._n w._n and_o acquaint_v he_o with_o it_o who_o tell_v i_o that_o i_o have_v fall_v from_o my_o first_o work_n and_o that_o i_o must_v repent_v this_o rent_n my_o heart_n and_o i_o have_v no_o rest_n i_o return_v from_o he_o and_o apply_v to_o prayer_n keep_v that_o course_n continual_o till_o by_o degree_n i_o be_v recover_v out_o of_o that_o disconsolate_a condition_n and_o i_o praise_v god_n i_o have_v since_o find_v his_o favour_n and_o kindness_n extend_v towards_o i_o so_o that_o i_o be_o full_o persuade_v he_o love_v i_o and_o will_v pardon_v my_o sin_n in_o jesus_n christ_n on_o who_o merit_n i_o rely_v in_o who_o righteousness_n i_o rest_v and_o by_o who_o grace_n i_o be_o now_o set_v free_a to_o serve_v he_o here_o and_o doubt_v not_o but_o to_o reign_v with_o he_o hereafter_o f._n b._n v._o experience_n of_o h._n m._n my_o father_n be_v a_o gentleman_n of_o a_o fair_a estate_n have_v many_o child_n eleven_o son_n of_o we_o he_o be_v high_a sheriff_n and_o when_o he_o die_v all_o our_o family_n be_v break_v disperse_a and_o in_o confusion_n two_o of_o we_o be_v bring_v up_o within_o five_o mile_n of_o gloucester_n but_o i_o be_v place_v a_o apprentice_n in_o london_n and_o by_o this_o mean_v my_o sorrow_n and_o trouble_n begin_v to_o be_v great_a at_o first_o from_o the_o consideration_n of_o this_o sudden_a change_n which_o continue_v a_o while_n but_o about_o the_o 17_o year_n of_o my_o age_n my_o former_a grief_n be_v turn_v into_o another_o kind_n of_o trouble_n namely_o sorrow_n for_o my_o sin_n i_o be_v for_o three_o year_n together_o wound_v with_o the_o sense_n of_o my_o sin_n and_o corruption_n which_o be_v many_o i_o follow_v sermon_n pursue_v the_o mean_n be_v constant_a in_o duty_n and_o do_v look_v for_o heaven_n that_o way_n i_o be_v very_o precise_a in_o outward_a formality_n censure_v all_o for_o reprobate_n that_o wear_v their_o hair_n long_o and_o not_o short_a above_o their_o ear_n or_o that_o follow_v the_o common_a mode_n and_o fashion_n of_o those_o day_n thus_o i_o continue_v distract_v in_o my_o thought_n and_o wound_v in_o my_o conscience_n weep_v often_o and_o bitter_o and_o pray_v earnest_o but_o yet_o have_v no_o comfort_n till_o i_o hear_v that_o sweet_a saint_n now_o in_o heaven_n dr._n sibbs_n by_o who_o mean_n and_o ministry_n i_o be_v bring_v to_o peace_n and_o joy_n in_o my_o spirit_n his_o sweet_a soul-melting_a sermon_n win_v my_o heart_n and_o refresh_v i_o much_o for_o by_o he_o i_o see_v much_o of_o the_o goodness_n of_o god_n and_o have_v good_a hope_n and_o confidence_n in_o christ_n jesus_n and_o can_v overlook_v the_o world_n undervalue_v all_o earthly_a thing_n and_o be_v not_o afraid_a of_o affliction_n and_o though_o i_o be_v sometime_o under_o the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n again_o unto_o fear_n yet_o my_o heart_n still_o hold_v firm_a and_o my_o desire_n be_v all_o heaven-ward_n i_o take_v delight_n to_o hear_v funeral_n sermon_n but_o dr._n sibbs_n chief_o by_o who_o i_o be_v effectual_o wrought_v upon_o and_o satissy_v with_o comfort_n which_o i_o hope_v will_v never_o leave_v i_o till_o i_o come_v to_o everlasting_a rest_n h._n m._n vi_o experience_n of_o mr._n t._n h._n minister_n of_o the_o gospel_n i_o be_v but_o young_a when_o i_o first_o come_v under_o gonviction_n of_o soul_n and_o my_o heart_n be_v warm_v by_o a_o zealous_a ministry_n which_o put_v i_o much_o upon_o duty_n i_o use_v to_o read_v the_o scripture_n every_o night_n and_o to_o repeat_v sermon_n often_o and_o so_o i_o spend_v the_o first_o scene_n of_o my_o youth_n till_o i_o be_v send_v by_o my_o friend_n to_o london_n where_o i_o live_v a_o year_n or_o two_o during_o that_o time_n as_o often_o as_o i_o see_v any_o minister_n i_o can_v not_o but_o weep_v and_o always_o wish_v that_o i_o may_v be_v one_o myself_o to_o be_v able_a to_o preach_v too_o after_o this_o i_o be_v send_v to_o one_o of_o the_o university_n in_o england_n but_o be_v wild_a with_o youthful_a company_n be_v remove_v to_o the_o college_n of_o dublin_n where_o i_o continue_v till_o the_o horrid_a popish_a rebellion_n break_v out_o in_o 1641._o at_o which_o time_n i_o leave_v it_o and_o go_v to_o liverpool_n in_o lancashire_n where_o i_o preach_v some_o year_n yet_o all_o this_o while_n i_o be_v but_o formal_a and_o as_o the_o young_a man_n in_o the_o gospel_n say_v he_o have_v keep_v all_o these_o thing_n from_o his_o youth_n so_o i_o be_v from_o from_o my_o youth_n religious_a well_o give_v love_v the_o mean_n and_o follow_v they_o hear_v sermon_n and_o seek_v to_o serve_v god_n but_o alas_o i_o be_v yet_o all_o this_o while_n in_o darkness_n and_o do_v not_o know_v it_o but_o afterward_o i_o see_v that_o i_o be_v blind_a and_o carnal_a for_o i_o begin_v to_o be_v in_o great_a doubt_n and_o trouble_n and_o very_o much_o cloud_v in_o my_o spirit_n and_o be_v exceed_o tie_v and_o bind_v up_o for_o a_o time_n under_o the_o sense_n of_o my_o formal_a holiness_n and_o sin_n but_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o give_v i_o light_n once_o as_o i_o be_v walk_v sad_o alone_a upon_o the_o mountain_n it_o please_v the_o lord_n so_o to_o influence_n i_o by_o his_o spirit_n which_o seem_v to_o be_v immediate_o pour_v out_o upon_o i_o that_o my_o soul_n be_v satisfy_v in_o jesus_n christ_n and_o my_o heart_n be_v fill_v with_o heavenly_a joy_n and_o peace_n and_o with_o most_o ravish_a contemplation_n which_o continue_v without_o a_o cloud_n for_o several_a week_n together_o and_o give_v i_o assure_v hope_n of_o the_o love_n of_o god_n and_o ever_o since_o i_o have_v live_v in_o the_o righteousness_n of_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n and_o though_o i_o have_v meet_v with_o many_o storm_n and_o cloud_n yet_o they_o have_v all_o pass_v away_o and_o can_v hinder_v i_o from_o salvation_n so_o long_o as_o christ_n who_o be_v my_o lord_n and_o saviour_n be_v above_o they_o and_o i_o doubt_v not_o but_o he_o will_v at_o last_o translate_v i_o from_o his_o kingdom_n of_o grace_n here_o
〈◊〉_d destroy_v myself_o and_o my_o poor_a child_n and_o cry_v out_o unto_o god_n lord_n what_o will_v thou_o have_v i_o to_o do_v and_o have_v a_o fore_a conflict_n at_o that_o time_n with_o the_o devil_n but_o i_o think_v at_o last_o i_o hear_v the_o lord_n say_v to_o my_o soul_n as_o he_o do_v to_o paul_n trust_v in_o i_o my_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a for_o thou_o and_o then_o i_o find_v some_o comfort_n which_o enlarge_v my_o heart_n through_o the_o assistance_n of_o god_n spirit_n to_o call_v upon_o the_o name_n of_o the_o lord_n for_o further_a assistance_n and_o comfort_n and_o so_o i_o go_v back_o again_o with_o much_o joy_n believe_v that_o i_o shall_v have_v the_o favour_n of_o god_n and_o the_o lord_n put_v it_o into_o my_o mind_n to_o go_v to_o one_o e._n b._n that_o dwell_v by_o a_o moor_n side_n near_o leeds_n who_o i_o know_v be_v a_o godly_a woman_n and_o she_o open_v to_o i_o the_o trouble_n of_o david_n and_o job_n and_o give_v i_o sweet_a comfort_n say_v god_n be_v by_o i_o and_o i_o do_v not_o see_v he_o and_o as_o job_n wish_v so_o she_o wrought_v upon_o my_o heart_n to_o wish_v o_o that_o i_o can_v see_v he_o o_o that_o i_o can_v behold_v he_o and_o my_o heart_n be_v full_a of_o joy_n and_o i_o cry_v and_o be_v much_o grieve_v with_o very_o great_a repentance_n that_o i_o have_v be_v so_o seduce_v and_o do_v so_o despair_v of_o god_n mercy_n and_o have_v be_v so_o blind_v and_o the_o lord_n set_v it_o upon_o my_o spirit_n that_o though_o i_o have_v lay_v all_o aside_o yet_o now_o i_o shall_v come_v out_o of_o the_o wilderness_n lean_v on_o my_o belove_a and_o i_o have_v a_o great_a affection_n to_o the_o way_n of_o god_n than_o ever_o and_o delight_v in_o they_o more_o than_o ever_o before_o they_o be_v a_o burden_n to_o i_o now_o they_o be_v easy_a and_o sweet_a be_v at_o york_n i_o hear_v a_o minister_n there_o out_o of_o hosea_n 2._o preach_v that_o which_o wrought_v much_o comfort_n in_o i_o and_o that_o christ_n have_v promise_v to_o betrothe_v himself_o to_o every_o believer_n and_o then_o and_o since_o i_o have_v much_o joy_n in_o the_o promise_n of_o god_n and_o can_v through_o the_o spirit_n of_o god_n which_o i_o find_v and_o feel_v in_o my_o heart_n lay_v hold_v by_o faith_n on_o they_o as_o my_o particular_a interest_n as_o rom._n 10.4_o christ_n be_v the_o end_n of_o the_o law_n for_o righteousness_n to_o every_o one_o that_o believe_v christ_n by_o h_z spirit_n have_v wrought_v belief_n in_o i_o both_o in_o his_o promise_n and_o threaten_n and_o to_o live_v according_a to_o his_o word_n therefore_o i_o conclude_v that_o i_o shall_v be_v save_v by_o the_o righteousness_n of_o my_o saviour_n rom._n 9.4_o who_o be_v israelites_n to_o who_o pertain_v the_o adoption_n and_o the_o glory_n and_o the_o covenant_n and_o the_o give_v of_o the_o law_n and_o the_o service_n of_o god_n and_o the_o promise_n i_o know_v that_o every_o believer_n be_v a_o true_a israelite_n and_o bring_v under_o the_o covenant_n of_o grace_n by_o jesus_n christ_n and_o that_o therefore_o the_o promise_n of_o grace_n and_o salvation_n belong_v to_o i_o rom._n 3.21,22_o but_o now_o the_o righteousness_n of_o god_n without_o the_o law_n be_v manifest_v be_v witness_v by_o the_o law_n and_o the_o prophet_n even_o the_o righteousness_n of_o god_n which_o be_v by_o faith_n of_o jesus_n unto_o all_o and_o upon_o all_o they_o that_o believe_v for_o there_o be_v no_o difference_n i_o be_v one_o who_o god_n have_v draw_v to_o believe_v it_o be_v manifest_v unto_o i_o that_o i_o have_v a_o interest_n in_o the_o righteousness_n of_o jesus_n christ_n to_o justify_v i_o before_o god_n by_o his_o merit_n which_o be_v make_v i_o by_o faith_n hosea_n 2.19,20_o i_o will_v betrothe_v thou_o unto_o i_o for_o ever_o yea_o i_o will_v beter_v thou_o unto_o i_o in_o righteousness_n and_o in_o judgement_n and_o in_o love_a kindness_n and_o in_o mercy_n i_o will_v even_o betrothe_v thou_o unto_o i_o in_o faithfulness_n and_o thou_o shall_v know_v the_o lord_n i_o find_v great_a comfort_n from_o this_o promise_n in_o that_o the_o lord_n double_v and_o treble_v his_o promise_n and_o enlarge_v himself_o so_o free_o to_o the_o soul_n and_o as_o testimony_n of_o my_o real_a conversion_n to_o god_n and_o union_n with_o jesus_n christ_n and_o that_o reconciliaon_n be_v make_v between_o god_n and_o my_o soul_n i_o find_v these_o real_a evidence_n wrought_v by_o god_n bless_a spirit_n in_o i_o 1._o i_o find_v in_o my_o heart_n great_a love_n to_o god_n that_o when_o god_n say_v seek_v my_o face_n my_o heart_n rejoin_v again_o say_v thy_o face_n lord_n will_v i_o seek_v and_o i_o find_v nothing_o so_o dear_a to_o i_o as_o the_o love_n of_o god_n and_o if_o my_o heart_n deceive_v i_o not_o i_o can_v bear_v and_o suffer_v any_o thing_n to_o bring_v glory_n to_o god_n account_v all_o thing_n but_o dung_n and_o dross_n below_o christ_n 2._o when_o any_o thing_n of_o the_o flesh_n arise_v against_o the_o motion_n of_o god_n spirit_n to_o draw_v i_o from_o good_a or_o to_o do_v evil_a i_o find_v frequent_o the_o power_n of_o the_o spirit_n to_o subdue_v my_o heart_n not_o to_o submit_v to_o the_o flesh_n but_o to_o walk_v in_o his_o way_n and_o yet_o i_o be_o so_o sensible_a of_o my_o infirmity_n that_o all_o that_o i_o do_v or_o can_v do_v be_v nothing_o but_o as_o filthy_a rag_n but_o i_o know_v jesus_n christ_n be_v my_o saviour_n and_o stand_v engage_v for_o i_o and_o when_o the_o flesh_n be_v weak_a i_o find_v the_o spirit_n thirst_v after_o god_n 3._o i_o find_v in_o my_o heart_n a_o very_a great_a thirst_v after_o the_o ordinance_n and_o a_o great_a enlargement_n of_o heart_n and_o comfort_n in_o they_o my_o heart_n be_v delight_v to_o be_v among_o the_o people_n of_o god_n and_o full_a of_o joy_n in_o they_o 4._o when_o thought_n of_o want_n at_o any_o time_n arise_v i_o find_v full_a satisfaction_n in_o the_o better_a part_n which_o never_o can_v be_v take_v from_o i_o which_o be_v my_o interest_n in_o jesus_n christ_n and_o i_o find_v in_o my_o conscience_n a_o great_a testimony_n of_o my_o spiritual_a union_n with_o god_n and_o that_o i_o be_o so_o separate_v from_o the_o world_n in_o my_o affection_n that_o god_n have_v draw_v i_o to_o himself_o 5._o god_n who_o search_v the_o heart_n know_v what_o be_v the_o mind_n of_o the_o spirit_n because_o he_o make_v intercession_n for_o the_o saint_n according_a to_o the_o will_n of_o god_n which_o will_v of_o god_n i_o find_v a_o free_a submission_n to_o in_o my_o heart_n with_o joy_n know_v that_o all_o thing_n shall_v work_v together_o for_o good_a to_o they_o that_o love_n god_n 6._o it_o be_v the_o chief_a desire_n of_o my_o heart_n that_o god_n will_v keep_v i_o close_o to_o my_o duty_n and_o i_o have_v abundance_n of_o joy_n in_o communion_n with_o the_o lord_n which_o be_v more_o sweet_a to_o i_o than_o my_o joy_n in_o any_o thing_n else_o 7._o i_o delight_v much_o to_o speak_v of_o god_n and_o of_o his_o way_n and_o to_o use_v what_o mean_v i_o can_v to_o comfort_v the_o saint_n who_o i_o love_v dear_o and_o if_o possible_a to_o convert_v sinner_n d._n m._n xix_o experience_n of_o ae_n l._n i_o have_v late_o great_a grief_n upon_o my_o spirit_n about_o a_o daughter_n which_o be_v bring_v to_o great_a suffering_n and_o by_o reason_n of_o she_o go_v away_o in_o her_o affliction_n i_o think_v she_o have_v make_v away_o herself_o god_n put_v it_o into_o my_o thought_n to_o remember_v my_o sin_n and_o that_o he_o have_v lay_v this_o affliction_n upon_o i_o for_o neglect_v my_o duty_n to_o he_o and_o not_o serve_v he_o as_o i_o ought_v this_o cause_v great_a sorrow_n in_o i_o and_o make_v i_o abundant_o shed_v tear_n my_o sin_n i_o think_v be_v the_o occasion_n that_o the_o lord_n make_v she_o so_o great_a a_o cross_n to_o i_o for_o which_o i_o have_v deserve_v it_o so_o that_o both_o become_v a_o great_a grief_n to_o my_o soul_n and_o thus_o i_o lie_v languish_v in_o very_o great_a sorrow_n then_o i_o begin_v to_o think_v with_o myself_o that_o there_o be_v no_o refuge_n but_o only_o in_o christ_n and_o i_o consult_v my_o thought_n how_o to_o go_v to_o good_a company_n and_o meeting_n where_o i_o may_v find_v comfort_n from_o the_o people_n of_o god_n and_o about_o two_o year_n since_o one_o morning_n i_o come_v to_o mr._n s._n to_o join_v with_o godly_a people_n that_o come_v thither_o to_o prayer_n though_o with_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o distraction_n in_o my_o mind_n and_o i_o show_v my_o discontent_n and_o condition_n to_o he_o and_o he_o tell_v i_o that_o if_o
joshua_n that_o i_o and_o my_o house_n will_v serve_v the_o lord_n and_o although_o it_o be_v a_o bitter_a pill_n to_o i_o to_o bear_v the_o cross_n before_o yet_o now_o my_o god_n have_v make_v it_o easy_a and_o i_o praise_v the_o lord_n through_o his_o grace_n i_o can_v go_v under_o it_o with_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o comfort_n and_o he_o have_v now_o discover_v to_o i_o the_o way_n of_o his_o work_n in_o those_o thing_n which_o before_o be_v wonderful_a strange_a to_o i_o many_o special_a promise_n i_o find_v great_a comfort_n in_o some_o that_o i_o remember_v be_v these_o that_o follow_v viz._n 1_o pet._n 5.6,7_o humble_a yourselves_o therefore_o under_o the_o mighty_a hand_n of_o god_n that_o he_o may_v exalt_v you_o in_o due_a time_n cast_v all_o your_o care_n on_o he_o for_o he_o care_v for_o you_o this_o promise_n i_o have_v find_v of_o a_o truth_n make_v good_a to_o i_o in_o some_o measure_n i_o have_v apply_v it_o often_o and_o have_v find_v the_o comfort_n of_o it_o 2_o con._n 1.29_o my_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a for_o thou_o from_o this_o place_n i_o find_v much_o comfort_n know_v the_o fullness_n of_o so_o glorious_a a_o portion_n jam._n 1.2,3,4_o count_v it_o all_o joy_n when_o you_o fall_v into_o divers_a temptation_n know_v this_o that_o the_o trial_n of_o your_o faith_n work_v patience_n but_o let_v patience_n have_v her_o perfect_a work_n that_o you_o may_v be_v perfect_a and_o entire_a want_v nothing_o this_o administer_v great_a joy_n to_o i_o against_o all_o temptation_n isa_n 55.1_o ho_o every_o one_o that_o thirst_v come_v you_o to_o the_o water_n of_o life_n and_o he_o that_o have_v no_o money_n come_v you_o tâ—…uy_v and_o eat_v this_o give_v great_a comfort_n to_o my_o soul_n at_o several_a time_n though_o it_o be_v so_o much_o cast_v down_o and_o that_o which_o give_v i_o great_a content_n and_o comfort_n be_v the_o seal_n of_o god_n spirit_n in_o my_o heart_n give_v evidence_n of_o peace_n in_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n between_o god_n and_o my_o soul_n by_o these_o testimony_n 1._o my_o love_n to_o god_n be_v so_o that_o i_o be_o confident_a if_o the_o lord_n keep_v i_o with_o his_o spirit_n which_o at_o this_o time_n he_o have_v bestow_v upon_o i_o i_o can_v be_v content_a to_o part_v with_o any_o thing_n or_o lay_v down_o my_o lise_fw-fr for_o his_o glory_n if_o he_o will_v call_v i_o to_o it_o 2._o the_o lord_n have_v be_v please_v so_o toâ—inrich_v my_o soul_n with_o his_o spirit_n that_o i_o loathe_v the_o thing_n of_o the_o world_n when_o they_o will_v draw_v i_o in_o any_o thing_n from_o submit_v to_o the_o motion_n of_o god_n spirit_n in_o my_o heart_n i_o once_o think_v nothing_o can_v have_v draw_v i_o from_o the_o love_n of_o the_o vain_a thing_n of_o the_o world_n but_o now_o i_o do_v as_o much_o disdain_v they_o for_o god_n and_o more_o than_o then_o i_o love_v they_o 3._o i_o desire_v to_o follow_v god_n ordinance_n and_o find_v great_a enlargment_n of_o my_o heart_n to_o god_n both_o to_o and_o in_o the_o ordinance_n and_o particular_o from_o mr._n s._n mr._n w._n and_o other_o from_o who_o many_o thing_n have_v fall_v that_o have_v much_o refresh_v my_o soul_n and_o i_o find_v my_o heart_n in_o duty_n to_o god_n more_o refresh_v than_o in_o any_o thing_n 4._o i_o find_v much_o peace_n in_o my_o conscience_n because_o of_o a_o free_a submission_n which_o his_o spirit_n have_v wrought_v in_o my_o soul_n to_o all_o the_o command_n of_o jesus_n christ_n and_o i_o find_v comfort_n in_o that_o true_a circumcision_n which_o be_v in_o my_o heart_n wrought_v by_o his_o spirit_n 5._o i_o find_v every_o every_o day_n so_o great_a a_o peace_n in_o my_o soul_n and_o such_o comfort_n in_o god_n that_o i_o can_v be_v willing_a and_o i_o bless_v god_n find_v in_o myself_o a_o readiness_n to_o die_v every_o moment_n xxii_o experience_n of_o a._n a._n about_o two_o year_n since_o my_o husband_n be_v sore_o wound_v which_o i_o take_v as_o a_o great_a trial_n not_o have_v above_o a_o month_n to_o go_v with_o child_n and_o i_o be_v trouble_v at_o it_o and_o about_o a_o quarter_n of_o a_o year_n after_o i_o be_v up_o all_o my_o child_n be_v sick_a together_o of_o the_o small_a pox._n yet_o all_o this_o do_v not_o work_v upon_o i_o inward_o so_o sensible_o as_o about_o a_o month_n afterward_o that_o one_o of_o my_o child_n die_v sudden_o when_o i_o think_v he_o have_v be_v near_o well_o than_o i_o say_v the_o wage_n of_o sin_n be_v death_n think_v that_o the_o lord_n have_v warn_v i_o by_o fatherly_a threaten_n before_o but_o i_o do_v not_o hearken_v to_o he_o and_o therefore_o i_o think_v he_o smite_v i_o now_o by_o the_o death_n of_o my_o child_n but_o yet_o i_o can_v not_o enter_v into_o any_o particular_a sin_n that_o god_n shall_v strike_v at_o only_o in_o general_n i_o seek_v the_o lord_n to_o lay_v open_a my_o sin_n to_o i_o i_o be_v very_o much_o trouble_v that_o the_o lord_n take_v my_o child_n so_o sudden_o from_o i_o but_o be_v comfort_v by_o mr._n strong_a in_o some_o sermon_n preach_v from_o the_o word_n the_o church_n to_o paul_n go_v to_o suffer_v at_o jerusalem_n act_v 21.14_o when_o he_o will_v not_o be_v persuade_v we_o cease_v say_v the_o will_n of_o the_o lord_n be_v do_v so_o i_o be_v settle_v pretty_a well_o in_o my_o thought_n till_o sudden_o the_o lord_n strike_v the_o elder_a of_o my_o two_o child_n then_o live_v which_o be_v a_o boy_n my_o other_o which_o be_v a_o girl_n i_o do_v not_o so_o much_o value_n but_o now_o i_o do_v and_o know_v god_n mercy_n in_o spare_v she_o but_o my_o child_n that_o then_o dye_v be_v the_o chief_a comfort_n that_o my_o heart_n be_v fix_v upon_o in_o this_o world_n which_o be_v so_o great_a a_o grief_n to_o i_o that_o i_o have_v sleep_v few_o night_n quiet_a i_o desire_v to_o know_v the_o mind_n of_o god_n what_o he_o will_v do_v with_o i_o sometime_o i_o shall_v have_v difpair_v through_o great_a busfeting_n inward_o but_o that_o the_o lord_n sustain_v i_o sometime_o i_o think_v that_o the_o wrath_n of_o god_n be_v hindle_v against_o i_o think_v never_o to_o have_v comfort_n in_o this_o world_n again_o but_o bless_v be_v the_o lord_n for_o it_o he_o have_v often_o comfort_v i_o in_o this_o that_o i_o have_v think_v he_o do_v it_o in_o love_n to_o i_o yet_o sometime_o i_o have_v fear_v that_o i_o shall_v despair_v and_o that_o the_o hand_n of_o god_n be_v against_o i_o in_o it_o have_v be_v trouble_v with_o thought_n that_o i_o be_v the_o death_n of_o my_o child_n thus_o i_o have_v be_v between_o hope_n and_o despair_v and_o can_v not_o find_v what_o the_o will_n of_o god_n be_v in_o it_o towards_o i_o and_o i_o have_v fear_n that_o the_o hand_n of_o god_n be_v still_o against_o i_o for_o further_a punishment_n because_o i_o have_v have_v many_o temptation_n upon_o i_o in_o low_a thought_n of_o god_n but_o i_o have_v go_v to_o prayer_n and_o desire_v the_o lord_n to_o deliver_v i_o and_o discover_v his_o mind_n to_o i_o in_o every_o thing_n that_o i_o do_v and_o have_v find_v a_o willingness_n to_o part_v with_o any_o thing_n even_o to_o cut_v off_o a_o limb_n or_o any_o thing_n if_o i_o can_v find_v out_o what_o it_o be_v and_o i_o bless_v god_n i_o have_v find_v a_o good_a spirit_n resist_v the_o bad_a yet_o i_o have_v be_v under_o much_o fear_n that_o i_o be_v not_o a_o child_n of_o god_n but_o it_o have_v please_v god_n to_o comfort_v i_o in_o this_o that_o paul_n life_n be_v subject_a to_o temptation_n therefore_o i_o have_v hope_n and_o cast_v myself_o upon_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n resolve_v that_o if_o i_o perish_v i_o perish_v never_o dare_v to_o offend_v willing_o in_o any_o thing_n that_o i_o know_v to_o be_v a_o sin_n yet_o i_o know_v i_o be_o a_o wretched_a sinner_n but_o i_o humble_o desire_v to_o do_v the_o will_n of_o god_n so_o far_o as_o i_o be_o able_a and_o in_o that_o i_o can_v say_v with_o david_n psal_n 42.1_o as_o the_o heart_n pant_v after_o the_o water-brook_n so_o pant_v my_o soul_n after_o thou_o o_o god_n i_o find_v comfort_n with_o he_o to_o say_v why_o be_v thou_o cast_v down_o o_o my_o soul_n and_o why_o be_v thou_o disquiet_v within_o i_o hope_v thou_o in_o god_n for_o i_o shall_v yet_o praise_v he_o for_o the_o help_n of_o his_o countenance_n verse_n 5._o and_o i_o will_v look_v unto_o the_o lord_n with_o the_o prophet_n micha_n i_o will_v wait_v for_o the_o god_n of_o my_o salvation_n my_o god_n will_v hear_v i_o mich._n 7.7_o and_o i_o have_v find_v much_o comfort_n in_o apply_v several_a promise_n to_o my_o
soul_n as_o matth._n 5.4_o christ_n say_v bless_a be_v they_o that_o mourn_v for_o they_o shall_v be_v comfort_v as_o god_n have_v give_v i_o a_o mourn_a spirit_n for_o my_o sin_n so_o i_o believe_v that_o in_o his_o time_n i_o shall_v be_v comfort_v and_o i_o have_v taste_v i_o bless_v god_n of_o the_o comfort_n of_o his_o spirit_n in_o my_o soul_n isaiah_n 55.1_o the_o lord_n faith_n ho_o every_o one_o that_o thirst_v come_v you_o to_o the_o water_n and_o he_o that_o have_v no_o money_n come_v you_o buy_v and_o eat_v yea_o come_v buy_v wine_n and_o milk_n without_o money_n and_o without_o price_n as_o the_o lord_n have_v make_v my_o soul_n to_o thirst_v for_o he_o so_o i_o doubt_v not_o but_o to_o find_v he_o and_o the_o lord_n say_v ezek._n 33.11_o as_o i_o live_v i_o have_v no_o pleasure_n in_o the_o death_n of_o the_o wicked_a but_o that_o the_o wicked_a turn_n from_o his_o way_n and_o live_v i_o thank_v god_n my_o heart_n and_o soul_n be_v turn_v from_o all_o thing_n and_o be_v only_o after_o the_o lord_n and_o in_o a_o special_a manner_n i_o have_v find_v sweet_a evidence_n of_o my_o faith_n and_o interest_n in_o god_n through_o christ_n i_o have_v late_o much_o comfort_n from_o a_o sermon_n preach_v by_o mr._n strong_a who_o show_v that_o affliction_n do_v not_o make_v â—s_n low_a in_o the_o fight_n of_o god_n though_o before_o man_n as_o also_o from_o the_o 〈◊〉_d at_o a_o conference_n by_o mr._n v._o that_o in_o the_o world_n we_o shall_v have_v tribulation_n but_o in_o god_n rest_n and_o 1._o i_o do_v clear_o find_v that_o my_o love_n be_v more_o set_v upon_o god_n than_o upon_o any_o thing_n 2._o i_o can_v more_o willing_o leave_v the_o world_n now_o than_o ever_o before_o and_o i_o can_v willing_o die_v if_o god_n see_v it_o good_a in_o the_o mind_n i_o be_o 3._o i_o find_v in_o my_o heart_n that_o i_o do_v so_o cast_v myself_o upon_o god_n that_o i_o have_v peace_n with_o he_o 4._o in_o time_n of_o doubt_n i_o find_v coâ—fort_n that_o i_o have_v a_o god_n to_o call_v upon_o and_o i_o find_v much_o peace_n in_o my_o mind_n in_o return_n from_o god_n 5._o i_o do_v always_o find_v when_o any_o evil_a thought_n arise_v a_o power_n from_o god_n which_o subdue_v they_o so_o that_o i_o never_o willing_o give_v way_n to_o they_o 6._o i_o find_v my_o affection_n ready_a to_o go_v forth_o both_o to_o duty_n and_o in_o duty_n to_o god_n and_o when_o i_o come_v to_o they_o with_o little_a affection_n yet_o i_o bless_v god_n i_o find_v a_o great_a deal_n of_o comfort_n usual_o before_o i_o go_v away_o 7._o i_o find_v the_o most_o comfort_n to_o my_o spirit_n be_v when_o i_o be_o weep_v for_o my_o infirmity_n or_o at_o prayer_n or_o duty_n in_o public_a or_o private_a and_o methinks_v i_o find_v such_o joy_n in_o they_o that_o i_o can_v dwell_v there_o have_v no_o comfort_n in_o the_o world_n like_o thaâ—_n 8._o i_o find_v in_o my_o heart_n a_o real_a love_n to_o all_o if_o any_o have_v wrong_v i_o i_o desire_v no_o revenge_n but_o that_o i_o may_v be_v at_o peace_n with_o all_o 9_o whatsoever_o i_o find_v to_o be_v 〈◊〉_d truth_n from_o god_n and_o a_o motion_n of_o his_o spirit_n i_o find_v in_o my_o soul_n a_o willingâ—_n submit_v to_o it_o a._n a._n xxiii_o experience_n of_o e._n c._n about_o 16._o year_n of_o age_n though_o i_o do_v not_o understand_v the_o word_n yet_o i_o have_v a_o great_a desire_n to_o go_v to_o hear_v because_o they_o serve_v god_n therein_o that_o do_v so_o know_v that_o there_o be_v a_o god_n that_o ought_v to_o be_v serve_v and_o i_o sit_v in_o corner_n study_v what_o way_n i_o may_v come_v to_o god_n if_o i_o shall_v die_v have_v a_o very_a great_a affection_n wrought_v by_o the_o lord_n upon_o my_o spirit_n pray_v as_o well_o as_o i_o can_v that_o myself_o and_o my_o father_n and_o mother_n and_o friend_n may_v go_v to_o god_n when_o we_o die_v and_o i_o be_v very_o much_o set_v upon_o duty_n think_v to_o find_v god_n there_o but_o afterward_o live_v in_o a_o family_n where_o i_o be_v much_o hinder_v from_o the_o ordinance_n or_o partake_v of_o any_o thing_n of_o god_n which_o be_v a_o great_a grief_n unto_o i_o yet_o sometime_o i_o have_v thought_n towards_o worldly_a thing_n ponder_v how_o to_o be_v rich_a or_o fine_a as_o other_o but_o god_n wrought_v in_o my_o heart_n a_o remorse_n to_o check_v those_o temptation_n and_o frequent_o the_o lord_n lay_v some_o affliction_n or_o other_o upon_o i_o to_o wean_v i_o the_o more_o from_o such_o vain_a thought_n which_o bring_v my_o heart_n into_o a_o very_a sad_a condition_n many_o time_n and_o sometime_o i_o have_v weep_v day_n and_o night_n and_o at_o other_o time_n through_o grief_n that_o i_o can_v not_o sorrow_n enough_o i_o have_v fall_v into_o a_o great_a measure_n of_o weep_v after_o i_o have_v live_v in_o several_a other_o family_n where_o i_o have_v little_a comfort_n about_o twenty_o year_n since_o hear_v mr._n f._n and_o mr._n p._n on_o lords-day_n i_o be_v much_o comfort_v and_o also_o by_o mr._n martial_n and_o other_o and_o from_o the_o consideration_n of_o the_o love_n of_o god_n in_o christ_n and_o the_o suffering_n of_o christ_n for_o we_o as_o also_o of_o the_o woman_n that_o do_v but_o by_o faith_n touch_v the_o hem_n of_o christ_n garment_n how_o she_o be_v comfort_v and_o heal_v and_o i_o have_v much_o comfort_n in_o private_a meeting_n but_o about_o five_o year_n since_o see_v my_o other_o neighbour_n many_o of_o they_o flourish_v and_o prosper_v in_o the_o world_n more_o than_o i_o i_o begin_v to_o doubt_v that_o i_o do_v but_o play_v the_o hypocrite_n and_o that_o perhaps_o they_o do_v pray_v more_o at_o home_n than_o i_o though_o i_o know_v some_o of_o they_o go_v less_o to_o the_o public_a ordinance_n i_o be_v very_o much_o trouble_v at_o this_o and_o think_v with_o myself_o lord_n shall_v i_o still_o lie_v at_o the_o pool_n and_o find_v no_o body_n to_o put_v i_o in_o that_o i_o may_v be_v heal_v and_o i_o be_v much_o trouble_v because_o many_o of_o my_o neighbour_n hate_v i_o for_o frequent_v private_a meeting_n and_o for_o above_o a_o month_n i_o spend_v much_o time_n in_o private_a prayer_n and_o often_o in_o the_o night_n upon_o my_o bed_n and_o go_v to_o hear_v only_o on_o the_o lords-day_n but_o then_o i_o have_v thought_n upon_o i_o that_o it_o be_v not_o please_v to_o god_n to_o pray_v unto_o he_o upon_o a_o soft_a bed_n then_o the_o lord_n put_v it_o in_o my_o heart_n that_o he_o have_v promise_v that_o where_o two_o or_o three_o be_v meet_v together_o in_o my_o name_n that_o i_o will_v be_v in_o the_o midst_n of_o they_o this_o cause_v i_o to_o go_v again_o as_o i_o have_v do_v before_o to_o hear_v of_o sermon_n on_o weekday_n but_o still_o i_o find_v many_o reason_n and_o doubting_n upon_o my_o spirit_n whether_o i_o be_v elect_v or_o not_o and_o be_v much_o cast_v down_o many_o time_n about_o it_o and_o have_v some_o temptation_n to_o despair_n fear_v that_o such_o a_o sinner_n as_o i_o can_v not_o be_v save_v yet_o i_o have_v comfort_n in_o this_o that_o though_o i_o be_v a_o finner_n god_n by_o his_o spirit_n have_v mortify_v i_o and_o though_o i_o be_o not_o so_o good_a as_o i_o shall_v be_v yet_o through_o the_o power_n of_o grace_n i_o be_o not_o so_o bad_a as_o the_o flesh_n will_v be_v and_o find_v much_o of_o the_o testimony_n of_o god_n spirit_n upon_o my_o heart_n i_o have_v great_a hope_n that_o i_o have_v mark_n and_o token_n of_o my_o believe_v one_o night_n have_v for_o about_o half_a a_o year_n time_n before_o use_v to_o go_v to_o bed_n before_o i_o pray_v be_v in_o bed_n and_o think_v to_o pray_v to_o god_n i_o have_v strange_a temptation_n upon_o i_o to_o put_v god_n out_o of_o my_o mind_n and_o i_o can_v not_o speak_v a_o word_n nor_o scarce_o think_v of_o god_n and_o if_o i_o do_v in_o some_o interval_n i_o can_v not_o name_n god_n or_o christ_n nor_o speak_v a_o word_n to_o god_n for_o the_o present_a and_o satan_n then_o seem_v to_o appear_v to_o i_o in_o a_o most_o ugly_a shape_n laugh_v and_o jeer_v at_o i_o which_o do_v much_o affright_v i_o and_o i_o fear_v that_o i_o have_v play_v the_o hypocrite_n with_o god_n and_o now_o shall_v run_v mad_a to_o make_v good_a what_o some_o have_v reproachful_o east_n upon_o i_o that_o i_o be_v a_o hypocrite_n and_o i_o be_v rise_v out_o of_o my_o bed_n but_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o put_v it_o into_o my_o mind_n that_o christ_n jesus_n have_v not_o give_v so_o much_o for_o soul_n as_o he_o have_v do_v to_o
myself_o to_o be_v something_o when_o be_v serious_o weigh_v i_o become_v nothing_o for_o i_o know_v god_n but_o as_o a_o natural_a man_n do_v even_o by_o way_n of_o discourse_n i_o be_v as_o i_o conceive_v since_o much_o in_o the_o posture_n of_o the_o proud_a pharisee_fw-mi i_o can_v say_v i_o thank_v god_n i_o be_v not_o such_o a_o person_n as_o be_v give_v to_o lewdness_n or_o vice_n as_o other_o be_v and_o be_v thus_o in_o my_o natural_a condition_n i_o think_v i_o have_v need_n of_o nothing_o when_o i_o be_v as_o the_o church_n of_o the_o laodicean_n wretched_a and_o miserable_a and_o poor_a and_o blind_a and_o naked_a and_o that_o which_o be_v worst_a i_o know_v not_o that_o i_o be_v thus_o in_o ignorance_n walk_v in_o darkness_n till_o the_o lord_n bring_v i_o forth_o into_o the_o light_n first_o by_o convince_a i_o of_o sin_n second_o convince_v i_o of_o righteousness_n the_o first_o be_v according_a to_o my_o remembrance_n about_o seven_o or_o eight_o year_n since_o i_o be_v in_o discourse_n with_o a_o friend_n concern_v something_o which_o do_v much_o displease_v i_o wherein_o my_o answer_n be_v very_o cross_a and_o my_o word_n very_o full_a of_o anger_n i_o begin_v to_o espy_v myself_o full_a of_o malice_n and_o envy_n which_o do_v much_o reflect_v upon_o my_o own_o heart_n and_o cause_v a_o wonderful_a grief_n unto_o i_o and_o have_v never_o take_v notice_n of_o any_o such_o thing_n before_o it_o be_v so_o much_o the_o more_o strange_a to_o i_o but_o call_v myself_o to_o a_o strict_a examination_n what_o foundation_n i_o have_v lay_v when_o the_o building_n begin_v to_o prove_v so_o rot_v it_o please_v the_o lord_n that_o thereby_o i_o grow_v more_o and_o more_o sensible_a of_o my_o own_o miserable_a condition_n as_o be_v in_o the_o state_n of_o nature_n a_o child_n of_o wrath_n find_v myself_o a_o lump_n of_o sin_n and_o uncleanness_n and_o at_o a_o far_a distance_n from_o the_o way_n of_o god_n and_o to_o be_v in_o probability_n of_o nothing_o so_o much_o as_o of_o damnation_n and_o ready_a to_o be_v cast_v into_o hell_n for_o my_o sin_n find_v myself_o out_o of_o christ_n and_o not_o any_o hope_n that_o i_o shall_v ever_o gain_v a_o interest_n in_o he_o for_o i_o see_v that_o without_o faith_n it_o be_v impossible_a to_o please_v he_o and_o that_o without_o faith_n i_o can_v not_o think_v of_o any_o way_n to_o please_v he_o be_v lose_v in_o false_a way_n of_o my_o own_o invention_n and_o consider_v also_o that_o paul_n counsel_v the_o corinthian_n to_o examine_v themselves_o whether_o they_o be_v in_o the_o faith_n and_o say_v he_o know_v you_o not_o your_o own_o self_n whether_o jesus_n christ_n be_v in_o you_o except_o you_o be_v reprobate_n and_o follow_v this_o course_n i_o can_v not_o otherwise_o judge_v but_o that_o i_o be_v a_o reprobate_n and_o this_o condition_n be_v very_o burdensome_a unto_o my_o spirit_n and_o neither_o in_o hear_v or_o read_v can_v i_o for_o the_o time_n find_v any_o ease_n of_o this_o my_o trouble_n but_o still_o i_o do_v apprehend_v the_o lord_n as_o a_o angry_a judge_n require_v satisfaction_n of_o i_o for_o my_o sin_n thus_o i_o languish_v not_o know_v which_o way_n to_o steer_v my_o thought_n but_o oftentimes_o cry_v out_o to_o the_o throne_n of_o grace_n what_o shall_v i_o do_v to_o be_v save_v sometime_o i_o shall_v persuade_v myself_o it_o be_v altogether_o impossible_a for_o i_o to_o think_v of_o be_v save_v or_o ever_o to_o gain_v so_o much_o faith_n as_o to_o believe_v that_o christ_n die_v for_o my_o sin_n for_o i_o think_v it_o will_v be_v a_o very_a great_a presumption_n in_o i_o to_o attempt_v any_o such_o thing_n have_v often_o have_v thought_n of_o destroy_v myself_o it_o be_v my_o desire_n that_o i_o may_v never_o forget_v the_o providence_n of_o god_n in_o keep_v i_o from_o all_o danger_n in_o this_o my_o extreme_a doubtful_a condition_n wherein_o i_o make_v not_o any_o one_o acquaint_v with_o my_o trouble_n but_o the_o lord_n who_o work_n it_o be_v to_o deliver_v i_o in_o this_o my_o spiritual_a londage_n when_o i_o have_v hear_v godly_a man_n encourage_v poor_a soul_n to_o believe_v in_o christ_n i_o have_v think_v that_o other_o might_n but_o i_o dare_v not_o presume_v because_o i_o be_v no_o better_o qualify_v for_o if_o i_o can_v find_v myself_o more_o holy_a or_o more_o godly_a or_o full_a of_o goodness_n than_o there_o will_v be_v some_o hope_n that_o i_o may_v believe_v and_o hope_v for_o the_o favour_n of_o god_n and_o that_o christ_n die_v for_o i_o but_o afterward_o god_n put_v into_o my_o heart_n to_o consider_v that_o see_v by_o the_o deed_n of_o the_o law_n no_o flesh_n can_v be_v justify_v for_o i_o think_v before_o i_o must_v have_v do_v something_o that_o shall_v have_v prove_v meritorious_a and_o begin_v to_o be_v acquaint_v with_o a_o emptiness_n in_o myself_o and_o a_o inability_n of_o my_o own_o to_o do_v any_o good_a and_o find_v that_o it_o must_v be_v give_v i_o from_o the_o lord_n christ_n be_v all_o in_o all_o to_o the_o saint_n upon_o this_o consideration_n i_o cast_v myself_o upon_o god_n say_v lord_n i_o be_o thy_o workmanship_n do_v with_o i_o what_o seem_v good_a unto_o thou_o if_o thou_o do_v damn_v i_o i_o have_v deserve_v the_o severe_a of_o thy_o judgement_n thou_o be_v just_a although_o i_o be_o for_o ever_o just_o miserable_a and_o one_o day_n read_v of_o mr._n perkins_n his_o book_n treat_v of_o the_o small_a degree_n of_o saving-faith_n which_o do_v express_v that_o a_o desire_n to_o believe_v be_v faith_n itself_o i_o be_v something_o comfort_v to_o hear_v of_o this_o know_v that_o none_o can_v more_o desire_v it_o than_o i_o do_v and_o upon_o this_o a_o while_n i_o rest_v satisfy_v but_o not_o long_o after_o i_o find_v it_o a_o reed_n whereon_o i_o have_v lean_v and_o grow_v again_o very_o restless_a and_o be_v beat_v off_o from_o this_o stay_n by_o have_v the_o opportunity_n of_o another_o book_n which_o make_v i_o to_o understand_v that_o the_o poor_a man_n know_v full_a well_o that_o a_o desire_n to_o be_v rich_a and_o to_o be_v rich_a indeed_o be_v two_o several_a thing_n and_o so_o a_o desire_n to_o believe_v and_o faith_n itself_o be_v not_o the_o same_o for_o as_o all_o that_o desire_v to_o be_v rich_a be_v not_o rich_a so_o all_o that_o desire_v to_o believe_v do_v not_o believe_v be_v thus_o drive_v from_o my_o other_o principle_n i_o begin_v to_o see_v a_o more_o emptiness_n in_o the_o creature_n and_o a_o great_a fullness_n in_o the_o creator_n and_o this_o last_o book_n by_o the_o blessing_n of_o god_n through_o his_o grace_n do_v inform_v my_o judgement_n in_o many_o thing_n which_o be_v very_o comfortable_a to_o i_o as_o that_o the_o love_n of_o god_n be_v the_o cause_n christ_n be_v give_v for_o sinner_n and_o that_o he_o become_v a_o full_a satisfaction_n to_o god_n for_o sin_n and_o if_o we_o stay_v from_o christ_n till_o we_o be_v full_a of_o good_a work_n it_o may_v be_v a_o symptom_n we_o shall_v never_o believe_v for_o it_o show_v that_o we_o must_v be_v ingraft_v into_o christ_n by_o faith_n before_o we_o can_v bring_v forth_o good_a fruit_n for_o without_o i_o you_o can_v do_v nothing_o say_v christ_n and_o whatsoever_o be_v not_o of_o faith_n be_v sin_n these_o and_o many_o such_o like_a expression_n in_o the_o scripture_n which_o god_n put_v into_o my_o mind_n be_v very_o comfortable_a to_o the_o refresh_n of_o my_o dull_a and_o weary_a spirit_n many_o time_n but_o yet_o fear_n in_o interval_n possess_v i_o as_o not_o find_v christ_n to_o be_v make_v i_o by_o faith_n for_o i_o can_v not_o say_v in_o particular_a that_o god_n be_v my_o god_n nor_o see_v that_o there_o be_v a_o reconcilement_n make_v between_o god_n and_o my_o soul_n sometime_o i_o will_v persuade_v my_o heart_n to_o venture_v to_o believe_v in_o christ_n for_o the_o pardon_n of_o my_o sin_n but_o present_o objection_n will_v thwart_v my_o resolution_n by_o conclude_v that_o i_o be_v too_o great_a a_o sinner_n and_o it_o be_v not_o absolute_o say_v that_o christ_n die_v for_o i_o in_o this_o condition_n i_o be_v for_o about_o four_o year_n before_o i_o do_v thorough_o apprehend_v the_o love_n of_o god_n in_o christ_n jesus_n unto_o i_o yet_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v at_o last_o to_o work_v effectual_o upon_o i_o by_o many_o sweet_a promise_n out_o of_o his_o word_n which_o do_v wonderful_o rejoice_v my_o soul_n as_o john_n 13.15,16_o whosoever_o believe_v in_o the_o son_n shall_v not_o perish_v but_o have_v everlasting_a life_n this_o very_a word_n whosoever_o do_v work_v so_o kind_o and_o with_o such_o a_o sweet_a efficacy_n upon_o my_o heart_n that_o i_o be_v constrain_v
christ_n and_o isa_n 40.29_o he_o give_v power_n to_o the_o faint_a and_o to_o they_o that_o have_v no_o might_n he_o increase_v strength_n this_o promise_n i_o lay_v hold_v on_o because_o christ_n say_v come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o labour_n and_o be_v heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_n mat._n 11.28_o when_o i_o have_v refresh_v my_o spirit_n by_o apply_v these_o and_o some_o other_o promise_v to_o my_o own_o soul_n by_o faith_n in_o the_o lord_n jesus_n i_o find_v a_o effect_n of_o my_o faith_n by_o that_o love_n to_o god_n which_o by_o his_o holy_a spirit_n he_o have_v wrought_v in_o my_o soul_n which_o appear_v by_o these_o particular_a evidence_n 1._o i_o be_o grieve_v that_o i_o have_v be_v so_o unbelieving_a towards_o god_n and_o so_o impatient_a in_o my_o affliction_n 2._o i_o be_o trouble_v to_o think_v that_o whilst_o i_o live_v here_o in_o this_o mortal_a flesh_n i_o can_v be_v quite_o free_v from_o sin_n but_o must_v live_v to_o offend_v so_o good_a a_o god_n who_o have_v wrought_v so_o great_a a_o deliverance_n for_o i_o 3._o i_o bless_v the_o lord_n i_o can_v through_o divine_a goodness_n from_o the_o testimony_n of_o the_o bless_a spirit_n say_v with_o comfort_n the_o lord_n be_v my_o god_n whereby_o i_o can_v cry_v abba_n father_n 4._o i_o can_v i_o hope_v willing_o deny_v myself_o in_o all_o thing_n and_o shall_v the_o lord_n call_v i_o to_o it_o take_v up_o the_o cross_n of_o my_o saviour_n jesus_n to_o follow_v he_o and_o bless_v god_n in_o all_o dispensation_n whatsoever_o 5._o i_o find_v a_o total_a desire_n and_o willingness_n in_o my_o heart_n to_o surrender_v myself_o to_o be_v lead_v by_o god_n bless_a spirit_n in_o all_o holiness_n and_o piety_n with_o perseverance_n that_o i_o may_v live_v all_o my_o day_n to_o the_o glory_n of_o my_o god_n 6._o my_o affection_n be_v more_o firm_o and_o real_o knit_v to_o god_n than_o to_o any_o thing_n so_o that_o i_o can_v part_v with_o any_o thing_n for_o god_n and_o i_o value_v my_o interest_n in_o god_n above_o all_o thing_n and_o i_o find_v more_o joy_n in_o he_o than_o in_o all_o thing_n 7._o i_o be_o not_o now_o afraid_a to_o die_v shall_v god_n call_v i_o that_o i_o may_v go_v to_o be_v with_o my_o saviour_n for_o ever_o 8._o i_o desire_v to_o be_v in_o love_n and_o charity_n with_o all_o man_n but_o in_o a_o especial_a manner_n i_o do_v love_n the_o godly_a because_o in_o appearance_n they_o be_v the_o child_n of_o god_n and_o i_o desire_v to_o seed_n upon_o christ_n by_o faith_n in_o his_o ordinance_n m._n w._n xxx_o experience_n of_o h._n c._n at_o the_o beginning_n of_o the_o civil_a war_n i_o as_o well_o as_o other_o be_v much_o fright_v and_o when_o it_o be_v say_v that_o such_o a_o day_n the_o city_n shall_v be_v destroy_v i_o be_v amaze_v i_o have_v be_v a_o hearer_n a_o great_a while_n of_o very_o eminent_a minister_n in_o the_o city_n of_o london_n yet_o profit_v very_o little_a by_o what_o i_o hear_v for_o if_o they_o preach_v the_o mercy_n of_o god_n i_o sear_v they_o do_v not_o belong_v to_o i_o because_o i_o can_v not_o find_v those_o qualification_n in_o i_o which_o i_o think_v i_o ought_v to_o have_v if_o i_o expect_v to_o receive_v mercy_n i_o can_v rejoice_v in_o hear_v of_o the_o promise_n but_o can_v not_o lay_v hold_n on_o they_o as_o belong_v to_o i_o but_o still_o i_o go_v to_o hear_v though_o with_o much_o trouble_n of_o mind_n that_o day_n wherein_o it_o be_v say_v the_o city_n shall_v be_v destroy_v i_o begin_v to_o call_v myself_o to_o account_n what_o will_v become_v of_o my_o soul_n if_o it_o shall_v be_v so_o i_o be_v almost_o amaze_v but_o do_v much_o desire_n of_o god_n that_o he_o will_v give_v i_o faith_n and_o with_o the_o publican_n i_o say_v lord_n i_o believe_v help_v my_o unbelief_n i_o then_o resolve_v with_o myself_o well_o i_o will_v cast_v my_o soul_n into_o the_o arm_n of_o god_n if_o i_o perish_v i_o perish_v and_o through_o belief_n in_o he_o i_o be_v quiet_v in_o my_o spirit_n at_o that_o time_n but_o my_o sense_n of_o peace_n be_v soon_o veil_v and_o i_o be_v afterward_o sore_o afflict_v with_o the_o sight_n of_o my_o sin_n and_o be_v full_o persuade_v that_o i_o be_v a_o hypocrite_n and_o that_o all_o that_o i_o do_v be_v but_o for_o fear_n of_o hell_n than_o dare_v i_o not_o be_v any_o where_o alone_a for_o fear_v of_o the_o sight_n of_o the_o devil_n and_o if_o i_o have_v be_v at_o prayer_n by_o myself_o i_o dare_v not_o open_v my_o eye_n thus_o be_v i_o perplex_v with_o fear_n and_o persuade_v myself_o i_o shall_v perish_v my_o condition_n be_v very_o bitter_a to_o i_o and_o i_o do_v much_o labour_n for_o a_o rest_a place_n for_o my_o soul_n and_o be_v one_o day_n at_o a_o funeral_n the_o minister_n that_o preach_v the_o sermon_n show_v the_o sufficiency_n of_o god_n and_o the_o insufficiency_n of_o man_n and_o that_o all_o good_a come_v from_o god_n he_o say_v that_o it_o be_v as_o possible_a for_o that_o dead_a man_n to_o put_v life_n into_o himself_o as_o for_o any_o man_n to_o gain_v the_o least_o drop_n of_o grace_n of_o himself_o for_o faith_n be_v the_o gift_n of_o god_n then_o i_o begin_v to_o consider_v with_o myself_o and_o to_o take_v notice_n of_o the_o promise_n of_o god_n and_o i_o will_v write_v they_o to_o keep_v they_o about_o i_o i_o then_o be_v a_o hearer_n at_o st._n m._n the_o minister_n be_v much_o upon_o the_o affair_n of_o the_o time_n and_o i_o be_v much_o trouble_v about_o what_o i_o hear_v for_o i_o find_v not_o my_o soul_n satisfy_v with_o that_o matter_n when_o i_o come_v home_o i_o find_v that_o my_o soul_n be_v not_o able_a to_o live_v with_o that_o food_n and_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o direct_v i_o to_o hear_v mr._n sympson_n at_o allhollows_a toame_v street_n and_o he_o be_v set_v forth_o the_o free_a grace_n of_o god_n to_o poor_a sinner_n and_o then_o i_o begin_v to_o reason_n with_o myself_o that_o sure_o in_o put_v all_o mercy_n from_o i_o i_o do_v dishonour_n god_n for_o he_o invit_v all_o to_o believe_v his_o promise_n and_o i_o read_v that_o he_o say_v as_o i_o live_v i_o desire_v not_o the_o death_n of_o a_o sinner_n and_o christ_n say_v he_o come_v to_o save_v sinner_n and_o that_o the_o whole_a need_v not_o a_o physician_n but_o those_o that_o be_v sick_a and_o god_n have_v promise_v not_o to_o break_v the_o bruise_a reed_n nor_o quench_v the_o smoke_a flax_n and_o christ_n die_v for_o the_o ungodly_a and_o god_n be_v no_o respecter_n of_o person_n and_o christ_n promise_v that_o whosoever_o come_v unto_o he_o he_o will_v in_o no_o wise_a cast_v off_o when_o i_o have_v consider_v these_o and_o other_o promise_n and_o that_o place_n where_o it_o be_v say_v that_o without_o faith_n it_o be_v impossible_a to_o please_v god_n than_o i_o be_v earnest_a with_o god_n that_o he_o will_v give_v i_o faith_n and_o sincerity_n of_o heart_n and_o that_o place_n do_v much_o refresh_v i_o i_o will_v never_o leave_v thou_o nor_o forsake_v thou_o yet_o again_o after_o all_o this_o the_o sense_n of_o my_o own_o unworthiness_n do_v much_o trouble_v i_o and_o i_o be_v great_o grieve_v that_o i_o be_v so_o cumber_v in_o the_o world_n and_o begin_v to_o doubt_v say_v sure_o i_o have_v not_o choose_v the_o better_a part_n for_o sometime_o i_o shall_v rejoice_v and_o praise_n god_n be_v much_o satisfy_v from_o those_o place_n of_o scripture_n which_o say_v he_o have_v lay_v our_o iniquity_n on_o he_o and_o he_o have_v lay_v help_n on_o he_o that_o be_v mighty_a and_o in_o another_o place_n you_o be_v save_v by_o grace_n not_o of_o yourselves_o it_o be_v the_o gift_n of_o god_n and_o we_o have_v a_o advocate_n with_o the_o father_n even_o jesus_n christ_n the_o righteous_a and_o he_o be_v make_v sin_n for_o we_o that_o keâ—…_n no_o sin_n that_o we_o may_v be_v make_v the_o righteousness_n of_o god_n in_o he_o and_o behold_v the_o lamb_n of_o god_n that_o take_v away_o the_o sin_n of_o the_o world_n but_o in_o a_o short_a time_n i_o shall_v lose_v all_o my_o sense_n of_o comfort_n and_o then_o i_o have_v sad_a thought_n muse_v what_o god_n will_v do_v with_o i_o in_o the_o depth_n of_o these_o conflict_n at_o last_o that_o place_n refresh_v i_o where_o god_n say_v i_o the_o lord_n change_v not_o therefore_o you_o son_n of_o jacob_n be_v not_o consume_v though_o before_o i_o be_v not_o satisfy_v that_o my_o faith_n be_v true_a but_o doubt_v that_o sure_o i_o have_v presume_v upon_o false_a ground_n and_o be_v much_o perplex_v yet_o now_o it_o please_v god_n in_o the_o
lie_v under_o 4._o when_o i_o have_v be_v under_o great_a fear_n in_o the_o time_n of_o our_o civil_a war_n 5._o when_o i_o have_v be_v under_o spiritual_a desertion_n by_o god_n hide_v his_o face_n and_o favour_n from_o i_o or_o by_o reason_n of_o weakness_n and_o want_v in_o grace_n or_o by_o reason_n of_o strong_a and_o prevail_a corruption_n or_o by_o reason_n of_o satan_n temptation_n in_o all_o these_o case_n i_o have_v experience_v god_n gracious_a dispensation_n towards_o i_o of_o which_o i_o shall_v set_v down_o a_o few_o it_o please_v god_n for_o many_o year_n to_o keep_v i_o for_o the_o most_o part_n in_o a_o sad_a and_o desolate_a estate_n and_o condition_n not_o clear_o evidence_v the_o certain_a assurance_n of_o his_o love_n to_o my_o soul_n so_o that_o many_o time_n i_o question_v whether_o i_o be_v a_o child_n of_o god_n or_o no_o whether_o i_o have_v part_n in_o jesus_n christ_n or_o no_o whether_o i_o shall_v ever_o attain_v to_o life_n and_o salvation_n or_o no_o and_o this_o make_v i_o walk_v with_o a_o droop_a and_o disconsolate_a spirit_n so_o that_o i_o can_v have_v no_o sure_a comfort_n in_o any_o thing_n but_o though_o heaviness_n endure_v for_o a_o night_n yet_o joy_n come_v in_o the_o morning_n when_o the_o lord_n cause_v the_o light_n of_o his_o countenance_n to_o shine_v upon_o i_o which_o be_v better_a than_o life_n it_o please_v god_n upon_o the_o death_n of_o my_o young_a child_n that_o it_o lay_v very_o heavy_a upon_o my_o spirit_n in_o so_o much_o that_o i_o be_v bring_v oft_o upon_o my_o knee_n to_o beg_v support_n from_o god_n and_o to_o crave_v his_o grace_n and_o assistance_n that_o i_o may_v not_o break_v out_o to_o speak_v or_o act_v any_o thing_n whereby_o god_n name_v may_v be_v dishonour_v or_o the_o gospel_n discredit_v and_o that_o he_o will_v be_v please_v to_o make_v up_o this_o outward_a loss_n with_o some_o more_o durable_a and_o spiritual_a good_a and_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o return_v a_o gracious_a and_o speedy_a answer_n to_o these_o my_o request_n for_o though_o i_o lie_v long_o under_o the_o burden_n of_o that_o loss_n yet_o the_o lord_n in_o his_o due_a time_n do_v sweet_o manifest_v his_o special_a love_n to_o my_o soul_n assure_v i_o that_o he_o be_v my_o gracious_a and_o reconcile_a father_n in_o christ_n whereby_o my_o love_n to_o he_o be_v much_o increase_v and_o even_o inflame_v so_o that_o by_o his_o grace_n it_o wrought_v in_o i_o more_o diligence_n and_o carefulness_n to_o maintain_v and_o preserve_v these_o evidence_n of_o his_o love_n and_o to_o yield_v a_o lively_a submission_n unto_o his_o will_n as_o well_o in_o suffer_v as_o in_o do_v as_o also_o by_o avoid_v whatsoever_o may_v provoke_v he_o to_o withdraw_v the_o evidence_n of_o his_o love_n from_o i_o without_o the_o sense_n whereof_o i_o can_v take_v little_a or_o no_o comfort_n in_o any_o thing_n and_o furthermore_o i_o bless_v god_n for_o it_o and_o speak_v it_o to_o the_o praise_n and_o glory_n of_o his_o rich_a and_o free_a grace_n my_o prayer_n and_o earnest_a desire_n have_v be_v answer_v by_o god_n give_v i_o comfortable_a assurance_n both_o from_o the_o testimony_n of_o his_o holy_a word_n and_o the_o witness_n of_o his_o bless_a spirit_n of_o my_o eternal_a and_o everlasting_a salvation_n in_o and_o by_o jesus_n christ_n yet_o have_v i_o not_o be_v without_o fear_n and_o doubt_v many_o time_n through_o want_n of_o look_v over_o my_o evidence_n or_o by_o neglect_v to_o keep_v a_o narrow_a watch_n over_o my_o heart_n or_o from_o some_o weakness_n of_o my_o faith_n and_o all_o through_o my_o own_o default_n and_o negligence_n the_o lord_n pardon_v it_o and_o make_v i_o more_o circumspect_a for_o the_o time_n to_o come_v by_o all_o these_o i_o have_v gain_v this_o experience_n 1._o that_o god_n be_v true_a and_o faithful_a in_o make_v good_a all_o his_o promise_n seasonable_o unto_o we_o as_o that_o all_o thing_n shall_v work_v together_o for_o our_o good_a and_o that_o god_n will_v never_o leave_v we_o nor_o forsake_v we_o etc._n etc._n 2._o that_o it_o be_v not_o in_o vain_a to_o wait_v upon_o god_n and_o â—o_o seek_v unto_o he_o in_o our_o strait_n who_o be_v more_o ready_a to_o hear_v than_o we_o be_v to_o ask_v 3._o that_o i_o desire_v to_o see_v yea_o the_o lord_n have_v show_v i_o the_o vanity_n and_o uncertainty_n of_o the_o most_o satisfy_a comfort_n that_o this_o world_n can_v afford_v and_o what_o a_o emptiness_n there_o be_v in_o they_o that_o so_o i_o may_v and_o i_o desire_v so_o to_o do_v keep_v wean_v affection_n towards_o they_o and_o to_o sit_v loose_a from_o they_o that_o i_o may_v be_v ready_a to_o part_v with_o they_o when_o god_n call_v they_o from_o i_o or_o i_o from_o they_o again_o in_o regard_n of_o bodily_a weakness_n and_o sickness_n my_o experience_n have_v be_v these_o 1._o that_o as_o a_o break_a shoulder_n can_v bear_v no_o burden_n so_o the_o least_o distemper_n when_o the_o heart_n be_v not_o in_o a_o holy_a frame_n and_o temper_n be_v a_o burden_n insupportable_a if_o god_n hide_v his_o face_n from_o we_o and_o withdraw_v the_o evidence_n of_o his_o love_n and_o deny_v to_o assist_v we_o by_o his_o strength_n we_o can_v neither_o do_v nor_o suffer_v any_o thing_n and_o on_o the_o contrary_a i_o find_v by_o experience_n that_o i_o can_v with_o much_o cheerfulness_n holy_a submission_n and_o willingness_n bear_v great_a distemper_n when_o i_o enjoy_v the_o favour_n of_o god_n in_o they_o so_o that_o then_o i_o can_v ready_o say_v good_a be_v the_o work_n of_o the_o lord_n as_o well_o as_o his_o word_n and_o i_o will_v bear_v the_o indignation_n of_o the_o lord_n because_o i_o have_v sin_v against_o he_o micah_n 7.9_o and_o job_n 13.15_o though_o he_o slay_v i_o yet_o will_v i_o trust_v in_o he_o 2._o i_o find_v by_o experience_n also_o that_o by_o my_o pain_n and_o sickness_n i_o be_v the_o better_a able_a to_o sympathize_v with_o and_o to_o pity_n and_o pray_v for_o other_o in_o the_o like_a case_n 3._o hereby_o i_o learn_v the_o more_o to_o prize_v health_n and_o that_o upon_o several_a account_n namely_o because_o in_o health_n we_o have_v liberty_n and_o opportunity_n to_o enjoy_v the_o public_a ordinance_n with_o other_o of_o god_n people_n whereby_o the_o grace_n of_o true_a christian_n be_v quicken_v strengthen_v and_o increase_v in_o we_o which_o otherwise_o by_o reason_n of_o our_o corrupt_a nature_n be_v apt_a to_o grow_v cold_a and_o languish_v as_o will_v our_o body_n if_o they_o want_v food_n again_o because_o in_o health_n we_o enjoy_v the_o benefit_n and_o the_o comfort_n of_o sweet_a and_o quiet_a sleep_n which_o much_o refresh_v and_o cheer_v and_o which_o common_o we_o want_v in_o sickness_n last_o because_o in_o health_n we_o find_v sweet_a satisfy_v comfort_n in_o the_o use_n of_o god_n good_a creature_n whereas_o in_o sickness_n the_o dainty_a food_n be_v loathsome_a and_o troublesome_a the_o consideration_n of_o these_o thing_n make_v i_o the_o more_o to_o prize_v health_n to_o be_v very_o thankful_a for_o it_o and_o the_o more_o careful_a to_o employ_v and_o improve_v health_n and_o strength_n to_o god_n glory_n and_o the_o furtherance_n of_o my_o own_o salvation_n in_o regard_n of_o public_a danger_n i_o have_v have_v a_o great_a deal_n of_o experience_n of_o god_n goodness_n towards_o i_o and_o my_o several_a time_n for_o when_o in_o the_o begin_n of_o the_o civil_a war_n and_o distraction_n 1642._o i_o be_v sometime_o over_o whelm_v with_o weak_a and_o distrustful_a fear_n occasion_v by_o my_o not_o act_v faith_n upon_o the_o promise_n and_o not_o remember_v my_o former_a experience_n nor_o consider_v god_n love_n power_n and_o fidelity_n to_o his_o child_n in_o perform_v his_o so_o many_o gracious_a promise_n make_v unto_o they_o in_o all_o estate_n and_o condition_n and_o to_o i_o among_o the_o rest_n hereupon_o i_o resolve_v by_o god_n grace_n and_o assistance_n not_o to_o give_v way_n to_o this_o distrust_n and_o diffidence_n pray_v god_n to_o assist_v i_o therein_o and_o find_v more_o courage_n than_o former_o so_o far_o as_o i_o know_v my_o own_o heart_n though_o true_o the_o heart_n be_v very_o deceitful_a as_o i_o have_v find_v by_o sad_a experience_n the_o lord_n teach_v i_o and_o enable_v i_o to_o rely_v upon_o he_o with_o more_o courage_n and_o constancy_n and_o more_o to_o live_v by_o faith_n upon_o his_o promise_n than_o former_o i_o have_v do_v indeed_o i_o have_v be_v apt_a to_o fall_v into_o new_a fear_n upon_o approach_a danger_n yet_o upon_o success_n and_o glorious_a deliverance_n i_o have_v oft_o resolve_v never_o to_o distrust_v god_n again_o and_o yet_o my_o naughty_a heart_n have_v deceive_v i_o and_o make_v i_o ready_a to_o faint_v