caused thee (b) Deu 34.14 to see it with thine eyes but thou shalt not go over thither But nor yet do I hear thee say so plainly as I would Fear not it is my good pleasure to give thee (c) Luk 12.33 the Kingdom Many seek to enter in and are not able Thousands not onely say and read but cry Lord Lord Open and yet are shut out Some get so far that they be not far from (d) Mat 7.22 thy Kingdom and yet never reach it Nay the children of the Kingdom themselves Christ tells me (e) Mat 8.12 are cast into outer darkness the most part of them and if so Lord what cause have I to say to my soul as (f) Rut 3.1 Naomi to Ruth Shall I not seek rest for thee that it may be well with thee Of that soul oh my God so forgetful am I that oft it checks me as (g) Jud 16.13 15. Dalilah her Sampson Hitherto hast thou mocked me and told me lyes How canst thou say I love thee and thy heart is not with me When it reflects on the madnesses of my heart and life it fears thou wilt one day say of me as Achish (h) 1 Sa. 29.15 of David Have I need of mad men Shall this fellow come into my house (i) Heb. 4.1 It doth not infrequently alarum me in the being left us of entring into God's rest we should come short of it For (k) 1 Pe 4.12 if the righteous scarcely be saved Where shall we appear Solomon sayes Blessed is the man that fears alwayes Oh my God Let me not serve thee therefore without fear of my self (l) Psal 118.6 David said He would not fear what man could do unto him but sure he meant of other men he fear'd his own heart when he cry'd Keep yea (m) Psa 119.13 Pro. 29 25. keep back thy servant from presumptuous fins Indeed the fear of other men bringeth a snare as Solomon sayes but the fearlesness of ones self brings a million The counsel is divine not to fear other men who (n) Mat 10.28 can kill our body and no more But 't is also as divine that a man should fear himself who is not onely able but prone by sin and by disobedience to destroy both soul and body in hell Oh my God Help me to attend Moses's advice (o) Deu 4.9 Joh. 13.13 to take heed to my self and keep my soul diligently I find That in every Prayer and Conference wherein I do not so do I must cry out to my Lord and Master as Josiah to his servants when shot by the Archers (p) 2 Ch 35.23 Have me away for I am sore wounded and that in my grace and peace too As Martha of Lazarus to Christ I oft say of my faith and hope to my care of my evidences for Heaven Oh divine eares hadst (q) Joh 11.21 thou been here my faith and hope had not dyed and indeed when that is absent whatever my labour is in Duties in the end I must say as Simon to Jesus Master (r) Luk 5.5 We have toiled all night and have taken nothing Wherefore oh my Blessed God and Bounteous Grant thou that when thy holy Spirit (s) Mat 5.41 compells me to go one mile with him in securing my title to glory I may go with him twain Oh let my conscience be ever telling me like to what Michol told David If thou save not (t) 1 Sa 19.11 thy life to night by ensuring thy evidences to morrow thou wilt be slain With sins sorrows and temptations If at any time I call the proud Mal. 3.15 happy as Malachi sayes and say in a but seeming prosperity of grace that I shall never be moved Oh my God let thy good Spirit take me off as the King (u) 2 Ki. 18.19 20. of Assyria did Hezekiah What confidence is this wherein thou trustest Thou sayest but they are but vain words I have counsel and I have strength O my God say to me of the host of my corruptions my pride follie c. as once thou didst to Gideon Arise (x) Jud 7.5 Get thee down to the host for I have delivered it into thy hand Help me oh Lord incorruptly to say to Jesus of his Redemption-work (y) Rut 2.12 as Boaz to Ruth The Lord recompense thy work and a full reward be given thee of the Lord God of Israel under whose wings thou hast caused me trust and to vow unto him as Ittai to David As the Lord liveth and as my Lord Jesus liveth as the living Father liveth and Jesus liveth by the Father surely in what place my Lord the King of Saints shall be (z) 2 Sa. 15.21 Whether in death or life even there will thy servant be Help me oh my God to set my Jesus (a) Can. 8.6 as a seal on my heart and arm with a love strong as death with jealousie of all rivals cruel as the grave Give me to write on this World and the glory of it (b) Dan 5.27 TEKEL Thou are weigh'd in the balances and are found wanting of any good for my soul (c) Col. 3.1 Job 23.2 Let my affections be on things above my comforts in heaven and my hopes on high Let me know oh my God where I may find thee in all distresses and let me come even to thy seat When my heart is overwhelm'd lead me to the Rock that is higher than I (d) Psa 61.2 Ps 119.139 Job 32.12 Order my steps in thy Word let not any iniquitie have Dominion over me in health or distrust in sickness in both let me esteem thy Word above my necessary food or physick And so oh my God of my evidences for heaven (e) Mat 10.20 it shall not be I my self that speak but thy Spirit in me Amen my God Amen and Amen Whiles this Piece lay at the Press it pleased GOD to visit the Authour with the Small Pox and gave him a Recovery full of Extraordinary Providences of which upon his Friends request he hath annexed his Meditations 24. A Soliloquy with God after Recovery from a Sore Disease OH my God I am sure I can say (a) Mat 25.36 I was sick and thou visitest me Oh that in the Day of Judgement thou maist say likewise to me I was sick and thou visitedst me I read of thy own people that once (b) Isa 42.25 they had a fire about them yet they knew it not nay and it burn'd them yet they laid it not to heart Sure I am I had my Disease about me and I knew it not nay and it brake out on me and never entred into my heart what it was till by thy providence 't was made known to me So unable was I to do thy work (c) Psal 103.3 to heal all my diseases my self that in St. Paul's sense and another too I might and still must say (d) 1
Quickner Convincer Converter Comforter Is thy being shapen in sin and conceived in (t) Psal 51.3 5. iniquity ever before thee Dost set thy secret sins before thee thy (u) Psal 90.8 hidden ones in the light of thy countenance Dost smell them stink ready to choak thee bowing thee ready to break thee and killing thee all the day long Tell me is the Law the delight of thy eyes and dost keep it in them Dost make it a light to they feet as well as thy brains Canst say without lying thou hast not a (x) 2 Co 1.9 comfort in all the world but it springs from one or other of the Lord's promises Does his threatning (j) Isa ult 2 3. word make thee tremble Dost live by sense as a horse by carnal reason as a man or by faith as a Christian Has thy faith any (z) Acts 26.18 eyes do they see God heaven helf death and Judgment every day every duty every time of seriousness and that as real certain indisputable things (a) Jer. 6.10 Has thy faith any ears can it and does it hear the voice (b) Job 35.10 of God in his Word and providential works that which natural men do no more hear than stocks and stones Don't thy natural (c) Eze 12.2 ears hear the Minister speak a great deal while thy spiritual ears don't hear God speaking one word of it Don't lye but tell me Hast ears for God's mouth as thou hast for men Has thy faith (d) Psal 135. a nose one that smells myrrh aloes cinnamon in every Truth and every good notion practice and person together with fire and brimstone in every sin though sweetned with profit pleasure honour love of Kings themselves What manner (e) Psal 34 8. of Tast has thy faith Does secret converse with God in bed at board on horseback in closet c. Does converse with thy self and Christ's members as such Do duties of all kinds such as most exclude thy own carnal ease and mens carnal peace and fayour Do these tast indeed and in good earnest so well (f) Psal 119.103 as honey to thy (g) 1 Pe 2.3 palat Do they affect thee with so palpable a pleasure and sweetness And lastly for God's sake tell me what feeling is thy faith of Can't it let thee go without its robes about thee but strait feel the sterming wind of God's wrath and scorching Sun shine of his fury and that as plain as thy naked body would feel a December frost or March wind on a hill Is God thy All art thou all Gods and that in secret sober sadness Canst vow and protest to Father Son and Spirir that thy heart labours after and can't and won't be satisfied without (h) 2 Co 13 14. the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ the Love of God the Father and the communion of God the Spirit If so Go in peace and the God of peace be with thee Amen Lord Jesus Amen Amen 17. A Soliloquy with the World OH World World (i) Joh. 8.48 Say I not well that thou art a Samaritan and hast a devil Nay rather is not thy name (k) Mar 5 9. legion and art thou not many Abaddons and Apollyons I am sure thou hast oft caught Saints themselves and they have been (l) Luk 8. 29 33. bound with thy chains and fetters breaking God's holy bonds And as for unregenerate Swine into whom thou entrest and art not soon dispossess't thou hurriest them down into the lake where they are cloathed with fire and brimstone The Devil had less specious (m) Ge 3. apples of old to delude eye with than thy apples of gold in pictures of silver be If that serpent did not eat and feed men with thy dust we might triumph over him oh Serpent where is thy sting (n) Joh 8.44 oh Devil where is thy victory He was a murderer from the beginning and abode not in the Truth and wast not thou a like apostate of whom God said Thou wast very good and by and by (o) Ge. 1.31 Gen. 3.17 cursed thee that once barest good fruit for the use of man's body now nothing but thorns and thistles at least husks for soul and body I 'le say 't (p) Jud 6. Thou kept'st not thy first estate but art now reserved to the jud gement of the great Day And I 'le vow my judgement is that if I don 't in the mean time drownthee in the (q) Rev 12.15 flood of my penitential tears and burn thee out of my soul with the fire of my love and zeal for a better world the flood cast out of thy mouth will swallow me up and I shall find the God of this world a consuming fire For if any Devil (r) Heb 2.15 has the power of death I dare say 't is the world to whose (s) Eph 6.12 principalities and powers mankind so conforms its life 'T is the world makes every (t) Luk 22.3 5. Judas in it and we betray not Christ to our lusts till that enter into us and covenant with us Nor keep we back any thing from him till this (u) Act 5.30 Satan fills our hearts to oppose the Holy Ghost Thou oh world art the Satan that standest ever at our right hands to resist us and I vow I think (x) 2 Ch 10.10 thy little finger thicker than the loins of all the Devils in hell If the Saints must judge (y) 1 Co 6.2 the world and the things of the world I doubt not but they will judge them the worst enemies next to lusts after them If they resist the Devil he will fly from them but the earth abideth for ever a Tempter and its Herods which seek the life of Christ within us will never be dead We may chuse whether we will give any place to the Devil or no but the world must have our backs on which it makes but too often very long furrows and our bellies in which it leaves its Idol-gods Of all its clothes how few there be that won't be found naked and uncovered with Christ's Garments I cannot think without horrour and surely did it poyson as many bellies as souls it would have few to feed Oh world world Miserable are thy men and miserable the servants (z) 2 Ch 9.7 which stand continually before thee and hear thy wisedom though with that pleasure of which the world is not worthy I assure (a) Ecc. 1.8 thee my eye is satisfied with seeing thee and my ear with hearing thee The Devil brags of thy (b) Mat 4.9 All these things but God calls thy things things which are not and if that damn'd Ghost did not think my soul worth a thousand of thee he would scarce be so busie with me to give my soul in exchange for thee I know by my experience (d) Jer. 2.13 thy cisterns are broken and can hold no water My comforts in eating and
is well pleased and indeed the Devil is not so (p) Heb 6.10 unrighteous to them as to forget their labour of love to him No he gives them day by day (q) Mat 6. their daily bread (r) Pro 30.8 and feeds them with food convenient for them crying (s) Eze. 13.10 13. Peace peace where there is either none or but such as thou oh my God wilt rent with a stormy wind in thy fury and consume with-an over-flowing showre in thine anger and verily as these vile affections (t) Psal 109.18 have cloath'd themselves with cursing as a garment so let it come into their bowels like water and into their bones like oyl Through them oh my God through them oft have (u) Jer. 12.7 I forsaken my house ay my tower for so is thy Name I have left my heritage for so is thy Word and given Christ the dearly beloved of my soul into the hands of his enemies I have (x) Jer. 11.20 But oh Lord of Hosts that judgest righteously that tryest the reins and the heart let me see thy vengeance on them for unto thee have I revealed my cause Amen oh Jesu Amen for thy Name sake Amen Amen 15. A Soliloquy with God against self O My God! my self has (y) Mat 18.15 16 17. trespass'd against me and thee too I have gone and told it its fault between it and me It has not heard me nor have I gain'd it I have took with me two nay three witnesses the Three that bear record in heaven and it has refus'd to hear them What shall I do but count it a heathen and a Publican I profess were not Jesus a friend (z) Mat 11.19 to publicans and sinners all the manners (a) Mat 12.31 of its sin and blasphemy could not be forgotten Is not (b) Job 22.5 its wickedness great and its iniquities infinite Oh my God what soul (c) Job 34.7 8. is like it it drinks up scorning like water it goes in company with the workers of iniquity (d) Psal 1.1 2. and walks with wicked lusts It walks in the counsel of the ungodly it stands in the way of sinners it sits in the seat of the scornful its delight is great in the law of its members and in that law doth it meditate day and night (e) Pro. 17.1 Better to it is a dry morsel of temporal loss and dung and carnal quietness therewith than a house full of sacrifices to God with striving to be holy It (f) Ecc. 10.20 Mat. 9.20 curses the King of Heaven in its thought and thy rich grace in its Bed chamber and this issue of its mad blood has been more than of Twelve years Among them that are us'd by the Devil to devour me there hath not risen an agent greater than self For oh my God thou knowest from (g) Ge. 1.1 2 3. the beginning wherein thou createdst the little of heaven within me or from the very time wherein thou saidst Let there be light and there was light within me thou knowest it has been this my self which has made me without form and as it were void and has put darkness on the face of my soul making it as if the spirit of God had never mov'd on the face of it O Lord this self is (h) Jud. the Sampson which with its Asses jaws has slain many thousands of thy spirits motions and convictions in me It is the Herod which seeks the life nay it is the Judas which betrayes and the Pontius Pilate which condemns and the Jew which crucifies Christ within me it is the (i) Ex. 1.11 24. Pharaoh which oppresses my graces with Task masters and makes their lives bitter with hard bondage in mortar and in brick and in all manner of vile service (k) Phil 3.19 The end of which is destruction the God of which is the belly the glory of which is shame the nature (l) Jam. 3.15 earthly sensual devilish foolish disobedient deceiv'd serving divers lusts and pleasures malicious envious (m) T it 3.3 4. hateful and hating the kindness and love of God our Saviour toward man O God this self which (n) Hos 12.1 so feeds on the wind and follows the East wind increasing lies and desolations what a (o) Job 10.22 land of darkness as darkness it self does it make my heart a place of the shadow of death without any order and where the light is as the darkness Lord if I know my heart at all sure (p) Job 42.6 I do abhor this self and desire to repent in dust and ashes Though all its pleas and arguments are (q) Pro. 30.26 27 30. a feeble folk yet make they their houses so in the rocks of my heart that I can't for my life get them out though its lusts have no King reigning in my heart as I know of yet so they go forth all of them by bands that I 'le say it I cannot dissipate them as I would for they are as a lion the strongest among beasts and which turns not away for any O my God! Selfs (r) Isa 1.13 14. vain oblations and its incense are an abomination to me its appointed feasts my soul hates they are a trouble to me I am weary to bear them (s) Pro. 23.3 I am not desirous of its dainties I know they are most deceitful meat But alas I too oft eat its (t) pro. 9.17 bread in secret places and though I know its wine is a mocker and its strong drink is raging (u) Pro 20 1. and whosoever is deceiv'd thereby is not wise yet wo is me (x) Pro 23.31 32. when it is red when it gives its colour in the cup when it moveth it self aright how do I forget that at last 't will bite like a serpent and sting like an adder Oh Lord my God! When shall I be able as my Love did to (y) phil 2 7 8. make my self of no repute and humble and empty my self Oh that to morrows (z) Ep. 4.26 Sun might go down upon my wrath against self for of a truth in selfishness dwells all the fulness of Antichrist and that bodily and 't is compleat in it which is (a) Col 2.9 the head of the Devil's principality and power (b) 1 Th 2.3 It s exhortation is of deceit uncleaness and guile It s lust opposes and (c) 2 Th 2 3. exaltsit self above all that is called God or is worshipped that it may sit in the Temple of God shewing it self that it is God Its rise and progress is after the working of Satan with all power and signes and lying wonders Oh my God if (d) 1 Ti 1.51 Christ came not into the world to save selfishsinners of whom I am chief (e) 1 Co 15.17 my faith is vain and as I live in I shall dye in my sins But through him strengthning me I hope I shall