removed again out of England into Holland and I brought the papers of my experiences with mee which the Ship being cast away were lost with the trunck in which they were Then was it much set upon my heart that God was displeased with mee for not putting them in print and then the guift of singing and praising was much ceased and I was troubled for the which I sought the Lord and did begg ' that if he were offended at mee for not printing and leaving them behind mee that he would pardon it unto mee and that if it were his good pleasure I should write them again I did pray that he would let his Spirit come to inable mee again in singing and prayer as it was wont to do and be my remembrancer to write again and indeed it did so not long after in the night both in song and in prayer But then I having not time was much hindered yet notwithstanding according to the time I had I set my self to do it and the Lord was pleased to assist mee in bringing again to my remembrance things of long standing Now before I departed from England I was satisfied in my spirit that I had a clear call from thee Lord so to do for indeed more then a year I had such a motion in my spirit backed with many Scriptures for its furtherance Yet nothwithstanding in this Voyage we met wich some diffciulty for the Ship I came over in was cast away but in the time of the greatest trouble the Lord gave mee in these promises that he would be with mee in six troubles and in the seventh he would not forsake mee Call upon mee in the day of trouble I will hear thee and deliver thee and thou shalt glorify mee With this sweet word also thou shalt not die but live to see the mercy I will shew unto thee It was in the night and after some time the Ship being a ground and in great danger and so were all the persons in it one asked mee if I were not afraid I answered the God of heaven my Father hath brought mee hither and if he may have more honour in drowning of mee then by preserving mee his will be done Then when the mast was cut down and the Master with some others said we are dead persons and like to loose our lives yet I had much hope in the Lord because of his promise and after that I and some others in the Ship with mee had committed our selves unto God by prayer I being in the Cabbon laid me down to sleep but I had not it seems lien half an hour but they called us and said there was Land not far of if wee would seek for help vvhich accordingly vve did But it being but about the break of the day vve did vvander over the sandâ— but could find no vvay out of the sea as it vvere compassing us aboue round then vve all returned to the Ship again and some concluded vve must go in an perish there so they vvent in again But vve said if vve must perish vve vvould be still seeking to save our lives And as our God to whom we had committed ourselves guided us we went another way on the sands and as I was going looking to God to be my Pilot not knowing whether vve vvent for the sea vvas one both sides of us and vvee had but a small vvay on the sands to vvalk in and as I vvas begging of the Lord to keep in the seastill vve found out a place not onely for our ovvn escape but that vve might see deliverance for our friends in the Ship also the Lord vvas pleased to set this upon my heart As thy deliverance is so shall Englands be vvhen they are brought to greatest streights then vvill deliverance be from God A hint of some night meditations and effects of prayer I being avvake one night and very full of trouble in my mind because I vvas no more spiritual for I had found my self very dead-hearted in prayer over night for the vvhich I vvas very sadly afflicted in spirit and indeed then vvanting place of retirement to send up strong cries unto the Lord did much deaden my spirit for I found it vvas the practice of Jesus Christ sometime to be in the vvilderness sometime in the mountain all night in prayer alone and sometimes alone in the gardin and I find prayer in secret much acceptâ—d vvith God according to that vvord Pray to thy â—ather in secret and he will reward thee opeâ—ly Math. 6 6. indeed so full of sorrovv vvas I that I uttered no vvords but sigâ—d and groaned to the Lord. Then this came in Vpon the 〈◊〉 thou shalt live 〈…〉 of â—oâ—e I will the 〈◊〉 〈…〉 be made all times to see 〈…〉 flowes in mee Then did I groaâ—e before the Lord that he vvould give in some promise the Lord cast in this that the grace or prayer vvas before the guist of prayer and that this vvas the grace of prayer to give up our selves in faith to the guidance of the spirit and so by â—aith to have communion vvith the Father and the Son in the Spirit for Christ tâ—ld the Woman John 4 v. 21 22 23. Neither in thus mountain noâ— in Ierusalem shaâ—l mâ—n worship the Father but the â—our is coming a now us when the true worshippâ—rs shall worship the Father in Spirit and iâ— truth sor the â—ather sâ—â—keth such to worship him God is a Spirit and they that worship him must worship him in Spirit and in truth This Woman then could say that Christ vvould teach all things vvhy should not vve look for the teachings of the Spirit novv seeing Christ hath not onely been vvith us in the flesh God and man but had also promised us the pourings out of the Spirit to teach us all things and to bring all things to our remembrance Then further I vvas mourning that I could not injoy the ordinances of God â—n their purity and the Lord shevved mee that I must offer up my 〈◊〉 And vvhen Abraham vvent to do that he left his servants belovv the hill and consulteâ— not vvith flesh and blood Also aftervvard I had such vvonderful experience of communion vvith God through the Spirit as I am not able to utter it I avvaking another night vvas greatly complaining that the flesh did so 〈◊〉 in the Spirits vvork that vvhen I vvorld do good evil is present â—â—en did the spirit put me upon uttering many heavenly complaints in a vvay of singing and after that vvith the help of the Spirit to pray vvith much enlargâ—dness And aâ—ter that there vvas by the same spirit vvith very much povver this vvord Be silent before mee all flesh Oh! and then follovved the vvonderful speakings of God by his blessed Spirit to my poor soul vvhich I cannot utter as to the manner of them bâ—t the nature of them vvas exceeding comforting to my self and also filled 〈◊〉 vvith great hopes to all the people of God
consulted what to do for mee But concluded there was no help but I must dye But when I heard that I said there is yet help in God and it was set upon me to believe that if I could but touch the hemm of the garment of Jesus Christ that is believingly go to him I should be healed being also put in minde of that promise that whosoever forsake any thing for his sake and the Gospels Mat. 19 29. should receive an hundredfold then I cryed Lord give me to be healed of this distemper by thee seing thou art pleased to deny help by man And one day our Pastor called in to visit me as he was going to the meeting whom I did desire to pray for me and to stirre up the bretheren to joyn with him and I much incouraged him that they should pray in faith believing for what they asked telling him that by faith and prayer he would assuredly heal me and verily according unto my faith it was done unto me for ever blessed be God for J. Christ for as they were praying in his name the distemper departed Next the Lord was pleased to lay his afflicting hand upon another of my children then did I much desire that all afflictions might be sanctified rather then removed and that by all I might be made more conformable unto Jesus Christ was I helped then to read and mind thad place in Job Job 34 32. That which I see not teach thou mee if I have done iniquâ—â—y I will do no more Then our Pastor coming again to visit me I asked him how we should know the mind of God in these many afflictions he answered mee that a man having an orchard or vineyard walkes therein and among all the trees he makes choyce it may be of some one tree whose standing is more pleasant and conveniâ—nt then others and that tree he chops hacks and makes an Arbour to sit in for his delight and said hee if God wil do so by you will you not there with be content Oh! yes said I if that be the good will of my heavenly father and blessed be God I did find it so for though I have sowed in tears I have reaped in joy and have found the times of greatest outward trouble and affliction have been the onely times of greatest inward and spiritual joy and soul consolation verily I cannot express with tongue nor pen the large experience I have had upon this account And this I have found that when a poor soul is faithful and single hearted for God walking up to the light id hath received this is the very way to injoy the presence of God and his blessing upon him in what state and condition so ever he is in for this I can declare from mine own experience that lose is the way to gain troublet is the way to peace sorrow is the way to joy and death is the way to life he that looseth his life for my sake saith Jesus Christ the same shall find it through the valey of tears lieth the way to the mountain of joy for whilst I set my self in good earnest to seek the Lord for instruction into the truth as it is in Jesus I met with many difficulties but yet out prayer hearing God was pleased to come in by degrees having through his grace given me faith in his son who was exalted as a Prince and a SÃ viour to give me repentance made mee also willing to be baptised for the remission of sins Now that which made me willing to obey the Lord in this Ordinance was the Command of Jesus Christ in Mat. 28 19. and Act. 10 48. and the example of Christ and the practise of the Apostles and pâ—imitive Saints together with the promise of the gift of the Holy Ghost anexed thereunto Acts 2 38. And indeed this truth a last was so set upon my heart by the Lord that though many difficulties lay in the way yet the Lord carried me through them all and after I had obeyed the Lord therein in very faithsulness I must declare that I did injoy the incomes of God in a more plentisul manner then before But Satan for some time laboured to hinder mee in obeying the Lord in this piece of service with this temptation that by this meanes a death in all likelyhood and in an eye of reason would fall upon my livelyhood but God made it a furtherance to mee and to others also so that many of us were at that time after waiting on God by fasting and prayer baptized together And after that the Lord was pleased to bless mee in my imployment that following year with more then ordinary success by which the Devil was proved a lyar But afterward I had some fears that my imployment might be a suare unto mâ—e as the world is to many and that I should bee too earthly in it for this Scripture did follow mee very much which I desire to give good heed unto Oh! Earth Earth hear the word of the Lord. And often in prayer I did cry unto God saying speak Lord for thy servant desires to hear and was very desirous to know what the Lord would have me to understand by this word and when I had considered I found some thing in my imployment sinsul and a hinderance unto my spiritual injoyments to convince mee of which the Lord waâ— pleased to with hold his blessing upon that imployment which before I had found therein to the convincing and converting of some to himself so finding something in it contrary to his will I was constreined to leave it of and after much seeking of the Lord for councel these Scriptures were much with mee Math. 7 7. Ask and it shall be given you seek and ye shall find knockâ— and it shall be opened unto you If ye then being evil know how to give good guifts unto your children how much more shall your father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him Math. 7 11. And on my servants and on my hand maidens will I pour out of my spirit and they shall prophesy Acts 2 18. These promises did dwell with mee for a long season so that I was much stirred up to pray to the Lord that he would please to accomplish them upon mee and pour out of his blessed Spirit upon mee And after long seeking espâ—cially one day being very earnest and importunate with the Lord after which I went out to walk and on a sudden I was indued with the gift of singing in such a way and manner as I had not been acquainted with before and immediately this following song came in as fast as I could sing as followeth it was in the year 1655. in the Moneth of February Come home come home thy work is done My glory thou shalt see Let all the meek ones of the earth Come home along with thee Cast of the world it is too base And low for thee to dwell I have redeem'd thee from
in giving in such sweet returus of prayer let him alone have the praise and be ye all incouraged and stirred up to pray continually and be very watchful that if at any time God do move you to do any thing do it with all your might according to the assistanco the Lord gives you for I have found it a great grieving of the spirit to put it of with delayes through carnal reasonings of the flesh which indeed vvould have hindreed mee in offering of these few experiences to the view of the vvorld but vvhen God vvas pleased to give me a heart to it and I set upon it vvith a resolution in his strength to go through it not with standing all opposition Oh! then was the Lord pleased to come in again and fill my soul with peace and joy unspeakable and full of glory which was to my great refreshment I being then in a strange Land Holand seperated from Country kindred and fathers house yea there and then did our good God according to what I had wont to have give into my spirit heavenly Allelujas both night and day with many sweet Instructions from him self when it was with us as it were a time of famine of the word our Teathers being removed into corners and thrown into prisons in the Year 1662. O! how was I then stirred up by the teachings of that good Spirit often to praising and often to very earnest prayer as for my self so for his poorasslicted persecuted people and then also I found my heart much enlarged to love and to do good and lay out my self for sa ints of all perswasions yea and all others also as I had opportunity And upon this ground because my dear Redeemer the Lord Jesus hath set mee a pattern to do good to all and what talent soever we do recieve we must lay it out to his praise if it be but one and it shall be increased this I have had experience of be not backward to improve thy talent because another may have more then thou that springs from a root of pride and negligence is the way to loose what thou hast but look up to God for a blessing upon the right use of what thou hast received and if he seeth it good that thou mayest better honnor him with more he will give in thee in his own way and time for then shall ye know if ye follow on to know the Lord. Hose 6. 3. It is also promised that they who be planted in the house of the Lord like a watered Gardin shall they grow and florish and bring forth fruit in their old age Psa 92 12 13. Further o let all the beloved of the Lord take a specialcare of every Gospel ordinance and commandment of our Lord to hold forth what light you have received for there is non of the ordinances of the Gospel to be slighted for they hold out unto us those choyce priviledges that vvere purchased for us vvith the precious blood of Jesus Christ I have found great peace and injoyed much of Gods presence in vvaiting upon him in the vvay of his appointments and I have found the Lord not leaving but teaching of mee vvhen I out of conscience have forborn vvhere they vvere not tobe injoyed according to the rule of the Gospel and expose my self to any suffring to injoy them in the purity of them and indeed God doth take special notice of them vvho they be and vvhere they dvvell Revel 2 13. that in sore persecuting and suffering times hold fast his truths and do not deny his name Mal. 3 16 and hath promised that they vvho keep the vvord of his patience shall be keept in the hour of temptation And vvhen he hath humbled us he vvill shevv us the pattern of his house the goings out and the comings in thereof and the fashions Lawes and ordinances thereof that we may do them Ezek. 43 11. And the time doth hasten that God will turn to the people a pure Language And all shall know the Lord from the least to the greatest And he will lead the blinde in a way that they know not he will make darkness become light and crooked things streight and bitter things sweet and hard things easy and this he will do and not forsake us Further let none be discouraged to do their duty though never so weak yet if thou beest acted by the Spirit of God weak meanes often times becomes effectual to accomplish great things for by experience also I know when some persons have been praying together that one being senceable of the state of the other and mourning over their sin before the Lord God have made use of those very mournings and breathings to convince the other of their sinful state with the danger of it and thereby have been caused to turn from sin unto the Lord whose eyes were never opened before One Maid who by this meanes was convinced and said nothing at present but after prayer retiring herself to her Bible with a purpose to see what word of comfort she could find there and it pleased God to hand to her that place Rom. 8 13. For if ye live after the flesh ye shall die but if ye through the Spirit do mortisy the deeds of the body ye shall live which word God did make very powerful and effectual to help forward his work upon her soul All these speak forth the freeness of Gods rich grace therefore who ever readeth and under standeth what is in this free workings of God good Spirit let him alone have all the praise and glory and the Lord inclined my heart every day more and more to praise him for his unchangeable love in Jesus Christ therefore let them that read this give God praise for this undeserved mercy and let me have a share in your prayers that I may be filled with a spirit of praise for none have more cause then I to speak well of his great and holy name and that I may honour God that little time that I have to live upon the earth and that in all changes For if God sees affliction to be good for mee I desire not to dispise his chastizements for I have found more strength in a great affliction then in a little one and my soul hath been filled with joy out of measure Therefore if we be brought to this take joyfully the spoiling of our goods knowing we have a better inheritance and the giving up all to the will of God who gave all to us we shall have all given to us with advantage oh the fulness of him that filleth all in all but I am nothing and can do nothing no longer then he doth assist therefore praise him for ever more And since I was taken of from my incumbrances in the world and had more time to spend in the wayes and work of God waiting on him for more of himself the Lord according to his promise hath revealed himself more abundantly and I have
found that a chearfull watchful diligent spirit in ones general and particular calling is a great help to prevent mispending time for of idleness comes no good therefore it hath been my practice that if I can do no good nor receive good not to stay in that place long Oh! let us be wary how we spend our precious time for it hat a lock before but none behind I am of a fearful timerous spirit naturally but I find it a great help to dash Babilons brats in the first rice I was about 14 years in the pangs of the new birth before I received the witness of the spirit in which time I was exceeding troubled with my unbelieving heart through entertaining false fears and indeed some thing of Jesus Christ was in mee all that while Althoug sometimes I could not with comfort be hold him through that thick cloud of my many Iniquities and I never found Satan more foyled and my own corruptions more subdued then when I by faith could look up unto Gods unchangeable love in Jesus Christ though I be a poor changeable creature and verily I have found great gain in true Godliness And now friends give me leave to tell you these are mine experiences and I fear it would be burthen some to you if I should be larger which I could be but give me leave to tell you the conclusion of all what I endeavour after which is to press after the mark of the high calling to deny my self and look up to him that is perfect and who presents all his perfect without spot or wrinkle Not to him that worketh onely but to him that believeth for he is holy I desire to observe all the Commands of Christ as my rule of life but I am not here by justified but alone by a righteousness out of my self there fore I say none but Christ not by workes of rightcousness that we do but by faith are we saved that not of our selves it is the guift of God for he that kindleth a fire and composeth himself about with the sparks thereof he shall lie down in sorrow Isa 50 11. for a man may do much in outward performances and yet not have a heart right with God the foolish virgins had lamps of profession as well as the wise but they had not oyle so the young man in the Gospel said to Christ he had observed all the Commandments from his youth what lacked he yet but to deny himself and to part with what he had for Christ to take up the cross and to follow him which he could not do except Christ had given him a righteous heart for all his outward seeming righteousness So the Scribes and Pharisees blamed Câ—rist for all his righteous actions but could not see the Idol in thâ—r own hearts for all their righteousness sprung not from a right root nor was done by a right rule nor to a right end 1. First they had not grace in their hearts 2. Secondly neither did they do what they did by the rule of the word of God but by their own rule 3. What they did was for their own glory to get them praise from men and not to the glory of God Amos 4 4 5 6. the which is an abomination to the Lord this sacrifice God is weary of it is as the â—ffering of Swines blood and the cutting of a Dogs neck before the Lord this made Cains sacrifice to be unacceptable in the sight of God mans righteousness is as monstruous cloathes and filthy raggs that comes â—ot not from a heart sanctified where Christ dwels al though it be garnished with never so much parts and guifts the Lord looks upon the inward righteousness of the heart Parts and guifts may cease but the least measure of true grace shall hold out to the end And what soever is parts and not grace bear not these following Characters upon them such have not the spirit now the spirit is Truth light and love 1. First the spirit of truth joynes with the vvord of truth if an Angel from heaven should bring any other doctrine we are not to receive it and them that believe and trust in the promise it leads into all truth wait for the accomplishment of the promise of the spirit to teach you all things and bring all things to your remembrance which he hath promised shall remaine with us alwayes John 14 16. This is a good antidote against error this teaching for the most part abides and formes the soul into it self The more of this truth and light comes in the more a soul abhorres it self sees it's own emptiness and Christs fulness The more of this light comes into the soul the more it thirsteth after light The more knowledg it hath of God the more it loves God which conformes it into his image and the more it delights in God and loves them most that have most of God in them Ps 16. all my delight is in the Saints and them that are excellent in the earth The true spirit delights in all the commands of God which shews true love to God if you love me keep my Commandments Jo. 14 15 16. and I will pray the Father and he shall give you another Comforter that he may abide with you for ever It is a meek and a quiet spirit it hates pride and lifting up it sees enough in it self dayly to humble it It s full of love to all that God loves though differing from them by this shall all men knovv that you are my Disciples if you have love one to another Joh. 13 35 We know that vve are passed from death to life because we love the brethren 1. Joh. 3 14. Now the reason why we should cherish this grace of love to God his people and all men are these First because without love which is charity we are but as sounding brass or tinckeling Cymbals all we do without this is nothing 2 Cor. 13. Secondly because Christ hath said because Iniquity shall abound the love of many shall wax cold in the last dayes Mat. 24. 12. Thirdly because it is one of Christs last and great Commandments John 13 34. 1. of Joh. 2. 7. 8. Fourthly it renders us much like unto our Master Christ Jesus Acts. 10 38. who went about doing good to all let us labour to follow his example shevv pitty to them that God hath not yet shewed so much pitty to as he hath done unto us do good to them that hate you and pray for them that dispitefully use you Mat. 5. 44 45. These were Gods teachings to mee in the absence of faithful Teachers when they were removed into corners Which was a sore affliction to mee but I look at what mercy God afoards mee in all afflictions seing I am unvvorthy of the least mercy for it vvere a righteous thing vvith God to cut us of and I marvailed at his patience and long suffering vvith mee and all others I find by experience that reading