this Maiden-Gentlewoman another was awaken'd by it who is since joyn'd to our Church But I told Mrs. Mary she argued wrongly against her self for if the Gospel were indeed hid from her she would have no manner of Sense of that judgment for all that are Reprobates and so in a lost State the Gospel being hid from them are past feeling having their Consciences seared as with an hot Iron But you said I having thorough Mercy such a quick Feeling and being so awfully apprehensive of the Dreadfulness of the Judgment are so far from having the Gospel hid from you that you may be assured God is Graciously coming towards you to reveal the Beauty and Glory of it unto you This did not satisfie her but persisting in her Despairing Language told me she was in a Perishing Condition and should be Damn'd I asking a Reason of this Desperate Conclusion she with a Ghastly Look and Mournful Accent answered I have been a great Sinner and there is no Mercy or Pardon for me What shall I do What will become of me for ever At the pronouncing of these words she Trembled wrung her Hands and wept bitterly Upon which I applied my self to her in the following Terms Mrs. Mary You through Ignorance as yet of the Gospel are guilty of a great Mistake in inferring an Impossibility of Pardon from the Greatness of your Sins For this is to argue against the Nature of Free-Grace which overtakes and fastens hold on the very Greatest and Worst of Sinners And against the Compact of the Father and the Son in the Covenant of Redemption For as in that Covenant the Father on his part promiseth the sending down of his Spirit to bow and bend the Wills and incline the Hearts of the most Obstinate and Rebellious Sinners to lay hold upon a Saviour by a true and lively Faith So the Son on his part promised to give himself a Propitiatory Sacrifice upon the Cross sufficient to atone the greatest Sins any of the Posterity of Adam could possibly be guilty of whereby to the Amazement of Men and Angels Pardon is not only a Gracious but a Righteous Act in God and the Sinner may plead for it upon account of that Everlasting Atonement made by the Son of God This the Apostle John who lean'd on Christ's Bosom and thereby knew the Secrets of his Heart and the Wonders of Redeeming Grace flowing from his Lips I say he even he plainly declares and clearly holds forth this adorable Truth in that Gospel-Apothegm 1 Epist 1.9 If we confess our Sins he is Faithful and Just mark that to forgive us our Sins and to cleanse us from all Vnrighteousness Moreover I farther told her this arguing is against the very literal meaning of many Sweet and Precious Promises made by the Lord himself on purpose to put such Poor Distressed Creatures as you are out of Doubt of his Grace and Mercy As that in Isa 1.18 Come now and let us reason together saith the Lord though your Sins be as Scarlet they shall be as white as Snow though they be red like Crimson they shall be as Wool Come Mrs. Mary said I What do you think of this Reasoning from the Richness of the Covenant of Grace and from the Infiniteness of that Satisfaction made for Sin by the Lord Jesus Christ the Mediator of the New Covenant Her answer was This Promise belongs to those that are in Christ but I am far enough from him and have no mind to him nor no Heart to believe in him nor can I do any thing that is good I told her she spoke as a Legalist not yet acquainted with the Way and Mystery of the Gospel which calls Persons from themselves and shews them their utter Inability and Incapacity to do any thing of themselves Then I turn'd her to another Promise Isa 43.24 Thou hast bought me no sweet Cane with Money neither hast thou filled me with the Fat of thy Sacrifices but thou hast made me to serve with thy Sins thou hast wearied me with thine Iniquities I ask'd her what she could say worse of her self than God said of this People so full of all manner of Abominations But yet said I Pray observe the two next Verses 25 26. I even I am he that blotted out thy Transgressions for my own sake and will not remember thy Sins Put me in remembrance let us plead together Declare thou that thou mayest be Justified I told her from these words that a putting God in remembrance of his Gracious Promise to pardon and forgive Sin any Sin all Sins how great soever and to blot out all Iniquities let their Magnitude or Multitude be what it will upon the account of Christ's infinite Satisfaction which he has given to Divine Justice and an humble yet earnest Pleading the avail of it at the Throne of Grace would be more pleasing and acceptable to God and far more Comfortable and Beneficial for her than thus in Diffidence and Despair to lye down under the Sense of Guilt and give up her self as lost precluding thereby the Operation of the Spirit of God which would work a saving Repentance unto Life in her The answer she made was This Promise how Sweet soever in it self it was could be of no use nor afford any Comfort to her in her present Condition for that she could not Pray or Plead at all and her Heart was quite barr'd and bolted against any good Motion or Inclination and she was as one wholly destitute of the Spirit and forsaken of God And then lamentably cry'd out My Day is past and I am Undone Undone I ask'd her if ever she was in the like Condition before She answered No never in her Life Then I told her What she had said was not could not be true if God's Word may be believ'd for according to that none but those who were Once enlightned which she never was before and have tasted of the Heavenly Gift which she never before did and were made Partakers of the Holy Ghost which did never stir in her before and have tasted the good Word of God the relish and savor of which she never before understood and the Powers of the World to come to which she had been hitherto altogether a Stranger can possibly be in danger of having their Day past And therefore this being the first time of God's coming towards her in an awakening manner alarming her Soul with the Sense of a Future State though her Sins were so terribly set in order before her yet her distracting and terrifying Fears were without any Scriptural Ground For as I farther alledg'd this was God's common way of dealing with those whom he design'd special Love and Mercy to first to shew them their lost and undone Condition by Nature as they are the wretched Off-spring of Fallen Adam and to shake them over the Scorching Flames of Hell and make them tremblingly apprehensive of his deserved Wrath and Indignation that so the Redemption
such Words I am going to Heaven but Ah! my poor Sister I hope it may have an Impression upon her and the Reading of this may be of Use unto her This lovely Saint who plainly did appear A Lamb of God possess'd with holy Fear For th' Souls of those that unto her were near Especially for all her own Relations Dear Thirteenthly After Conviction she was full very full of heavenly Discourse indeed her Discourse was nothing but Heavenly She was then only in her proper Element when she was speaking of the Things of God and the Wonders of Free-Grace I have sometimes to try her propounded some alien Subject to talk of but I could not forbear Smiling to observe what a Loss always she was at in speaking of any thing but Spiritual Matters She vvas as a Fish out of the Water or as a Man in the Water nothing but Dashing and Plunging every thing but Heaven vvas the Shibboleth which she could not frame her self to pronounce Judg. 12.6 And therefore after a little Faltring she must and would return to Heaven which only was the Sibboleth she could plainly and with freedom speak It was most clear and visible to all that she was of Christ and belonged to Christ for the continuedness and the unaffectedness of her Speech bewrayed her Mat. 26.73 She believed in Christ and out of her Belly daily flow'd forth Rivers of living Water Her Speech her whole Speech was always season'd with Salt and very Edifying I cannot but make this remark on the Substance of her most excellent and serious Discourses Though all she spake vvas not good for every thing yet really every thing she spake was good for something This Orient Star this most resplendent Jem A follower of Jesse's happy Stein Among the Saints and praising still with them She spoke the Language of the new Jerusalem Fourteenthly After Conviction she was of an exact and exemplary Conversation not one dead fly was ever discerned in this Box of precious Oyntment I do not say she was soluta Legibus in a perfect State absolutely freed from Sin but this I may say this I can say and therefore this I will say her excessive Love to and causeless Value for unworthy Me excepted in the Frame of her Spirit and in the vvhole Course of her short Life there was as little Defect as little Failure observable as in any of the Sons and Daughters of Men how powerfully soever under the Work of Grace And I will thank that Man or Woman who truly knew her that will shew me her Fellow in any part of England As for my own Experience I must and do solemnly declare She was the most Grave Serious Composed young Gentlewoman that in all my Travels which have not been small that in all my Converse which has not been little I ever saw or was acquainted with Like Zacharias and Elizabeth She was righteous before God and walked in all the Commandments and Ordinances of the Lord blameless Luke 1.6 And as Paul she always and in every thing exercis'd her self to have a Conscience void of Offence towards God and towards Men Acts 24.16 Yea the setled Frame of her Spirit vvas bent to the exercising her self to Godliness and that in all the parts of it insomuch that I verily think and I am not alone in my thoughts the most eminent Christians the most famous Ministers in the Nation without any Disparagement to their Graces might have Learned something of her Every Step of her Life was Teaching And Oh! that She had had more Scholars and better Schollars than many of us and I especially that were daily with her When 'twixt her Soul and Sin Grace made a Breach She Shined in a manner to Impeach The best of Saints as well as Sinners teach How loudly unto both her Holy Life did Preach Fifteenthly After Conviction She did amazingly grow in Grace her mighty Progression Heaven-ward is beyond what I or any Mortal can express What David said of himself with respect to his Outward was eminently true with respect to her Inward Man She praised God yea in the Night she Sang his Praise for She was fearfully and wonderfully made a Saint of the highest Form a Star of the first Magnitude in the Firmament of the Church Militant marvellous were God's Works in her whereby as the Kings Daughter she was all glorious within her Cloathing was of wrought Gold aad that her Soul knew right well Though none more Debased and Low in their own Esteem than She was Solomon tells us Prov. 4.18 The path of the Just is as the shining Light that shineth more and more unto the perfect Day She shined in Grace even to the dazling the Eyes of all that beheld her here and now She is shining in the Perfection of Glory above Again we are told Psalm 92.12.13 14. The righteous shall flourish like the Palm-tree he shall grow like a Cedar in Lebanon Those that be planted in the House of the Lord shall flourish in the Courts of our God They shall bring forth Fruit in old Age they shall be Fat and Flourishing The Palm-tree as Naturalists observe grows and ascends Higher in spight of all Pressures and Weights So did She notwithstanding all her Afflictions and no Mortal could be under greater than She was She was planted in the House of the Lord and Wonderfully even to the Admiration of all flourish'd in the Courts of our God And tho she had not arriv'd to Old Age she brought forth fruit in abundance in her young Age in the very Prime and Flower of her Years She vvas a Young a very Young Maid but an Old and through-experienc'd Saint so that She went to the Grave in a full Age like a Shock of Corn cometh in in its Season She had tho in a very short time fought a good Fight She had in the compass of a few Days finish'd her Course She had and that in Spight of all the Devils Assaults kept the Faith and now Oh! now She is gone to receive the Crown of Righteousness She is gone to Heaven to the Mansions of Glory in her Father's House whither her dearest Saviour went before her to prepare a place for her and there She is sitting down with Abraham Isaac and Jacob and all the Prophets in the Kingdom of her Father They wanted her Company and could no longer be without it indeed She was fitter much fitter for them than for such sinful Creatures as we Ah! peerless Saint whilst others are so slow And how to creep along do scarcely know Thou like a winged Arrow from the Bow Mounted aloft by Grace thou up to Heav'n didst go Sixteenthly And Lastly In a Word After Conviction She was altogether Heavenly Heavenly in her Looks Heavenly in her Speech Heavenly in her Carriage yea Heavenly in all and every part of her Life Heaven possest her Soul long before her Soul possest Heaven I may without the least Hyperbole say of her what Paul
she imparted the Secrets of her Soul more fully more freely than to any one in the World besides I say in this respect 't is true none can be more fit because none knew so much of her as I did but for the proper and methodical wording it and making it palatable for this nice Age we live in none is or can be more unfit For besides as at best I always was far from an Orator the many Troubles I have met with in the Series of my Life some of which are not unknown to you to whom I have been for many Years so well known have so blunted the edge of my Fancy that I am scarce capable of Writing in a common Stile However to let you see what power you have over me I will expose my Weakness and lay my Breast open to every carping Zoilus and there be more than a few of them in every Corner to give you what Satisfaction I can in what you so passionately desire I had it in my Thoughts at the time of her Expiring to do something of this kind as far as my Abilities would reach for Publick Good but a very Melancholy Affair happening in my Church of which I have given you an account so took up my Time and Thoughts and had such an Ascendant on my Genius as quite damp'd my Spirit for this or indeed any other Work so I laid it aside and should have meddled no more in it had not your pathetical Letter awakened me out of the deep Slumber of Indifferency and Laodicean Temper that Tragical Business had cast me into And no sooner was I awake as I instantly was upon reading your Serious Lines but I took Pen in Hand and hastily drew up what you will see in the subsequent Leaves in which as you will find no Flourishes of Wanton Rhetorick to make this Tract look fine and gawdy so I promise you you shall meet with no Additions or Luxuriant Excressencies that may justly subject it to the odious Name of Romantick You may depend on my word as a Christian as a Minister every Passage recorded in the following Narrative relating to this Heavenly Creature is really true and that to my own knowledge as I shall answer it at the Great Day And therefore I shall make bold to use the Apostle's words That which we have seen with our Eyes that which we have look'd upon that which we have both seen and heard declare we unto you I have this great Advantage amongst many Disadvantages and it is such an Encouragement without which I think I should not have dared to undertake the Task you enjoyn me Most of the People of God in these Parts very well knew the Person of whom I write and frequently discoursed with her and much admir'd the great Work of God in her To them I can and do chearfully appeal concerning my Faithfulness and Integrity in this Work and I dare say they will blame me for under not over-speaking and accuse me for being too low in the Character I give of her And that I fall short of what might honestly and with Truth be said on this subject And it is on this hand that I desire always to be found erring Many things have slip'd my Memory for I kept no Diary and some things that to many would appear incredible I have purposely omitted If therefore diminutive Truth without straining or indeed using an Hyperbole if naked Truth without any Ornamental Imbroidery will satisfie you I have no reason to despair your accepting my Performance notwithstanding it is accompanied and clogg'd with so much obvious Weakness As to the Person of Mrs. Mary Harrison which you seem in the first place inquisitive about she was one of an amiable Countenance though something pale very slender of a middle Stature neither too tall nor short curiously shap'd in the Proportion of her Body but Sickly and Weekly in her Constitution The Earthly Tabernacle her Soul so-journ'd in was very brittle and infirm and quickly with a little Fit of Sickness dissolv'd to her unspeakable gain for now she has a far better a much stronger Building of God an House not made with hands Eternal in the Heavens She was of a quick Understanding and had excellent Parts both Natural and Acquir'd fit almost for any Business proper to her Sex of a mild and sweet Nature exceeding Courteous and Obliging in her Carriage But for the Frame of her Spirit before Conversion which you also desire some account of I should in this wholly disobey you and draw a shadowing Curtain over it But for the magnifying of Free-Grace extended to so Poor a Creature I will tell you the Truth and the whole Truth of her without hiding any part of her dark side or extenuating that Deformity too obvious to all that knew her She was a meer lump of Pride and Vanity very Carnal and Ignorant as to any thing of Soul-concerns delighting in nothing more than to satisfie the Pride of the Eye the Lust of the Flesh and to uphold the Pride of a Vain Life Hence she affected with too great an eagerness fine Cloaths and the newest Fashions and being Heiress of a competent Estate she never thought she was Gawdy enough in her Attire of which her Mother often and with great Sadness of Heart complained to me Her chiefest Diversion was to be in vain and frothy Company at Weddings and Merry-meetings or going to Feasts as young People use to do 'T is true she was a constant Hearer ever since I came to the Place but 't was only in a formal customary way or because her Parents came or to see who was finest or to be seen in her finery her self It could not be out of any love to the Word for alas she never relish'd it nor tasted the Savor of it nor for any regard to her poor Soul for alas she had no sense of its Worth and Preciousness nor for any desire to be brought unto Christ for alas she was wholly Ignorant of him and might say truly what Peter said falsly She knew not the Man She was in the Flesh and did mind the things of the Flesh and not at all the things of the Spirit She looked not at the things that are not seen but only at the things that are seen She knew no higher End than the pleasing a wanton Fancy nor desired any greater Good than the sinful Pleasures that a vain World affords In a word She walked as other Gentiles yea as all the Unconverted walk in the Vanity of their mind Having her Vnderstanding darkened being alienated from the Life of God through the Ignorance that was in her because of the Blindness of her Heart On this account she was a perfect Stranger to me for though I had liv'd in the Town many Years I had no manner of Knowledge of her or Acquaintance with her any farther than seeing her at Meeting or being sometimes accidentally in her company among others She never
wrought out by and made most secure in the Lord Jesus Christ might be the more precious and valuable to them when they are made to see it and have a joyful Sense of it by the enlightning Efficacy of God's Spirit which she was now believingly to be expecting of for I assured her in the Name of the Great God it was not far from her urging for her Support under the Burthen of her present Calamity that sweet Promise Hab. 2.3 For the Vision is yet for an appointed time but at the end it shall speak and not lie Though it tarry wait for it because it will surely come it will not tarry By Vision here I told her is meant the Manifestation of the Light of God's Countenance and the Glory of his Presence and there is a secret appointed time in the Breast of the Father for reviving the drooping Spirit and ravishing the sadned Heart of every Elect Son and Daughter of Adam with this great and glorious Mercy But she must patiently wait this appointed time for it and this plain Word of God assures her she would not be deceived in her Expectation I also for her Incouragement instanced the bitter Passion of Sorrow poor Mary Magdalen was in from the Sense of her horrid Sins and most vile and filthy Pollutions And the great and Soul-amazing Shakings the Gaoler had from the dreadful Apprehensions of his miserable State and the doleful Agonies of his Soul in the Sense of Hell and Damnation And yet what Comfort both of them met with what abundant Satisfaction both of them had by the Lord 's speaking effectual Peace to their Souls But whatever I could say and much more through the good Hand of my God upon me to this purpose I did say she still continued in a lamentable manner under the Power of Despair hideously crying out she was sure there was no Mercy for her By which I perceiving that no words how right soever were at present forcible so as to have any Effect upon her It growing late and I much wearied with travelling and speaking after solemn seeking the Lord for her I at that time left her I cannot tell you whether with more Joy or Sorrow Joy that there was so eminent a Work begun in her which plainly appear'd to me to be of God for I saw a thorough Work of Conviction wrought by the mighty Power of Jehovah in her Soul and I doubted not but design'd by him who brings forth Meat out of the Eater and Sweet out of the Strong for her Eternal Good though the Tempter for the present had such an ascendant upon her Or Sorrow that she was groveling in such hideous Darkness and left to struggle with the Horrors of a wounded Spirit which as the wise Man implicitly tells us is far more deplorable and much less tolerable than any Sickness or Infirmity how great or sore soever of the Body can be It was not long before I gave her another Visit and then found her under dreadful Consternation of Mind through the violent and malicious Assaults of Satan who as a roaring Lyon was seeking to devour or rather swallow up this distressed Damsel by the multitude of vain wicked yea blasphemous Thoughts he cast into her whereof she wofully complained and that in a lamentable and heart-melting Accent to me Oh Sir says she with dismal black Clouds in the Horizon of her Countenance you little think what a prodigious vile wicked and abominable Wretch I am my Heart is full of most horrid blasphemous Thoughts against God my Mind is running upon nothing but what is Evil and that of the deepest dye Surely there is none there can be no such grosly wicked Person as I in the World as there is no Sorrow so there is no Wickedness like mine To which I replied Mrs. Mary As for the Thoughts you complain of with so much Bitterness of Heart they are not yours neither are you chargeable with them God will not impute them to you they are thrown into you by the evil one who is doing you all the spite he can and trying all means to make your Life every way uncomfortable and therefore I would have you and Oh! that you would harken unto me to cast Satan's Brats with an Holy Scorn at his own Door bidding Defiance to him and all his Cursed Suggestions For I tell you as from the Lord what is your Grief or Burthen now will not be charg'd upon you as your Sin hereafter Then I commended to her Serious Consideration that pathetical Scripture 1 Joâ—n 3.20 For if our Heart condemn us God is greater than our Heart and knoweth all things From whence I told her yea thus argued with her Though your trembling Heart does indeed condemn you and your very Soul is perplexed in the abhorring Sense of these horrid Thoughts and you are in extream Bitterness and Sorrow therefore yet God who is greater than your Heart and who knows all things very well knows the Source and Spring from whence these abominable evil Thoughts flow and the Power by which they are injected into you and though you are laying your self so low even as Hell abhorring your self in Dust and Ashes and condemning your self so grievously for them this Righteous this All-seeing this All-knowing God is so far from Condemning you that he is pittying you in this great Distress and Anguish you are You in this your deep Affliction Jehovah the Lord of your Righteousness is afflicted and the Angel of his Presence shall save you And in his Love and in his Pitty he will I question not in his own way which you must submit to and in his own time which you must wait for redeem you from the Snares of the Deceiver and he will bare you and carry you as he did all his Tempted ones in the Days of Old even as upon Eagles Wings above the reach of this or any other Delusion whatsoever But whatever I said of this nature took no hold upon her so as to administer any Comfort or Satisfaction to her for the Ephah of her Sorrow was not yet filled up No she was to be plunged yet deeper in the Furnace of Tribulation she was yet to pass thorough hotter and more scorching Fiery Tryals she was yet to drink a much larger Draught of that bitter Cup her Redeemer drank of before her and in a more dolorous manner to be Baptized with that Baptism he was Baptized with She was yet to be more dreadfully and terribly shaken and to be exempted from Vessel to Vessel that she might at last know the Righteousness of the Lord And therefore after a little more Conference with her and going to the Throne of Grace for her I again took leave of her with an akeing Heart for her and yearning Bowels towards her By this time her Fame began to spread abroad and she was talk'd of far and near the general Subject of most Peoples Discourse and their Discourse about her was
And so I came to the words of the Text Then I said I am cast out of thy sight yet I will look again toward thy Holy Temple Which after I had open'd by shewing in what Sense Jonah was cast out of God's â—ight and what was the meaning of his looking again toward the holy Temple I â—hewed what may befal many that God may yet be working Grace in and have designs of eminent Good unto First They may be in a State of Blindness and Darkness yea thick and gross Darkness may be a great while upon them We read in the Gospel of a Man that was stark Blind that was born so and liv'd so all his days yet by the Povver of Jesus he immediately receiv'd his sight Mark 10.51 52. Ah! present Darkness is no ground of Despair you may see vvhat God in his Word says to such Isa 50.10 Who is among you that feareth the Lord that â—eyeth the voice of his Servant that walketh 〈◊〉 Darkness and hath no light Let him â—ust in the Name of the Lord and stay upon â—…s God Here is a certain Remedy for nose that are in Darkness to stay upon their God and here is a Duty that God requires even in a dark State to trust in his Name Secondly They may be as to their own Apprehension in a very hopeless and helpless Condition but yet even then there is both Hope and Help for them by looking toward the holy Temple that is by looking to Christ and believing what he is and what he says Oh! hear that sweet word flowing from his Lips Luke 4.18 The Spirit of the Lord is upon me because he hath anointed me to preach the Gospel to the Poor he hath sent me to heal the broken-hearted to preach Deliverance to the Captives and recovering of sight to the Blind to set at liberty them that are bruised Oh! What can be more fully and plainly expressed What can Christ speak more comfortably and more encouragingly to poor wounded Souls to look unto him Thus the Church by Faith look'd to God in a sad State Lam. 3.55 I called upon thy Name O Lord out of the low Dungeon And did she call or believe in vain Oh! No. Pray mark the next words Verse 56 57 58. Thou hast heard my voice hide not thine Ear at my breathing at my Cry Thou drewest near in the day that I called upon thee Thou saidst Fear not O Lord thou hast pleaded the cause of my Soul thou hast Redeemed my Life And what the Church did here experience all afflicted ones in like manner shall experience to their unspeakable Joy if they take the same course of looking to the Lord in the day of Trouble Thirdly They may have no Sense of God's Work in their Hearts which yet for all that may be really carrying on We read of the Peoples smiting their Breasts upon the doleful sight of Christ's Agony on the Cross Luke 23.48 But many poor Souls are smiting their Breasts with Sorrow because they can find no effect of Christ's Death in their Hearts They have not yet Taâ—ed that the Lord is Gracious 1 Pet. 2.8 And therefore they are breaking forth into hideous Lamentations and giving up themselves as lost Creatures Oh! but this is through a great Mistake there may be a blessed Work a glorious Work begun and yet you not at present sensible of it Fourthly They may be in their own Thoughts without the inâ—â—…ential Motion of God's Spirit And hence they are day and night â—ourning though still preserved and not consumed as the built was Exod. 3.3 Oh! how many do look upon themselves in no better a Condition than those dry Bones which God shewed the Prophet and ask'd him whether they could live Ezek. 37.3 4. But as these Bones the forsaken Jews will live when the Spirit of the Lord blows upon them so those Creatures that are at present dry and vvithout Sap and therefore are mourning in secret and crying out bitterly because of their desolate State shall most certainly if they look toward the holy Temple as Jonah here did find and feel after a little time the vivifying Influences of God's Spirit to their exceeding Joy and Comfort I then drew some Inferences from all this which I will make a brief Rehearsal of and so proceed First Then even in such a State we are not really out of God's sight Jonah was obvious to God when he was shut up in the Whales Belly and so is every Mourning Soul though under the blackest Circumstances Hear the Apostle as to this Heb. 4.13 Neither is there any Creature that is not manifest in his sight but all things are naked and opened unto the Eyes of him with whom we have to do Not a Tear flows from our Eyes not a Sigh or Sob comes from our Hearts though in never so secret a manner in never so retired a place but is naked and open unto God Christ told Nathaniel John 1.48 When thou wast under the Fig-tree I saw thee Ah! When any poor Creature is Weeping Lamenting and Bemoaning himself in Holes and Corners even then and there God sees him Secondly Oh! Then this State is the Will of God which must be submitted to Is there any Evil in the City and the Lord has not done it Jonah being in the Whales Belly was the Act of God God put him there So whatever Mourning State thou art in it is the Lord 's doing As Christ speaking of God's Gracious Revelation of Gospel-Light and Knowledge rather to Babes than to the Wise and Learned resolves it into God's Free-Will and distinguishing Goodness as the only moving cause thereof Matt. 11.26 Even so Father for so it seemed good in thy sight So should every poor Creature under the pressure of Temptation under Spiritual Conflict and Soul-trouble say Even so Father it is thy Will it should be so It hath seemed good unto thee thus to lay thy hand upon me and therefore come to this â—â—sult under such a Dispensation with 〈◊〉 dear Redeemer John 18.11 The Cap which my Father hath given me shall I not drink it So this stroak that my Father has laid upon me shall I not bear it Thirdly Then such a State is very dreadful to poor Creatures To be under the hiding of God's Face and left to the Hurries of the Tempter is sadly terrifying and affrightning The Spirit of a Man may sustain his Infirmity but a wounded Spirit who can bear If it was a grievous thing to Abraham to send away his Son and the Bond-woman out of his House Gen. 21.11 12. Oh! How much more grievous is it to poor Creatures when their Rest is gone Peace is gone and all Quietness is gone from them In such a Perplexity was Jonah here in the Whales Belly And thus David mournfully complain'd Psalm 30.7 Thou didst hide thy Face and I was troubled 'T is not a small but a very sore great tormenting Trouble when a Soul is left in the Dark
To give him Satisfaction next time I preach'd on the Week-day several Members coming into my House after Sermon as also Mrs. Mary Harrison I then broke the business to them and desired them to give me their Thoughts upon it Every one spoke his Mind some were violent against it others more moderate on the foregoing Considerations but in short they went away without coming to any Result After they were gone precious Mrs. Mary I shall never forget it took me by the Hand and with Tears in her Eyes very earnestly spoke the following words Good Dear Sir beat off my Brother Betsworth from going to the Wedding and I will do what I can to make up his loss These were her very words but the manner of speaking them and the Agony of her Spirit in speaking them is above the power of a far better Pen than mine lively to set forth The other Story is In the days of her Vanity before God touch'd her Heart seeing the Key in her Father's Desk or Trunk she took thence some Money under twenty Shillings to buy her some fine things on which her Mind was wholly set with the greatest eagerness that could be But Oh! what an unspeakable Horror had she in her Conscience for this in the day of her Conviction she often complain'd or rather roar'd about it to me that she was a Thief and had stolen Money from her Father The Devil was not wanting to aggravate the matter for the farther perplexing her already too much disturbed Soul At last she told me she must tell her Father of it and ask him Forgiveness for it I confess I laboured to disswade her from it fearing he being her Father-in-Law it might be of bad Consequence Telling her that though it was very ill done yet being several Years since and she one of the Family I thought a thorough Sense of the Evil of it which 't was plain she had and seeking Pardon oâ— God in the Blood of Christ was sufficient for though Confession of Wrong done in other cases was necessary yet Prudence forbade it in this case under her Circumstances and the state of the Family Several knowing Christians to whom she communicated this Affair concur'd with my Judgment but this did not Satisfy her she still persisted in her Resolution of confessing it to her Father And one Night as I was with her late after Prayer being about to leave her she told me she would not nor could not keep this thing any longer from her Father's Knowledge she had such a Fire burning in her Conscience which was not to be quenched till she did it I reply'd If that was her absolute Determination I desir'd I might be by to back it not knowing how her Father might resent it To which she consenting we sent down for him but he was either Busie with Company or at Supper and I not being willing to stay longer it was defer'd till next day But after I was gone and the Family with her self also in Bed about Midnight so powerful and influential was her terrifying Conscience she rose up and as I think slipping on her Night-gown ran to her Father's Chamber and approaching his Bedside in a penitential heart-moving Tone confess'd her Guilt to him upon hearing of it He to his honour like a generous honest tender-hearted Man freely forgave her to her no small Comfort The next day after Dinner at the Hour appointed I went to her expecting the performance of what she had been so long harping upon but when she told me she had already done it and where and in what manner Oh! how was my Soul struck with Amazement I presently thought on Solomon's words Prov. 14.10 The heart knoweth his own Bitterness and a Stranger doth not intermeddle with his Joy O blessed God thought I how does this young Convert outstrip those of the highest Form in thy House I confess I had much higher thoughts of her and much lower thoughts of my self ever after that Day But stay I am call'd to Hearken and Oh! that you and all that read this Tract would Hearken with me to what John heard Rev. 14.17 And I heard a Voice from Heaven saying unto me Write Blessed are the Dead which dye in the Lord from henceforth yea saith the Spirit that they may rest from their Labours and their Works do follow them Ah! this holy Virgin is One of the blessed Dead that do rest from her Labours of Sorrow and Anguish for Sin and her Works of Faith Repentance and Love do follow her This heavenly Lamb when she escap'd the Gin That Satan laid and after was let in Jehovah's Courts Oh! how she dreaded Sin Its Fear did pierce her Soul and made her Body thin Seventhly As after Conviction she had a dread of Sin of any Sin so more especially of her own Sin of her former beloved Sin Pride Certainly never was any Creature below a Glorify'd State more Mortify'd to that particular Sin than she was Oh with what Loathing Abhorrence and Disdain would She speak of it David accounted it an undeceivable mark of Sincerity that he was got above his darling Lust Psalm 18.23 I was also upright before him and I kept my self from mine Iniquity What David's Iniquity was I may Guess but not Conclude but this I am sure Pride was hers And she through the mighty power of Grace kept her self from it It was her right Eye and she was enabled to pluck it out it was her right Hand and she had power from God to cut it off that she might be fit for the Kingdom of God Mat. 5.29 30. From the day of her Conviction when the terrors of the Almighty took hold of her off went her Top-Knots and all superfluous Finery and never put on more what was her Glory before was her Shame now Her adorning was no longer the outward adorning of plaiting the hair the wearing of Gold or putting on of Apparel but the hidden Man of the heart in that which is not Corruptible even the Ornament of a meek and quiet Spirit which is in the sight of God of great Price Oh that all the young Ladies and Gentlewomen in England had seen her ghastly Looks and heard how dolefully she bemoan'd her self for her horrid Pride which was once so Rampant in her It could not I think but be an effectual Antidote against their staying so long at the Glass and being so curiously exact in decking and adorning the outside of their decaying Bodies Oh! if they had beheld as I and many others did how dear and costly this Sin was to this young Damsel they would sure be more afraid of it She was weeping and Crying and continually Lamenting the pride of her vain heart But as it is said of the Church she had the Moon that is the World under her feet so this precious Saint had at last the Sin of Pride under her feet and Oh! how did she trample upon it how did she contemn and despise it In