be_v communicate_v to_o i_o in_o such_o a_o manner_n and_o measure_n as_o unspeakable_o pass_v my_o frail_a capacity_n to_o tell_v forth_o or_o express_v which_o occasion_v i_o to_o call_v to_o mind_n my_o former_a wonder_v and_o muse_v while_o go_v on_o in_o the_o way_n of_o my_o ignorant_a and_o blind_a zeal_n in_o serve_a god_n before_o the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n visit_v i_o to_o think_v what_o the_o joy_n of_o the_o holy_a ghost_n shall_v mean_v whenever_o i_o do_v read_v of_o the_o joy_n of_o the_o holy_a ghost_n or_o do_v hear_v any_o mention_n thereof_o joy_n of_o the_o holy_a think_v i_o lord_n what_o be_v that_o what_o be_v the_o meaning_n of_o it_o i_o can_v tell_v or_o apprehend_v what_o this_o joy_n of_o the_o holy_a ghost_n shall_v be_v six_o the_o spirit_n of_o adoption_n be_v give_v i_o whereby_o i_o be_v enable_v to_o come_v to_o god_n throne_n of_o grace_n and_o with_o a_o holy_a and_o humble_a boldness_n to_o call_v he_o my_o god_n and_o my_o father_n the_o instinct_n in_o the_o new_a creation_n wrought_v by_o the_o god_n of_o all_o grace_n in_o i_o lead_v i_o to_o god_n as_o the_o fountain_n of_o all_o good_n the_o spirit_n give_v i_o put_v into_o my_o mouth_n word_n of_o solemn_a thanks_o and_o praise_n for_o the_o greatness_n and_o strangeness_n of_o my_o salvation_n to_o my_o knee_n i_o betake_v i_o adore_v and_o worship_v with_o my_o spirit_n that_o holy_a jehovah_n trinity_n in_o unity_n and_o unity_n in_o trinity_n father_n son_n and_o holy_a ghost_n the_o true_a and_o eternal_a god_n who_o all_o the_o time_n of_o my_o blind_a zeal_n and_o during_o the_o time_n of_o my_o bondage_n state_n i_o have_v so_o ignorant_o worship_v i_o be_v now_o and_o never_o before_o enable_v jacob_n like_v to_o catch_v hold_n of_o and_o to_o wrestle_v with_o a_o reconcile_v god_n the_o greatness_n holiness_n and_o infiniteness_n of_o his_o majesty_n which_o before_o i_o know_v he_o in_o christ_n terrify_v and_o affrightn_v i_o with_o a_o witness_n animate_v and_o encourage_v i_o in_o pray_v to_o he_o it_o be_v not_o to_o be_v express_v in_o word_n with_o what_o alacrity_n and_o cheerfulness_n of_o spirit_n i_o approach_v the_o throne_n of_o grace_n and_o with_o what_o enlargedness_n and_o inward_a melt_n of_o heart_n and_o soul_n i_o call_v on_o god_n when_o i_o do_v but_o mention_v this_o my_o god_n and_o my_o father_n oh_o what_o ravishment_n of_o soul_n do_v i_o experimental_o feel_v overflow_a and_o drown_v my_o very_a spirit_n to_o my_o bed_n i_o go_v with_o a_o glad_a &_o ravish_v heart_n christ_n know_v the_o burn_a inflammation_n which_o the_o horror_n and_o bondage_n of_o my_o wound_a despair_v conscience_n cause_v in_o my_o body_n be_v go_v and_o my_o body_n disposition_n to_o crookedness_n think_v the_o sink_a weight_n which_o lie_v on_o my_o spirit_n within_o be_v instant_o rebuke_v and_o cause_v to_o retreat_n by_o the_o glad_a and_o joyful_a tideing_n of_o gospel_n peace_n which_o that_o night_n take_v up_o its_o lodging_n within_o i_o succeed_v and_o powerful_o supplant_n that_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n which_o make_v i_o so_o hopeless_a and_o as_o i_o think_v past_o all_o possibility_n of_o escape_v hell_n no_o soon_o be_v i_o stretch_v in_o my_o bed_n but_o swoon_a and_o faint_v fit_n of_o love_n sickness_n seize_v i_o i_o be_v inward_o and_o spiritual_o so_o apprehensive_a of_o the_o mysteriousness_n of_o christ_n incarnation_n his_o humble_v himself_o even_o to_o death_n his_o lie_v confine_v as_o a_o prisoner_n in_o the_o grave_a and_o his_o be_v raise_v therefrom_o again_o his_o ascend_v to_o heaven_n from_o whence_o he_o come_v and_o his_o sit_v down_o at_o the_o father_n right_a hand_n to_o enter_v on_o the_o work_n of_o intercession_n with_o god_n and_o that_o as_o my_o surety_n and_o mediator_n and_o all_o for_o i_o that_o i_o very_o think_v my_o body_n be_v near_o its_o dissolution_n a_o thing_n which_o the_o clear_a and_o certain_a assurance_n give_v i_o of_o my_o be_v a_o adopt_a son_n of_o god_n make_v i_o even_o long_a and_o pant_v after_o my_o thought_n and_o meditation_n be_v now_o whole_o employ_v about_o christ_n and_o that_o bless_a change_n which_o i_o sensible_o feel_v be_v past_a on_o i_o the_o sweet_a and_o soul_n ravish_v communion_n i_o have_v with_o father_n son_n and_o holy_a ghost_n be_v to_o i_o instead_o of_o meat_n drink_v and_o sleep_n and_o that_o the_o most_o please_a and_o satisfactory_a that_o i_o ever_o enjoy_v the_o act_n and_o suffering_n of_o christ_n in_o the_o assume_v nature_n for_o i_o be_v so_o realize_v and_o the_o virtue_n and_o reconcile_a efficacy_n of_o the_o same_o so_o sensible_o set_v home_n on_o my_o wound_a and_o bleed_a soul_n by_o the_o spirit_n of_o adoption_n that_o i_o think_v i_o have_v the_o person_n of_o christ_n clasp_v in_o my_o arm_n in_o the_o bed_n oh_o the_o sweet_a intercourse_n which_o by_o the_o operation_n of_o the_o holy_a ghost_n pass_v between_o precious_a jesus_n and_o my_o languid_a soul_n then_o be_v i_o make_v to_o know_v experimental_o the_o meaning_n of_o rev._n 3._o 20._o while_o i_o be_v wake_v i_o be_v entertain_v with_o strange_a variety_n of_o interlocution_n or_o discourse_n which_o pass_v between_o christ_n and_o i_o which_o do_v explain_v and_o unfold_v to_o i_o that_o in_o prov._n 6._o 22._o during_o this_o i_o continue_v in_o such_o a_o melt_a frame_n that_o the_o very_a pillow-beer_n under_o my_o head_n be_v as_o if_o dip_v in_o a_o river_n through_o the_o great_a abundance_n of_o tear_n of_o unconceivable_a joy_n which_o the_o sense_n and_o feel_v of_o christ_n love_n constrain_v i_o to_o shed_v when_o i_o find_v a_o necessity_n of_o turn_v in_o my_o bed_n i_o can_v not_o turn_v without_o my_o dear_o belove_a and_o incomparable_o loving_n jesus_n in_o my_o arm_n with_o i_o when_o i_o slumber_v and_o sleep_v i_o be_v soon_o visit_v with_o most_o joyful_a and_o ravish_a dream_n of_o god_n christ_n holy_a ghost_n the_o glory_n of_o heaven_n and_o the_o unutterable_a bliss_n and_o felicity_n of_o those_o soul_n who_o be_v reconcile_v to_o god_n by_o christ_n this_o be_v very_o frequent_a and_o common_a when_o sleep_n come_v on_o i_o after_o i_o have_v be_v seal_v in_o believe_v and_o albeit_o i_o never_o dare_v to_o heed_n or_o mind_n nocturnal_a dream_n yet_o they_o have_v sometime_o have_v such_o a_o strange_a influence_n on_o i_o that_o i_o have_v feel_v such_o delightful_a joy_n and_o comfort_n in_o my_o spirit_n that_o sometime_o i_o have_v be_v at_o a_o stand_n to_o think_v whether_o i_o have_v be_v asleep_o or_o awake_v it_o be_v a_o frequent_a practice_n with_o i_o for_o some_o considerable_a time_n how_o long_o i_o can_v now_o remember_v to_o arise_v in_o my_o bed_n when_o i_o awake_v out_o of_o my_o sleep_n to_o bend_v my_o knee_n and_o lift_v up_o my_o eye_n hand_n and_o heart_n to_o heaven_n to_o land_n praise_n and_o magnify_v father_n son_n and_o holy_a ghost_n for_o the_o greatness_n and_o strangeness_n of_o my_o so_o unexpected_a and_o unlooked_a for_o salvation_n be_v but_o the_o night_n before_o yea_o and_o every_o morning_n ready_a to_o drop_n into_o final_a desperation_n of_o ever_o be_v save_v oh_o what_o a_o loss_n be_v i_o at_o in_o myself_o not_o know_v how_o sufficient_o to_o extol_v and_o bless_v god_n for_o what_o have_v now_o befall_v i_o i_o be_v even_o ready_a to_o quarrel_v with_o myself_o because_o of_o the_o narrowness_n and_o straightness_n of_o my_o soul_n which_o hinder_v that_o i_o can_v not_o take_v in_o more_o of_o god_n and_o go_v out_o in_o more_o enlarge_v expression_n of_o love_n and_o praise_n to_o he_o for_o above_o six_o month_n together_o i_o can_v neither_o lie_v down_o nor_o arise_v go_v down_o or_o come_v up_o stair_n pass_v in_o or_o out_o from_o one_o place_n to_o another_o but_o i_o strong_o conceit_a that_o i_o perceive_v a_o guard_n of_o angel_n attend_v my_o person_n it_o can_v be_v express_v with_o what_o scorn_n and_o abhorrence_n i_o look_v on_o the_o pride_n and_o gallantry_n of_o the_o family_n where_o i_o live_v their_o changeable_a suit_n of_o rich_a and_o glitter_v apparel_n with_o their_o choice_a meat_n and_o sweet_a music_n with_o other_o delightful_a pastime_n i_o look_v on_o and_o account_v they_o but_o as_o smoak_n and_o dust_n the_o title_n of_o worldly_a honour_n wherein_o the_o rest_n of_o my_o relation_n do_v not_o a_o little_a glory_n i_o account_v the_o same_o but_o a_o mere_a empty_a vanity_n oh_o think_v i_o that_o my_o poor_a relation_n can_v see_v taste_n and_o feel_v what_o i_o do_v how_o will_v they_o disrelish_v and_o be_v ashamed_a and_o weary_a of_o these_o poor_a perish_v sensual_a delight_n wherein_o they_o place_v their_o delight_n and_o
7._o jo._n 16._o 14._o jo._n 17._o 6._o ephes_n 1._o 17._o five_o he_o interrogated_a or_o query_v of_o my_o soul_n as_o follow_v 1._o be_v thou_o become_v true_o and_o thorough_o sensible_a and_o convince_v that_o thou_o be_v by_o depart_v from_o and_o sin_v against_o god_n a_o undo_v miserable_a and_o guilty_a creature_n have_v lose_v his_o bless_a image_n stamp_v on_o thou_o in_o adam_n thy_o natural_a and_o faederal_n head_n in_o the_o first_o creation_n and_o be_v now_o become_v obnoxious_a to_o god_n curse_n and_o the_o wrath_n to_o come_v and_o partaker_n of_o such_o a_o spiritual_a impotency_n as_o render_v thou_o utter_o uncapable_a of_o do_v any_o thing_n whereby_o thou_o may_v be_v deliver_v out_o of_o thy_o present_a folorn_a condition_n be_v thou_o conviuce_v that_o this_o thy_o misery_n be_v of_o thy_o own_o bring_n upon_o thou_o sinner_n answer_v o_o thou_o most_o holy_a just_a and_o tremenduous_a god_n by_o the_o light_n now_o spring_v from_o thou_o the_o fountain_n of_o all_o light_n into_o my_o dungeon-like_a soul_n i_o plain_o see_v what_o a_o wretch_n i_o be_o become_v no_o way_n like_o what_o thou_o at_o first_o make_v i_o in_o adam_n i_o be_o likewise_o full_o convince_v that_o this_o my_o misery_n be_v bring_v on_o i_o by_o my_o every_a way_n voluntary_a defection_n and_o apostasy_n when_o in_o adam_n loin_n i_o first_o yield_v to_o the_o motion_n of_o the_o tempter_n 2._o be_v thou_o convince_v of_o what_o the_o real_a desert_n and_o merit_n of_o thy_o sin_v against_o a_o holy_a and_o righteous_a god_n be_v what_o can_v thou_o say_v against_o god_n cast_v thou_o into_o hell_n for_o that_o hellish_a rebelon_n of_o thou_o against_o his_o holy_a and_o righteous_a law_n sin_n ans_fw-fr o_o thou_o most_o holy_a and_o everlasting_o righteous_a god_n who_o can_v not_o possible_o act_n amiss_o in_o any_o thing_n thou_o do_v with_o thy_o creature_n i_o be_o by_o the_o convince_v power_n of_o thy_o holy_a spirit_n make_v sensible_a that_o by_o my_o depart_v from_o and_o rebel_a against_o thy_o majesty_n i_o have_v forfeit_v that_o right_n i_o have_v in_o adam_n to_o all_o good_a spiritual_a and_o temporal_a and_o shall_v thou_o cast_v i_o into_o hell_n and_o assign_v i_o my_o portion_n with_o the_o apostate_n angel_n who_o conduct_n and_o wretched_a example_n i_o follow_v when_o i_o turn_v my_o back_n on_o thou_o thou_o be_v and_o will_v for_o ever_o be_v and_o remain_v a_o just_a a_o holy_a and_o a_o most_o righteous_a god_n my_o misery_n be_v of_o my_o own_o procurement_n and_o so_o far_o be_o i_o from_o reflect_v on_o thou_o as_o unjust_a shall_v thou_o throw_v i_o from_o thou_o for_o ever_o that_o i_o be_o amaze_v and_o astonish_v to_o think_v i_o shall_v be_v so_o long_o out_o of_o hell_n the_o place_n where_o i_o sometime_o evenlonge_v to_o be_v to_o try_v whether_o there_o be_v any_o specifical_a difference_n between_o the_o torment_n and_o misery_n of_o that_o place_n and_o what_o i_o feel_v in_o myself_o while_o shut_v up_o in_o thy_o law_n prison_n under_o the_o sharp_a and_o kill_a pedagogie_n thereof_o 3._o have_v thou_o view_v and_o take_v notice_n of_o that_o mediator_n which_o i_o have_v propose_v and_o discover_v to_o thou_o in_o the_o gospel_n do_v thou_o think_v or_o can_v thou_o be_v persuade_v that_o he_o can_v do_v thy_o work_n for_o thou_o viz._n save_v thou_o from_o curse_n and_o wrath_n to_o come_v and_o not_o only_o so_o but_o to_o restore_v thou_o and_o bring_v thou_o back_o again_o to_o the_o favour_n and_o fellowship_n of_o god_n do_v thou_o see_v in_o he_o a_o adequate_a suitableness_n to_o answer_v all_o thy_o necessity_n sinner_n answer_v o_o lord_n my_o eye_n be_v so_o intent_n and_o fix_v on_o that_o mediator_n that_o i_o can_v have_v no_o leisure_n or_o spare_v time_n to_o look_v on_o any_o other_o object_n in_o heaven_n or_o earth_n never_o do_v neither_o can_v man_n or_o angel_n behold_v or_o see_v such_o a_o object_n except_o himself_o the_o angel_n and_o all_o the_o glory_n of_o the_o whole_a creation_n be_v but_o darkness_n and_o deformity_n when_o compare_v to_o his_o surpass_v and_o incomparable_a amiableness_n and_o loveliness_n since_o i_o have_v the_o first_o glimpse_n of_o he_o as_o hold_v forth_o and_o discover_v by_o thy_o divine_a and_o efficacious_a manifestation_n i_o have_v forget_v my_o misery_n and_o the_o fearful_a thought_n of_o hell_n and_o damnation_n be_v swallow_v up_o of_o the_o thought_n and_o apprehension_n i_o have_v of_o his_o suitableness_n to_o answer_v the_o necessitous_a condition_n of_o such_o a_o sinner_n as_o i_o be_o 4._o have_v thou_o view_v and_o observe_v he_o so_o as_o to_o like_v he_o and_o choose_v he_o for_o thy_o reconciler_n and_o saviour_n what_o say_v thou_o poor_a sinner_n will_v thou_o have_v he_o for_o thy_o own_o it_o be_v personal_a propriety_n in_o he_o that_o make_v the_o thought_n and_o sight_n of_o he_o ravish_v and_o enrich_v for_o ever_o sinner_n answer_n o_o tremendous_a and_o astonish_a mystery_n of_o divine_a grace_n in_o send_v forth_o from_o the_o father_n and_o the_o son_n that_o holy_a spirit_n of_o promise_n that_o by_o his_o illuminate_a virtue_n and_o quicken_a power_n i_o may_v have_v such_o a_o save_a sight_n of_o christ_n the_o saviour_n as_o shall_v both_o beget_v in_o i_o a_o like_v to_o his_o person_n and_o likewise_o cause_n in_o i_o a_o burn_a desire_n to_o be_v unite_v and_o marry_v to_o he_o i_o be_o indeed_o sick_a of_o love_n to_o he_o and_o fill_v with_o such_o desire_n after_o he_o as_o nothing_o short_a of_o a_o mystical_a union_n to_o his_o most_o holy_a and_o glorious_a person_n can_v satisfy_v my_o thirst_a soul_n 5._o be_v thou_o willing_a that_o this_o mediator_n shall_v have_v the_o whole_a honour_n of_o save_v thou_o by_o his_o own_o mediatorial_n righteousness_n for_o as_o no_o righteousness_n of_o a_o mere_a creature_n can_v stand_v before_o the_o bar_n of_o god_n infinite_a and_o incomprehensible_a holiness_n and_o to_o abide_v such_o a_o trial_n as_o to_o be_v judge_v fit_a and_o sufficient_a to_o justify_v a_o sinner_n before_o god_n see_v that_o the_o righteousness_n to_o which_o such_o honour_n be_v reserve_v and_o assign_v must_v be_v the_o righteousness_n of_o god_n and_o also_o the_o righteousness_n of_o a_o sinless_a man_n so_o this_o mediator_n will_v become_v a_o saviour_n to_o none_o who_o will_v mix_v or_o join_v any_o thing_n of_o their_o own_o or_o other_o creature_n with_o his_o immaculate_n and_o all-sufficient_a righteousness_n the_o whole_a and_o entire_a work_n of_o reconcile_a and_o save_v sinner_n be_v devolve_v on_o he_o alone_o he_o will_v admit_v of_o no_o competitor_n in_o this_o work_n to_o which_o the_o father_n have_v call_v and_o anoint_v he_o and_o the_o which_o he_o himself_o as_o vademony_n and_o surety_n for_o god_n elect_n have_v undertake_v to_o go_v through_o and_o perform_v what_o say_v thou_o sinner_n be_v thou_o willing_a to_o this_o sin_n ans_fw-fr o_o thou_o holy_a of_o holy_n i_o see_v and_o find_v so_o little_a need_n of_o join_v any_o righteousness_n of_o my_o own_o or_o other_o creature_n to_o the_o complete_a and_o perfect_a righteousness_n of_o this_o mediator_n that_o i_o be_o resolve_v to_o look_v no_o where_o else_o for_o a_o righteousness_n whereby_o to_o be_v justify_v and_o save_v i_o be_o full_o convince_v that_o as_o he_o need_v no_o coadjutor_n to_o help_v he_o out_o in_o this_o work_n of_o save_v sinner_n see_v he_o be_v the_o holy_a and_o almighty_a one_o of_o god_n able_a to_o save_o to_o the_o uttermost_a so_o i_o see_v nothing_o like_o a_o legal_a righteousness_n which_o can_v answer_v the_o demand_n of_o the_o strict_a and_o righteous_a law_n of_o god_n either_o in_o myself_o or_o any_o other_o mere_a creature_n whatsoever_o whatever_o therefore_o be_v or_o can_v be_v suggest_v or_o object_v by_o the_o devil_n or_o carnal_a reason_n against_o this_o righteousness_n of_o he_o as_o insufficient_a to_o save_o i_o be_o by_o strength_n from_o above_o fix_o resolve_v to_o cast_v my_o weary_a bleed_a soul_n thereon_o come_v life_n come_v death_n 6._o there_o be_v a_o thing_n call_v the_o cross_n which_o thou_o must_v expect_v and_o look_v to_o meet_v with_o if_o thou_o resolve_v to_o live_v and_o reign_v with_o christ_n in_o heaven_n hereafter_o thou_o must_v look_v to_o part_n with_o all_o that_o in_o this_o world_n be_v near_o and_o dear_a to_o thou_o for_o his_o sake_n and_o the_o gospel_n thou_o must_v sacrifice_v thy_o reputation_n and_o credit_n among_o men._n thou_o must_v become_v willing_a to_o be_v account_v a_o fool_n a_o madman_n a_o turbulent_a fellow_n a_o enemy_n to_o caesar_n a_o separatist_n from_o the_o church_n thou_o must_v not_o think_v or_o look_v to_o be_v advance_v to_o worldly_a wealth_n and_o
i_o be_v one_o of_o that_o number_n who_o god_n the_o father_n elect_v and_o choose_v to_o himself_o in_o christ_n out_o of_o the_o corrupt_a mass_n of_o fall_v mankind_n and_o that_o before_o time_n begin_v and_o that_o my_o name_n be_v record_v in_o heaven_n in_o the_o lamb_n book_n of_o life_n 2._o he_o assure_v i_o that_o my_o sin_n and_o transgression_n commit_v against_o the_o law_n and_o majesty_n of_o heaven_n be_v all_o lay_v to_o the_o score_n of_o christ_n by_o god_n the_o father_n and_o by_o he_o as_o my_o vademony_n and_o surety_n bear_v and_o satisfy_v for_o 3._o he_o assure_v i_o that_o the_o debt_n which_o i_o have_v contract_v both_o in_o adam_n my_o natural_a and_o faederal_n head_n and_o in_o my_o own_o person_n be_v full_o pay_v and_o actual_o discharge_v by_o my_o sponsor_n and_o surety_n christ_n by_o his_o obey_v and_o keep_v the_o law_n perfect_o for_o i_o and_o his_o bear_n and_o undergo_a in_o my_o nature_n the_o curse_n and_o wrath_n of_o god_n to_o which_o by_o sin_n i_o become_v obnoxious_a 4._o he_o assure_v i_o that_o god_n the_o father_n be_v full_o satisfy_v with_o that_o obedience_n active_a and_o passive_a of_o his_o own_o son_n and_o that_o it_o be_v for_o the_o worth_n and_o merit_n of_o that_o obedience_n that_o god_n justify_v and_o accept_v as_o please_a to_o he_o both_v i_o and_o the_o rest_n of_o his_o elect_n for_o who_o alone_o that_o obedience_n be_v perform_v 5._o he_o assure_v i_o that_o all_o my_o sin_n how_o many_o and_o great_a soever_o be_v frank_o and_o free_o forgive_v and_o pardon_v as_o if_o they_o have_v never_o be_v commit_v and_o that_o not_o for_o any_o act_n do_v by_o i_o whether_o believe_v on_o christ_n or_o repent_v for_o sin_n nor_o yet_o for_o the_o sorrow_n and_o misery_n i_o undergo_v while_n under_o the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n or_o for_o any_o service_n to_o which_o i_o shall_v be_v call_v while_o in_o a_o militant_a state_n but_o for_o his_o own_o name_n and_o glory_n sake_n and_o on_o the_o account_n of_o what_o his_o son_n my_o mediator_n and_o surety_n have_v do_v and_o suffer_v in_o my_o behalf_n 6._o he_o assure_v i_o that_o god_n the_o father_n love_v i_o with_o a_o real_a and_o a_o endear_v love_n before_o i_o be_v call_v out_o of_o a_o state_n of_o nature_n and_o that_o the_o reason_n why_o he_o handle_v i_o so_o rough_o by_o the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n be_v not_o because_o he_o hate_v i_o as_o the_o devil_n and_o carnal_a reason_n suggest_v or_o that_o he_o may_v in_o any_o measure_n satisfy_v his_o vindicative_a justice_n for_o my_o sin_n that_o be_v do_v long_a before_o i_o have_v a_o personal_a be_v but_o that_o he_o may_v make_v i_o the_o more_o sensible_a how_o hateful_a sin_n be_v to_o he_o be_v so_o contrary_a to_o his_o pure_a spotless_a and_o bless_a nature_n and_o so_o repugnant_a and_o contradictory_n to_o his_o holy_a just_a and_o most_o righteous_a law_n as_o also_o so_o destructive_a to_o his_o elect_n who_o he_o so_o dear_o love_v also_o that_o i_o may_v know_v and_o become_v for_o ever_o sensible_a how_o unspeakable_o wretched_a and_o deplorable_a that_o state_n and_o condition_n be_v into_o which_o by_o sin_n man_n have_v bring_v himself_o and_o out_o of_o which_o no_o create_a power_n can_v possible_o save_v and_o deliver_v he_o that_o i_o may_v for_o ever_o hate_v and_o loath_a sin_n as_o the_o worst_a of_o evil_n and_o become_v for_o ever_o sensible_a of_o the_o greatness_n goodness_n love_n mercy_n wisdom_n and_o the_o unconceivable_a and_o infinite_a all-sufficiency_n of_o the_o glorious_a and_o tremendous_a jehovah_n father_n son_n and_o bless_a spirit_n who_o himself_n without_o the_o counsel_n or_o help_v of_o creature_n have_v contrive_v and_o find_v out_o such_o a_o way_n of_o restore_a to_o his_o lose_a favour_n his_o elect_n and_o choose_v in_o christ_n as_o neither_o they_o themselves_o nor_o the_o angel_n can_v ever_o think_v of_o and_o final_o that_o by_o his_o so_o sharp_o handle_v i_o way_n may_v be_v make_v into_o my_o soul_n for_o the_o manifestation_n of_o his_o great_a and_o unexpressible_a love_n wherewith_o he_o love_v i_o in_o christ_n to_o enter_v and_o make_v its_o abide_v for_o ever_o and_o that_o from_o the_o experience_n i_o have_v now_o get_v both_o by_o god_n wound_v i_o by_o the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n and_o his_o heal_n and_o comfort_v i_o by_o the_o spirit_n of_o adoption_n i_o may_v be_v fit_v to_o speak_v experimental_o both_o to_o the_o terrify_n and_o awaken_n secure_v and_o presumptuous_a sinner_n as_o also_o to_o heal_n and_o comfort_n instrumental_o poor_a wound_v and_o bleed_a sinner_n when_o sink_v into_o those_o depth_n of_o despondency_n and_o despair_n out_o of_o which_o the_o outstretched_n arm_n of_o god_n grace_n and_o almightiness_n have_v deliver_v and_o rescue_v poor_a sinful_a nothing_n i_o 7._o he_o assure_v i_o that_o i_o be_o now_o in_o a_o justify_v sanctify_a and_o adopt_a state_n the_o lose_a image_n of_o god_n be_v by_o his_o sanctify_a operation_n recover_v in_o my_o soul_n in_o measure_n 8._o he_o assure_v i_o that_o i_o shall_v be_v make_v to_o persevere_v and_o hold_v out_o in_o a_o state_n of_o grace_n and_o that_o i_o shall_v be_v continue_v in_o the_o love_n and_o favour_n of_o god_n for_o ever_o and_o ever_o in_o despite_n of_o all_o that_o the_o power_n of_o darkness_n can_v contrive_v or_o act_n against_o i_o 9_o he_o assure_v i_o that_o the_o eye_n of_o divine_a providence_n shall_v be_v everlasting_o fix_v on_o i_o and_o the_o right_a hand_n of_o god_n righteousness_n everlasting_o keep_v under_o i_o for_o my_o security_n from_o be_v in_o danger_n at_o any_o time_n of_o final_o miscarry_v or_o perish_v 10._o he_o assure_v i_o that_o the_o very_a indwelling_a corruption_n in_o my_o nature_n and_o whatever_a fall_n or_o miscarriage_n which_o shall_v at_o any_o time_n be_v occasion_v thereby_o in_o my_o life_n and_o conversation_n shall_v with_o all_o the_o affliction_n attend_v i_o for_o the_o say_a miscarriage_n most_o certain_o and_o infallible_o work_v for_o my_o eternal_a good_a and_o welfare_n whatever_o i_o myself_o or_o other_o shall_v judge_v to_o the_o contrary_a 11._o he_o assure_v i_o that_o i_o shall_v meet_v with_o great_a opposition_n and_o tribulation_n in_o the_o world_n but_o that_o all_o my_o enemy_n shall_v find_v they_o labour_v in_o vain_a for_o that_o god_n be_v on_o my_o side_n to_o take_v my_o part_n against_o they_o and_o who_o will_v most_o certain_o crown_v all_o my_o straits_n and_o trouble_n with_o a_o happy_a success_n 12._o he_o assure_v i_o that_o god_n special_a presence_n shall_v be_v so_o with_o i_o in_o every_o change_n of_o condition_n in_o this_o world_n as_o that_o nothing_o shall_v harm_v or_o spoil_v i_o yea_o that_o death_n it_o self_n the_o last_o enemy_n of_o nature_n shall_v neither_o terrify_v nor_o hurt_v i_o the_o mortal_a sting_n thereof_o be_v by_o the_o death_n of_o my_o redeemer_n unstung_a and_o divest_v of_o its_o power_n to_o harm_v i_o or_o any_o of_o christ_n redeem_a one_o these_o particular_n discover_v and_o set_v home_o by_o the_o holy_a ghost_n on_o my_o tremble_v pant_v soul_n he_o work_v i_o powerful_o to_o a_o believe_v each_o particular_a with_o application_n to_o myself_o i_o be_v immediate_o surprise_v with_o a_o more_o astonish_a and_o overcome_a rapture_n of_o inexpressible_a joy_n than_o before_o i_o have_v clear_a manifestation_n of_o the_o love_n of_o god_n to_o i_o in_o particular_a and_o of_o the_o great_a thing_n do_v and_o prepare_v for_o i_o to_o make_v i_o everlasting_o happy_a in_o the_o behold_v and_o enjoy_v himself_o as_o my_o god_n and_o my_o father_n and_o portion_n in_o christ_n for_o ever_o according_a to_o the_o unconditionate_n free_a covenant_n of_o his_o own_o grace_n make_v and_o establsh_v in_o and_o with_o christ_n his_o son_n in_o the_o behalf_n of_o i_o and_o the_o rest_n of_o his_o elect._n no_o soon_o do_v i_o look_v up_o to_o god_n and_o behold_v his_o reconcile_v face_n smile_v on_o i_o in_o the_o face_n of_o jesus_n his_o son_n but_o i_o feel_v such_o inward_a soul_n inebriate_v joy_n as_o i_o very_o think_v will_v cause_v my_o very_a soul_n to_o fly_v out_o of_o my_o body_n and_o my_o body_n to_o burst_v in_o sunder_o the_o hardness_n of_o my_o heart_n under_o which_o i_o labour_v all_o the_o time_n of_o my_o bondage_n state_n and_o which_o i_o sensible_o feel_v to_o grow_v and_o increase_v as_o i_o call_v to_o remembrance_n the_o many_o folly_n of_o youth_n and_o the_o holy_a law_n of_o god_n whereof_o those_o folly_n be_v so_o many_o breach_n each_o folly_n deserve_v if_o it_o be_v possible_a a_o thousand_o damnation_n be_v melt_v and_o thaw_v like_o a_o
achilles_n i_o be_o uncertain_a but_o in_o this_o of_o the_o wound_v and_o heal_v of_o my_o soul_n i_o be_o not_o more_o certain_a of_o any_o thing_n in_o nature_n than_o i_o be_o that_o the_o spirit_n of_o christ_n which_o wound_v i_o by_o the_o law_n do_v also_o heal_n i_o by_o the_o gospel_n job_n 5._o 18._o for_o he_o make_v sore_a and_o bind_v up_o he_o wound_v and_o his_o hand_n make_v whole_a observation_n iu._n see_v and_o learn_v hence_o how_o steadfast_a and_o faithful_a god_n be_v to_o his_o word_n of_o promise_n when_o for_o christ_n and_o the_o gospel_n be_v forsake_v and_o cast_v off_o by_o my_o father_n and_o all_o other_o fleshly_a relation_n be_v turn_v out_o empty_z handed_z to_o the_o wide_a world_n and_o not_o know_v whether_o to_o go_v or_o what_o to_o do_v god_n take_v care_n of_o i_o and_o provide_v a_o lodging_n and_o friend_n for_o i_o which_o with_o the_o peace_n of_o my_o conscience_n give_v i_o more_o satisfaction_n and_o comfortable_a content_n than_o all_o the_o gallantry_n and_o greatness_n of_o my_o fleshly_a relation_n those_o sweet_a promise_n record_v in_o the_o scripture_n and_o make_v good_a by_o the_o providence_n of_o god_n have_v oftentimes_o refresh_v and_o ravish_v my_o pensive_a and_o weary_a soul_n psal_n 27._o 10._o when_o my_o father_n and_o my_o mother_n forsake_v i_o than_o the_o lord_n will_v take_v i_o up_o mat._n 19_o 29._o and_o every_o one_o that_o have_v forsake_v house_n or_o brethren_n or_o sister_n or_o father_n or_o mother_n or_o wife_n or_o child_n or_o land_n for_o my_o name_n be_v sake_n shall_v receive_v a_o hundred_o fold_n and_o shall_v inherit_v everlasting_a life_n heb._n 13._o 5._o let_v your_o conversation_n be_v without_o covetousness_n and_o be_v content_a with_o such_o thing_n as_o you_o have_v for_o he_o have_v say_v i_o will_v never_o never_o never_o never_o never_o leave_v thou_o nor_o forsake_v thou_o the_o greek_a have_v no_o less_o than_o five_o negative_n in_o this_o one_o scripture_n to_o assure_v the_o true_a believer_n that_o god_n will_v in_o no_o wise_n forget_v or_o forsake_v he_o i_o have_v be_v forsake_v of_o my_o nurse_n when_o but_o three_o month_n old_a but_o i_o be_v take_v into_o the_o nursery_n of_o god_n providential_a care_n which_o cause_v in_o i_o often_o to_o think_v with_o comfort_n of_o that_o in_o psal_n 22._o 10._o i_o be_v cast_v upon_o thou_o from_o the_o womb_n thou_o be_v my_o god_n from_o my_o mother_n belly_n the_o same_o providence_n which_o take_v care_n of_o the_o head_n takes_z care_n also_o of_o the_o member_n i_o be_v forsake_v of_o my_o bodily_a physician_n but_o the_o great_a physician_n of_o soul_n and_o body_n cure_a i_o by_o poor_a contemptible_a snail_n i_o be_v forsake_v of_o my_o earthly_a father_n and_o all_o fleshly_a relation_n but_o god_n be_v become_v by_o grace_n and_o free_a adoption_n my_o father_n who_o will_v never_o forske_v i_o total_o or_o final_o i_o be_v forsake_v by_o my_o brethren_n and_o sister_n but_o those_o who_o be_v the_o son_n and_o daughter_n of_o god_n they_o be_v become_v my_o brethren_n and_o sister_n and_o albeit_o many_o of_o they_o who_o know_v i_o not_o be_v on_o malicious_a report_n prejudice_v against_o i_o yet_o other_o of_o they_o who_o know_v i_o and_o god_n deal_v with_o i_o they_o love_v i_o dear_o i_o have_v be_v forsake_v by_o several_a of_o my_o church_n member_n in_o ireland_n and_o england_n christ_n my_o lord_n and_o master_n have_v be_v so_o before_o i_o jo._n 6._o 66._o from_o that_o time_n many_o of_o his_o disciple_n go_v back_o and_o walk_v no_o more_o with_o he_o yet_o god_n be_v my_o god_n still_o i_o have_v be_v forsake_v of_o my_o brethren_n in_o the_o sacred_a office_n and_o left_a to_o stand_v alone_o when_o popery_n and_o quakerism_n be_v come_v in_o like_o a_o flood_n none_o step_v in_o to_o help_v or_o encourage_v i_o against_o those_o adversary_n of_o god_n religion_n but_o he_o that_o stand_v by_o paul_n when_o all_o other_o preacher_n in_o his_o day_n forsake_v he_o stand_v by_o i_o and_o embolden_v i_o against_o their_o threat_n and_o malice_n i_o have_v thought_n of_o print_v the_o most_o material_a objection_n bring_v in_o by_o satan_n to_o distress_n and_o distract_v a_o poor_a sinner_n to_o keep_v he_o from_o christ_n and_o how_o the_o spirit_n of_o grace_n teach_v and_o enable_v i_o to_o answer_v they_o all_o but_o my_o intend_a brevity_n have_v prevent_v i_o therein_o all_o glory_n honour_n and_o eternal_a praise_n to_o the_o only_a wise_a and_o glorious_a god_n father_n son_n and_o holy_a ghost_n amen_n amen_n postscript_n je_v satan_n shall_v get_v a_o advantage_n by_o this_o relation_n of_o god_n strange_a and_o wonderful_a deal_n with_o i_o in_o bring_v i_o home_o to_o christ_n in_o such_o a_o unusual_a manner_n and_o his_o handle_v i_o so_o sharp_o by_o the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n as_o also_o his_o bountiful_a deal_n with_o i_o in_o make_v my_o soul_n the_o receptacle_n of_o such_o ravish_a joy_n and_o unutterable_a consolation_n upon_o believe_v in_o christ_n in_o effectual_a call_v i_o think_v it_o may_v be_v seasonable_a to_o give_v the_o present_a caution_n to_o the_o poor_a doubt_v tempt_v believer_n who_o through_o satan_n subtlety_n tempt_v will_v find_v he_o or_o her_z self_n wretched_o prone_a to_o conclude_v from_o what_o they_o read_v of_o my_o conversion_n that_o the_o work_n of_o true_a conversion_n be_v never_o yet_o effectual_o wrought_v in_o themselves_o and_o that_o because_o they_o be_v never_o under_o such_o terrible_a bondage_n of_o soul_n neither_o ever_o yet_o be_v lift_v up_o so_o near_a heaven_n as_o i_o be_v such_o poor_a tempt_v believer_n be_v to_o consider_v the_o particular_n follow_v for_o their_o help_n and_o relief_n against_o the_o tempter_n in_o this_o case_n first_o consider_v that_o as_o in_o nature_n there_o be_v a_o vast_a disparity_n or_o difference_n between_o person_n in_o the_o natural_a birth_n so_o there_o be_v as_o vast_a a_o difference_n in_o the_o spiritual_a birth_n some_o woman_n go_v through_o abundant_o more_o and_o sharp_a pain_n and_o throw_v in_o travel_n than_o other_o meet_v with_o some_o babe_n meet_v with_o great_a difficulty_n and_o danger_n in_o the_o birth_n than_o do_v other_o the_o cause_n whereof_o in_o nature_n though_o they_o appear_v not_o to_o we_o yet_o it_o be_v most_o certain_a that_o so_o it_o be_v so_o in_o conversion_n some_o soul_n pass_v through_o great_a horror_n and_o bondage_n in_o the_o conscience_n than_o other_o do_v some_o be_v bring_v as_o it_o be_v through_o the_o very_a jaw_n of_o hell_n and_o desperation_n as_o i_o be_v other_o be_v deal_v more_o easy_o and_o gentle_o with_o be_v sweet_o allure_v and_o as_o it_o be_v insensible_o transplant_v into_o christ_n they_o not_o well_o know_v what_o be_v do_v to_o they_o paul_n and_o the_o rugged_a jailor_n be_v handle_v more_o rough_o their_o conscience_n be_v more_o deep_o wound_v with_o the_o frightning_n terror_n of_o god_n law_n set_v home_n by_o the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n than_o lydia_n who_o heart_n the_o lord_n open_v with_o more_o gentle_a touch_v of_o his_o spirit_n act_n 9_o 6._o act_n 16._o 15_o 29._o that_o woman_n who_o be_v safe_o deliver_v without_o any_o danger_n or_o great_a difficulty_n to_o herself_o or_o her_o babe_n have_v no_o reason_n to_o question_n whether_o she_o be_v indeed_o deliver_v because_o she_o go_v not_o through_o such_o danger_n and_o difficulty_n as_o her_o neighbour_n do_v who_o narrow_o escape_v with_o her_o life_n neither_o have_v she_o any_o cause_n of_o be_v jealous_a with_o her_o neighbour_n because_o her_o case_n or_o condition_n be_v more_o dangerous_a and_o desperate_a in_o travel_n than_o be_v she_o own_o thou_o who_o be_v bring_v to_o christ_n by_o the_o gentle_a drawing_n of_o the_o spirit_n of_o grace_n and_o not_o bring_v so_o nigh_o to_o the_o affrightning_n sight_n of_o hell_n and_o to_o such_o a_o sense_n and_o feeling_n of_o the_o pain_n of_o the_o damn_a as_o have_v cause_v some_o to_o think_v themselves_o actual_o in_o hell_n admire_v at_o and_o bless_v god_n for_o his_o condescension_n towards_o thou_o in_o bring_v thou_o through_o the_o new_a birth_n so_o easy_o second_o consider_v that_o albeit_o the_o truth_n of_o thy_o conversion_n be_v not_o so_o sensible_o discern_v as_o the_o conversion_n of_o that_o person_n be_v who_o be_v bring_v home_o in_o the_o way_n of_o legal_a terror_n yet_o thou_o be_v bind_v to_o bless_n god_n for_o the_o small_a measure_n of_o grace_n bestow_v on_o thou_o as_o the_o small_a spark_n of_o fire_n though_o it_o be_v hide_v under_o a_o great_a heap_n of_o ash_n be_v as_o true_o fire_n as_o the_o great_a fire_n in_o nature_n so_o thy_o small_a grace_n which_o in_o comparison_n of_o some_o other_o grace_n may_v be_v so_o weak_a and_o little_a that_o it_o can_v scarce_o be_v discern_v yet_o grace_v it_o be_v though_o thou_o know_v it_o not_o to_o be_v so_o and_o he_o who_o bestow_v it_o on_o thou_o and_o wrought_v it_o in_o thou_o he_o will_v never_o reject_v or_o neglect_v thou_o because_o of_o thy_o little_a grace_n while_o he_o see_v thou_o constant_a and_o diligent_a in_o the_o use_n of_o mean_n labour_v to_o grow_v in_o grace_n esa_n 42._o 3._o mat._n 5._o 6._o esa_n 41._o 17._o phil._n 1._o 6._o oh_o but_o i_o do_v not_o find_v that_o i_o be_o bring_v to_o christ_n and_o which_o be_v far_o worse_a i_o fear_v i_o never_o shall_v to_o this_o i_o answer_v in_o two_o particular_n first_o thy_o very_a fear_n about_o this_o great_a of_n concern_v be_v a_o argument_n of_o thy_o translation_n from_o the_o first_o adam_n to_o the_o second_o adam_n christ_n jesus_n the_o lord_n if_o the_o spirit_n of_o grace_n have_v not_o give_v thou_o some_o sight_n and_o taste_n of_o the_o excellency_n and_o sweetness_n of_o christ_n thou_o can_v never_o prize_v or_o desire_v after_o he_o it_o be_v only_o the_o child_n that_o have_v taste_v the_o honey_n or_o sugar_n that_o long_v and_o cry_v for_o more_o second_o if_o thou_o find_v a_o fix_a resolution_n in_o thy_o soul_n in_o go_v on_o to_o seek_v the_o lord_n and_o his_o strength_n by_o prayer_n and_o supplication_n and_o other_o mean_n of_o grace_n not_o rest_v in_o or_o depend_v upon_o they_o but_o on_o christ_n alone_o for_o life_n and_o salvation_n my_o life_n for_o thou_o come_v death_n when_o god_n please_v to_o send_v it_o it_o will_v end_v all_o thy_o fear_n and_o put_v thou_o beyond_o the_o reach_n of_o all_o thy_o enemy_n thy_o frequent_a cry_v to_o god_n in_o prayer_n for_o christ_n and_o save_v grace_n be_v the_o echo_n of_o christ_n pray_v for_o thea_fw-mi at_o the_o throne_n of_o grace_n and_o thy_o go_v on_o and_o continue_v to_o watch_n at_o wisdom_n gate_n can_v not_o possible_o be_v without_o invisible_a supply_n of_o spiritual_a strength_n communicate_v to_o thy_o soul_n by_o the_o spirit_n of_o christ_n the_o end_n
to_o truth_n nor_o the_o way_n to_o he_o no_o more_o than_o a_o poor_a pagan_a who_o never_o hear_v of_o he_o i_o have_v such_o low_a gross_a and_o carnal_a thought_n and_o apprehension_n of_o the_o deity_n that_o i_o be_o very_o apt_a to_o conclude_v the_o very_a heathen_a have_v far_o high_a and_o more_o sublimate_n conception_n of_o their_o fictitious_a god_n that_o i_o have_v of_o that_o tremendous_a and_o unconceivable_o glorious_a god_n who_o i_o so_o ignorant_o worship_v i_o be_v wonderful_o zealous_a in_o all_o religious_a performance_n wherein_o i_o do_v at_o any_o time_n engage_v both_o in_o private_a and_o also_o in_o the_o public_a in_o my_o private_a duty_n i_o be_v marvellous_o retire_v and_o secret_n be_v full_a of_o apprehension_n how_o ill_a construction_n will_v by_o all_o sort_n be_v put_v upon_o my_o so_o severe_a and_o strict_a way_n of_o live_v and_o for_o better_a accomplishment_n whereof_o i_o single_v out_o a_o very_a convenient_a place_n than_o which_o i_o think_v no_o place_n better_o for_o my_o turn_n and_o purpose_n it_o be_v in_o a_o little_a room_n on_o the_o top_n of_o the_o castle_n wherein_o my_o father_n live_v in_o that_o room_n i_o spend_v the_o most_o of_o my_o time_n in_o fast_v pray_v and_o read_v my_o book_n especial_o my_o darling_n and_o chief_a admire_a and_o belove_a book_n viz._n mr._n baxter_n call_v to_o the_o vnconverted_n when_o i_o find_v myself_o much_o weary_v with_o reading_n i_o will_v sometime_o divert_v myself_o by_o walk_v on_o the_o top_n of_o the_o castle_n during_o which_o diversion_n i_o do_v often_o hear_v the_o shout_n and_o entice_a call_n of_o my_o wicked_a companion_n to_o bring_v i_o back_o again_o to_o my_o new_o forsake_a sport_n and_o sinful_a pastime_n it_o be_v no_o small_a matter_n to_o encounter_v with_o the_o work_n of_o nature_n and_o the_o violent_a temptation_n of_o the_o devil_n both_o join_v together_o in_o suggest_v and_o frame_v argument_n to_o induce_v to_o a_o willing_a and_o ready_a compliance_n with_o those_o call_v and_o invitation_n to_o what_o i_o love_v and_o like_v as_o dear_o as_o the_o daily_a food_n i_o live_v by_o oh_o the_o strange_a work_n which_o i_o find_v in_o myself_o during_o those_o combat_n the_o ungodly_a who_o company_n i_o have_v love_v and_o delight_v in_o so_o dear_o call_v and_o envit_v the_o strong_a bent_n and_o inclination_n of_o the_o flesh_n draw_v and_o a_o subtle_a and_o violent_a devil_n tempt_v and_o persuade_v to_o return_v what!_o forsake_v thy_o dear_a companion_n and_o thy_o sweet_a delightful_a sport_n and_o pleasure_n at_o this_o rate_n what!_o to_o game_n or_o sport_n no_o more_o for_o ever_o alas_o poor_a wretch_n what_o good_a will_v thou_o get_v by_o betake_v thyself_o to_o this_o pensive_a sad_a and_o melancholy_a kind_n of_o life_n thou_o have_v have_v experience_n of_o the_o sweetness_n and_o delightfulness_n of_o that_o way_n of_o live_v which_o thou_o be_v now_o forsake_v the_o many_o and_o sore_a misery_n and_o trouble_v attend_v this_o new_a course_n of_o life_n which_o thou_o be_v so_o fond_a of_o and_o on_o which_o thou_o be_v so_o resolut_o bend_v do_v not_o yet_o appear_v in_o their_o black_a and_o formidable_a colour_n therefore_o be_v wise_a in_o time_n go_v back_o to_o thy_o desert_a companion_n and_o free_o embrace_v thy_o forsake_a sport_n and_o pleasure_n before_o thou_o be_v too_o far_o go_v in_o this_o fond_a and_o dangerous_a way_n thou_o be_v get_v into_o or_o else_o thou_o will_v repent_v when_o it_o be_v too_o late_o beside_o these_o assault_n from_o the_o devil_n and_o the_o continual_a ebullition_n of_o my_o stink_a and_o vile_a nature_n which_o do_v frequent_o surround_v i_o with_o new_a and_o fresh_a attack_n to_o draw_v i_o back_o again_o i_o meet_v with_o new_a and_o unlooked_a for_o discouragement_n from_o my_o relation_n who_o take_v notice_n of_o the_o great_a and_o strange_a change_n which_o evident_o appear_v in_o i_o frequent_o assail_v my_o weak_a and_o poor_a beginning_n in_o piety_n and_o religion_n with_o hard_a speech_n and_o unbecoming_a language_n against_o that_o precise_a and_o severe_a course_n of_o life_n i_o have_v so_o late_o embrace_v tell_v i_o with_o great_a asseveration_n that_o i_o shall_v most_o certain_o bring_v myself_o to_o downright_a madness_n by_o read_v the_o scripture_n so_o much_o note_v reader_n and_o oserve_v by_o the_o way_n how_o great_a a_o antipathy_n there_o be_v in_o the_o devil_n and_o in_o unregenerate_a sinner_n to_o the_o sacred_a scripture_n a_o sure_a argument_n that_o they_o be_v the_o pure_a and_o infallible_a word_n of_o god_n these_o thing_n accompany_v with_o innumerable_a mock_v taunt_n and_o jeer_n which_o on_o all_o occasion_n be_v heap_v on_o my_o name_n and_o practise_v prove_v some_o occasion_n of_o startle_v and_o discouragement_n to_o i_o but_o the_o fix_a apprehension_n i_o have_v of_o be_v send_v to_o hell_n to_o be_v damn_v in_o case_n i_o become_v not_o and_o continue_v a_o convert_n do_v abundant_o outdo_v all_o the_o opposition_n which_o lie_v or_o meet_v i_o in_o my_o way_n of_o strict_a and_o religious_a live_n on_o i_o go_v notwithstanding_o the_o many_o and_o great_a opposition_n i_o find_v myself_o encompass_v with_o abound_v and_o increase_n rather_o than_o any_o way_n decline_v or_o abate_v either_o in_o duty_n or_o ardent_a zeal_n in_o do_v they_o my_o proficiency_n in_o morality_n and_o the_o advance_v i_o make_v in_o zeal_n for_n the_o church_n and_o the_o liturgy_n and_o service_n thereof_o be_v so_o conspicuous_a and_o manifest_a that_o i_o become_v the_o talk_n of_o almost_o all_o sort_n especial_o those_o who_o stand_v relate_v to_o my_o family_n letter_n and_o person_n who_o pass_v to_o and_o fro_o give_v a_o account_n in_o city_n and_o country_n what_o a_o strange_a alteration_n and_o admirable_a change_n appear_v in_o their_o cousin_n j._n b._n and_o what_o a_o great_a and_o wonderful_a practiser_n of_o piety_n he_o be_v become_v this_o be_v so_o noise_v abroad_o that_o i_o can_v scarce_o look_v or_o speak_v or_o pass_v in_o or_o out_o where_o people_n be_v but_o i_o have_v somewhat_o or_o other_o bring_v into_o discourse_n concern_v my_o forwardness_n and_o zeal_n in_o religion_n and_o notwithstanding_o i_o be_v at_o that_o time_n but_o a_o hypocritical_a formalist_n and_o a_o paint_a legalist_n know_v nothing_o of_o jesus_n christ_n and_o the_o covenant_n of_o grace_n not_o so_o much_o as_o in_o the_o notion_n yet_o i_o be_v frequent_o trouble_v and_o exceed_o ashamed_a to_o hear_v mention_v make_v of_o my_o activity_n and_o zeal_n in_o serve_v and_o worship_v god_n so_o far_o be_v i_o from_o either_o design_v or_o desire_v to_o make_v the_o world_n privy_a to_o my_o intention_n of_o go_v to_o heaven_n and_o that_o which_o speak_v the_o thing_n the_o more_o strange_a be_v to_o consider_v the_o circumstance_n of_o time_n and_o place_n neither_o of_o which_o afford_v any_o thing_n that_o may_v contribute_v the_o least_o part_n of_o a_o motive_n or_o a_o inducement_n to_o put_v i_o on_o look_v towards_o or_o so_o much_o as_o think_v of_o conversion_n there_o be_v no_o preach_v in_o those_o part_n the_o ordinary_a mean_n by_o which_o conviction_n in_o order_n to_o faith_n and_o conversion_n be_v effect_v nor_o yet_o the_o example_n or_o advice_n and_o council_n of_o any_o person_n which_o may_v occasion_v in_o i_o such_o thought_n or_o work_n of_o soul_n in_o this_o way_n i_o contine_v for_o about_o six_o or_o seven_o year_n after_o my_o first_o awakening_n frequent_v the_o church_n and_o its_o appoint_a service_n and_o grow_v blind_a in_o pharisaical_a zeal_n for_o the_o moral_a law_n and_o divine_a service_n book_n until_o i_o have_v in_o my_o own_o apprehension_n and_o conceit_n arrive_v at_o a_o high_a pitch_n of_o confidence_n that_o i_o be_v beyond_o all_o dispute_n real_o convert_v and_o that_o consequent_o i_o shall_v go_v to_o heaven_n and_o be_v save_v yea_o i_o do_v frequent_o reckon_v and_o account_v with_o myself_o that_o if_o but_o two_o in_o the_o world_n shall_v go_v to_o heaven_n i_o shall_v certain_o be_v one_o of_o the_o two_o and_o that_o because_o i_o be_v certain_o convert_v and_o have_v take_v so_o much_o and_o great_a pain_n in_o do_v good_a and_o shun_v evil._n i_o have_v no_o fear_n or_o jealousy_n lodge_v in_o i_o about_o god_n accept_v my_o person_n and_o his_o have_a regard_n to_o my_o numerous_a and_o zealous_a performance_n of_o duty_n both_o private_a and_o public_a my_o extraordinary_a inclination_n to_o the_o ministry_n and_o that_o matchless_a zeal_n which_o appear_v in_o i_o for_o the_o church_n that_o love_n and_o veneration_n i_o have_v for_o its_o liturgy_n ceremony_n and_o clergy_n especial_o its_o prelacy_n give_v my_o father_n and_o other_o relation_n great_a hope_n that_o i_o
shall_v be_v a_o honour_n to_o the_o family_n and_o a_o man_n of_o no_o ordinary_a figure_n in_o the_o orb_n of_o the_o church_n chap._n iii_o set_v forth_o the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n seize_v i_o in_o the_o very_a height_n of_o my_o confidence_n of_o be_v in_o a_o good_a and_o sure_a state_n of_o salvation_n what_o sad_a work_n it_o make_v with_o i_o and_o what_o mean_v i_o use_v for_o help_n and_o relief_n under_o its_o kill_n and_o sink_a weight_n when_o i_o be_v about_o twenty_o one_o year_n of_o age_n in_o the_o very_a heat_n and_o height_n of_o my_o zeal_n in_o prosecute_a that_o righteousness_n consist_v of_o that_o negative_a and_o positive_a obedience_n which_o the_o law_n moral_n enjoin_v and_o require_v as_o the_o condition_n of_o life_n and_o salvation_n it_o please_v god_n to_o send_v forth_o the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n to_o seize_v i_o to_o the_o end_n i_o may_v be_v instruct_v and_o full_o convince_v how_o vain_a my_o confidence_n of_o be_v save_v and_o go_v to_o heaven_n in_o that_o self_n please_a way_n of_o legal_a righteousness_n be_v the_o manner_n of_o it_o be_v thus_o be_v on_o the_o day_n call_v easter_n monday_n at_o my_o cathedral_n devotion_n in_o the_o place_n call_v christ_n church_n in_o dublin_n a_o place_n i_o constant_o frequent_v to_o morning_n and_o evening_n service_n and_o a_o place_n which_o i_o more_o zaelous_o love_v and_o venerate_v than_o any_o place_n in_o the_o world_n beside_o for_o that_o i_o very_o conceit_v in_o myself_o it_o be_v as_o the_o very_a entrance_n into_o heaven_n itself_o after_o the_o service_n be_v end_v one_o dr._n golborn_n preach_v his_o text_n be_v in_o ephes_n 5._o 14._o wherefore_o he_o say_v awake_v thou_o that_o sleep_v and_o arise_v from_o the_o dead_a and_o christ_n shall_v give_v thou_o light_n a_o good_a and_o choice_a text_n but_o how_o well_o or_o ill_o handle_v i_o must_v acknowledge_v myself_o to_o have_v be_v at_o that_o time_n a_o very_a incompetent_a judge_n to_o say_v or_o determine_v about_o the_o middle_n of_o the_o sermon_n as_o near_o as_o i_o can_v guess_v there_o be_v dart_v into_o my_o mind_n this_o sad_a and_o kill_a thought_n viz._n that_o i_o have_v the_o day_n before_o receive_v the_o sacrament_n unworthy_o which_o sad_a thought_n be_v back_v with_o that_o of_o 1_o cor._n 11._o 29_o for_o he_o that_o eat_v and_o drink_v unworthy_o eat_v and_o drink_v damnation_n to_o himself_o not_o descern_v the_o lord_n body_n this_o sad_a and_o dismal_a thought_n back_v as_o i_o say_v with_o that_o scripture_n just_a now_o quote_v not_o any_o word_n speak_v by_o the_o preacher_n be_v that_o which_o seize_v my_o mind_n and_o let_v in_o the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n upon_o i_o no_o soon_o have_v i_o look_v this_o 〈◊〉_d 〈◊〉_d 〈◊〉_d 〈◊〉_d 〈◊〉_d oâ—_n forerunner_n of_o the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n in_o the_o face_n compare_v it_o with_o the_o place_n already_o mention_v but_o i_o conclude_v myself_o a_o lose_a and_o a_o undo_v man_n my_o spirit_n be_v in_o such_o a_o amaze_a fright_v and_o over_o whelming_a consternation_n to_o think_v that_o i_o be_v most_o certain_o damn_a to_o all_o intent_n and_o purpose_n that_o indeed_o i_o very_o think_v all_o the_o people_n in_o the_o place_n be_v a_o swarm_n or_o a_o legion_n of_o devil_n which_o god_n in_o revengeful_a wrath_n have_v send_v from_o the_o bottomless_a pit_n to_o guard_v and_o attend_v my_o guilty_a soul_n thither_o the_o apprehension_n i_o have_v of_o be_v damn_a and_o send_v to_o hell_n so_o rack_v and_o torment_v my_o spirit_n that_o i_o find_v myself_o unable_a to_o stay_v till_o sermon_n be_v end_v away_o i_o run_v out_o of_o that_o place_n to_o shun_v as_o i_o then_o think_v those_o swarm_n of_o devil_n which_o i_o strong_o conceive_v be_v to_o guard_v i_o to_o hell_n as_o soon_o as_o i_o come_v to_o my_o lord_n of_o santry_n where_o i_o than_o live_v i_o enter_v my_o chamber_n with_o a_o sad_a and_o heavy_a heart_n god_n know_v to_o my_o knee_n i_o go_v with_o a_o intent_n to_o pray_v if_o so_o be_v there_o may_v be_v any_o scrap_n of_o hope_n of_o my_o escape_v being_n eternal_o damn_a but_o alas_o what_o tongue_n or_o pen_n can_v relate_v the_o pass_n and_o condition_n i_o be_v then_o at_o my_o reason_n my_o conscience_n and_o my_o very_a speech_n be_v as_o it_o be_v plunge_v and_o drown_v in_o the_o gulf_n of_o despair_n so_o that_o i_o can_v neither_o utter_v a_o word_n in_o prayer_n nor_o yet_o consider_v what_o i_o shall_v do_v to_o relieve_v my_o bleed_a soul_n in_o that_o sore_a distress_n i_o dare_v not_o abide_v in_o my_o chamber_n fear_v to_o see_v and_o feel_v the_o devil_n actual_o to_o seize_v i_o to_o the_o minister_n of_o the_o parish_n i_o go_v from_o who_o hand_n i_o receive_v the_o sacrament_n but_o the_o day_n before_o not_o know_v but_o that_o he_o may_v administer_v some_o kind_n of_o relief_n to_o one_o in_o my_o condition_n he_o observe_v the_o gastliness_n of_o my_o look_n and_o take_v notice_n that_o somewhat_o ail_v i_o he_o ask_v i_o how_o i_o do_v to_o which_o i_o can_v not_o reply_v he_o press_v to_o know_v what_o the_o matter_n be_v i_o at_o length_n in_o a_o very_a abrupt_a and_o break_a manner_n tell_v he_o that_o i_o be_v full_a of_o the_o apprehension_n and_o fear_n that_o i_o be_v a_o damn_a man_n and_o that_o there_o be_v no_o hope_n of_o mercy_n for_o such_o a_o one_o as_o i_o be_v the_o minister_n somewhat_o surprise_v at_o so_o sudden_a and_o so_o great_a a_o change_n since_o but_o the_o day_n before_o he_o begin_v to_o examine_v what_o great_a and_o heinous_a sin_n one_o of_o my_o age_n and_o one_o in_o so_o encourage_v circumstance_n as_o i_o be_v in_o can_v be_v guilty_a of_o which_o shall_v occasion_v such_o sad_a despair_n he_o mention_v some_o text_n of_o scripture_n thereby_o hope_v to_o have_v give_v some_o relief_n to_o my_o weary_a gasp_a soul_n but_o all_o in_o vain_a god_n time_n of_o heal_v i_o be_v not_o yet_o come_v and_o find_v by_o my_o frequent_a come_n to_o he_o for_o ease_n and_o comfort_n to_o how_o little_a purpose_n he_o have_v labour_v with_o i_o he_o at_o length_n advise_v i_o to_o ride_v into_o the_o country_n to_o visit_v my_o father_n and_o other_o relation_n and_o by_o that_o mean_n as_o also_o by_o exercise_v myself_o with_o such_o exercise_n as_o i_o former_o delight_v in_o as_o shoot_v with_o the_o gun_n and_o angle_a to_o divert_v my_o melancholy_a thought_n this_o i_o be_v glad_a to_o hear_v of_o my_o own_o inclination_n lead_v so_o strong_o to_o it_o in_o order_n to_o the_o effect_n of_o which_o i_o address_v myself_o to_o my_o lord_n housekeeper_n entreat_v she_o to_o acquaint_v my_o lord_n that_o in_o regard_n of_o some_o present_a indisposition_n under_o which_o i_o labour_v and_o in_o order_n to_o my_o health_n i_o have_v not_o only_o a_o inclination_n but_o be_v advise_v to_o visit_v my_o father_n in_o the_o country_n in_o order_n whereto_o i_o think_v it_o convenient_a to_o acquaint_v his_o lordship_n therewith_o to_o the_o end_n i_o may_v obtain_v not_o only_o his_o lordship_n free_a consent_n but_o also_o the_o liberty_n of_o a_o horse_n to_o perform_v my_o intend_a journey_n the_o housekeeper_n no_o soon_o deliver_v my_o request_n to_o my_o lord_n but_o my_o lord_n command_v she_o to_o call_v i_o up_o into_o his_o chamber_n as_o soon_o as_o i_o receive_v the_o command_n i_o fall_v immediate_o into_o a_o great_a sweat_n and_o sore_o tremble_v up_o i_o go_v and_o be_v enter_v into_o the_o chamber_n my_o lord_n lock_v the_o chamber_n door_n and_o lay_v his_o hat_n on_o a_o cabinet_n sit_v down_o in_o his_o chair_n and_o with_o a_o earnest_n and_o pierce_a eye_n look_v on_o a_o pretty_a while_n before_o he_o speak_v i_o all_o the_o while_n sweat_v and_o quake_v at_o length_n my_o lord_n begin_v with_o james_n what_o ail_v you_o what_o be_v the_o matter_n i_o hear_v you_o go_v private_o to_o minister_n there_o be_v somewhat_o ail_v you_o what_o be_v it_o i_o perceive_v by_o my_o lord_n discourse_n that_o the_o minister_n of_o the_o parish_n have_v acquaint_v my_o lord_n with_o my_o case_n i_o find_v myself_o far_o more_o uneasy_a than_o before_o my_o sweat_n and_o trembleing_n of_o soul_n increase_a upon_o i_o my_o lord_n continue_v query_v what_o ail_v you_o james_n tell_v i_o what_o be_v the_o matter_n i_o be_v so_o overwhelm_v in_o my_o spirit_n that_o my_o speech_n be_v swallow_v up_o as_o job_n say_v job_n 6._o 3._o but_o my_o lord_n not_o let_v i_o alone_o but_o with_o earnest_a importunity_n press_v to_o know_v what_o i_o ail_v i_o at_o length_n as_o a_o poor_a condemn_a caitiff_n hang_v by_o a_o