that Distemper of Rhume which fell from her Head into her Face of which she dyed And he hath been worse and worse ever since she dyed And I having had great Expences and a great Charge of dear Relations and owing some considerable debts I was necessitated to teach School again in my old Age That I might pay my Debts succour my dear Relations and not be too great a burden to the Church of God And this I have willingly and chearfully undertaken that if Persecution do come upon me again which I expect and prepare for and I shall be haled to prison or forced to flye It may be my Mercy and Comfort as at all other times of my many removals in the days of my Pilgrlmage and Persecutions That no person shall have any occasion to come to me and say Pay me what you owe me before you go for I desire to owe no man any thing but Love and honestly to pay every man his own And if Death seize on my body that I may leave enough of my own behind me to pay all my Debts and a little for the Relief of Gods Poor and some of my poorest natural Relations I had a Summoning in June last to prepare my self for the Grave by a sudden and sore Fit of the Wind-Cholick and Vomiting And on the 3d of October last 1671. I had another Summons to be ready to depart this life by another sudden more violent tormenting Fit of the Wind-Cholick and Vomiting And I am alarmed by these awakening Visitations of the Lord to prepare and be ready That when my Lord and Master comes or calls for me to come to him I may be found so doing that he may say Well done thou good and faithful Servant enter thou also into the Joys of thy Master The next Tryal my heavenly Father saw needful for me to be exercised under was the Sickness and Death of my then only living Son my Isaac my most loving and beloved Son who was translated the 15th day of November 1671. which great Tryal and Loss God made gain to him and easie to me by a manifest and powerful Work of Conversion Repentance and Faith upon his Soul in the time of his Sickness which administred much Comfort to me so that I sorrowed not for him as one without hope who exercised very great patience under his very great pain soreness and burning Feaver whilst his flesh marrow and moisture consumed and acted Faith and Hope very lively and constantly upon Christ in that Word John 6.37 And him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast off Very often expressing his former bondage and slavery to Sin and Sathan which he bewailed and acknowledged often Gods free and rich Grace in giving him Christ and Pardon and Salvation now at last which he had neglected the Offers and Tenders of so often Some Combats he had but after a manifestation of Christ to his Soul he dyed in Faith and Peace And albeit my natural Affections caused me to weep often and the sense of Gods Hand Rod upon me caused me to mourn very much in secret yet the Almighty by his Rod and Staff did so comfort me that I walked through this Valley also of the shadow of Death without fear of Evil and was assisted and enabled to perform the Work of my Ministry in the Congregation without any omission or interruption And that very Night my only Son dyed the Lord brought to my mind that Scripture Mic. 7.14 Feed thy people with thy Rod which was made a seasonable suitable and powerful Word by the Teachings of the holy Spirit unto my Soul in my solitary Condition Who thus administred Food yea and a Feast also to my Soul For by this Rod of God I had served into my Soul a Dish of sour or bitter Herbs I mean sorrow for my sins but I fed also on the Paschal Lamb in whole blood I saw all my sins washed away And the Spirit of God witnessed with my Spirit that I was the Child of God and one of those Children with whom God will keep Covenant and not take away his Love from me though he visited my Transgressions with the Rod and mine iniquities with stripes Psal 89.28 34. which Scripture was then brought again with power upon my Heart The next Dish of spiritual Food under this Rod which God brought me or sent me by his Spirit in his Word to feed upon was full of Love Then that holy Scripture came to me not in word only Rev. 3.19 20. but in Power and in the Spirit and in much Assurance wherein in he shewed me his Face and I saw my Fathers Face in that Glass of the Gospel Heb. 12.6 7. which the holy Spirit held forth to me by this Rod and shed abroad in my heart the Love of the Father in his Son Jesus Christ After this the next day God gave me a Dish of spiritual Fruits by this Rod to feed upon served up in that holy Scripture No affliction at the present is joyous but grievous but the fruit thereof shall be peace and righteousness to them that have been exercised therein And after God had thus fed me feasted me several days and nights together with this his Rod he very graciously pronounced his Blessing upon me by his Rod in these words Blessed is the man whom thou correctest and teachest out of thy Law or Word unto which I was helped heartily to say Amen It 's good for me to be and that I have been afflicted c. And after God had communed with me from his Mercy-seat and had instructed me I experienced such Divine Loves shinings and spiritual sweetness as Jonathan did when he tasted a little Honey-dew on the End of the Rod in his hand and was enlightned and refreshed So that I was enlivened or revived fed and feasted by the Rod and Word even the Bond of Gods everlasting Covenant of free Grace and Love About 4 or 5 months after the Death of my Son his Wife married a Gentleman of 300 l. per annum and left me engaged to receive and pay all my Sons Debts and to preserve his Credit and his Wife 's I borrowed 200 l. to help to pay his Debts and suffered the loss thereof which necessitated me still to keep School to pay my Debts And I having a Grand-daughter with me three years before she being nineteen years old did take the Charge of my Houshold-affairs and of my Boarders who managed all things with so much discretion that my life was very comfortable and I had great Content In Septemb. 1672. my only Daughters Husband went by her consent into the Country and left her Thus far was written with his own hand and there we must be forced to break off tho' abruptly the remaining part of his Life written by himself as this was being as Mr. Kiffin mentions in his Preface unhappily lost which because 't is â—mpossible to be supplied by any Hand so particularly
Bodies of several persons who were suddainly restored to health immediately in time of Prayer with them or by and through Faith in Jesus Christ especially in this City of London and of the Sickness called the Plague both in former years and in the year 1665. Not to me but to God be given Glory and praise for in his Name through Faith in his Name they were healed 3. By inabling me standing by me and strengthning me by his Holy Spirit and sanctifying Grace to preach the Gospel in season and out of season with all boldness neither being ashamed nor afraid to bear my Testimony for Christ his Gospel Churches Ministry Worship and Ordinances against the Antichristian Powers Ministers Worshippers and Traditions of the Beast the great mystical Whore and the false Prophet Nor have I been terrified by the Adversary By virtue of the Acts of Parliament touching private Meetings and Conventicles Commencing May the 10th 1670. I was taken at a Meeting in George-yard and the then Lord Mayor committed me to the Compter in Bishops gate for preaching there but having Favour in the Eyes of the Keepers I had liberty to preach to the Prisoners there twice every day of the Week in the common Hall where most of the Prisoners came and heard me and some of them blessed God that ever I came to that Prison Soon after I was set at Liberty at the Sessions in Old-Baily God made me his Prisoner by a sharp and painful Distemper in my Bowels called the griping of the Guts and he brought me near to the Grave But in time of my greatest Extremity God remembred Mercy forgave mine Iniquity healed my Disease and restored my Life from Death No Tongue can express my pains yet God gave me much patience wherein I possessed my Soul I had 1. A very clear Discovery from the Lord of the Cause why he so contended with me one was the meritorious Cause of some former Visitations and especially of this sore Disease 2. I saw the Sin of my sinful Nature which was not so Crucified as that it was destroyed but I found some motions of it of late stirring in my sinful heart The Sence of this was a very sore burden and trouble to my Soul in this day of my Calamity for which I mourned in secret before the Lord and lay at the Throne of Grace loathing my self and begging that God would kill that Sin and destroy it and all the rest of my Sins And received this answer his Grace was sufficient for me he had pardoned and he would subdue and destroy that and all other mine Iniquities according to his everlasting Covenant of free Grace Satan was sometimes very busy during this time of Sickness and tempted me sorely in the Night season sometimes suggesting to me that I was but an Hypocrite at other times that my Evidences for Heaven were not good whom God helped me to resist steadfastly in the Faith and he fled away Another cause why the Lord now contended with me was for the Tryal and Exercise of my Graces which he had given me It was the Tryal of my Faith and the exercise of my Patience and that I might be to his praise and an example unto weak Believers whose Eyes were upon me and were observing and hearkning how I did behave my self under all the great Rebukes and Chastisements of the Lord upon me For they had heard that God had taken one Grand-Child away by Death and Visited another who was above 16 years old with the Small-pox and she was likely to die and one Son died and was Buried during my Sickness and mine Eldest Son was dead and Buried in the Country whereof I was told before I was Recovered my other Sons Wife had sore Labour a Dead-Man-Child and she likely to die And my dear loving Wife then began to be sorely afflicted with a pain and swelling in her Face of which she since Died. But God did give a proportionable measure of Faith and Patience to me his poor unworthy Servant under all this his fatherly Chastisements He did strengthen me with strength in my Soul and upheld me with the right hand of his Righteousness so that I fainted not nor was I weary His Rod and his Staff did comfort me He brought out my Will unto a free Submission Subjection and Resignation to his own most wise and holy Will Yea my Facher's Visitations did so preserve my Soul that I did sing and rejoyce under the sights and smiles of Christ even whilst I was sighing and sorrowing for my transgressions Two learned well practised and judicious Doctors of Physick had daily visited me and consulted my Cure sereral days together and I was fully perswaded that they did what possibly they could to effect a Cure And knew also that God did not succeed their honest and faithful Endeavours with his Blessing Although God had given a signal and singular Testimony of his special Blessing by each of them unto others of their Patients at least sixteen at the same time I resolved to take no more Physick but would apply to that holy Ordinance of God appointed by Jesus Christ the great Physician of value Jam. 5.14 15. And I got Mr. Kiffin Mr. Vavasor Powel who prayed over me and anointed me with Oyl in the Name of the Lord And the Lord did hear Prayer and heal me For there were very many godly Ministers and gracious Saints that prayed day and night for me with submission to the Will of God that the Lord would spare my life and heal me and make me more useful and serviceable to the Lord to the Church and to the Saints whose Prayers God heard and as an Answer of their Prayers I was perfectly healed but remained weak long after My dear Wife remained weak and full of pain and was very greatly afflicted with pain day and night but the Lord gave her a great measure of Faith and Patience even to the end She enjoyed the Light of Gods Countenance had full Assurance of Gods Love the Pardon of her Sins and of eternal Life And having patiently endured six months sore pains upon the thirtieth of the second month called April 1671. being the Lords Day about four or five a clock slept in Jesus I was doing my Masters Work at that time in the Congregation and toward the end of my Sermon had a strong impulse upon my Spirit That my dear Wife was departing and in my Prayer after Sermon was drawn forth by Faith to commend her to God that gave her me and blessed him for receiving her Soul into Abrahams bosom and placing her among the Spirits of just men made perfect in the Paradise of God Since the death of my dear Wife it hath pleased God to stretch forth his Hand upon my only Son then living and to afflict him with a deep Consumption occasioned as I judge by Grief for his dearly loving and beloved Mother for he drooped ever since she first was taken ill of
as his own must be done in general by letting the Christian Reader know That this holy Man's Life was all of a piece and that he maintained his Zeal Fidelity and Integrity in the latter part of it as well as in the former even to the end of it He was not very long sick not keeping his Chamber above five weeks nor his Bed above ten days All the time of his Sickness he behaved himself with extraordinary Patience and Resignation to the Divine Will longing to be dissolved and to be with Christ not so much to be freed from Pain and Trouble as from Sinning which he expressed to one with him with a more than ordinary Transport of Joy A little before his Death he wrote the following Epistle which he left as his last Legacy to the Church Mr. Knollys's last Legacy to the Church written a little before his Death To the Church whereof I am Pastor Grace Love and Peace by Jesus Christ our Lord and Saviour Amen HOly Brethren Partakers of the Heavenly Calling I not being able to Preach any more unto you do take liberty by writing to give you this as my last Counsel and I hope the whole Church will seriously consider what I have written as the last words of your very aged Pastor whose departure as I hope is at hand First of all I do humbly beseech my Reverend and Beloved Brother Steed for Christs sake that the fervent Love to the Church and the watchful Care over the particular Members of it Expressed and Published in his little Epistle touching Singing may be revived and also that the Brotherly Love of the Ministring Brethren and likewise of all my beloved Brethren who are helps in Government may be stirred up to Help to Assist to provoke the rest unto good Works Gal. 4.18 Now I do unfeignedly and without vain boasting commend many of you my beloved Brethren and Sisters for continuing in the Apostles Doctrine and Fellowship in breaking of Bread and in Prayer but as for the rest who forsake the assembling of themselves with rhe Church on the Lords Day I commend them not especially not only in this time of Liberty but when it was a time of violent Persecution when I was shut up a Year and four Months blessed be God for Prison Mercies in New-Prison And having mentioned that time of Persecution can I pass it by without commending the constant Assembling of our Brethren and Sisters all that time every Lords day to worship God And may I not with great Comfort commend the Labour of Love of our Ministring Brethren in the Work and Doctrine of the Gospel without ceasing as you well know and among whom they still labour and faint not And now some of our younger Brethren begin to improve their Gifts and Talents for the Glory of God and the Edification of the Church whom I desire may be encouraged Another thing very commendable in this Church is the Charity which they have added to their Brotherly kindness 2 Pet. 1.7 It was great Brotherly kindness which was manifested to the Church by those Brethren who lookt out our Meeting-House and prepared it for us as it now is And unto this many of our Brethren and Sisters have added their Charity in a free and very liberal Collection and Contribution given into the Trustees of the Fund And I hope they will be ready to do the like again when the like Necessities call for it Read I pray you the 8th and 9th Chapters of the second Epistle unto the Church of Corinth All this and much more are the Riches of Grace which God hath freely given by our Lord Jesus Christ unto this Church for his own Glory Nevertheless I must in Love and Faithfulness to your precious and gracious Souls holy and beloved tell you of some things not to shame you for I my self am found guilty as well as you and more than some of you but to warn you and to counsel you as a Father doth his Children and they are these First That several of us are fallen in some degree from our first Love cooled in our Spiritual Affections to Jesus Christ and to the Saints Must not you and I confess that it is not with us now as it was in the day of our first Espousals God the Father the Word and the Holy Spirit remembers it Jer. 2.1 2. And we should remember from whence we are fallen and should say I will go and return unto my first Husband for then was it better with me than now Hos 2.7 Rev. 2.4 5. Now the first part of my Counsel which I desire to take and receive from Christ and to give unto you my dearly beloved Brethren and Sisters who are convinced and have confessed it before the Lord on several days of Fasting and Prayer First I do Counsel you to Repent Rev. 2.5 And I must tell you Beloved that our assembling once in four Weeks and spending four hours from Eleven to Three in Praying and Preaching as we have often done is not such a Fast as will make our Voice be heard on High Isa 58.3 4. Several things are essentially necessary to Evangelical Repentance that it may be acceptable unto God by Jesus Christ Namely Godly Sorrow which worketh Repentance never to be repented of 2 Cor. 7.9 10. A broken Contrite Spirit Psal 51.17 James 4.9 10. Isa 66.2 3. Isa 57.15 Read these Scriptures Zech. 12.10 11. Alas where are our Tears of Godly Sorrow our broken Hearts and our afflicted Souls Reformation after Humiliation Repent and do thy first Works Rev. 2.5 O Holy Brethren let us do so let you and I beg Grace that we may both Mourn and turn from all our Sins to the Lord with all our Hearts We have cause to repent of our Formality and Laodicean Lukewarmness especially for want of zeal for the House of God Psal 69.9 Rev. 3.19 Col. 4.12 13. Joh. 2.17 Secondly I Counsel you to be zealous Zeal is a fervent and constant affection of a gracious Soul in a good thing managed with Discretion Gal. 4.18 If our zeal be not fixed upon a right Object and good Matter it may be hot and great but it cannot be good Compare the zeal of Paul Phil. 3.6 with the zeal of Epaphras Col. 4.12 13. To guide our zeal aright two things especially ought to accompany it First The light of Knowledge Rom. 10.1 2 3. Read the words again and again and as often as you read this Paper Many professours of the Law then were very zealous of Establishing their own Legal Righteousness and many professors of the Gospel now are as zealous to establish their own Legal Righteousness and not Christs O! say some If I could pray so mourn so as others do if I were so Holy and so Humble c. then I would believe O! say others if I could get power over my Corruptions and strength against Satans Temptations and Victory over the allurements of this present evil World then I